>>34333783
Just dump it like you've been eating nothing but MREs with no supplements and only a bottle of water per day for an entire week.

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>>34333854
>>34333783

Right ho. I'll be dumping in fourish parts while I do a last review of the spelling and such.

All stories are welcome here folks, I hate feeling like I'm talking to myself.

If anyone has any literary advice / criticism whatever please share, I've only had myself to review these and it's hard to judge your own writing.

The first chapter of this story can be found here: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?searchall=high+mortality

The second chapter can be found here: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?searchall=all+guardsmen

>>34333783

Been waiting for this

let's have it

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>>34334085

This is the ongoing tale of a bunch of guardsmen who got drafted into the Inquisition after their regiment was reduced to a mere 37 men by a combination of Orks, Heretics, more Orks, Tyranids and, of course, their own leadership. Currently they work for an Inquisitor that is the 40k equivalent of Professor Oak, he provides teams and missions to Interrogators who need to get some leadership experience before becoming full Inquisitors. The lot of these guardsmen is rather thankless, they are matched up with five other less combat focused team members, assigned to an Interrogator, and sent out to fight the enemies of the Imperium.

On their first mission they were sent to look for evil cults in a pilgrim fleet. Then their Interrogator got brigged for being a smug prick, one of their adepts read a chaos tome and went nuts, the other adept and the techpriest got chased by a lynch mob, and the cleric and sister led a suicide charge of unarmed civilians into a bunch of cultists who promptly used their deaths to summon a bunch of daemons. The heroic guardsmen killed the daemons through judicious use of barricades, reinforcements, grenade launchers, and common fucking sense, but found that the cult’s leadership was hiding under some sort of psychic force dome.

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>>34334159

A pair of psykers was sent to remove the dome and failed horribly. One of them summoned a storm of blood while the other turned into a daemon-host, prompting the rather unimpressed guardsmen to solve this new problem through judicious use of las-fire and hitting the blood covered psyker until he promised to stop trying to do things. The problem of the shield was finally solved the Imperial Guard way, through the use of overwhelming firepower and faith in the Emperor. A wall was built around the dome, filled with holy objects and explosives, and the entire thing was blown to tiny little bits.

The weary guardsmen collected what remained of their team and headed back to Professor Oak’s giant spacefaring inquisitorial school, where the Interrogator was elevated to full Inquisitor for his brilliant work and promptly tried to recruit the guardsmen into his new team. The guardsmen declined this job offer by hiding in the bowels of the ship while their friends told everyone they were busy/imprisoned/dead for a few weeks until he gave up and left. After emerging from hiding they enjoyed a brief period of R&R until a messenger came and told them they had been assigned to a new team and were to report to the shuttle for immediate departure.

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>>34334178

>The cast

The squad currently consists of:

Sarge, the squad leader. A cynical soldier who believes that everything will go wrong and everything is trying to kill him and his men. Sarge adheres to the chain of command, follows orders, and can make a good heroic speech when he needs to, but he firmly believes that everyone above the rank of sergeant is inherently incompetent and spends most of his time making plans to keep his squad alive when shit hits the fan. Someday Sarge would like to retire to a position where he’s not constantly being shot at or bossed around, but without him his men would surely die within minutes and he owes the boys more than that.

Doc, the medic. Doc is a shy, bookish, young man who signed up with the regiment as a way to get medical training and fulfill his dream of becoming a doctor. Doc always wanted to be a medicae, but that sort of training wasn’t available in his old life. Joining the regiment gave him a chance to fulfill his lifelong ambition, unfortunately the medical officer he was learning from got eaten by tyranids. Now Doc just does his best to teach himself medicine and keep his squadmates alive, despite how much they tease him. He once flirted with a Sister Hospitaller, unfortunately he’ll probably never see her again since life in 40k is suffering.

Heavy, the heavy. A big guy with a big gun and no motivation at all. Heavy is relentlessly lazy and has mastered the art of performing several basic military tasks while practically asleep with his eyes open. This fits his role in the squad surprisingly well, it takes a special sort of man to sit behind a heavy weapon and watch the perimeter for fifteen straight hours. While he’s good in a fight and amazing at guard duty most of the squad has given up on getting him to do anything else without a direct order. His squadmates often speculate on what deep thoughts and dreams must cross his mind as he sits and stares blankly for hours on end.

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>>34334224

Nubby, the quartermaster. Nubby is a small weasley ‘man’ with few social graces and a penchant for theft, complaint, lying, theft, pettiness, and more theft. It has been speculated that Nubby’s heritage includes ratlings, squats, ogryns, and possibly an ork, but he averages out to what could be generously called a smallish human with poor complexion and worse hygiene. His penchant for ‘acquiring’ supplies serves him well in the Inquisition, since most folks are reluctant to call out an Inquisitorial Trooper out for petty theft. His squadmates appreciate the near magical way he can transform small items that no-one will miss into a seemingly endless supply of munitions, rations, and cheap lho sticks.

Twitch, the paranoid. Twitch was probably a big strong man before he switched to an all recaff diet, but now he’s skinny, fast, and justifiably convinced that the entire universe is out to kill him. After the third time his platoon was ambushed he picked up the habit of placing booby traps around any position he occupied, and refuses to sleep unless all entryways are covered or trapped. His traps and split-second reaction time have saved his life and his squadmates’ so many times that everyone just accepts his paranoia as a small price to pay for the added safety. Some folks would have taken a psychiatric discharge to a non combat role after developing such a psychosis, but Twitch operates on the assumption that the middle of a group of armed friends is the safest place to be.

