>>30966144
[ ] Wonderwoman, /ss/

[ ] Wonderwoman, /ss/
for reasons...

>>30966144
>[ ] Wonderwoman, /ss/

Joker poison later, getting laid now

I leap off the bridge onto where I'm pretty sure the cloak BatJet is hidden as an idea hits me. Batman got the idea for an invisible jet from Wonder Woman right? And she lives on an island of men starved chicks. I'm a god damn genius Tim follows not long after, and I begin to set the coordinates for the island of lesbos- I mean amazons.

“Where are you going? You can't steal Batman's jet!” Timothy accuses me. Poor, poor Timmy. If only you knew what your big brother Jason had planned for you tonight, you'd be singing a different tune.

“Of course I can't steal my own jet. I'm Batman,” I counter smoothly. Gotham speeds away behind us as the autopilot began to fly us off to somewhere I'm not sure actually exists. They call it paradise though, and Tim will be agreeing soon enough.

[ ] Brood
[ ] Bromance with Tim
[ ] Check Utility belt
[ ] Call Dick

>>30966607
>[ ] Brood
In a way only one wearing the cowl can.

>>30966607
>[ ] Check Utility belt

>>30966607
[ ] Bromance with Tim
"Ah its a special day when a hero gets his sidekick laid for the first time, why I remember this one time Bruce.."
[ ] Call Dick
send a text
Helping Tim become a man, lesbians may or may not be involved. oh also there's a disarmed bomb on the bridge, might want to get that k thnx by

>>30966607
>[ ] Bromance with Tim
then

[ ] Call Dick
to brag

>>30966607
>[ ] Brood
WE ARE THE NIGHT

>>30966607
[X] Brood
[X] Bromance with Tim

>>30966682
>>309666
BatFamily !!DRpXG6b6GvO 03/20/14(Thu)22:02 UTC-7 No.30966835

“You're not Batman!” Tim yells at me. “You're Jason Todd, the worst robin ever, and a certified bad guy!” Damn, that almost hurt. “You're acting crazier than usual, and you almost killed those thugs earlier.”* The look of worry in his eyes are visable even under his mask, and for a moment I think he might be right. Then I remember I'm the god damn Batman.

“Suck my dick I'm Batman,” I assert to my boy wonder. “Besides that, I'm going to help you get over Stephanie Brown tonight. We're having a guys night out. I didn't see the girls too concerned about the Owl Gang when they were making it rain on Dick.”

Confusion manifested on Tim, until he blanches with realization. “Wait, you don't mean...”

“You're waifus a shit and I'm taking you the island of lesbos to get some snu-snu. Now pop in Old School,” I order as I toss him my ipod. Even I'm not so hipster I'd get a zune. The next few hours pass in brooding silence only two members can manage while watching the funniest movie in the world. I've never felt closer to Tim than that moment. Through the windshield I spotted Wonder Woman's home island on the horizon as dusk fell there.

[ ] Try not to crash, crash land on the beach.
[ ] Let Tim land the Bat Jet
[ ] Jump out the Bat Jet


*Refer to Red Hood Quest #1 >Nightmare Zone BatManiacs! (http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/30945811)

>>30966889
>[ ] Let Tim land the Bat Jet

>>30966889
[ ] Let Tim land the Bat Jet
All your's squirt

>>30966889
>[X] Let Tim land the Bat Jet

I turn to Tim with a grim solemness only Bruce could pull off effectively. “The time has come for your first rite of manhood, young Robin. You must land the Bat Jet, without us dying a horrible painful death again.”

“Again? I've never di- oh,” Tim frowned at my test. I let go of the controls and began to glare at him with all the power the cowl gave to me. Surprisingly the boy didn't flinch under my gaze. I guess he was too busy trying to get the Bat Jet out of the downward spiral it was quite literally. I can't say I disapproved, but I would have liked some acknowledgment.

