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>>34431308
Also, here's some character sheets. Because I need to artificially pad the post count early on under the guise of giving you relevant info about the "game".

This is Karateman. He knows karate. He is master of Red Punch style. He likes punch, red, and Gundam. He dislikes ninjas, police and aquatic birds. His special technique is Fist of the North Goat.

>>34431308
Aquire drink for self and goat! We are a karate master and must secure our dominance at the bar.

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>>34431338
Mr. Horny is your goat companion. He is master of Green Goat style karate. He likes tin cans, pooping on the floor, and 18th century poetry. He dislikes turtles, taking baths, and human women. His special technique is screaming in funny youtube videos.

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>>34431355
You enter the bar, where the Trusty Barkeep greets you. You can instantly tell he is the Trusty Barkeep because of his impressive mustache and the way he polishes that beer glass with a rag for no real reason.

Why do barkeeps always do that anyway?

>What'll it be, gentlemen?

>>34431401
Tell me Trusty Barkeep, why are you polishing the glass?

>>34431401
Get a tin can for mr.horny

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>>34431438
>Union rules, kid. As a Trusty Barkeep, I'm legally obligated to spitshine all these beer glasses on my off hours. Just like I have to grow this mustache, have a weird diploma for mixing drinks on the wall, and this display shelf of funny looking empty liquor bottles.

>>34431449
>Sorry, we don't serve food here. Just drink.

>>34431509
Ask mr.horny what he wants to drink

>>34431509
Gross spitshine you got going there, but sweet stache. Give me something that will make the hair on my chest grow and then fall. One tequila for Horny

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>>34431509

Order a Red Bull Vodka. Red Bull drink that are mixed with Vodka.

>>34431578
No Anon, wait - what if we get drunk? We are a master karate user, think of the children - even worse if unholy energies are running through us from the redbull!

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>>34431537
>>34431556
He thanks you for the compliment and says he will mix up the manliest shot of them all for you, the Nipple Twister.

Mr. Horny says he will have the same. Goats are notoriously bad with peer pressure.

Down the hatch!

>>34431610

Too late for that.

In last quest, we made a old kung fu master to get a freaking boner.

We properly lose the supports from the soccer moms and Christian zealots.

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>>34431640
All of a sudden, you don't feel so good.

>>34431678
Fuck that, PUNCH THE DRUNK AWAY!

>>34431678
Declare “To see a world in a grain of sand
And heaven in a wild flower
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand
And eternity in an hour.” AND THEN>>34431697

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>>34431697
>>34431729
You espouse your warrior poetry before unleashing the secret Karateman technique 108 Hangover Dispersal Palms!

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>>34431750
Meanwhile, from Mr. Horny's point of view.

>>34431762
Thank goodness for Mr. Horny. He'll look after us, right?

>>34431762
Check to see if your hair chest have grown and falled off. Ask Mr Horny for help getting up

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>>34431789
He's trying to look after you, but he's kind of swamped by all these Hot Babes coming onto him. The more he tells them he's not interested, the more they want him!

>>34431819
Been there.

>>34431750
Time to unleash the Stomach-Purging Spray of Fury?

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>>34431804
You rip open your standard karateman gi that you are totally wearing all the time to reveal that you have grown totally manly chest hair. It does not appear to have fallen off yet, though.

Also, one of them has the face of a ninja with ominous red glowing eyes.

>>34431819
We need to master drunken Karate, the most powerfull of all fighting techniques!

>>34431876
Wtf, ninjas get everywhere and are so hard to clean off.

In every cry of every man,
In every infant’s cry of fear,
In every voice, in every ban,
The mind-forged manacles I hear: “
THEN PUNCH THE FUCK OUT OF THIS NINJA

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>>34431880
Unfortunately, you encounter a few problems in your quest to learn drunken karate. First of all, there is no such thing as drunken karate. Second, you're not actually supposed to be drunk when practicing drunken boxing, no matter what those Jackie Chan movies have taught you.

Regardless of this, you feel like you've come quite a way in creating this new style of martial arts.

>New technique acquired! Orochi no Spew!

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>>34431922
FFFFUUUUUCKING NINJAAAAAAAS!

