>>35298895
They can eat food as well as blood. As long as you don't go full vegetarian it should be fine. Dhampirs tastes are generally pretty close to regular humans

They're only HALF leech, anon. Their taste in food varies from one to another, just like normal people. Sure, some like a good rare steak, but then again that's more likely because it's the only proper way to cook a steak than anything to do with their heritage.
Good luck, by the way. While Dhampirs are pretty much normal people, many have emotional issues, due to coming from broken homes (who would have guessed that blood-sucking leeches generally aren't the best dads), so just be prepared to be there for her if anything comes up.

>>35299663
Thanks for the info. I've never really dealt with vampires so I was unsure.

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So, there's this guy I like, and he's a really sweet guy, but.. yesterday, he confessed to me that he has a 'monthly problem'. I looked at him like he was crazy, until he explained that he was bitten by a weird-looking dog as a kid and ever since then has transformed into a wolf every month.
Now, I've got nothing against him being a lycanthrope, and actually really like the idea of having a pet once a month, but he's uncomfortable with the idea of sleeping in the same bed... scratch that, he's scared of being in the same HOUSE as me when he changes. How do I convince my boyfriend that I trust him enough to let him sleep with me every night?

PS: Should I tell him I'm a selkie, or would that put too much strain on our relationship? I already hide my skin next to the water heater downstairs, but I was thinking of moving it up to my closet.

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>mfw I only ever get asked out by statists because I'm a 2nd gen immigrant and they assume I agree with them on everything
>mfw everyone tells me my riddles are offensive just because I have different opinions
>mfw I get called a speciesist for saying other races could be as cunning as me if they just learnt
>mfw the same people who call me a bigot are the first to whine when I say druids and fey have a right to their own community and aren't behind every conflict

>>35301229
He has issues, dump him because he's not going to get over the issues of being a werewolf. If he's been like this since childhood, he's too far gone. Wolves aren't pets, and inflicted lycanthropes that haven't accepted their condition are dangerous.

So it's best find someone more understanding and isn't afraid of his own shadow.

>>35301697
As a second generation Elven Druid, I would like to thank you and tell you that ignore what others say. Keep on with the riddles, and keep up the fight for Druid Communities!

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>>35302046
Yikes, really? But he seems so nice... Maybe we can still stay friends then, at least.

>>35302065
don't listen to >>35302046
cunt obviously wants a Selkie waifu and is trying to sabotage things.

Let him know your a Selkie! Show him you trust him by letting him know where you hide your fur! Plus, your being a Selkie means you aren't a delicate flower he can actually hurt.

Encourage him to believe that his beast side won't be harmful to you. A wolf isn't going to harm it's mate. He's just scared and ashamed.

>>35299663
>who would have guessed that blood-sucking leeches generally aren't the best dads
In all fairness, they make pretty shit mothers too. In fact, they're pretty shit in general as people. Fucking manipulative, petty, narcissistic bastards, the lot of them.

>>35299720
Depending on the individual, expect a little nibble or two if you really hit it off. Nothing life-threatening, or course. It's more like flirting.

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"This is an emergency alert! The Tarrasque has been sighted in Tokyo Bay. All residents of the greater Tokyo area are advised to move immediately to their designated evacuation zones. This is not a drill!"

>>35302401
Meh, nothing a junior level wizard can't handle. Let me know when it's a prismatic dragon or something.

>>35302097
Why would I want a Selkie waifu? I don't live near water.

Also I don't waifu any being that's not on top the food chain. I also only turn into things on top the food chain. Besides I already have a waifu, she's an half-orc ranger/barbarian.

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Bit of a problem. Former special ops, looking for a new career.

The UK used my talents as a Catfolk to the best, although now life just seems well... boring. Although avoiding getting killed is nice, it's made life rather... dull.

Any suggestions? Preferribly something exiting that won't get me shot at.

>>35302401

>Implying Japan would have trouble with the Terrasque

Just another Kaiju Friday for them. Too many swordsaints there for any physical threats to be a problem.

Anyone concerned there might be a lich behind all those ebola zombies in Africa, though? Shit's blighted.

>>35302782
Don't mess with the zombies there. Place needs some clerics and paladins bad to clear that whole region.

>>35302815

I've been thinking of heading over there to help cleanse the blighted land, but I can't afford a plane, have no access to teleportation, and the Peace Corps won't recognize my certificate of knighthood as a valid 'degree.'

So, the question is: Will I fall if I stowaway on a ship bound for West Africa?

QUIT INTENTIONALLY CRITFAILING YOUR LOCKPICK CHECK ON MY APARTMENT DOOR, AARON.

>>35302986
Actually, thought of working your way there? There are captains that would love to have someone fill a position on their ship heading to those waters.

>>35303015

I hadn't thought of that, actually.

I'm in Indiana, though...kind of landlocked here, but I'm sure I can find work on my way to the ports in the East.

Thanks, anon.
Gonna go save Africa, now.

>>35303044
One note, friend. Don't go alone. You seem very, very enthusiastic to do this, but it's making me feel you don't know exactly what you're getting into.

You're not gonna be dealing with spooky scary skeletons, you're gonna be dealing with walking dead that used to be someone's loved one. Those people there are hoodwinked into thinking the witchdoctors spreading this crap are protecting them, when they're running the racket. People blame the outsiders coming in to try to help, because of a successful con-job these necromancers have pulled.

You have a up-hill battle Sisyphus would have pity on you for.

In Chicago, look for the Order of St. Cuthbert. There might be a few clerics there itching for sorting out things there. If not I know a couple boys in the Boston diocese that might be of help.

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>>35302097
... Right. Sometimes I forget that I've got tough skin. It's just been forever since I actually went and worn my skin in the water. My parents don't like my decision, but really I think that going bare while swimming is exciting! I've even got the backstroke mastered now, so I can just relax without feeling the need to eat fishheads or anything.
Besides, that also means I'm not able to catch what he's got... yeah, I think I'll tell him later today! We are just the best couple!
>>35302724
Do you suffer from any after-effects from your service, like PTSD? If you don't, you might want to look into acting.
There's this dullahan I met when I was visiting my parents back in Ireland, see, and she was also worried that her talents would be hard to transfer over into a 'real' job after doing so much for the IRA. Turns out a lot of people are willing to hire a stuntman who looks good in black-bulk and can safely get a beheading shot; you can actually see her in a lot of movies as those big, burly 'guys' who fight the star. It ain't glamorous, but she says that she hasn't had so much fun in years!

I'd say that you should ask around and see if any movie needs an acrobatic stunt-double.

>>35302724
Take up parkour perhaps? Good way to keep in shape as well as getting a little excitement in your life. Seems fitting for a catfolk too, y'know.

>>35303219
Actually no PTSD here. Thankfully the poor bastards I got sicced on sorta deserved their final fate. I should count myself fortunate, a Halfling that graduated with me out of training she... well she's got more meds in her than a pharmacy.

I got this need to save lives in my head, more than just being a show-off. If it helps I do have first responder training. That and I can do a decent 100 meter swim.

Yeah, a cat that loves water, go fig.

>>35303273

Woah, hey mate. That's racist and shames us catfolk who aren't the lithe little fluffy stickfigures you expect us to be.

>>35303282
Oh wow, you should've mentioned that before. There's actually a shortage of lifeguards where I live, might want to look into doing that for a career. If you do your job right then you'll be sitting pretty, but if push comes to shove you'll be a hero.
Anyway, I've gotta go; I called the boyfriend over so that we could discuss our future and plan ahead. Wish me luck!

>>35303297
Hey, there is some truth to that. I used parkour on my Ops, son. We're natural acrobats. Stop white knighting me, kiddo. I can stick up for myself.

>>35303347

Some of us just aren't fucking built for it.
Check your shortfur privilege.

>>35303297
Hey, he said he was special ops so I figured that meant he was in pretty good shape. Didn't mean nothing more by it.

>>35303385
Not my problem. That's not a racial issue. Either you had bad luck in the genetic lotto or you just sit around posting on imageboards being a SJW.

>>35303401

Sorry, it's just always like that on the internet.

We're expected to either be completely clueless chucklefucks wearing assorted food-things as headgear, or some lithe, supermodel nonsense.

Can't mention being catfolk anywhere and expect to be taken seriously as a scholar.

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Hey /tg/, I tried asking /fa/ but they weren't any help. How do you stop hair from igniting every morning? My job requires me to wear a hardhat to work, and they're threatening to fire me if I can't keep myself from melting through the plastic. Any tips?

>>35303561
By not being a flaming faggot.

>>35303484
What? I'm actually sorta confused about that. My family has a long lineage stretching back to before the second world war as some of the finest fair blighty has had.

Although being a scholar is what my little sister is great at. She works at CERN at the LHC now. She's got an experiment there pushing the boundaries of knowledge.

>>35303561
What country are you in, in the UK I know they have laws that force a workplace to have adaptations for their workers based on racial quirks... like your fire-hair.

My advice, find out your rights, and get a lawyer.

oh god /tg/ help. i just bit my girlfriend. i might ave turned her! we've been together for years and shes always known about the whole vampire thing but she kept urging me to "let go" for fun time. she'd heard somewhere that a vampire bite causes an orgasm and she wanted to try. she pushed all my buttons just now and it kinda came out and oh my god theres a lot of blood...shes healing and thats got me even more worried. what do i do? what do i say? shes gonna hate me i know it. shes passed out right now but shes stirring...

>>35303730
You fucked up, mate. Enjoy your ruined relationship and spending next +50 years of your unlife in the joint.

>>35303561
Vaseline. It'll feel oogey, but as long as you coat thoroughly it should supress ignition sparks as long as you aren't in an O2 rich environment.

>>35303730
Depending on your strain her healing may simply be a result of your saliva. Most vampiricism requires the exchange of blood, ie, she has to drink YOUR blood, for full effect.

