>>33805313
>inb4 he starts using magikarp as a weapon

>Prepare first-aid kit, prepare two cheerleading outfits. Offer to wear one as long as Blue wears the others.

>>33805313
Try to convince blue to join red in the river. Say its for training. Take pictures.

>>33805313
>Push BLUE into RIVER.

>>33805376
Why bother convincing? Shove him in.

>>33805313
Can beedrill poke out one of blue's eyes for calling him useless?

>>33805376
This

>>33805313
Draw gay porn.
Gay porn of the beedril, growlithe, pidgeot and magikarp.

>>33805313
Remember that you're going to be a Pokemon master yourself and prepare to challenge Brock as well.

>>33805375
RED does not mind the first aid kit, since it keeps him capable of punching things like POKEMON and BLUE. You're still struggling to figure out how to tell RED that battles are fought between just pokemon without destroying his mind. At the very least you can count on BLUE not to tell him right now, because said dick wants to see RED fail at the gym as hard as possible.

Said dick is also having problems putting on the cheerleader uniform, claiming you'll just taking pictures on your blog for likes. Not an inaccurate claim, but not the point as far as you're concerned. You are concerned though that maybe you've been typing him and RED wrong as far as SEME and UME roles go though. "Don't you want him to succeed?" You ask him pointedly.

"No. No I do not. I explicitly want to watch him fail, crash, and burn before my eyes," BLUE informs you with utter truth in his big blue eyes.

"But you're friends," You point out in desperation to see BLUE in cheerleader cosplay.

"No, no we're not."

You're try again, when you see what RED is doing. "Magikarp can't learn fly! Put him down this instant!"

>BE RED
>Take RED to the gym
>Take RED to fight trainers

>>33805661
>Take RED to fight trainers
There's no possible way this could go wrong.

>>33805661
>>Take RED to fight trainers
Magicarp can totally learn to fly You just need to throwh him hard enough

>>33805661
>Take Red to fight trainers
We should probably find out if he intends to punch their Pokemon or punch them before the gym.

>>33805661
>Take RED to fight trainers

What happened to Blue's double date again?

>>33805661
I swear to Pokegod if GREEN ends up being RED's minder this entire quest I'm going to be mildly put off.

>>33805661
Take RED to fight trainers
That's fine, everything is fine, it'll be okay.

>>33805724
Nobody is RED's minder. He is merely occasionally open to suggestions.

>>33805724
But anon.
YOU are controlling RED. YOU are RED's minder.

>>33805661
>>Take RED to fight trainers
We fight club nao

>>33805746
GREEN's current behavior is a big change from
>"Oh fuck you!" She shouts back with a pointed finger. "That's it! I'm tired of you hitting on me and then acting like a sexist asshole! I'm going to become a pokemon master just so I can kick your ass and never let you become a champion!"
Is all.

>>33805876
She said that to Blue, anon.

>>33805313
RED knows exactly what he's doing. If he can get that karp to jump a waterfall it'll evolve right there.

>>33805876
I don't think it's too different. She likes having one over the guys, and she will always have one over Red because he's an autist.

>>33805951
Sort of. Red could not give less of a shit what she thinks. That's not really having one over him.

>>33805691
>>33805698
It's been hours. Literally hours since you and the rest of the group have set out to find trainers in Viridian Forest. RED has been playing fetch with Growlithe the entire time, while his Beedrill has been flying around picking fights with random birds. On the other hand, BLUE won't stop complaining about Officer Jenny being late for his date because of some special needs child and Nurse Joy not showing at all. You're having a hard time buying either one, but now isn't the time for that. "Where the hell is everyone!"

BLUE looks up from his phone for the first time since you started searching and gives you the biggest shit eating smirk you've seen since you gave him one for the battle in Pallet town. It's a surprise he's only tripped over roots five times and your outstretched legs eight. "Oh those guys?"

"Yeah..." You ask, with a sudden an alarming suspicion. Please no...

"Oh, I went out early before you two woke up and beat them all. Every trainer in the city and surrounding area willing to battle at all."

"We've been looking to help RED train for hours for nothing then," You whisper with a surprisingly calm voice. You rage is beginning to break.

The smugness in his voice is so thick it's palpable. A pokemon could CUT it. You want to CUT him. "Yes. I woke up at four in the morning just for this moment right here."

>WHAT NOW

>>33805977
Sick beedrill on him.

>>33805977
>RED challenges BLUE. Right here right now.

>>33805977
Flip his skirt.

>>33805977
shoot BLUE

>>33806002
This.

>>33805977
Let RED know that if he beats BLUE here, it will have counted as beating every trainer in the region.

>>33805977
Red! I've found your challenger!

>point at blue

Pikachu

>>33805977
Have RED fight BLUE.

Draw porn of it while they fight.

>>33806002
There's a chill in the air that has nothing to do with the coming evening. A silence falls upon the forest; nothing dares make a sound. RED spins on his feet, with his two active pokemon assuming combat positions at his flanks. You feel your stomach sink as they get ready, and RED draws something out from his backpack. A pokeball, or one of his rocks? You can't tell which, but you know something bad is about to happen. Beedrill always looks like it's two seconds from killing something since it's made of pure hate like the rest of its species, but Growlithe, that friendly puppymon? The hell just happened?

BLUE can tell something's up to, and if he started to shake you wouldn't blame him. RED's eyes are glowing, from the sunlight reflecting or some inner fire you don't know.