You punch yourself as hard as you can right in the chest. As you feel your ribs snap in half and pierce your internal organs, you take solace in the fact that at least you killed that smug little shadow warrior fuck dead.

>>34431985
If we're sober and alive enough, now would be a good time to stagger over to Mr. Horny, scaring away the hot chicks with our rancid, bloody self. Then he can get us to a doctor.

Go team.

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>>34432021
You cry out for Mr. Horny, but he appears to have vanished into thin air. This green goblin demon thing asks you if you need a helping hoof, however.

>>34432058
>green
Nothing wrong with that
>goblin demon
Not a ninja, policeman, or an aquatic bird. Seems legit.

Accept this kindly offer of assistance.

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>>34432094
You accept his aid and drift off into unconsciousness.

An undetermined amount of time later, you wake up in this Extremely Comfy Bed. Your head hurts like hell and you suspect you at one point soiled yourself, but you seem to be alive at least.

>>34432114
Meditate about the lessons you learned today.
In a montage kind of sequence

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>>34432253
You don't really remember anything that happened. And even if you did, you're pretty sure the only thing you learned today was "always accept help from demons" and that's a pretty fucked up lesson.

>>34432320
Do a karate prayer thanking said demon. And prepare go on a quest to punch more ninjas t. Get out of bed and figure what there is to be done and what wrong needs to be corrected.

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>>34432363
As you get out of bed and step outside, you encounter an Arrogant Douchebag again.

>Hey dweeb! Heard you can't handle your alcohol. I just came back from pounding Smirnoff Ice and banging super hot chicks! Looks like Red Punch can't handle liquor or winning, huh? Smell ya later!

>>34432470

When he is behind your back, channel your chi to your anus and release powerful fart.

>>34432470
We need to find arrogant douchebags family, murder them, and then wear their faces as a mask next time we meet him.

>>34432470
With our newly upgraded Game skill, we need to pick up some chicks and even the score. Make a karate harem.

>>34432470
Invoke Horny with a little Blake
” Goate! Goate! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry? “
And tag team this bitch ass nigga

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>>34432496
>>34432508
You try to fart right in that stupid douchebag's face. You did not take your extreme alcohol-induced diarrhea into account. And the fact you're completely naked.

All the girls laugh at you and go off to ride the Arrogant D.

>-78 Self Esteem

>>34432613
Get clothed, wipe the shit off the floor, train with goatbro.

>>34432613

>My sides!

Try to keep our poker face and head to the toilet room

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>>34432641
>>34432713
There will be a brief intermission while you scrape the feces and last remains of your pride off the floor.

>>34432744
such artistry! such storytelling!

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You've managed to get blackout drunk, vomit and shit yourself in public in the span of a couple of hours. The bright side has to be that you can't really fall any lower.

Mr. Horny comforts you by saying he shits on the floor all the time.

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>>34433625

We should prepare for our next fight.

Before we start the fight, we shall cover our fists with wasabi!

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>>34433744
You dip your hands in this big bowl of wasabi you keep around for karateman reasons.

Soon your opponents will feel the spicy sting of your vengeance!

>>34433835

Now they shall fear the mighty WASABI FIST STYLE!

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Your old buddy Cool But Pointless Cameo tells you there's just enough time for a quick random cutaway scene before the next tournament round.

>>34434000
Fuck that, just fight already!

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>>34434000

Pull out your gunpla and challenge your old buddy in Gunpla Battle!

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>>34434139
Go, Turn A Maxima! Crush his GM Hitman!

God, this is so fucking dumb...

>>34434000
Fast forward to the scene.

>>34434227
Put turn a away, and crush it with getter robo.

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>>34434227
After toy time is over, you enter the arena to have your big fight.

Against this Martial Arts Kid. He has a hat and a skateboard, so you know he's hip and XTREME!

>>34434345
Obviously we must defeat him to learn xtreme red punch style. Take his hat.

>>34434345

Punch at the kid's nose with our wasabi covered fist!

>>34434345
Wait, he's like half our size, punt the little runt.

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>>34434400
>>34434402
Using his child like innocence and deviousness, the Martial Arts Kid whacks you with his skateboard. This would be a flagrant rules violation, but due to a He's Just A Kid ruling, it is allowed.

