>>31225548
> Make them promise not to experiment on him, but keep him around the pyramid. Maybe someone will adopt him or take him as an acolyte.

>>31225548
>Send him back to the poorhouse.
Lets be honest here, he's not at all safe in the pyramid.

>>31225548
no experiments.

Ask him if he's like to stay. We can always visit the orphanage from here.

>>31225548
Nice new OP, Anu.
> Make them promise not to experiment on him, but keep him around the pyramid. Maybe someone will adopt him or take him as an acolyte.

well, I already voted, but let's ask him how the poorhouse is doing regardless of what else we do.

>>31225548
>> Have them keep Meluku here and do experiments on him.

Hah, welcome back Anu. I missed you greatly.

Also, hhgn, that Hunzuu.

>>31225548
>Make them promise not to experiment on him, but keep him around the pyramid. Maybe someone will adopt him or take him as an acolyte.

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>>31225548
"Nope, I can't have you doing experiments on him. And not just because he might get hurt. Because you might get hurt, too."

The Gold Priest puts away the dried wasp-girl leg that you brought back some time ago, along with other magical knick-knacks. "Then why did you bring him here?"

"Because... he needs a home? Come on, the palace won't take him, and it's not a good life there. Can't we keep him?"

Meluku looks at you. "Would I get some good stuff to play with?"

"Yes, of course. Not this stuff here, but we'll find you some good toys. And you can play with Mr. Clicks if you're gentle."

"Who's Mr. Clicks?"

"My pet scorpion, who loves me very much!"

"Eww, no! I don't wanna play with a scorpion," says Meluku with a perfect lack of self-awareness.

> "Well how about Ninlil? The big kitty? You can share a room with her."
> "Well how about Nakurtum? I think you might have seen her once or twice. She'll teach you to fight and stuff! Honestly, there's a good chance you'll turn into some kind of monster one day, so best to get a head start on training."
> "How about Tabni-Ninsun? She and her dad are rich. They could spoil you even more than I can."
> "You can stay with my slave, Rabi-Tammuz. He needs to be kept busy."


>>31225760
Be sure to thank Decu for the art. Slightly lewder version at >>31225019

>>31225971
>>31225971
>Stay with the slave.
Kind of a dick move to dump the kid on anyone else.

>>31225971
>why did you bring him here
I thought there was something you could do to diagnose him that wasn't just blind experimentation?

and I didn't actually think of who we would be rooming him with. Where do the acolytes stay?

I guess let's stick him with ninlil, granted she's okay with that. They might make good friends.

Basically, anyone who agrees to go along with it.

Assuming he even wants to stay here.

>>31225971
Send him back, kid's kind of a smart-ass.

>>31226103
I didn't expect we'd be taking him in, that's for sure.
though, now that we've said we'll take him, we should. We'll probably just have him bunk with our tailor until such time as he takes an interest in some walk of life, and then he can bunk with the relevant people.

>>31225971
I'm sure we could get him a room somewhere near ours.

>>31226163
>We'll probably just have him bunk with our tailor until such time as he takes an interest in some walk of life

I agree with taking him in, but vote against our creepy, creepy slave.

I am just waiting for the day we walk in and catch him cutting up something he shouldn't have.

I'm sure we've got enough room in the pyramid to get him a small room somewhere near ours. That'll do until he finds a calling of some sort.

>>31226237
what's in the room next to ours, now that you mention it?

>>31225971
> "Well how about Nakurtum? I think you might have seen her once or twice. She'll teach you to fight and stuff! Honestly, there's a good chance you'll turn into some kind of monster one day, so best to get a head start on training."

now that I think about it, maybe a LITTLE experimenting.

but nothing that seems... dumb. We want the kid to be fine, not dead.

Prank discussion; Ideas from previous thread.

Release greased pigs inside the pyramid labelled #1, #2, #4, #6 & #7.
Laugh as they search for #3 & #5.

Get some good weed and spike the incense burners that, presumably, will be dotted around the festival.

Get a load of Swamp Beer (the stuff that makes you shit your insides out) and just let people help themselves.

Unleash a heard of GOATS in the streets at a time when it would be funny/disruptive.

Hire some harlots, dress them in acolyte robes and have them mix in with the real acolytes.
Then..... STRIP TEASE!

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>>31225971
"You can stay with my slave, Rabi-Tammuz. He needs to be kept busy."

Meluku picks at the table he's sitting on. "And I can go back and see my friends whenever I want, right?"

"Of course! I'll take you there myself."

"Great! Thanks, Hunzuu. You're all right."

The room where Rabi-Tammuz sleeps and makes dresses for you is conveniently near your own, so that should work out. When you arrive to tell your slave of his new duty, you find him scratching strange anatomical diagrams into the wall while taking a break from making a pretty dress for Ninlil.

"Rabi-Tammuz? This is Meluku. He's going to be staying with us until we can figure out what else to do with him Take care of him and don't let him get hurt. That's an order."

Rabi-Tammuz looks over the grey-skinned child and replies in a deadpan, clinical tone. "Child care." He says it like he's diagnosing a fungal infection. "There's something I never tried before. I will do my best, my lady."

Meluku takes an interest in the diagrams on the wall and runs over to his new caretaker. "What's that? Is that drawings of guys? Can I do one? Eww, does that one have guts? I like you."

> Time to prepare for the big prank!
> Enlist the Bronze Priest's help. He can read and write better than you, and he'll know exactly how the procession usually works.
> Get your friends to help, but no grown-ups, and certainly no priests.
> Do this alone. This means any messages you write will be in your childish, borderline-illiterate handwriting.

