>>31385441
>>Give them the grand tour.

>>31385441
>>Give them the grand tour.
When in doubt

>>31385441
>>Give them the grand tour.
I am afraid to go to the pits again.

>>31385441
>>Give them the grand tour.

Alright! A big old tour it is.

>>31385587
It better be grand as fuck.

"Since you're new here, I gotta give you the grand tour!" You hold your arms out wide in an attempt to take in the whole underground base. The fact that tent next to you collapsed was a coincidence and had nothing to do with the fact you still had your sword in your hand. "First, tell me where all you guys were yesterday, to give me an idea of where to take you."

"I, uh, spent most of my time in the Drow Quarter." Allonces says, for ONCE not spending forever talking about every little thing. Fetidclaw just sorta stares off in the distance. Man, tough crowd.

"So we'll avoid there, then!" You won't let your enthusiasm die here, even if your minions are sticks in the mud. You show them the goblin caverns briefly, because they both clearly didn't enjoy the nice, lived in smell. A nice snap around the fighting pits before you got chased out seemed to interest Fetid more than Allonces, who said it was a 'brutish bore' or something similar. The bazaar in the middle of the camp had all sorts of shiny things and you remember you could buy stuff, so you ended up spending most of the time buying things and talking to shopkeepers which maybe isn't the job of a tour guide. But as the boss you get to decide what jobs mean. That's one of the benefits of being the boss.

"And here is where all the weirdos hang out. I recruited whoop and his smelly friends here, but I think it all worked out." It's a completely empty place. You guess they've all joined up with various campaigns now.

"Yeah, that's... that's great, boss." You think you might be losing the audience.

>Ask them what the deal is.
>Panic
>Take them to the dragon and make her entertain them, you aren't cut out for this

>>31385844
>>Panic

>>31385844
>>Ask them what the deal is.
We missing something here? Minions hiding stuff from us?

The best time of the day has finally come!

>>31385844
>Ask them what the deal is.
Fucking deals, thinking they can be all mysterious and hide from the boss.

>>31385844
>>Ask them what the deal is.
What you want you damn minions? They are just minions anyways. They should know their place an be happy.

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81 KB JPG

>>31385844
>Take them to the dragon and make her entertain them, you aren't cut out for this
What could go wrong?

>>31385844

>Panic

Followed by realizing you're the boss! And then

>Ask them what the deal is.

>>31385844
>Ask them what the deal is.

>>31385844
>>Panic

A little bit of column a and a lot of column b.

Let's write!

This mood is killing you. You can't get any good tour guiding going on like this, and yeah, maybe this is the first tour you've ever guided, but you're pretty sure this isn't how it is supposed to go. You gotta get their interest somehow. "Sooo... let's check out the deurgar section? You guys like Milda right?"

"Ehhh," Allonce says.

"Who?" Fetidclaw says.

You're losing them. What else is there? The Zoetic Lair of the Deep Spawn? No, people say that place drives them crazy. You don't want to annoy them. What to do what to do...

"Jeez, what is you guys' problem, anywayS! I decide to take you out to cheer you up, Fetid, and you just mope the whole time. And you, Allonces, you aren't yammering constantly like you usually do. It's annoying when you do, but somehow it is also annoying when you don't." It is a good thing none of the weirdos are around to judge you as you throw a tantrum. "Just be happy already, jeez!"

Fetid scratches the back of his head, "Oh, uh, sorry boss. Just not feeling too cheery today. We can go back to the fighting pits, I guess? Maybe watch a few games?"

"We were chased outta there, dumbo." Allonces crosses her arms, and sighs. "And. Sorry, I just had a lot to think about. Didn't know we were being a bunch of downers." Apology accepted. Except you are the boss so you don't have to say it aloud. "Is there anything you wanna do, boss?"

They're putting you on the spot again!

>All I want is to make you happy!
>Let's tease stupid kobolds. Don't people usually do that for fun around here?
>Let's get some drinks and talk about girls or have girl talk or something. Let's hash out these feelings.

>>31386240
>Let's tease stupid kobolds. Don't people usually do that for fun around here?
Haha, Kobolds!

>>31386240
>>Let's get some drinks and talk about girls or have girl talk or something. Let's hash out these feelings.
It has to happen one way or the other.

>>31386240
>All I want is to make you happy!

>>31386240
>get a drink and work their problems out

>>31386240

>All I want is to make you happy!
>Let's get some drinks and talk about girls or have girl talk or something. Let's hash out these feelings.

I'd say all of the above, but if anything, if we can rise above our status, why couldn't a Kobold?

Besides they're sort of dragon-y, and that might piss off the dragon lady. And that's bad.

>>31386240
>Let's get some drinks and talk about girls or have girl talk or something. Let's hash out these feelings.

>>31386240

> Girl talk.

There is no way this is going to go badly.

>>31386240
>Let's get some drinks and talk about girls or have girl talk or something. Let's hash out these feelings.
Somehow, I can't comprehend Shax in this situation.

Which is precisely why I want to see it.

>>31386240
>>All I want is to make you happy!
Boss Bonemurder is such a good person. H-Hold on, I need to get something out of my eye...

>>31386240
>>All I want is to make you happy!

Alright, writing!

>>31386240
>>Let's get some drinks and talk about girls or have girl talk or something. Let's hash out these feelings.

>>31386240
>>Let's get some drinks and talk about girls or have girl talk or something. Let's hash out these feelings.

>Let's get some drinks and talk about girls or have girl talk or something. Let's hash out these feelings.

Geeze, this episode of OWQ is going to be a real downer.

"Look, you guys are just gonna keep ruining this tour until we get this all out on the table." What a bunch of gloomy guys. It is a good thing you're around. To set them straight. And definitely not pry into their business which you have no business being in.

You lead them to one of the many recession sections of the camp, and find someone selling some pretty amazing juice. Allonces orders juice and something else and mixes them together. Fetid gives the guy selling drinks money to not tell anyone he was here. What a shy fellow.

