>>33087664
My lord, to get out of this funk you must start at the basics. Go around and prank people.

>>33087716
you fool he just killed the Jester god of Chaotic Evil and puppy kicking. the only way for him to die is to be pranked by a mortal king.

>>33087664
Have you tried to give a puppy to a child, my Lord? Perhaps it will turn into a hellish hound. Or the child grow up to become a terrifying beastmaster.

>>33087837
This just may work my lord, reverse psychology and all that nonsense.

>>33087837
>>33087889
Damn! Damn it all to the void!

Believing his actions a moment of weakness, an assassin hired by the remnants of the old Royal Family tried to attack.

The Great Overlord, of course, gutted the fool with ease, but the entire crowd saw him apparently defend the young child (and his puppy) from a Royalist rebel.

A statue in his honour has already been commissioned!

>>33087995
Christ man, set fire to some houses and rape/pillage a town

>>33087837
We did this when we were making werewolves. Which turn out to be pretty docile, loyal soldiers though.

>>33087716
>>33088045
That's how Rulers week holiday started

Have you tried summoning evil deities from beyond the veil?
Also, how is this not something /tg/ has had for years yet? I demand someone write a storytime about this.

>>33087664
>>33088148

I know: raises the taxes, and use the money create an extremely boring and tedious administration.

My Leige, why not engage the surrounding provinces in a Grand War? Even if they send Adventure parties after you, the Adventurers will be confused by how highly you are regarded by your subjects...

Allow you Kingdom to love you, let your enemies fear you, and remember; A happy workforce is a more Productive workforce... you can have your Armies of Darkness equipped with weapons and armour of higher quality due to the Blacksmith Wanting to make the best armour for your soldiers, rather than the shoddy work that most Armies of Darkness get from the people who despise and fear their ruler...

In fact, your greatest achievement is fooling everyone into thinking that you are in fact a 'Good King' rather than the Evil Tyrant you are!!!
Truly a Evil Mastermind of epic proportions!

Capture every single woman in the village, rape the ones you think are good and put them into your harem and then kill the rest.

>>33088285
Hmm.... I had thought this ridiculous misconception about being Good was a useless annoyance, but you say is can be exploited for Evil?

Tell me more.

>>33088285
It is true that it is best to be loved and feared than only feared.

My Lord, good fortune seems to be upon you. Would it not be wise to accept this boon, even if the flavor displease you? I must remind you that your predecessor, may the fleas eat his souls, had already lost half his territory by this time in his reign?

>>33088353
Yes my lord, use your loyal subjects to conquer the rest of the lands. They will throw themselves at your feet for a chance to serve their 'Good' king.

>>33088353
Well, you see, my Lord, "Good" is, by essence, a constructive force. It allows people to work on their project without getting killed. For exemple, your late Great Sorcerer, Xanarch, would probably have finished his phylactery and reached lichdom if his apprentice didn't poison his wine one week before the time required by the ritual. And if people are focused on their work, they can achieve better results in a shorter time.

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My Lord, if I might make a suggestion?

Our illustrious fathers and mothers in darkness laboured endlessly in the cause of evil, but if one were to be quite honest their achievements never amounted to much. Yes, the pillar of screaming skulls raised by Arghmar the Annihilator was impressive, and yes, the creation of the Glass Spiders of the Dancing Black was the toast of the Doomlady's court, but they weren't exactly long-term investments were they? Heroes, time, destiny, chosen-ones-from-bucolic-farmsteads - all have put paid to the deeds of the Dark.

What we have here, most potent of potentates, is an opportunity. For whatever reason, the fools love you. More to the point, they TRUST you. I say we exploit this to its fullest. In ages past we were limited to burning homesteads and slaughtering roustabouts with swords and mythic destinies, forced to conscript from the monsters and men too stupid or cowardly to strike out on their own. We have the makings of a kingdom. Money! Power! International prestige! You must think bigger, bigger than any Dark Lord in history - I see a future where you are crowned supreme ruler of all that is, and the fools will GIVE you the power of their own free will!

