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>>34705586
Don't forget the divisive subject of gene modding people to Loli's to exploit this further.

>>34705586
yus! thread 2!!!

cant wait to read more writefaggotry!

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>>34705586
I am not able to post Akari anymore. So will mix it up instead.

Pastebin of my shitty story so far. http://pastebin.com/7eQ217cP

[cont]

[INT - Prince AL-IHAD FORDINNER's palatial estate upon the world spanning Great Blile River.]
[YUKI, Koba and Piku all wake up in cozy cots with all there equipment, a noodly palace guards watches over them as he inspects the disguised assault rifles that currently look like water guns]
Noodly Palace Guard 1: These things are so adorable. Oh! You are awake, here let me get you some water.
YUKI: No.. wait! Come closer, I feel my life wearing away and I need you to hear my last words.
NPG1: Of course, of course!
[NPG1 runs to YUKI's cot, leaning in closely as he is knocked out by something off screen. YUKI looks at Piku with a bared fist and angry expression.]
Piku: Alright captain, lets go get our payday.
YUKI: Right you are Staff Sergeant. Let us retrieve Kobayashi, and further infiltrate this great palace.

[cont]

I'mma stat some 'cute' strain humans for dark heresy.

Cosmo, I posted in this thread specifically just to point out I'm laughing at you in my room.

Better be a good writefag, you loli-lover.

>>34706346
post them please I will use them next game

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>>34706062
[Yuki and Piku, now with the groggy Koba walk the immaculate halls of AL-IHAD. Yuki then runs into an invisible wall, which fades into view as MC is covered in alien blood, with a spine within its grasp.]
YUKI: Jeez MC, what did I tell you about scalping aliens?
[indecipherable interfered radio chatter from MC's built-in-mic]
YUKI: Great, its broken again. Koba will have to fix you up back on the Namidamasen.
[The four sneak through the palace, evading guards with acrobatics, gadgets and good ol' kick-to-the-back-of-the-knee-followed-by-neck-snap-ings before finally reaching a massive vault and a noodle guard in power armour.
NPG2: Halt, no one gets past here without 'ok' from the Prince.
[The four huddle up as Koba pulls out a playbook.]
YUKI: Alright, I am going to try the double reverse-orphan N.20.
Koba: Its a bold move Captain, lets see if it pays off...
YUKI: Don't worry, this isn't my first shakedown you know.
[Yuki cracks his knuckles, rolls his neck and does a little jig of readiness, wiggling his petite hands]
[Yuki adjusts his knee socks, and cartoonish uniform before approaching the guard, a single bead of sweat rolls down the guards slim, almost featureless head.]

>>34706609
>Dis gun be good

>>34706609
[Yuki wiggles his shoulders, looking up to the tall noodly alien, batting his big eyelashes topping big, blue eyes.]
YUKI: Mister Guard, me and my friend are lost. We were abandoned in our room, no one wants to play with us... would you play with us?
[The guard begins sweating like a madman, pulling out a synthfibre towel and batting his slithery forehead and face]
YUKI: We want to play hide and seek, but we can't hear MC's counting, so we want you to count for us and look for us!
[INSERT MUSIC - http://youtu.be/lsxhy_9iijg?t=4m10s]
[guard sweating intensifies, insert beating heart sound effect]
[visual "redding" effect, mild hallucinations as the noodly guard changes gaze to Yuki and 'her' friends a little down the massive hallway]
[tense music continues as YUKI struggles to keep the cute exterior as the guard continues to sweat, almost a pale colour now]
(INNER MONOLOGUE - YUKI: This guy is good, really good. No one has ever been able to resist the double-reverse orphan... I will have to pull out my... secret weapon.)
[YUKI looks at the ground, kicking some dust with 'her' small shoes before turning away from the guard, and looking back with a pout]
[SFX: HORROR STRINGS accompanied by Guards terrified gaze]
YUKI: I *hate* you guard, you are so mean.
(INSERT MUSIC - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGfnoORaC2c)
[Scene escalates as the guard is now visibly shaking, Yuki's voice echoing 'hate' in his head. The scence pans to a close up of Yuki, and then to the guard, and then to Yuki once more and then finally to the guard who holds the urge to vomit.
NPG2: Please don't hate me! I am a nice guy! Ok, I will count to 10 and you all hide. I will come find you.
[Yuki turns to the noodly guard and hugs him, before making a gesture behind the guards back directed to Koba who nods as Yuki's away team disperses]
YUKI: Thanks Mister Guard! I will go hide now!

[cont]

>>34706409

Cute Abhuman
H 2 Ar 2 B1 Lr 2 LL2 WS 36 BS40 S15
T10 AC30 INT 47 per 45 Fe 60

Half 2 full 4 charge 6 run 12 Threat ???
Laspistol-Basic

Skills:Charm (fel)+10 Deceive(Fel)+10

Talents:Step Aside, Sprint Size:Scrawny

Latent Glamour: WIth what these abhumans lack in physical strength, they make up for with their latent psychic glamour, whenever an acolyte makes an attack against a 'cute abhuman, they must first take a willpower test with a difficulty of the Abhumans fellowship+1D10 the Abhumans felowship will take a -20 penalty during this roll if they have already done at least 2 wounds damage to the acolyte, and an additional -10 applied for every wound subsequent to that. due to the latent psykery used to subdue minds, a character with the deny the witch tier 2 trait, or any other psychic resistance may forgo this test, and immediately attack. This test is only taken once per abhuman.

here's my reasonably shitty stats anon

>>34705586
>tfw actual human children are simply too cute to be observed without causing an immediate anuerism

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>>34707036
I like this a lot, nice work.
>>34707005
[The four disperse with haste, as Koba turns a corner and raises his wrist, revealing a large item called "The Stealth-o-Tron".]
Koba (via codec): Alright Yuki, I am set up to move past him. You know what to do
YUKI: Affirmative, initiating second pattern open delta-orphan-orphan-rabbit. Lets do this.
[Cut to the guard, leaning his head against the massive vault door]
NPG2: Gork... Blok... Plunk... Plank.. Plonk... Two... One... Alright, ready or not! Here I come.
[The guard turns with a wide smile on his face, add sparkle VFX as he laughs with glee and moves down the hallway]
[Koba gestures to YUKI on the other side of a t-joint he is approaching, YUKI then sneezes and giggles, before running loudly down the halls. Koba initiates the stealth-o-tron as he passes by, turning right towards YUKI]
NPG2: I wonder.. I wonder... I wonder where she could *possibly* be hiding.
[The guard laughs with delight, as he struts down the hallway and makes chase, Koba quickly darts to the console next to the door]
Koba (muttering to himself): Alright.. if I cross the two wayward wires, it should reverse the polarity on the neutron flow.. opening the lock.. now where is that reversotron...
[Koba fiddles with his noticiablly full utility belt as the scene cuts to YUKI hiding obviously behind a spagetti plant. The guard approaches the dead end while feinting looking for YUKI.]
[The guard then lunges gently towards YUKI, tagging her on the hand, a wide smile on his face]
YUKI: Ok, you got me Mister Guard. Now I will help you find my friends!
[YUKI feints a perfect, excited smile. Insert heart-beating SFX emanating from Guard]

[cont]

>>34705916
>>34705939
>>34706688

This is the best thing ever.

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>>34707324
TFW when humanity actually weaponises moe

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>>34707664
They never saw it coming. Because it was only 3 and a half feet tall.
>>34707394
[scene cuts to Koba, who slams his delicate fist against the vault before spitting to his side]
Koba: Who still uses Space Windows 2095? Its like IT on a backwater hubworld.
[Koba pulls out what looks like a strange disc drive labeled Microsoft, zoom into the logo as text becomes easy to read "Macrohard, Microsoft. Made in Space Korea."]
[Koba plugs in an archaic wireless adaptor into the console, and envelops himself into a digital world. He finds his digital form glitchy and incredibly slow, he opens a screen and picks a restore point far back which turns him from 3-D to 2-D sprite]
Koba (via codec): This is going to take longer then I thought, keep him distracted.
YUKI (via codec in a whisper: Got it handled.
[Yuki clears 'her' voice, before tugging on the jacket of the guard]
YUKI: Hey guard, I think they went this way.
[YUKI points to bloody foot prints, the guard wistfully ignores the blood and strolls down the hallway holding hands with YUKI.]
[YUKI notices a slight shimmer, in the corner of a branched hallway. She looks up to the guard]
YUKI: I lost there trail! We should split up, meet back here in a few minutes ok?
[The guard looks heartbroken, but musters up all of his courage and continues down the hallway]
[YUKI approaches the shimmer, who fades into view as MC, who smashes its knuckles together and brandishes to massive vibroblades that spring from its arms.]
YUKI: No way MC, he resisted the double-reverse orphan... he earned my respect and my mercy. We will do this clean for his sake.
[YUKI pulls out a strange beeping device]
YUKI: Besides, I nicked this from him. Its a wide range heart monitor. If it detects his heart stops, it will commence a lockdown.
[MC rabbles incoherently through the broken microphone]
YUKI: I can't understand a word you are sayin-
[The guard appears from behind the two, YUKI quickly pockets the monitor as she looks to the -

[cont]

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>>34707005
>(INSERT MUSIC - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGfnoORaC2c) [Embed]
>[Scene escalates as the guard is now visibly shaking, Yuki's voice echoing 'hate' in his head. The scence pans to a close up of Yuki, and then to the guard, and then to Yuki once more and then finally to the guard who holds the urge to vomit.

>>34707324
Humanities Galaxy Wide Broadcast Channels pose a huge danger to non Human spectators simply shuffling through whats on.
The fact that you might stumple upon a "Television Show" that casts live human children is enough to kill weak hearted sentient life forms, but during a live marathon broadcast of something Humans called "Animation" thousands of unsuspecting people of different races on different homeworlds and colonies died during the 8 through 20 hours GWS(Galaxy Wide Standard) of moving drawings of young Human females engaging in various strange acts that are deemed extremely cute even to other humans, this near genocidal event went on to become known as the legendary "Kawaii Shoujo desu ne" Catastrophe" and was the sole responsible happening that banned humanities broadcasts from public viewing.
People still wonder how cute those drawings where but I, Erushal Quaclur have found said recordings in the human 'net (Don't ask me how) and am now going to wach it, if I don't post back in 30 minutes GWS then it means I am dead... Wish me luck.
Screencap of a courageous anon from /HC/ that died in persuit of human cuteness.

