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>>32658156

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>>32658176

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>>32658187

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>>32658241
all i got
please /tg help me out?

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i'll contribute a bit

>>32658292
please go on

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>>32658292
>>32658260
>>32658241
>>32658187
>>32658176
>>32658156
At least name them, Xeno scum...

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>>32658532

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>>32658292
>>32658467
sure, i'll dump a bit more

>>32658532
i'm not naming 152 different files, i'm not that creative

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Captcha:mstrain improve

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>>32658559
>i'm not naming 152 different files, i'm not that creative
- 1 hour of your "precious" time you won't spend on 4chan
- they usually start or end with good title
- if you're not that creative, don't bother coming to /tg/ and it's honest advice

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>>32658599

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>>32658156
Stand aside knuckle-draggers.

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>>32658622

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>>32658641

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>>32658660

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>>32658599
i'm not saying my time is precious or anything, and most of these don't start with a good title, and to be honest, reddit's HFY blows /tg/ out of the water, it's a little sad actually how much they out do us

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>>32658679
> implying it's not us

Anon, Anon...

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>>32658707

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>>32658726

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>>32658707
Well i haven't heard any mention of Clint Stone, Francis Drake, Soldiers of Sol, or any of the other stories HFY has, so right now HFY is HFY and /tg/ is /tg/

I've been thinking of doing one myself, in a niche I don't think has been filled yet.

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>>32658762
Now be a good kid, and paste those names onto according files.

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>>32658789

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>>32658808

i love you all so much

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>>32658827

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>>32658846

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>>32658838

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>>32658789
They aren't in files

Captcha: takeone contain

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>>32658912
Screencap them then.

Jesus Christ, do we really have to teach you basics?

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>>32658875
And that would be it for me.

Good night, fellow Humans.

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>>32658955
how bout instead of complaining about me not screen caping them, why don't you go visit r/HFY and enjoy the stories?

We tried to conquer the inhabitants of Sol-3, but their amazing capacity for self-aggrandizement so befuddled our soldiers and strategists that they were able to overtake our vanguard, reverse-engineer our technologies, and conquer us.

Fate, it seems, is not without a sense of irony.

Fucking love these threads.

bump for more

>>32658770
Do it. Write it up in word or notepad then dump it. We really need OC writers.

>>32660512
there: >>32655551

this one gets a bump

>>32662313
Hands down my favourite one

Does someone have the one where some big giant species was fighting with a married couple and the woman dies, so the guy goes crazy berserk?

OC incoming.
Slightly different from your standard HFY, I would love to get feedback.

I didn’t understand why they did it at first, I probably still don’t. I used to live on a farm on Xangzie. Me and my mate, Gen, were bought to work there, it was a Sliv couple. I thought they treated us right, they gave us food and shelter. They even gave us one of their old vidboxes for our room occasionally. We were treated better than most Garths. It was a good life. Then I saw on the news, the Council made contact with a new species. I thought they looked like furless Yamagh when I first saw them, only a lot bigger. Humans they called themselves.
First contact is fairly rare but most people have seen at least one in their lifespan. I was there when the Platorax joined so I knew what was coming. They needed to build working translators, establish currency exchanges and connect them to the extranet before the humans could properly interact with the rest of the galaxy. The whole process took at least 3 cycles, but it still wouldn’t be perfect until a about 30 or 40 cycles.

>>32663908
Anyway, the strange things didn’t start happening until 4 cycles later, when the first human world was connected to the extranet. I was lying down on my bed, with Gen tending to my body. I accidentally left the gates open and one of the Trang ran onto a road. You can guess what happened next. My Masters punished me, which I probably deserved. Trang are expensive to grow. Anyway, that’s when I saw it on the news. The humans had read about servitude on the extranet, and they were mad. Very mad. Madder than my masters. Maybe they never had servitude on their homeworld, but wanted their own Garth? Well it’s a bit self-entitled to expect people to give them Garths. They started shouting at the Council meetings, hundreds of humans travelled to the capital, and angry about something. At the time I thought they were being ungrateful, the Council had opened up to them, and they spit in the Councils face. It was strange.
Things started escalating after that. The humans began threatening violence, I still didn’t understand why they didn’t just buy Garths. The Council shrugged of course, I mean these humans couldn’t beat the masters. The Council has always been there.
Soon my mate was carrying my child. We began worrying. If the masters found out, they would kill her. I didn’t know what to do. We decided to hide it, but in about a cycle it’s going to become obvious. That’s when the humans began their war.

>>32663963
They started fighting against the Council, targeting servitude centres and stealing the Garths. Did they want us for themselves? They were showing footage of a taken servitude centre, the press were allowed in. The translators were still buggy but I could understand most of it. Most of it were talking about things like rights and equals. Garths weren’t allowed go to school so I couldn’t understand but I knew that equals was a maths thing. And then he said something, he directed it at Garths everywhere. It translated perfectly, but I didn’t understand the meaning at the time, “We are all born free and equal.”.
I figured it didn’t matter anyway, the humans would likely be destroyed by the Council. I was wrong.
I didn’t know this at the time, but the humans grew up on war. There was always war on their world, and it didn’t end until hundreds of cycles after they left their solar system. War was all they knew until the ‘Peace era’ as they called it. I guess that’s why they decided to fight. Doing nothing was alien to them, I suppose going to war must have felt like coming home.
Of course I didn’t know this at the time, so when it was shown that the humans were managing to survive. Not only that, in the footage it looked like some Garth were fighting with them. I couldn’t believe my eyes. This wasn’t good news, and it only added to the stress of my mate. We still didn’t know what we would do. It didn’t matter, because they found out anyway.

>>32664024
I thank the humans for what happened next. I didn’t really understand it, but them freeing servitude centres meant that my mate was more valuable, so they spared her life. Instead they would keep her and sell the child. We were happy that we were spared.
Then the Humans began winning. The pushed their way all the into the central planets, and even made it to Xangzie. I saw their drop pods, it was like the stars were falling. Me, my mate and our masters all hid underground when we saw them coming. The masters had built a makeshift shelter. Eventually the Humans were in the house. We tried to keep as quiet as we can in case they found us. It didn’t help, they found us anyway.
When they marched down the stairs with their projectile weapons, they looked like the beasts in the stories my mother told back at the servitude centres. They were black all over their body, you couldn’t see their faces, you didn’t know where the weapon ends and the body begins. They were not the same humans I saw on the vidbox. One of my master grabbed me, forced me in front of him. He started shouting, “Stay back. Stay back or I swear I’ll cut him.”
The humans stared at me, probably waiting for their translators. Then they looked at each other then nodded.

>>32664054
A bright flash came from the end of their weapon-hand and the noise almost deafened me. My master dropped to the floor, while my other master shrieked which I thought would definitely deafen me. One of the humans grabbed my master and took her away.
One of the humans walked towards me, I stepped backwards, not know what he would do. That was when my mate started screaming, all this stress had caught up to our child. My translator kicked in.
“Oh shit, JENKINS! GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE, SHE’S GOING INTO LABOR!”

It’s been 10 cycles since that day. The humans won their war. Evicted the head of the council, put themselves on top and rewrote a whole bunch of laws, banning servitude. They added clinics which helped Garths ‘re-enter society’ Taught me how how to do maths, which was very useful, among other things. I get paid for my work now, and I can use it to buy nice things for my mate. I still don’t understand why they went out of their way to help us, why they sacrificed so many of their kind to end something that has been going on so long that no one minded it. But after watching my daughter go for her first day of school, I think I’m coming close to understanding.

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First of my two cents: >>32653434

>>32664080
I like it, haven't really seen or read anything concerning slavery apart from that one game which name escapes me (stardrive maybe?), and FTL with the Mantis and Engi, but only very lightly.

>>32664881
>Mantis and Engi
Game's called FTL: Faster Than Light.
It's also Anti-HFY, seeing as how the main bad guys are humans trying to overthrow the peaceful federation and replace it with a corrupt and brutal empire. They call themselves The Rebellion, but they're more like a military coup than anything else.

>>32664080
Nice
>>32664881
I concur.

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>>32664979
I know what FTL, is i have the game with a decent amount of hours clocked, i was talking about the other game called stardrive with the Cordrazine, who make Owlwoks a slave race by feeding them a drip of mind control drugs 24/7.

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>>32665072
>>32664080
>>32664881

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>>32665072
DERP. I cannot into reading comprehension. I thought you were saying FTL, mantis and engi were part of the thing you couldn't remember.
My bad!

>>32664881
>>32664998
Thanks.
I'll check out the game as well, sounds interesting.

>>32665113
Never played mass effect, so i wouldn't know, mind giving your two cents on how it touched slavery?
>>32665125
No problem, people make mistakes.
Also dat picture, i've been that situation more than once, with the worse option checked.

>>32665125
That picture. The Vietnam style flashbacks.

>>32658679
>sperglord
kek

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We need more of this stuff.

During all my years on 4chan, I have never come across a thread where I fully read everything and enjoyed it all so much.

In other words--MOAR

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>>32666180
You havent been on here long enough.

>mfw ive been here since 2007.

>>32665125
>>32665072
good god i really need a rts where i can play as human overthrowing xenoscum and take over the universe
but i really want to see my mass of metalships

bump

>>32667558
you could try making humans on spore

>>32658726
This is a good piece of HFY. It's an actual GOOD piece, not wank.

This was a great thread, and I think I've saved them all.

>>32670151
what's with the past tense? this IS a great thread!

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Help! I am stuck! I can't find a decent point of tension and my OC is just floating in the void!

Also, screencap, because it's a good take on the theme

>>32665301
The galaxy was basically divided into 2, Council space (standard civilised galactic council) and the Terminus systems (no central government and laws and morality wasn't a big issue there).
Basically the chick in the space suit got into a lot of debt and then decided to go for 'indentured servitude'. She willingly went in for it and the blue chick was trying to sell her. Even though this was legal where they were, most business stay clear of it because it's still slavery and their PR department would freak.
The batarain slavers she mentions on the other hand go straight for your standard modern day kidnap and enslave route.

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>>32670538
>Help! I am stuck! I can't find a decent point of tension and my OC is just floating in the void!
"And then everyone died. The end"

>>32671118
So, Humanity has risen from the dead? Jesus H. Christ! I can only imagine what these people have got to be thinking right now.
>"Hey guys, remember that species we killed not so long ago?"
>"The ones that tried to blow up the Suns to solar flare planets to death, AFTER they gave up on trying to crack open the planets themselves for resources? Yeah, I know them."
>"They're back."

>>32662313
See, now this is good HFY. It isn't just puerile circlejerking with the sole purpose of making some loser's life seem slightly less bleak and meaningless. It's actually funny, it's self depreciative and yet celebratory at the same time.

Self depreciation, I think, is important.

