On that note, good sirs, I have the most terrifyingly boring problem. All my cheap mon-keigh slaves keep snapping and going insane from pain after a month. Where's the aesthetic value in that? Insanity is so passé, sparing the blade is tedious, but raiding is boring too. Ah, what to do?Ps. I tried to make a slave figure out the solution so I could concentrate on more important things, but had to kill it when it couldn't. I'm truly at my wits' end here.
>>33560253Capture space marines or necrons.
>>33560253>raiding is boring tooYou need an exciting handicap. Try taking your clothes off when raiding
>>33560354This, or ambush another Kabal when they're raiding.
>>33560715Just make sure either it's not Black Heart or if it is Black Heart, you put up a really spectacular display.
>>33560326Can you actually get sustenance from torturing weird soulless machines?
>>33560253I've gotten quite bored with my armor apperance, got any ideas to spice it up?And don't say human faces, as that is so last decade.
>>33563625Maybe the skull of a Tyranid creature as the helmet? Or do you go in for that? I made my armour out of soul stones. Yes, all of it.
>>33560253So after 400 years of fighting my way through kabal's hierarchy I finnally got dead bored and desided to do something totally new and unusuall.I came to the Song of Beheaded incubi shrine and said I want to become an incubus.There were some trials, but nothing too difficult yet.Well, now I'm a pupil here.Here comes the bad part.First day that guy in charge, I believe he is called klaivex, tells me rules:- no wych arenas- no buying slaves for dinner- no self injuringUnless I cut someone during a sparring I won't get any refreshment.And then, it's only cuts and kicks. I'm not even allowed to flay anyone alive. How do they expect me to feed like this?
>>33567360Just kill the fucking klaivex.
>>33567820Kill him?Wow, kids just get tamer and tamer nowadays. I suppose you'll tell me next you had consensual intercourse with a craftworlder.
>>33561276In a short story, some dark eldar re-wired a servitor to make it think it was in constant pain, even though it is essentially brain dead. I would think they could put some kind of pain virus into a necron.
>>33567902What the fuck did you just fucking say about me you little vat-child? I'm going to fly over to whatever little shit cupboard you live in and ask you to have sex with me. After that, I will mount you in the missionary position but not before asking if you are comfortable. And after I'm done, I'm going to hold your hand as we cuddle all artificial night long.And then you're going to beg me to do it again.
>>33567902> you'll tell me next you had consensual intercourse with a craftworlderI actually did this once out of tremendous boredom.Who could have known that random girl seeking to enjoy freedom in a neutral Webway city was in fact the last princess of House Ulthanesh?
>>33567981Well dunk me in acid, throw my bones on a tacky chair and call me the Emperor! That's some shonky shit right there.
Ha, you will like this one. The other day I hired some ork mercenaries. Awful chaps, though effective in their own way. Heh heh but then I quartered them right next to my Kabals *snigger* trueborn. Oh the looks on their faces, utterly priceless. Everyday I see them they are getting more and more annoyned.
>>33568031Ork is still better than vat-born scum as for me.
>>33567360What? Hard work and discipline not your *style* city boy?
Okay, so the Dysjunction sucked harder than a toothless ur-gul but I gotta say that I am way better off than before it happened:>I've been promoted as a vassal Archon within the Black Hearts. >I now own shipyard property>I've even earned the cute nickname "Daemon-Fucker" because yes, I did fuck a de-limbed daemon.... using a proxy, of course.How'd the Dysjunction treat you guys?
>>33560253It's simple! Give the slaves power! Let them torment each other to avoid your more... skillful attentions. Have them compete in brutality and cruelty, and drink their pain and ambition. Find a true sadist, one who thinks they are worthy of being your apprentice.Then have those he tormented and mutilated turn on this... paragon. Repeat.
>>33568453I killed your moth- Oh wait, vatborn.
>>33568453I was raiding at some backwaters of mon-keigh empire and when I've returned to the City I've found 3/4 of my kabals base burned to the ground.Fuck you guys, and your gambling with warpspawn. It's like you forgot how previous 21352 attempts to overthrow Vect ended.
>>33568454Giving slaves power over one another is going to backfire eventually. Not now but soon.>>33568530Hey I had nothing to do with the daemon summoning. Anyways, you missed the party so don't be a pooper, mister.>>33568514I checked, the vat I was spawned from was wrecked during the Dysjunction. SO YES, YOU DID KILL MY MOTHER
>>33568327So is dinosaur pussy better than eldar one?
what happened to that Drazhar guy? does anyone know?
>>33568662EVERYTHING is going to backfire eventually! This is Commorragh! Kind of a theme down here. Get it while the going's good.
>>33560253Troll your fellow Delfs by living a life of virtue and honor. It will be pretty boring till you have them all driven demented.
>>33568744His kind of a cool guy.Totally makes you lose your head when he is around.
>>33568702Well it's kind of like your pussy, except less scaly and disgusting.
>>33568662>Giving slaves power over one another is going to backfire eventually.See, this is why you institute a rigid hierarchy, with room for advancement up the ranks, with defined perks/responsibilities for each rank. Then you throw in the idea that backstabbing (both literal and metaphorical) is a valid method of moving up the ranks, and usually easier than doing it the "normal" way.
>>33568767>Get it while the going's good.CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE TRUEBORN SCUM!
>>33568801so he's still doing the old chop chop, good to know. Did anyone live long enough to confirm that his armor was empty?
>>33560253All the cool humans are ascending to Deamonic Princehood. That could be cool.
>>33568767One fellow haemonculus of mine said daemonettes are literall parts of She Who Thirts consciousness made into separate beings.So If you manage to rape one you'll rape She Who Thirts .
>>33568873>Thirts X 2
>>33568842Check your vat. I hear that being an orphan is catching. >>33568662
>>33568856I heard the rumour Lelith knows what's inside.
>>33568870watch out we have a mon-keigh sympathizer amongst us
>>33568873Better try a bunch, juuuuuust to be sure.This is going to be a good week.
>>33568870>>33568873>city faggots falling for Slaanesh's bullshit>againBet you didn't even know it's planting season right now where I live.
