File: Grunting RPG - The Race F(...).pdf (123 KB, PDF)

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>>33158920

>>33158920
Me want play Bronze

>>33158958
bronze not core!

>>33158920
Rocks fall
Some of tribe survive
Time for make new babies!

Rolled 1

Ug rolls rock.

>>33159000
>rolls 1
Rock is actually sabre-toothed mimic. You is eaten.

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Suk believes quality of gaming art has declined since he was kid

Suk says only Neanderthals play Stick when Stone is objectively superior

Suk no like girls in cave

>>33159050
>plays Stick
>not Bone
laughingcavewhores.jpg

>>33158972

Bronze no core?

GARRRRRGH!

Me smash you face in with bronze, then you see core!

In my fire circle, we have a flathead. He always plays with his berries when others roll rock.

One day, he forget how to roll rock. I think he doesn't want to roll rock but to be in circle when we go hunt. He never uses his own spears for hunt, I see him do all hunts.

Tell me story of flatheads, tee gee.

>>33158920
>silly manlet thinks his wood and string thing can actually be of any use

>>33159134

Flathead get squashed by mammoth.

He die.

The end.

>me and tribe dance
>that guy make new song
>"that not tribe song" say chief
>"no" say that guy "is my new song. is call rock and roll."

Gur is well fed female with child bearing hips.
Gur mates with entire tribe.
Gur will try start mating with whole group

>>33159032
Aw, rock always roll sabertooth. This game rigged.

>Chief stories

Chief go and tell tribe we play Hunt.
Tribe go okay and gather 'round firepit.
Chief start Hunt, sing song of Mammoth.

Mammoth Strong.
Mammoth Big.
Mammoth feed Tribe many moons, with good preservation.
Chief ask Tribe, "What Hunter strong enough hunt Mammoth?"

Strong Hunter, throw spear far and deep.
Talk Hunter, gather others to band together.
Sneak Hunter, run through night winds and kill Mammoth in sleep.

Chief fans flames with cloak, create atmosphere.
Nug try help, blow on fire.
Cloak catches fire.
Chief start scream and rolling on ground to put Fire out.
Tribe start jump up and down on Chief, try to stomp Fire.
Fire stomped, Chief much mad.

No more Hunt play after that.

>>33159384
This what I like about we. much slapstick. good stories. very simple. no need fancy magic men and coward wearing shiny-harder-rock suit.

>>33158920
Me and friends play Run in Shadows one night.
Was very fun until run into tree in dark.
No more play Run in Shadows, friends afraid of tree everywhere.

Chieften dont allow me to dress as easterner
Cheiften says its weboo

New edition of caves and lions no good. Want new game.

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Me carve new edition of little cave marines from mammoth’s tusk. This be female cave marine!

>>33160712
UNTRADITIONAL!

>>33160712
thin your paints

>>33160642
Go play Snakes and Sticks. Better fighting, easier pieces.

>>33160642
>>33160808
Berryfinder is better.

Garub say he can ride Piliohippus.
Garub so stupid.

>>33160837
>Berryfinder
Berryfinder no good! Berryfinder pleb! First-time babbies Ural board game!

>>33160876
No you Neanderthal!
Berryfinder good. Women like much.

>>33160579
Chieftain old an stupid.
Picture of woman on rock much better than real woman.
She honest and always there for you only.

urg edition is still best

>>33159050
>Suk no like girls in cave
Cave girls ugly anyway. Gruk like plains girl, but they never want roll rock. How Gruk get plains girl roll rock?

Me play only URGS
URGS superior!

>>33160962
Skinny dip in river, get nice furs and get smiledon to piss on you. Plains girl weird, they like that.

>>33160982
URGS bad. URGS players need go play in other cave.

Zar is no leader.

Krog think spear OP. Spear should be worse than axe. Axe knapped and sharpened many many times by expert axesmith. Axe should be better. Much better.

How counter 'ow Riptear as firelizards rock marines?

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>entire thread

>>33161016
clob better

>>33161024
Clob them hard.

Tribe living in cave beyond river no longer live in cave.
Now live in cave made of stick and mud. So stupid.

>>33161158
What? Other tribe living beyond river make caves made of stick and mud? How? They all shamans? Spooky. Durk am scared.

Urf catched snake and cooked something from it
Urf said it's called homebrew
Urf said rolling rock with homebrew is more fun
Everyone tried homebrew
Everyone lies down with their stomaches hurt
Me never roll rock with homebrew again

>>33160982
No tell about URGS for man interested
Trickster spirit man please go from cave you no bait us into trap

>>33161092
>>33161148
>>33161016
>Clob
>Spear
>Axe
Sling master clan, sling master tribe!

>>33161092
>>33161148
Tribemind

Why no one accept shaman stronger than hunter? He shaman, have magic. Throw spear good not compare. It realistic.

>>33161328
Shaman not have magic if hunter sneak up on shaman with axe and split skull. Shaman weak, hunter master tribe.

>>33161334
Nu-uh. Shaman stronk. Shaman am one with everything, speak with spirits and know secret of fire. See sneaky hunter sneak up. Turn sneaky hunter into baby smilodon.

>>33161349
How shaman see sneaky hunter, hunter is sneaky. Is shaman see better than smilodon? Is shaman hear better than mammoth? Is shaman not sleep? Hunter strong. Hunter clever. Hunter kill shaman.

onk like skubosaur meat

not like skubosaur meat? you cro magnon

Me roll to mate.

>>33161364
Shaman know everything will happen in next days. Spirits warn shaman that evil hunter sneaky. Shaman make hunter sick and feeble. Shaman win, hunter smilodon food.