>>31226258
Ninlil is next to you on one side. On the other side are some acolytes' quarters that you could probably shoo them out of if you wanted. Rabi-Tammuz's place is a few doors down.

>>31226400
rabi-tammuz is close enough then. It's just where he sleeps, not where he'll live.

> Enlist the Bronze Priest's help. He can read and write better than you, and he'll know exactly how the procession usually works.
This is a tenative vote, let's sound him out for a bit first to see if he'd be up for causing a bit of good hearted mayhem.
If he doesn't seem immediately responsive to innuendo, then just go with

> Get your friends to help, but no grown-ups, and certainly no priests.

>>31226400
>Time to prepare for the big prank!
>Enlist the Bronze Priest as co-conspirator. He can read and write better than you, and he'll know exactly how the procession usually works.
>Enlist Nakurtum, we haven't spent enough time with her. (Or, at least, she hasn't had much screen time lately)

>>31226400
>> Get your friends to help, but no grown-ups, and certainly no priests.

>>31226400
>> Enlist the Bronze Priest's help. He can read and write better than you, and he'll know exactly how the procession usually works.

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>>31226400
You have an early dinner with Nakurtum as you discuss your plans for the prank. "I've gotten this merchant to set aside some goats for me. We can let those loose. He also has these animals called pigs. He got them cheap from some foreigners to the east. They might come in handy. They're like goats, but bigger and not as furry, and they smell pretty bad! Kullaa says she can convince the other blood acolytes to keep quiet if some strangers show up in red robes during the procession. So we can plant some harlots in the crowd and make them do something funny."

Nakurtum talks with her mouth full. "I bet that old temple isn't heavily guarded. It's not even used most of the year. We could get in there and steal something. We could even steal or mess with the statue of Sin." Nakurtum seems to be both not very religious and glad to be working on something together with you. She's quote fond of you, so much that she doesn't seem to mind being indentured to the Blood Priest and unable to help rebuild the Adventurers' School.

"We could! I think the Bronze Priest will help a little, too. He won't leave the pyramid while he's still sick, but he can write messages for us in paint or clay."

"Messages? Like what?"

> A ransom note for items you're going to steal
> Numbers on the livestock
> Graffiti on the statue of Sin
> Write-in

>>31226400
> Get your friends to help, but no grown-ups, and certainly no priests.

>>31226751
> Numbers on the livestock

>>31226751
>Numbers on the livestock
I have to sleep now, but anons, don't let me down.
We must eat pig. We have to learn the pleasure of bacon.

>>31226751
> A ransom note for items you're going to steal
More of a scavenger hunt list than a ransom note, but similar in principle.

We can number the livestock ourselves. That is supposed to look childish.

>>31226751
>> A ransom note for items you're going to steal
>> Numbers on the livestock
>>NO TOUCHING THE STATUE, we're pranking the festival, not the god.

>>31226818
this guy has a good point.

Don't fuck with the statues too much.

>>31226832
agreed

>>31226751
>Numbers on the livestock

I don't know if I want to mess with the small temple and statue directly. Sin might not like it. If the voices we heard in the catacombs are any indication, the gods are aware of the stuff happening in their temples. At least stuff that draws their attention.

>>31226751
>> A ransom note for items you're going to steal
and
> Numbers on the livestock

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>>31226751
"I think I can do the numbers myself. They're not so hard. But we're going to steal their braziers and incense, then leave a note in the old temple telling them where to get it back."

"And the Bronze Priest agreed to this? I'd never have guessed."

"He's bored and really, really cranky. I think he doesn't like that Tabni-Ninsun and Dadanum are still in love and stuff."

> Have Nakurtum sneak in alone and steal the braziers an incense while you fetch the pigs and hand-select the sauciest whores you can find.
> Sneak in with Nakurtum. I'll be a fun way to bond with your best friend. Roll 2d6.

Rolled 5, 2 = 7

>>31226951
> Sneak in with Nakurtum. I'll be a fun way to bond with your best friend. Roll 2d6.

>>31226951
>Have Nakurtum sneak in alone and steal the braziers an incense while you fetch the pigs and hand-select the sauciest whores you can find.

Need to prepare quickly. There is no time to waste, no time at all.

Rolled 3, 5 = 8

>>31226951
>> Sneak in with Nakurtum. I'll be a fun way to bond with your best friend. Roll 2d6.

>>31226951
I'm interested in finding out what a "pig" is.
Can we find out after sneaking with nakurtum?

Rolled 4, 5 = 9

>>31226951
>> Sneak in with Nakurtum. I'll be a fun way to bond with your best friend. Roll 2d6.

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>>31226951

>>31226983
Of course! You may be the one in charge of setting them loose at the right moment.

You decide to go along with Nakurtum to the old temple of Sin. It's up against the city walls, and it used to be where night patrols were dispatched until the pyramid was built and the Footmen took over such duties. Much of it has been converted into housing, but the large central room remains hauntingly empty, holding on to some of its sanctity.

You prepare to scale the wall and dig some of your legs into the brickwork when you feel Nakurtum's hand on your tail. "Hold on," She says. "The last time you did that, the whole wall fell on you. In fact, didn't that happen twice?"

You nod and back away, blushing blue. "Yeah... I'd better squeeze through a door instead. Can you get tat one open?"

Happy to have avoided disaster, you watch as Nakurtum puts her weight on the simple door, shaking it up and down until the crude latch is undone. Inside the chamber has been recently cleaned, the priests' regalia and tools carefully laid out, and a palanquin resting before the serene, white-painted likeness of Sin.

