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>>33195389
Patriotic Name: LIBERTY PRIME
God Given Gender: GIANT ROBOT
American Age: 49
Freedom Fluff: Liberty Prime, Americas secret answer to the COMMUNUST Chinese Invasion of AMERICAN Alaska, which Unfortunately, never happened. Instead, he will be deployed to stop the DIRTY COMMUNIST FILTH from destroying america's PAST, PRESENT, AND DEMOCRATIC FUTURE. |
"BETTER DEAD THE RED!"

>>33195389

Patriotic Name: George Johnson
God Given Gender: Male
American Age: 23 in america years
Freedom Fluff: George was named after the most freedom loving president of all time and he also loves his passion for freedom. At an early age he showed this passion in forms of rebellion through the city, J walking, going out when ever he wanted, not paying taxes. His love for freedom was so great the George gained the unusual ability to summon bald eagles on command.

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>>33195389
Patriotic Name: George W. Bush
God Given Gender: Motherfucking Male
American Age: Old
Freedom Fluff:
This motherfucking hero has defended American freedom countless times against terrorists from all over the world. Only few people know he as personally led more than 50 successful raids on Al Quaida and has over 300 confirmed kills. It's not for nothing that an airplane carrier is named after this fucking guy. Smoking weed in his spare time he is no hypocrite, because handjobs. Any more questions? Well shut it. Cause only terrorists ask questions and if you aren't with this guy, you're against him.
Bonuses:

>>33195541
Change his name to Andrew Jackson

>>33195458
Bonus: The Iron Giant - You're an AMERICAN MADE BY AMERICAN HAND'S giant robot with laser beams and a nuclear footballs. You're as big as lady liberty herself.

>>33195541
>>33195752
Bonus: The (filthy) confederate. You're a tough man to kill. Unfortunately, though your ancestors fought with the same rebellious air as the founding fathers, they also fought against Uncle Sam. You gain an Orange Dodge Crystler with a big confederate flag painted on the top, and your brother Duke Jackson.
Also eagles.

>>33195631
Bonus: Dubya.

You're goddamned George Dubya Bush. You have your lucky six shooter and cowboy hat you totally had when you kinda sorta served in the national guard totally fighting terrorists far away!

Once this thread you can summon OPERATION FREEDOM and call in your own United States army of awesome.

Don't post if you already have.

Game will start in 8 minutes

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Patriotic Name: Betsy Mutherfuckin' Ross
God Given Gender: Female
American Age: 24
Freedom Fluff: I made the goddamn US flag, if you don't think that's amazing enough then fuck you.

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>>33195804
Patriotic Name: Ronald McDonald
God Given Gender: Male
American Age: 51
Freedom Fluff: Originally a replacement of Bozo, he grew into a veritable force of comedy and cheer. The patron saint of capitalism and consumerism, he established the Golden Arc Peace Treaty, declaring that no two countries with his fast food restaurants would go to war. With billions served, he goes out to fight his greatest enemies, Wendy, the King, and Colonel Sanders. Known as the only living un-ironic clown on Earth.

>>33195846
Bonus: Stars and Stripes forever. You carry with you the sewing needles of FREEDOM, which you can use to shower enemies with the blinding stars and white stripes. You can also sew damn near any fabric up, even impossible ones.

>>33195948
Bonus: I'm Loving It. You have the power to conjure up a fully functional McDonalds anywhere. You can summon a torrential downpour of plastic colorful balls. You can also scare the shit out of people in person.

Game is full, first turn incoming

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You all stand in front of a great ray gun painted red white and blue of course. You all shuck hands with the president, except the Giant robot, all told how you were doing the world a great favor that could never be truly repaid. Godspeed, good luck, and kick ass in the name of AMERICA.

And with a blinding flash, you're in a new place.

