Your job is pretty BORING. Seriously, reading painstakingly-detailed accounts of events, protocols and biographies? Ain't all that exciting. So you just kinda DICK AROUND most of the time.

Like, for example, today. You've got your pick of three files. You've already familiarized yourself with them, of course. However, you often like to lean back and IMAGINE what really went down. The sort of thing you can't write down without being laughed out.

The first of these records the disaster that took place during OPERATION SANDWYRM in 2173. A search-and-retrieve mission to be carried out by an Imperial regiment during the siege of Cairo by Confederate forces. The key to this operation turned out be one JAKE CARNEGIE, fraternal twin of JANE CARNEGIE, ancestor of DARIUS DURAVI.

Despite the highly unscientific nature of such claims, most attribute DARIUS' extreme combat proficiency to his CARNEGIE lineage.

The second one documents the final day of one MARVIN MAYWEATHER, who died under highly UNCERTAIN circumstances in 2222. His granddaughter, TINA MAYWEATHER, would later come into contact with DARIUS DURAVI through ALDOUS HUXLEY and play a large role in the ensuing events.

TINA would wind up at the right place and the right time ONE TIME TOO MANY. You are certain that MARVIN, M.D. left something of value for his then-newly-born granddaughter to inherit. ...But what?

The last file entails the BRIEF but FRUITFUL collaboration between one MISTER LAHTI and DARIUS DURAVI in 2235. The latter would get living quarters downtown, while the former would face highly UNFORESEEABLE circumstances.

It is still unclear how MR. LAHTI came to meet his fate, and if DARIUS DURAVI played a hand in it.

You LEAN BACK in your armchair and sing the opening lyrics of your favorite song.

"Hey young world, wanna hear a story?
Close your eyes and you can pretend you're me~"

>[] JAKE CARNEGIE.
>[] MARVIN MAYWEATHER.
>[] MISTER LAHTI.

>>32752771
So if I'm seeing this correctly, the only one who doesn't die horribly is Jake Carnegie.

>>32752786
>records the disaster

>>32752806
Not explicitly killed. There's hope. Who am I honestly kidding?

>>32752771
>>[] JAKE CARNEGIE.

>>32752771
>Marvin Mayweather
The M.D. has me interested.

>>32752786
>>32752833
>>32752847
JAKE CARNEGIE it is.

>>32752786
>>32752833
>>32752847
"'Ey, Jake. Youse not gonna bail on us, right?"

"I don't think so, Tim."

That does sound tempting, though. Gov't is sending us boys out to die in the sand. The fuck's up with that? This fucking BTR-7 is halfway stripped for parts. I've been roasting my ass on this leatherless frying pan for at least three hours. Best of all-

"They're still shelling that hellhole?"

I don't really expect an answer, but our driver delivers.

"And how, broski. Droppin' hellfire on that motherfucker like it's goddamn Judgement Day."

"Heh. You seen that movie before you got drafted?"

"Aw hell yeah. 'S pretty sweet flick."

Talking to this idiot always puts a smile on my face. Him and Tim have been best buds ever since they transferred in.

"By the way, Gary, how's the kids? I heard you got a call through last time we were at base."

"You one nosy cunt, aintcha."

"Takes one to know one, Tim."

"You just lucky this turret don't got any depreshun."

"They're doing fine, Jake. Masha's finishing up fifth grade. Top of her class, so the wife says."

"Tch. Must be real nice."

"What aboutcha, Jake? How's your sister, eh? Eh?"

"She's doing alright for herself. The wedding's coming up in a couple of days."

"Ah? What's that guy's name, agin?"

"Ugh... Don't know. Some sandfucker. Still can't even pronounce it."

"Figures."

"Figur's."

"Hey, fuck you!"

It's just the three of us, Gary Rookmore in the driver's seat, Tim Heathledge manning the turret and me in the back with all the cargo. Canisters of some sort.

"Time?"

"T-Minus 5 minutes, broham."