"I... I'm not battling this loser till he earns a badge. Not worth my time," BLUE bluffs, and for a moment you're afraid it won't work. But then again, RED's retarded and instantly cools down. The whole forest deflates like it was holding its breath, and you feel yourself exhale too. What the fuck RED?

>BE RED NOW

>>33806185
challenge GREEN

>>33805977
Tell red that if he doesn't beat up blue, he will steal red's Pokemon from him

>>33806251
This.

>>33806185
Go to next city
Obtain badge
Beat up BLUE
???
Profit

>>33806185
Challenge BLUE

Tell him to fight. He has to fight. He got challenge'd.

>>33806185
Go challenge Brock repeatedly until you win. You don't need to grind on weaklings.

>>33806185
I just want to see RED and BLUE fight. Oh god i'm turning into GREEN

>>33806185
Go up to the gym beat the gym leaders Pokmon until our fist breaks then do it some more. After that do the same to blue

>>33806185
>Punch BLUE in the back of his STUPID SMUG HEAD.

>>33806185
Fight fucking Pikachu 1 on 1 faget.

>>33806185
Challenge Blue. Tell him if he doesn't, he a PUSSY.

He is, because he denying battle. And that makes any pokemon trainer a pussy.

Hey hey, Professor Oak man. What's the point of having a QM twatter if you don't use it?

Just think, why hasn't Green raped Red?

>>33806546
Beedrill

>>33806546
Because she can't handle the dick.

That why she masterbate to gay porn.

>>33806546
Fucking a retard doesn't feel good. To her conscience.

Also he'd probably freak out and make BEEDRILL poke her eye out or something.

>>33806274
Your name is RED, and you 16 YEARS OLD. Everyone here knows that though, so you really don't need to keep repeating that. Instead you're going to challenge Brock, repeating that if you have to till you win, and then call BLUE a FAGGOT.

Night's almost come to Pewter City when the three of you make it back to the gym. The pokecenter made a quick pit stop to heal up your awesome new Magikarp, and you've noticed a disturbing trend. Nurse Joy didn't remember you when you first got there, even though you just saw her in Viridian City. And she didn't remember you even though you saw her in your last trip to Celadon City. Are you that forgettable or something. The thought tortures you until a shock of realization shivers down your spine like one of Pika's thundershocks. It's the only explanation for how she looks exactly the same, but is different in each city.

"Guys, is Nurse Joy a Pokémon?"

BLUE and GREEN are so astounded by your genius insight that they're shocked into silence. BLUE's sanity cracks under the realization like some sort of Tentathulian truth has just been explained, and falls to the ground in horrified laughter. The poor fool never had a chance. GREEN is transfixed by what you've just revealed, so BLUE explains that yes, she is a pokemon.

"Can I catch her?" After all, a pokemon that looks just like a human and can cure anything with modern technology would round out your team perfectly.

"Go for it," BLUE cheers you on before you enter the gym.

Inside, is a barren, rocky battlefield with Brock waiting at the other side of the warzone. He's just as you remember from the video call last night, tanned from the sun with thoughtful eyes that hold the mystery of pokemon's most ancient teachings and secrets.

>>33806546
GAY PORN

And isn't there some law about special needs people who can't take care of themselves?

"Are you sure you want to do this RED? I mean, you're at a pretty big disadvantage," The man offers when you call your entire team out of their pokeballs. You nod of assent is all the answers he needs.

"Then maybe you should put your Magikarp back into the pokeball before it dies," The man points out.

Shit this guy is good.

>Send out Solid
>Send out Growlithe
>Send out Pika
>Send out Beedrill

>>33806571
I knew it couldn't be fun and autism forever, sometimes it has to be crippling anxiety and autism.

>>33806622
>Send out Nurse Joy
Let's use our newest Pokemon.

>>33806622
>Send out our fists
Unless that's not a valid answer. Then just send out Growlithe.

>>33806571
>"Go for it," BLUE cheers you on before you enter the gym.
The look on his face when we show him our nurse joy pokemon will be completely worth it.

>>33806622
>>Send out Growlithe
Use Ember or whatever. It should work.

>>33806622
>Send out our fists
Gotta do this the tried and true way first.

>>33806622
Solid.
Spam sand attack until it is incapable of hitting the broad side of a wailord, then use switch and use ember on it since it's got shitty special defense.

>>33806622
>Send out Growlithe

>>33806622
>Use Fist

>>33806622
Grab magikarp as if he is a bat and beat Brock to death with magikarp

>>33806725
This is a legitimately good plan. Sort of.

>>33806776
RED's supposed to be a battle savant, and I think that's the best we've got with our resources and this opposition.

>>33806776
>>33806813 cont
Unless we go for the sprinkers/horn type stuff
which I think is exactly what we're supposed to be doing, but I'm not that creative.

>>33806725
Yes.

>>33806622
>Send out Solid

GUST MOTHERFUCKER. DEBUFF, DEBUFF EVERYWHERE.

YOU CAN'T HIT WHAT YOU CAN"T SEE.

>>33806813
You would wonder how sand in the eyes affects things made out of rocks and gravel.

>>33806725
>>33806853
These two. Spam Sand Attack and gust and use Solid ability to fly to hit and run to wear down brock pokemon.

OCV with Solid.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ev3VwmpBXyo

Did we put the eyepatch back on Solid? This is important.

>>33806747
>>33806659

An Onyx emerges from Brocks' pokeball, an imposing giant of a pokemon that occupies most of the gym by itself. The rock snake creature roars in defiance to you, and you feel the rush coming again. The whole world is here for you, to watch your victory. This is your moment, no one, not ever BLUE can take this from you. "..." You say before sending out your Growlithe to battle.

