Pepperoni City. A place where pizza reigns supreme. Once a metropolis of cheesy delight; the years have turned it into a dystopian battleground where corrupt cops and roaming gangs prey on the population, wringing every last crumb of crust out of the citizens.Ten years ago you were part of the police force, but when your wife was kidnapped by a pizza gang, your boss Chief Domino ordered for a Pizza Pop on their base. All you found in the rubble was your wedding ring among your wife's melted remains.But now, you're a Pizza Racer. With nothing but your bike and a cheese gun, you deliver pizza to places a lesser deliveryman wouldn't dare. Thirty minutes or less, and they've got free reign to shoot your face off and take your pizza. Rival pizza companies, bandits fiending for cheese and your former employers always trying to find excuses to do box inspections.Your name is Digiorno. And this is your story...We've driven this too far before we even set off, but let's keep going until we crash.
"Digiorno!" You're having a cigarette when your boss Totino calls for you. The man makes the best pizza in all of Pepperoni and he's got the belly to show you that he isn't afraid of his talents."What is it Totino?" You step into the kitchen through the door in the back."Digiorno, we gots a new employee and I needs ya to show 'em the ropes!" Beside Totino stands a barely legal and thin looking youth. Neat black hair down to the bottom of the nape, big green eyes wearing your work's uniform, a real contrast to the fat balding man beside you."Who's this small slice?" You hardly have time to train a newbie, the pizza world is hot enough as it is."Let me introduce you to Jeno! My brother croaked on some cold crusts the other day and this kid came here to learn how to pizza. Babysit 'em for a little bit would ya?""I'm not a kid. And I don't need to be babysat." Jeno's eyes roll."I gotta tune up my bike before it blows and comb my hair before it frizzles." Since your wife died, your only love has been your beautiful pompadour."Do it Digiorno, and I'll give you extra cheese for free on your next ten orders.">What do you do?
>>32789813Extra cheese will be useful, Deal.
>>32789813Show the kid the ropes
>>32789813Agree to teach the kid, possibly with innuendos, and leer a socially acceptable amount.
>>32789813Can't resist that cheeseThis is great OP
>>32789813accept to teach the kid. that's for his best
>>32789813Agree to teach the kid, then shamelessly hit on the kid.
"Real cheese this time Totino, not that processed shit you keep screwing me over with.""Then it's a done deal! Come on Jeno, big guy over there will show you around. And don't worry, he won't bite.""I'm more worried his hair will." Jeno says, carrying a smug look. That kid better not have just insulted your hair...You show Jeno around the place, Totino's really isn't that big. A kitchen in the back, a front end most usually occupied by drunk wrecks trying to sober up, and a whole lot of greasy love trapped into the walls from years of questionable food service practices."So you're the deliveryman?" Jeno asks."I'm the Pizza Racer." Deliveryman isn't wrong, but you don't want to be compared to those no-good bacon bits that do their work around the green zones."Pizza racer?""I deliver pizza to dangerous places with nothing but my bike and a gun. Making sure that the poor folk locked down in the reds by police-robots can get a delicious meal. I'm no deliveryman, I'm a Pizza Racer." You flex your muscles, your arms are extra thick crusted."That's fucking stupid." Jeno sighs unimpressed, "I'm just going to knead dough or something until closing." The kid starts walking over to the kitchen, you can't help but notice how tight the pants on that uniform is.Nice butt or not though, your profession has been mocked and Jeno is kneading all wrong! You should go for a ride, or maybe show the kid how to do it.>What do you do?
>>32790248Show them how it's done.
>>32790248Show him how to knead dough, then knead his sweet ass cheeks until he gets it right.
>>32790248Time for a hands-on lesson!
>>32790248He just don't get it yet, take him out when we get a job
>>32790248Take him with you on a run. That'll change his tune.
>>32790248show the kidhe screws up that dough and Totion'll freak out
>>32790248grab the package and put him on the back of your bike for the next ride
>All these pizza punsI don't think I can take much more of this
>>32790339They are pretty cheesy.