> Fill this place with greased pigs for tomorrow
> Wait and release the pigs at another time

>>31227138
> Wait and release the pigs at another time
we should do this proper, and that means releasing the pigs when we want chaos and not leaving them around waiting to be discovered by priests beforehand.

spend this time instead talking to nakurtum. How's she feel about that grey kid? Where are some places in the city that are hard to get to we can send the priests to?

Rolled 2, 2 = 4

>>31227188
> Wait and release the pigs at another time
Let's just steal the stuff and leave our note. We can chat once we're out and in the clear.

>>31227138
> Wait and release the pigs at another time

No good greasing them up and releasing them now. No ones here. We should release them half an hour before the processions are to start. They'll be frantic trying to fix the problem in time.

>>31227138
I have an idea. Let's attach the things we steal to the pigs, and when the priests read the note, we release the pigs. And hide a few of the items somewhere else, representing the missing pigs

>>31227138
>> Wait and release the pigs at another time

>>31227272
eh, a bit dangerous. We might lose whatever item it is.

Rolled 4, 5 = 9

>>31227138
>> Wait and release the pigs at another time

Paint the symbols for numbers on the pigs.

Skip a number.

Watch them try to find t.

>>31226394
I like everything on this list but the swamp beer thing.

and maybe the weed thing, since that might also stink up the place.

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>>31227138
You wait to release the pigs another time. Instead, you just take the braziers and tuck them into a cloth wrapped around your waist, then abscond into the night.

"So you said there'd be harlots? How do those fit in?" Nakurtum asks. You wonder if she likes harlots. Are there boy harlots? There must be.

"Oh, I have Tabni-Ninsun out selecting them for me. I think she'd be good with that kind of thing. Now, we just have to set the trail for the priests to follow..."

> Hide the braziers back in the pyramid
> Hide the braziers in the Footmen's barracks, which is likely to cause a big uproar and maybe a small riot
> Hide the braziers in the rafters of the old temple itself, the last place anyone would think to look. Roll 2d6 to carefully place them up there.
> Keep the braziers with you, just in case they find the trail too quickly. Fill them with pig shit.

Rolled 1, 6 = 7

>>31227552
>Hide the braziers in the rafters of the old temple itself, the last place anyone would think to look.

>>31227552
>> Hide the braziers in the Footmen's barracks, which is likely to cause a big uproar and maybe a small riot
Let's hide most of them here, but keep two. One, we will fill with pig shit & hang from a statue, and one we should hide and keep as a trophy.

Rolled 6, 6 = 12

>>31227552
> Hide the braziers in the rafters of the old temple itself, the last place anyone would think to look. Roll 2d6 to carefully place them up there.

Rolled 1, 3 = 4

>>31227552
>Hide the braziers in the rafters of the old temple itself, the last place anyone would think to look. Roll 2d6 to carefully place them up there.
Ask Nakurtum. We're heavy as fuck, we'll probably collapse something.

>Ask Nakurtum if she knows where we can get some weed.

Rolled 3, 4 = 7

>>31227552
> Hide the braziers in the rafters of the old temple itself, the last place anyone would think to look. Roll 2d6 to carefully place them up there.
it's a good place for them.

I don't mind carrying them with us either, but don't fill them with pigshit. these are good braziers.

Rolled 3, 2 = 5

>>31227552
>> Hide the braziers in the rafters of the old temple itself, the last place anyone would think to look. Roll 2d6 to carefully place them up there.

>>31227617
I thought we could just sort of reach up there

>>31227637
If we're tall enough to do that, great. If any climbing is involved, best leave it to the human, not the fuckhuge scorpion monster.

>>31227673
good plan.

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>>31227552
>>31227552
You carry the braziers up to a raised platform and consider trying to dig your claws into the walls a second time. One again Nakurtum stops you in time, this time with a hand on your flank. "Hold on, kiddo. We can work together on this." You give her a boost with your mighty claws. It's funny that she seems to weigh so little to you. She's so much more mature than you, and maybe the closest thing you have to a mother. Nakurtum skillfuly crawls across a heavy rafter and tucks the braziers there. The priests' wild goose chase will lead them right back to where hey started.

Next you check on the merchant and his pigs, kept in a muddy stall outside the city walls. They're covered in thin auburn fur and have a feral look about them, a little closer to wildness than the goats you've known have been. The merchant also has a hair brush and a pot of white paint, which you gave him the coin to buy a day before. He's not asking any questions, which spares you from having to tell him any lies.

> Roll 1d6 to impress Nakurtum with your ability to write numbers

Rolled 2

>>31227743

Rolled 6

>>31227743

Rolled 1

>>31227743
look!
The lines are straight and everything!

Also, are pigs as cute as goats? I don't think so.

Rolled 6

>>31227743
>> Roll 1d6 to impress Nakurtum with your ability to write numbers

Rolled 2

>>31227743
>Roll 1d6 to impress Nakurtum with your ability to write numbers

Practice before we number the pigs. Be sure to hold them still.

>>31227743
nakurtum's great. Helps us with capers and teaches us fighting and everything.

she'd probably help us with our hobbies if we had any real hobbies.

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>>31227743
The pigs are initially scared of you, of course, but they don't really have anywhere to run. You chase them around their pen, catch them one at a time on your claws as they squeal for dear life, and hastily rub white paint into their flanks, in the general shape of the numbers the Rain Priest taught you. You intentionally leave out the numbers three and five, so they'll keep looking for pigs even after they've all been found.

Nakurtum leans on the fence and laughs at the whole spectacle. "Well, that's almost a number. Is that a two? Wait, no, it's a seven. Eew, look at their little eyes! Those things are creepy! And this is coming from someone whose best fiend is a scorpion monster. What are they good for?"

