Rolled 1

Previous threads available on suptg at
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Loli%20STALKER

I also have a Twitter for updates, @Loli_Kaleun

>RANDOM ENCOUNTER DICE GOOO

>[ ]Go for the station. It's safe, and you can introduce yourselves to the locals!
Chris & Vasa (In unison): NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE
>[x]Check out the Scientist Bunker
Scientists are too busy with important stuffs to notice that there are young girls around.. right?

>>30191465
I'd go for the station, but I'm not sure just what our rep is around here. We also haven't had much success interacting with scientists before, but there may not be time to "find a hole" before nightfall and scientists seem better than the alternative.
>[ ]Check out the Scientist Bunker

>>30191465
>[ ]Check out the Scientist Bunker

hey, it's not as if another scientist tried to drug and kill us, right?

>>30191465
Just take a sick day Kaleun! For Christ's sake, you tried carrying on before with a broken finger, I have a hard time believing this isn't something to be worried about too. Don't put Loli before yourself, guy.

But since you're here anyways:
>[ ]Check out the Scientist Bunker

Take your time to heal up Kaleun. Nothing will happen to Loli while you're gone, no worries.

Let's check the Scientist Bunker.

>>30191465
>[x]Check out the Scientist Bunker

>>30191495
Christ.

>>30191742
>>30191797
He's one of us now. He'll be here forever-

>>30191738
Far as I could tell, no druggings were involved. And the professor was likely also the main reason the guards didn't kill us outright. Of course on the other hand, he COULD have just let us leave in peace, but he wasn't as much of a dick as he could have been.

>>30191851
They still stole our gravity artifact though. Maybe we can have find out where they are and cute them to death?

>>30191928
They're probably still guarding the bunker? At least I think that's a more or less steady job until you get killed.

>>30191949
iirc kaleun said we might see them again, but they weren't where we last saw them.

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>>30191465
Sorry about the delay, had to go refill my alcohol stores!

I was completely out of both port and beer. A highly uncomfortable situation. I also grabbed me some chocolate shreddies. Fuckin love those things.

If I'm coherent enough to drive a car, I'm coherent enough to write a quest thread!

I'm not.

I got lost on a roundabout, then almost killed a guy.

Hahaha.

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>>30192283
>Has chocolate, alcohol stores and a photo of Giltine
Calling it, Kaleun is actually Beard.

>>30192350
>Knowing him, I'm pretty certain of it.

>Then again, i was responsible for breaking his mind a few years ago... Introducing Katawa at the wrong time in a man's life... that's precision mind-fuck right there...

>>30192401
We have friends of the Kaleun in here? Tell us of his shenanigans!

>>30192432
herr kaulen once took a broadsword to the face

>>30192553
Did the broadsword survive?

>>30192553
I assume swung by you?

>>30192553
Firstly, it was a shortsword.
Secondly, it was fine after I had my face glued back together, so shut up about it already.

>>30192617
>it was fine after I had my face glued back together

>>30191465
Well, you can't imagine Kris or Vasa dealing too well with the station, so you opt instead to make for the scientist bunker. Sergei tells you it isn't much of a difference in distance anyway, and your party sets off along the road away from the plant.

A little ways along the road, it meets up with a railway track emerging from a tunnel and leading off to a train station in the distance. Sergei mentions that it's the station he was meaning to stop at, but the bunker is further along. Beside the tunnel is a small service station entrance.

You're not too far down the road, however, when you pick up a low droning sound in the distance. You stop and cock your head to one side, trying to place the noise.
Vasa stops beside you, leaning in close. "What is it?" she mumbles quietly at you, trying not to disturb your hearing. Kris looks over her shoulder quizzically at the two of you.

"I... don't know. It's sort of like... an air plane?" The sound is getting louder now.

"Oi, I c'n 'ear it, too," Sergei confirms. "Tha hell is't?"

In the distance, in the direction of the noise, you can just about make out the shape of something coming towards you. You point it out. Kris' eyes suddenly go wide. "UAV! TAKE COVER!"

[ ]Go off-road, find somewhere to hide.
[ ]Make for the tunnel mouth.
[ ]Go for the service entrance.

>>30192617
>>30192630
He really is Beard. He even got treated by Doc!

>>30192647
[x]Make for the tunnel mouth.
Service entrance might be locked.

>>30192647
>[x]Go for the service entrance.
The other options sound like we'll get shot at by the UAV. We don't like getting shot at.

>>30192647
>[x]Go for the service entrance.

>>30192647
>[ ]Go for the service entrance.

I can't imagine you as anything but a total wreck of a person. With mangled hands that never healed properly, a gross scar running the length of your face leaving your nose a bit malformed, never without alcohol in hand, just sitting in front of your computer saying in a deep grotesque voice "Loli-chan, you're so kawaii ~ ~!".
Right now doing so with the sniffles and a violent cough.

>>30192647
>[ ]Make for the tunnel mouth.
Surely it's just a coincidence and it isn't actually looking for us. I mean, it couldn't, right? Why would it?

Fuck.

>>30192819
Summon the drawfags!

>>30192819

I agree with this statement.

That and his "Sig-Chan"...

CAPTCHA: The Zone

>>30192844
>sig-chan
sigourney weaver?

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>>30192844
>You better not be talking shit about my raifu.

>>30192819
Always imagined Kaleun as a cute animu trap. I see no reason to stop. Scars are cute too.

>>30192977
You are literally the best thing on /tg/ right now.

>>30192647
You take half a second to assess your options, before leaping off the road to the train track and sprinting for the service entrance. It's little more than a square hole in a concrete cube jutting out the side of the hill next to the track, but it serves as cover. Everyone piles in after just as the noise of a jet engine reaches its crescendo as it passes over you. At almost the exact same moment, the hiss and roar like a huge firework being lit, followed by the boom of an explosion right outside the door, the shock-wave crashing over your party as you huddle in the darkness of the concrete room.

