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/tg/ - Traditional Games

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1. Hello /tg/. Today is Friday. Friday is a good day, and a good day is automatically a Friday. MONDAY does not need to apply.
2. If today is Friday, yesterday was Thursday. If yesterday was Thursday, yesterday also was Pub-Day. If yesterday was Pub-Day, OP's system still contains the remnants of about a dozen beers, four shots of Jäger, and two or possibly three Long Island Ice Teas with roughly twice the amount of hard stuff a sane man would put in.
3. While these remnants violently block several paths (such as the path to clear thinking and the path of the calm stomach), they also open others - such as the path to Selyn.
4. At the same time, OP needs to get rid of the drunkenness, and the ensured hangover, or else he gets the hose again.
5. Coincidentally (have you ever noticed that this word has no relation to the world 'dental' ?) writing, and especially writing about Selyn, is an excellent way of curing a hangover.
6. Therefore, it is time for Tales from Selyn again.
7. Should you note be interested in Selyn, please hide this thread and return to "LOLI PRINCESS ASSRAPE QUEST # 41265". I can warmly recommend it.
8. Pics are wildly unrelated, but Mustard Seed is good, and anyone saying otherwise isn't.
9. Here we go. Again.
the fuck is a selyn
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> To the foreign spectator, the regular inhabitants of Selyn's Downboard may seem like a brutal, violent lot constantly looking for an excuse to bash each others head in. This is completely true of course, yet a more skilled observer will notice that brawls between two Downboarders also follow an intricate set of rules and are highly ritualized - for instance, fights are always initiated by one party insulting its counterpart, triggering an exchange of "OH YEAH?!" and "YEAH!" that last for between five and ten loops. As such, declaring these brawls to be little more than a bloody pastime does them no justice.
Yay, hangoverOP!

It's Ankh-Morpork, except that its Pratchett is suffering from alcoholism rather than Alzheimers.
> The Ain, or "Child" races have a common ancestor in the now extinct Firstborn species. It is because of this that their anatomy is relatively uniform - two legs, two arms, a single head, two lens eyes with refractive corneas, an olfactory organ situated under their eyes, two auricles, an a bag-like mouth that can hold a surprising amount of food while they chew on it. Male specimen have a reproductive organ called 'penis' that superficially resembles an ovipositor but is also used for the excretion of waste fluids, while females have twin ovaries accessible from a slit between their legs called 'vagina', which is also used for the excretion of waste fluids (how this species can procreate without constant risk of infection escapes me). Females additionally carry two bulks of fatty tissue on their chests than can secret nutritious fluids if stimulated by sucking stimuli and are used to feed spawnlings, which enter existence in a semi-emryonal state. Fatty tissues furthermore seems to denote social status, albeit observations seem inconclusive, and closer observation is seemingly considered rude. Additional research is required.

~ Zasik Explorator Sixsreewan, correspondence to Hive Administration.
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>The Spellwrought University used to have a special program for young children gifted with a natural talent for magic. Given that juvenile students tend to have a far more lively imagination than their adult classmates, it was hoped that the formers' grasp on magic would exceed that of the latter by several magnitudes.
>Unfortunately, the project found itself faced with three notable problems: Angry mothers that would quickly transfer any physical punishment of the children by their teachers to the teachers themselves, the proverbial attention span of six-year-olds, and, most notably, the fact that several children thought their imaginary friends into existence and said friends turned out to be far less docile and friendly than would be expected once they got a foot into reality.
While pissing in an alley after a night of drinking, one of those huge talking bugs approaches you.

"Human. May I please inspect your reproductive organs? Rest assured this research is non-invasive, and you will be more than adequately compensated for your time."