"Wait, aren't you going to... I don't know, punch it?" GREEN asks with utter bewilderment in her voice. What?

"Of course not, I'm not retarded," You tell her and a stunned BLUE.

Your rival looks just as surprised and asks, "Then why do you fight every pokemon you meet then."

"Because punching things is fun?"

>FIGHT
>BAG
>POKEMON
>RUN

>Roll 1d20 for effectiveness, most chosen option is used.

Rolled 2

>>33806902
Why did you fucks decide to send out Growlithe first?

Rolled 13

>>33806902
>FIGHT

Rolled 6

>>33806902
>FIGHT

Rolled 3

>>33806902
>BAG
XSPEED

or regular speed

We have that, right?

Rolled 17

>>33806902
>FIGHT
>LEER
>AGILITY

MOVE, GROWLITHE, MOVE.

>>33806926
Dont worry hes got this. Hes been through Leg day.

Rolled 9

>>33806902
>FIGHT
GROWLITHE USED FIRE BLAST
It had trainer before
There's chance it has it
If it lack it use EMBER
Its not like ROCK is resistant to FIRE

Rolled 2

>>33806902
>FIGHT
Dig. Dogs can dig right?

All I want to do is summon magikarp and use him like a club. Is that so wrong?

>>33806994
Yes. We battling pokemon for real. There time for fun bullshit and serious bullshit.

Rolled 4

>>33806994
He's a water type, right? So using him as a weapon is like turning RED's punches into water punches

>>33806622
What about your magikarp?

Use your magickarp as a club!

>>33806994
>>33807018
No.

Pokemon battles are pokemon vs pokemon, not pokemon vs a human wielding a pokemon.

even RED knows this.

>>33807018
Unless we make gloves out of him it wont count as punch
And its not PHQ anyway
So i doubt its legal

Rolled 2

>>33806902
>When legit PKMN fights are involved, Red temporarily becomes canon RED
My dick is diamonds.

>Fight
Use Ember.

>>33807018
What are movesets of our pokemon?

>>33807090
Drill to the eye
Sand in your eyes
Fire (possibly to the eyes)
Pants shitting electricity
Splash.

>>33806928
>>33806933
>>33806942

The battle is on, and you're just getting warmed up. All that training, all those games of fetch, all those leg days have lead up to this. Growlithe sprints off before Onix can even react.

Growlithe used Agility! Growlithe's speed rose!

In an instant, he's everywhere. All anyone can see is orange and black blurring across the battlefield, and your eyes are having a hard time keeping up. You give no command beyond a few hand movements, and Growlithe obeys instantly. It's like there is this connection between you and your pokemon, and there's no doubt you're going to win.

Onix used Tackle!

Fast or not, the massive pokemon still hits home. A crushing blow sends Growlithe around the room, but the dog uses the chance to rebound off of the walls and jump onto Onix. A dead sprint carries Growlith up the tail and towards the back of Onix's head

>>33807203
Go for the eyes, Boo!

>>33807203
BITE ON ONIX SPINE. BREAK IT.

USE BITE AND CRUNCH. OR GO FOR THE EYES AND BREATH FIRE ON THEM.

Rolled 7

>>33807309
>>33807321
Since there's no option to choose there's most likely still another post coming.

>>33807347
I wasn't making a suggestion, autist.

>>33807203
>FIGHT
>BAG
>>Potion
>POKEMON
>>Solid
>>Beedrill
>>Magikarp
>>Pika
>RUN

>>33807386
A bit would break his teeth so I say get him to use flame thrower on the back of onix's neck

>>33807386
FIGHT

Rolled 1

>>33807386
>FIGHT

Rolled 18

>>33807386
>FIGHT
Burn its eyes

>>33807386
>Fight
>>Use Dig

>>33807386
>>FIGHT
>Ember the eyes!

>>33807429
I've been waiting for this.

>>33807483
happens every one in 20 rolls, not like it's particularly rare.

Rolled 18

>>33807491
>happens every one in 20 rolls
On average.

>>33807483
He didn't ask for a roll yet either

>>33807491
>happens every one in 20 rolls
Tell that to Shax

File: yotsucr.jpg (188 KB, 571x580)

188 KB JPG

>>33807491
With /tg/ dice?

>>33807550
That thread was cursed. 2spooky4dice. Besides, RED critfails every time he fights something.

>>33807573
He can't get out of this one with his fists, anon.

>>33807347
>>33807429
>>33807458

Does Onix have eyes, you wonder? After all, it is a rock snack. But then again it does eat and can die so maybe it just has a hard, rock coated skin? Pokémon biology is fucking weird. You try not to think to hard about it.

Growlithe follows your silent commands and races to its opponent's face. The dog pokemon is like an ant on the giant creature's face, but its strong and robust LEG MUSCLES keep it stable while the Onix tries to shake it off.

Growlithe uses Ember! It's a critical hit!

An earth shaking roar of pain accompanies the wild thrashing of a BURNED Onix. Brock calls out for it to calm down and tries to regain control, but the snake crashes into the building repeatedly.

Onix uses Skull Bash! Growlithe fainted!

Your preternatural sense of calm dissipates in moments when Onix manages to finally shake Growlithe off. It gets worse when the monster flings your pokemon helplessly into the air before smashing Growlithe as hard as possible with its skull. A sickening yelp of pain tells you his fight is over, and you watch growlithe's body fall to the ground in a sad display of powerlessness. You sprint to catch him before he hits the ground and slide on the rock covered ground until you come to a halt. Your clothes are torn and body scraped to hell, but at least you caught him. GREEN begins to slow clap.