>>33568901If you arnt cool enough to become a deamon prince its okay.
>>33568920Planting season? Didn't you hear. We don't sow. We rape.
>>33568893oh my, that made me all hot and bothered. I'll have to go to the slave den brb
>>33568950Reaping women and raping the crops no doubt.
>>33568945I heard Hesperax did beat the guy who did beat the daemonprince with a knife.Doesn't sound great at all, if you ask.
>>33568950Haha, you funny.I feed you first.
>>33568967hey, that could be an Idea for op, rape a fucking field
>>33568967Yeasty either way!
>>33568984yeah but it's hesperax, she'd beat almost anything with a knife, or without, missing a limb etc
Is anyone going to see Harlequin performance next cycle?
>>33569075They're already dry-humping my crops. How the fuck is that "rehearsal?"
I banged an exodite once, shit was cash
>>33569259that tree huggin pussy man, you don't even comprehend
>>33569259I banged primordial ooze the other day.
>>33569298That had better not have been consensual.
>>33569321>>33569330shit, I need to get out of here
Hey Halfborns,My name is Khairak, and I hate every single one of you. All of you are weak, stupid vat grown scum who spend every second of their day trying to crawl up to the tops of hierarchy. You are everything bad in the City. Honestly, have any of you even had mother? I mean, I guess it’s fun trying to backstab your rightful superiors to take their place, but you all take to a whole new level. This is even worse than being a hellion.Don’t be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot. I’m pretty much perfect. I was dracon of my previous kabal, and co-archon of the current one. What pain do you feed on other than brutish arenas? I also get 1/5 of slaves captured at the raid, and have a beautifull skilled lhamaean (She just entertained me; Pleasure was SO intense). You are all trash who should just suffer the true death. Thanks for listening.Pic Related: It’s me and my trueborn consort
>>33563625I had a chequered cape of marine scalps made the other day - salamander and raven guard - looks real nice.Anyone know if those "dreadnoughts" are fun to torture? There's so little left, but the reaction when you capture them is sooo funny>>33569586>co-archonlel
>>33569586brool cory stostop dressing up slaves man, that's not cool
>>33566968damn, just damn. I mean did you glue them together or what?
>>33569586>Co-Archonyou done goofed
>>33569734tyranid secretions are very good for those fancy armor designs, ask your local Haemonculus about it
>>33569802>>33569677Black Heart has 5 archons not counting Vect.
>>33569586>co-Archon>sharing power like a stinky little pissmopWay to fail.
>>33569586Cuntborn.I bet your mommy helped you make your first kill.
>>33569849That's just because Vect is so pimp that he has Archons as lieutenants where other Kabal lords have Dracons. They're not really "co-Archons" any more than IG regiments have "co-officers".
>Be pounding Catachan slave for 3rd time this cycle >feel need to cradle him gently>confide deepest secrets with him>Can't sleep without him in the same bed >mfw What is this horrible emotion.
>>33569849They actually hold the title bitch-archon
>>33569950how do you know so much about the mon' keighs military forces?
>>33570049Have you tried eating his heart?
>>33570067>Not studying them as some sort of reality showI especially like it when the big hat one subjugates the others. I've named him Tim.
>>33570049slaves from Catachan have this weird rash they can spread to you if your not careful, contact your local Haemonculi he should have a cream for the itching and burning. You have to cut your chest open and apply it directly to the heart though. Its a bitch to deal with moar plox
>>33570084That's just it, I can't actually bring myself to hurt him.
>>33570049You've found a favourite plaything. It's not unusual. I mean you've heard about Lilith and those knives of hers, right?Maybe try making him into a bed. He can be kept alive like that
>>33570098You had my curiosity, but now you have my interest. i've been needing something to take up my free time between torture and raiding, and watching the haemonculus slowly dwelve further into madness was getting droll
>>33570051mfw I didnt think of that
>>33570130But, then how can I drag him along as I shop, then bring him to dinner? Its like you've never had a Catachan.
>>33570129Tell your archon or haemonoculus about thisthey should now how to fix it, or they may kill youeither way, problem solved
>>33570049You could at least castrate him and turn him into a monkeigh female, fagborn.
>>33570152It really is fucking great, look for the ones with the gasmasks and tan trench coats, I watched one pick an Ork head up, and use it as a puppet. Its Comedy gold.
>>33570204>fucking females>mfw Look everyone! A craftworlder!
>>33570174Cut him in half down the middle! One half for shopping, one half for sleeping! And you also have two catachans now!
>>33570204>Not being a pansexual, gender-fluid futa.Youngsters these days..
>>33570233Why, I forgot my face.
>>33570212Sounds hilarious, has anyone ever tried to enslace one of those ones, they sound fun, for mon'keigh that is
>>33570240Wait, which way, like up and down, or at the waist? Because, it's surprisingly hard to find miniskirts that fit when you don't have the legs to figure out if they look good.
>>33570204But where's the point in that, when you can just make a hole anywhere you want to without the chance of them dying from shock
>>33570281Beware! I tried to enslave one with a Skull mask. When I had finally thought to have him beat, he stood right up, and throttled the life out of me. Avoid the ones called "Kreigers."
>>33570325Sounds fucking amazing
>>33570259>I forgot my faceI'll keep it safe for you in my collection whelp!
>>33570174Well it wasn't a Catachan, he was from some other mon-keigh "deathworld".He made a great hammock for my palanquin. I'd lie in him and watch the reavers while my slaves carried us through the crowd. Even raped a vat-born in him once.
>>33570288Down the middle! The top-to-bottom middle! How else are you going to cuddle at night?On the other hand, you could just leave the body at home for cuddles and take the head with you for shopping advice. Graft a few fingers on, add some extra glands, and you've got a great pet!
>>33570325they do best when you give them a shovel and a flashlight. They're so cute when they cant decided whether to dig and line the perimeter of their sleeping crate with razor wire or kill you
>>33570338Nah, they're no fun.They don't even scream, their heart just gives out
Got any advice for burning down an entire kabal?
So, anyway, what's it like to actually let your feet touch the ground like some kind of shambling mon-keigh?
