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/tg/ - Traditional Games


File: HARD BARD BARDING HARD.jpg (134 KB, 1436x1436)
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You are an accountant, and you're having the biggest midlife crisis ever.

You're standing tall on the back of a giant, bloodthirst fish as it swims atop a sea of red sand and broken audio equipment, a crimson sun glaring down at you from a polished black sky. The bandages swrapped around your chest wounds are splattered with demon blood, but it doesn't look like any of yours is seeping out yet. Your nearly-depleted IV bag flutters from the head of your guitar, hanging from a tuning peg like a battered revolution's flag.

The fish swims toward the titanic ziggurat in the distance, surrounded by a flock of strange, armored demons on motorcycles. Their bikes and their heavy armor are decorated with horns, skulls, gold trim, and all kind of intricate designs. They're the most beautiful things you've seen in this Hellhole.

(1/2)
>>
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>>35177125
(2/2)

Their leader is standing on his motorcycle, one steel-shod foot on the bike's seat, the other between its handlebars. His head's on fire, and he's rocking out on a baroque guitar decorated like the bikes, with a golden eight-pointed star splashed across its body.

You have no idea how he's playing so well with those armored gauntlets on, but maybe the double handful of cocaine he snorted after you challenged him to a rock off is helping. His riffs are tasty, his chords are brash, and the way he fondles his instrument is almost lewd, his metal fingers stroking its most secret places and wringing cries of pleasure from its decorated body.

He's good, you think as he finishes, the last chord echoing away among the half-buried speakers of the wasteland, but you're better, and you're going to show him.

>[] Rock him with the rock of Heaven
>[] Rock him with our own rock
>[] Rock him with his own song, but better
>[] Write-in

Roll 1d100, please
>>
>>35177150
Twitter (for runtimes, not my political opinions): https://twitter.com/HaikuDeluge

Archive (for reading when you feel nostalgic for the good old days when the accountant played in the middle of highways): http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Rock+Quest

STATS:

ROCK OFFS WON/CHALLENGED: 1/2
DEMON SCHLONGS SEEN: 32/???
AFTERLIFE EXPERIENCES: 1/???
ALIGNMENT: TRUE ROCK - "Rock is worth doing."
>>
>>35177150
>[x] Rock'n'Roll Racing
Rock-off and race, double the challenge, double the stakes!
>>
Rolled 18 (1d100)

>>35177289
...Are dice broken?
>>
>>35177150
>[] Rock him with our own rock
The heroes of rock who granted us these powers didn't have to rely on someone else's style, and neither should we.
>>
Rolled 66 (1d100)

>>35177362
Shit forgot my roll.
>>
Rolled 8 (1d100)

>>35177150
>[] Jump onto the nearest demon's bike, and show this fucker we can also ride a motorcycle like a skateboard while rocking

Just so nobody can claim we had an advantage on our giant fish.
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)

>>35177150
>rock him with his own rock

>>35177352
>>35177391
No, dice are cursed.
>>
>>35177150
>>[] Rock him with the rock of Heaven
TIME TO EXORCISE THE DAEMONS!
>>
>>35177445
Forgot your roll there mate.
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)

>>35177150
>>[x] Rock him with the rock of Heaven
Recall the heavenly chords you heard.
>>
Rolled 94 (1d100)

>>35177445
Oopsie-doodle.
>>
>>35177854
See? Look at that godlike roll right there. This is why you don't forget to roll.
>>
Rolled 45 (1d100)

>>35177150
>>[] Rock him with our own rock
>>
>>35177150
>>[X] Rock him with the rock of Heaven
>>
>>35177150

You can feel the vast muscles of the fish work beneath you, great strength propelling it across the sand. Just balancing on its powerful body is an impressive feat, and now you're going to try to out-rock this demon while doing it.

Well, nobody will be able you had the footing advantage.

You lock eyes with the lead demon as he lets go of his guitar and scoops a handful of cocaine to his flaming face. He gives you the horns with his free hand, as the wind blows a small snowstorm around it.

Sound ripples from your guitar, pounding across the red dunes as you slash your fingers across the strings, bringing the rock of heaven down to earth. You remember the song you heard, the song you played with the choir of angels, the pure melody of Heaven's music.

It's not as impressive as you remember, played on a single guitar instead of a massed choir. No matter how precise your fingering, or how you strum the strings, you can't match even your imperfect memory of that heavenly sound.

It's not enough.

But you play on, improvising, working your own flavor into the mix, your instrument trembling under your hand. Your sweat moistens the dried demon blood, and red-tinted droplets scatter from the body of your guitar onto your pants and shoes.

The hot, dry winds rush through your mussed hair as you break it down, fingers flying along the frets, tearing your own version of the heavenly melody from the guitar.

It's good, but you're not sure it's good enough.