The grass is green, the sky is blue, and the horizon is red. The british are coming! The british are coming! They are set up in a line, with cannons exploding the ground all around and marching ever forward. They're stomping on a rediculous number of fallen American flags and bodies of handsom young American soldiers which weren't there the last time you looked. Their General laughs like a madman in the back while holding an innocent young lass by the hair for some reason. All around you soldiers and militia retreat against this overwhelming force.

But wait that mel gibson going to lead our troops back into the fight? Guess not, he got turned into jello from a cannon ball.

Looks like the british are gonna win this one. Or are they?

State your actions. Roll 1d10.

Rolled 5

>>33196063

No they're not, not if Betsy M. Ross anything to say about it.

I'm going to get some of those fucking flags right now.

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Rolled 4

>>33195804
Patriotic Name: LIBERTY PRIME
God Given Gender: GIANT ROBOT
American Age: 49
Freedom Fluff: Liberty Prime, Americas secret answer to the COMMUNUST Chinese Invasion of AMERICAN Alaska, which Unfortunately, never happened. Instead, he will be deployed to stop the DIRTY COMMUNIST FILTH from destroying america's PAST, PRESENT, AND DEMOCRATIC FUTURE. |
Bonus: The Iron Giant - You're an AMERICAN MADE BY AMERICAN HAND'S giant robot with laser beams and a nuclear footballs. You're as big as lady liberty herself.


BRITISH VICTORY IS UNACCEPTABLE TO ANY AMERICAN.

GO HOME LIMEY!

1) Laser Eye the generals head off.

Rolled 1

>>33195804
>Patriotic Name: George W. Bush
>God Given Gender: Motherfucking Male
>American Age: Old
Inventory:
+ [Cowboy Hat]
+ [Six Shooter]
>Freedom Fluff:
This motherfucking hero has defended American freedom countless times against terrorists from all over the world. Only few people know he as personally led more than 50 successful raids on Al Quaida and has over 300 confirmed kills. It's not for nothing that an airplane carrier is named after this fucking guy. Smoking weed in his spare time he is no hypocrite, because handjobs. Any more questions? Well shut it. Cause only terrorists ask questions and if you aren't with this guy, you're against him.
>Bonuses:
[Dubya] Once this thread you can summon OPERATION FREEDOM and call in your own United States army of awesome.

1. What! How can this be! Red White and Blue and it's not the american flag?! Time to wage the war on terror! Surely the soldiers will rally to their president and his six shooter!

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Patriotic Name: Majestic "Motherfucking" Eagle
God Given Gender: EAGLE MOTHERFUCKER
American Age: 238
Freedom Fluff:
I'm not a simple simbol. I'm THE symbol of freedom. The only thing that people can argue is american as THE flag. No matter where you are, you will find me, soaring in the lands of free men. And whenever we need to, I shall bring FREEDOM wherever I'm needed. No matter when, where or where, I'm there. FREE. Making sure you stay FREE.

Rolled 4

>>33196063
Patriotic Name: Ronald McDonald
God Given Gender: Male
American Age: 51
Freedom Fluff: Originally a replacement of Bozo, he grew into a veritable force of comedy and cheer. The patron saint of capitalism and consumerism, he established the Golden Arc Peace Treaty, declaring that no two countries with his fast food restaurants would go to war. With billions served, he goes out to fight his greatest enemies, Wendy, the King, and Colonel Sanders. Known as the only living un-ironic clown on Earth.

"Put a smile on!"

Ronald summons a flood of balls at the redcoats' feet to knock them off balance. With that done, he balances on the remaining balls, and, in a bizarre juggling trick, tosses hamburgers into their mouths. Here's praying that pure American meat will bring them to their senses.

If that does not work, summon a McDonalds with Black Tea as a distraction.

Rolled 10

>>33196063
>Patriotic Name: Andrew Jackson
>God Given Gender: Male
>American Age: 23 in america years
>Freedom Fluff: Andrew was named after the most freedom loving president of all time and he also loves his passion for freedom. At an early age he showed this passion in forms of rebellion through the city, J walking, going out when ever he wanted, not paying taxes. His love for freedom was so great the Andrew gained the unusual ability to summon bald eagles on command.