>>33570422Make them turn on each other first, then mop up the rest.
>>33570403what if we pumped one of them full of enough chemicals and narcotics to kill one of us for good. That should make it scream, or explode
>>33570437you know, I thought it would be harder, also have any advice for joining a kabal after being the soul survivor of a mysterious attack on your old one that wiped out all of the others and destroyed their bodies to stop them from coming back?
>>33570432because I don't want to be target practice
>>33570443Explode.It's pretty cool if you make sure they have colourants in them too though.
>>33570475Ah, so you're saying you're a plebeian who's scared of some widdle bullets.How cute.
>>33570502It's all fun and games until some one shoots you in the ass with a missile meant for vehicles
>>33570543Learn how to dodge. What are you, an ork?
>>33570432I wouldn't know.Say, what's it like making a living out of whoring your services to archons like a pretty little Lhamaean?
>>33570543No, then it just gets more fun.
>>33570615this trueborn gets it
>>33570475>got lucky and was born on a dark eldar fleet heading out of Commoragh going corsair>tfw corsair life is much more tame and boring then being full Dark Eldar but much safer>some tall Craftworlder with an emo outfit takes control of our fleet and we pretend we were just renegades>eventually he drags us all over the galaxy fighting in shitloads of wars and booty, admittedly quite fun>but after Iyandan we forced to join their craftworld's navy and immigrate back in>mite be cool, soulstones are nifty>Craftworld wants to do a mental background check and mind reading to insure "purity" >Fuck.jpgFeels bad mang.
>>33570606Pretty lucrative. What's it like being poor?
Hey slaver fuckersWhat's it like to be slow?
>>33570669Do you have a cloaca?lelI imagine the only joy you have is shitting on things from a great height.
I'm trying to court this kabalite bitch but she keeps playing hard to get. I tried raping her in the ass, but she just laughed and said it proved her cunt was for my betters. How do I make her mine?Pic is her.tfw no gf
>>33570743Nah, I have an internal penis that spirals out to several times my body length. Obviously. What kind of Eldar do you think I am?
>>33570669>poorThat's not how you spell "free".
>>33570765Raid her snatch with a splinter pistol.
>>33570809does it shoot dark lances?
>>33570809Damn you space postmen are freaky.
>>33570815If you want to be free so badly then go be a fucking corsair.Oh, wait, they'd never take you.>>33570833It doubles as a shardcarbine.>>33570857Why thank you, maybe I'll only skin you halfway.
>>33570815>Implying hellions aren't slaves to their gang
>>33570827Is the dark alley approach or the knocking her over the head with a rock approach more romantic?
>>33570765Simple,bring her the head of a space marine chapter master, or an ork warbossany kind of worthy quarrythen shove it up her ass
>>33570765We're going to need more details than that.Is she impressed by the treatment of slaves?Does love shows of deadly skill?Is she plotting revenge against a rival kabal?Once you know what drives her, you can master her. Of course most relationships are two way sky-lanes so be careful that you have your affairs in order and kept a secret.
>>33570942No you have to deceive her. Deception is the aphrodisiac. >ustrokf she
>>33570942THAT ONE IS A MON'KEIGH!GUARDS! GET HIM OR HER, ALL YOU SLAVES LOOK A LIKE!
>>33570765dude I saw her holding hands with a monkeigh slaves.... I think shes into bestiality. so you know....lock that shit down with an agonizer
>>33571033Beep boop fuck your xenos shit
>>33570945A good idea, I'm leaning towards the ork. It's got the tusks, it'd hurt more.>>33570947Well, I'm a beastmaster, and obviously a great one. Bitch should be kissing my feet for deigning to speak to her. But I digress.She's in the Kabal of the Flayed Skull, was in the Emasculators before... whatever the fuck it was that happened to Kruellagh. What the fuck more does she want me to do, make some Barghesi do a kick line?
>>33571033Calm down, you puffed up vat born scum. Don't deny it. your name has a number, what's you place of manufacture, I shall make a complaint.
>>33571011I got it, I'll pretend to be a dracon or some shit, and in the middle of fucking I'll pull off my helmet! I'm a genius.
>>33571076Bestiality is so passé. How gauche.
>>33571108Glad to be of assistance, of course this means you owe me a favor that will be named later. It may include the rest of the ork's body
>>33571117Trueborn piggu go home.
>>33571222I'll keep it on ice for you. Might still be moving, it's an ork.>>33571233ey yo bb u wan sum fuck?
Is it true that trueborn have to mature before they can actually do anything?
>>33571117....but there is a Mechanicus infiltrator RIGHT FUCKING THERE >>33571081
>>33571252Oh how delightful, I can't wait to attach one of my slaves head to it and see what happens
Ah, Honourable Eldar.It seems like last time we had a slight mis-communication, the Tau Empire respects your wishes to remain independent and we find your mercenaries very useful.Might we attempt to set up another cultural exchange, in the interests of perhaps setting up an embassy?After all, us "Alien" races must be as one, lest perish, alone.
>>33571272Beep boop I am clearly a filthy xenos, classification dark eldar. Why would a mon'keigh be in this hive of filth and debauchery? Now tell me how your Haemonculi make their creations work. Beep boop
>>33571272Nonsense. No one infiltrates Commargh. Its just some wayward slave. No doubt it shall expire before the day is out.>>33571233Vat born scum, what's it like sharing the dark lance?
>>33571306Why yes, of course, honored ambassador, why don't you come right this way?
>>33571344Quite simple, Go to that dark tower over yonder, and ask to see the haemoculus. I'm sure he will enlighten you.
>>33571354What's it like never getting any "dark lance"?
Hey haemonculus, I will pay you fifty slaves to combine this guy >>33571306 with this guy >>33571344
>>33571405Beep boop, do I need payment of anykind fellow filthy xenos
>>33571370I would be delighted, you Eldar are said to be graceful with a witty tongue, but many say you are arrogant, I do not see how they could draw such a conclusion!Where are we going exactly?