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hey tg i have a weird question. so...my girlfriend and i have been together for 4 years now and we took it slow. she's very traditional minded but keeps promising and teasing that once the whole ring thing is taken care, i'll find out that shes...well yeah.

but she just revealed something to me last night that honestly caught me off guard. she'd always wore really baggy clothes that kind of hid her amazing figure. i just figured that what she liked so hey whatever right? maybe she was like a friend of mine had had one of those living tumors i thought.

well last night she tells me she has something important she needs to show me. so i go to her house (shes 23 and lives with her sister and im still in uni so thats why we dont live together) and head inside. her sister is never home and in the 4 years ive only ever seen her once.

well i knock on her door and go in and there she is. a thin white dress. and two sets of large white wings. she tells me shes an angel. well i knew that. i just didnt know she REALLY was an angel! we're getting married when i graduate so i guess she figured this was the last secret. ill skip the lovey dovey stuff that happened after but i do have a question for the angels reading this.

is the rumor that the base of an angels wings a sensitive spot true? i want to do something nice for her and she loves massages. would that work?

>>35303878
The upper ridges and joints of wings are sensitive, especially where they join the body. This is also an area of the body where muscles get a large amount of work because of all that flapping. Upper back massages can't go wrong.

Then again, backrubs are good for anyone, regardless of what they are.

>>35303820
really? mom never really talked about it much. dad apparently tasted horrible. shes up and about...we're talking about it. shes in the bathroom right now checking that she has a reflection. shes not mad but there is definately something worrying about that smile she has. ugh. i need a drink

>>35303878

I hate you, fuck you.

>>35303935
really? thanks a bunch ill keep that in mind. are all angels closet pervs? because id found her stash last night...geez shes a regular /d/enizen

>>35303937
Bro... this may have been an intentional thing.

If you hadn't said you'd been together for years, my first guess would've been that she was using you for a shot at the fangs. As it is, it sounds like she wants to get 'accidentally undead'.

Which isn't quite as bad as getting 'accidentally pregnant', but still manipulative

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>thread degrades into MAGICAL REALM in less than 40 posts
You know, MAGICAL REALM is half the reason the original Urban Fantasy threads had to be put down.

>>35304006
>degrades

It started as magical realm.

So, I swear to god I'm the only godamned human in this city. it's kind of amazing and annoying, seeing as I get all sorts of odd jobs, but also can't do the same shit everyone else can. I have a job, but it's serving tables at a gay as fae coffee shop, can't eat anything there, and I swear my ass is going to turn into a bush any day now. The only bar I can get into is one run by a mean ass old orc who has a festering hate boner for dwarves and elves, he always goes on and on about them and how they should be purged. Now that wouldn't be so bad, if I could get some human cuisine. I swear to christ every store, restaurant, market, fast food shit hole serves nothing but one kind of food, none of it human. I mean I'd be alright with picking pebbles out of my bread, if it wasn't mostly fucking pebbles. and to make matters fucking worse, I think some elven shits living in the apartment below mine are summoning demons or some shit
fuck my life

>>35304006
I thought it was the sentient butts

>>35304138
yeesh man where do you live? chicago?

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>>35304138

Oh woah is me!

Speak for yourself faggot, at least you don't have random druids coming up to you saying how you're an abomination to nature and ought to be killed, never mind finding any kind of decent work because people get squigged out because of my face tentacles.

Abominations are not abominations jerk dicks.

>>35304171
how'd you know? but seriously fuck this place. I can't even leave at night because vampire shit head gang bangers from a town or two over frequent this shithole like it was some type of attraction. Has to get silver door and window frames to keep the bastards away

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>>35304188
ugh tell me about it. everyone always glorifies the pretty races. then some lady screams at me cuz i smile. so annoying

>>35304188
Oh fuck druids, they're the reason I moved to this shithole in the first place, kept screaming at me for letting my lawn die due to the fact the mermaids and sirens "needed water more" than me. I was ok with that bullshit, until I hadn't had running water for TWO GODDAMN MONTHS. And then I walk over there quarter, and they have three motherfucking water parks
Three
motherfucking
water parks
fuck them, and all they stand for

>>35304220
whats keeping you from moving bro? have you tried calling a hunter or something?

>>35304246
>>35304188
Come on, guys. Everyone being attracted to their own kind and repulsed by others is the natural state of things. You are the natural ones, and it is the humans and all other races that like to fuck them that are the true freaks.

>>35304287
made fun of in high school, could get a girlfriend till i was in college, find out im gay when we finally go the whole way (shes actually rather supportive) and listed as a sexual deviant because some chick later had a ahte boner for my kind. yeah. great world we live in. sometimes i wish we'd decided to stay hidden in stead of coming out with everybody else...

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>>35304347
pic related

>>35304279
Yeah, but the fact is My old place was worse, all my kinsmen kept fucking eachother over because ms mermaid needed another slide for her water park of which there are three right next to eachother . and I think that's going a bit too far. I mean if i wanted i could easily just toss my humanity away with the help of a wizard or the food at my work place, But being the token human means all my friends have to take me when they do shit, other wise they look racist, sure I'm pretty much turned into a caricature of humanity , but at least I got to go to a dwarven coming of age celebration, woke up a week later in the hospital, during which time I had "donated" blood for the few local pires, haven't gone for a checkup since.

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>>35304246
>>35304188
>>35304347
>>35304374
bah. i have a good paying job. i have a cute younger guy fawning over my tentacles, and i STILL have that woman as a friend. fuck off haters!

>>35304430

Whatever skin chaser, I don't need a fucking race traitor telling me shit.

>>35304388
oh god now that sounds like a party. got to go to a ratman bar mitzvahs once upon a time (long story short, we roomed, he smelled but was rather decent even if he stole some shit from me when i brought home a cat). never got so shitfaced in my life

>>35304475
Yeah, last time I had to deal with the vampire shits, around forty fucking dwarves came out of nowhere and just dog piled the two lanky fuckers who looked straight out of a goblin death camp to the ground as they dragged my drunk ass into an alleyway. Now that was amazing, seriously, if you ever need to wander around drunk, do it in the dwarf part of town, because if you're friends with one, they'll punch a dragon in the nuts to make sure you don't get turned into a living blood bag for two skinny pale fags

>>35304542
i wish had friends like that. i live in fucking elf land usa. nothing harder than wine, all the work is fucking hippy shit, every one is condecending as fuck, and my land lord is a damn drow. ugh. i'd kill for a dwarf to move into town just to spite everyone

>>35304587
I eat steak in the lobby of my building to piss off the pointed ear baby bitches, the landlord finds it hilarious, may be because he's an ogre. But still, it's hilarious to watch a elf nearly explode in rage and try to threaten you, all the while sounding like a pissed off purse pooch, nothing better

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um hi so...i've never really posted on here before, or anywhere for that matter. My name is Bosco and i live in ukraine. my people have lived in isolation for hyears and our government has finally decided to come out so to speak.

i guess im a little nervous about this whole thing after seeing all the dangerous looking things in the world and all the beautiful races too. we're neither of those but, i hope we can get along well with people. i joined the military and i go to basic in a week. im gonna make a big name for myself. any tips from any of the more military acquainted?

oh uh, i guess pic related. its my picture on my military id. the only reason im squinting is because im still getting used to wearing contacts

how do i keep a faerie out of my house?

i recently moved out into the country for work, it's lonely but the pay is good and the cottage i'm renting is cheap. the only problem is the forest i live near has more than its fair share of weird shit going on. one of the reasons this area's sparsely populated, actually.

now i spent a good amount of my childhood out in the country (my dad was an avid woodsman and loved teaching me a few things) so i know how to protect myself from most of the supernatural dangers forests are likely to have. i have big traps with heavy triggers for dire animals, some basic runes to ward off spirits, and i'm always armed and cautious. knowing not to follow any strange noises or lights is half the battle.

the other day, though, i got back from work and noticed the warding rune outside my front door had been broken. the door was unlocked, and while searching the house a voice behind me giggled. i swung around and a faerie was floating a few inches from my face.

i was startled, and tried asking her to leave. that this was my house, and she was not welcome. she laughed again, and said something about how rules were meant to be broken. my heart was still pumping from thinking i'd been robbed, and i quickly ran out of patience. i chased her with a large net i use for catching bugs and she laughed more as she flew out into the woods.

i fixed the rune and thought that would be the end of it, but she keeps coming back. leaving household objects where i'll trip on them, unplugging appliances while i'm using them, scaring me in the shower, sneaking up on me and talking shit when i'm drinking or masturbating...suffice it to say i'm getting pretty tired of it.

what do?

>>35304775
cold iron, a drunken dwarf friend, a catholic priest, or you could just work at their favorite coffee shop. Also you lucky son of a bitch, having your own place, not having to deal with fucking neighbors complaining you're eating meat again

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>>35303561
>they're threatening to fire me

>>35304830
>you could just work at their favorite coffee shop

i don't get this one. i think i am gonna get some cold iron locks the next time i go to town, though. i've been looking for another project, this routine is getting dull.

yeah, the closest neighbour is about 5 km down the road. i tried visiting them once because i'd accidentally caught a moose in my trap and wanted to see if they were up to help me eat some of it, but they were batshit insane. they acted like they had a basement full of stolen corpses, huge necromancer vibe to their decor and behaviour. i really amped up the undead warding after that, lemme tell you.

>>35304921
Man, at least you don't have edgy little fucks summoning demons in the room below yours, fuck apartments. And I work at a gay as fae coffee shop in the forest near my city, large fucking forest, don't stick around because I'm starting to think they want to turn me into a fairy or someshit, always offering me food and crap like necklaces for bonuses

I'm a wizard moving to Seattle from San Francisco. What is the magic scene like there? Everyone in San Francisco is either an illusionist or a druid, and I'm getting sick of walking in to a restaurant to find that there is nothing but fairy food there.

>>35305073
What does fairy food even taste like?

>>35305086
it's way too sweet all the time, and the portions are really small. I just want a nice pork chop or something, not an arrangement of honeyed nuts on flowers

>>35305134
Well you could always go to a dwarven place, sure most of it tastes a bit odd, but it's still meat
most likely

>>35302724
Have you considered joining a PMC? I hear Desperado LLC has a program specifically for people in your situation.

>>35305073
It is about as good as it gets in the North America.

So, never break up with a wizard, it will ruin your life.

>>35305224
ok there is a story behind this. share? married to a sorcerer and all

how do i break it to my boyfriend that im a hydra?