What do?
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>Kingsland is a small community far to the south of Selyn, almost on the border to the Numidia. It would not be notable were it not for the fact that every single member of the community is clinically insane and believes him- or herself to be one of Selyn's historic royals. Ironically enough, the fact that the community houses roughly 150 kings and queens poses no problem to the every-day life. Quite on the contrary, th fact that everyone is blue-blooded actually contributes to a form of equality which the Selynian Worker Movement can only dream of: The King of the Farm respects the King of the Hunt, and the King of the Hunt respects the King of Childcare.
> The only downside to this is that outsiders to the community (even those that actually are of royal heritage) are so looked down upon by the natives that Kingsland is effectively isolated by the rest of the world, and the Kingslanders are quick to chase anyone out of their territory that would question their royal heritage.

Calmly refuse. Zasik obviously hail from a very alien culture, but they are an extremely polite people (at least the Explorator Breed is, being fashioned to interact with non-Zasik).
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> The aptly named Big Green is an immensely huge jungle that spans from the eastern coast of the Inner Sea to the labyrinthine Spineback mountain ranges. Despite (or perhaps because) the Big Green is very much brimming with life, it is amongst the deadliest places of the known world as almost every single living being within the jungle is capable or at least very much willing to kill and devour any outsider that makes the mistake of setting foot into the growth. Examples include the fist-sized Firestorm Hornets whose swarms can reduce a fresh carcass to a heap of bones within fifty seconds, the reptilian Fleshrunners that can bite a fully-grown man in two, and of course the various Xivai tribes who, despite of being relatd to the Meduans, Numidians and other Ain races, have no qualms about killing and subsequently grilling their distant cousins.
> Even plants and bacteria seem hell-bent of making short process with outsiders, filling the very air with spores and pathogens that are relatively harmless to native creatures but rather unhealthy for anyone else. And to add terror to injury, the Big Green is growing - slowly, but steadily.
Tourism probably isn't much of an industry in this place.
At least traders can feign caring. The nation may yet thrive.
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> "Oh great Vorekh, Lord of Law, Bringer of Justice, your humble servant asks for audience!"
> . . .
> "Oh Great Vorekh, we have found this poor beggar stealing objects of value from your temple. I know that this calls for swift punishment, but so great is his misery that the man would starve were it not for his thievery."
>" But my Lord, the beggar only stole because his only alternative was a slow, painful death!"
>" SO?"
>"Sh-should we not forgive him? Should we not show kindness and merc-"
>"B-but . . ."
>"But my Lord, would this not mean that I would punish the beggar for MY shortcomings rather than for his ones?"
>"But this makes no sense at all!"
> . . .

~ Dialogue between High-Honored Vorekh and His followers. Ain-Demi studies, Volume 6.
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>One may reasonably well ask how the Kadit, having mastered both science and magic (and declaring both to be one and the same thing) have not managed to make themselves the unconquested rules of the known world. A non-Kadit would be quick to answer that the Kadits are far to busy with backstabbing each other and jacking off over their own animachines. The Kadit, in turn, have a slightly different explanation, stating that world domination is not a desirable goal if it means being in charge of all the world's idiots and savages.
>Loli princess assrape quest
i wish...
some qm should get on that. maybe i should bring that one up on /d/.
...would the loli princess be doing the raping?
The law has spoken. It seems accurate.
yes, of course. why would i wish for it otherwise? there are tons of them out there, i would simply go read one of those.
Assuming it runs on /d/…
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> (. . .) Of course, establishing a Meritocracy would come with its own problems, chiefly when it comes to establishing what should be considered a merit in the first place, and which would be the highest of merits. Scores of philosophers have wracked their brains over it, and scores of them probably still do so as we speak.
>I, for my part, have a very pragmatic approach to the problem: I hold that the highest of merits in a state is being the best orator. This solution is quite self-evident, I suppose, yet many more people I could imagine have asked me why oration of all skills should be hailed as the king of statesmanship - whether it was because a skilled orator can amaze the masses, or because he is capable of conveying complex ideas in simple words, or maybe because the best orators are so convincing in their speech that they themselves start to believe in the ideals they proclaim. Naturally, none of these ideas is entirely false, but there is a far more basic reason for making the best orator head of state: -I- am the best orator.