>>33571410Fantastic, a dark lance is heavy and wielding much like manual labour. Perhaps your creator encoded you to enjoy lifting heavy things like the slave your are. Oh and me? My blaster is just fine.
>>33571233Dear Muses, what has she been eating? She looks like some swollen up mon'keigh cow. And those mammaries... Is this a new fetish in some part of town?
>>33571445[Come to my tower later, I'm busy]>>33571459We're going to my tor- er, home, to discuss the further ensla- enrichment of yo- our peoples.
>>33570643BTW: I know a haemonculus who can give you fake memories. Go look for a place called "Total Recall"Tell'em I sent you and they shouldn't fuck you up too much.
>>33571261Even after they're matured, they can't do shit. That's what's so annoying about city-slickers.
>>33571562Exodite eh. Why aren't you building a barn or fucking a dinosaur. How are you even literate?
>>33571529those are implanted voidmines
>>33571532Bzzzt Beep boop, Hello fellow dark eldar, may I inquire about your status as a haemonculus and how you make your abominations work
>>33571529It's all the rage, where've you been? Two words, toxin sacs.>>33571466Yeah, I suppose you're obviously too weak to be able to lift one, you pampered mommy's boy.
>>33571562How's your world-spirit holding up, hoe pusher?
>>33571593I'm not an exodite, silly. I use the 4'channar just like all the other Dark Eldar degenerates :)Also, you've never experienced pleasure if you haven't tapped that glorious cloaca.
>>33571630So you do like manual labour. Fascinating that they can program you to enjoy slavery. What will the haemoculus think of next?
>>33571532I'm just saying: Combine both of your guests, and I will pay you.The tech priest and the Tau, In one body.>do it faggot .jpg
>>33571687Y'all need Asuryan
>>33571622Why don't I show you firsthand?>>33571687[Done, though I want 75]
>>33571687Bzzzzt beep boop, what techpriest, I am clearly of filthy xenos designation dark eldar who is curious of how haemonculi make their creations work and the defilement and rape of the mon keigh formkrrrrt bzzzt
>>33571532My, this is a...stunning display of brotherhood Honourable Eldar, I must say that never, in my 20 years as working as a Diplomat, have I received such a warm welcome from another such, intelligent and frankly refined ra- Ah, I see you made friends with the Gue'la!We have a few planets for them to inhabit as well, we have so much in common my friend!
>>33571755Bzzzt brrrrt, i have a small regiment of mon keigh for you to demonstrate on
>>33571673Maybe how to grow testicles on a trueborn.
>>33571801Or how to teach you assholes to grow your own food!
>>33571752What am I supposed to do with a dead god?...Maybe fuck it? Necrodeiphilia is something I haven't tried yet, to my shame.
>>33571837Stolen food is much better, by virtue of denying someone else their meal.
>>33571755I will give you 80 if you turn them into an effective grotesque
>>33571787>>33571781See, I'm sure this will enrich m- all of us greatly, and bring your two races closer together in the truest possible way!>>33571893[Done]
>>33571801Do you even come with testes? I mean its not as if anyone would breed with you. Rather redundant in your case I suspect. This has been such an experience, slumming here and allowing vat born filth the honour of speaking with me. Most enlightening to see how you have been programmed my friend. May you lift heavy things and serve your archon well child.
>>33571941Obviously not, being female. Does all the inbreeding affect your eyesight?
>>33571918bbzzzzrt krrrt boop beeep, I will pay you two hundred monkeigh to attach the filthy xenos head to his own anal region
>>33571987Tempting, but I'd piss off his kabal. Going to have to sweeten the deal.
>>33571986We all know you are just pretending to be female. I mean really.
>>33572027I'm a female pretending to be a male pretending to be female. God, you trueborn are so stupid.
>>33570402Mine used up ALL my fucking pillows! I lost 3 servants just trying to get him out! I swear, 20 minutes alone and he managed to put up barbed wire, LANDMINES, and dug a reserve bunker to fall back into once the main fort was overrun!Pic related, look at that smug little shit.
>>33571918Yes, this unity between our races, surely we would con- I mean, Liberate all races around the galaxy to form a single, unified Tau'va! The Greater Good!The Orks, the Tyranids and the Necrons would all fall before our shining beacon of true hope across our galaxy...I must confess honourable DARK Eldar, I came bearing a giftWOW, I really fucked up twice, well...fuck it, not breaking character this late in.
>>33572018Bzzzrt kkrrrrt bweep, Will a sister of battle and a commissar be enough? if not I have plenty of mon keigh who still think they're on their way to a crusade. Do not ask how a fellow filthy xenos came to acquire them,
>>33572091They programmed you with wit! Wonders never cease. Enjoy your sub-eldar status my friend I'm afraid I must go, I have a raid to attend.
>>33572116A gift, my grey inf- friend? Whatever could that be?>>33572123If it's a canoness, done.
>>33572116>>33572123You lesser beings underestimate how awesome being a Grotesque is. Have you ever tried being one? I mean just look at this picture:
>>335721163rd times a charm ain't it, Fish man.
>>33572130With any luck maybe a mon-keigh might get lucky enough to be able to shoot off that microdick of yours.
>>33572116Bzzzzrt do you even praise the machine spirts
>>33572145Krrrt, yes, she called my fascination with flesh crafting heretical....I mean i caught her as I raped the world her order called home, krzzzzt>>33572154Bzzzzrt have you ever tried being a servitor, I hear that it is the most pleasurable experience possible for us filthy mon keigh, krrrt bzzt beep boop
>>33572225I meant xenos bzzzrt krrrt, Why would any of us be filthy mon keigh
>>33572225Interesting. I think we can do business.
>>33572109I want one even more now
>>33572174No...But I know of something you will be over-joyed with Gue'la...We recently captured a...what is it you call it, STC?We have an Earth Caste make a concept of what it should look like under our service.I believe some innovative Gue'la Tech Priest made it, imagine that.Now we will soon be pumping these out, everywhere...delicious, brand new, Imperium Technology.I mean, why bother with those old Templates when you have these...right, Gue'la?