>>32658260
I find some of these things a little ridiculous. Most other animals will go into shock and die if they break a leg? That is simply not true, I see maimed animals living all the time. My ex had an adopted stray cat whose tail and back leg was run over by a car, it was horribly disfigured but survived despite absolutely no vet treatment (the cat is way too hostile to even get into a crate). There's a well-known squirrel on my college campus that has a crinked tail and fucked up limbs and back, but runs around exactly like a squirrel.

>>32670538
If you want help you should probably at least tell us what you want help with. Might help us help you better.

>>32671918
it was posted here
>>32658947

Some HFY is proper retarded, it takes things that aren't particularly special, if you have any knowledge of science, and blows them up out of all proportion (I'm looking at you, "zomg they breathe oxygen and drink water" guys)

But then you get the interesting stuff, like ones where we're the only sapient species to have evolved from an endurance predator, or that focus on cultural things like maybe we are less xenophobic to certain races than the rest of the galaxy

I think it'd be interesting to see some HFY focussing on other things that another species might find odd; like our weird love/hate relationship with sex, or the fact that we do some really odd things to food to make it last longer and/or taste nicer

>>32672715
Theres actually a really nice HFY floating around having to do with cooking.

Also, im trying to think of a plotline that has to do with humans being presumed as overly kind. Like "pfft, they only vaporised 2 major settlements during their development? What chumps" but I have no idea how to set it up right. I think my issue is im trying to write from first contact.

>>32672781
>maybe from the POV of an alien xeno-historian that's studying us?

>>32672841
Mhm, probably the best way of handling it.

>>32672781
I'm personally leaning on taking the fact that humans are totally cool with mechanic augments (most of them anyway), but cloning and eugenics are much more taboo, and reversing it for the aliens. From their perspective it makes no sense to forbid eugenics, and at the same time allowing limb replacements for handicaped (who wouldn't even need it with eugenics).

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>>32673021
>A pathetic race, born of their oceans and grown amongst the mud and filth and beasts of their planet. Far flung from the careful designs of the first clutchmother.
>A reluctant race, they incased their fragile bodies in steel, building machines to do battle for them, hurling metal at one another, vaporising only two of their own cities during their times of strife. A far cry from the bloodshed Lothrum wars.
>A cowardly race, bending at the knee to our great, chiltin and blood soaked warriors during our first invasion, of their little blue marble, a small force in and of itself.
>A subservant race, their world provided us with workers, and ships never imagined in our system
>A skulking race, their kind all but vanished, converging back to their homeworld, as though drawn by a compulsion not unlike the call of our mothers.
>An inventive race, within a decade of being beseiged and grounded on their home planet, they launched new ships. The armor improved from their previous designs, the engines spliced with our own FTL drives.
>A forgiving race, or atleast, we can hope, as the skies above our hives burn.

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>>32673527
reminds me of this one

bump

>>32674187
Sweet, its comparable!

>>32658595
>it's twelve bong

I once started to build a GURPS universe where all surviving humans were the descendants of Bill Clinton and his vast array of call girls that he took with him into space just before the planet ended in a nuclear holocaust. They were essentially frat boys in space that learned everything about human culture from old flash drives with greentext and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia episodes on them. But it never went anywhere.

>>32675857
Hey, why was that post erased? The places isn't half bad and has the easy to find name of HFY for its sub.

>>32672715
>be me, junior science officer on shit-tier spaceship
>fucked up in school, so now I’m here
>hear about new crewman coming aboard
>human
>fuck, I’ve heard about these guys
>They have mouths full of calcium and they spit h2o with their orifices. And we are vulnerable to h2O AND calcium!
>decide to show him who’s boss
>go to his quarters
>see him in shower
>justasplanned.jpg
>grab a power cable and coil it up
>try to say something intimidating
>“h-hey, human! you think you’re tough?”
>itried.glaxbrg
>he turns around
>ohfuckwhatdoido
>corners of mouth raise, teeth bared
>oh fuck, calcium
>see two arms, two legs and… wtf?
>some fucked up leg thing hanging there
>limp at first, but starts to stiffen
>oh my galactic overlord xenu what the fuck
>suddenly turns around, gets in hands and knees
>bares some orifice at me
>OHFUCKH2O
> “oh, yeah? Just try and hit me, bitch.”
>waitwhat
>“go ahead, make my day”
>well fine
>if he wants me to hit him, I will
>hit his ass with cable
>“Oh, god! Harder!”
>hit him again
>fucking leg-thing just gets bigger
>freak the fuck out
>run away
>tell other crewman
>he laughs
>then he tells me
>mfw I accidentally initiated mating with human
>mfw nobody will let me live it down
>mfw some fucked up creatures mate like this

>>32677488
mfw i literally have no face, none of mt species do

>>32677488
Funny, although the chemistry of water means that it's very unlikely there would be any form of advanced life that would be vulnerable to water to the extent they would need to be afraid of a human spitting on them. (Although an alien skin weak tot he enzymes in human saliva could be interesting)

>>32677725
But how would they be able to be blown by us?

When we first met the humans, we laughed at them, so eager, so pathetic. They haggled and bickered amongst themselves, desperate for the most meagre scraps of knowledge that we would deign to share with them.

They sought to trade, to obtain the knowledge of how to travel the interstellar gulfs but what could they possibly offer us? Their resources were scant, used up in their insignificant internecine struggles; their technical know-how hopelessly primitive; their art-forms crude and infantile.

But little did we know, at the time, that there was one thing they had, something so seemingly insignificant it never crossed their minds to offer it. Ah, if only that chance meeting had never happened, we might have been spared the centuries of cultural degradation that would ensue, when the ambassador; a lowly V'rrl-caste (for none of the higher castes would even deign to speak with the apes) was introduced to that most pernicious of substances; bacon.

Even now it's salty goodness calls to me, but I must resist, must not falter, while I tell you of how the humans seized on our weakness, the way the smell and the taste of that simple foodstuff would cause our sensory clusters to quiver with delight, of how they began to export it in massive quantities, how we gave them entire worlds if only they would provide the Empire with more of the pink gold that we now craved...

>>32677748
And now I'm imagining advanced aliens using their super science to create special condoms so that they can be safely fellated by corrosive-saliva'd humans. Thanks a lot anon...

>>32678055
You're welcome human-sama

>>32677725
It's from another thread. Forgot to screencap, though

bump

>>32678008
Lack of bacon is why the Muslims are so angry

THIS JUST IN:
We're evolved to punch each other in the face.

http://phys.org/news/2014-06-violence.html

>>32682662
I thought we'd already realized this back when we learned that the back of the skull is easier to fracture?

Just throwing this factoids out for use. Humans are very wasteful creatures, if anything look at us now. When the native americans first hunted buffalo, they would make whole herds run off cliffs to their deaths and then they would cut the good pieces of meat off and leave the rest to rot. Also humans hunted the large game first then progressed down as evident of megafaunal extinction in Australia and north america.

>>32682928
Generally, we tend to be wasteful because we could afford to be.

>>32682961
There's also the matter of trying to split a herd up. It's not easy, which is kind of the point.

>>32682961
ya after coming from the journey across siberia and alaska who wouldnt want to watch buffalo jump to their death

>>32682928
It could be argued that buffalo meat that is left would be eaten by other animals/ be used to fertilise the land. So in the grand scheme of things, it's not wasted.

Imagine the xeno reaction to classic human hunting https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBpu4DAvwI8

>>32683114
Fucking price of meat these days.

>>32683114
>65 years old
Hell of a poker face.

>>32658156
>humanity fuck year
Isn't that every year?

Fucking humans, always...um...fucking...

>>32683114
I just grew a extra pair of nuts after seeing this, how have we not been killed off completely yet?

>>32683821
we adapted. Closest we came was about 10,000 individuals left, see toba catastrophe theory

>>32683114
The only reason that works is because people killed off most of the animals living there. Anything left has a healthy fear of people instilled in it

I have some OC, but it's hella long if that's cool.

>>32683933
oc is always cool

>>32683951
okay, just finishing up.

>>32684159
bump for oc

I will never forget the day I met Officer Hanks. I had seen other humans before; in dark corners and bars around the port. But never had I seen one like him. All of the humans here were battle scarred leathery apes that gravitated toward strong brews and smoking herbs. They gambled in the streets (a ludicrous, wasteful practice that quickly spread throughout the spaceports they visited) and they skulked in the shadows of brothels, waiting to spend their pay on erotic fantasies with foreign species, despite the high risk of Inflammatory Void Warts. But Hanks, Hanks stood out like a Phars module in a Clitorian’s... eheh, sorry, I’m not used to formal occasions. Anyway, Hanks was the strangest human I’d ever seen. His eyes were still bright, not dulled by years of void radiation and weathered by a hundred battles. His skin was smooth, untouched by the filth of foreign planets. He had a large shock of black hair, curling forth from his scalp. As for his face, he looked, well, I’d never seen a human child at that point, but now I can definitely say it was ‘boyish’. He smiled as broad as a solar crowning on Terra VI. He was as fresh off Earth as a skin husk on cycle day.

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>>32684427
So, here I was, combing one of the biggest spaceports on Sifiso VII for a single human recruit. No uniform, no tracer, nothing to go on but “He’s a human. His name’s… Hankis? Eh, You’ll know him when you see him.”. Well, I’ll tell you what, I took one look at this guy and I thought, “That’s no human.” Well he must have gotten better instruction than I did, because he took one look at me and commenced to act in possibly the stupidest manner I’ve ever seen a human act. His eyes light up and he starts waving one of his long appendages about like he’s performing some bizarre mating ritual in the middle of the street. He stumbles toward me with clumsy steps and flashes his enormous white teeth at me, yelling, “HEY! HEY THERE! OFFICER TARSUS! OFFICER TARSUS!”. I swear in that moment I felt every seedy eye in a mile on my fleshcoat, wondering if it was worth the risk to recycle me right then and there. Clearly nobody had bothered to inform recruit Hanks that the Pangalactic Navy wasn’t exactly the Gorn beast of the banquet in these systems.

>>32684476
But he was so eager to please, so enthusiastic in his idiotic stumbling, that I couldn’t help but feel somewhat endeared to him as I motioned him over and signed his final transcripts. We picked up his baggage (among which he had a large bladder of some kind, packed among a series of hollow, but finely crafted wooden rods that completely baffled me at the time) and finally returned to the safety of the local fleet headquarters, where he proceeded to talk until I was sure his mouth would warp off-planet of its own accord. He tells me he was descended from a great hero (I doubted it), a hero that the people of Earth still remember for his remarkable accomplishments: Running across a continent, surviving for years on a desolate island, befriending a canine and solving crimes with it (at this point I realized humans must be completely full of Bol-skarr to believe such tales), and finally dying after destroying an armored vehicle in combat with only a small projectile sidearm. He told me all this and more, and he joked! I had never heard so many jokes in my life. Most of them I did not understand at the time, but he didn’t seem to mind at all. I remember as I explained the incredible suction that is generated in the subsurface sand pits of Sifiso VII he whistles and says “The pits are all fine and well, but I’d like to see what her mouth can do before I commit to anything.” I still laugh when I think of it today.

