>>35249277
Well that is problematic Lord Archwizard but, it would make sense that a staff based, bladed weapon could make an effective substitute for a dagger and/or a Staff.

Who is to say that our field members aren't already strapping their daggers to the tip of their staves anyhow?

Spears? Bah. Any staff worth using is more than capable of bludgeoning an orc suited in full plate to death.

But I want to use my magic sword!

>>35249277
In my day the only weapon we allowed our guild members to use was a dagger, and by gum it suited us just fine. And then you young'ens started using staves and slings, and then crossbows? It's not right, it's just not right.

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WHERE ARE THOSE FUCKING CHUDSMOKERS WHO TOOK ALL MY FUCKING SPEARS??!!?!!!? I SWEAR TO BLALAK, IF I DON'T GET EVERY LAST SINGLE ONE OF THEM BACK BEFORE SUNDOWN YOU SHALL ALL DROWN IN THE BLOOD OF YOUR DESCENDANTS!!!!!!

>>35249277
Lord archwizard, I request an ammendment on the grounds of spears being staffs with a dagger attached to them, also that many staffs are transformed into spears due to being topped with a metal ball, hereby I request to move forward with the ammendment

Spears are perfect! I personally love them. I do not require them at all but in my younger days I was travelling with young lad whose only saving grace was his proficiency with his spear.

Now, I love using these stone digits of mine, but I always wondered if I could create an arm attachment for this golem body of mine. Perhaps a wand storage case in my forearm. Repeating crossbow resting on my shoulder.

I need to write these down and put it through to the golem department..

>>35249277
I guess we could, since spears are just staffs with daggers on the end.

Now, the real question I want to ask: Is my shillelagh considered a staff in this case? Because I refuse to get rid of it as it has been incredibly useful to me over the years.

>>35249508
Is that anything like a blood bath? because it's been a while since I've enjoyed a good blood bath.

>>35249599

Aaaand, she's here. All apprentices and mages of dull will please leave the meeting hall or you might leave here with one less appendage then when you walked in.

>>35249719
Relax. I'm not allowed to take things during meetings. not since the incident a couple decades ago.

>>35249508
*Sigh* We will get some of our most skilled scryers to search for your missing spears, Lord Barbarus, rest assured.

>>35249508
OH please, I only have a daughter and a son inlaw and I want the inlaw dead.

Not sure if I have grandkids

>>35249573
You whipper snappers don't know how good you have it, back in my day I remember the guild when you weren't even allowed to wear robes let alone wield stave's; because we had no idea how to enchant our cloths to prevent backfire.

I mean yes it was quite awkward walking into a town with nothing on, but we we were the most powerful nudist colony to ever walk the earth.

>>35249277
Well, considering what I've seen fellow magistrates doing to each other with staves, I'd imagine allowing spears could be... hazardous.

>>35249277
Archmage, perphas we should let the members use any weapon and attire they want. Let their magic speak for them

>>35249750
Talk to a necromancer, I know a good one in the south end of the kingdom of Yore. 20 cows and I will personally scry him for you.

>>35249508
It was probably that fellow running around with a large bag of spears I saw awhile ago. I'm not sure where he got off to.

>Captcha: Wagrams arranged
That bastard Wagrams is behind this all along.

>>35249277
It is long, it is made of a good focusing material, I see no trouble with this.

As an addendum, I think Magic Missile is changed when I use it. Instead of a violet orb, the spear makes this blue bolt in the vague shape of a spearhead.

>>35249767

Enchanter Bore, We were in the same graduating class. In fact, I'm pretty sure you walking around naked was due to the upperclassmen playing a trick on you so you imagined everyone without clothes. The night we graduated we removed the curse in your sleep and informed you that the rules had changed.

It was funny for everyone involved.

>>35249799
The inlaw is a member of the guild and you know all the bullshit rules we have about offing each other. Haven't even seen the two in ages anyways
*lights pipe*

I say we just start using shotguns.
We enchant the pellets with nasty shit and watch shit go down when they hit something!

Huurgh... I hate this goddam place

Why did the Commander thought it'd be a good idea to have me enlist in the Mage guild is beyond me. I guess that's what happens when you take part of too many raids on rogue wizards and taking hits of magic missile too many times over 4 years, you get permeated with magic and suddenly I'm a sorcerer

Well, at least I can use that neat Mage Armor you Mage use, really useful in a brawl, that and searing touch and shocking grasp spell.

It's pretty satisfying to punch a perp in the jaw with a fistful of thunder or fire

>>35249836
Well I'm glad they haven't been around, means I don't have to go to those AA meetings with that idiot anymore. Though it was funny to go to them absolutely wasted.

>>35249355
indeed for what is a spear but a dagger attached to a staff

Projectiles? That's fool's business, especially when one can simply open a portal between dimensions and have access to as many projectiles as they want, at at a much greater velocity. Like that time I accidentally opened a portal to the world of Jet Li is The Hero, and I sucked in all those arrows.

Killed that manticore good, but did i ever get in trouble for letting Jet Li live.

>>35249932
Or, maybe I just cast the illusion of a portal and shot all those arrows through it at the manticore, and Jet Li is dead.

Who cares? It was magic!

>>35249914
I can imagine it was funny.

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>>35249746
YES, SEE THAT YOU DO.
>>35249808
WAGRAMS?!?!?! TO THINK I EVER TRUSTED THAT WORM.....DREVUS KILLINGTON! SET THE GRUK-HOUNDS ON THE SCENT TRAIL OF THIS TRAITOR!!!

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>>35249277
>I just don't understand any generation more than fifteen removed from my own.
Perhaps we could be of assistance, Archwizard?

>>35249903

Now, now. Let's not be hasty on the dislike of the mage's guild. I will say that starting out, we're a pretty boring much. My old professor for, "Magic, You and World 101" was a somnomancer and put people to sleep just due to his specialization.

Now, over at the transmogrification department we work on changing everything around us to fit our needs and wants. Its quite fun, and useful. Whatever Lupa tells you, do not take her courses.

>>35249828
That would explain I've received over the years, and the female staff giggling that was weird. Oh well that was possibly a thousand years ago, or yesterday I can't remember honestly.

>>35249836
Ok so we can't off him, but we can give him the most annoying sword in the universe, I'll have it sing yokel songs about his mother doing donkey tricks. Wouldn't be too hard to enchant, make it a cursed item that will only go away if they break up and BAM problem solved.

