Any reason why you can't just, I don't know, make the dungeon and give them what they want?

If the problem is maps, you can find lots of them online. Dungeon Magazine has tons of pre-generated 4e dungeons.

Send them to Rubikon 2.0

The Dungeon simulation engine for Modrons, by Modrons.

New expanded options! Explorers can choose from 1 of 3 themes of dungeons.

1. Sewer. Face clockwork rat constructs as you explore the sewer-dungeon beneath Everytown.

2. Crypt. Face clockwork zombie constructs as you explore the crypt in Everytown's graveyard.

3. Classic. For those who remember the original, go through the default randomly generated dungeon and face the Evil Wizard Construct. Now 10% less likely to try and escape, thereby killing everyone!

File: 1405198716752.jpg (275 KB, 600x800)

275 KB JPG

>Any idea how a dungeon parody would work?

A "dungeon" full of "traps."

The lewd sense of "dungeon" and the lewd sense of "traps."

Be sure to include lots of crossdressing maids shotas.

>>33719042
Also, include a previous party of Modrons dressed as a typical adventurer party. Who died in various ways typical for dying in a scenario.

There's a "thief" Modron poisoned by no-save trap (seriously, it's perfectly labeled as such).

A "wizard" Modron (with pointy hat and robes), crushed to death by a descending ceiling. (He's actually rather portable now).

A "barbarian" Modron, armed with great axes, who died alone, at the end, when he couldn't figure out the riddle to open a door and starved to death. The door said pull, but you need to push it. This is a Modron's idea of a riddle.
The door

File: 1349037330098.jpg (266 KB, 1175x1226)

266 KB JPG

>>33719011

Damn that's one nice drow.

>don't want to make a dungeon for a dungeons and dragons party
Next you'll tell me dragons are extinct in your setting

Alternative 1: Dungeon is a new theme park that your party has stumbled into. Traps don't work/have rubber spikes/use nerf darts, mechanical monsters don't quiet hit the mark/are obviously fake, sometimes gnomes will emerge from hidden doors to fix things, the end boss has a musical number before the fight begins.

Alternative 2: Party stumbles out of a tavern, completely drunk and having sampled some local mushrooms, only to find themselves in a dungeon. Traps and monsters are everywhere, the maze is long and confusing, and the BBEG looks a lot like the little old lady from the last town over. In the morning, they wake up in the ruins of a farm house with massive hang-overs. The traps were farm equipment, the maze was the house, and the monsters were all the animals.

>>33719011
Wait, WHY is cute drow unrelated? You're making a parody dungeon.

>>33719088
>The door said pull, but you need to push it. This is a Modron's idea of a riddle.
Wait that story doesn't make any sense. After awhile the Barbarian would just get mad and start punching the door, and therefore since you need to push it would open

>>33719485
He's a Modron barbarian. He attempted to simulate rage, but it was all too complex for him, so he sat down to think.

Modrons aren't good at grasping chaotic thought.

File: QueenInterwebzPitz.pdf (500 KB, PDF)

500 KB PDF

>>33719011
Here is a parody dungeon.

File: 1406458396961.gif (1.37 MB, 267x200)

1.37 MB GIF

>>33719047

>>33720564
I should hate this but I just can't.

>>33719011
Cute drow is cute. ....Sorry, got distracted.

>>33719284
I like Option 1; maybe let the party use mock/foam weapons and bean bags for spells ala LARP. Could be like Oglaf's Fungeon, with BBEG being the FunGod.

>>33720564
>The Obvious Trolls’ regeneration is not suppressed by fire damage; it is impossible to kill a troll through combat

>XP 0 (you learn nothing from defeating a troll)

pfft

this is actually pretty funny

>>33719011
Make the dungeon nice.
With friendly drows, playful beasts, pacifist greenskins, local lich overlord acting like a caring mayor, pit traps full of pillows and kittens and so on.
Make sure the players won't be able to have a single fight in the dungeon, because it's too nice and peaceful for that.

>>33719047
Dash is with a bit of reverse traps and couple "creatures" true to their apparent gender and we talk.

>>33721509
DM: You step into a large hallway, with statues of armored knights spaced equally along the walls. There are several doors on the north and south sides, with a pair of imposing double doors at the eastern end.