>>32684504
I must admit, I did not think he would fare well in the fleet. This was a place for grim soldiers and staunch stomachs. At the time I was sure he would fade into another husk of a sentient after a battle or two, but I was wrong. I was so wrong. His jokes and his stories and his ridiculous claims to legendary status were the best amusement the men had seen in decades. He lit up the mess halls with his face, and he never once forgot a name. He even taught us all to play ‘Basket Ball’. Which I still do not claim to understand, but he was so adamant in its instruction that we all played to humor him. He brought light to the darkness that had so long held us in that lonely vessel among the stars. He was never a great soldier, he never fired unless fired upon first and I don’t think I ever once saw him hit his mark. But he had no small measure of bravery. When we were surrounded by Krokil mercenaries, it was he that suggested talking terms with the ruthless and notoriously unforgiving reptilians. When we were captured by rebels on Ja’karr, it was Corporal Hanks that planned our escape using a couple of maintenance uniforms for disguises and a large rubber phallus as a weapon. Ahah, ohhh that was an adventure… Of course, this brings me to the last day I saw Officer Hanks; a day which I shall also, never forget.

>>32684530
The Battle of Kirkuun, PTC date July 10th, 4087 AD. The third Bolan empire had been steadily advancing on Confederation borders. Plans for a Bolan tactical strike on the colony planet Kirke had been discovered. The planet was peaceful, the inhabitants were a handful of natives and approximately 3 million navy reserve families and associated traders. The garrison at full strength was only 500,000, and most were unarmed as the station had not seen action since its founding and primarily served as a relay for information across ITC borders. The only ship near enough to intercept the attack was a single frigate, manned by a crew of 200 souls; the Judge Victorious. The ship arrived to find a colony in ruins. Though the Judge’s orders were to engage and halt the attack, it was woefully outnumbered, nearly 20 to 1. I, as Commanding Officer, gave the order to transport a quarter of the ship’s fighting force, to defend the outpost that still stood among the rubble, making the evacuation of civilians their highest priority. Officer Hanks was the first to volunteer. As CO I felt an obligation to lead this mission, leaving explicit orders that, should we fail, the Judge were to glass the planet to save the captive survivors from punishment unimaginable, and retreat to confederate space. There could be no failure if any were to survive.

>>32684552
Our craft landed and our techs immediately began to assemble teleportation apparatus within the outpost walls while crewmen began to assist the colonists. There were over 500 to be evacuated under heavy fire. On the third attempt to leave the colony, with only 350 souls left to be evacuated, the transports were shot down, and the inhabitants presumed dead on impact. We held the walls with all our strength for 2 hours, and lost almost half of our force doing so. With only 33 crewmen left, the teleport had been assembled and was charged for a single transport of 200. We put the children too young to fight on board. The elderly refused to go. With a single charge, and the front gates buckling under the weight of 1,000 Bolani warriors, they were sent up to the waiting Judge Victorious, which unfortunately drew attention to the ship. Under heavy fire, I relinquished command to First Mate Taurel with the orders to forego the merciful atomic salvo and instead save the munitions to cover their escape. 4 Bolan ships fell and The Judge retreated safely.

>>32684588
It was at this point that I noticed Officer Hanks, my dearest comrade, stripping his uniform. “Hanks!” I called “Hanks what in the heavens are you doing?!”. He laughs and says, “We have a saying on Earth. ‘Life is like a box of Chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.’. “ I was completely without words. Here we were preparing to kill ourselves to save ourselves from a torturous end and he was stripping and painting his chest. “Hanks, I hope you have a plan. Because I don’t see a way out of here and you seem to know something I don’t.” He looked at me, and he looked at the colonists, and he said just this, “Out the back.” Then he picks up his bizarre bag, this sack of wooden pipes he had carried with him for over 10 years that I had never bothered to guess its purpose, and he begins to assemble them into what appeared to be a primitive instrument and tucked it under his arm. “Go!” he yelled. “GO! NOW!”. That was the last time I saw him.

>>32684616
It was as I herded the remaining natives and elderly with Private Blakely and Private Sturzz, who were both fresh recruits and were reasoned to be the best with civilian matters, that I heard a sound I had never heard before in my life; a low buzzing. It was this sound that echoed about the glens surrounding the outpost, carrying for miles and miles. It must have been as loud as a Caravel engine at takeoff! Such a sound I have never heard in my life, and then it began to play a tune. I cannot describe to you here today what human pipes can do to a soldier’s heart, but all I can say of it is that it feels as though your very being is being lifted, and your very soul has been taken to another place, a place I have never been but can see as clearly as day. A place of green fields and warm light, and wild flowers. As I heard that sweet tune thrum out over the hills, I somehow knew that this was a song that most will only hear at their death.

>>32684635

Ernest Hanks died on July 11th, 4087, in the early hours of the morning, with the dawn. Outnumbered nearly 100 to 1, he led a small force of 30 Pangalactic Sailors in a last minute charge to save the lives of the civilians fleeing the colony of Kirkuun. Accounts by survivors on both sides claim the following: “Sometime, just before dawn, a fire was lit in the outpost, setting the entire complex ablaze, and cutting off any hopes of retreat for the valiant crew. It was at this point that the Bolan forces broke through the main gate to the complex, to find a wall of lazguns pointed at the bottleneck that was the gate. After firing 6 salvos and felling an estimated 120 elite Bolan raiders, the crew, now devoid of ammunition, charged with improvised weaponry which mainly consisting of sharpened stakes, kitchen knives, and righteous fury. Leading the charge was one Officer Ernest Hanks, he was armed only with a set of Scottish Pipes. The Bolani (being unaccustomed to the excruciatingly loud music and being visually impaired by the light of the rising star) ‘quailed like sheep before the slaughter’ under the initial assault, as one Sergeant claimed. The small crew fought fiercely against the insurmountable odds, and won time enough for the innocent civilian occupants to escape to the nearest outpost while reinforcements warped in from neighboring systems. In the end, Officer Hanks was shot through the stomach and chest 5 times over before succumbing to his wounds. He did not stop playing until his lungs were scorched and he breathed his last. His valiant leadership and steadfast courage saved the lives of 12 remaining crewmen and over 150 civilians. He was a great man, and my greatest friend.

-Elias Tarsus, Captain of the Judge Victorious of the Pangalactic Trade Confederation Navy.

>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DRtnWVvDX6k (manly men feels music for those interested)

>>32684676
This is what I head: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=do_o5CCXE9Y

>>32684765
probably more appropriate. Previous was more for a Zulu reference than anything. Noted.

>>32684800
You should play SGT. Mackenzie once they mention the bagpipes. The other song should be at the start of the final encounter.

>>32677488
>vulnerable to water
>goes and harasses a guy in the shower
>where he has all the water he would ever need

>>32678055
But wouldnt we do the same if it meant Xenomorph blowjobs? Imagine that tiny mouth inside the giant mouth, like a double bj. I am amazed they weren't standard issue by the end of the aliens saga

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>>32684676

>>32684676

Very good read. Thank you!

Fresh OC. Come get your fresh OC here

Humanity was the laughing stock of the Universe.

They were short, ugly, unimpressive creatures. Gestation periods too long to be a swarming meanace of sheer numbers. No razor claws, armoured shells, or horrible posions.
Even their intellects (the things they themselves prized over all else) were merely average in the grand scheme of races. Nothing they made could come close to the
technological brilliance of the Qurt-Uthla, the efficency of a TurTrrthr or the beauty of Abfyuri.

So we, the collective galatic community, simply laughed at them. We gave them the basic communication devices all races recieve when they become post-FTL, and
left them to their own devices. We gave them the standard warnings, not to fuck with other post-FTL races, or we will annhilate them. They shrugged, mumbled
something about "MAD", whatever that is, and continued on their merry little way.

So they grew, and thrived. Their little galatic empire expanded outward more than any other race. We didn't care. An unlimited universe means more than enough room
for every race. Soon they would be bored, like every other race, and begin their great project. They would find one niche, and carve it beyond any other race.
Just like every other race before them. If we had bothered to read the history of this sophmoric and frankly, substandard race, we would have wiped them out
before they could get out of the Sol System.

>>32686618
No other race had the concept of "tenacity". While other races were so efficent, they had never encountered resistance, even on their own planets, humans did not.
While every other race saw their native enviroment as a plaything from the word "go", humans had struggled since coming down from the trees they used to call home.
The one thing humans had over anything else, was they never, ever gave up. They would run after their prey, never catching it. Until that is, their prey laid down and
died from exhaustion.

While every other race saw virtue in nothing else but ease of life, human mythologies universally condemn hedonism. Excess pleasure was a sign of weakness, paradoxically.
Their heroes, the archetypes that thrived from the first intelligble sound from their throats until now has been those who seek challenge far beyond their abilities.
The lone human standing against entire armies, against fantastical creatures, against another human who has been corrupted by that dreaded efficency and now
holds powers meant for Gods. Their religions all masturbating over how powerless and helpless they are against a being beyond their comprehension. Their horror
stories not focused around losing their power (like every other, sensible race) but set up against an enemy that is even more tenacious than themselves.
Their "Jay-Suns" and "Van Pyres" are simply humans without limits. While other races' media showed how much better they would be than the yet to be
discovered alien life forms, humans continue to portray themselves and weak, snivilling creatures who only won by the last bullet in their gun, or else by the fact they
lasted a few seconds longer.

>>32686636
After studying their works of art for years, I asked a human why this was. He looked at me, gave me a look my sensor told me was condescencion,
he simply said "If we win right away, there isn't any tension". I asked if he would not prefer my lightning-reflexes, or perhaps massive claws. He laughed. "Power corrupts"
is what he told me.

So foolish were we, content to sit upon our mountains, that when we first encountered THEM, we were shocked. It was like an opposing universe alliance. One built on conquest
and rage. The complete counterpart to our guarded but peaceful community. Their fangs were just a little bit sharper, their brains a little bit better. Their muscles
a little bit stronger. We were now the weaker side, outmatched in every way. We had no idea what to do. It was called the 20 second war, because that's how long it took
for our generals to decide that fighting was useless, and that we would be destroyed either way. We might as well enjoy our last few minutes.

This baffled the humans. While we gorged ourselves on the finest foods, they prepared. While the races in our council went extinct one after another. Humanity scavenged
the enemy ships who were accidently hit by friendly fire. While we fled our planets, retreating further and further so we could live in excess a little longer, they entrenched
themselves into a line.

>>32686649
Humans took the weapons we had devised when we needed to keep up with our neighbours. Only one really had any impact on THEM. The humans called it "An EMP on steroids". All
technology was rendered useless except for the most primitive of kinetic weapons. The only problem no one could really fix about it, was it hit friendlies as well. It wiped
us all back to the primitive, pre-FTL ages, in such a state we stood even less of a chance.

