>>[*] kill yourself

we don't want more shitty quest threads.

>>30376793
>>[*] Create a campaign that at first seems pretty innocent but occasionally drop a subtle hint of something dark while giving infodumps.

>>30376793
I've got it! Intrigue. We'll combine another fall scenario with confusing and contradictory politics. Bonus points for not bothering to figure out how the villain is spying on them.

>>30376826
>No Fun Allowed Quest
>hating fun
That's the spirit.

>>30376793
>>[X] Dead magic zones
A maneuverable enemy is just going to make them feel accomplished if they figure out a way to beat it, and that's BAD.

And make them all pure combat encounters with morally non-ambiguous enemies. If we really want them to not have any fun, make it so their characters don't have anything fun to do it with. "Hit baby-eating goblin with stick" iterated one trillion times is about the least fun thing there can be.

>[_] Write In
build an innocent world, then slowly start introducing fetishes

>>30376793
Play FATAL with them.

>>30376793
>>[_] Dead magic zones

>>30376793
>Next foe is a tentacle monster attempting to impregnate rape The Bitch

Nothing worse than that out of the blue.

>Write-In

Realize what you really want to do is be a business executive; drop game in favor of becoming megacorproate CEO.

OP 30 minutes is a long time without any kind of update.

>>30377349
I'm writing, just trying to mash as much of this together as I can. Sorry for the wait.

>>30377384

No problem. Looking forward to it.

>>[X] Rocks fall everyone dies

Good quest OP thanks

Smiley, the de facto leader of the insufferably merry little band, takes charge in the wake of their victory. "We will return at once to Duke Gallowford with the artifact - there's no time to waste!"

You narrate the travel by rote while scheming privately. Perhaps you'd been trying too hard. If Smiley so enjoys exploring those morally ambiguous moments, why keep giving them to him? A world of black-and-white may well bore him.

"You arrive at Gallowsford's estate in good time. The servants quickly escort you over the ground and inside, stopping in the antechamber to a minor meeting room. 'My lord is in a meeting, but he's expecting you. Do try not to be terribly uncouth,' he says, disgust plain in his eyes. He knocks and gives your group the shallowest of bows before departing."

"Gallowsford answer the door. His irritation turns into surprise before he beckons you inside. 'Ah! We were just discussing you,' he turns to a tall, thin man with slicked back hair and a trim goatee. 'Duke Malusshade, these were the adventurers I was talking about! They've retrieved the artifact that will allow us to begin the purging. You may want to-'"

You're interrupted by Smiley, "Wait, purging?"

You grin behind your screen. "Gallowsford's face turns down at your impertinence, Smiley. 'Why yes, the purging. The Dwarves have squatted in our soil for far too long.'"

Smiley grows severe. He turns to the Bitch, "You mind recasting Eagle's Splendor? He's not pinging my evildar, so we can probably talk him out of this."

The Bitch nods. "Mythra activates her rod of Silent Spell and casts a Stilled-"

"You faaaiill," you intone, nearly singing. "You hadn't noticed before, but the estate seems to be founded upon a dead magic zone. Perhaps to keep spellcasters, such as yourself, from abusing their powers."

>[1/2]

>>30377486
Smiley tries to begin speaking again, but you override him. "The Duke brushes off your commentary. 'It's a matter of policy, Smiley. We've gotten as muc has we can out of the tunnel rats, and now it's time to clear them off.'"

You can see the paladin seething. The Bitch studiously flips through her character sheet. Stupid, Lawful Stupid in the truest sense, looks concerned over Smiley's reaction.

>[_] Let them sit, Smiley is about to boil over. If combat breaks out, you can unleash the horrifying tentacle beast stored in that artifact.
>[_] Give Stupid a nudge. He'll support the status-quo if Smiley doesn't take it out of his hands - you might be able to split the party on this.
>[_] Write in

>[2/2]

>>30377502
>[_] Give Stupid a nudge. He'll support the status-quo if Smiley doesn't take it out of his hands - you might be able to split the party on this.

>>30377502
>>[_] Give Stupid a nudge. He'll support the status-quo if Smiley doesn't take it out of his hands - you might be able to split the party on this.

>>30377502
>>[_] Give Stupid a nudge. He'll support the status-quo if Smiley doesn't take it out of his hands - you might be able to split the party on this.

"Duke Malusshade steps forward and sweeps an arm across the room, 'I'm afraid this is just policy, Smiley. And well with the law. You really should stand down.'"

You expect Smiley to explode at any moment, but it's Stupid who speaks first. "Stupid puts a hand on Smiley's should. 'The law is the law, friend. We have no choice but to respect it.'"

Smiley looks dumbfounded. "You can't mean that - this is genocide!"

The wizard continues to peruse her sheet, she's reached that ridiculously long list of haversack equipment.

"'Listen to your wise friend, Smiley,' Gallowsford says. 'Unless you want to lose more than your head.'"

Stupid's wavering resolve pulls itself together. You can see that same stubborn look he gets when you throw a flying enemy at the party - a look that says he won't retreat, no matter how ill-conceived his course may be. "Hand over the artifact, Smiley." He nudges his miniature, placing it between Smiley and Gallowsford.

Smiley looks pained. He knows how his character would react, but he was always hesitant to bring inter-party conflict. "... No."

The monk's chest swells. "Rolling initiative."

The Monk wins handily, Smiley always was on the slow side. You have the Dukes back away, content to let them fight it out so long as the Bitch doesn't intervene.

But... they don't /seem/ upset by this. The players, that is. In fact, they even look a little enthused.

... They better not think of this as an opportunity for character growth. Are they trying to set up a begrudging-respect dynamic?

>[_] We need tentacles. Stat.
>[_] Have Malusshade do an abrupt and unexplained change of opinion, and assist the Paladin. Make Stupid feel... stupid.
>[_] Write in

>>30377919

>[_] Have Malusshade do an abrupt and unexplained change of opinion, and assist the Paladin. Make Stupid feel... stupid.

>>30377919
>[_] Have Malusshade do an abrupt and unexplained change of opinion, and assist the Paladin. Make Stupid feel... stupid.

>>30377919

As tempting as magical realm is, this is not the time.

>[x] Have Malusshade do an abrupt change of opinion, prompted by threat of violence.

Both!

Open the tentacle monster pit conveniently under The Bitch, then have Malussgade assist the Paladin.

>>30378535
This but make sure that Magical realm is kept out until we are sure that they are not having fun. We will need that extra kick to horrify them enough into quitting. Fuckin Casuals.

Come back, OP!

>>30382230
Obviously this entire quest was high-level metacommentary, attempting to get us invested and then leaving us all hanging, thus fulfilling the goal of the quest via the conceit of the quest itself rather than within its narrative.

Or the OP got cold feet and wandered off, who the fuck knows.