Party: We go in to do some dungeon delvin', bro.

DM: *Rolls behind screen* The fighter steps forward and feels the floor sink slightly beneath his feet, triggering a trap!

*Confetti pops from the ceiling and a paper banner floats from above* 'Welcome Adventurers!'

>>33719011
It's 4E, so make it a video game dungeon. Some ideas off the top of my head.

Have the dungeon pretty much be a complete straight line through several different bosses, with one detour to collect a special item that will let them solve the sole puzzle in the whole dungeon.

Make it so random monsters appear out of thin air to engage them while they're wandering about.

Give them a random, useless NPC at the start who ignores all strategy and never communicates with the group.

When a boss dies have a massive treasure chest magically appear in the middle of the room that contains the loot.

Right before the final boss there's a little old lady who's set up shop with gear and potions.

>>33721632
Fighter: The hell?!
Wizard: Looks like we were expected to come.
Rogue: I'll start looking for traps.
Cleric: Let's try out the first north door on the left.

DM: After checking the door for traps, you open it to reveal a room, where the center has a large pit filled with lots of little multicolored balls. The walls appear to be lined with white wallpaper and crudely drawn with strange, undecipherable pictures.
Wizard: Can I try to figure what they mean?
DM: Sure, go ahead.
*Wizard rolls for all knowledge checks* DM: You think they may be runes of dark and foul necromantic powers.
*Cleric also does some rolls* DM: You think the drawings are baby animals, made by small children.
Fighter: Well, I'm not going in there. That's obviously evil.

>>33721743
Rogue: Let's start working through the south doors instead.
DM: Alright then. You open the first door directly across from the ball pit room, revealing a room filled with chairs placed in a circle, with posters of different languages and pictures on the walls.
DM: Sitting in the chairs are several creatures. Gnolls, kobolds, orcs. An ogre is currently crying on the shoulder of a gargoyle, blubbering something in Giant. The gargoyle pats the ogre and comforts the large humanoid. He looks in your direction and whispers, "Hey, can you come back later? We just made a breakthrough with Oompha's inferiority complex."
DM: Oompha the Ogre then cries out, "WHY WON'T DADDY LOVE ME?!"
Fighter: ...Yeah, we close the door.

>>33721847
Fighter: That's it, screw this dungeon. Let's leave; this is obviously a waste of time.
Cleric: I dunno, I liked that last room. Maybe we could help Oompha--
Wizard: I open the next south door.
DM: Within this room contain several bits of furniture. Plush chairs line the walls nearest you, while a desk is on the farthest side. You see a succubus sitting in the desk, apparently busy with paperwork. She glances in your direction and replies in a bored and nasally tone, "Like, take a number and I'll be right with you."
Rogue: We're in the DMV?
Cleric: Next room, NEXT ROOM.
Wizard: What? Why, there's no one else here.
Cleric: Our number is 4073; the counter over there says 7.

>>33721632
>>33721743
>>33721847
>>33721945
I really enjoy reading this!

>>33721945
Fighter: Telling you guys, a waste of--
DM: The next room you open reveals a gallery of strange machines, each flashing with spectacular lights and emanating exciting sounds of music and other things of that sort. You see two small humanoids currently fiddling with one of the machines, excitedly toggling with buttons and levers. Another one cheers them on, wrapped up in their excitement as they gaze upon the luminescent screen before them.
Fighter: Finally! I charge the nearest--
DM: Make a Will Save.
Fighter: What? Okay. *rolls* Dammit.
DM: You charge up to the small humanoids, but catch a glimpse of what holds them enthralled. You can't tear your eyes away as the lights and sounds envelope your mind. You immediately call dibs on the machine when the creatures run out of silver.
Rogue: Next room. God-dammit DM.

File: 1405694085352.gif (118 KB, 1611x2091)

118 KB GIF

>>33722049
Best rp log ever.
Here op, have a dungeon.