"People eat them, the man says. They're harder to cook than goat, but they get way bigger. And cooking is overrated anyway..." And just like that, your scorpion bloodlust itches in the back of your consciousness

> Eat one raw. You must know if these are any good.
> Hold back. Maximum pigs means maximum mischief.

Rolled 5

>>31227743

Rolled 2, 5 = 7

>>31227888
>> Hold back. Maximum pigs means maximum mischief.

We can always eat more goats later.

Rolled 1, 3 = 4

>>31227888
>> Eat one raw. You must know if these are any good.

They will be chasing phantom pigs anyway

>>31227888
>> Hold back. Maximum pigs means maximum mischief.
We can always buy one later for food. And we don't want to upset the merchant...

>>31227888
>> Hold back. Maximum pigs means maximum mischief.
we'll eat one AFTER the prank.
With our friends.
while we're telling the priests about the artifact to curb their anger.

>>31227888

> Resist the pig. Make mental note to eat pig 4 later.

we're making definitive progress in getting business done BEFORE we eat delicious things.

we'll eat the pig later for sure though.

>>31227888
>> Hold back. Maximum pigs means maximum mischief
Priorities, Hunzuu, priorities.

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>>31227888
With a groan and a roll of your eyes, you set down pig number 4 and leave him to trot back to his brothers. Being a flesh-eater can be a drag sometimes.

> If you have any suggestions for places to put the notes that will lead the priests on their wild goose chase, you may write them in now.
> Oversee Tabni-Ninsun's choice of harlots and dictate their routine to them.
> Do to the palace. Are the mystics still visiting the king's court? Do they have any swamp beer?
> Trust in Tabni-Ninsun's choreography skills and just enjoy the walk back to the pyramid with Nakurtum

>>31227888
Do we have spare pigs? We only need 5 for our plan.

If we have a spare, take it back to eat.

>>31227983
>Trust in Tabni-Ninsun's choreography skills and just enjoy the walk back to the pyramid with Nakurtum
It's time to get to know her a bit more.

>>31227983
>priest note chase

Have them go to the top of the tallest statue in town

Have them search the bottom of a bridge

Have them look under the tablecloth of at least one decorative setup

Have them look in the rooms of opposing priests

> Trust in Tabni-Ninsun's choreography skills and just enjoy the walk back to the pyramid with Nakurtum

though, we could also go hang out with her anyway, just to hang out.

>>31227983
>> If you have any suggestions for places to put the notes that will lead the priests on their wild goose chase, you may write them in now.
Put the notes in various shrines, temples and holy places.

>> Oversee Tabni-Ninsun's choice of harlots and dictate their routine to them.

>>31227983
> Do to the palace. Are the mystics still visiting the king's court? Do they have any swamp beer?

>>31227983
>Trust in Tabni-Ninsun's choreography skills and just enjoy the walk back to the pyramid with Nakurtum
I don't think we could contribute anything there. Just let her handle it.

>If you have any suggestions for places to put the notes that will lead the priests on their wild goose chase, you may write them in now.
We can ask the Bronze priest for suggestions. We'll need him to write them out for us, if we want people to understand them. We're still only semi-literate at best.

>>31227995
let's just sort of grab one out of the chaos when they're causing panic.

>>31228122
Yeah, we can just take one or two after the prank is done.

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>>31227983
You think Tabni-Ninsun can come up with some good ideas for how to coach the harlots to behave as scandalously as possible. Besides, harlots make you uncomfortable. They make you think of how you miss your mother.

The streets are fairly quiet, with only the occasional commoner rushing out to bessech you. "Lady Scorpion! Please don't let the night patrols harass us like they did last year!" "Lady Scorpion, will you bless my baby?" "Lady Scorpion, will the peace hold? Will Zagros turn on us next?"

When the streets are quiet, you ask Nakurtum something that's been on your mind.

> "Do you like killing people? Is it okay to like killing people sometimes?"
> "Did you know your parents? Did you have a good family?"
> "You never told me about if you've ever been in love."
> "Should I go see that other scorpion in Zagros? What if he's my only chance?"

>>31228162
>"Do you like killing people? Is it okay to like killing people sometimes?"
And then, a few minutes later
>"You never told me about if you've ever been in love."

Then let that lead into

>"Should I go see that other scorpion in Zagros? What if he's my only chance?"

>>31228162
>> "Did you know your parents? Did you have a good family?"
> "Should I go see that other scorpion in Zagros? What if he's my only chance?"

>>31228162
> "Did you know your parents? Did you have a good family?"

>>31228162
>> "Do you like killing people? Is it okay to like killing people sometimes?"
It will be funny to imagine us saying that.

>>31228162
oh, and bless the fuck out of those babies.

Blessed babies is bound to be good luck for the city.

>>31228162
> "Do you like killing people? Is it okay to like killing people sometimes?"
> "You never told me about if you've ever been in love."
> "Should I go see that other scorpion in Zagros? What if he's my only chance?"

Woo, all of it. Excep thte family one.

>>31228162

> "Crazy isn't it? It feels like forever since I was just another face on the street. It's so strange, like another life... Speaking of other lives, what did you do before all of this business with the Priests Nakurtum? Do you have family around here?"

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>>31228162
You bless any babies held within view of you, kissing them on the forehead. You can't tell if they're afraid of you or if they're just wailing because they're babies.

"Nakurtum..." you hesitate to ask, knowing how it will sound. "Do you like killing people? Is it okay to like killing people sometimes?"
Nakurtum smiles dryly and stretches her blood-red right arm as she walks. "Sometimes. What of it? Liking something is just a feeling. Feelings don't mean anything. Feelings don't control you. Sometimes I like my profession and sometimes I don't, but either way the job gets done. I've been really proud of how you've learned to control your feelings, Zuu. I saw how you were eyeing that pig up back there!" You both laugh.