"You told me that half an hour ago."

"Hahaha!"

We're supposed to find something in the art-blasted city once we get in. Our forces cordoned the area off, so we're supposed to tell 'em this here cargo needs to get strapped to some lab or something and blown the fuck up. Really though, we'll get our instructions once we're in. Speaking of, here's the checkpoint.

Guy knocks on the hull and I open up.

>>32753095
"Is this all you've got?"

"It's all we need."

"Amen!"

"Shut up, Tim."

>[] "Ain't got all fucking day, chief."
>[] "Want me to open 'em up? Hope you've got a gas mask."
>[] "..."

>>32753105
>>[] "Want me to open 'em up? Hope you've got a gas mask."

>>32753105
>[] "Want me to open 'em up? Hope you've got a gas mask."

>>32753105
Do you, in fact want us to open em up, OP? Because we hope you've got a gas mask.

>>32753201
...I don't.

>>32753208
That seems unfortunate, considering what you'll be doing in the next few minutes, Jake.

"Want me to open 'em up? Hope you've got a gas mask."

Guy's face just up and scrunches.

"Just a... Nah, fuck it. Get the hell outta here."

Well, ain't that grand?

"You sure? I wouldn't have you lose your job over something like this. You've got paper bags back in the building, right?"

"No, seriously. Fuck off."

"Haha, alright. Hey Gary, let's switch!"

Gary doesn't really mind. His back's hurting from the bumpy ride and the driver seat's weird angling. I get in, hear the knock on metal and we're on our way again. Around here, things start getting heated up. I need to check up on Tim, he's supposed to be gunning down the white phosphorus 'nades.

"TIm, you hear me? How's it looking?"

No response.

"Urgh..."

No, wait. A groan? Shit. Gary can't check up on Tim from there, but I can't very well stop the BTR on the move. This is the artillery killzone, for fuck's sake. From what the periscope can tell me, there's nothing on all sides but sparse housing. It's like the apocalypse hit a ghost town in the middle of the desert.

Yeah, nah, that's right on the money.

"Gary, we're in. Sand's kicking up all over, so visibility is shit. When I stop, get the fuck out and run for cover."

Gary's been yelling at Tim to respond the entire time. No dice.

"We can't just leave 'im behin-"

"We've got a fucking mission! He's either got heatstroke or a bullet through the sightslit. You got the meds for either?"

"..."

"Just calm down, Gary. We'll get him to safety. But when I stop, you need to Oscar Mike like a motherfucker. Got it?"

"...Got it."

I slam the gas. Our velocity ramps up to 80mph, but these suburbs stretch for fucking ever. And then they start dropping. The goddamn parachute bombs.

"Tim? TIM! Wake the fuck up, you right cunt! Come on, Tim! Snap out of it!"

"What is't?"

"You know damn well what it is! Fuckin' chutes."

Parachute bombs. The bane of any mechanized infantry. They burst on impact, punching through armor and release corrosive gas.
[1/2]

>>32753379
Gary starts panicking in the back. I'd have thought he'd keep his cool. Then again, it ain't me in the back with six cans of flammable liquid.

It's not so bad if they burst on the ground - your BTR-7 is armored specifically against that shit - but it's still a walk in the rain. And you need to get out dry.

You've got at least two ways of doing this. But it'd be better if Gary made it. Something tells you Tim didn't eat too many sun rays.

>[] Speed up and try to drive through the hailstorm. DC 10/12.
>[] Slow down and weave through the gas clouds. DC 8/14
>[] Custom.

Roll "dice+4d6+-4"

Rolled 1, 1, 3, 5 - 4 = 6

>>32753410
>[] Speed up and try to drive through the hailstorm. DC 10/12.

>>32753410
>I'd
>your BTR-7
Watch your perspective there, OP.

>>32753441
It wasn't an accident. Jake's slipping.

