>>33940760
Bob Dole
Position: Master, Adaptus Administratum

>>33940848
For lack of any other answers, we have a winner!
You are Bob Dole, Master of the Adaptus Administratum. Sounds fancy right? Well, unfortunately due to a typo with an "a" replacing an "e" in Adeptus, its not that great. Still, you have your own office. You had finally finished sorting out your request form to go through your mail, when you come across a peculiar letter. The envelope is all black, and bears the seal of the Inquisition.
What do you wish to do with it? Keep in mind, opening it would require filling out a form of letter opening.

>>33940977
ignite it, feign ignorance you ever received it.

>>33940977
Fill out an expitdited letter of opening. Be a rebel.

>>33940977
Fill out the form and wait for it to process. Put the letter on your desk as a decoration for now.

>>33941303
You briefly consider destroying the letter, only to realize that could be heresy
>>33941407
>>33941576
Instead, you quickly fill out a letter of opening, giving it emergency status. You fill in the last stamp after an hour, and send it off, pleasantly placing the letter to look nice on your desk. You figure it should take roughly a month before the opening form is retu...
You are interrupted by the sound of something being delivered to your delivery chute. Opening it, you find your form of opening approved. In triplicate, evidently, and marked with an Inquisitorial seal.
Well, you have approval. What shall you do with the letter now?

>>33941632

It's probably not that important. Shuffle it into the middle of the pile, and revel in our acquired authority to go through our mail. Shuffle those papers baby!

>>33941632
burn it. there are heretics imitating the inquisition and to collaborate with them would be heresy.

>>33941632
Fill out an order form for a letter opener rated to open inquisitorial letters.

>>33941632
Open the letter.

>>33941674
You consider the possibility that the letter is heretical in nature, but quickly dismiss it. After all, heretics know nothing of protocol. How could they have responded to your form so quickly?
>>33941669
>>33941678
You place the letter into your pile of mail, filling out an order form for a letter opener of level 7 or higher to open your inquisitorial letter and mailing it off in the delivery chute. You sit back down, taking out your level 3 letter opener to get the rest of the mail, when you hear a clang from your delivery chute. Moving over to it, you find a level 7 letter opener, black as the letter you initially got, and with an inquisitorial seal.
>>33941719
Deciding the expedient manner in which you got your response, you decide this is a sign from the emperor that you must read the letter immediately. Sending a prayer to the emperor for the miracle of paper from which paper work is made, you open the letter and read it.
"Administratum has been infiltrated by Ork Xenos. We know you are human. Discover the Orks. We shall be watching. Do not speak of this letter. You are authorized to destroy it. Welcome to the Inquisition acolyte"
You read over the letter several times, when you realize something. This means you got a promotion to Inquisitorial acolyte. However, now you have a new job to do. What shall you do first?

>>33941873

Put the letter in your pocket, confident that it will disappear like all the rest. Then requisition a form which will detail out the forms you would need to discover xeno infiltration.

>>33941873
requisition a machine gun and a flame thrower, as well as a form of leave to destroy messages. if there has been ork infiltration, then any of the letters in the office could be heretical.

>>33941873
Ask for pay grade sheet of the inquisition

>>33941873
Storm out of the office and accuse the first man (not servitor) I see of helping the filthy ork xenos.

>>33942161
You stuff the letter into your pocket, reasoning you'll lose it somewhere along the way, and begin filling out a requisition form to get the forms needed to discover this infiltration.
>>33942263
You also decide you would need some weaponry, especially to destroy any heretical forms.
Just as you are about to send off the forms, having filled them out, a message arrives in your delivery chute. It is on black paper, with the Inquisitorial Seal
"No more forms. We need action, not forms. Writing forms to us is hereby heretical, as it wastes time you could be using to find Orks. Just think what you want, we will get the approval to you."
>>33942347
You ponder if this ability to read your mind ahead of time actually works, and decide to test it by asking for a pay grade sheet of the inquisition. Sure enough, it arrives, detailing that you are now paid 7 thrones more an hour.
How do you react? All your life, you've known nothing but forms but now... now they are heresy, at least from you.

>>33942530
Go find a cheap weapon. No bolters with our pay grade.

