>>35923989

Few notes as we get started here

>I’m putting everything into a single place where I can go in an edit stuff and junk. If you’d prefer to see these stories all in one spot instead of spread out over a thread or in a cap you can see the semi-finished product here:

https://googledrive.com/host/0B3Z9sXPTD9rpN2owNGdVWmdFWXM/agp.html

>Criticism and Questions are always welcome

>Sorry for the delay folks, I am the slows, also not allowed to post on game nights now

>Writing the last few posts while I post here so the images may be subpar since I’m not going to spare much time on them.

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>>35924003

So no shit there we were, on a shuttle filled with tech-priests and an army of servitors, on our way to assist in the purchase an entire warp-capable starship for our Inquisitor. Not a normal space transport, not a shuttle, not a flier, but an entire damned warpship; the smallest of which were typically over a kilometer long and worth more than a dozen regiments of Guard. To top it off Nubby Nubbs was standing there, proud as anything, telling the rest of us that HE was in charge of the operation. This shit was completely unbelievable.

That is to say that we we actually didn’t believe him. No one with a scrap of intelligence would send Nubby out to buy the recaff, much less a bloody warpship. Sure we’d all trust Nubby at our back in a firefight any day, but the man was a petty thief, a compulsive liar, and had actually been mistaken for a gretchin on more than one occasion. Sarge told the trooper to stuff a sock in it and we all went to get a more realistic briefing from tech-priests that were coming with us.

There seemed to be a lot of cogboys on the big cargo shuttle with us, every room or hallway was filled with creepy metal men squawking at each other in binary. We found the one that Oak had implied was the head tech-priest in a conference room surrounded by a bunch of subordinates. He was obviously holding some sort of conference or briefing, but we couldn’t understand any of their robotic chatter so Sarge stood there and loudly cleared his throat until a few cogboys were waved away to deal with us.

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>>35924033

This became an annoying trend over our journey, the head tech-priest and his senior flunkies would never talk to us directly. We were sure they could understand gothic though, they just never seemed to speak in anything but their damned machine language. Every time we needed to talk to one of them a junior cogboy would be called up and act as a translator or lead us away so we didn’t disturb the senior techies. This did not endear them to us and we didn’t go out of our way to treat them any better. We did get pretty familiar with the junior tech-priests though.

Well not exactly familiar, there were a bunch of them and it was damned hard to pick out which pile of metal tentacles was Brother Ticinius and which was Brother Cacistus. Woe betide the poor guardsmen who mistook Logis Guminnio for Constructor Periphanes, such a mistake was incredibly insulting and a clear indication of our inferior intellect. Matters were not helped by their damned tendency to switch out their augmetics; just when you got used to Arch-Brother-Lexi-Mechanic Cogitus Boyus being the tall bastard with the heavy duty servo-arm, he’d swap it out for some sort of sparky tentacle job and replace his legs with treads or something. We would have gone crazy if it weren’t for the two lowest ranking tech-priests in the bunch, Acolytes Jim and Hannah.

The two Acolytes were the most junior tech-priests on the mission and were obviously the Mechanicus equivalent of the Regimental Gofer. Every time you saw them they’d be carrying something, or moving as fast as possible without running, or covered head to toe with grease and other less pleasant fluids. We liked Jim and Hannah, they were practically kids, had most of their original parts, you could pronounce their names while drunk, and they had a weary put upon attitude which warmed the khaki colored blobs which passed for our souls. We quickly made them honorary Guardsmen and took all of our questions to them.

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>>35924134

Once we met Jim and Hannah we were finally able to get the real details of our mission. The tech-priests and our squad were all being sent to discreetly purchase a second hand warpship so it could be used to carry around Oak’s recruitment teams without causing a fuss.

To our collective relief we found out that Nubby was not in charge of the operation, he was merely there to act as the public face for the purchase and general observer. His superiors in supply had already chosen the ship, negotiated a price range, gotten the funds into place, hired a navigator and astropath, and handed Nubby a very explicit set of orders. The head Magos and the other tech-priests would handle everything else and be more or less in command from the second the ship was deeded over and the original crew was evicted. They’d do the inspection, prep the ship for travel, perform any repairs, and use their servitor army to fly the whole damned thing back to some secret Inquisition shipyard for a refit.

This all made sense to us, but it was still a wonder that Nubby had been chosen for any part of this mission. He insisted that his superiors had recognized his ‘quisition skills an persnal sperience wif ships like dis’, not to mention his ‘cleva negotiashun tacticts’ and ‘cunnin merkantile mind’. This was bullshit and we all knew it. To a man the rest of us believed that he’d been sent because no one would ever look at him and think ‘Inquisition Agent’.

The rest of us were there to act as backup for Nubby, officially because every procurer in the field was supposed to have a bunch of trustworthy and discreet agents to assist them. At first we wondered just why we had been chosen over other available agents, but after we figured out why Nubby had been sent it was plain as day why we were sent. Obviously our squad had been chosen because we all looked like the sort of incompetent ex-guard goons that a complete cretin would employ as bodyguards. Thanks Oak.

>>35923989
Ah man this is the first time I've managed to catch one of these threads live. Watching with interest Shoggy.

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>>35924244

Now we’d traveled a fair bit during our careers in the Inquisition, but this trip was something else. We didn’t have our own quiet section of ship, instead we were surrounded by dozens of cogboys running around preparing an army of servitors for crewing a warpship. Everywhere you went there’d be tech-priests chattering at each other, or chanting and lighting incense, or welding random pieces of metal, or doing incredibly unsettling things to their servitors.

The ship itself was some sort of mechanicus transport and the quarters available made us all think wistfully of the berths the Rupert had gotten for us. Apparently when you become a full tech-priest you stop desiring beds fancier than a wide metal shelf or food that actually has flavor. Also fuck mechanicus toilets.

We all tried to stay out of the way and keep to ourselves, but it just didn’t work. We always seemed to be underfoot or under-tread or under antigrav skimmer, there simply wasn’t room for anyone that wasn’t part of whatever mad plan the techies were all following. Cargo haulers would bull through us during morning PT, random tech-priests would shout at us if we touched or sat on anything, and our quarters were randomly repurposed for storage, sometimes while we were still in them. No man should wake up in a dark room surrounded by thirty deactivated servitors.

None of us were happy, but Twitch had the worst of it; he just couldn’t function well without a secured perimeter. We were about ready to outright fortify a cargobay and try to hold it against the cogboys when Doc got his idea. He suggested that the only way to survive the trip was to become part of the ‘pattern’.

We spent the rest of the voyage following the two Acolytes around like lost puppies. We slept when and where they slept, we ate when they ate, and we did our best to help with whatever unpleasant task they were working on. We probably weren’t very helpful, but it kept us alive and relatively sane.

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>>35924280

It was an immense relief when we finally reached our destination. We piled onto a shuttle and rode to a local orbital station where a few scribes were waiting to brief us on the purchase. We blew them all off and slept for about twenty hours in the blissful quiet of our cogboy-free rental rooms.

The briefings and preliminary negotiations took about a week and aside from Nubby none of us really had to do anything. We more or less hung out in hallways while various scribes became incredibly frustrated with Nubby. There were no assassination attempts, no cultists infiltrators, no ork kommando raids, and certainly no genestealers attacks, just a bunch of boring guard duty while Nubby drove various expensive lawyers and financial experts into a state of incoherent rage. Only one of them actually tried to kill him though, and since Nubby had just stolen the man’s wallet it was perfectly understandable.

We did pay a little attention to what was going on, guard duty was boring and they weren’t really hiding the documents or diagrams. Most of it was legal gibberish, ancient trade logs, and figures about engine strength and storage capacity, none of which we even tried to understand, but there were some nice pictures. From what we saw the ship was a small one, only two kilometers long, and was rather plain looking. Just the sort of ship for traveling around unnoticed.

The negotiations continued and some of the tech-priests were sent over to inspect the ship. They took a while, but confirmed that the ship ‘met all requirements’. That done with all that was left was the final meeting between Nubby and the current owner of the vessel.

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>>35924332

Some fancy rooms were rented out for The Deal and Nubby was crammed into a frilly suit complete with powdered wig. It was probably supposed to make him look like a dashing Imperial nobleman, but it really just made him look like a gretchin in a dress. It was hard not to laugh as we followed him to the meeting and seeing the seller made it much worse.

If Nubby was a gretchin in a dress, the seller was a giant squig in a suit. The man was practically spherical, comically clumsy, and honked like a goose when he talked. He radiated an aura of incompetence and was followed by a cadre of thugs who all had the same suffused expression we did.

The worst part was that the man obviously thought of himself as a Rogue Trader and tried to dress the part. He must have gone through some catalogue and ordered one of everything, he had the gaudy coat with epaulets, the large hat with a feather in it, the cane that obviously contained a sword, and just to top it off, a cybernetic parrot on his shoulder. The problem was that while most rogue traders ooze confidence and danger, this one just oozed. We’d seen, fought, and redecorated a bathroom with the head of a real Rogue Trader before, this guy was like a kid playing dress-up.

We just barely managed to keep our faces straight while Nubby and the wannabe greeted each other. Both of them were handed the relevant documents by their scribes and headed into a private room to complete the deal. The second the door was closed behind them the fat man’s guards cracked up and we did likewise, it was just too much to bear. Both sets of scribes just shared a miserable look and settled down to wait.

The meeting took a surprisingly long time and we all started to get nervous. Every part of the deal had been been hammered out beforehand, this just supposed to be a matter of signing off, Emperor knew what Nubby was getting up to in there.

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>>35924371

Neither of them hit their panic buttons though, so we sat tight and eventually both men came out alive and relatively well. Nubby had a disturbingly smug look and the seller seemed rather flustered, but both of them insisted that everything was sorted out. The scribes did a final review of the signed documents, got into a brief whispered argument with Nubby and the fat man, then loudly confirmed that everything was in order. The seller’s scribes said that all of their men would be off the ship within thirty hours and the whole party made a rather hasty exit.

That done with we headed back to our quarters and passed the word on to the tech-priests. The cogboys confirmed that they were ready to board the ship and take over as soon as the former crew was out of the way. From here on out it was entirely their mission, we were just passengers and observers, all we had to do was keep out of the way until we arrived at the shipyard and someone came to collect us. We were told to stay in our quarters until they had their servitors in place, so we finished our business with the scribes, settled in for a few days of relaxation on the station, and asked Nubby about what had happened during the meeting.

According to him the captain was a terrible negotiator and was easily haggled down, the little bugger was smug as hell about the whole thing and expected a big thank you from Oak for saving him a few billion thrones. None of us really believed him, Nubby was always full of this sort of shit, but the scribes were happy so it wasn’t really our problem. In retrospect not grilling Nubby and finding out exactly what sort of deal he got or how he managed to get it was a tremendous mistake.

Quick question, how long was the span between Nubby leaving the party, and this event?

>>35924489

One mission, so 4-8 months. Sorta iffy with all the warp travel.

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>>35924405

A few days of idleness later a shuttle was sent for us and we were taken to the newest addition to Oak’s fleet, the Free Trader Occurrence Border.

As we approached the ship everyone clustered around the windows to get a good look at our purchase. A lot of things about the Occurrence Border grabbed the eye. There were the massive tanks for hauling fluids, the impressive arrays of docking hatches along the cargo bays, and the odd variations in the color and design of the hull, but mostly there was the fact that the ship was about half as long as the diagrams said it should be.

It was amazing really. The Occurrence Border mostly followed the standard Imperial ship design; large engines in the tail, control tower rising above the rear of the ship, long and slightly skinny body, but the bow was completely gone. The ship just ended half way through the body in a giant patchwork of scrap metal. It looked like someone had grabbed the ship, cut it with a giant cleaver, then smashed the ragged edge flat. As one we all turned to look at Nubby who muttered something about ‘good value for cost’ and tried to sidle away.

It took a lot of shaking and yelling to get all the details out of Nubby. Apparently, well, the front fell off.

The entire front of the vessel, a two kilometer warp-capable ship, which we had just purchased for a staggering amount of money, on behalf of the bloody Inquisition. Fell. Off.

He said it doesn’t happen often, just a sort of occasional time to time thing, overall its a very safe ship. In fact in the whole lifetime of the ship it only happened once, or twice, well maybe three times, definitely no more than four, but the important thing was that it hadn’t happened since they put on the new ‘special made custom prow’.

We all eyed the mushroom-shaped pile of scrap welded to the front of the ship and contemplated just what Oak would do to us. It would probably involve an excruciator and an airlock.

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>>35924405
>In retrospect not grilling Nubby and finding out exactly what sort of deal he got or how he managed to get it was a tremendous mistake.