"So, let's talk. What is the deal?"

"I'm pretty sure my situation has been basically explained completely." Fetid says. Yeah, you're pretty tired of hearing him mope about it. It is good that he knows his place. What a nice minion.

"More importantly, what is the deal with Allonces, Allonces?" You sip on the juice.

"I don't know. I've been thinking hard lately. About what it is all about, you know?"

"Wow I was thinking the exact same thing in the last village I was raiding." You blow some bubbles in the juice.

"I was thinkin maybe I should settle down. Start a family, or something. I don't know how good of a raider I am anyway."

>You're a great raider. (DC check to keep a straight face.)
>Who you looking to settle down with?
>How old are you, like, eighty?

>>31386600
>How old are you, like, eighty?

>>31386600
>Who you looking to settle down with?

>>31386600
>>How old are you, like, eighty?
More like 14 by human years.

>>31386600
>Who are you looking to settle down with?
And maybe add we'll miss the charm she brings.

>>31386600
>Who you looking to settle down with?
Can't think of many people she'd be interested in.

Witch guy?

>>31386600
>Who you looking to settle down with?

>>31386600
>"Wow I was thinking the exact same thing in the last village I was raiding." You blow some bubbles in the juice.
Serious talk time is serious.

>>31386600
>How old are you, like, eighty?
Elf ages.

>>31386600
>>How old are you, like, eighty?

>>31386600
>How old are you, like, eighty?

The time for writing is...
now.

"What are you, like, eighty?" You raise your hand and wave for more juice. Allonces sighs.

"I'm close to that, yes. I know it is too young to be thinking about my future like that, but I can't just stay a sheltered young girl forever." You're not sure if someone who has helped steal innocent villager's food and money with a band of goblins and other monsters counts as innocent. "That's part of the reason I decided to join your band of horrible monsters. To see the world! But I'm not sure if I want to go to Yselathe. I've heard frankly horrible things about that place." Wait so this is all cause she is scared?

You can't believe you were buying into her moody moods. "Hey, buckle up, buddy. There isn't anything that bad over there. Just a bunch of demons and undead monsters. And lizard people. And possibly other horrifying creatues."

"And it sounds just awful! I don't want to risk losing my life over there before falling in love with some nice man. Like one of those nice young men in temple district." She starts blowing bubbles in her juice. Must be trying to copy her boss.

"What's so nice about them, all they do is talk about their ugly spider goddess and the ones that scalp people and also the ones that want to torture children of the surface."

"Yeah... isn't it so romantic? Devoting your life to a divine entity that-" She's ranting again. Allonces restored! Fetidclaw is still hiding his face and not looking at either of you. Dude just needs to be less shy.

You've done your job as a boss and helped everyone solve their personal problems! You think?

>You've earned your certificate in conflict resolution! With a few more classes you can be a true counselor!

It's the next morning, and it is time to get on the ship to Lanketh.

>Let's get some last minute magic supplies! You've got tons of gold.
>Let's just get on the boat and see what happens.

>>31387094

I want a compass that always points in the wrong direction. ALWAYS.

>>31387094
>>Let's get some last minute magic supplies! You've got tons of gold.
Intriguing.

>>31387094
>Let's get some last minute magic supplies! You've got tons of gold.

>>31387094
>>Let's get some last minute magic supplies! You've got tons of gold.
because why the hell not

>>31387094
>Let's get some last minute magic supplies! You've got tons of gold.
Mother

fucking

loot

>>31387094
>Let's get some last minute magic supplies! You've got tons of gold.

You can never have too much gear. We haven't been able to get really good use of Monkey Grip to my recollection; why not grab a second oversized sword to go full helicopter with?

>>31387094
>Let's get some last minute magic supplies! You've got tons of gold.

>>31387094
Maybe help Allonces out by getting something defensive?

Always better to spend than save before an adventure.

>>31387094
>Let's get some last minute magic supplies! You've got tons of gold.

Never can have too many supplies. Unless we get shipwrecked and lose them all.

>>31387094
>Let's get some last minute magic supplies! You've got tons of gold.

Don't we have so much gold that we just sort of stopped giving a shit about it?

We should get a belt of giant strength and some mithril plate armour.

Alright!

You have an imaginary number of gold. You haven't counted it yet. You grabbed some of your stash.

>It's 15k. Which is more than any sane person would be carrying on them.

Where do you wanna go?

>Bradford's Discount Weapons
>Maggie's Magical Accoutrements
>The Simpson's Armor Emporium
>Adventuring Supplies for the Evil Aligned Party
>Adventuring Supplies for the Out of Character Party

>>31387270
>Maggie's Magical Accoutrements

>>31387270
>>Adventuring Supplies for the Out of Character Party
This has to have something interesting for the Evil Good folks.

>>31387270
>Adventuring Supplies for the Out of Character Party

>>31387270
Out of Character Party.

Because only God knows what's in there.

>>31387270
>Maggie's Magical Accoutrements

>>31387270
>>Adventuring Supplies for the Out of Character Party

>>31387270
>Bradford's Discount Weapons

>>31387270
>>Adventuring Supplies for the Out of Character Party
ooc power go

Alright. Writing!

Guys, wherever we go, can we get a magic knife to replace the mundane one we have?

>>31387424

No, we need a magic canvas skirt to replace our current one.

>>31387478
>>31387424
>implying we wont spend all our money Elsa's Elf kebab shack, thus making this shopping trip pointless

>>31387270
>>Adventuring Supplies for the Out of Character Party

I don't know what this is but I wanna see it

>>31387551
Who would want an elf kebab? Elves are all stringy and gristly.

You get up extra early. You've never been shopping before, but Allonces told you it is the greatest thing ever. That is paraphrasing, the actual statement was much longer. So you're pretty excited! You grab you giant bag of money and head out to the bazaar. The spices hurt your eyes, but you remember some of the shops you gaped at while poor and also not a raid leader.