>>33161364
Not know. Shaman am simply better. That why shaman is shaman. Life not fair. Big sky spirit shaman favor shaman instead of hunter. Go complain to big sky spirit shaman if not like. But better not complain, because big sky spirit shaman then throw fire from sky and make hunter ash.

>>33161364
No hunter that sneaky. Is magic. You want hunter be fight shaman of east?

>>33161387
Hunter eat sick for breakfast and eat heart of enemy, gain strength. Hunter eat shaman heart, become shaman too.
>>33161389
Big sky spirit shaman ugly and stupid. Me club stupid big sky spirit shaman.

>>33159134
Have flathead problem

Pla hunt around fire
Roll rock and have fun in play hunt
Have Strong hunter, have sneaky hunter have talky hunter, all good for roles
Come flathead in circle at end of hunt
Chief very kind chief, say give chance
Herewego.cavepainting
We come back next day to play hunt around fire
We introduce hunt group, flathead not care, ug thinks rude so others think
Show's character, is woman, woman SHAMAN
group angry "Not have shaman, is dumb"
chief says give chance, nobody do shaman, could be fun and is in rules
group silent, agree. hunt goes on
Shaman too strong, all animals fall before others can do anything, is also woman in hunt
Suddenly great ancestor spirit of hunt come before hunting party, we all shed tear in glorious spirit, chief even make good atmosphere with funny mushrooms
Suddenly WOMAN SHAMAN hunt glorious ancestor spirit and take power for herself, strongest shaman make fun of group
Is in rules, yes, but that uncalled for and group angry
Group smash flathead, chief mad but to kind to be mad, we smash him to and now ug is chief

>>33158920
hello friends me want to play snakes and sticks and bones and tusks but no know what type of stick to use

Caves and Mammoths 3rd edition is better than Caves and Mammoths 4rd edition. Prove me wrong.

>>33161415
play skulls and rocks you berrypicker

>>33158920
Anyone want to play a game of Scrabble?

>>33160712
I like!

>>33161416
World of Cave better than Cave and Mammoth.

>>33161416
ug no can count more than three so three is ug's best edition

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This a big long time ago story

>big long time ago
>shiny tall ones see us
>teach us words to stuff
>show us how to do stuff
>we do stuff and be good
>build big rock pile to live in
>we all happy and need no more stuff
>build bigger rock pile for tall ones
>tall ones say we so good they go
>my dads dads dads dad, uh, dads dad sad
>say build big big rock pile they stay
>build big big BIG rock pile and ask them to stay
>they say we be big shiny ones now
>my dads dads dads dad, uh, dads dad mad
>he say we not big shiny ones now!
>tall ones always be bigger!
>stay and make happy!
>they say no stay
>so my dads dads dads dads dads dad hit them with rock
>big rock
>they, pop like bad many day old animal but smell worse
>one shiny tall one left he say he mad
>that we no follow we stay here
>one day we follow, we find
>and we bring big rock

>>33161407
No mean to big sky spirit. Or rock fall and tribe dead.

Always gathering de-trailed by talk of shaman versus hunter.

>BerryfinderPlayers.cavepainting

>>33161407
In our tribe we allow shaman dance around fire only three circles per time so shaman is fair

>>33161438
Sad covers my heart.

>>33161407
But-but... if hunter eat shaman and become shaman, then hunter is hunter/shaman.

Oh no, you now am multiclass caveperson.

>>33161441
If big sky spirit kills tribe, then me kill big sky spirit in revenge. Big sky spirit not so tough.

>be playing cave and mammoth
>be good shaman
>be good good shaman
>good shaman kill mammoth babby
>cave master say "good shaman fall and lose shaman magic because good shaman no kill babby"
>bash cave master skull with big rock

Was i right to kill cave master?

>>33161476
Was cave master neanderthal?

>>33158920
WORLD OF STONECRAFT FOR NEANDERTHAL

>>33161476
You kill cave master. You now am cave master.

Hahaha. You dumb.

>>33161468
You woollyrhino brains dont even read taboo
Third rock from cave enterance says no shaman-hunter

>>33161476
Do you eat cave master heart after killing?

>>33161505
You can read?

>>33161502
Hooved blue girls though
Me like to mate them

>>33161505
But second rock from cave entrance say hunter gain enemy power from eat heart. Hunter eat shaman heart, gain shaman power, is in rules

>>33161505
But shaman-hunter be my shamanistic realm! Me sad, can I be girl-shaman?

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> mfw this entire thread

>>33161473
You silly. Big sky spirit have secret of fire.

>>33161515
Sure can, the pictures speak clearly to me!

>>33161525
Me dad skins hares for shaman, I know better

>>33161560
And me have secret of hit really hard.

>>33161519
I've seen pictures of those. You sure they girls? They do have girl bits above but man bits below.

>>33161564
Then you am a shaman, hairy potter-maker.

>>33161515
>3
7kdtyrx5jkm7nazsrf mkas57

>>33161519
Me like cute green girl with huge muscle. Big strong breeder women.

>>33161581
Have girl bits? Then they girls. Girls made for mating. It easy.

>>33161568
But how hunter hit big sky spirit if big sky spirit make spear become fire?

Nogg put slab permanent, Nogg archive

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/33158920/

>>33161605
Then me hit with axe. If axe become fire, hit with rock. If rock become fire, hit with fist. If fist become fire, hunter die with honor.

>tribe playing tusks and tigers
>everything go good
>then grug say he want to have friend come too
>okay say our big sky man
>grug friend come
>grug friend girl
you know what happen next

>>33161613
This neanderthal punch fire.

Me think possessed.

>>33161613
Why not hit with fire? If fire become fire you be double strong.