So what gear does everyone use in the party right now?

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>>35924773

The rest of flight was split between yelling at Nubby and staring at the ship with a sort of morbid curiosity. The closer we got the more the imperfections became apparent, there were scars and burns, holes and gouges, and the most bizarre set of repairs and additions imaginable. The entire ship must have been stripped off and replaced with spare parts one piece at a time until nothing of the original was left visible. It was a wonder that the thing flew at all, Doc suggested that we might not get yelled at by Oak for any of this because there was no way we’d survive the warp voyage home in this hulk.

Eventually the shuttle docked and we walked into one of the more intact cargo-bays of the Occurrence Border where Hannah the cog-girl greeted us. She led us through a maze of tunnels towards a set of living quarters and gave us a rundown of situation on the way. Most of the servitors were in place, the navigator and astropath were on board, and the last few repairs and calibrations would be made during the trip. While we walked Sarge cautiously asked her what the tech-priests thought about the state of the ship, her response surprised us.

She cheerily informed us that the entire vessel was an abomination in the eyes of the Omnissiah and ‘perfectly met all requirements’. That second part was a little confusing, but according to her the whole point was to acquire a thoroughly disreputable vessel that was still capable of running. The cogboys didn’t care if half the hull was missing or the cargo bays leaked atmosphere or if most of the ship was pieced together from old wrecks, as long as it could travel through the warp they were happy. After all they were just here to take it to the shipyard, the boys there were the ones who would be refitting it for inquisitorial use.

Nubby perked up at this, but Sarge reminded him that even if the tech-priests were happy the people who were paying for the ship and its refit probably wouldn’t be.

>>35924773
you sure that the Angry Marines did not borrow it for impact testing?

>>35924801

Hotshot lasguns, a few AT weapons, more explosives than ANYONE should have, and carapace armor.

Cutter has chainsword-chan.

>>35924891

Perhaps, the history of the Occurence Border is shrouded with mystery and poorly kept records.

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>>35924877

As we walked we noticed dozens of papers fixed to panels, doors, controls, and such. At first we thought they were the usual purity seals or mechanicus prayers, but Twitch stopped and actually read a few a them. Each one said something like ‘This control panel governs the flow of plasma through bays D3-S15, no one remembers why we have plasma going through there, but if you shut them off engines 3 and 7 stop working’ or ‘The gravity in this corridor is tilted 37 degrees to the left’ or ‘Do not ever touch this button’. That last one showed up a lot.

We asked Hannah about the notes, she lowered her voice and advised us to take them very seriously. They must have been left by the former crew and were incredibly helpful, but we were never to mention them to any of the more senior tech-priests. The cogboys were trying to ignore them since they didn’t need advice from anyone outside the priesthood, unfortunately the notes were far more accurate than their own scans and several of the techies were taking it as a personal insult every time they had to use them. We all chuckled at that and promised to read any notes we came across.

Eventually we got to a cluster of rooms that Jim the acolyte was clearing out with the help of a bunch of servitors. He suggested that these would make good quarters, pointed us towards a storage closet with some relatively edible rations in it, handed us a data slate with a crude map of the ship, and recommended that we stay out of the way of the servitors and tech-priests. Once we were settled he and Hannah scampered off to their next task, leaving us alone in the giant maze of metal.

As Sarge booted up the data slate and we realised that none of us knew how to read a three dimensional map the ship’s speakers blared to life. There was a painful burst of binary followed by a monotone voice telling all hands to prepare for warp transit, then the universe went ‘glorp’ and tasted like the color purple for a second.

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>>35924979

So no shit there were, cruising through the warp in a twisted heap of scrap held together with tape and spit, with no idea where we were on the ship or even how to read our map. At least no one was trying to kill us. Yet.

Now being lost is a long standing Guard tradition, but this was ridiculous. It’s hard enough to navigate in two dimensions with an accurate map and a directional finder, three with an unreadable map and no way to tell which way you’re facing is just unfair. Without the ration bars we might have actually starved to death in our own ship, or at least been reduced to hunting the servitors for food.

After our quarters were secured we tried to track down some of the tech-priests, we wanted to know where everyone else was and what was going on. Our comms didn’t work for shit inside all of this metal and we didn’t have access to the ship’s communication system so it took nearly a day for our scouting expeditions to find anyone else. Since the map on the slate was useless to us we wound up making our own hand-drawn charts and placing trail markers.

We didn’t feel like passengers on a ship, it was more like we were a recon force plotting hostile terrain, and boy was the terrain hostile. There were gravity shifts, depressurized sections of ship, exposed power conduits, rooms filled hot plasma, and dozens of other hazards, only those helpful little notes kept us alive. Those notes were a little disconcerting though, they tended to be a little too precise and Twitch swore that more of them were appearing in areas we’d already been through.

>>35925013
I belive twitch smells a trap

>>35924979
>As we walked we noticed dozens of papers fixed to panels, doors, controls, and such. At first we thought they were the usual purity seals or mechanicus prayers, but Twitch stopped and actually read a few a them. Each one said something like ‘This control panel governs the flow of plasma through bays D3-S15, no one remembers why we have plasma going through there, but if you shut them off engines 3 and 7 stop working’ or ‘The gravity in this corridor is tilted 37 degrees to the left’ or ‘Do not ever touch this button’. That last one showed up a lot.

oh god.

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>>35925013

The first tech-priest we found refused to speak to us and ducked through a hatch which locked behind him. We didn’t give the second one the chance, Doc and Nubby covered the exits while Cutter tackled him. Holding someone at gunpoint and asking them for technical support and directions probably isn’t the officially sanctioned way of doing this sort of thing, at least not when they’re on your side, but damned if it didn’t work well. The conversation was a little awkward though, the tech-priest turned out to be one of the ones who had briefed us during the trip out and was perfectly willing to talk to us. We did apologize.

The map was mostly empty space, but it did cover most of the important parts of the ship. It mapped out some of the bigger loading bays, the quarters the techies were using, the locations of several critical systems, and giant spinal shipping corridor and freight lifts that most of the servitors used. The best part was that the terrified tech-priest showed us how to fill in the blank spots and add notes, this meant that we no longer had to depend on Doc’s hand drawn maps to get back to our base. Not that Doc was a bad artist mind you, he just had a little trouble figuring out how to explain a corridor that angled up and left while its gravity shifted to the right wall on paper.

With the map in hand the away team went off to get a hand with the comms situation from the two helpful techies. The acolytes weren’t in the quarters on the map, but Nubby was pretty sure that they’d be sent to deal with us if we just annoyed enough of the senior tech-priests or started breaking things. A few hours later Sarge’s combead came to life and an exhausted sounding tech-acolyte Jim asked him to come pick up the away team before someone killed them.

>>35925099
or the Legion of the Damned started accepting guardsmen

But I put my money on twitch

>>35925181
> Holding someone at gunpoint and asking them for technical support and directions probably isn’t the officially sanctioned way of doing this sort of thing
But by fuck it's the funniest.

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>>35925181

We still couldn’t use the ship’s comms, the acolytes said it was restricted to the priests for some techy reason, but our combeads were being boosted by the larger system. Combined with the functioning map and the personal contact codes Jim and Hannah gave us we had everything we needed to survive the rest of the trip, so we all went back to base to get a night’s sleep. Well if not a night’s then at least a solid ten hours worth, the ship’s light system seemed to be on several different clocks and the ones in our quarters dimmed on a three hour cycle. Twitch eventually shot them out and we used our own lamps.

Now just to be clear, no one in the squad was a sissy and none of us had ever had trouble with warp travel before. We’d all faced down some incredibly weird and scary shit during our time in the Guard not to mention what we’d seen as Inquisitorial goons; our nerves might not have been made of steel, but they were definitely iron or possibly some good quality bronze. That said the nightmares we had that night were fucking terrifying. They were the sort of nightmares that take your every fear and failing and rub them in your face while you struggle to wake up and tell yourself it’s all a dream. We all woke up covered in sweat when one of Twitch’s perimeter alarms went off.

We didn’t even check what set off the alarm, all of us just sat there and thanked the Emperor for Twitch’s paranoia. After a few minutes Doc got up and pulled a yellow note off the inside of our door. It said ‘In case of bad dreams check Gellar Field integrity’.

The note was not there when we went to sleep.

>>35925181
This story is amazing please keep going

>>35925244
>The note was not there when we went to sleep.

aaah. ahhhhh. aaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

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>>35925244

While the note’s sudden appearance was mysterious as hell none of them had steered us wrong so far and this one was pointing us towards what might be a very serious problem. On the list of incredibly horrible things that can go wrong during warp transit ‘Gellar Field Failure’ is pretty much at the top. The Gellar Field Generator is literally the ‘anti-getting raped to death by daemonic horrors’ device, it is rather important that it keeps performing that function at all times while travelling through the warp.

The squad kitted up while Sarge commed Jim and asked nicely if he’d heard about anything about problems with the Gellar Field. We all watched as Sarge’s expression darkened and he started turning white, then red, then purple. We bailed out of the room just ahead of the explosion of rage and even through the sealed hatch we heard Sarge taking out a lot of frustration on poor Jim. The high points included:
>“WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHICH ONE?”
>“WHY ARE THERE SIX?”
>“WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD INSTALL A DAMAGED GELLAR FIELD GENERATOR?”
>”WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD INSTALL SIX DAMAGED GELLAR FIELD GENERATORS?”
>”NO THERE IS NOT A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DAMAGED AND REFURBISHED”
>“WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT WAS IN THE TECHNICAL BRIEFING? WHAT BRIEFING FOR WHO?”
>“WHERE’S NUBBY? I’llKILLSTRANGLEMURDERTHATLITTLEBASTARDGOODDEALI’LLSHOWHIMAGOODDEAL”
At that point Sarge burst through the hatch and Nubby decided it was a good time to go check what had set off the outer perimeter alarm while the rest of us restrained the irate non-com.

>>35925295

nubbbbbby

>>35925295
Sooo....if I remember correctly you're nubby.

Right?

>>35925295
I didn't need my sides anyway

>>35925352
Where we're going, we don't need sides

>>35925295
And for most likely to become an angry marine through sheer force of fury..

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>>35925295

Eventually we got him calmed down enough to speak coherently and he explained the whole fucked up situation to us. Apparently the ship’s Gellar Field had been scrapped and replaced by several smaller models that had been scavenged from Emperor-knows-where. There were three along the length of the ship, one near the bridge, and two covering the top and bottom decks. We were currently near the one in the bow and from the look of things it was on the fritz, Jim said he’d take a look at it and suggested that we move our quarters farther back into the coverage of one of the other generators.

That sounded like a good idea, but we decided to take it a step further. We weren’t just going to find some random rooms in the next section of ship, we were going to hike our asses down to Gellar Field Generator, set up camp, and bloody well sleep on it. There was not going to be any fucking around with this nightmare business, sacktime is practically sacred and anything that disturbs it must be immediately dealt with, a guardsman who can’t fall asleep the second the perimeter is secure is not a true guardsman.

We packed up our quarters; rations, field gear, traps, munitions, everything we had was coming with us. As Twitch pulled down his perimeter defenses he found the triggered alarm tucked away in the side of a corridor with a note that said “Please do not obstruct the corridors”. That was a little disconcerting, but was something we could worry about later.

The hike aft went pretty quickly after we navigated up to the big spinal corridor, it really was the most comfortable way to get around the ship even if it was filled with servitors. Before long we were in a giant room filled with arcane machinery and glowing shit that had a note that said ‘Mid-ship Gellar Field Generator, Do Not Ever Touch. Ever. This Means YOU!’ on the door.

>>35925295
Emperor on Earth my fucking sides

>>35925295
>I Can Feel The Warp Overtaking My Sides
I didn't need them anyway

>>35925099
>>35925189
The problem was the Twitch smells traps like a dog smells asses. He once accused a toaster of stalking him.

>>35925323
I can neither confirm nor deny anything unless a majority vote tells me to.

>>35925513
>>35925319
Sarge being angry at Nubby happened a lot that mission...

>>35925533
>inbefore the ship is actually a friendly Deamon ship

>>35925533
gotta say that the ghosts are being pretty helpful

>>35925643

It's not daemon, its a actively helpful machine spirit working in the name of the Omnissiah and the Emperor.

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>>35925533

You’d think it would be uncomfortable sleeping inside a room filled with sparking machinery and delicate devices that you must not touch, but it really wasn’t. The noise was considerably less than an artillery barrage and unlike Twitch’s little perimeter traps everything we needed to avoid touching was either very obvious or labeled. We were all quite happy with our new base and slept like babies that night.