>>34434478
Smash his skateboard over your knee.

>>34434478
Wasabi fist + nose = pain

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>>34434498
Fuck your boards, I have karate! All those years of board breaking at Karate College are finally paying off!

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>>34434658
The kid cries for his mommy as you break his favorite possession.

And mommy shows up. This is ruled as being legal under the Striker ruling.

>>34434699
With our high Game stat, spit some fresh game at the kids mom and seduce her.

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>>34434699
Fuck, avoid that rolling pin if we wana stay alive

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>>34434715
Everyone knows single martial arts moms are easy, and this one is no exception. Your Game levels are too high for her to resist.

>>34434857
Tag team her little shit of a son!

>>34434857
Fuck his mom. Then, tell the kid about it.

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>>34434927
This is the worst thing you have ever done.

>>34435010
Contemplate our horrible sins, and ask forgiveness from the Kid.... in the form of him teaching you Xtrme Karate.

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>>34435005
No, wait. This is the worst thing you have ever done.

Level up!
>+7 Punch
>+18 Spiciness
>+72 Shamelessness
>+11 Boner

>>34435100
Point at Arrogant Douchebag in the stands.
Give that intense "You're next" stare.

>>34435248
He's next to be seduced?

>>34435306
Yes, angry sex is best sex.

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>>34435248
>>34435306
>>34435331
You point dramatically to the stands. There are no Arrogant Douchebags present. He still thinks you're pretty gay though.

>>34435404

Fart at the Arrogant Douchebags to show our "respect" for him.

>>34435404
Go to the local dance club and talk to our African Japanese companion.

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Meanwhile, in the bar...

>Yes, I gave him the poison. Enough to kill a hundred karatemen. He only survived because of the goat. Yes, I am aware of the problems this causes your plan.

>Yes... Mister Mecha-Ninja.

TO BE CONTINUED...

>>34435468
Our companion Mr. Horny overheard the call and fights Trusty Barkeep

>>34435468
Alright, thanks for asking.

>>34435468
fucking bartender Ocelot

Time for the post-show universe notes.

>Fist of the North Goat
As we all know, the mountain goat is the noblest creature to exist. They will pass this nobility on to those they acknowledge as having pure spirits unburdened by base emotions. The martial artists so chosen find they can project the noblest of chi, allowing them to overwhelm any malicious foe with the power of their righteousness.

>>34435829
When will we fight Metal Gear?

>Ninjas
Second only to Karateman College in terms of martial arts educational centers, Ninja College is a respected institution that has stood for sneakiness, underhanded tricks and knives in backs for well over five centuries. Ever since they kidnapped the Karateman College mascot Humpy the Crippled Dwarf and gave him a dignified life on a tropical island away from people who would point at him and laugh (against his will, the Dean of Karate likes to point out), the ninjas have been the sworn enemies of the karatemen.

>>34435876
When you have found the keycard and Master Miller has made you run around on a pointless fucking errand he could have made way easier if he just told you to give him the card or something in the first place. Also, who the fuck makes a goddamn security card that changes shape based on temperature anyway? What kind of shitty security is that for your giant, nuke-launching robot? It would actually have been harder for Liquid to launch an actual nuke.

>>34435985
What are the martial arts educational centers?

>>34435985
Are we on good terms with our brother?

>>34436029
Aside from the Ninja and Karateman Colleges, there's also (in descending order of prestige) Kung Fu University, Boxing Community College, Taekwondo High, and Krav Maga Kindergarten For Babbies. There are no secret martial arts schools. There is no war with the Herons.

>>34436094
Depends on which brother. There's the pretty cool, but stuffy one, the one you had a friendly rivalry with, and the one you don't talk about. Also, that one ninja you killed and stole his identity from to form a brief father-son relationship with his father (whom you then stabbed in the back with his own ancestral blade).

>>34436159
>the one you don't talk about

THE PLOT THICKENS

>>34436159
>Also, that one ninja you killed and stole his identity from to form a brief father-son relationship with his father (whom you then stabbed in the back with his own ancestral blade).

He seemed proud of us though, also what were our parents like?

Bump

>>34431338
>Gundam:∀
You made my evening, thank you.