Fighter: How much longer am I stuck here?
DM: How much silver do you have?
Fighter: ...about 17 pieces.
DM: For a good while.
Cleric: It's okay, he'll be fine for awhile. What's the next room?
DM: The next rather large room contains several tables and chairs, with several creatures sitting at each of them. As adventurers, it seems reminiscent of a tavern, but the room smells faintly of grease and bacon instead of spilled ale and mutton.
Rogue: Dammit, NOW we need a meatshield. How many monsters are there?
DM: A dozen, give or take. Strangely, most appear to be more busy with their meal and only give you a cursory glance before ignoring you.
Cleric: Meal? What are they eating?
DM: *rolls behind screen* The gnoll here seems to have ordered the 'Grilled Cockatrice Salad'.
Wizard: A gnoll eating salad?
Cleric: I hate you so much, DM.

>>33719011

Go with the PS:T idea. It's made as an attempt to study why people go to dungeons. You need stock items like a piece of paper:


CLUE!

"You now have a better idea of what's going on".

>>33722180
Rogue: That's all the south doors. I guess we'll finish the north ones.
Fighter: Am I free yet?
DM: Not by a long-shot. On the plus-side, the little monsters are cheering you on as you continue pounding away at the buttons.
Fighter: Goddamned vidya-games...
Wizard: So, let's check this room out while he racks up a new high score.
DM: Similar to the room Fighter's stuck in, there are several machines lining the wall, albeit without all the lights and music. However, a sickly sweet odor emanates from within. A few creatures are underneath the hood of several of the machines, which whir and hum with strange and eldritch magic. None of them appear to have noticed your presence, as all of them are busy reading from small leaflets of parchment and the droning of the machines have drowned out your footsteps.
Wizard: No Will Save?
DM: A dryad appears from behind the far counter and beckons you to enter.
Rogue: Hell no, I'm staying right here.
Cleric: Oh come on. It's a dryad, they're pretty nice if I recall. I enter and talk to the dryad.
DM: The dryad smiles as you approach. "It's a good thing you've come, dearie. You're an absolute mess! We'll get you fixed up with a new style; that one you're sporting is just droll."
Cleric: What?!
DM: With that, she places you in a chair and leans it back towards a wash basin.
Rogue: Yeah, we'll be back later, Cleric.
Wizard: Get something sporty. I love chicks with bob-cuts.
Cleric: I don't want a-- Really, a bob-cut?

>>33722387
Fighter: Wait, you said I could get a high-score?
DM: Well, I suppose so, but--
Fighter: I roll to kick ass at this game! *roll*
DM: You fail. Miserably. On the bright side, you're half-way out of silver.
Fighter: Goddammit.
Rogue: Next room. Where the hell is the treasure in this dungeon?
DM: You enter a large wing of the dungeon called 'Fel-Mart'.
Wizard&Rogue: NEXT ROOM.

>>33720564
Oh god that is great.

>About the auther
>wrecan
>;-;

>>33722510
Cleric: Could I get my hair dyed? Just the tips, I think it'll look good with a bob.
DM: I don't know if your God would like that. He's all about being 'pure of heart' and stuff.
Cleric: What's being pure of heart gotta do with looking good while doing Good?
DM: The dyes were tested on dire animals.
Cleric: WHAT?! That's inhumane!
Wizard: *clears throat* So what's in the next room?
DM: It appears to resemble the tavern room earlier, but the shadows seem to wrap themselves in every corner of this room. You smell a fragrant aroma which immediately perks you awake; as if roused from a drowsy slumber.
Rogue: This better not all have been a dream.
DM: A large troll sits at a nearby table, tapping away at a small stone tablet. Strangely, the troll appears garbed in garish and unusual clothing, and wears spectacles with a foppish hat on top of his enormous head. He glances in your direction and scowls.
Wizard: Oh shit. We shouldn't have split the group. This is bad.
DM: The troll scoffs and takes a sip of his brew from a tiny cup. "Great. Adventurers. Figured this place would get mainstream."
Rogue: I hate you so much. I hate you SO MUCH.
Wizard: Can I have some of that brew of his?

Have them roll up monster characters and defend their dungeon from evil adventurers.

File: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.png (911 KB, 1280x800)

911 KB PNG

>>33722180
>Fighter: ...about 17 pieces.
>DM: For a good while.
>Cleric: It's okay, he'll be fine for awhile.

That got me for some reason.

File: 1389794134843.jpg (24 KB, 757x585)

24 KB JPG

>>33722726
>Cleric: What's being pure of heart gotta do with looking good while doing Good?
>DM: The dyes were tested on dire animals.
>Cleric: WHAT?! That's inhumane!