>>32790248Show him how to knead that dough and then we can take him out for a ride along
>>32789798Wait, is this actually happening?Is Pizza Racers actually happening?PAULCON 1
No point wasting fuel until you get a job. For now, you'll show that piece of sweet dough how to knead sweet dough."You're doing it wrong kid." You place yourself behind Jeno, overlaying your hands. Jeno's hands are white and soft like the insides of a soft bread."I'm eighteen, so stop calling me a kid. Your hands are sweaty and you smell like ash so stop touching me!""NOT UNTIL YOU GET IT RIGHT KID. PIZZA IS SERIOUS BUSINESS!" You can't let the Totino name fall into the luscious hands of some green-horn that can't tell apart a white from a whole-grain. You look down, watching closely. The unbuttoned and oversized shirt of the Totino's uniform sits loosely on Jeno's body; sweat is building on the flat chest of your new apprentice. Totino must've thrown together what remained of the outfits of your last two hires; that unfortunate fratboy didn't make it past his first delivery, the skinny hipster girl ran out the door after just one person threw up on her."How fucking hard is it to knead do- JESUS YOU DON'T HAVE AN ERECTION DO YOU?""THAT'S MY GUN. I KEEP IT CONCEALED WHERE THE COPS WON'T CHECK.""WHY THE FUCK DO YOU NEED A GUN AT A DELIVERY JOINT?""PIZZA..." You take a pause, maybe you shouldn't be yelling. "Pizza is serious business." It looks like you got this dough nicely rounded out. "Alright, now let me see you do one on your own." You take your hands off...
Aw man, I was excited for Pizza Racers and it turned into fetish shit.
>>32790676Here's the premise:>>32789028
"Fucking dad chokes on crust, and now I have to work at my uncles fucking pizza joint while some fucking freak sticks a gun in my buns." Jeno grumbles while getting to work on another putty of uncooked dough."You're not doing it right, do you need more help?""No! It's fucking pizza. If you're so hot on this then why don't you do some work, there's more fucking dough to knead everywhere!" Totino really needs to invest in a swear jar."Fine!" You lunge forward, grabbing at the squishiest buns you see. Your thick fingers mash into it, working into the texture of the cloth overlaid to keep it warm. It jiggles to the touch, put a little heat into it and you'll have yourself something delicious to sink your teeth into."WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU TOUCHING MY ASS?" Jeno is backing up on that suggestion quickly."This is how you knead dough!"Jeno swings a leg back, kicking you square in the jaw. You stumble onto your bottom."Fuck this! I quit, I fucking quit. This is stupid, and Pizza Racers are stupid and I'm out of here!""HEY, DIGIORNO! WE GOT A DELIVERY TO MAKE!" Totino bursts into the kitchen, waving his chubby arms over his head, "Grab your bike, someone wants three baconations and a vegetarian!"Jeno is stomping away, in sheer disrespect of your honourable profession. You've got thirty minutes to get riding, and who knows how long it'll take to convince him to go along?>What do you do?
>>32790770Grab the little shit, truss him up, and throw him onto the back of your pizza bike.
>>32790770No other choice, grab him and make him come with us on our delivery
>>32790770Pick him up and throw him on the bike.
>>32790770throw him on the bike, if you drive fast enough he won't jump down
>>32790770Yell semi-coherent things at him - if he wants to be treated like a man, then he has to act like one, and that means not bitching out at the first sign of difficulty! If he's a real man he'll grab those fucking pizzas and you'll show him why pizza racers are the most badass motherfuckers he'll ever meet.If that don't work, kidnap the little shit.
>>32790883This. Shit that only half makes sense is the best way of convincing anyone of things.
>>32790883Yeah that'll workConfuse him and bring him along before he snaps out of it
Rape and Kidnapping within the first 50 posts, done by the MC./tg/ what the hell.
>>32790920What are you talking about? There's been no rape, and the kidnapping hasn't happened yet!
>>32790931Yeah, and the rape was only attempted!
>>32790942It wasn't attempted rape, just a little friendly groping!
>>32790960We're clearly past the point where this needs to stop.Do we keep going and see what happens?
>>32791000We were at that point the minute OP posted.
>>32791000Lets play pretend.
>>32791000We go all the way to the end!
