>>31149072
Rape him.

>>31149072
created necklaces from his teeth.

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>Okay, I fire..let's see...seven plasma shots at your broadsides.
>1, 1, 1, 1, 2, 3, 5
>Humanities finest, huh?
>Yep

Wasn't playing 40k, but yea.

>Playing Warmachine with a friend. Have my stuff spread out on another table I had been using before.
>Guy comes over, asks if the stuff on the table is ours and if we can move it.
>"Sure, just let us finish the turn we're on right now, then I'll move my stuff." Guy walks off.
>Five minutes later, store owner comes over, guy in tow, asks who's stuff that is and if we can move it.
>What? We totally told him we'd move it as soon as we finished up our turn.
>Store owner says ok, walks off, guy gives me dirty look.
>Finish turn, move stuff out of the way. Guy stands there for another five minutes before his buddy shows up, then they start setting up.

I mean, what the fuck? Not only are you a passive aggressive douchebag, but you weren't in any fucking hurry anyways?

I guess it's not really 40k specific in any sense, more just about the guy being a dick for no reason, but yea.

>>31149072
One time I was playing a friendly game of 40k with my Space Wolves against some Dark Eldar. Pretty standard lists from both of us. He was running some weird special character I'd never seen before, but whatever, it can't be that great.

So we play, it's pretty normal. Rune priest is tearing it up with his squad of long fangs. Pretty sure I have this game.

AND THEN A MANDRAKE POPPED OUT!

And then it died because mandrakes suck.

>>31150202
> He was running some weird special character I'd never seen before
Care to describe his rules?
Because "some weird special character I'd never seen before" can be applied to almost any DE character.

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Friend Chaos vs my tau

>kharn charges riptide
>only manages to do 1 wound to the riptide and is saved by FNP.
>RIPTIDE SMASH
>riptide hits and make 1 wound
>kharn fails saving throw
>friend bitchs about that it wasn't kharn
>we start arguing and we end the game
>MFW i remember the death of Kharn against a riptide and my freind reaction.

>>31150361
He could just have said Kharn did magically get up after the battle.
It happened in fluff several times.

>>31150519
>I ain't got time to bleed

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>Find group through local store's messageboards
>Sit in on a session of Dark Heresy over maptools
>Group led by rank 1 inquisitor
>Psykers don't need to roll for perils ever and aren't hated
>Chaos demons repelled by imperial aquila
>Group fights three bloodletters and wins, at rank 1
>leavedeleteaccountmovetodifferentcountrykillself.jpg

>>31150247
Judging by his story, probably Kherudruakh, the mandrake one.

>>31150581
the only part of that I could get behind is the aquilla doing something, that's suitably cool I'd let that slide. The rest though....NOPE NOPE NOPe

>>31150581
>>Psykers don't need to roll for perils ever and aren't hated
But... then what's the point of playing one? Half the fun is fucking up and causing the walls to bleed.

>>31150605
This.

Kherudruakh, the Decapitator is a mandrake special character. Pretty much has all the rules of a mandrake, but has a power weapon, and when he's deployed he can pop out 1" away from any enemy model on the table. 2spooky4me

>>31150581
>Playing a heresy character in a normal Dark Heresy game
>The other players are so roleplay-avoidant they don't notice every subtle nuance and peculiarity about my character that might tip them off.
>That feel when you put a lot of effort into being creative, subtle and hiding a corrupt character and the other players are too stupid to even pay attention

>>31149389
every time, then I roll 100 6s with my crap lasguns and mow the enemy down

>>31151419
Right after that it was:
>Okay five bolters
>kill two shield drones
>Thanks, thanks for trying guys.

>Playing Nids
>6th edition
>Codex just came out
>Against Chaos Space Marines
>Kill a Land Raider, Defiler, and Heldrake
>Set up my hopes for the rest of the edition

Currently batting 15 to 68

>>31151663
>Kill two shield drones
>Suits fail Ld, run off board
>Great Warriors of the Fire Caste

>>31149072
Now, you see, when he walked off to go on the internet that would have been my cue to start packing up.

>>31151836

>Land Raider
Nope.jgp

>Defiler
Nopenopenopenopenope.jpg

>>31151320
You know what you have to do right?
Go full Alpha Legion.

>Dark Heresy
>haven't played with these guys before, but according to my friend (who had) They're pretty cool if you can get past their personal flaws
>One 7foot powergamer who fudges dice rolls
>one morbidly obese DM who cannot into economics, so we all have pretty much infinite money if we try to earn some on the side
>one weeboo, mary sue, repeat psyker player who might as well not die, because he re-makes the same dude every time with different names

I tried to play with them, I honestly put in effort, but the game was shit, and the other players were shit, and the campaign had no direction.

>Harlequin trope sneaking up the field
>In cover like any rational unit
> Grey Knights teleport right on top of it.
>Let loose with invulnerable-save-denying flamer.
>250 points gone in in a single turn of shooting.

Bad enough it happened once, turns out everyone figured out that trick.

Well /tg/ after today I'm convinced my dog is a tyranid motherfucker ate my chimera like he seriously ate half of the fucking model god damn corgi ate my fucking chimera and now I have a nice piece of terrain but I lost my favorite chimera

>>31152172
In one turn by the way

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>its 1998, start Eldar because they are cool, pick up swooping hawks, favorite unite, in every list for because I love them.
>Before the end of 3rd I have 1500pts aliatoc, almost the same as studio army and 2000pts Uthwe, lots of seers, 2 wraithlords pretty decent colection. I'm young but im wining more than i lose.
>4th hits its still okay, I can play against chaos and space wolf list pretty evenly, life is good.
>4th ed codex drops, suddenly no craftworlds, pathfinders for everyone, super cheap Eldrad, no seercouncil, convert my 3 falcons to serpents because fuck falcons now. Its still good, I can play fun fluffy list and still win
>5th hits. If i want to win more 25% I have to use 6 serpents and many avengers and dragons, 90% of my collection is sitting on shelf/packed away. no codex this edition.
>6th hits yay things are less fucked, hawks are useful again! 6th codex drops, makes DAVUs and serpents the best thing since sliced bread, no psychic defence makes my Uthwe foot seer council meh tier, pathfinders gone/worthless, Aliatoc named character is a travesty.
And now I'm at the crossroads /tg/ I can build a super competitive list and trounce people, or build a fun fluffy list and use models I like instead of filthy avengers and get told by everyone "why not more serpents", "why not jetstar?", "lol you play Eldar, fucking powergamer", "why no wraithnight"

Fuck this shit.

oh and:
>Apocalypse drops, is super cool, i have a lot of tanks and so buy a cobra when new model comes out
>Escalation drops
>tfw no one will play escalation with powergaming Eldar player
>tfw Everyone says I am idiot for wanting to play escalation with Eldar super heavy that is not Revernant
>tfw Cobra almost never sees play

Bump

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>Playing friendly games with bros
>3rd or 4th ed, I forget
>I am Orks, bros play Eldar and Necrons
>"Hey, it doesn't make sense that you can't roll armor save AND cover save. Let's houserule that in." ~ Eldar Player

Next time I play against Necron
>Completely tabled
>Between BS2, MEQ targets, 3+ saves, Cover, and We'll Be Back, I successfully kill one Warrior
>What with his shitting out scarabs, he technically ended the game with more points worth of units than he began

I look back on it and laugh now, but it was incredibly disheartening. Also, I only bring up the Eldar Player because he went on to become That DM and I still hold a grudge.

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>>31152227
>tfw the whole party were alpha legion sleeper agents and none of you picked up on each others subtle hints.

>>31152522
Same thing happened a few years ago to me, was a Jack Russel tho.
I shoulda kept it and turned it into terrain..

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>>31152407
>invulnerable-save-denying flamer.
Wut. Does this actually exist?

>>31153405
>tfw no one will play escalation with powergaming Eldar player
I can't believe you didn't see this coming.

>>31156810

I know the GK USED to get that, but I can't remember the exact details or if it still exists.

I have this one Gun Drone I have dubbed the Banelid. He never shoots anything successfully, but he has numerous close combat kills, including Skulltaker and an Ork Warboss.

>friend and I are bored
>get into an argument over which is the better HQ, Ork warboss or Tau XV8 commander
>lets settle this like gentlemen.jpg
>My Ork warboss vs his Tau, no items final destination
>Manage to charge the commander
>fuck up my rolls
>it kills the warboss

I didnt hear the end of it for a week..

>>31156833
Considering I started Eldar Early 3rd, no i did not forsee this coming.

Also Cobra is way too expensive to be power-gaming Escalation, hell for the same price you can almost take a warhound.

I'm just sick of the Eldar hate.
I don't even run massed serpents, jet councils or wraithkights, its bullshit.

>>31153804

>can't roll armor save AND cover save
it doesn't make sense. We tried to houserule it in, and it became stalematehammer

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>>31149072
Friend X is a dick, friend Y is a dick for not calling out friend X on his bullshit.
When someone is trying to pull shit like that insist on playing properly and don't back down.

Ultimately get new friends.

>>31152407
Unless you're running a corsair list Harlequins are kind of crappy anyway.

I remember this one time when a unit of tau stealth suits de-cloaked next to my Keeper of Secrets and proceeded to beat it to death with the butts of their burst cannons. I missed every single attack roll and failed every single inv save. The event has gone down in history among my gaming group as a moment of true chaos fuckery. I voluntarily changed the name of my KoS to Slappy the Uncoordinated.