>>33942530
ask for the biggest opener for the biggest letters and use it as the Bureaucratic Hammer of Righteousness

>>33942530
>>33942692
cuz seriously, do you even know how does a proper weapon looks like?

>>33942639
>>33942692
>>33942715
You decide you need a weapon of some sorts. Maybe some kind of... big letter opener. You mentally ask for such a device, seconds later hearing a large clang at your delivery chute. You open it up and find... a strange device. It looks like a letter opener, but is wielded with two hands. Instead of one blade, it has many little ones on top of each other. Pressing a button on the hilt causes these blades to move down the length of the device, disappearing before they hit the handle, and making a sound like that of a letter opener. As you further inspect the device, the door to your office opens, you see one of the interns standing in the door.
"Everything all right in here Bob? I heard a loud noise outside. What is that thing?" He asks, pointing to the letter opener.
How do you respond?

>>33942827
Tell him your boss sent you a big letter opener. Probably one that the primarchs used, no big deal.

>>33942827
Tell him to fill out the proper information request forms regarding the letter opener. Even though WE are exempt from forms, by the Emperor, giving him a free pass would be heretical.

>>33942827
He didn't fill the proper form and didn't send it to me for approval before entering - ergo he is a Xeno infiltrator! "It's a letter opener - why do you aks, you should know." - let's see how will he respond.

>>33942943
You open your mouth to brag, about to say the importance of the letter opener you received, when you remember
>>33942952
even though you are exempt from forms, he isn't. You inform him he needs the proper forms to learn about it.
"Oh... okay." He says, a little disappointed. "Well, I made your recaff. Just how you like it." He says, walking over to hand you the cup. You reach out to grab it... when he pulls the cup away. "Woah now. I need to see your recaff cup retrieval form. Don't wanna get in trouble with the bosses." He says
Your eyes go wide. Forms are heretical for you now, but you need to give him one to get one.
>>33943023
You briefly consider he may an infiltrator, and this might be a test of some kind.
How do you proceed with this moral quandary?

>>33943077
Ask him very casually whether or not he likes how orks paint their ships.

>>33943077
Tell him the inquisition has deemed it heretical for you to fill out more forms. That means you do not need forms anymore.

Brag about your letter opener anyway.

>>33943077
Well, that guy is just an intern - let's quote some random stuff from the top of my head and tell him, that there are new regulations and you... hmm... have to test new forms invented by Guilliman, and only recently approved, hence the big opener - they are in a big letter. But before you get them - quotes some bureaucratic gibberish here - and thats why you don't have to use forms while he has to.

>>33943211
You decide to inform him that you do not require regular forms
>>33943236
Stating that you are testing an ancient breed of forms only recently found, and having been created by Guilliman himself, citing a string of codes and regulations you are sure he knows nothing about. He merely nods in agreement, eyes glazed. "Alright, here is your recaff then." He says, handing it to you before turning to leave.
>>33943209
You stop him before he goes, asking if he likes how Orks paint their ships. He raises an eyebrow.
"I don't know much about Orks, so I couldn't tell you. I can say that if I had a ship, I would paint it red. I think red is my favorite color for ships. It just seems to make them look faster, you know?"

>>33943305
REMOVE ORK

>>33943305
HERESY

>>33943305
Yell "WAAAGH!" and krump da 'umie

File: remove ork.jpg (171 KB, 472x538)

171 KB JPG

>>33943305
no time to lose... remove ork!

>>33943305
Ork infiltrator! Punch him!

>>33943345
>>33943348
>>33943421
>>33943436
>>33943441
You let out a battle cry, yelling "WAAAAGH" at the top of your lungs and revving up your letter opener. You swing it downwards, cutting the intern in two before he can react, blood splattering all over your office.
You feel a sense of victory over slaying an Ork, only to realize that someone had to have heard you swinging the letter opener. People would be coming. Orks would be coming.
What do you do now?

>>33943479
request a set of SPESS MAHREEN armor and reinforcements. Now is the time to make your stand!

>>33943479
Report your victory to the inquisition.

>>33943479
Words of the Inquisition are words or the God-Emperor himself, and since there are orcs infiltrators in the building, and also since writing forms is heretical, we have to burn everything, destroying both orks and form writing! .... hmm so we need a big lighter.