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>>34334253

Our story starts with Nubby and Twitch vainly trying to open up the locked exit to the shuttle after being told that their new squad contained three psykers in addition an assassin, tech-priest, and the Interrogator. Sarge is screaming internally as he remembers that the last psykers he worked with accidentally summon a blood storm and turned into a daemonhost the first time they tried to do anything. Doc is captivated by the sight of a small fat man-child chewing on a seat’s headrest. Heavy decides that this is all above his paygrade and starts making himself comfortable lying across a row of seats. The Interrogator explains that the team is on its way to find out why a planet has not been supplying psykers to the Black Ships. One of the psykers asks Sarge to stop screaming it’s making it hard to think.

>The All Guardsman Party and Dude Where’s My Psyker?

>Current Psychic Phenomena Count: 0
>Current Perils of the Warp Count: 0

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So glad I haven't missed the latest installment, this shit is gold

>>34333783

don't post jpeg, fucking summer kids need to learn shit

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So no shit there we were, stuck on a small ship with three psykers and on our way to start an exhaustive search for the sole purpose of finding MORE psykers. The journey itself wasn’t so bad, since instead of being guests on a navy vessel our Interrogator actually had his own small ship. Sure, almost all the space was taken up by our Interrogator's huge ass cogitator array, but at least we didn’t have any navy ratings trying to take our weapons away or bitching at us for setting trip-wire traps in the corridors. The problem was the people we had to make the journey with.

First there were the three Psykers, a smarmy tool who spent far too much time talking and making himself look pretty, a weasley creep who constantly scanned everyone’s thoughts and ratted to the boss, and the final one was a psychotic man-child who would occasionally throw telekinetically powered tantrums; we called them Face, Snitch, and Nutjob. Compared to this the posh social infiltrator assassin chick who thought (probably correctly) that she was way better than a bunch of mud-feet and the incredibly antisocial tech-priest weren’t that bad, but our Interrogator was infinitely worse.

Our Interrogator was adept-path and apparently some sort of data wizard (he had to have a whole ship of his own just to carry all his cogitators and shit), but unfortunately the bastard wasn’t a complete shut-in. Instead he felt the need to hold daily meetings during the entire trip to update everyone on what little clues he’d found in the data provided by Oak, check up on how we were preparing for the mission, and lecture us on proper inquisitorial behavior.

>>34334367
>Sarge is screaming internally
>One of the psykers asks Sarge to stop screaming it’s making it hard to think.

I chuckled heartily. Good to see this story continue, All Guardsmen Party is fucking gold.

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>>34334849

On our previous mission we happily ignored everyone else on our team while they happily did likewise, but this time we had an Interrogator who had never used a gun in anger giving us unwanted advice about combat drill, kit loadout, regulatory compliance, and freaking etiquette. This was all done in a tone of smug benevolence, he understood that we were just dim-witted manual laborers and couldn’t be blamed for not being as smart as he was, that’s why it was his duty to do all the hard thinking for us. The cherry on top of this was Snitch, who would report what were THINKING to the boss. Every time his lectures filled us with murderous rage the little weasel would go and tell on us, then we’d get a second lecture on proper attitudes towards authority. God Emporer we hated him.

Eventually we arrived at the planet which had earned the Inquisition’s attention by providing the Black Ships with nothing but pathetically weak Psykers completely unsuited for any use at all. There were probably dogs out there with more psychic talent than the strongest Psyker sent to the ships, but when the Black Ships had scanned the planet there were no unsanctioned psykers running around, so they took the pathetic tithe and left. Now we were here to find out where all the Psykers that should have been on a planet of this size had gone. The gist of all the little briefings we suffered through was that a disappearance on this scale meant that we were either dealing with corruption in the government, a massive cult, some kind of psyker eating daemon, or Eldar. This meant that unless proven otherwise we had assume that EVERYONE was in on it, so until the Interrogator got some evidence we wouldn’t have any outside support.

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>>34334908

So we parked in orbit and the Interrogator started sending out little information gathering expeditions while he sat around staring at his cogitators saying stuff like “Data, data, data, I cannot make bricks without clay” and lamenting that he had so few competent subordinates.

The posh assassin chick and Face did all the social legwork. They would circumspectly shake people down for information while we loomed in the background (or preferably down the street at a cheap diner), then transcribe everything they said for the Interrogator to process. Apparently they were very good at it, since everyone aside from us thought they were absolutely delightful to be around. The other information gathering team was the tech-priest and the Snitch flying around in the equivalent of an unmarked van hacking wireless networks, scanning thoughts everywhere, and dumping the information back to the boss in orbit. We got to drive the van and fetch snacks.

One or two of us was always stuck at base though, since it was apparently our job to babysit the Nutjob psyker. It really was babysitting too, we’d have to clean up the messes he made, get food for him, entertain him when he got bored and started pulling rivets out of the walls with this brain, and calm him down when he threw a fit. Poor Doc got that job more than anyone else, he just wasn’t good enough at saying no. Aside from that it was an improvement over the trip out though, we were able to get away from our teammates for a while and whoever was backing up the social team got to visit some pretty upper-class parties and snag some good food (and in Nubby’s case, pocket the silverware).

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>>34334997

After a while the Interrogator informed us of his brilliant deductions and analyses which involved money trails, newfound political power, falsified ship manifests, and other stuff we didn’t really care much about. It boiled down to: someone in the government is selling the psykers off planet. He had everyone but himself rebase to a few floors of apartments in one of the larger cities on the planet and start looking hard at a bunch of the nearby banks.