1. Summon an giant eagle and yell "WHAT ARE YOU PANSIES DOING! JUST LETTING THOSE TEA SIPPING BASTARDS WALK ALL OVER YA! GET UP AND FIGHT! CHARGE!!" (rally the troops)

The Mad general stops his evil laughter to not see a big damn Laser beam knock his facial atoms out.

>BRITISH VICTORY IS UNACCEPTABLE TO ANY AMERICAN.

The President goes to rally the men giving one of his famous one liners

>”Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we “

It doesn't seem to have the intended effect.

Betsy M. Ross does much better, picking up the very same flag she sew almost no hundred years ago and even without so much as a stitch it's back in perfect pristine 13 stars and stripes edition, waving the flag high and causing the retreating soldiers to turn back.

The Giant Robot moves to strike again but is dashed when a salvo of cannon fire knocks him backwards. Oh no, he's too HEAVY with the armor of democracy to get back up! The British start to charge forward, when out of nowhere a slurry of plastic colorful balls causes them to trip hilariously. Those who didn't suddenly find a dancing clown on top of an impossible stack of balls conjuring cheeseburgers and launching them into their mouths. Several die of heart attacks on the spot. . .their weak hearts couldn't handle the cholestrol of FREEDOM.

The battle rages fierce though, it could eitherway, at one point it seems they would be overrun.

>Con't

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>>33196527
That's when Orange Dodge Crystler leaps onto the scene from nowhere blaring Dixie on it's horns, as out steps a young man in a grey jacket, who places his fingers to his mouth and makes a loud whistle.

He calls forth >>33196155
>Bonus: Your mere presence can change the hearts of any who see you. Apart from that, you're just an eagle. Beware of bears.

And it is the sight of this TRUE symbol of the USA that finally rallies them to push forward and win the day! The British soldiers retreat all the way to the east coast and hop on their ships after a surrender sometime later.

George Washington appears personally to greet and congratulate all of you. Especially you Betsy Ross, who hands over the brand spanking new American flag on this day, the very first.

Other flags? What other flags.

Suddenly, a burst of bright light, and you are all transported to:

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>>33196572
You suddenly find yourselves in honest American space suits, barely floating on the surface of a vast endless grey landscape.

Except the giant robot. Because.

You see a pod landing, a great big rocketship painted white and. . .

Red.

Communists start pilling out of the vessel, brandishing AK-47's and burning american flags. . .in space, as tanks roll out of that impossibly small ship like some kind of clowcar. The communists are invading the moon!

1d10

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Rolled 1

>>33196680
Well that last one didn't go as planned. No issue! The grand American president knows his way around fighting the reds! With his spacesuit with a cowboy hat on it he does a super double back flip firing his six shooter!

Rolled 4

>>33196680
Patriotic Name: LIBERTY PRIME
God Given Gender: GIANT ROBOT
American Age: 49
Freedom Fluff: Liberty Prime, Americas secret answer to the COMMUNUST Chinese Invasion of AMERICAN Alaska, which Unfortunately, never happened. Instead, he will be deployed to stop the DIRTY COMMUNIST FILTH from destroying america's PAST, PRESENT, AND DEMOCRATIC FUTURE. |
Bonus: The Iron Giant - You're an AMERICAN MADE BY AMERICAN HAND'S giant robot with laser beams and a nuclear footballs. You're as big as lady liberty herself.

1) DEATH IS A PREFERABLE ALTERNATIVE TO COMMUNISM.

I THROW A MINI-NUKE AT THE LANDING POD.