The next few days were relatively peaceful. We all felt that enough stuff had gone wrong for the shoe to qualify as dropped and all that was left to do was make ourselves as comfortable as possible for the rest of the trip. Each of us kept busy in our own ways, whether it was exploring the ship and working on the map or helping Jim and Hannah or compulsively fortifying the perimeter. We made it almost a week before the next crisis.

One ‘morning’ as Sarge was going through his daily drills with Cutter, Nubby poked his head in and asked of Twitch was allowed to keep his unused explosives in the generator room. A few minutes later both of them were examining an impressive pile of ordinance that was sitting out of the way behind some glowing pillars and a few minutes after that everyone was called in for a good ol’ fashioned safety lecture and public reaming.

The lecture came to a sudden stop when Twitch looked at the pile and informed us that the explosives weren’t his and were definitely armed. Someone was trying to blow up our base and for once it wasn’t us, this was deeply disturbing.

>>35925683
>in before ship is actually a surviving Man of Iron (somehow)

>>35925683
It's an AI.
A non-anthrocidal AI.
Ergo an abomination unto the Omnissiah, but the ship is more valuable.

>>35925719
>>35925755
No.
The ship is one big ork.

>>35925701
>get halfway through the safety lecture before this is noticed
I...

I... I just...

I don't have words.

>>35925784
If this is true, I can't wait to see what twitch does

>>35925784
might be Mork, or possibly Gork

>>35925789
If you read it close, I think it only took twitch a minute to figure it out, not most of a lecture.

>>35925825

The gellar field is powered by an ork cycling very fast.

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>>35925701

As Twitch went about disarming the explosives he gave the rest of us a pretty detailed critique. The bombs had been there for a fairly long time, were set up for remote detonation, and had been installed by someone who was nowhere near as good as Twitch. A little thinking led us to believe that the explosives had been placed by someone fairly familiar with the ship, but not with blowing things up, also there were probably a few more bombs around, otherwise why bother with the remote detonator? While Twitch finished removing the explosives Sarge called the acolytes and explained the situation.

Jim and Hannah were pretty impressed by the discovery and the call was quickly kicked upstairs. Then their superiors kicked us upstairs again, and again, until finally we were talking to the ever unresponsive head tech-priest; the Cogtain, as it were, of the horrible death-trap we were all flying on. For the fifth or sixth time Sarge explained that SOMEONE HAD MINED KEY COMPONENTS OF THE SHIP WE WERE ALL ON AND IT MIGHT BE A GOOD IDEA TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. The Cogtain did not dignify us with a response and instead rattled off a bunch of binary at the other tech-priests on the line.

There was a lot of the stupid cogboy screeching, it sounded like they were taking the situation fairly seriously, but none of them told us anything. Eventually we got tired of them talking over our heads and Sarge suggested that perhaps the resident demolitions expert should look into the matter. Maybe Twitch and his good buddies, you know the guys who found the bombs in the first place, should check out the other Gellar Field Generators and Engines and such. This actually got a response, a horribly distorted voice told us to stand down and stay away from his machines, then we were disconnected from the channel. That’s gratitude for you.

About ten minutes later massive series of explosions shook the ship.

Fucking tech-priests.

>>35925869
"Wow, someone's gone to a lot of effort to blow up our ship."

"Better tell everyone."

"oh no! Somehow they found out we were on to them and blew it up!"

Fucking tech-preists.

>>35925962
This is implying that the person has comms of the tech priests, or worst, is a tech priest.
There's a bigger problem then.

>>35926003

I mean.

On board the ship, there is the Guardsmen and techpriest.

Logic dictates the saboteur is a techpriest.

I bet its Hannah

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>>35925869

Now we knew a fair bit about explosions, every veteran guardsman does, and we were pretty damned sure that five bombs the size of the one we just defused had gone off. To us that suggested that the explosives had all been linked to go off when someone screwed up while defusing one of them, so chances were that the ship was down a few cogboys and major systems. We weren’t really concerned about that first point, but the second was worrying, depending on which systems had gone down we were in for a whole spectrum of unpleasantness from sudden fiery death to less sudden chilly death to lingering insane death. Sarge decided that it was probably a good idea to figure out which one we were headed for.

While the rest of us got our weapons ready Sarge tried to comm the two Acolytes. The contact code for Jim still wasn’t letting us through, whatever the Cogtain had done to kick us out seemed fairly permanent, but after a few tries he was able to get a hold of Hannah. The poor cog-girl was not cut out for this stuff and sounded like she was on the brink of tears, luckily Sarge knew how to deal with shell-shocked rookies and with Doc’s help managed to calm her down enough to get a status report. The news was not good.

The Gellar Field Generators that covered the gaps in the top and bottom decks were completely destroyed, and the both the fore and aft ones were damaged. Only the Generator we were sitting on and the one up near the bridge were undamaged, between them and the two slightly damaged ones there was just enough coverage to keep the whole ship from turning into a miniature daemon world, but it was a very bad idea to stay in the warp any longer than necessary. When Sarge asked Hannah if how soon we were dropping out of the warp to do repairs the poor girl dissolved into tears and broke the real bad news: the Warp-Drive was offline.

>>35926022
It's the warp.
They bought a shitty ship.
Someone could have hid away on a ship that's a kilometer long.

>>35926003
Wouldn't it be a tech priest? Other than the guardsmen there's no one else on the ship that isn't a tech priest.

Or is there?

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>>35926039

The Warp-Drive was the insanely complex device that moved the ship from boring, empty, die-of-asphyxiation-or-starvation space to horrible, daemon filled, die-insane-and-choking-on-your-own-intestines warp-space. Of course the whole point of this is that there are much higher speed limits in the warp or something, what’s a little daemonic incursion if it lets you get there faster right? Well that is a little unfair, the difference between a two hundred year and two week journey is pretty significant, but we were understandably bitter about the whole thing. The problem was that if your Warp-Drive breaks down while you’re IN the warp you don’t just pop back into reality, noooo you’re stuck there until someone fixes it. IF they can fix it that is, otherwise you might as well skip right to the insanity, cannibalism, and daemon worshipping and save a little time.

Things were bad, but they could have been worse. We weren’t dead yet, we had a moderately functional Gellar Field, the Plasma Engines were still running fine, and we were damn well going beleive that the Warp-Drive was repairable unless the Emperor himself showed up and told us it wasn’t. We got our shit together, armed the lethal perimeter defenses, and put up a few signs to warn anyone that trying to get near the Gellar Field Generator without our help was just a very painful method of suicide. We were going to hike our asses down to the Warp-Drive and take a look at it in person, because as far as we could tell no one else here was competent enough to do it.

Of course none of us had any idea how to fix a Warp-Drive or even what one looked like, but we weren’t going to let some minor thing like that stop us.

>>35926057
If you're going to hide away and bring that much explosives with you (and also navigate a ship chock full of techpriests and servitors, who'll you'll have to blend in with,) bringing equipment to check their comms seems a real reasonable idea.

>>35926134
People who could be doing this.
>Cogboys, gone over this.
>Servitors, they might be corrupted.
>Daemons, they're in the warp.
>Chaos agents, they're in the warp.
>Orks, just cause.
>Formal inhabitants of the ship.
Plus, it's a big ship full of cog boys and servitors, how hard could it be to build explosives. They had like, what, two, three weeks by this point?

To clarify, the mines WENT OFF because of a failed defusal and a fail safe transmitter.

Twitch got a 20 on his Knowledge: Things That Go Boom check

>>35926206
So Twitch successfully disabled yours? And the detonation is presumed to be due to failure elsewhere, not that he did yours without orders?

>>35926229

Yep ours were fine, cogboys probably tried to disable one by lighting incense and praying at it.

>>35926283
What? The rites of unexploding didn't work?

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>>35926128

That’s not to say that we didn’t understand the limits of our knowledge or skills. None of us were going to try and fix the machinery ourselves unless we had to, we’d simply start grabbing tech-priests and throwing them at the problem until they fixed it. Now we were perfectly aware that the Cogtain and the rest of the techies were probably trying to fix the problem, but they really hadn’t impressed us with how they handled the explosives. We felt that a little oversight from the few people on board who hadn’t had the ‘common sense’ part of their brain replaced with a little box of screws might help things along.

Our first instinct was to grab one of the acolytes, unfortunately Hannah had been near a blast and was trapped in a room up in the bow of the ship and we still couldn’t contact Jim. We didn’t really have to time to go retrieve either of them so we figured that we might as well just shanghai the first tech-priest we came across. Prior to everything hitting the fan Doc had spotted a cogboy bossing around a bunch of servitors a few bays back towards the rear of the ship, he said that the tech-priest had been doing something vaguely repair-like to a large conduit. This sounded like a good candidate for fixing the Warp-Drive so we lined up behind Doc and went off to see if the techie was still there.

We made it to the bay where Doc has seen the tech-priest pretty quickly, we’d mapped the whole area earlier and nothing nearby was damaged. Unfortunately all we found inside was a horrible smell and partially opened conduit that was helpfully labeled ‘Dead Felid Inside, Do Not Open’, but the far door was open and so was one in the next room. The cogboy had obviously been in a rush to get somewhere, he’d even cut through some of the thinner bulkheads, and since he seemed to be going towards the area where the Warp-Drive was located we decided to follow his trail.

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>>35926372

We made good time following the path the tech-priest had blazed, but the farther we travelled the more uneasy all of us felt. Twitch swore that someone was following us, Doc thought he heard other squad members whispering, and the rest of us were just generally uncomfortable. We’d left the coverage of the undamaged Gellar Field, from here on out shit was going to get spooky.

Reality was actually pretty stable where we were, the minor fluctuations definitely weren’t fun though. Mostly it was little sounds or flashes of movement on the edge of our vision and occasionally one of us would feel a flash of rage or paranoia. It was easy to get distracted, but Sarge kept us focused and nothing really bad happened until we caught up with the tech-priest and his servitors.

Cutter was on point and as he entered a doorway a servitor lunged at him a welding torch. Luckily he had his chainsword ready and parried the blow, but before he could get a good counterstroke in several more servitors lurched forward. In a rare burst of sanity the melee specialist leapt backwards out of the doorway and the rest of us poured las-fire into the approaching servitors.

These weren’t combat servitors, thank the Emperor, but they were still damned hard to kill, even with the hotshot lasguns Nubby had got for us. It took a headshot or several joint shots to put each one down and they definitely didn’t have any morale to break, the horde just kept advancing with glowing eyes and sparking tools. We mowed down them without any getting through the door, though near the end one of them cut through the wall and barely missed Twitch.

Once we were sure that they were all dead, which was remarkably easy since all of their eyes stopped glowing with daemonic light when you finished them, we advanced into the room. We figured that the puddle with all the chunky bits in it was probably the tech-priest we were following. So much for having him repair the Warp-Drive.

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>>35926408

It wasn’t a total loss though, the cogboy had booted up a communications console before he died and we’d definitely learned a few things about the state of the ship during our little chase. Mostly that servitors could be possessed or something and a weak Gellar Field meant slowly going insane, but that was still something. From here on out we were going to operate on the assumption that all servitors were possessed and would try to kill us unless proven otherwise. Twitch suggested we follow the same rule for tech-priests but was vetoed since we’d probably need a few a of them alive to get things fixed.

The console the former techie had warmed up for us was waiting for input so Sarge decided to call the Cogtain and tell him we were heading towards the the Warp-Drive to lend assistance. In retrospect this was a horrible idea. None of us had really expected him to be helpful, but we were sort of hoping he’d understand that a squad of well trained soldiers would be an excellent escort for one of the nearby tech-priests and maybe points us towards them. Instead we just got a burst of binary and a distorted screech telling us not to desecrate his machines and let the servitors fix the problem. Sarge tried to explain the servitors appeared to be possessed and were not likely to be fixing anything, but all that got was a second screech that sounded an awful lot like ‘Ignorant Meatbags’ and then the console locked us out. Fucking tech-priests.

Before this we’d been operating on the usual assumption that the local leadership was moderately incompetent, but after that little tantrum we decided to upgrade them to pants-on-head retarded. This meant that as far as we were concerned Sarge had operational command and we weren’t even going to try talking to the senior techies anymore. The only way we’d start listening to them again was if they showed up with a lot more firepower than we could muster. That decided, we headed towards the Warp-Drive.

>>35926458
I'm curious how anything gets done, since all the people you meet are complete retards, unwilling to listen to anything.

>>35926503
Mass application of idiocy is the force that moves the modern world.

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>>35926503
Welcome to 40k

>>35926503
Same way it works in real life. NCOs follow COs around and solve problems.