"That was nice and I'm glad you caught him, but why not just recall him to your pokeball and not get hurt?" Brock points out.

GREEN stops the slowclap.

>WHAT POKEMON WILL YOU SEND OUT NEXT?

>>33807682
Brock has made me realize how much the group needs a straight man.
>Solid

>>33807682
Pikachu. Just Leer or something until Onix faints itself from burns.

>>33807682
Send out Solid. Sand Attack the other eye.

Rolled 10

>>33807682
Send out Solid and sand attack.

>"That was nice and I'm glad you caught him, but why not just recall him to your pokeball and not get hurt?" Brock points out.

It's the meaning of the gesture that counts, Brock.

>>33807682
Growlith is a true hero.

>>33807682
It fell in battle and deserves a proper burial!

>>33807682
Magikarp bat

Bide would work really well for RED

Rolled 3

>>33807682
>PKMN
>>SOLID
>FIGHT
>>SAND ATTACK

>>33807747
>>33807762
Solid steps onto the battlefield, the very picture of regal authority. While Onyx continues to suffer from the burn, BLUE asks a very important question. "Why does that Pidgeotto have an eyepatch Green?"

Sheepishly, GREEN explains the situation. "Well, when he caught it Beedrill had taken one of its eyes, but the pokecenter had healed it after RED bought an eye patch for Solid. He was max autism depressed, so I suggested he give it to Solid anyways so it could do some bullshit anime move and raise its level mid battle by taking it off."

Brock is obviously racked with fear by the truth, and asks shakily, "Is... Is RED special?"

You are, of course. After all, you're fated to become the pokemon champion. In fact, you've had the daring idea of two eye patches for Solid, but you're not sure if the world is ready for that yet.

>FIGHT
>BAG
>POKEMON
>RUN

>YOU KNOW HOW IT WORKS

Rolled 20

>>33808216
>FIGHT

>Sorry about that, browser crapped out and ate my post

>>33808216
>>FIGHT

sand attack ZERO VISIBILITY

Rolled 17

>>33808216
>>FIGHT
Wreck this motherfucker

Rolled 7

>>33808216
>>FIGHT
Solid with an eyepatch is awesome. Don't listen to the haters.

>>33808240
Damn right RED is special brock. Damn right.

>>33808240
YOU'RE THE BEST...AROOOOUUUNNND!

NO ONE'S EVER GONNA GET YOU DOWN!

>>33808216
I GET IT
These people never heard of style or hard mode!
That's why they think RED cant into being normal

Rolled 16

>>33808216
>FIGHT
What's Solid's moveset? I'd say SAND ATTACK.

>>33808216
>you've had the daring idea of two eye patches for Solid
Blindfold is better but i can see appeal of getting strong enough that he has no need for eyes.

>>33808367
Nah, the growlith can go blindfolded. Smellsight.

>>33808268
>>33808260
>>33808240
Solid has the initiative, as expected. With a good head wind, a Pidgeotto can reach Mach 2, so speed will never be a concern. Your worry instead is hitting power; the only weak spot on Onix is its badly Burned eyes that have begun to swell. Did you know rocks can swell? Well they can, and it is horrifying.

Solid floats through the air, suffering a complete lack of depth perception that would incapacitate any other pokemon. Onix is thankfully nearly blind, and your next move will finish the job!

Solid used Sand Attack! Onix's accuracy fell!

The whipped up sand obscures everything, and now you're as blind as everyone else now. "RED!" GREEN calls out through the dust storm.

"..." You ellipse back.

"I can't get pictures for my blog! I'm losing so many likes, you better fix this!"

Onix uses Bide! It's storing up Energy!

The Onix takes the moment to calm down, apparently safe from danger in the sand storm. What is it up to now?

>FIGHT
>BAG
>POKEMON
>RUN

Rolled 8

>>33808447
>FIGHT

>>33808447
Get the Onix to slam itself on the walls.

This is a terrible thing to ask someone without depth perception to do.

Rolled 15

>>33808447
>>FIGHT
Finish the fucker

Rolled 3

>>33808447
>>FIGHT
Solid has no need of depth perception.

Rolled 16

>>33808447
>FIGHT
Get solid to rip out his functioning eye

Wait is this vidya red? Or manga red?

Catching up now. This better not be over.

>>33808447
Switch to Beedrill and take advantage of Onix wasting turns to focus energy, then Twin Needle everything for the win.

>>33808447
>Pokemon
>Pika
Use it as a meat shield for bide! It's not our Pokemon so FUCK IT.

>>33808504
Yes.

>>33808472
>>33808481
>>33808485

You don't know what's going on, so you're going to have to trust your half blind bird. Hopefully Solid won't let you down.

Solid used Gust! It's not very effective....

The cloud clears in a massive whirlwind of dust, sand, and kicking air that buffets the sightless Onix. Your hopes for a victory are dashed and Onix soaks up the damages, and prepares to counter attack.

>FIGHT
>BAG
>POKEMON
>RUN

Does Bide store damage from the Burn? Otherwise we can just keep Sand Attacking for a few turns and he can do jack shit.

Rolled 2

>>33808653
>>FIGHT

more sand

Rolled 6

>>33808653
FIGHTO

Rolled 8

>>33808653
Quick attack das rock snake

>>33808653
SWITCH TO
MAGIKARP

>>33808696
Magicarp club is a go

>>33808696
Seconding

>>33808653
Gust is normally effective against Onix, and attacks it's weak special defense

>>33808696
Oh god this.