You happily hum and skip over to the miscellaneous supplies section. "Hey, young lady, you look like you're about to go on an adventure, right?" A deugar rubs his hands while approaching you. "Wouldn't you need some supplies for that? I've got the cruelest implements a young goblin like yourself could ask for."

"Back off, Rognat. She isn't interested in anything evil like that. You're a little more interested in a heroic adventure, right? A true hero like you would rather have some, shall we say, axiomatic items?" He's on to something here. You are basically a hero. You've saved the lives of possibly dozens of horrible raiders.

You follow the dark elf into his shop. He's very convincing. He has many items, but what caught your interest is:

>Satchel of Concussion Bombs - These family friendly explosives are not only not deadly, but easy to use! They have a very low failure rate, and will rarely explode prematurely! These will incapacitate your target or targets, and even a goblin can throw them accurately! - 1k for a bag of five.

>Sleep Enchanted Blowgun, and A Selection of Poison Darts - This blowgun will render a person into a deep, enchanted sleep. Even if they don't have a bloodstream. And a variety of benign poisons! Such as one that cures a headache, or one that soothes back pain, or maybe help prevent tooth decay. Oh, they all also might kill you. - Blowgun is 5k, darts are 2k per 20.

>Holy Short Sword - In the hands of the righteous, this blade smites evil with a holy keen edge. You also gain a charisma bonus, and resist magic from evil sources slightly better. Neat! - 10k

>>31387696
>Holy Short Sword - In the hands of the righteous, this blade smites evil with a holy keen edge. You also gain a charisma bonus, and resist magic from evil sources slightly better. Neat! - 10k

>>31387696
>Holy Short Sword - In the hands of the righteous, this blade smites evil with a holy keen edge. You also gain a charisma bonus, and resist magic from evil sources slightly better. Neat! - 10k
We need a new short weapon.

>>31387696
I dont like these. Let's go somewhere else!

>>31387696
>Holy Short Sword - In the hands of the righteous, this blade smites evil with a holy keen edge. You also gain a charisma bonus, and resist magic from evil sources slightly better. Neat! - 10k
Sounds like a great off-hand option.

>>31387704
>>31387734
who's going to wield it? We're certainly not righteous.

>>31387735
I'm with this guy, these seem pretty meh.

>>31387696
>>Holy Short Sword - In the hands of the righteous, this blade smites evil with a holy keen edge. You also gain a charisma bonus, and resist magic from evil sources slightly better. Neat! - 10k

>>31387756
Being the boss makes us righteous.

>>31387756
I don't think that we need to be righteous to gain the charisma bonus and that's what I want.

>>31387696
>Holy Short Sword - In the hands of the righteous, this blade smites evil with a holy keen edge. You also gain a charisma bonus, and resist magic from evil sources slightly better. Neat! - 10k

>Satchel of Concussion Bombs - These family friendly explosives are not only not deadly, but easy to use! They have a very low failure rate, and will rarely explode prematurely! These will incapacitate your target or targets, and even a goblin can throw them accurately! - 1k for a bag of five.
One bag. These'll be handy with how few of us there will be this time.

>>31387696
>Satchel of Concussion Bombs - These family friendly explosives are not only not deadly, but easy to use! They have a very low failure rate, and will rarely explode prematurely! These will incapacitate your target or targets, and even a goblin can throw them accurately! - 1k for a bag of five

I like these the best, though that's not saying much.

>>31387756
You can be evil and righteous at the same time. Or at least we can give things a righteous beating while being evil.

Still I am pretty interested in what the evil guy is selling, maybe we should see what he has to offer before we buy this sword.

>>31387696
>You've never been shopping before, but Allonces told you it is the greatest thing ever. You grab you giant bag of money and head out to the bazaar.

Shax has never been shopping before. Apart from when she did, just yesterday?

>>31385844
>The bazaar in the middle of the camp had all sorts of shiny things and you remember you could buy stuff, so you ended up spending most of the time buying things and talking to shopkeepers

>>31387807
>>31387770
Okay, I'm all for it if its weildable, it'll be good in our offhand. So lets see if we can properly wield it before we buy it.

>>31387696
Vote we move on. If there's nothing else neat we can come back.

>>31387818

That isn't real shopping, and you know it!

So pulling the trigger on the sword then?

>>31387696
Sword. We are a righteous servant of the Sea Mother.

>>31387839
Are we righteous?

>>31387877

ehhhhhh

Everyone is right some times

>>31387839
Allonces would probably say that it was, and that actually going out with an idea of what you want and quickly buying useful things like this is not real shopping.

>>31387890
Then let's go for it

>>31387877
We are the sword of holy mother. Or something. Of course we are righteous.

>>31387839
I'd prefer to check somewhere else but a little sord is fine too.

Alright! You buy the sword and sheath it behind your back with the knife.

You have 5k left in your purse!

>Keep shopping!
>>Name the store! You can invent your own. I'm flexible.
>Let's go to the boat and ride it for several years while the QM plays idolm@ster.

>>31388039
>Go to the pretty dress store

>>31388039
>Keep shopping!
Rogue stuff like grappling hooks and fireworks.
They're good for distractions I guess. Yep.

>>31388039
>>Adventuring Supplies for the Evil Aligned Party
Let's visit the evil shop before going to evil continent

>>31388039
>Keep shopping!

>>31388039
Go look at generic magic rings and amulets and shit.
Our awesome sword can't take all the credit. Without Squidface's ring we wouldn't be able to use it. And if we can do all that with one not very impressive bit of magic jewellery, with two we'd obviously be unstoppable.

>>31388126
>Squidface's ring
I think that Squiface gave us a bracelet.

>>31388039
Maggie's magic shop, but at least look at the pretty dress store for laughs.

Rolled 1

Lets go get a hat

>>31388157
yes yes yes

Al-alright. I guess we'll try write this up!