Think of it - those who join you shall be yours to command, and fight for their "noble" king. Those who resist shall be struck down. There will be chaos! Heroes will fight each other, some may even join us (for are we not turning over a new leaf? Do they not sense the good in you? Oh my, so noble, so brave, such acting talent)

And if we are cast down (by heroes or by a stronger Dark Lord it matters little), then I suspect this new "golden age" will go with it. Chaos. Murder. Banditry. All that good stuff. Evil will triumph, but until then, let us rule as though it already has.

>>33088502
>>33088441
>>33088383
Very wall! If the deluded fools are determined to love their conqueror, we shall make use of that.

Every town is to provide a tithe of arms and armour.

Every farming village is to offer 20% of their harvest for my armies.

And issue a Call to Arms. Let my Legions of Terror swell! Let my armies march forth and carve my Empire out of the surrounding lands!

>>33088680
My liege, let your army march to war with rad songs of just war and honoured fallen! They shall fight harder with such kickassery and our enemies shall grow jealous of our sick tunes and deflect!

>>33088194
The ones from hells tried to invade the world some time ago at a faraway place caused Aus or Straya. Turns out that place was bad enough to make them say" Lets go back to hell", So now they want nothing to do with this realm. As for the ancient ones aren't answering my summon after I tried to poison the grand lake and ended up killing the slumbering city at the bottom.

>>33088205
How do you think you're here

>>33088285
Back from your diplomatic tour ambassador? Well I'm sad to inform you the operation to dig the demon out of the Mythril was a failure. The damn thing wants to be a farmer. Upside is that abundance of Mythril and Frank's carrots has become popular brand.

>>33088336
Succubi. There were succubi trying to convert the women. The women are now battle nuns.

>>33088680

My Lord! I know this new plan seems good. And it does seem good. Perfect really! But I want to offer a suggestion that will make you want to toss me into the pit of slightly dulled blades, so please spare me long enough to hear me out!

What if you just did good instead?

Introduce taxes, m'lord. 'Tis the most diabolical thing which can be spawned into society!

>>33088817
Into the pit

>>33088817
Chop the nonbeliever's ankles off!

>>33088817
TORTURE HIM TO DEATH WITH SERRATED ANAL DILDOES AND URETHRAL BEADS!

>>33088817
Give him a pony!

... a nasty pony.

>>33088843
The on duty torturer preformed the standard questioning of prisoners before he was flung into the pit.

It seems he was an enemy agent, working for the northern City States. The fool was originally sent to sabotage your rule; assassinate you if the opportunity arose. It seems he was alarmed about your intended campaign of conquest and made a foolish attempt to divert your plans.

>>33088843
>>33088905
>>33088971


Alright. Heading to the torture room before heading to the pit.

I guess m'lord will never hear about my plan to conquer the world through my most evil plot of being good.

NO IT'S FINE! I DON'T MIND THAT MY YEARS OF LOYAL SERVICE DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING! THIS ISN'T AS HURTFUL AS THE TIME YOU ALL FORGOT MY BIRTHDAY, SO HA!

>>33089047
WE'RE EVIL. WE IGNORED IT ON PURPOSE, YOU DUMB FUCK.

>>33089047
It was your birthday? shit sorry we forgot. Still into the pit.

>>33089105
Just because were evil doesn't mean we have to be jerks!

>>33089107
Oh well. I am not going to scream though. In fact I am going to tell a one liner before I fall in. And I plan to come back as a ghost and haunt you all, and inconvenience you!

I... I kinda see why I got a D in Evil back at minion school, now...

>>33088383
>>33088502
Wait you two didn't realize put 2 and 2 together to figure that the wretch king was trying to steal lichdom from Xanarch.

>>33088614
Look you are not understanding! I can do no evil!
I could stab you in the face and you would turn out to be a shapeshifting assassin. As for your point I fear it is to late that I have made a change for good for the entire world.

>>33088680
Governor when haven't we've been at status?

>>33088767
O great you are responsible for this music revolution. You see what I'm talking about! I tasked you with making words of horror but instead it comes out the greatest musical sensation.

>>33088817
Damn it Bill! We've been over this. "Good" does not conquer the world.

>>33089439
My lord, Bill may be an idiot but if when you do evil good happens why not do nothing. That way you wouldn't cause any good and the evil you stop would continue.

