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Ki: "Ah, yes well you see... A while ago it was quite popular for evil wizards to have towers with captured princesses in them. While the mage may sometimes be gone the towers remain and so do the princesses within."

"The fiends... Just tell me which one is the tower where your daughter is and I will s-"

Ki: "Ah, well, you see... We don't know which tower she's in."

"I beg your pardon?"

Ki: "When my beloved daughter was taken by the dark dragon I lost track of her. She could be in any number of the towers around here. But don't fear, Knight Princess, for I have a map of mostly all of them."

"Mostly?"

Ki: "Yes. Here. She could be in any number of these, waiting to be rescued."

>The king places a map on the table before the two of them. It's a small map of the kingdom and several towers surrounding it. Each of them seem to have had their surroundings warped by some form of magic. Mountains, volcanoes, desert, bone yards, all of these and more dot the landscape.

How on earth did they let this happen.

Ki: "Well, Knight Princess, which of these do you think my beloved daughter would be in?"

.......

"Do you have even the slightest idea of which one she might be in? A single clue?"

Ki: "Nope."

Great.
I suppose I'm down to just guessing and hoping for the best.

>>33148926
Go North, to the tower by village.
Even if it's not the right tower, there are gonna be some villagers you could ask for clues.

>>33148926
Kill the King and claim to be his daughter, taking the throne for yourself. You never take off your helmet so no one will ever know. It's the perfect crime!

>>33148965
Seconding.

>>33148926
Since the wizard was a necromancer, let's check out the Tower with the skeletons.

>>33148962
Sure, this.

>>33148926
Volcano tower
Volcanoes are awesome

>>33148965
Let's do this. Then we can wage war on all the towers and eliminate our "imposter".

>>33148965
I support this course of action. A king who lost his daughter doesn't deserve to be a king.

>>33148965
Fuck it, why not.

>>33148926
Which towers did the generals check?

>>33148926
Volcano tower seem like a place where dragon would like to be wround

>>33149012
Cut the king some slack. To lose one relative may be regarded as a misfortune. To lose more is a carelessness.

>>33148965
Do it!

>>33148926
I'd say go to the desert one in the top right.

>>33149031
I would've thought that the one with

>>33148926
It was a dragon right?
Dragon's like tall things, check out that mountain/volcano

>>33149041
>Not usurping the throne using the flimsiest of excuses.

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>>33149031
From my experience, only draconic sock puppets and golden steering wheels can be found in volcanoes.

>>33149041
Oh we will be cutting him something alright.

>>33149071
We should listen to this guy. He seems to have a lot of experience rescuing princesses. Kissing them, too.

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>>33149071
Well, in my you don't what to go anywhere near caves with giant skeletons and wheels.

>>33149071
>Orange knight
Shittiest knight. Blue/Red Masterrace

>>33148965
There is no possible way this can go wrong

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>>33148965
"Your grace, a thought occurs to me... You've lost your daughter to a random mage, didn't keep track of her, and wasted time sending useless generals when you had someone more capable under your command this whole time."

Ki: "Well, yes. I know I made some mistakes but I'm hoping you can-"

"Not only that but you've allowed dark mages to crop up all around the kingdom. Who knows what kind of damage they've done to the land."

Ki: "I realize this is a problem but... What are you trying to say?"

"I'm saying I think it's time you step down from your throne and let someone with real experience take over."

Ki: "Wh-"

>Knight Princess slices his head off.

1/2

>>33149175
Wut

>>33149134
How many princesses have you rescued, though? OK up there has over 3 confirmed rescuings as well as one clown.
>>33149141
Say what you will, but I'm always a sucker for fire and orange is one of my favorite colors, so for me it goes Orange > Red > Blue > Green.

WE HEROQUEST N--- wait, what?

>>33149175
Well, I for one welcome our new regicide overlady

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Oh god, the chucklefucks are here.

>>33149278
>tower girl faggotry
>not expecting chucklefucks
The whole thing was chucklefuckery from the start

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>>33149175
Alright, it is done. The kingdom is ours by right of 'Person Who Kills The Previous King Becomes The New King'.
Now that we have an entire kingdom under our control how do we deal with these towers, evil mages, and the Human Princess?

If I'm to be king of this land I would prefer this blight to be gone.

>>33149309
You're part of the problem, chucklefuck.

>>33149322
Destroy the towers. Declare any princesses found to be traitors to the crown and execute them on the spot.

>>33149322
Recruit cute shotas to clear out the towers, and build mighty war machines to destroy the towers once cleared.

>>33149322
By advertising them as tourist destinations.