>>31388138
Pfft, a bracelet is just a really big ring.

What's Shax alignment again?

>>31388258
Evil Good.

>>31388258
True Shax.

>>31388258
Evil Good

Rolled 18

>>31388258
Evil good? Or good evil.

>>31388039
>>Let's go to the boat and ride it for several years while the QM plays idolm@ster.
Berserk joke?

>>31388258
Best Boss

File: 1397158756679.png-(782 KB, 902x2552, average beserk reader..png)

782 KB PNG

>>31388312
You ask me.new chapter comes out today.

>>31388312
No, why would you say so?

File: 1397158905240.png-(806 KB, 1280x720, file.png)

806 KB PNG

So any plans on what to buy if we level up?

>>31388374
>spoiler
Don't fucking lie to me, I have already lost all hope.

>>31388420
why do everyone keep calling me a sword saint

>>31388431
Let me find the thread on /a/ real quick.

>>31388374
I don't actually follow Berserk, I've just heard the joke about the author's iM@S addiction causing delays because of lurking iM@S threads.

>>31388431
Raw came out two days ago. It's city porn as expected.

>>31388420
Dark Goddess of victory and Grouchiness of the Terrapin.

>>31388420
>As Expected of Me!/Dark Goddess of Victory
I don't know where people are leaning on Bein' Da Boss.

>Grouchiness of the Terrapin
>Longevity of the Non-Goblin

>>31388456
Which city? Falconia? Or are they finally off the goddamn boat?

File: 1397159373617.gif-(1.04 MB, 290x189, 1372888401950.gif)

1.04 MB GIF

>>31388491
>Or are they finally off the goddamn boat?
>mfw

Griffith Land of course anon, it's Falconia.
There are some boobs too.

>>31388537
So Griffith didn't even need any godhand hax to win, Guts will just keep sailing the high seas, eternally searching for some mystical island that may or may not exist.

Perfect.

>>31388374
do you have the original image?

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>>31388420
BDB
>Dark Goddess of Victory! Your very presence inspires your troops to greater heights of power! Your foes tremble before your might and your allies sing songs of your glory! ...At least that is what you tell yourself when you feel bad and lonely, or scared by the number of enemies you're facing. You get bonus stats equal to the number of people you're in combat with, allies included!

OR

>As Expected of Me! - You've convinced yourself that you have to lead by example! Acts of heroism grant a temporary super stat bonus!

MSiF
I can't choose between.
>Enchantment of the Spotted Turtle - You've always thought spotted turtles were pretty. And now you have a grace to match their beauty! While spinning or using any other turtle maneuver and attack, you can no longer be knocked off balance and gain greater control over the direction!

>Grouchiness of the Terrapin - Sometimes you get super cranky, and that is okay. Some turtles live for hundreds of years, and they probably get cranky, too! With this, while you are in Wary Tortoise stance or any turtle move, you automatically execute a deadly counter attack when someone tries to hurt you!

>Softshell Soft Belly - You know for a fact that softshell turtles have soft, cute bellies. And while your own stomach is soft and also cuter than any of those flabby "beautiful women" those boys go on about, the lesson here is this: Everyone has their own metaphysical "soft belly"! And you know just where to find it! Turtle Attacks and attacks while in a turtle stance will aim and strike weakpoints without fail!

CyECTaM
Either or for me on these two.

>Back"stab" - You cause a ridiculous amount of damage if you catch an opponent off guard.

>f it is nailed down then we just have to steal the nails - You become adept at quickly dismantling security and taking practically everything that can be stolen. You get a bonus to looting! And you spend less time doing so in time sensitive scenarios

>>31388601
I'm just waiting for the chapter where the retard kills herself, or when he is forced to kill her.

>>31388613
definitely grouchiness of the terrapin

>>31387094
I suppose one of the advantages of a drow style matriarchy is that most male drow are probably happy to have a mate that won't put them through all the crap their females do.
Granted, they'll probably try to reverse the situation (in private) because evil, but you can't have everything.

>>31388634
Pretty sure Miura is going to die before it gets to that point.

You got all this money and nothing to spend it on! Might as well get rid of the rest of it. But what to buy...? A fashionable young female orc sees you walking through the bazaar and stops you.

"Wait! You... Your silhouette. How elegant. And your hairline is so powerful! This outfit is no good. No good at all! Come into my boutique. We shall... recreate you." Wow, no one has ever complimented you so much! She must be on to something.

A sign outside the building reads 'Lintala's Fashion Boutique and Grappling Supplies'.

There are a variety of increasingly poofy dresses and dresses you're supposed to wear on your head that people call a 'hat' even though they are way larger and have far too much lace and flowers to ever be a real hat, you're pretty sure.

"Please, noble warrior, leave your weapons at the door. I must see your true measurements." Okay, you guess. You lean your sword against the changing room door and your various knives and also new Holy Short Sword. The orc woman quickly takes your measurements. Time passes in a blur as you are put in a variety of dresses. Sometimes you can see which ones look nice when your vision isn't obscured by a giant hat.

Here are some of the things that caught your eye:

>A tiny little top hat, a lacey white bolero jacket and black jumper skirt with gold flower scrollwork. Also a grappling hook. Enchanted with protection from disease! - 3k

>A flat houndstooth cap, a pearl silk sleeveless top and long skirt, black with two layers of flaring purple lace. Comes with three golden bangles. Also TWO grappling hooks. Enchanted with increased climbing skills. For some reason. - 4k

>A crips white blouse with an argyle vest, with slick black pants, cut to have a straight elegant line, while holding close to your hips. There is no hat. Only one grappling hook with this one. The outfit has an enchantment that grants you the ability to be totally stylin'. Oh, also, a bonus to your will and reflex saves. - 3k

>Wanna buy one?