>>33089439
My leige, I can send word to a great enchanter who promises his hexes will, and I quote, "Surround their victims with misery and death or your money back." Perhaps if you got yourself cursed some bad things might start happening around you. Shall I send a letter?

>>33089439

Well as long as I can stall for time from the pit...

M'lord I know you hate good, but think about this. What do the lesser humans, who are not you, long for? I know this answer will upset you due to your condition, but people want to be loved, above all else.

Think of all the stories told, they end in love.

So with this fact stated,I have a three part plan to get you everyone's love and admiration, control of this world, and to further turn this world into a world of cutthroat people living empty and meaningless lives.

Throw me into the pit or don't, but please m'lord ignore his plan to do nothing! Evil committed by another is not the same as the evil committed by you! It's just a dry spell your in. We can do this m'lord!

>>33088817
No wait. He has a point. What if your efforts to do good also hilariously backfire? Start an orphanage, perhaps it will burn to the ground with all inside. Hire outside men to plant your fields to give your citizens rest, and it may be that they are agents of another kingdom, salting your soil. Clean the lakes and bays, and the leviathans may return to your waters. This has potential, your hideous excellency.

>>33089439
My Lord, what if we started a rumor that all your seemingly "good" actions where only a plot to lower the force of light's vigilance? The heroes would start undoing evrything you do, and you'll get the credit for it!

>>33089974
No you fool, the Heroes would be blamed by the people and our lord would be painted as the good one.

>>33090032
But then we pretend our Lord hired them. Or tricked them into doing his bidding.

>>33089692
The last time I did nothing two cults formed. One who thought my seclusion was meditating to a higher state of being and the other thought I was dying. The first tried to "imitate" me, while the second self-sacrificed years of their lives to extend mine and offered parts of their souls so that if I died I would reincarnate into them.

>>33089699
I tried this once, went to an ancient burial ground. Long story short I'm the king of ghosts now. Also I think Charming Hex is a conman.

>>33089833
1. That's the origins of the Royal Firefighting Pyromancers. 2. Lord Reginald O. Mero was growing something else besides crops on his estate, zombies. Turns out salt is a natural deterrent for zombies. 3. I forgot to mention that leviathan fillet is whats being served tonight.

>>33090452
King of the ghosts? Why not just have your ghosts terrorize the townspeople indiscriminantely. Surely not every townsperson can secretly be an enemy of the state.

>>33090753
...

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>>33090452
Well you my liege in a right pickel, when you do something bad it turns good, and doing good is just stupid, so my suggestion is to either go full apocalyptic. call down meteors every other hour, burn down and destroy every building then raise volcanoes in their places, have your armies salt and burn every square inch of your land on a weekly basis, turn all the water in your land into uncoolable molten lava, have plague carries skull fuck random people to death every day and throw the bodies at orphans. Or fake your death and move to a land so far away they dont even speak the same language that our neighbors neighbors speak, then start again.
SO SAYS THE MAGIC CONCH
OOLOOLOOLOOLOOL

Have you tried neutral behaviour, my liege?

>>33090452
Have you tried tuning it off and on again?

>>33090452
A simple Solution, my lord.
Have a child.

Everyone knows they're all little bastards when growing up, and if he inherits your skills, imagine the carnage he could inflict!
Plus, you get to pick the finest maiden in the land, and nobody would think any the worse!

My Lord. I think it might be time we face the facts. No use telling ourselves it's not true any more. You may just be... Good. God-blessed, and actually incapable of doing wrong. I know none of us wants to consider this, but the facts to it being a very real possibility.

>>33094979
>God-blessed

which pitiless deity would torment a man by forcing him to watch as everything he stands for is eroded by his own hand?!
Clearly we must find this dark god and topple him

>>33093409
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8ws_APXilE

begone you neutral fiend

>>33095039
No! We mustn't! That would just be another good act to kill such a cruel deity, and His 'blessing' would almost certainly remain!

>>33095145
Nono, we must actualy find a way to kill this god. I think it might be one with screwy ideas on "redemption". Imagine what could happen to our cause and the world in general if that deity "blessed" all the other villains of less mental fortidue.