>>35926503
The Inquisition exists to get rid of idiots like them

Unfortunately, the Universe made a better idot

>>35926591
>Implying SNCOs aren't the most retarded

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>>35926458

Aside from the little warpy annoyances the rest of the trip wasn’t too bad. Mostly it was just a matter of navigating the maze of corridors, reading the helpful notes, and dodging the occasional group of servitors. They all seemed to be headed towards the top of the ship, which was a little odd, but it made them easy to avoid. Unfortunately we didn’t run in to any other tech-priests during the walk, so when we finally got the the Warp-Drive there wasn’t much we could do.

The drive was obviously in bad shape, about a third of the room had been destroyed by the explosion and there were some pretty big pieces of shrapnel sticking out of the big glowy pillar thing. We couldn’t help but notice the lack of servitors fixing things, that pretty much proved our theory about the Cogtain’s competence or lack thereof. On the bright side there weren’t any servitors around to try and kill us, so it was easy to set up a perimeter around the Drive-room.

Of course we still needed to find someone to fix the damned drive, so Sarge ordered Twitch to hold the fort while the rest of the squad went off to search for a tech-priest. We got pretty lucky with that, the fifth room we checked had two of them in it. Well not really two, more like one and a bit, well bits, yeah… lots of little bits. The important thing though was the living tech-priest was Jim!

The acolyte was trying to put his boss back together like a very leaky jigsaw puzzle and didn’t seem to be all there. Sarge and Doc knew how to deal with this sort of thing though and before long they had Jim up and moving if still a little shaken up. As we led him back to the Warp-Drive he kept insisting that his orders were to clean the incense burners down near engine three, apparently the Cogtain would be furious if he didn’t finish before the next maintenance cycle. We tried to explain fixing the Warp-Drive probably took priority, but he was very insistent.

>>35926698
Jrtc first day of fighting, LT screams CHARGE and runs out of the compound, with two other officers with him. Gets butthurt about noone else following him, and has to be explained to why WE DONT DO THAT from first sgt.

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>>35926753

When logic didn’t work Nubby took a stab. He wheedled, cajoled, and outright lied to the distraught cogboy. See we were actually working on the direct orders of the Cogtain, he said it was very important that we fix the Warp-Drive and every tech-priest was supposed to help us. In fact he had specifically said Jim should fix it because he was very impressed with all the techy things that Jim had been doing. Also, no, he shouldn’t call the Cogtain to make sure, the Cogtain said he was very busy doing things with machines and servitors and stuff. To everyone’s surprise Jim accepted this complete load of horseshit and started poking at the damaged drive.

Of course Jim was just a low level acolyte and knew very little about Warp-Drives, but there were quite a few of the helpful little notes around. He was able to pinpoint several broken components that he knew how to fix, unfortunately some of those fixes would require rare and expensive parts. Parts that were so rarely replaced that no spares had been included in the ship’s inventory.

Now this sounds really bad at first, but after you spend some time in the Guard you learn the difference between what’s officially in the inventory and what’s available if you’re willing to get out a crowbar. Nubby got a full list of parts from the boy then went through each one and quizzed the acolyte about what other ship’s system might use them. Some were pretty much unique to the Warp-Drive, but it turned out that most of the really important ones were also used in Gellar Field Generators.

We got out our map, plotted a route, gave Jim a pistol, and went to make a supply run.

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>>35926786

If we were lucky we could get all the parts we’d need from one Gellar Field Generator, assuming they hadn’t already been damaged by the explosions. This meant that the best candidates for scavenging the parts were the intact generator in the middle of the ship and the one up near the bridge. Unfortunately ripping out these rather important pieces would probably break the thing, those two completely intact generators were all that was keeping the ship in reality so instead we opted to try our luck with one of the damaged ones. The one in the rear of the ship was right out, we needed the engines and Warp-Drive to stay daemon-free, so really the only option was the generator way at the bow of the ship. It was going to be a long walk.

In an effort to speed up our journey we decided to divert up to the big spinal freight corridor that ran the length of the ship. The one that was always full of servitors and was on the ragged edge of the Gellar Field. Honestly, that probably wasn’t our best decision.

As we made our way up towards the highway we could all feel the field weakening. Cutter’s sword started talking to him, Doc’s teeth began to itch, Nubby could feel his old legs, and when Sarge and Twitch opened a door they saw a headless corpse and a charred skeleton playing poker. Neither of them seemed unfriendly, but we still elected to go around that room. When we reached an entrance to the big corridor Twitch and Jim opened up a small viewport and scouted the place. They closed it very fast.

According to them the corridor was packed with the glowy-eyed servitors and they were all working on something. Twitch also spotted a few minor daemons which were either fighting the servitors, helping them, or staying out of the way. We didn’t know what to make of that, but it was pretty clear that the main corridor was now possessed servitor territory. We resigned ourselves to a long, slow hike and headed back down into the ship.

>>35926766
>JROTC
Of course your LT is retarded. Join the actual military at some point. You'll see that I'm correct.

Although really, the Platoon Sergeants are usually on the level. Above that, the SNCOs are almost all completely insane.

>>35926847
>>35926766
I started this and I have no idea. I was just trying to be mood-appropriate edgy. Forgive me.

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>>35926822

Mostly the trip was boring, the novelty of the ship’s horrible design had worn off long ago and we got used to the minor warp phenomena pretty quickly. Seen one room with faulty gravity or walls that wept blood, seen ‘em all. It was nice when we got into the coverage of the fully functional Gellar Field, we actually stopped and took a lunch break at our old base in the generator room. While we ate Twitch checked his traps and reported that one had messed with them and Jim pinpointed most of the parts he’d need from the sacrificial generator.

Once we were through the fully covered region things started to get dangerous again. We ran across a few bands of servitors that seemed to be searching the ship for something as well as the occasional minor daemon. We avoided most of them, easily managed to kill one servitor patrol and a handful of daemons that were running around alone. As we got closer to the Gellar Field Generator we started to heard someone fighting and picked up the pace.

A group of servitors was trying to get into the generator room and someone inside was fighting them back. We figured some of the tech-priests were trapped inside or something and hit the servitors in the rear. It was a clean fight and once Cutter had finished off the last one we cautiously made our way into the room. It was not filled with tech-priests, instead it contained a mob of pale old men and each of them had a few yellow notepads sticking out of their pockets.

>>35927135
>instead it contained a mob of pale old men and each of them had a few yellow notepads sticking out of their pockets.

wut

>>35927135
Hooray, we found people! Actually helpful, nonmechanical people!

>>35927173

The most helpful kind of daemon. What's not to get?

>>35927173
>>35927135

you mean found WHY Oak wanted this ship

>>35927135
The Cult of the Helpful Stickynote!

>>35927135
They must be anti-gremlins!

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>>35927135

While it was a bit of a surprise to run into a bunch of stowaways, we’d sort of expected something like this. When the notes kept appearing we knew it was either some incredibly helpful person or some sort of warp trickery or machine spirit weirdness, we had all been hoping for the helpful person explanation. We hadn’t been prepared for just how old they were though, these guys looked like they were all over a hundred.

The leader of the group greeted us all by name, which was a little creepy, introduced himself as ‘Ol Bill, and thanked us for the help. He claimed to be the leader of a group of crewmembers who hadn’t been willing to leave the ship, they’d outlived three captains already, damned if they wouldn’t outlive a fourth. Sarge decided to skip all the bullshit about mysteries, notes, secret passages, and all that in favor of actually getting shit done. He explained the situation with the Warp-Drive and our plan to rip the Generator they’d all been defending apart, then asked the old men what it would take to get their support.

The geezer’s weren’t keen on scrapping the Generator, but when Jim explained the damage to the Warp-Drive they agreed that it was probably necessary. The problem was that the old crewmembers weren’t the only stowaways on the ship. They had a bunch of friends and even some family living in Hydroponics Bay 7C and when the Gellar Field collapsed those folks would be ass deep in daemons. The old men would throw in with us if we went and evacuated everyone to a safer part of the ship, and also, just while we were in the area, got rid of the small army of servitors laying siege to the hydroponics bay.

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>>35927251

All in all this was a pretty good deal, Jim was going to need some time and help getting the parts ready to be pulled and we didn’t have anything better to do. Before we went anywhere though Twitch got to work beefing up their defenses and the rest of us went to check on Hannah, who was supposedly in one of the nearby damaged rooms.

We found the poor cog-girl trapped behind some rubble and with the help of a las-cutter that we pried of one of the servitors we got her out of there. She wasn’t very happy, in fact she was practically hysterical, but she was relatively unscathed, so after Doc gave her a few band-aids we dumped her on Jim and the old guys then went to get the stowaways.

The directions that Bill gave us were great and we quickly reached the hydroponics bay. He hadn’t been exaggerating about the small army of servitors though, in fact it was more of a medium army now and there were a few daemons in there too. They seemed keen on something inside the bay, but weren’t making much headway against the big ass doors. That was a good thing, because we definitely couldn’t handle all those servitors with our current loadout, we needed to make a plan.

We debated the problem for a while, Twitch was in favor of setting a large explosive trap, Doc thought there might be another way into the bay, Sarge explained to Nubby that we couldn’t just tell the old guys they were dead when we got there, and Cutter was talking to his sword again. Eventually we decided to go with Doc’s suggestion and started scouting the surrounding area.

That’s how we found Hydronics Bay 9D. The bay that the stowaways lived in had some big warnings painted on the door, stuff like ‘Do Not Enter, Use Console To Request Rations’, ‘Hazardous Materials’, ‘Incredibly Dangerous, Never Open’. This was obviously just there just to give them some privacy and could be safely ignored. 9D’s door just had three meter high letters that said ‘BEWARE OF KNARLOC’.

>>35927279
>‘BEWARE OF KNARLOC’

wot intensifies

>>35927333
>KNARLOC

it could be friendly

>>35927279
>BEWARE OF KNARLOC
I like the sound of this

>>35927376
What does COLRANK mean I wonder?

>>35927433
It means there's a colonel in there.
Not even the Emperor can save us now...

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>>35927279

Of course we didn’t believe that for a second. There was absolutely no reason for there to be a Knarloc on an Imperial vessel, it was obviously another ruse to keep people out. This meant it was probably another entrance to the stowaways bay, with any luck we could cut through there and get everyone out without the servitors noticing.

About thirty seconds after we jimmied open the big cargo doors we slammed them shut again, because HOLY FUCK THAT KNARLOC LOOKED PISSED.

We decided to take a little breather after that scare and reconsider our options. The bad news was that we definitely weren’t sneaking through that hydroponics bay, but on the other hand we had an amazing distraction available to us. All we had to do was get it out of the bay and down one level then it would keep the servitors busy while we snuck in. A little tinkering with the door controls and the nearby lift, a few dead servitors, and we were ready to rock.

It worked like a charm, the Knarloc barreled out of the bay the second the doors were open and ran right to the pile of servitor corpses sitting on the elevator. We activated the lift and watched with delight as the entire army of servitors turned to face the new threat. As much as we wanted to stay around and watch the fight we had stuff to do, so the second the last servitors left the room we dashed over to the bay’s comm panel and nicely asked them to open up.

I’m not sure what we expected to find in there, but it definitely wasn’t a flourishing tribal village in the middle of a small jungle.

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>>35927482

Seriously, it was an entire village, grass huts and everything. There must have been over two hundred of them in there, just hanging out and living a relatively simple agricultural life in the middle of a bloody spaceship. We’d seen weirder things, hell we’d just started a fight between a spacefaring dinosaur and a bunch of possesed mechanical corpses, but this was definitely one of those special memories that would stay with us.

It was remarkably easy to get them evacuated, the wasn’t the first time they’d migrated to a new home and Ol’ Bill had called ahead to make sure they knew the score. They gathered up most of their village into packs and cargo trolleys then we all got the hell out of there. As we walked the sounds of battle echoed in the distance, along with the occasional roar. We congratulated ourselves on our brilliant planning and assured each other that there was no way this was going to come back and bite us in the ass.

We led the migration back to the Generator the old men were holding without serious incident. The tribals seemed pretty tough and between us and their warriors we easily managed to kill the few daemons and servitors we ran into. Once we arrived Bill detailed a few of his men to lead them to a safer area, then invited us in to look at the preparations for pulling out the parts.

We’d expected everything to be more or less ready, they had all the tools and knowledge of the ship. It should have just been a matter of us saying it was time to go, then they’d pull everything out and that’d be that. Instead they gave us a bewildering briefing about what to cut, what to grab, how to carry it, and where to go and left.