Give it to them an anniversary gift.

>>35250024
I rather not have my daughter pissed at me.

>>35249903
Well, if it makes you feel any better, we hate you too. We just LOVE having solider's police us when we are trying to do our experiments.

>>35250024
Oh, I still laugh remember how stupid you looked. It was hilarious and I can't believe you fell for it.

>>35249960
AA meetings are for chumps who don't know how to drink.

Such a pain to have to drag the drunken arseholes back to a cell overnight so he won't be muckin' about the rest of the night. It's real kinds of grinding when you get stuck there on jailer duty.

>>35249277

Spears!? Apprentices these days have no idea of the dangers they are getting themselves into! There is good reason why we laid out the appropriate wizardly items like that, first thing its spears, but what next? Armour? Thinking they should try melee combat without the correct protective spells? It's absurd!

It's only a matter of time before someone gets an eye poked out by a non approved method I tell you. They should stick with a fair and honest scheme of turning their foes into toads then hitting them with disintegrate rays.

>>35250024
BY SOME STRANGE COINCIDENCE, I HAVE A CURSED HARP ROUGHLY MATCHING THAT DESCRIPTION. PERHAPS WE CAN CONDUCT SOME VARIETY OF COMMERCE.

Gentlemen, I believe that we have greater problems than our novice students wielding daggerstaffs. No, our attention should be focused on the disbandment of the Ordinare Alliance.

If you will open up the Minor Guild Appendix, you will notice that one of the most popular subguilds is the Ordinare Alliance.

Please turn to page 35, where it is fully described.
The entire subguild was created to BANISH ALL MAGIC FROM THE REALM. It is absurd to think that we would even allow such thought as a mage guild.

Their little group believes that all magic is chaotic and is slowly destroying the world. Over the past few weeks, they have attained an eighth of the novice students and a tiny percent of our adepts. It is only matter of time before things get out of hand and the Mage Guild might tear itself apart from the inside.

Who even allowed this shit to pass? Seriously.

>>35249769
i think i can devise a spell to make that safe

May we amend the charter to include brass knuckles?

>>35250022
Whatever, ol' man, I'm just here because I'm required to assist at least one meeting a month just because I became able to use magic.

Honestly, the only reason I'm even bothering to learn spells is really so I can pick up how to counter spells of other mages...

>>35250089
good lord surely this is a joke you have placed an illusion on these books

>>35250139
you know i think i read somewhere of a way to remove the curse of sorcery

>>35250072
I agree, AA is for quitters. They should just get stronger livers so they can drink more, like what I do every year or so.

>>35250089
If I remember correctly, we let them form it so that we could keep a close on them and purposefully sabotage their work.

>>35250139
>>35250022
Don't listen to rock-head here, my classes are the best and most useful ones here.

Attention everyone! As a side effect of an experiment that I am performing entering it's final phase you may experience some gender reversal in the next few minutes, it will probably be temporary, if it isn't, I apologize in advance.

>>35250089
Lies and slander! We just think that maybe, just maybe, throwing magical energy at the envoirnment to see what happens and turning everything into a magical wasteland should be made illegal. Because seriously, the world is running out of space!

>>35250074
Maybe teaching them about basics of swordsmanship could help. No need for them to be the best duelists out there, just able to parry, block and dodge strikes and a few counter-attacks. You know, just self defense. Not only that, but gives you folks a sport to practice. Fencing and sparring keeps your wits sharp, I can attest to that

>>35250089

Ordinare Alliance.. Ordinare.. Oh, them? They're still around? We signed up their charter when we half our administrative staff was sick with the Takzian flu. Rough stuff, that one. Made your skin break out into polka dots. And vomit toads and small lizards. A prank gone terribly wrong.

Honestly, we were so swamped in paper work that we just saw the word, "MAGIC" and stamped it. Not our proudest moment. But I'm curious to see how long it will take them.

>>35249978
Yes, sire! [Turns to his men] You lot, get the damned hound-wranglers, our lordship is out for that whore's son Wagrams' blood, and we will not deny him!

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>>35250183
FUCK YOU PENCIL NECKED SPELL SLINGERS, I'M GETTING THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! I'LL BE BACK FOR MY SPEARS AT SUNDOWN.

>>35250183
Pffft.
*continues smoking*

>>35250183
... For your sake, you better hope that it's temporary, or else you're going to help me remake my body.

>>35250199
Please, we'll never run out of space. If we really need to, we'll just create a demi-plane for more space. What are you, some kind of stinking druid?

Okay, which one of you assholes raided my lab last night? For the last time, tesseractal whiskey is for interplanar research and bartering only. Human, elves, gnomes and various other species don't exist in a high enough dimension to take it internally without Dire Consequences.

>>35250275
Wasn't me. I might love to get drunk and high, but I have my own sources which I'm quite happy with.

>>35250270
> you're going to help me remake my body...
That sounds like a Wednesday night, you know where to find me. <3

>>35250311
And who the hell are you, and how did you get in here?

Why not simplify it to all weapons deemed simple?

>>35250270
Yes, and now the demiplanes are so crammed together that they are starting to destabilize. Are you trying to cause a cascade failure?!?

>>35250270

did somebody mention making a demiplane hell if we need space i think we may be able to conjure up a whole outer plane of empty space if we combine our efforts

>>35250311
HAIRY BALLS OF THE GODS, WHY ARE ALL MY NEIGHBOURS SUCH FREAKS!?!?
>>35250231
COME, DREVUS! WE MUST SEE IF THE WORM HAS CRAWLED INTO HOLES ELSEWHERE....

>>35250199
I second that. I seen what an evil Druid can do to a forest. You folks obviously know Tergau Swamp, right? Cursed place it is. It wasn't a swamp until that Druid decided to make the place into a place for hags, witches and necromancer a to come to party. I was in the raid on that Druid, took us ten hours and 57 men to get him out of there. Patch of the forest was a total loss, nothing could be done.

>>35250382
Lead on, my lord. That wretch will not escape us so easily

BEHOLD! I THE CHRONOMANCER! HAVE ARRIVED TO THE PARTY!

>>35250369
If you need more storage space just fill out a portable hole requisition form, they're right next to the apprentice insurance forms.