>>31156949
Well as soon as you heard about it being the best thing since sliced bread that shoulda tipped you off. And also, you said yourself that you're a powergamer. Not exactly what a lot of people are looking for to play a simple game with.

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>>31157237
FUCK
You almost made me spew my ice capp everywhere!

>>31157255
>Well as soon as you heard about it being the best thing since sliced bread that shoulda tipped you off.
Serpents.
>And also, you said yourself that you're a powergamer.
Fucking reading comprehension, I was implying that all Eldar players are seen as powergamers since the new book.

>>31153804
>>31156959
How is it broken?
Does it just make marines autowin?

>>31157349
Sorry, tone can be hard to convey across text.

>>31157364
>Sorry, tone can be hard to convey across text.
Sorry, I'm re-reading it and I can see how it could be unclear.

I don't expect anyone to care, but people forget that most Eldar players started long before 6th.
For a long time Eldar were only good when used well, then they were only good with the monolist, now with the dawn of netlist not spamming serpents is seen as some form of heresy, and Eldar players are regarded as the douchebags who come in to spoil everyones day.

Its a shame, but the community doesnt help, ask anywhere for help with an Eldar list and 9/10 the advice will hinge on serpents or seerstars.

>>31157364

It was pretty clear to me what he meant, especially given the rest of the story.

>>31156810
The old book (Daemonhunters) Incinerator ignored Invuln saves and is S6 AP4. The new one lost the ignores-invul rule

>>31157446
I lost a 7 man seer council to one of those fucking things.

>be playing a 4v4 free for all match 1000 points per player
>my ork gun line because I did not own green tide at the time
>land raider dark angels
>death company
>That Guy with 3 helldrakes and a flying daemon prince of nurgle
>spend the whole game failing my assaults with the few boyz that I did bring
>DA players and my Lootas eventually shoot down all 3 hellturkies but I'm almost tabled at this point
>That Guys daemon price flies onto the field, followed up by my Dakkajet
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
>I shout my battle cry and roll to hit
>13 of 18 TL shots connect
>8 of them wound
>oh boy here it comes!
>That Guy fails exactly enough saves to lose his prince that cost 4x as many points as my jet
>fails all FnP and IWND roles, or whatever it had to make it extra tough
>I laugh as I am the first player to get tabled because my dakkajet made me proud that day
and yes, I am THAT ork player who yells out his WAAAGH
>tfw one time an attack wing player, they all about 40-60 years old, commented "oh look, the orks are charging this turn."

>>31157237
>5th ed
>Fateweaver charges my ratlings
>3 game turns he can't do shit, my furious midgets give him hell, even managing wound him once.
>turns 3 ratlings into chaos spawn, they continue to fight.
>finally two remaining ratlings fail their 6 ld and gloriously retreat.
>

>>31157474
>That Guy with 3 helldrakes and a flying daemon prince of nurgle
>1000pts
Jesus christ what a cunt.

>and yes, I am THAT ork player who yells out his WAAAGH
You, I like you.

>be in a GW store with my Word Bearers
>bringing the Word of Lorgar to the filthy 12 year old SM players
>whatever, even if they're no challenge at least it's a game and at least they might learn that picking CC fights against Chaos with tac marines isn't a great move
>have a converted Helblade with a Bale Flamer converted from the Baal predator
>red shirt is mirin
>comes over and tells me how much he loves my Helblade
>thanks m8
>can I take a picture of it and put it on our store Facebook page?
>sure, I'm that vain
>later that night
>check their Facebook page to see my picture
>he used it to plug the Crimson Slaughter and says that's what my army is
I never want to go into a GW again.

>>31157464
Insta-killing Ulthwe footcouncils was awesome during the Eye of Terror campaign.

>What do you mean S6 AP4 no invuln?
>4 of them?
>That's OP as fuck

>>31157446
I've always thought Incinerators were scary but that's....kinda terrifying.

>>31157437
>>31157442
I'll admit reading comp ain't my strong suit, but anyways, but I'd say experiment. Find that awesome synergy that your space elves SHOULD be known for!

>>31157474
Good job, Ork dude.

>>31157477
>I'm mad
>Mad about midgets

>>31157507
>bringing the Word of Lorgar to the filthy 12 year old SM players
Hahaha
I'm imagining a hueg chaos space marine lording it over the dirty vanilla marine players about the cool wargear his dudes have and about how the vanilla marines would be doing better if they had AUTOCANNONS, not shitty HEAVY BOLTERS.

>check their Facebook page to see my picture
>he used it to plug the Crimson Slaughter and says that's what my army is
Oh...that's rough dude...

>>31149941
Theres no reason he should have to wait 10 minutes for you finish what you're doing. Its not your table or your store to store stuff at. You kinda seem like the asshole there.

>>31157497
>you I like you
my mentor Warboss would not let me call my WAAAGH without it and after that it became a habbit. One day I was playing in against my mentor and, as usual, he pressured me into it while my gf was there.
>I declare my waaagh
>"no you didn't" there's a devious grin on his face
>cmon dude, dome make me so this in front of my gf
>"then you can't use your waagh."
>waaagh! okay now to do the rest of my shooting phase
>"you call that a waaagh? that doesn't count."
>fuck it. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
>"was that so hard?"
>tfw girlfriend's face when
>tfw I no longer give a shit about embarrassing myself by shouting in my LFGS
thanks Ethan

>>31157560

Yeah, why should he have to miss out on a few minutes of claiming but not using the table at all just because a couple guys who were already using it agreed to move their stuff but didn't move it quickly enough?

>>31157535
>Eye of Terror campaign.
Oh god that campaign, I have an Eldar BFG fleet and had a lot of fun with that, but my favorite memory is of a thirster charging my council and being immediately putdown.

>>31157552
>I'll admit reading comp ain't my strong suit, but anyways, but I'd say experiment. Find that awesome synergy that your space elves SHOULD be known for!
The issue is that in 6th ed eldar there is no need for synergy.
Serpents cater for almost every eventuality, add some prisms and flyers and you are practically untouchable.
almost every aspect is a liability now.

>>31157590
don't make me do this*

fucking auto correct

>>31157597
Its a courtesy thing mang. I ask you to use the table your shit's on, you say "sure", move it and return to your game while I say "thank you" and unpack.

What you don't say is "Nuh. Wait ten minutes for me to finish this super-important must-be-done-now turn and THEN and ONLY THEN will I clear my shit off of a table I'm not even using"

It's just, put yourself in his shoes man. I know he was a passive aggressive pussy ass dickhead, but you don't need to be a dickhead as well. Don't perpetuate the dickheadness. Peace out.

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>there will never be another campaign that involves the players
>tfw GW is now just sitting atop their ivory tower
>keeping their designers away from the plebians
>whispering lies into their ears
>"Of course they need more punishment, Cruddance"
>"They DARED criticize your previous works"

>>31157601
>BFG Eldar fleet

I loved blasting those frail ships with my Nova-cannon Imperial fleet. I had the cruiser patterns with the nova cannon options and an Apocalypse battleshit.
My aim was so bad I ended up killing a different Eldar ship from the one I intended a lot.

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>>31150361

>Whirlwind Missile Launcher tearing it up from behind a building.
>Spotters all day everyday
>Oh fuck here comes a squad of berzerkers from behind.
>OH FUCK THEY HAVE A KHARN.
>Stupid edition rules where tanks have to turn like tanks instead of doing sweet doughnuts.
>Berzerkers gonna berzerk.
>Trying to get away, I declare tank shock.
>Kharn steps up to bat.
>Fails miserably.
>Kharn is now a stain on the back of the treads.
>mfw whirlwind is chased into the sunset by a squad of furious berzerkers.

>>31157652
>Kharn comes to many hours later as a servitor is hosing down the front of the whirlwind
>blood/oilbath ensues

>>31157670
>it was all a cunning ruse to infiltrate the Loyalist Battle Barge

>>31157688
>the pilot of the whirlwind was an Alpha legionnaire all along

>>31157697
>another victory for Khorne

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>>31157670
>>31157688
>>31157697
>>31157713

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>>31157740

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>have three sided free for all with Tau and Grey Knight players.
>never played against grey knights, but fairly confidant that my nids will devour them after the tau have weakened them
>grey knights player keeps most of his army in reserve
>seize the relic game, tau player breezes into the objective zone. My nids forced to move through difficult terrain toward him, losing some ablative termagants. Grey Knights move their one squad of terminators up and fire on tau.
>second turn, Grey knights player deep strikes 3 units of terminators onto the objective and one into the path of my swarm.
>those three units wipe out the tau forward forces, proceed to seize the objective and set about demolishing the rest of the tau army. The one unit in my quarter kills an entire unit of termagants and assaults a unit of 20 genestealers.
>fleshborers ineffective, massed devourer fire ineffective, bioplasma stopped by inv saves, venom cannons miss.
>by 4th turn, almost entire tau army is destroyed. That one unit of terminators has held my advance at a standstill for 3 turns and has killed everything i've thrown at it in close combat, including a Tervigon and a unit of warriors with rending claws. I've inflicted 2 casualties out of a 10 man squad.
>5th turn, game ends with my carnifex being vaped by a Contemptor dreadnought which he warped in behind it and grey knight victory.
>what just happened?

>>31157960
My groups was thinking about trying a 3 way game. Was it complicated at all? Was it worth it?