>[] It's good enough
>[] Stage antics on the fish
>[] Jump onto a demon's motorcycle
>[] Write-in
>>
>>35178324
>[] Write-in
Play fast enough that it sounds like a choir of multiple guitars.
>>
>>35178324
>>[] It's good enough
>>
>>35178324
>>[x] Write-in
Time to change the plan. Introduce your own melody to your strumming and slowly bring it to the fore as the main theme. Grab the cocaine at an opportune moment and blow it across the strings, then set it alight with your tune.
>>
>>35178572
This.
>>
Rolled 13 (1d100)

>>35178324
>>35178572
Holy shit, that's a great idea.
>>
>>35178324
this: >>35178572
>>
Rolled 72 (1d100)

>[x] Flaming cocaine guitar maneuver
>>
>>35178324
(1/2)

Maybe, just maybe, it's good enough. But you're not wasting any time by playing - the fish is grinding along toward the ziggurat as fast as it ever was, and if you lose, who knows what the demons will do to you?

You keep playing the heavenly melody, but with your own harmony, building on it, against it, with it. Slowly, drawing out the struggle, you add variation to variation, flourish upon flourish, until the original melody has vanished, and you're playing your own song.

Its chords scream out across the desert, taking wing for the walls of the enormous Hellbowl, punching through the plume of dust kicked up by the demon bikes. They're staring at you, eyes following your fingers as they dance up and down the guitar's neck.

It's loud, it's proud, but it's not showy enough.

You look down at the motorcycle-surfing demon leader, as he guides his bike right next to the fish, hands raising horns to the sky.

"Can I have a sniff?" you yell down at him, your words carried on the blast of sound from your guitar. In answer, he holds up a handful of cocaine toward you in his decorated metal gauntlet.
>>
>>35179343
(2/2)

You stoop down and grab a handful with your right hand, left hand hammering out a solo on its own, the fish threatening to throw you off.

Then you straighten up, blowing the dust over your guitar, and strike the strings. You smell ozone, hear the crackle of lightning, then everything is flame.

A torrent of fire pours from your guitar. You're surrounded by flaming dust, like a molting angel's feathers, rising with your song, writhing in the winds of Hell, a personal firestorm. You play on, bringing back your earlier theme, working it into the flaming river of sound coming from your guitar.

The wind catches the cloud of dust and fans it into burning wings, spreading wide behind you. Holding your guitar high, you slam out chord after chord, each one resonating in your flaming heart and fiery wings, every note distorting them into more and more extreme shapes.

Then you hear something you've never heard before - metal hands clapping in unison. The entire ride of demons is peeling away, applauding and yelling, as their leader throws the horns in your direction.

"Rock the fuck on, brother!" you hear him yell as his bike turns away from the fish.

>[] Jump onto the leader's bike - it's faster than this fish
>[] Continue fish assault
>[] See if you can fly with your flaming cocaine wings
>[] Write-in
>>
>>35179361
>>[x] Continue fish assault
Let's not try cocaine wings - they never work.
>>
>>35179361
>[] See if you can fly with your flaming cocaine wings
>>
>>35179361
>[] Continue fish assault
cocaine wings are too risky
>>
>>35179361
>Jump to the bike

Hopefully the wings can help us make the jump. Gotta go fast.

>>35179401
>>35179416
It's like you guys hate fun or something.
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)

>>35179361

On one hand, we're wounded and really shouldn't be taking too many risks.
On the other Flying on wings of Flaming Cocaine is too Metal not to do.

I'll let the Dice decide.
If Roll < 50,
>[] Continue fish assault

If Roll > 50,
>[] See if you can fly with your flaming cocaine wings
>>
>>35179361

>>35179460
How about continuing the fish assault, but seeing if we can get the fish to eat any demon bikers it can grab, since we know that makes it grow?
>>
Rolled 97 (1d100)

>[x] Cocaine wings
We're gonna die here so ROCK may live.
>>
Rolled 23 (1d100)

>>35179508
>>35179704
The Dice have changed their mind.
So have I.
>>
Rolled 95 (1d100)

>>35179974
Or maybe I just suck at rolling, that's also a possibility.
>>
>>35180009
Why not take a break from rolling, we may need these.
>>
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>>35179361
No, trying out your news wings is too risky. You watch the demons ride off into the distance as the cocaine burns away and its ashes fly into the wind, then you sit back down on the fish, resting and saving your strength for the battle to come.

Before you know it, the priest is poking you awake. You rub your eyes and stare ahead. You've got a dull ache in your side, but you figure out that it was just the result of sleeping atop your bottle of cocaine solution. You'll have to talk to the manager about leaving that kind of thing in his coat.

Then you look up, and all small thoughts are erased from your mind.