>>32753434
well fuck me with a rusty rake the dice gods hate me

>>32753441
why you no vote anon

Rolled 2, 1, 2, 5 - 4 = 6

>>32753410
>>[x] Slow down and weave through the gas clouds. DC 8/14

>>32753486
>>32753434
>>32753454

Yarp.

>>32753496
The hope of a non-lethal ending.

Fading.

>>32753496
well we've got one more chance, though one lurker seems to refuse to roll

>>32753496
>>32753511
which one of you didn't vote and roll?

and why the fuck not?

Rolled 4, 6, 2, 4 - 4 = 12

>>32753410
>[] Speed up and try to drive through the hailstorm. DC 10/12
I'm confused at what the two numbers are, though.

>>32753462
Because I'm lazy and have an unfair advantage over you other anons in meta-knowledge.

Rolled 3, 3, 1, 6 - 4 = 9

>>32753513
Fine! For THE EMPEROR!

>>32753525
>Because I'm lazy and have an unfair advantage over you other anons in meta-knowledge.
wut

also, fuck yeah we made the upper DC

>>32753526
we're lucky you were late, man we're rolling like shit

>>32753525
>in meta-knowledge
Isn't that the point of this quest? Please! Save Jake!

>>32753525
>have an unfair advantage over you other anons in meta-knowledge.
how exactly?

>>32753547
Prolly buttsecksed the info out of OOQ

>>32753644
M-my ass is secure!

>>32753434
>>32753486
>>32753525
Whew! I was afraid we'd have to cut this short, here. Writing after I get a quick bite!

>>32753673
Please present it for inspection.

[12=12; Clean success!]

You grip the whee-

You? You... You're not alright. Shit. You take out the small bottle of pills holstered on your chest, pop it open and swallow half a dozen of 'em.

I.

"I" slam the pedal. "I" try to swerve away from the few 'chutes I can see. I make a sharp turn, then another, then race down the straightaway.

"Hey, J-Jake? You're awful quiet back there."

"Don't worry, we're doing fine!"

"Alright..."

But we're not fucking alright. I swear, this has got to be the worst case scenario. Tim's probably dead and us two are about to die, too. It's only a couple of blocks to the safe spot.

BLAM!

That came from the rear.

"Gary! Status report!"

"Mmmph!"

"What?!"

"Corner... Torn off! Faster!"

That's all the motivation I need. It takes painful minutes, but we're finally there. Almost there.

"Left?! Right?!"

"Mmpht!"

I pull the BTR into a sharp right. There's a sort of kick coming from the floor. Must be Gary jumping. On my way out of the hatch, after making sure the sky above is (relatively) clear, I open the turret hatch and yank Tim's dogtags from his bloodied neck.

Huh. His head wasn't empty after all.

>[] I need to take cover. Fuck dying.
>[] I should find Gary. He's got the comm.
>[] Custom.

>>32754003
>>[] I need to take cover. Fuck dying.

>>32754003
W-what was in those pills?!

And can we take cover... while looking for Gary?

>>32754003
>I need to take cover. Fuck dying.

>>32754035
Shit man, I ain't motherfuckin' Ramirez.

There corrosive gas clouds on the ground, corrosive gas bombs in the air and you want me to stroll through the fucking streets?

Shit, man. Shit.

>>32754003
>>[x] I need to take cover. Fuck dying.

>>32754074
My boy, it's called tactically advancing through cover.

If you weren't shit about it, you'd probably be doing better in life. Cutie.

>>32754034
>>32754036
>>32754090
Writing. Let's survive!

>>32754193
>Brb, transmitting cowardice message to your loved ones.

I need to find some fucking cover! Oh, there's a convenient structure: some shelled-out shop. With just a little extra-mobility, I pretty much snake my way through the bombs. But damn, are there a lot.

There's Gary, across the street. The wind's pushing the gas uptown. Better close the visor on my helmet. Me and him share a few gestures and start moving through the alleyways. I make it to one of the roofs before he does. This close to the center, the streets are narrow and the houses are packed in tight.