>>31157590
>At my GW LGS, beginner game
>Guy tying out orks (I used Tau, we were against marines)
>Alright, I want to WAAAAGH
>Redshirt says you have to yell it
>I always thought it was an actualy rule.

>>31158011
Make sure you figure out a functional way determine the turn order. We just sort of winged it with random dice rolls and it turned into a clusterfuck.
It might have been worth it if the Grey Knights player had fielded his Blood Angels instead but as it was it was just really one sided and left everyone feeling uncomfortable.

>>31158042
If I recall the 4th edition rulebook, I wouldn't surprised. Whoever wrote it (as well as the 5th edition Dark Eldar codex) had a lot of fun writing it.

>>31158042
>Yelling WAAAAAGH
>Unspoken law

Am I the only one that gets REALLY into what I imagine is going on down on the field?

Am I the only one that spends an entire game playing orks, and talking like orks, making fun of mahreen boyz when dey miss?

>>31158011
I had a four way kill team game.
That went pretty well though, there wasn't any ganging up to wipe out one player.

>>31158060
>playing three way game
>we couldn't decide whether to allow shooting into combats fought by the other two players
>decided to allow it
>those two get into a big impressive fight, Deathwing Knights and Captain vs. Sanguine Guard and Dante
>they're midway through fighting a duel
>my turn
>fire a vindicator, a heldrake and two basilisks into the combat
>both characters ID'd, all Sanguine dead, all but two Deathwing Knights dead
>they both chuck a sad, declare the game over and say they won't play with me anymore

>>31158074
>Look at dez gits. Two feet away, and dey miss.
>Wot a bunch of stupid beakies

>>31158110
That's one of those things that makes sense in the fluff, but makes for a shitty game mechanic.

You weren't wrong anon.
They were wrong for being babies.

>>31158111
Yoo call dat a thumpin? I thumped mah boyz 'arder den dat! Gangway! I'Z KUMMON TREW!

Ah showz ya how itz dun!

>>31158110
Wow see, even in the game where the GK guy tabled us we played it through to the end and shook hands. There's just no need to get touchy about a tabletop game, even when absolute bullshit occurs.

>>31158151
>inb4 the thread descends into ork typing.

>>31158074
>play Chaos
>two guys I play with most play loyalists
>mock them constantly for being cowardly thinbloods who worship a corpse when they fuck up
>invoke the power of the dark gods on important rolls
I don't know why people wouldn't do shit like this.

>>31158197
I know right?

I had a friend recently get into 40k and chose chaos which got me back into my marines. We've been painting up the Dark Heresy set, posting pictures and taunting each others' faction. Today he said my marines were corpse bowing fools, and that death would soon fall upon the false emperor.

Boy makes me proud.

>>31149072
>playing imperial guard against littles bros spae mehreens
>movement first all goes well
>he starts the firing phase
>the only plasma weapon in his army immediately blows up and kills the space marine on the first shot of the game
>he walks off
we never did play again after that

>>31158247
>not finding that fucking hilarious
Why is your brother such a bitch?

>>31157474
>and yes, I am THAT ork player who yells out his WAAAGH
So you're that guy that plays orks correctly?

Seriously, anyone who plays orks and DOESN'T give out a hearty WAAAAAAAAAAGH isn't doing it right.

So my closest friend got in warhams, and for a long while I was the only one who played with him.

I helped him paint most of his models, and through our games find out what works for him and what not.

We got a new player, who basically is buying more stuff for the dark angels half of the dark vengeance set.

I built a list out of the extra chaos stuff, and a proxy model or two. So we could have a three way game. I guess because I was aggressive at the start with my moves, they both nearly wiped me out.

But I got firstblood, and when their warlords started to fight each other, my warlord got involved along with a hellbrute and I took both of the Slay the warlord points.

No one has the objective, and we began having rules lawyer fights every turn, for someone just to draw me. Mostly instigated by them, telling me they could ignore each other, and attack through one another's models at mine like they were suddenly friendly units.

Basically my best bro kicked me out of his house because he said I made the game unfun. He thought I was flip flopping on things I'd just argued about because he thought I was attacking with a different model. He was so mad I couldn't even get a word in to explain myself.

I apologized a hundred times as I left, even though I wasn't wrong. I wasn't even mad, just crushed and my urge to ever play again gone.

He called and said sorry.. but damn them feels.

>Starting out playing warhammer40k
>playing against a ork player
>he insists on setting up the whole board
>he covers at least 75% of it in LOS blocking terrain, huge buildings and stuff.
>fine, whatever, seperate my force into two to cover the two main routes (since everything else is blocked by buildings)
>first turn he moves up, i shoot what i can and manage to destroy one of his transports. He rolls some stuff and says that everyone inside disembarks with no damage.
>Second turn he uses ghazkull thraka's special ability and assaults ghazkull + huge unit of nobs on foot into one of my infantry squads, kills them all
>on the other side of the map he says my transport got immobilized after trying to enter the remains of a building, then his ork boys on foot assaults almost 18 inches into the building and kills my dismounted infantry in one round of CC
>Ghazkull and his nobs are like less than 5 inches away from most of my remaining units (al boxed up in one corner because of terrain) and they have some kind of crazy 4+ invul save thing so i cant really hurt them

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>>31158344

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>>31158344
Did they taste like mushrooms?

>organizing battle with an IG
>"...I wanted to use my GKs too"
>"...and a paladin knight"
>"...and my shadowsword"
>"...ok 1000pts then!"
>"...what? FOC? But I don't want that!"
>"...ok then lets use the FOC but we play at 2000pts"
>"see? I can use platoon command squads alone as mandatory troops because it's written troops!"
>"...I wanted to proxy some vendettas"
>"...new imperial guard coming? If it's shit I want to keep this codex"
>"...few terrain pieces or my tanks won't see"
>"...I'm saving to get a reaver!"

>I have tyranids with only 2 flyers and don't have superheavies

>>31158375
I think your opponent has a bad case of "I need to win"-itis.

>missile launcher guy
>Shooting phases:
>miss, miss, hit and nothing, miss, gets killed
>This happens every game
>You're fired
>Plasma cannon
>First phase, blows up four guys
>Second phase, blows up two guys
>Third phase, blows himself up

>>31156875
That's awesome. Convert it and give it a fuckhueg sword or some shit for the laughs.

>>31158197
Me neither.

>Playing in a simultaneous tournament at my LGS
>8 players, 4 vs 4 one side vs the other side
>Player with most kill points wins the "Bronze Bolt" Trophy
>me with 3rd Edition CSM; Undivided
>500 points per team; I had two squads of 8 CSM and a Chaos Lord.
>Opponent across from me has 30 gene stealers and a hive tyrant
>Game begins, my side starts first. I move my soldiers 6" into shooting range, open fire with all 8 CSM. Every shot missed.
>Opponent moves 6", rolls Fleet and gets a 6. In the assault phase, he was 7" away.
>CSM Rapid Fire; I kill a lousy 5 genestealers.
>Next turn, opponent moves, and assaults with 25 genestealers. His Hive Tyrant hasn't moved an inch.
>2 base attacks +1 bonus attack for charge, he says they have Rending claws, too.
>He says he has 75 attacks in CC, I call to a LGS employee but he's too busy refereeing two other guys who are still arguing about some Scout rule.
>75 attacks; 40 hits, 30 wounds later, it took about five minutes to roll all the dice required.
>Miraculously, 1 CSM survives but his squad was below 2/5 strength and wiped.
>Chaos Lord remains; not a scoring unit, I lose and am ejected from the board in 2 turns.

Should have gone with Nurgle.

>>31149072
>X
>Y
Letter names detract from the flow of the story, you are better off saying "my friend, let's call him Alice, and my other friend, let's call him Bob". You might even want to use particularly descriptive nouns as placeholder names ie. smelly, bitch, creeper, or maybe even just arbitrary but related nouns like different varieties of flower for each character, however this could end up being just as confusing as letter "names".

>Belial charging group of tau battlesuits
>survive retarded amounts of tau overwatch without a scratch
>ready to rape them a new asshole
>literally last 3 saves against some riptide shots
> three 1s

fuck tau and their overwatch

>>31158389

the problem is that I tried to explain him how a battle between friends should go
but he doesn't get it!
I even tried to introduce him to a LGS because I was his only adversary
he managed to make everyone hate him in 3 hours
I must hide my visits to my FLGS or he will try to ruin those peaceful battles too
I must see him everyday and he always asks me stupid things about 40k, simulates the movements of a titan,gunner,knight, with sounds and invading personal space or trying to introduce others who don't care about this hobby in these conversations/battles/silly things
after I handed him all my online codexes to read some rules alone without asking me everytime, but he don't want to read them and continues to ask me

>>31158489
Overwatch makes so much sense... but it just ruins melee units.

Sounds familar OP. Does X play Raven Guard?

>>31158569
No...Y does.
Please save any confrontaions for IRL.

>>31158569
>>31158586
I find this unexpected meeting somewhat heartwarming.

>>31158569
herewego.png

Let him have it, anon.

>>31157364
>does it make marines autowin?

I think it would be harder than that to make marines autowin, considering what they're usually facing.

