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/tg/ - Traditional Games


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New? Here's the previous threads (one of them is missing)
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Neckbeard%20Quest

Since I haven't done this in a long while, and the last time I brought it up, someone suggested a new game. So I will give you the choice to load a previous game or a new game, and you can do this whenever. Even number has to suggest along the lines of PAUSE, CHARACTER MENU to go back here.

If you choose new game, you can only pick one physical trait, since you didn't complete the first one. You cannot pick the same physical trait as the last game. Characters from the last game will exist in your new game, but you cannot control the main character of said previous game. You cannot delete unfinished progress.
>>
>>32575876
Load previous.
>>
>>32575876
New game.
Trait: amputated left arm!
>>
>>32575876
>New game
>>
>>32575876
Load.
>>
>>32575876
Load the game.
>>
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>>32575934
>>32576072

NEW GAME LOADED

Your known physical trait is your amputated left arm.
It is currently 6:00 AM, december 18th. Temperatures are at 35f.
You are currently HUNGRY and SLEEPY.
You are currently unemployed.
>>
>>32576487
Wow, it's nearly freezing! Better go put on a coat!
>>
>>32576487
>Make meatbread

Welcome back Teli
>>
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>>32576578

You head into the kitchen to make meatbread. How did it go again?

Your current kitchen inventory:
1lb bacon
1 loaf bread
1 dozen eggs
Three apples
1 carton of milk
1 bunch of bananas
2lb ground beef
An orange
Baking powder and soda
Box of salt
Box of pepper
Bottle of honey
1 bag of sugar
1 bag of flour
1 box of spaghetti noodles
And a candy bar
>>
>>32576754
Candy Bar
All the salt
Half the orange
1/4th pound ground beef
3 appleseeds
and the empty honey bottle
no honey, just bottle
>>
>>32576754
>Brown that meat
>Cook that bacon
>Hollow that bread
>Stuff that shit in there
>Bake until delicious
Aw yeah son
>>
>>32576754
Scramble some eggs. Meatbread is too much work.
>>
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>>32576858

You scrambled some eggs
>>
>>32576986
fuck we look depressing
try and regrow your arm with the nutrients provided by eggs.
actually grow a third arm on your back or something
>>
>>32576986
Put on your ROBOT ARM
>>
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>>32577010

You stuff the scrambled eggs into your mouth, fresh out of the pan. You then proceed your vain attempt at regrowing your left arm.
>>
>>32577170
Build a mechanical left arm out of cans, bubble gum, and dreams.
>>
>>32577170
Put on your prosthetic arm.
>>
>>32577170
Now that our morning routine of trying to regrow our arm is over I say we take a shower and maybe try to find a job.
>>
>>32577170
So are we missing our right arm?

Build a right arm out of those apple computers you stole from your neighbor.
>>
>>32577320
I support this if only because it would mean we'd have two right arms.

We would be twice as right.
>>
>>32577357
Look at the picture, we don't have a right arm.
>>
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>>32577357
>>
>>32577396
Check the text
>>32577170
>regrowing your left arm.

I think Teli misdrew because the missing arm is on his left, but the character's right.
>>
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Rolled 1

>>32577310
>>32577320
(What? No, his left arm is missing. Did I convey it wrong?)

You cannot decide what to do first, so the dice shall decide.

1.Shower
2.Computer arm
>>
>>32577458
In the pictures, his right arm is amputated.
>>
>>32577515

Are you sure it isn't our left, his right? I'll try drawing it on the other side.
>>
>>32577531
It's definitely his left arm that isn't missing. 100% sure.
>>
>>32577560

Whoops, graphical mistake! Back to the game.
>>
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You are now at your shower.
>>
>>32577639
Disrobe and stand under the showerhead for ten minutes.
>>
>>32577639
Take a shower then build a robot arm.
>>
>>32577639
>>32577679
Don't forget to turn on the shower
>>
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>>32577728
>>32577746

You disrobed, turned on the shower and just stood under it for 10 minutes.
>>
Beeardstrosity: Kool-Aid man through the wall and reclaim your rightful place as MC!
>>
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You then head to your room to turn your stolen computer into a robot arm. It's a shitty mac and you doubt your neighbor will miss it.