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>>34707912
Glad you like it.
>>34708218
>Kawaii shoujo desu ne
>not: The H-h-happening, Kyun~
>>34707809
[- the guard with an obviously guilty expression, 'she' looks down, and back up to the guard like a mini Kiefer Sutherland, the scene zooms into 'her' eyes]
UNKNOWN NARRATOR: Within every EEIF Operative, are several augmentations to facilitate infiltration and skewed diplomatic results. In this case, the brave space captain Lossel aka YUKI has activated the I.O.K.T.C or It's OK To Cry subsystem that will stimulate ones tear ducts. This is a last resort, but is brutally effective on the field.
[YUKI covers 'her' eyes with her hands half-covered in the intentionally too-long-sleeves, silently boohooing]
[INSERT MUSIC - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMFIjP-6mho]
[The guard looks to sad YUKI with watery eyes, his heart beating like a drum. His words choked by a feeling within his stomach. YUKI's voice echoes in his head again "... I hate you guard". His sweat now like the Space Niagra - he falls to his noodly knees, spaghetti falls out of his pockets.]
YUKI: I didn't mean to lie to you Mister Guard.. I am sorry. Please forgive me!
NPG2: No, you didn't do anything wrong! Its just a game? See?
[the guard covers his eyes]
NPG2: I didn't even see your friend! Look!
[the guard gestures to his covered eyes]
YUKI: No.. you caught MC.
[YUKI sniffles, wiping 'her' eyes on 'her' sleeve again, before holding out the guards hand to MC's powerfist]
YUKI: Lets.. go find Piku... mister guard
[The guard looks as if the weight of the world was relieved from his shoulders]

[cont]

>>34708218
a true hero if ever I saw one.

did... did he succeed?

Except for being hairless and lacking a muzzle, humans are similar to a lot of mammals...

is Earth the Planet of Cute then?

>>34708299
>Screencap of a courageous anon from /HC/ that DIED in persuit of human cuteness.
key word highlighted for you, anon

>>34708218
this was amusing.

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>>34705586
> Can't fuck aliens because they see you as a child, aliens that want to fuck humans are pedo, abducted humans for sex trafficing, etc
> Asshole alien "human rights" groups trying to make us quit or force an end to our violent ways because they can't stand to see boxing matches or contact sports
> Specifically have to ask our interstellar affairs government officials to deal with our own criminals/pirates in their space, because they can't stand hurting/killing children
> The PTSD effect when we lay into someone militarilly is off the fucking charts because child soldiers.

MFW this is actually plausible because of cultural differences between species.
> There's a species that is already experiencing this, somewhere, in this universe
> And we're possibly the ones that could view another alien as this

>>34708381
What if humans are the ugliest species in the galaxy?

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>>34708353
>is Earth the Planet of Cute then?

>>34708353
Earth is indeed the Planet of Cute. Even our bugs are cute.

>>34708445

Who the fuck bred bats with Furbies?

>>34708381
>Asshole alien "human rights" groups trying to make us quit or force an end to our violent ways because they can't stand to see boxing matches or contact sports
This is why we know the psychological effects of alien-human war.

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>>34708445
Yes.

>>34708449
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NlAggDNzCuM

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>>34708429
ugly is a pretty relative term so it's doubtful that there'd ever be "ugliest" and clothing can hide the ugly (specalized clothing like space suits, even better) so just wear some hooded robes, it'll be fine.

shit, i'd guess that you're as likely to be viewed as ugly if you're completely human but absolutely beautiful if you have artificial limbs; if you're being viewed by the cyborg aliens.
And octopus aliens would like our hands, probably.

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>>34708571
>Well, I don't really see what the big deal i-
>OH JESUS GOD SHIT FUCK JESUS DICK

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>>34708429
Then that would just fall under "Humans are Cthulu"-esque responses.
>>34708299
>>34708353
nevar forget
>>34708445
>pic related
>>34708278
[MC's ASCII screen glows "ಠ益ಠ" as it studiously glares at both YUKI and the Noodly Guard, who is too infatuated with YUKI to notice. A sound similar to a sigh emanates from within the mechanized warrior as it stands up and follows YUKI and the Noodly guard on their search]
MC (over codec): [indecipherable static]
YUKI (over codec, whispering): I.. don't know why I did that... but I should focus on the mission
[YUKI shakes her head, rubbing 'her' temple with 'her' offhand, other hand locks in the noodly guards grip.]
[Cut to Koba, who is hacking through the console at a snails pace, a screen appears showing a folder spitting paper into another folder.]
Koba: This thing has more viruses in it than the Ebola 6 system. YUKI, Piku and MC, come in.
Piku: Piku here, still hiding. I think I heard footsteps nearby. What do you need?
Koba: The hacking is slower than molasses moving uphill on Hoth, how close is he to finding you all?
Piku: I heard YUKI, and I can hear MC's annoying-as-hell broken microphon-
[Audible footsteps, the noodly guard says something that is muddled by the call]
Piku (whispering): He has me, I repeat, he has me. Hurry it up Koba and set up the transporter beacon!

[cont]

This still got any readers?

>>34708720
Still here, yo.

>>34708720
Im here

>>34708571

I dare you to find a cuter flesh eating parasite.

Protip: you can't.

>"Captain we're under siege by pirates!"
>"What?! Wha- what race?!"
Suddenly the bulkhead doors blow open and in strides a short scruffy human with a hat and long coat much too large for him.
Pointing It's solid projectile weapon with one hand and putting his other on the hilt of his blade he barks.
>"Awright ya bloody krakenfolk dis be an hostile takeover drop yer weapons and form a line straight to the car-car... *Sneeze*
Using one big sleeve to wipe his nose and adjusting his hat the sniffling human finished.
"To the Cargo room!"

>>34708720
Still here.
Is that a Gerboa?

>>34708783
tongue-eating louse?

>>34708847

Tongue-eating lice are total camwhores.

>>34708720
>Then that would just fall under "Humans are Cthulu"-esque responses.

Bear in mind that all of Nyarlathothep's forms were supposed to drive another species mad - and one of his forms was just an egyptian dude.

>>34708847
>tongue-hugger parasite
>not adorable

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>>34708783
>pic related?
>>34708753
>>34708769
>>34708827
Alright, just want to make sure I am not talking to a wall here. Yeah, it is a jerboa. Cutest little things.
>>34708720
[cut to YUKI, with a pensive expression as 'she' walks hand-in-hand with the guard back to the vault door]
(Inner monologue - YUKI: Why did I do that? Why am I showing him mercy? Hes going to ruin the plan... I am Alphonse J. Lossel, space captain of the Earth Expedition and Interaction Fleet. I am a merciless sailor of the stars... I..)
[YUKI looks up to the guard who has a big shit-eating grin on his face, 'she' looks down to the ground, blushing before shaking 'her' head.]
(Inner monologue - YUKI: I have to stick with the mission... I have to focus...)
[Pan to Piku, who raises an eyebrow to YUKI's expression]
[Cut to Koba, who finally cracks the code. The vault door slides to one side, revealing a giant, shining crystal of hexagonal patterns. Around it is several tonnes of gold and other now useless materials thanks to the proliferation of such resources in the New Earth Empire's economy]
Koba: Alright, now I just need to shut the door... and set up the beacon.
[Koba initiates a program on the console within the vault, shutting the door. He takes out a large box, places it on the ground as a complex dish springs out and shows a screen tracking the Namidamasen]

[cont]

>>34709031
>Yeah, it is a jerboa. Cutest little things
they are identical to ffxi rabbits. which are evil and I killed over 8000. I still have a kill tally around here somewhere.

>>34709094
>learning, the hard way, that the bunnies in Valkurm Dunes linked.
>Learning the addage, "no matter what level you are, there's a bunny that will kill you."
Been there, bro.
>getting OHKO'd by Sea Horror the first time you took the boat to the Dunes.
>thirteen dune lizards chasing you through the dunes.
>Killing a VT tinkerer just as he finishes casting Cure III.

>>34709280
damn I miss the dunes, I spent so much time there I literally dream of it some times.

that and sandy.


nobody goes to the dunes anymore.

>>34709332
The first time night rolled around on Qufim Island always stuck with me.
Mostly because Ghost-pop-TPKs.
And fuck Garlaige Citadel with the strapon from Se7en. Fucking holes in the floor and Citadel Bats.

>>34709031
Have you considered writing a quest sir?

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>>34705939
Humans, the cute cats of the galaxy. Seriously, what's a cat good for? Nothing, and yet we dote on them. Why? It's... It's so cute!

You just know the bastards are leveraging it, controlling you through the cuteness to pamper their every want and need, and yet we never really fault em' for it. Diabolical, I may yet hope this really turns out to be the case. After all, life is pretty damn sweet for the kitty. Only with humans, resistance to being spayed and neutered is actually possible. A cat can't take a human in a fight. A human can take an alien. Guns and blasters are very effective equalizers, as is sentience itself.

We'll run the galaxy without even trying, awesome!

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>>34709031
[Koba continues to inspect the wealth within the vault, before attempting to hail the rest of the ground team.]
Koba: This is Kobayashi, the transport beacon is setting up. Thankfully it has a set-up wizard, its too easy. Come in.
[radio static]
Koba: Repeat, this is Koba within the vault. Do you guys read?
[radio static]
Koba: What is going on he-
[suddenly the door slides open, revealing a deactivated MC, a bound YUKI, Piku and Noodly guard. Behind them is a dozen linguini soldiers, the great noodly prince and... a dog wearing a black, ornate hat.]
YUKI: Koba, they got us! Its Corgias Cain, this is an ambush!
[Koba dives behind the Diamondillium, equipping the special assault rifle]
[the small Corgi, lifts itself into an awkward stand and equips its own pistol, the Pawgiver.]
Corgias Cain: Pawgiver... Hot Shot round.
[Corgias Cain raises the minature pistol to the back of the head of the noodly guard, and shoots him. He is quickly fried, the sweet smell of fresh noodles fills the air like a macabre buffet.
UNKNOWN NARRATOR: Now is a good time to introduce Corgias Cain, deadly space security consultant and interactionist from Space Wales. He is a no nonsense dog, with a no nonsense hat.
[cut to stills of Corgias commanding ships to destroy a medical station, to Corgias leading an assault against Space France while leading Space Nazi's and to Corgias refusing to tip 10% on a very good meal with a lovely waitress]
UNKNOWN NARRATOR: With a heart as black as his hat, Corgias has chosen YUKI to be his eternal rival. Space Wales vs New Earth... the eternal conflict.
[cut to Corgias approaching Koba slowly, dragging his paws upon the bottom of the railing within the vault]
Corgias Cain: Kuwabara... kuwabara...
[lightning begins to shimmer from his paws, jolting in bright sparks from the metal railings. Koba looks afraid.]

[cont]

>>34709701
ok wtf man you went to a strange strange place

>>34709668
>as is sentience itself.
also, condoms

>>34709701
what are you on and where can I get some?