>>31388707
>A crips white blouse with an argyle vest, with slick black pants, cut to have a straight elegant line, while holding close to your hips. There is no hat. Only one grappling hook with this one. The outfit has an enchantment that grants you the ability to be totally stylin'. Oh, also, a bonus to your will and reflex saves. - 3k

>>31388681
you would think so, but then there sof shell soft belly, goes for weak points, and that combined with there is nothing my choppa and bite of the snapping turtle can be fatal, there is also enchanted turtle which lets us use our sword better.

>>31388613
msif is grouchiness of the terrapin. so that we can buy the sword saint with next point.

>>31388707
>A flat houndstooth cap, a pearl silk sleeveless top and long skirt, black with two layers of flaring purple lace. Comes with three golden bangles. Also TWO grappling hooks. Enchanted with increased climbing skills. For some reason. - 4k

>>31388707
>>A crips white blouse with an argyle vest, with slick black pants, cut to have a straight elegant line, while holding close to your hips. There is no hat. Only one grappling hook with this one. The outfit has an enchantment that grants you the ability to be totally stylin'. Oh, also, a bonus to your will and reflex saves. - 3k
Also buy the hoops from the other dress.

>>31388707
I have trouble imagining any of these outfits.
Lets buy the most styling one of them all/

>>31388707
>A flat houndstooth cap, a pearl silk sleeveless top and long skirt, black with two layers of flaring purple lace. Comes with three golden bangles. Also TWO grappling hooks. Enchanted with increased climbing skills. For some reason. - 4k

Climbing is something we lack, the only one that can do it well is Bearbreath as a spider. This is the most handy outfit.

Also vote we go back and spend the rest of our cash on concussion bombs.

>>31388754
I want to get soft belly since i want to see what smash and crash is.

Rolled 11

>>31388707
Aww, the ones with hats aren't as useful

>>31388707
>A crips white blouse with an argyle vest, with slick black pants, cut to have a straight elegant line, while holding close to your hips. There is no hat. Only one grappling hook with this one. The outfit has an enchantment that grants you the ability to be totally stylin'. Oh, also, a bonus to your will and reflex saves. - 3k

>>31388707
White blouse. A grappling hook would be very useful.

>>31388707
>A crips white blouse with an argyle vest, with slick black pants, cut to have a straight elegant line, while holding close to your hips. There is no hat. Only one grappling hook with this one. The outfit has an enchantment that grants you the ability to be totally stylin'. Oh, also, a bonus to your will and reflex saves. - 3k

Pants seem more Shax's style, I think.

>>31388707
>A crips white blouse with an argyle vest, with slick black pants, cut to have a straight elegant line, while holding close to your hips. There is no hat. Only one grappling hook with this one. The outfit has an enchantment that grants you the ability to be totally stylin'. Oh, also, a bonus to your will and reflex saves. - 3k
It's totally stylin'.

>>31388746
we don't need the soft shell, we have 2x nothing we can't cut buffs now

we cut through a solid giant metal anchor with only one

>>31388797
We're getting both as soon as we can. Just Sword Saint first because the name appeals to more people I think.

>>31388803
They all have grappling hooks.

>>31388707
>A crips white blouse with an argyle vest, with slick black pants, cut to have a straight elegant line, while holding close to your hips. There is no hat. Only one grappling hook with this one. The outfit has an enchantment that grants you the ability to be totally stylin'. Oh, also, a bonus to your will and reflex saves. - 3k

We spend the other 2K getting a magic hat, because the only downside to this outfit is it lacks a nice hat.

>>31388824
>we don't need the soft shell, we have 2x nothing we can't cut buffs now
Wrong, we can cut through alot of things, but sof shell makes us hit Weak points.
There is a huge difference between the 2 anon.

>>31388689
That is probably a thing that happens. There have been more than enough instances of puppet men in patriarchal societies

>>31388707
>>A crips white blouse with an argyle vest, with slick black pants, cut to have a straight elegant line, while holding close to your hips. There is no hat. Only one grappling hook with this one. The outfit has an enchantment that grants you the ability to be totally stylin'. Oh, also, a bonus to your will and reflex saves. - 3k
Shax wear in style

>>31388837
I know. I was speaking in favor of shopping here.

>>31388857
>We spend the other 2K getting a magic hat, because the only downside to this outfit is it lacks a nice hat.

true that

File: 1397160442960.jpg-(690 KB, 2238x2037, 814c6105e92e86051b8b1e596(...).jpg)

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Alright. This argyle formal is the most popular one apparently! And a grappling hook, too. Wow, so convenient!

Writing!

>>31388896
When did we start stuffing out bra?

>>31388919
probably when we started to become subconsciously jealous of allonces

>>31388919
The better question is, when did we get a bra to stuff?

The reaction to Shax's purchases is going to be very amusing

>>31389088
Sports bra, since >>31385441
Is how shax looks like.

Well, this outfit seems pretty classy. Plus you don't have to wear a dumb skirt. Even if that jumper skirt was super cute. Damn. If only you had more cash. You've only got 2k left. And some of those hats are pretty tempting, but... well. Maybe next time?

So you've come out of this trip with a sweet sword and a fashionable outfit. You think it is fashionable maybe? The nice orc lady was very impressed with the level of fashion present. You're not sure WHEN this fashion was, but you were sure this outfit was the height of whenever that fashion was in... style.

You go rushing back to the place your adventuring companions are staying at with your shopping bag and new sword. Bearbreath looks up from a book as you walk in. "Oh, hey boss. Where have you been? The boat leaves in a few hours." You lift up your shopping bag.

"Awwww, you went without me? What'd you buy! Show me, show me!" Allonces comes rushing in, and looks in the bag. "Ooooh, a pants suit? You've got to try it on for me!"

After a short impromptu fashion show, you realize that you gotta rush everyone out the door to get to the boat on time. Which is some work since Bearbreath's lynx was napping. And Brokagh was arguing with some dwarves about his engagement. And Allonces insisted on finishing letters to maybe six different people.

