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>>34534678
Your first and only exposure to high society of any sort left you with a distaste for the entire thing. Sure, the food was great, but the liquor was weak and the music was dreary. And you have no interest in any sort of society that would deny you a stiff drink and jaunty drinking song. For you are the infamous Captain Valdessa Atroxius, feared space pirate captain of the equally feared equally space piratical crew of the Sol Regret. After you crashed a plane into that floating skyscraper and convinced a city-planet spanning rouge AI to join you in a life of piracy you had hoped that would be the end of the frilly dresses and weak wines.

Yet here you are, holding a handwritten invitation for you, a guest, and a “manservant” to some Aureo-Flava Manor to celebrate the seventeenth birthday of some noble broad you’ve never even heard of before. The name sounds familiar, but you can’t really put a finger on where you’ve heard it before. You were half-considering just ignoring the whole damn thing and getting on with your treasure hunt, but once Cernu got her hands on the invitation you have yet to hear the end of it. She even followed you up into your captain quarters that the both of you rarely visit just to pester you more.

“Come now Val, after the Gibs-12 incident do you not think an actual party might be fun?”

“Ain’t gonna get stuffed in a dress and paraded around while a buncha stuffy rich kids talk about themselves.” You mumble, still curled up in the massive circular cushion that is your bed.

“The letter says our crew will be provided for. You and I both know they could use a break.” Your navigator counters with a singsong, taunting voice.

>“Fine! But you’re wearing the dress this time!”
>”Doesn’t it bother you at all how they were able to find us so easily?”
>”Why are you so interested in going, anyways?”
>Writein

>“Fine! But you’re wearing the dress this time!”

>>34534702
>“Fine! But you’re wearing the dress this time!”
Fuck, I almost missed this being up.

Dress it is.

Writing.

>>34534702
>”Why are you so interested in going, anyways?”
Info needed!

Oh, this is running again, nice.

>>34534942
Alrighty.
Hope you've had a good week!

>>34534898
I just wake up too late for the first updates, myself.
Though I am disappointed we're not wearing the fancy naga dress. Cernu likes it so. What do we normally wear, anyhoo?

>>34535171
Weeeell, we can always see what Cernu thinks we should wear before deciding. After all, you can read our reply as BOTH wearing dresses if you stretch things!

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“Fine!” Even yelling your voice barely carries through all the heaps of yourself you’re hiding under. With an exaggerated sigh, you emerge from your coils and stretch. “But you're wearing the dress this time. They asked for Captain Valdessa and they’ll be getting Captain Valdessa.”

“That will not be an issue, captain. I shall go get ready immediately!”

“What’s got you so jittery, anyways?”

“It is just that we have never really, you know, been to a birthday party.”

“What? We been to plenty. There was-”

“That wasn’t just us two getting drunk and giving each other presents.”

“Ah. Right then. Just…go get ready already.”

Cernu walks off with an extra little spring in her step while you busy yourself with grabbing your more comfortable clothes. It’s been far too long since you’ve worn the old jacket and hat, the familiar actions of buttoning those buttons and adjusting your hat just right almost cathartic at this point. So you’ve got you and your plus one, but who’s going to be your manservant for the evening? Oh well, first it’s time to address the crew.

Everyone is still on alert after that last mission, making sure none of those bounty hunters managed to track the ship down after it jumped, though you notice that Rosco is conspicuously absent from the bridge when you reach it. No doubt still discussing things with that robot girlfriend of his. No matter, that just means you have to push the intercom button yourself before making your announcement.

>>34535537
Pff, totally counts as birthday parties.
I bet our crew has some mad birthdays too.

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>>34535537
“Attention crew, this is your captain speaking. I think we can all agree we’ve had a rough couple of days, between our treasure getting nicked by some spider, foliate armadas yanking us across space and time, and having to deal with the madness of Gibsians. Which is why I’m taking us all to a party. The Aureo-Flavas have invited the whole crew to eat and drink at their expense, so I expect you all to take full advantage of their generosity. Valdessa out.”

That done, you slot the starmap that came with your invitation into the navigation console. You’re about to engage jump protocols when Roger rushes onto the bridge.

“Wait cap’n, it’s a trap!”

>”What makes you say that.”
>”If it was a trap, why bother tracking us down to invite us instead of taking us out there?”
>”Great, you just volunteered to be my manservant for the duration of the party.”
>Writein

>>34535568
>”What makes you say that.”
>Is it a big enough trap that we can't eat them out of house and home before leaving?

>>34535568
>”Great, you just volunteered to be my manservant for the duration of the party.”
Roger please

>>34535568
>Well, obviously. But we don't have anything better to do, now do we?

>>34535568
>Well, obviously. But we don't have anything better to do, now do we?

>>34535568
>Yes, and?1
>”Great, you just volunteered to be my manservant for the duration of the party.”
Oh boy, time for fun!

Looks like a mix of "Well duh" and "thanks for volunteering".

Writing.

>>34535681
Yep!

>>34535681
We'll be wearing our regular uniform, or a ceremonial version?

>>34535888
Do we even have a ceremonial version?

We sort of told cernu she'd be wearing a dress.
So we might be bringing her along, even though we told this guy we're bringing him along.

>>34536342
The invitation was for us, a guest and a manservant.

>>34536380
ah, it works.

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“Well I figured as much, but the crew still needs a break and I figure they can shove their faces full before anything serious breaks out and then we loot everything not nailed down on our way out.”

Roger visibly relaxes. “So you -do- know who Captain Aureo-Flava is.”

“Not one clue. You should probably fill me in, since you just volunteered to be my manservant for the duration of the party.”

“What.”

“You clearly know the most of what’s going on here, so I don’t see why not.”

Roger points at you like has a retort only to shake his head and swig his flash before stomping off and grumbling about how you’ll find out soon enough. That taken care of, you engage the jump sequence. The whole ship hums, the massive wooden tube behind you opens to reveal your first mate floating in stasis with eyes distant and unfocused, and then comes the sensation of your whole being getting squeezed through a pinhole and extending across eternity all at the same time as your mind clouds over in a smoky haze, a faint pulsing beat teasing the edge of your ears the entire time. Then it’s over as soon as it began, the only trace of it being there to begin with a few nonsensical questions lingering in your mind and a massive appetite. You shake the smoke wisps out of your head and gaze upon your destination.