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>>34709701

>>34709668
>So next up on the list... Humans want MP-235 from the Trax Uni-
"Negative. This one states that that planet is rich in resources that keeps our people alive!"
"Come on... pretty please? Us humans want to turn that small planet into the new Disney World, one that's actualy A world."
"N-negative. We cannot comply if we did it would send our people into an age of misery"
"Pretty please with cherry on top?" *rolls on the council table*
"N-negative."
"How about if you trade it for my prized collection of pet rocks?"
>The Trax have relinquished MP-235 to the Humans and also resigned their species from the council.

>>34708571
Why am I aroused by this?

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>>34709811
>>34709875
The logical villain is a rival within the lucrative business of looking adorable. Why languish with simple, when you can go over the top?
>>34709701
[INSERT MUSIC - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBq4-0PdBrI]
[Corgias launches bolts of lightning to the flank of Koba, who quickly hides behind the translucent Diamondillium. Corgias face unflinching with cheek pinching cuteness as he continues to launch great volts of lightning]
[Corgias then launches a shot of lightning that seems to curve, striking Koba hard in the side and launching his petite form across the vault. He struggles to take cover - locking and loading before firing a few rounds blindly towards his direction.]
YUKI: Activate the transporter beacon! Its the only way!
Corgias: You can try, but this room is layered with counter measures against long-distance communication. They only thing coming out of this vault is me, and you in a bodybag.
YUKI: Koba, initiate the C.A.T.!
[Koba nods, as Corgias looks to YUKI with insane curiosity]
[Suddenly YUKI, Piku and MC repel the soldiers behind them, easily cutting their bindings with a small laser ring. The soldiers let loose on them, but find their rounds just break on impact with an invisible barrier]
[YUKI lets loose a high-pitched laugh]
YUKI: You fools, do you not know what CAT stands for?
[The guards look confused, as Yuki equips his rifle and aiming it at the guards with one hand, while motioning to his knee socks, and then the short-shorts of the uniforms jumper]
YUKI: CUTE ABSOLUTE TERRITORY! A FORCE FIELD GENERATOR!
[Yuki unleashes a torrent of fire, killing all of the guards, before lunging and rolling behind the prince and holding him hostage]
YUKI: Alright Corgias... its just you, me and my brave crew. Put down the weapon and surrender. Or your payday gets it.

[cont]

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>>34710195
>cute absolute territory field
I like where this is going.

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>>34710037
We could still give them what they need. They need that, what apparently amounts to ketrecel-white, and we cute humies ain't really bad or evil. We give them the "useless" resource in exchange for being free to whatever we damn well please with that planet otherwise.

A sweet deal really. They get the goods, we get the living space, trade routes, a cut from the black market, ect. And really, even after all that, can you really say no to such a cute humie?

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>>34710345
Same guy, if this was the case I'm seeing all kinds of irony. The sweet cute humie being the head of a local thieves guild. The brutal genocidal maniac being an avatar of innocence. The baddest motherfucker in the galaxy being so cute that nobody believes them when they rightfully claim to be that person even when they demonstrate to a crowd that they can indeed nail a bullseye from an "impossible" distance.

We've done all that and more, but from the perspective of an outsider we'd be the last kind of being to be in a given position. And let's not get started on romantic relationships. We here are already proof enough that at least some of us will gladly fuck anything that has a hole and/or will receive any penile probe that won't shred the "divine ho-ha" as it were. Fuck, there are girls who get turned on by tentacle hentai. That says a lot.

We may well be the most dangerous entity in the whole damn universe, but for all the reasons we don't really consider. Glorious.

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>>34710195
[Corgias sneers, keeping up its cute exterior. It sheathes the pistol. Before pulling out a small, strange box.]
Corgias: Why don't we settle this like men? By sword?
[The box telescopes into a longer box, before he performs a quick flourish, revealing it to be a butterfly knife-like sword. Its edge hums audibly.]
[YUKI throws the prince to MC, who is now active - before walking forward and reaching his arms out to both sides. Suddenly the invisible drone that Ch'tagn is watching through appears, and sends to to telescopic broadswords]
YUKI: Mise en garde you son-of-a-literal-bitch.
[INSERT MUSIC - http://youtu.be/gph88vzCS8Q
[The two quickly dive at eachother, swords beared as they exchange blows mid air, falling to the grown with the grace of a cat.]
YUKI: You're... pretty good.
Corgias: I know
[The two lunge again, with YUKI leading with an x-shaped slash, before crossing in from both sides in a scissor move. Corgias flips and flourishes the butterfly sword, staggering the slashes with blunt force. He then kicks YUKI, launching 'her' against the wall. YUKI groans in pain, rolling her shoulder - and setting it back into place.]
YUKI: Koba, the beacon is ready - teleport the resources in here to the ship!
Koba: I got it!
[Koba dives, rolling long and far next to the beacon - and activates it. Suddenly the room begins to distort save for Corgias and YUKI.
Corgias: How is this possible?
YUKI: Its simple really.. you left the door open
[Quick pan to the open door, with the captive prince, SFX: Surprised]
YUKI: Looks like I win again Corgias.
Corgias: But I just trounced you!
YUKI: Look on your back.
[Corgias slowly turns his head to his back, where almost a dozen mini-bombs beep quietly and explode. The Space Welshman quickly disappears before the explosion grows.]
YUKI: Looks like he activated his contingency module, alright 'gals', lets haul this load in.

CONT

>>34710643
Humans are the most cute and adorable, and also the most terrifying perverts in the galaxy?

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>>34710837
In a sense yes. They are so cute and innocent they see the beauty in all things. Other species call those who find the others attractive "perverts" and the like.

But the human knows. He understands in a way your kind does not the transcendental beauty of fluffy tails, carapaces, ect...

It's the way they feel, the way the light glances off of them, their color, their scent, all of it. They are at once both perverted old men and innocent children in their descriptions. Those who are of like mind see them as akin to prophets, putting to words what was only a base instinct before. They *know* more than their own kind, and they who find you of like mind welcome you into their adorable beds, wishing nothing more than to validate your own so called "sick" desires. And that they do, with a joy so pure you can't but help but believe there is nothing wrong with you...

Yet everyone else may rightfully think there is. Danger and play, I believe Nietzsche had a thing or two to say about that.

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>>34710835
[INT - Namidamasen bridge]
Ch'Tagn: That sure was an invigorating mission, you truly are a brave space captain YUKI.
[YUKI runs 'her' hand through her hair, flipping it near the end]
YUKI: I *am* the best and brightest in the entire EEIF fleet after all.
Ch'Tagn: Quite so, I have decided to give you the weight in our deal. I hope to see you and your... adorable crew in the future. Good luck in your exploits.
[The strange alien makes an equally strange gesture, before moving out of the omniform chair and onto his own shuttle, rocketing off into the stars]
[YUKI sighs, as 'she' sits down in the captains chair.]
YUKI: Put the Rear Admiral onto screen, Kobayashi.
[Koba nods as a giant hologram appears in front of the crew. A regal-looking man appears on screen, a scowl on his face]
YUKI: We have retrieved the Diamondillium.
Rear Admiral: Good work, I will send a transfer ship at once and wire the credits directly into your accounts. One more year of this... and you can retire.
[The sound of the word 'retire' perks the ears of the diminutive crew]
YUKI: We are working our best, thank you for the update. YUKI out.
[INT - Namidamasen mess hall]
[Koba, Piku and MC all sit on one of the tables. YUKI approaches with a platelet of cakes.]
YUKI: I thought we could enjoy some of this delicious cake together.
Koba: Quit the buddy-buddy. We asked for some alcohol, not this crap.
[SFX: Heartbeat, VFX: Echoing distortion from YUKI]
YUKI: Sorry, sorry. I wasn't thinking. Just let me.. throw this out.
[YUKI strolls to the trash bin, but looks over to a group of new recruits who look to be enjoying their break. 'She' strolls over, and gives them the platelet.]
YUKI: This is from the high commissariat, enjoy it.
Unnamed Redshirt 1: Thanks Captain, its nice of you to think of us.
[YUKI blushes slightly, looking down before composing 'herself']
YUKI: Just don't get the wrong idea, this is a one time thing. We just had too much for ourselves...

CONT

>>34711036
Your trying to turn me into a humanfucker aren't you?

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>>34711506
[cut back to Koba, Piku and MC a YUKI approaches with several cans of beer]
YUKI: Sorry about that, I was just a bit dazed after the mission. The teleporter makes you loop, ya' know?
Koba: Yeah I know what you mean, I still remember the time Piku came out head on backwards. Oh boy, that was a fun time.
[YUKI and Koba laugh, MC seems to chortle judging by its current face on-screen and the strange pattern of radio buzzing. Piku furrows his brow, annoyed at being the butt of their joke.]
(Inner Monologue /w distant echo effect- YUKI: Why did I get cakes instead of beer?)

CUT TO CREDITS - BLAH BLAH BLAH
Yuki's Internal Voice - Sam Worthington
Piku's Internal Voice - Adam Baldwin
All 'outside' voices - Kana Hanazawa
Rear Admiral - Johnny Yong Bosch
Corgias Cain - Nolan North
All noodle guards - Nolan North

ED music - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g68Y5GGsEg4

I am going to take an hour break, if there is any interest in an episode 2 just let me know. Try to keep the thread alive till then.

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>>34711802
You magnificent motherfucker.

>>34705916
That feel when someone screencaps your work

It is the best feel.

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>>34711717
Yes, we are. We find your alien mein to be most striking. And we so dearly wish to make you happy.

It's a kind of evolutionary advantage for our kind. That which made other species happy, thrived. The wolf became the dog, the lion became the cat. We will thus become as such to you, and we will both so love it. If we become your "pet" we gladly accept, for we know the "pet" is the one in control.

We know our BDSM. The "sub" is the one in control. We "submit" ourselves to you, for we know that such a position is the one of "true" power. So please, our loving master, "master" us. Yet know that the "master" truly submits to us.

Irony, my sad alien friend, we understand it far more than you will admit. In bowing down, you bow before us. And us "cute" humies revel in this fact. We serve you so completely because we know that, in doing so, we get you to serve us far more completely. Tis our curse, and thus our advantage. We hurt you so sweetly...

>>34711802
10/10

we need fanart and a tabletop rpg stat.

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>>34711863
No problem anon. Glad it got some praise, as it is my first writefaggotry.
>>34711935
>tfw you don't know that feeling
;_;
>>34712763
I like to write rpgs in my spare time, I would be willing to come up with something if I got some other people to help. As for art.. well, thats not really my strong suit.
>pic related

>>34711963
How did this idea go from humans being cute and attractive to aliens, to humans being sex slave servants? This shit isn't what I signed up for.

Question; If we're doing the genemodding thing to make humanity more cute, would shotas be the security staff? Maybe not as adorable, but more capable in an actual fight?