>>33095145
Don't you know anything about overlords?
They can absorb the dark energy that encases creatures of evil.
A Dark god would be a great bounty!
Send yourself to Gnarl so he can explain it better

>>33092904
Meh. I don't have a particular strong feeling about this either way

>>33093409
I don't know if this made it better or worse. Some guy with wings and a flaming sword showed up. Don't know what he wanted I just threw whatever I can grab till he left, sorry Bill. Now I got people spouting nonsense about a prophecy.

>>33093464
After what happened with the first two? The girl was "Kidnapped" by the dragon and by kidnapped I mean she won't fucking leave. She's a gold digger that hellbent on wooing the dragon.
As for the boy he was all ways getting into mischief, actually getting kidnapped and such. I remember when he was being held hostage the whole place caught fire and only he came out unscathed. Currently he is in his rebellious stage. He ran away trying to be a "Hero"..... He's probably the reason we have all these adventurers .

>>33095317
>As for the boy he was all ways getting into mischief, actually getting kidnapped and such. I remember when he was being held hostage the whole place caught fire and only he came out unscathed.
forgive me, lord, but that sounds quite optimal.
Regardless of claiming heroism (what rebellious scion of evil DOESN'T?) fire is always good, and evil always finds a way

Have you tried being subtly evil? Perhaps if you did good things that have disturbing moral implications like turning the dead into a type of edible paste, and have it become a staple if your citizens' diet.

>>33095317
Have you tried asking your citizens to act like they live in fear and awe of your oppression and power? They hold you in very high regard, so I'm sure they would be willing.

My lord, if I may, have you tried burning everything and I literally mean everything, the ground, the air, the trees, the people, the buildings, the dragons, everything. Cover it all in the cleansing fires of evil.

>>33095317
M'lord, have you considered making more decrees? Imagine if you would, a world in which you need a license to drive a carriage or ride a horse. In order to get this license, one must wait in a practically endless line in order to take a written competency test, followed by a riding test with a gibbering gnome sitting on your shoulder, rating your feeble attempt at horse riding. Imagine what a hell that would be.

>>33095702
"I just tried."

>I've apparently ended up starting an internationally famous acting group

>>33095702

That would be the best fucking kingdom ever. An evil overlord who's so shit at being evil that he manages magnificent empires, but all the citizens pretend to be afraid so that he doesn't catch on.

>>33095317
M'lord, it's as simple as it is devious. National Kender Appreciation Day.

>this thread is now in suptg. Remember to upvote by decree of his supreme evilness OP.

>>33095702
I can see it happen already. "Upon request of our wise and beloved king, we pretended to fear and hate him for an entire week. Even though such notions are preposterous, we were sure he had his reasons. It turns out that there was a greater demon lurking beneath our city feeding on our happiness, when the city suddenly became unsustainable for him, he fled the city!"

>>33096004
Poorly written, but I'm tired (and this thread is keeping me up). Pretend that last sentence didn't repeat itself over and over.

>>33087664
Sir, if I may?
Ban the use of coasters.

>>33096138
He wants to rule the world, why would he destroy it so irreparablely?

>>33096138
There's a fine line between evil and...that. I don't think our lord (mighty is he) is THAT heartless.

>>33096004
'We respected his request so well, entire droves of sprites, pixies, and fairies have been coming to the city every day! Their wish granting, boons and gifts mean the city has never been happier since the time after the 'Week of Feigned Oppression!' Long live Overlord!

>>33096138
He tried that, remember? Turned out that Mimic eggs look quite similar to coasters, and the ban uprooted a vile plot concocted by the neighboring kingdom to cause unrest in the country.

>>33096250
>Week of Feigned Oppression
I had a hearty chuckle

>>33095621
What do you think the necromancers do with the fleshy bits from the donated body they get for their skeletons.

>>33095780
That's how we found out that one sorcerer plan to replace people with puppets.

>>33095702
The servants can act on a dime while the citizen s eventually learn, this has lead to some incredible actors. What gets me is the children.
Last time I was out in public a pack children were following me whenever I would look in their direction they would flee laughing scream. The smallest of the pack even came up and hugged my leg.