>>34536319
We better!

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>>34536413
When you were invited the Manor Aureo-Flava, you expected to find yourself on a planet or maybe a space station with the manor within, not that your destination would be an actual honest to Ouroboros manor floating out in space, complete with a sprawling yard, a sitting pond out front, and an orchard and garden out back. The manor itself was huge as well, at least twenty stories tall and unseemly wide to match, with who knows how many levels built into the earth embedded below the manor. Beyond all that, the part that impresses you the most is that which makes the whole setup possible – the rare and coveted Atmospheric Shield Generator, a device that not only generates a hospitable and customizable atmosphere within, but is all but impervious to attacks from without. Due to their limited production and the paranoia of their inventor, it’s unheard of for any to exist outside of the Central Aristocracy.

It also means that your only way through is via the entry port they’ve established out front. A long line of much fancier looking vessels is already waiting to pass through the security checks they have out front. Doesn’t exactly leave you with a lot of options.

>Just wait your turn and play it cool for now
>Try to cut in line.
>Try to convince the security you don’t need to be checked.
>Writein

>>34536434
>Try to cut in line.
Fuck you plebs!

>>34536434
>Wait your turn and play it cool.

>>34536434
>>Try to convince the security you don’t need to be checked.
Alternatively,
>Just wait your turn and play it cool for now

We can't blow up the entryway until after we collect all the snacks. It's just bad business.

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>>34536319
No, but you like to think your regular version is pretty fancy with its golden buttons and fancy hat. You wouldn't dream of fighting in something you didn't think was flashy and stylish.

Think pic related, but cut for a giant brown naga.

>>34536434
>Try to convince the security you don’t need to be checked.

>>34536434
>Just wait your turn and play it cool for now

>>34536434
>Just wait your turn and play it cool for now
We can plan and/or cuddle with Cernu while waiting.

Wait your turn and try to schmooze the guards.

Writing.

>>34536604
Always schmooze guards, forever.

>>34536486
That looks pretty good I GUESS. I hope we get it regularly cleaned.

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> come home
> SPN Quest is running
Glorious.

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As impatient as you are and as much as you would love to show all these stuffy aristocrats what for, you play it cool and wait your turn to keep attention off of you for now. Besides, it gives you time to plot ahead and make up something to get the security checks to not completely disarm your crew.

You spend most of that time fuming at how long the ships ahead of you are taking, but while you’re lost in your own head imagining how fun it would be to pry the golden statues and stained glass off the ship in front of you to sell them, it’s your turn. As you enter the massive tube, both ends close off and an umbilical juts out to dock with your ship while several scanners sweep across your ship.

Deciding to be the first thing the security team sees in order to make a good impression, you wait in your hangar and try to think of the best excuse you can for them not to confiscate everything. You take a deep breath and prepare to begin your spiel, only to deflate completely when you the airlock opens, revealing a massive shirtless Gatoran with a sash covered in medals and wearing two epaulets on his otherwise bare shoulders.

“Long time no see, Captain Valdessa Atroxius. My nemesis.”

It’s Admiral Kytan Graveside of the Gatoran Empire, the invincible lionman who fancies himself your nemesis.

>”Right back atcha, Kitten.”
>”Before you start slamming me around my own hangar again, keep in mind I’m a guest of the Aureo-Flavas.”
>”Dammit, what are you doing here?”
>Writein

>>34536729
Absolutely. Presentation is everything to the infamous Captain Valdessa Atroxius.

>>34536839
>”Right back atcha, Kitten.”
>offer refreshments and have a nice sit-down with him. Simultaneously show aureo-flavas authorization.

>>34536839
>”Before you start slamming me around my own hangar again, keep in mind I’m a guest of the Aureo-Flavas.”
>"Kitten."

>>34536839
>Right back atcha, Kitten.

>>34536839
>"You here for the party too? Know if they have a snack-table? I'm not missing another one..."

>>34536839
>”Right back atcha, Kitten.”

Toy with the kitty since you got diplomatic immunity.

Writing.

>>34537039
We should get a ball of yarn for these sorts of situations.

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“Right back atcha, Kitten. Haven’t seen your mug since I spaced you.”

He growls and steps towards you threatening before you rear up on your tail and whip out your invitation to wave in his face while towering over him.

“I’m an honored guest of this household, you gotta be nice to me.”

He snatches the letter from your hand and carefully reads over it, looking for any imperfection, anything that could allow him to deem it a forgery. When he is finally satisfied (if not disappointed), he grudgingly hands it back to you.

“Be that as it may, I am still responsible for the safety of Sir Lord-Captain Aureo-Flava’s family and guests, and must thoroughly search this vessel and its crew for any potentially dangerous weaponry.”

Oh shit, you already forgot all about that since you got an opportunity to tease your nemesis.

“Come now, Admiral Kitten, you know I wouldn’t be stupid enough to attack the home of Captain-Lord Aureo-Flava or whatever.”

“I know precisely how stupid you can be, snake.”

Well that didn’t go so well. Kytan and his all-female Gatoran vanguard search your ship from top to bottom, picking it clean of every weapon they can find and about half of your total arsenal. They even pull of poor Otto’s machine gun arm, much to the Mechaniac’s despair. Thankfully, he allows you to keep your blades since you claimed them as part of your uniform and as your manservant, Roger was allowed to keep his own cutlass.

“As much as I would love to keep you helpless, I am honorbound to return them to you at the end of the party, so make our battle when next we meet a good one.”

“I’ll be sure to grab you a ball of yarn before then, Kitten.”

He grits his teeth and forces the next sentence through his clenched jaw. “Enjoy. Your. Stay.”

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>>34537624
You flash him the most innocent and disarming smile you can (which is next to impossible with your fangs).

“I most certainly will, Kitten.”