>>33572251Krrrt beep boop, Wonderful doing business with a fellow filthy xenos, your payment will be given to you shortly
>>33572333Krrrt Bzwweet Bzzzt Beeeeeepis this what pure unfiltered rage feels like?
>>33572333enjoy those Men of Iron, faggotsigned,da soggin inqusizzin
>>33572145As for you my friend...I have something SPECIAL for you...A gift above no other.Ta-da~I know how much you Dark Eldar love fornication, so I brought you the most beautiful of all the Castes under the Tau Empire...and all of them are very willing to have;Passionate.Safe.Consensual sex.With you.I believe the Ethereal has the pleasure of the first mating.
ITT: A bunch of vatfags play trueborn and talk to Xenos filth because they can't get their archon to notice them.
>>33572495>Safe>Consensualyou lost me
>>33572495Consensual sex? H-how lewd! Oh my, such perversions, truly I must try this!
>>33572495#1 or #2
>>33572577Oh look, it's the threadly Disgruntled Ur-ghul! Truly, I am part of the 4'channar board culture!
>>33572643Go home e/x/odite.Stop shitting up our board with your Vegan threads. You're almost as bad as the Corsair's and their Quest threads.
>>33572681>complaining about vegan threadsI'm not an exodite, but at least my diet doesn't consist of UGP (unidentifiable grey paste) mixed with Tau hearts! And people wonder why Commorragh has such a high obesity rate.
>>33572495And so now, Eldar, Gue'la.I must depart, as you both seem to be mystified by the gifts I bestow upon you.I leave you, with a final secret.
>>33572872I swear, if that's you, Vect...
>>33572872...Holy, Xeno Hating, Rape.
>>33572872beep boop, tell me filthy xenos
>>33572942oh god I love submitting to superior Monkeigh dick
>>33572942What the fuck did you idiots do? Why is there a human titan here?
>>33572942bZzzzzzzrt boopPRAISE THE OMNISSIAH
>>33571194Did the lewd elf get another update or something?
>>33572997Khaine dammit, Lithandrel, you always do this.
>>33572997Meh, our titans are better. That's another thing cityfags can't have.
>>33572942Pffft. Vect was scarier.
>>33573005>>33572997>>33573090>>33573088There is a simple answer filthy xeno!I was sent here by THIS man.Now bend over so that I may shove my multiple gun barrels into your orifices!
>>33573148KRRRt bzzzzzzzzzt Beep boopThis is fucking amazing
>>33567930Any idea what story?
>>33568767What is this supposed to be?
>>33573348Some tasty half-lobster ass.
Anyone remember the time we soul trapped that asshole who turned himself into light?
>>33573148NOW, FILTHY XENOS, I HAVE ONE THING TO SAY BEFORE I PURGE YOU ALL!
>>33573496Ohh yes, big strong mon-keigh, "purge" me!
POST MORE DARK ELDAR ART YOU FUCKING FAGGOTS
>>33573537...That you vat-born fools, disgust me.TO THE FUCKING PITS!
>>33573626>tfw no one ever sends me to the fucking pits
>>33573626Ooh, the fucking pits! Kinky!
>>33573626>FUCKING PITSI'm not sure you thought this out archon
>>33573626So how did you give a guy a black hole?
>>33573651>>33573673>>33573676Oh, but you misunderstand...that Ethereal over there will be in the pit...and she is very willing and very desperate.>>33573677When you have lived as long as I, you can turn rectums into endless voids, with your dick.
>>33573724I always wanted some forehead pussy! Thanks, vect!
>>33573724So you mailed him an asshole after you fucked it?
>>33572608Normaling is so cash.Tried it with a craftworlder once.
>>33573724bzzzzzzrt fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck Errror error error error error error error error error error error error error error
>>33573743As for you...I am going to let you witness the knowledge you seek, first hand...don't worry, we'll make sure you watch the whole procedure, first hand.>>33573748Correction, his own asshole.
>>33573797Krrrrrrrrrrrrtgood thing I am mostly machine
Some fools give me bother for only bothering to toy with female slaves. I tend to cut their tongues from their mouths - not to punish or warn, but to chide. I don't toy with them, I indulge myself in them. Apparently trueborn women can't do this! I say they're jealous I don't bleed all over them like all the rest. It's perfectly fine for you MALE Archons to satisfy yourself with your sissy men slaves, but when I try to do with the female things I'm just frowned at!
>>33560253Look at my soul.It.is.the.=_darkness_= *unsheathes twin katanas*
>>33575219*unsheathes huskblade*psssh...nothin personnel...kid...
>>33575375*teleports behind you**grabs you by your spirit stone*BACK THE FUCK OFF TO YOUR SOLAR SYSTEM?!?!?!
>>33575375That's a venom blade you pompous fool. Your little kabal can't afford the real thing.
>>33575599think your pretty smart huh kiddo*teleports all around you**slashes you into a thousand pieces**they fall in the shape of the rune for death*"tch... too easy"
>>33575738Woooooohhhh, shards fired!!
>>33570765Did you try throttling the life out of her archon in front of her?
>>33575965Eh, I could sic a Clawed Fiend on him.
I just did the most amusing thing to my slaves I've done in a while. I told some of them that I might spare them if they behaved well enough, and the watched them desperately trying to please me. One even killed the female slave he apparred to be bonded with, just because I implied I didn't like her. Then I tore out his hear and ate it while he watched. The look on his face was priceless!Oh, but I digress. Anybody heard any interesting rumours lately? I heard the tickets for Lelith Hesperax's next performance will go on sale tomorrow. I intend to wait till the initial bloodbath is over and kill the ones still standing for their tickets.Also, I heard "lady" Xernia is having a trueborn, but I don't buy it. Firs of all, everybody knows she's just a vatborn tramp who only became Dracon because she fucked the Hierarch. No way she has the influence to survive raising a trueborn. Besides, one of my slaves said he saw her stuffing a pillow under her dress. Couldn't even afford to have a Haemonculus do proper body modification, it seems. Are all vatborn this desperate? Can't they just accept their inferiority? To think somebody like that would think themselves equal to me, a trueborn daughter of an Archon lord, is disqusting.
