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>>35211309

Scantily clad women

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>yfw the Rogue Trader wants to get a catboy

>>35211309
>The Rimmer Experience
For the uninitiated:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-ZiI3iVgpM

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Man, we are likely the ONLY RT crew without blueberries. This cannot fly. And he's only getting a few, like 6 or 7. Just shut up and enjoy the women specifically bred and trained to appear friendly and attractive to us. They're like, drip caste or something. I don't really remember. Hard to concentrate on what they're saying when they're all smuggling the kind of fruit that would make even the top agriworlder shut down his melon branch in shame.

>>35211309
Can we somehow rework the Rimmer experience to work with the God Emperor?

>>35213842
Can you imagine Space Marines doing the Rimmer salute? Doing the Rimmer shuffle?
Commissar Rimmer?

>>35213363
Tau women are litteraly the worst in bed.

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>tfw my Rogue Trader is just Captain Flint in space

Dont even feel bad about copying him, the man is fucking glorious

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>>35214519
>He fucks the those autist warrior girls of the Fire Caste
>Not going for those smooth Water Caste
>Implying its not all for diplomacy

>>35214570
>implying Warrior girls are not the best
>impyling all her muscle won't be put to a good use
>implying the suit won't stay on

>>35211309
Don't matter to me. As long as I got:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ON-7v4qnHP8

>>35211309
>hologram simulation suite

>>35213842
>not the murderface experience

>>35213328
>not already having a catboy and heretikal iron man

>>35214322
Inquisitor Rimmer stuck on board the rouge trader Red Squat

>>35213339
>not the extended version
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4gXaq0fmzk

>>35211309
Exactly 7 million skittles

>>35214322
>Can you imagine Space Marines doing the Rimmer salute?
My god. The full Double Rimmer.

>>35214322
Battle Barge MAXIMUM SMEG?

Holly the machine spirit

>>35217269
>holly
>not QUEEG

>>35217374
sorry mang, its been about a year or 2 sense I last watched.

Literally the only worthwhile part of series 7.

>>35217374
You aren't supposed to know about QUEEG until it's too late.

>>35217509

Thing is Queeg is fake in the show, but real in the books. Where he get's a throwaway mention.

The books were pretty good actually, although they did end up making the Talking Toaster more of a character than the show ever did.

"For the last time Dave, you can't put a curry restaurant in your Rouge trader ship!"

>>35217546
THERE WHERE BOOKS?

>>35217584
...did you really not know that?

>>35217598
I really did not. which came first the show or the books? were the books as funny as the show?

>>35217618
they're kind of in parallel. and off to the side.

Often they'll cover similar events to the show, but there will be differences and expanded rationalisations of things.

and there are two separate third books, one by each of the authors.

The entire thing is like a maze of parallel universes. Which is appropriate enough, for Red Dwarf.

>>35217618
you want Red Dwarf: Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers, Better than Life, Last Human and Backwards

>>35217683
>there will be differences and expanded rationalisations of things.
Rimmer's actions during the Astronavigation Exam make a lot more sense when you can see his internal monologue.

>>35217708
not sdrawkcab?

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>>35217738
nope

>>35217731
What was going through his mind?

>>35217846
In fact, it was now possible for Rimmer to revise solidly for three months and not learn anything at all.

The first week of study, he would always devote to the construction of a revision timetable. Weeks of patient effort would be spent planning, designing and creating a revision schedule which, when finished, were minor works of art.

Every hour of every day was subdivided into different study periods, each labelled in his lovely, tiny copperplate hand; then painted over in watercolours, a different colour for each subject, the colours gradually becoming bolder and more urgent shades as the exam time approached. The effect was as if a myriad tiny rainbows had splintered and sprinkled across the poster-sized sheet of creamwove card.

The only problem was this: because the timetables often took seven or eight weeks, and sometimes more, to complete, by the time Rimmer had finished them the exam was almost on him. He'd then have to cram three months of astronavigation revision into a single week. Gripped by an almost deranging panic, he'd then decide to sacrifice the first two days of that final week to the making of another timetable. This time for someone who had to pack three months of revision into five days.

>>35217914
Because five days now had to accommodate three months' work, the first thing that had to go was sleep. To prepare for an unrelenting twenty-four hours a day sleep-free schedule, Rimmer would spend the whole of the first remaining day in bed - to be extra, ultra fresh, so he would be able to squeeze three whole months of revision into four short days.