They didn’t offer to help, they check if we agreed with their plan, hell they didn’t even ask if we understood everything. They just bossed us around, wished us luck, then left.

In the words of that ancient guardsman hero Ollanius Pius, “Why the hell is everything always our job?”

>>35927542
>“Why the hell is everything always our job?”
Those would be fitting words after walking into a room with a mortally wounded God Emperor, a mortally wounded Sanguinius, and an avatar of all that is evil.

So what are all the guardsmen insanity and corruption levels at?

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>>35927542

We didn’t spend too long wallowing in self-pity, you get used to this sort of thing when you’re a guardsman.

While Sarge and Doc put their heads together and formed a plan Nubby and Cutter went over the instructions we’d been given and Twitch cleared up his traps. Jim had marked out what needed to be cut, what needed to be grabbed, and what order to do it in, then all we had to do was run to safety and we were damned good at that. It would all be relatively simple except for the fact that the Gellar Field would be collapsing around us.

Doc and Sarge put a lot of thought into who would be carrying what. Nubby was the fastest one of us thanks to his augmetic legs so he’d grab the last parts, Sarge and Cutter would handle the heavy carts, and Twitch and Doc would keep their weapons free to cover the rest of the squad. Each of us memorized our role in the plan, reviewed the map and directions Bill gave us, and got ready to run like the daemons of the warp were pursuing us, because they probably would be.

Sarge called Jim and Bill and made sure everyone was clear then counted down. We worked fast and ripped out part after part as cables sparked and alarms blared all around us, then ran like hell. We got about a fifty meters before we felt the Gellar Field start to fail and reality went runny around the edges.

>>35927741

Twitch and Cutter are a little low on sanity, Sarge is doing better, and Doc and Nubby are doing fine.


We're house ruling corruption, but everyone got a little on this mission.

>>35927741
I suspect they all have Armor of Contempt.

Or whatever reduces corruption take. THey seem thoroughly jaded and pretty familiar with the routine, if not exactly bored.

>>35927757

So you never said what kind of daemons you've been facing up until now (or maybe I missed it) Were they mostly just chaos spawn or were they like Bloodletters running around?

>>35927815
Amorphous warp-entities, presumably. Unaligned and all that.

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>>35927757

The whispers, flashes of movement, and sudden emotions hit us first. Doc and Twitch fired at several shadows, only one of which had an actual daemon in it, Sarge started screaming at Nubby and vowed to beat the little trooper to death with his own augmetic legs, and Cutter began apologising to his sword for not using her enough. We managed to keep together and keep moving though, even if Nubby had to take the lead since Sarge was pretty much chasing him now.

The gravity fluctuations and bleeding walls came next, along with a few more minor arcane horrors that just sort of blinked at us as we barrelled past. Twice we got slammed off of our feet when Down changed to Left or Right, but we’d taken those extra few seconds to tie down the parts and didn’t lose anything. We did get damned messy though, luckily warp blood washes out just fine.

The first serious daemon encounter happened at about the halfway mark. Nubby came back-pedalling out a room screaming about eyes and tentacles and we just barely managed to stop and shut the door in time. We tried to divert around, but both of the side passages seemed to open into the same room which appeared to be several kilometers across and filled with fire. There wasn’t time for this shit, so we popped open the hatch, chucked through four grenades and one of Twitch’s detpacks and slammed it again. Then the second the bang went off we opened it back up and just sprinted across the room and did our best to ignore the writhing tentacles.

We got a few rooms past that without incident then found ourselves in some sort of infinite loop of corridors. After the third time we passed a door labeled ‘Temporary Sewage Storage, Wear a Suit’ we realized what was happening stopped to figure things out. Behind us a door banged open and a mass of tentacles started pouring out.

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>>35927845

Cutter leapt into action and started hacking off limbs while the rest of us started wildly opening doors. The first one had what looked like the Hospitaller and that bitch of an Interrogator tied up and screaming for help inside it, Sarge slammed it shut before anyone else could move. The second and third were filled with more tentacles and fire respectively, but we got them closed before anything bad happened. The next one had that headless corpse and charred skeleton playing poker again.

The skeleton laughed and told us we probably wanted the the door across the hall that was labeled ‘Light Cargo ONLY’. The headless corpse gurgled something and the skeleton laughed again and warned us not to open the ‘poo door’ then laughed some more as the hatch slammed shut. We took his advice, he seemed pretty trustworthy, and piled through. A second later we piled back out, grabbed Cutter, and drug him after us.

There weren’t any side passages in the next two rooms and when we barreled through the last door we found ourselves back in familiar territory near the edge of the safe zone. As we ran reality started to get its shit together and we picked up speed, only stopping to pop a few more minor daemons and divert around a pit that opened up into that huge fiery room again. Then, right as we started running down the last hallway, a large sword slammed through a door and Cutter immediately abandoned his cart in favor of having a sword fight with a daemon.

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>>35927880

You could say that it was an act of heroic bravery or selfless sacrifice, but you’d be wrong. It was an act of complete and utter retardation and only Sarge grabbing him by the legs while everyone else gave covering fire saved his stupid life.

The daemon followed of course, but hotshots pack a punch and we kept him back long enough for Twitch to drop a few mines. The second they were down we ran like little girls and just barely got around a corner before that daemon went bang. We didn’t go back to check if it was dead, as long as it wasn’t following us we were happy.

Cutter got a pretty mean chest wound before Sarge yanked him away and wasn’t looking too hot as we dumped him onto one of the carts. Once the squad was fully inside the safe zone we stopped in a handy room and Doc got to work on him. While he did the stitching and stuff Sarge called the acolytes and had them send someone to take the loot the rest of the way.

Once Cutter was sorted we all hiked down to the Warp-Drive. The trip was a lot quieter this time around, either the techies or the old crewmen had beefed up the rear Gellar Field and we saw a few of the tribal warriors standing guard at junctions. When we reached the drive-room the place was a hive of activity, Jim and Hannah were going at the damage hammer and tongs while ‘Ol Bill yelled directions and the other stowaways assisted.

The second he saw us Bill waved us over and filled us in. Repairs were going well and the perimeter was holding up fine, it wouldn’t be long until we could shift back to real-space. Before we could celebrate though Hannah reported that some piece of warpy tech was busted and everyone went quiet. Bill thought for a second, then told everyone not to worry, there a spare aboard.

The old bugger turned to us, gave a toothless smile, then told us he needed a few brave lads to fetch a part from the Psyker Holding Cells downstairs. As one we turned to Nubby, who started to sidle out of the room.

>>35927880

dammit cutter

Those guys seem pretty cool. Would play poker with.

>>35927923
>Psyker Holding Cells

Ok seriously, what the fuck is wrong with this ship?

>>35927927
Probably lose though. Being in the warp is an automatic loss.

>>35927979

everything

>>35927979
>>35927923
OH GOD-EMPEROR IT'S A FUCKING BLACK SHIP!

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>>35928009

In before some Sisters come looking for a ship an RT nicked from them.

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>>35927923

You see with the exception of Cutter all of us had had a memorable experience with psykers and ships with Psyker Holding Cells. We’d been part of a team which busted up a corrupt government group that was gathering up all the nascent psykers, usually as children, and selling them off-world. The mission had ended with us being sent home with a scathing report which we then doctored to make us look better. Last we heard the jackass who was running the investigation was still looking for the rest of the ships who had carried the kidnapped psykers.

Up to this point we’d put down Nubby’s position as the procurer on this mission down to bureaucratic incompetence or a completely understandable desire to get him out from underfoot. From there it was easy to blame the horrible quality of the ship on Nubby’s own incompetence, possibly with some help from his bosses. But the second we heard the phrase ‘Psyker Holding Cells’ we threw all this out and jumped to some new conclusions.

As we walked Sarge grilled the despicable little trooper and the truth finally came out. He’d spotted this ship in some report or other and instead of turning it in and having it and its captain seized the cretin had decided to try and impress his boss. Nubby had flagged the ship as a prospective purchase then went and swore up and down to his superior that he could get it at a much lower price than anyone else. Emperor knows why his boss agreed, possibly he just wanted Nubby to go away for a few months.

From there things went perfectly normally, except for that final meeting with the fat captain. Nubby, in his infinite brilliance, had told the man that he knew the ship’s dirty secret and threatened to expose him if he didn’t bring down the price.

It wasn’t hard to see why bombs had been planted on the ship or who had planted them. Fucking Nubby.

>>35928009
Oh lord it didn't click.

>Psyker Holding Cells
So THATS why half the ship was missing, it's fucking daemonbait
>>35928065
EMPERORFRACKINGDAMMITNUBBYYOULITTLEGRETCHINMAN

>>35928098
Anon, why do you hate my sides?

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>>35928065

The worst part was how he tried to defend himself, pointing out that he “didn’t lie to nobody ‘bout nofink” and “specifically said that we weren’t ‘quisitiors, an’ there weren’t no ‘ard feelins an’ it was jus’ business” and “got a really good deal even wif all da dents and stuff”.

We were all just about ready to kill him and probably would have if we didn’t have other concerns at present. Instead we privately vowed that Nubby would never again be allowed any sort of authority and, if we survived this, everything would be blamed on him.

Our trip started to get hairy as we descended deeper into the ship, the cells were way at the edge of the current Gellar Field coverage. Aside from the usual weirdness and the fair number of minor daemons, which we killed if we couldn’t avoid them, we ran into a few more of those spooky doors that opened into weird places. We got that huge fire room five times, the tentacle daemon twice, and found one room inhabited by some sort of sewage monster. That last one might have been real though, the note on the door did say ‘Xenos Waste Processing Device, Do Not Enter’.

The last warpy door we ran into had the skeleton and headless man playing poker again, except this time there were more players. There were a bunch of ghostly looking soldiers, a few other spectres who looked vaguely familiar, and a big mother with a sword drowning someone wearing robes in the punchbowl.

As we tried to quietly shut the door the skeleton spotted us and congratulated us on staying alive. The headless one gurgled something and the skeleton practically fell over laughing, then advised us to check the cells before we took the part and slammed the door shut. A second later it popped back open, we heard the skeleton shout that the big mother said not to open the last cell and no hard feelings, then it slammed shut again.

We took this under advisement and headed down the last corridor to the psyker cells.

>>35928142

Those are some surprisingly chill folks

>>35928142
Bro-skeletons? I refuse to believe this! Skeletons are 2spoopy for that shit.

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>>35928142

The Psyker Holding Cells were much, much fancier than anything else we’d seen on the Occurrence Border. It was a fairly small place, with only a dozen actual cells, but they’d obviously been custom built and installed instead of scavenged, probably as some part of the contract for hauling the psykers. The part we needed was right where Bill said it would be and we got it ready for removal, but the skeleton hadn’t steered us wrong before so we didn’t pull it out yet.

We all got into covering positions around one of the doors and Doc opened it, peeked inside, then started swearing. The kid didn’t more than eight years old, though who knew how long he’d been lying in that stasis field, and at there was a little card at the foot of his bed which had a greek letter and a list of specialties. This one was apparently a pyromancer and a telekine.

We checked the rest of the cells, except the last one because it was making some weird noises, and found about half of them occupied. We had five psykers between the ages of five and ten sitting in stasis and chances were the only thing keeping them from being possessed by big ass daemons was the part we were about to take.

The smart option at this point would have been to just kill them. We couldn’t take their stasis beds with us and we were in the middle of a freaking incursion here, this was just about the worst place and time to have a bunch of untrained psykers running around. In the end though none of us were big enough bastards to do it. One by one we pulled them out of their beds then, since we weren’t complete idiots, we tranqued them and stuffed them into our backpacks. They didn’t weigh much more than a full field kit.

For the second time that day we planned our path, yanked out a piece of delicate machinery and ran like hell.

>>35928193
Of course, they're almost all backbone by this point

>>35928216
Would there have been insanity/corruption penalty for just offing them all?
And did that factor into the judgement?

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>>35928216

We didn’t have to contend with nearly as much warp bullshit this time, but the second we pulled out that part the one unopened door was dented outwards and we heard daemonic howling from every direction. We ran as fast as we could and kept our weapons ready.

The first few were the minor daemons we’d been seeing everywhere and it only took a single shot to put them down. The problem was that every one cost us a second and back behind us SOMETHING was slamming up the corridors and it did NOT sound friendly. We were doing a pretty good job of keeping ahead of it though, it wasn’t until we ran into the larger daemons that it began to gain ground.