>>31158411
Another incident.
>Decide to play against a guy at the LGS.
>We agree on a 750 pt game.
>I roll out my CSM: Undivided Iron Warriors.
>This time I roll out with a Vindicator.
>He opens his battlecase and has an army of all Space Marine Bikers.
>We roll to see who deploys first. I win, I deploy first. One squad of 8 with a Lascannon are placed in a crater for 4+ Cover. The other squad are placed directly in front of the Vindicator (I'd rather let my CSM take the brunt of damage and keep as many S10 AP1 plates as possible.)
>He deploys all his bikers at the farthest limitation of the board in his set up area, which also includes the "Scout" special rule. Thus, his troops are deployed 18" from his side. (we had 12" deployment zones.)
>We roll for who goes first, alas he won this roll.
>His bikers advance at full speed, moving a full 12 inches, but stops just before reaching my troops.
>I unload with everything I've got when it's my turn, my guys aren't moving anywhere. My Lascannon one-shot-killed the Captain Biker, but my Vindicator was out of range and the other squad's Heavy Bolter shots were all deflected by armor.
>Next turn, his bikers move next to the CSM in front of the Vindicator, hoping to get into 2D6 range with one biker's Meltagun.
>He's 8 inches away, decides to shoot the Meltagun at the Vindicator. He passes the LD check to shoot beyond soldiers who are nearest, and disables the Vindicator's Demolisher cannon.
>Feeling his main concern is dead, the bikers shoot and charge the CSM, killing all of them in a single phase.
>Last squad of CSM remain, blasting the other biker squad. Toughness 5 deflects some shots, the 3+ save on others, one biker killed by the Lascannon.
>Vindicator Storm Bolter is completely useless, Hunter Killer missile misses.
>Next turn, His melta biker destroys the Vindicator.
>Other Biker squad repeats the previous strategy of shooting first, and wiping the rest out.
>Chaos Lord remains, gets slaughtered.

>>31158586
No worries. OP has a point.

>>31158649
This makes me want to biker army even harder.

>>31158624
OP has a point.
Top kek

>>31158624
OP has a point.
Also, goddamn that Riptide, eh OP?

>>31157597
Nigga, I'da swept your shit onto the floor.
You're lucky you ran into such a calm dude.

MFW I forget friend Y goes on /tg/

>>31158197
>I don't know why people wouldn't do shit like this.
Because you look like nerdy sperglords.
I mean hell, I can't even bring myself to talk about the game in public.

>>31158727
If you're playing a game with little toy models that you hand painted in a shop with other people who play with little toy models that they hand painted, explain to me how you think you're gonna avoid looking like a nerdy sperglord? And more importantly, why should you care? Are you that insecure?

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Anyone who has fielded a triple Ectoplasma Forgefiend knows the hilarity/tragedy they bring with them. I say "fielded" and not "fought against" because they practically fight themselves. They will ALWAYS overheat, miss, or incinerate some of your own dudes. The 24 inch range is woefully useless but goddamn watching them clank into battle and make 3 explosions go off somewhere within a 33 inch range of themselves is just too great to not bring in a fun game with friends.

>>31158197
I always speak out "The Emperor protects" whenever an important model of mine passes his saves.

>>31158770
I'm heartbroken that out of all of the times I've fielded a Big Mek with the Shokk Attack gun, nothing fun has ever happened. It just always performs.

>>31158755
>If you're playing a game with little toy models that you hand painted in a shop with other people who play with little toy models that they hand painted, explain to me how you think you're gonna avoid looking like a nerdy sperglord?

>Implying I've ever set foot into one of those cheese stank hellholes
>Implying I go out in public with them
It's called painting and playing with friends.

>And more importantly, why should you care?
Because it's disgusting.
The greasy, uncombed hair, the ill-fitting, faded t-shirts, the mandatory obese man that is "proud of being fat".
It's enough to make anyone sick.

>>31158851
Wow, you and your friends sound really fun. I bet when you go to clubs and shit you don't dance or hit on girls either.

>>31158879
>Wow, you and your friends sound really fun.
We are.

> I bet when you go to clubs and shit you don't dance or hit on girls either.
Dancing and hitting on girls is completely normal.
Dancing like a retard trying to bring back the 80's with the robot and stuttering at girls is wrong; basically the equivalent of yelling about your guilty secret in public.

>>31158922
>basically the equivalent of yelling about your guilty secret in public.
And by this I'm speaking of the whole "wahhhhg" thing.

>>31158649
Last nightmare, but this one was kinda fun.
>Some 14 year old challenges me to play against some 'crons his dad built for him, I this time have my budding Space Marines. We agree on 1500 points.
>We deploy simultaneously.
>I have an all-Lascannon Predator, two squads of 10 SM. 1 w/ Rocket Launcher, 1 w/ Heavy Bolter. SM Captain is a Terminator Armor dude with a Combi-Melta and Power Sword. He is surrounded by 5 Terminators.
>Kid reveals a Monolith, 2 squads of 'Crons, a Tomb Spyder, and his floating Necron Lord.
>I start first turn, unloading my luckily-in-range Predator into the Monolith and kill it dead right then and there. My SM Rocket Launcher put a dent into the Spyder, and all of my remaining soldiers moved forward, my Captain and his Termies are still in reserves.
>Kid starts whining, relying completely upon the Monolith. The LGS employee comes over and says, "What? The Monolith was destroyed that quickly? What's this? BOOSH! A NEW Monolith falls from the sky to replace the first!"
>fuck
>The Monolith is placed within firing range of my moved Predator, unleashes hell and blows it the fuck up.
>My Terminators Deep Strike within assault range of the Monolith.
>They charge the Monolith and one Terminator hits the Mon with a thunder hammer, somehow destroying it completely. The LGS employee comes back to hear more whining and says, "The Monolith EXPLODES! Killing the Terminators!"
>fuck
>Two squads of SM remain, the Tomb Spyder releases a shitload of Scarabs
>Zooming across the table, and my SM missing every shot, the Scarabs eat my SM in nothing short of two turns.
>His warriors and Lord didn't even move once.

>>31158922
>won't stop posturing long enough to just have a laugh and act like an idiot while engaging in a shared activity
>fun
k

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>>31158922
>Dancing like a retard trying to bring back the 80's with the robot
No fun allowed, eh?

>>31158851
You mean you don't collectively go to your LGS and everyone is wearing suits, ties, and have affectionately neutral fragrances while they share drinks and enjoy the good times that is playing a gentleman's game of advanced chess?

>a friend of mine rolls out his converted oblits for the first time
>a squad of three
>roll up to them in my land raider crusader, shooting all I can
>charge out with my 7 assault termies and termie librarian, shooting the libby's plasma pistol and using the LR's assault launchers
>get into CC
>everyone is killed by the 3 oblits

Fucking chaos.

>>31159038
>complaining about Chaos
Literally the only thing in that codex that's borderline scary are Heldrakes if you're not prepared for them, but they're pretty easily defeated with flakk missiles and spacing out your troops.

>>31159038
>converted Obliterators
I always here about the best play with Oblits coming from the converted ones...

>>31158946
The emperor was not with you this day.

>>31159062
Actually, in that game my superior aeronautical maneuvering allowed me to take out the helldrake with my stormtalon.

>>31157652
> Kill Kharn with tankshock

Aren't fearless units immune to tankshock?

>>31158770

Ectofiends are pretty cool, but 3 Relic Predators with plasma destroyers that don't Gets Hot is even better. 9 plasma blasts shitting all over the enemy from turn 1 is a very good trade off for IWND, providing you've got enough cover to hide the tanks in but not so much cover you can't see the enemy.

>>31159122
I think so, but he chose to Death or Glory.

He seemed pretty fearless to me.

>>31159122

If you _choose_ to Death or Glory then you either stop the tank with your one attack or you die.

>>31159157
That sounds like it could use a tweak.

>>31159170
Personally I feel the whole squad should get a crack at it, especially now that we have the snapfire rules. It's not so bad though since you only lose one model out of an entire squad. His just happened to be Kharn.

>>31159139
>3 relic predators
>not running the legion list so you can take 9 of them

NO MERCY NO RESPITE

>>31159030
>You mean you don't collectively go to your LGS and everyone is wearing suits, ties, and have affectionately neutral fragrances while they share drinks and enjoy the good times that is playing a gentleman's game of advanced chess?
M8, normal people don't wear suits either.
Goddamn, just don't wear faded mom jeans and T-shirts that are narrow at the top and wide at the bottom.

But also,
>Suits
What is it with neckbeards and wearing suits with sneakers?

>>31159172
It just sounds a little bullshitty for multiple wound models to insta-die like that.

>>31159170

In what way? You don't have to do it, your one attack can be with any weapon you've got sans psyker powers, and it auto-hits. You should know whether if it's worth the attempt or not as soon as the tank player declares he's driving through your unit, otherwise you just get the fuck out of the way and watch it drive by. If you're the tank player, you should know whether or not it's a good idea to drive your tank into a unit of guys packing Thunderhammers or whatever, based on your front AV. It's Death or Glory, all or nothing, but it's not a completely brainless process, and even matches can make for exciting moments in a game.

>>31159215
It's them being lazy shits while also wanting to look nice completely unaware that there is an ENTIRE FUCKING INDUSTRY dedicated to looking nice and being comfortable. They do not sell vests or fedoras to boot.

>>31159172
what the hell kinda tank was it? most tanks back armor is 10 and he's s5/6 and death/glory automatically hits so all you roll is pen/glance.

>>31159236

You roll DoG against the front armour.

>>31159222
Well then get the fuck out the way when a tank comes through. Death or glory isn't mandatory, and since they're fearless they can just ignore it. The worse that happens is the squad stands aside as the tank derps on by breaking unit coherency.