>>32791000>stoppingno need to resist, i know you're loving it ~
"Stop Jeno!" You yell, turning Jeno's head and summoning forth the kid's annoyed face. "If you want to stop being treated like a kid, you have to stop acting like one! Stop letting things get past your thin crust and harden up! Go grab some pizzas; we're going on a delivery.""We're not going on a delivery, you are. This stupid!""You're just a piece of dough who needs to be moulded! You're angry about the half-baked world that cooked your father and I'm going to show you how to get back at it! Pizza Racer style!""That's... what? I don't even understand what you're talking about.""GOOD. NOW LET'S GO." You grab Jeno and tuck him under your armpit, running for the door out back as if you had a thirty-minute delivery to make. Because you have a thirty-minute delivery to make."I already put the pizzas on your bike Digiorno! Now go deliver them for the good name of Totino's!" Totino waves you off as you put your delivery cap on the tip of your pompadour. The thing just doesn't fit very well on your head."Oh my god, this is the stupidest shit ever." Jeno shakes his head, having quickly given up...>CONT
More pizza plz
>>32791103Q. How come the kid being molested and abducted is 18?Shouldn't he be tasty 16, delicious 14, or godly shota 12?18 is a bit old for trapping.
>>32791103Needs more pizza puns
>>32791127"All characters depicted in this work are 18 or over"
>>32791152Surely fictional characters are exempt from any "laws". Especially laws pertaining to always-horny homosexuals.
You really ought to have worked on your bike like you said you would, the thing is going to explode any day now. It makes growling noises as you drive it out of the alley and into the streets of Pepperoni."A-are you sure this is safe?" Jeno clings closely to your back."NO!" You declare proudly as you slam your foot into the pedal. There's not a second to waste, you've only twenty-eight minutes left to make this delivery. The street light at the end of the block has been broken for weeks, and you're fairly certain it was green when you last saw it."I'M GOING TO DIIIIIE!" Jeno yells while you go from nearly still to breaking long lost speed limits in an instant, blasting across the front of Tomino's as well as the two adjacent inferior pizza places. In thirty seconds, you pass the border between the safe greens and the alarming red zones where the pizza gangs lurk."Hold on tight kid, we'll be running into trouble soon.""Trouble!? We're delivering FUCKING PIZZA!""I take it you've never been to the reds." As you say that, the sound of unfamiliar bikes lurks up behind you. It's The Pizza Banditos, they're always waiting around here hoping to vulture an easy meal. Two riders in nothing but leather jackets and tight pants, waving rolling pins over their heads. You have a bike, a gun, a kid, four pizzas and the most deadly weapon of all; your head to work with.>What do you do?
>>32791264Wave our naked ass at the Banditos and say "Come and get it boys~ :3".Wait no.Wave JENO's naked ass at the Banditos and say "Come and get it boys~ :3"
>>32791264Cheese 'em in the face.
>>32791264Try and shoot out the lead bandito, hopefully he'll pinball the others down
>>32791264Use gun on men. Try to look swag for Jeno while doing so. Try even harder to not crash.
>>32791307This, banditos are always gay. They take the bait and you turn the corner, causing them to fall
>>32791264shoot on the road in front of them, their wheels will slide on the cheese and they'll crash
>>32791264Drive through the nearest building, making ninety degree turns through hallways before bike-jumping out a second story window.
Rolled 1>>32791307>>32791321>>32791323>>32791336>>32791351>>32791370>>32791374All of these
Give gun to Jeno to shoot while you go stunts.
>>32791416Give "gun" to Jeno to "shoot" while you go "stunts".
You reach a hand back, pulling down the back of Jeno's pants to reveal a plushy full moon to The Pizza Banditos."WHAT THE FUCK!?" Jeno tries to fix himself, but each time an arm leaves your side reaching for the waist the kid starts to slip up."Trust me kid!" You stick your hand down your jeans and draw your cheese gun, "COME AND GET IT BOYS!" Your lips curl in an awkward way."Senor! You do not only offend me by sticking a butt in my face but you also offend me with your offensive face!" One of the banditos revs forward, you turn and stick your arm to the side, spraying warm mozzarella in his face. It splatters across his moustache and then catches in his eyes. He screams as he spins out of control backwards, slamming into the rider behind him. Unfortunately two more quickly crop up to replace their fallen friends, you drive into the nearest building to ward them off."Pass." You drop your gun backwards into Jeno's hand as you make a turn sharper than Totino's slices to avoid the pizza rolls being thrown at you by your aggressive pursuers."What the fuck do I do with this!?""Shoot!""I CAN'T HIT A BUNCH OF DUDES ON MOTORCYCLES!""Shoot the floor!" You pull your bike up as you come into the stairs, keeping one hand on your handle and the other on the neck of Jeno's shirt to keep him balanced. Your charge presses down on the trigger, spraying cheese along the way behind you. Your pursuers see it too late as they turn, getting caught into it before crash...