Well I used to have a thing for a wizardess studying golemancy, soul trapping, and charms

After learning she put a charm on me to start the whole thing off, I got the fuck out of there, since I'm a traditional sort. turns out like most wizards, bitch be crazy and I'm hiding behind my coach as she waves around a staff outside my house cursing in like seven different tongues

>>35305273
Eat his ex

>>35305292
So shank her in the neck. It's self defense.

>>35305292
fuck meant to reply to >>35305247

ugh. know what? a lot of people dont really appreciate all the troubles that us liches go through. trying to blend in. trying to stay interested in stuff between research. do people even realize how long those projects take? i LITERALLY just finished watching LOST of all things! but i think the worst thing is using public transport.

no lich access. chairs are uncomfortable. its ridiculous.

and i lost my fucking phylactery on a bus awhile ago. thankfully this really nice demon kid saw it was mine and brought it back.

or it would be if he hadnt tried to weasel a small part of his soul into it.

whatever. got my phylactery back . now to finally see the last episode of M.A.S.H

>>35305273
Have you tried "accidentally" beheading yourself?

>>35305273
How does he not already know?

>>35305328
Nigger My knives are dancing on the ceiling

>>35305358
So strangle her. What are you, some kind of modern day peasant?

>>35305340
>undead incarnation of pure evil
>a bloo bloo things are hard bus seats are uncomfortable i can't bother taking proper care of my phylactery

STAY DEAD NEXT TIME

NECROMANCERS GTFO

>>35305313
somehow i dont think that would be a good idea...that and the bitchd likely give me indigestion

>>35305345
look, i know they grow back, but i AM still cutting off my head. did you know that the two heads that grow from the stump often have divergent personalities? its like having a sister you cant get away from. and she keeps trying to nip your man

>>35305351
he's a wonderful guy, loyal, hot, hunky, but he IS a little slow on the uptake...

>>35305379
MY FUCKING CAR IS IN THE ROOF

>>35305340
>all that bitching
>that carelessness with the phylactery

So, is this your first century as a lich or what?

>>35305401
sounds like her has heroes blood in him
fuck him and create THE ULTIMATE BEING WHO SHALL LEAD US AS A GOD KING

>>35305414
Sneak up behind her, put your hands around her throat and squeeze as hard as you can. This is basic shit. Thousands of wizards are killed this way every year.

>>35305292
i know this might be a bit late, especially since >>35305358 but have you tried simply asking her to not involve you in her experiments? after the second time i woke up with four arms id had enough and told my husband i cant handle it. we talked and he agreed to stop experimenting on me. and the children. cant get them to stop biomancing each other though. well small victories right?

>>35305435
NIGGER EVERYTHINGS FLOATING AND ON FIRE

>>35305441
Either you take this bitch out or this bitch takes you out. What's it going to be?

>>35305427
second actually...still not used to keeping the thing in a safe place. im more likely to just keep the damn thing on me. any tips? the necromancer that gave me the idea said itd be a great time but mostly i just feel dead inside and bored to death

>>35305437
One of my walls just vanished fuc'mlqnwaekbsgn

hep stck gihe in wll

Now I'm not racist or anything, but... ever since that catgirl moved in next door I've been seeing a lot of paw prints all over my car, large piles of buried shit on my lawn and a few dead birds on my door step. What do?

>>35305437
Biomancy is a great way to get kids into magic! its simple enough to teach a kid and it teaches them to heal those little scrapes and bruises they get from playing rough.
Maybe he is grooming them to be wizards too?

so my brother became a minor deity...now my parents are giving me shit every time we have a family get together. "look what dave became. why cant you be like your older brother?" its terrible. all i want to do is open a restaurant in chicago and maybe have a quiet life there

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>>35298895
Blood Sausage, Black Pudding, and raw Steaks are always good for a meal with Dhampir or other heamophagic date. they may spend the evening farting constantly though from all the meat, so be forwarned as vampire farts are quite deadly.

Counter Question:

Which is the best place to pick up an awakened pet? A shelter or some wizard on craigslist or just wait for one to cross my path on the street and take it home?

>>35305401
Are you using some form of polymorph to appear humanoid?

>>35305481
Adopt several large, vicious dogs. That'll solve your problems.

>>35305501
i guess. i dont really have a problem with it but im worried about when they hit puberty. or if it'll give them trouble in school. i just want my babies to be happy.

>>35305521
or move in with the daughter of a werewolf

>>35305520
no. just live in San Fransisco. really i hope it doesnt cause a problem with him. it is way too hard to find a nice guy here. especially with three heads

>>35305477
try apologizing and talking to her. failing that, begging works. besides, maybe she could make you a better body?

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>>35305520
>mfw I'm an ogre
>tell people I'm humanoid
>because I am
>"lel you still ugly doe"
>learn spells in high school
>by college I can cast Polymorph Humanoid on myself
>Polymorph into a humanoid just to see what happens
>I become a little girl

Wat do?

>>35305582
Everything is fine

>>35305559
Look, I don't want to be mean here, but I've seen hydras and if your boyfriend can't tell the difference between a hydra and a human then it's possible he has a learning disability or some other sensory defect. I don't know if there's much you can do for him.

>>35305613
Get into boxing, wow the crowds

>>35305622
...and now i am worried. are you sure?

>>35305639
well i broke the news to him. he was a little shocked at first. then he admitted to me that he knew for awhile (admittadly i shouldve figured. NO ONE is that slow) we had a small fight because i was really worried about this and felt a little cheated but we're ok. cuddling now. so long /tg/ TIME TO MAKE A GOD!

>>35305657
Why wouldn't I be?

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>>35298895
There's a warlock coven moving into the street two doors down.

I feel like I should probably bail before property values drop too much, but then I realised that I don't actually know all that much about this junk. They seem like fairly reasonable folk, but all the ominous robes, black candles and the bats/snakes they bought with them are kind of sketchy.

Now, I was a straight until a couple years ago when that whole thing with the Mindflayers happened in downtown Henderson and blew my perceptions straight out of the atmosphere, so I'm still kind of getting used to the 'Magic is real, your neighbours might be werewolves/dragons/vampires' thing. Took a lot of therapy, believe you me. Now I just don't want to come off as ignorant about it. How should I even deal with this?

>>35305465
>any tips?
Get your own private pocket plane, those things are perfect for storing phylacteries.

>>35305711
Try not to become the token human for your group of friends

>>35305699
your wizard ggirlfriend was waving a staff and cursing in seven languages? your wall tried to kill you? knives dancing on the ceiling?

oh my...

>>35305739
maybe see if youre capable of learning magic? a manipulation of kinetic force and a simple light calling charm are pretty easy for beginners

>>35305746
Btch stole my latpip, snd hep

>>35305787
um...yeah...ill see if my husband knows anyone...hold on. gotta get through a triple lair seal...i asked him to stop using these things

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>>35305787
youre screwed friend. but ill see if i in the area

>>35305809
hrry, shes doing magic stuff

>>35305834
he says to try saying the same spells as she is. even if you cant use magic, it should confuse the...ambient..ugh too much magic techno jargen. again, maybe try appealing to the woman in her.

>>35305834
Where are you? Sometimes it takes a wizard to kill a wizard

>>35305770
Honestly, I don't know where I'd even start with that. Like, is there a course I can take, or what? Does it cost a lot? How long term are we talking?

I mean, I can understand the appeal, but I'm just a regular guy. 9 to 5 job, a kid who lives with her mom across town, small house in the suburbs. Magic would be as good a hobby as any, I guess, but it just sounds a bit out there. How can you tell if you've got what it takes for all the wizard stuff?

>>35305862
bitch gagged me, also I think most of my house is in the air currently, and I can't speak whatever the fuck she is speaking anyways

>>35305889
Well, uh...

Try digging deep into that willpower and summoning your spirit guardian?

It's like one in a million, and even if it succeeds you have like a fifty/fifty chance of ending up comatose, but it sounds like you're pretty screwed already, so what do you have to lose?

>>35305968
the fuck is a spirit guardian

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>>35305870
It is pretty easy:
>do you've no sense of right and wrong
Y/N
>are you interested in reading boring magical theory
Y/N
>do you have lots of free time so that you can dedicate to study magic
Y/N
>do you want to end up looking like this
Y/N

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>>35305653

But I already working a boxing factory... Everyone just gives me odd looks and keeps their distance because they think I'm some 1000 year old dragon or eldritch being from beyond the stars.

Hell, I almost got killed walking home from work at the factory when a mob of angry humans tried to lynch me and any other little girls they saw out after dark after that string of mysterious fires tore through the warehouse district.

Being a little girl is suffering.

>>35305870
remarkably there are online classes. its cheaper than college because it IS still considered a fringe study (morons) treat it like a hobby and you'll be able to do small tricks and manipulations, treat it like a passion and you can change the world

>>35305968
If that doesn't work try calling on whatever gods you believe in to help. If you have been good in their eyes, the might help you.

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>>35306018
think of it like a stand.

1: dig deep into pool of willpower
2: think of classic rock band name
3: swirl it around a little
4: ?????
5: ZA WARUDO!

>>35306059
No
maybe if I turn it upside down
THERE WE GO

>>35306059
What is this, an image for ants?

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>>35306031
Dude, I took one of those online courses and it was all just a load of shitty cantrips.

Better to just learn a Technomagical language and try helping out some random Github projects on bug fixing to learn the basics.

>>35301697
You think you've got problems? Try being a ghul. No, before you ask, not a ghoul, a ghul. Yes, we get some of the same problems ghouls get (okay, quite a lot of them), but there just aren't the support networks in place, ghuli being so much rarer than ghouls. Okay, yes, getting an internet connection put in in your crypt or other place of binding and/or death and/or burial is much easier since the Intelligent Undead Antidiscrimination Act, but people still look down on you for your diet.
Although I do quite like going hyena on the odd asshole who thinks that graveyards are fine to vandalise.

>>35304775
That is not a faerie. Faeries literally cannot enter a dwelling uninvited. It causes seizures or something, or so I heard.
My guess is that you've got a hobgoblin. Your best bet is probably to move, actually.

>>35304775
12 gauge shotgun loaded with iron filings.

>>35306026
N
Y, I guess. I'm told I'm a bit of a boring person.
Y
Uh, pass?