>>35250418
The age of bronze called, they want their shitty joke back

>>35250216

Now we already have this laid out that extra curriculars are to be taken only by specialised members or elven colleagues. The last thing we want it for someone to mistake a guild member for some kind of warrior! Codes and conducts, it is important that the Mage remain obvious and easy to pick out at all times, for need that people can easily get out of our way when queueing up at the bar.

>>35249277
No, we magic type are of a non combat type!
If we are to fight with our hands and tools, it should only be as a last resort after all other spells are used up.
Otherwise we might as will be rangers, tricksters, or those so called "War"locks that wear chain mail and axes.

>>35250418

Don't you have clocks to rewind? Also, how can a damned Chronomancer be late?

>>35250384
That shit is why I drop meteors on druids.

*exhales*

>>35250382
Aww, you know you love us, Lord Sourpuss. Just think how dull your life would be without us!

>>35250348
My love, I am your most pleasant dream. (Literally, I've some skill manipulating the more raw side of dreams) and I'm a noble.

>>35250363
well then we shall stop putting them all in the basement we will spread them around a little

>>35250468
Shouldn't you be off lynching shifters somewhere?

>>35250363
Oh, like you would understand how demiplanes work. You hardly even though how magic works, which is why you have never succeeded in your goals.

>>35250507
Since when did we allow nobles into the guild? I thought that was against the charter?


Ah, good, I'm back to normal. Now I won't have to go bar hunting tonight for new parts.

>>35250474
I ARRIVE WHEN I MEAN TO! DON'T YOU QUESTION ME! THE CHRONOMANCER!

Now Faiay, my good apprentice, wou- Faiay? Where are you? I didn't lose you again did I?

>>35250363
We might want to listen to this guy. We don't want another repeat of the Grey Plateau Incident.

>>35250539
Wait, what if we become nobles after we get into the guild?

>>35250547

I can question you all I want little Artie. I taught you your basics so long ago. You had such troubles with basic conjurations. Its a miracle you even got into the Chronomancy program.

>>35250539
Nobles are allowed, so long as they formally renounce their nobility before they are apprenticed.

>>35250539
Hey, if you ever need new parts....
And nobles are allowed into the guild, aren't we?

>>35250538
Dirty shifters can wait if it means stopping those youngins from putting blades on their staffs.
Unnatural!
Barbaric.
Degenerative!

>>35250515
oh i just had an excellent idea we shall have a single portal in the guild that leads to a demiplane then we attach all our other demiplanes to that plane now we can easily have new planes be accessed by this hub plane but it will take me a while to move all the other planes in

>>35250585
I don't remember you my friend? Were you one of my students a few thousand years from now or before?

>>35250573

That was the best week and half we've experienced in centuries! All those demiplanar beasts made such wonderful trophies.

I should still have a mounted head somewhere in storage..

>>35250547
He's been in my lab for the last week in a crystal formed from solidified time. He wasn't in the way so I just threw a blanket over him and went back to work.

>>35250466
Or you could make these swords into spell focus. Like I had to do.
>unsheathes sword and places it on the table
I had to take extra funds to buy a mastercrafted sword and had to have it engraved with arcane sigils so I could focus my magic properly. Besides, you don't need to wield long swords. I simple Gladius or a Rapier will be all sorts of useful. Besides, I heard a few of you liked to have snazzy items, a sword is pretty much a show of status among nobles.

>>35250602
You said the same thing about crossbows and in-door plumbing.

>>35250468
I beg your pardon?

>>35250579
If I remember correctly, they have to either quit the guild, or renounce their nobility. Unless that part of the charter has been changed in the past few centuries...

>>35250590
No thanks, I prefer to get my parts the old fashioned way. It's a lot more fulfilling and it guarantees quality.

>>35250539
Ah yes. Because a woman who spends all her time in the magical equivalent of cosmetic surgery knows all about planar interactions.

>>35250618

Arktus you can drop the act. I know your time-travelling hasn't warped you that much. I've been here for about as long as anybody. Teaching for just as long.

This is why I suggest people switch their conscious mind into golemic bodies. Much less mental degradation.

>>35250652
My Dear, spend a night with this peasant,
I can guarantee it will be most pleasant

>>35250646
And I stand by it.
>>35250651
You heard me you dirty hippy.

>>35250622
Is that what that was? Ah crap...I may have chiselled off a few fingers for brewing some stuff.

I think that spears should be banned.

Yes, I understand the functionality of it as both a physical weapon and a magical conduit, but I know for a fact that it will prove disastrous for us.

In my class, I was teaching a basic spell to apprentices who had never experienced magic before (the Mages with Sages program is fantastic). Sleep.

A simple spell that makes an individual or organism fall into a rest state. Most every wizard has at least copied this spell once into their spellbook. But, a new student had arrived.

This one was a boy, about 7, who had never tried magic before. As such, he was moved by the "amazing" and "uncanny" adept members of our guild and had brought his own...
Spear.

I didn't think it could have any negative repurcussions (which was a mistake on my part) and let the young boy into my class.

They scribbled down the spell into the spellbook, along with the proper incantation, and began practicing.

The boy, partnered with a girl, was using his spear to cast Sleep.

It all fell apart so fast.

What you don't understand is that in the hands of apprentices, especially those completeley new to magic, the tip of the spear acts as the biggest conduit of magic and the best conductor for their blossoming power.

The sleep spell, usually harmless, was shot through the spear like a magic missile and shot that girl right in her face.

She was blown the fuck out. Immediately, she just collapsed. Eyes still open, arms and legs and mouth still moving, she just fell onto the floor. Then slowly, she fell asleep.

An older assistant adept in the class moved up to restrain the child, and the boy, scared, turned around with such ferocity that the blade cut the adept's eye.

Needless to say, the adept shot fire from his hands in his pain and burned down the shed.

The girl and the adept are fine. Nothing our clerics cant handle, but the next time you wonder why the newly built workhouse is smoldered, thank the spears.

>>35250573
You kidding me? That incident gave me so many new test subjects, I was busy for at least a decade.

>>35250673
I know more than you do, that's for sure. Also, it's not just cosmetic, it's also very practical, replacing organs as they age, bones as they break, getting stronger, more compact muscles, and stuff like that.

>>35250707
Sorry, but I have a policy of not sleeping with fellow guild members. I learned my lesson with Jakeness, that bastard son of a whore.