The humans didn't care. The massive beasts of Yurrsothoh XI shredded their front lines, while they pelted their armour hides with metal slugs. While their generals were
always at a disadvantage due to worse military engagements, the humans made sure every acre of land was fought for tooth and nail. Every single last human fought past any
reasonable member of another race would. The last cry of every human commander was "hold the god damned line". Humans in the number of untold trillions sacrificed themselves in
what they would later describe as "routine acts of war heroism". Eventually though, the enemy slowly crept foward over their home worlds.

Eventually, the pushed all the way back to the human capital world. The last planet belonging to the humans that could put up any fight. Earth. We had all long retreated
back, but watched the transmission with fascination.

The cold metallic voice of the translator rang out in the capital of Earth. Addressing the last bastion of hope for humanity.

"HUMANS. YOU HAVE PROVEN YOUR WORTH TO US. LAY DOWN YOUR ARMS AND ACCEPT YOUR PLACE AS OUR SERVANTS. YOUR COURAGE IS ADEQUATE."

There was a long silence in the human capital. We all awaited their response. The losses on both sides had been massive. The humans, for all their faults, had managed to wipe
out over half the races that had made up the enemy. They had earned their place. I would be lying if I said we all weren't jealous, furious that this race of bald monkey
people had been deemed worthy, but not us.

>>32686659
The radio transmission crackled back to life.

"NO. WE FIND YOUR COURAGE LACKING"

Then, the lines went dark. Instead of the dying hum of the "EMP on steroids", there was a sudden burst. The humans had blown up Earth. Their crown world. Their paradise.
They would not bend knee. An explosion so massive and unexpected that only the humans who survived were those that occupied small colonies far beyond our own retreat line.
Even we, as far back as we were, felt the scorch of this explosion. This massive release of energy wiped out the last of the enemy, but humans had paid a sacrifice far greater
than any we could have fathomed. Their entire galatic history, now reduced to a few scant colonies.

Yet, on their communication lines, they were cheering.

"It worked! It worked"
"We killed them all!

We were dumbfounded. Billions, trillions of colonies beyond the reaches of space we had bothered to look. They all lit up like a shower of sparks. All previously dark,
under strict orders never to use detectable technology until they were sure of the enemies defeat. They carved their niche. They were a phoenix. Something with endurance
beyond what we anticipated.

A comm request came through to the high-king. We opened the line. He spoke in our universal tongue.

"I am the leader of the United Space Colonies of Humanity. In the 23 minutes it took for you to realise what happened to our home, we have evaluted you."

The high king simply had no words.

"These are the niches of man. Whereas you are content to live your short, insipid lives. We will become greater"

The broadcast inspired fear in our people. Was the enemy of the enemy really our friend?

"Yes, we have evaluted you. Those who are smarter, those who are stronger. We find you lacking."

We braced for the decleration of war.

"We would wipe out your cowardly asses with them, but frankly, you don't present enough of a challenge for us."

Humans were the laughing stock of the Universe. Once.

Why don't we edit these for spelling and grammatical errors and compile them into an ever-updating .pdf?

>>32686704
Sure thing anon. Get right to it. Shall we use dropbox to keep things synced and up to date?

>>32686618
7/10 p good

>>32686721
Sounds like a plan.

>>32658762
Gotta admit I just read through Francis Drake and it is some good shit. Different flavor to some of the tg HFY stories, but I would put it on par, maybe a little bit below the T. Roll. Face stories and veil pastas, that is until some tard decided that a "Noooo humans must reveal truth because alien race will kill selves out of fear!!!!" type story was necessary and ruined the entire story universe.

Its hard to judge though, the two stories have a seriously different flavor like how did one Bond put it "Comparing them is like comparing Peking Duck to Filet Mignon" it just cant be done.

Have a HFY story from 1985

http://pastebin.com/arPnthxj

>>32686900
The T. Roll Face stories ARE veil pastas.

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>>32686676

>>32682928
I contest the "keep only the good things". EVERYTHING is used, from meat to bones and sinew and even hooves for glue.
and
>humans single-handedly responsible for megafauna disappearance
>not climate change at the end of the ice age

>>32687893
http://scitech.au.dk/en/current-affairs/news/show/artikel/climate-not-to-blame-for-the-disappearance-of-large-mammals/

Turns out you're empirically wrong.

OC Here.

--------------------------

So, I may have fucked up a little bit.
I'm going to start with, I'm a civvie that usually keeps to himself. Hell, I don't even read up on the xeno we meet. Sorry if that means a bit here is lost in context.

Friends had dragged me on vacation on that one "luxury planet" that, I swear, makes me think of Detroit where we went. Luxury planet my ass, but I digress.

We were in a bar, my musclehead friends flexing their humanity and all, and I'm in the corner nursing a drink, when some of those mantis-looking xeno barge into the bar. Apparently they were gangsters of some description or something, and the bar was a spot they collected insurance money from or something. I wasn't exactly listening. I go back to trying to nurse my drink when one of them comes over and picks a fight with me, breaking my glass. My friends are angling to start a fight, but I was content to just order another drink after they left.

Then the mantis bug fucker claws at me, and puts a jagged cut over my face for whatever reason.

I'll pause for a second and mention, I'm like 5'8", 210 lbs, and most of it is fat. I can't bench my own weight. Hell, I can barely bench three quarters my weight.

I'm also meek as shit. Entire time at the bar, xeno came and went (me and my friends were the only humans there apparently) and while my buds were being loud and, well, human, I sat in the corner and was just quiet and smiling. I think it made me creepy in hindsight.

Resume, mantis bug fucker claws my face, and I flip the fuck out. I put my boot to its chest-plate-thingy, push as hard as a fat man can, and I swear the fucker goes FLYING. He hits the wall, I throw my barstool, it hits him, and well the rest is history.

Thing is, I may have given humanity a worse reputation by it. I might have created the assumption that even the meekest and weakest of us is the Hulk, waiting to happen.

I'll reiterate, I'm a civvie, and I really don't want that reputation.

Wat do?

>>32684676
>>32686676
good to see some oc in here

>>32671555
Well that ruined my day. I'll go do something productive

buuuump

>>32692644
Humans... man, just looking at one gives me vertigo. They always look like they're on the verge of falling over, the way they walk, the way they sway back and forth. No matter how much I watch them, I just can't fathom it. And how they tower over you, how thin they are- it's like they're made out of magically animated sticks. They're all angles- those elbows and knees look like they'd punch right through our mantles without even trying, with how rigid they are. And how fast they walk- those long legs just eat up distance. Our light jog is their casual walk, and when they run, it's like... I always thought alien life would look like us, you know? At least a little.

>>32693386
Watching them work on the orbitals is worse. So far from the sheltering earth, and they run and jump around like they're mere inches from it! We have to shelter inside bunkers, solid walls providing a psychological salve, doing all the work through teleoperated robots- they walk around outside, with only a latex suit between them and space, I just can't. I can't imagine what's going on inside their heads. They should be clinging to the girders for dear life, afraid of being sucked away into the black- but they walk as tall as if they were on a solid planet, and run, and jump from girder to girder freely. They should be scared. They're not. They're having -fun-. I'm supposed to be supervising them, but I can barely stand to watch them work.

>>32693579
I asked one of them how they could be so comfortable out there, without ground or gravity or even a safety line, and he told me that it was "like coming home." He told me that humanity had once lived in the branches of high trees, swinging from branch to branch, before climate change had killed off the forests and forced them to walk the savannah. He told me about how their sense of balance was still attuned for that environment, how their wrists rotated through 360 degrees to grab onto branches, how their long limbs allowed them to easily control their angular momentum. He told me about how their feet used to be as dextrous as their hands, and showed me the surgical scars where that capability had been restored, and about how their binocular vision was designed specifically to gauge distances in a 3-D environment. He told me about how all of these things applied just as easily to microgravity as well. He told me about all the genetic changes wrought on his body to prevent long-term microgravity damage, and how they were working on a suite of cybernetics that would allow them to walk in space without a suit.
I still can't quite wrap my head around it. It's just too alien. Well, Corporate is planning to cancel on-site oversight, leave everything with the human subcontractors. I can't wait to get back to solid ground. If the humans want the orbitals they can have them.

>>32684848
>>32684765
>>32684800
This is exactly what I fucking played as soon as I reached the bagpipes part. Manly feels were felt

>>32693386
>>32693579
>>32693910
Postscript:
The writer of this passage, Seven Moons Rise Over Eight, was killed in the War of Spacial Hegemony, where an alliance of seven races attacked the humans in an attempt to end their dominance of strategically key areas of space. Xe had been conscripted as a fighter control officer to to Xis prior experience with orbital work and human psychology, and was killed by a long-range grazer strike.
The war lasted one and a half GST years, and was an extended object lesson in why attacking somebody who already has space superiority is a bad idea.
The war ended in a human victory. The peace treaty acknowledged human dominance of the areas of space in question and granted ownership of a number of asteroid belts and minor planets to humanity. As humanity was already primarily space-based and increasingly vacuum-adapted, no conventionally habitable territory was asked for, and no other concessions were granted.

bamp for anything, this is a great thread

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>>32694188

I like this one. It's not just "HUMANS STRONG, WIN WIN WIN!" In fact, there's no focus on combat. The combat's in the footnote.

It's a (presumably tunnel-adapted?) race looking at humanity and going, "Humanity, what the fuck?" being baffled by their ability to adapt to the extra-planetary environment.

On this note, would anyone like me to dump my small collection of HFY that doesn't focus on warfare and/or fighting?

>>32698801
Please do.

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The War. The humans, I think, knew they were doomed. Where another race would surrender to despair, the humans fought back with greater strength. They made the Minbari fight for every inch of space. In my life, I have never seen anything like it; They would weep, they would pray, they would say goodbye to their loved ones, and then throw themselves without fear or hesitation at the very face of death itself, never surrendering. No one who saw them fighting against the inevitable could help but be moved to tears by their courage. Their stubborn nobility. When they ran out of ships, they used guns, when they ran out guns they used knives and sticks and bare hands. They were magnificent. I only hope that when it is my time, I may die with half as much dignity as I saw in their eyes in the end. They did this for two years they never ran out of courage but in the end, they ran out of time.

>>32698927
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-D2SHNqkjbY

>>32698976
What's odd is that the federation is an exploratory outfit, not combat.

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>>32699045

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>>32699073

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>>32699102

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>>32699171

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>>32699226

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>>32699633

>>32699689

I always liked the idea that humans have insane abilities to ingest things, compared to other aliens. Like, other aliens need very specific diets, or they'll grow ill or even die. But humans can just turn up to a planet, grab some leaves and start chewing.

It's even rumoured that a human mercenary company, after wiping out a planet's population, celebrated with a banquet which consisted mostly of the aristocracy.

Or, the ability to fuck any species. Aliens are baffled/disgusted by our sexual drive and willingness to copulate with almost anything.

>>32699738

My first contact with the Earthers was when I was with the maintenance crew on a tech-runner ship. We were docking on one of the Wolf 259 Orbitals to offload some new proto-types and such. You know the sort of place to expect when you do this job, an Orbital with no expense spent, that mild but constant burning plastic smell, cramped warrens and water that has been recycled too many times.