>>34712968
Yeah, some people keep trying to pull this in the wrong direction I feel.

>>34712875
Dark heresy Statanon here, happy to help.

>>34713000
Anon, prepubescent children don't really hive dimorphic strength. Boys and girls are pretty much the same strength wise, it's not until puberty that hormones start changing things.

>>34713000
I thought the point of this was that the average adult human was already considered extremely cute and human children's cuteness could give aliens aneurysms.

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>>34713000
Naaw, gene mods make such concepts as sexual dimorphism null. I mean there is nothing wrong with shota red shirts or whatever, but its really up to personal taste.
Also, see: >>34713047
>>34713023
Alright, just add me on skype.
>Cosmonaut ʕ•ᴥ• ʔ
If anyone else is interested, add me as well. I will get a group chat going.

>>34713074
Yeah, me too. This just seems like an excuse to shove lolis into it.

>>34713074
This is my version of it, I don't like the loli thing.

>>34713132
I'm with you. I like the idea that humans fall into this niche in the galaxy despite (not because of) what they try to look like.

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>>34713132
>>34713374
Different strokes for different folks I suppose.

Would we make our space craft and tech look cutesy as well? Like what would that even look like, battleships lined with fluffy walls with pillows embroidered with images of humans? what about our weaponry, it wouldn't be lethal of course since killing detracts from the cute, I'm thinking confetti launchers and noise makers

>>34713635
All human tech would be inappropriately intimidating.

>>34713635
I just went hologram skins. So a gauss rifle might look like a goofy nerf or water gun. While a space shuttle might actually be a high-tech stealth vessel.

>>34712875
>tfw you don't know that feel
Some day friend Anon
Some day.

Just keep on writin, drawing and reading. You develop your own style as time goes on

>>34713680
Can the big spicky rocket launch fire confetti still while making a loud pop still?

>>34713752
The confetti is flesh eating nanites.

so yes

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>>34713726
Thanks anon.

>>34713810
Why not heart exploding?

>>34713841
Why not both?

>>34713841
Diversification. We can already explode their hearts without even trying, why engineer something that can do it?

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>>34713838

>>34713866
"I've never seen a human in all my days of raiding the twisted spiral, but I've heard tales of what they can do to the unprepared" The large Kras'kin said, pouring another metal keg of extremely potent booze down his somewhat porcine looking snout, before his tusked face with two of his six arms before continuing his speech to the small crowd gather around them

"They say to look upon them with an unprepared or cold heart, will bring only doom, as all your blood rushes to it, causing it to pop like an overripe Cascan fruit" he said making a popping motion with one of his clawed hands, causing the younger members of the crowd to gasp.

"And their looks aren't the only danger, I've heard tale of one getting out of Grosgan's butchering table just by crying, one reason they've become known as sirens of the aether, their voices and sobs make even the most hardened and jaded pirates listen to and care for them like their own, even being willing to die for their human "pet". The scarred Kras'kin took another large swig from his barrel of booze, when a small Tispian raised it's claw

"What about their weapons" it snarled

"That's the scariest thing about them" The Kras'kin said in a hushed tone "No one knows what exactly they use, as no one who's managed to anger one has ever lived long enough to tell the tale, as far as we know, any that would threaten a human, seems to just vanish into nothingness, Pooof like you never were" the bar fell quite as the Kras'kin finished

"How...how does one prepare their hearts?" a jittery Hengik said, clacking his four jaws together in synch. A smile spread across the Kras'kin's heavily scarred face, he'd been waiting for someone to ask that, he reached into his bag and pulled out a handfull of bright blue plastic boxes with colorful images of humans on the front with large friendly letters telling you the name of the show.

"Now, I am glad you asked that" He said, smiling wide as he could
(cont?)

"Uncle Gar Gar?"
"Yes little one?"
"Tell us a story!"
"What kind of story?
"The one when you met your first hoo-man!"
"Your great-ancestor?"
"Yea!"
"Haaaaa.....I've told that story to you a hundred times!"
"Yea!"
"You want to hear it again?"
"Yea!"
"Really!"
"YEA!"
"Okay. It was the year 23XX and I had just finished throttling the life from an insubordinate crewman. He thought he could hide smuggling good on MY Z-Class Smuggler without me knowing, or paying me. The Syndicate Council had sent me a message, requesting urgent assistance in a matter most grave."
"The Cohmanduh right?"
"Yes. Your Ancestor, the one you Humans gave the title of Commander too. Anyway. There had been many requests received in the Markets, requests for Humans!"
*Theatrical gasps from the assembled audience can be heard*
"What did they want Uncle Gar Gar?"
"They wanted to make you SLAVES RAWRHAWR" Hroth'gar, battle-scarred, old and wise picked up the nearest Human and tossed them, giggling, high into the sky. The rest of the Humans burst into laughter, they loved this story the most.

As Hroth'gar returned the Human to its seat on the ground, he continued his story. The story they had all heard so very often and loved even more with every re-telling. Soon enough they came to the best part, when Hroth'gar and the Commander first met. No one paid any attention to the tears that slowly spread across Hroth'gars eye. He always seemed surprised when the story was finished that his face was wet.
"Is it raining?"
"No! Go on Uncle Gar Gar!!"
"Oh. So there, sitting high above me was the Commander! My men and I were instantly awe-struck by the Commanders presence. I issued my challenge of single combat and the Commander accepted.

For three days and three nights we fought, tirelessly in a struggle worthy of song! Until finally, we simultaneously halted, recognizing the folly of this fight. Impressed by the Commander skill, I extended an invitation to visit the Council with me.

The rest is history.

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>>34714336

Would human planets be just theme parks/pet stores?

>>34714734
They'd be normal human planets, it's just that visiting aliens would have a cuteness overdose from every mundane thing.

>>34714751
What if they visit Japan?

>>34714814
I doubt human concepts of cute mean that much to them on their own, so Japan wouldn't have any extra impact.

>>34713705
>>34713680
>>34713635
Nah, remember guys, everything we do, create or think looks cool and badass is cute to them. We can have the slickest high speed corvette and they'll think its adorable.

>>34714863
>implying japan wouldn't break them in half.

>>34705586
This is just and excuse to post lolis, isn't it?

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>>34716301
It might be.

The establishment of the Cutearchy over the Humans was a slow, but perhaps inevitable process.

It is hard to believe now, but there was a time when humans were both significantly less and significantly more cute. In the first few decades of galactic contact, humans used crude methods to leverage existing cuteness, or enhance using native technologies and cultural trends.

Much has been made elsewhere by our less enlightened kin of Human animation and the rumoured galactic catastrophe when a channel of theirs broadcast on all frequencies for several hours. I can confirm that the programme on this channel, "C'andel C'ov" never in fact existed. Yet such urban legends continue.

One of the ways humans did attempt to leverage their cuteness was the use of genemods and chemicals that made their adult members appear more like their children, the "LOLI" effect. This proved in some-cases to be radical overkill.

It was not until the dawn of the second century of Humanity's predominance in galactic affairs, that the first seeds of the Cutearchy would be sown.

>>34717084

Mmm, what? I'm recording the history of the Cutearchy, go away. Well, maybe I'll pay with you in a bit...

*clicks, irritated*

The humans realised that each species had a subtle, but distinctly different appreciation of what made them so adorable. Projects to optimise the levels of cuteness and sympathy to humanity were proposed and abandoned, but given how much power and influence they already enjoyed, there was no internal impetus to make the next, logical shift.

With millions of humans willing to brave the stars and don various guises, some temporary, some forever dooming them to a childlike state to maximise sympathetic response, the tens of billions of humans elsewhere on their homeworld and colonies, who were left in their "natural" state of cuteness, saw no reason to "doll" themselves up for the benefit of Aliens.

That was, until, the Synthenoids returned.

>>34714683
Glad you liked it friend Anon

>>34717137
A machine race, the Synthenoids alone were immune to the appreciation of aesthetics and cuteness that humanity presented. Worse, their powerful nuclear-fusion cores made their mere presence dangerous or even lethal to humans, warping them, decaying them with radiation, threatening to rob them of the traits that gave them so much power.

Although initially concerned only with claiming a small section of the human empire at this point, the Machines inadvertently triggered a Galactic War of staggering proportions.

It is difficult to speak of the times of the Parent's Rage, even now we...I...feel some echo of that great surge of emotion which swept across us all, all those centuries ago.

The idea that anyone, anything, was not only capable of harming humans, but also of threatening to leave them disfigured, ugly...

*clicks, distressed*

I am sorry, I need time to play with my human. I will resume recording in three standard minicycles.

*recording resumes*

Ah...that was...refreshing. Where was I? Ah...yes. Humanity drew on all its alliances, its web of influence, whole species throwing themselves with fanatical zeal against the Synths. Billions died to protect even the smallest human worlds, and those few prisoners the Synthenoids took came at such vast prices for them that they were convinced that they had captured Human Leaders.

The tragedy for them was that they simply could not understand why all organic life seemed to band together around these creatures. At first they assumed the war was the result of prejudice against their machine-forms, but when they tried to adopt android or artifically organic forms this did not end the war.

Despite their vast superiority in numbers and power, slowly, the Machines found themselves pushed back, world by world, until they hit on a final, desperate plan.

They would themselves become cute.

>>34717221
*sounds of playing, giggling and childish laughter in the background*

No, no, I already threw the ball! Silly thing! Oh, let me work for a bit, please!

Ah, yes, where was I? Yes, the False Cuteness.

The Synths had not been idle in their war, even if they had found themselves reduced to a single system, countless trillions of drones destroyed or eradicated, whole networks gone dark by the omnicidal rage of those who sought to protect their humans, to eliminate utterly the threat that would rob the humans of their childlike innocence.

Running countless quintillions of mental calculations every microsecond, the Synths finally were able to put together a model of the aesthetic virtues, borrowing liberally from captured human research on what it was that made them so adorable, so appealing to other species.

And then the Synths unleashed their Dolls. Perfectly refined, customised to every race, these optimised engines of grace and childlike niavete were like blistering stars of pure uguu.

Their mere presence, mere walk, slew whole regiments with their carefully premeditated displays of clumsiness or childlike sweetness.

Even the humans were not entirely immune, the abandoned LOLI and SHOTA projects somehow having been recovered by the Synths, who used it to create Dolls that could enthrall even human sensibilities.

But whilst effective weapons on first exposure, the Dolls had a key flaw. For by becoming so overwhelmingly, painfully cute, they had also become Saccharine and Schmaltzy.

Fearing a whole galaxy turning on them, their whole empire hopelessly entertwined with every other race, races which included our own..I'm sorry this is difficult to speak of, but I must, for the sake of history... turned on their humans, abandoned them for these...these fakes....*clicks, angry, distressed.*

...Ah, I...lost myself for a moment. I did not mean to disturb you Dela-kun. Forgive me.