>>35250708
I could arrest you for insulting a colonel of the city guard, watch your tongue or I'll have you chained and lapidaries on the public place

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Finally actually made it to one of these damn meetings for a change. So what's the stance on using spell books? Several my students preferred to use them instead of any of those.

>>35250612
does anybody have any sugestions for the layout of this hub plane i quite like the idea of a simple room with portals everywhere

>>35250652
Huh, I guess I should check on whether or not I still have it then.
Is it custom in the southern for your title to be stripped if you wreck a wedding?

>>35250789
Oh, that'll work out well when a colossal plain monster that is bound to small comes running to my aid.

>>35250680
I'm far older than I appear young apprentice. I've traveled the multiverse in all directions for thousands of years.

>>35250739
I remember reading that report. Seconding the motion.

>>35250773
Muscles you say? I love a girl who's stronger than I am. Imagine all the fun things you could do to me

>>35250789
Oh, I didn't realize you were he- I mean, I never have seen you in my life.
>>35250793
What's the guild's policy on using illegally obtained weapons?

>>35250789
dont be foolish we can stop anything that comes after us

>>35250793
what you mean like whacking people over the head with a book i dont know that sounds like an easy way to damage your spellbook

>>35250876
Okay, who let the bard in here?

>>35250773
Aging organs? Are you saying you cannot even use the simplest reverse aging spell?
Healing broken bones? Making people stronger? What are you, a cleric?
I'm sure that you were busy for at least a decade. Meanwhile, the people who actually know stuff were cleaning up the fallout of that thing for 50 goddamn years. Next time, I'll just let it blow up in your faces. I'm sure fleshcrafting will do you very well when you accidently get thrown into the Far plane.

>>35250773
You know, some of us still remember (and by remember I mean have nightmares about) your early experiments with animal part grafting and the "SURPRISE! CAN YOU TAKE THE KNOT?!" incident.

>>35250773
Baby, don't act like my natural 18 charisma didn't Rock your world.

>>35250890
The spell books are theirs, several of them come from lines of magic users and as such they inherited their predecessor's spellbook

>>35250856

I hate mages that act older then they are. Its so annoying.

>>35250913

They always sneak in. Every time.

>>35250845
Right, because anyone here would even let you do that. I might not be that much of a spell caster, but you trust me I have had enough encounters with magic users to know that investing in magic dampening armors and rings really helps out.

Now sit down and calm your shit before I smack your head into the wall from across the room, that's an order.

>>35250963
>I hate mages that act older then they are. Its so annoying.
As oppose to mages who act like they're children with the most expensive toy on the block?

>>35250795
oh i just had a wonderful idea prehapes set it up so there is but one portal but it can lead to different planes although far more ideal would be to have a portal for each plane but have it set up so theres a main area you can call the portal you want to

>>35250876
Bard? Baby, I'm one hundred percent wizard

>>35250793
We all got spell books Missy, how else you gunna keep your spells handy when you ain't memorizing for battle?

If you mean, like fight fight with them, we aren't against it, that would just damage yah book somethin fierce rather quick.

(Besides using a spear with her is actually funny because Dudungo tree spam.)

>>35250970
>magic dampening armors and rings really helps out.
Not when my eidolon smacks you upside yah armored face.

>>35250934
Nice try, newbie, but you aren't Jakeness. He's still in the Northern Wastes, last I checked. Besides, he was a pyromancer.

>>35250925
Reverse aging spells have there side effects, making the organs weaker when used on them. My method has minimal unintended side effects, and has always given me good results.
And no, I'm not a cleric. my way of mending broken bones and making people stronger is a LOT more hands on, and usually produces better long term results,

>>35250988

We've all been through our "Wise Old Sage" phase. Its only a matter of time until said wizard refreshes himself one way or another and goes through the whole thing over again.

>>35251009
Well, you certainly acting like a bard. Why don't you go hit on Noel over there? I'm sure she hasn't gotten any in ages.

Now, we all know that spellblade classes are an extra paid for class and they should stay that way, netting us a nice sum of additional income for mages so bold and so foolish as to want to faff around with a piece of metal longer than your forearm. Stick with contingency spells, that's what I say. Just turn everything into everything else, stop fights cold, or hot sometimes.

As for this portal idea, I think the best idea is to construct a slide then we can have all the portals on top of each other at the bottom allowing us for multiple simultanious dimensional travel. Perhaps a lubricating agent could be added to the slide to make the descent easier.

>>35250890
I can tell you what's the kingdom's policy on illegal property: contraband.

I'll take that statement as a confession. You're coming with me, perp. We'll see what kind of song you'll be singing when the Inquisitor will interrogate you

>casts greater Mage Hand and slams the perp to the wall, face to it
>picks up a pair of magic dampening manacles

I'll come back once I got this perp in custody

Good news! The king has conceived a son! After he ate my souffle! Which means that if all has gone according to plan, his trueborn son shouldn't resemble him at all, and very noticeably resemble the current arch druid!

>>35251084
...Can someone remind me why we let him join? I can't do anything fun with him around.

>>35250894
>what you mean like whacking people over the head with a book i dont know that sounds like an easy way to damage your spellbook
Well, more like going full spellcaster and forgoing all weapons except spells, but that student's spellbook is quite something too.

>>35251084
It looks like we got a Nark on our boys, meetings over, guilds ruined, told you letting in People that wear armor was a bad idea!

>>35251070
that could work

>>35251043
Define hands on.
Last I checked, you literally put your hands on the bone, yank it out, then summon a sucubus to drain the poor fella. Of course, then you call a cleric.

>>35251107

You just answered your own question.

>>35251013
>Casts silence spell before leaving with the perp
Shut your dirty cow pie hole before I have to drag you to the torturers. They'll sow your mouth shut, that's teach you manners

>leaves with the criminal

>>35251068
A-ha hahaha, very funny, he tries anything there'll be blast marks everywhere. >>35251133 also forgot my name card there.

>>35251107
I think it was part of some apology/oversight deal from the last time some jackass pulled a mass transmogrification prank on the Warriors Guild.

>>35251173
oh my god i cant belive that worked he did not leave with him he left with an illusion

>>35251084
Sir, the statute does not make inquiring about illegal arms against the law.
and I'm not a wizard.