"So do you always control your feelings? Have you ever been in love? You never told me."

Nakurtum's smile fades. "I told you I never loved anyone who loved me back. Not as a lover. I love you, but you're more like family. So I guess I'll tell you. My dad was a goldsmith. My brother, too. My brother got betrothed to a girl, and I'm not proud of this, but I wanted her. I wanted her hard. I'd have killed my brother for her, and it scared me. So I struck out on my own, went looking for any fighting school that would take me. Turns out that one of them did. And the rest is history..." She looks down at her artificial arm and watches it flex.

"Oh... Should I go see that other scorpion in Zagros? What if he's my only chance?"

Nakurtum shakes her head. "You feel like you don't have a choice. But you always have a choice, because you can choose to be with nobody. So go and see him, by all means. See what he's like. But don't feel like you're forced to get along with him. Nobody forces Hunzuu like that. Not on my watch."

> "Sounds like good advice. I guess I'll go see him."
> "Eh. If he's any good, he'll go see me."
> "But what happens if he and I are the only two scorpions? Our race will die out again."

>>31228422
> "Sounds like good advice. I guess I'll go see him."
sometime before or after we visit the city we went to war with.
Also, air some concerns about scorpions dying out.

>>31228422
>> "Eh. If he's any good, he'll go see me."

>>31228422
>"Eh. If he's any good, he'll go see me."

Silly Hunzuu, the scorpion people won't die. After all, a promise is a promise, and those gates need to be opened.

>>31228422
>"Eh. If he's any good, he'll go see me."

>>31228422
>"But what happens if he and I are the only two scorpions? Our race will die out again. Shouldn't I worry about that?"

>>31228422

> "I'll bring you with me when I go just in case."

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>>31228422
"Eh. If he's any good, he'll go see me."

Nakurtum pats your claw. "That's the spirit! Come on, now. Let's go home."

Back at the pyramid, Ninlil is restless. She paces around her room and the hallway outside on her giant lion paws. She sees you and answers in her usual soft 'indoor' voice. "oh, hi, hunzuu. are you excited for tomorrow? i'm excited. what if we get caught? am i gonna get in trouble? do you still get in trouble? it seems like winning a lot of battles gets you out of trouble."

> "We're doing this in service to the gods. You like the gods, right?"
> "We're monsters. It's not nice to admit it to people, but we're kind of above the law. People need us too much to punish us too severely."
> "We won't get caught. I'm a very sneaky scorpion."

>>31228672
> "We're probably going to get in trouble. But, it should be funny! And the priests should calm down when we tell them about a lead on artifacts."

>>31228672
>> "We're doing this in service to the gods. You like the gods, right?"

>>31228672
> "We won't get caught. I'm a very sneaky scorpion."

>>31228672
>"We won't get caught. I'm a very sneaky scorpion."

>>31228729
>>31228751
we're totally going to get caught

>>31228672

> "They'll never take me alive." *As Mr. Clicks intensifies*

>>31228775
our youthful optimism doesn't know that

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>>31228775
well, maybe, but *sunglasses and fedora* We're on a mission from god

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>>31228672
"We won't get caught. I'm a very sneaky scorpion."

That makes Ninlil smile. "you'll have to teach me. i feel so huge that i'll never be not noticed again."

When the big day of the festival arrives, you, Ninlil, Nakurtum, and Tabni-Ishtar all take your positions to watch the prank unfold. When the Great Priests begin their procession through the city, loudly praying to Sin to watch over them and punish the evildoers who would presume to hide under his moonlight, you know that it's only a matter of minutes before they see that their sacred braziers have gone missing.

> Choose the perfect moment to release the piggies.and the perfect moment to command the harlots to reveal themselves. Choose from any of the following, or write your own in.
> Right when the priests realize something is wrong
> While they're out looking for the series of notes that will allegedly lead them to the braziers
> When they finally get their act together and actually carry the statue of Sin through the streets
> After the procession, when they turn in for a meal with the patrol commanders at the Footmen's School.

>>31228832
>> When they finally get their act together and actually carry the statue of Sin through the streets

>>31228832
>> While they're out looking for the series of notes that will allegedly lead them to the braziers

>>31228832
these are REALLY hard decisions.
> While they're out looking for the series of notes that will allegedly lead them to the braziers
Minimal interruption of actual ritual, maximum priest hijinks.

>>31228832
> When they finally get their act together and actually carry the statue of Sin through the streets
Maximum chaos, cause they'll all be in one place trying to be focused and dignified.

>>31228832
> While they're out looking for the series of notes that will allegedly lead them to the braziers

>>31228832

> Pigs when they enter the temple. Taping the clues to the back of the pigs with the "clues" would have been best.

> Save the whores for later. Their ideal deployment would be during the statue carrying, as it raises the likelihood of them escaping after the fact and in causing the priests to drop the statue of Sin.

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>>31228832
You can't hear it from your position hidden in an alley between two empty brothels, but you're sure that the Blood Priest is snarling about the missing braziers and how important it is to get this ceremony exactly right, to satisfy both the gods and the people's superstitions. As soon as you see some patrolmen burst out of the old temple and scatter, you lift up the makeshift barricade blocking off the alley and release the multitude of perturbed swine.

You hear the sweet sounds of panic. Some men chase after the animals and fall on their faces onto the rain-damp cobbles. Others try to lure the pigs toward them with treats, as though they were goats. The pigs bowl these fools over and take whatever food they're carrying before scurrying away with a snort.

> Time for whores!
> Save the whores for later.

>>31229086
>> Save the whores for later.