>>33808653
>DODGE
What attacks do we even have

>>33808709
>>33808704
>>33808696
Nah
>>33808653
Fight

>>33808653
>Fight

>>33808722 revision
fuck, I was wrong, I thought ground was weak to flying

Rolled 18

>>33808653
Get magicarp in there

>>33808784
Wow

>>33808784
Onyx is a rock type anyway/spoiler]

>>33808738
>>33808709
>>33808696
Stop plz

>>33808741
depends, is this a RBY or FRLG setting?

tackle should be a definite
maybe quick attack

>>33808673
>>33808674
>>33808676

Blinding speed is your best chance now, there's no way Onix could get less accurate. Your arm shifts in a cutting motion, miming to cut off the Onix's head and Solid reacts with practiced ease. "Onix, move!" Brock calls out to his pokemon, seeing the clear threat to his victory today. Pidgeotto is too fast thought; a brown and pink speed demon races through the gym to strike home.

Pidgeotto uses Quick Attack!

Solid literally goes for the throat, which is a problem because Onix is like 95% throat and 5% head really. Despite the hit, Onix appears unphased, and Brock confidently looks on. "This would be a chance to surrender if you don't want anymore of your pokemon to get hurt!"

>Surrender
>Fuck that noise

>>33808820
It's both. There was no pure Rock til Sudowoodo.

>>33808827
>Fuck that noise

>>33808743
>>33808823
Yeah, let's let Onix hit his bide on an actually useful pokemon.

>>33808827
>Fuck that noise

>>33808859
Wouldnt that mean that the rock part would have reduced the weakness of the ground type if it existed to being just normal?

>>33808827
Send Magikarp now
Hes gonna attack this round
Send Beedrill then

>>33808827
>Fuck that noise
Don't you see fool I've already won
>punch Onix

>>33808899
yes, that's why my original claim was neutral

>>33808827
Throw Magikarp

>>33808827
>>Fuck that noise

Death of thousand cuts much Brock? Erosion doesn't happen overnight. I hope you brought a snack squinty!

>>33808827
>Fuck that noise
Might as well not even be a question.

>>33808827
>Fuck that noise
Our pokemon trusts us to lead them to victory! and we trust them to win! That's how a pokemon trainer do!

>>33808827
>Fuck that noise
Onix is still on fire.

>>33808979
Mother Fuckers just scared of beedrill.

>>33808953
>>33808960
Onix uses Bide! Solid has fainted!

GREEN screams in horror at the brutal display of power. Several tons of rock and rage roll out to smash into a tiny bird, crashing into it like a furious wall that's tired of this shit. "Go Brock!" BLUE cheers from the sidelines, and you wonder where he got a churro. Where's your god damn churro. You're getting a churro after you avenge Solid. And Growlithe.

You recall Solid before it hits the ground this time, its wing clearly broken. That poor thing, it never gets a break. Kind of like you whenever you fight pokemon, except you still win.

>What pokemon will RED send out next?

>Brock is obviously racked with fear by the truth, and asks shakily, "Is... Is RED special?"
I lost my shit in a way that woke up the dorm. Thanks asshole.

>>33809036
Beedrill.

>>33809036
MAGIKARP

Rolled 11

>>33808827
Beedrill, his drill is the one that will pierce the onix. We don't need no borrowed fucking pokemon.

>>33809036
Magikarp! We believe in you, tiny squishable fish!

>>33809036
Pika! Aim for the horn!

>its wing clearly broken. That poor thing, it never gets a break.
God dammit.

>>33809036
magikarp

can people die from laughter?

>>33809036
>Pika

Show us your moves.

>>33809036
Himself.

>>33809237
POISON JAB MOTHERFUCKER.

This is it. If you have to rely on Pika, then you weren't enough to win this badge on your own, and if you send out Magikarp it'll just get crushed to death. All you can do is trust is Beedrill, and believe in each other. The yellow and black ball of hate steps onto the field itching for a fight. A glance is exchanged between you two; time to do or die mother fucker. Hell yeah.

>FIGHT
>BAG
>POKEMON
>RUN

Rolled 20

>>33809237
>>FIGHT
Teach the rock thing about hate, beedrill.

Rolled 9

>>33809263
>>FIGHT
drill time

>>33809263
>>33809264
FUCK YEAH

>>33809263
>FIGHT
always fight

if it doesn't know rock beats scissors it can't lose.

Rolled 19

>>33809263
>FIGHT

poison sting

Rolled 12

never not fight

>>33809143
Strangely enough that fucking scrub ash got a badge by making a gym leader laugh

Although I hear Ash is gitting gud in the new series

>>33809264
the dice fucking love Beedrill.

An Onyx has soft tissue parts somewhere, right? Like its tongue or remaining eyes (or eye sockets). If those get stung and poisoned, do you guys think it'd affect it like any other pokemon, or is the Onyx pretty much just a living rock creature?

>>33809370
Onix is already burned. Cant get poisoned.

>>33809316
>>33809264
Also holy dicks, the dice olev beedrill.

>TFW Brock just pulls out another Onix.

>>33809343
Ash got pity badge wins on the first second and his best season was when he got that grass turtle.

Unfortunetely, The worst thing that ever happens to Ash and the worst thing to ever happened in the anime.

Tobias.

Just Mother fucking Tobias. Ash was even using legit stragedies, like complete tournemant fag on Tobias and Tobias still manage to fucking win.