He finally gets here and we go down to the second floor. Gary fiddles with the comm a bit, but eventually we're able to route our lines through the thing and contact command.

"Mission Control, this is Railroad and Bluejay. Come in!"

"This is Mission Control. I hear you loud and clear, boys."

Hah. It's Jessica.

"We're in, Jes."

"Bluejay, what happened to Woodsmith?"

I answer for Gary, who's probably biting his lip.

"Two-thirds capacity, Jes. Sniper worked him over. I got the tags."

"...I see. The objective is a lab with military research specimens. Nothing major, just a few vials."

Yeah, I've got a few empty pouches. So's Gary.

"The coordinates are being uploaded as I speak. Get in there, get out."

"What's our recovery vehicle? The BTR's in working order, but there's no safe road for it."

"We've got two more squads incoming. They'll meet you at the lab. Each of you will go with them."

"Separately?"

Jesus Christ, Gary, pull yourself together. Yes.

"Yes, Bluejay. Separately."

Just then, I get the map. It's real close by.

"Railroad and Bluejay, do you understand your objective?"

Gary gets to answering first.

"Crystal clear. Infiltrate, search, find some glass tubes. What color, again?"

"Mixed red-green. Vivid. If in doubt, grab everything that looks appropriate. Don't leave any of it behind."

"Copy."

"Copy."

"Mission Control, out."

Alright, we've got our orders. Now.

"So, who's going ahead?"

"I dunno, man, your pick."

>>32754551
Gary doesn't sound too enthused. Looks like his "recovery" was just a show he put on.

>[] "I'll go in front."
>[] "I'll bring up the rear."
>[] Custom.

>>32754568
>>[] "I'll go in front."

>>32754568
>>[] "I'll go in front."

>>32754568
So we DID find Gary. Sorry, I already transmitted the cowardice declaration though.

I guess we can make it up by going in front. If you know what I mean.

>>32754568
>>[x] "I'll go in front."

>>32754691
We are not gay.

>>32754708
I was probably talking about protecting his ass with our lives. He is our comms operator. He knows how to communicate with central command properly.

>>32754609
>>32754624
>>32754691
>>32754708
Looks like I better cover the comms man. Gary's gonna fuck up and die a stupid death at this rate.

>>32754836
>Gary's gonna fuck up and die a stupid death at this rate.
And we can only tolerate half of that happening.

Am not yet kill!

>>32755236
Obituary's already been published.
"War never changes."

This anon has to head to bed, good luck fellow anons

"I'll go in front. Just watch my back, alright?"

"Yeah."

Damn, he doesn't sound excited. Whatever. I'm sure he'll snap back into shape once he gets some adrenaline in his blood.

"Come on, follow me!"

We zip through the streets with our helmets on. Thank God there's not much smoke out here. It doesn't take long to find the lab, even in this goddamn sandstorm.

Everything's beige and brown up top, but the lab's underground. It's dark and dry and everything glows.

"Eyes peeled, man."

I'm starting to worry about Gary.

"Uh-huh."

"I'll go straight here, you go left and search that wing. Keep your comms open, alright?"

"You got it!"

Looks like he's trying to get back into the groove again. We split up and I rummage through the desks. I have to turn my flashlight on, because there's next to no light. Just the glow of... fuck knows what, really. But then I hear footsteps. Plural.

I dive into a corner. Something tells me that's not our boys. I hold my rifle fast and turn off my flashlight. The IR works better for situations like these.

I see the armed group slowly file in. All of them have gone past my hallway. They're talking in Confederate tongue.

"Oh hey guys! Looks like you're here ear-"

Shit. They've found Gary.

>[] Open fire on the squad. DC is 12.
>[] Remain hidden.
>[] Custom.

I can't throw a grenade here. What if I compromise the specimens?

>>32755691
Roll "4d6+-4", as always. If you think that's a good idea.