>>31229086
eh, I could take or leave whores.

>>31229086

> Save the whores for later.

Chaos on top of chaos isn't going to be enough to satisfy a goddess.

> Also, can we retroactively order our slave to go and get some of that mud beer for the after dinner festivities?

>>31229086
> Time for whores!
Set chaos to maximum

>>31229086
>> Save the whores for later.

>>31229134
I'm pretty sure that it will satisfy a goddess, because it's kinda exactly what the goddess asked us to do. Plus they'll be rather underwhelming on their own. Activating them now while the guards are too busy to escort them out will have the biggest impact.

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>>31229086
You save the whores for later. Kullaa has put herself in charge of making sure they don't get recognized prematurely. You see Kullaa staying cool under pressure even as the disguised whores behind her feign extreme disgust at the pig that just ran by them and splashed muddy water on them. It seems they're taking the chance to make fun of the high-and-mighty priestly class a little.

> Feign ignorance and run out to the "aid" of the priests. "What's the matter? Can I help?"
> Sneak to a particularly difficult hiding place under a bridge and wait for the entertainment to come to you. Roll 2d6.

>>31229176

If we had whores and mud beer, we would be in business. I'll agree that the whores will be underwhelming on their own, but they don't exactly get any notice in the present situation.

>>31229216
> Sneak to a particularly difficult hiding place under a bridge and wait for the entertainment to come to you. Roll 2d6.

all operations are pretty much go.

The only reason to interfere now would be to either A. save a conspirator from angry crowds or B. volunteer for the pig hunt when hungry

>>31229216

> Clumsily chase the pigs about. We really should have greased them in lard, making it believable when they inevitably slip out of our arms.

Rolled 3, 1 = 4

>>31229236
>>31229216
whoops, forgot dice

>>31229216
We only have 4 pigs, a ritual on standstill, and a big crowd who have nothing to watch with the ritual interrupted.. The whores would get PLENTY of attention, believe you me.

>>31229258
we might want to push up whore deployment a bit.

>>31229216
>> Feign ignorance and run out to the "aid" of the priests. "What's the matter? Can I help?"

>>31229216

> Use opportunity to catch and eat a single pig.

Takes some suspicion off us and satisfies curiosity on pig.

>>31229216

PERFECT IDEA:

> To priests: "What's wrong?"
> Insert their response.
> To crowd: "Quickly, [insert substantial but payable sum of money here] to anyone who can catch those pigs.

Now the people are focused on catching the pigs rather than the festival. The crowd is now engaged in everything but the ceremony.

>>31229258

During the important ritual?

>>31229375
eh, it's more about being funny than actually disrupting the thing.

>>31229386
yes? what are you trying to say?

>>31229395

And then the crowd went chasing after the pigs in all directions across the city is funny in my books. It also gets the priests mad enough to make future pranks funnier.

>>31229425
yes, but you also risk making the god mad. God's are bad enemies to make

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>>31229216
You run out into the crowd, adding to the panic as man, woman, and pig alike must scatter before you. You approach the Blood Priest just as he shoes his face outside. You put on your best innocent face. "What's the matter?! Can I help?"

"A thief. Some bastard thought to disrupt another one of our ceremonies. Only this one had no lammasus to unleash on us! Kill those pigs, and find the coward who did this and bring him to me!"

> Offer a cash reward for the return of the pigs
> Catch a single pig and eat it. You deserve a little raw meat for bringing such mirth to the city.
> Pretend to try to catch a pig, but let it slip from your claws to make more mischief. Go chasing after it, but not too quickly.

>>31229462

> All of the above.

>>31229462
>> Catch a single pig and eat it. You deserve a little raw meat for bringing such mirth to the city.
>> Pretend to try to catch a pig, but let it slip from your claws to make more mischief. Go chasing after it, but not too quickly.

have fun with it.

though pig sucks if you don't cook it.

>>31229462
> Catch a single pig and eat it. You deserve a little raw meat for bringing such mirth to the city.

>>31229462

> "Ladies and gentleman, after those pigs (which we wouldn't know the proper name for)!"

>>31229462
>> Pretend to try to catch a pig, but let it slip from your claws to make more mischief. Go chasing after it, but not too quickly.

>>31229462
> Catch a single pig and eat it. You deserve a little raw meat for bringing such mirth to the city.
>Activate the whores

>>31229462
>Catch a single pig and eat it. You deserve a little raw meat for bringing such mirth to the city.

>>31229462

I'm telling you, crowd participation is the best way to make things festive.

>>31229462
> Pretend to try to catch a pig, but let it slip from your claws to make more mischief. Go chasing after it, but not too quickly.

>>31229462

Aside from "release the whores", I don't see a conflict with all of the actions aforementioned.

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>>31229462
You shout to the crowd with your hands held up to your mouth to project your voice. "People of Ligish! Help us save the festival! Anyone who brings back a pig will be paid in silver and gold!" Instantly the crows roars into actions. Where previously men and women had been returning to their homes to avoid trouble, now every home empties and pig-hunters swarm the streets. Only these pig-hunters don't know the first thing about pigs. You see men arm themselves with rocks, ropes, blankets, bundles of hay, and shepherds' crooks far too small to grasp a grown pig. Men punch each other in mud puddles for dimly-understood reasons. A pig scrambles by, and you catch it in your mighty claws and eat it raw. It taste funny to someone who's mostly had goat, but its blood is warm and its flesh comes in generous portions. You feel the ecstasy of the hunt. With blood pouring down your face and the front of your dress, you hold your kill high and roar in triumph.

> Offer to escort the priests to wherever the braziers are being held.
> Go find some reward money for the bold pig-hunters
> Release the whores!