2 legendaries, what bullshit.

>>33809370
so go for the eyes again?

>>33809264
YES! OH GLORIOUS BEEDRILL, who's our little badass ball of hate? MOTHERFUCKING BEEDRILL.

>>33809396
>implying you dont use teams of six legendaries to beat the shit out of Jap childs on the Battlespot.

>>33809396
Why do the pokeman Writers hate him so much?Tobias was a fucking hack

They really hate ash man.

But it looks like in X and Y they're fixing him. They even gave him a waifu

>>33809477
>Implying spaget grill is a waifu and not a throw away season grill.

>>33809477
Which he will ignore.

Remember when Pikachu was nerfed?

Or when Pikachu and Ash lost to Paul on his first battle against a rookie pokemon before Pikachu was nerf?

Ash get shat on all the damn time.

>>33809507
But Paul was GOAT. Other than Gary Motherfucking Oak

>>33809316
>>33809273
>>33809264

Trust and heart, it's all the two of you have. That's a lie though, isn't it? You've got each other, and a whole lot of anger issues that neither of you are adequately suited to deal with, so you're just going to punch the shit out of an Onix. "Go Red!" GREEN cheers from the sidelines. "Kick his ass, so you can kick Blue's!"

"Oh get in a cheerleader costume or something," BLUE mocks her from his seat. The teen is resting on the railing on the sidelines, all entertainment gone from the match. "First of all, he's not going to jump your bones. I'm pretty sure he's like pokesexual. Second, there are laws protecting retards from people like you. Third, he's using a bug/poison against a rock/ground. He's more fucked than you'll ever be."

"First, I'm not into him. Not everything revolves around sex! Second, you're just afraid he's going to kick your ass," GREEN says with a humph before taking a discreet picture of BLUE bending over the rails. You think she might be a bit CROSS right now.


How are you going to play this? Onix is burned, but still doing work. Any direct hit might squash your much smaller Beedrill, but all it knows are attacks that'll require contact. It's too burned to be poisoned, because things can be two things at once. You're best bet is what you do worst.

Beedrill takes off at the signal and floats like a butterfree between all of Onix's attacks. Slowly, Onix wastes it time and health blindly attacking, unable to hit while the BURN whittles it down. Brock buys some time by using a potion, but only a few seconds more.

Victory is in your hands, when Onix lands a crucial blow.

Onix uses Skull Bash! It's a critical hit!

A wild swing in the dark, and Beedrill flies into the ceiling. Lights burst as electricity courses through Beedrill's body, and it's like you can feel every ounce of pain through your bond. Glass shatters, and Beedrill falls to the earth as you do too.

"RED!"

>>33809551
Ash doesn't have the excuse to lost with his level 100 pikachu after placing top 1/4/8/12 on all other tournaments he been on

>>33809563
NO. BEEDRILL!

>>33809563
Fucking skull bash, man. You'll show that goddamn Onyx skull bash. You'll show it good.

>>33809563
Hm... maybe we were trying to roll low?

>>33809607
SURPRISE, IT WAS ROLL UNDER ALL THIS TIME

that'd be kind of a dick move.

Rolled 4

>>33809583
>>33809603
>>33809607
No, this is good. Now we send out Magikarp, and it's the one that gets EXP from the Onix fight.

Gotta powerlevel that fucking thing somehow.

>>33809563
Did Beedrill just supercharge on power lines?

Doesn't Brock use two pokemon? Where's his Geodude?

>>33809563
Wait a few seconds then send out Magikarp.

We'll bleed out the Onyx then get crushed by whatever's next, but we will never use Pika.

>>33809658
Aww shit.

>>33809640
>>33809669
NO.

BEEDRILL IS STILL ABLE TO FIGHT, WE'LL FINISH THIS WITH A UNITED BLOW! DRILL TO ROCK, FIST TO ROCK, BROKEN FIST TO ROCK.

>>33809563
So is there any point of the fucking d20 roll? Because rolling a 20 with Beedrill saw it get its ass beat in by a critical hit.

So I'm really curious if you're just throwing pointless fucking dice at us or not. Because if there's no reason for the dice, you should probably just cut them out and save yourself the shitstorm later.

>Kanto Daily newspaper the next day:
>Gym Leader Brock Under Fire for Taking Advantage of Handicaped Trainer
>"Should "Special" People be Allowed a Trainers Liscense?" No says Prof. Oak

>>33809718
>shitstorm
>comedy quest
I don't follow.

>>33809737
>No says Prof. Oak between random Pidgey attacks
>Investigation into unusually violent behavior patterns appearing in Pidgey populations is underway.

>>33809718
Dude clam your tits and get over it. If you take THIS seriously all you will do is give yourself a fucking aneurism.

>>33809752
comedy or not, calling for dice and then ignoring them is shitty.

>>33809563
>skull bash one turn after potion
U wot m8

>>33809563
It's like you're blacking out, as each light but one blows from the power surge. You're on your hands and knees, struggling to cope. Is this it, your first battle a complete sweep on the first gym? A single light falls on your pokemon. There Beedrill lies before you, barely conscious as its rage keeps up awake. Can you even let it go on fighting in this agony?

But there you feel a connection. Beedrill struggles to push itself up on drills and knees, and your red eyes meet his. You can't give up now, not white Beedrill is still so hate filled with rage. Not like this, not yet.

"Red, you can give up now, it's ok," Brock talks you down out of sympathy. "You had a good fight, maybe you should just catch some more pokemon first?"