Within an hour of getting up the next morning, he would feel inexplicably exhausted, and start early on his supply of Go-Double-Plus caffeine tablets. By lunchtime he'd overdose, and have to make the journey down to the ship's medical unit for a sedative to help him calm down. The sedative usually sent him off to sleep, and he'd wake up the following morning with only three days left, and an anxiety that was so crippling he could scarcely move. A month of revision to be crammed into each day.

At this point he would start smoking. A lifelong nonsmoker, he'd become a forty-a-day man. He'd spend the whole day pacing up and down his room, smoking three or four cigarettes at a time, stopping occasionally to stare at the titles in his bookcase, not knowing which one to read first, and popping twice the recommended dosage of dogworming tablets, which he erroneously believed to contain amphetamine.

>>35217933
Realising he was getting nowhere, he'd try to get rid of his soul-bending tension by treating himself to an evening in one of Red Dwarf's quieter bars. There he would sit, in the plastic oak-beamed 'Happy Astro' pub, nursing a small beer, grimly trying to be light-hearted and totally relaxed. Two small beers and three hours of stomach-knotting relaxation later, he would go back to his bunk and spend half the night awake, praying to a God he didn't believe in for a miracle that couldn't happen.

Two days to go, and ravaged by the combination of anxiety, nicotine, caffeine tablets, alcohol he wasn't used to, dog-worming pills, and overall exhaustion, he would sleep in till mid-afternoon.

After a long scream, he would rationalize that the day was a total write-off, and the rest of the afternoon would be spent shopping for the three best alarm clocks money could buy. This would often take five or six hours, and he would arrive back at his sleeping quarters exhausted, but knowing he was fully prepared for the final day's revision before his exam.

Waking at four-thirty in the morning, after exercising, showering and breakfasting, he would sit down to prepare a final, final revision timetable, which would condense three months of revision into twelve short hours. This done, he would give up and go back to bed. Maybe he didn't know a single thing about astronavigation, but at least he'd be fresh for the exam the next day.

Which is why Rimmer failed exams.

>>35217943
Which is why he'd received nine 'F's for fail and two 'X's for unclassified. The first 'X' he'd achieved when he'd actually managed to get hold of some real amphetamines, gone into spasm and collapsed two minutes into the exam; and the second when anxiety got so much the better of him his subconscious forced him to deny his own existence, and he had written 'I am a fish' five hundred times on every single answer sheet. He'd even gone out for extra paper. What was more shocking than anything was that he'd thought he'd done quite well.

>>35214570
Well,as an Astartes on a travel with my brother's grand, grand, grand, grandson Roguetrader, I beg to differ.
These smooth curves, these edges, the moaning.

Of course, she's still wearing her armour, a shame if anything happened while coitus.

>>35218007
...wait, space marines still have a penis?

>>35218061
Yes.

But they wouldn't into blueberry because extreme indoctrination, so that anon still a shit.

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>>35217427
>Literally the only worthwhile part of series 7.
>implying

>>35218099
No, you're a shit, a chaos shit.
Nurgle shit, to be exact.
Now let me enjoy my hiatus.

>>35211309
>The Rogue Trader wants to put dildoes in to the macrobatteries.

Spent 5PF to get a hull-busting mega dildo round.

>>35218148

Is there really any discernable difference between that and ordinary bullets though? I mean, both are shaped pretty similarily.
For good solid evolution based reasons.

>>35218100
What a guy.

>>35218209
Because apparently it then justifies him yelling "GET FUCKED" into an outgoing vox to the enemy ship.

Our RT is the worst.

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>>35218329
tch, he's no Dr. Rick Dagless M.D.

>>35218373
Who?

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>>35218373
>implying a being exists above Ace Rimmer

>>35211309
chrome spinners and neon underlighting

>>35217618
They're different, but at the same time, remarkably brilliant.

Some times things work out differently to the show. Or elaborate on it. Like what the Nova 5 was doing, and why it crashed. Making suns go nova to spell out a giant soda advert in the sky above earth. And it crashed because Kryten cleaned the computer. With soap and water.