>>33722829
Right? Pfffft, Clerics.

File: Wizard Love.jpg (39 KB, 500x314)

39 KB JPG

>>33722387
>Wizard: Get something sporty. I love chicks with bob-cuts.

is this wizard me

>>33722726
DM: Make me a Diplomacy check.
Wizard: *rolls* Hell yes, Nat 20 bitches.
DM: The troll rolls his eyes and hands you his tiny cup. It appears similar to a frothy ale, but smelling of--
Wizard: I drink it. One solid gulp.
DM: Oooh-kay... Fortitude Save.
Wizard: *rolls* Oh dear.
DM: You suddenly feel your heart pounding rapidly, as the blood rushes to your face.
Rogue: You don't look so good, man.
DM: The Wizard quickly passes out, fainting onto the floor. The troll chuckles to himself while continuing to tap onto his stone tablet. "Too underground for him. Figures."
Rogue: I can't drag around the Wizard! Are you guys done yet?
DM: The Cleric is still deciding on getting a perm instead of the bob, and Fighter *rolls behind screen* is at the last boss.
Fighter: Hell yeah! How am I doing on silver?
Rogue: *facepalm*

>>33722956
Cleric: I don't know... I spent a long time growing out my hair.
Wizard: But a bob is both stylish AND functional! You don't want all that hair getting in the way when you're fighting monsters!
Rogue: The only monsters we've been fighting is the 8-bit ones where Fighter is.
Fighter: And being a total bad-ass doing it.
DM: Are you going to stand around while Wizard's out cold?
Rogue: No. He can lie there for a bit; I'm pretty sure the troll's too busy with his tablet to care.
DM: True; he's just tapping away and completely ignoring the both of you.
Rogue: Onto the next room then.
Wizard: Man... Why couldn't it have been 'special brownies'?
DM: Oh, he has those too. Did I forget to mention that?
Wizard: Goddammit.

>>33723099
DM: The last room (beside the double doors) actually has no door. It's simply a short hallway that goes down for about 5 feet, then branches off into different directions.
Rogue: Well, that's unfortunate.
DM: On the sides of the wall are plaques, with small iconic pictograms engraved on them. The first with a man, the second a woman, the third--
Rogue: Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on a minute. There's a third?
Fighter: Dude, check it out. It's gotta be something weird, like bidets on the ceiling or some shit.
Rogue: Nope. Noping all the way out of there.
DM: *begrudgingly puts away combat notes*
Cleric: What was that?
DM: Nothing, nothing.

>>33723237
Rogue: All that's left is the double-doors? Kind of a small dungeon.
DM: Gimme a break, I only had last night to prepare.
Wizard: Did I wake up yet?
DM: Technically you're catatonic, but no.
Fighter: What about me? I got to have beaten this game by now.
DM: *rolls behind screen* No. But you DID run out of silver.
Fighter: What?! NO! I need to get some silver!
Rogue: What the actual balls...
DM: One of the little monsters quickly points out a machine to you, urging you to stick some gold into a slot. The machine you've been toying with for the last hour has become to count down. 10... 9...
Fighter: I run to get change. Quickly!
DM: You hastily reach into your coinpurse, and pull out a gold coin. Alas, in your excitement, you fumble to stick the coin in the slot!
Fighter: NOOOO Dex check! DEX CHECK!!!
Rogue: What about you, Cleric?
Cleric: I'm thinking electric blue.
Wizard: Wha-- I thought you weren't getting your hair dyed?
Cleric: The animals already suffered; figure I might as well make use of it. I'm not a druid.
Rogue: Why couldn't it have just been a normal dungeon? Seriously...

>>33723237
Don't stop.

>>33719027
This.
Also fuck you for ignoring it.
Stop being a lazy cunt.