BLUE's laughter rings out victorious in the gym. "Get wrekt! What a loser!"

"GET UP! You need to fuck Blue's ass after this! Beat it! I mean beat his ass!" GREEN encourages you.

Beedrill and you stand together, united. shakily, your body roughed up from catching Growlithe and cut by falling shards of the lightbulbs, you raise your right hand in synch with Beedrill's right drill.

"Bee!" He calls out with a power previously unknown.

"No...." Blue whispers as he realizes his victory is being taking away from him.

"DRILLU"

"No no no." BLUE grips the railing till his knuckles are white, to the cheers of GREEN.

"BEE DRILLU*!" Bee Drill calls out, and unleashes its final attack.

"NO!" BLUE screams, your win imminent. Anguish colors his face as he chokes back tears.

"What is this!" Brock asks, eyes wide.

Beedrill takes flight, drill whirling. The drill digs into Onix, carving a path into its hide all the way to the head. Explosions shake the pokemon along the path of Beedrill's warpath and knock the Onix out. "Where did those explosions come from!" GREEN asks aloud.

>*Translator Note: BEE DRILLU BEE DRILLU means Giga Drill Breaker

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>>33809563
>mfw we send out magikarp just as Onix faints
>mfw it gets all the xp

>>33809825
>Jumping to Giga Drill Breaker
>Skipping Cannoball Attack

come on

>>33809825
Fuck yes Beedrill. Fist bump afterwards.

>>33809825
Dat nat 20 tho

>>33809825
Looks like it was a crit success after all.

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>>33809825

>>33809825
BEE DRILLU BEE DRILLU MOTHERFUCKER

>>33809854
RED is going to be immune to POISON with all these BEEDRILL fist bumps.

File: BEE DRILLU BEE DRILLU.png (1.06 MB, 800x1000)

1.06 MB PNG

>>33809825
YES.
>>33809853
He got a drill. This isn't double battle. So we have to skip a step.

>>33809825
Guys.. I just noticed something.
>"What is this!" Brock asks, eyes wide.
>eyes wide

>>33809825
Fuck you BLUE, this is how you win a battle

>>33809891
>not a double battle

we're here, aren't we?

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>>33809898

It happened before.
>>33809909
Against the rules retard.

Sorry, even retards know the rules (example, RED)

>>33809923
Red is the autist. Blue is the retard. Get it right, faggot.

>>33809571
Shitty writers?
Bullshit power levels?
He's not Red?

>>33809923
Jesus christ how horrifying.

>>33809943
Ding! Ding! Ding!

You Got 3/4 answer right. You miss the final answer though. Ash is a retarded Adult pretending to be a 12 year old kid.

Rolled 7

>>33809825
>Tengen Toppa Gurren Beedrill
We have to find the Name Rater and name him Gurren-Lagann now.

>>33810022
>implying beedrill won't combine with someone

He's either Gurren Or lagann.

>>33809943
>Shitty writers?

More this than anything else.

Although the Battle Frontier was good.

Remeber dem Sceptile feels?

>>33810057
Pretty sure he's going to drill through the top of RED'S head.

>>33810022
>>33810064
Razengan, bitches.

Rolled 15

>>33810057
>Beedrill combining
Perfect. I nominate our future Gyarados. It has to be a being of pure, unfettered rage.

File: 1405476551668.gif (1.98 MB, 500x281)

1.98 MB GIF

>>33810064
>Remember dem Sceptile feels?

I don't want to. Why u do dis?

Nigga evolved for his waifu

>tfw it wasn't enough

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>>33809825
Onix collapses onto the battlefield, creating another thick cloud of dust. When it clears, a red beam recalls the scared and battered pokemon into its pokeball, leaving only you and Beedrill posing victoriously. "That was amazing Red, I'm sorry for ever doubting you," Brocks admits as he crosses the battle field. "You are truly a savant of battle, and have the makings of a pokemon master if your bond with your Beedrill is any indication." In his hand he holds out the BOULDER BADGE for you to take, and in the other a TECHNICAL MACHINE to help you teach a move to a pokemon. "You deserve both of these," He says with a grin.

You accept them both, before sharing a FIRM HANDSHAKE with BROCK. "....*"

A distraught BLUE and cheerful GREEN appear at your side, both sporting complete looks of surprise. "Are you here to challenge me too? I've got a Geodude if you're looking for a battle," Brock asks GREEN despite his loss seconds before. Truly a graceful loser, and a good trainer.

"Oh no," GREEN answers with a shake of her head. BLUE hands over a fat stack of pokedollars to the girl, who quickly begins counting her earnings. "I thought about becoming a pokemon master to piss of this loser," She explains while gesturing to BLUE with her head, "But I just realized I can make so much more money making sure RED wins his fights."

"...Did you bet on a handicapped kid in a gladiatorial blood sport?" Brock asks the two of them, shocked and disgusted.

GREEN swiftly points to BLUE and adds, "He bet against a handicapped kid in a gladiatorial blood sport."

>[TO BE CONTINUED TOMORROW]
>TRANSLATOR NOTE: ... Means ....

>>33810158
>"But I just realized I can make so much more money making sure RED wins his fights."
There we go. Thanks!

>>33810158
>handicapped kid

The fools don't know it's all a ruse so we can "This isn't even my final form."

>>33810134

Fuck Tropius

>>33810158
Man, Blue and Green are fucked up people. At least Green helps out Red from time to time even if she puts his face on gay porn.

>>33810158
RED isn't handicapped... he has as many stats as anyone else, he just min-maxed a bit hard.