We enjoyed being away from him and his constant meetings, and quickly turned the building into a proper guard barracks. Which is to say that Twitch wired the place up with dozens of traps, Nubby started fencing stolen goods out of the garage, and the rest of us built a set of barricades between us and the outside world (as well as between us and the rest of our damned team). It felt good to be home.

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>>34335044

After a while the Interrogator informed us of his brilliant deductions and analyses which involved money trails, newfound political power, falsified ship manifests, and other stuff we didn’t really care much about. It boiled down to: someone in the government is selling the psykers off planet. He had everyone but himself rebase to a few floors of apartments in one of the larger cities on the planet and start looking hard at a bunch of the nearby banks.

We enjoyed being away from him and his constant meetings, and quickly turned the building into a proper guard barracks. Which is to say that Twitch wired the place up with dozens of traps, Nubby started fencing stolen goods out of the garage, and the rest of us built a set of barricades between us and the outside world (as well as between us and the rest of our damned team). It felt good to be home.

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>>34335044

>>34335135
>sigh why do I do this

Word came down to us that the Interrogator had nailed down the operation’s banker, and the whole ground team went off to get some answers out of him. So while Heavy hung out in the van with the socially unacceptable members of the team and ignored the fat-little man prodding his brain and demanding candy, the rest of us put on suits (which succeeded in making us look exactly like guardsmen in suits) and marched into one of the planets largest banks behind the assassin and Face.

There was a little bit of trouble getting through security because all of us had kept our las-rifles on underneath our suits and Twitch was still carrying a few det packs, but between Face doing some psyker stuff and the tech-priest’s hackvan messing with the security systems we got in fine. We sat down to a nice discussion and tea-time with the banker (well us guardsmen stood, but the others sat), where various falsified credentials were shown, psychic tricks were used, and a discrete uplink was attached to a cogitator, then everyone left happy and healthy. We decided to exit via the back way so as not to trouble security again, and because Nubby had wheeled out the tea-trolley when we left.

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>>34335216

The boss was pretty excited about what was found and the next few days were spent in relative peace while he worked with the rest of the team to map out a web of corruption and bribery, right up until Snitch called us one evening and said a large group of hitmen was moving through the empty floor below us.

We were locked and loaded within seconds and started laying fire into the hitmen from multiple sides before they even hit the edge of the perimeter. We had good cover, good firing lines, knowledge of local terrain, superior weaponry, much better training, and the element of surprise, it was a slaughter. The last three of them were pinned down by Heavy and Twitch while the rest of us flanked them when everything went dark and horrific screaming started. When the lights returned all the hitmen, dead or alive, had been reduced to chunky salsa and we could all hear Nutcase giggling upstairs.

This killed the mood, and we nervously packed up our shit and got the hell out of there before the authorities showed up. We elected to exit via the garages in a cargo truck while the rest of the team used the shuttle on the roof, none of us wanted to be anywhere near any of the Psykers and Nubby didn’t want to leave anything behind.

>Psychic Phenomena Count: 1
>Perils of the Warp Count: 0

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>>34335249

We rebased to another almost identical set of apartments and went about guardifying it again, except this time Twitch was given free reign on the buffer floor instead of just the entrances and windows. While this meant that entering our base via the main entrance took about fifteen minutes and carried a very real risk of grisly death, we knew that people were actively trying to kill us. Also we didn’t want to depend on anyone who turned bodies into chunky salsa and giggled about it for our perimeter security. The rest of the team started using air transport exclusively after the assassin nearly lost a hand when she didn’t follow Twitch’s entry instructions correctly.

After a few days at our new base doing scan trips and otherwise laying low Snitch found a young nascent psyker powerful enough to be worthwhile, so our team of elite inquisitorial agents started staking out a toddler. Our unmarked vans followed the kid day and night, from his hab, to the daycare, to the playground, and everywhere else you might take a toddler.

Imagine five heavily armed men all clustered around a screen watching a kid being pushed on a swing while behind them an undeniably creepy fucker relays what everyone in the playground is currently thinking and a psychotic man-child picks his nose and mutters to himself. Eventually our weird stakeout payed off, a bunch of suits showed up and grabbed the kid and his mother.

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>>34335389

So no shit there we were, five guardsmen and two psykers in the middle of a playground chasing a bunch of g-men carrying a struggling woman and a small child. The woman and child were screaming, the g-men were calling for backup, our psykers were yelling about one of the g-men being a blunter, and while we all had our guns out none of us wanted to open fire in the middle of a playground. We were gaining on them (being a sprinter is a survival trait in any guardsman), but right as we reached them one of them slapped a button on their chest and another one of them started to float into the air and the surrounding area was covered with frost. We all immediately slammed into an invisible wall and were scattered across the ground while Snitch stopped and started muttering himself and gesturing.

None of us wanted to be in the middle of a psyker fight, so we flanked the invisible shield, left Heavy to cover the enemy Psyker, and resumed the chase. The g-men had gone to ground in a playscape and opened fire on us with small arms, but were having trouble because the child was apparently emitting random bursts of static electricity. We decided that survival was more important than civilian casualties and returned fire from whatever cover we could find, and since we were damned good at our jobs thing went pretty poorly for the g-men. We nailed most of them in the first few volleys which convinced the last few to keep their heads down while we flanked them. Behind us Heavy was laying stubber fire into the enemy psyker’s shield and Snitch was pressing him hard, then with a little pop the enemy psyker disappeared.