“God damn it Jason, where are we?” Tim shouts over the sounds of our deathspin.

“Themascarea?” Is that how you said it? God damn it brain damage. “Where ever Donna comes from.”

“That's not her origin story!” Tim yells back to me. I'm not sure, maybe I'm thinking of Wondergirl number two. Fuck, this is confusing.

“I think we have too many legacy characters,” I tell Tim as he struggles to pull off a workable landing. “Oh hey that beach is coming up pretty fast. You better do something about that, boy wonder.” He punches me.

“Don't punch me you giant shit, I'm piloting the jet!” Tim shot at me when I punch him back.

“You're failing to pilot the jet. I'm so disappointed in you Robin,” I tell him as we keep fighting.

Surprisingly, we only managed to ruin the nose of the Bat Jet when we land.

[ ] Go find chicks
[ ] Go the underworld, troll the dead
[ ] Beat up Tim

>>30967079
[X] Go find chicks

>>30967079
Underworld time baby

>>30967079
>[ ] Go find chicks

>>30967079
>>[ ] Go the underworld, troll the dead

>>30967079
[X] Go find chicks
[X] Go to the underworld, troll the dead.

In that order.

[x] Go to the underworld, find ghost chicks

best of both worlds

>>30967193
>>30967131
As always, I'm the bigger man and walk away. “Where are you going! They'll kill us if they find us here uninvited!” Tim shouts after me as I jump out of the Bat Jet. Sand slides underneath my feet as I land, I can't help but note the unnatural beauty of the island. I want to ruin it, and can't help but wonder why. Is it the Joker Venom, or is it my own cursed nature as the risen dead. Maybe it would be best if I let the Amazons find and kill me, so I could go where I belong....

“Come on Tim, we're going to pick up chicks,” I tell Tim as stalk off. I don't even need to look to tell he's got some incredulous look on his face.

“Didn't you hear what I just said?” He accuses me harshly of ignoring him. I kind of am, but that's not the point.

I shrug and keep walking. The sound of padded boots following me in the sand tells me he's coming. “That's why we're going to the underworld, everyone's already dead there.”

The next half hour passes in brooding silence as night falls. I remember the way well, even though I've never been here before. Not in person, anways. Another perk of dying I guess. A crack in the earth leads us down a stairwell in a cave, while a sense of dark depression sits heavy on us both. Years around Bruce and inured us both to it, so we press on unaffected until we arrive on at Cheron's crossing.

[ ] Pay Cheron
[ ] Steal the boat
[ ] Bat Boat

>>30967393
>[ ] Bat Boat

>>30967393
>[ ] Pay Cheron
get tim to tie a rope to us and dunk us in the river then pull us out for that sweet invincibility

>>30967393
[ ] Pay Cheron

>>30967465
this tell him its the only way to cure the new joker venom

>>30967393

>Bat Boat

>>30967465
>>30967465
yes

>>30967465
So dead pool it?
(I'm 100%ok with this as long as their are chimichangas)

>>30967465
“I'll give you like, twenty drachma if you take us across,” I offer Cheron. Of course Bruce has gold coins from an ancient society that no longers exists in his pocket. What are you, stupid? “Thirty if you dip me in the river that makes me immortal.

Mr. Bones looks at me with eyeless sockets, and Tim shivers next to me. I'm not sure why he actually followed me. Maybe to keep an eye on me, maybe misplaced loyalty. Maybe he actually likes me. Then again, I did stab him with a batarang once, so probably to keep an eye on me.

“The contract is sealed,” The skeleton tells me, before I'm plunged face first into the river waters. He's trying to drown me. This shit's too spooky, get me off of this crazy trip!

Tim pulls me out just as we cross the other side, and I don't feel much different. Fucking skeleton took my gold too. Bruce is going to be pissed, fuck yes. It isn't till we land that I see the giant three headed dog on the other side. “Brilliant plan Jason,” Tim snarked at me.