Imagine my shock when I stepped through that air lock. Huge vaulted halls of polished stone, stained glass over the armour-plex windows, coloured cloth hanging on some of the pillars depicting who knows what and a beautifully scented atmosphere. The entire place was a palace. First thoughts are that you have been sent to first class by mistake and there’re going to charge you extra. But no, I checked and we found the right door.

I vaguely remembered that the culture that owned Wolf 259 and surrounding environs has started hiring new construction workers. Some ass-backward nobodies from an uninhabitable ball of rock. A nightmare planet, atmosphere so thin as to be nearly vacuum, constantly irradiated by the local star, temperature variations like you wouldn’t believe and a HUGE moon pulling all the fluid up the shorelines at regular intervals. What you expect from a world like that is a race of hyper-violent thugs, savages with primitive tech and a simplistic almost animal view of the universe.

But from what I heard they were near useless as soldiers and most of them had strict prohibitions on killing and violence, and then punished those that transgressed those prohibitions.

>>32699783

What you do not expect is a species of engineers, scientists and charity workers. Utopian worlds at the Galactic Hub should produce those, that’s logical. Nightmare planets produce nightmare people and enlightened worlds produce enlightened people. Nightmare planets should not, by logic, produce a culture of near-pacifistic, spiritual construction workers.

I was still marvelling at the recuperation lounge when I saw one of them. It takes a while for you to get perspective in a place like that and it was quite some distance away but it must have been nearly twice my height, clad in a gleaming armoured carapace of polished armour, biped with two manipulatry appendages and some sort of stubby sensory appendage on top of it all.

It was some primeval horror form a terrible world, clad armour that could shrug off artillery fire and physically powerful enough to rip most people in half.

And they build wonders for other people.

To this day no one has found out what they look like under that shell.

>>32699798

You know why people tolerate the Humans? Because they’re fucking useful. They’re the greediest people in the galaxy, but if it weren’t for them, it would be blasted near uninhabitable. The orbital microgravity lab you work in? Human engineers built that. The hydroponic farms that keep this colony fed? Humans designed it. That spider platform that’s making the planet’s agriculture possible? Humans. The anti-infection kits that identify the presence of foreign bacteria and tell you what chemical compound to use to destroy it without destroying the food? Humans. The food itself? Humans.

No, I’m kidding, put that down. Look, what I’m saying is that sometimes it’s worth putting up with people you don’t like. The galaxy more stable for their presence, even if their manners take some getting used to. The infrastructure of the galaxy isn’t easy to maintain, and what do they ask for in return? Something they save us anyway: money. So, deal with it. Sometimes it’s best not to fight those battles.

>>32699821

I hate your fucking starships.

You humans have the single worst ship design of any species I have had the misfortune to encounter. Metal boxes, full of atmosphere, screaming garishly at every sense imaginable. Does this sound even remotely aesthetically pleasing to you? They are ugly, utilitarian designs, like one of your cans of animal-protein-biomass.

You do not undergo a genetic uplift for star travel, as most civilized species do. You lack the simple elegance of the Celestial Islands of the Taal-nu, nor the architectural grandiosity of the Grand Glass Fleet of the Kr'Xiost. You do not even limit your travel to those gene-engineered to vacuum-flight under their own power, as the Missionaries of Rena Prime. No. You have ships that shoot fusion bursts out one end, and screeching radio wave gibberish out the other, and in between? Gunmetal Gray Box full of meatbags, water, oxygen and things that explode into garish lights and shrapnel.

Don't get me wrong. You're pleasant enough conversation. You just treat void-sojourns, the single highest ambition of any species, with all the inelegant pragmatism of rutting animals on the field.

It's like you don't even care how you represent yourselves, so long as you have spread as far as your little fusion drives can carry you.

>>32699847

Yeah, we hate your asses too.

I mean, you're okay to talk to. We can respect youse people for the most part, and it's not like we haven't learned a thing or two from your race. Scientifically. Culturally. But your philosophy just sucks.

Like every other space-faring race, putting aside those oddballs with opaque atmospheres and the like, we built our civilization staring up at the stars. There probably wasn't a one of us that didn't sometimes wonder what it would be like to be out here, and that wonder helped make us what we are.

And here we are today, among the stars, hobnobbing with the likes of you dragons that were old beyond imagining even when we were just getting started, if you'll pardon the analogy. Or even if you won't, I really don't care that much.

See, it's a big universe. We build our spaceships simple and effective precisely so we don't have to do all that crazy genetic manipulation crap that everyone else does. Because these stars are the common heritage of every living thing, and we'll be damned if we'll limit that to just a small part of our population like y'all do.

Though I like that point about rutting in the field. I might have to take my wife out and do that sometime when I'm groundside next. Yeah, I said it. Space flight actually is a lot like fucking. Spreading out and making more of ourselves are two of the deepest drives we humans have, and doing either one feels fucking wonderful, so comparing one to the other really isn't unfair at all.

Not that y'all would know, being as you die after you spawn. It's just our luck that we have to share the universe with a bunch of eternal goddamn virgins.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCbD8nsxcd8

The Space Bear shogunate, that is were it all started.
The Space Bears where honorable, hard working, would fight to last drop of their strangely oily blood, but they also respected the customs of other races.
A member of the shogunate would not turn up his nose at the sight of a Vulfen ship taken slave of a defeated ship, nor a Ralyeh carouser sacrificing a surrendered ship's crew to their blood gods.
Then the bears ran into the newest memebers of the galactic community. Humans, fairing from the planet Earth on the Sol system. An odd bunch.
The Humans met the shogunate and found great understanding in there mutual ideas of honor and inclination to peace if possible.
In meeting the humans the Bears also informed the Evolved apes of the other members of the galactic community.
The mollusc based Cordrazine.
The Draylok, that closely resemble humans if not for there purple skin and denser carbon base.
Opteris robotic insects.
Pollops, sapient plants.
Ralyeh, an ancient, perhaps most ancient, race of octopus.
And the savage canine Vulfen.
The bears, being honorable, noted the good qualities of all species and their pasts of heroic alliances in times of need.
But the good traits did not concern the humans.
When first they met the Vulfen they were appalled by the slavers,
They were disgusted with the Ralyeh's disregard for life,
Livid with the Cordrazine for enslaving an entire sentient race of owls.
It was then that humans started a bloody march.

>>32699868

If there's one thing that I've learned about Humans in all of my many Sheddings its that there is no race more greedy than Humans. They eat as much as they can without thought of preservation, they steal whatever isn't bolted down, and they would sell their own brood for a pittance.

For example, I was an Ambassador to the Humans when the Kyrill declared war on them. Their Emperor mistook one of their moons in a barely colonized system for their homeworld and blew the damn thing up. That isn't important. What's important was the utter nonchalance that the Humans handled it with. Of all things they were discussing how much it would cost them in order to mount a counter-attack and how it would bite into the quarterly profits!

In the end they decided that one fleet armed with a Mas-Accellerating Photon Cannon was enough. They shot asteroids at Kyrill planets until their planets were just slightly bigger asteroids.

After it all I heard one of them murmur "Rocks aren't free, citizen."

Fuckin' Humans.

>>32699940
The space bears where honnurable but they lived on a bases of live and let live.
Human, those damnedable apes, would rather die as a species than let what they considdered "Crimes agains the basic rights of living thing"
They starved the Vulfen who resorted to eating their own slaves, then themselves, before submitting to the human trade blockade.
They Destroyed the Ralyeh holy sites, assasanated the speritual leaders, and raised the new generation on speaches of peace, prosperity and freedom from religious opression.
The Draylok were forced to accept that they when not the alpha race, that all species had rights that could not be ignored.
The Cordrazine, that was worst of all. They kept to themselves and had a massive army.
A blockade would be inneffetive, polotics would not work, and full battle was out of the question for the time being.
So the humans did something radical, they altered the chemical opiate that kept the Cordrazine owl slaves unthinking and obediant.
One by one the gentle owls woke up, and they were not happy.
After almost a full galactic month, 208 days, of radio silence from the clam people, their came a transmition.
"The People of the former Codrazy unified from would like to extend our hands to our new friends the Human United Federation as the new Owlish brotherhood."
And not a single Cordrazine was heard from sence that day.

>>32699954


Well, that's everything from me.

eeh...

Is "Earth is a death world" acceptable?

Before we actually made contact, we were sure that anything we found out there would be peaceful. That anything that wasn't would have wiped themselves out as their capacity to destroy grew.
When the first alien ship we met opened fire without even attempting to communicate, we learned how wrong we had been.
Technology implies belligerence. A civilization that has conquered all of its problems ceases to advance, and past a fairly low threshold the only thing that can challenge a species with even mediocre resource management is other sapient life. The most technologically advanced civilizations are the most warlike. Anything that isn't warlike either becomes so very quickly after contact or dies.
We were learning quickly. We weren't learning fast enough.
Then the humans came along.

>>32700003
Go for it!

>>32700027

The original idea also goes back to an H:FY concept: Humans are tougher than they think. We look at the other apes, or lions, or wolves, or gators, and think 'wow, we're pretty squishy'. What we may not realize is that our biology may or may not be incredibly robust by galactic standards. It's not our fault we didn't realize that every form of multicelled life on earth gets a +8 racial bonus to constitution simply by merit of evolving in a virus-laden hellhole of a deathworld. We never realized everyone else was so frail. We've simply adapted over time to gradually resist just about everything.

I wrote another HFY piece a while back (now lost because I was too sleep deprived to save it) that was a similar concept, except it had a disastrous first-contact scenario in which the ambassadors from the galactic republic land and approach humanity with open arms, then die and rot away seconds after leaving their starship. The culprit, as it turns out, was fleas. They had leapt from the grass to the visitors, and a single bite carried so any simultaneously lethal infections that their bodies self-destructed, while a human wouldn't have noticed save for the surface irritation. Again, not our fault we're the only race in the cosmos without a -8 CON penalty, relative to us. When other races develop nanotech injections that augment their immune system to hunt out known pathogens, we just take weakened versions of a virus and inject it straight into ourselves and tell out bodies to man-up and kick its ass. So, while every other race has a learning curve for their immune systems, humans simply have a natural robustness.

>>32700058

"You hear a lot of chatter about the human birthworld, Earth. There's fauna there that can take a Leskari Pridewarrior's head clean off in a single swipe of its paw, and it'll do it for no other reason than you were there. And then there's the flora! Plants that are so poisonous that the great Griska General Fal-ka was brought low just by brushing up against one. Sure, their planet is terrifying, and that says a lot about the humans, but the thing a lot of people forget when discussing Earth is that the humans don't just survive those hairy beasts they call Grizzlies, or learn to avoid those plants. No, no, they -hunt- the Grizzlies and in some cases eat or smoke or make fucking tea from those plants! And they do it for fun, as a fucking leisure activity. They bring their god damn kids along and call it family bonding. Now I've seen a Leskari hunt, and I've seen a Human hunt. The big difference is that the Leskari will always hunt in such a way that it can get the kill with as little time and effort as possible. They kill with a single blow. A Human...yeah, they'll go for the single blow when they can, but sometimes, when a single blow isn't reasonable, or just when they're feeling 'sporting', they drag it out. They'll wound their prey a few times, and then back off, follow it home, and hurt it there. They'll make sure that it knows that nowhere is safe, and when it's finally exhausted from running, they move in and take its life like they took its hope. It's grim, it's brutal, and in a sense it's beautiful to watch. Humans are fucking machines."