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>>34717221
>>34717332
Shit man, and here I thought I was taking it far with Volgin the Corgi Commissar.

>>34717332

I suppose I must continue this recording musnt't I? I've left it a while but...we are so close to the important parts.

Working feverishly, the humans and their scientists finally realised the key to True Cuteness. For centuries a minority among them had already begun to "adopt" themselves to other races, becoming pets or playmates. But huge segments of the galaxy still did not even know what humans looked like, beyond video and holographic medias.

True Cuteness, they realised, was not to try to outshine the Dolls, but to create a personal, intimate touch. A six second holo-video of a human playing with a ball of string tugs on the heart-strings, but the effect is as nothing to seeing your own human, in your own home, rolling around for -you-.

The personal touch was what ensured the final, permanent dominance of the Cutearchy. To avoid extinction, to cement their power, Humanity would transform itself completely into the pets and companions of everyone throughout the galaxy. Ugliness of any kind was permanently and radically engineered away from every human, their whole race being tailored to optimal- but not overbearing- cuteness.

This personal touch proved vital, and helped the races of the galaxy realise that the Dolls were a sham, nothing more than kitten posters with rainbow glitter thrown over them, the image of cuteness but not its wonderful, heart-warming reality.

The Dolls could not purr in your lap while you stroked them. They could not lie in your sleeping pod during rest-cycles and warm you with their little bodies, entirely innocently.

Conquest of Space no longer threatened Humanity. For they were now everywhere, nestling in every home, every habitat, every headquarters across the Galaxy.

Worse, this Diaspora made them Sad, and Lonely. And Human tears proved the final nail in the Synths Coffin.

For now all races had a new duty...to cheer their human pets up, and to keep them from feeling Sad.

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humans have sutch cute smiles

>>34717476

And so I bring my History to a close, my kinlings. As you know, every galactic sapient now competes for the privilege of having a Human pet, for even with their entire race paired to the Galaxy we still all outnumber them vastly.

Yet their place in our collective hearts has been secured. Their loneliness and sadness is easily assuaged, great gatherings engineered to cheer them up, bringing thousands of Humans- and their Owners- together, furthering ties between species who once were enemies.

The Humans, by sacrificing their seperate civilisation, had gained effectively all civilisations everywhere. Some have tried to claim that this has diminished their intellect, or that surely they are no better than other cute animals who some keep as pets.

Yet, I ask you kinlings, of the races with human pets throughout their leadership, how many wars have occurred? How many disputes were resolved long before they bubbled over? And why is it that when a Human wishes to breed, or find a mate, their owner never once considers anything other than indulging this whim?

The Cutearchy is real, and all around us. I would tell you to beware, but...Dela-kun is calling, and it is time for me to read her her bedtime story.

Coming, my sweet human... *clicks, making happy noises*

>>34717561
Personally, taking it to the level of pets or alien sex toys is taking the concept way too far. Same as with the loli thing. Feels like an indulgent magical realm. Pretty dark too, in its own way.

I dub thee topic HUMANITY HNNNNNNG YEAH!

>>34717588
I appreciate that, and I wanted to take it to its logical extreme precisely because its a dark and fun idea.

Its not the best thing I've ever written, I admit, but hopefully will encourage others to write more OC.

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why have I not seen a human with lines like that before? This makes them even more adorable

>>34717588
You need to improve your mental filters. Some sort of loli/shota garbage is just par for the course on 4chan, like how things you leave out in the sun become warm. Trick is learning to automatically filter out the autism and reading the rest of the ideas.

Still a little silly, yeah, but I find generally speaking you're better off reading past the pseudo-mock-pedophilia that runs rampant.

>>34717655
Eh, I like loli/shota stuff, it's just that for this concept it feels like missing the point. Anyway, it's not really relevant to my opinion on that last story.

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>>34705916
Why would you ever save a giant wall of text as JPG?

>>34717682
But what is the point?

>>34717764
To me, it's that aliens find humans cute no matter how serious they try to be. A gruff, grizzled warrior, a brilliant scientist, and a charming diplomat are all just intelligent little puppy dogs to them. Don't need to go and turn everyone into actually cute lolis.

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>humanity becomes a species of lolis in order to conquer the galaxy with cute

I need to start looking at HFY threads more often.

>>34717788
"BEHOLD ALIEN! I have, at long last, discovered the key to unlocking fusion-pulse-drive technology! This discovery will send the Federations starship engine technology leaps and bounds ahead of what it is currently! See how the central mass of the device exhibits a.....w-why are you sniggering?"

The gigantic insectlike alien slowly leans down to observe the Humans whiteboard and the markings therewithin. It gives the Human a considering look and the scientist is clearly a little anxious, desiring, if unknowingly, the gigantic creatures scientific approval.

Suddenly a whip-like tendril darts out and points at a marking in the centre of the algorithm.
"This is wrong." The faint amusement is clearly evident in its scratchy voice.

The Human stomps its foot and throws its marker on the ground.
"Y-you always do this Gril'na! Damnit! Damnit damnit damnit!" A string of curses, each more creative then the last, follows the scientists as he storms from the huge observatoriam.

Gril'na turns to its compatriots with a bemused grin, raising its four shoulders in a shrug.
"Humans." They all say knowingly.


Like that Anon?

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>>34717588
The loli thing is a complete joke. You should not in any way take it seriously.
>>34717788
Which is fine.
>>34717888
This is the first time I have seen it in a HFY, for all I know it is a new thing.

>>34718160
There was a previous thread that started it and that thread was inspired by a post in a previous thread.

>>34717633
You didn't tell me they came in different patterns!
Can I get one in polka dot?

>>34718043
I'm not getting any cute outta that.

>>34718160
>the loli thing is a complete joke

Uwot. It is not.

>>34718263
That's sort of the point. WE don't see cute, but the aliens does. This disparity is what's interesting.

>>34718285
I mean I don't see the aliens reacting to it as cute. It seems derisive. That's fine, but there's no element of them behaving so because they think the human's efforts are cute, instead of feels like bog-standard derisiveness alone.

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>>34718214
Ahh I see. I guess it makes sense, since I only view HFY on occasion since new content is hard to get (in my opinion).
>>34718281
My story, as well as likely what other people posted is parody. I mean, I like the aesthetic of loli's and all, but its completely, 100% not mean to be taken seriously and is in my opinion, meant to be a long winded joke. Hence: Space Captain Alphonse J. Lossel, 42 years old, 4 kids and a loving wife - who is now a spacefaring loli captain.
>>34718285
That story is very underwhelming if the goal was 'humans are cute mascots' or any related derivative. It just seems like alien elitism.

>>34718342
>>34718317
>>34718285

To be honest, its pretty hard to write it so that from the human perspective it is clear the Aliens think we are adorable without resorting to "DAWWWW LOOK AT THE CUTE LITTLE HUMAN!!!!" Especially in such a short one-shot like I wrote.

Not only that, consider the fact that a superior race considering any attempt by Humanity to advance and progress to their level as "pants on head retardedly adorable" is pretty much a perfect example of being elitist.

Similar to how mustardrace just laughs at everything the Consolefags try to do cause they'll never match up to the PC.

>>34718970
It may be hard, but that's not an excuse. Just accept that you failed to get the feeling across.

>>34718990
I already accepted that when I wrote what I just said.

Why dont you stop being a colossal asshat and write something yourself?

>>34705586
One day I will find the source for that anime.

What's with Japan's obsession with sugary cute girls trying their damnedest to give people diabetes?

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>>34719312
I refuse to believe you're serious.

It's boku no pico.

>>34719334
Nice to see someone keep up with the old traditions.

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>>34719312
Its boku no pico
Just kidding its Yuru Yuri

>>34719312
Ignore >>34719334, 4chan's only "what's that anime" joke.

A little google tells me it's called 'Yuru Yuri'.

>captcha: resolved
Yes it is.

>>34714336
I still keep thinking humans as grown men being tossed into the air and giggling, and that completely destroys it for me.

I mean, I like the concept but, yeah...

Thanks, David!

When humans reach the pinnacle of their evolution they will all be lolis.

>>34719409
Oh god that mental image.
Anon why have you done this to me

>>34719597
I will not suffer this alone!

>>34708954

>drive another species mad - and one of his forms was just an egyptian dude.

>Jews having flashbacks of the pharaon enslaving them to build him a new villa

>>34713089
I think any lack of physical strength can be made up for by mec suits

>>34719613
But captain yuki is so adorable!

>>34719597
>>34719613
>>34719409
Big old logger looking motherfucker with more hair than a bear sleeping atop a pile of alien clothing in the sunlight

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>>34719733
I was more referring to how genetic modification could make high tensile muscles that would make a small form like a child have the strength of a full grown man et soldier.
>>34719763
You know it.
>Come here Ch'tagn, I want to give you a present...

>>34719808
turns out that race's jewelry is stabbed into them

>>34719409
>"Woh, hey big fellaWAAAAAAHAHAHA...ugh, mate put me down, no not agWAAAAAAAHAHAHA"

>>34719874
>"whose a goooood human, you are, yes you are"

>>34719898
>"Listen here mate, I came to this council to represent the people of Ear...what? No, you cant touch my head. What!? Look, your doing in anyway. This is disgraceful."

>>34719951
>"Awww look at his widdle cheeks, I wanna pinch em"

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>>34719808
I'd rather have mech suits or powered armor over the genetic modification. More customizable, less chance for unforeseen side effects, and it's cooler. Why grow wings to fly and have to work at it when you can just strap on some thrusters and a nav computer to your rig and laze about as you cruise to your destination?

Besides, if we played it right it'd be like one of those matryoshka dolls in the cute department. Cute metal thing opens up to reveal a smaller even more cute yet similar looking organic thing. Genius!

What if uor size is what make us cute but to become cute to the eyes of bugs repilians or fishes species we have to use gene mods to become monsterloli/shotas

>>34720280
I agree with this anon. Humans may be genetically modified to the point of total lolidom, but make it so that mechs are more cost effective than making them superhuman.

>>34720280
I like this idea, no I love this idea

So humanity is the halflings?

>>34720280
>It's cuter on the inside

>>34720312
This is also a fantastic idea

>>34720544
Unless I'm mistaken, that is the same idea.

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>>34717588
Taking things to extremes is something people do. You can make anything cute dark as all hell if you try at it.

I myself find the concept hilarious, but I have a dark sense of humor. The cute mascot type character being a conniving gigolo of a criminal overlord is funny. Hell put the dude in a "cute" mecha that lays waste to their enemies in the way mech shows have come to depict it. Only to the aliens it's like we're blowing shit up with what amounts to sunshine and rainbows. Now that's comedy.