How will you work this out?

(God damnit Moot, where's the subject field. Also, I messed that last post up AGAIN, sorry.)
>>
>>32578508
Get out of your shower and get dressed. Go outside and explore.
>>
>>32578532
Acknowledge the glory of Satan.
>>
>>32578532
Moot took subject field out of quick replies
and if you don't know how to build a robot arm from a computer, I bet the internet does
and the computer can access the internet
ARE YOU THINKIN WHAT I'm THINKIN?
>>
>>32578526
This.
>>
>>32578572
We can use our robot arm to get on the Internet?
>>
>>32578532
Draw up a blueprint of your new arm.
>>
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>>32578572

Yeah
>>
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>>32578572

YEAH
>>
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>>32578572

Where do you begin?
>>
>>32578991
/diy/ will know. If not maybe /g/.
>>
>>32578991
shitpost about roboticists
>>
>>32578991
fuck that's low quality
but yeah /diy/ and /g/
Make a thread to ask if you have to
>>
>>32578991
/toy/ and /tg/
>>
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>>32579026
>>32579042

You decide to shitpost about roboticists in both /toy/ and /tg/. Maybe they can help you!

You hear knocking at your door.
>>
>>32579316
Look out the window to see who it is
>>
>>32579316
Open the door.
>>
>>32579316
Look out the peephole.
>>
>>32579316
Get some clothes on first. Did everyone forget we're naked?
>>
>>32579316
[Knock Back] "I'm the one who knocks ... O wait it's you Jeff."
>>
>>32579316
>open the door
>fuck clothes
>>
>>32579316
>Open the door
>Get on the floor
You know what comes next.
>>
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>>32579432

>I'm the one who knocks...
>>
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>Oh wait, it's you Jeff.
>>
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"My name isn't Jeff, and I want that computer you stole from me back! NOW."
>>
>>32579860
man I did you a favor
it's an apple product
>>
>>32579860
I want that arm that YOU stole from me back.
>>
>>32579860
You can have your computer back when you solve my riddle!

>Also yay! Teli's back!
>>
>>32579860
Steal Jeff's left arm.
>>
Rolled 75

>>32579860
"It's ok Jeff your with friends. You don't need to hide the real you any more."
>>
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>>32579948

>I want that arm that YOU stole from me back.

"I never stole your freaking arm because you never had one in the first place! I'm not the only one who saw you move in with only your right arm.."
>>
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>>32579986

>Fine.
>You can have your computer back when you solve my riddle!

Quick, think up a riddle.
>>
Rolled 13

>>32580705
"What was white and now a mess?"

"Your computer on the pavement."
>>
>>32580705
Where is my right arm?
>>
>>32580705
What takes it doggy-style in the morning, cowgirl in the afternoon, and missionary in the evening?

ur mum
>>
>>32580705
What is made of aluminum and about to become my new arm?
>>
>>32580705
What's Irish and stays in back of the house, even when it rains?
>>
Rolled 11

>>32580705
What's in my pocket?

It's sand. Roll for POCKET SAND
>>
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>>32580742
1
>>32580752
2

Rolling for riddle
>>
Rolled 1

>>32580841

woops
>>
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>>32580742

>Where is my right arm?

".. Right there?"
>>
>>32580898
fuck
where is my left arm?
>>
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>CORRECT!
>>
Rolled 49

"Winner winner chicken dinner."
>>
>>32580898
Wait, who's that making off with the computer?
>>
Rolled 35

>>32580993
The real Jeff, For he was the one we knocked for.
>>
>>32580921
Did someone steal the computer we were stealing? Fuck, chase em down.
>>
>>32580921
Look, lets get real, i dont HAVE your computer, what i do have however is a certain paticular set of skills, skills which can be used to hunt down your computers kidnappers, step inside and we shall discuss my price, but i must warn you, once you step inside, you shall be entering my domain, Dare you enter my magical realm??
>>
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>>32580936

>Winner winner chicken dinner.
>>
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"That's it! I'M COMING IN THERE, YOU ONE ARMED FAGGOT"
>>
>>32581788
That's insensitive
I didn't ask to lose my arm saving thousands of orphans from a fire.
>>
>>32581788
He can't get you if you close the door.
>>
Rolled 82

>>32581905
Indeed. Never mind the fact that I str ... I mean starving.
>>
>>32581967
This, slam the door in his face.
>>
>>32581788
That's discrimination Im calling the cops. Slam door
>>
Bump
>>
>>32581788
>Flip him off
>Slam the door
>>
Lock the door, quickly.
>>
>>32581788
Attempt to shut his arm in the door so hard that he loses the arm.