>>33161623
Grug friend mate with everyone in tribe, Grug get mad, Grug leave?

>>33161623

Cave no girls ! Cave only beard on neck !

>>33161613
>Not hitting Big Sky Spirit with fire-fist...
Get a load of this Grog...

>>33161627
Hit fire with water! Makes fire gone.

>>33161639
Krogg pee on fire! Krogg put out fire! Krogg pee stronger than fire! Krogg pee on everything now to see what else Krogg pee stronger than!

>>33161609
Silly Nogg
Old mad Fulg draw everything happen in cave with coal
https://archive.foolz.us/tg/thread/33158920/

>>33161631
>no girls
>beard on neck
should see my mother of mother, she old, she big, she beard on neck, yet she girl... ugh... haven't seen for myself, but she has to be when she made birth

>>33161657
Krogg am blaspheme. Fire from big sky spirit. Big sky spirit am stronger than Krogg. Big sky spirit make fire and rain and pterodactyls. Krogg bring bad luck to tribe if Krogg say stronger than fire. Am madness.

>>33161623
Me cant roll with girls
Everytime girl around and mammoth or sabertooth strike every dude in tribe jump to protect her and even clob each other because want to be first

> Me never play OG.
> Versimilitude
> :(

Me was so looking to modern fantasy too.

>>33161697
Krogg pee strongest pee there is! Krogg pee on cave, make it magical cave! Sky spirit not enter Krogg magical cave!

>>33161714
Krogg me swear once more you say something about pee I hit you with club

>>33161700
Men protect girls. You envy and want to be little girl?

>>33161723
Guess what else Krogg pee on?

This slab dumb

Discuss plains girl butt

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Neanderthal a shit

Cro-magnon Master Race.

>>33161754
No. Not discuss plains girl butt. They make caves of stick and stones. They evil shamans.

>>33161754
Plains girl butt nice and wide. Even better than cave painting girl!

>>33161776
Neanderthal or Cro-magnon, you are all homo, no plains girls for you.

>>33161754
Plains girls but belong in /random/ slab.

>>33161740
Me hear /a/ tribe want be little girls.

>>33161754
Lurg rather talk about Lurg butt. Rate Lurg butt.

>>33161795
Tough to say, cave painting girls pretty, flat and not beat you. Plains girls butt smell, but they can cook.

>>33161816
Lurg butt too square. Not round and soft like plains girl.

>>33161816
Lurg need do more squats, /fit/ hunter here, you need carry rocks and do squats. Get nice round but like plains girl.

>>33161796
Then how we evolve and continue species? Is drive of living being.

>>33162079
You am evilutionist? Must have faith. Faith in nature spirits. Nature spirits take care of tribe. Tribe give offerings to spirits, then spirits protect tribe.

>>33160712
me at work

me boss, chief berrypicker see this
>you fired
>what is fired
now me no have job

this safe for work stone tablet
t-thanks stone chan

>>33161414
This funniest.

>>33158920
That's it. I'm sick of all this "masterwork rock" bullshit that's going on in the d2 system right now. Sharp rocks deserve much better than that. Much, much better than that.
I should know what I'm talking about. I myself commissioned a genuine sharp rock in Africa for 24 rocks (that's about 2 figs) and have been practicing with it for almost 2 years now. I can even cut meat with my sharp rock.
African rocksmiths spend years working on a single sharp rock and knap it up to a million times to produce the finest rocks known to mankind.
Sharp rocks are thrice as sharp as normal rocks and thrice as hard for that matter too. Anything a rock can beat to death, a sharp rock can cut through better. I'm pretty sure a sharp rock could easily bisect a warrior wearing animal skins with a simple vertical slash.
Ever wonder why primeval Europe never bothered conquering Africa? That's right, they were too scared to fight the disciplined warriors and their sharp rocks of destruction. Even in War I, European warriors targeted the men with the sharp rocks first because their killing power was feared and respected.
So what am I saying? Sharp rocks are simply the best rocks that the world has ever seen, and thus, require better stats in the d2 system. Here is the stat block I propose for sharp rocks:
(One-Handed Exotic Weapon)
1d2 Damage
1-2 x2 Crit
+2 to hit and damage
Counts as Masterwork
(Two-Handed Exotic Weapon)
2d2 Damage
1-2 xmany Crit
+many to hit and damage
Counts as Masterwork
Now that seems a lot more representative of the cutting power of sharp rocks in real life, don't you think?
tl;dr = Sharp rocks need to do more damage in d20, see my new stat block.

>>33162369
You forgot to adjust language to sound like Grok.

>>33162369
>d2

How you make rock with two side?

neanderthal thread?

>play hunter and hunted
>neanderthal join, is friend with elder
>him want play homo florensis like in hobbit cave painting
>whatever
>him steal from tribe
>him cry like woman when elder trap him easy like mammoth herded over cliff
>him throw me rocks in fire and run off into night
>eaten by yellow tiger
>fucking neanderthals

Hahaha, guys, some tribe member got kicked out of chiefs cave for looking at drawings of girl in his work time.
I got called on his place! I have to do less work now, just command other guys and get bigger share of meal for that! So lucky!

>>33162418
>him expect me to read all that

>>33162415
flat rock, put mark on one side so know which side

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Who here am play 0k?

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>>33162480
Which side what

Slab not about: how all end my rolling

>>33158920
Emperah?

>>33162483
Am wish play 0k, but not enough figs.

What do?

>>33162698
Find fig tree. Not hard, Ugh.

>>33162708
No use fig tree, use squint man. Squint man make good figs. Fig tree too much much pebbles. see, me have ork figs.