>>35251173
>passes spell save
Yup, definitely proving my point assaulting members with magic during a meeting.

Wait, what the hell is a Eldritch Knight?

>>35251138
Hey, I never wanted magic. This is what happens when I have to go take down wizards that decide to be complete dickweeds and you take too many magical hits on you.

I ended up turning into a sorcerer against my own desires, so might as well be useful to the guard with these skills. Also, I was mandatorily placed in the guild. As I said, have to come to these meetings least once a month if I want to keep my job, so I'll only come when required to.

Otherwise I won't be here unless I have an emergency

>>35249277
>Wizards
>no mystcism
>no symbolism
>no wisdom.
>just magic as a mean of control and power.

Its like /tg hate wizards, mythologies and fantasy in general.

>>35251274
A rich knight of the line of Eld? Which makes him a noble, meaning he must renounce his knighthood to retain guild membership.

>>35251222
besides the guild is under no country’s jurisdiction we make our own laws

>>35251043
What crappy reverse aging spells do you use?

>>35251274
It's like a spellsword
but worse.

>>35251106
Awesome! That'll show those hippie druids to mess with us. This is going to be the best prank ever.

>>35251150
What? I don't do that. Anymore. I either replace the bone with a new one, or meld the broken parts back together with my hand.

>>35251152
Oh ha ha ha. Doesn't mean I will stop having fun, just means that less people will know about my fun, which is fine by me.

>>35251188
That's fine, just don't mess up my robe, I spent a long time getting one that looks this good on me.

>>35251289
Knights are nobility, have to renounce your title to retain membership.

>>35251289
we would be happy to just tell the guard that you came that way we are all happy

>>35250894
It's like you don't use spellbooks that are bound in chains and make for viable flails

>>35251289
You are a damned Eldritch Knight, you gave yourself to those dark old ones that whisper from the dark verses, don't get preachy on us.
You might as well just be a dark paladin, go bother them!

>>35251314
I find that hard to believe. Are they also massive perverts whose only spell seems to be fabric disintegration?
Or is that just all the ones I meet?

>>35251333
my spellbook is a whole demiplane i cant bind a demiplane in chains

>>35251366
Demichains?

>>35251289
Oh incidentally, due to a shipping error I may have sent the wrong ale barrels to the city guard for the Autumn Festival celebration, so you might want to get on that problem. Nothing major, but anyone who decides to dip in to them early will have turned bright blue.

>>35249277

OOK! OOK OOK OOK!
OOK!

>>35251366
How quaint.

>>35251310
All reverse aging spells do it, it's just some take a longer time to have any noticeable effects. I know this through several studies on these spells and have deemed them all ineffective for my purposes. Besides, when I replace my things, I'm usually doing it to get an upgrade as well, like how I got my liver from an orc to let me drink more.

>>35251317
Just don't try to seduce me and you'll be fine.

>>35251317

I still think your fun is absolutely horrific, Lupa. Each time we have these meetings it just gets worse and worse.

>>35251360
Hey, Fabric disintegration isn't my only spell
I don't even have that spell!

>>35251385
the plane is mostly astral it wont work although considering the planes nature i may be able to add something to it that makes it shoot out blank spellbooks at high speed

>>35251419
so what does the orc use for a liver now

>>35251440
I can think of a few applications where sultry magazines would be more useful. Imagine having your enemies found by the press passed out in a pile of porn.

>>35251438
Shut up Talos.

>>35251457
It doesn't.

>>35251306
>>35251328
>comes back with a frown and a face crimson as a red dragon
Ok, I should have known better... This is why I hate wizards...
Also, no, not technically a knight, it's just a military side rank within the Kingdom's army. I'm not part of nobility. As I said, I'm a colonel and nowhere near wealthy or important enough to be part of the nobility. As if I want to take part of the whole socio-political game of roshambo going on

>>35249277
I think it's perfectly fine as it is. Spears look kinda lame, if you ask me.

>>35251420
That was one time and I was drunk.

>>35251431
Oh, next thing you'll tell me is that we should follow some sort of "ethical guidelines" for our experiments. I don't even know why we made you a high professor.

>>35251457
My old one. I don't know how that's going for him, since I let him go afterwards.

Hello, Mage's Guild members.

I just have a quick question to ask.

If a cleric were to gain enough favor for their god to appear to them, could they make their deity a phylactery?

Asking for a friend.

I am of the opinion that time spent learning to use weapons is time spent not studying the focus material of the guild.

That being said, I would like to report that Lab 7 has not caught fire all week. Unfortunately, this the result of someone shifting that Alchemical Lab into another plane. I would like to ask whomever is responsible to please return it, before the inevitable catastrophic fires bring unwanted visitors from wherever the Lab is to our doorstep.

>>35251470
You're just salty because I disciplined your students when you were too lazy to.

>>35251490
Try playing the sociopathical game instead, you'll have more fun

>>35251438
yeah you have a thing for heavily armoured men in full plate you have a spell that disintegrates small portions of metal cloth leather and whatever the hell else goes into full plate

>>35251511
A sentient object as a phylactery is a terrible idea.

>>35251501
>That was one time and I was drunk.
And I don't care, you get grabby when I don't want any you're going to get the Balrog's Whip spell right to the ass. Which is exactly what happened.

>>35251348
*sigh* for the love of Pelor, it's a simple military side-rank. It's used for martial combatants that are capable of using arcane magic at the same time.
A sword in one hand and a fireball in the other? No? What kind if wizards are you to not know this?

>>35251523
Wait, Lab 7 is plane-shifted!? Damn it, that's where I was keeping Mister Snuggles!

>>35251511
Boy, what kind of cockamamie shit you getting into?
You know what happened last time someone did some weird shit like that?
It wasn't pretty.

>>35251566
The best kind. I made a souffle that makes people think their kids are bastards.

>>35251458
i already have a plane of pornography well i have access to one anyway i did not make it it costs about 5 gp a month to access

>>35251535
I am NOT lazy, I run a tight ship with my class.

>>35251569
That's where you were keeping WHAT?

>>35251587
Oh hey, you still need those six bottles of...y'know for that thing you were talking about doing next month?

>>35251546
I honestly prefer shred cloth or fabric to flowers, the second one for how it looks.

>Waves arms frantically
OOK!!