Rolled 4, 4, 6, 6 - 4 = 16

>>32755691
>>[] Open fire on the squad. DC is 12.
it ain't a good idea, but hes going to give us away eventually if he does not immediately

>>32755717
Do they have a clear line of sight on us?

Rolled 4, 6, 2, 2 - 4 = 10

>>32755691
>>[] Open fire on the squad. DC is 12.

>>32755742
Going down a hallway in single-file. We've got clear line of sight on them, since we're in a hallway that opens into theirs, right behind them. There's an open (doorless) doorway between them and Gary. He's sighted them.

Due to the way light works, they probably haven't sighted him. They do know he's there, though.

Rolled 1, 6, 3, 3 - 4 = 9

>>32755801
>>32755691
>[x]Other

Blind them with flashlight beam to the eyes AND open fire

>>32755835
They're facing away from me, though. I'll flashlight them in case they turn around, but I'll have my hands full with my rifle.

>>32755853
Why do you need our tactical advice then, mister??

>>32755881
Because you're crazy like a fox! That's what keeps you alive. Maybe it'll work for me, too.

Rolled 5, 2, 2, 1 - 4 = 6

>>32755835
why would we use the flashlight to merely alert them to our presence when we are behind them?

>>32755881
he does not need your 'advice' at all...

>>32755914
You never got a flashlight to the eyes before, have you?

>>32756177
we are behind them anon...

they are in front of us and not looking at us, it just stupidly removes the element of surprise

why bother ruining everything with a fucking flashlight when we aced the DC for gunning them down from behind?

>>32756275
>we are behind them anon...
Yes, that was clarified after you decided you HAD to have your piece. The QM already explained why the course of action would be unwise and I was breaking the fourth wall along with him for laughs. Now stop being a confrontational douche.

>>32756300
I wasn't being confrontational at all dude, I was asking why you were suggesting a stupid idea and being serious about it, you might want to work on conveying your intent through your text as that was not "for laughs".

>>32755732
>>32755783
>>32755835
[16>12; Resounding success!]
I need to get Gary out of this mess. He doesn't even know he's in a mess, for fuck's sake!

BLAMBLAMBLAM!

One burst, another burst. 3-round bursts perforate the fuckers trying to encroach. They're turning around now, in the back. I don't have time signal Gary to open fire. Shit!

One of them rolls behind the doorway in the back, putting him the same room as Gary.

"Open fire!"

There's just two of them left. That's all the signaling I can do. I hear gunshots in the back, so maybe he's-

BLAM!

W-

BLAM!

What..?

BLAM!

My chest... My chest is empty. It- What is this? It doesn't burn. It doesn't even hurt. I just... I'm so tired. My neck muscles are all sore. My head falls to the floor. I look to the side.

It's that goddamn vial.

It sure is mesmerizing. Like a bottled Christmas tree. Red sparkles, green sparkles. Hey...

I'm thirsty. I think I could drink it.

>[] Bad idea. But I'm dying anyway, so who cares?
>[] Great idea. I'm dying anyway, what do I have to lose?
>[] Custom? What the fuck else is there to do?

>>32756346
>>[] Great idea. I'm dying anyway, what do I have to lose?

>>32756344
You didn't deny being a douche I see.

>>32756375
Well done being the asshole, asshole, you just couldn't let go could you...

>>32756346
>[] Bad idea. But I'm dying anyway, so who cares?
>[] Great idea. I'm dying anyway, what do I have to lose?

>>32756375
Other anon here, but you're the only one acting anything like a douche, more of a colossal cunt really, and you've been that way ever since that anon asked legitimate questions about your ideas.

Might want to calm the fuck down and be civil.

>>32756346
>[] Great idea. I'm dying anyway, what do I have to lose?

Wait a minute, Iis Jake going to have a baby with Jane?

>>32756417
I-I have never thought of my own sister like that! She's my flesh and blood!

Depends.

>>32756402
>>32756416
Your the fagets, u fagets.
>>32756346
>[x] Great idea. I'm dying anyway, what do I have to lose?