That nonsense done with, your ship is cleared from the security tube and you find yourself a spot in the ship-sized parking lot next to the manor. The rest of your crew is corralled to the “staff party” away from the sight of all the poncy nobles while you and Roger are guided to the front lawn with the rest of the party guests, Cernu still nowhere in sight for now. As you look over all the other guests around you, you’re pretty sure everyone here is a teenaged girl or their species equivalent. Which makes sense, given this is some broad’s seventeenth birthday party, but that doesn’t make things any less awkward.

“I hate being the oldest one at a shindig.” You mutter to Roger. “I bet they won’t even serve any of the hard stuff. You better give me a few swigs of that flask of yours.”

“This was YOUR idea, cap’n.”

“Not entirely. Where is that damned shrub, anyways?”

“Foliates aren’t exactly known for their speed.”

>Find the head of the household and make yourself known.
>Mingle with some of the other guests to see if you can’t figure out more about these Aureo-Flava folks.
>Wait for the damned leafbutt so she can’t pull the whole “fashionably late dynamic entry” routine.
>Writein

>>34537639
>SNACK BAR

>>34537639
>>34537670
>SNACK BAR
It won't elude us a second time.

>>34537639
>Mingle with some of the other guests to see if you can’t figure out more about these Aureo-Flava folks.
Sensible stuff.
But I guess we can do so at the bar.

>>34537687
>>34537670
You guys got to the snack table last time, and even had Cernu take some to go on the platter she later used to beat up the cyborgs. It's only looting the thing wholesale that you never got the chance to do.

>>34537639
>Wait for Cernu.

>>34537714
Are you obstructing SNACK BAR justice?
I'm gonna have to ask you to step out of the thread with your trip behind your back, sir

Looks like it's mingle with some teenagers and look for a snackbar.

Writing.
>>34537782
Just clarifying, anon. It has been a week and some change since last we met on the field of Quest.

>>34537835
Yeah yeah, tell that to the mod in court, sicko.

>>34534702
>After you crashed a plane into that floating skyscraper
Wasn't it a train?

>>34538073
Clearly Capn confused it with 9/11
An easy mistake to make!

>>34537639
Man, that little spider girl better be grateful we went to her sweet 17.
Especially after she stole our loot.

I'm too late for the vote, but I look forward to giving the scary eyes to a young spider.

>>34538073
I could've sworn I typed train.

This is why you shouldn't type things while drunk at 3AM and then forget to proofread them, folks.

>>34538179
By all means, keep writing drunk.

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You figure you may as well do some digging around and case the nobles to find out more about this Aureo-Flava guy since Roger is being a stick in the mud. More importantly, one of them might know where the snack bar is and if you’re really lucky, where the regular bar is too. You find one of the teens mostly alone from the others, a head-tentacled teen with octopus-like eyes and slick blue-gray skin (of the same species as that one attendant in that Nagan specific store you visited on Gibs-12, no doubt) accompanied by a girl of similar age and species with considerably more plain clothing and cyan skin along with a tall robotic manservant, and make your move.

“Any of you know where the hell the snack bar is at this joint?”

“Snacks? Before dinner? What do you take the Aureo-Flavas for? Absolute plebeians?”

“What about those whore doves things? You’re SUPPOSED to serve those before dinner and they’re like the epitome of class. Betcha didn’t think of that you little booger.”

The frilly squidhead scoffs walks away from you. “I don’t need to be lectured by some ratty old hag.” The plainer one gives you an apologetic shrug before chasing after her meal ticket.

Old hag?! That spoiled little brat! You make a mental note to find out which ship is hers later to revisit with a nice bucket or ten of paint. It doesn’t help that Roger is looking all too pleased by this.

“Oh shut up, you. If I don’t get snacks then you don’t either. You’re my manservant tonight, so you don’t get to eat at all unless I say so.”

“I ain’t said nothing, cap’n.”

“You didn’t have to.”

>>34538604
Barbarians!

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>>34538604
Well so far this whole party has been a total bust. No snack bar, no real bar, you’re still just milling about on a lawn, and your crew is probably stuffing their faces full right about now. You’d be willing to write the whole thing off and bail if that didn’t mean coming face to face with Kytan again, this time with much less of a reason for him not to paint the walls black with your blood. Well that and the barrier port to the outside has been pulled into the Atmospheric Shield, trapping you in for the duration of the party unless he set the thing to one-way permeability.

“If it is not the good Lady Atroxius! Oh, I suppose that is ‘Captain’ Atroxius, no? I must apologize for not including your dynastic name in the invitation, but my daughter would not disclose it to me, nor could I find it elsewhere.”

You turn to the source of the chipper voice that interrupted your grumping to find yourself looking at a strapping older gentleman, his old naval dress coat still pristine with the veritable wall of medals pinned across his broad chest gleaming in the floating lights that surround the manor. His head, however, is essentially a giant spider.

“It may be a bit late for proper introductions, but I am Sir Paxton Malastar Harch Kale Aureo-Flava and I bid you a hearty welcome to my most humble ancestral abode. May I ask your dynasty along with your pardon so that I can properly welcome you?”

>”Ain’t got one.”
>”Where’s the snackbar?”
>”Have you met my manservant Roger? I think he’s an old friend of yours.”
>Writein

>>34538656
>"Don't sweat it, guy."
>”Where’s the snackbar?”

>>34538656
>Don't sweat it, guy."

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>>34538604
>whore doves

>>34538729
Valdessa is the epitome of class.

>>34538656
>”Ain’t got one.”
>”Where’s the snackbar?”

>>34538656
>”Ain’t got one.”
>"So where's the birthday girl?"

>>34538656
>”Ain’t got one.”
>"So where's the birthday girl?"
Seconding this, the Snackbar thing is getting old.

Small talk all around and asking about the birthday girl.

Writing.

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“Don’t worry about it, so long as we get some grub sometime soon.”

He gives you a flourished bow.

“I would be appalled to pay you any undo unkindness by my ignorance, won’t you allow me this small indulgence?”

You roll your eyes hard and sigh.

“It’s caerNallus if you’re gonna be insistent.”

“caerNallus? My Nagan is a bit rusty, but doesn’t that mean–”

“Descendant of Nothing. Yep. I’m a bonefied vagrant orphan.”

He gives you a deeper bow.