>>34720628
You see why magical girl humans are so attractive?

>>34705586
>Humanity 'thing' isn't being the biggest or the strongest, or the most stubborn, or from a death world or anything like that.
Realistically speaking, Humanity's "thing" is that we have stupid levels of endurance and durability. If we ever do colonize space and run into another species, our most valuable resource probably wouldn't be our stone-age weapons or sciences, but super-cheap immigrant labor.

Well, maybe the weapons too if we get advanced enough, since if it can kill us it can probably kill anything else.

>>34721031
I would adore reading a story about humanity being the "wetbacks" of the galaxy. Simultaenously despised and indispensable to the running of things. They'll do the jobs no other alien will willingly do, like cleaning the warp drives or laying out your holo-decking.

Best of all, they'll work for nuggets of the most worthless metal in the universe, gold!

>>34721091
Gold is extremely useful and only formed from colliding stars. Its probably going to be expensive.

>>34721126
Well you get the general idea. Could easily be something else.

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>>34721031
>Well, maybe the weapons too if we get advanced enough, since if it can kill us it can probably kill anything else.

To be fair that means that earth based warfare would be a good way for the rest of the galaxy to test out and show case their weapondry - basically making earth the africa of the galaxy.

>>34721126
I thought it was formed by supernovas. But yeah, it doesn't corrode or rust, is quite conductive, and it's pretty. Pretty sure any advanced civilization would find it valuable to some degree.

The real question is how far replicator tech has advanced. If you can just synthesize gold it's pretty much worthless. Whatever cannot be easily synthesized would be the de facto galactic currency and/or long term store of value. Humies working for gold under these circumstances would only last for so long as they remained ignorant of how easy it is to make gold. After that, we'd insist on proper payment.

>>34721184
What is this from?

>>34721184
And if earth becomes the next africa, eventually adopting humans will be the trendy new thing to do.

>>34721250

Well Gold's functional uses are rapidly being replicated by carbon nano-materials - I could see gold being seen as "worthless" in much the same way flint is generally "worthless" to non-neolithic cultures who have access to metal tools instead of stone ones.

it'd be equivalent to paying neolithic workmen in "useless rocks" when they can turn those into complicated knapped instruments of death and utility because they don't realise the can be paid in zippo lighters, high-carbon steel knives and guns.

You could of course extend this further and say that humans want to be paid in *useless matter* - which the force field based cultures of the galaxy see as primitive and inferior

>>34721327
im now imagining a planet of greedy loli-afrikun humans fiercely competing to be allowed to get the shiny rocks from the advanced 1st galaxy elite.

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>>34721327
Matter is never truly useless, it just depends on the type of it. Dirt is "useless" because there is so much of it, yet without it we could not live as it is needed to grow crops and feed the animals we consume. Now barren soil is pretty useless, yet it can be ameliorated with the use of good compost. Which is essentially waste material left to decompose. Two worthless things can make each other into a more valuable thing. Hell, that's pretty much the story of progress, finding out how to make worthless things valuable.

Matter is never truly useless or worthless, it just may not be useful in trade because it is so common or because of some other factor. Besides, matter has a ton of energy in it. E=MC^2, a pound of anything is thus still quite valuable from an energetic perspective. It will always be needed.

>>34721386
Don't forget the cute factor. If they see us as cute they may well just give it to us because our smiles melt their greedy, hard hearts. Never underestimate the power of puppy dog eyes.

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>>34720702
That they are. They could also be evil incarnate, like this fine lass. All things that are cute, can be made into things akin to Satan. People often forget this.

>>34710277
CAT field ?

>>34708571
WHAT MANNER OF DEMON IS THIS AND WHY IS IT IN KOREAN

>>34721823
How do you detect a CAT field?

A CAT scan.

>>34709668
>Seriously, what's a cat good for?
Actually... Cats are good for plenty. They hunted small disease carrying rodents that liked to get into our food stock. We didn't really domesticate them so much as we found out what they did and tolerated them - cats came into an ecological niche about 10000 years ago (roughly when we domesticated them) and have been around ever since. This happened once humans really started practicing agriculture about 12000 - 11000 years ago, so it didn't take long for cats to move in.

It's estimated that dogs have been domesticated for about 100 000 years (though most scientific estimates suggest that they've only been 'dogs' for about 35 000 years) and more or less became domesticated by the same process of moving into an ecological niche that humans provided. Humans as we know them have been around for 250~200k years and 'dogs' moved in fairly slowly as we apparently had to reconcile a predator/prey relationship, where cats were never a big threat.

Dogs understand humans better simply because of pack mentality and we've had more time to 'groom' dogs into what they are now, selective breeding has never really been a thing with cats (like it was with dogs and the eugenics movement which gave us most of our dog breeds).

>>34714128
even if you don't continue, that's a hilarious standalone

>>34708381
> There's a species that is already experiencing this, somewhere, in this universe
its us stupid. just look at how we treat anything fluffy with big cute eyes.

my guess is that this would result in a lot of human trafficing, for people who have to have their own cute human.

>>34722833
Trafficking many would sell themselves into. It's a sweet deal, ya get doted on like a cat. Free food, lodging, protection, perhaps even more money and (if you swing that way) a potential mate. Being a pet isn't so bad, just have to have the proper disposition to enjoy it.

>>34721250
>What is this from?
Well, google's trying to tell me that it's from Forrest Gump, but for some reason I have trouble believing that.

>>34722862

Annnnd that's another fetish for the list. Thanks, /tg/!

>>34723583
What you never heard of pet play before /tg/
Darn

>>34723571
>>34721250
It's from AKB0048, apparently.

>>34723636

Pet play yes.

A human selling themselves into body-smuggling for the purpose of being a pampered pet/occasional sex toy for a semi-compatible alien race is more specific than just pet play, and not something I had specifically come across before.

>Oh good, the thread's still here

XIPRS (Xeno-Induced Personality Rejection Syndrome, colloquially pronounced 'Yeppers') is a psychological condition that bears a striking resemblance to gaslighting. It is commonly experienced by humans living or working around alien species for extended periods, and is caused by their sense of self conflicting with how they are seen by non-human others.

If the cognitive dissonance between the selves is not properly dealt with it leads to a great deal of mental anguish, in which case one of two events can occur:

- In the first case, the individual human suffers a complete mental breakdown, leading to a catatonic state from which only professional help can coax them.
- In the second case the human develops an extreme version of NDS, becoming much more childlike and playful as their 'alien' personality overpowers their sense of self and becomes the dominant personality.

The best recorded case of this second type is Drill Instructor Ben Chipperfield (AKA 'Mr Timid') who was the personal prisoner of Pirate Lord Zxikx for 19 months. Due to his sense of security Lord Zxikx made sure that he was recorded at all times, leaving us a wealth of research material following DI Chipperfield's eventual rescue.

>>34711802
This whole story reminded me of when I watched Dai Mahou Touge. Cuteness hiding horrible things that lie just beneath the surface. Good job man.

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>>34723771
The second one is more likely. Wear a given mask (i.e. play a part) for too long and you become it. It was and is a common problem with infiltrators. You buddy up to the enemy, get to know them, act like you're they're friend. You do this for long enough, tell the same lie enough times, and even you start to believe it.

In short, if you pretend to be something for too long, you stand a good chance of actually becoming it. It's an insidious thing.

>>34723771
[PLAYING ZXIKX / CHIPPERFIELD CASE: 2 WEEKS CAPTIVE]

>Z(xikx): "Come on now, who's my good little human?"
>C(hipperfield): "For fuck's sake, I'm not a dog you alien freak! Let me go right now or I will rip off your dick and shove it up yo-AGHHH!"
>Z: "Bad human! Such foul language!"
>C: "You want bad language, you fucking cun-AGHHHHH!"
>Z: "I really don't like doing this, you know. Are you going to be quiet, or do I have to use the spray again?"
>C: "..."
>Z: "Good little human!"

>>34724653
A hard ass foul mouthed marine's descent into adorableness. This is gonna be hilarious, keep going dude.

>>34724653
Research Note: Evidence given by the Zxikx / Chipperfield case shows that those suffering from Late Stage Type-2 XIPRS can have a significantly more submissive / depressive personality than usual. Further research reveals this to occur in roughly 40% of cases

[4 WEEKS CAPTIVE]
>Z: "Does the human want a biscuit? Come on, say it!"
>C: "Please, w-what do you want? Money? They'll p-pay a ransom, I swear!"
>Z: "I already took all your money, silly! Along with your ship, cargo, weapons... and you! Now who wants a biscuit?"
>C: "P-please. I have a family. I, I... [sobbing]
>[Z proceeds to pick up and hold C for 47 minutes, until C ceases crying]
>Z: "There we are. Who's my good little human?"
>C: [sniffles] "Fuck yo-ARGHGHGNONOPLEASEI'MSORRY"

I'm trying to make it creepy and not so Magical Realm. I don't think it's working

>>34724855
>It will always be magical realm

This fetish is creepy

>>34724855
[7 WEEKS CAPTIVE]
>[Camera shows C alone in what appears to be the captain's quarters of Z's ship, 'Uncaught']
>[C also appears to now be dressed in a childish version of a pirate uniform]
>C: "Fuck, fuck what I am going to do? There's no way out. N-no way out. I'm never getting out of here! Newah evah!"
>C: [Becoming more distressed] "What about Deborah? God, she probably thinks I'm dead right now... fuck maybe I am. Maybe I AM dead and this is hell and I deserve it because I never went to fucking church and swore a lot and because I'm a bad human and I..."
>C: "L-let me out! PLEASE! OH GOD PLEASE! I-I don't know who I am anymore! I'M SORREEE-EE-EEE-EEE~"

>[C begins to thrash around on the floor, sobbing incoherently. 2.37 minutes later Z enters the room]
>Z: "Oh poor Mr Timid! You must have had Bad Thoughts again!"
>[Z begins to pick and hold C for 23 minutes, until C ceases crying. C returns the hold the entire duration]
>Z: "Who's my good little human?"
>C: "I-is it me? I a-am?"
>Z: "That's right, it's you! Would a biscuit make my little human feel better?"
>C:[silence for 9 seconds, then sniffly giggling]

>>34725120
Shit, you're right

Also goddamn typos

>>34725358
Ok, now it's creepy.

>>34724855
I don't think that can be totally avoided. It's an interesting concept though, and it has its own flavor or horror. Dat slow erosion of the mind, becoming something the former you wouldn't recognize as you. A thinking man's fear, to be sure.

>>34724653
>>34724855
>>34725358
You should get that to /d/
And I mean this in a positive way

>>34725358
I'm slightly disturbed.

>>34725391
>>34725497
Success!

>>34725669
Eww, dude, no.

Maybe?