Regardless. You manage to get on the boat!

Yay!

>Timeskip to the arrival.
>Let's consult a nautical random encounter table!

>>31389432
>Let's consult a nautical random encounter table!

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>>31389432
>Let's consult a nautical random encounter table!

One day we'll get a hat for our outfit. One day...

>>31389432
>Let's consult a nautical random encounter table!

>>31389432
>Let's consult a nautical random encounter table!

>>31389432
>Let's consult a nautical random encounter table
Haha time for swash buckling!

>>31389432
>>Let's consult a nautical random encounter table!

>>31389432
>Timeskip to the arrival.

>>31389432
>Let's consult a nautical random encounter table!

>>31389432
>Let's consult a nautical random encounter table!

RELEASE THE KRAKEN

Maybe he's related to Squid Face somehow? That means he's probably a good guy.

>>31389575
youd think he would be related to our god mother.

We should get something cool relating to the Sea Mother.

>>31389597
Like a necklace or something, right?

>>31389432
>>Let's consult a nautical random encounter table!
EXPERIENCE

>>31389432
>Table
>Not matrix

>>31389617
Hopefully.

Maybe a necklace that always provides us with as much fresh water as we can drink?

Random encounter it is! What would you prefer?!

>Sea monsters attack!
>Pirates? Here? They're getting bolder!
>An innocent merchant ship. Are we going to be pirates?!
>Sky monsters attack! While we're on the seas!

>>31389635

I ain't got anything drawn up. I figured we'd be fucking around in camp all day, but we're progressing faster than I thought.

>>31389654
>>Sea monsters attack!
The sea monsters are our friends!

Rolled 2

>>31389654
Random encounter motherfucker

>>31389654
>>Sea monsters attack!
>>Sky monsters attack! While we're on the seas!
Whynotboth.jpg

>>31389654
>Sea monsters attack!

>>31389654
>Sky monsters attack! While we're on the seas!
We haven't fought anything that flies yet.

>>31389654
Can we have multiple choices?
If not then, my choice is
>Sky monsters attack! While we're on the seas!

>>31389674
Sky monsters attack sea pirates and we're caught in the middle?

Rolled 2

>>31389654
Hmmm... pirates or merchants...

I'll go with merchants. No wait, Pirates. Oh, I can't decide.

I'll roll for it. 1 for pirates, 2 for merchants.

>>31389654
>>Sea monsters attack!

>>31389654
>>Sea monsters attack!
Monster Hunter loli goblin

>>31389703
Sky pirates attack Sea monsters and we come to rescue our allies to the Sea Mother!!!!

>>31389654
>>Sea monsters attack!
>>Sky monsters attack! While we're on the seas!
Can't see why it couldn't be a group flying fish monsters.

>>31389673
>>31389703
Good points.Changing my vote here >>31389674
to all 4 at once.

>>31389704
Looks like the dice have spoke, so Pirates gets my vote.

>>31389654
>Flying sea monster pirates attacking merchants

>>31389741
Or sea monster pirates attack flying merchants.

Some sorta... combination? Alright, I guess. Writing!

>>31389771
So merchants in a hot air balloon?
Or on giant eagles?

>>31389778
We give you free reign.

>>31389794
Well, obviously the hot air balloon.

>>31389794
I was thinking airships or zeppelins. Or wizard merchants that can fly.

>>31389778
is it all 4 at once?

>>31389778
Have fun with it

>>31389794
Obviously it's a zepplin for a merchant consortium.

>>31389824
>>31389778
Let him surprise us.

>>31389845
The merchandise is exotic animals, that being sea monsters of course.

>>31389966
Sea Goblin Pirates

You're on the deck of the ship as the captain approaches you. "We oughta reach Lanketh soon. Maybe a day or two from now. The worst is behind us. Shame that we were attacked by that army of demon pirates two days ago." It was probably one of the hardest fights you've ever had. You learned a lot about yourself and each other during it.

"Cap'n, there on the skyline!" You follow where he is pointing. Winged shapes are approaching the ship you're standing on! You squint your eyes and try to make out the shapes. They are some sort of bird people? "My god! Kenku pirates! Sir, we don't have the defenses for this!" The man in the crows nest loses his footing as the boat suddenly rocks.

"What now?!" The captain roars as a finned hand grasps the edge of the boat. Suddenly a fish-like beast boards the ship! "Arm yourselves, Kuo-Toa on board!"

The crew members ready their weapons when the fish-man raises his hand. "Wait! Please, we must speak to the mortal blade!" Is now really the time? You're not sure. "Honored One! We were assaulting simple merchant ships on these seas, when the dread kenku pirates began raiding our territory. Just a short distance from here, we're fighting over the remains of a merchant fleet. Please! Assist us! We'll split the loot with you. There are too many there for us to fight."

The captain looks at you as his crew begins to fire at the birds in the air to attempt to drive them on board. "We won't be able to hold them off for long, Shax!"

>Help the kuo-toa fight off the kenku at the merchant ship.
>Defend your current ship!

>>31390145
>Help the kuo-toa fight off the kenku at the merchant ship.

>>31390145
>Help the kuo-toa fight off the kenku at the merchant ship.

It might draw them away.

>>31390145
>>Help the kuo-toa fight off the kenku at the merchant ship.
Two birds with one oversized sword!

How many tide points would we have to spend to cut a ship in half?

Rolled 20

>>31390145
>>Help the kuo-toa fight off the kenku at the merchant ship.

I find it funny that we are famed among the fish people.

>>31390145
>>Help the kuo-toa fight off the kenku at the merchant ship.
Can our sword cut the sea? Can it cut the air? We are about to find out.

>>31390145
>Help the kuo-toa fight off the kenku at the merchant ship.

For the glory of the sea mother!

>>31390145
>Help the kuo-toa fight off the kenku at the merchant ship.

>>31390199
Prophets of gods do tend to have a bit of recognition.

Alright! Writing.