Rolled 6, 6, 5, 4, 4 = 25>>32791627>!tq5d6mSfQ2
Your wheels tear through the door at the top of the stairs, giving a big surprise to a pair of children watching cartoons in what appears to be an apartment room."DON'T REPEAT WHAT YOU SEE ADJACENT TO THE TV!" You yell out, the good role-model that you are as you bike across their room. Tucking your head low and dragging Jeno behind you. You let him go as the two of you fly through the window of the children's room into the city outside. Your bike hits the dirty street on its front wheel, but you skillfully pull it right as you continue, doing a spin to reposition yourself and catch the falling Jeno on on your seat. Twenty-six minutes left on your delivery."Were those guys seriously trying to steal our pizza!? Why!? PIZZA ISN'T EVEN THAT GOOD!"What did he say? You peer back, Jeno landed backwards, uncovered rear facing you with his head hanging off the back of the bike. The work cap has fallen off somewhere, but there're plenty more to replace it.This kid just doesn't know how to respect the pizza business. You should strike some discipline in but... you've only so long to make your delivery and you're sure Jeno can learn as he goes.>What do you do?
>>32791754spank him and say something like "you'll understand it soon" and keep driving fast
>>32791754"Why the fuck did you even come work for us anyway? You don't like me. You don't like pizza. You don't know a thing about the Red zones. Seriously man what the hell."
>>32791754Monologue at himTell him the history of Pepperoni City, how the first pizzeria's were around since the beginning
>>32791803This. Say it with more love. We have to trigger these flags god damnit
>>32791754Dangle Jeno in front of the bike, between the wheel and the pavement."What the fuck did you say about pizza, you little shit?" As much as we want to seduce him, nobody insults pizza and gets away with it.
>>32791754What the fuck did you just say about Pizza, you little bitch? I'll have you know this pizza is in the top of its class at a 5* restaurant, and has been eaten by numerous secretive agents in shady corporations, and has over 300 confirmed toppings. I am trained in Pizza delivery and I'm the top deliveryman in the entire Red zone. You are nothing to me but just another pizza bandit. etc
Tongue his butt
>>32791754We should Cheese his ass cheeks for that.
You consider a few punishments for Jeno. Spanking, licking, cheesing, but in the end you know that a spineless young adult hates nothing more than being lectured. When Jeno finishes readjusting, you start up your bike again."Let me tell you something about pizza kid. Pizza has a long history. The greeks made a primitive form of pizza they called pizza and it was so fucking delicious that decades later we're still eating it!""Decades are tens! The Greeks have been around longer than tens!""THEN YOU DO KNOW ABOUT PIZZA. Look, Pepperoni City was built on the belief that no man should ever be more than half an hours away from any pizza joint. That you should be able to experience any sort of topping at any hour in the morning that you want! I love pizza, my wife loved pizza, your uncle Totino loves pizza, every hobo on the streets and every fat cat in the companies loves pizza! And now you tell me you think that pizza isn't that good!?""Y-yeah...?""WELL THEN I'LL JUST HAVE TO SHOW YOU WHY PIZZA IS THAT GOOD!" You run a ramp laid out for the myriad Pizza Runners of the city and jump a wall to make up for lost time. As luck would have it though, on the other side though you run into some unwanted company...
>>32792123If it's traps, abduct themIf it's not traps, tell them to fuck off and keep riding.