>>35306031
So you think it'd be a good idea, then? I mean, maybe if I had something in common with that coven we'd get along better, you know? Can't hurt, in any case. I have some cash stashed away for a rainy day, so I think I'm going to use that and-

Oh gosh, that's a really long list of proficiencies. I don't even know what half these words mean. Necromancy is summoning and communing with the dead, right? I always figured it might be neat to chat with long-gone relatives, I think I'll pick that one.

>>35306031
see
>>35306107
The best bet, however, is to apprentice yourself to another magic user. Preferably one in a practical field like artificing or technomancy

>>35306203
2/4 worth a try.

>>35306203
>Necromancy is summoning and communing with the dead, right?

And so much more. It's a good speciality to get into. Lotta utility in Necromancy, and it really puts across the wizard vibe - Powerful, detached, professional. Much better than, say, those fruity Oneiromancers and their silly dream magic. You might have seen them. They wear the pink and blue hats and always look high.

>>35302401
summon the kulka and watch them duke it out

>>35303970
How /d/ are we talking here
Like /bdsmg/ /d/ or going Full Tentacle

>>35298895

Okay, here's an interesting question.

I'm studying in a Wizard college, with two years left to go on the degree. BUT - and this is a big BUT - I've found out that the top-scoring guy is a Sorcerer. He doesn't do jack shit, and is basically partying all the time while pulling in A-grades in the practical component, which is the only component that counts.

Isn't that, I don't know, cheating?

>>35307105
If he is sorceror then 3rd and 4th year theory classes are going to bite him hard in the ass. keep studying mang, he will probably drop out by then. 1st and 2nd year are all about being able to cast the spells, not knowing why they work.

>Captcha: dedgeto great
Even the captcha is channeling one of the great theoretical magicians of our time.

I live in England, just started uni and here is my problem.
So I've just begun studying for my official degree as a cleric. The first assignment is to shadow a cleric from the same sect as you (I am love, compassion and mercy) the other two that have been assigned to the same mentor I have are complete sociopaths.
We went to a graveyard on patrol, make sure that none of the resident undead have gone feral and that no necromancers are in the area doing what they shouldn't be and heal any of the local populace in need. We get to the graveyard and the other two just start laying into the first poor ghoul they see, I tried to intervene but I my mentor stopped me saying that she'll report it later.
I'm a cleric (in training) I souldn't look away at this should I? I should be doing something about this NOW right? I wanna know if I'm justified if I smite those two.

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>>35298895

>Wizard's kids setting off spells

In what country is that actually legal? I thought magic is regulated at very least by the guild if not by the state in all civilized regions. And kids should not have access to magic until they have been proven worthy of wearing their own staves and wizard hats.

>>35307406
If at any point you start to hear voices, just listen to their advice and you won't go far wrong.

>>35307054
I think, and I will admit that I'm no expert on the matter, that it's probably even weirder than "full tentacle", as you call it. It's probably stuff like wheel of eyes X shattered mirror. Totally consensual, but holy shit, does it look weird.

Of course, once you actually start to think about it, you realise that this is actually vanilla for angels.

>>35307537
In theory, yes. In reality it's extremely difficult/utterly pointless to police spell usage from anybody below the third circle of mages. There are so many first and second circle hobbyists out there, and the magic they use tends to be largely harmless, if slightly irritating.

>>35308588
There is no vanilla for angels. Unless they've already deviated and are borderline fallen, they're junkless. Like barbie/ken dolls down there.

By definition, anything they find arousing is deviant to them.

>>35307406
You'd do better probably consulting with a spiritual adviser from your sect that coming here but if bothers you to much then make sure to report it yourself and if that isn't enough use some free time to volunteer at the local RSPCU, its a good organization that's been doing some solid work trying to tackle issues such as this and offering support to intelligent and semi-intelligent undead.

I can sympathize with your position though, doing my Inquisitorial Post-Grad at St. Cuthberts right now, and behavior like this has become increasingly more common after the use of Undead Bombers began spreading in certain extremist groups, even among the faithful.

>>35308746 again

also dont listen to this wanker >>35307658
voices in your head can be anything from your deity, a divine messenger, an infernal or abyssal being sensing a weakness, a spirit, an asshole with an invisibility spell, a mindflayer, your own mental issues or any number of things

if you hear voices consult your senior clerics who can either help confirm a divine hand or get you the help you need

>>35303970
a lot of angels have weird secret fetishes, often they don't even share them with their life partners, they never really expecting to make them real, but if they ever do share them with their partners many enjoy discussing them or even 'roleplaying' them with their partner, something about airing out their taboo infront of their loved one

a lot of psychologists believes this has something to do with how angel society is so reserved all the time that they use it as a sort release valve, sort of like divine versions of the japanese if you will...the human ones i mean, not the Oni, dear fucking christ never the Oni

>>35304274
Druid here, fun fact, most water parks required to get their water from Elemental Plane of Water. However I will get on to you about having to water your lawn, why? Grass is hardy, and should survive even without water.

If you want a nice lawn, my first suggestion is tear it up and put in local grass. Local grass will be a lot better than the crap you see on most yards. Plus it'll be most suited for your environment.

It wouldn't kill you to have an urban druid come around and make sure the trees and grass are doing well. A healthy environment means a healthy you.

>>35304246
Illithids are unnatural, and should be dealt with. After all you subvert the cycle of things by using a host body for your larvae stage. While this occurs in nature, it doesn't give you an excuse to do it yourself.

However if you continue to stay out my way, I wont force to rip your tentacles off.

>>35308904
Oni get a lot of bad press, but they're basically just jocks.

Hey does anyone know a good method of removing slimes or oozes? Not the usual kitchen kind but consume all living matter kind. My house mate seems to have been breeding a couple of them in the basement inside a pit and using them as a garbage disposal. Only he never seemed to have installed any hand rails and now there is a nylon pink polo shirt and a pair of shoes swimming a in a pit of green ooze. I could report it but that would mean id need to find another housemate to pick up his side of the rent. Id rather ride this month out and then report it but on already tried to climb its way out of the pit so I need something to keep the things in check until then. Any suggestions /tg/?

>>35308941
I wasn't trying to talk smack about Oni, I just meant they are anything but reserved like the rest of Japan to energetic and loud by half. I think its one of the reasons so many emigrate.

>>35302195
>Fucking manipulative, petty, narcissistic bastards, the lot of them.
And then there are the supposedly "good" ones. We get it, you aren't a murderous sociopath. Neither are the rest of us, now stop being such an angsty cunt.

>>35308974
Fire. Slimes are weak against fire. However if you really don't want to risk burning down you place, try salt. It should dry them out. Also use a blunt object to kill it, cutting them even in dehydrated state could end up with just bunch of slimes.

>>35309020
Right? And then the Media latches onto them likes the god damned(get it) story of the century, that some fang face has made it to the 50 year mark without ripping another persons throat open and try and force feed us his unlife story with all the usual cheap emotional bait. I don't like Fox News usually but atleast it doesn't waste airspace with that tripe....ofcourse then we get the same sort of stories about werewolves but atleast most of them didn't ask to be bitten.

>>35309064
Blunt trauma
Are you sure? Hitting a puddle of acidic good doesn't seem liek all that smart of an idea.
It also sounds like a lot of effort.

I guess i can just grab a couple aerosols and a lighter and some rock salt. Maybe some bleach too see what that does to a slime.

>>35308974
Salt. Breaks it right down.

Of course, you'll need to burn all your clothes and replace curtains and carpets, because the resulting acrid smell never comes out.

>>35309152
Don't use bleach on a slime.

Trust me, it will not end well for you.

>>35309152
You use salt first and smash it. Works good, and what's left is good for eating.

>>35309094
Vamp here,
None of the rest of us eat people either. We use blood donors, thank you very much. And also, you know what's the worst thing about those guys? The kind of people they attract. Us vamps used to be able to fuck supermodels. Hell, I did a few of the Victorian equivalents about a hundred years ago. Nowadays, it's all fat goth Twilight fangirls who you don't need to bite for blood because they all cut themselves for attention.
>>35309152
Firstly, use a vacuum to suck up the bastard. Then take it to a safe place and drop a match on it.

>>35308923
>While this occurs in nature, it doesn't give you an excuse to do it yourself.
...I am genuinely astonished at the bigotry displayed here. I'm not even an illithid and I'm siding with them on this one. Certainly, they have a certain amount to answer for, what with the keeping of slave races, but they do have a certain right to families, don't they? I mean, it's not like they can reproduce any other way.

Hey!

Hey Assholes!

Whats with all the talking shit on fairies?!

You get your rocks off insulting the fair folk?

You all are just jealous how fabulous and uninhibited we are!

Listen! Ever since I came out of the forest I see this bigotry everywhere!

This is why Fairy Pride Flights exist!

This is why we flock through the main streets spreading rainbows and flowers everywhere!

>>35309262
Nobody was talking about fairies. I don't think it was mentioned once. Don't you have some children to kidnap and enslave?

>>35309262
Oh, whoops, I just accidentally dropped this large bucket of iron filings from a rooftop, just a faerie flight was passing, totally by coincidence.

Damn shame.

>>35309228
Yeah what happened to you guys, man? You Vampires used to be cool, the popular image was the tall dark badass stranger, now its the whiny angsty tool who hangs out around highschools to much.

>>35308974

Oils usually work - pretty much any non-polar compound kills them, though diesel, gasoline, and lighter fluid are all very effective, more so than saying regular cooking or olive oils but those will work in large enough quantities.

Urine can also work, but you never want to bare your honor to a living slime unless you really want it to dissolve you from the crotch outward - slimes themselves have no honor, so always wear heavy water and oil resistant clothing while near the slimes, preferably covering your whole body, with some chemistry lab grade safety goggles and something to at least cover your mouth and nostrils if not full breathing equipment. If you do end up with slime coming into contact with your skin, wash the affected area in COLD, not hot, COLD water, followed by some oils and salt. Vegetable oil is very useful for this purpose, simply because it's kinder to your skin than petrol.

Medical spirits and other kinds of fairly strong ethanols are good if you want to slow or otherwise incapacitate the slime prior to moving in for the kill.

>>35309292

Hey!

Asshat!

>>3530497
>>35305073
>>35304775
>>35304138

The shit is this then?

>>35309307
And this is what Im talking about!

Making jokes about this sort of thing is criminal!

You think Paris 1962 is something to be laughed about?!!