>>33943479
Request a full suit of Adepta Sororita armor and a flamer.

>>33943627
+ this Adepta Sororita from whom you have taken the armor

>>33943513
>>33943524
>>33943557
>>33943627
You decide to report your victory to the inquisition, and request you be given more equipment with which to fight off the Ork threat. Maybe some power armor you've heard about, and something to burn all the papers and orks down. Just as you finish the thought, you hear a clang in your delivery chute. Running over to it, you open it up to find something that looks similar to a glue gun, but larger and with a bottle attached to it, a small drawing of fire on its side. As you pull it out, you find armor underneath. It is black, with gold high lights, and the area around the breasts are raised. Attached to it is a black tag with the inquisitorial seal.
"Sorry, best we could find on short notice. Good luck. Reinforcements will take a while. Fury is the weapon of the Emperor's chosen" It reads. You quickly put the armor on and examine the massive glue gun, finding a trigger for it, just as you hear foot steps down the hall. It must be the Orks launching an attack!
How shall you go into battle, and any other equipment you wish to grab from your office before leaving?

>>33943691
grab a handful of letter openers to use as makeshift throwing daggers

>>33943691
Scout out the footsteps.

>>33943728
>>33943763
You quickly grab some of your trusty lower level letter openers, figuring you could always throw them at any attackers. Slowly you open the door of your office and glance around, seeing several of your "co-workers" gathered in the halls, staring at you. Suddenly, you see your manager, Juno, step forward. "Bob! What is the meaning of this? Loud noises in your office, an illegal splattering of red paint on the walls without forms, wearing a... woman's set of power armor? And where is intern Dan?" She asks, tapping her foot. You consider that she might be an Ork... when you remember something you learned back at schola. That Orks don't have females because the entire species are lonely virgins, thus proving their inferiority to humans. She can't be an Ork. However, the rest of your co-workers are male... she is surrounded and doesn't know it!
What do you do to save your old boss?
Also, a draw fag doing Bob Dole would be appreciated.

>>33943691
Let's see, so we now have a chainsword, armor and a flamer, we don't know how to use them to their fullest - but they should be enough. Ah yeah, also the "furry"...

so, if we can run from the room to not-ork-containing corridor them set fire in th room and run closing the door - when orks will get in, they will cause the fire to I forgot the word, became bigger, because they will let more air inside, and then they will burn. If we cant run fast enough, stand so the opened door hide us and prepare the flamer

>>33943956
damn too late... but mb for thats for the best

>>33943947
hop on her back, using her as a chariot as you hook up the flamer to her lungs(she was always full of hot air), and use it to incinerate all oncoming orks

>>33943947
"The martyr's grave is the keystone of the Imperium."

it was nice knowing her

>>33944130
>>33943947
>Orks don't have females because the entire species are lonely virgins

on the second thought
mb we should use the fact that they are virgins and she is a woman, as a diversion, and then burn them?

>>33943947
Ask everyone what their favorite color is. If they say purple they're infiltrators.

>>33943947
Request that all Orks take ten steps back and all servants of the Emperor take ten steps forward. That should separate them all real quick-like.

>>33944108
>>33944173
You decide you can use her to your advantage, since Orks are such lonely virgins. "If you come in here boss, I can tell you everything." You say. She sighs, walking into your office, the door still open. "Alright Bob, but you better have a good explanation for..." She starts, when you reach forward, tearing off the front of her shirt and exposing her bra. She lets out a scream, you quickly turning her around and igniting the flamer while the Orks are all busy looking at her breasts, her screams making the fire spread quicker and engulf the vile xenos. Realizing how valuable of a weapon she is, you jump onto her back, kicking her side and commanding her to move. Tears streaming down her face, obviously tears of joy over your victory against the Orks, she nods her head and starts walking, barely supporting your weight.
You have the advantage now, but you need to burn this entire place to the ground if you wanna stop the Orks. Although, you remember that if you kill the Ork leader, the rest will run scared, making them easier for the inquisition to spot. Which action will you take?

>>33944289
request a statue of your glorious victory to be erected in front of the office, then go after the orks, slashing at the xenos as you ride past them.

kill the ork leader, then ignite the entire building. a scared ork is an easy target. a scared ork on fire is even easier.