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>>34335450

While Heavy and Snitch watched the spot where the Psyker had been we rushed the remaining g-men. Our Interrogator was helpfully reminding us over vox that he wanted prisoners, so we charged in to beat the shit out of the few surviors. Unfortunately at this point their backup arrived in the form of an unmarked government flier, which immediately began to lay down some serious suppressive fire. This was higher stakes than we were ready for, so we bugged the fuck out while the remaining g-men piled in with the kid and his mother. The flier wasn’t done with us though, as soon as the doors were closed it lifted off and got ready to do a strafing run.

We hit the dirt and dodged the first pass like true guardsmen, meanwhile behind us the enemy psyker had reappeared with another pop and the fight was back on. This time the fight was over in seconds, the Nutjob had finally caught his fat ass up and with a little ~schlorp~ the enemy psyker turned inside-out. Both the psykers and heavy turned their attention to the flier, which decided that it was time to cut its losses and got the fuck out of there. As we got back up out of cover the Interrogator called us to tell us that the assassin and Face had successfully tagged the flier with a tracer and the tech-priest would shortly be picking us up to assault whatever facility it landed at.

>Psychic Phenomena Count: 3
>Perils of the Warp Count: 1

>>34334134
>>34334580

Thank you kindly. I'm glad these writeups have been well received.

>>34334869
Fucking Snitch man... it's horrible having someone reading every sarcastic thought or internal monologue you have.

>>34334367

>Current Psychic Phenomena Count: 0
>Current Perils of the Warp Count: 0

hahahahhaahahah

Gonna start doing this in my group.

Going to track every time the stupid ass psyker screws the pooch. He keeps saying its the best path but it really isn't.

Will start posting in ~5 min, just fixing one or two things

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>>34335534

Apparently some minor detail about g-men or the flier finally gave the Interrogator the evidence he needed to safely call in official support. After he was done bitching at us for not capturing anyone, or stopping the flier, or whatever else we did wrong, our Interrogator told us a squad or two of Arbites would be assisting us. Nubby was understandably nervous about being around what were nominally law enforcement officers, and none of us were happy when the Interrogator explained that he was only bringing in the Arbites because he thought we were incompetent, but overall this news was well received by us guardsmen. More bodies between us and incoming fire is always welcome, doubly so if they had heavy armor and good fire discipline.

The facility we landed at was large, grim, and obviously a shuttleport, therefore our job in this raid was to capture any available information about where any shuttles would be going. So while two squads of Arbites had fun clearing the place room by room with judicious use of shotguns and shockmauls we kept a secure perimeter around the rest of our team as they uplinked cogitators and mindraped people. Aside from a few runners and idiots too dumb to surrender we didn’t have any excitement until one of the Arbite squads found the psyker holding area.

One of the g-men had decided that shit was fucked and released the psykers. Under the cover of a dozen psychically gifted children freaking the fuck out, they punched through the Arbite squad and headed right towards us (or more likely the flier we were examining). We opened fire as the heavily armed g-men entered the hangar and had them pinned in the hallway until Sarge and Heavy’s cover got blown to shit by a fireball. Once again we found ourselves caught is a psyker duel, it was three on three and this time Nutjob wasn’t curbstomping them.

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>>34336067

The fight seemed evenly matched, our psykers stood there and grimaced a lot and occasionally manifested horrible smells or small earthquakes, their psykers sat in cover and did likewise. We didn’t have line of sight on any of them and when we tried to toss in a grenade it got slapped back at us halfway through its arc. We weren’t exactly sure what to do, but after the fourth creepy occurrence we decided it was time to use our initiative to end this shit before someone summoned a daemon.

Sarge appropriated a nearby forklift, drove it outside the hangar and we slapped a bunch of det packs on it. We turned it toward the outside wall of the hallway the psykers were holed up in, put a brick on the pedal, and blew the entire hallway into rubble before anyone noticed what was going on.

It surprised the hell out of us when the dust cleared and two of the psykers were still there hiding under a shield, but it didn’t last long after that. With a hellish bang one of the psykers shot into the air and splatted against the shield and the last psyker immediately turned inside out. We could hear the Nutjob giggling back in the hangar.

>Psychic Phenomena Count: 8
>Perils of the Warp Count: 2

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>>34336106

That was the last of the resistance. We poked through the military hardware that was left behind while the rest of our team did inquisitorial stuff to the surviving g-men and their cogitators. After they were finished we packed up our loot and headed back to base to rest and re-arm while the Interrogator played with all the data we got for him. We were assured that before long he’d know where the psykers had been sent from the processing facility, and we were told to get ready to launch another assault as soon as he had a target.

Being guardsmen we knew that the best way to prepare for an assault is to eat a good meal and catch as much sleep as possible, so as soon as our kits were prepped we all hit the sack while the rest of the team watched the perimeter. This meant that we were all deep asleep (with the exception of Twitch, who merely dosed with with his las-gun pointed at the door and the safety off) when a second assassination team got through our outer perimeter.

The enemy must have seen the remains of their last team and decided that the psykers were the primary threat, because this team had at least one untouchable with it. Unfortunately for them untouchables don’t do anything to stop booby traps.

The whole team had slowly cleared a small path across the floor that Twitch had trapped and reached the big expensive security door that led to our makeshift barracks. They formed up behind their best infiltrator and got ready to storm the place as soon as he hacked the door controls. Then the door opened and they had exactly .25 seconds to express surprise that anyone would tape several short-fuse grenades to the inside of a top of the line security door.