The ziggurat rises before you, a vast, blasphemous monument of blood, speakers, broken instruments, and slabs of red stone, a tower to a single sound. Plodding human slaves and scurrying demons coat the monstrous tower's twisted metal and uniform walls, carrying speakers ever higher, building a tower to reach the sky.

No, they're building a tower to pierce the heavens.

Flying demons swoop around the tower, lashing any workers who look lazy, or like they would scream well.

There's one way up - the winding ramp the slaves and demons are trudging along.

>[] Full frontal assault, fish savagely leading the charge
>[] Full frontal assault, without fish
>[] Try to get a flying demon to carry you up
>[] Cocaine
>[] Write-in
>>
>>35180037
That is a great idea.
I guess I Need to give Lady Luck some time to rest, the poor girl appears to be slightly schizophrenic right now.
>>
>>35180136
>[x] Full frontal assault, fish savagely leading the charge
It might be big enough so when we drop it, it causes the whole thing to fall.
>>
>>35180136
>[] Full frontal assault, fish savagely leading the charge
>>
>>35180136
>[] Full frontal assault, fish savagely leading the charge
>>
>>35180136
>Try to get a flying demon to carry you up

DOWN FROM THE SKY
INTO THE FIGHT
HEARTS FULL OF RAAAGE
FULL OF THUNDER AND GLORY

So, when do we get to knock Manowar down a peg?
>>
>>35180136
>>[x] Full frontal assault, fish savagely leading the charge
omnomnom
>>
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>>35180136
>a tower to pierce the heavens

>we have bandages wrapped around our chest, and we're wearing a coat that flies out behind us

So, all we need is sunglasses and tats now, right?
>>
>>35180136
>[] Full frontal assault, fish savagely leading the charge
FIIIIISH! FIIIIISH!
>>
>>35180301
I say the sunglasses and Tattoos should appear if we roll above 90 during the final battle.

That or the tattoos appear after we take the cocaine solution and the glasses are sent by Heaven to show they have our back.
>>
>>35180136
I cant help but suspect that may not be cocaine.
>>
>>35180136
"Alright," you yell, sliding off of the fish, "Let's take the hill!"

You walk toward the beast's head, and meet the DJ as she jumps lightly off of it. "I," you begin, "I'd like you to lead the charge. You've really grown on this trip."

"I'd love to do that," she tells you, smiling, "but can you keep up?" You know it's not the light this time. Her teeth are as sharp as the fish's.

Well, you're all taking risks here.

The fish is plowing toward the ramp's tower's base already, the tour manager clinging to it for dear life. The DJ is sure enthusiastic, but you're not sure that's a good sign.

You run after the fish with the bassist, the priest, and the nurse, flexing and stretching your fingers as you go. One of the flying demons sees your group and swoops down, shrieking.

You hit a power chord, and lightning lances out toward it, its wing breaks, and it tumbles to the sand. You hear the nurse beating it to death with his keyboard as you run past.

The fish is thrashing through the defenses at the base of the ziggurat, demons jumping at it, human slaves fleeing in all directions. Half a demon flies past your head, the other half caught in the fish's massive jaw.

You see a demon claw its way onto the fish's back and raise its bladed arm, but, before it can stab the beast, the tour manager shoots it off with that large pistol of his.

Huh. He's a one-trick pony, but backup's a good trick to know.

>[] Follow the fish - best to stick together
>[] Scale the tower - gotta go fast
>[] Get right up in the thick of things, up in front of the fish
>[] Write-in
>>
>>35180699
Theories on what it might be?

I'm still laughing about the manager's condition being caused by exposure to 'the corruption of nu-metal'.
>>
>>35180758
>[x] Follow the fish - best to stick together
A group that rocks together sticks together.
>>
>>35180758
>[] Follow the fish - best to stick together
>>
>>35180758
>[] Follow the fish - best to stick together
Don't split the band
>>
>>35180796
Not sure, but it sounds like the same stuff the angel 44 gave us and I cant see any reason for a angel to try to get us high.
>>
>>35180758
>>[x] Follow the fish - best to stick together
>>
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>>35180889
Maybe heaven's just one long drugged-out party.

I mean, the angels are apparently rocking all the time.
>>
>>35181004
Didn't the Guitar Players who sold their souls try to drug themselves so the demons couldn't control them?
Maybe its Blessed Cocaine and we can use it to boost our Rock Star powers?
>>
>>35180758
You decide to follow the fish up the tower, protect its flanks, and clean up behind it. It's your hardest-hitting physical asset right now, and it's smart to give it more protection than a half-lame man. clinging to its back.

Running to catch up, you glance at your IV bag. There's about a finger and a half of liquid sloshing around in the bottom.

Suddenly, the tower looks very tall indeed.