“My apologies, miss! I wish to let you know that my family will not stand for any sort of discrimination against you. We came from nothing but a desire to see the untamed fringes of the universe and lust for adventure. Even if it has been more than a hundred generations since, we still believe that one’s own spirit is what they should be judged by, not their status or wealth. And if my daughter approves of you, I have no reason to distrust or judge you.”

“Where is the birthday girl, anyways?” You’re eager to switch the conversation away from yourself, even if your question elicits a jolly laugh from the overly polite Arkanid.

“It’s her coming of age celebration, my good Captain Atroxius, a certain ceremony must be observed. You will have time to play with your friend later. Now come this way indoors and we can…”

All the jolliness fades from his demeanor when he Roger finally rejoins your side from wherever he wandered off to. You think he’s frowning, but it’s hard to tell.

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>>34539919
“You!” Paxton shouts, unholstering his pistol.

“Aye. Me.” Roger returns

“You did not tell me you kept such…uncouth company, Captain Atroxius.”

“Well I see you’re already acquainted with my manservant.” You reply with nonchalance.

“Manservant?! This man is a menace on all things lawful and good! He aided some of the most despicable and treacherous pirate captains of the Spiral Claw! I have longed to see him hang from the neck until dead, especially when he robbed me of Voidbeard, my greatest nemesis and wiliest quarry.”

“YOU were part of Voidbeard’s crew? THE Voidbeard? And saved his life?” You ask Roger incredulously.

“How can you know about Voidbeard but not about Paxton the Pirate Hunter, the man who spent half his life hunting the greatest pirate of the Spiral Claw?”

“Wait a minute, YOU'RE Salty Spiderhead, bane of all pirates the Claw over?” You redirect your attention to Paxton.

“I did not realize I had such an…uncouth nickname, but yes. I suppose I am.”

“And YOU made an enemy out of him by saving Voidbeard’s life?”

“Aye. Took a shot meant for ol’ Victor’s heart and dragged the bleeding mess of a man to safety.” Roger turns to Paxton. “He’s retired now, Voidbeard. Living happily on an unnamed tropical planet full of lovely tanned natives with pointy little ears, getting fat off the Queen’s inheritance.”

Paxton clenches and unclenches his free hand in barely contained rage a few times before a serene, lilting voice cuts through the tension.

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>>34539942
“I hope my dear captain is not making a poor impression of herself.”

At first glance, it looks like Cernu is wearing a frilly, Victorian dress not unlike the others you’ve seen today, but upon closer inspection you notice the whole thing is made out of leaves and flowers. Rose petals for ruffles, brightly colored fern fronds for the skirt, and a corset made out of overlapping aloe fronds. Even her parasol is an oversized water lily. Paxton relaxes a bit when seeing her, relieved that someone of some sort of class has finally made their appearance, going as far as to holster his pistol.

“Of course not, my lady. Everyone deserves a second chance and the lady who tamed the savage Roger the Ravager and reduced him to a mere manservant should be celebrated, not held in contempt. And you would be…”

Cernu nods her head slightly and gives a dainty curtsy.

“Cernucorra Dergundin Yorocontria. Courtesan and property of the Captain Valdessa Atroxius, her hyperdrive and navigator since she pilfered me from a box.”

Ah, fashionably late and unforgettable first impressions. Classic leafbutt.

“I…see.” Paxton just sighs and turns back to you. “You are an actual pirate, aren’t you?”

>”Took you this long to figure it out?”
>”Hey, you’re the one who invited me.”
>”We can keep pretending I’m a noble if you want. I’ll even let you call me caerNallus.”
>Writein

>”We can keep pretending I’m a noble if you want. I’ll even let you call me caerNallus.”

>>34539958
>”We can keep pretending I’m a noble if you want. I’ll even let you call me caerNallus.”

>>34539958
>”Hey, you’re the one who invited me.”

>>34539958
I'm under the impression your daughter is, too.
Otherwise I'd be baffled as to why you invited me!

>>34540034
actually maybe this is a bad idea to mention now that I think about it.
Might be better to just shrug it off in a kind of 'it's a livin'' kinda way.

A game of pretend and a reminder of why you're even here.

Writing.

>>34540189
Hopefully he'll take it in stride.

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“You did invite me, if you recall.”

“Technically, it was my daughter’s desire.” Paxton sighs again. “I had thought – hoped, perhaps – that you were merely another noble who had an interest in playing ‘pirates’ with her. Never did I believe she would make contact with the real thing. I guess that explains the poor condition she left both my archaeology vessel and her own ship in when she met you. Now I feel a touch guilty for lecturing her…”

And that explains why that ship was so easy to loot and why that Scarlet Widowmaker girl made so many rookie mistakes. The whole thing was just a dad humoring his daughter’s hobby.

“If it makes you feel better, you can keep pretending I’m a noble. I’ll even let you call me caerNallus if you want.”

He laughs and shakes his head. “No no, I do not think my daughter would ever forgive me if I didn’t pay her pirate friend the utmost respect. Speaking of, it is time to see you and the rest of the guests inside for the celebration.”

You and all the snotty little half-pints make your way into a grand foyer. And when you say grand, you mean it. Marble, crystalware, and polished wood cover every corner of the room. Standing at the head of the banister on the second floor (or maybe technically the third, those stairs are huge) is an all-too-familiar butler bot. Once everyone’s inside, Jeeves makes his announcement.

“Now presenting the lady of the honor: Lady Scarlet Mygala Carpara Sparsidia Aureo-Flava the Third.”

Every claps in their poncy, limp-wristed noble clap as an elegant young Arkanid makes her way down the massive staircase wearing an equally elegant dress. You don’t really recognize her since you never saw her out of her armor, but the moment the blond-haired girl stops halfway down the steps to address the crowd, you instantly recognize that voice.

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>>34541075
“I am very honored that all of you could make it out this far this evening to celebrate my seventeenth birthday. It means a great deal to me.”

Yep, that’s definitely the girl that stole the reconfiguration chip you stole. Her eyes lazily pass over the crowd until she settles on you, and all eight of her eyes brighten. “A great deal indeed. Now, shall we make our way to dinner.”