>>35309179
that sounds like a warning only personal experience could warrant

>>35309367
Yes, actually. I think it's hilarious.

Faeries kidnapped my parents for giggles, and returned them 3 years later with reversed genders.

Fuck faeries.

>>35309367
You are quite possibly the most foulmouthed fairy I have ever met. Barring ofcourse that australian red cap I spent a summer in lock-up with but that, I think, is to be expected.
Have you tried being polite? I tend to feel people are more receptive to any perceived grievances if thet aren't being insulted or yelled at.

>>35309422
Not all of us do shit like that, that is a disgusting stereotype to propagate!
And besides, that only started because of non-fae pushing into fae terrirtory without restriction.

>>35309440
Take a hike.

Don't try and tone police me.

>>35309367
It's this sort of attitude that makes faeries the modern "Englishman's Irishman", if you will. You act like you're the greatest thing on two legs and however many wings, and then you go and act like assjockeys. I'm not just talking about a few isolated incidents either. Almost entirely without fail, every faerie I've come across has been worse than an entire sack of dicks. If you cut that shit out, you might actually start being able to call defamation. There's a reason the powers that be don't actually tend to prosecute for anti-faerie hate crimes.

>>35309382
Using bleach on a slime is basically equivalent to gassing yourself, and it doesn't significantly harm the slime itself like oils or salt does. It just causes the slime to bubble violently and release a lot of chlorine gas.

If you ever see a tiefling who looks like he lost a fight with an acidic dishwasher and has to wear a respirator to breath, you know why.

How do you get a desperately amorous orc woman to stop lusting over you? Cause my wrestler neighbor - who fits the above description - has been acting real funny lately especially when I'm around and I'm worried I might end up dragged into something by her if she isn't stopped somehow. She knows full well I'm with someone else but she doesn't seem to care. What can I do to get her to back off without getting myself hideously mauled?

>>35309519
Yeah, because the courts are full of anti-faerie bigots!

>>35309503
>Not all of us do shit like that, that is a disgusting stereotype to propagate!

Yes, you do. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but you assholes are all so flighty and prone to rapid mood shifts that eventually you all turn. Why the hell should I give you the chance? Go back to Tír na nÓg and leave everyone else alone. You never belonged on this plane in the first place, and it is hardly fair for you to claim territory here when you literally have a paradise all to yourself which is anathemic to most mortals.

REMOVE FAERIE FROM PREMISES

>>35309542
Okay, well first of something you need to understand is that in many Orc cultures, particularly those descended from tribes originally in the southern european or middle eastern parts of the world, do not really have monogamous relationships. The specifics differ but the common thread is that any objecting rivals that can't directly fight them off then they have no right to object since they obviously cant protect their partner/mate.

However, they are pretty damn big on having to prove themselves 'worthy' so she will likely try to impress you with gifts, feats of athleticism, previous accomplishments and so on and so forth.

Dont forget that she is a sentient person though and not an animal. Talk to her, in public area but with some privacy to talk is best, and tell her your problems directly. She probablly respect that more than you trying to avoid her affections.

>>35309260
Well I apologize to you, however it still stands. Illithids are an un natural race. If you go by with the Aboleth say, they don't even remember when Illithids arrived. I know an Old Aboleth in the lake near me, real nice fellow, he has a few Scum servants. However he said that he doesn't remember when Illithids showed, and he remembers everything.

That's a scary thought, and my research tells me that Illithids are linked to The Far Realms. Which puts them at same level as Beholders and other abominations that have come through from The Far Realms.

>>35309615
Im bored of trying to reason with this bigot.

Should be careful though, im good friends with an Eladrin conjurer.

He is really good at finding things and making them 'disappear'.

>>35309692
OH MY GOD.
An Aboleth? You are trusting the words of an ABOLETH?

>>35309703
I've been to the faewyld and survived. No prison can hold me. Good luck, faerie scum.

>>35309660
I've tried talking to her about it before while treading carefully around it, it didn't do much good. Seems fully convinced she can win me over anyway and I don't know any surefire means of stopping her. I'll admit she makes a tempting "argument" but I'm not sure I can leave the person I'm with now, nor am I sure they'd be alright with a polygamous relationship. That and honestly she kind of terrifies me, substantial size only being part of that issue.

>>35309800
Healing magic is a thing, dude. The old 'broken pelvis' problem is no longer such an issue when it comes to interracial relations.

The other thing, you might have more trouble with.

>>35309800
Ah, see the whole 'treading carefully' thing is a problem I think. Because honestly to many Orc women that just spells 'playing hard to get', I made this mistake growing up in a town with a significant Orc population and could of prevented a lot of heartache by just being straightforward and saying 'no i am not interested'. Orc women wont just give up after that but they wont be able to be angry with you for leading them on and will eventually give up.

I would also talk to whoever you are with right now and talk to them about whats going on. For the love of god though do not let her confront your Orc paramour, she will likely just consider her a threat to her chances and the one causing any resistance on your part.

>>35309757
Who said anything about the faewyld.

My eladrin friend specializes in portals to and from the infernal plane.

>>35309934
Infernal plane is cake to navigate compared to that fucking nightmare you call a home plane.

Fucking hedge mazes, for over six months. Escherian hedge mazes, and in three dimensions, to boot. I have an instinctual ability to navigate my way out of any dungeon, now. Ugh.

>>35310044
>MFW still tries to apply real time to the faewyld
>Has trouble dealing with the fucking hedge mazes
>Probablly can't even shape his surroundings with his imagination and emotions
>

Did any one else see the news story about the guy that shot a crow, then found an awakened tag on it? He's trying to get out of the murder charge by saying the tag wasn't visible from a distance. Thoughts?

>>35310433
was it on his property?

>>35310466

Airborne at the time.

>>35310502
Huh
He might have a decent chance of dodging the murder charge but I cant see him avoiding a manslaughter sentence.

>>35310542
Awakened animals haven't conclusively been proven to be universally sentient on the same levels as others and there isn't any proof the tag was real, no one has come forward with proof that the crow was actually awakened.

For fucks sake.

I'm currently in the biggest amount of horseshit right now.

I live in rural kentucky, yeah, make all the jokes you want, but my barn just ran the fuck off.

Ran. The. Fuck. Off.

I was in my house, preparing some hash browns for breakfast, and all of a sudden, I hear this great rumbling noise, the air smelling like burnt metal, vaguely coppery, and then my barn, cows and all, bent, broke, and twisted into the shape of some sorta colossus, standing up, brushing itself off, and fucking off in some random direction.

I'm worried about two things:

1. That my barn is gonna do some sort of damage to a nearby city and I get the bill for it.

2. I'm going to lose a lot of money because all my cows are probably dead or mangled.

As far as I know, I haven't made deals with any fae, and it was on the property for several generations without any issues, the animals took kindly to it, I don't see why it'd do something like that right now.

>>35310576

But can you think of the riots if he's acquitted? Might want to move to the city for a few weeks.

>>35310581
See any fuckers in pointy hats wandering around? A lot of urban wizards head out into the countryside to practice big effect spells and generally screw with people. Contact your local Sheriff, they should have a specialist on staff for dealing with shit like this.

>>35310625
Yeah I can actually, I was in Florida after the last guy got aquitted and Miami looked like a Zoo. Bad move by the police and courts for letting this leak before any major findings were made, this case is gonna have mob rule all over it.

>>35310581
Actually you might be able to offer ME some help, I know its not a great time, what with the walking Barn and possibly Patte'd Livestock but how have you been dealing with Wyvern attacks against your Cows? I know law says they are endangered so we can't just shoot them but Im sick of seeing my Milk cows being carried off if im not there to chase the things off with a flaregun.

>>35310581
See, what you have here is a dormant mimic. Happens every now and again. The big ones can sleep for centuries.

Might want to write it off. You had insurance, right?

>>35310729
He should have, everyone was adding in Mimic insurance to try and scam Joe Schmoe out of extra cash since they were so rare.

>>35310634
Alright, alright. Not certain if it was a wizard, though. I got a cleric over here to preform a few sealing wards, and I got a wizard friend to test 'em out. Don't see why they'd decay, it's only been a matter of months.

>>35310722

Wyverns? Wyverns are easy to deal with. Just start putting fake cows around, they sell 'em at hunting shops. Keep your cows in the barn, leave the cardboard ones out, and they'll think your cows aren't good anymore, and that should leave you alright for a few years.

>>35310729

Fuckin' hell, that explains why no one I contacted remembered who built the damn thing.

And yeah, I do. I'm just miffed about the fact that it probably fucked up the foundation.

>>35310776
Actually no, if you get a team in quickly to set up the foundation the oils the Mimics secret will have actually made the soil around into something like practical cement, just need to add alot of water.

Hey guys... Transhuman here, elf originally. Anyone know any good ear clippers? I've been using a Glamer for a few years, but its becoming harder and harder to pull off as i'm taking the pills that wean me off elf-y magic. :(

>>35310813
Just get some wire cutters and man the fuck up

Pun intended

>>35310878
Dude! That's a bad idea. I mean, I thought of it when I really started getting the 'itches', but, I saw some guro pictures of it on /b/ and I figured that wasn't the way to go. :(

>>35310776
Cardboard Cows? That ain't a bad idea actually, we usually don't get Wyverns this far south so its kind of a new thing for us, we usually just have to worry about Bulettes and for those we sink reinforced barriers under and around the pens, bit of bought magic helps a lot too.

Tough luck with the mimic, if you go looking for fresh cattle then keep an eye out for a guys named Claudius, working out of Ohio, he's an uncertified wizard who's been trying to pawn off the cows he used in some experiment. I bought a pair of his bullocks and one keeled over and died the day it arrived, then started walking around the next morning and the other exploded into a water elemental about a month later.

>>35310813
There is a treatment centre in Boston that specializes in this sort of thing. They either trying and help you come to terms with your body or put you on a medical treatment regime(takes about a month) but I hear it leaves you in a rough state, lots of support though.

>>35310919
I think i'm gonna pass on Claudius. The mimic was the 'big magic thing' for me this decade, I don't need to see any more, thank you very much. Besides, the magic already freaked out my Pariah girlfriend, don't need any more of that.