>>33577310I'll give you a trueborn bb
>>33577310>I heard the tickets for Lelith Hesperax's next performance will go on sale tomorrow. I intend to wait till the initial bloodbath is over and kill the ones still standing for their tickets.Why would you want to go to that cow's performance's anyways? You realize she's just a...
>>33577598Ignore my daughter. You should DEFINITELY come to the next display of delightful debauchery. We're bringing out the best xenos beasts and a captured mon'keigh knight. Maybe we'll even have the wyches do some blood dances...
>single Space Marine squad lands on your homeworld>fucks everything up Dark Eldar? Moar like Derp Eldar
>>33577633> Dark Eldar> homeworldYou're drunk, ship dweller, go back on your path.
>>33572333Now the imperium cares enough about you to step on you proper, good job...
Those fucking snake people.It is literally impossible to get close to my archon because all of his bodyguards are hissing scaly bastards.
>>33577612I hope you don't have that mon'keigh pyrotechnition this time. As much as I enjoyed the scorching flames of agony, her constant shouts of 'Purge the xenos!' and 'The Emperor Protects!' distracts from the music and dancing after a while.
>>33578800Sslyth are for poorfags who can't afford the real thing, i.e. Incubi.Remember, they're only "almost" loyal.
>>33578900But dem four arms.
>>33578907That sounds more like a fetish than a practical consideration.
>>33568950Because he's totally planting THAT kind of seed, you vat-licking pile of hound food. There's nothing like getting more slaves for free.
Recently I aquired several containers of so-called mon'keigh "promethium" and served it to guests as rare bloodwine. To be convincing I had to drink as well, so bye, digestive tract. But shit was so slaves.
>>33579045>bye, digestive tractWho the fuck cares? You can always get a new one.
>>33579045Well, did it taste good? Was the pain exquisite? The thought crossed my mind a couple times, but if the pain is just like any other mon'keigh sensation (bland and short) then I'll pass.
>>33579087I'm not into food that much, blood injections are faster and more effective.On the unrelated note: one glutton I know made hole in the stomach to take food out and enjoy its flavour once again. But he complains that after fourth time it becomes kinda dull. I proposed him getting some tastebuds on fingers, but he declined. What an oral-centric fool.
>>33579141>Well, did it taste good?Like a nuclear holocaust, with your blood aftertaste.>Was the pain exquisite?Like a Jalapeño up the urethra. Except in your mouth.>bland and shortQuestion of dosage, my not-friend. If you drink a whole bottle at once, you won't get the flavour, obviously. Small wine glasses will do. For a prank value, you may add short-term painkillers.
looks like drazhar killed the entire thread population, how typical what a cu
Drazhar pls no, NOOO-
Alright, stop it Drazhar. You're scaring the children.
>>33569734I made the glue out of the skin from the soul stones' owners, obviously. Khaine, it's like you don't even raid. What are you, Halfborn?
>>33578800closet Slaanesh, those Laeer bastards
>>33580169Khaine help us...
>>33568873>Rape> Non consensual sex> Non consensualHow in the warp do you rape a daemonette?!
Daily reminder that the CWE are far superior to the retards in Commoragh. >hotter women>all of them are trueborn>can make their own wraithbone>better educated>still retain their psychic powers while Vect's merry band of retards has practically devolved into Mon'Keigh levels of patheticness with no warp giftsGit gud Commoragh.
>>33580473>Implying that the craftworld bitches aren't dying out, while Commoragh is growing stronger everyday.I would purge the fuck out of both of you, but is my job as an inquisitor to know this things. DE are the real threat, you goodie space elves fags are dying out on your own.
>>33580473>>33580628both of you are cute, we'll watch you tore each other to pieces and when you are both burnt out, we'll make a nice hairdo out of your bones
>>33580668This galaxy has being our backyard for 10.000 years, xeno scum. And it will be for 10.000 years more.You know why? Because that's what we human do. We evolve, we adapt, we analyse our enemies weakness and take them down.Ask they tyranids, they seemed unstoppable until we found out how to deal with them. And unlike you, we have the will to make sacrifies to achieve our goals.Also, we have been inside your little hideout of a city. We can sneak in someday, too.
>>33580668>being this insecure about your lack of psychic powers and enslavement to She Who Thirsts>>33580437You do something so fucked up that even she wouldn't consent. It's difficult but you need to fine something that would even make a deamonette blush. I find that the best thing is to hold her hand while cuddling and whisper into her ear how much you love her
>>33580720Oh dahling please, you've had almost 20,000 years to actually do something interesting and even with that bore of emperor in charge you still couldn't. Your tiresome little tirade is the doomed wailing of desperate fool. Now. I'm going to go let one of my slaves think he's escaped and then pop out and murder him just when he thinks he's home free.
>>33580437Uh... you have consensual sex with it?
>>33580437how about not having sex with it, that could drive it mad
>>33580720>>33580793Please friends! This is not in accordance with the Greater Good! Let us talk of unity!
>>33580809fucking hell, could someone enslave these fucks already? their greater good talk makes my poison glands shrivel up. Who the fuck let them happen anyway?
>>33580720>they seemed unstoppable until we found out how to deal with themIs that why literally the only race to have ever tanked a full hive fleet is the Eldar?Is that why they're getting dangerously close to Terra?You haven't dealt with shit, and you've done literally the opposite of adapt for about 10,000 years. This ain't Independence Day, little spaceman. You ain't human spirit or human adaptation-ing your way outta shit. You're the poster boys for stagnation.
>>33580824Just get a room and fuck already. Both of you are stagnating and dying species. The only one here who isn't is this retard space bovine here: >>33580809I've seen Necrons with more adaptability that you lot.
>>33580793Unlike you, Xenos, we have all the time and numbers of the world. We have so much more to do. And, unlike other of my peers, i'm not limited to stupid notions of purity. I get results. Saying that, as a Revivificator i'm really fascinated with your capability of extend life with pain. Would a exchange of human lifestock arrange some kind of understanding between us?>>33580824>the only race to have ever tanked a full hive fleet is the Eldar>What is Macragge>What is Ichar IV>What are the blood ravensHoly shit, this is delusional arrogance for even an eldar.>dangerously close to TerraKryptman's cordon. That's a problem of the Orks now.>>33580809There is a place where you will unite with all the other races of the galaxy. Death.>>33580819Be my guest.