>>32756459
So my plot prediction proto-algorithms are working correctly then?

>>32756346
>>[] Great idea. I'm dying anyway, what do I have to lose?
in less words
>CHUG CHUG CHUG-A-LUG

>>32756517
Only if your dice are as loaded as your implications.

>>32756371
>>32756402
>>32756417
>>32756484
>>32756525
Yeah, fuck it. Might as well.

The little glass thing isn't even filthy. Just really dusty. I grab it with my teeth and open it up with my tongue. The liquid pours down my throat. It has a salty-sweet taste. I almost swallow the rubber cork, but stop just short. I don't even bother to swallow it. It just... pours straight down.

Damn, my eyelids are heavy.

...Shit. Shit. Shit! My stomach itches so bad. I can't fall asleep like this. I shouldn't want to, but I'm fucking exhausted. But this burning feeling is killing me. This goddamn bitch-ass gunshot wound isn't letting me sleep and FUCK EVERYTHING. FOREVER.

GOD. FUCKING. DAMN.

FUCK.

SHIT.

CUNT.

I AM SO MAD.

WHY AM I EVEN MAD. UGH. ASKING QUESTIONS IS ONLY MAKING ME ANGRIER. WHERE IS THAT CUNT? COME ON, YOU CUNT. I KNOW YOU SHOT ME. "COME THE FUCK OUT!"

DID I SAY THAT OUT LOUD? FUCK. THINKING MAKES ME MAD. WHY IS EVERYTHING RED? I WANT SOME GODDAMN GREEN IN HERE.

YOU. YEAH, YOU, YOU SLACK-JAWED GOATFUCKER. I DON'T WANT YOUR FUCKING PEASHOOTER, GET OVER HERE.

"QUIT SQUIRMING. I'M TALKING TO YOU!"

"L-let me go! Please!"

FUCK YOU.

"Look, this wasn't supposed to happen like this! We were just told to get in here and rough you guys up!"

WHY ARE YOU EVEN TALKING IN IMPERIAL.

"Urgghbll-theothrsar-blrrrghbl-comng-rrrgghhhbl-"

Pop.

Oh, that is a nice shade of red. Haha, look at that eyeball hanging out. Shit looks dumb. Damn, that feels good.

I'm hungry.

~

Roll "dice+4d6-4" and try to regain humanity.

Rolled 5, 5, 6, 5 - 4 = 17

>>32756864

Rolled 1, 6, 4, 2 - 4 = 9

>>32756864

Rolled 5, 6, 5, 4 - 4 = 16

>>32756864

>>32756911
Ascension complete.

>>32756911
>>32756987
>>32757025

What... What was that?

My wound is- healed? And this gu-

Oh God. What the fuck? Is that..?

No no no. That's...

That's his blood. On my hands. He's got blood pouring out of every facial orifice. But how?

There was a gaping hole in my stomach just now. Now it's just skin. I'm really hungry. That flesh does a good job of curbing my appetite, though.

I pick up my rifle and walk over to where Gary should be. There he is, slumped in a corner, back up against a wall. Wait, shouldn't I have approached in a firing stance? Whatever. Doesn't matter now.

"Gary, buddy, you alright?"

Shit, he's covered in blood. He's trying to give me his comm with a shaking hand.

"No, dude, you can't do this. Come on, here-"

I bring my arm around his torso and try pick him up. He's real light. Did he lose a lot of blood?

"Come on, now. Easy does it."

He screams.

"Alright, that's not gonna work, huh?"

I can't carry him, can I? He might go into shock. He might bleed out. They didn't give us any medkits. Well, we weren't likely to make it in the first place.

"J... Jake..."

"Huh? Yeah?"

I get the strange feeling that I should care more. Yet here I am, one hand on my hip, the other to my mouth, thinking of how to get us out of here like it's a goddamn picnic.

"Take this... And get-"

He coughs.

"Out. There's... three in- in my..."

He trails off on that note. His head dips.