>>32700008
They blindsided the people who were attacking us- we never even learned their name- and wiped them out in barely two decades. We thought that we would be next, but then they contacted us. They offered an alliance.
We said yes, of course. We had just had it hammered into us that we couldn't hack it on our own, and we weren't about to look a gift horse in the mouth.
As it turned out, the humans weren't really interested in us per se. They just wanted to make an alliance to demonstrate that it was possible, and wanted an ally they could easily quash if worst came to worst. They had even known of our existence before we were attacked, and had waited until the opportune moment to swoop in and rescue us, because they wanted it to be clear that alliance was the only way we were going to survive.
They would have been incredibly good at the normal way of the galaxy, but they saw it was a zero-sum game; that sooner or later, they would make a mistake and die.

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>>32699322
Honestly, this was one of the more interesting concepts in Mass Effect, and it's something that's both entirely reasonable and something I fear for the future.

For I wish to cook for the aliens, and I want to eat the alien's cooking.

>>32700359
So, we continued in that vein for a couple of centuries, scooping minor civilizations out of the jaws of extinction and adding them to the alliance. This was already, as far as we could tell, unprecedented in the galaxy. Then the humans took it a step further, and offered the hand of friendship to a species we were in the process of destroying.
They said yes, of course. It was that or extinction. We only accelerated from there, assimilating species after species into our union. When species started approaching us about two thousand years in, without any incitement, we knew we had become unstoppable.
It took twenty thousand years for the conquest of the galaxy and the creation of the Perpetual Universal Government to be completed. By the end of it, the humans had become simply another minor member of the civilization they had started. But they were respected as no others were, for they had been the first to dream of peace instead of mere survival.

>>32699496
I thank you for this. I had forgotten how badly I wanted it for my own collection.

>>32699783
>>32699798
>>32699821
>>32699847
>>32699868
Neat. Like the multiple viewpoints.

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>>32701090
Here's one cap I saw from another HFY thread that's from multiple viewpoints. Thought it was a fun one.

please be here in teh morning...

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>>32663908
I found your OC to be entertaining and creative, thus I have screencapped it for future HFY threads.

>>32658977
Still my Favorite.

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Moar!

>>32709819
I'll give her my semen in her mouth if you know what I mean.

>>32709827
No. What do you mean?

>>32709901
I'll fill her fuel tank, if you know what i mean.

>>32709921
I did not know she had a car, what do you mean?

>>32709928
I will take my penile extension and connect it to her lips and keep pushing it into her oral orifice, and then pull it out most of the way. I will repeat this motion until intense pleasure affects my brain and body in such a way that i reach a sexual climax, at which point i will provide large amounts of semen from my penile extension, which will fill her mouth.

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http://sploid.gizmodo.com/holy-crap-nasas-interplanetary-spaceship-concept-is-fr-1589001939

Real HFY: Star Trek style warp drives now being worked on by NASA.

>pic related

>>32710492
Sadly, that's bullshit.

They're currently attempting to make a machine that will create a literally microscopic "warp" field.

Expecting that to work is absurd. Even if it does, they'd have to make it large enough for a ship, and efficient enough to build.

We will never leave the solar-system.

>>32658260
>pursuit predation

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=826HMLoiE_o

>>32710597
We will never land on the moon

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What is good about these?

>>32710597
>We will never leave the solar-system.
Bullshit, it's perfectly possible to leave the solar system, just point a ship and send it on its way.
Actually surviving the trip is another thing however.

>>32710597
Chicago pile. 1942, an experimental nuclear reactor generated 0.5W of electricity.
One year later another reacher a couple megawatts.
21st century, 75% of french electricity is nuclear.
This guy work at the fucking NASA, they know what they're doing.
This experiment may work, and if it does we're going to upsize the fuck out of it.
And if it doesn't, back to the drawing board, figure out what went wrong, and try again. Repeat until we punch the universe in the guts and cheat physical laws to go where no man has gone before.
Make it so motherfucker.

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AmIdoingitright?

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>>32710872

Well, the main arguement is that you always see Humans as the base average in Sci-fi. All of the aliens are either smarter, stronger, nicer, meaner, etc. Which is bullshit, it's humans thinking themselves as the "center" of the universe like we always do. They're fucking aliens, we have no idea what they'll be like and we have no idea how humans would be different from them.

The point of Humanity, Fuck Yeah! is to try and point out some of the evolutionary and sociological advantages humans might have in a wider galaxy, and to say that yeah, Humans are pretty fucking awesome instead of being the baseline we define everyone else from.

Usually this revolves around ideas of human endurance, the concepts of self-sacrifice and pyrrhic victory at any cost. Humans are innately irrational, but on a political/warfare level we're able to wield this irrationality to terrifying effects.

So it's less "This is why humans are super special snowflakes that deserve a seat in the Galactic Senate" and more "This is why mankind has been able to kick Mother Nature's ass, and it's how we'll kick the ass of the entire Galaxy"

>>32711735
If nothing else it's a great thought experiment

>>32710872
Nationalistic circlejerk mainly.
Though you do get the odd interesting piece out there.

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Best HFY coming through.

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still need moar!

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Has the story been posted from the pov of a human resistance fighter against the avnari(?) The humans attacked the frigate and then bugged out after killing everyone

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here is the song linked in the storyhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0ZEfNIjmQI

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>>32658156
>POV of aliens about humans

http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Dahdee_and_Sara
one of the best imo

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>>32709947
i dont follow

>>32658947
Wait, where the hell is part 2?

>>32718158
I was also looking for that.

>>32718271
>>32718158
If I remember correctly from past threads the writer hasn't come up with the second part yet. I remember ideas being thrown about when it was originally written but I don't think I've seen anything new yet.

>>32670538
>>32718346
He actually asked for help in this thread!

>>32718346
son of a bitch

Where's my glorious warp gate technology leading to a trade golden age?

>>32718658
Huh...didn't see that. Oops.

Uneditted OC incoming

Humans are the craziest mother fuckers, and I can prove it. Think of any other race out there that you think is crazy. The Deng maybe? The ones who live in mud deserts atop their computing lattices? Nah, that’s just what you do when the cheapest planets to colonize have no water, since no one wants those rocks. They’re only known for it because of their homeworld.

The only race that can compete with the insanity of humans has to be the Shant. Yes I said the Shant, yes I am talking about the species of micro stars that got their kicks swimming through gas clouds. Sure, they burned out –ha- and there’s only a few old geezers chilling out in labs across the galaxy. But ain’t nobody going to forget what a Shant screamer run was like. A hundred thousand kilos of fusion flying at you so fast they can reach out and fondle the speed of light, and not even to hit you, unless it was war of course, but just to give you a fusion paint job. Because why not.

But the humans are crazier. And the only reason they’re still around is because they only got on the scene after the Shant. Remember what the first thing they did was? Medical cybernetics. For like sixty cycles if you saw a human, what you saw was half robot. Gave everyone a real fright, thinking back to the old insurrection days. But they didn’t care. Every single one of them wanted to be their own Superman.

Without enhancements, there’s nothing special about them. They’re like you or I. ‘cept they don’t give a Fingar’s ass about pain anymore. If you happen upon a kid maybe, but any human you’re likely to meet has been around the block for a century and died a thousand times. They rushed their regen technology and pushed it to the absolute limits. I hear that they’re even starting to splice Shant organs into their bodies to keep up with the energy constraints.

>>32719675
I was in a human bar once. Every one of ‘em was modded from head to dick with cybernetics. I was sitting at the counter trying to figure out which of their “alcohol shooters” wouldn’t actually shoot me, and then which one wouldn’t be a lethal overdose. And I overheard an argument. And by overheard an argument I mean the guy behind me got his head blown off. Thirty seconds later the head was back and he blew the other guy’s head off.

Only for the two of them to laugh and order more shooters, pulling me into their table for some reason. I think they were arguing over what dick attachment was best for each race. I thank Time that we Kro look like pigs to them, damn sexual freaks.

But as crazy as they are, damn if they haven’t gotten good at it over the years.

The bar was an orbital, and just a little bit after that some raiders gave us a strafing run. The auto-turrets came on, but human technology will always be obsolete. Some say because they can’t afford it, or because they’re too dumb. I say it’s cus they don’t need it. When the shocks died down the entire bar jumped up. No they weren’t soldiers or anything, they were civies. I stumbled after them, high as a god damn satellite on some vapor they were passing around.

Outside the station is a Xin ship, making passing runs as fast as it can to demand some tribute. Know what the humans did?

They started making bets and boasts, as they walked to the air lock. I wasn’t in the back of the pack or anything, so they pushed me along and I couldn’t really get out of it, as I was trying to get my translators up and running. We finally stopped at the air lock, just a small service one. And you know what the one in front said? “Who says I can crash the ship with nothing but a mag-grapple?”

>>32719690
Almost forty thousand credits sprang up saying he couldn’t. And then they all looked to me, and I said I couldn’t turn down the odds, and said he might be able to do it. I mean, after a few runs, the Xin always come to an idle to talk terms with their target, so he’d probably be able to tag on to them. And after getting on, he’d just need a small explosive to wreck one of their stabilizer engines, and the auto-turrets would do the rest. I was a bit too high to realize he had said ‘nothing but a mag-grapple’.

So I forked up the money in my pocket, it was only like five hundred credits or something, payday had just come after all. And the guy whooped and hollered and threw his arm around me, pointing the mag-grapple at all of the humans. “Five hundred says I can do it, forty thousand says I can’t. Seems like good odds, I get half of course,” he announced before punching the air lock controls and shouting.

Crazy mother fucker didn’t even put on an exo-suit. I was so busy trying to not get sucked out the hatch I could only watch as he sprinted straight out and jumped into space; not even holding his breath, he was singing some bizarre drinking song about sailors, as loud as he possibly could. The Xin hadn’t even come to an idle yet! And he caught them on their passing run with the mag-grapple.

>>32719716

I was wrapped around a support beam as tight as I could, but the humans were crowded around the exit chanting, “Go, go, go, go, Go, Go, GOAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL!” they roared as he hit the Xin engine with a fucking flying kick, using his own mass to break the control foils. Bastard snapped his spine and leg doing it, but the ship starting spinning out of control.

I thought he was going to get flung into the abyss, but he snagged a hit with the mag-grapple back on the station, and before I knew it he was diving back in through the air lock, half frozen and entirely out of breath, as his friends shouted and cheered, and griped for their credits.