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>>34725771
yes
you have potential

This shouldn't be funny

>How humans see themselves
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwXeN2FsE7w

>How aliens see humans
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KWKYpy__lfA

>>34725771
Keep it coming dude, I'm rather enjoying your work.

>>34726018
And yet it is. Why I don't know, but it's hilarious.

>>34726095
Sorry, but that's all I got. In my head the rest is just him lounging around the place cutely like a depressed cat.

Until he gets rescued by a daring raid, but I can't write action for shit

If anyone wants, feel free to take over

>Qonqeul Equiot, what is it doing?
>Translators indicate it recommends...
>Yes Equiot?
>It suggested numerous tubular objects interact with your forebear. It is being defiant.
>Haha, what a scamperous devil. We have identified its food source, yes?
>Confirmed, Yournbel.
>WE SHALL FEED IT EQUIOT!
>Yournbel, appearances indicate fervent madness and implacable rage towards the surrounding environment.
>The Freor are not daunted by creatures lesser than our forelegs. I shall handle the human.
>Seven suns Yournbel, I need vaster stock for this job.
<Our intrepid Freor approach the captured human. The human has constructed a Fortress out of potted plants and discarded supply caches poorly painted in imitation of the human natural habitat, the human itself is lurking on the outskirts of the reappropriated storage bay>
>Quiet Yournbel, I think it likes us.
>Equiot, I believe it is trying to set us on fire.
<The human flees off into the human cave, dropping spent flairs>
>You're just angry the human gave me the knife and not you.
>Equiot it was trying to sever your limbs.
<Yournbel raises his plethora of arms in protest as Equiot walks past Yournbel and tries to coax the human out of its cave with a grubby ball of spaghetti. The human spears the spaghetti with a long branch, pulling it into the darkness of the human cave>
>See Yournbel? They're a simple people, a better people than ours even with their inferior stature. That human only needs a little hovel and nutrition to live, we however are caught in an excess of litany and hedonism whilst this creature gets ready to rear its own brood under tenets of balance and peace.
>Equiot, I think it's gone. Also I am certain this kind does not rear broods...
<Equiot and Yournbel both embarrassingly turn to hear the sound of a door opening and slamming shut behind them>

>In other news on Toncula Station-9, a human has gone missing in the Poratio, if found please return to Equiot, Qonquel of the Freor. Reward of 100 stock.

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>>34721823
Its a continuity pun on the zettai ryouiki field from NGE. The shields the mechs had were called Zettai Ryouiki _____ and meant Holy Place which No One Could Be. It eventually translated as a term used for the visible patch of skin between knee socks, thigh highs etc.. and the short skirt (or shorts). See diagram: >>34710195 Zettai Ryouiki is now referred to in English as "Absolute Territory"due to the dub of NGE which changed the ZR field to A.T. Field (AT for Absolute Territory)
>inb4 look at this fucking trivia weeb

>>34726266
>Rumours begin to spread of escaped humans building a new society within the stations heating ducts
>Alien children begin leaving food near vents, hoping to catch one

What would be the general reaction from the aliens if a human actually managed to seriously injure or kill their owner?

>>34726479
>Situation gets so bad that "Please do not feed the human" signs get put up everywhere, people keep leaving food anyways

>>34726548
>feral humans now walk the streets of alien streets like peafowl at zoos, on the neverending search for food.

>>34726539
Alien Humanaboos would start a media campaign saying that human attacks have only ever been done by rabid humans or humans defending themselves from provocation.

>>34726539
loook at all the retards who get mauled by monkies. they still keep them.

>>34726539
>As head of organics research at Mnrenee, I would like to remind everyone that at the end of the day humans are wild animals. You can keep them at home and hope for the best but they will always heed the call of the air vents and the crawlspaces, the wild open freedom of abandoned corridors and maintenance shafts just as nature intended. We should not blame their instincts for our meddling with the balance carefully constructed over aeons of developing ecology.

>>34726562
>Which is what they WANT them to think, really they're scouting out locations so they can blow their way to the hangers and steal a ship
>Aliens find one of the bombs early
>"GREAT ZARQUON, A BOM-wait, is this fission? Unrefined? Dawwww! Little human thinks he can use nuclear physics!"

>>34726607
>Implying I'm not just hungry
A human's got to eat

>>34726539
A general investigation into the matter. The human would likely be put down unless they could make a self defense case, but general opinion on humans wouldn't change unless it became a common event.

Dogs kill people and do mean things sometimes, yet nobody fears keeping a dog and most of the time the dog does that because you're mean to it. So I could see the blame being laid upon the owner in that scenario. Don't abuse your human, and your human won't kill you in your sleep. Common sense.

>>34711036
Holy shit what is wrong with her legs.

>>34726625
>"As the commander of this rebellion, I ORDER you to stop going around the streets for food hand-outs. It's making us look bad"
>"Are you kidding? That restaurant by Hull 5 is having meatloaf day!"
>"... well make sure to bring back enough for all of us"

So adult humans are cute, does that make the children diabetic cute?

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>>34727084
Depends on which subset of this threads topic you are on.

>>34727084
Cats are cute. Cat's children are even cuter. I'd say yes.

>>34726209
>>34725358
Please more, I didn't even know I wanted this until today.

>>34727323
Maybe next thread, assuming there is one. My free time has shrunk considerably as of late

Sorry anon! Ask Cosmonaut to cover the rescue or something, I dunno

>>34723771
>>34724653
>>34724855
>>34725358
Ok this should be posted on d, not in a HFY thread.

>>34727623
This is HHY, also not quite enough smut for /d/ and we're on /tg/ wich is pretty much blue /d/.

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>>34727494
I might do something later, but it mostly depends on interest.
>>34727673
I am not so sure, slavery and mind break isn't really /tg/'s thing.

>>34727732
I'm sorry have ever heard about wizards?

Welcome back to Hrgt'nar's guide on raising humans! Today, We're going to talk about keeping your human happy.

Now, a common mistake most human owners make is assuming that all they need to keep their human happy is to tend to their physical needs. Not so! Humans are very intelligent creatures, and need mental stimulation to keep them happy.
The biggest thing is making them feel significant. The first step is to allow them to make their own living space. Do not buy a pre-furnished shelter for them! Allow them to decorate and furnish an empty shelter themselves, living in an area with such a personal touch will make them happier in the long run.

Now, with their own area they are comfortable in, a good thing to do is give them little jobs to do around the hive. Doing simple paperwork, allowing them to hunt common pests, or helping you with your own work will all go a long way to keeping your human happy and healthy. Personally, my human loves doing science projects! He wears the most adorable little lab-coat and makes these cute little fission reactors. Remember to always praise whatever work they do, and tell them what a good job they're doing.

We'll be taking a short break, and after that, we'll talk about the importance of human social interaction, and the different kinds of cliques groups of humans will make!

>>34727732
A daring rescue that involves infiltrating a feared pirate ship, and busting out a depressed shrinking violet by re-inspiring them with the spirit of man.

And the pirates are giant crocodiles with six arms maybe???

Yeah, sounds a bit dull really.

>>34727623
>d
I dunno, seems more like a /d/ thing.
>>34727673
go back to /c/?

>>34727834
>tfw life with aliens is literally The Sims

>>34727834
>allowing them to hunt common pests

I just think of a human owner handing a human a .50 cal m2 or similar whilst telling him to take care of any of the pests around the house.

>>34728037
>plot_of_aliens.png

>>34728037
And than when he comes home with trophies made of their skulls and skins he posts a holographic image to spacebook.

>>34728106
Remember to praise your human when they bring you trophies, discarding their 'gifts' while they are watching or scolding them can make them depressed.

I had a thought...

What if there are two distinct "species" of human at this point?

The first is the type we're talking about. The Moe/Loli type of Human who is cute, and relies on "daww" to full effect.

The other is the "Delilah" type. As they mature they become seductive and almost completely irresistible.

While the Moe kind will simply pout, cry, and end a war out of guilt because they made said human cry, a Delilah type will seduce all sides, and somehow ally with themselves as they were eskimo brothers and the Delilah was still steady with them all.

Thoughts?

>>34728188
>Yfw human keeps bringing back dead xenos

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What would the aliens think of this woman?

She's 23, by the way.

>>34728325
>dem teeth

either 'ugly cute' label or they keel over from overdose, depending on species

I'm getting the feeling that human pets would (under the right owner) be as loyal as dogs and as independent as cats. Kind of makes me wish there was something like that in the pet store

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>>34728438
>Kind of makes me wish there was something like that in the pet store
There is, its just a special kind of pet store.

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>>34728271
In a very rough draft of a shitty rpg, I put it down as 'lesserform' and 'greaterform'. Greaterform being standard humanity.
>>34728325
>>34728404
>>34728427
She actually kinda looks cute, in a pug sort of way. Admittedly, the last image does her the most justice.

>>34728653
Oh, there would be enough of a difference where a Delilah and a Moe would be seperate branches of Humanity. And they don't get along at all.

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>>34728271
The second isn't "cute" in the sense we're talking. I'm aware we use the word "cute" for both things that are "dawwww" and for a good looking woman.

However, after it gets beyond a certain point we don't use the word cute, at least not for that aspect. Hot, sexy, beautiful, mesmerizing, entrancing, words like this describe the seducer/seductress far better than cute does.

>>34728723
Exactly my point. That is why I use the terms Moe for the "Too Cute to hate" types and Delilah for the "Too sexy to resist" types.

>>34728719
>>34728771
In the original thread we had a split between Moe humans trying to be cute and gruff humans trying to be taken seriously but still being seen by cute. Naturally there was friction as the Moe humans undermined the gruff humans' attempts at being serious.
Sexy vs cute just isn't as good.

>>34728831
Actually the tension would come from the fact that the Sexy ones want to lay everyone but their marks are too busy looking at the cute little humans to pay attention.

The cute humans are just stealing their meal tickets!

>>34728831
modded and unmodded then? we all know that once people start making changes there are as many variants as there are people.

>>34728881
Might be easier if you guys already have the paradigm set up of the cute versus the normal, as having the sexy ones as a subset might be more normals trying a new approach.

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>>34728831
>>34728878
see: >>34728910

>>34728944
Actually >>34728910 is >>34728878 , I'm just modifying my idea to what's been established so it fits.

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>>34729005
Ahh I see.

Anyways I decided I will be doing an episode 2 in a bit. If anyone has any suggestions or requests regarding it, just ask.

>>34729115
More conflict between the team member who hates being a little girl for their job, and everyone else

Also someone should archive the thread

So becoming more childlike with engineering is obvious, but what else would you modify? Fuzzy ears? Tails? Altered nose? Bigger eyes?

>>34729309
Animeesque

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>>34729146
It is already archived, I just searched my name on archive.moe. I was planning on adding character conflict, the first episode was merely to showcase the mains, gimmicks and some humour.