You catch up with the fish a good fifty feet above the ground - the DJ has been making wonderful time. You see her, standing alongside the fish, six speakers whirling around her, pounding demons with their force and her beats. Even her glasses can't hide the red shine in her eyes.

The bassist is working the other side, swinging his octobasse in wide arcs, funneling demons toward the fish's giant maw. You're standing in the clear area right behind the fish The priest and the nurse are lower down the ramp, holding off the demons coming from below.

And there are going to be a lot more of those, you realize when you stare out at the sea of dunes. You can see demons streaming toward the tower in numbers you can't begin to count.

Then you hear something behind you, and turn to see slavering demon faces peering at you from the next story of the tower, a pack of hungry abominations, low to the ground, poised to jump.

>[] What do you do?
>>
>>35181315
Alert the fish, then blast them into his maw with a power chord. That should give him a good meal.
>>
>>35181315
Wait for them to jump, and rock them with our lightning riff while they're in midair.

>>35181259
I assume even regular cocaine would do that.
>>
>>35181315
>>[x] What do you do?
Yell "death from above!" and swing the guitar around in a wide arc, blasting lighting riffs on any demon who's standing close to the edge.
>>
>>35181315
Let's keep this simple.
>ROCK THE FUCK OUT
>>
>>35181315
zap them with your riffs when they jump
>>
>>35181315
You look at the demons on the ledge, their eager faces staring down at you.

God, they piss you off.

You brace your fingers on the frets, then launch into a riff, right hand flying back and forth over the strings, sparks crackling where your fingers touch them. The lightning leaps at the demons, and they jump in response, all but an unlucky straggler managing to dodge the forking tongues.

Then they're upon you, one coming straight for your face, until your chords annihilate it in another burst of electric sound. The rest scatter, but it's no good, you turn, spinning in circles, moving your feet with the beat, the lightning licking out for them, seizing them, making them dance the spastic dance of electrocution.

You kick one off of the ramp at its fellows below, and pose with your foot on another's skull for a moment, defying them with your sound, challenging them. The small ones, clustering around the base of the tower, cower for a second, then keep going.

The priest and nurse are falling back toward you, giving ground before the rising tide of demons, and the fish is - how did it get that far ahead?

You can't even see it around the tower's bend.

>[] Run after the fish (bassist, DJ, tour manager)
>[] Help the priest and the nurse
>[] Tell the priest and nurse to come with you, and run after the fish
>[] Write-in
>>
>>35181992
>>[x] Tell the priest and nurse to come with you, and run after the fish
Never split the party. Gotta catch up with them right now.
>>
>>35181992
>>[x] Tell the priest and nurse to come with you, and run after the fish
>>
>>35181992
>[] Tell the priest and nurse to come with you, and run after the fish
>>
>>35181992
>Help the priest and nurse

>>35182038
>>35182065
>>35182306
This means we're going to have a bigass wave of demons coming after us, and they'll have MOMENTUM.
>>
>>35182341
We could try demolishing the ramp, then only fliers could come after the party.
>>
>>35181992
"Come on," you yell at the nurse and the priest, "we need to catch up with the fish!"

They break off, turn, and start running toward you. You've got a head start, but they catch up easily.

Unfortunately, the demons are fast too, although they do get in each other's way. You hear far too many feet behind you for comfort, but you don't dare to turn and look back.

You run around the tower for what feels like an age - just how far ahead of you have they gotten? You wish you'd been able to assign your band members more strategic positions, but they'd just sort of rushed in however they wanted.

Finally, you see the fish ahead of you, finally picking on someone it's own size - wrestling a giant demon. The lesser hordes surround the struggling pair. They're climbing from below, leaping from above, and there's an entire contingent between you and the fish. You can see larger demons, towering above the rest, dotting their formations, shoving the lesser demons roughly aside to reach the combat first.

You can see demons fall from the tower, smashed aside by the great octobasse, and you see speakers flying out of the very walls, screaming the DJ's beat, mashing demons as they go.

You don't know if you'll even be able to reach them.

>[] Charge ahead, rocking harder
>[] Swing your guitar, smash some skulls
>[] The path's good and blocked, scale the tower while they hold the demons here
>[] Cocaine
>[] Write-in
>>
>>35182780
>[] Charge ahead, rocking harder

Cocaine is our last resort
>>
>>35182780
>[x] Charge ahead, rocking harder
I'm reeeaally tempted to use that cocaine, but as >>35182827 said, it's a last resort.
>>
>>35182780
>>[x] Charge ahead, rocking harder
Blast our way through during the combat's surprise round.
>>
>>35182780
>[] Charge ahead, rocking harder
>>
>>35182780
>[] Charge ahead, rocking harder
consider doing Cocaine if you're falling too far behind
>>
>>35182780
You feel that you can't just leave them there, so you charge ahead, fingers walking the frets as your feet run along the stone and speakers, strumming out chord after chord, lightning flying from your guitar.