>>31390199
Whoop said any fishperson would easily recognize shax as the blade.

These are your people! Or something. They are definitely friends at least. Confidants? Maybe just admirers. You've never had admirers before. Your life is full of surprises and new turns. You might even be blushing, oh geez.

The kuo-toa gives you a quick underwater breathing enchantment and you shout at Allonces and Fetid to hold this boat because seriously they are your ride and you gotta protect that. Bearbreath turns into a squid and follows you as you race over to the merchant ship.

And by ship he maybe meant fleet, because there are three ships on fire with dark shapes crawling all over them. "Honored one, we've got control of the first ship we will reach. The Kenku currently hold the farthest ship, and the natives still hold the middle vessel, though we are fighting over all of them."

"Hey, here is a question, you breath underwater, right, so why not just sink the ships and then it doesn't ma-"

"There are many goods that will spoil in the sea water. We have to enchant them to carry them to our undersea kingdoms. Their nature makes them very valuable."

"Wouldn't they perish as soon as they-"

"Quick, we must assault these ships before their control is solidified!"

>Reinforce the fish man ship!
>Seize control of the neutral ship!
>Let's kick those birds off their ship. Without the head the snake dies horribly. I think that is how the saying goes.

>>31390548
>Let's kick those birds off their ship. Without the head the snake dies horribly. I think that is how the saying goes.

>>31390548
>Let's kick those birds off their ship. Without the head the snake dies horribly. I think that is how the saying goes.

>>31390548
>Let's kick those birds off their ship. Without the head the snake dies horribly. I think that is how the saying goes.

Too stupid to fail!

>>31390548
>Let's kick those birds off their ship. Without the head the snake dies horribly. I think that is how the saying goes.

>>31390548
>Let's kick those birds off their ship. Without the head the snake dies horribly. I think that is how the saying goes.

>>31390548
>Let's kick those birds off their ship. Without the head the snake dies horribly. I think that is how the saying goes.

No, no, if you cut the head off of a snake it just grows into two new snakes

Or is that earthworms

Oh well

>>31390548
>Let's kick those birds off their ship. Without the head the snake dies horribly. I think that is how the saying goes.
Also bearbreath can turn into a squid? Definatly employee of the month material.

>>31390601
And what do you do if the snake has two heads? Does cutting off one head kill the other one?

Straight to the top! Give me a d20 roll!

Rolled 2

>>31390672
k

Rolled 3

>>31390672

Rolled 9

>>31390672

Dice don't fail us now!

Rolled 3

letsgo

Rolled 6

>>31390688
>>31390681
I forgot how badly we roll.
>>31390672

Rolled 20

>>31390672

>>31390681
>>31390688
>>31390701
>>31390704
I thought we were doing too well recently.

>>31390681
>>31390688
>>31390701
Hurrah

>>31390717
nah we are back to form.
>>31390713
See even the nat 20 that mocks us is back.

>>31390681
>>31390688
>>31390701
>>31390704
>>31390712
5 rolls in a row without breaking a 10

>>31390713
and then a 20, sounds about right.

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>>31390681
>>31390688
>>31390701
It can't be helped!

>>31390681
>>31390688
>>31390701
>>31390704

please its hard to watch

>>31390713

And then there is THIS guy, every time.

>>31390766
what did you expect?
Did you really think our recent trend of luck from the last 2 threads was gonna continue?

>>31390766
Dont worry when we decide to befriend the kenku we will roll three 20s.

>>31390766
Average of 7,4 yay

>>31390817
>it turns out we are the prophet of their god as well

Or, alternatively, they have an oversized weapons user.

>>31390817
You mean when we decide to unleash a tornado of sword that will destroy the monsters and the ship and all.

>>31390871
no we will end up tripping, and then talking them into joining our raid.

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>>31390844

>>31391000
10/10
horrifying

>>31391000
I'll take em

File: 1397167673801.gif-(1.92 MB, 360x243, GOD DAMN.gif)

1.92 MB GIF

>>31391000
That made me laugh way to hard, then it should have.

>>31391065
>>31391075
>>31391083
Only took me over ten million hours.

>>31391083
The peoples reactions to that are the best part of that gif.

"We'll go straight for the head! Let's take out their base of operations!" You shout, pointing your sword at the ship the kuo-toa said the kenku's had the most control over.

Bearbreath responds with some sort of terrifying screeching noise. Goodness.

You start to board the ship, and flip over the edge, before immediately getting knocked on your back. A black winged kenku stands over you, with a spear in its hands. It drives the polearm down towards your face, which you quickly roll away from, while sweeping at his legs with your sword. Which he jumps up from. And then floats. Well, there goes that plan.

You manage to take out a couple of kenkus on your way up, some of these guys are total scrubs, but you can't help but notice you are outnumbered and back up ain't coming. A lightning bolt branches out and fries a bird man. Bearbreath shows up. "Hey you might wanna wait for me next time or something, also there are no kuo-toa back up coming."

"What, why?"

"They said you could handle this by yourself or something. So, what's the plan boss?"

>You lead the charge as a bear, I'll wipe things up behind you!
>Can you turn into a bird or something? Knock things out of the sky so I can knock them to death with my sword.
>Let's just sink the ship.

>>31391172
throw rocks?

>>31391172
>Can you turn into a bird or something? Knock things out of the sky so I can knock them to death with my sword.

>>31391172
>Can you turn into a bird or something? Knock things out of the sky so I can knock them to death with my sword.
Force them into our overly long range.

>>31391172
>Let's just sink the ship.
eh, fuck it all

>>31391172
>Can you turn into a bird or something? Knock things out of the sky so I can knock them to death with my sword
especially if he can turn into a kenku
that's some sneaky tactics

>>31391172
>You lead the charge as a bear, I'll wipe things up behind you!
I don't want our druid getting swarmed by scrubs. He can provide ranged support anyways.

I wonder how high we can jump?