We could use a second one.
>>
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"NO, GET BACK HERE"

Before he could prevent you closing the door on him, he slips his arm through.
>>
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Rolled 1

>>32588046

And before he could use that arm to pry it open, you slam the door on his arm as hard as you can to make him lose it.

Rolling for success.
>>
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Success! Your neighbor loses his arm. You can hear him screaming in pain outside.
>>
>>32589669
Quick! Now's our chance!
We must attach his arm to our arm-stump using the ancient ritual!
>>
>>32589669
Wow, we're stronk.
Use his arm as our arm. Attach with duct tape if necessary.
>>
>>32589669
Remember being hemophobic.
>>
>>32589669
Google how to sew new limbs onto oneself.
>>
>>32589693
You mean the stapler?
>>
>>32589750
Yes the stapler obviously the stapler
>>
>>32589669
Thank him for giving us a hand. High-five ourselves for this wicked pun by tossing the arm in the air and freeze-framing it while the credits roll.
>>
>>32589669
Just give him back the weak flesh arm.
>>
>>32589669
Meld the flesh with the machine.

Become the ultimate human.
>>
>>32589669
On second thought, lets use the severed arm to fap in front of him.
>>
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>>32590533
reminds me of this
>>
Goddamit, still no even numbered post?
>>
>>32589669
lamp the fucker with the arm then decapitate him with a rusty spoon
>>
>>32589669
Pat yourself on the back for a job well done.
>>
>>32590821
The stapler.
>>
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You rip the arm from the door. You now have a left arm in your inventory.

>>32589750
>>32590324

Your stapler is somewhere in your house. Where did you last leave it?
>>
>>32592166
In your pants. Go fetch it! Also, might wanna brace the door with one of those boxes.
>>
>>32592166
In the second desk drawer of our study.
>>
>>32592166
>>Your stapler is somewhere in your house. Where did you last leave it?
The stapler is obviously in our microwave oven.
>>
>>32592166

Don't use stapler, use needle and thread. Plus super glue for better effect..
>>
>>32592677
>>32592166
Or duct tape
>>
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>>32592166

Made small improvement of the current MC.
>>
>>32592166
We left the stapler inside the drywall.
>>
>>32592166
Retrieve stapler from desk.
>>
>>32592918
It's up your ass, shit it out.
>>
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Rolled 2

>>32592918

You suddenly have a small, canonical improvement.

>>32593068
>>32593548

Let's recall where you left it... With a roll.

1. Drywall
2. Stapler
>>
>>32594035

>2. Stapler

I mean desk shit sorry my head is broken.
>>
>>32594065
Clearly the desk is just a giant stapler
>>
>>32594065

Let go and get the stapler from the desk while being naked....
>>
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You go and retrieve your stapler from one of your desk drawers.

Your computer is missing.
There is a note on the spot where your shitty mac is supposed to be.
>>
>>32594239
Read the note?
>>
>>32594239

Pick it up and read it with angry look
>>
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>>32594260

You read the note.
>>
>>32594314

Unleash the NERD RAGE!!!! We shall Goosh Goosh this bastard!!!!

We need to get a dog and track down that bastard!!!
>>
>>32594314
Write "It wasn't mine, anyway," then fold it into a paper airplane and throw it out the window.
>>
>>32594314
First things first, use the stappler to ritually attach the new arm.
>>
>>32594314
You SON OF A BITCH
>>
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>>32594742

You proceed to staple your brand new arm onto your torso.
>>
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>>32594874

You then cripple the note in your working fist.

>You SON OF A BITCH
>>
>>32594984
Test it out
You know how
>>
>>32595014
That arm doesn't look to very securely attached. Go find a long, sharp carpentry nail and drive it through your new shoulder and into the bone of your socket joint. That should keep it from falling off.
>>
>>32595143
This and then...