>>33161814
>/a/nimug
We U/tg/or play games in special caves, roll rock, tell stories. we make smart stuff in roll rock caves.

some men from /a/nimug kicked from tribe come here. we nice to /a/nimug men. we follow rule of nice to guest.

now /a/nimug men always in rock rolling cave to talk amout little girls and tell stories about snu-snu. We have less time to use rock rolling cave to make smart stuff.

>be chief Bears and Beating
>Hruf is to play with two clubs
>kill all bears except bear
Now Gurg and Hoob want twoclubbing. Need ask here, what beat two clubs.

Friend eat greasy meat and then touch all Gorg tiny statue. How hard I beat him, maybe a one hand or many hands worth?

>>33162785
BAD /TG/ENT.

STAY WAY FROM /A/ TRIBE.

BAD INFLUENCE!

They use bad magic.

>>33162812
One time /a/ tribe girl come to me, she skinny but pretty, so Durk do mating ritual with her... But then /a/ tribe girl have hard man part when hand go to loincloth place.

Durk not sure how to feel about this.

You am buy forest girl slave in market. She dark skin, pale hair, long ears, big hip.

Way do?

>>33162788
Javelin. Javelin really OP cause it hit further than everything else.

>>33162892
The girl? Harharhar!

>Me Cavemaster of Not-widely-known Known-stuff.
>Thrukk walks into spooky cave.
> Bones of dead caveman pops out.
> Me say "Thrukk roll rocks for not run away"
> Thrukk fails check.
> Thrukk run away.

UGH

>>33159050

*me tip fur on head that some use to keep warm but me use to look cool*

Me put on my furs and shaman headpiece

Bur tired hearing the song of Time of Eclipse is for noble warrior societies. Bur just want to transfer spirit to body of obsidian man with eyes of flame.

>>33163089
You not fear my magical caves?

You meet mammoth spirit, mammoth spirit says it will only allow you to hunt it if you pee in it's mouth.

Rock Rollers, can bird of gemstone hide in night sky? Me don't want story of birds fighting boring.

>>33163125
about obsidian men with eyes of flame, I want to teach my tribe BattleTek but the statues are only carved by the tribe in the great island in the north and require many shinies
Do you suggess..sugh...give opinion on good look-like?

>>33162812
Murg resent that.

/a/ tribe magic is not bad magic. /a/ tribe magic is good magic. Murg know. Murg been there.

>>33163216
Request from messenger to run to tribe of far east, in the lands where rice grows, they make beautiful statues. But do not breath statue dust. Evil spirits enter body, cause much illness.

Lilt tired of heat, took off furs. Mate come up and say, no Lilt must cover is mine. Mate has not given children and keep trying to make cave wall ugly with bad boobs. Lilt try to show him how to make good draw but he turn red and leave.

Lilt then make speak with Aam friends but they also not know problem. Night ago partook in rock roll game with tribe young to help sisters, long talk about slaying huge lizards. Much fun. Spoke with spirit woman about Mate after. She say to try 'new thing' while mate.

Aam like Sisters of War, should play pretend?

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>>33163229
Do you know this tribe cave name?
In change here be picto of me shine-rock gods shrine

>>33163290
Grug will never mate with female when having such statues in cave.

>>33161700
When try roll with girls, raw grains begin to drop out of knapscak, girls laugh. Me think stay in cave forever now, singing songs. One day a girl will enter and think, this man virile.

>>33163321
How you get food?

>>33163342
Hunt microwave ramen. Not glorious, but food.

>>33162763
>>33162708
Thank mystery men! Am now ready to play first 0k game! Me want play hoof-man army with many throwing spears now. Need way stop eat-bugs. How do?

>>33163407
Use hot fire spitters on eat bugs much times. Then eat eat-bugs with big fig men.

>>33163407

>playing hoof-man
>not playing tusk-man
>or at least shell-man

You am sicken me.

>>33163555
Why no talk about spike men? You are very bad at game, Gurk.

All know that evil spike men is good at game.

>>33163583

Am say that to Gurk face and not on wall, see what am happen.

>>33163607
What say you to me, bad man? I have bigger club and man part than you!

This slab make me grin.
Me would like to carry on, but fear that fun will run out.
Me want to roll rocks, playing normal cavemen, not silly shaman. But shaman can do all. Shaman too good. Why not be shaman? All shamans am weak and coward.

Me have favorite mate woman once, but her head infected with demons. Must eat medicine berries every moon, or become furious. Try hit me with rock, until one night, me say "enough! You must visit medicine man for exorcism!" and she run off from cave for good.

>>33163706
Trust Grok. Never lay in bed with mad woman.

>>33158933

I knew someone would save it.

>Smug intensifies.

Enjoy!

>>33163679
Shamans most powerful, because realistic. Life not fair. Deal with it. Now make sacrifice to big sky spirit shaman by burning offering, so it become sky spirit food. And no tricks, or big sky spirit shaman becomes angry and makes rain become fire. Too much fire not good.

>>33163713
What is bed?

GUYS GUYS

Me am bury these weird little pebbles I find in juice-plant, and now green sticks am stick out.

Me am create life.

ME AM GOD.

>>33163778
It trickster spirit gift. Never accept trickster spirit gift.

>>33163621

What fuck you say weak man? Me am super smart in hunting party, and me attack sand people many times! Me kill many many sand people! Me gorilla warrior and hit little things far away with spear very good! You be like little bunny! Me kill you easy! You no say things like that on wall! Me talk to me tribe members and they find you and kill you!

>>33163782
You am play gods! You go too far! No control nature!

>>33163782
HarHar, shaman think he god. You not gug sun eater of old slab. You not god, you neanderthal.