You’re all shuffled along to another equally fancy room full of candles and a table long enough to fit all the dinner guests, the head of the table reserved for the birthday girl. While the rest of the guests passive-aggressively jockey for a favorable seat near Scarlet, you notice that the seat right next to hers is the only one capable of seating your Nagan body in both size and shape. You have to admit, all those snobby, jealous mutters you receive as you sit right next to Lady Scarlet feel pretty damn good, especially after the snubbing you got this morning.

The first dish is a salad. Not your usual thing and pretty bland in flavor, but it’s not too bad. Unfortunately, you can’t convince the waiter to bring you any alcohol with it.

“So. Captain Val.” Scarlet starts, staring more at you than her own dish. “What have you been up to since last we met?”

>”I’m sure it wouldn’t interest a proper young girl like yourself.”
>”Oh nothing much, just going toe-to-tail with the Foliate alliance and stealing a whole city.”
>”Isn’t it more polite for you to go first, -Lady- Scarlet?”
>Writein

>>34541110
>Oh, nothing much, just going toe-to-tail with the Foliate Alliance and stealing a whole city.

>>34541110
>>”Oh nothing much, just going toe-to-tail with the Foliate alliance and stealing a whole city.”
Bragging is a well honed skill.
though, perhaps taunt her a bit about being a proper young girl first, before you give up the pirate gossip.

>>34541110
>”Oh nothing much, just going toe-to-tail with the Foliate alliance and stealing a whole city.

Brag? Sure why not.

>”Oh nothing much, just going toe-to-tail with the Foliate alliance and stealing a whole city.”

>>34541110
>”Isn’t it more polite for you to go first, -Lady- Scarlet?”
Dohohoho!

Teasing is for squares, bragging is for winners.

Writing.

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”Oh nothing too intensive, just going toe-to-tail with an entire armada of Foliate Alliance Grovenaughts and stealing the brains of a whole city. A planet-sized city at that.”

Scarlet’s eyes go wide in wonder and she unabashedly gasps. “You simply must tell me more!”

“I would love to, but this is the kind of tale that one tells over a bottle of rum. It just wouldn’t be right to tell it otherwise…”

Scarlet snaps her fingers and one of the many maids in the household is instantly at her side. “Fetch our guest some rum.”

“But milady, your father said-”

“I will not have my family’s honor besmirched by failing to live up to the expectations of household. Retrieve the finest rum we have for our guest!”

“Yes, milady.”

By the time, she returns with your rum, you’ve already begun on the second course. Some type of hot soup covered in bread and melted cheese. Much tastier than the salad, yet somehow vaguely familiar. Strange…Anyways, you put little thought into it now that you have your booze and instead set about regaling the birthday girl with your tales of triumph over the past few days. How you risked the exotic innards of an Alliance groveship to rescue Cernu (making her blush at your retelling) and your heist gone so wonderfully wrong on Gibs-12 (Cernu making you blush as she describes your dress in lurid detail) and how it netted you not only the piece of the treasure map you were after, but a rogue supermassive AI and an experimental transforming jet on top of it all.

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>>34541802
Between Kytan’s impotent grumbling, the angsty muttering of nearby nobles jealous of the adoration Scarlet has been giving you, and Scarlet’s adoration in and of itself, you can’t help but ham it up a little more than usual. Still, you never do lie about your accomplishments, you just…paint a slightly more vivid picture than you normally do. And Scarlet eats up every word of it, lost in your boasting.

When you’re done, your rum is empty and the main course is here: a savory steak cooked to absolute perfection. Incomprehensibly juicy and topped with a creamy yet tangy peppercorn sauce, with a side of garlic mashed potatoes. They’ve even learned from the last two courses and given you a double serving of everything. You could really get used to this high society eating, if only everything else wasn’t so stuffy.

You probably have some time for a little more conversation, if you felt inclined.

>Ask Scarlet about her forays into piracy.
>Bug Kytan. This is probably your only chance to pester him without him being able to retaliate.
>Let someone else have their turn, this steak deserves your full attention.
>Write in.

>Ask Scarlet about her forays into piracy.
We did our bragging, its her turn.

>>34541831
>Ask Scarlet about her forays into piracy.
Fuck, I'm slow.

>>34541831
>Quietly ask Scarlet about her forays into piracy.

>>34541831
>>Let someone else have their turn, this steak deserves your full attention.
Steeeeaaaaak

>>34541831
>Ask Scarlet about her forays into piracy
Of course.

>>34541831
We should do some bonding with that steak.
Maybe ask her a single question to get her talking, otherwise keep that mouth occupied.
I am kind of curious about how her piracy has gone, and muse we'd like another crack at her archeological goods. Almost had 'em last time.

>>34541831
I'm gonna head to bed, thanks for running!

Give the birthday girl a chance to brag, this steak needs your undivided attention.

Writing.
>>34542040
Thanks for reading!

>>34542065
Yep, sounds about right.

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As much as you enjoy talking about yourself, this steak is demanding your full attention. You’d consider hiring the chef if you didn’t think Lyka would beat you senseless with a frying pan for trying to replace her. Besides, you are honestly curious on what this Scarlet girl has been up to.

“Well, I shared my tale with you, it’s the pirate way to return with your own boast. I’m pretty sure it’s in the code and everything.”

“Is it now? Well I’m afraid my exploits are not nearly so exquisite, nor can I share it over a bottle of rum. All I have done is raid a few of my father’s reliquary vessels, and apparently I haven’t even been doing that properly according to you.”

“You’re doing just fine for a rookie. How long have you been at this? I mean it can’t be too long, seeing as you’re only seventeen.”

She puffs up her chest a little in pride. “I’ve been the Scarlet Widowmaker since I was fifteen.”

“See? You’re doing just fine. I may have been lootin’ and shootin’ since I was just a hatchling, but I didn’t get myself a ship proper until I was twenty-nine.”

“…how old are you, anyways?” Kytan asks.

“I’m thirty-six, why?”

Everyone goes silent.

“What?”

“Relax, Nagas are incredibly long lived.” Roger steps in. “Thirty-six to them is, relatively speaking, eighteen. At best.”