>>33810158
Nice thread, quick question are the pokemon we find railroaded or is there some sort of random table?

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>>33810158
>Savant
>"...Did you bet on a handicapped kid in a gladiatorial blood sport?"
God damn it I fucking lost it

>>33810237
>Column A, Column B. Beedrill was a roll, as was Growlithe. Pidgeotto was railroad, but I'm open to requests and suggestions. If you guys want stuff, ask me here or on twitter where I'll answer questions when I'm on.

>>33810212
>They have reasons, but I'm not going to dwell on them because that's backstory with a bit of sad stuff I don't care about too much. Never look back, it distracts from the now. There are clues in their POV text.

>>33810278
Green was raped, wasn't she.

>>33810278
>>33810296
She was almost raped by her father.

Blue was actually raped by his mother. There a reason why Grandpa oak take care of both of them.

>>33810296
If she was then RED will have to fuck that trauma out of her

>>33810296
Blue is sexually frustrated and grew up mostly on the internet, which, combined with being related to the only person of note in the town, makes him a huge tool

>>33810320
>red
>not beedrill

>>33810278
A female vulpix

>>33810370
>MILFtails eventually
yes

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>>33810278
Give us a Mr Mime pls

He can be a total creeper to GREEN

>Any comments, criticisms, requests, or stuff you guys want to talk about with me before I go for the night?

>If I don't get to them in time, ask me on my twitter

Let's try to round out our team a bit

We have a Beedrill, a Growlithe, and a Pidgeotto.

So, Bug/Poison, Fire, Normal/Flying, and Fighting, Magikarp not withstanding unless we do it the MANLY way but that doesn't really count as Water.

Eventually we'll have a Gyarados which is nice.

We need an HM monkey. Pidgetto can learn Fly, GREEN has Strength

There's not Grass type pokemon worth shit. We should go to Cerelean (if I recall properly) and gamble till we get a Dratini

A Sandshrew/Sandslash would be nice but we need either Ghost or Psychic. A Psyduck perhaps? We could teach him Headbutt, and the sandshrew Cut

We also need to spread between special and physical. Growlithe is physical yes? We're pretty weak to a good Special right now.

>>33810451
Personally I'd prefer your paragraphs to be clumped together a bit more. I feel you're a bit liberal with the Enter key, but that's entirely pointless. The dice were too cryptic though.

>>33810455
What we need is a psykic type with teleport.

No more walking bullshit. We get home, eat food with mom, sleep at our bed and go back and teleport to continue the journey.

>>33810451
Maybe add a (1/?) or (continued) or something if you're doing multipost updates?

>>33810451
see
>>33810370
But up it to where it's the only one of BLUE's Pokemon that shows him any affection and it makes him extremely uncomfortable.

Also RED punching out an Abra before it teleports.

>>33810501
oh, yeah. Abra. What a bitch to catch though.

>>33810521
It can't teleport if we break its concentration with rocks.

>>33810517
Eh. He's been shown playing with both beedrill and growlithe, so that won't work.

>>33810536
Or if we're grappling it

>>33810536
We need to put Abra on sleep. Then we can catch it.

>>33810517
No for RED and vulpix is love love?

>>33810455
>I'll keep this in mind, though by Fighting I assume you mean RED? Also, it's Celadon that has the gambling corner. Cerulean is the next gym with Misty.

>>33810495
>I'll keep that in mind. I normally like to text break either naturally or on a punchline. Dice work with me taking the first three rolls of the most popular result on to figure out how something goes. High rolls are good, low are bad. When I don't give options, it means I am continuing writing

>>33810556
I would love female VULPIX for RED

>>33810455
What about Bulbasur or bellsprout, I can picture Red capturing one.

Then Green will make smut fic involving vinewhip

>>33810573
>Also, it's been archived on sup/tg/ so you can reread and vote.

>>33810548
>>33810556
Pretty sure he's saying BLUE should get Vulpix.
Would work if the QM wants to try and do any duality themes between the two. Also BLUE thinking about beastiality out of desperation would be pretty funny.

>>33810590
Oh yeah, Bulbasaur are wild pokemon. I see that more as something GREEN is going to catch so she can use vine whip on herself in private, but that's just my /d/ side.

Bellsprout would overlap with Beedrill too much in my opinion.

>>33810573
Got the Ce at least

>>33810585
Yeah me too.

>>33810590
>>33810455

what part of gotta catch em all don't you understand?

>>33810737
you dont' train all of them though.

No; red has to go all the way through with just flying and poison types for the most part. The worst types in gen 1 that weren't grass or bug.
Although everything was garbage next to psychic. Well next to Alakazam and Mewtwo.

>>33810785
Red is a pokemon Autist, he knows how to build a perfect team.

>>33810756
you gotta do something with em after catching all of them

>>33810819
log them in your pokedex and sell them to food wholesalers obviously.

We need a pastebin, or something.

It's hard to know the moves of pokemon. Are we doing the 4 move thing, or something more organic? Either way, a general rundown on their abilities would be a good thing. It would certainly make fights better.

>>33810931
feels more game influenced

just use serebii

I wouldn't worry too much about fighting

this one feels more narrative than simulationist

So we agree, priority one is an Abra

And we need a counter for Misty, so maybe a bulbasaur

>>33811276
>Needing a counter.
>Implying GIGA DRILL BREAKER wont kill everything ever dead.

>>33811359
Staryu hoses Growlithe and Beedrill is just even.

I suppose Solid should compare favorably though.