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>>33162483
Grok say Gauls am best army, prove Grok wrong
smartmantip:You no can do.

>>33163223
Urum concur.
/a/tribe very angry. Sad sad men. For many moons, have hurt bad. Bitter in heart, bitter in mind.
/a/tribe want look pretty things for healing. Pretty girls gathering berries and tanning leathers. Very aaaah.

Urum heard good story with pretty girls. About some pretty girls who get noise sticks, get noise rocks, worship gods. Urum heard it called K-rom

>>33163971
Grok, what be gauls?

>>33163998
Science fiction, story of many days from now, in land of tribe Frog Eater.

>>33163971
>Grok
>not Mrok
You am weak git

>>33163621

What am you just say about me, you little cro-magnon? Me am have you be told me am hunt many seals, and me am be on many night-time raid on tribe that live over hill, me am have over three hand worth kill as witness by other hunters. Me am trained with lots of gorrilas for warfare and am best stone-slinger in whole tribe. You am nothing to me but just another pair ears for necklace. Me am wipe you out with exactness which am not ever been seen on this side of valley, you am better listen to what I am say. You am thinking you get away with smear shit on cave wall?
You am best think again, me have keen nose to smell where you pee, me am come like storm.
Storm that fuck you in ass. You fucking dead knuckle-dragger, me am can be many places and me can smash your head several different ways, and that am just with own hands. Not only am me good at hit things, me have many sharp sticks and rocks in cave, and me use them for hunt you dead, you am dung-head. If you am know who you mess with you am not talk so smart, but you don't, you not, and now you am pay price, you dumb. Me am poop hard and angry on you and you am drown in it. You am dead cave-guy.

>>33164013
Yes is silly fiction. Where men have shining stone and wash in water. Laugh at the idea of bathing in water, how silly to not be eaten when leaving "cave of sticks" harharhar.

>>33163971
Gauls dumb, cannot even fight Row Mans. Mongol best armie. Ride horses! Use spear throwers! Mongols am for smarts

>>33161371
Only cro-magnong like skubosaur meat.

>>33163998
>come to /tg/ slab
>not at least know names of 0k armies
>how newboywhotakemanrodupbutt can you be?

Me am here to Morn a friend, Thag Simmons

>>33164057
>0k
>mongol

>>33165664
What am 0k anyway?

ME GODS! Me was just taking shit in bush when demon in hard skin show up out of nowhere, him looked really surprised, but me killed it with club and take his magic boom kill stick, Me kill big cat from farther then ever!!!

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>>33163987
Moogi am best cave wall mate.

>>33165958
your mate a dung

>>33163971
Gruk's workshop carvings too much. Cost twenty berries for three carving of horse-man. Kruk wish to see Gruk eaten by sabertooth already.

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>>33165726
Itsa many tomorrows world where men in one place tell others watta do 'cause dey fink dey best. AND DEY IS BEST! Coz dey have better javelins (called pilum, can't be empire wivout BIGGEST PILUM) and all-over-shiny-bearskin, an dey make others do wat dey wanna make em do by jus tellin em.

Is kinda like how Grug always say he gonna hit me wiv rock if I don't do wot he say? So I do wot he say... But sometimes Grug not there so I no worry bout rock! Well in this many many tomorrow they is like "OK anyone be bad to us we ALL come with ALL the rocks! So be good!" And dey is coz dey is scared. Is called de "Pax Romana".

You sure you belong on dis slab? Not nowing best games.

Doyouevenslab.cavepainting

What do rock rollers think about chief ward's story about tomorrow desert ghost men?

>>33165958
Murg am agree.

>>33162847
Cave girl name Coco, yes?

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The fuck are you all talking like retards for? Don't you have anything better to do? It's summer, go forage while the foraging's good.

>>33168328
What am look like?

Woman? Only man-butt-lover forage.

>>33168328
Berry picking man speak like cro-magnon
Chief says bash him over head just be safe

>>33168441
Me go ask /k/ slab which kind of rock is best for head bashing.

>>33161605

Dumb sky spirit give secret of fire to hunter? Hunter become big fire hunter of legend, smash sky spirit, smash enemies, smash life.

>>33169511
Set spear on fire before throw at prey, spear catch prey on fire, prey be cooked by time chased down from bleeding? This truly new age for hunters!

>>33169511
Sky spirit make water fall from sky. Take away secret of fire. Because sky spirit am jerk.

>>33162369
That's it. Me sick of "masterwork rock" grunk that go on in the hunt game now. Sharp rock deserve better. Much better.
Me know what me talking about. Me get a genuine sharp rock in Africa for 24 rocks (that's about 2 figs) and have been practicing with it for almost 20 moons now. I even cut meat with my sharp rock!
africa tribe rocksmiths spend big time working on sharp rock and knap it million times to produce the sharpest rocks known to tribe.
Sharp rocks are big sharper as normal rocks and really bigger hard too. Anything rock can smash, sharp rock cut better. Me pretty sure sharp rock could cut a warrior wearing animal skins in half with one bigcut.
Ever wonder why primeval yurp tribe never bother conquer africa tribe? That right, they too scared to fight scary hunter and sharp rocks of cut good. Even in War I, yurp tribe warriors attack men with sharp rock first because their cut power was feared and respected.
So what me saying? Sharp rocks just the best rock that the world ever see, and thus, need better stat in the hunt game. Here is the stat slab me propose for sharp rock:
(One-Handed Exotic Weapon)
1d2 Damage
1-2 x2 Crit
+2 to hit and damage
Counts as Masterwork
(Two-Handed Exotic Weapon)
2d2 Damage
1-2 xmany Crit
+many to hit and damage
Counts as Masterwork
Now that seems a lot more representative of the cutting power of sharp rock in real life, don't you think?
tl;dr = Sharp rock need more damage in hunt game, see new stat slab.