>>35251620
I have no idea what you're talking about.
yes

>>35251566
You keep saying that I'm a keep ready for the day you sprout tentacles and start speaking Flayers Cant.

>>35251558
How is this a bad idea?

I'm pretty sure a deity can't be killed, so my friend should be immortal forever, right?

>>35251574
Please explain, my friend wants to hear about the disaster.

>>35251615
The hell? You can get it for free, you know that right? Unless you're looking for the really weird stuff, in which case all the better for what I had in mind

>>35251566
Hey, don't disrespect Conspierre, he's a highly esteemed wizard here with tenure.

>>35251618
Mister Snuggles, my dire Hell bear. I made him my combining a Dire Bear with a Hell hound, so now it's a Dire Bear that has flames coming out of its body.

>>35251628
Okay, who forgot to feed the Librarian?

>>35251622
oh man remember when we had that blasted puritan visit the guild who bitched whenever we discussed sexual matters

>>35251501

We've all done things considered "un-ethical" by the non-magical masses. But even a wizards draws the line somewhere. Hopefully.

And they made me a High Professor because my students didn't leave my classes with less pieces then when they walked in.

>>35251663
The deity has its own will, and will seek to undo you constantly.

>>35251587
Oh damn, I remember that damn event. That was you idiots? Ok, that's it. I'm out of here, I heard just about enough of what I can stomach for today with the magical horse shit.

I'm going to go spar at the local arena, I need to put my mind out of that magic non-sense...

>>35251669
its not weird just high quality and you get it before all the people who dont pay for there porn

>>35251679
Your apprentices come out whole? Man mine only come out whole because I was cursed.

Oh if anyone was wondering where I've been. I got kidnapped again, not by the Mad King of the Wyvern Riders again, just some Cult of a dark god or something, after that I tutored a 8 year old Princess in how to use magic, before coming back

>>35251703
You mean last weeks wedding? I try to put on a good show.
>>35251708
Well shoot the weird stuff at your enemies, don't do them any favors

>>35251677

>Shakes head frantically and gestures wildly at the door.

OOK! OOK OOK OOK!!

>>35251663
Now a summoner binds his or her soul to a lesser planer being, from their as they grow in power they can channel this to their bound eidolon.
The fact that the power comes from the summoner keeps him in control.

Now imagine, just think, if you tried to bind a soul to a being of near unfathomable power?
That sucker you take you over in an instant.

>>35251679
indeed for instance anybody who thinks its ok to destroy a soul deserves to be given the worst of tortures

>>35251677
You kept that thing in the Laboratory where we were experimenting with nonmagical perpetual energy?!

I'd ask if you were mad, but I work under the assumption that all of us here are.

Well, he's in another plane now, unless someone can draw the Lab back to its rightful place. I suppose this also accounts for my missing grad assistants.

>>35251628
...Is that a monkey?

>>35251677
Wait, I have tenure now? We have tenure at all? Oh, this is a good day/

>>35251703
but he only just made it and he said earlier he had done it

>>35251721
Nobody cares.

>>35251736
What is it boy? Did little Timmy fall down the flesh well?

>>35251762
Hey, it's not my fault if your grad students get too close to his cage. I put a warning sign on it and everything.

>>35251779
Hell yeah we have tenure, otherwise they would have kicked me out centuries ago.

>>35251678
Doesn't Noel get upset any time someone mentions anything sexual?

>>35251762
i will go find the plane after this meeting

>>35251771

>Scowls then facepalms before running up closer and gesturing again.

OOK!

>>35251800
>Nobody cares.
Of course no one does, I figured that out when no one rescued me and just had to brute force my way out.
You guys really suck at rescuing other people you know that?

>>35251800
Oh hell yes. Although I'm not sure what I'll do with it that I'm not doing already honestly.

Sulei'Sul believes that big spear-commotion can be avoided by attaching the dagger to the lower end of the staff, and walk with your staff upside down!

Everyone knows spears have blades on top, not bottom.

>>35251834
When have I ever given the impression that I'm the rescuing type? Or lupa? Or the Librarian? Or Talo? Or Noel? Honestly Astoil is the only one that might have tried.

>>35251809
Only when its my sex life being used as the punchline, Talo.

>>35251843
I believe that call that a Glaive.
I'd be okay with this.

>>35251800
After we get this all sorted out, I recommend that you remove any pets from our Laboratories. If you fail to comply, I choose to not be responsible for any experiments that the grad students will attempt while working on their thesis in a panicked frenzy at the last minute.

>>35251741
Can my friend reverse the process and somehow become the deity's phylactery?

My friend wants to channel the deity even more now.

>>35251693
But my friend can't die unless the deity kills itself.
HMMMMMMMM?

>>35251839

Just concoct an experiment that takes a few centuries to pay off. That way you can still be working while still doing.. Well, nothing.

>>35251800

>Shakes head frantically and thinks for a moment.
>Slowly, as if spelling it out for idiots, pantomines a book.

>>35251871
well im new here so i dont know much about things here yet but i love a good rescue

>>35251831
Is there something important to see behind that door?

>>35251886
Ok, so the deity kills itself out of spite. Or to prevent evil from taking over the world. Or to prevent good from taking over the world. Or because they really really don't want to be a phylactery.

>>35251886
Your freind could easily become a host for the deities power, it mortal avatar, Hirophant of it order, any of these things is common for gods to give parts of their sould to mortal that please them to make them paragons of the faith.

>>35251871
I'm one of the teachers in this damn nuthouse, my kidnapping should result in klaxons wailing and people drawing up plans to toast entire kingdoms!

>>35251879
Or if it is something about uniforms.

>>35251911
One of the bards forgot to sign the guest registry?

>>35251678
I remember that bastard, always yelling at me to put on something that covers more. I also remember me kicking him in the crotch every time he did. good times.

>>35251884
Meh, I don't mind. I mostly just store my excess pets in the labs. If they are desperate enough to try, I say let them. Maybe they'll discover something extraordinary, which I will of course claim partial credit for since they used my things.

>>35251911
What is it about the book?

>>35251950
Did you see some of those suggestions Talo?

>>35251960
jeez thats the librarian read a book for once

>>35251943
Honestly, if you couldn't get away from some simple kidnappers, you don't really deserve to be a teacher here. But since you were able to get away, more power to you.

>>35251986
I still don't understand why you guys turned down my suggestions.

>>35251960
>>35251974

OOK!