“It totally isn’t!” You object.

“It most certainly is.” He reasserts.

“Is not!”

“I rest my case.”

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>>34542717
You glare at him and go back to eating your steak. Before too long, it’s gone and the only course left is dessert: a birthday cake (obviously) served alongside ice cream and a glass of wine, what was supposed to be the first alcohol of the evening. You’re about to down your glass when you notice no one else is drinking theirs. Scarlet cuts herself a slice of cake and holds the wine glass up in the air.

“To all my guests, for helping me make this most special day truly memorable.” She smiles down at you and then takes a sip of the wine, everyone else following suit. Once she takes a bite of her cake, it’s similarly distributed by the ever-dutiful maids to all the other guests, including yourself. Cake is a considerably more calm affair, perhaps without you to drive the conversation or perhaps because everyone is too busy stuffing their faces with delicious cake.

“Attention beloved guests” Jeeves announces, interrupting your cake. “It is now time to present Scarlet with her birthday presents. Feel free to do so in the order you desire.”

You look down at the miniature wooden treasure chest Cernu had fashioned from her grove before you even agreed to come to the party, remembering the contents you had haphazardly stuffed within.

>Give her your present first and get it over with
>Wait till the end so maybe you can ride the present-high of all the nice stuff she got from everyone else
>Just place the damn thing next to her and let Scarlet decide when to deal with it.
>Writein

>>34542743
>Just place the damn thing next to her and let Scarlet decide when to deal with it.
Like it ain't no thang

>>34542743
Wait, did we even bring a present?
I can't remember if we had anything.
>Just place the damn thing next to her and let Scarlet decide when to deal with it.
Put it in the pile of presents. It's not great, whatever, we're a pirate.

>>34542743
>Wait till the end so maybe you can ride the present-high of all the nice stuff she got from everyone else

>>34542743
>Just place the damn thing next to her and let Scarlet decide when to deal with it.
She will have to plunder the really nice stuff herself anyway.

Just place that thang like it ain't no thang. This is her party, anyways, she gets to decide how things go.

Writing

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You consider holding onto your present until the very end so at least the disappointment can be mitigated by everyone else’s fancy gifts, but you figure this is her day and she should have things her way, so you settle for just placing it next to her while all the snotty little nobles vie for her attention and demand that theirs is the next present opened. You have to give her credit, Scarlet does a great job of humoring all of them and treating each present like it’s the best thing ever, even though you’re pretty sure all those frilly dresses and fancy jewelry don’t interest her much.

Through it all, she keeps eyeing your present, but refusing to open it. Maybe she isn’t allowed to unless you actively offer it to her? Or worse, maybe she can’t wait to open it and is saving it for last. The tip of your tail thrashes about nervously as you fret, you can’t take this kind of pressure! You’re more nervous now than when The King had a gun pointed at your face! Wait, why is this such a big deal to you anyway? You’re a pirate, no one should expect you to match the gifts of rich spoiled brats. Still, you wish you had more rum right about now.

Scarlet eventually makes her way through all of the presents, them all being more or less variations of the same glitzy trinkets. She finally gingerly grabs your present, as if it’s in danger of exploding should she mishandle it.

“May I?” She looks at you, her eight red eyes gleaming.

You nod, your throat dry and you gut full of butterflies. “It’s your birthday, ain’t it?”

She eagerly opens the latch on the front of the chest (you really need to give Cernu points for presentation) and peers inside.

“It’s…a bottle of Roatugan Rum, a plaslock pistol, a captain’s cap, and a grenade?”

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>>34543389
“It ain’t the best, but I like to think of it as a bit of a do-it-yourselfer. See, you can use those things to net yourself much nicer things from whoever you use them on.”

“This is…”

“For what it’s worth, your invitation caught me at short notice, though I guess that’s my fault for being hard to track down…”

“This is the most thoughtful present anyone has ever gotten me!”

“What.”

She squeals excitedly while she pores over your gifts.

“I didn’t know they even make plaslock pistols anymore! And Roatugan rum is impossible to get offplanet! Daddy would never buy me any grenades! Look, you even left the front of the cap blank so I can stitch my own Jolly Roger into it!”

“Uh…yeah, I guess I did. Not like it was just a spare I used to use when I was younger or anything.”

She rushes over to you and gives you an enthusiastic hug that lasts a moment too long.

“Thank you.” She mutters again.

“Uh, don’t mention it. Happy birthday and all that.”

“Attention guests: if you would follow me upstairs we can begin with the after dinner activities and relaxation.” Jeeves announces once more.

Boros, fancy parties are awfully structured. As you go to follow the butler bot with the rest of the throng, you feel a chitinous hand on your shoulder.

“Captain Atroxius. If you would not mind, I would appreciate it if I could have a moment of your time to speak with you. Privately.”

Oh geez, Papa Aureo-Flava was probably not nearly as thrilled as his daughter with your present.

>Agree. He can’t do anything too bad to you without risking his daughter’s ire.
>Decline. Hide within the safety of his daughter’s presence.
>If he has something to say, he can say it right here.
>Writein

>>34543417
>Agree. He can’t do anything too bad to you without risking his daughter’s ire.
Its just fair to be worried about his little girl.

>>34543417
>Agree. He can’t do anything too bad to you without risking his daughter’s ire.
Whadda you want, you pirate hunting so-and-so?
Can't you see I'm trying to enjoy shore leave and an inexplicable invitation to a teenager's birthday?

>>34543417
>Agree

Time for a chat with dear old dad

Writing.

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“Fire away, Papa Flava. Just…not literally.”

You wave Cernu off to go enjoy the rest of the party without you for now and while she shoots you a worried look, she chases off after the rest of the partygoers. To Paxton’s credit, he similarly dismisses Kytan and his Gatoran guards as he leads you through his manner until he reaches a room full of dozens paintings of male and female Arkanids. Every single painting is an action shot of some guy or gal running from giant boulders in ancient temples, in the midst of a firefight with scurrilous thugs, or fighting in close quarters against beasts and savages.