>>32595045

Do this with help of porno
>>
>>32595045
>Doing it lefty.
It's almost like somebody else is doing it.
>>
>>32595260

You search your post for a long, sharp carpentry nail and drove it into your new shoulder, into the bone of your socket joint. It is still not completely functional, but it should stay put.

Your source of porn is gone. You must look for another way to get porn.
>>
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>>32595530

Woopsie, forgot pic.
>>
>>32595530
peep on your neighbors doing it or visit /e/
>>
>>32595530
Take binoculars, go voyeur people from the window.
>>
>>32595530

We can use the power of imagination instead for porn.

If women can do it without the porn aid, we can do it too if we try real hard.
>>
>>32595562
Did you forget >>32592918 ?
Your dick is now long enough to fuck your own ass. You no longer need porn.
>>
>>32595530
>>32595562
WAIT! Masturbate with your new arm.(If you need use your other arm to move your new arm)
>>
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>>32595572

It's pretty dark out, but no luck of finding something to voyeur on.
>>
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>>32595868

Wouldn't that mean bending your dick backwards to stick it in?
>>
>>32596327
Leave your apartment naked and try to find some elven skank.
>>
>>32596348
Some price are worth paying
>>
>>32596348
Put on some clothes you whore.
>>
>>32596348
Put on clothes
steal another shitty mac
>>
>>32596348
Fuck it, put some bizarre clothes on and go hunting for the computer thief. We'll give up on our journey if we manage to gain enough money on the way.
>>
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>>32596402
>>32596464

Well, which is it? Go out naked or go out clothed?
>>
>>32596734
Clothed.
>>
>>32596734
Get clothed you stupid whore
>>
>>32596734
Clothed Bizarrely.
>>
>>32596734
Put on a shirt and go out pants less
>>
>>32596734
go half-naked, flip a coin:
heads-toples
tails-bottomless
>>
>>32596827
This
>>
>>32596348
I was going to link you to a image on encyclopedia dramatica demonstrating it for you, but it turns out that site is gone now.

Damn.
>>
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>>32596762
>>32596790

You slip on some tidy-whities but it's not enough.

Go nuts.
>>
>>32597160
He should wear a wife beater and a ratty jacket and combat boots.
>>
>>32597160
Put on your best suit.
>>
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>>32597160
>>
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>>32597160
>>
>>32597160
Trenchcoat and nothing but a trenchcoat.
>>
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>>32597160
>>
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>>32597160
>>
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>>32597160
>>
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>>32597160
>>
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>>32597448

You left your post in only a trenchcoat.

Where does your search for elven skanks begin?
>>
>>32598147
Outside
>>
>>32598147
In the room that's behind the door that's right in front of you.
>>
>>32598147
nearby maid cafe
>>
>>32598147
The nearest mana tree
>>
>>32598147
Check our elvish skank trap, which I believe we baited yesterday. Rebait it if necessary.
>>
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>>32598268

Oh right, those might have elf skanks! But seeing as you just moved into /tg/, you don't know your way around the area just yet. Nor do you have any means of a map anymore, since that shitty, stolen computer of yours is gone.

>>32598470

You do not know of any local manatrees at the moment.
>>
>>32598572
Hmm. Since we don't know our way around, our options are limited. Try some sort of elf mating call. Go outside and yell that you have pizza and love trees.
>>
>>32598572
Just wander around while looking depressed.
>>
>>32598572
Sounds like we need to go exploring
>>
>>32598572
>>32598645
Add a miner's hat to your ensemble, one with a light you can turn on. Begin wandering the alleyways in search of adventure and elf skanks.
>>
>>32598572
Head out and hope for the best. Maybe we can find a catalogue somewhere.
>>
>>32598572

Go outside anyway and get lost
>>
>>32598572
Let's get a fedora and a whip and go searching for precious elf skank booty.
>>
>>32598572
Sniff the air. See if you pick up any foreign scents.
>>
>>32598572
Follow your throbbing erection. It always knows where it's going.
>>
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>>32598696
>>32598974

You leave your thread and get lost by following where your erecting points to. Forward, like always, with the occasional crooked throb/wind blow.