>>33149322
Call the meeting of the generals.
Have them redeem themselves by reconnaissance mission for all of the towers.
Also wipe your blade.

>>33149345
Seconding.
>>33149347
Vetoing

>>33149322
Well, there's still the task of rescuing the human princess. The generals have proven their ineptitude, and as they say... when you want a job done well, do it yourself.

>>33149322
We may be king-queen by right but we can't expect the populace to follow us unconditionally.

First order of business is consolidating control. Let's make our way to one of the towers anyways. The boring generic one to the right I suppose? It's closest. By bringing princesses under us we will have ground to work with and the dragon might come to us where we can fight it on advantage.

>>33149322
We shall lay waste to all who oppose such. Begin construction of the siege engines of doom.

>>33149347
This.

>>33149358
>>33149366
On second thought, execute the generals too for being incompetent rubes.

lead a charge to each tower, save the princess within and have the thing blown to smitheroons.

>>33149345
This

>>33149373
Seconding
Lesbian harem time

>>33149345
This

>>33149322
We must deal with the towers one by one. Let's head to the swamp tower to the west, first.

>>33149345
>Declare any princesses found to be traitors to the crown and execute them on the spot.
That will just invite war from the nations whose princesses you executed, though.
Are you sure you want to become a fantasy-Belka?
We don't even have the Sword of Tauberg.

>>33149356
Forgot to add, charge money for admission. We would make a killing!

>>33149383
The generals have all run off, as already mentioned.

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>>33149345
Time to begin the Reign of Blood.

>>33149322
Call for the wizard. Have him change his for to that of the princess you want to... um... wait, nevermind.
But call for the wizard anyway.

>>33149373
Thirding.

>>33149406
Then we shall slay them and their beloved princesses for treason.

>>33149322
Do we have an army? If so, let's get ready to assault the first tower.

>>33149345
Yes, yes!

>>33149373
I'll support this.

>>33149409
But blood is good. You need blood to live.

>>33149345
No reason to stop the bloodshed now, I guess.

>>33149373
I support this idea.

welp, I guess this means there's no point in waiting for Hero Quest

>>33149345
Fuck you, no.

>>33149322
That law only counts when you conquer the land with an army, not betray your vows.
Go cover up the crime, maybe we can put the bloodied sword in the hands of a drunk guard or something?

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>>33149347
>>33149358
>>33149373
As the Queen it's important to show all peasants who rule over them.

>>33149373
This.

>>33149322
We should find the princess. Having her by our side will strengthen our bloody claim on the throne. And it would be even sweeter if we can recruit the wizard and his dragon. Or slay them if they won't obey their new queen.

So it has come to this.

We are voting between lawful evil and chaotic evil.

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>>33149462

>>33149345
I vote for this.

>>33149345
No thanks.

>>33149466
>not just killing them all and adorning your castle with their heads

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Look at this massive amount of samefag.

>>33149345
God yes. It's beautiful

>>33149373
>>33149322
This

>>33149504
The whole thing has just become a samefag war between two opposing camps.

>>33149478
>>33149483
>>33149487
>>33149493
>Four posts on the same minute

>>33149504
>samefag
Newfag is on the menu.

>>33149522
>Implying that every vote has to be a samefag
What are you, some sort of idiot?

>>33149522
It's still possible to samefag in under a minute. It just takes a bit of effort.

where all the dragons and giants at

>>33149538
Anon seems to be >implying that there is no samefagging because you can post only once a minute.

>>33149553
Dead, soon.

Larro must be having a hell of a time trying to count this up.

>>33149564
Nah, just assume you're running Everyone is John and you're all set.

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>>33149545
>It's still possible to samefag in under a minute
It's what what what what

Well shit, at least call a mod

>>33149560
What about dragons and giants of the princess variety

>>33149577
Dead, soon.

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The towers shall be destroyed, that will happen regardless. However, I will not destroy the princesses. They are like I was. Helpless and afraid. They have committed no crimes against the people other than being... Well, helpless. Besides, I don't want to start a war with the other nations. I've made one risky move today already.

First let me see the state of the army.

>Knight Queen covers up the tracks of her murder to make it seem like a horrible horrible accident. When she claims to be the Queen of the land no one seems to really challenge her claim. Or care, really. The guards are just happy that they get the day off to mourn.

>Knight Queen calls together her remaining generals so that she can get a feel for how strong the kingdom is.

>It's... Less than heartening.

>It would appear that much of the King's resources went into buying generals super weapons and then sending them off to these towers. They seldom returned. As a result the kingdom is 300,000 Gold in debt to the Desert King.
>Also only two generals remain.

>Human General claims that while he was sent to man towers he found no princesses there. None at all. No, those trinkets were not from princesses he bed and then left,why would you think that?