[ ] Utility Belt
[ ] Shoot the Dog
[ ] Feed him Tim
[ ] Play the Song of my people.

>>30967833

>[x] PLay the Song of my people

DISNEY UP THIS MOTHERFUCKER, PART 2

>>30967833
[ ] Play the Song of my people.
Does this please you Noble Beast?

>>30967833
>[ ] Play the Song of my people.

>>30967833
[x] Bat Utility Belt

>>30967833
[ ] Utility Belt
its Bruce's he has to have giant dog treats or something
[ ] Play the Song of my people.

>>30967833
>[X] Play the Song of my people.

>>30967833
Tim looked at me like I was crazy. I know what I'm doing though. How the hell Bruce fit an entire stereo system in the belt is beyond me though. I think that's his real super power, other than money.

“Cerberus!” I call out to the massive canine. Three pairs of eyes look at me hungrily, and I know this plan is going to work. My arms heft the assembled boombox over my head and I hit the play button. Darkness fills the underworld. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pqv_LUStxDw

“What the hell...” Tim asks as his jaw hit the floor.

“It's a dead guy thing, you wouldn't understand inferior Robin,” I answer. Cerberus was enthralled by my musical skills, and listened endlessly as I put it on repeat. “Made it myself,” I add as we stalk pas the giant dog.

[ ] Find Hades
[ ] Find Helen of Troy
[ ] Find Bruce's Parents
[ ] Find Own Parents
[ ] Find Tim's Parents.

>>30968000

{x]Find Helen of Troy

We have a mission, folks. The mission to get Tim some booty.

>>30968000
[ ] Find Helen of Troy
why not

>>30968000
[ ] Find Bruce's Parents
[ ] Find Own Parents
[ ] Find Tim's Parents.
all aboard the emotional trauma train

>>30968000
>[ ] Find Helen of Troy

>>30968000
>[ ] Find Helen of Troy

>>30968000
>[ ] Find Helen of Troy
Bitch was so fine a war was started over her. Lets see if we can start another.

>>30968000
>>[ ] Find Helen of Troy

>>30968031
I could gets years of emotional therapy out of the way.... or I could get Tim laid. The choice is obvious.

“Follow me, boy wonder, we're off to find Helen of Troy!” I announce as I lead him into the underworld. The dead surround us as I lead us into the fields of boring, as I like to call them. Just endless shades, milling about for all eternity. At least when I died I didn't get stuck here.

“Helen! Helen of Troy! Or any super hottie really, but preferably Helen of Troy!” I called out to expanse. This wasn't working.

[ ] Utility Belt
[ ] Brood
[ ] Give up
[ ] Detective work

>>30968264
[ ] Detective work

>>30968264

[x] Detective Work

This is serious business, getting laid. Serious enough to act like fake-batman if it'll get some results

>>30968264
>[ ] Utility Belt
Break out the pheromones.

>>30968264

[ ] Detective work!!!!!

>>30968264
>[ ] Detective work

Now is the time for a more subtle approach. Grab the nearest shade and inquire for Helen of Troy.

Cleopatra would be fine too.

Fuck it, ask for both!

File: 1395384797314.png-(119 KB, 248x334, A herd of OP.png)

119 KB PNG

>>30966144
You're a cool guy, OP. I usually shitpost new quests because they're terrible. You do a good job writing and not being a railroading son of a bitch.

Keep up the good work and maybe the other quests will stop being a blight on the board.

ITT: Jason has finally lost it completely, everything goes off the rails.

>>30968291
>Detective Work
I call out the eternity of the dead, “Has anyone seen Helen of Troy?” It doesn't seem very effective at anything other than getting Tim to snicker at me.

“Good going, world's greatest detective,” He tells me between chuckles. God, I'd punch that kid if I weren't about to score him some sweet action. Clearly I need a change of plan.

I grab the nearest shade by the shoulders and grip it closely. “Where is she!?”

“Who?