>>31159232
>They do not sell vests or fedoras to boot.
This shit always pisses me off.

>>31159232
>They do not sell vests or fedoras to boot.

I wonder what goes through their minds?
>Better put on a vest, ill fitting suit, and a fedora
>To top it off here come my faded sneakers
>Perfect!

>>31159262
The worst part is they are killing the validity of these clothing items by not wearing the correctly. Fedoras DO look nice, if you're dressed in a suit that matches it. Not if you're wearing a fucking T-shirt with cargo shorts.

Vests DO look nice if you have a long sleeve button down shirt. Fuck, it's like these people don't have mothers.

>>31158314

The terrain thing was a bit of a dick move since he didn't let you help with selecting terrain. Also gets docked points for being pretty ruthless with a new player.

I can recognize pretty much everything else in there as being legit, assuming 4e codex (Trukks roll on a table when destroyed, one of the results means the vehicle simply wrecks, instead of exploding as it normally might have. The opposite is also possible - a Trukk might end up exploding when it would have otherwise wrecked.) Not sure about the 4+ invuln thing, might have been a KFF Mek hanging out with Ghazzy's unit providing a cover save, otherwise all his nobs took cybork which should have been a 5+ invuln, not 4+.

Was he doing shit like rolling your vehicle's dangerous terrain check for you? That's a no no.

>want to play orks
>no friends that play
>get some into it
>they choose eldar, IG and muhreens
>all their army lists so far feel like they've googled "how to fit as many flamers and fliers into my army"

Well I can already tell that this is going to be fun.

>>31159287
>The worst part is they are killing the validity of these clothing items by not wearing the correctly.
Ja.
But even the fedora with a full suit is a little too much nowadays unless there is inclement weather.

>>31159287
They ruined trenchcoats too.

>>31159246
So you're saying you think it makes sense for a rhino to insta-gib someone like Ghazghkull or Abaddon?

>>31158624
Nah. I just laughed through all this while fondly remembering the previous game. All those Grey Knights vs my Tactical Marines and Chapter Master, and I won.

In CLOSE COMBAT.
>mfw

>>31149941
Move your shit when people ask you to move your shit. Goddamn sweaty neckbeard.

>>31159215
>What is it with neckbeards and wearing suits with sneakers?

Because they don't have enough awareness beyond "a suit looks good, right?" This is also why their shirt and tie will usually not match each other or the suit. Because they're usually kids without a real grasp of what they're doing, and are imitating their elders and getting it wrong because they only have a surface level understanding.

Also, they don't understand that the people who get away with wearing sneakers with suits are rich celebrities. If you have money and social clout, breaking the rules makes you cool. If you don't have money and social clout, breaking the rules makes you look like you don't even know the rules or are just too poor to afford good shoes.

>>31159352
Yes. A tank is a about a dozen tons of angry metal moving about 30-50mph. If they're dull enough to let it hit, and run over them, it's definitely going to hurt, but characters like Ghazghkull and Abaddon are more like to rip right through the tank.

It's mostly a mechanical thing, since there's little distinction between a character and a normal guy if they share the same base. Then it's likely to devolve into a bitchfit argument about whether or not a model can bench press a tank. Honestly if it happened to me, I'd let it get crushed just to get the game moving. 40k is fucking slow enough as it is without more things to argue about.

>>31159352

If Abaddon chooses not to get out of the way, and then his powerfist can't punch through AV11, then truly the Dark Gods have abandoned him for his foolishness.

>>31159428
I'm saying it could use a tweak. Something like an single instant would. Enough to run down any common trooper to get in its way, but not enough to kill HQs instantly.

>>31159352
>>31159428
There's nothing to argue about, rules are very clear

It'll be right there to punch next assault phase anyway

>>31159482
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YgHNtzxO0y8&feature=player_detailpage

>>31159482
Who's arguing? We're discussing the rules of the game we both enjoy in a mostly pleasant manner.

>>31159245
my god, it's been so long since i've played the game i'm forgetting the rules

>>31159535
Maybe I'm projecting from the times idiots have tried to weasel out of Stasis Bombs / The D etc using special rules in the past

>>31159523
>Giving a tripfag recognition
That'll work, GJ

>>31159470
I feel like the instant single wound would open up other mechanical issues. I personally like tank shocking because it preys on the opponent's confidence. It's a big gamble for either side. I'd be a lot less likely to ever use it if it meant my tank would get stopped even by a nob, or a space marine sergeant I think sergeants have 2 wounds. putting it in a really bad situation.

Like it was said, you don't HAVE to use your HQ. Even a guardsman with a plasma pistol can take down a charging tank, but most people try and use their strongest unit to get a free kill on the tank. Sometimes it works, and I lose a tank and immediately grant cover to a unit I wanted to kill.

>>31159603
Nobz are the only standard squad leaders with two wounds.

>>31159631
Even then that's mostly because they have rolls other than being SLs

>>31159631
>>31159668
Well the point stands, that models with more than one wound can be used to cock block tank shocks if attached to squads.

>>31159603
If the developers decided this was an issue, the easiest way to rectify it would be to have the nominated model, if it fails to stop the tank, suffer a single wound that ignores Armour and Cover saves and has the Instant Death special rule.

This way, most HQ choices will get smashed instantly, but truly hardy or heroic individuals will live through it. It'd also allow an Invulnerable save to be taken, but that's mostly because I've always felt it's a bit odd for Invulnerable saves to suddenly stop working during DoG. If an Iron Halo can hold back a Dreadnought or a Carnifex stamping on your head, it should be able to stand up to a Rhino hitting you.

>>31159717
I always found it a bit weird that they never got armour saves. Stuff like power armour and terminator is constantly getting run over in the fluff. Hell, it took a titan standing on Angron's power armour to break that.

>>31159397
>suits
>ties
>vests
>fedoras

>not wearing a leisure suit over a hawaiian t-shirt

>>31159717
Y'know what? I like that. It makes sense. I can see invulnerable saves stopping tanks dead in their tracks. I forgot about the instant death rule. I guess it's an outdated rule since it was 4th edition, and now there's better ways to handle things like this.

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>Be playing imperial Guard gunline, with fortifications.
>Opponent is playing Orks. 3 Trukks, 6 Kans, Deff dread, Battle Wagon and Ork blob.
>Destroy Trukks and BW first turn.
>Orks keep moving.
>1 former trukk Squad is getting uncomfortably close.
>Only Nob and Orkboy left, they pass with bosspole leaving only the Nob left.
>Nob comes up and strikes at heavy weapons team. He kills enough, I make no damage with overwatch or assault. Heavy Weapons team runs off the board.
> I shoot him with 30 Lasguns.
>4+ armour save makes all, 5+ cover the rest that pierced his armour.
>Nob comes up and attacks command Squad. He takes a few off.
> I charge in with surrounding squad.
>Nob doesn't even take a wound.
>nob kills off enough to win combat.
>Ld checks: all failed.
>command squad, platoon runs off the board.
>Nob stands victorious over objective, holding the black orc standard (it was the bosspole).
>Orks win game with Slay the Warlord and Objective.

>>31158394
So thats 7 kills. And one was a heavy weapon. I'd say its worth its points.

>>31159841
And that's how he became a Warboss.

>>31159751
Ok, two things. Angron does not have power armor. Seriously, theres no power supply. Its just really thick metal plates. Second, the titan did not do anything to Angron's armor. Angron held the titan's foot (Atlas style) so it didn't crush Lorgar.

>>31159881
The armour cracked. By the end of it he was shirtless for maximum man points.

>>31159841
>Now dat's a propa ork

>>31159914
If I remember correctly, it was his bones that were cracking. Im not sure there was anything left of his armor after he had a building dropped on him and started digging the wrong way.

>>31159963
Just an aside, god Angron is awesome.

>>31157960
Fuck I love GK. Was it the old codex? They were super overpowered. They still are overpowered in a lot of ways, you really need to know how to fight them. I once had a single model fight and kill two squads of CSM, one squad of cultists and a dreadnought that assaulted him all at once. If you don't know what you're doing GK will stomp you.

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>>31159963
Pretty sure it was his bones. I might be able to dig out my copy of Betrayer and check if anyone really cares.

>>31160006
This is true.

>>31158011
I play on the floor, and divide it up into a triangle, each deployment zone in a corner. Standard missions dont always work in 3 way battles. So think if it will cause one sided games before choosing and play with friends. Don't allow shooting into combats (trust me), and don't add to many if any house rules. That works for me.

Called a guy out for fudging his dice rolls after he rolled two 1's from a handful (2+ save).
The terminators survive!
Dude, they're dead, two failed saves.
Whatever... (removes terminators)

Pretty sure he used the Machine Spirit ruling incorrectly, and even had the gall to demand a rulebook explanation for pretty much every Tau related thing I did. A 45 minute match turned into a two hour bout of agony.
He was the kind of guy that talked about the lore of his chapter as if he jerked off to it, too.