>Trap General reveals that he's actually not good at making traps. Or fighting, really. But he's loyal to the crown.

...
I fear we will not get our siege engines anytime soon.
And my army consists of a handful of terrible guards and these two.

I could have them come with me to a tower or send them off to check out the other ones.
I wish the king hadn't wasted so much gold on such stupid things...
Now it's up to me to fix it all.

>>33149577
Giantess/cannibalism fags please go

>>33149581
what about princesses of the dragon and giant variety

>>33149582
>Have a threesome with the two generals then leave

Rolled 1

>>33149582
Ruffle Trap General's hair.

>>33149582
Kill desert king to absolve your debt.

Execute human general for lying to you

>>33149582
... Fuck.

Well I guess we better take the two generals (need to watch over the slutty one) to the tower near that village up north. Maybe we can get some taxes or something from them.

>>33149582
>>Human General claims that while he was sent to man towers he found no princesses there. None at all. No, those trinkets were not from princesses he bed and then left,why would you think that?
But the General is agaisn't pre-martial shrex.

>>33149603
This

>>33149582
Punch Trap General in the snout to establish monarchy.

>>33149582
Use the remaining money to recruit many peasants .

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>>33149582

ATTACK THE TOWERS

HEAD ON

>>33149582
Castrate human general so that you have him by the balls

>>33149582
Assault towers.

>>33149611
>Each of them seem to have had their surroundings warped by some form of magic.
It's not a real town.

>>33149628
>In debt
>USE THE REMAINING MONEY!
What are you, some sort of idiot?

>>33149605
critical hair ruffling failure
you have beheaded the trap general

Not that I mind that we ended up with the safe option of getting more information but... were the entire last fifteen minutes worthless?

>>33149582
Let's kill two birds with one stone. We'll go looking for the human princess in the towers, and we loot everything valuable we find in them. With luck we'll be able to balance the kingdom's budget as we go.

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>>33149649
Best end

>>33149650
Yes.
>>33149603
Supporting this.
Lets pull a human general and get the fuck out of this kingdom.

>>33149582
Bring the two generals with us, we will go assault the north tower.

>>33149582
>However, I will not destroy the princesses. They are like I was. Helpless and afraid. They have committed no crimes against the people other than being... Well, helpless.
Behead yourself for cowardice

>>33149648
Then we start selling the former king's stuff.

>>33149582
Have the generals scout out two towers, and take one yourself

lock human general up and torture him. let trap general have his way.

>>33149607
>kill Desert King
>the one who got all that money to buy a fuckhuge army
>ignore all logic and consequences just to do whatever you want
Go play on a freeform forum, they seem more your style.

>>33149582
Rescue princesses and awkwardly inform them you, too, are a princess.

Send them to towers you are not visiting yourself for maximum rescue.

>>33149603
Lets do this and get moving.

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>>33149582
>That Trap General
Make the guy our Equerry, let him take care of kingdom in our absence, tell him to focus on getting economy back on its feet so we can start repaying the debts. Hug him and ruffle his hair to ensure loyalty!

Human General seems more capable in combat, so he's gonna accompany us on exploratory journey. We leave tomorrow, aim for the closes tower, than the one beyond and keep going until we gat what we're after.

>>33149607
>>33149622
I'll support these

Wonder if Larro will leave it considering how shit this thread is.

>>33149582
>Incapacitate the Human General, strip him of everything he has, then give him to the Desert King as a first payment of the debt (if the King doesn't accept slaves, sell the General to someone else)

>Task the Trap General to see if there isn't potential allies nearby

>>33149725
Trap general is a woman, idiot. Trap princess is the dude.

>>33149582
At least torture them a lil and then ransom them if you're not going to kill them

>>33149737
>Trap General reveals that he's actually not good at making traps. Or fighting, really. But he's loyal to the crown.

If he speaks of himself as "he", I'm gonna call him he, whatever there is or isn't in his pants.

>>33149725
I'm ok with doing that with Trap General, but Human General is a shady dude who probably deserve to be sold off to repay the kingdom's debt

>>33149582
Before you leave for the rescue expedition, hire an alchemist to create gold. Lots of gold to fix the treasury's balance. Don't worry about inflation, it is just an abstract concept cooked up by pussy-footed economists.

>>33149777
>If he speaks of himself as "he"
Duh, because he is a trap. Fucking idiot.

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>>33149607
I would be slaughtered before I could even raise my sword. I'm starting to think it was only this easy because the king was an old man, had no army, and wasn't even well guarded. Also, no one seems to like him.

And let's -not- kill the remaining men that my new army has left. Not until they display betrayal or something as terrible.