>>31229692
>> Release the whores!

>>31229692
>it's on our dress
no hunzuu!
no!
not the dress!
quick, wash yourself off!

> Offer to escort the priests to wherever the braziers are being held.
also, watch the results

>>31229709
>>31229715
so now you guys want to activate the whores, at literally the worst possible time

ok, whatever

> Go find some reward money for the bold pig-hunters

>>31229692
> Go find some reward money for the bold pig-hunters

>>31229752

I hadn't voted earlier, I wasn't here for it.

> Offer to escort the priests to wherever the braziers are being held.

Ah well, you're right, now's not a good time for them. They will go unnoticed.

hahaaaaa the priests are going to be so angry when we explain all this to them after the fact when we reveal the artifact info

>>31229692

> Offer to escort the priests to wherever the braziers are being held
> "We might still catch the thief if we go now. We'll let the common people handle the pigs."
> "Let's grab those priests over there who don't look like they are doing anything."

> Do NOT release the whores.
Dear god, tg, keep it in your pants. Whores aren't funny all the time.

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>>31229692
You feign ignorance to the Blood Priests. "What happened?"

The Blood Priest shows the neatly-painted note. "Whoever did this says the stolen braziers are under the north bridge. Clearly they're trying to make even greater fools of us."

"But do we have any other choice?" you ask. "Come on, let's go! You'll be safe with me."

The Blood Priest and his flustered companions, deprived of better options, lead you and their guards with them on a long, winding trek through a city going mad. Once a team of two burly men approach with a kicking pig in their cutches and beg for their reward, but the pi is not tied in any way, and soon it slips free of them and sprints away, its hooves clacking on the stones below. The large men run after it again, whimpering. That makes even the Blood Priest laugh.

You watch them check under the bridge into the foul standing water of the moat below, and you watch them retrieve a note from a ledge on the second floor of the rebuilt temple of Shamash. When they see a note tied around the head of the great statue of the first king of Ligish, the Blood Priest commands you to go up there and get it.

> Do your best. Roll 4d6.
> Fall off the thing on purpose.
> Stall for time. "But I can't read very well yet... I blame the Rain Priest for that."
> Release the whores

Rolled 1, 6, 2, 2 = 11

>>31230086
> Do your best. Roll 4d6

Rolled 3, 2, 3, 3 = 11

>>31230086
>if you REAAAALLY want me to climb up there
>I mean, last building I climbed fell down

then do it, if they don't rethink the idea.

> Do your best. Roll 4d6.

>>31230086

We might knock over that statue trying to climb it.

> Let's have some of the "priests" help the other priests climb the statue. Giving a helping hand in the most awkward way lets the whores do something without blowing the fact that they are whores just yet.

Rolled 4, 1, 6, 2 = 13

>>31230086
>Warn them that you might collapse it.

Then

>Do your best. Roll 4d6

Rolled 6, 6, 4, 4 = 20

>>31230086
>> Do your best. Roll 4d6.

>>31230086
>Warn them we're a fuckhuge scorpion that breaks things we climb on.

>>31230086

> We shall build our way to the note with a scaffolding of disguised whores and extremely confused acolytes.

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>>31230086
"Are you sure? What if I bend it? I'm heavy. I think I'm getting fat..."

"DO IT!" says the Blood Priest.

You use your mighty claws and eight legs to clamber up the statue of the old king, and there are ample handholds, but you do end up bending the larger-than-life bronze form a little bit. An arm that once pointed out and upward to the horizon is now pointing more downwardly at a point on the ground about a block away. Someone who sees that it's pointed right at them might get spooked.

This madness continues for a few more stops, until it dawns on the priests that the clues are leading them in a circle, right back to the temple of Sin. You try to hide your girlish giggle. You hope nobody noticed. The pigs are no longer bunched up in the square outside the temple and have scattered throughout Ligish, so the crowd is much more manageable. After a few minutes of throwing pebbles at the braziers to make them drop off the rafters, they are finally ready to actually lead the statue of Sin through the chaotic streets.

> See to it that the whores are the ones carrying Sin, and they make him waggle his backside sensuously when they reveal themselves.
> Release the whores during the procession, whenever it looks like the crowd is paying attention
> Tell the whores to offer themselves as rewards in lieu of coins to the pig-catchers

>>31230325

Again, I don't see a reason why "All of the above." shouldn't work.

>>31230325
>> Release the whores during the procession, whenever it looks like the crowd is paying attention
we'll have to come up with some coin for the pig chasers. Darn.

Also, those poor priests. being put through the run around.

>>31230375
probably because we don't have infinite whores?

>>31230325
> Release the whores during the procession, whenever it looks like the crowd is paying attention

>>31230325
> See to it that the whores are the ones carrying Sin, and they make him waggle his backside sensuously when they reveal themselves.

Is the procession part of the actual ceremony?

>>31230325
>Release the whores during the procession, whenever it looks like the crowd is paying attention

>>31230375
If they're carrying the statue, they'd have trouble stripping. Also, it'd probably get dropped.

>>31230325
> Release the whores during the procession, whenever it looks like the crowd is paying attention

>>31230400
>we'll have to come up with some coin for the pig chasers. Darn.

It's cool. We only need a handful of coins. We can afford that easy.

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>>31230325
Once the procession is under way, and many of the more pious citizens have settled down and lined up to watch Sin grace the streets, you give Kullaa a wink. At that moment, she pretends to just now notice the impostors around her. "Hey! You aren't supposed to be here!"