>>33580819It was the goddamn Craftworlders!
>>33580888why you silly creature, why adapt when it lessens the enjoyment of fighting. I mean we could sweep the galaxy with one coordinated attack, but why bother? it's not fun. we only adapt so far to keep up the challenge.
>>33580914>splinter>spliner>splinterMon'keigh have never taken on an entire fleet. They've either fought it after it's been whittled or fought a bunch of splinters.
>>33580934You don't deceive anyone but yourself, xenos. You are worried to death of the end of your corrupt race.And it's pretty much what such idiots deserve. You opened the eye of terror, for fucks sake.Hail terra, long life to the empire.
I've recently replaced my nads with corrosive poison glands, there is no better feeling than when you finish on your mon'keigh slaves face when it was expecting my jizz and gets blasted with poison instead. imagine their faces
>>33580819>>33580888>>33580914I see this is a place truly in need of the guiding light of the Tau'va, more than ever. Please, have a seat. Have any of you heard of the glorious destiny of my people? Surely you will see there is no other option that is logical!
>>33580962>worried to deathmy sides are in the warp
>>33580962>You opened the eye of terror, for fucks sake.Yes, and..? What have you done to alter the galatic landscape recently?
>>33580984>hello, can you spare a little time for the greater goodget fucked by nurgle
>>33580962>be the most easily corrupted race by far>give Chaos the daemon primarchs>be the primary component in Khorne's power>still blame other races for feeding ChaosHave some self awareness, mon'keigh. Even with the warnings of those that had come before you, you STILL couldn't get shit right.
>>33580934Yeah yeah, I'm sure you simply enjoy having Slaanesh suck out your soul. I bet you like not being able to spend prolonged periods of time in the materiunm too.
>>33580957Even if that's true, we have ultimately won the war.Also, didn't that craftworld died in the end? And what's the cost of one eldar death to your race? Like 2 billion humans to ours?>>33580996Excuse me, are you a Dark eldar or a regular space eldar. if it's dark, i take back what i said. Nice tech you got there. Want to trade it?>>33580984Your tiny empire is starting to tickle us. And you are only expanding because you never had to face the true horror that this galaxy inhabits.Be grateful to us for that.>>33581004We stopped leviathan and the 13th crusade of failbbadon. You?>>33581009>Be psychically evolved race>Fuck up the warp and doom themselves and the galaxy>Blames non-psychically evolved race when they try to fix it.>primary component in Khorne's power>Holy shit, you started this whole mess to begin with, you expect us to not fight it to the last man? asshole
>>33580984Okay, Greater Good sounds good, good for everyone and erryone be good. But who exactly should determine what is good for everyone and how should it be achieved?
>>33581052>regular space eldarWhere do you think you are Mon'keigh? Also, build your own dark lances scum
>>33581052>implying mon'keigh ever really tried to fix it>implying the one mon'keigh with awareness of these things didn't hand chaos its greatest tools>implying they didn't just make things worse by ignoring superior Eldar advice>implying mon'keigh are far-sighted enough to fight chaos without getting distracted with their petty desire to be the only race in the galaxyLiterally the worst.Also, Iyanden survived.
>>33581106too bad they did survive, was funny nonetheless
>>33581081>I meant regular space elf.>build your own dark lances scumDon't be like that. We have criminals and chaos cultist to spare, you have weaponary and life-extension technolgy to spare as well. We all win. I'm not as close minded as my colleagues in the inquisition.>>33581078Who do you think? Etheral Stalin, of course.>>33581106>Implying the emperor is the only one with awareness on this mattersI know of colleagues of mine who have been on the Black library, bitch.>implying mon'keigh ever really tried to fix itWhat is the Ordo Malleus>implying they didn't just make things worse by ignoring superior Eldar adviceSince when do you have moral ground to advice on anything, scum?>implying mon'keigh are far-sighted enough to fight chaos without getting distracted with their petty desire to be the only race in the galaxyImplying we can't do both.I want to keep some dark eldars to study them, though. Their tech is superior to yours.
>>33581078the greater good for the orcs is the status quo, we Dark Eldar like it so far too. your move blu scum
>>33581106GUYS, HEY GUYS! WHAT? OH, ALL THOSE CORPSES? NO BIG DEAL, YOU SHOULD SEE THE OTHER GUY!Iyanden in a nutshell. ?80%? died, right? Nice victory, there went half your race
>>33581179^This. Don't try to argue with eldars though, their arrogance is always in the way.>>33581168>Humans are the dominat specieYeah, we like it like this so far as well.
>>33581162>study dark eldarI have a guy you can try that withover there >>33579436
>>33581213>mon'keigh is dominant species>dominanttodays question: what are Tyranids?
>>33581162>Since when do you have moral ground to advice on anything, scum?Since we told you exactly how bad that Horus shit would turn out and your Emperor, in his stupidity, refused to listen.Mon'keigh are too busy dividing their strength to be a bulwark against Chaos. The enlightened races tried to warn you against the mistakes of the past, but you insisted on making them anyway. Now you stand, spread thin across the galaxy, barely in contact or in control of the territories you lay claim to, and the light that guides your misdirected efforts steadily flickers and wanes. Your time has ended, just as ours did, and you have only quickened this final curtain. 20,000 years of empire. Truly, a smidgeon compared to the countless millennia of the old civilizations.
>>33581213>humans>dominantHilarious, he thinks his race amounts to shit all before the teeming mob of the ork.
>>33581253>Earth, 2014>Cockroaches, the dominat species, not Humans.Well, you are technically right.>>33581266You keep underestimating Humanity. This is not over yet. We have faced darkness before, and unlike you, we prevailed.
>>33581162Speaking about Etherial Stalin, how the fuck does Aun'Va live so long? I sence shenagians.
>>33581301The fucker probably beated me into stealing the Dark eldar tech.Fuck.Imma raid some tau worlds with my requisitioned IG army, let's see if there is some luck.