>>35310971
Awesome! I live in Plymouth, which I thought would calm me down due to the spiritual human activity that was there, but no dice. I'll check it out !

Is that beast hunter still here? I have a griffin problem.

>>35307054
>going full tentacle
>not going full tentacle, vore, corruption, birthing, futa dick parasite

pls pleb

>>35298895
Dhampir master race here, I can garuntee that you'll be fine just cooking up some steaks. Just letting you know now though, we tend to like our meat a bit on the rare side. DO NOT give her a raw steak though, that'd be offensive as hell. Now that that's cleared up, I come to you all with a problem: I happen to live next door to a paladin, who after discovering what I am, insisted that I was evil and needed to be purged. He didn't even cast detect evil or anything, just kicked in my door one night and tried to cleave me in two. How can I sit him down long enough to get him to understand that I'm just a normal guy who occasionally drinks blood from willing donors?

>>35312379
"Call the goddamn police" would be my suggestion. I don't know of any civilized nation where murdering someone because of your religion is legal, divine superpowers or not. Get that religious nutjob put in prison, where at least he won't be publicly shaming the moderate paladin community.

>>35302815
I heard some clerics feel as though they have grown stronger after surviving infection.

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>>35304246
tell me about it

>>35313698
>brain eating abominations
>wondering why people are scared

Someone help, I only just learned that my father-in-law to-be is a lich, and he does -not- like me.
He hasn't tried to kill me, yet, but he's certainly giving me some evil looks. Am I in danger?

>>35314148
Liches are kind of bad at expressions and showing emotion due to a large part of proper communication being body language and tone of voice. It's something that a lot of Liches, Necromancers, and other various magic users are working on. The reasons being obvious, although it would be nice to now what 'gen' he is.

Or he really just doesn't like you. That is also an option.

>>35309550
No, because fairies constantly act like dicks.

>>35314148
Yes. You should find his phylactery and smash it.

>>35314760
Buy him a set of gemstones that look big enough to fit into his eyesockets and give them to him a s peace offering for 'when he eventually becomes a demi-lich'.
A lot of Liches have pretty strong egos and are very easy to flatter.

>>35312379
Do as >>35313237 suggests and you'll be gravy. They can prosecute him under the Intelligent Undead Antidiscrimination Act. Hell, YOU could sue hims for breaking and entering and emotional trauma inflicted by someone trying to murder your shit.

>>35318846
Not to mention that Paladins (real ones anyway, im assuming this guy isnt just a poser wannabe) are bound by their own code to follow the rule of law. He might argue the law with a judge or something but if you get the police involved he should be obligated to atleast stop and be reasoned with.

If that doesn't work, find out who his god is and find an opposing Blackguard on craigslist. Or a couple of them actually, since most Blackguards nowadays were teenage edgemasters in the nineties who thought being anti-paladins was 'cool', they aren't exactly the dread knights of old. They do jump at any chance to actually do their thing though and make their lives not seem like a waste so getting a few together shouldnt be to hard.

So, hey, I'm not sure how or when, but apparently I've attracted the attention of a fairy and a pixie. Either alone would be cause enough to worry, but due to some weird ass shenanigans I won't go into, they've decided to form a truce and double team me, usually with me being shrunken to the size of their thumbs while they have..."fun" with me.

Honestly, that wouldn't be so bad if they were more gentle about it, but they're not. I don't even want to go into the other stuff they do to me.

Help?

>>35322336
Tell them that you have a problem with it. If they refuse to stop, call the cops.

>>35322336
Iron filings.

Keep a bucket of them on hand at all times. When the fae come for you, let 'em burn.

Hey /tg/, just graduated highschool with high enough grades to get myself a placement in a magical college. Now i've been asked to pick a specialization and im not sure what to go with, I know I have the option to change before the start of my third year where all the meaningful specialization begins but i'd like to get some input now.

I've considered being a universalist but while I hear they can do most everything a specialist can no one wants to hire them when they can get a specialist who can do the job better. A major part of Conjuration seems to be contract law and im not sure i can deal with all that jargon and evocation seems to either lead to lab work, which I think would bore me, or into military service which im not interested in.

I'd like to pick a specialization that is interesting to learn about and to use but has a practical use in todays modern world and most importantly, will get me hired. So /tg/ suggestions?

>>35323206
Necromancy. Become an architect and you'll have an army of mindless zombies to do the work for you, no wages required.

>>35302782
Speaking as a member of the larger size category I have to say the 'Kaiju' panic is a classic example of mainstream media bias. If you look at the statistics you'll see that the vast majority of violent crime is committed by members of the so-called medium size category, yet I have not once heard politicians say we have a medium-size monster problem or that we need to spend millions of dollars building medium-size robots to defend against them.

So my parents moves us to Innsmouth, so now I have to fight against my old football team from Arkham, and all my former friends are accusing me of being a fish lover, and all my class mates are looking down on me, what do?

>>35323714
Join the cult, pay lipservice, that should get the fishy's off your back, keep in mind some of them aren't too happy to learn their parents fucked a fish monster and their going to become one, look for the kids wearing a tinfoil accessory on their heads, keeps the hive mind out of their heads

>>35323206

Neuromancy. All of the benefits of illusion / charm / diplomancy, none of the Siegfried and Roy outfits or huge budgetary drain keeping yourself MAX PRETTY. You're also set for a career, as law enforcement, mental health services, and advertising firms are never NOT hiring neuromancers.

>>35323417
Yeah but I hear that rights to corpses are really pricey these days and then theres all the contracts to keep in order to prove you aren't a grab robber. Plus theres the whole bad image that necromancers get stuck with, i know society has come a long way and certified necromancers aren't any less respectable then morticians or forensic scientists but that image still hasn't faded entirely. Also I dont think id like being around corpses to much, ghosts and spirits wouldn't be to bad but dead bodies freak me out.


>>35323976
Neuromancy? I'm not to familiar with that field as I am with the 'classic' schools of magic, but the hiring prospects sound good. Anything especially interesting to know about the field?

>>35323803
>some of them aren't too happy
bullshit, they are all evil and you know it fish fucker

>>35323652
What the hell do you think the defense budget is? We don't spend all that money on medium sized robots because most people already are medium sized and just need a gun in their hands and training to give them a decent chance at killing most medium or even large sized threats. Kaiju on the other hand are on a whole other scale and often have massive amount of natural magic that boosts them further, of course we spend extra to fight something of that sized. Like it or not the reason Kaiju get such massive media coverage is because Kaiju ARE massive and so are their individual kill counts.

>>35301697
I bet you want the Realm of the Isles to secede from the Continental Empire too

>>35324205
hey new gen has a hole bunch who decided cutting off the hive mind was the best means of teen rebellion, turns out many dislike the voices now

>>35322510

...Well, they aren't bothering me anymore. Well, they laughed off my attempts to make them stop, so I called in the police...things are fuzzy, but it somehow ended with several officers down, a dead pixie and a dead fairy.

I think I might've accidentally sparked the fuse for war here. I can only pray I'm wrong.

>>35325278
Well shit, I guess we'd better start throwing money at pixie-sized robots next.

>>35303730
First, settle your ass down. Second, take her to the goddamn hospital and call some goddamn priests. Or pastors or whatever is convenient.

>>35325504
I thought MIT already designed a robotic cold iron boot, that should be pretty useful in this sort of situation.

>>35324143
Have you looked at Abjuration or Transmutation? A lot of call for wizards of both schools by construction and security companies. Police and the agencies are always looking for qualified abjurers on all levels and private security companies as well. Transmuters get a lot of work in applied sciences as well, its lab work but its the fun kind.

>>35310576
The tag is pretty conclusive proof, unless we've got wizards running around putting tags on regular crows for shits and giggles again.

>>35325729
You've not spent much time around Amsterdam have you? The local College of Magi are constantly stirring up shit like this 'for the lulz'.

This is a very strange thread.

Central European here. Thank the Lord we've managed to keep the non-humans out. I lived State-side for a year and have never felt more blinding hatred whenever I entered a Church.

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>not being an urban professional
>not joining a tech startup
It's like I'm in the 18th century. Ew.

>>35325987
How dare you, our only goal at the School of Eldricth Arts is the well-being of humanity as a whole.

>>35326221
You must be new here.

>>35326549
Right, you drink your starschmucks, smudge you ipads screen with your greasy fingers and walk around in your trendy clothes all while working your wageslave hours.

I'll keep rocking my wizard robe and hat and bending the laws of physics to my whims anyways and know all the while, for everything you can do without magic, I can do the same and more.

>>35326637
Tell that to the thirty odd people who got molested by the Animated tulip fields over the course of last week.

>>35326549
Hipster kobolds....somehow im not suprised

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>>35326692
Magic is like, so outdated old man.
Spending like, a hundred years to learn to do the same thing a little device called a flashlight, y'know, you ever heard of it? - can do, is just... that's stupid. I'd rather live for the now. YOLO.

>>35326740
Look, that's no one fault, ok? Stuff happened, there was a graduation party and someone got a cleric to turn the an-alcoholic drinks into, well, alcohol. It could have been worse, how do you think owlbears were created? But, trying to improve the life of everyone comes with its load of risks. Carnivorous tulips are pretty low on my "magic accident collateral damage scale".

>>35326835
...you're the kind of dickwad that thinks smashing people's headstones is a fun thing to do without repercussions, aren't you? News for you, little boy. Some people like the graveyards they happen to be bound to to look nice. Me, I'm not bound to a graveyard, but I still like the one I'm currently frequenting to look decent. Expect a visit from a hyena in the next coulple of weeks.

>>35326835
The bollocks are you blathering about? The only reason it took so long to learn magic before is because no one had bothered to come up with a stadardized method or compiled information in one place, the closest we came was the Library of Alexandria and we all know how that ended. Ever since the dawn of Unified Magical Language System and the Standardized curriculum amongst colleges the average wizard finishes their degree in the same amount of time it would take most people to get their bachelors and masters degre. Hell getting a recognized full mastery takes only a year longer than getting a doctorate.

And yeah that flashlight thing? Enjoy having to plug batteries into thee shitty little thing built by halfling children in china and still not be able to light a 20 foot radius, while I have access to a perfect light source at will. You live for the no, I'll live for another couple centuries because MAGIC BEEYOTCH!