You catch the first group of demons by surprise, their flesh frying under your assault, screaming their shrieking cries as they try to scuttle away or defy you with their last moments.

The world is noise, demons screaming, bones crunching, the crackle of lightning, the pounding omnipresent Hellish beat straining against the DJ's attempt to overcome it.

But your guitar is the only thing you truly hear.

You play on, strings vibrating under your fingers, swinging your guitar from side to side, thrusting it forward every step, holding to what you can hear of the DJ's beat. The bodies pile up around you, lesser demons, scorched by your searching lightning, flotstam caught in your personal maelstrom of destruction. The scent of burning flesh fills the air.

Then there's one that doesn't fall, a towering, glowering mass of muscle straining under thick black feathers, a pair of wings spread wide behind him. Your lightning bounces harmlessly from his feathers, scattering ineffectually. His long talons gleam, and you could swear you see a smile on his sharp beak.

You hear a noise like a thousand crows laughing at a hanging, and, for a moment, it overwhelms your guitar.

>[] Club him with your guitar
>[] Cocaine
>[] Rock even harder
>[] GTFO
>[] Write-in
>>
>>35183430
>[] Rock even harder
>Switch from Lightning to Fire

Dragon's Dogma has teachede that the best way to deal with Flying Feathered Annoyances is to BURN THEIR WINGS
>>
>>35183430
>>[x] Rock even harder
Instead of lighting, try shooting some lazors.
>>
>>35183430
>[] Rock even harder
maybe try to switch elements too
>>
>>35183430
>[] Cocaine
Maybe a heavenly boost?
>>
>>35183430

You try to remember how it felt when the cocaine ignited on your guitar, reaching inside yourself for something, anything, to call out that firestorm again.

The bird demon rears high above you, drawing back his wings.

And then, just as he sweeps them down at you, it clicks. You play the chord. The right chord.

And there's an inferno around you, flame pouring from you guitar, burning into his wings, eating them, the stench of burned feathers hard in your nostrils, as he staggers back, shrieking in pain.

Your fingers shift, you modulate, transpose, continue the song, basing every riff off of that chord, bringing a torrent of fire into the world, flames streaming from your guitar, brighter than the sullen red sun itself.

You charge the demon, and he leaps at you, hanging in the air for an instant before you sidestep, pressing yourself against the wall of speakers. Then you bull forward, pressing your flaming guitar into him with the entire weigh of your body.

He overbalances and falls, a fiery ragdoll, down the side of the ziggurat. He lands in ruin among another group of lesser demons, crushed some and setting others alight.

You feel a twinge of pain in your side, and check your IV bag to find it empty.

The nurse and the priest are right behind you, the wave of demons pressing down on them, but they're solidly standing their ground.

The fish group has cleared the small fry, mostly through collateral damage. The only demons left to fight them look like they're on an even footing - you see the octobasse slam against a demonic electric bass. You're not sure what the DJ's fighting, but it looks as scary as she does, swatting speakers out of the air like they're annoying flies.

The fish is still thrashing around, wrestling two huge demons.

>[] Continue on to link up with fish group (specify which member to assist)
>[] Climb by yourself (or with the priest and nurse)
>[] Cocaine
>[] Write-in
>>
>>35184241
>[] Cocaine
Dr. Rockzo called
>>
>>35184241
>>[x] Cocaine
We won't make it through with an empty IV.
>>
>>35184241
In the long list of bad ideas you've had, shooting up on cocaine, for the first time, halfway up an under-construction demonic ziggurat, inside some strange place halfway between Hell and Earth, is probably one of the worst.

Everything's still in the envelope, the bottle of cocaine solution, the disposable needles.

You take the bottle, you shake it up. You've never liked needles, but you've also never liked the idea of facing down demons, and you've been doing plenty of that lately.

You take one of the needle, and start drawing the liquid into it from the bottle, as the battle rages around you.

You don't need a Doctor Feelgood to prescribe for you. You just eyeball it.

>[] Half a needle full
>[] Full capacity of one needle
>[] Fuck it, inject the whole bottle
>>
>>35184860
>>[x] Half a needle full
>>
>>35184860
>[x] Fuck it, inject the whole bottle
KICKSTART MY HEART MOTHERFUCKER!
>>
>>35184860
>[x] Fuck it, inject whole bottle

Big Red Button Pressing Crew, reporting in.
>>
>>35184860
ASK THE MEDIC
>>
>>35184944
He's fightan demohns. Don't wanna d'stract him..
>>
>>35184860
>[] Half a needle full
Guys, a full bottle is probably on the fast track to ODing. We want the crack to boost our powers, not to become them
>>
>>35184860
>Whole Bottle