>>33944289
we don't want them to run, we want then right there where they are - infiltrating the building.

Just ignite all that paper, and get out of the building, later burn everything that jumps out of the windows.

>>33944361
>>33944369
Stuck between two choices, you decide to keep slaying Orks in the meanwhile, figuring the emperor will guide you. You command your steed to keep moving, your old boss crying out as you slash and burn at every xenos you see. This goes on for half an hour until you look forward and realize your steed had taken you to the exit, clearly thinking burning the building down would be the safest answer. You think to yourself this may be wise... when you spot the company's owner fleeing through the front doors, flanked by his two body guards. That must be him. That must be the war boss... and he is escaping!
What shall you do to slay this foul beast, brave Bob Dole, Inquisitorial Acolyte of Bureaucratic origins?

>>33944563
requisition the answer.

>>33944563
Charge while screaming "For the Emprah".

>>33944643
wait wait... we need to burn down the building, if its not burning by this point - and then charge while screaming "For the Emprah".

>>33944708
But removing the Ork leader is an opportunity that must not be ignored.

>>33944745
he is running with 2 bodyguards, they will fall behind to slow you down either way

>>33944868
tell them that all the coolest orks will stand their ground.

>>33944942
well... lets try yelling "Im the biggest Im the boss" and see if the boss will accept the challenge

File: Yes to No.jpg (21 KB, 261x319)

21 KB JPG

>>33940760
This quest confirmed for best quest.

>>33944643
>>33944708
>>33945022
Seeing that the building is already burning down already, you decide to charge the last Ork. You command your steed to give chase, firing a lick of flame at her rear end, causing her to run forward with almost super human capability. You shout "For the emperor!" As you give chase, causing the leader to look back in fear. His body guards turn around and ready their guns to fire, only for you to immolate them before they get the chance. The boss gets outside, but you are right on his heels... when your ride trips, sending you flying forward. However, you are on course to collide with your target. Holding your letter opener forward, you yell "I'm the biggest! I'm the boss!" Just as your opener strikes your target, going through his chest and out the other side. The boss looks down, blood spilling out of his mouth, before falling to the ground, dead, with a pool of blood forming under him.
I must request a temporary leave of absence. 30 minutes or so. Once back, we can continue. Keep it bumped.

>>33945203
Got it, Bob. We will do that. FOR YOU.

>>33945203
Truly a hero of the Imperium.

>>33945203
Will bump best quest for sure

>>33945696
As I said

>>33945286
>>33945670
>>33945696
>>33946065
I have returned, having filled out the proper documentation.
As you stand over the slain form of the Ork boss, your steed slowly creeping over, looking with wide eyed horror at the body before her, a note slowly drifts down and lands at your feet. You pick it up, seeing it is black with the inquisitorial seal.
"Well done. Meet us at the hab center block. Glory to the Emperor." It reads.
You finally have a chance to meet the inquisitors who hired you! But... there could be more Ork infiltrators along the way. How shall you proceed?

>>33946262
Discretion is the better part of valor Do your best to look like an Ork pretending to be a human.

>>33946262
Quickly sift trough the offices burning any forms you find and then proceed to meet the inquisitors, all while breathing heavily down your steeds neck

>>33946447
he lost the noble steed.

>>33946262
Hide your face and change outfits. Take the bus.

>>33946361
>>33946447
You quickly burn any papers you find, your steed sobbing over the body of your greatest victory, clearly tears of joy. You figure you need to look like an Ork to fool the Ork infiltrators... but how? Then, as you look at your steed, you get an idea. Orks paint their vehicles red... why not paint her red. You approach the dead body of the Ork boss and slash it apart, before grabbing your steed and throwing her into the pooled blood. She recoils at the xenos blood, but you reassure her, telling her this is for the emperor. Once she is thoroughly covered, you jump back on her and begin riding to the hab block center.
As you approach, you spot two fellows you figure might be the inqusitors. One is very large and muscular, while the other is short and has a screw coming out of his mouth, evidently chewing on it. The other has a large Inquisitor hat on one of the spikes coming out of the back of his armor. Do you approach?