A shot of cheese whizzes past your head as you land. It was a warning, a warning that you're not wanted here. Rival Pizza Racers, they must've hacked into your call so that they could make their delivery faster. Take your cash and then steal your pizza on the way back.You watch from the main street as a bike pulls out an alley to the side, spreading a viscous trail of rotten cheese out a compartment behind it."What the hell is going on here?""Someone is trying to steal our delivery." You start to drive after the Racer. You don't have to take him out if you can make your delivery first, but it might be for the best to thin out the crust so that you don't have too many ingredients on the plate. You dodge around the trail of cheese as the Racer runs on ahead of you, the word "CAESAR" is printed on the sides of his bike.The Racer passes into a tunnel, there's a ramp leading onto the bridge going past it as well as a pedestrian walk on each side at best populated by a few bums this time of night.>What do you do?
>>32792212[x] RAMP IT
>>32792212Ramp it motherfucker.Cheese the asshole from above as he exits the tunnel.Ask Geno if he understands now what the fucking Red zone is about.
>>32792212HIT THE RAMP
>>32792212hit the gaz, take the ramp
>>32792212We gonna ramp
>>32790770>"Fine!" You lunge forward, grabbing at the squishiest buns you see. Your thick fingers mash into it, working into the texture of the cloth overlaid to keep it warm. It jiggles to the touch, put a little heat into it and you'll have yourself something delicious to sink your teeth into.>"WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU TOUCHING MY ASS?"
You drive up the ramp, no point following a cheese trail in the dark or pulling innocent hobos into your fight. They've suffered enough eating crumbs off the street.For cross the bridge along the narrow, dodging past the cars taking it to get home."WHY'RE YOU RUNNING IT!? YOU'RE GOING TO KILL ME!""Suck it up! This is going to be spicy!" You drive off the side, pointing your cheese gun down and firing at the Pizza Racer as he comes out the tunnel. With one hand he uses a pizza box to guard against your spray; that bastard has no respect for the customers, he'll probably charge them full and call the encrusted cover a special service.You land beside him, the two of you drive up the streets neck and neck."I'm going to drop you cold Totino's. There won't be a five second rule where you're going." The rider scowls at you, you can feel his glare behind his visored helmet."I'm not even going to leave the crust when I'm done with you." You shout back to him."I can't wait to take a slice out of you.""You're all cheese, no toppings.""I hate this job so much, I hate this job so so much." Jeno groans, "Pizza Racers is the stupidest thing ever."You see a crowd of cars up ahead, all of them humming but stopped. Who knows what's holding them up, but the bridge leading to your destination is up ahead. You could head around another route, but you'll need to deal with this guy somehow.>What do you do?
>>32792518Full speed ahead
>>32792518Don't spray the man with cheese. Spray his wheels.
>>32792518Spray the cars with the gun, leaving only one opening.
>>32792518Toss Jeno at the guy.
You hold your gun out and fire a shot, the rival Racer holds his pizza box out over his face but you planned ahead and aimed lower. Your cheese catches in his wheels, and they screech as they try to roll against it. He drops his box turning the pizza into a mess on the roads; a pack of hungry hungry hobos bursts out from the street sides clawing at the bits of bacon splattered on the ground.The Rider puts his hands on his handles and pulls his bike into a wheelie, trying to navigate on one wheel. You weave your gun across and leave sticky yellow walls between the cars, drawing angry yells from the drivers as you squeak between a pair. You don't look back."He's stuck in the cheese! You got him!" Jeno's fist pump, it seems that you're getting some slice of respect out of the kid after-all."Don't get cosy yet, we've still got a full serving ahead of us!" You ride between the stopped cars, and as you come into the bridge you see what's kept them held up.At the far end is a police blockade. It looks like they're doing their pizza "inspections" on the cars. Looking to starve their citizens so that they can throw a party for themselves, those bastards. Rows of police cars are lined up with make shift gates between the cracks as officers pry boxes and bags of delicious baked pizza out of the citizens. One man is being beaten with rolling pins, refusing to let go of his meal. Can you sneak your pizza through them?>What do you do?
>>32792826[x] RAMP IT!
>>32792826Ramp onto the cars, ride across the tops of cars and jump the blockade.
Smuggle pizzas in Jeno's pooper.
>>32792826Distract them by offering Jeno up for a cavity search.