Temporarily disregarding the even number post rule, each poster may name a possible place. The next 5 posters' places will be decided under a dice roll.
>>
>>32599574
ERP THREAD!! We are looking for elf skanks.
>>
>>32599574
Quest Thread General
>>
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>>32599574
Magic: the Gathering storyline thread! I'm sure there are hot elves in there!
>>
>>32599574
This thread
>>
>>32599574
The "Elf Slave Wat Do" club.
>>
>>32599574
The Anima general
>>
>>32599643
too meta
>>
>>32599574
CYOA thread
>>
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Rolled 3

>>32599601
1
>>32599613
2
>>32599636
3
>>32599643
4
>>32599645
5
>>
>>32599742
>Rolled 3

>>32598042
>>
>>32599742
I'll use this lull to thank Teli for taking the time to illustrate another angle of our cockjourney.
>>
>>32599804
Cockjourneys are important like that.
>>
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>>32599787

You have entered the thread. So far, no elves in site. Unless you actually look around.
Do you post? If so, what do you post?
>>
>>32600184
Post that everyone else is faggots
>>
>>32600184
Post that you're making an elf deck, and you're curious about good elves.
>>
>>32600184
Poast asking what they think the best elf based cards are.
>>
>>32600184
post saying "dorfs suck, where all duh white elves at?"
>>
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You have posted.

>>32600280

So far, no replies yet.
>>
>>32600184
They seem to be ignoring us...
>>
>>32600356
Grab OP by the neck and hold him hostage, demanding that the thread give us ALL the elves (even the falmer)
>>
>>32600356
This place blows. Let's go to the erp thread.
>>
>>32600356
Look over people's shoulders and breathe heavily onto them.
>>
>>32600413
>tripfag keeps shilling for the erp thread
lel
>>
>>32600500
I'm just saying. If we want the elf booty what better place to check than an erp thread?
>>
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>>32600356
pfft haha what I don't even
Look around for elf maidens. Tell them Nissa a best.
>>
>>32600547
probably someplace that isn't /tg/
in fact /t/ has some elf related material, maybe elves are on that
>>
>>32600356
>>32600549
Whelp. Look for elf replicas!
>>
>>32600594
So /d/.
>>
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>>32600356
Capped the response thus far for posterity, so archive readers won't get too confused.
Never capped before; I just employed Paint and intense labor.
>>
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>>32600408

You were just about to make a hostage out of OP until you got replies.
>>
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>>32600944
The card in the Gatherer link.
>>
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You got some elf recommendations.
>>
>>32601040
OK let's try the old pick-up lines! "Hey baby, I only got one arm and... um... shit." Move on to the next one, trying frantically to think of something better.
>>
>>32601040
Take them to a bar. They look like fun dudes.
>>
>>32601040
LET'S PROVE TO THAT ONE ELF CHICK HOW NOT GAY WE ARE! WITH OUR DICK!!!
>>
>>32601156
I think that's an Anon in the background.

>>32601040
Elf on the far right is best girl. Offer her a new staff to polish.
>>
>>32601040
Take them home and "make a deck"

And, by "make a deck," I mean "have an orgy."

They're just cards, though, so it isn't rape and they can't say no.
>>
>>32601156
Which one? At least 2 are female.
>>
>>32601040
Paint a message on yourself that says "For the most pure waifu." Throw yourself at their feet. See what happens.
>>
>>32601211
But we want a lewd waifu, anon.
>>
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>>32601211
>>32601279
Paint a message on yourself that says "For the most lewd waifu." Throw yourself at their feet. See what happens.
>>
>>32601334
Cute/Sexy doesn't make sense as an axis, since one can be both at once.
>>
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>>32601156

You whip it out, but you haven't decided HOW to prove you're not gay.

>>32601334

You do not have any paint on hand. Be quick, find something you can use as paint/writing material!
>>
>>32601521
Remove new arm and use as a brush, I'm sure there's some blood there still
>>
>>32601521
Just say it to them.
>>
>>32601521
Carve it on your body with you nails.
>>
>>32601521
Pull out your shoulder nail and write with the bloody tip.
>>
>>32601579
No need to remove the whole arm. Just twist the nail a bit to draw some blood.