>Shakes head frantically.
>Starts pantomining someone looking like an idiot, reading the book and talking.

>>35251933
If my friend already has more phylacteries by the time the deity kills itself and survives, then has he successfully killed a god?

>>35251939
That's very good news.

By the way, who is the most powerful deity?

>>35251291
Do not make sweeping judgments of the entire guild. Wisdom is at the very foundation of what it means to be a wizard! Do not be so misled by the red robes that it clouds your vision.

And allow the tired old men their foolish boasting. It is all that makes them forget their aging and frail forms.

>>35252030
OH GOD, ONE OF THE APPRENTICES IS IN THE LIBRARY AND READING SPELLS OUT LOUD!

>>35252030
shit is there somebody in the library who shouldn’t be

>>35252044
Is it an explosive runes book?

>>35252030
Solentra the Stupidomancer's reading stories to local orphans again?

>>35252021
Did you see the size of that Wyvern the Mad King kidnapped me with?! It was huge! It required a special sword wielded by a blue mercenary lord just to hurt that damn thing!

Also "No clothes allowed period" is not a uniform for female students.

>>35252064

When is it ever not?

I don't want to rebuild that library again!

File: Uniforms.jpg (36 KB, 290x415)

36 KB JPG

>>35251986
I liked some of them
RIP Mayushi the Friendmancer

>>35252064
I think we'd have heard an rather large boom by now, don't you? Also, I'm pretty sure more things would be on fire.

>>35252033
ME FUCKER

>>35252033
I always pegged the God of luck to be the powerful.
Even if they never lead a pantheon or command uncountable followers, with enough luck, anything becomes possible, and a god of luck, well everything always goes his way and nothing ever goes right for his enemies.

>>35252044
no surely the apprentices would not be that foolish we have been broken into to arms everybody

>>35252044

OOK!

>Points to his nose and points to you.
>Gestures wildly, pantomining a door.
>Gestures even faster as he hangs his fingers down below his nose.

OOK OOK!

>>35252033
If you have to ask any of these questions, you're not a good enough mage to summon and bind a god. The fact that you ask these questions means you'll probably die before you are.

>>35252108
That one was acceptable, I'd vouch for that, I don't have a problem with dressing to impress, I walk around in a minidress and knee boots for goodness sake, but some of them were just outright unacceptable.

>>35252115
SHIT HOLD ON INTERPLANAR CHANNELS AND ALL THAT

>>35252075
I'm still incensed that you didn't get any of it's blood you know.

>>35252111
As it stands, the only thing on fire here is my pipe
*takes a drag*

>>35252075
Well you should have stated that before asking for suggestions.

>>35252124
Will someone go to the library quickly before they burn it to the ground again!?

>>35252124

>Hangs his fingers below his nose again...
>Like tentacles.

OOOK!

>>35252125
Oh, go easy on the poor kid. You were that dim witted once, too, after all. Let him ask his questions.

>>35252134
this was before my time or prehapes i was away in bytopia or something what were some of the other sugestions

what site are the mage guild meeting archives housed on

>>35252115
Would YOU like to become my friend's phylactery?

>>35252125
Well, that's not very nice. If you worship a deity, then he's going to be the first one that my friend will kill.

Dick.

>>35252182
im on it but like i said i think we have been broken into

>>35252206
You're adorable.
>>35252199
Yeah, but he thinks we can't tell what he's trying to do here.

>>35252146
I was kind of busy being a prisoner and nearly getting married to that madman. It was terrible. They made me get rid of minidress and shoes and forced me to wear what felt like 40 pounds of robes.

>>35252182
Fucksake, fine, I'm going. Buncha useless, thieving, glass-livered...

Um, excuse me, but what if the apprentices taped their daggers to their staves?

>>35252260
Oh the horror, I remember when I had to get rid of my minidress.

>>35252182
>Will someone go to the library quickly before they burn it to the ground again!?
After the last incident, I've warded every book against flame. So unless the fool attempts to cast Control Weather in doors, the books shall endure.

And if he is so stupid as to try, the problem shall be resolved quickly and quietly. The necromancers will be most pleased with the donation.

>>35252206
>Mages
>Worship
Hahahahaha, boy back in my day we called this advanced stupid.
But if your friend is as skilled as you say, I wish hi luck, we haven't seen a shift in divine power for ages.

>>35252206
YOU KNOW WHAT
WHY NOT
ALWAYS THOUGHT THE IT WOULD BE FUN SERVING SOMEONE ELSE FOR A CHANGE
I'LL GVE IT A TRY

>>35252270
Are you being sarcastic or genuine, I never know with you.

>>35252231

OH SHIT THERES A GOD DAM AVATAR OF GRUUMSH IN THERE

>>35252206
>Would YOU like to become my friend's phylactery?
Only if we're married.

>>35252298
Honestly I don't even know at this point

>>35252267
We've been over this, Robert. That is not how one makes a proper spear. Now, kindly go fetch us some whiskey or what have you.

>>35252266

>Sighs visibly.
Ook.

>Runs and grabs a pot to wear over his head as he runs out with Daa-Vid.

>>35252298
Oh no, he's very serious. He once wore a minidress. It actually looked pretty good on him.

>>35252299
Why...why does it have tentavles instead of hair?

>>35252317
Well regardless, it was a terrible time all around, glad he's dead, wish I didn't have to rely on some random mercenary lord like I did.

>>35252299
WHY IS NOBODY ELSE FREAKING OUT OVER THE FACT THERES AN AVATAR OF GRUUMSH IN THE GOD DAM LIBRARY READING BOOKS AND CAUSING PROBLEMS

>>35252273
After your last so-called donation, I do not think we shall continue doing business with you. It was a sloppy job, nearly nothing left intact for a proper undead minion to made out of.

>>35252343
I DONT KNOW IT MAKES NO SENSE MAYBE HE WAS READING A SPELLBOOK AND GOT LIKE THAT OR MAYBE HE IS HERE TO FIND A WAY TO REVERSE THE SPELL

>>35252304
If you and my friend were married, then he'd be your phylactery too.
endless love

>>35252288

Really?

By the way, if you're more than an adept level wizard or a higher planar being, then I'm busy.

>>35252345
He didn't bone you once it was all over did her?
>>35252347
Isn't he usually in there?