That damned tentacle daemon was the first one we ran into. It burst through a door as we were running past and made a grab for Doc’s kid. He dodged just in time and Cutter managed to hold the thing off long enough for the rest of us to get past. For once we didn’t need to pull the nutcase away from the fight, the second we were clear he started falling back and Twitch tossed a few hot nades into the mess of tentacles. It certainly wasn’t dead but that kept it back long enough for us to slam a door shut and continue our run. A short time later we heard some especially loud daemonic shrieks a few clangs and the sound of a shut door being torn open.

After that it was clear running for a while. There were a few of the small fry, another door with the two disguised daemonettes which we slammed shut, and Nubby was nearly set on fire when his kid manifested a few small fireballs in his sleep. We were getting tired though and whatever was behind us was gaining. We started shutting every door we went through and Twitch began dropping mines, as far as we could tell this only made it madder.

I can only imagine that daemons your party encounters come to the realization that they should have whacked humanity before humanity invented explosives.

>>35928395
Sanity yes, corruption maybe.

He knew we wouldn't though.

>>35928481
Oh.
Thanks.

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>>35928446

Eventually it became clear that the strengthening Gellar Field wasn’t going to stop our pursuer, so as we ran we got ready for a fight. The moment we ran into one of the small groups of tribal warriors we practically threw the kids on them, slammed the door we came through, and piled every grenade we had around it along with one of Twitch’s last detpacks. We got into firing positions and half a minute later the hatch burst open and a daemonhost flew though.

We thought it looked like a little kid with big black wings made of smoke. None of us had long to look though, because the second it came through the explosives went off and we poured full auto fire down the corridor. After about half a minute of continuous firing the smoke began to clear and we all heard a voice in our heads vowing vengeance as soon as it found a more suitable host. We stayed in position for another few minutes in case it was a trick, then headed up the Warp-Drive to see how things were going.

Some tribal women were caring for the kids when we got there. Doc ran over and made sure no one tried to wake them up while the rest of us resupplied and talked to ‘Ol Bill and the acolytes. They were overjoyed to see the part we got for them and immediately started welding it into place, while they worked Bill explained that everything was pretty much ready and all that was left to do was call up to the bridge and get whoever was piloting this thing to take us out of warp.

We knew this meant talking to the Cogtain and weren’t looking forward to the conversation. Hopefully he’d just accept that we’d saved his bacon and hit the damned button instead of yelling about stuff. Hannah went over and tinkered with the room’s comm console and Sarge got ready to do the talking.

We’d been expecting a little shouting or something. Instead we got deranged voice screeching about ‘weak flesh’ and ‘avatar of the Omnissiah’ and then the console caught fire.

>>35928503

fuck

>>35928503
Bets on the more suitable host?
Going once, going twice?

>>35928555
Cogtain

>>35928503
>Instead we got deranged voice screeching about ‘weak flesh’ and ‘avatar of the Omnissiah’ and then the console caught fire.

Yah I knew this part was coming, bring it.

>>35928555

Nah different daemon. But I wouldn't be surprised if they ended up pitting daemonhost against daemonhost

>>35928503
Great. The Cogtain has gone crazy.
Well...crazier.

It's always something isn't it?

>>35928503

you guys need more than hotshots.

Maybe Hellguns

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>>35928503
>...and then the console caught fire.

HA

>>35928599
ask Bill

>>35928599

A Baneblade you mean?

>>35928616
>ELEVEN BARRELS OF HELL
Might do. Could anyone pilot it though?

>>35928645
Sarge of course

do you doubt the power of the NCO?

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>>35928503

The consensus was that the Cogtain had completely lost it, someone had to go upstairs and hit the buttons on the bridge. Of course everyone looked at us as they said that, it just wasn’t surprising anymore.

At least we managed to convinced them that we needed a short break before we ran into another fight. All of us grabbed a snack and tried to catch a few minutes of sleep while one of Bill’s men went and fetched the really heavy ordinance that we had left in our quarters. We figured that we’d need every bit of firepower we could get for this trip, the only way to access the command deck was through the main lifts located in the big spinal corridor. The one full of possessed servitors. At least we’d be crossing it where there was good Gellar Field coverage.

Our heavy weapons arrived one by one we got to our feet and got ready for one last hike. Twitch had all of his explosives, Sarge had his grenade launcher, Nubby had a few single shot rockets, and Doc and Cutter had as much ammo as they could carry. There was no way we’d cross that corridor without being noticed, so we might as well be ready to kill whatever we ran into.

We made sure we had a clean comm connection to the acolytes and clanked our way up towards the big spinal corridor. We planned our route so we’d spend the minimal amount of time in there before we got to the lifts and prayed to the Emperor that most of the servitors would be busy somewhere else. Unfortunately it didn’t work out that way, as we reached the edge of the safe zone a pair of tribal scouts reported that the servitors were building something almost right on top of the lifts.

>>35928645

Are you implying nubby cannot drive everything?

>>35928707
Only when he's stealing it

>>35928672

> skull for the skull throne
> inb4 skelebro is a damned legionnaire

>>35928743
just about every other possible thing happened

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>>35928672

What we saw when we peeked into the hallway was pretty damned terrifying. The servitors were piling all sorts of materials, including themselves, into some sort of giant structure. A ring of what looked like every surviving tech-priest was standing around the structure giving commands to the servitors and chanting in binary. Right over the top of the structure there was a metal platform and standing in the middle of it, screaming like a cross between a shorted vox unit and a sprinkler, was the Cogtain. Also everything was glowing, which was probably bad.

We didn’t wait to see what was going to happen or bother trying to find a way to sneak around. We just hefted our weapons and started pouring as much firepower as possible into the growing structure and the tech-priests. Metal and meat flew everywhere, our first volley tore apart dozens of servitors and cogboys, but to our surprise they didn’t react at all. They just ignored us kept chanting and building. We didn’t stop to ponder this, if they were going to hold still and be easy targets we were going to take advantage of it.

Unfortunately this happy state didn’t last for long, before we could kill more than half the tech-priests the chanting rose a crescendo and the surviving ones leapt onto the structures with the last of the servitors. The Cogtain stepped off his platform onto the top of the thing and with a slow smooth movement the whole damned pile stood up.

It was like some sort of servitor titan and boy was it pissed.

>>35928789
>Servitorotten
Good thing you stocked up on explosives

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>>35928789

We poured the rest of our launcher rounds and missiles into the damned thing without much effect. A few servitors dropped off, but they sort of flowed into the holes and the thing just kept coming. As it approached the Cogtain kept up his screaming and added the occasional gothic insult. We decided it was time to get the hell out of there and turned towards the door we came through.

Right as we got to it there was an especially loud screech from behind us and the door slammed shut. Then the door on the other side of the corridor slammed shut. Then with a tremendous crashing sound every door down the length of the corridor shut itself. We took a look at the doors, then at the servi-titan, briefly pondered the situation then started running down the corridor like scared little girls. Behind us the monstrosity lengthened its gait and started picking up speed.

As we ran we dodged passed a few remaining servitors and minor daemons who wandered towards the titan. We didn’t stop to worry about them, but when we looked back the monstrosity was stopping to pick them up and slap them into its body. That was probably a bad thing, but at least it was slowing the monster down.

We started to gain a lead on the servi-titan and began considering options. We were down to shooting it a lot and hoping it had a weakpoint, piling all of our explosives together and hoping it was enough, or blasting open a door. Sarge decided to go with the big pile-o-mines, but just as we were getting ready to stop and set it up we saw something ahead of us.

Something about as large as the servi-titan was coming down the corridor. On closer inspection it appeared to be some sort of large bipedal lizard. With wings. Black smoky wings. Also horns and very glowy eyes.

>>35928816
Dino Defender to the rescue!

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>>35928816

>>35928816
>Dinohost versus ServitoRotten
Your GM is a cool guy

>>35928816
>Possessed Knarloc

Game over man! Game over!

>>35928816

> pacific rim ost intensifies

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>>35928816

So no shit there we were, trapped in a hallway with a horrible servitor titan coming at us from one side and a possessed Knarloc coming from the other. There were probably worse positions to be in, but damned if we could think of any at that moment.

Suddenly blasting open a door looked like the best available option. We all unhelpfully yelled at Twitch as he picked out a small door and set the minimum number of charges needed to open it up. Both the daemonic horrors were closing on us as we took cover and hit the detonator, it was all we could do to stay in cover until the explosives went off. The second the door was open we piled through and got as far away from it as possible.

Behind us there was a loud crash and a good portion of the bulkhead around the door bent inward. A second later there was a meatier sounding crash and a tremendous amount of screeching and roaring. We all watched the doorway as huge feet stomped back and forth and the noise continued. From the look of things the two monsters had gotten into a bit of a fight and for the time being we’d been forgotten.

We had absolutely no desire to interrupt this fight, it was the only distraction we were likely to get and hopefully one of them would kill the other. We ran along side rooms and passages as quickly as we could and got as far towards the lifts as possible before we blew open another door. As soon as it was open we started running down the corridor as fast as our legs could carry us. Every once in a while we’d look back to make sure the giants were still fighting and hadn’t noticed us.

Amazingly our luck held out and we reached the elevators without incident. We piled onto the single large platform that would take us up to the bridge, hit the button, and breathed a sigh of relief as the fight dropped out of sight.

In an offhand way Twitch wondered if the fight would end with them combining into a daemoni-servi-knarlo-titan. No one laughed.

>>35928945
Cogtan was in control the entire time, this was his plan to get the ship back in shape by fighting off the daemons with giant servitor, calling it.

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>>35928945

As we rode up Sarge commed Jim and the rest of make sure everything was still okay and fill them in on the situation. The acolytes took the news about the Cogtain a little hard, but otherwise everything down there was just fine. All we had to do was hit a few buttons and we’d be out of the warp. Down below us there was a titanic crash and a scream that shook the walls. Nubby pushed the up button a few more times and Twitch started getting the rest of his explosives ready.

When we got to the top of the elevator Twitch fixed his detpacks to platform with special care on the joints and such, then we all headed through a pair of impressive looking doors. The bridged was large, filled with blinking lights, had a massive but slightly cracked window that was currently covered, and was practically papered with little yellow notes. As we stood and pondered the massive array of buttons there was another scream and the elevator started to descend.

This focused our attention nicely and we started hunting through the arrays of buttons for the Warp-Drive switch. Bill had said it large blue, said ‘Fire Missile Bay 26F’, and had a note that said ‘Never Ever Ever Touch’. It turned out that almost every note said that and we wondered how the Cogtain had steered the thing, maybe he just jammed his tentacles into it or something.

It took a few tries to find the right controls, everytime we found one that looked good we hit it and hoped for the best. Before we got the right one we managed to find the controls for three cargo bays, a positioning engine, and the gravity for the top third of the ship. That last one nearly killed us, but Doc managed to hold onto it and get it back to normal before anyone got badly hurt.

When we finally found the right switch we flipped it down and waited for something to happen. There was a charging sound, an incredibly loud *CLANG* and Jim helpfully informed us that a major daemonic presence was keeping us from dewarping.

>>35929080
>CLANG
What the fuck was that?!?!

>>35929080
>a major daemonic presence was keeping us from dewarping.

wat

I mean Greater Daemons just laugh and walk through Gellar fields, but keeping an entire ship (albeit a shitty one) anchored? That's just impressive.

>>35929134

Classic

>>35929134
the demons got shafted

>>35929080
I wonder if the GM kept his poker face on during this entire session. If he did, kudos, cause I'm pretty sure I would have cracked up a few times knowing what I'll be inflicting on the players next.

Am enjoying this tonnes Shoggy, great stuff!

>>35929167
They just jurry-rigged their own warpdrive, I think a spoilt taco probably had enough warp presence to hold them back.

>>35928816
>BEWARE OF KNARLOC
YOU COULD HAVE LISTENED TO THE SIGN
YOU COULD HAVE PREVENTED THIS
but I'm glad you didn't

OP still here?

>>35929296
This is what, #8? He hasn't left without saying so yet, has he?

>>35929296
>>35929313

Here, sorry last combat posts coming in like 10 min, then have to finish the epilogue.

>>35929333
Ah, writing.
Godspeed, noblest warrior.

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>>35924935
>Occurrence Border
I've only read to this point in the thread and I already know what you are in for.

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>>35925267
>The Box is full of orks
God damn it Twitch
>More notes keep apearing
EVEN MORE GOD DAMN IT TWITCH

OP, I finished reading your earlier threads. How come you guys were stuck with bog standard lasguns and flak guns the whole time? No bolt pistols, fancier lasguns, carapace, etc?

Did all of the money go into explosives or what?

>>35929406
Goddammit. It's so obvious, too.