Gogogogogo
>>
>>35184860
>[] Half a needle full
Our accountant has probably never been on any of the stuff before, so the smallest choice.
>>
>>35184860
>[] Half a needle full
>>
>>35184860
>Fuck it

Time to die for Rock and Roll.
>>
>>35184860
>[] Fuck it, inject the whole bottle
>>
>>35184860
>Half a needle full
We can't OD just yet, there's still work to be done.
>>
>>35184860

>[] Half a needle full

We already died once. Plus we might need more rocket sauce later.
>>
>>35184860
Give him half a needle, it's baby's first crack
>>
I fucking love you, HaikuDeluge. Continue on your crazy train
>>
>>35184860
>[] Half a needle

There is a time not to ration resources, but this is not it
>>
> time to inject cocaine
> suddenly, voters
>>
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>>35185311
We will defeat the demons with drugs, rock, and dubs
>>
>>35184860
You pull half a needle's worth from the bottle, expel the air from it, set your teeth and drive it into your arm.

It kicks in as you're shoving the bottle and the unused needles back into the coat.

Shit.

You're really not sure how to describe the feeling. Well, there's that terrible feeling of having poked a hole in your arm with a needle. That's a small quibble, though.

You feel like a million dollars. It's like, well, the only point of reference you really have is coffee. Such a sad life you've led.

But this is so much more than caffine. So much more, you can't really describe it.

You stand back up, twice the man you were when you knelt. A small wisp of white fire trails up your hair, then vanishes.

>[] STYMIE THE CHASING HORDE
>[] DO MORE COCAINE
>[] ASCEND TOWER
>[] DO MORE COCAINE
>[] DESTROY FISH-WRESTLERS
>[] DO MORE COCAINE
>[] BADASS WRITE-IN
>[] GUESS WHAT THIS OPTION IS
>>
>>35185500
>[] GUESS WHAT THIS OPTION IS

The Rock Gods deliver repeating digits
>>
>>35185500
>[] DESTROY FISH-WRESTLERS

Here fishy, fishy, fishy...
>>
>>35185500
>[] GUESS WHAT THIS OPTION IS
ROCK AND FLY WITH FLAME WINGS
>>
>>35185500
>>[x] STYMIE THE CHASING HORDE
FIRST WE COVER OUR BUTTS, AS SOME GENERAL SAID IN SOME WAR.
>>
>>35185500
>[] DESTROY FISH-WRESTLERS
>>
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G31n1ITApY4

Video very related
>>
>>35185500
>[] STYMIE THE CHASING HORDE
>[] ASCEND TOWER
>[] DESTROY FISH-WRESTLERS
If half a needle of coke gives us this much energy imagine the whole thing...
>>
>>35185658
It makes us feel like we have enough enough energy for those things, at least.
>>
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cOVzXYEU3Bk
>>
>>35185500
>that get, though

Those demons wrestling with the fish? Wrapping their big strong arms and groping hands around the DJ's pure spirit animal? Proud horns prodding the sky? The big dudes without a care in the world?

You're after them.

You run straight at them, narrowly avoiding a wild swing of the bassist's octobasse as you slide between the legs of his demonic opponent on the way.

The demon lifts his horned head up and screams his rage to the skies, and you lift his torn-off balls up and yell out your triumph.

That's all the edge the bassist needs to finish the demon off, but you don't bother watching - you've got bigger fish to fry.

Fingering as you run, you strum out the fiery chords again, your guitar pulsating with flames. You shift your grip, moving both hands to the neck, hammering on with ten fingers as you raise your instrument, your weapon, high above your head.

You've set your sights on the pair of demons wrestling the fish.

One of the demons has his back to you, the fish on the other side, between him and his companion, symmetrical monstrosities embracing the fish, crushing it. Those horny bastards.

The other demon yells a warning as you leap into the air, but it comes too late. The flaming guitar smashes down on the back of your target's neck, crushing his demonic vertebrae. As he falls, fur on fire, the fish breaks free, and turns of the other demon, ripping chunks out of him with its sharp teeth.

>[] DO MORE COCAINE
>[] ASCEND TOWER
>[] DO MORE COCAINE
>[] ASSIST DJ
>[] DO MORE COCAINE
>[] STYMIE PURSUERS
>[] GUESS WHAT THIS OPTION IS
>>
>>35186159
This is turning into Thirty Hs, and it is awesome
>>
>>35186159
>[X] GUESS WHAT THIS OPTION IS

The Rock Gods will it
>>
>>35186159
>[] ASSIST DJ
>>
>>35186159
>[x] ASSIST DJ
>[x] ASCEND TOWER
>>
I'm guessing "guess what this option is" is "do more cocaine", just from the pattern of responses.
>>
>>35186195
>This is turning into Thirty Hs, and it is awesome
We still need the Crotchsaws to get anywhere close to Thirty Hs' level of crazy.