Rolled 2

>>33196680

>Patriotic Name: Andrew Jackson
>God Given Gender: Male
>American Age: 23 in america years
>Freedom Fluff: Andrew was named after the most freedom loving president of all time and he also loves his passion for freedom. At an early age he showed this passion in forms of rebellion through the city, J walking, going out when ever he wanted, not paying taxes. His love for freedom was so great the Andrew gained the unusual ability to summon bald eagles on command.

1) Filthy commies think they can burn our flag?! I'LL GIVE THEM A TASTE OF FREEDOM. (Summon eagles in their spacesuits and have them claw their way out)

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Rolled 2

>>33196680
Patriotic Name: Ronald McDonald
God Given Gender: Male
American Age: 51
Freedom Fluff: Originally a replacement of Bozo, he grew into a veritable force of comedy and cheer. The patron saint of capitalism and consumerism, he established the Golden Arc Peace Treaty, declaring that no two countries with his fast food restaurants would go to war. With billions served, he goes out to fight his greatest enemies, Wendy, the King, and Colonel Sanders. Known as the only living un-ironic clown on Earth.
Bonus: I'm Loving It. You have the power to conjure up a fully functional McDonalds anywhere. You can summon a torrential downpour of plastic colorful balls. You can also scare the shit out of people in person.

With a noble salute, Ronald takes a bite out of his freedom fries, honks his nose, and sheds a single tear- ruining his makeup a little.

Now- how are communists supposed to enjoy the nutritious *reasonable snicker* goodness of McDonalds' food without even having mouth openings?

The low levels of gravity and lack of wind resistance should allow the balls to float in the air for a moment, before being able to be used as projectiles, sending a bullet hell to the commies. Wait- is that how physics work? No matter.

Offer happy meal toys for sale to the Russians, to show them the glories of capitalism. Then use a McDonalds as a makeshift bomb shelter for the nuke in this post >>33196759

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The president leaps into the air, does a backflip, and fires his gun. Which has the unfortunate effect of having him stuck in a perpetual tumble in space.
>”Dayumit!”
Meanwhile, Andrew Jackson calls forth the eagles who'm appear! And then sadly, in the oxygenless vacuum of space, freeze. . .
Ronald Mcdonale meanwhile summons a cloud of plastic balls and starts flicking them at the enemy, which bounces off, harmlessly, co medically so.

Betsy ross is stunned at the sight of space, and the eagle having seen what became of his spacesuitless comrade refrains.

It's up to Liberty Prime to save us all, who with one decent toss destroys the communist pod and most of the forces.

But not all of them.

Gasp! One is an anti-air unit preparing to fire on...APOLLO 11. While another is a nuclear missile launcher aimed at America! And barely enough time to stop one of them, can our heroes save history?

Rolled 4

>>33197095

>Patriotic Name: Andrew Jackson
>God Given Gender: Male
>American Age: 23 in america years
>Freedom Fluff: Andrew was named after the most freedom loving president of all time and he also loves his passion for freedom. At an early age he showed this passion in forms of rebellion through the city, J walking, going out when ever he wanted, not paying taxes. His love for freedom was so great the Andrew gained the unusual ability to summon bald eagles on command.
Bonus: The (filthy) confederate. You're a tough man to kill. Unfortunately, though your ancestors fought with the same rebellious air as the founding fathers, they also fought against Uncle Sam. You gain an Orange Dodge Crystler with a big confederate flag painted on the top, and your brother Duke Jackson.
Also eagles.

1) Aw hell no, ain't no one blowing up America. I jump into my Crystler and ram the nuclear missile

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Rolled 6

>>33197095
COMMUNISM IS A PATH SET FOR FAILURE.

I ACTIVATE ROCKET BOOSTER FEET OF PATRIOTISM AND USE EYE LASERS TO SAVE AMERICA. IF THAT FAILS, I LAUNCH MY SELF INTO A COLLISION WITH THE NUKE AND CATCH IT.

COMMUNISTS ENGAGED!