>>33149603
...
Another time. I need to focus on my work.

>Knight Queen talks with her Generals well into the night. She has Trap General watch over the kingdom while she's gone. He's most likely useless for combat but he seems to know more about the kingdom than anyone else. His job is to get the economy back on track and keep people from rioting until her return.

>Human General, despite his illicit activities, will accompany Knight Queen to the castle. His strength will prove helpful there. Or he can at least be sent in to see if a room is trapped or not.

>The next morning Knight Queen and Human General set off to the nearest tower. The tower is located in the middle of a village that appears to be completely vacant. The fields are untended and wild animals roam about.

>Knight Queen goes up to the tower and slowly opens the door. Inside the air is stale and cool.

Hmm. Perhaps it's abandoned?

>>33149777
Amen.

On other news, do we begin an harem of princesses, or not?

And who the fuck were our parents, given the fact that's we were a princess?

>>33149834
"HEY BITCH, YOU IN HERE?"

>>33149834
Check the room.
Or just run when there are less morons around. If it ever happens.

>>33149834
>Perhaps it's abandoned?
Probably. Just bulldoze it and move on to the next one

>>33149848

this

>>33149834
Send the human general in first. Explore the tower from cellar to top. Loot anything valuable.

>>33149858
Best adventure ever.

>>33149834
>Explore the tower entirely. The Human General checks anything that could be dangerous.

>>33149834
There's obviously another door right there, open'er up and head on in

>>33149858
>Bulldoze it
>With your entire 5 guards and 2 generals
Congratulations, you're clinically retarded or illiterate.

>>33149777
>>33149836
Go away tumblr.

>>33149834
Notice hole in the corner to your left and pressure plate in front of the door. The room is double trapped. And not in the kinky way.
Go outside, pry 11ft pole off some tree and trigger the traps from safe distance.

Or just send in Human General if you don't like the guy.

>>33149867
This is good. We need all the cash we can get.

>>33149834
Explore through the tower.

>>33149834
Well, check the top to make sure whatever princess in here isn't just a skeleton.

If the princess was abandoned for so long she was a skeleton, pretend you never saw this place and leave.

>>33149834
It looks like there is either a tripwire in front of the opposite door, or some kind of hole in the wall. Also, there might be a trap door right in front of the opposite door. Proceed with caution.

>>33149881
> what is gunpowder attached to the base of a small, vertical building
And you call others clinically retarded

>>33149834
Is that a pressure plate AND a tripwire?

>>33149906
Where you going to get it?
You're the equivalent of several million in debt and you're not exactly the best alchemist.

>>33149905
It's obviously a pressure plate, dumbass. Look at the Grey lines in front of the door.

>>33149834
What's up with that weird corner to the left of the door? Is there a small passage back there?

>>33149922
What makes a pressure plate any more likely than a trap door?

>>33149834
Let's go back out, get a 15-foot pole, and poke at that pressure plate in front of the door.
Or, ask Human General if he's any good at disabling traps.

>>33149834
Go stick your eye in that hole and see what's inside

>>33149932
The stairs up, I bet

>>33149950
Bolthole in the wall, idiot.

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"HEY! You in here!?"

>A voice from far above yells for help but Knight Queen is too far away to make it out. Still, there is someone here!
>And anyone else who was here is now aware that Knight Queen is here.

>>33149920
>>33149922
>>33149905
"General, go in and explore it for me. Be careful of those traps."

HG: "I see them, your grace."

>The Human General steps into the tower and slices the tripwire. A bolt of energy slams into where he would have been had he simply walked forward.

HG: "Do you want me to try and just open the door? I see the pressure plate but I can't tell if the door itself is trapped."

>>33149980
You got gloves, right Human General?
Stand to the side of the pressure plate, open the door with a gloved hand.

>>33149980
Quot being a pussy and open that door, meatshield!

>>33149980
Open the door, but stand on its right side.

>>33149980
Get the 21-foot pole.

>>33149980
Have him use is swords to knock on the door from a distance. Maybe the princess inside can open it safely

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>>33149980
>Do you want me to try and just open the door?
Yes.

>>33149980
Tell him to kick it in.

>>33149980
Knight Queen should exit the room, and Human General should open it form the right/left side of the door

>>33149980
Do eet

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>>33150009
Drat... I forgot mine.

"Go ahead. Just be careful, maybe open it from the side. I'll be over here."

>Knight Queen steps out of the room as Human General opens the door...
>Nothing seems to happen.

>The two of them breathe a sigh of relief and head further up the tower.
>They end up in a new room that seems rather bare save for a chest and a single door in front of them.