My liege, I think it is as simple as passing arbitrary laws with unduly harsh punishments and crashing smallfolks' wedding ceremonies and demanding the right of first night. That will sow dislike among your people.

>>33096402
smallest of the pack even came up and hugged my leg.

what was it really when you zapped it?

>>33096461
Criminalize generous acts! If your own actions are doomed to fail, at least you can cause second-hand mayhem.

>>33096402
have you try ed raping?

>>33096491

Any person caught giving away excess change away to the homeless, or less fortunate, shall be hereby punished for unlawful redistribution of wealth and be put in the stocks and beaten with a stick. Any who accepts donations from such individuals shall be seen as a thief, and their offending hand shall be lopped off.

All loans must be given with a weekly 25% interest rate, and failure to repay the full sum within the allotted time period shall be punished by imprisonment. Further, failure to pay by the alloted time shall come with a monthly penalty fee for each month you do not pay past your initial due date. This fee cannot be waved while you are imprisoned for failing to pay back your debts.

>>33095953
You would think it would attract kenders. All the people learned slight of hand. They all ways catch kenders with their grubby hand in the whatever and manage to steal from the kenders at the same time. We know have great magicians.

>>33096490
A damn kender trying to take my stuff.

>>33096461
Thats how I got my third wife and how the princess was conceived. Told you she was a gold digger. Turns out a lot of people had objections to the wedding. Turns out she was some sort of royalty from a mountain fortress.

>>33096513
You'd be surprised by how many people named Ed that are into that.

>>33096796

Have you tried poisoning the wells?

>>33096766
This killed two birds with one stone. It exposed a foreign plot to destabilize the economy by spreading forgeries and caught the infamous Pity Mugger gang.

I turned down the second part not for good intentions, but because the dragon suggested it and I hate that fucking dragon.

>>33097249
That's how we discovered that well mimic exist. They are kinda like artificial pitcher plants

>>33097314
>>33097426

I think it is time to accept that you are the good an just king of this land and allow yourself to grow complacent and one day allow your son to plot and assassinate you so that he may ascend to the throne. Best to start becoming emotionally abusive and dismissive of his now so that he grows to have an inferiority complex and grow resentful of you for never acknowledging his achievements. You should probably hire cruel sellswords to teach him how to fight as well, and perhaps he'll even come to see them as father figures, which will give him just enough drive when you order them all beheaded. Probably do the same to any romances he attains after he hits puberty.

He will succeed in achieving the tyranny you seek, my liege.

Ok. Here's the plan. There are a large amount of celestials that want to murder all humans. If you were to summon me, I could implement this plan.

Enough of my true name to summon me would be െയാണെന്നു പ്ര so, just get summoning and I'll help.

>>33097426

Not a good time, my lord? Some representatives from the Naturalists' Guild want to present you with a decoration for scientific progressiveness. Said they never knew mimics could grow that big.

>>33097786
Its that guy with wings again! Do I have to throw Bill at you again?

That was my brother െയാ†à´£àµà´¨àµà´¨àµ പ്ര who created the utopia several countries over.

If you had pronouced my damn name right, I could be murdering and killing right now. I love fire and brimstone. Destruction is work of art.

And make sure not to accidentally summon െയാണవന്വ¨àµ† പ്ര

Last time he was summoned, he ushered that land into a thousand years of peace.

>>33097817
I still think that grand dungeon is the mature version, some kind of massive mimic that eats tons of treasure with lesser mimics and gel cubes as parasites or some immune system.

>>33097865
Then you would want to visit Armageddon Land the worlds most safest, family friendly, and entertaining theme park and resort in the world. Resulting from a failed doomsday spells.

>>33095933
This is now going to show up in one of my games.

>>33098007

We'll take note of that, m'lord. They're hiring parties to search out the grand dungeon and find more specimens. Anyway, they're sending you a plaque and naming the scientific term of the well mimic after you. "Craterii Mimicus Overlordus" or something like that.

>>33090753
I can see the people being quite pleased with this. They get to meet all their old friends again and get a new perspective on history.

My lord, how about you actually do throw a spear out the window, aim for a child just to try it.