I was not part of this nor did I personally witness it but I heard about it and laughed quite a bit (forgive me if I get some rules wrong I've never actually PLAYED 40k)

>Marines vs Chaos Marines
>Both show up with land raiders, both filled to the grill with buffed terminators and terminator captains
>Big ass road in the middle of the field, both land raiders start the game parked on it
>Marines go first, fuckit.jpg flies across the map on the road and rams into the chaos land raider
>Dice rolled everywhere chaos land raider comes out completely unscathed while marine land raider get's somehow blown to shit and many of the terminators die in the process
>Next turn chaos descends upon the few survivors killing them outright

I presume the chaos marines were very confused by the whole situation

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>>31158247
>Just played game with friend yesterday
>Me Chaos Space Marines, him Blood Angels
>1st turn, Chaos Marines get out of Rhino, shoot plasma gun
>1, 1 for armor save, fries himself
>Other Chaos Marine squad gets out of their Rhino, shoots their plasma gun
>1, makes armor save though
>Friend laughs, his Marines debark from Rhinos and take shots at me with their plasma guns
>1, 1
>...
>In our standard squads we had both taken plasma guns/plasma cannons, by the end of the game they were all gone, only 1 taken out due to enemy action
Plasma, not even once.
Pic related, our face when rolling for plasma guns

>>31151836
How bad did the 6th ed codex rape the nids? I've been keeping my head down

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>>31160295
This is why I refuse to use plasma. It's more trouble than its worth. If I need a heavy weapon I'm taking lascannons.

>>31159236
S6, AP2, Armourbane

He's got a good chance of twatting any tank attempting to run him over and, hell, an angry dude stopping a tank in its tracks with a chainaxe is pretty fucking metal.

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>>31160303
Bad.
They were pretty fucked by the changes to 6th anyway but the new dex didn't help

Dataslates are a glimmer of hope, Skyblight in particular and another 5 this week

>>31159236
Kharn doesn't hit automatically - he still has a 1-in-6 chance of hitting one of his own dudes, even in auto-hit scenarios like death-or-glory.

>>31160295
>Chaos Plasma Cannons
wot

>Newcrons VS Imperial Guards
>City scape battle. Lots of buildings, not a lot of tank room.
>Opponent ops for artillery.
>Lychguard with shields march up the parkway in the center of the field.
>Deflect ALL THE FIRE
>Deflect everything.
>Charge into combat.
>Deflect over watch back into victims.
>Artillery scatters mercilessly blowing up empty buildings.
>Deepstrike flayed ones inside of artillery range.
>nothing close enough to stop them.
>All plasmas malfunction.
>Flayed ones flay HQ.
>Warriors and HQ never got to do anything.

I felt bad about winning honestly. It was the first time we played in a while, and the last game I played since.

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>>31160411
>>>/9gag/
ebig rage comic m8

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>>31160566
Hehehe

>>31160504
He had both plasma cannons and plasma guns, I just had plasma guns

>>31149941
Don't worry anon, I don't think you were in the wrong. A turn isn't very long and if it's really a problem and they're in a rush they can move your shit on their own and calmly set it off to the fucking side.

There's a such things as common courtesy on both sides you fucking asshats, you don't have to bow down and kiss everyone's boots and others don't have to do it for you. Wait patiently or ask them if YOU can just set it off to the side while YOU set up.

>>31160560
>flayed ones killing anything

nope, not buying it

>>31160917
I took them against better judgement, but for once in their miserable lives they performed. The used to be so good.

>>31160295
>mfw I run a plasma gun and combi-plas on every single tactical squad
>mfw I run four plasma cannons in a devastator squad
Ultramarine Tactics and a Divination Inquisitor go a long way

>>31157507
>>he used it to plug the Crimson Slaughter and says that's what my army is
>>sure, I'm that vain
Sounds like Tzeentch beating Slaanesh.

>>31161145
thank god for dark vengence making plasma canon marines easily availabe

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>Running Chenkov and conscripts for shits and giggles.
>Have two groups of 20, Both with send in the next wave.
>Local killbot player asks for a game
>Knows I like to field oddball lists to fuck with people involving tons of guardsmen and a metric fuckton of russes, so he's immediately suspicious
>Deploy conscripts right in front of him
>"Ha! I'm gonna kill the shit out of those guardsmen!"
>MFW
>His shooting phase comes around, he completely obliterates both squads with sustained fire.
>Myturn.png
>"SEND IN THE NEXT WAVE!"
>Redeploy all the conscripts on the opposite flank and explain how the rule works
>My little Toaster starts tactically shitting himself as he realizes two can play at the endlessly respawning bullshit game.

2 turns and a 80 conscripts later...

>his lord is in my deployment, right next to my objective, knocking my platoon off it
>"Ha! I win! You'll never take the objective now!"
>proceed to throw 160 conscripts at him over the next 4 turns. They kill him 3 times through hilariously inaccurate lasgun fire and melee.
>lose the game because my conscripts couldn't consolidate far enough on the final turn to claim the objective.
>"I don't want to ever face those little bastards again"

Kind of a horror story for him rather than me, but I thought it was fucking hilarious. Also had an Executioner wipe out 20 warriors in a single shooting phase that game. I couldn't stop laughing at that point.

>>31161269
I've had them since before 6E. I got two from a devastator kit and traded for the other two.

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>>31161352
well, good on you

I also got to respect your choice of ultramarines
I really like the ultras

>>31161301
>killbot
just to be clear, you mean necrons right?

conscript lists are the funniest shit

>>31159278
They do it purely because of David Tennant.

>>31161410
Ultra tactics but a custom chapter. I mostly took them because they work best with Plasma

>>31161145
>>31160295
btw I feel the need to mention that there were a grand total of 6 plasma guns and 2 plasma cannons in this game spread out on both sides, all of them gone by turn 4. When we wrote up a battle report afterward, we decided that the planet had some weird anomaly that made plasma super unreliable.

>>31158344
the zog?

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>Literally my second 40k match.
>2vs2 match, with 500 points for each player.
>Me and another Eldar player, vs a bro tier Grey Knight player, and a Nid player, who is the real "star" of this story.(we didn't give a damn about the allies chart.)
>My Eldar buddy is running two war walkers, wraithguard squad and a bunch of guardians, while I have just aspect warriors.
>Don't really remember what the GK player had, as my forces never engaged him, the nid player however, just had a bunch of termagants, with a Tervigon and a Hive Crone.
>Nid player deploys about 1 third of his gaunts atop a structure in a way that they don't see down the ledge.
>I infiltrate my Scorpions at the base of the structure, and when the game starts (we had the first turn), my Farseer casts fortune on them, and they imedeately climb up the structure, shoot at the gaunts, and in the assault phase, wipe them out utterly.
>Nid player didn't take this very well, and started bitching about the Fortune power.
>In his turn, he tried to use his Crone to kill my scorpions. None died because of high armor saves and fortune. Nid player continues to bitch and swear. Store owners leer at our table.
>In my second turn, my Warp Spiders pop his tervigon, and the fucker pretty much looses his shit. He tosses his tervigon to the box he used for carrying his nids around in anger.
>All his gaunts fall back, leaving him with the crone, who only succeeds in killing few avengers. He keeps bitching and cursing about the psychic powers of my farseer, despite the store owners warning him about swearing.
>The match thankfully ends with the victory for the team Eldar.

It was not a fun match to play however. The guy was fucking boiling at points, and I fear for the safety of the models on the table.
Really killed my enthusiasm for playing the game at the store anymore, but as it is the only place I know where I can play the game, I don't have much of a choice. I thankfully haven't played against him again. Fuck that guy.

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>>31159139
>Running anything less than 9 Leman Russ Executioners with plasma sponsons and not shooting 45 plasma blasts a turn

Anon pls

>be playing blood angels when they had the white dwarf codex
>playing against a tyranid army
>don't quote me on anything since its the one game I played and it was at least 4-5 years ago
>suspiciously black rhino drives into the middle of the table, near a hive tyrant, unloads a bunch of foaming mofos out.
>death company proceed to charge hive tyrant
>he is built for killing
>furious charge, iirc, saves me by upping the initiative of the marines by 1, making both go simultaneously
>proceed to initiate combat
>hive tyrant wipes out death company squad, taking a large amount of hits itself
>last death company, mortally wounded, stands and grabs the melts bomb on his belt
>HORUS YOU BASTARD, IM GONNA GETCHA!
>marine proceeds to pull pin and shove the melts down the tyrants throat while hacking at its armoured jaw with his chainsword
>tyrant and marine go up in the resulting explosion
>game terms = both wiped each other out
>no looks when I yell out the horus phrase from the gw store as I rolled
>opponent is both slightly losses and surprised at the one turn ass kicking his HQ unit received
>we'resilent for a few moments before he cracks a smile and we agree that was an awesome fight
>game ends in a 1-1 objective draw

Best and only game I ever played.

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>>31161410
yeah he was a necron player.

>HFW his lord got killed by an inbred conscript armed with a spoon on turn 4

>>31158770
What >>31159139 said.
Theres literally no reason to field Ectofiends when Relic Preds are available. Practically half the price, as maneuverable, and tougher, with the ability to add more firepower.

>>31162564
I don't think relic preds are legal for chaos yet

nor do they have invuln saves

>>31158946
that is fucking cheating

>>31149389
Played a game yesterday, lost four of my six plasma guardsmen to Gets Hot.

I'm really starting to doubt their point worth, especially when the assault terminators they were firing at succeeded on all three 5+ invuln saves against plasma shots in a single shooting attack.

Hell my fucking Chimera's multilaser was dropping termies but my plasma guns were just killing themselves.

>>31162719
I run plasma in every single squad I can, and I've never lost a plasma gun to gets hot. And I play weekly. Its just bad luck man.

>>31158261
Srsly, I complained a few minutes ago in this thread about my guardsmen blowing themselves up with their plasma guns, but i once blew up an inquisitor with a combi plasma. That was funny.