>>33150080
Send HG to get loot.

>>33150080
Grab chest. Any chest, really.

Rolled 18

>>33150080
OPEN THE CHEST

>>33150080
"Throw your sword at the chest"

>>33150080
The chest must be trapped. Tell the human general to smash its side open, without opening the lid. And check for tripwires again.

>>33150080
The chest is likely trapped.
We'll come back for it later.
Have HG examine the door for traps, then open it.

>>33150080
Isn't that the Mimic Princess?

>>33150080
Poke the chest with a sword before you tell human General to open it.

>>33150080
that chest is obviously a mimic princess

>>33150080

>chest

So we go past it and make Mimic Princess mad we ignored her, right

But really, go to the door.

>>33150080
HEY ARE YOU IN THE LOOT BOX?

If they're not in the loot box, consider recovering it later.

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>Knight Queen walks up to the chest and pokes it a few times to see if it's trapped. Nothing seems to spring out at her.
>She steps back and orders Human General to open the chest. Using his blade he flicks the lid open.
>It barely moves up half an inch before it suddenly snaps open. Long black arms slide out of the chest as it opens up. Rows of razor sharp teeth are inside .

That is no princess!

>>33150080
Check the ceiling?

>>33150157
stab that shit in the eyes

>>33150157
"I'll leave that to you shall I?"

>>33150157
...Stab it in the eyes?

>>33150157

Give it a high five.

>>33150157
A regular mimic, then?
Alright, let's kill it.

>>33150157
Kill it with fire.

>>33150157
Both leave the room quickly, jump over the trap door, presumably mimic will follow you, step on it and fall down.
Failing that, fight it. Let General draw its attention while you backstab it. Gank it two on one like that. It's not about fighting fair it's about winning.

>>33150157
WHAT IF IT'S A MIMIC PRINCESS!?

>>33150157
Walk like, three feet away.
That thing has NO LEGS.
at most it can bounce at you menacingly at an extremely slow rate.
It also can't fit through the door.

>>33150244
This is not a monster musume quest... so we slay it.

>>33150157
Kill the mimic for the phat lewts it drops. I think it should have pretty nice treasure table.

>>33150157
Hit it on the head to assert dominance

>>33150157
Ask if it's the princess.

>>33150157
Club it until it stops moving

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>>33150168
>>33150179
>>33150186
"Kill it!"

>Human General swiftly stabs the thing in it's eye. It howls in pain as blue blood pours from it's wound. After a few minutes of thrashing the thing falls limp, dead.

>Knight Queen manages to get G10 and a Potion of Cure Moderate Wounds from it's corpse!

???: "Help..!"

>The cry for help is closer now...
>Knight Princess and Human General go to the next room.

1/2

>>33150296
Oh boy.

>>33150296
> blue blood
It was royalty!

>>33150296
Red? Was there a person inside the Mimic?

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>>33150296
>Knight Queen bursts into the next room.

"Princess! I've come here to save you!"

???: "My h-h-heroooo~"

>>33150322
Oh god, we just killed mimic princess

Is this Larro?

>>33150346
>ditching your helmet
Shamefur dispray.

>>33150346
Mimic princess!
Do not eat us when we rescue you!

>>33150346
Was the Mimic outside perhaps a knight from her country sent here to save her?
>>33150353
Yarp

>>33150346
Watch out! That's no human princess!

>>33150353
Check the trip

>>33150346
>those beady eyes
>that fanged dress
ITS A TRAP!

>>33150346
Oh god it's a mimic.

>>33150296
Send General first

>>33150346
Tell Human General to rescue his princess.

>>33150346
"Hello Mimic Princess, how do you do?"

>>33150346
"Sorry we killed your friend outside. To be fair he was kinda a dick."

Then mac on her before that dick Human General can

>>33150366
Hopefully not, since it kind of just attacked us unprompted.

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>>33150346
Give the princess warm welcome from safe distance and offer to relocate her to her country of origin or to your palace.

>>33150399
Well, I mean, it was a Mimic. They aren't known for intelligence or resisting instinct.

>>33150346

It's a Mimic Princess!

Which either means it's a mimic imitating a princess, or Mimic Royalty! Which means that initiating a hug could be deadly or waaaay too forward.

Is there such a thing as a mimic kingdom? If she proves to be too difficult to handle, they might pay a healthy ransom for her.

>>33150346
Escort her to your country of origin.
Try not to stare at her giant dress-face.

>>33150390
>>33150346
Okay let's shoot straight...you're Mimic aren't you?

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>>33150346
Kill that mimic until it dies

>>33150444
Seconding.