“This is the Hall of Ancestors. It contains a painting of each and every member of the family Aureo-Flava in their prime. Adventurers, explorers, and daredevils to the last. And this-” He points to a portrait of a barrel-chested Arkanid wearing nothing but shredded shorts and a bowtie uppercutting a beast that appears to be a mass of teeth, claws, and stinger-laden tails loosely stitched together, the words ‘In this universe and the next, there exists no animal I will not punch.’ adorn the bottom frame of the painting. “-is the founder of this household. The very first Sir Aureo-Flava.”

“Seems like quite the guy.” You remark, not really sure where any of this going.

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>>34544396
“He was indeed. While his most famous words and emblazoned beneath him, the words of his that resonate most with me are ‘You cannot truly fight something unless you truly know it’. You see, he was a simple man. He had an adventurer’s heart and unmatched courage. But he was not stupid, despite how others viewed. He knew both Nagan and Arkanid society in and out such that he could properly reject it. When he became popular along the outer fringes of society, the Aristocracy tried to rein him in and gain control over him by gifting him this very manor as well as our faithful servant Jeeves. Knowing that rejecting this gift could very well be grounds for execution should the Central Aristocracy demand it, he instead took the whole thing with him back to the edge of civilization and used it as a place to store all of the riches and exotic tribal women he had earned from his adventures. Some of their descendants still serve this manor as maids to this day.”

“Okay?” You respond, unsure of what else to say.

“Sorry if I bore you, good captain. What I am trying to say is that I admire this man and tried to apply his principles to the vocation I had chosen of pirate hunting. I learned pirate culture in and out, I learned every last rumor and memorized every last sea shanty. Yet there is one aspect of his life that I did not follow in his footsteps. You see, his adventure and danger-laden life had caused him as well as his wife to die when his son was no more than eight years old. Some say the grief and angst his father’s death wracked him with along with the gentlemanly tutelage of Jeeves caused him to grow into the strapping, adventurous young man he became, but he and his wife also died when his own heir was young. And so on and so forth across all generations. Until me. I am the very first Aureo-Flava to see their own child come of age.”

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>>34544425
“That’s…impressive?”

Paxton laughs at your interjection. “I suppose it is, but I did not show you all this just to brag. My family has long praised the virtues of freedom and adventure above all else. Perhaps I instilled in her too much wonder at the life of pirates when I told her tales from my rambunctious youth, perhaps my various books on the subject only helped deepen her fascination, perhaps it had to do with the lack of a mother figure thanks to the unfortunate accident that befell my wife shortly after Scarlet’s birth, or perhaps it’s merely something that was fated to happen, but my daughter is very interested in the lifestyle you have chosen to pursue. I have tried to humor her and keep both her and others safe from this dangerous life in the hopes that she would grow out of this phase, but after two years I don’t think that’s the case.” The old spider sighs, dragging his fingers slowly along the words engraved beneath the first Aureo-Flava’s painting. “What I am trying to saying to say is, am I a good father? Did I raise my daughter right? The family Aureo-Flava has little experience in the ways of parentage, so I had hoped that the woman my daughter idolizes, that has become the closest thing she has to a mother – or at least an older sister – could at least be honest with me in this regard.”

>”That’s an awful lot to heap on a total stranger.”
>”You do remember that I’m an orphan, right?”
>”I’m probably not the best person to ask. I can barely raise a crab.”
>Writein

>>34544491
>”That’s an awful lot to heap on a total stranger.”
>”You do remember that I’m an orphan, right?”
>"For what its worth, she has the qualities that can make a pirate.About other things I don't know anything.

>>34544491
>You do know I'm an orphan, right?

>>34544491
>>”I’m probably not the best person to ask. I can barely raise a crab.”
Though, she's a cute kid. Learns fast. Might have a career ahead of her.

>>34544653
pretty much this.

A little bit of everything plus a pinch of praise for the girl.

Writing.

>>34544662
Speaking of crabs, where's ours? I feel he hasn't really been mentioned past the first few threads.

>>34544762
I think we lost him in the green room.

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“Okay wow. That is an awful lot of pressure to heap on a total stranger.”

Paxton chuckles, almost sadly. “Yes, yes it is, but you’re the only person I can really broach this sensitive subject with. While I trust Jeeves, sometimes I fear he sugarcoats things to assuage my fears and there’s no way I could attempt to confide in any of those stuffy aristocrats or even the colleagues I have made in my foray into archaeology. That just leaves you.”

“Again, a lot to heap on a total stranger. And you do remember that I’m an orphan, right? The fact that you didn’t just abandon her in the wilds of Roatuga makes a better parent than I’ve ever known. Boros, I have trouble keeping track of my pet crab”

“That just makes you an even more objective judge, since you have nothing to compare me to. Did you know you’re the only person Scarlet specifically requested receive an invite? Everyone else is just the odd nobleman’s daughter who set up the occasional playdate with my own child in the hopes of currying favor with my house. But not you. You are perhaps the only one here she would call a true friend. And if my daughter trusts you, then so do I.”

“Well if you must know, I think you’re doing a damned fine job with that one. She’s got a bright head on her shoulders, she learns fast and acts faster, and she ain’t too proud to reject criticism. She’s a touch naïve and sheltered, but she makes up for it with wits. For what it’s worth, she’ll make a damn good pirate one day. If you want, I can give her some pointers to make sure she doesn’t hurt no one or get hurt herself. Tell her about stunner rounds, hitting the right targets, that sort of thing. You know, teach her how to be one of them vigilante types instead of a shiftless rogue like yours truly.”

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>>34545374
The arachnoid aristocrat smiles (or at least, you’re pretty sure his current mandibles arrangement is a smile) “That means more to me than you can imagine, Captain Atroxius. I apologize for taking so much of your time with my insecurities. Feel free to rejoin the party at your leisure, I should like to remain her for a while yet.”

You quickly make your exit from the awkward and mildly depressing atmosphere to find Scarlet and Cernu outside, arguing with Jeeves over gaining entry into the hallway you just exited.

“There you are!” Scarlet exclaims. “Is my father in there? I must apologize if he gave you a hard time. He doesn’t exactly approve of my chosen career.”