>>35326842
This is why no one takes Dutch Wizards seriously, none of you follow basic magical safety procedures. Sure you can experiment on plantlife to see if you can improve on it, but you do so behind a bunch of magical and mundane protections in a secure environment. You don't drunkenly cast spells on one of Hollands most famous tourist attractions!

Don't drink and cast!

>>35326637
Its still a very strange thread. Some of the ideas coming out might be fun to use in a proper setting though. Its giving rise a very interesting version of todays world.

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>>35326765
Don't paint kobolds all with the same brush man. Everyone seems to forget that they volunteered in large numbers during WWII and still make up a large percentage of todays military and had a large hand in shaping much of the uks approach to special operations.

>>35327098
Woah woah, someone needs a Chill Touch here? First of all, I'm not even dutch, but the school at Amsterdam is so good, lots of students come here from everywhere. WE are the new attraction of Hollands, kid. We got that tulips of yours and made'em growing larger when washed, so now if rain catches you on your way home and you don't have an umbrella with you, don't worry and look for the nearest tulip 'cause they will be so large you could use one to shelter yourself. Now watch me in the eyes and dare say this is not PROGRESS.

>>35326982
Now you're stereotyping? Wow, rude.
I don't do that old man. Street art is as far as I go for that stuff.

>>35327020
Yeah and then you die because all your muscles like, atrophied and you can't even lift your arms high enough to take off your ridiculous robe so you can take a shit so you just lay there in your fecal matter while you starve to death.
No thanks.

>>35327219
Pig.

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>>35327219
What do you mean everyone forgets about the Kobolds? No one has shut up about them for 60 years, ever since the end of that war its been on every history channel blathering on about them and how elite the Commandos and SAS were/are. How about some recognition for the polish centaurs that face the germans at the beginning of the war?

>>35327293
Firstly
>lots of students come here from everywhere
yeah they do, because you have the largest party scene, lowest entry requirements and almost no restrictions on how you conduct magical research
it attracts all the wrong people looking to be wizards, bards might get away with this sort of attitude but even the Bardic Institute of Milan conducts itself better than you

Secondly
>WE are the new attraction of Hollands, kid.
And that has nothing to do with handing out psychoactive potions to tourists? For them its a cheap high, for you its a way a means of testing your latest piece of homework.

Thirdly
>We got that tulips of yours and made'em growing larger when washed
Yeah to bad they then procede to engulf you and feel you up with unnatural tendrils if it rains to long.

Lastly
>Now watch me in the eyes and dare say this is not PROGRESS.
A move forward is not always the move in the right direction. Just learn some damn control before you starting bending the laws of nature.

>>35327387
What is it about magic that you don't get? Muscles atrophy? Silent/still spell of basic regeneration and im good to go, and thats not even a worry until you hit the third century, magic keeps you running better for longer even if you gray earlier. And thats ignoring all the other workarounds that being able to do magic offers me.

And don't diss the fucking robe, its classic and its dignified and just you watch, two decades from now all the hipster shits like you will be walking about in robes trying to pretend who thought it would be trendy to do so first. It'll be called something pretentious like Wiz-sheik or Mage-mode'.

>>35327020
Blech, I can't stand the UMLS and the standardized forms of education in all the colleges of magic these days. Whatever hapened to the good old days where you spent your teen years locked away in a library getting a rudimentary understanding of the theory of magic before being apprenticed to a certified wizard for practical training until they deemed you to have master the art? The curriculum nowadays doesn't fit to an individuals needs like the old system used to. Bah! This all started to go down hill when they passed law stopping us from apprenticing children under the age of 16.

>>35327492
I get the feeling you are one of those peoples who do not cast fireball to light a candle, mh? In fact, you do not even fireball at all. Let me tell you something: we are wizards. We do it BIG. Bigger, in fact, that non-spellcasters' brains, it seems. Just moving forward is still a better result that staying behind petting nature like a freakin' druid. One day, all those carnivorous flowers, rains of frogs and peoples undergoing spontaneous combustion with no apparent reason will be the basis a great wizard will use to elaborate a spell to destroy the moon and make rings out of her for our Earth to have. And why our planet should have rings, you ask?
Cause they are, like, totally bitchin'. Every tree can drop an apple, we will drop the freakin' moon.

>>35327821
See, this is why the Wizards League maintains so many fucking wards on the moon, because we are scared assholes like you are going to try something.

And sorry if I was taught that the greatest defining attribute of a wizard was INTELLIGENCE not megalomania.

>>35327821
And if the Moon is torn asunder, people will die due to the unique relationship it has with the Earth. When one partner of the dance of gravity and tidal forces is lost, the only result can be disaster. This illuminates the undeniable truth that just because we CAN do a thing, it does not necessarily follow that we MUST, or even SHOULD, do that thing. The wisdom necessary to direct our actions comes from understanding the complexity and beauty of the universe we live in BEFORE seeking to master it.

Failing to do so and calling it some kind of progress is the mark of a fool, mage. You could stand to learn a thing or two from us druids and our "petting".

>>35327997
>And if the Moon is torn asunder, people will die due to the unique relationship it has with the Earth.
Geez, we will clearly work on this before we get the moon to go'splodey. Besides we can say that wizards could easily survive worst events, so it would be partially your fault if you die for not being wizards.
>>35327923
Intelligence does not have anything to do with compassion and common sense, it is wisdom. Which I'm proud to say is my dump stat.

>>35327390
Well if their only major action at Krojanty hadn't ended with no real victor and the hadn't got chased of by a bunch of amored cars and Golem IIIs then I think history might remember them more. I guess the whole story about charging modern era tanks and golems like napoleonic lancers didn't help either haha.

>>35328082
How the hell did you pass the ethics review to get certification as a wizard?

>>35328105
Does no one else find it at all funny that the Nazis spent almost as much time on designing the most advanced Golems as they did with their Tanks? What with golems being an orginally of jewish design?

>>35328125
I didn't. I'm just to good at fiddling with the energies that hold the world together. C'mon guys, it seems like you never saw a wizard until know, we literally got "No sense of right and wrong" written on the front door of the Wizardry School in Rome!

>>35328220
That was carved there by one of the Popes after they attempted to assasinate him and oust him from the vatican!? It isn't supposed to be a modus operandi for all of its students, its a chastisement.

You are acting like Wizards never progresssed passed the 16th century, this is like expecting all doctors to amputate everything that has any sign of pain, throw leaches at anything discolored and proscribe trepaning for the mentally ill.

>>35328125
>ethics review
>wizard
Pick one.

>>35328330
Gods, see >>35328304
This isn't the middle ages anymore, we have laws and codes of conduct, you might not like them but you follow them unless you want to spend the rest of eternity in a soul jar or worse if its the Wizard League that catches you and not the government.

So, any "retired" blackguards, fell knights, black knights, and other such variations on here? Fell knight myself, used to be somewhat decent at ruining someone's day in various ways, but at some point I just got...tired. Just lost the zeal for it. So, I decided to hang the sword up and settle down into a nice town.

God damn it's boring as hell. Well, better than being bored of my job, I suppose.

>>35328360
And that's true but come on, we are free to experiment as much as we want. How should we unveil the mysteries of the universe if we have to pay attention to everyone who comes saying "Hurr durr you ruined my tulips"? That would truly fitting to the middle age!

>>35328422
Well for starters you don't go fucking with someone elses tulips. You buy or grow your own damn flowers and mess with THOSE in a secure environment. No ones telling you not to experiment or push the boundaries of knowledge, just to do so safely and away from innocent bystanders and public property.
Gods, you see >>35327738, this is why we have the standardized curriculum, we make sure everyone goes through an entire course for ethics and health and safety regs because to many people see to think 'fuck it' im a wizard. It probablly didn't help with exactly whose 'individual needs' were being favoured in those apprentice ships.

>>35328375
Where did you retire? There's a small community of ex blackguards here in Rio and every last friday of the month we take a bus down into one of the favelas and wreak a little havoc like in the old days. Sometimes we organize a bigger trip and head over into Bolivia or Uruguay, take along the wives and kids along and have a blast.

>>35328536
Now dont' make me start again, it was all some drunken newbie's fault, our experiments on umbrella-sized tulips were going smoothly until someone fucked it up. And call me a liar but I swear you came along that one time we made the giant dire badger with spell resistance and adamantium claws and we where all like "oh, amazing" until the fucking thing broke free. Men we tracked it down for what, four weeks? That was the better fun I had in ages thought.

who do I call when a Corpse Gatherer is in nearby Graveyeard?

>>35328627
I do remember that, Id been working on developing a way of taking the process we'd used to give it spell resistance to work on humans. Then someone managed to stack Mindless Rage, Giant Size and Bulls Strength on it and it 'broke free', I lost both legs and a lung before I got treatmnet thank the gods I have a friend whose a cleric or it would of drained my health insurance to get them back, Ive refused to work with the College in Amsterdam since.

>>35328726
Is it doing its proper job of gathering the homeless corpses for the unmarked graves or is it malfunctioning? Then again it might not be the same as here in russia, you guys do use those where you live right?

>>35328188
Right, because the Nazis were not at all hypocritical with anything right?

>>35328627
You do not inspire much confidence in the people we trust to play with the universal laws of reality.

Atleast most of you are better than the average sorcerer, why do so many of them turn out to be sociopaths?

>>35328726

ok some good news

some people teleported in and destroyed it and the zombies that come up when it died

but now their looting nearby houses and making more zombies

how do you deal with people like this

>>35328847

huh american here

we don't do that

we use golems

>>35328892
You know that sealed off room every house has? It should have detected undead activity in the area and be unlocked now. Inside should be a reinforced Spacesuit or Hazmat suit depending on how old your house is and all the tool you need to reinforce your house against standard zombie intrustion.

>>35328795
Like I said, fun times. Listen to this, would you mind to try this, we just got this mole, and man it is a BIG ASS MOLE the size of a car, they need use to give the damned thing some protection from fire and reinforced claws so it would have no problems digging until it reaches the core of the world, so I just happened to think you have always been good with abjuration, you may as well give us an hand. Deal? Come on, it will be fun!
>>35328891
Eh, don't get me started, they are all like, I don't need to study to cast meteor swarm, suck on my spells per day allotment... I think it is all the pressure that drive them mad since they are always expected to do as well as wizards. And they obviously can't.