I'm also the kind of guard player that attaches an ordo xenos inquisitor, a primaris psyker, and a commissar to a PCS and sends them out in a chimera to assault tau infantry.

If that's a type of guard player, anyway.

>>31158946
>What? The Monolith was destroyed that quickly? What's this? BOOSH! A NEW Monolith falls from the sky to replace the first!
Perhaps you should've taken the hint and just stayed the fuck away from said monolith.
Also, my goddamn sides.

>>31158127
They actually did it right the 3+ player free for all missions from battle missions book specifically allowd shooting into other players combats.

>>31157646
They stopped doing campaigns because of what a cluster fuck they were to organize. Not to mention the rampant cheating and false results people would send in to game it for their faction of choice. As fun as eye of terror was it was chock full of the above problems.

>>31160303
It unraped them a bit. Compared to 5e dex its an improvement. Small one sure, but still better.

>>31159841
>taking armor saves AND cover saves

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>>31161301
related story
>Due to stuff we only have 5 people for this tourney, so we decide to scrap that and have a 4k vs 4k battle.
>1k Legio Cybernetica (Me, first time army played), 1.5k Orks, 1.5k Crimson Fist
>1.5k Eldar. 2.5K Necrons.
>3rd Ed Necrons
>Think "Ehh alright this will be do able, I've got alot of AP and these orks should hopefully make it to melee."
>Eldar and CF have private match on the over side of the field, interrupted only by occasional Hyperios missile fire and a certain Ork.
>First turn; not a whole lot happens, Necron player somewhat insistent that I can only kill the one warrior because its the only one in range
>Pretty sure thats not how the rule works but alright. Pop the fucker as if he was a T55 in the Iraq war.
>Anyway, Ork shenanigans:
>Burna bommer arrives to try and fuck with Eldar; it crashes into a building killing 2 Harlequins.
>Ork Shokk-attack gun duns goof and kills 15 lootas.
>My Thallax arrive, gun shit down with plasma like its fucking Xcom.
>"Aint never gonn keep me down" as per usual. You can fit alot of Tomb-spyders and Rez orbs into 2.5k
>Orks reach melee; Necrons stay.
>Orks enter next round of melee; fuck up, fold, and get slaughtered to the man.
>I enter melee.
>"U WANT A CHALLENGE M8?"
>My Magos is attached to a bunch of fearless robots but I decide to do it just to prove a point.
>Necron looks a bit worried that he hasnt killed me first turn.
>Necron player strangely insistent I have power swords when I have power axes, clearly shown on the model, but whatever.
>2 Castellax robots pound the shit out of the Immortals and then just record the fight on flip-phones like its a pair of scousers fighting in 2007.
>Combat lasts for 4 fucking turns, slowly drag his ass down while the rest of the table gets crushed by Necron horde.

Well at least I know my Magos is very much melee capable now and that I should use cybertheurgy way more often.

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>>31153405
This

>>31165616
How does someone insist against something you put together? That's fucking... retarded. I'm glad the guys in my LGS are a fair, friendly bunch.

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>building an Iron Hands army
>choose two lascannon half-tactical squads and two dedeicated razorbacks with lasplas as core units
>add an ironclad dred to drop behind enemy lines, librarian for HQ and Aegis
>"Sweet, time to play some games with bros"
>Salamander bro with all bikes
>Eldar bro with serpents
>Chaos not-so-bro with heldrakes
My flesh was indeed quite weak.

not a horror story, for me at least. It’s a really long story but you gotta read and ravish the feelings I had when that guy got fucked in his fat ass so hard. worth it to read:

we got a sweaty fat neckbeard in our local GW he is really the archetype of fat neckbeards.. lives in the basement of his parents can spend around 800-1000€ per month on wargaming because he does not have to pay rent or anything. he is known for buying and playing powerlists on the spot. Also knowing for not painting his army and reselling stuff he is done with/mad at for huge discounts (sold a baneblade right in a apoc battle for 20€ that he bought the day earlier coz it blew up instantly in turn 1 to name one example.) he is almost everyday in the GW and assembles some shit.
his favourite list is tau with farsight enclave. Max riptides and R’vana. We name him fathands coz his hands are always sweaty and he canot get them out of his bag of potato chips… he is a disgusting example of a human beeing.

February 22. White dwarf with the knights in it. He goes like “shits so cash I gonna roll a whole army and fuck everyone up, no one can beat those things”. One week later, Saturday. He is the first to arrive in our GW and buys 5 knights on the spot. 4 other guys who arrived later couldn’t buy one because fathands bought the whole stock of our GW. GW guy is happy because he made some cash.
Fathands boasts about how he will fuck everything up. His tau army is “low tier” compared to this. Assembling one of his knights in the GW. i go up to him and ask if he is up to a match on Tuesday (store is closed on Monday). He says yes we arrange a 2250 pts match but he asks if he can prox if he does not manage to assemble all of them and wants to play 6 so he has to proxy one at least. Im ok with that, I ask if I can prox some minor things aswell. He is fine with it.

>>31166186 cont

I talk with the guys that couldnt buy their knights because of that guy and tell them, if they have the time come Tuesday (knowing him, he most likely has max 2 knights assembled by then). i leave the store shortly after getting some ice cube forms from a 1€ store, and some cast (may be a misspell from me here).


I create some tanktraps for a strategy I explained on a other thread some days ago against knights. Basically its that stronghold formation with the bastion and 3-4 aegis defence lines. Add up to 6 tank traps per aegis defence line and have it placed in the middle of the board with tanktraps in front, both sides of your deployment zone done the same so he cannot outflank… the bastion is mandatory. I used 2 bastions, 3 aegis defence lines and multiple tanktraps. 560 poins was the grand total of my fortifications. Was playing inquisition,with allied inquisition,

>>31166205 cont.

2x 2 jokaero inside the bastion with a ordo xenos inquisitor with conversion beamer and acolytes in case some wounds go in them. both of them got a landraider wich was just there shooting.
A unit of 3 acolytes in another landraider that where there for a voxrelay and in case objective. 2x valkyries with lascannon and 12 acolytes inside, 3 x meltagun and 12x meltabombs in case I have to blow shit up.

I go to the store and see him already assembling… little did I know that it was still that one fucking knight he worked on 3 days ago. The rest was still unopened in the backpack he left in the store over the weekend. He asked me if I was ready to get my ass kicked. 1 of those guys that wanted a knight was already there and two other came later aswell on turn 3.

We play hammer and anvil.. big guns never tire 2 objectives each. I placed mine out of his reach and grinned... I place my fortification over halve the board and all of my table edges on my side. and he is skeptical. Placed my vehicles and bastions on the end of my board to be safer from the s9 ap 1 blasts (he never could get in melta range. lol). Both objectives where behind the bastions, one with a vox relay and the 3 man unit on it.

He puts his shit on the board… 3x r’vana who are count as knight errant, 1 knight paladin that still wasn’t assembled completly and 2 riptides as count in paladins.

he stole the initiatve and thought he gonna fuck me up good now.

He tried to move through the tank traps and I was like “nuh uhhh~” he didn’t knew whats up and I told him it was impassable terrain for vehicles except skimmers. He told me superheavys are a exception and can move through. I said to him he should show me the rule. He didn’t find it to no surprise.. he was already pissed at this point. He couldn’t get past 50% of the board and couldn’t outflank. His guns shot, nothing much happened, as expected. He was clenching his fists on the table already.

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>Playing against Tyranids
>Using Orks
>Turn 1 goes by without a hitch
>Turn 2 him goes without any hiccups
>Turn 2 me
>Move up into assault with my Deffkoptas (random list) clearly in range to blow the shit out of the Terv and finish it off with power klaws
>He realises he forgot to spawn (not mandatory) and rolls for it placing units in front of Tervigon
>Whatever I'm an Ork player so I'm cool with it
>He then proceeds to try and shoot me with them too
>No.png
>Starts wailing and complaining saying he meant to do that
>Point out I'm letting him spawn during my turn and he should stop trying to get more out of his mistake
>Mumbles under his breath about me cheating

>>31166225 cont.

My first turn, landraiders, conversion beamers, lascannons from jokaero (one unit even had rending rolled) blew the first errant up, a R’vana count as. He gets pissed, takes that R’vana and lets it fall back in his bag. Some things broke off that thing and I had big trouble keeping the joy inside.

So turn 2.. he shot, did scratch a landraider and that was it… I rolled for reserves. Valkyries came in. combined fire of valkyries and the rest of my army takes down the second R’vana to 2 Hp and the other one to 1 HP . He really got pissed so hard we had to pause then…

Turn 3. He tried to get that scratched landraider but failed. The 2 other guys who wanted to buy a knight arrived. My turn.. I blew up both R’vana count as errant and take a paladin down to 2 hp.

Fathands is seriously pissed, both R’vana got thrown with force in his bag, you could hear a impact even though it was a foam filled transport bag.
The 3 guys that wanted to buy the knight leave the store to “smoke” (only one does) and you can hear their laughter from outside.. fathands is pissed..


After turn 4 when I destroyed all but 1 knight he quits and leaves the store to cool off… around 15 minutes later he gets back. I was talking with the guys and he offered all of them one knight for 30€ each. All of them accept (costs 110€ here). Fathands packs his stuff and leaves the store with 1 knight still in and his nearly finished one. sadly guy number 4 didn’t made it to buy one aswell. I stayed until the store closed and left then. Haven’t been to the store for weeks.