>>32600356
I love how meta this is.
Was it this or a different quest that involved a post on another board before?
>>
>>32601579
>>32601583
>>32601589
>>32601625
>All odds
Check our trenchcoat pockets for something useful?
>>
>>32601521
Use the nail on our arm.
>>
>>32601521
Say "ladies" in a voice like that of the spy from team fortress 2.
>>
>>32601521
Screw writing, jump at their feet and say it!

Fuck the Wellwisher. Fuck her good and hard.
>>
>>32601521
Oh, man, I hope we get to see that Wellwisher in Teli lewd style. I still have boners from the elf that tried to eat Beardy's dick.
>>
>>32601521
start swinging your dick in a circle while singing "you spin me right round baby right round, like a record baby right round"
Surely this will prove your heteroness
>>
>>32601878
I actually burst into laughter from this. Best option.
>>
>>32601872
I'm pretty sure she tried to give him a blowjob.
>>
>>32601971
Don't make me sad like that.
>>
>>32601971
Naw man, she totes wanted to nom is dick off.
>>
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(No, /tg/ is the first board this quest started out on. I want to do one for /v/ and /co/, but I'll just stay here for now.)

>>32601688
>>32601804

You twist the nail a bit to draw enough blood to write your message on your body and threw yourself at their feet all while saying ladies as the tf2 spy. You are in pain right now.
>>
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>>32601878

You then began swinging your dick in a circle, singing the lyrics to "you spin me right round".

Your audience watches in amazement.
>>
>>32602333
Come oooooon, Wellwisher.
>>
>>32602357
"The Aristocrats!"
>>
>>32602357
Now that we got their attention. "So who's down for getting something to eat?"
>>
>>32602333
I know this one was here from the beginning. I was meaning referencing a post on a different board for in-quest actions. If that was this or something else. It's been a while. Probably something else.
>>
Rolled 15

>>32602357
Rolling to seduce.
>>
Rolled 2

>>32602444
this
>>
Rolled 12

>>32602444
We can do better!
>>
Rolled 9

>>32602357
WE ARE GOING TO SEDUCE HER!!!
>>
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>>32602444

You got them flustered! Whatever it is you're doing, keep doing it!

"Dude what the fuck is going on here. This is a blue board!"
"Some asshat trying to seduce elves."
>>
Rolled 1

>>32602550
rolling for hilarious failure
>>
Take notice of >>32602546
>>
>>32602573
They're onto us! Grab the Wellwisher and run back to your thread.
>>
Rolled 5

>>32602357
WE ARE GOING TO SEDUCE HER!!!
>>
>>32602573
Take elves and go. We know where we're not wanted.
>>
>>32602577
>1d1
I'm on to you!
>>
Rolled 3, 8, 13 = 24

>>32602573
Rolling to get each of them to come with us to eat dinner.
>>
>>32602724
Really, how did you find out?
>>
>>32602734

You don't really need to roll, just leave commands.
>>
>>32602802
>commands
I command the elves to have sex with me!
>>
>>32602905
Not this, its not very sexy.
Continue to seduce the elves with your love sausage, give them your thread number then leave before the mods come, but not before blowing a kiss at them, Nonsexually of course
>>
>>32602966
>Leaving them behind
Bullshit, take them with us.
>>
>>32602983
Yeah, your right, but take the Gay Sayer with us, so we can show him just how straight we are.
>>
>>32603017
By giving it to him up the ass?
>>
Rolled 1

>>32602612
>>32602718

You grab the wellwisher and make a break for it, but the wellwisher turns out to be reluctant and tries to stop you.

Rolling for her success.
>>
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>>32603187

god damnit
>>
>>32603049
Yes
>>
>>32603229
fuck
reach out to her for healing
look sad
>>
>>32603229
Find a park.
>>
>>32603229
We... are not very good at planning.

Tell her you've got one colorless and one forest back home. You can totally pay her mana cost.
>>
>>32603429
Do this.
>>
>>32603429
Lets tap.
>>
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>>32603566
The life would be useful, seeing as how we stapled ourselves.
>>
>>32603613
Maybe after we heal over base life we can start using our new arm.
>>
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Unfortunately, you lost your grip on her and she hurries back into the thread.
>>
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>>32603340

You head into the nearest park. Your erection has gone flaccid.