~ Otto Stensnid, Election Speech. Mr Stensnid was later elected as titular co-president due to popular demand.

OP here. I plan on starting the quest the day I'm not semi-drunk on a Friday Morning and one of you guys sends me a sound file that plays a reverse of "God Save the Queen" on a Scottish Bagpipe.

And that the mods won't banhammer the living fuck out of me
>And that the mods won't banhammer the living fuck out of me
I'm making a note to check Gurochan for the continuance of a couple of quests...
>For reasons not entirely understood by linguists, the very common Numidian surname "Raman" translate into "No-one" in Meduanese. Given that the latter is the official language in Selyn, visits to the city can be very awkward to unprepared Numidian tourists.
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" . . . and I tell you, the nerve of the Brynn bitch. Thinks she runs the whole city just because she's a head taller than us girls and has, like, the worst man-face ever. Stupid grayskins.Oh, I've so had it with these people, should just stay in Metpo-whats-it-called, but nooooo, they naturally have to come here, all like "Brynn stronk, ooga booga!". The only thing, and I tell you, the -only- thing these brutes are good for is keeping those pesky Numidians in line. Have you seen that little whore Domara lately? With her stupid silk "robes" ? She's practically naked! Why should I even bother putting make-up on my face when all the boys have their eyes glued to her freaking tits?!"

~ street chatter, Selyn
Take your meds OP. They are for your own good.
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> The Stregnotchi are a wandering people that originally (and partially still) hails from the border region between the Spineback Mountains and the Razor Sand found to the east of them. They somewhat resemble Meduans, but are significantly larger (almost as large as the Xivai, as it is sad) and have a body composure ranging from burly to podgy. Male Stregnotchi are known for their thick and very lovingly cared-for mustaches, while females wear their hair in more plain top-knots.
> Unlike other traveling people, such as the Dagoy, the Stregnotchi are warmly welcomed in practically all cities, being highly amicable and typically have a happy-go-lucky attitude that makes it hard not to like them. More importantly however, they are not simply nomads, but instead move in large trade caravans, bringing exotic goods as well as news from far-away lands to the cities and happily serving as couriers for a very reasonable amount of coin.
> Another notable talent of the Stregnotchi is their skill with thread and needle that stands in strong contrast to their plump-looking hands. Clothes made by Stregnotchi are always in high demand, and it is almost universally held that a wedding dress woven by a Stregnotchi artisan will bring good luck and plenty of children to bride.
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Holy shit, every single sentence in that OP emanates this aura of trying too hard to be funny.
Damn, take a break.
I'll tell The Boo.
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> During their travels, the Stregnotchi naturally come across many dangers, and thus most of them are perfectly capable of fending off wild animals and the like. However, Stregnotchi caravans also contain at least one Djingaru. These men are an imposing sight, clad in immensely thick leather armor and intricate masks, and though they are taciturn, a single stare of them will often suffice to remind any would-be offender that he has terribly important business elsewhere.
>In actual combat, the Djingaru do not make not use cold steel as most others would prefer. Instead, their rely on their fists and, as a matter of fact, on their whole body to beat, maim, and crush any enemy into submission. And while it may be argued that their unwillingness to use actual weapons would put them at a disadvantage against properly armed foes, the esteemed reader should keep in mind that the average Djabuti does not only weigh around six-thousand pounds, but also knows how to use every single ounce of them.
> Djabutis also come to act when it comes to disputes between two different Stregnotchi caravans. Rather than wasting precious time arguing who's not and who's not, the Caravan Patriarch instead elects one of his Djabuti's to represent his caravan in an ancient Stregnotchi ritual against that of the other caravan. The rules of this ritual are so secret that only the Djabuti themselves actually know them, but foreign spectators will typically describe it as an immensely spectacular form of wrestling match.
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And with that, the hangover is gone, and the curtain falls. As per usual, thanks for bearing with me, and have a nice day /tg/.
But that would deprive us of Selyn threads.

Would that be much of a loss? It might be better for this guy's liver.

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