>>35929406
>>35929504
that ship has to get a new name

though it would be lulzworthy if oak was getting it for when sarge became join the =I=

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>>35929080

It didn’t take long to guess what was going on, we all ran to the elevator shaft and looked down. Twitch started giggling as the daemoni-servi-knarlo-titan slowly rose towards us.

The thing looked pretty mean. Well actually it looked pretty much the same but with a Knarloc head for an arm and an undersized set of smoky wings, but it was still more than we wanted to fight. Sarge gave Twitch a poke and the trooper hit all of his detonators.

The platform disintegrated along with the bottom half of the monstrosity, but as we all watched in horror the thing sank its claws and teeth into the side of the shaft and began to climb. This was not a good thing, we had no desire to fight this horror in close combat. Every one of us got out our lasguns and grenades and poured as much fire as possible into the things hands.

It made it about three quarters of the way up to us before all at once the normaller hand broke free. It hung on the dino-arm for a split second then plummeted down into depths.

A few second later there was an impressive squishing sound, then the universe went ‘prolg’ and tasted faintly of the color yellow and the large shutters on the bridge window started to open. We had achieved reality.

As we congratulated each other on a job well done and wandered back towards the bridge there was an ominous swooping sound behind us. We turned to face the shaft and all saw the Cogtain rise out of it, complete with smoky black wings and curly metal horns. He let out a screeching laugh and flew towards us.

>>35929664
That is one fucking persistent daemonhost

>>35929664
God damn, how big is this thing?

>>35929713
Smaller now.

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>>35929664

Each of us sprang into action like the pros we were. A torrent of las-fire plowed into the daemonhost and Cutter got into position to intercept its charge. He met the Cogtain’s staff with his chainsword and forced the stroke aside, then dodge away so we could get another volley in.

We repeated this trick three time before the daemonhost let out a scream of frustration and leveled his staff at Doc. A bolt of black lightning hit the medic in the chest and threw him into a wall, but before the Cogtain could follow up his attack Cutter brought his sword down and removed one of his metal arms. Unfortuneately he didn’t managed to dodge the counterstroke and was thrown almost to the edge of the shaft.

We poured in as much las-fire as we could once Cutter was clear and actually started to push the foul thing back. He countered with a few more lightning bolts, but two missed their mark and the last one only fried one of Nubby’s legs. The Cogtain was pushed all the way to the edge of the shaft where he crouched and put up some sort of shield. Behind him Cutter silently got to his feet and raised his sword.

>>35929759

>A bolt of black lightning hit the medic in the chest and threw him into a wall

OH SHIT.

DOC PLEASE BE OKAY.

>>35929759
Cuh-TER!
Cuh-TER!
Cuh-TER!

>>35929809

Hospitalliar-chan shall fix him up~

>>35929759
DOC NOOOO!
Seriously though, the player playing cutter, how many of his guys have died by now?

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>>35929759

He didn’t manage the decapitation he was aiming for, but he got one of the wings and knocked the Cogtain off balance. A few shots from the rest of the squad pushed him farther and the daemonhost slowly began to fall into the shaft. At the very last second his remaining hand reached out, grabbed Cutter’s ankle and pulled it out from under him.

Cutter just barely managed to grab the edge of the shaft with both hands as the Cogtain started erratically falling while flapping his remaining wing. Next to him his chainsword teetered on the lip, then ever-so-slowly tipped over.

Sarge saw what was coming next and almost managed to get there in time, but not quite. The damned fool let go of the edge and swung himself towards his beloved chainsword. The noncom watched as Cutter made the catch then dove like a falcon onto the flailing daemonhost. He wrapped his legs around the Cogtain, raised his rescued sword and started hacking at him while screaming at the top of his lungs.

>>35929831
Just one - heavy.

The pyro dude was Nubby's replacement. So, really, they've only lost one squad number

> Count pending doc's status after next post.

>>35929860
CUTTER

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>>35929860

cutttttttter

>>35929860
CUTTTTTTTEEEEERRRRR

>>35929860

Man, if I had to die that'd be how I'd want to go

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>>35929860

Cutter, noooooooo!

I mean, yes! But also, noooooooooooo!

>>35929860
NO

THIS IS THE 41st MILLENNIUM WE CAN FIX HIM SOMEHOW

but seriously, he needs to get a post humous medal to show everyone at the poker game

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>>35929860

While Twitch saw to Doc and Sarge watched Cutter fall to his heroic death Nubby, bless his blackened little heart, sprinted as fast as his damaged leg could carry him back towards the bridge.

About five seconds before Cutter and what was left of the Daemonhost hit the ground he found the gravity control and threw it in the opposite direction. Sarge, Doc, and Twitch all slammed into the ceiling, collecting a concussion, four broken ribs, and a dislocated shoulder between them. Meanwhile a rather bewildered cutter flew back up the shaft on a very injured daemonhost.

It took Nubby a few tries to get the gravity just right, but eventually he zeroed it out and Cutter managed to flail his way to safety. As soon as he was clear Nubby cranked up the gravity as high as it would go and the Cogtain flew down the shaft at incredible speed.

Later we checked the bottom of the elevator shaft. He punched through four decks and half of an awkwardly placed wall before he stopped.

We set up camp in the bridge. Doc had a nasty burn but would be okay, there were a lot of minor broken bones, and cutter had and impressive series of cuts all over his chest, the Cogtain hadn't gone down easy. We were all still alive though based on what Jim and Bill told us the ship was in relatively stable condition. As long as you ignored the massive warp taint in the bow as well as the upper and lower decks.

We called that a victory and stood the fuck down.

It took them a day and a half to rig up a replacement elevator, but we didn't notice. We were busy sleeping.

>>35930001
Based Nubby!

>>35930001
NUBBY, YOU BEAUTIFULLY UGLY BASTARD!

>Sorry folks epilogue isn't done yet. Will be slamming it out over the next hour or so. Stay tuned or see you tomorrow.

>If you got questions feel free to ask, also 10 points for every reference to previous stories you found in this thing. It amused the shit out us how our DM tied it all together.

>>35930001

Nubby, you beautiful, deranged sumbitch.

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>>35930001
Nubby, you glorious bastard!

>>35930001

YES.

WOOOOO

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>>35930001

Ah yes, the old "cycle the gravity a few times" trick. Makes short work of anything from Rak'Gol to Snotlings.

>>35930042

Don't care. Keep em coming.

>>35930001
Damn it! I have work tomorrow so I HAVE to sleep...

>>35930042
This entire ship episode reminds me of one of the first missions you guys did, with the holy explosion.
The tribe was from the last one.
I feel as if the comms is related to something, as well as the "Scavenge for parts" thing, but I can't remember.
Unless you meant things that happened in previous sessions that caused something to happen in this one. [/spoiler

>>35930042
See:
>>35929502

>>35930001
Nubby did something Smart!

>>35930122
The latter. We kept running into stuff this mission that was only there because of our exploits, like the ship itself and the content of the warp rooms. It was sort of funny reading the speculations in the thread, because from our perspective it all sort of meshed together perfectly.

>>35930160
We got a super low budget and generally weren't allowed to requisition anything but ammo and explosives from Oak. Most of our upgrades were scavenged on missions until we finally impressed the old fart.
(Our DM likes running low power games, he says it makes them feel more desperate)

>>35930160

they have hotshots and carapace

>>35930238
Only now that Nubby requisitioned them

>>35930236
You asshole NEED hellguns. You DESERVE hellguns!

>>35930309
Actually if I have my naming right we do have hellguns, just the handheld versions without the backpack powercell.

At least that's what the wikia says the difference is between the hellguns and hotshots.

The next real upgrade would be bolters.

>>35930414
Would you be ABLE to use bolters without power armor?
I think the next step would be some sort of transport.
>They give you a chimera
>From 5,000 years ago
>None of the original parts survived
>Including the armor
>It's just a layer of bottle caps

>>35930414
IMO, you guys should look for fancier tacticool gear. Stuff like a Targeter in DH to give +10BS for all tests goes a long way. A Vaneheim Shotgun would be good, too.

>>35930414

That might be a bad idea.

Except maybe for Sarge. The rest of your won't be able to carry all the ammo and you won't be able to resupply easily.

Maybe a power sword for cutter. Fucker has earned one.

>>35930453
Astartes Bolters = ordinary boltguns.

Ordinary boltguns are weaker and don't require you to be a spess muhreen to use normally.

In Death Watch, they do +1d10 damage. I think they were nerfed a little for BC & OW

>>35928098
muh sides' gellar fields

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>>35930414
this is amazing
goddammit shoggy, you guys have the best games

Is Shoggy still here?

>>35930863
give him some time

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>>35930001

The next few weeks were educational. Also infuriating, exhausting, and occasionally scary, but mostly educational.

We learned that despite it’s size, it only really took about fifty crewmen to fly the Occurrence Border if you didn’t have to worry about cargo hauling or complex life support systems. We also discovered that between the old crewmembers who had refused the leave the ship, the acolytes, the more savvy tribals, and us, there we just over fifty crewmen on board.

We learned that as long as you make sure no one actually enters a tainted section of ship you can just ignored it. In fact the last few times something like this happened they just walled off the affected sections then cut the whole piece off. On one occasion that cutting had involved just going near a start and pulling the shields back so it just sort of melted away, which explained both the ships length and why one end looked like a melted candle.

We learned that psychically gifted children are a bitch to care for, but we just dumped that problem on a few of the tribal women. They were probably great at that sort of thing and it was just until we got back to Oak.

We learned that the Knarloc wasn’t alone in that bay. There were a whole slew of krootoid creatures in there. Apparently the captain had decided that having a Kroot mercenary aboard would make him seem more Rogue Traderish, but ditched the xenos on a planet when he had to gall to demand payment. The beasts hadn’t been manageable without him so they just closed up that bay and hoped they’d all starve. They didn’t and now that we’d opened the doors they were nesting all over the ship.

Finally learned that the standard operating procedure for Astropaths and Navigators during an incursion is to hide in a closet and cry or sit in your Sanctum and ignore all the silliness while you keep steering.

>>35930920
>Finally learned that the standard operating procedure for Astropaths and Navigators during an incursion is to hide in a closet and cry or sit in your Sanctum and ignore all the silliness while you keep steering.

The most sensible thing ive read all day from someone in a position of importance.

What country are you from, shoggy?

Also, keep up the good work man, your stories are fantastic.

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>>35930920

It took a good deal longer than what was originally scheduled to get to our destination, but we did get there in the end. We kept the warp jumps short and stayed in the safer areas and made sure to keep Oak updated on our progress via the Astropath.

When we finally got to the shipyard one his personal retinue was waiting for us and took our reports in person. We did our best to explain everything that had happened and the current state of the ship. Despite our earlier promise we didn’t throw Nubby under the bus during the report. We twisted the truth just a little and explained the hidden nature of the ship and the Captain’s sabotage as simple incompetence, as opposed to subverting Inquisitorial justice to score a cheap ship and look good for your boss. Nubby was fired from his job in supply, which was good, and reassigned back to active duty as part of the squad, which was also good. So all of that worked out pretty well.

Jim and Hannah were given a lot of praise for fixing so many things and not going all crazy like every single other damned tech-priest on the ship. Oak’s assistant talked to some senior tech-priests at the shipyard then gave acolytes some papers which said they were now full tech-priests and the Inquisition’s bitches. We welcomed them to the team and wished them luck with their first Interrogator.

The half-dozen psychic kids were packed off to whatever place the Inquisition takes psykers. The assistance seemed pretty happy about us getting them so they probably weren’t just going to shot and dumped in a ditch somewhere. We decided it was all for the best and stopped worrying about it.

Ol’ Bill, his band of retired crewmen and the tribals were just accepted as part of the ship’s new crew. Turns out that sort of thing is actually fairly common and it’s easier to keep them than to kill them. Shame no one told us that earlier…

>>35931061

US

Colorado originally, but Arizona now.

It's hard to remember to use meters for stuff when I write.

>>35930920
>sit in your Sanctum and ignore all the silliness while you keep steering.
This Navigator sounds like he's got his head screwed on straight.

>>35931085
Cool, some of your writing made me think you were an aussie like me. All good though mate, keep up the good work.

>>35931091
I see something horrible brewing

isn't it odd we are collection a bunch of reasonable and sane characters?

what if this was the plan? assemble a crew of reasonable people, and use this awesome crew to solve imperial problems efficiently and without wearing a pair of pants as a hat???!!!

Or maybe I am starting to think like Twitch

>>35931133
He hasn't named the Navigator yet, probably isn't joining the party.

>>35931123
heh cant resist

>Aussies love him! Find out what suburban mom Shoggy knows about 40k! Click now!