>>33150444
This. Mimics are gross

>>33150346
>Scared of mimics
Tell her you know she's not what she seems, but that's okay. Offer to take her home, or adopt her.

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....
She looks like a normal girl to me.

>Human General begins to make his way towards the Princess but Knight Queen shoves him back.

"Unfortunately you are not the princess we're looking for. However, we have still come to save you and destroy this tower. Princess, would you mind accompanying us back to my kingdom? We will inform your kingdom that you have been saved once we are there."

>The Princess stares off dumbly for a few seconds before she finally replies. She seems to stumble over her words as though talking requires a bit of effort from her.

???: "My b-brave hero... Wouldn't you l-l-like to ressst? I have a comfffortable bed over here. You can ssssleeeep. I will keep you c-company."

......
I'm starting to get some bad vibes from this.

"Are you a mimic?"

???: "Of coursssse not. I am a p-p-princess."

>>33150500
>>33150498
>>33150444
>Wanting to bring this much trouble to you
Jesus Christ.Stop.

>>33150500
>>33150498
>>33150444
>Wanting mimics to infest your castles, home and everything else
Keep her alive.

>>33150515
Burn it. Burn it all.

>>33150515
"You're the princess of the Mimics"
"Either we can take you home or we can leave you here, again, your choice."

>>33150515
Hook her up with Trap General. They'll be great together.

>>33150515
Look. I am like 90% certain your are a mimic princess.
Also, it's the middle of the day. I'm not remotely tired.
Can you just come clean with us, and then tell us where to bring you to rescue you properly?

>>33150515

Drag her back to the kingdom.

Next tower we go!

>>33150515
Okay, that bed is definitely a mimic.

Maybe you should just focus on knocking the tower down right now.

>>33150515
Everything is mimics in this goddamn tower. Kill the bed to show we mean business, then threaten the mimic princess and ransom her to the mimic kingdom.

Rolled 3, 4 = 7

>>33150515
Look at the teeth on her robe.

That's a mimic.

>>33150515
Ask if there are any more princesses in the tower.

>>33150515
"Well, you can be both minic and a princess. I'm not judging or anything."
Also I think that bed just blinked.

>>33150555
>Everything is mimics in this goddamn tower.
The tower is a mimic! The trapdoor is its mouth!
IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW!

>>33150515
>Pretend to sleep.
>Overpower her when she tries to eat us.
>Teach her a lesson.
We're stronk!

>>33150584
The bed is a mimic too.

>>33150555
But anon what if the tower itself is also Mimic?

>>33150592
Then we teach them both lessons.

Rolled 2, 3 = 5

>>33150593
Jesus Christ.

What if the whole landscape is a giant Genus Loci?

>>33150515
"Thank you, but it wouldn't be safe to sleep inside an unfamiliar tower. I must insist that we return you to your kingdom."

>>33150515
Look, it's obvious you're a mimic, and so is the bed.
If you've got a kingdom, I'll return you, but don't insult my intelligence like this.

>>33150515
Pat her on the head but tell her that there's no time to dilly-dally. Does she want a ride home or what?

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>>33150563
>>33150568
...

"That bed is a mimic too, isn't it."

???: "Of courssse not. It it it is simply a comffortable bed for us to l-lay in and h-hold hands."

>Knight Queen walks up to the bed and stabs it. It screeches in pain and trashes about for a while before dying.

"..."

MP: "... Okay y-y-you caught usss... I am M-m-mimic Princess. Please d-do not k-kill me."

"I won't but don't try to insult my intelligence like this. Now, do you have a kingdom that I can return you too?"

>It shakes it's head.

"Great. Are you even really a princess or are you just mimicing one?"

MP: "M-m-m-m-"

"I get it. Alright, any other mimics around?"

MP: "..."

"Well?"

MP: "... The entire t-t-tower."

"..."

>>33150680
Grab mimic princess, hightail it out.
I guess bring the general too.

>>33150680
GODDAMN CALLED IT

>>33150680
Tell mimic priestess it is now our treasury-guard, leave.

>>33150680
Hold your sword to her neck and use her as a hostage while you escape.

Or her waist, since that might not be her actual head.

>>33150680
Aren't you bored of sitting around waiting for adventurers to lure? Join me, I need attack beasts to eat my enemies, and you can see the world, there are so many gullible idiots you could consume that would never have come to the tower.

>>33150680
"Hey Mimic, if you come with me I'll let you eat more people"

>>33150680
Burn the whole tower down. Her too. She isnt even a real princess.

>>33150733
This could work.