>>32792826Be a hero. You've gotta look good in front of the kid, right? Confront those pizza-snatching cops.
>>32792963Later. First we deliver. Or do you NOT want the tip?
>>32792913>>32792918Just not both...
WAIT. What if you put pizzas in Jeno's butt... no, with the weight of Jeno's fine ass the cops will certainly suspect pizza there. You couldn't fit a whole box through an butt-hole any ways.You'll just have to run through. You pull your bike up and place the front wheel on the back of a car, pushing your pedal and bringing up the rest of it up high. Burning fuel, you drive over the roof of the car and set to jump the blockade. As a kind courtesy to the man who so adamantly defends his pizza, you draw your gun on the wide-eyed cops as they watch you glide over them."If you're so hungry for pizza, I'm sure just the cheese will do." You spray down the cops from head to toe as your wheel slams into the top of a car. You drive over it and onto the streets behind them. You hear doors slamming as officers pile into their rides going after you."He's got delicious pizza! As well as a delicious youth! Stop him and confiscate them both." A cop yells through a speaker. You've got two cars coming after you. It's fifteen minutes to your delivery now, and you're more than half way there but it seems not quite halfway done.This side of Pepperoni is a lot nicer than where you just left, but it's far too quiet for comfort. The fuzz has this place closed up like a convection oven, and after you deal with the four cars pursuing you, you'll definitely have to deal with the inevitable police machine you'll have to face. For now though...>What do you do?
>>32793169Lose them in the back alleys.
Rolled 52>>32793169Ask Jeno what food he eats if not pizza. Anything that would lead to an ass like that can't be half bad.
>>32793169don't go directly to our target, that'll only get him in trouble.try to get off their radars
You turn into an alleyway, trying to lose the pursuers. The cars slam into the walls behind you, the police squad isn't exactly the smartest. Avoiding cats and trash cans is easy enough, and a smart turn down the alley leads you back into the streets.Twelve minutes. It should be smooth sailing now."So what do you eat if not pizza kid? Everybody else in Pepperoni eats pizza.""Burgers mostly." Jeno answers. You can imagine how those buns could pack the fat to make a pair like Jeno's, although it's amazing that the rest of that body manages to stay so thin and girlish despite it."Burgers are just bread that was just so unfortunate that no one wanted to make pizza with it!""Slow the fuck down!""No seriously, burgers suck! It's like, you're too stupid to stop your hands from getting dirty so you have to put crust on both sides.""SLOW THE FUCK DOWN!""Hold on, I'm getting an idea... double decker pizzas!""SLOW THE FUCK DOWN!" Jeno points forward, and you lift your eyes to see what he's getting all whiny about..."GOOD TO SEE YOU, MR DIGIORNO." A familiar voice yells out from overhead. Riding on top of a twenty-foot tall mechanical monstrosity is Chief Domino. His machine makes grinding noises on the pizza cutter in its left arm, the right arm a giant spatula, "I haven't seen you in awhile, how about we have a talk... over a slice of Totino's pizza!" The Chief swings his cutter down at you, you barely avoid it as it slices into the pavement.>What do you do?
>>32793505taunt him and flee past himyour pizzas are like you, tasteless and late"
Rolled 80>>32793505"Jeno, I need you to distract him with your girlish charms"*Jeno screaming that he is so not girly in a girly fashion"Perfect, just like that!"
>>32793505Cheese his joints so he can't follow you.
>>32793505Shoot cheese at an angle on the alley wall, use cheese to help wall ride the bike toward Chief Domino, then deliver fist to his face like a knight who jousts with a motorcycle and his fist!