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>>34336227

This woke us all up, but Twitch being Twitch he’d put an entire clip and two frags into the open doorway before any of us were awake. He probably didn’t hit anyone since the six grenades taped to the inside of the security door had vaporized everyone near it, but he sure as hell convinced their rearguard to start falling back. Not that it did them any good, because before the rest of us were on our feet Twitch hit the remote detonator for the every single mine he’d placed below us. The entire buffer floor was blown the shrapnel, taking the rest of the assassination team with it and setting off alarms up and down the entire block. Luckily the building was non-flammable and sturdily built, so aside from a very rude awaking no one we cared about was hurt.

Sarge decided that nap-time was over so we kitted up and waited for the word from our Interrogator. Before long it came, he’d pinpointed a Rogue Trader that was receiving the psykers and carrying them to off-world slave markets. A joint naval and Arbite force would meet us in orbit and we would board the trader before they made their escape. Our primary objective was to capture the senior crewmembers and find their contact within the local government. Secondary objectives included: retrieving any psykers currently on the ship, capturing the navigational and financial logs, and “not blowing the ship up like you blew up our base, are all guardsmen this incompetent?”

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>>34336227

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>>34336314
>Twitch hit the remote detonator for the every single mine he’d placed below us. The entire buffer floor was blown the shrapnel, taking the rest of the assassination team with it and setting off alarms up and down the entire block.

>>34335607
I feel like I never get feedback when I post stories, so I want to give it and maybe set a trend, or at least have people avoid the paranoia of not really knowing if people have read/liked it.

It's good.
I like it.
keep going.

>>34336227
Twitch is like a rolemodel to my own inner paranoid

Don't stop now.

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>>34336314

So no shit there we were, on a naval boarding shuttle on our way to capture a Rogue Trader and his retinue from a ship filled with untrained psykers. We were not exactly enthusiastic about our odds of survival. Rogue Traders have a reputation for being(or at least employing) very scary people and our psykers were bad enough alone, an entire ship of untrained ones was a terrifying thought. But we were guardsmen, and facing certain death for unappreciative superiors is what being a guardsman is all about.

None of us really enjoyed the shuttle trip (we half expected to be blown out of space before we got to the ship), but we landed on the hull without incident and cut our way into the interior. While we were cutting in several other navy and Arbite shuttles were doing likewise, this was not a subtle attack. So it was hardly surprising that before we got ten feet the ship’s alarms started to go off, but we knew our business and mowed down all opposition before they got a shot off on us.

The assault was going well for all the teams, we’d seized the engines and main batteries, the main hangars were on the verge of surrender, and the tech-priest was pretty sure he’d located the bridge. Seizing the initiative he remotely hacked all the entrances to lock open so they couldn’t be shut against us. Unfortunately it turned out to actually be the psyker isolation cells and the second he opened them everything went to hell, literally.

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>>34336411

Ghostly images filled the air, the frescos on the walls started weeping blood, unearthly screaming came from every direction, and a stench that put even Nubby’s lack of hygiene to shame emanated from the air vents. Our psykers moved forward to try and sort things out before the entire ship got sucked into the warp or something, but we wanted nothing to do with a section of spaceship filled with supernatural darkness and constantly fluctuating gravity. We still had a mission though and since the psychic activity was blocking vox communication Sarge took operational command.

We needed to get to the bridge (which the rather embarrassed tech-priest assured us was definitely just a little farther past the psyker holding area), find the Rogue Trader, and hit him until he ratted on his buddies. The problem was that even though there were other passages to the bridge that didn’t go through the psyker cells, the psychic spillover had turned that entire section of ship into a No Mans Land. Just walking in there would be suicide, but Sarge figured that there was a safe way to cross the hellscape if we only could find the right people.

Sarge was pretty sure that any ship carrying a bunch of unhappy psykers would have at least one untouchable on board, just in case something like this happened. All we needed to do was find out where they were and convince them to take a walk with us.

So we had our tech-priest do a quick scan to find out if any areas nearby weren’t experiencing paranormal activity, then went to go knock on some doors. Sure enough we found two untouchables hanging out in a cabin speculating what all the fuss was about. One of them tried to make a fight of it and got shot for his trouble, but the other understood that in times like this all men need to come together and serve the Emperor. So we cocooned him in duct tape, threw him over Heavy’s shoulder and set off for the bridge

>>34336227
Twitch: Best Guardsman or bestest Guardsman?

Also the interrogator sounds like a tool.

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>>34336227

Some people think they can outsmart guardsmen. Maybe. Maybe...

I've yet to meet one that can outsmart det cord.

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>>34336486

The walk was really quite pleasant as long as you ignored the dents, stains, puddles, and complete absence of any living creature. We waltzed right up to the bridge (which was of course locked down tighter than a Sororitas Convent) without any opposition. While the locked doors might have posed a problem to some of the other boarding groups, Nubby had helpfully attained several of the cutting tools that the shuttle crew had used to open up the outer hull.

So with the tech-priest’s help we found a good section of wall (which was much thinner than the blast door) and started cutting our way in. Sadly even with a breaching charge to help with the final step a lascutter is not quick or subtle, so all we found in the bridge after we flashbanged the shit out of it and stormed in was a bunch of empty seats and a locked door labeled “Escape Pods”

We used the ship’s vox to contact the Boss and explain the situation. After he was done bitching at us (especially the poor tech-priest) he decided that given our lack of success he would track the Trader’s escape pod instead of just blowing it out of the sky. We were to go get our damned psykers back and get ready to raid wherever the Trader finally went to ground.