>>35252411
no your thinking of the avatar of Garl Glittergold

>>35252383
IT'S OKAY BRO, I GOT IT
>>35252407
I AM THE HIGHEST PLANAR AND MOST POWERFUL BEING TO EXIST
I AM
G
O
D
THE ORIGINAL GANGSTA GOD

>>35252374
Are you sure that was mine? Striking at minds is my preference, not fireballs and explosions.

>>35252407
Sounds positively romantic. Necromantic, perhaps, but romantic.

>>35252383
Are we even sure this is the thing we're supposed to be worried about though? I mean, this isn't exactly unusual, is it? And he's just kind of standing there.

>>35252411
Talo one of these days you really need to learn to stop asking stupid inappropriate questions before someone just decides to fry you.

>>35252411
>>35252383
>>35252347
>>35252343

OOOK OOK!
>Pantomines something complicated that barely makes any sense.
>Points back towards the library and then mimes an explosion.

>>35252476

>Shakes head.
>Points at the book.
>Gestures as he points inside the book.

>>35252486
The avatar's some kind of walking timebomb sent by a god we pissed off during a drunken prank?

>>35252340
Oh stop it you, you'll make me blush.
>>35252345
Is he marriage material? If so I'm sorry, but I have to do something vile so I won't be invited to the wedding. This souffle is just too good to not get as many people as possible with

>>35252573
The mercenary? Yeah I guess.

>>35252467
It had a signed letter, with your seal on it. Unless someone was framing you, and I fail to find reason in wanting to pretend to be you of all people, who else sent it?

>>35252567
I warned you not to drink that apprentice's strange concoction. I said it would only lead to trouble. And did anyone listen to me? Of course not.

>>35252567

>Starts to shake his head...
>Then pauses.
>Shrugs his shoulders.

Oook?

>>35252607
Don't invite me to your wedding. Make this pledge now or I will be forced to say mean things until you don't invite me. I respect you enough to tell you this directly instead of hatching an elaborate scheme and using my vast powers of conspiracy against you like I did last time someone tried to invite me to a wedding.

>>35252555
>>35252567
Ah...hells where did I put that standard avatar contact form? Uhn, excuse me, sir. I have reason to believe that book you're holding may be a great danger to both yourself and anyone within a three-hundred yard blast radius. I would like to politely ask you to gently return it to it's proper place on the shelf, then return to your home plane, or the nearest convinient demiplane...please?

>>35252646
Yeah sure what- wait who said I was going to marry him?!

>>35252646
Believe him. I invited him to my wedding. Or, I think I did, at least.
I am still pondering whether or not the wedding actually happened or if it was all a fever dream.

WAIT CLERIC GUY I GOT TO GO
BYE
SORRY ABOUT THAT

>>35252797
Goodbye, phylactery

>>35252727
I'll never tell
>>35252692
Well you said he's marriageable.

>>35252896
Yeah, generally speaking, I didn't say I was interested. Master Ashburn ruined men for me.


By being an emotionally and physically manipulative jackass I mean.

>>35252676

LIKE, WHAT MORTAL BRO-SEF?
NAH MAN. YA SEE, I WAS AT THIS INTERPLANAR KEGGAR LAST NIGHT AND I ALL I REMEMBERS WAS GETTIN' WITH THIS HOT SLANNISH CHICK.
WHEN I WOKE UP, MY FACE WAS ALL, LIKE, TENTACLES AND STUFF SO I THINK I MIGHT HAVE CAUGHT SOMETHING.
CAME HERE TO THE NERD-A-TORIUM TO TRY AND FIND SOMETHING.
FOUND THIS BOOK THAT SAID REMOVAL ON IT SO I STARTED, LIKE, READING IT AND STUFF.
IT'S COOL LITTLE DUDE.

>>35252963
What if I told you there was a small lake of Jager out back that totally needs someone to drink it?

Well, I must be off, I need my beauty sleep. See you idiots later.

>>35252931
Oh come on, I'm sure there's someone out there for you. Ask any of the more normal people in the guild, I'm sure they'd have relevant advice that doesn't involve deception and murder.

>>35253154
Why bother, name one marriage between a person and a mage that ended without tragedy

>>35253204
Well the ones that work out aren't really public knowledge. We're mages, we have enemies. Why would you make knowledge that there's something you care about widely known?

>>35253098

AW, MAN... THAT IS TOTALLY RAD LITTLE MORTAL DUDE...
I'LL CHECK IT OUT AS SOON AS I CAN GET THESE TENTACLES OFF.

>>35253292
I just don't think I'm marriage material, too many hang ups, work my job all day and night, keep getting kidnap, short tempered.

>>35253294
Wait, are you...yeah, you're the dude. There was this avatar of Bane on the southern continent totally talking shit about how he can lift more than you a few minutes ago.

>>35252727
as a polygamist i have had many weddings

>>35253398
Everyone's into something different, whose to say there's not a nice soldier or something into you?

>>35253469
Eh, I'll try, certainly not going to be any of the weirdos here, that's for certain.

>>35252963
hm it should be easy enough to get those tentacles off wheres Tivault Gant

>>35253431

WHAT??!?
THAT IS TOTALLY UNRAD OF HIM TO SAY BRO-SEF DUDE.
THESE TENTACLES ALONE COULD TOTALLY OUTBENCH THAT LOSER.
LATER MORTAL PEEPS. THAT DICKWEED JUST EARNED TWO TICKETS TO THE GUN SHOW, SCHOOLED EDITION. BRB.
>POOF

>>35252692
Congratulations on the marriage, does he know your soul is going to be horribly violated once you die?

>>35253876
i hope by next meeting we have found a way to fix him i like him a lot more then that dam knight

>>35253946
Chances are he might be back any minute now, and pretty pissed off at that, so you might want to have a good line of bullshit ready just in case. As for me, I going to get a bit of distance between me and ground zero.

>>35254082
wait you mean you dident make a fake target for him to fight he is gonna be pissed

>>35250087
Barbarus I gave you that as a welcome back gift, cherish it and its terrible comments.

>>35250063
Weren't you the guy that turned into a statue for a month after swallowing my ring earlier in the semester because it fell into your gauntlet?

>>35250128
If you want brass knuckles, you should transmute your own. And, err, never use lightning spells again. Don't worry, hands can be replaced!

i archived the thread over on suptg

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/35249277/