>>35186159
>[] ASSIST DJ
>>
>>35186159
>[] ASSIST DJ
lewd?
>>
>>35186262
Fuckslayer should come first
>>
>>35186271
>that spoiler

Why would you think that, anon?
>>
>>35186159
As the fish begins its meal, you look around for the DJ, and see her locked in combat with a demon unlike the others, an abominable mass of tentacles reaching out for her, slicing through the air, snaking toward her from a thousand angles.

She's ripping the very walls of the tower itself apart to mount a defense, shoving the tenacles aside with speakers, or simply using them as shields, but she's having a bad time of it. She's no longer attacking, forced completely on the defensive.

You wonder how long she can hold out against the assault, jumping from rock to rock on the remains of the crumbling ramp, dodging the tentacles as they come for her.

You start for her, but something snags your pants leg.

You look down and see the tour manager, his gun unhinged, dropped partway through a reload. He's battered - looks like he was shaken off during the wrestling match.

"Please," he says softly, hands shaking, "my cocaine. I need it. If you give it to me, I can help the girl."

>[] DO MORE COCAINE
>[] GIVE HIM THE COCAINE, THEN ASCEND TOWER
>[] DO MORE COCAINE
>[] TAKE ON THE DEMON YOURSELF
>[] DO MORE COCAINE
>[] ASCEND TOWER
>[] GUESS WHAT THIS OPTION IS
>>
>>35186651
>[] GIVE HIM THE COCAINE, THEN ASCEND TOWER
One needle.
>>
>>35186651
>>[x] GIVE HIM THE COCAINE, THEN ASCEND TOWER
>>
>>35186651
>[] GIVE HIM THE COCAINE, THEN ASCEND TOWER
sharing is caring
>>
File: Spoiler Image (43 KB, 600x338)
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>>35186651
>>35186707

To clarify for the man in need of his drugs, he wants you to shoot him up.

You can keep the rest of the bottle and needles.
>>
>>35186651

>[] GIVE HIM THE COCAINE
>[] TAKE ON THE DEMON YOURSELF

DON'T SPLIT THE PARTY
>>
>>35186651

>>35186751
This dude's got it.
We gotta help the DJ
>>
>>35186651
>[] GIVE HIM THE COCAINE, THEN ASCEND TOWER
>>
>>35186651
>[] GIVE HIM THE COCAINE, THEN ASCEND TOWER

this is obviously the only real option
>>
>>35186751
This.
>>
>>35186651
Who are you to deny another the glorious touch of cocaine?

"Sure," you say, pulling the bottle and needles out of the coat. You fill one, prep his arm, and shoot him up. You're rewarded with a sharp intake of breath thirty seconds later.

"Thanks," he says, more strongly this time, fumbling with his gun, "I can handle this."

You're not too sure, but you can almost see his dexterity returning as you watch him load the gun. You're not sure why, but you trust this guy. He seems too sad and worn-out to do anything too terrible.

Like he already did the most horrible thing he could think of, and he's been running on autopilot ever since.

You look up at the top of the tower and realize you don't feel too good. Your side's starting to throb again, or, more precisely, you're starting to care about the throbs again. The euphoria's fading fast, you realize as you look at the used needle in your hand.

If you're planning on going up the tower by yourself, it's going to be a long and painful climb.

But there's always another option...

>[] Do enough cocaine to ascend the tower (roll 1d100, or write in the potential mistake)
>[] Just gut through the pain and keep going slowly up the ziggurat with the team. (roll 1d100)
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)

>>35187182
>[] Just gut through the pain and keep going slowly up the ziggurat with the team. (roll 1d100)
>>
File: 1410743818872.png (151 KB, 421x500)
151 KB
151 KB PNG
Rolled 67 (1d100)

>>35187182

>[] Just gut through the pain and keep going slowly up the ziggurat with the team. (roll 1d100)
>>
>>35187182
>>[] Just gut through the pain and keep going slowly up the ziggurat with the team. (roll 1d100)
>>
>>35187182
I assumed the potential fuckup is using the needle we're still holding, the one we just used on a man who's been poisoned by the essence of nu-metal, right?

>[] Do enough cocaine WITH A FRESH FUCKING NEEDLE, YOU DUMB FUCK
>>
>>35187182
This: >>35187307

>>35187225
>>35187251
>>35187259
Remember when Haiku gave us GTFO as an option for a bunch of updates?

And we died because we didn't take it?