>>33946621
You remember hearing a myth of an Orcish greeting that involves groping the privates, they will surely be convinced that you are one of them

>>33946716
You recall that Orks, being the brutes that they are, often grope people as a greeting. Maybe if you do this, you will convince the Orks around you that you are one of them, while also getting the Inquisitor's attention. You climb off her steed, and grab her crotch, causing her to gasp. The inquisitors, however, do not take notice. Deciding to take it a step forward, you grab once more and pull her pants off, leaving her in her underwear. She lets out a scream, finally catching the Inquisitor's attention. The big one approaches and says "Oi! Dares da git I wuz lookin' fer! Great job huntin down dem humi.. I mean Orks! Burning da building down... dat was right beautiful it wuz!" He says laughing, patting you on the back. The small one now approaches and speaks. "As a reward, wat say we upgradez your mount dare? Give her a power klaw! And maybe some treads? Oi, we can even paint her proper red!" He says, your mount's eyes going wide as she slowly backs away.
What say you to the Inquisitor's proposition?

>>33946927
this is clearly the Will of the God-Emperor, besides red one goes faster, right?

>>33946970
You casually tell her that red will surely look great on her

>>33946927
Consult with your mount. She's the only human besides these fine gentlemen so you need her opinion.

>>33947243
>>33946970
>>33947206
You turn to your mount, stating that she would look good in red. She looks back at you with wide eyes, before finally speaking. "Are you insane!?! Those are clearly Orks! You've been slaughtering humans this entire time!" She yells. The large inquisitor, picking up his chain axe. "Oi, dats enough otta yer mo..." He starts, but is cut off by the small Inquisitor. "Wot Inquisitor Bludflagg meant to say wuz... hez not an Ork. Hez wearing Green Spacey Marine Armor! From uh... er.... da Ultragitz, yeah dats right!" He says, snapping his fingers.
Who do you choose to believe, and what do you say?

>>33947326
the two men are clearly trustworthy individuals....and your steed is looking a little green right now...

>>33947326
Tell her these are obvious undercover inquisitors to root out the undercover orks.

Tell them to get some more of this boob plate for your mount.

>>33947326
The Inquisitors, of course! Orks are stupid brutes, they wouldn't be able to lie.

>>33947326
You're steed is surely in a bit of a shock so she's just panicking, decide to trust the totally legit Inquisitors

>>33947511
Haven't slept in 20 hours please forgive me

>>33947429
>>33947450
>>33947459
You politely inform your mount that these two are clearly inquisitors and that she should not draw attention to herself with such baseless accusations. You turn back to the inquisitors and accept their offer. "Right!" The big one says, grabbing your steed and handing it over to the smaller one. "Inqusita nail brain 'ere will fix 'er right up! Give 'er some of da big guns." He says, Inquisitor Nail brain nodding and walking off with your steed, who cries out in fear. "In da meanwhile, I gotz a job fer ya!" The large Inquisitor says, patting you on the back. "See, da local arbi... arbe... cops round 'ere impounded me ship! I need ya to go down and get it back fer me! Iz da big one, painted red and covered in gubbinz and dakka. Do dis and you can be one o me inqusistors forever!"
Shall we undertake this task, and if so, how shall we do it?

>>33947575
humbly request your mount back and charge into the arbiter stronghold, using the confusion generated by your glorious mount to annihilate the ork army.

>>33947575
Ask for some heavier firepower.

>>33947612
>>33947643
You request for your mount back so you may charge in, but the Inquisitor shakes his head. "I think Nail brain is busy wit 'er." He says, pointing to the Inquisitor's vehicle, which is bonucing up and down, sounds of screams and the wine of machinery coming from within. When you request for heavy fire power, he smiles. "Dere we go! I like you! Take me big shoota! I got it off one oh dem terminator thingies." He says, handing you a rather large assault cannon. Amazingly, you are able to carry it.
You are now equipped and ready to go. Shall you go attack the Arbites station, and if so, how?

>>33947881
We will give our war cry of WAAAGH! As we fire into the building, relying on sheer firepower to destroy the aliens inside.