You cheese the wrist of the machine while its blade is buried in the ground, and begin to ride your bike up along its arm. Your empty out your ridiculously loaded gun along the joints as you continue upwards. When you've locked down the shoulder, you toss your emptied gun off the side."Jeno! Distract him!" You instruct as the Chief pulls his gun, firing shots of cheese at you as you approach."WHY THE FUCK IS THERE A GIANT ROBOT!? WHY THE FUCK DOES THE POLICE CHIEF WANT OUR PIZZA!? WHY AREN'T WE RUNNING AWAY FROM IT!?"Jeno is far too distracted to distract Chief Domino alone, you decide to take manners into your own hands. You lift Jeno above your head and pull up the shirt of the Totino's uniform, shining the city lights off of a smooth pale skin into the Chief's eyes."My eyes! It's like a pristine ball of mozzarilla!" Domino averts his eyes as you ride forward. Holding Jeno up with just one hand by the tush, you rev your fist up."Your pizzas are like you, tasteless and late!""I DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT COMPARISON!" Domino yells, opening his eyes with you not a meter away."THIS ONE IS ON THE HOUSE!" You slam your fist into Domino's face, dragging him off the top of the machine as you ride loose. Jeno squeals in your hand, you'd like to think out of excitement but..."I'M GOING TO DIE, I'M GOING TO DIE!" Jeno yells, making you suspect otherwise.The three of you slice through the air...
You drop the Chief as you fly, and slide your arms up Jeno's side, pulling the kid close. Your legs come loose and your bike hits the ground hard before you, and some of your looser pieces topple off. The force bounces your bike up again and you catch it in your legs, gaining a shaky control of it. Chief Domino doesn't look to be in a great condition, he's a double cheese pizza clumsily handled."Damn you Digiorno! I will have your pizza even if it means my life!""Why the fuck would anyone die over pizza!?" Jeno screams, shivering in your grasp."You might think you've won, but I have one last coupon to cash in. Three lives for the price of one!" Domino pulls out a black box with a little red button on it, he presses his finger down before you can react. "I placed a Pizza Pop inside the machine behind me! IT'S GOING TO EXPLODE AND SPRAY THE ENTIRE AREA!""That's dangerous cheesy Domino! Do you have any idea how insane that is!?" A Pizza Pop, the W.M.D. of the Pizza Racer world. No one but Chief Domino would be mad enough to do it.You try to ride your bike off, but it refuses to move... damn, if only you did those repairs it might've had some inconsequential chance of working! You can run the alleys but the stuffing of the Pizza Pop might flood them out, and all the pizza parlours in the area will be helpless if you can't stop it. A few small joints, one big chain restaurant with a giant neon pizza box sign over it.>What do you do?
>>32794075Steal one of the other pizza shop's delivery bikes. We have a delivery to make.
>>32794075run for it! even if you have to use the pizza boxes as a surfboard to ride the cheese wave
>>32794075Punch out Chief Domino, tell Jeno to finish the delivery without us, then get inside the machine and activate the rocket boosters is definitely has and fly the thing out of the city, Dark Knight Rises style.
>>32794075Tell Jeno to keep him away from our pizzas while we try to disable the Pop.
>>32794075Tell Jeno that THIS is what pizza is about:Give him the pizza to be delivered, then ride your shitty bike as fast as it will go into the Pizza Pop, thereby thwarting Domino's plans and cementing Jeno's manhood by watching a man die in front of his very eyes
You lift Chief Domino by the neck and punch him once, knocking the man out cold. Taking a walk over to the bikes parked outside the large chain pizza parlour, you smash the chains loose of one. Your hand bleeds as you roll it back over by Jeno."Good thinking! Now let's get the fuck out of here!" Jeno pats a hand on the seat, seemingly used to riding behind you."Take the pizza and finish the delivery." You pass the bike over to Jeno."What? What're you going to do?""I'm going to stop the Pizza Pop." You begin the walk towards the standing machine."That's insane! We can still get out! Why would you do that?" Jeno is flabbergasted, completely shocked by your decision."Because I'm a Pizza Racer.""THIS IS JUST A DELIVERY!""This isn't delivery." You pick up your motorbike, pulling loose the pizza boxes and passing them over to Jeno using your pizza spinning skill, "It's Digiorno." You smash your bloodied hand into the side of your bike hard a few times, until it goes from a dying squeak into a final roar of manhood."I'll... I'll finish the delivery." Jeno mutters, as you hop onto your faithful partner and kick into a ride...You push onto your pedal as hard as you can, offering silent apologies to your bike knowing that it'll give its life up just after reclaiming it for brief moments. At full speed you hop off, your bike slamming into the leg of the machine and exploding by movie logic. A ladder sits behind the hole in the foot of the robot...