>>33723399
Rogue: So it's just the double doors then?
DM: Yeah. On the archway above them are large, glowing runes, which you are unfortunately unable to read. The center of the archway is dominated by a massive and intimidating demonic statue with outstretched arms, beckoning you to enter.
Rogue: Goddammit. They look super scary, don't they?
DM: They glow with an unending radiance, and fill you portentous dread. Make an Intelligence check.
Rogue: Oh shit, I forgot about traps! *rolls*
DM: You recognize only a few words. You interpret it as "The Vale of Carnage."
Rogue: Sounds homey. I check for traps. *roll* Dammit.
DM: You find no traps. However, when you inch closer to inspect the doors, you hear an eerie voice from the statue above. With a dark and menacing snarl, it begins to move! Roll initiative!
Rogue: FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.
Fighter: HELL YES I FINALLY WON. Bow down before the king of the Arcade, bitches!

>>33719088

Wait, how did he starve to death? I thought Modron's had the construct thing of never needing to eat or drink? Is he just sitting there going "I have starved to death." to anyone that passes?

>>33723603
Rogue: What the hell?! I didn't expect a fight!
DM: It's a dungeon, Rogue. Of COURSE there's monsters to fight here.
Fighter: Yeah, I've been busy with one for like 10 rounds.
Rogue: Shut up, Fighter. I swear, I will stab you dead.
DM: The monsterlings all cheer and clap for you, Fighter. The screen begins to erupt with pixilated fireworks and bit-tune fanfare. It humbly requests you enter your initials.
Fighter: Easy. A-S-S.
Wizard: Nice.
Cleric: Really? Everyone's gonna call you ASS now.
Fighter: You mean they weren't before?
Rogue: *facepalm* At least you're done, right? Hurry up and help me take out this statue!
DM: One of the monsterlings stands before you, Fighter. He appears a bit taller than the other ones, and quite cocky to boot. He points a claw in your direction and challenges you to Deadly Combat!
Fighter: What, seriously? I can mop the floor with this guy. I draw my--
DM: He raises a single silver coin, and points at a nearby machine. You recognize the writing above, "Deadly Combat".
Fighter: ...Oh. Well, that's a bit different.
Rogue: SPEAKING of deadly combat...

>>33723779
Wizard: Am I un-catatonic now?
DM: Hmmm... *rolls* You begin to hallucinate, dreaming of small, fat birds crashing into a keep guarded by orcs. They are helpless to the feathery onslaught of avian creatures.
Wizard: Cool. Can I ride one?
Cleric: Alright, I think I'm done.
Rogue: FINALLY. Come out here and help me!
Cleric: What? No, I've decided to go with a crimson red. Totally metal.
Fighter: But you're a cleric of Ehlonna.
Cleric: Nope, already settled on. Let's do this.
Rogue: You're enjoying every second of this, aren't you?
DM: Your tears, they are SO delicious, Rogue.

>>33723961
Rogue: Whatever, I can do this! It's just a statue.
DM: You've won initiative, what do?
Rogue: I stab it! Viciously! *rolls* Die, statue, die!
DM: The statue shrugs off the blade with its stone skin and smiles at you with grim intent in its hollow eyes. *roll* With serpentine grace, it begins to grapple you, and hugs you with a death grip!
Rogue: No! Escape! I roll to escape! *roll*
DM: Alas, your efforts are in vain; the statue has you in its clutches! As you struggle to break free, you are momentarily blinded by a flash of bright light!
Rogue: I don't want to be a statue! Nooooooo~!
DM: The statue then releases you from its grasp, and hops back onto the archway above. A moment later, it spits out a scrap of stiff parchment, which flutters down into your hands.
Rogue: ...What? What the actual balls?
DM: It depicts your struggle with the statue locked in embrace, with it winking in your direction.
Rogue: I wish I could hate you to death, I swear.

>>33724217
Hilarious. Someone, archive this parody!

>>33724217
Rogue: Fuck this, I'm opening the doors. Anything to end this madness.
Cleric: I think this is pretty fun, actually.
Fighter: Hell YES. Totally wrecked that little dude. Not even a challenge.
Wizard: I'm unconscious and I'm not even mad.
DM: Catatonic.
Wizard: Whatever.
Rogue: I open the doors.
DM: Strength check.
Rogue: Seriously? *rolls* Finally, a decent roll.
DM: The large doors slowly creak open, and a rolling fog of thick purple smoke pours forth. Soon, a piercing bright light begins to break through the smoke, and an aria of wailing voices filled with despair and sorrow begin to echo from beyond the doors.
Rogue: Starting to regret my decision.
Fighter: Dude, you should have waited for us.
Cleric: Yeah, seriously. I only had a haircut for Pete's sake.
Wizard: Or at least dragged me with you.
DM: The troll also drew on your face, Wizard.
Wizard: Goddammit.
DM: Now where was I? Oh right, the lich.
Rogue: The WHAT?