>[] Shoot him.
>[] Shoot him, then take the vials.
>[] Just take the vials and leave him.

>>32757125
The DC was 18. You scraped by. Congratulations are in order.

>>32757159
>>[] Just take the vials and leave him.

Rolled 3, 1, 3, 6 - 4 = 9

>>32757159
>[x] Shoot him, then take the vials.
Might as well mercy-kill the bugger

Rolled 1

>>32757201
>>32757332
I just can't seem to decide.

[1] Take the vials and leave.
[2] Mercy kill, then proceed as [1].

>>32757665
Now you can

>>32757665
Probably for the best. They weren't supposed to kill us apparently so maybe they'll give him medical treatment.

>>32757159
Sorry. Took a nap as I over-ate.

>other
Make him drink a vial, too. Also get a corpse in here.

>>32757201
>>32757332
>>32757665
>>32758423
I can't just leave him here, can I?

Well, why not?

There's a few vials in several of his pouches, adding up to about 8, if you count the one I'm trying to feed Gary. I take his helmet off, pull his head back by the hair and undo the cork with a thumb. There's a body right behind me, in case of whatever. When I let go of Gary's head, he just falls to the floor.

He's shaking and shivering and gurgling. Soon enough, he starts foaming at the mouth. Then blood trickles out. I step on his head with one foot as a precaution and examine his chest and shoulders. The wounds have closed. No pulse on the neck, though.

Looks like he didn't beat the odds.

Let's just leave him be, then.

"This is Mission Control. Railroad, come in."

Ah, if it isn't Jes.

"Heyo."

"Railroad? Railroad! Come in, Railroad! How do you read me?"

"Hunky-dory, Jes. Uh, Mission Control."

"There's a squad incoming to your location right now. We've temporarily stopped the enemy's artillery, so they're coming in on a heli."

"Niiice. How soon can I expect them?"

There's footsteps behind me. First bold, then cautious, then expediently retreating ones.

"Now."

I put the comm in a pouch and empty another vial into my stomach. This one goes down a bit harder, with a bitter aftertaste.

I take the stairs to the roof. Nobody on the way up.

There's three armed men up top. They've got their rifles pointed at me. There's also the characteristic noise of a low-hanging chopper. I throw the glass vial in my hand on the ground. One of the gunmen looks at it, then raises his visor.

"Did you drink that?"

"And not just that."

He braces his rifle harder.

Roll "4d6+-4", DC is 14.

Rolled 5, 3, 1, 5 - 4 = 10

>>32758789

Rolled 4, 2, 4, 6 - 4 = 12

>>32758789

Rolled 2, 5, 4, 1 - 4 = 8

>>32758789
Here

>>32758845
>>32758877
>>32758901
Ain't that a bitch.

Rolled 3, 6, 2, 4 - 4 = 11

>>32758911
We tried man, we tried.

>>32758982
I don't think this is a great place to get shot dead, so how about we have a little second-chance fun?

I'll take three 1d20 rolls. For each roll of 18 or more, you can make an additional 4d6+-4 roll.

Rolled 4, 3, 4, 4 - 4 = 11

>>32758911
Once more? r

Rolled 12

>>32759023
DOING MY PART

Rolled 8

>>32759023

Rolled 17

>>32759023
Quick question, why use 4d6-4?

>>32759060
>>32759081
>>32759082
No rerolls for us.

>>32759082
Bell curve. Go to anydice.com and punch in "output 4d6-4" then hit output. Go to "At Least" and you'll see what I use to set the DC.

Rolled 11

>>32759082
Because it averages out better.

>>32759023
Are we allowed to roll more than once?

>>32759124
I'm afraid not. Don't worry, I'll try to make this fun.

Rolled 4

>>32759168
I expect nothing less than tickle bullets.

I put my hands up in a placating gesture.

"Geez, calm down. I know why you're here, just give me a second."