>>35328944
Why? That seems inefficient, we started using them after graveyards started filling up. So we just had a few wizards turn the graveyard into a gatherer, fill in the area with earth and have it take over caretaking duties for the new graveyard.

>>35328952

I found a crawl space and some Everlasting Rations and a mace

I think this place was a bad deal

>>35329004

I have no idea

never really thought about it

>>35328985
You want to send a giant fucking mole to go fuck with the earths core? Let me guess, this is being done entirely without oversight isnt it?
Argh christ fine, someone has to keep an eye on you nut jobs ore this whole planet is going to be venting magma into space. Let me make a few calls, they are better with animal magic then I am.

This is just /tg/ monster girl thread

>>35328985
Not all of them are so bad, and they do tend to do better on the Olympic Dueling competitions, so they are obviously better than wizards in some respects.

>>35329058
did you read past the top few posts? because this has quickly devolved into THE FANTASTCAL GUIDE TO MUNDANE LIFE

>>35329058
Haven't seen one in the last bazillion replies. Nice bait though.
>>35329057
Not us, it is just some rich as guy who is searching for whatever the fuck he needs underground, I mean, we are checking since I could not care less if he wants to get his hands on piles of diamonds but we need to know if he is trying awaken ANOTHER eldricth abomination. Man it would be the fifth one this year, I was there casting Chain Lighting when the calamari-eagle-camel-one raised from his slumber and proceeded to wreak havoc on Chicago.
>>35329096
Yes, if the aspect is "MUH CAST FIREBALL". Retarded if you ask me.

>>35329208
Yeah, I remember that, I was pulling support duty with every Barrier and Wall I could muster to keep all the little offshoots it kept spawning contained. Yeah, I suddenly feel much better being involved with this than not, at least this way I wont be so suprised when it happens.

>>35329019

good news the crawl space has Wifi

bad new I hear zombies above me

>>35329208
But aren't they known for having better staying power and greater mastery of their known spells? I mean a well educated wizard will always beet them in versatiliy but theres a reason militaries and the department of foreign affairs snap them up so quickly right?

>>35329284
they didn't include the Hazmat suit? but the whole point is to make sure each household has enough to protect each person from zombie bites.

oh well, stay hidden, contact the police, be sure to specify that you are dealing with an INSTIGATED undead situation, if you dont they will probably assume they are wild undead and be unprepared for the casters

>>35323652
>>35324214
Mecha pilot here, my team is tasked with defending the Tokyo area and I can tell you that most kaiju that attack cities are in fact just the dumb animal variety, they're also pretty rare so were not allowed to kill them just knock them out thats why our robots don't have weapons. The problem is its always the same few kaiju who think cites make good snacks.

>>35329266
Come to think of it, it's strange but the freakin' things are most common since old pope left his seat without being so nice to die first. Now I'm not religious at all but I bet 5 pounds someone at the higher places is mildly bothered by that.
>>35329329
The kid these days. A sorcerer, my dear, is kinda like a loaded cannon, mh? Point it at the enemy, pull the trigger, and if you are smarter than the sorcerer himself, stay far from him until either he is dead or the whole area is covered in dust and ashes. But when it comes to science? Progress? Interest of the humanity? Heck, most sorcerers don't even have degree, it is frustrating to see all of that magical potential wasted on those single-minded fools.

>>35329404
Have you tried training any as guard dogs?

>>35329409
Thats probablly true for military sorcerers but then they are encouraged to develop the most lethal and destructive powers right?
But what about all the sorcerers working as diplomats? Compared to the small number of sorcerers in the populations there seems to be a disproportionate number of them working as diplomats to important countries or the UN. Hell wasn't Kissinger a sorcerer as well?

>>35329590
Like cats its next to impossible to train most breeds of kaiju, although there are some smaller breeds can be trained the tend to be to destructive or to docile, they rarely give us any problems though since there all domesticated.

>>35329383

I called the Cops

Five minutes later their were huge explosions going off above my head

if i make it out of here am moving

>>35329835
good plan, next place you move into make sure it has a proper undead ready room and not just a shitty little cubbyhole

>>35329788
is it true some Kaiju get into fists fights in the middle of Tokyo?

>>35329940

yeah

am keeping the Rations though

and I can think a good use for the mace

>>35330015
funny thing, ever since the undead outbreak in louisianna back in 1909 maces are not longer considered offensive weapons and only need an easy to get permit to carry openly

>>35330054

after am done using the mace I don't want any paper work tying it to me

>>35330161
How does one even get into that line of job anyway? Robot pilot to ward off a dangerous endangered species seems like it would be a pretty niche skill set.

>>35329940
Kaiju will usually start fighting each other well before they reach land but we have to wait till they almost reach the city before we can fight them or our robots will sink giving the kaiju the upper hand. Fights do occasionally spill over but earthquakes due to tectonic activity are more common.

>>35328604
Somewhere in Washington state, mainly for the rain.

>>35328952

This wouldn't happen to have been planned by a mayor who was once an astronaut, would it?

>>35330228
>sorry I re-did my post its here now
>>35330322

>>35330511
yeah, it took some going but after a successfully being used to protect a town in Maryland there was a push in the government to get them built in everywhere, it doesnt have 100% coverage, especially in the middle of america but the works still going forward

>>35330511
should of gone to seattle then

>>35330322
The robots use a neural interface to control the basic systems, so you need to have the correct mental aptitude although that's easy to come by, I decided to get into the job after moving Tokyo as a child and seeing a fight (It was a small kaiju so we didn't have to go to the shelters).

>>35330228
Sorry linked to the wrong post
>>35330689

>>35328604
You know the one thing I regret about being a Blackguard? Was unable to realize how much a douche, Hitler was. You know how it goes, you're 20 something, Nazis roll around. It's one those cool things to do, join us they say. The times were tough in Germany at the time, and they gave me work and companionship.

I thought I was doing the right thing, including past the point where I became a Blackguard. I wasn't made fun of for being a Half-Elf, and my Elven family didn't understand. You know I had a cousin that was around my age, full Elf, he's now just starting to get out the forest. My Elf side is really conservative, they lived in Black Forest and were what many would consider Luddite.

Well make a long story short, after the war ended, me and few other Blackguards were allowed to travel to the US. The US government was really interested in Nazi everything.

I fought in Korea and Vietnam as part my deal with US government. After 'Nam I pretty much was shaken up. I retired and married a Half-Drow, frowned upon by 1970s but I didn't care.

I have tendency to babble on about the "Good ol' days". However the things I did under Nazi flag, just haunt me. Yet I feel even at 95 I can go out and show these terrorist some real terror. Is this wrong to feel this? I'm still in my prime, I don't look day over 30. Is this normal?

>>35331122

As a blackguard, aren't you supposed to get off on stuff like raping and murdering innocents, enforcing brutal regimes, and general evil stuff? I thought that was your whole shtick. Nazi Germany would be like Wonderland for you.

>>35331122
Good to hear from another half-elf, I feel like human/elf pairs have been so rare lately.

Now I myself retired shortly after the Winter War, some of the hardest winter fighting Id ever experienced was against the Soviets, and id fought with the Prussians against the Russians in the Great War, so that should tell you something right there.

But from what I've heard from the German and American guys around here, the last years of the WWII were pretty bad and that Vietnam and Korea were worse, even us Black Guards are just people so don't think you should somehow be immune to that shit or anything. While I was still active I used that sort of thing to fuel my work instead of letting it stop me and I get the feeling you might have to much fuel to burn to just let it drop.
Have you considered re-enlisting?

>>35331314
Common misconception, we are good at doing all that and willing to do so if the situation calls for it
Rather than just doing everything a paladin wouldnt do its more we are willing to do everything they won't, we are fully prepared to become complete monsters in pursuit of our goals
Atleast thats the case for most trained and professional Black Guards, it varies more for others.

>>35331427

Right, right. I get that for being over-the-top brutal and shit, but...

I'm not really seeing a situation where, to accomplish a military goal, you have to rape somebody. Like seriously, every single scenario I think of, there's another way to go through it, even if it's not particularly nice or in accordance with law, besides rape.

So, uh...what exact situation have you ever been in where someone tells you "We need to accomplish this objective, go rape this guy", and then you go "Yeah, I'm good at doing that and willing to do it."?

For that matter, I don't even understand how militaries get to keep Blackguard units around and just go "Yeah, those guys? We have them kill, rape and torture civilians. You know, just in case we need to or some shit." without getting their countries slammed in the ass with economic sanctions, legal ramifications, or just general diplomatic clusterfucks. How does that even work?

I dunno, it just feels like, if this entire world was the imagination of some creator, you guys were shoehorned in ignoring all basic laws of psychology for the sake of edginess or being xXxHaRdCoReXxX or something. No offense.

>>35331551
Why is it always the rape people focus on?
Sure if we thought it would be useful in that situation we'd be willing to rape a guy or gal, and we did during the winter war, Soviet troops that didn't surrender immediately to a force with Blackguards in it did not want to be captured and broke far more easily because of this.

But really its the murdering, enforcement of brutal regimes, and general immoral actions that more ethical soldiers arent willing to do that occupy most of our time, the rape just gets a lot of coverage because its sensational i guess.

>>35331314
At a time you do get off on it, most Blackguards don't grow old enough to regret their choices. I did, you wake up and realize there's more to life than just running an innocent through with your sword; or shooting kneeling prisoners in front a mass grave.

>>35331368
Ah! It's good to hear from another Half-Elf as well! Oh wow The Great War? My late father, who was quarter-elf as he liked to say, served in The Great War. He died of an heart attack in '99, but he use tell me all sorts of stories about The Great War. He was my primary reason to join The Nazis, his depiction of a proud and strong Empire rang in my head for years. As for the horrors of war, it's different being a Blackguard as you know. I thought I was immune to it, but after seeing so much death and attending so many funerals it hit me after coming home after 'Nam. Seeing my fellow brothers in arm being called baby killers, and the injured spat on.

If it wasn't for my wife I would've lost it. However I met her while on my last tour in 'Nam. She's a Cleric and was most beautiful woman I laid eyes on. I'll re enlist when US finally decides to stop pussy footing around over there. My sword and armor waits for that time.