Never have I earned twenty-thousand credits so quickly.

Moral of the story? Always bet on crazy. Always.

...

Also, humans have strange ideas about intoxicated crewmen. These might be related. But I do not recommend being drunk if you're working a human ship, not if you value your honor.

>>32719745
well, this is either a very dead thread, or a very poor contribution

>>32719850
Eh, it's all right.

>>32719902
sounds like my sex life

>>32717687

I believe he wants to slam his meat cylinder into her slime pocket

I just wanted to say that this is my first time on /tg/ and this is the best thread ever. Thank you.

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>>32720442

>>32718658
>>32718346
>>32718158
I'm still lurking, and still hoping someone will throw me an idea.

>>32720973
Martians from a planet conveniently named Mars. Ack Ack Ack

>>32720973
People trying to cover up the existence of Dungeons and Dragons.

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>>32663963
>Gen tending to my body
Welp thanks
>no xeno thread on /d/
Y U do dis?

Most species- most civilizations- follow a clearly defined path. They rise, they invent reliable AI, immortality, and virtual reality, and they never do anything in the real world again. The only thing they send to the stars is unmanned probes; while they could colonize the universe, the network latency out there is fucking terrible.
The sole exception to this pattern (aside from everyone stupid enough to actually destroy themselves, of course) is humanity. Not because of anything special about us; in fact, we went to the stars in earnest because of our myriad deficiencies.

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a favorite

I love HFY's, too bad they all end up the same millitary jerking bullshit.

>>32721263
The human mind is, in so many ways, poorly designed. When we think about ourselves in the future, we use the same parts of our brains that handle thinking about other people- to us, future-us is literally a different person. We see patterns where there are none, and agency in an unthinking universe. The parts of our brain responsible for logical thinking typically light up -after- a decision has been made, creating a rationale for our gut reflexes rather than coming to an intelligent decision. While other species have some of these flaws, and other besides, none of them have as many, or to such a severe degree.
In short, only humans would refuse to enter an actual paradise in the hopes of entering a supernatural one.

>>32721371
see
>>32721096

>>32721383
The interstellar colonists were from a thousand different religions, briefly putting aside their differences in order to fund an escape from the 'digital satans'. (Coldsleep; uploading themselves into Von Neumanns would have been orders of magnitude cheaper, but they insisted on preserving their physical bodies.) In their new system, they flourished; they lived and fought as humans had for thousands of years. Eventually, the religious orthodoxies were overthrown, in the backlash following a nuclear war, and the new secular regimes began building an upload heaven.
The fundamentalists began building a ship.

>>32721260
Use catalog and Ctrl+F, and you will see.

>>32721534
>implying i didn't try that
I only browse in catalog

>>32671569
Yeah, but those are fairly rare for one, and only survive because of humans.

>>32721520
This pattern continued across millennia, both of time and light; the fundamentalists fleeing from techno-utopia and dragging it in their wake. For posthuman civilization, there was an unprecedented flowering. Posthuman minds could not stand being isolated from intense data flows for long, and thus could not embark on interstellar voyages, but the fundamentalists had solved that problem for them. And while light-lag was still a problem, the sheer bandwidth a Dysons' worth of lasers could put out meant that information could be transmitted in quantity meaningful to posthumans even across interstellar distances. Meetings with alien minds as the path of human expansion strayed close to their Dysons amplified this flowering even further.

>>32721559
You poor, blind man.
>>>/d/5490243

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>>32722025
whats it like being a god?

You still here Dragon man?

>>32722024
Eventually, the eventual religious motivation for the human expansion faded, but it did not stop. Now, the colonists colonized because they fulfilled a role the posthumans, incapable of venturing from the warmth and complexity of their Dysons, could not- the bringing of civilization to new systems. They lived, they died, and they left recorded mind-states to be resurrected when the new system could support a singularity, while the next generation set off for a new world.
There were attempts to to replace humanity in this role; nonsapient Von Neumanns, or resurrected alien species. But, as it turned out, only near-human-baseline intellects have the right combination of intelligence and crazy to create a singularity far from civilization without giving up and transmitting themselves back, building something strange and terrifying and perverted, a singularity gone wrong, or simply self-immolating.
Only humans were truly capable of going forth into the final frontier.

>>32722190
going to take a guess and assume you mean me?

Got some OC, please rate it. I tried not doing a generic war story

Written by Anon for /tg/

By the time we had made first contact, Humans and Gonvari were....well versed in each others culture. I'm hesitant to say that, since by “well versed”, I mean we know just enough about the Humans not to instigate a war with them (gods willing we don't).

We had begun the long process of familiarizing ourselves with one another, and the growing pains were evident. We sent traders, they sent soldiers. We would give gifts, they would die (literally) when they beheld our Chi'honar ceremony. Things weren't going well, but we couldn't help but be fascinated with one another. When we managed a conversation or two with some of their best and brightest, it was always engrossing. Infact, a complete conversation between the two of us was such a special occasion it would be recorded, broadcasted and studied into oblivion. We needed the Humans, and they needed us, and we were both determined to find a way to make it work.

Then Rosetta was created. Ever since first contact the Humans had been working on “Rosetta” as a means of quick, precise translations between the Human and Gonvari tongues. The first iteration was wildly successful, and enabled us to converse like never before. We learned of their laughter, their anger and their passion. We did our best to showcase the brightest of the Gonvari to them, and needless to say, they were impressed.

Yet, there was still a gap between our species. Joint operations, trading, military actions, etc, were going splendidly. But the average Human and the average Gonvari....they knew little of eachother. Despite great leaps in communication technology, Human culture was largely unknown to us. And me as well.

See, I’ve got a bit of a thing for other places and people. Among the Gonvari, there are four main cultures, and all of them I had studied to death. But the humans? There were probably hundreds, maybe even thousands!

>>32722317
For a young Gonvari such as myself, I had “struck gold” (a neat little saying I picked up from a human trader) when I heard of the existence of “The internet”. Humans have this thing, it's a series of tubes...but it connects all of their computers and allows people to communicate. They call it “The Internet”. It could be used to display content, speak with someone else, and even better, a research tool. I dug in as best I could, but my orbital station was in poor signal range to the closest area of human internet access. None the less, I waited patiently for page after page to load.

Many months passed of this. I isolated myself quite frequently, seldom sneaking from my chambers to somewhere else on the station. Food was abundant on the station yet I hardly ate. I became withdrawn from my fellow ship mates. I shirked my duties, finding no need for them. The things I was reading about and hearing about were far too interesting. Did you know humans kept lesser beings as pets? You see there are these animals called “cats”, and they are simply adorable. I find one of them (a rather long fellow) to be absolutely hilarious. Nobody understands when I tell them (in broken human tongue) “LONG CAT IS LONG”, and why I laugh. It is a mystery even to myself.

There are many humans on the site I frequent, all actively engaging in conversation. It is difficult to keep up with them, they speak so fast about things I don't understand. They talk of wild creatures called “niggers”, and often compare one another to said creatures. I struggled to find credible sources of information about “niggers”, aside from the fellows I observed. I wanted to participate many times, but I withheld. Should I have made any attempt, I would be a “faggot”, a fate (as I gather) one can only dread.

>>32722247
Maybe? I didn't look close to be honest. You seem to be the guy.

So, let me greentext this shit

>dragons now colonize hell planets alongside Earth
>dragons from all over the galaxy flock from their space colonies
>with land comes power
>galaxy police start imposing trade sanctions and shit on them for their rapid increase in power
>Some other species raids a dragon mining outpost
>this violates the "if you get there first its yours" thing
>the Dragons try to defend themselves, but get their shit slapped
>Humanity steps up and declares war on the aliens
>Dragons form the backbone of the fleet by repairing all the ships
>Humans are now winning the attrition war by a god damn landslide since they can just warp out and get repaired for 1/10 the cost and get back in the fight without losing personel
>the steamroll eventually crushes the aliens
>guess who just got a bunch of shiny new colonies

What do you think?

>>32722334

Humans are interesting bunch. Many of them possess...uh....strange genitalia. My prior research had told me there were two sexes: Male and female. The males possessed inseminating instruments (penis's) and females were to receive the males seed in a receptacle (a vagina). Yet I was exposed to depictions of females possessing inseminating instruments, and vice versa! It was confusing and slightly arousing. The fellows on this site were far more informed than any scholar I had met, and would often, in great detail, discuss these things and post more evidence of their existence.

Time wore on, as did my desire to learn. Leaving my chambers was no longer an option. Food was brought to me by the ship hand, and I made use of whatever containers I had at my reach to dispose of bodily waste. Oh what a feeling it was to be in love! There are humans who are young, with great big eyes and oddly shaped faces. They are called “waifu's”, and are treasured among the human race for their beauty and purity. Their hair would twist and turn and go every which way imaginable, with all sorts of colors. I fell in love with a human, though I dare not speak her name here. My friends I cannot even describe the anger I felt when one of my human friends insinuated my waifu was waste. One day I will travel to earth, and I shall court with my waifu, and I shall learn that she is NOT WASTE.

>>32722358

Still, I had to know more. I needed to know more. My Human had progressed to the point of what I thought a native would sound like. I spent the hours I had not observing and speaking with my waifu, consuming human media. There are great animals on earth, metal ones with faces that used to persecute their people until they were saved by “bro”. There are humans with incurable illnesses, humans who roll stones to determine the fate of imaginary humans, there are humans of all shapes and sizes and kinds. One human is frequently brought up on the site I use. He is meant to be an omen of the years. I wish to meet him one day as well (perhaps he is a religious icon?)

Yet for all the time I had spent observing the humans, I had missed one vital component of knowledge, that would cap off my human expertise. I needed to speak with one.

For the first time ever, I tried speaking with one. I mangled out a short word in human on my Gonvari keyboard and found a suitable spot to dive in. The Humans were discussing a group of long-nosed beasts called “jews”. They spoke of how time and time again the “jew” would undermine the noble humans for his own cause. It infuriated me to no end. How I hated the “jew”. I learned of a great man who once attempted to save the human race. Yet his actions were misjudged, and on the great fields of war, he was defeated. I felt anger I should not have felt.

But it was in this thread I first spoke my words to another human, the log is as follows:

Anonymous 4 minutes ago No.55075730
helo

Anonymous 6 minutes ago No.55076393
>>55075730 (OP)
Learn to type faggot

Anonymous 2 minutes ago No. 55077520
yu ar fagot

Anonymous 1 minute ago No. 55077602
>Implying OP isn't a dick smuggling faggot

It was clear I had much more research to do.

>>32722344
I was specifically trying to avoid military wank... I have absolutely no talent for writing it

>>32722384
can't help ya then, but you really did kind of set yourself up for it what with the alliance with the super ship repairers

>>32722410
I realize that now... I was trying to think of things that a species that would live in that kind of hellish climate could offer the larger universe. Medical stuff was out, anything "organic" was out, computers wouldn't work because of temperature constraints...