So with our duct taped untouchable in tow we went back into the psychic no man’s land and started sorting shit out. The DTU really trivialized everything, it was just a matter of walking up to the psykers, having Doc tranq them, then tossing them on the pallet Heavy was pushing. Occasionally we’d run into a minor daemon or crazed crew member or obvious daemonhost, but between the DTU and a liberal dose of las-fire nothing posed a real threat. We eventually collected all the surviving psykers (a few of them were inside out, fucking Nutjob) and found our three psykers a little worse for wear, but ready to go after the Rogue Trader as soon as we knew where he was going.

>Psychic Phenomena Count: 23
>Perils of the Warp Count: 5

>>34336403
I was just thinking that

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>>34336528
Twitch official MVP

This shit is gold, pls keep going

Quick ~5min pause while I make sure the last posts are good to go.

>>34336358
>>34336403
>>34336518
>>34336523

There's nothing like having your paranoia COMPLETELY validated.

I'll be sure to pass your comments on to Twitch's player.

>>34336377
Thanks, sometime I wonder if I'm just spamming.

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>>34336629

You're not spamming. Seriously, I wish the game I ran was half as entertaining to hear about as yours.

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>>34336528

So you just carried around a psychic damper wrapped in ducttape?

This is absolutely brilliant!

Maybe my next character will have that as part of his wargear, he can just always carry him around.

>>34336733

Thanks anon

>resuming

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>>34336528

The pallet full of sedated psykers was turned over to the Arbites along with the DTU (we were sad to see him go, he was like a big sticky teddybear that kept us all safe and happy) and we headed for the shuttle. The Interrogator voxed us with directions to pick up the assassin (who had spent the whole mission getting her nails done or something) and report to an Arbite precinct near some big government mansion. Our Interrogator had used his INCREDIBLE skills and BRILLIANT mind to track the Rogue Trader here, and oh so cleverly pinned Secretary Such and Such as the mastermind of this whole mess. Our job was to QUIETLY go in and capture the Secretary and the Rogue trader so they could be used by the Inquisition to sort all this out without causing a massive scandal or minor war.

So while the Arbites put up a very discrete perimeter and the tech-priest worked with some local enginseers to quietly shut down the mansion’s communications, the rest of our team planned our infiltration. By this point Sarge was done with everyone’s shit and vetoed several complex ruses suggested by the assassin and Face in favor of disguising our team as a group of heavily armed guardsmen and some dangerously unstable sanctioned psykers.

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>>34336763

Don't duct tape their mouth. Because choking on vomit is just grim dark enough to happen in most games. Also, you will be denied a fantastic NPC's input.

Wait, this gives me an idea.../tg/ can you make a servitor with just the Untouchable part of an Untouchable's brain?

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>>34336814

Eventually the rest of the team agreed and dressed themselves up as officers and good ol fashioned IG psykers. For our part we tacked on the insignia of a local regiment and caught some sleep.

When everyone was dressed up we walked right through the mansion’s security pretending to be a local general dropping off some extra protection for his good friend the Secretary, who was currently calling in every favor he had to fortify his mansion. He even invited the ‘General’ up to his office to personally thank him for his generosity.

We walked right into his office as the Rogue Trader standing behind him stared at us boggle eyed. Nothing good can last forever though, and after a few seconds of speechlessness the Rogue Trader called the Secretary a bloody idiot and opened fire.

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>>34336876

The Rogue Trader was a little late though, by the time he drew the assassin had grabbed the Secretary and we had already killed several bodyguards. We hit the panic button, grabbed some cover and started a two way firefight between the Trader and security reinforcements. We had him well pinned and had started to flank him when the far door burst open and the Trader’s retinue entered the fight, two of them were already glowing. Once again we found ourselves stuck in the middle of a damned psyker duel. Meanwhile the Arbites moved in to detain everyone, and without direct orders from the Secretary none of the security forces felt inclined to argue with the Arbite’s APCs.

Back inside Heavy was mowing down reinforcements with his stubber, Twitch was nailing anyone who left cover, and the rest of us were steadily advancing on the Trader and his psykers. Surprisingly the two enemy psykers were holding off all three of ours, and aside from a few phenomena neither side appeared to actually be doing anything. Eventually our slow advance got us a good shot on the RT and his retinue, this motivated the psykers to do something desperate.

Face collapsed, but one of the psykers burst into flame taking a pair of retainers with him. In response Nutjob and Snitch doubled down on the last psyker, until suddenly Nutjob fell to the ground screaming and one of the last retainers did likewise.

Suddenly the retainer got to his feet and tackled the last enemy psyker to the ground and started beating the shit out him while giggling. While we all watched this Nutjob got to his feet, drew his sidearm and shot Heavy in the back of the head.

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>>34336919

Twitch dodged a second shot aimed at him, but took a shot in the back the second he stopped covering the Trader and his remaining retainer. Sarge and Nubby downed the last retainer, the Trader disappeared with a loud crack, the enemy psyker stopped moving, Doc ran towards Twitch and Heavy, and both the possessed retainer and Nutjob collapsed again.

Doc started patching up Twitch and Snitch collapsed in exhaustion while Nubby headshot the psyker and the retainer that had been attacking him. Sarge scanned the room looking for the Trader and with a tired giggle Nutjob began to sit up. Immediately the injured Twitch drew his sidearm and emptied an entire clip into the little fucker, no one commented on this.