>>33169669
What if we combine masterwork rock and masterwork stick together? Is such a weapon possible? Or am I just possessed again?

>>33169775
gtfo, powergaming gorilla

>>33169775
You speak like shaman. You possessed.

>>33169847
What? Really? Fuck, I hate it when I'm being possessed again. All that exorcising by being clubbed to the head several time fucking hurts. Go easy on me, guys. Don't hurt my face when you're hitting me sane again, please.

Rolled 5

>>33169890
I try.

Thwock!

>>33169775
>>33169835
>>33169847
>>33169890
MANS! MANS!

Okay...

What if...

Maybe...

We combine masterwork rock, with masterwork atlatl? Great killing power of rock, with great killing distance of atlatl!

>>33169890
>implying the gods aren't letting them possess you for shits and giggles
[USER WAS CLUBBED FOR THIS POST]

>>33170027
like what some kind of sling? or xistera?

>>33160525
thus the slenderman legend was born

>>33159102
Getting tired of your shit wug, next you want iron

Iron fan book!

>>33163706
Me know you saying, Me Woman wide birthing hip, many markings like cave drawings so pretty on skin, but me woman have demom on hair. Hair changed color.Ffire color, sky color, grass color. Shaman said eat mushroons but evil spirits tried to eat me alive. Me had to club her and leave cave. Like me father grunted: Mating with evil posessed mate is like mating with camp fire.

>>33158920
We had greasy beard in group
Greasy beard kicked out of group
He scare away cavewoman
He not clean self
He never hunt or work so he flabby and weak
Greasy beard now dead
Got sick and corpse eaten by dogs
I no miss greasy beard

>>33170188
Took me a minute to get it, but I like it.
I also like that roman proverb

>>33170132
No! Attach sharp rock on pointy end of atlatl stick. Can have sharp rock killing power from long way away!

>>33158920
What favorite eat to bring to fire?
I dig roots for eat
Roots good with meats

>>33170027
>>33170132
>>33170273
Atlatl is mammoth shit
Get good spear and throw like real man

>>33170273
>>33170132
>>33170027
>>33169890
>>33169847
>>33169775
>I try stab tree
>Tree have hard skin
>Skin falls off tree
>I wear tree skin same way wear animal skin
>large tooth cat try bite me
>Tree skin save me from some bite
>Now wear tree skin when hunting all times

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>ME JAW WHEN NO APE TO FLING SHIT WITH

How Krug deal with bad players? One player no believe in gods, say gods fairytales invented by shaman, him insist on pretend be hero who also no believe in gods and is asshole even while in pretend. Other player, him constantly talk about gods, and insists on worship him gods who no exist in pretend world, he also asshole to everyone who no believe in him gods. Other player, him ok, but him drag along disgustingly skinny woman-friend. Of course she pretend be nice big fat hero who seduce all pretend men-folk and she constantly try seek attention and make game about her.

All this make play game very hard. Should Krug just find new tribe?

>>33170395
Lift heavy rock. Drop on head. No problem no more

>>33170318
Me eat shaman mushroom once. Me see future and people with spears and birds head, and their tribe covers all africa and yurp. Also have bits of bark to protect from rock-tossers.

This am best slab in caves.

>>33165958
Not be penis thinking the K-roms!

>>33170449
YOU LIKE THE DROPINGS OF GREAT BUFFALO

*tips dead racoon the warms head

>>33169588
I am see sky spirit do this! Urum very wet, must hide. Urum see not fire spear, maybe Sky spirit throw bad

>>33170360
>From hells heart I stab at tree

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>>33164034
>sky lel

Kug tell tale, kug swear true.
>Kug out during dark time
>Drank too much funny burny water.
>Go to bad tribe caves.
>Other tribe not like Kug
>Funny water make Kug brave
>Funny water also make Kug dum-dum
>Tribe gonna use many bone to smash Kug berries.
>Then great big noise!
>Cro-mag come out from cave!
>Cro-mag look crazy, has big bird on head, and only one eye, must be big strong fighter
>Cro-mag yell "This ME cave! Whole tribe who fights One is WEAK. Whole tribe fight ME"
>Then Cro-mag pull from lion skin SHINY CLUB
>Whole tribe piss loin cloth
>Cro-mag invite Kug to cave
>Give Kug big bird for head wearing.

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Hey mans like womens,
Me name is Ug, and I hate every you. All are fat, retarded, no hunters who spend every moons looking at stupid ass cave paintings. You everything bad in the tribe. Honestly, have any of you ever gotten any mate? I guess it’s fun making fun of monkeys because they stink, but you all take to a new cave. This is even worse than milking your pink loinccloth snake to other mans mates drawings
Don’t be a neanderthal. Just hit me with your best rock. me pretty much like sky spirits. I was big hunter on me cave, and spear more strong on tribe. What animal you hunt? What do other than hump fat women statue? me also get Mushrooms from shaman and have a banging mate (She just put me snake on mouth and not bit. Shit was SO fig). You are mans like womens who should just rock yourselves. Thanks for listen.
Carving It’s me and my ape

>>33170623
HOLY BOWL WHITE MAMMOTH

>>33170895
SPLIT YOUR LUNGS WITH BLOOD AND THUNDER

>>33170878
Ape penis am smaller than man penis. Hahaha. It good am being homos.

tee gee slab Dunka have problem.

Tribe chief is bear. Not chief like bear. Chief is bear.

Dunka is only one who know. When tribe sit round fire Chief not say chief words. Chief speak bear words! Tribe just act like he normal chief.