>>33150680
"Here's the plan. You're a mimic, so you can speak with other mimics right? So now we go outside, you tell the Tower to move to another country. If it doesn't, we will have it sieged down in couple days, either way, I want it gone off my land. You go with me. I'm gonna accomodate you in palace treasury. You get to eat everyone that goes there, except for once cute boy that's my Equerry. Deal?"

>>33150720
Better yet, relocate her to our own treasury at the royal castle.

>>33150680
Have you guys considered methods of living that aren't based on tricking people into letting you eat them?

Like, say, cattle ranching?

>>33150754
This. We save princesses, not monsters.

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>>33150741

>>33150777
>inviting a human-eating monster into our castle
This is a questionable idea.

>>33150754
Seconding.

>>33150789
It'll be fine.

>>33150777
Yeah, when the creditors come to collect the kingdom's debt, she can just eat them. Budget balanced.

>>33150680
Ask her why she eats people so much. I mean, we can eat bunches of stuff that aren't people.

Maybe put a "warning: mimics" sign outside the tower.

>>33150680
Just burn the place down.

Burn it all.

>>33150818
This. Fire is your only friend.

>>33150818
Seconding.

>>33150818
But Mimic Princess is the best. Why would you do that?

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"Here's the plan. You're a mimic, so you can speak with other mimics right? So now we go outside, you tell the Tower to move to another country far far away. If it doesn't, we will have it sieged down in couple days. Either way, I want it gone off my land. You go with me. I'm gonna accommodate you in palace treasury. You get to eat everyone that goes there, except for that one cute boy that's my Equerry. Deal?"

>The mimic is silent as she contemplates your offer. You can almost literally see the gears turning in her dim mind.
>Finally the dress gives a wide grin and the princess half nods.

MP: "D-d-deal."

>The three of you leave the tower, sidestepping any traps that they came across earlier. Once outside the Mimic Princess stares at the tower intently. Knight Queen hears a low rumbling sound as the tower slowly moves.

That works for me. Now, if she didn't have anything good to offer me I'd kill her but I can't think of a better treasurer than a mimic.

>The Mimic Princess holds out a small box to Knight Queen.

MP: "Thank y-y-you for not killing meee. Thisss is for y-you. If there isss something you need and I h-have it just pull it from the b-box. No matter how f-f-far away we are you will g-get it."

Oh, sweet. An Artifact.

This wasn't a complete waste of time.

Alright, where too next?

>>33150680
>Acquire mimic treasury guard.
>Acquire sentient fortress.
>???
>Become unstoppable.

>>33150849
That artifact is probably a mimic, open it up to check.

>>33150849
The forest tower to the north west!

>>33150849

Uhh...

Which place were we on the map?

>>33150849
Boneyard tower.

>>33150849
Lick the drool from her false, human mouth. Mimic ooze makes for a great energy drink!

>>33149462
Jesus she is old as fuck. I never really noticed till just now.

>>33150849
volcano tower

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>>33150877

>>33150891
She Is Eternal.

>>33150906
Go northwest.
Let's finish this part of the map first.

>>33150906

I'd say the tower on the left corner.

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>>33150906
Lets go to Flaot Tower.

>>33150891
I've always wondered what her reaction would be towards Hellsing Ultimate Abridged's portrayal of her. Probably offended.

>>33150906
Flying tower

>>33150849
What do you even like doing other than trapping people, mimic?

Also what is your name?

>>33150906
North-West forest tower.

>>33150949
The Queen doesn't get mad.
She has people to get mad for her.

>>33150965
she's obviously Mimic Queen, since this quest follows a certain naming pattern.

>>33150906

Northwest Tower.

From there, you can go all the way left to the NE tower, hitting the Lava Tower along the way. Then you can go SW from the lava tower to hit the Mountain Tower, traveling on the road to the water tower and to the other towers on the SW portion of the land. Then you can go east from there to hit up the remaining towers.

If you travel in this fashion, you will be able to hit up each tower in one circuit and minimize traveling off-road/backtracking, excepting any unforeseen encounters or detours.

>>33150906
Might as well go to the forest tower, now that we're here.

Might find some elves.

>>33151001
Or a Dryad Princess

>>33150989
but she's not a princess!

>>33151019
No such thing. Consult the chart.

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"So what's your name, miss?"

MP: "M-mimic P-p-princess."

"Of course. Alright, Human General, take her to the castle. Don't sleep with her."

HG: "Of course not, your grace."

"Seriously." She lowers her voice to a whisper. "She may have teeth -there-"

HG: "I... I see..."

That should stop him.

>The group splits up and Knight Queen goes to examine the forest tower. The land around it is covered in dense woods but there are surprisingly few animals scattered about. There are puddles of water all around but not a cloud in the sky.

Hasn't rained in weeks, too.