Here is a pastebin of the entire first episode. http://pastebin.com/Rw3T226i
>>34729309
see: >>34729337
But yeah, making them into nekomimi would probably be incredibly effective. Especially if they see earth animals as cute too.

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>>34729337
But not too much. There's a line that shouldn't be crossed.

>>34729146
>More conflict between the team member who hates being a little girl for their job,
I feel like I missed something huge. What is the context behind this?

>>34729337
watch out, you don't want a situation like>>34708218

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>>34729395
Dear lord catgirls, it's genius. That'd affect the humans too. Wouldn't be long till every girl was a catgirl. Or a dog or kitsune girl, can't leave those out.

>>34729508
Man, designing tail sleeves for space suits would become a booming business!

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>>34729508
I feel dirty by somehow bastardizing HFY into Catgirls. Its like siding emergency rations with cotton candy or something.

>>34729596
But I like cotton candy...Why can't the emergency rations have them?

>>34729508
Hey, we finally found a way to shoehorn catgirls into this.

>>34729596
I just got the vision of putting 'humanity is adorable' under the terrifying suits from the Veil of Madness... Is this as wonderfully horrific as it sounds in my head?

Now get this... a planet loaded with Kemonomimi. A ocean resort world!

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>>34729675
I swear to god if you link this to Catastrophe, I am not sure what I will do.

Probably not a lot since you are likely miles away.

>>34729714
I don't know, would it be bad things?

But it would make sense to have the Kemo-Humans be entertainment on a ocean resort world.

That and they make a living there pretty well. And they have a reality broadcast where the aliens leave artifacts for them to find on the few islands or underwater.

Sort of like a game show meets a reality show...

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>>34729770
It wouldn't be bad per se, and might work well as some sort of ministory. But I.. I dunno. Just seems weird the concept stemmed from HFY.

>>34729844
Not really...

HFY --> humans are [X] --> humans are cute -->explore the idea

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>>34714009
Sauce?

>>34730052
OniAi

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Eeeyeeff - Episode 2 - Episode One.One.

[INT - Intro]
" Space Captain Alphonse J. Lossel is a brave captain - in space.

Combing the universe like his long, blonde hair on the search for cargo.

Planet after planet he searches, discovering alien merchants both friendly and infatuated.

Been spinward, rimward, upwards and inwards, A.J. is always ready for a fight.

This is the tale of Space Captain Yuki and 'her' brave space crew - in space. "
[Insert music - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1uUIJPD0Nk]
[INT - Intro Sequence]
[Insert panoramas of space, nebula, and a silent animation of the Namidamasen zooming past screen. Insert YUKI, Koba, Piku and MC with differently shapes shadows as they pose. Add aliens, action, space battles, normal title credits etc etc. Cut every 'beat' of the song with an explosion of something, whether it be ships, cartoon stars, what have you]

E I F, EPISODU 2, EPISODE ONE POINT ONE

>>34730225
It's HAPPENING!!!

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>>34730225
I see what you did there, and I approve.

For those who don't, he just cribbed the intro from Space Dandy. A few word changes and boom, it works.

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>>34730396
I fucking love Space Dandy.
>>34730225
[INT - Dark medical lab in Dream]
[Two doctors lie in a room surrounding a medical bay with a stitched up and bandaged YUKI undergoing the genetic modification surgery. The tall doctor places something on 'her' head and over 'her' eyes]
Short Doctor: It doesn't look like this is going to work. Pass the SuperMorphine
Tall Doctor: Why do we have to put super in front of everything?
[The short doctor points to a porthole outlooking space]
Short Doctor: Because we are in SPACE, now pass me the SuperMorphine.
[The tall doctor gives the short doctor the syringe, who then plunges it into the neck of YUKI who struggles before relaxing 'her' tense form]
[zoom into and past the device on YUKI's head, to see rapid eye movement and a single tear]
[INT - YUKI's Captains Quarters]
[YUKI lunges to a lucid state, rubbing 'her' eyes before falling back onto the humongous, fluffy pillow.]
[A great light shines from 'window' of the room, showing an expansive grassland as the room begins to glow a gentle green - a holographic wallpaper]
[YUKI sighs, before looking towards his clock - he is late]
[YUKI jumps out of bed with haste, cue montage of putting on uniform, brushing hair and practicing smiles in the mirror]
(Inner Monologue - YUKI: I am just a normal guy, working the doldrums on a space ship operated by the EEIF - the Earth Expedition and Interaction Fleet. I am part of a special branch known as the Interactioneers - combat diplomats who use the natural infatuation of humanity to gain the edge in carousing and deception.)
[Cut to small drone that dispenses toast with strawberry jam as YUKI grabs it mid-air in mouth and sprints to the bridge]

CONT

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Now I have a big question. Why exactly would aliens think of us as so cute?

I was thinking that we resemble a domesticated animal that was common in the galaxy but slowly died out. Turning it around, imagine if we met cat people. It would be very difficult for us to take them seriously too.

>>34730756

an appreciation for Moe is the one universal trait of all sapients. It's honestly one of those things you can handwave away, like with "all but a few aliens are humanoid"

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FUCK ME, I accidently pressed back space.

[INT - Bridge of Namidamasen]
[The door to the bridge opens as YUKI steps in, toast in mouth as it is yanked out by a giant, robotic arm, slammed against the ground and stomped to paste before a tiny mousedroid roomba appears squeaking from under a operations panel and cleans it up.]
Koba: You know the rules Captain, no eating on the bridge. Remember last time? You broke the materializer. We are still cleaning crusted jam off the roof.
[pan to the roof, with a strange, red substance as a spider droid picks at it with a small drill, a little piddle of red dust falls down as the screen pans following it on top of MC, revealed as the toast murderer looks at YUKI with a disappointed screen.]
MC: [indecipherable radio noises]
YUKI: You really need that fixed. Have you been slacking again Koba?
[Koba seems to be entranced by the communications panel, before looking over to YUKI]
Koba: Sorry, I wasn't listening. We are being hailed by the Rear Admiral.
[YUKI runs to the grand-sized captains chair, spinning it towards the fore of the ship looking towards the window with determination]
YUKI: ONSCREEN COMMUNICATIONS OFFICER
[The room dims, the window is shuttered as a hologram display appears.]
Rear Admiral: Is it on? I can't.. I can't.. one moment
[The Rear Admiral adjusts the microphone]
Rear Admiral: Is it live? Nyet? Well fuck it! Lets do it live! Oh, wait it is? Oh..
[The Rear Admiral clears his throat, before turning to the space crew to address them]
Rear Admiral: As you all should know, you are getting a transfer added to your crew roster.
[cut to YUKI with a look of total surprise]

CONT

>>34729666
Yes.

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>>34731062
[YUKI looks at Koba, with an annoyed stare]
YUKI: Why wasn't I notified?
[Enter - Piku with a jar of pickles.]
Piku: We did notify you, you just forgot.
[cut to Koba and YUKI playing video games on a holographic screen]
Koba: Oh by the way, we are getting a transfer.
YUKI: No kidding?
[cut to YUKI walking down the ship's halls, as 'she' passes by Piku]
Piku: Hey captain did you get the memo?
YUKI: What memo?
Piku: We are getting a transfer onto the ships roster. Some famous operative.
YUKI: Good to hear it, glad you let me know
[cut to MC and YUKI staring at eachother in the armoury]
MC: [indecipherable static]
YUKI: I have no idea what you are saying.
[cut to bridge, YUKI looks embarrassed]
YUKI: Oh, right.
Rear Admiral: Anyways, you are to pick the transfer operative up at these co-ordinates.
[complex space co-ordinates, maneuvers and black hole travel advisories appear next to the Rear Admirals head]
[YUKI gives a strong salute, before casting it off with a flick of the hand]
YUKI: I will get it done, sir.
Rear Admiral: I will keep in touch, we might have a lead on some new commodities. Rear it in, hack it out.
[The screen dims, as the room brightens, the windows shutter clickety-clacking open]
YUKI: Alright, you heard the nepotist, lets go get this transfer student of war.

CONT

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>>34731277
[Piku looks over at YUKI with a raised eye]
Piku: Not sure why you are so happy to get a transfer, it means we get less money overall.
[YUKI rubs 'her' chin]
YUKI: I didn't think about that, but it doesn't matter does it? Its not like I can refuse the transfer.
Piku: You could if you tried, but you are too damn complacent.
YUKI: I am not complacent, all I am doing is make it it easier for all of us to retire. Maybe the operative won't stay long.
Piku: I don't think you want for us to retire early, because if the transfer does stay - that means we are going to retire later rather than sooner.
[YUKI spins the chair to regard Piku]
YUKI: This is my ship, what I say goes. Remember your place.
[YUKI spins to Koba]
YUKI: Set a course for the destination. Initiate See-You-Next-Fall Slip Drive.
[The ship rumbles, before the stars begin to go from dots - to streaks - to utter blackness - before a world appears before them.]
[A screen appears, showing they have arrived at Space Chicago]
YUKI: Alright away team, let us get ready for anything. Get ready to suit up
[The four run off down the halls to the armoury. Cue equipment and uniform montage as they slide down the peppermint pole, take seats in the NS1 and fly to the surface]

CONT SOON (I need to attend to a few things, I will be gone for an hour or two.)

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Bumping for cosmonaut.

>>34727754
When you want to discuss enslaving and mind breaking someone it is discussed here, when you want to talk about how you want to be enslaved and mind broken you go to /d/.

>>34728188
Guys, my human keeps leaving dead quadrupeds on my doorstep. What do I do?

>>34732483
He probably wants you to make them into proper trophies. Better learn taxidermy.

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Alright I am back and continuing on. But it looks like this thread isn't going to last long.

>>34733157
just start a new one, at this point we'd barely have time to read the new post before it autosaged

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>>34733241
It is done. New thread: >>34733339

Initiate the emergency bubbles and prepare for warp.

Personally I like the "humans are cute to aliens" idea without the actual transformation stuff.

>Alien 1: "Ooh, feel the fuzzy parts on his head and chin!
>Alien 2: "He he, they tickle! It's like he's trying to grow teeny-tiny spines!"
>Human: "That's manly stubble, damn it"
>Alien 1: "Aww, isn't their binary gender system silly!"
>Human lights a cigar and blows a smoke ring
>Alien 2: "And he does TRICKS too?! Blow another one, I wanna try and catch it with my dorsal ridge!"

>>34733483
In a lot of these, I can't help but feel it's the aliens who come off as being adorable.

Perhaps the relationship wouldn't be entirely one-sided after all.

>>34733483

the weird thing is that I find the lolification version less weird and magical realmsy than the regular people version... probably just the effect of those lizard alien femdom comics more than antyhing else though.