>>33947881
You remember your favorite movie character Rambo do what you believe he would do, attack the Arbites station full on while screaming furiously. Before you go you ask the Inquisitor for a red piece of cloth to tie around your head

>>33948003
>>33948005
You decide that a full frontal assault would be the best way to attack the base. Before leaving, you ask the Inquisitor for a piece of red cloth to tie around your head, a request he grants. You wrap the cloth around your head, before heading to the arbiter station, kicking down the door and letting out a WAAAAGH as you open fire. Most of the arbiters are taken by surprise and quickly gunned down in the first minute of the fight. Others, however, manage to dive for cover and fire back with their pistols and shot guns. However, they too are quickly gunned down, your armor protecting you from their meager shots and your assault cannon tearing up their cover. You work your way farther into the station, coming across their impound lot, where you spot the Inquisitor's ship. Now, the only question that remains is... how do you get it out of here?

>>33948156
Board it and start pressing every button you can find.

>>33948156
Board it, and start yelling for someone to get the Inquisitor so he can get us out.

>>33948156
board it and with a very human WAAAAAAGH!, press buttons and smash the big red button on the dashboard with your head.

>>33948156
Board it and fire the ship's dakka at anything in your path.

>>33948228
>>33948243
>>33948298
You break inside of the ship, fighting off a few more arbiters, and start pressing as many buttons as you can, including the big red one. Especially the big red one. The ship suddenly lurches to life... before going on full blast, smashing through several buildings as it plows them into the dirt. In desperation, you start pressing buttons at random again, until finally finding the one to make the ship stop... in the same square as you met the inquisitor. Convenient. You step outside, seeing the trail of destruction the ship left, before the inquisitor runs up and gives you a pat on your back. "Ah, deres me boy! And ya got me ship back too! I knew I could count on ya." He says with a jovial smile. "Now, Nail Brain iz done wit your ride. Wanna see it?" You nod, and soon, the back of the inquisitor's vehicle lowers, and your trusty steed, ridden by Mr. Nail Brain, comes out. Right away, you notice how good she looks in red. It really helps accentuate the beauty of the tank treads that have replaced everything below her waist, giving a convenient platform to stand on. Also, she looks very pretty with power klaws replacing her hands, as well as the duel machine guns mounted on her shoulders. Finally, two handle bars jut out of her head, giving you an easy way to steer her. Why, she is so happy, she's crying tears of joy. "Zog me, itz beautiful." The Inquisitor says, wiping away a tear. "What'll you name 'er?" He asks, turning to you.

>>33948538
Dan Quayle

>>33948538
Death of Orks

>>33948538
da ooker

>>33948538
>>33948565

>>33948565
>>33948587
>>33948605
You think it over in your head for a while, so many good names coming to mind, before you decide to combine them all together.
"Dan Quayle, Death of Orks and da ooker." You say. The inquisitor laughs, patting you on the back once more. "I likez dis one!" He says as Mr. Nail brain drives your new and improved mount over to you. "Now, whatz say you join me crew? Wez huntin Eldar next, and wez could use one like you." He says with a smile, pointing his finger at your chest.

>>33948708
tell him with a laugh that you'll have to requisition permission.

>>33948708
Ask him if you get a pay raise.

>>33948708
Ask him to be transferred to another wing of the Administratum. You really miss forms.

>>33948727
>>33948754
>>33948838
You agree to join his crew, but only for a pay raise and stating that you need to requisition permission first, with a laugh. The warboss laughs, leading you into the ship with your mount and Mr. Nailbrain. "Whatever you wish me boy. Yer on me crew now!" He says. You think it over, and ask whether you can do more paper work, as you miss forms. "Sure." He says. "Youz can fill out all dose forms next time we'ze land so me ship doesn't get taken!"
Thus ends the tail of Bob Dole, Imperial Bureaucrat who rose to the rank of Inquisitor in the course of a day and slew hundreds of Orks, with his trusty steed Dan Quayle, Death of Orks and da ooker. You now venture forth with the inquisitor, eager to requisite the correct forms to blast Eldar off the face of the earth with the might of the Imperium... and maybe get some actual male power armor this time around.

>>33949095
Good job. This was a great thread.

>>33949095
You are a hero among men.

>>33949095
Glorious thread, anon. Today, OP was certainly not a faggot.

>>33949197
>>33949257
>>33949332
Thanks. I'm gonna archive the thread for future interest. Also, I would love if a drawfag was in here. Some of the mental images are just too damn funny.