For a bunch of rowdy adventurers, the Aureo-Flavas are awfully polite and apologetic. You wave off her concerns and start leading the way back upstairs.

“Aw, he ain’t so bad. He just wants what’s best for you. The real question is why ain’t you up enjoying your party right now?”

She stares down at her feet, the look in her eyes somewhere between shame and anxiety.

“I just wanted to say thank you. I researched the relic I took and I know what it is. I know you’re just here to get it back from me so you can get Scaly Dan’s lost treasure. But even though you’re only here by necessity, it still means a lot to me that you came. You’re the only person who hasn’t seen me as a stepping stone for more power or status, who saw me for me instead of as the daughter of my father. You respected me as an equal or at least a fellow pirate and treated me as such. Which is why I wanted to give you this.”

She holds out her hands, the reconfiguration chip cradled within.

“I’m not going to force you to stay for the sleepover. Just say the word and I shall make the arrangements for your departure.”

Cernu looks at you hopefully as you pocket the chip. She is enjoying herself much too much these days.

>Stay
>Leave
>Writein

>>34545401

>Stay

D'aww, we got out first fangirl.

>>34545401
>Stay

>>34545401
>Stay.
tell her we didn't even know it was her. Rule 1 of giving yourself a nickname is not to use your actual name.

>>34545401
>Stay
If we only would have wanted that chip, we would have robbed this house blind by now.

>>34545374
>Stay

The closest thing to a sleepover as a kid you ever had was getting blackout drunk with Cernu in the bed of your truck. May as well see what the fuss is all about.

Writing.

>stay

and

>propose an alliance as between pirate captains

>>34545401
Aw man, I missed the vote period.
I woulda said to
>call the men, ask them how much of the refreshments they've eaten
Then decide based on whether or not they've eaten them out of house and home yet. We have to do that.

>>34545658
For what it's worth, you crew will never have had enough. They'll even take some home with em if they need to.

Right now, they're teaching a bunch of rich people servants drinking games and drinking songs if you're curious.

Aren't most of the maids descended from this adventure guy? Why doesn't the young lady recruit them for her crew?

Hell, We could recruit some of the maids if they have that kinda spark in them. His progeny seems to have that thing you need to be a good pirate.

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“Oh come off it you overgrown bug. If I was here for loot, we’d be in the middle of a sword duel while my crew tries to make off with everything not nailed down right about now. I didn’t even know it was you to begin with.”

Scarlet dares to look back up and meet your eyes “Really?”

“I got no reason to lie now that I got my chip, do I? Sure, I had a clue – using your own name as part of your false name isn’t the smartest thing to do, by the way – but I came because me and my crew needed a bit o’ shore leave and it sounded like a good time.”

Your words brighten her mood considerably, but it takes Cernu to ask the question on her mind.

“So we are staying?” Scarlet and Cernu alike stare at you hopefully. Dammit, you’re such a sucker for a pretty face.

“Of course we are! We haven’t even begun to discuss the alliance between us two captains and have more than a few words of advice for you, Captain Scarlet. Like how you have a full manor full of potential crewmates yet you limit yourself to lifeless robots.” You throw your arm around the girl and guide her up the stairs. “Now, have I told you about stunner rounds…”

END OF THREAD THIRTEEN

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-MEANWHILE-

Lyka pokes briefly at her salad before spitting it out in disgust with a hiss.

“This is tasting of shit. I cook better than this.” She declares.

“Cap said we’re s’posed t’be relaxin’.” Koma responds.

“Cannot relax if to be eating shit.” She responds before stomping off towards the kitchen.

“Now listen here, our staff is universally renowned and the head chef needs no interruptions if he is to make our lady’s birthday dinner.” One of the maids nervously states as she tries to stop Lyka’s furious advance, only to be ignored by the determined Gatoran.

“He must be universe reknowned shitmaker. What is menu tonight? I cook it.”

“You can’t just-”

“I. Cook.”

With that, she slams the doors to the kitchen open and is met with furious shouting, only to match with her own shouts in an unknown language. Seconds later, a panicked head chef runs bursts out of the kitchen, apron missing and hat on fire. Lyka pokes her head out a few seconds later.

“I cook.”

That's all for tonight! Sorry it ran on a little longer than usual, but I wanted to give you guys an extra long thread to make up for delaying on you like that. I'll try to get all the various info pastebins updated before next thread.

Hope you had a good time!

>>34546176
>Sorry it ran on a little longer
You won't see me complaining. Thanks for running Capn!

And archived. If you have any questions, I'll probably be around for the next while, so ask away.
>>34545943
>Aren't most of the maids descended from this adventure guy?
They actually not, since interspecies relationships rarely produce offspring save in very specific cases. How they're still around is a quest none of the Aureo-Flavas have asked nor do they particularly want to know since it's common knowledge that 9 times out of 10 alien reproduction is gross and weird.
>>34546206
Thanks for participating!

>>34546135
>“I cook.”
Yaes.

>>34546114
We're getting awfully cozy with that there spider.
Good to have friends, I suppose.

>>34546406
Nonsense, she's just the little sister you never had. Gotta show your imouto the ropes, after all.

>>34546425
I had thought she was going to be our pirate rival, but this is nice too.

>>34546525
She really de-escalated things when she gave us our loot back.

>>34546525
She might still try to rival us, but it'll be considerably more friendly.

>>34546607
It seemed already pretty friendly from the start, she was already shown as pretty young and inexperienced, so it wouldn't have been a "to the death" rivalry, and more her trying to outperform us.

I love this quest.

Shit, I wonder what Admiral Kitten thinks about getting outwitted / launched out of the ship by an apparent teenager?

Or about our stories? Would be interesting to see him researching our actions and discovering that our stories were entirely true.

>>34547456
>Shit, I wonder what Admiral Kitten thinks about getting outwitted / launched out of the ship by an apparent teenager?
A nemesis is a nemesis. Do not judge the enemy by apparent age or strength, judge them only by the strength you know they possess.
>Or about our stories?
He has actually been hounding you quite a bit and been nipping at your heels. If this was Mass Effect, then you are the Saren to his Commander Shepard.

>>34547923
Whoops, das me.