You climb up the ladder. Gears grind on each side of you. At the top of the leg you can see the belly of the beast, hungry for crisp crust and premium toppings. The stomach is filled with molten cheeses and hot tomato sauce waiting to be released into the unknowing city, a grated walkway hangs over it.Machines in the interior mass produce frozen pizzas before dumping them into the magma mix below, fuelling it up in preparation of the Pizza Pop. You snap off a piece of the fencing on the walkway and smash the closest bits you can as you continue up.A stairway leads you higher up, past the belly and into the heart. A metal triangle rounded on one point sits there beating, ticking. You beat it with your steel rod as hard as you can, but for naught, your strength alone isn't enough...No bike. No gun. No androgynous jail-bait entourage. How will one Pizza Racer beat the Pizza Pop now, with five minutes left on the delivery and on the explosion...BY RACING.You run back along the steel corridors, taking a different path from before. You make some smart guesses and navigate your way to the top of the robot where Domino was seated, the smell of fresh spices and toppings wafts across your nose when you pass his personal kitchen. You push open the hatch into the cockpit, and grab the reigns on the robot.IT'S TIME TO RACE. FOR PIZZA...
You've never piloted a giant robot before, but the controls are intuitive enough. You lift its legs as you stomp through the city, doing your best to keep the feet on the roads as to not pull the pedestrians into your fight for their survival.You run past neon signs of the pizza places you've eaten at. The watching police force in awe of the robot. The customers all across the city that you've worked for these past ten years.It looks like you'll be joining your wife soon.The ocean spreads out in front of you at the end of your long run. Not thirty seconds until the delivery is due, not thirty seconds until the Pizza Pops. You hope Jeno delivered it. Your only regret is not diddling the little boy-pussy.With the robot under your control, you leap it into the water. With any luck, fish eat pizza... of course they do.Everybody eats pizza.You feel the water rush past the open cockpit as the robot sinks in.Five seconds left...You say your goodbyes to Jeno.Four seconds...You say your goodbyes to Totino.Three seconds...You say your goodbye to your fellow racers.Two seconds...You say your goodbye to your few friends left in the police force.One second...You say your goodbyes to Pepperoni City.And then, nothing but cheese...
Rolled >>3279459411/10 a modern masterpiece
>>32794594true masterpiece, never forgetthe manwho sacrificed himself for the world... no... for pizza!
Pepperoni City. A place where pizza reigns supreme. Once a dystopia of cheesy death; the years have turned it into a utopia where noble cops and friendly cooks serve the population, feeding every last crumb to the hungry.Ten years ago your father passed away and you joined your uncle at Totino's pizza. But your mentor Digiorno vanished in a cheesy explosion. All you found in the sauce was a wedding ring left behind by his late wife.But now, you're a Pizza Racer. With nothing but your bike and a cheese gun, you deliver pizza to places a lesser deliveryman wouldn't dare. Thirty minutes or less, and they've got free reign to shoot your face off and take your pizza. Rival pizza companies, children fiending for cheese and families looking for deals keep you close to your work.Your name is Jeno. And that was your story."Totino's pizza." You grab the phone as it rings. Your hair is growing pretty long, you need a ponytail to hold it now. Still no look on growing facial hair but you've been told that you're pretty stunning."Hey, I need some pizza. Three baconation pizzas and a vegetarian." Funny, that was your first job wasn't it. Boy, that brings back memories."Do you want delivery then?" You write the order down, passing it over to the young waif-like boy that you recently hired."It's not delivery." The voice says, "It's Digiorno."You pause."Same place we last saw each other? Let's grab a bite.""Sure." You say, grabbing your keys, "I fucking love pizza.">END
>>32794689So when's the movie coming out, OP?
>>32794689i'm clapping and i'm not even from america
Rolled , , , , = 0>>32794689truly a thing of beauty
>>32794689That was utterly brilliant.
>>32794689The most beautiful story ever written
Greatest quest of all time OP.
Fuck I love pizza
>>32794689how wrong it could have gotten
Well, we now have irrefutable proof that any concept no matter how bad can be made to work.
>>32794689Best quest ever, you are awesome OP
>>3278979810/10 - will try to masterbate to
>>32794594Absolutely stunning. I'm in tears!