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>>31166248

Now, a month later on Saturday fathands has not been seen so long. Had a friendly match planned with a friend there and entered the store. The 3 guys all had their knights painted already and where happy to see me again. Told me they got something for me and moved over to the store owner.
He goes to the back of the store and brings a wall of martyrs tempestus firebase (the one with the artillery bunker, 2 firestorm redoubt and a vengeance weapon battery) and puts it on the counter, checks that thing in and adds employee discount to it (50% discount, put that thing to 100€ from 200€). The 3 guys each put the money on the counter to buy that thing and tell me its mine. I didn’t knew what to say. They told me, they loved to see me kicking this overconfident fool his ass so hard that he hasn’t been seen in the whole month. The store owner was also happy even though a big customer didn’t entered the store in so long.
So the guys and the store owner decided to give me that fucking huge box as thank you. Knowing they still saved a fuckton of money on those knights even though they bought that box for me. i didnt know what to do else anymore than to say thank you a fuckload of times over the whole day.

was more a "fuck him" story than anything but buy.. i am so lucky to have such guys in the store.

>>31150731
And he's not an independent character nor can he take a Mandrake retinue basically making him shit.

>>31166093
Yeah probably would be the only time I have the misfortune playing against the person. That being said if it effectively a 2k vs 1k battle (The orks frankly don't count) it could of been alot better... I dont think he knew the rules of 6th ed all that well and I couldn't be arsed to bring up all the erratas and delve through the rulebook.

Better luck next time I guess.

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Not really a horror story, but back before the Tau update I used to run my Commander with a CIB and plasma rifle, along with two shield drones, stimulant injectors (FNP) and iridium armour (2+ save). The bastard was nigh-unkillable, and managed to beat a farseer in close combat. Shit was pretty funny.

Also, about the clothing issue - what the hell is wrong with wearing jeans and a t-shirt if you're going to GW. It's not exactly like you're going out somewhere fancy, if you have acceptable hygiene and don't have a fucktarded voice you're probably more respectable than 90% of the people in there anyway. Pic related.

>>31166536
I wear nothing but jeans and t-shirt, do I have an acceptable voice though?

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0uxIZ5IFaIk

>>31158344
So he's either playing Orks or Nids in character there, I'm just not sure which he's channelling there.

>>31158394
>>missile launcher guy
>>Shooting phases:
>>miss, miss, hit and nothing, miss, gets killed
And this is why I still don't call them "miss"les.

>>31150731
I call BS, no one would willingly use Kherudruakh

>>31158821
I've done the same for my Sisters passing an usually high number of Invul saves (6++).

>>31166668
So close to the quints

>>31166702

I made 34 5+ invulns once. Was incredible considering they were Orks.

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>>31161301

>>31166747
During 5th I had a Rhino sitting right in the middle of a mess of Tau, after a LOT of shooting the only thing that happened was it was immobilized. Everytime I went to roll the Invul saves I made most of them and he just got so frustrated because he knew it was full of Jacobus, Death Cult Assasins and Crusaders who were just waiting to hop out and fuck his army up.

>>31166281
Is there a way I can claim this is bullshit and not make anyone feel bad?

>be 5th edition
>be playing CSM vs my friends Dark Eldar
>have a pretty horrible game and ultimately get tabled on turn 4 with my reserves (two groups of Oblits, 2 in one, and a lone Oblit in the other) still not in.
>decide to not concede and play it out because if I get lucky with the reserves I can pull a draw
>team of 2 Oblits arrives, but lone Oblit stays in reserves
>2 Oblits scatter the wrong way and go from being being behind the Dark Eldar to in front of them, which gives the Dark Eldar cover from the shooting
>Oblits die during the DE players next turn
>decide "fuck it", if I'm going out I'm going out playing
>Last Oblit hits the table and proceeds to do dick all despite landing successfully where I wanted.
>Oblit dies to massed Dark Eldar shooting

So yeah, I was tabled 3 times in a single game and I didn't even get upset, I just wanted to keep going despite it being highly unlikely I'd turn the tables enough to win.

>I was tabled 3 times in a single game and I didn't even get upset
If only we lived in a world where you could count on this sort of behavior from people.

>>31167247
Brofist to you.

In your position, even the most generous people have trouble not getting a little upset. It's hard when you're invested in the game to just roll with it that well.

>>31167444
Sadly my CSM sit in the garage because of this behavior. In my attempts to not be "that guy" I've shelved my Nurgle CSM army because I don't want to shit all over everyone else's game. I play to have fun and try to keep things fun for my opponent too. It's not always easy but when you're both having a good time you can roll with the punches a lot easier.

>>31167503
When I'm having fun it's not too hard. I've played some people that even when things were going well for me I wasn't having a good time just because of how shitty they are as a person.

>getting into fantasy
>start up a vampire counts army
>first game I play is against a high elf player
>lose, badly
>he mentions this one game at every opportunity, pretty much every time we meet
>it was well over a year ago/

JESUS FUCK, I had to put up with this fuck for ages, been seeing less of him though which is good.
Everytime I'm forced to play him I try to make him suffer, there was a 40k Hero brawl, blasted his Spacemarine captain with a Tachyon arrow before he even got to move.

>>31167801
Sounds like a bad winner to be honest.

>>31153405
actually just played in a tournament that used escalation. Top player actually brought a cobra. It tore through everything thrown at it. Including the revenant titan. I brought a BA landraider spam list with a plasma cannon dev squad and took out the revenant by 3rd turn. they aren't that tough

I witnessed part of this match

Space Wolves just came out with their new codex (at the time, not sure if they got a new one). Long time wolf player thinks they're a little overpowered but other players aren't sure. They end up setting up a game where Wolf player brings 3000 or something points of wolves and other two players bring 1500 point armies each. Wolf gets to pick terrain and is encouraged to fortify himself.

The rules are that every time the Wolves knock out an opposing army (or reduce it to sufficiently low strength that they collectively agree) a fresh one pops it and the game goes on until the wolf player loses.

I forget how many waves they went through (only that everybody agreed it was entirely too many) but apparently the game lasted something like 12 hours (I don't play 40k I don't know if thats long or really long)

First time playing at a GW store. Just finished painting and building my first 40k army. Have a range of different units, kroot, pathfinders, vespid, hammerhead, crisis suits. Built purely for what I thought was cool.

>Hi anyone want a 1500 pts game?
>Some Guy "Yea man ive got orks, lets play"
>Ïm a beginner so don't go too hard on me
>"Yea no worries man"

He proceeds to take a tournament grade list. Absolutely crushes me by the end of his turn 3. Game takes about 20 mins.

>"Good game anon, better luck next time. I guess I was just a better general"

Fucker! Top 3 in the area I live in and I specifically told him I was a beginner.

More recently
>Space Marine tactical squad drop pods in
>They open up doing 6 wounds to my broadsides
>Have 2 shield drones plus the broadsides in the unit.
>Roll six 1's for armour saves. Whole unit dies instantly.
> My face D:

>>31168345
12 hours for a 3k game? Yeah, that's a bit excessive.

Fortifying the Wolf Player was likely a small factor though too.

>>31168401
People like that guy are why we can't have nice things.

>>31168447
Yea its pretty bad. You start out all optimistic and playing for fluff but after a while you get sick of losing to powergamers and then you start powergaming too and ruin the hobby. Its an awful cycle

>>31168524
Yup! It's one of the reasons I moved away from playing tournaments and generally make an effort to find uses for less than perfectly optimized units.

As much as I want to win (I mean it is a game after all) I don't want to be "that guy" who just skull crushes his opponent all the time.

If both people aren't having fun in a game it really degrades the experience for everyone honestly.

>>31167151
You're like that guy who called bullshit on my 10 scouts killing 10 stealers and a broodlord in assault in an apoc game, even though 3 people and the store owner saw it happen and considered it one the highlights of the game, but he still called bullshit.

tl;dr, Shut the fuck up and enjoy the stories. Who gives a flying rats ass whether they're true or not you fucking wet blanket.

>>31168611
And the fun part is with 40k they end up being true more often than not.

>>31168401
Oh another one.

>Anyone want a game?
>Random "Yea what army do you have"
>Me "Tau"
>Random "Let me just write a list"

5th ed 1000pts old crons and takes only close combat unit. So wraiths and turbo boosting scarab swarms. Have one turn to shoot at 3+ invul save swarms and wraiths who I cant even see. Next turn in combat and lose the game.

First time I learnt about how important it is to have your list prewritten and not tell your opponent what army you have.

>>31168650
Right? Telion whooped that broodlords ASS.

>>31159314
I know that feel bro
>Start Ork Army
>Friend gets into it and likes 'crons
>I link him 1d4chan for fluff/fun
>His list is specifically build to fuck my orks

Not a specific horror story, just a few of the worst moments I've had against my brother:

>Stealth suits deepstrike at three inches from Land Raider
>Perfect scatter
>Lose land raider

>Venerable dread charges Hazard suit
>Immobolized
>Hazard suits jumps away, hammerhead blows it up

>(5th edition)Vanguard vets charge broadsides
>Lose

>>31168601
Yea exactly. Unit spamming, codex creep and power gaming is ruining the fun.

I like playing in tournaments but only if I ready for it. On my time off I like having friendly games not tournament grade games.

>>31168401
see my results with broadsides: >>31149389
It's not funny. Especially when they beat my vanguards in CC once.