>>33724470
DM: A wave of ghostly apparitions fly screaming out of the fog, as a robed skeletal figure bedecked in decadent robes and jewelry glides forth, unrestrained by anything as mundane as 'gravity'. His eyes burn into your very soul, having been waiting for a thousand years for this very moment.
Rogue: Oh fuck.
DM: Oh fuck, indeed. He swings his ivory scepter with a flourish, and slams it down onto the ground. The floor echoes with power, clearing the fog with a wave of arcane might. The unearthly wails from beyond cease, leaving you in an unsettling silence.
Rogue: ...Guys... Seriously, get here. NOW.
Fighter: Fuck that, I wanna see your ass get handed to you.
Cleric: Don't be an ass, Fighter.
Fighter: See? Told you.
DM: *clears throat*

The party are hired by a company of intelligent kobolds calling themselves Dungeon Masters. The two head kobolds, Guy and Gax want you to run through prototype dungeons, market testing some new ideas. You'll be reimbursed for any damages and be paid for your time.

>>33719011
Everything they fight is actually goblin bards in costumes with high levels of bluff and consumable magic items

>>33719284
option 2 is so fucking win

>>33719027
This is the correct response
Just download a map online

>>33724741
you going to post more bro?

>>33724741
DM: Finally, the silence is ended with the lich, cackling at its newfound freedom. "I thank you for releasing me from my tomb, thief. I have long awaited a champion to venture to my crypt."
Rogue: ...You're welcome?
DM: "For a thousand years, I have toiled to master and perfect the powers that be, to create my greatest work, the Vale of Carnage. And my final resting place shall be yours as well!"
DM: Suddenly, a fanfare of delightful music echoes from the chamber beyond. Past the lich, you see amazing structures, never before seen in your wildest dreams. Rails of shining mithril surround the massive chamber, as a large row of carts dash about them at a mind-boggling speed. A wheel the size of a colossal dragon stretches far past where the ceiling should be, with small boxes slowly spinning around its edge. Undead roam the chamber floors, some holding stuffed animals and others dragging along floating spheres of varying designs."
DM: "Welcome... To the CARNIVAL!"
Rogue: ...Fuck you, DM. Fuck you.

>[fin]

>>33725181
You are magnificent

File: PERFECT!.jpg (89 KB, 640x480)

89 KB JPG

>>33725181

File: 1263127096960.jpg (8 KB, 251x251)

8 KB JPG

>>33725181
You, sir, are a grande weaver of tales

File: RAINBOW RAY.jpg (117 KB, 736x751)

117 KB JPG

>>33725181

Awe. Some.

>>33725181
Yeah, that took forever to write. My balls hurt now.

Someone mind archiving or copypasta-ing this for me? I'm probably gonna take a shower.

File: 1385019813600.jpg (353 KB, 708x1000)

353 KB JPG

>>33725181

Yes.
This is how it's done

>>33725445
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/33719011/

Done and done. May your legend live on in infamy

File: ThemePartDungeon.jpg (1.77 MB, 1361x5116)

1.77 MB JPG

Slow screencapper is slow but eventually delivers.

File: ThemeParkDungeon.gif (2.15 MB, 1361x5116)

2.15 MB GIF

>>33726033
Also in .gif form because I'm an ignoramus and don't actually know which format is better for this thing.

>>33726072
.png is the best. jpg sucks and .gif will make people refuse to open it in fear of screamers.

File: ThemeParkDungeon.png (5.33 MB, 1361x5116)

5.33 MB PNG

>>33726103

>>33725181
I half expected the lich to challenge him to the jam, but that works.

Kroger supermarket dungeon

>>33723641
Sounds about right.

In fact, if anyone tries to interact with them they go "I do not exist!"

Except for Modron who has given up being the party's multiclass Elf/Wizard/Cleric and now wants to be Debbie.

File: forkanger.gif (4 KB, 432x382)

4 KB GIF

>>33725181
Dammit. I want this to be my group.