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>>34336919
AW FUCK

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>>34336963

Sarge and Nubby slowly approached the door of the bathroom attached to the office. Right as they reached it a voice from inside announced “I would like to surrender to the Inquisition and put myself and my ship at their disposal in this current investigation”. Both Sarge and Nubby ignored this and started prepping a breaching charge, then they heard the assassin (who had been hiding with the Secretary behind a filing cabinet) comm the Interrogator that the Secretary had been captured and the Trader was surrendering. The Interrogator ordered Sarge to “Accept the gentleman’s surrender and escort him to the shuttle” and with a weary sigh Sarge removed the charge and relayed the message.

After a few seconds the Rogue Trader opened the door and smugly declared “I knew we could work together, this was such a tragic misunderstanding” whereupon Nubby yelled “Ee’s got a gun!” and Sarge blew his head off.

The Interrogator was not happy.

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>>34336998

That was the end of our part of the investigation. Doc got Twitch stable and patched everyone else up while Sarge collected Heavy’s body and Nubby looted the corpses (with a special focus on the Trader). Eventually the Arbites finished clearing the mansion and a team escorted us back to their precinct.

A flier came and picked up the Secretary along with the assassin, Snitch, and Face, and hauled them off to some secure facility somewhere. We weren’t told anything, we were definitely on the Interrogator’s shit-list.

>Final Psychic Phenomena Count: 28
>Final Perils of the Warp Count: 7

epilogue in ~10

msiplaced a few images and need to get them again.

storytime isn't quite over

>>34337033
Damn good story OP.

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>>34336919
>>34336963
>>34336998
Damn it poor Heavy, least Nutjob and that Trade got what they had coming

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>>34337050
Shit, I need to be asleep.

Hurry. This is amazing. I hope my Only War game is half this awesome.

>>34336998

Well played.

>>The wages of the Rogue Traiter are death

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>>34337033

After a few hours hanging out with the Arbites (who were nice enough to help get Twitch sewn up) a shuttle came for us as well as, to our surprise, the tech-priest. The ride up was pretty somber, Heavy was dead and both his and Nutjob’s corpses were in the hold and the Interrogator was furious with us. Not even Nubby’s jokes about the selling price of secondhand gold teeth or his reenactment of the Rogue Trader’s death could cheer us up.

When we got back to the ship we got to sit through a long lecture about how our incompetence had ruined his carefully laid plans, how Sarge’s disobedience had removed a vitally useful source of information, how our poor decision making had killed a valuable teammate, and how the tech-priest’s mistake on the ship had jeopardized the entire mission as well as wasting the lives of several valuable psykers. He also made several remarks about our general behavior, attitude, hygiene, and education, then finally pointed out that if only we had as professionally as the rest of the team Heavy would still be alive. If the bastard didn’t have remote control of the ship’s security servitors Sarge would have probably killed him.

In the end we were ordered to pack up and return to the shuttle, we would be returning to Professor Oak’s ship on a naval transport while the investigation was finished with the aid of the Arbites and local Ad-Mech. A secure data-slate containing a summary of the investigation so far as well a detailed critique of our performance was sent along as well as a dire warning that Oak would be expecting the slate and any attempt to accidentally lose it would go poorly. So we packed up our gear and Heavy and boarded our shuttle, but as a final afterthought before we propped Nutjob’s corpse upright in the bathroom where it would hopefully scare the shit out of that damned Interrogator.

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>>34337194

The trip back was a lot better than the trip out. None of the navy boys bothered us and we bonded with the tech-priest over our mutual hatred of that bastard Interrogator. So aside from Sarge’s usual drills we mostly just lounged around, planned for our R&R, speculated about our next mission, and came up with ideas for how to change the report after the tech-priest finished hacking the ‘secure’ data-slate.

Very few pieces of technology can resist a tech-priest with a month of travel time on his hands, and before the trip was even half done he had it cracked open and ready for a little judicious editing. There was a strong sentiment to wipe the whole thing and replace it with a picture of a butt and a note that saying “blah blah blah I’m a gigantic tool blah blah blah”, but cooler heads prevailed. We simply removed all negative references to ourselves from the report, rewrote the disciplinary note to simply say that we were no longer needed and were being released back to Oak, and as an afterthought dialed the Interrogator’s self-praise up to eleven. We hoped it would make him come off as a complete tool to anyone who read the report.

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>>34337219

Eventually we arrived back at Professor Oak’s giant spacefaring inquisitorial school / doomship, which was currently orbiting some random agri-world. We dropped off the data-slate, got debriefed, and went to go find our fellow guardsmen. Sure enough there were a few of them holding down the little section of the ship that we had claimed back when we arrived, so we got them together, shared some stories, and planned Heavy’s funeral. We called up our two cogbros (it was a surprise to find our little metal buddy from the first mission still chilling on the ship), got Heavy out of storage, ‘requisitioned’ a shuttle, and headed down to the agri-world to give him a proper sendoff.

In the morning the cogbros helpfully hauled all of our hungover asses back onto the shuttle and got us back aboard before anyone noticed we had left, and we settled into a few well deserved weeks of R&R. Some days a squad would come back with tales of success or failure and occasionally missing a few men, other days a runner would come down and a squad or head out or a new one would be pieced together. Finally the squad’s R&R time ran out, so we packed our bags and waited for the runner to come for us.

>>34337219

Was this all one session?!

You guys get so much done!

Did the Heavy's player decide to return as the Tech-[riest? Sounds like you got to be real bros with the cogboy.