Rolled 10

>>33197095
Patriotic Name: Ronald McDonald
God Given Gender: Male
American Age: 51
Freedom Fluff: Originally a replacement of Bozo, he grew into a veritable force of comedy and cheer. The patron saint of capitalism and consumerism, he established the Golden Arc Peace Treaty, declaring that no two countries with his fast food restaurants would go to war. With billions served, he goes out to fight his greatest enemies, Wendy, the King, and Colonel Sanders. Known as the only living un-ironic clown on Earth.
Bonus: I'm Loving It. You have the power to conjure up a fully functional McDonalds anywhere. You can summon a torrential downpour of plastic colorful balls. You can also scare the shit out of people in person.

Create a McDonalds to block the way- buffer it out with the mighty forces of capitalism!

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Rolled 10

>>33197095

A true patriot sacrifices himself for a chance to save 'MURICA! Buy firing at everything not 'MURICAN!!!

Rolled 6

>>33197095
Patriotic Name: Nuclear Missile B-7221351416677
God Given Gender: MOTHERFUCKING MISSILE
American Age: 5 MONTHS OLD, MOTHERFUCKER.
Freedom Fluff: I WAS MADE IN AMERICA BY THE PROUD MEN OF AMERICA IN THE PROUD FACTORIES OF AMERICA FOR THE PROUD WAR OF AMERICA. I LIVED A HAPPY LIFE AS I WAS PASSED AROUND TO BE USED IN A SOLDIER'S TIME OF NEED THOUGH I WAS NEVER NEEDED, BOTH A RELIEF AND DISSAPOINTMENT. THAT IS WHEN SOME MOTHERFUCKING RUSSIANS STOLE ME AND A MISSILE LAUNCHER FROM AN AMERICAN ARMORY. THESE MOTHERFUCKERS TOOK ME TO THE MOON AND THINK THEY CAN DESTROY THE PROUD COUNTRY OF AMERICA WITH ME. FUCK THAT GUY.

1) FLY OUT OF THE MOTHERFUCKING MISSILE LAUNCHER, DODGING ALL ATTACKS BY THE PROUD MEMBERS OF AMERICA, AND TRY TO FLY STRAIGHT INTO MOSCOW TO COMBAT THE RED MENACE DIRECTLY.

Rolled 9

>>33197095
The president better doesnt touch anything this time.

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George Dubya decides to just sit still. As much as one can do when tumbling through space. He does this so well in fact, that the very Apollo 11 itself catches him, and he rides it down finally shooting his six shooter and downing some of the remaining soldiers and screaming YEEEHAW at the top of his lungs, which transmits itself past the void of space for all to hear.

Meanwhile, those dastardly communists prepare to fire not one, not two, but THREE MISSILES.

The first of which is handily stopped by Andrew and Duke ramming into it, causing the missile to veer off and strike somewhere in the world that isn't america. Hooray!

The next nuke fires with deadly accuracy, yet seems to veer course to. . .give LIBERTY PRIME a high five before heading off to moscow.

>"You go, me stay, no following"
>"Roger than Prime"

The third nuke one seems to be the last trick the commies have, and doom of all, as none are left to stop it.

That is, none but Ronald fucking Mcdonald, who summons a restaurant out of which rolls out a TRUE cholesterol red blooded american on his scooter, firing a minigun and destroying the nuke in a huge blast that doesn't kill anyone but communists.

Apollo 11 lands and the astronauts thank all of you before taking pictures and eating inside the McDonalds.

To be continued...next year!

Thanks for playing, see you all NEXT FOURTH OF JULY

>>33197530
God bless the United States of America.

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>>33197530
God Bless you and America OP

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>>33197530
Truly, Democracy has succeeded today.

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Rolled 3

>>33197689
PRIME DIRECTIVE COMPLETED. MOSCOW GUNNA BE FUCKED. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND TO ALL A MERRY 4th OF JULY. ROLLING TO GIVE NO FUCKS AS I RAM MYSELF UP COMMIE ASS. MUUUUUUURRRRRRIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!