When big fire appear in sky Dunka see Bear Chief standing outside cave.

He know tee gee slab. What do?

>>33170975
Dunka am tried speak with chief like adult-man?

>>33170968
>It good being homos
You mans that wish to be womens?
HARHARHAR

>>33171021
Chief not man! Chief Bear! He eat Dunka if me challenge!

>>33170940
When you see the wihite mammoth. Break your backs and crack spear if you wish to eat .

Very good shoutings the mastodon spirit do

>>33170975
see
>>33170412

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Damn kids been painting on wall again.

Anway, who want play Warclub 1AD?
Me play Pebble army. They have best Armor.

>>33170975

You am paranoid Dunka.
Your chief no am bear, all tribe follow chief, if chief am bear whole tribe be catch salmon and gather berries and sleep in cave.
That just crazy.

>>33171149
No! Dunka not crazy! TRIBE CRAZY! CHIEF IS BEAR. Look! He big and hairy like bear!

>>33171186
Me also big and hairy and no bear. But maybe am bear and not now? Me confused

Me am see weird new thing. Thought was big tooth cats mating, but then it walk on two legs! Not wear loin cloth, big man parts, then I see it is mens wearing cat skins, but not just pelt, all cat. Thought it was very nice, good way to keep warm but then he invite me to "yiff". I no know what that was but seemed odd so said no, then he say I make fun of him and they chase me off.

What just happen?

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>>33171186
Dunka find carving one of tribe do! It show tribe about to eat mammoth in good cave. In middle is Chief! Look! He bear!

>>33171249

Bad medicine, me recommend apply fire to affected area.

>>33171271

That no am bear, that man am wear furs, keep him warm.
That man smart, Ugak wish me am have smart chief like that.

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It good look at family again. Me am work in celt land. Am make stone games in shop. Very crunch.

>>33171271
He look like big strong chief. Rest of tribe look weak though, Dunka is lucky he is chief.

>>33171271
You must be posessed Dunka, me see no bear

>>33171330
>>33171349
>>33171358
Dat tribemind doe

>>33171271
You am been chewing dream plant too much. Have problem, Dunka.

>>33171330
>>33171349
Tribe speak same words! Dunka not trust Chief. Old Dunka (Dunka Pa-Pa) speak word to Me Dunka.
"No trust Bear little Dunka. Bear bad magic."
Next bright time bad snake bite Old Dunka, make kill.

Dunka think Bear send Snake.

>>33171445
Dunka my dear little unevolved primate, dont try to see beyond your little understanding. Bear with me, your chief is from the tribe of the desert and very good at dealing with riches like salmons and honey, respect him. So sayeth your overlord

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>>33171579
Oops
Forgot carving of me

>>33159000
Damn, dude. Thanks for that, I started to laugh out loud uncontrollably.

>>33171579
>BEAR with me
>salmon in the desert

>>33171579
*tips rock*

>>33171579
Dunka not know what word Frog Man say.

Dunka not care. Frog man look like frog.

>>33171677
You will speak more respectfully to the Great Ga'az-uu.

>>33171594
>>33171445
Reptillian sky spirit says no corn-spear-see,
Guess Dunka too much sun on head and mad,
need to go back to the /pool

>>33171594
>>33171729
Is monster from stories of H.P. Rockcraft! Bring many Shamans! Send him back to other side of stars where he belongs!

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>>33171729
>Great Ga'az-uu
wow anon. just wow.

Kronk think you all dumb

this cave was better back when no cavechiefs chief us

now we too chiefed

>>33172265

You no say bad things about Chief Not-Bear, he am lead whole tribe into great golden age.
The now two salmon on every cooking rock.

>>33163509
Good news! Plan work! Eat-bug player crying very much! Said he would come back, play bone-man army next time. What best army to beat bone-man? Shell-man, maybe? Or should me use sharp-ear?

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>mfw this thread

>>33172265
Krong think dumb because Krong dumb

Krong wish we go back when no one tell Krong what do

Krong wants shit in cave again

No one wants Krong shit in cave

Use shit Krong

It what for

Me new to mosstext, me try
>me talking with beardfriend (no homo habilis)
>he say 4th age better, me say 3.5 age better
>suddenly cro magnon with pelvis on head come in
>he say 1st age best, other ages are for sloths and babies
>we say 1st age good, but not what we talk about now
>pelvis-head still say 1st age best, no talk about 4th age he say it makes you rockhead
>we pick up rock, smash pelvis on head and call him rockhead
stupid hipsters

>>33173243
Me dislike your opinion of 3.5 age being better than 4th age, but you am true gentlecaveman. Allying against common hipster enemy great sign of wisdom.

why cave say me bad at magic
me play magic for many season
cave get mad when me play old magic

>>33172975
are you serious? this is nothing but fun!

>>33173814
Take a look at the sign again - the "no" is removed.

>>33173814
Dumb ape dont into cave painting
>Laughing Fat goddesses statues .rock

>>33173494
Me Shaman, me know why you bad!

You make a spirits all so angry and so mad, cos you have a signs necklace on you! Spirits hate men who wear signs on them! So spirits make bad bad CURSE for you!

Throw you Signs Necklace in a deep-deep river. You can piss at it also. No more curse maybe. Still - never make you a signs necklace again, never! No one like men with sign necklaceses. Everyone believe men with sign necklaceses eat mammoth poo. Never make you a sign necklace, no.

>>33173855
>>33173910
I apologize. Me new to this reading thing.

>>33174009
i know this is supposed to piss me off because hurrdurr tripfag but i cannot stop laughing, well done anon.

me say Signs Necklace no bad! not mean bad at magic!

maybe you bad at magic! you bad Shaman!