>>33581292>empire destroyed by own creations>split up by war storms>shat back to the stone age>upon re-entry into the galactic stage, proceed to immediately strengthen Chaos beyond imagining>continue to blindly sabotage all attempts at stemming the WarpThat doesn't look very much like victory.
>>33571881>What am I supposed to do with a dead god?>implying Phoenix Kings don't do what Phoenixes are want to do>LaughingYrielDon't mind me dark kin, just saving our race.
>>33581343Yeah, well, humanity, like my relationship status, is "complicated".There is probably no way to destroy chaos for good anyway. We are doing what we can, with what you left us.If the eldars were the dominat species today, they'll manage to open another eye of terror, anyway.>>33581370You are beyond saving, xenos.
>>33581292>prevailedMon'keigh what? Orks fare better against Chaos that you do. First exposure? Your galactic culture collapses and you forget all about any of this shit. Second exposure? You lose the only thing keeping your empire stable and give Chaos all its best generals. You weren't even fighting a god suddenly being born in your backyard neither, just some angsty manbaby with a grudge against daddy.Then what? You keep churning out supersoldiers that fall to the Ruinous Ones at the drop of a hat. The only reason you ain't punked yet is that you're just about stupid enough for Chaos to actually have a use for you. Chaos defeated your asses millennia back, you just ain't noticed yet.
>>33581009>be the primary component in Khorne's powerNah, that's Orks. The crumbling remnants of the monkeigh's stagnant imperium is surely a feast for Nurgle though. They literally worship a corpse! How gauche.
>>33581415>meanwhile Eldar first exposure to chaos:>entire civilizat5ion collapses and splits into three dying groups that consist of edgy teens, prudes and the Amishlel
>>33581451>edgy teens>edgysounds about right and we love it
>>33581415Last time i checked:Abbadon 0, Empire 13.And if you didn't wanted that a non-psychically evolved race doesn't fall to chaos influence, maybe try to not open a giant hole in the space-time. You were the fucking evolved and important ones, right?This is all your doing.We are a half-evolved race, trying to fix the mistakes of the god-tier big daddy old-ass race.And succeeding to some degree.
>>33581292>We have faced darkness before, and unlike you, we prevailed.Accept the whole losing half your forces to darkness, your emperor dying and all your generals dying or succumbing to chaos part.
>>33581213>humans>the dominant species of his galaxy>oh my khaine>huff huff diggity huff >my sides>my sides are beyond orbit>holy shit>i need to borrow some new sides, fetch me a slave>maybe two or three>fuuuuuuuuck holy shitYou aren't the dominant species, mon'keigh. The dominant species of this galaxy is green, genderless, and grows from tasty shrooms. Protip: We have a way of quickly and cleanly wiping them off a planet with no chance of sporification. We haven't given it to you yet because they make much better defenses against chaos than you guys.
>>33581523Cockroaches are also the dominant species on earth, in 2014?Xenos, pls. Go away.>>33581513Still better than what happened to the eldar. We can still make sacrifices and keep going, You can't.
>>33581499Fool, Chaos could manifest long before Slaanesh. We just divided the immaterium into four aspects rather than three. Most of the bullshit today arises from some buttfuck mon'keigh sector when their governor goes all shitfaced for Khorne or Nurgle or whoever.>And succeeding to some degree.By being used to recruit Chaos' favoured soldiers and wipe out anyone less susceptible to corruption? Sure are successful at that shit. Everyone's punked failbaddon at least twice, shit, dat nigga Eldrad did it by his lonesome. Even some nameless shit-standard carnifex got one up on his raggedy ass. Them successes don't mean shit when your barely-connected empire is teeming with Chaos-worshipping fools.
>>33581543>Still better than what happened to the eldar.Not really. Monkeigh Empire failed before it even started and never achieved any victory. Hardly compares to the aeons of unchallenged Eldar rule. There is no hope or plan for the Imperium, just gradual decline. Meanwhile, Eldar are sitting on literal deus ex machinas and resurrection vats. We have actual Gods as opposed to false ones. And to think they call us the dying race!
Technically, Necrons started the war that originally destabilized the Warp. Everyone else has been playing with a broken system ever since. They ruined everything forever out of sheer envy.
>>33581599>Fool, Chaos could manifest long before Slaanesh. We just divided the immaterium into four aspects rather than three.The fuck are you talking about. The warp didn't have a way to interact with the physical world directly before the eye of terror opened.>Everyone's punked failbaddon at least twice, shit, dat nigga Eldrad did it by his lonesome.We have enough planets to spare. How many eldrards did you had? opsie.>Not really. Monkeigh Empire failed before it even started and never achieved any victory. Hardly compares to the aeons of unchallenged Eldar rule.You never had any external threat anyway. That's barely impressive. >here is no hope or plan for the Imperium, just gradual decline.What is the Ordo Hydra, what are the Revivificators, what is the proyect that Quixos was working in, ect.Also, your deus ex machine are may mays, and your gods are dead.>>33581665True, but the Eldar cleared the path of the warp into our realm. Both Necrons and Eldars are guilty of fucking everything up. Now, if you all excuse me, i have inquisitorial work to do.Get purged.
mommy, daddy u proud?
>>33581729>The warp didn't have a way to interact with the physical world directly before the eye of terror opened.Which is I supposed how all those demons jumped out and ruined your shit during the fall of your first empire?>How many eldrards did you had?Have. Retcons, motherfucker. Eldrad be alive an' kickin'.
This thread descended into rampant shittery about a hundred posts ago. Just let it die, people.
>>33581952>doesn't know the first thing about Dark Eldar
>>33568873Not much of a point raping them, seeing as She Who Thirsts woke up as used goods, which kinda begs the question which one of us managed to fuck so hard we penetrated her comsic hell hymen waking her up causing her to eat everything.Wonder if she had plans with it, like a contest or something, It's kinda a relief it doesn't have an organized pantheon of Daemons made up of servants that have each taken a "first" from her in trail and contest, arranged by the best "firsts" to the most obscure and shit.