So I settled on ships.

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>>32699973
>>32699940
God stardrive is so fun.
>space owls in the matrix

>>32722410
my original "Fuck Yeah" trait was that humans aren't reactionary, they're curious little monkeys that can't wait to see how something works instead of calling it unnatural and pretending it doesn't exist, like how the dragons basically upended everything the rest of the species knew about biology and what's possible.

The problem is that I can't think of a way to get any tension going without resorting to PEWPEW LAZR

>>32722384
I'm wondering instead of writing up military wank, maybe take some inspiration from Operation Bertram (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operation_Bertram). Maybe set up some sort of bait and switch using the Dragon's tech and Humanity's ability to bluff?

>>32722513
>humans
>dragons

>humans not slaying dragons to save the day
>humans not laying dragons to save they day
>or vice versa

had one job
one job

>>32722247
I personally think it would be cool to see a major backlash from the other alien species towards humanity for aiding these space dragons. To the point where an unbalanced war is declared, and the here-to-fore pacifistic pariahs are slowly forced to become brutal warriors, with the aid and guidance of humanity. At the end, all other alien species have a fear and respect of these dragons that is coincidentally similar to the views that humans had for them in our mythology.

>>32722625
I did start going down this path, but then I found out I stank at writing fights.

>>32722612
feel free to attempt this on your own time

(author not liable for any burns or injury caused by innate temperature difference)

>>32722625
but I've saved your suggestion, perhaps a benevolent muse will drop by

>>32722681
can we fuck it?
yes we can

>>32722382
I laughed, very well done.

going to sleep, have to get up at an absurd hour tomorrow, will check back then.

>>32722382
10/10
Would bind in hardcover and place on my bookshelf.

>>32722982
>>32722824
T-Thanks guys

>>32722596

Well, ideally with actual resources and backing the humans and dragons can snatch a few more worlds with better ships, and the galaxy recognizes the symbiotic relationship. An exploration of what dragons are to humans and how the space dragons compare/contrast would be cool too.

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Anyone save that fantasy HFY that I wrote the other day?

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>>32665125
>That breach in the 02 room.
>Every fucking time.

>>32671118
This premise is truly horrifying and amazing at the same time.

>>32721337
God I fucking love HFY,

Thanks /tg/, it's a nice break from the pessimism.

I've got some OC, anyone interested?

>>32724490
hell yeah! always room for more OC

>>32724535
Alright.

Written by anon for /tg/:
We don’t like humans.

When we arrived on the galactic stage, when we had first been contacted by Galactic Senate, we were living in a time of unprecedented prosperity. We were once a warrior society like the humans, and thus we had sympathy for them. We saw them as fledgling beings, still stabbing out their differences. After All, with a history like ours, who are we to judge? They were mindless and brutish in their wars. A little atom splitting here, some chemical weaponry there, and it was a hand waving victory. They fought to kill and we admired that in some sick way. We were more eloquent, but when you have someone's guts hanging off your weapon, all that matters is that you’ve won and they didn’t.That we both understood.

Now, here’s the problem with humans. We put our past behind us. It’s all well and gone. Though we still maintain galactic military domination (relics of years past), we are lenient and forgiving. War has made us wise, bloodshed has made us attentive to complacency. And we were no longer a singular force. After all, what was an army without the brilliance of Tacvoa to design our weapons, or Rashenah to build our warships? We were simply one piece of the puzzle that comprised the Galactic Senate’s peace keeping force. When the humans were accepted into the Galactic Senate, they were living in a time of “relative peace.” Their meaning of peace is a small drop in annual casualties among themselves. Political unification was still out of their reach and for all these reasons, it was hard to recognize them, and even harder to accept them. When you watch the news and hear of 30 more humans immolating themselves on a colony world in the name of a far fetched political movement or a cult, you question the moral integrity of the species itself. It’s a bad habit, to generalize, but it’s helped us survive up until now.

>>32724600
The council ruled that the planet which they originated on necessitated violence (a death world), and it simply couldn’t be helped. With grumbling apprehension, we welcomed the Senate’s 40th member.

And then came the trouble. First they thing they do is ask around and learn our history. That makes perfect sense, seeing as how we’re going to be doing business, right? The next thing they do is ask who’s got the biggest “sticks” around here. By sticks, they’re referring to military might, and so we told them it was us. 30 cycles later we found out that the humans had been trying to negotiate a trade embargo with the Klixid against us. US. We had barely even had relations with them and they go off and pull a stunt like that? Naturally that made the Senate upset, but since we couldn’t provide them with evidence of such a deal taking place, tempers cooled. I’d even say there was an air of hostility in the room when all eyes turned to us after the ruling. And the humans- The humans just grinned.


Several years ago the peace was broken. The Hiy’rak, an insect like species from the volcanic supercluster, no longer appeared at annual Senate meetings. Instead, they sent the entirety of their fleet to the Klixid border colonies and glassed every single one of them. Soon they had entered the Klixid’s systems and hitting waste to civilian targets. The whole situation was a fucking mess, as taking out the Hiy’rak’s ships would severely cripple the Klixid, and let me tell you, Hiy’rak Perpetrator class ships are a son of a bitch to take down. None the less, our combined firepower was able to subdue them, and the conflict ended In a bloody victory for the Senate and it’s free peoples.

>>32724614

We had ruled that the Senate species was not acting under their own power, and that one of their hives must have gone rogue and taken control of the Overseer. It was extremely unlikely, but we had no other explanation for the Hiy’rak’s rash actions. It was as if their entire species had gone insane in the blink of an eye.

When it came time to vote, it was nearly unanimous: The Hiy’rak were to suffer reparations and would lose their place on the Senate, putting us at a comfortable 39 species, with 39 votes to be cast. There shouldn’t have been a lot of debate, and there wasn’t. We had been functioning as a uniform body for many years, and extensive deliberation was uncommon. Most decisions were unanimous in the Senate, hence why our system is so efficient. This one however, was not as smooth as we had liked.

There were five votes against the Hiy’rak. Five of 39. The humans, the Klixid, Ajuraydi, Nopath and the little blob ones (I forget their names, only know we can’t physically pronounce it). Five of 39 opposed the reparations in favor of more extreme measures. They said the Hiy’rak ought to be stripped of all military powers, and were to be put under occupation by the Senatorial forces. Their leaders should executed and their Overseer replaced by a foreign figurehead. It was utter madness and it thankfully didn’t pass. But the five votes, they should have concerned us. We didn’t see it until it was too late.

The war had exhausted the resources of the senate. Our ships were damaged, troops were wounded, economies devastated and our planets scarred. Everyone tried to forget the war, and with it went the objections of the first five. We were all hurting badly, except the humans. Their homeworld was untouched, and their post-war economy exploded. They “graciously” extended aid to all members of the senate, ourselves included.

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>>32720731

>>32724638

They quickly expanded mining operations throughout the galaxy. The speed in which they dominated local economies was startling. The humans loomed over us like some sort of vague and distant shadow that only grew larger and larger as time passed. Greeting them at the senate was odd. It was like confronting a wild animal that had yet to strike. They smiled and spoke easily with us, but we couldn’t help but feel a little uneasy around them, especially with that grin of theirs. Always grinning at us. Cold, calculating, grin.

Shortly after the Rolvo conflicts, the humans opted to host the Senate on their home planet of earth. Since the senate colony had been decimated by the Rolvo, we had no choices but to take them up on their offer. They extended more aid to us, and helped kickstart the post war economies of every species on the Senate. It was questionable again, why the Rolvo had chosen to attack the Senatorial colony when they were blatantly walking into a trap. They were not a Senate species, but we spoke with their heads of government many times prior to the attack. They acted as if they were not themselves, bordering on mental instability.

Things seemed to be going well for awhile. The humans weren’t too fussy, and were integrating to the senatorial system quite nicely. That little stunt that they pulled during the Hiy’rak wars had yet to repeat itself, so tensions had declined. They were even seen mingling afterwards with the other species, sharing jokes and laughing. In fact, from what we’d seen, relations between the humans and senate couldn’t have been better, despite their obvious war crimes. We wanted to bring it up, but it was like everyone had simply forgotten.

>>32724652
Then came the dispute for Santori Prime. A long treasured colony world for my people had fallen into the borders of the Alvonin. We expected a peaceful solution, and quick deliberation on the senate. “You get this in exchange for this.” was typically how these were settled. We were expecting to get the colony in exchange for three of our newly acquired systems.

So when voting came up, it was not unanimous. 15 votes against us, the humans being the first to vote, and 14 for us. The conditions that were being voted on weren’t even those we had discussed. We wrote the legislature for a trade. Whatever new documentation it was that we were voting for, was for complete dominion of Santori Prime.

We lost Santori Prime. The senate lost its peace. Our wonderful machinery for democracy was dead. And the humans?

The humans just grinned at us.

>>32724678
>>32724652
>>32724638
>>32724614
>>32724600
Sorry about the wall of text. What do you guys think?

I also wrote >>32722382

and >>32721337

If anyone wants to read some more stuff I wrote

>>32724701
Interesting. Feels like it stopped halfway through, though.

>>32724701
could use some more refining and defining the idea of conflict and its influence a little more. This comes of a little hacky because of the all so blatant grinning as a device.

>>32724845
>>32724876
Good point. Shit haha, I can't write long things to save my life I guess. You guys are right though

>>32685254
>pleb cant into space porn.
its like wizards but everybody is getting laid

>>32659044
>visit reddit

"no."

>>32724701

It's a nice example of humans taking their conniving bastardry in the face of the belief that life is a zero sum game to space, but I kind of want to know how they magically provoked the other races into attacking

>>32725069
It was supposed to be implied drugs, a-la cold war LSD experiment stuff. I draw a lot of what I do from regular human history, or, at least I try to.

For some reason, HFY seems to be allegorical for history in general.

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>>32725101

What, like the US saturation LSD-bombing the suspected locations of Castro's radio broadcast studios to try to make his broadcasts loopy so people wouldn't trust him, or trying to ship him exploding cigars?

We must be good chemists if we could come up with drugs that would guarantee a violent response in multiple aliens with literal alien biochemistry in such a short time period.

I am now imagining railguns that fire freight container sized capsules of super future hallucinogens at enemy planets

Also, did you write this?

>>32725222
>Also, did you write this?

Nah. If it doesn't say "Written by anon for /tg/" then it wasn't me.

I do that since I noticed HFY gets reposted all over 4chan a lot

>>32725222
Nanomachines, son!

I have an Idea about something to be told from an alien perspective.

Video games; Perceived by aliens as just "Simulations" and how horrific it is that we allow our children to partake in this simulations and worse still that they find entertainment from it.

If anyone wants to roll with it, go for it.
I might write something up, but it won't be for at least the next 17 or so hours.

>>32725724
There is actually one just like this about how vidya games were tools for training young people to kill

>>32725987
Sure it's not just an article by fox news?