“Where's HELEN?” I scream, destroying my larynx in the process.

“What?”

“Where's Helen of Troy?”

“What?!”

The look of fury upon my features is enough to kill this ghost again, but Tim cuts me off. “Say what again motherfucker, say what again!”

[ ]Let him do the scene
[ ] Steal the scene
[ ] RACHEL!

>>30968415
[ ]Let him do the scene
he took the initiative to play a long, let him have it

>>30968415
>[ ]Let him do the scene

>>30968415
>>[ ] RACHEL!

>>30968415
whelp time for full on TDK
[X] RACHEL!
We nolanBats now.

>>30968415
[X]Let him do the scene

Rolled 1

>>30968415
>[ ]Let him do the scene

“What does Helen of Troy look like?”

“What?”

“English motherfucker, do you speak it?” Tim barks at the shade. I watch him him withdraw a batarang from his own utility belt and ready it against the shade.

“What?”

“What ain't no country I ever heard of! They speak english in what?” Where's my popcorn?

“Yes!”

“Then you understand what I'm saying.” Ah, there is it, right next to the shark repellant. God damn Bruce, you crazy. I watched the scene play on for a bit while I made the popcorn.

“YES!”

“Then describe what does Helen of Troy look like?”

“What?”

“Say what another time, another god damn time, I dare you, I double dare you mother fucker, say what again,” Red Robin tore into the Shade.

“She's uh, hot, with a face that launched a thousand ship?”

“Doe she look like a bitch?”

“What?”

“Does she look like a bitch!”

“Nooo!”

“THEN CAN I FUCK HER LIKE ONE?”

[ ] I'm so proud of you Tim
[ ] Recite the passage
[ ] Oh shit is that mom?
[ ] RAAAAACHEL

>>30968580
>[X] I'm so proud of you Tim
holy shit i am so god damn proud of you.

>>30968580

>>30968580
[ ] I'm so proud of you Tim
[ ] Recite the passage

>>30968580
>[ ] RAAAAACHEL

>>30968580
[ ] Recite the passage
then
[ ] I'm so proud of you Tim

>>30968580
[X] Recite the passage
[X] I'm so proud of you Tim

>>30968587
>>30968631
I step in, eager to finish up.

“The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children.”

A pause, as draw a batarang gun and aim it at the shade.

“And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.”

Tim and I let loose in unison on the shades and we loose countless batarangs in the eternal nothingness of boring. The shade flinches in terror, apparently not realizing we can't do jack shit to him until long after we're done. The look of utter fear on his face has the two of us bent over with laughter for hours it feels like.

“T-Tim I'm, Bwaahahaha, Tim I'm just, I'm just, Tim I'm just so proud,” I wheeze out.

[ ] Find Hades
[ ] Find Helen of Troy
[ ] Find Bruce's Parents
[ ] Find Own Parents
[ ] Find Tim's Parents.

>>30968690
>[ ] Find Hades

He knows where the ladies are at.

>>30968706
>go find hades
>accidently hades
>become lord of hell
>Tim is wondering what in the ever living shit is going on the entire time, as the only possible answer is i'm the god damn batman
>bruce comes back from his crisis trip
>doesn't have a clue what in the hell is going on.

>>30968690
[ ] Find Hades
"Yo Hades, long time no see. How's the wife?"

>>30968690
>[ ] Find Hades

>>30968706
>>30968737
>>30968743
>>30968857

“What now?” Tim asked me as we both recovered enough for human speech. I considered our options. Surely, there was only one person who would know where to find Helen of Troy.

“We go find James Woo- I mean Hades,” I declared boldly.

TO BE CONTINUED.

>>30968898
honestly can't wait to continue, great thread

>>30968898
Thanks OP, i love these, they are great.

>>30968898
I seriously can't wait until the next thread.

Thanks for running this.

>>30968000
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pqv_LUStxDw
I love you man.
Everything is awesome.