>>33088045
Oh no, not the raping again! We aren't throught all of the problems that where caused by your last unvoluntary fornication campaign!

First woman ravaged turned out to be both extremely timid and married to a sterile man. Seems like they begged the gods for a child to raise every night.

They sent you "Thank you" letters for months and decided to name their now soon to be daughter after you.


After this setback you decided to go younger. Remember the 9 year old you fucked right in front of her biology class? The papers thanked you for bringing attention to sexual education.

Ever since that unvoluntary pregnancy before adulthood is down by almost 50%. Young Emily was quoted with "Best schoolday ever, I've meet our king!".


The last girl admittably fought back, clawed at you and as soon as you stopped pounding her publicaly on the market square run for her life. We thought this would at least cause a minor rebellion or at least a lawsuit.
But you all know how it ended. She was a member of the "Prostitute guild" and as one of the rules has to get paid before doing the deed. While she was kicked out for not getting paid, they let her join back after she got so many customers that wanted to try the whore that was picked by his majesty.
The guild ruled it that she was paid with advertising. We've got quite a few letters from her colleagues that would like to receive a bit of advertising too...

>>33100511
Sure if you would have taken more and more women one would hopefully complain. But think of the large scale issues your actions caused:

The "Evil league of evil dictators and demons" sent you a warning letter that they accept evil behaviour, but even they draw a line with rape. If you continue to do so, they threaten to declare war on you.
Those blasted paladins you attracted will make short work of their armies no doubt, but we have to think of your image your cruelness! If we're at war with all the evil kingdoms ... we're practically good by definition.

And remember that fertility goodess attention you've managed to attract? She gave you a boon that make meadows grow wherever you walk. We're still trying to burn down your old bedroom, but the plants keep comming back!
For weeks it was impossible to summon demons because they would return straight to hell after seeing the person who summoned them is sparkling and standing in a lush rainforest.

>>33100532
Actually, starting a war with the Evil league of evil dictators and demons might just cause things to get even worse on their lands, heightening evil across the globe! Then, we just launch mediocre and undermanned assaults on them to keep them riled up and cranking their evil up to 11!

>>33100532
If you're going to sacrifice children, you might as well not give a fuck about far lesser crimes like rape.

>>33100511
... my lord... I just got word that an order of Paladins have burned the Dark Library and placed your banner over the ashes... They then declared you a "beacon of righteousness" and are razing Necropolis in your honor...

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I wonder what his majesty's son is up to...

>>33100700
For our lords sake I hope he isn't volunteering in the big brother program the orphanage that's still standing is running.

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>>33100776
We all know how that would end.

My lord, I offer a last resort solution for your consideration.

If the kingdom will not accept that you are evil, it may be necessary to "wipe the slate clean" so to speak. Send your armies to raze the whole kingdom, leave none alive, then move to the next kingdom and usurp power, starting again. Though it would require starting again from scratch, it would undeniably prove your evilness to all.
If somehow razing the kingdom backfires as well, I fear there may be more to this than we originally thought, and we will have to figure out how an entire kingdom managed to be covertly evil without us knowing.

My Lord, I have slept on the problem and I think I have come up with the appropriate solution. Eugenics. Most people will be fine if you don't impede their right to have children but with this you can do so under the guise of "Good". And since some one needs to control the direction of the program you can push your populace towards deviance and debauchery. Imagine a people forced into incest with a side of sadomasochism. Even if some how you come out as good scholars for centuries will discuss you and some will call you one of the most evil sovereigns to ever exist.

Isn't it obvious my lord? If your deepest attempts at evil do only good, then you must try as hard as possible to do good in order to accomplish evil.

>>33088205

How the hell do you think you got hired in the first place?

>>33088285

We already tried that but the neighbourhood countries gladly annexed themselves claiming we were better than the old administration. Then we beat back the people trying to retake the countries and now everyone is calling it the great Freedom War!

>>33088614

You're if possibly more incompetent at this than our own Overlord.

>>33088680

We've already disarmed everyone! It reduced criminality by 50%! As for taxes, since our army is currently on a stand-by, the money was mostly spent on building new roads (and for the record, 20% is one of the lowest tithes on the continent. People practically smiled when they turned over the money)