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>>33174025
>Neanderthal's internally

teegee slab, please help.

Invite rockmates over to house for rock-pee-gee. Me gee-em. However, rockmates browse stone tablet instead of pay attention. Miss clues, seem bored. Me spend many moons on plan for game, time waste. Me blame stone tablet. How get rockmates pay attention to me instead of tablets?

It get so bad, Rockmate Gothok begin play game on tablet instead of pay attention.

>>33175664

Maybe you am just boring?

Try be less boring.

Me prefer slab games with pieces, boards, rollign and arguments, not making believe. Pretending to be shaman for scrublord scrub people.

>>33175664
Me remember time before slab, when regular Rock become Advance Rock.

Rockmates talk to each other, not listen to gee-em. Always not know what happen, miss important detail, blame gee-em. Time change, but most rockmates always bad. Find good rockmates, they move to far far cave, no see again.

Such life.

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>>33173243
>>33173425

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>Hey Grugg! what game should we pla-
play ROCKS
>But I want to pretend to be sabre too-
ROCKS can do this
>What if we play a hunting gam-
Play ROCKS, it cover all games
>I want to pretend to be skyman with cloudmammoth
ROCRPS
>Sham-
ROCKPS
>You didn't even let me fin-
Play ROCKPS! it best game for all occasion

>>33179361
him fucking face

me sides left cave

>>33158920
>Stone-age /tg/
>Not a single woman
Seems accurate

>>33158920
Neo, Meso, or Paleo. There is a big difference

>>33181035
>there is a big difference

Autismo, you'll fit right in

>>33181035

OP clearly said "stone-age".

lrn2readingcomprehension

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>>33181076
>>33181093
To be fair, I only skimmed the thread and have been up for 22 hours

>>33181135
You am like other cave men from the lab Many caves like maze, you am child ape, Be'tarded

>>33181249
*Slab,
am sorry, me chisel evil posessed

>me am tell storyteller that he not rolling rocks good
>storyteller am say me spirit animal die in spirit journey
>grab storytelling rock and am club him til him stop moving

WHO AM STORYTELLER NOW

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am need help, tiji

am play mammoths & mudflats with best friend grug

me play hunter, grug am play mammoth, but grug say am need kill him with "manspear" or grug win

what am do? not want lose friend, but not want spear grug in no-no hole either

>>33180765
me try be alpha once, me fail
>picking berry
>see rocks/rocks cutie
>she bend over for berry and me see her foo
>rockhardboner.cavepainting
>me go over, be alpha
>"h-hi there, me take you back to me c-cave um...if y-you don't mind"
>she look disgust
>me berries falling everywhere
>she mate come up,
>him boulder tall, boulder built
>"ayy yo bro u talkin with my baby? you want to fuck or some shit homeboy"
>"no him just leaving, right, anon?"
>"y-yeah"
>me crying
>me hear them "sexy gurl you wan some fuck? we go back to my cave crib, make with the smilodon with two backs"
>cry harder
>me face when forget pick berries for tribe
>me face when forced to join tribe of beard neck

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>>33181398
Do you even lift, frogmans?
Lift then drop on head. No problem no more

>>33181448
HAR HAR HAR, you no mans, you ape an dum.
WAIT. me tribe of hairy necks too.
Me sad.

>>33181398
Tiji problums cave

Are tried not play mommoths and mudflats

>>33158920
>be Thrugg
> want arrange game of snakes and stones in cave
>many moons to find others who play game, tribe laugh and say Thrugg not know woman
>find three others to play, provide much meat and yak milk
>Up turns Klugg, Klugg is THAT neanderthal
>Klugg wants play level 10 shaman who is only level 1 hunter, even though Klugg know we is playing all level 1
>I allow for sake of quiet life, am 29 summers and am now old man
>Other players grumble and mutter, want throw Klugg in volcano, maybe want throw ME in volcano too!
>Klugg talk all about women he drag back to cave All in other tribe, never this tribe
>me think Klugg talk yak dung, Klugg hit with ugly club and smell like burial grounds in summer

Should Thrugg throw Klugg from group? Me no think two people enough for game of snakes and stones.

>>33182326
>Me no think two people enough for game of snakes and stones.
Just play a solo ERP S&S. Two people is enough for that. Two birds with one stone. Figuratively.

>>33182326
me know Klugg, him sing Miley Stonus when me try to cave master game of raptors and rockfalls. me recommend Thrugg throw Klugg from group. for three winters me play r&r with 2 players, best r&r we ever play

>>33181398
Am you tried speak with Grug like man-adult?

>>33182326
Thrugg is weak, thrugg should do what adult man is do. Am beat Klugg in head with rock like sensible man. not have common sense?

Someone please tell me this is all being recorded for posterity.

>>33181355
We all be storytellers, we takes all mushrooms and tells stories around the fire. We mans of future tiji

>>33182450
>Figuratively.
Wut? like cave paintings?
Kill him and make figures with blood?

>>33182649
Me too weak to lift big rock, that why me not know woman. Klugg fat as many ox but still stronger.

>>33183675
>>>>>tulpa9k

>>33183675
When rock to heavy have many hands to kill mammoth. Talk to friends, use friends to smash klugg together as one, you weak and not worthy to smash klugg if not with friend.You no common sense, then you know woman.

>>33182718
It is. Here's the link.

>>33161609
>>33161659

Hey Tiji
>be me
>am many winter
>wanna play
>but no denisovans to play with
>all dead
>wat do?

>>33184419

Try play with Neanderthal?
Me play with Neanderthal few times, not much good talk but have good grasp basics and bring many berries.