>The tower stands in the center of the forest but there is no door, simply a trail of vines leading upward.

Hmm. I've never been the best at climbing these things.

>Climb the vines roll 1d20.
>Come back another time.
>Other.

>>33151031
THEN THE CHART IS INCOMPLETE!

>>33151049
>>Come back another time.
I want Flaot Tower

Rolled 8

>>33151049
>>>Climb the vines roll 1d20.
DESHI DESHI BASA BASA

Rolled 3

>>33151049
>>Climb the vines roll 1d20.

Rolled 12

>>33151049
>>Climb the vines roll 1d20.

Rolled 9

climb!

Rolled 15

>>33151049
Rolling to climb. If we fail, we burn the vines down. And the forest.

Rolled 1

>Climb the vines roll 1d20.

>>33151049

Rolled 8

>>33151049

CLIMB, MONKEY!

>>33151049
>>Other.
Walk around it couple times, poke bricks to see if one doesn't reaveal secret entrance.
Climbing alone and unsecured is a good way to get yourself killed in a slippery accident.

Rolled 5

>>33151049

>>33151049
>That should stop him.
Next time we see him will be with a bleeding bandaged crotch.

>>33151100
Well, THAT should stop him for sure.

Rolled 13

>>33151111
Don't count on it

>>33151049
Just leave it alone. Maybe you can find a grappling hook later.

>>33151078
>>33151085
>>33151073
>>33151068
>>33151067
Nice rolls m8's

>>33151139
Y-you too

>>33151049
>Take a jetpack out of the box

>>33151049
There's a ton of wood around, how long would it take you to construct a ladder?

>>33151049
Wait a second... Rapunzel?

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>The Knight Queen tries to climb the vines numerous times but each time she slips and falls into the hard earth.

...
Perhaps I should not climb in armor...

???: "Excuse me, Sir. You look like you could use some help there."

1/2

Rolled 18

>>33151139
You can't give us a chance to roll dice and expect us not to take it

>>33151172
Oh ho!

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>>33151172
>Knight Queen turns and sees a woman watching her struggles from behind a bush. She has an amused smile on her face and tilts her head.

???: "It's not easy to get up there, Sir."

>Knight Queen notices a crown upon the girl's head.

A princess..? But she's not the right one, I think... She has purple hair.

"Who are you?"

???: "Just a stranger passing by. Couldn't help but hearing your armor slamming into the ground. Need a lift? I can get you up there."

"Sure."

???: "But."

"But?"

???: "If I help you up there I want you to let me talk to the Princess up there."

"Huh? Can't you just do that on your own?"

???: "Haha, she doesn't like me very much. Every time she sees me she locks herself away. But if you could lure her out then maybe I can finally chat with her. What do you say?"

>>33151182
Dammit, where was your roll when we needed it?

>>33151223
Why doesn't she like you? You're not gonna kill her or do anything indecent to her without her consent, right?

>>33151223
deal!

>>33151223
Sounds like a plan.

>>33151223
Sure thing inconspicuous humanoid princess!

>>33151223
"Are you, by chance, a spider?"

>>33151223
Holy shit this princess a QT.
>Ask what manner of creature she is. But in a non-accusatory manner.

>>33151244
Wow fugg off metagamer

>>33151223
She looks legit

>>33151259
Eyesight is metagaming?

Was our protagonist ever specified to be visually impaired?

>>33151223
>She has an amused smile on her face and tilts her head.
Anime adaptation by Shaft confirmed.

>>33151223
>What do you say?
Sure, you can talk to her. But please don't attempt to harm her or anything.

>>33151223
"I think that depends on her, but I'll put in a good word for you."

>>33151223
Why does she lock herself away?
What will you talk about?

If you're a mimic I swear to my sword I will cut you

>>33151313
Wrong kind of head tilt. Think less SHAFT and more ara ara~

>>33151223
I don't mind, so long as you don't do anything horrible.

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"Sure but just don't hurt her or anything."

???: "I won't~"

>Knight Queen spots a rather large mass behind the princess. Far too big to be anything human.

"... Miss, are you a spider?"

???: "Hahaha~"

>She leaps out from behind the bush and in one swift motion grabs Knight Queen and tosses her onto her... Cephalothorax?

DP: "I'm a Drider. Now, stay quiet."

>She begins to silently ascend the tower.

1/2

>>33151369
>drider
I know this is autistic as all hell but it drives me up a wall when I see that term applied to anything but drow spider people.

>>33151369
I know one shouldn't make comments about lady's derrière, but damn, she's a qt.

>>33151402
What else would you call them?

>>33151369
Wait, why are we sneaking?