It is now 7:45 AM, temperatures at 40.
>>
>>32603729
Wander around dejectedly.
>>
>>32603747
Check out that sweet-ass dog in the corner there.
>>
>>32603747
Check out the chick with the giant ice cream cone.
>>
>>32603747
Do a 360 and steal the car passing by.
>>
>>32603747
SPRINT TOO THE PARK INTERSECTION!!! INTERESTING THINGS HAPPEN AT PLACES WITH 4 DIRECTIONS!!!
>>
>>32603847
>Go to crossroads
>meet the devil
>sell soul for elf waifu

Yeah, seems legit
>>
>>32603859
Nah we already got beardstrosity for Faustian pacts.
>>
>>32603859
OF COURSE IT'S LEGIT!! AND IT'S ALL FOR THE PRICE OF 19.95!
>>
>>32603879
Turn off the cruise control, triptard.
>>
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>>32603752

You wandered around dejectedly.

>>32603758

Then you run into this dog.

"Bark!"
>>
>>32603971
Kick the dog because you didn't get laid.
>>
>>32603971
Just what we need. Hug your new friend.
>>
>>32603971
Adorable. We shall call you Jimmy, and you shall be ours.

Maybe we can use Jimmy to pick up elf chicks? Chicks dig dogs almost as much as they dig giant robots.
>>
>>32603995
>>32603971
You FOOL! Now we'll never pick up elf chicks... Not unless we can find a giant robot....
>>
>>32604020
meant for this>>32603989
>>
>>32603971
Try to soliliquize like Hamlet.

"Alas, master dog, to be but a hungry hound! Naught but a belly craving bacon to beckon you forward; no elvish beauties having scorned, no more wit to your tongue than lolling and licking, yet always a friend to laugh with it! Naught to say but a bark, yet always a friend to listen!

Oh, to be a dog, with heart so light it fair lifts you from the earth. But then, does the truism not also hold for thee: 99 problems you have, but a bitch ain't one."
>>
>>32604050
Add an alas in there. "But alas, a bitch ain't one."
>>
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>>32604050

>Alas, master dog, to be but a hungry hound!
>Naught but a belly craving bacon to beckon you forward; no elvish beauties having scorned, no more wit to your tongue than lolling and licking, yet always a friend to laugh with it!
>Naught to say but a bark, yet always a friend to listen!

>Oh, to be a dog, with heart so light it fair lifts you from the earth.
>But then, does the truism not also hold for thee:
>99 problems you have, but a bitch ain't one.
>>
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>>32603990

You then proceed to hug the dog.
>>
>>32604130
>>32604151
I rolfed hard.

Try to get DOG to join your party!
>>
>>32604151
now come the bitches
>>
>>32604151
Lay him on the ground and rub his stomach!
>>
>>32604151
We're sure to get all the bitches now with our sweet ass dog.
>>
>>32604151
DAT BITCH IN THE BACKGROUND HAS LONG EARS.
Time to lure them in with our new companion.
>>
>>32604151
wait shit is that an elf back there

make with the cute, doggie!

Wait shit I can do this

"Forsooth, what passing vision sweeps away the moonlight in its wake! Methinks it is the day, the sun has dawned, for she outshines the moon. What fools we mortals be, too trapped in restless contemplation to let the star-bewitched air invigorate our hearts - friendly beast! Get thee upon thy belly, and bark most cutely!

Fuckin do eet. NOW COME THE BITCHES!"
>>
>>32604151
Stare at the elf.
>>
>>32604151
Use the dog to pick up elf chicks.
>>
>>32604271
O we got this.
>>
>>32604336
Ah yes - the cute dog is the stitch
With which I'll sew the heart up of the bitch!
>>
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>>
>>32604561
Stop being an ass, namefaggot.
>>
>>32604644
k
>>
OP might be asleep. If we weren't already past 300 replies, it'd be time to bump once every few hours until morning.
>>
>>32604857
Archive?
>>
>>32607719
In the OP



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