How many times has he given us "DO MORE COCAINE" now?
>>
Rolled 31 (1d100)

>>35187307
>>35187182
Seconding this
>>
>>35187497
not the same circumstances, GTFO was a rational thing to do, while taking more cocaine would probably end up with us getting addicted or OD'ing
>>
>>35187620
>shooting up
>when otherwise our pain will cripple us
>not rational

do you even combat stims, m8
>>
>>35187497
>
Pretty sure the DO MORE COCAINE option coming up so often, is because its crazy stuff and super addictive. we can save it for a last hurrah once we reach the top too
>>
>>35187182
>Do enough to fly

Hey, it worked well enough last time.

But use a different needle.
>>
>>35187182

>[] Just gut through the pain and keep going slowly up the ziggurat with the team. (roll 1d100)

Save the rocket juice for the end.
>>
>>35187906

Apparently I can't roll dice anymore because of stupid.
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)

>>35187906
>>35187924

God damn. I haven't tried rolling dice since the email field went away. This is just sad.
>>
>>35187182
>Do the cocaine, don't be stupid

>>35187924
Dice are stupid.
>>
>>35187182
You toss the used needle off of the ziggurat and pull out a fresh one. You kneel down, draw it full, and shoot it into your arm. And again, for good measure.

Because now that you've run out of juice once, you don't want to do it again. Everything kicks in, and you're on top of the world again, stuffing the stuff back into the jacket, tongues white fire licking up from your hair.

As you finish, a loud noise makes you jump - it's a gunshot. Your eyes track from the barrel of the manager's gun to the tentacle demon, and you see several of its tentacles writhing aimlessly along the ground, severed from the main body. The a speaker slams into the demon's bloody stumps, and it howls in pain. The tour manager looks the happiest you've ever seen him.

Fuck yeah. They've got it covered down here.

You grab your guitar, strike a pose, and slice your hand across a power chord. The white fire dancing in your hair pulses, kindles, and explodes into a pair of wings, spreading from your back.

Nothing will ever go wrong again.

You flap them down and rocket into the sky, sailing effortless up the rising tower, all eyes on you, the rising star. You're picking out an arpeggio as you go, the rippling notes adding speed to you wings, and you shoot up, over the top of the ziggurat.

You look down, circling the half-constructed towertop, your wings sweeping the polished sky, which is actually made from black marble.

In the middle of the roof, there's a pyramid of white stone, with some sort of stick-like torch sticking out of it. You're not sure what that could be.

There's an angel standing in front of the pyramid, snow-white wings folded behind him, strumming on a guitar that has more in common with a cactus than any sane instrument should. Spikes are the theme, and it looks like you could cut your hands open playing it.

He's the one playing the omnipresent Hellish music.

>[] CALL OUT TO CHALLENGE HIM
>[] DIVE BOMB HIM
>[] SMASH THE PYRAMID
>[] BADASS WRITE-IN
>>
>>35188143
>[x]Begin playing the solo to end all solos. Your Requiem of rock and roll that will drown out the wails of demons with the hardest metal known to man.
>>
>>35188143
>[] CALL OUT TO CHALLENGE HIM
>>
>>35188143
>>[] CALL OUT TO CHALLENGE HIM
>>
>>35188264
>>35188289
Our guitar will do the talking
>>
File: 1370838-snowflame.jpg (34 KB, 342x413)
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34 KB JPG
>>35188143
needs this pic

this: >>35188227
>>
>>35188339
This is not a vote, just a suggestion about how such a thing ought to be carried out
>>
>>35188352
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xTTZl1ZrR0s
>>
>>35188227

Bring a blizzard of rock crashing down on this fallen angel like an avalanche.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=txwlKqt01TQ
>>
Alright, this is a decent stopping point and I'm pretty tired.

Hopefully we can wrap this up tomorrow night.

It's been fun running for you guys, and I hope you're all enjoying the quest so far.

Twitter (for runtimes, not my political opinions): https://twitter.com/HaikuDeluge

Archive (for reading when you feel nostalgic for the good old days when the accountant played in the middle of highways): http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Rock+Quest

STATS:

ROCK OFFS WON/CHALLENGED: 2/3
AFTERLIFE EXPERIENCES: 1/???
ALIGNMENT: TRUE ROCK - "Rock is worth doing."
>>
>>35188523
no demon shlong counter? for shame!

Thanks for running dude, always a treat!
>>
>>35188523
I will not be hanging around to answer/discuss questions/comments. Too tired.

I'll see them in the archive tomorrow, though.

>>35188560

Ah, shit. Knew I was tired. At least I archived. (Go vote the arhives up!)

DEMON SCHLONGS SEEN: 54/???
ELEMENTS UNLOCKED: 2/2

I think the accountant is kind of missing the trees for the forest in the battles, though.
>>
Wait, I'm a bit lost. Since when we have a bassist and how we Git him?
>>
>>35190962
Found him in not!Hell anon.
>>
>>35190962
It is also totally not Guts
>>
>>35190962
Last thread, I think.

>>35191059
I'm pretty sure this is not!eclipse.



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