From there the whores spring into action. You're really surprised by the level of work that Tabni-Ninsun clearly put into their choreography. The surround the palanquin and work their way out into the crowd, some demonstrating their flexibility by putting their ankles up onto strangers' shoulders, others singing hymns about how Ishtar is great and everyone else are losers. Screams of outrage ensues that are strangely close to the time when the lammasu set fire to the temple of Shamash. The Blood Priest throws down his censer and utters some interestingly filthy curses. One whore makes friends with a wandering pig and tries to ride it. A significant portion of the populace is either laughing or crying. You think you can consider this series of pranks a success.

> Confess what you did and why
> Continue to feign ignorance and follow the rest of the procession
> Ask to be excused to pay some pig-hunters.

>>31230671
>> Confess what you did and why
>> Continue to feign ignorance and follow the rest of the procession
Feign ignorance until the event is over

Admit to the priests after the affair along with the information from ishtar.

>>31230671

> Ask to be excused to pay some pig-hunters.
> Maybe get a hold of our servant and some mud beer.

>>31230671
>Just feign ignorance and enjoy the show for now.
Keep an eye on things. If people start getting angry, step in and calm the crowd down.

>>31230671
>Ask to be excused to pay some pig-hunters.
We are a responsible scorpion and we did promise them money.

>>31230671
> Ask to be excused to pay some pig-hunters
>Never admit it was us

We already told Nilnil we wouldn't get caught. We can't let her down.

>>31230671

> Admit to the Blood Priest what we did only after we can give him the location of that cache. For all we know, Ishtar might have just been trolling us.

>>31230777
>We are a responsible scorpion and we did promise them money.

Assuming anyone caught the pigs, they'll bring them to us for the reward. No need to go looking for them.

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>>31230671
You lean down to speak to the Blood Priest over the roar of the crows and the off-key singing of the whores. "I promised them gold. I'd better go get it now. I'm sorry if that was a bad idea. It seemed like a good idea at the time."

The Blood Priest picks up his censer again, seething. "Hunzuu, I am well past caring about anything you do." He reaches up one of his sleeves and basses you a small pouch of coins. "Be ready for a hunt later on, though. When you find who did this, bring him back intact. We will bleed him slowly, every drop. Then I will dry him in a kiln and crush him into powder under my heel."

You head back to the pyramid where many rowdy men have gathered with live pigs, dead pigs, and bloody fractions of pigs. It is an easy task to keep them in order with your mighty claws while your human hands count out coins for each one of them. One of them exclaims, "Lady Scorpion taught this city justice where before there was only corruption! Oh, shit, is that another loose pig? Don't touch it; I call that one!"

Gradually, the madness of the day settles down. Some guards and servants of the pyramid share humorous stories, while in others there seems to be a lingering fear that a god's ceremony gone bad will have bad repercussions.

> For your next adventure, go east and find those relics that Ishtar promised
> Go north to visit Turtak, Nur-Sin the centipede, and that orphan girl you befriended
> Go west to visit Zagros, the Council of Heroes, and the only other living scorpion-person.
> Stay home as long as possible and enjoy the relative peace

>>31230951
> For your next adventure, go east and find those relics that Ishtar promised
there's some time that must go by before we can do the others.

though, we need to heal up before we can do this one even.

also, blood priest should care what we do. I feel bad he doesn't care. Blood prieeest!

>>31230951
> For your next adventure, go east and find those relics that Ishtar promised

>>31230951
> For your next adventure, go east and find those relics that Ishtar promised

might as well not waste time now that they're available

>>31230951
>For your next adventure, go east and find those relics that Ishtar promised

>>31230951
>For your next adventure, go east and find those relics that Ishtar promised

Road trip with Nakurtum?

I suspect awesome relics could be useful. Let's get them first.

>>31230951

How long are we talking on these journeys exactly? Seems like a major times investment in any of the described cases.

>>31230951

> Get the relics. Tell Blood Priest about why we did what we did and apologize. Take Nakurtum with us.

>>31231080
I -do- think we should tell them.

but, that's just because I think it's part of any good natured prank.

>>31230951

Are we getting no headpat or job well done from Ishtar? Feels bad man.

>>31230951
> For your next adventure, go east and find those relics that Ishtar promised

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>>31230951
Now that you've held up your end of the bargain, you resolve to go east and find the relics promised to you by the goddess. Now that Zagros controls the old dig site and new sites are not forthcoming, this may be just what Ligish needs to maintain the favorable balance of power. You tell Nakurtum the news. "Think about what to pack. We're going on an adventure."

"It about time!" Nakurtum eagerly accepts clawhugs.

> I've got to break here. Hope you had a good time!
> Trying to archive now. Check the Twitter feed for the next thread time. Possibly this Saturday or Sunday.

>>31231156
Thanks for the thread!

>>31231127
we already got the headpat.
>>31231156
adventure impends! and this time, we can stop bleeding!

good thread, see you next time.

>>31231080
>>31231096
>tell them. it's part of any good natured prank.

Third. Also, we don't want him to blame someone else. He's crazy enough to do all those cartoon villain things he threatened.

"Mission from Ishtar. Going to collect relics. Don't burn the city down while I'm out."

>>31231177
We'll say you told the Blood Priest the truth, then. Except you might tell him that Ninlil had no part in it. You'll see his reaction next time.

>>31231421
oh god why no I never asked for this

>>31231421
>>31231468
maybe let's hold a vote next time over it, but I'm glad we told (might have told) the priest.

and yeah, don't snitch. it was OUR prank.

>>31231421
just hold a vote next time

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>>31231796
If it's that contentious a matter, then I'll put it to a vote after all. I thought there was a general agreement, but I see there isn't.

>>31232063
well, I'm agreed with it, but I don't mind a revote.

Great thread! Have a good rest!