At other times, it gives characters a slightly different spin. Lister is actually somewhat clever. (You can make a conclusion about him being like that sometimes in the show, in the book it's more explicit) Bringing Frankenstein on board, for instance, was actually a deliberate plan to get himself put in stasis so he could get back to Earth "sooner". He made sure she was clean of all diseases as well, so there'd be no actual danger to the crew. When no one noticed her, he got worried, so decided to take a photo of him and the cat and send it to be developed so they'd have to notice her.

>>35211309
A dungeon for BDSM fun time with xenos.

>>35217683
I've gotta say, I think I prefer Last Human to Backwards. Even if it did have A happy ending.

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Arms. With melee weapons.

>>35219504
actually, that was a development during the writing of the show.

Originally Lister really WAS supposed to be just that dense... kind of a carryon from the prototype "Dave Hollins: Space Cadet". He's noticeably slower during the first season: Not knowing what an iguana is, "everybody's dead dave", etc.

In later seasons he just becomes kind of a chronic underachiever.

>>35219818
I rather like both of them myself, for different reasons. The fact that they both go in different directions is fine with me: Red Dwarf has always had this kind of parallel universe slant, so I don't really have a problem with the fact that there are now three or four distinct "endings" to it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ifaw07fuU00

>>35219946
Yeah, it's interesting to see a similar thing happen with Kochanski in last human, resembling their later series portrayal.

I think they made the human Kryten scene more amusing though.

On the lister stupidity front, it varied even in the early episodes. At the start of series 2 he's even learned Esperanto, while not even trying, just because Rimmer was failing at it while he was doing other things.
And the Cat language, which used an entirely different sense.

And he's a pretty decent chef, even if it doesn't come out like he planned.

>>35211309
A nova cannon modeled after his penis.

>>35220091
Later season 1 it's started creeping in. By season 2, it's pretty established, and in even later series it's more or less made explicit, and even nodded to in places like "Spanners" Lister (which is again referenced in the books, where Rimmer isn't on Red Dwarf, so Lister winds up rooming with a guy named Lew Pemberton who is instrumental in keeping Dave and Kochanski together and helping him study to actually become a respected engineer who comes to Europa base where he eventually meets Ace.)

A lot of the characterisation that developed was basically the writers caricaturing the actors who played them.

>>35213328
>>35216367
>Not spaying you fleshlings
C'mom guys, let me castrate someone already.
THE FLESH IS WEAK.
WEEEAK.
SEXUAL URGES ARE A FLESHSIN.

>>35221166
NO TECH-PRIEST NO YOU ALREADY TOOK MY HEART...LITERALLY.

>>35217564
'Smeg off, the bloody soup dispensers are broken and the lazy Servitor keeps telling me to teach him jokes'

>>35222521
AND I WOULD DO IT AGAIN MY LOVE.
I WOULD DO IT AGAIN.

WHICH ISN'T TOTALLY SLANG TO "I wanted to feed the fleshbag's heart to a tyranid while I run away"

>>35222521
>buy gelding machine in agroworld
>my crew doesn't let me use it on them
#techpriestproblems.

>>35223688
>>35223734
>tfw when you started as a dainty and handsome noble and look like a ogryn thanks to "best" artificial muscles

>>35223866
Not my fault you keep cutting back on my monthly allowance fuckwit. Now enjoy your ogrin arms.

>>35224006
Those sounds like fightan words.

>>35224050
They sure do Mr. Scrooge Mc Smalldick.

>>35224159
At least I still have human arms.

>>35224334
Human arms are worst arms.
Flesh=Weak.

>>35218555
>>35218373
Blood, blood, blood on the tiled floor of they post office, in leytonstone

(been a while, i probably misquote)

>>35224391
I also still have a dick.

>>35211309
A coca-cola machine

>>35217738
one of the awesome touch screen ones that have like 80 billion different sodas

Our rogue trader got 10,000 educational servoskulls that quizzed the crew on the imperial creed and gave out pieces of chocolate for correct answers.

So, since we seem to be on the topic of red dwarf, what did you guys think of series X?
I thought it was great, like on par with the first three or four seasons. I may have been excited about it coming back and that made me biased, I should watch it again.

>>35224593
is this what you meant?

"Something was pouring from his mouth. He examined his sleeve. Blood!? Blood. Crimson copper-smelling blood, his blood. Blood. Blood. Blood. (Checks line)...And bits of sick."

>>35218373
I've been rewatching this lately. It's glorious, but only one episode left. :(

>>35224696
Dicks are useless, let me fix you.

Bump