>>31391172
option 4.5: have bearbreath transform into a bird and carry Shax into the air (not sure how the armband+sword effects the physics but feck it)

>>31391172
>Can you turn into a bird or something? Knock things out of the sky so I can knock them to death with my sword.

>>31391239
Very sneaky.

>>31391172
>Can you turn into a bird or something? Knock things out of the sky so I can knock them to death with my sword.

>>31391172
Get bearbreath to turn into a bear and launch us at the kenkus. When has a fastball special ever gone wrong?

>>31391172
Do the spinny thing so fast we take off like a helicopter and proceed with normal 'hit it with the giant sword' tactics.

>>31391292
>>31391259
combine these 2 cos u know itll end well with our rolls

Alright! Let's make bearbreath do all the work!

As usual!

Give me a d20!

Rolled 19

>>31391380

Rolled 13

>>31391380

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326 KB PNG

Rolled 5

>>31391380

Rrrrrrrollin'!

Rolled 16

>>31391380

>>31391398
Nice.

>>31391398
Fucking Bearbreath, why you gotta be so competent all the time? You're showing us up, man.

>>31391398

You guys unseal your true power at the weirdest times!

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>>31391398
Based Bear.

>>31391433
>Us
You mean our minions do.

>>31391433
He aint employee of the month for nothing.

>>31391499
We need to get bearbreath some good loot next time something drops.

>>31391799
How about some bear monster wife pussy?

"Alright! Bearbreath! Let's just shoot them out of the sky with more lightning! Then when they land in fear, I'll smack them right to death!" You point your sword upward as he launches several bolts of lightning through the kenkus, who fall to the ground. Dead. "Hey, no, leave some for me."

"It's okay, I'm out of lightning for now, but I can still knock them out of the sky for you?" Bearbreath turns into a gigantic eagle and flaps into the air.

"Hey, uh, do you think I can maybe ride you when you do that sometime?" Bearbreath screeches at you. "Maybe later?" Another screech. "Just gonna leave that command on the table for sometime, okay, buddy? We're buddies, right?" You're gonna fly that goddamn bird.

The new person in their airspace is attracting a lot of attention, and the kenkus start swarming the giant eagle. Who is knocking them out the air easily. Each time someone lands, you take them out with your sword. It's a pretty smooth operation. As expected of you.

"So, I can't help but notice it is just us on this ship, now that we've killed all the kenku pirates. And this ship is sinking! Oh no! If only there was some sort of way I could escape this vehicle. I can't think of one, though." Bearbreath lands and turns back into a gnoll.

"Yeah, we should swim to the next ship probably."

>You win the fight!

>>31391833
We totally need an enchanted badge that says employee of the month, but what should the enchant be?

>>31391887
Various sorts of protection magic, I'd say. Bonuses to armor and saves and whatnot. Gotta protect the MVP, after all.

>>31391887
Making everyone else feel bad because they aren't as great an employee obviously. Maybe a protection aspect too I guess.

>>31391887
+2 to Morale.

>>31391887
Makes a giant projection that says "Employee of the month"

Actually just illusion enchantments

File: 1397170411637.jpg-(30 KB, 1280x720, Still the best 2.jpg)

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>>31391887
Just a badge that says still the best when activated.

You Have:
>31/40 BtB exp
>34/40 MSiF exp
>34/32 CyRCTHaM exp
>7/16 FMMM exp, 2/2 Tidal Points

You were a good boss tonight! You took out a bunch of kenku pirates, too. Wow! You're an excellent fighter. It definitely was mostly you and you won't tell the boys Bearbreath got more kills than you. It isn't embarrassing. No one is embarrassed by this. Especially not you!

================================

Thanks for playing! I was updating slow so I figured I'd go another two hours to try and make up for it. Next time we'll land on Lanketh and explore the Graveland Continent!

Thank you all for putting up with my messing writing long enough to have fun! You guys are fun to write for, and I hope you stay around so I can keep doing it. Let's go ahead and get this goblin skill vote underway!

What do you want?

>Why Fight When You Can Poison?
>Back"stab"
> If it is nailed down then we just have to steal the nails
>Grim Dark Veteran
>Longevity of the Non-Goblin

Rolled 20

>>31392105
>Longevity of the Non-Goblin
We're gonna be the oldest goblin ever

>>31392105
>> If it is nailed down then we just have to steal the nails

>>31392105
>>Longevity of the Non-Goblin
LIVE, Shax, LIVE.

it's so depressing that I get here right as the thread ends

>>31392105
>Back"stab" - You cause a ridiculous amount of damage if you catch an opponent off guard.
>>31392143
>>31392135
Its just an hp upgrade, we should get something better.

>>31392105
>Longevity of the Non-Goblin

>>31392105
>>Longevity of the Non-Goblin

>>31392105
>Longevity of the Non-Goblin
This quest will not end prematurely, we're making sure of that.

>>31392105
> If it is nailed down then we just have to steal the nails
We don't have enough nails.

>>31392105
>Longevity of the Non-Goblin

Rolled 20

>>31392165
The description is age and hp.
Its the age part thats making me vote for it.

>>31392184
>>31392176
>>31392173
>>31392168
>>31392143
>>31392135
Why?
>More hp and age cap is raised
We don't have HP, and we no age cap yet you guys are picking this?

>>31392105
>Longevity of the Non-Goblin

I'd be interested to know the flavor text for this!

>>31392135
>>31392202
Stap.

>>31392202
Do you know how long goblins live?
Or that the looting one unlocks a skill tree called my little assasin can't be this cute?

>>31392207
The others aren't really screaming 'Get me!'

Grim Dark Veteran seems cool but we're never by ourselves.

Rolled 19

>>31392236
Well, goblins generally don't live all that long?
I kinda want us to outlive the dark empire we're helping forge

>>31392260
>>31392202
>>31392135
Okay right I'm taking off my dice before my bullshit luck gets another good roll.