I turn around and take out almost all the vials I've got in a single gesture. I open them all with a sweeping motion and proceed to drink them. I can feel bullets begin to run me through, shattering ribs and tearing up my innards.

It tickles at first. Then it starts burning. At the end, it just itches horribly.

I tUrn aRoUnD. THErE's A GOOD AMOUNT OF FOOD.

IT'S ALL SO SLOW. THEY'RE FIDDLING WITH THEIR TOYS. THE FIRST ONE HAS A DELICIOUS CHEEK. THE SECOND HAS BEAUTIFUL EYES. THE THIRD PULLS BACK THE SLIDE ON HIS PENIS COMPENSATOR AND GETS A MOUTHFUL OF MY FIST.

I THROW TWO OF THE BODIES AT THE CHOPPER'S BLADES. IT TRIED TO FLY AWAY. FUCK THAT.

I'M ONBOARD NOW. THE BIRDIE'S DROPPING. FAST. THE PILOT'S PELTING ME WITH HIS SIDEARM. IT ALMOST DOESN'T HURT.

WE HIT THE GROUND. I'VE GOT METAL IN MY EVERYTHING. I'M TOO HUNGRY TO MOVE. THE PILOT'S FATIGUES ARE TOUGH ON MY TEETH, BUT NOT TOUGH ENOUGH. I SAVOR HIS TASTE.

SOME OTHER GUY COMES UP WITH A RIFLE. HE LOOKS DELICIOUS, BUT HE'S TOO FAR AWAY. I STILL CAN'T MOVE.

"I guess we can consider this a success. The Carnegie sibling has passed the genetic threshold. He's compatible."

HE'S TALKING INTO AN OLD RADIO NOW. LAME.

"Yes. Yes, I know what that means for the sister. Not her? Well, why not? ...I can't believe you'd wait so long. That's too many generations for me, sir. I suppose you do."

SISTER. I HAD A SISTER, ONCE.

"Any last words?"

I WONDER.
>[] [Suggest your own.]

>>32759590
I FUCKED YOUR MOTHER LAST NIGHT

>>32759644
10/10

>>32759590
>I'll see your mother in hell, you want to tell her anything?

>>32759644
>>32759772
"I'LL SEE YOUR MOTHER IN HELL. YOU WANT TO TELL HER ANYTHING?"

"You're a riot."

"MOM ALWAYS SAID I WAS HER LITTLE COMEDIAN."

BANG!

>>32760150
Whoops. That was me.

You sit back up in your chair. According to this FILE, that's exactly what happened. A few things don't add up, though. For starters, the name of the operative who supposedly shot JAKE CARNEGIE doesn't come up anywhere but in this file. Second, who provided all the details? The operative himself wouldn't have mentioned his PHONE CALL or whatever that was.

And lastly, where's JAKE'S BODY?

IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE THAT ASSHOLE LEFT. I'VE STILL GOT LEAD LODGED SOMEWHERE IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD. CAN'T SEE SHIT.

CAN'T REMEMBER THE LAST SEVERAL DAYS, EITHER. THERE WAS DRIED BLOOD IN MY MOUTH WHEN I WOKE UP. I'VE ALREADY EATEN AT LEAST HALF OF THIS... PILOT GUY'S BODY.

I CAN MOVE MY HANDS, THOUGH. I'VE MOSTLY REMOVED THE METAL FROM MY TORSO. LEGS ARE STILL A BIT MANGLED.

OKAY, I'M GOOD. TOOK ME A FEW HOURS, BUT FREEING UP MY HANDS WAS DEFINITELY THE RIGHT CHOICE. THERE'S THIS WEIRD BUZZING IN MY HEAD.

"I STILL CAN'T CONTROL THE VOLUME OF MY VOICE."

EVERYTHING CHECKS OUT. GOOD THING I HAD THAT EXTRA VIAL ON ME.
THERE SHOULD BE A FEW MORE IN THE LAB.

Thread end! Thanks for playing, everybody!

>>32760496
Thanks for running.