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>>34337238

The runner didn’t come though, instead one day as we lounged in our makeshift barracks a tall man ducked into the room. He wore dress greens and positively reeked of Officer. In a chipper voice greeted us and invited our squad and “that strapping young fellow with the sword” to join him on a little expedition. He was going into a combat zone and thought that we’d enjoy a chance to get back into action, stretch our legs, and solve “a few little military problems that are right up our alley, wot wot!”

So with a weary sigh we gathered up the one man in the regiment dumb enough to prefer a sword over a good old fashioned las-gun and followed our new Interrogator to the shuttle.

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>>34337238
rip in peace heavy

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>>34337264

And that's all folks, thanks for reading.

I'm going to stick around and answer questions until I collapse.

If anyone has their own stories I'd love to hear them.

>>34337249
Each one has been a 2.5 day marathon. We all head over to the GM's place after work on Friday and play until we have to go to work on monday. Works pretty well since none of us can get away on weekdays like we used to.

>>34337261
He thought about it, but the All Guardsmen Party is sort of a theme now, so he switched to the one surviving CQ specialist in the regiment.

>>34337310
This was great, now we just need someone to screen cap this one

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Rolled 84 (1d100)

>>34337310
When's your next session. because by the gods I cannot wait for another dump. This was great fun to read. Can't wait Shoggy.

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>>34337341

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/34333783/

Why screencap, Mr. Anderson...

When you can Archive...

>>34337341

If no one else does I'll cap when I wake up in the morning, but for now >>34337393 voting.

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>>34337361

We've already played through the next session but it takes a while for me to write it up. (even though I shamelessly use work time to do it)

It was a harrowing adventure following the most offensively british soldier ever rolled up. I'll post as soon as I get it all finished.

>>34337393

Thanks anon, I'm proud to have this story in the archive.

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>>34337604
No thanks necessary.

Tell your group, especially Heavy's PC, that they are credit to team.

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Rolled 72 (1d100)

>>34337487
Excellent, I eagerly await the dumping.

Also, offensively British is the best British.

>>34337795
Quite

>>34337487
I am very much looking forward to when you post it, keep up the good stuff

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>>34337487
Thank you for your stories. I'm waiting for next episode.

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>>34334159
>>34334178
>>34334224
>>34334253
>>34334367
>>34334849
>>34334908
>>34334997
>>34335044
>>34335216
>>34335249
>>34335389
>>34335450
>>34335534
>>34336067
>>34336106
>>34336227
>>34336314
>>34336411
>>34336486
>>34336528
>>34336814
>>34336876
>>34336919
>>34336963
>>34336998
>>34337033
>>34337194
>>34337219
>>34337238
>>34337264

Holy shit that was a good read.

Mad props for taking the time to type this all up, I count 31 story posts here. I bitch if I have to write an essay over 2 pages.

Looking forward to the next chapter.

Morning folks, I'll be around if anyone wants to share their stories or just talk about shit.

>>34337795
>>34338448
>>34339350
>>34340961

Thanks a lot

>>34337681
I'll pass it on, most of the party doesn't read these tg posts, they just see the caps when our GM reposts them on reddit for internet points.

>>34340961
Yup, 31 of them. Sometimes I have trouble keeping things brief.

>>34341320
>Sometimes I have trouble keeping things brief.
In this case, I think that is a good thing.

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>>34337426

Here's the screencap I promised last night. I have redeemed my honor.

You guys have like 30 min to tell me if you see any fuckups before I close the editer.

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>>34341564

Fixed the little strip of misaligned border, it bothered me.

>>34341387
Glad you liked it, but I'm concerned that at the current rate of expansion the next writeup will be ~50 posts

>>34341564
>>34341666
Thanks for the cap anon

>>34341848
>the next writeup will be ~50 posts
That is a good thing

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>>34341848
>50 post

This will be glorious

>>34341848
>50 posts
HOW THE FU-
I understand that your group does this over the weekend, but how do you get this much done? What's the secret to keeping the party focused? I need to know!

>>34341930
>>34342077
>>34342462

God I hope it doesn't wind up being 50, just finding the images would take days. I was just speculating that I keep getting more and more wordy, the session was about the same amount of content as the others.

>>34342462
Well a fair bit of the length is just writing style, but we do get a lot done. We've all played together for a very long time, the GM implements turn timers, and the meticulous bastard has most of the plot flow-charted out beforehand since he's pretty good at predicting our reactions.

Also being the big pile of code monkeys we are, we have most of the rolls we have to do a lot saved in a little c# file. So when we're doing heavy rolling a lot of it is streamlined.

>>34342763
Copy-paste your recaps from this one, I guess. Might cut off four or five.

>>34341666
anyone got the caps for the other ones?>>34342763
I wish i had groups half as awesome as this one for any of the 40k games i have played (too much grimderp in the games I have played)

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>>34343215

Here's the first one

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>>34343215
And here's the second

>>34342763
>Also being the big pile of code monkeys we are, we have most of the rolls we have to do a lot saved in a little c# file. So when we're doing heavy rolling a lot of it is streamlined.

Upload it

>>34344155

Umm, I'll see if I can get my DM to throw it up on git or something.

All it was was pre-writing random() calls with the dice ranges and modifiers, then hooking it up to a gui button and textbox.

This wasn't some sort of big cunning program, it was just a way to save a set of rolls and modifiers so we didn't have to keep doing the same series of rolls.

>>34344385
Oh, there's something better than that. Get Maptool.

http://forums.rptools.net/viewtopic.php?p=228580

This pretty much macros everything, so you can just click "Full Auto Burst" and get your roll with all the modifiers and stuff