>>35931133

I think theres enough side characters assembled for All Sisters or All Techpriest parties in the event of a TPK.

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>>35931071

The Occurrence Border itself was in for one hell of an overhaul and would probably be back in service after about three or four years. The assistant actually seemed happy with its horrid appearance and general shittyness, apparently it was a very sneaky ship. We didn’t worry ourselves over it once we were sure no one was going to yell at us for wasting money on it.

Once all the loose ends were tied up we were packed on a ship with Oak’s assistant and rode back in relative peace. No one told us to do things, no one interrupted our sleep, and the only tech-priests around were Jim and Hannah. It was quite relaxing and we were in good spirits when we reached Oak’s ship.

Nubby was called down to his end of the ship for an official firing before he was sent back to us. Twitch and Cutter hauled the acolytes down to our regiment’s section of ship and showed them off like proud parents, then got an early start on their partying and drinking. Doc wandered off to a certain medical section of the ship and wasn’t seen for several days, when he finally got back the poor boy could barely walk straight, but seemed pretty happy.

Sarge was called down to Oak’s office, not the whole squad, just him. Everyone speculated about what was going on in there, maybe he was getting promoted or maybe Oak really was pissed at us. In the end he marched back out with a glazed expression and went straight to the bar. A few drinks later we got him talking, Oak wasn’t mad at us and while he had hinted at a promotion he hadn’t carried through. The reason Sarge was called up and why he was drinking was because he’d received the squad’s next assignment.

In a few months time a whole new batch of trainees would arrive. It was going to be our job to teach them how to be proper Inquisitorial agents.

Hell we didn’t know how to be proper Inquisitorial agents. All of sat down with Sarge and started drinking too. This one was going to be weird.

>>35931313

oh shit.

Its a problem you can't shoot.

>>35931313
the entire squad has been promoted?

>>35931338
Or explode.

Actually, exploding might be the ticket...

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>>35931313

>And that's all folks thanks for reading

>Sorry this ran so late, and sorry if the last few posts are sort of rushed. I have trouble typing while I post.

>I'm going to be around for a little longer while I archive this and pack it up for when my DM reaps his sweet sweet internet points.

>Hope you enjoyed the stories and have a good night

>>35931313
>Doc wandered off to a certain medical section of the ship and wasn’t seen for several days, when he finally got back the poor boy could barely walk straight, but seemed pretty happy.
Great Success!

>>35931363

Did you DM ever explain the room of skellies playing poker?

Who were they?

>>35931378
Some questions are best left unanswered

>>35931378

I have a feeling they'll return to the Occurence Border one day. And then they'll never leave...

Thanks, Shoggy. You're doing the Lord's work,

>>35931356

I think oak would frown upon exploding the new recruits?

>>35931378

Crisp was the skelly, heavy was the headless corpse.

On the last occasion they were supplemented by some dead soldiers from the regiment, all the other agents who we'd gotten killed in our places during the missions, and that big mother khornate who was a hell of a guy. He was drowning the cleric in the punchbowl.

>>35931425
if they are like several people that have been on payroll, it will save him lots of headaches

and cleanup

>>35931443

The unexpected feels...

Did the team recognise them in the middle of the shit going down or was it figured out after?

great stuff

>>35931449

I dunno.

Remember how this batch was recruited into oak's service?

If thats any standard to go by, these guys will have seen some shit.

>>35931313
Sounds like a great big promotion to me. Instead of sending aces out until they die, bring them home to teach fresh meat how to not die.

You're on the gravy train now.

>>35931443

Awww, I thought Twitch and the rest would eventually end up as the ghosts. Warp travel has failed us yet again.

>>35931425
No.

Teaching them to solve problems with explosion.

Teaching them to solve as many as possible with explosions.

Teaching them to use explosives as the #1 vaccination against things like fair fights, xenos, traitors, things that might get close to fair fights, heavy armor, assassins, heretics, or insufficiently unfair fights.

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>>35928142
>big mother said not to open the last cell and no hard feelings
>>35931443
>that big mother khornate who was a hell of a guy.

Dem feels

>>35931510
>Insufficiently unfair fights
I am stealing this phrase to use for kobolds and you can't stop me

>>35931531
As long as your fights are sufficiently unfair, nobody can stop you.

And it's up in the archive:
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=All%20Guardsmen%20Party

>>35931484
Yea the laughing is what did it, it was sort of a running gag in the previous session.

>>35931524
Sometimes the bit characters are the best characters.

>>35931503
Woulda been interesting

>>35931502
>>35931510
I like this speculation. It amuses me.

>>35931531
Sometimes it feels like Guardsmen are the kobolds of 40k...

>>35931443

Hey Shoggy, drawfaggot here. I have really enjoyed all the stories. Figured I would do some character sketches for the next thread. Any preferences on who goes first?

>>35931627

TWITCH

I kinda imagine him like the Gorillaz 2D but with eyes and a mean expression.

>>35931606

How many of the original guardsmen are left?

Any off screen TPKs where the team just never returned?

>>35931662

So far, it's Crisp and Heavy who bought the farm. Everyone else is just filler names.

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>>35931627

Oh cool! I've been thinking of commissioning a group shot or two at some point.

Honestly I don't really know who I'd prefer personally, but it seems like the most popular characters are Twitch and Sarge. Let me know if you need or want character details, you can grab my email from the html link up in the second post.

>>35931681

The rest aren't filler names. According to the original opening meatgrinder, the players personally played each survivor.

>>35931662
>>35931681

Storywise we're down from 37 to about 15 at this point. It's never specified who's died though, so if one of us decides to play one of the prepped characters he'll be one of the survivors.

>>35931685
Well, we do already have that wonderful Nobs picture for Nubby...

>>35931711

Aaaaaa. Thats a fine way of going about it.

>>35931685

D'ohk. I might need to hit you up for specifics. I have a decent idea from the story times what to do, but if you want specific ethnicities or notable features that were otherwise not noted/relevent to the threads, let me know. I wanted to get this done earlier, but moving is a bitch.

>>35931796

I'd be happy with just about anything, and I agree that moving is a bitch

>I'm out for the night folks but I'll pop in if this still up tomorrow

>>35931085
Not goddamn fair. I just left Arizona for elsewhere

>>35924280
>Also fuck mechanicus toilets.

Details?

I sort of want to know which one you play as. My money is on Sarge.

Come on shoggy, out with it!

>>35931313
>when he finally got back the poor boy could barely walk straight

Wait. He got pegged by the girl?

>>35933693
Or he just sprained his groin muscles.
Or broke his pelvis.
Or was just that exhausted.

These things happen.

>>35933693

I-it's okay if it's you, Hospitaller-chan.

>>35932342
I think toilet paper is like sandpaper. Literally.
And there is no toilet bowl - only hole for dumping "waste".

>>35923989
>This is the ongoing tale of a bunch of guardsmen who got drafted into the Inquisition
Oh shit nigger, I just read your archived stories and found this!

Today is a good day.

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>>35925295
Pic fucking related.

Next All Guardsmen Storytime when?

>>35932213
Eh I'm sorta keen to get out of here myself. I'm tired of hitting rattlesnakes while I'm out biking.

>>35933530
Not saying anything in public until the general consensus tells me otherwise.

>>35933693
>>35933727
We don't speculate on what Doc does when he's off with his ladyfriend. All I can say is we told him to take it easy and not hurt himself, but did he listen?

40 hours standing in surgery leaves you incredibly sore

>>35932342
>>35934389
We'll go with that theory. It's more pleasant than a power washer.

>>35934504
Glad you like the stories

>>35934868
Umm not sure honestly, I'll try to aim for two weeks, but work and turkeyday might fuck that up. I'll keep that little estimated date up in the html file.


>Going to be chilling and capping for DM internet points, thanks for keeping the thread alive.

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>>35935116
if a death does happen, and i hope it doesnt cos i like the current cast of characters
do you have at least a name list of some of the possible colourful options that you can pick from?

>>35935116
Out if interest, is the game going to come to a finale when you run out of reinforcements, or are you going to play it until the grim dark end of no survivors?
I ask because the GM seems to be doing background squaddie deaths as well

>>35924773
>Apparently, well, the front fell off.
I'd like to stress that this is not normal in this sort of vehicle.
>How so?
Well, for one, the front isn't supposed to fall off.

>>35935116
I would strongly suggest you go with a DH to OW conversion, since OW is more up to date and would generally go better for an all guardsman party.

I wish I was in your games

Shoggy, is Oak starting to see a pattern with him getting an unusual amount of insane, retarded, insanely retarded or retardedly insane people?

How did the Tech Priests go nuts? Because the cover didn't go all the way on the bridge?

>>35935195
All the sheets we made back during that initial session are still in a neat little pile waiting for us.

When the time comes we just flip through the pile and find one we like.

>>35935286
We've honestly drifted fairly far from the grim-dark of the first session, so it won't be a matter of playing until everyone is dead.

Instead I expect we'll run this campaign until our DM throws together some story relevant Epic Boss Battle. Then we'll retire what characters are still alive, and roll up a new batch of low level characters in whatever system he chooses next.

>>35935417
Glad that was spotted.

>>35935533

That makes sense to me, but really the system isn't my call. At this point our DM has twisted the rules of DH and OW into some sort of horrible monster that does exactly what he wants.

Honestly I have no idea what Oak thinks, or if he even notices anything besides the recruitment numbers. We sort of assume that some cosmic force is sticking us with the shit-jobs, because if everyone in the Inquisition is this incompetent the Imperium would burn down within a week.

The tech-priests went nuts because of that big ol' corridor with no Gellar coverage. Most of the servitors were in there along with several priests and something nasty got a hold of them. After that they went out and started grabbing everyone else until the whole bunch was either dead or One Of Us.

>>35935729
>At this point our DM has twisted the rules of DH and OW

Explain? I think it's still worth bringing up IMO. But then again, I'm not in the game.

>>35931085
You in Tucson, Shoggy? I'm running Rogue Trader for a group right now in Tucson.

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>>35935729
ah, so, from the big ol' pile of sheets
what names have you seen that have stuck? and you can purposefully choose those that haven't been used so far if there has been deaths in the interim period between the stories posted and the games
just toss a few up
and that navigator seems to be one of the few people with his head screwed on straight so far

>>35935570
Clarke and Dawe are the best thing to come out of Aussie politics since Gough. (Watermelon Greeny reporting in.)

>>35935883
Nope. Wish I did though, Tucson and Flag are the nicest of the big cities in AZ I think.

>>35935871
Mmm it's not a matter of any big game breaking changes, its more of a ton of tiny little ones. Tweaks to the damage system, being able to repeat some half actions, turn timers, and (this one is important) the ability to use/burn fate to save a squadmate.

Also some stuff like 'armor of contempt' (i think that's the one that gives corruption resistance) is just given to everyone.

>>35936115
Any chance your GM could post 'em sometime?
Do you use BC/OW standard attack/autofire rules?

>>35936328
Maybe, I'll have to badger him about that.

We do NOT use the standard autofire rules. It's sort of hard to explain without the notes, but what it comes down to us that if you are in a good firing position you get to put out a lot more accurate fire than otherwise.

So if you're running around it's pretty much vanilla, but if you take cover and aren't being suppressed you can just crank out the damage.

>>35936433
Sounds pretty guardsman to me.

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Quick final question before this thread dies.

I'm interested in commissioning some group shots from a drawfag or two.

Can anyone recommend one and suggest a way to contact them?

>>35938981
Regourso does 40k group shots on commission. Here's his tumblr: Drop him a line

regourso.tumblr.com

>>35939100

Seconded

>>35938981
If we got a drawfag to do portraits, group shots and scenes of particularly awesome moments, I'd be very happy.

this archived yet?

>>35938981

Bother Luth: lutherniel.deviantart.com/

Tell him ELH sent you.

>>35943611
yep

bump for drawfag

>>35943735
>tfw Bolter to Kokoro hasn't updated in over a month

feelsbadman.jpg

bump

I will also post in this thread for the pirpose of the enbumpenationing

>>35926698
As long as you can keep first sgt and ssgt away locked away in the office, your good. Gunny can do whatever, he's usually the one that knows who to talk to in pog shops to get shit done and will always hook you up if you need something.

>>35924773
>Occurrence Border
>Occurrence= Event, Border=Horizon
Oh dear.

>>35936433
Please do, as a GM who's never been entirely happy with the way 40k RPG systems play out I'd be really interested to see how a true master such as your GM seems to be does it.

>>35931071
RIP ol' Bill

>>35954270
Seconding this! The first guardsman story time is what is currently inspiring me to GM an only war game, so I'd be VERY interested in this.