The engine sound continues, and Kris hisses for everyone to stay put as it circles around your position several times. After what feels like an age, the drone begins to lessen as it departs into the distance once more. Still, no-one dares to move

The silence is only broken when Doggy suddenly hops off the pile of people, to begin growling in the direction of a second doorway you only just noticed, leading deeper into the service tunnels.

[ ]"What is it, Doggy?" Investigate the tunnels.
[ ]NOPE. Get out, head for the bunker again.
[ ]Wait here, see if anything comes out.

>>30193060

[x]"What is it, Doggy?" Investigate the tunnels.

Its pretty likely that we're going to have to go down them sometime soon...

>>30193060
>[ ]Wait here, see if anything comes out.
Vasa got pissy when we ran off last time.

>>30193060
Investigate the tunnels.
Willing to bet that there are zombies there.

>>30193060
[x]"What is it, Doggy? Timmy fell down a well?" Investigate the tunnels.

>>30193060
>[ ]Wait here, see if anything comes out.
The zone is lethal at night. We want to find a safe place, not a death trap. Move on if nothing threatens us immediately.

>>30193060
>[x]"What is it, Doggy?" Investigate the tunnels.
Might as well check out what got Doggy so riled up, if we leave now it might try to attack us from behind later.

>>30193060
>[ ]"What is it, Doggy?" Investigate the tunnels.

>>30193060
"Doggy? What is it, Doggy?" You pull yourself out of the pile of bodies slowly disentangling themselves and move next to Doggy. "Is there something in there?" His ears drop flat against his head as he glowers at the darkness. You instinctively move one hand to your waist, ready to move to either knife or pistol in a heartbeat. Your other hand flicks the switch on the torch around your head, casting a powerful beam into the next room over. At the back of the room is a flight of stairs leading down into the earth. Without further ado, you take several paces into the next room in order to be able to see down the case. As soon as your head rounds the corner though, something leaps, screeching from the stairwell.

[DC 16 Dodge check]

Rolled 16

>>30193334
Rollan'

Rolled 14

>>30193334
oh boy

Rolled 4

>>30193334
Here's hoping...

>>30193350
>>30193334
Nailed it!

>aoampl fine
Yes Captcha, we aoampl fine.

>>30193334
>>30193350
You lucky bastards. I told you not to go in there and look, you only just made the save.

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>>30193334
>>30193350
You jerk your head back as the tiny ball of flesh hurtles past you and thumps into the concrete beside you. You spin your head around to bring light onto the thing.

What catches your gaze is something that looks like an oversized cross between a mouse and a jerboa, except completely hairless, a raggedly thin, starved looking body, with jagged sharp teeth and a distinctly evil glint in its eyes.

It's... it's...

[ ]disgusting! Stamp it dead.
[ ]creepy as hell. Take a few steps back and slam the metal door shut.
[ ]ADORABLE!

>>30193546
>[x]ADORABLE!
RAT!

>>30193546
>[x]ADORABLE!

I regret nothing.

>>30193546
>[x]ADORABLE!
Just.. just look at it!

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>>30193546
>[x]ADORABLE!

Can we keep it? Pretty please?

>>30193546
>[ ]disgusting! Stamp it dead.
Rodents deserve only death.

>>30193546
>[ ]ADORABLE!

>>30193546
You can hear the sound of scrambling from the room behind you as the others react to the sounds coming from this stairwell, and Kris pops her head through the door just in time to hear you squeal at the top of your lungs, your hands instantly bunching into fists in front of you at the excitement. "ITS ADORABLE!!!"

[DC 16 Careful, It Bites! check]

Rolled 14

>>30193692
Fucking rodents.

>>30193692

THE POWER OF CUTE

Rolled 16

>>30193692
Bad rat!

Rolled 15

>>30193692
Eat my nat 20!

Rolled 3

>>30193730
GODDAMNIT

>>30193730
>>30193757
You are unworthy namefriend.

Rolled 20

>>30193779
Forgive me, I'm drunk on wine and cheese.

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>>30193786

>>30193786
You rolled well on your Charisma check. You are forgiven. I also want your babies.

>>30193786
Give us Elsaß-Lothringen back, Frenchie

>>30193786
>drunk on wine and cheese
>nat20
france ftw

>>30193786
You just can't do anything right can you, namefriend? I think you should lie down and take a break.

>>30193692
>>30193733
You reach forwards and clasp it about the midriff, lifting it into the air and twirling about a few times before pulling close to your chest. As it recovers from its self-stunning maneuver, it twists its head down to try and bite your fingers. You see the attempt coming though, and giggle as you switch up your grip so it can't ever quite nibble you.

Kris stares on, agape. "Loli, why don't you just put that thing down and let me shoot it, yeah..?"

"Aaaw, don't be like that! She has a name! And her name is..."

>WHAT IS HER NAME??

Rolled 13

>>30193901
>Her name is Chris!

>>30193901
Scrat.

>>30193901
Ratty

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>>30193901
Nibbler.

>>30193901
Rascal

>>30193969
That works for me

>>30193901
this: >>30193969

Rolled 2

>>30193901
>>30193969
-Nibbler!"

As soon as you utter the name, she falls still in your arms. You run a hand gently between her ears, stroking the sensitive spot between her eyes, which she seems to enjoy. After a few moments, she hops out of your hands and onto your shoulder, where she curls herself about your neck and huddles down as if going to sleep.

...

She's apparently content there, and there's little left to do back here, so you head out back into the main room.

Vasa gets one look at the rodent on your shoulder and reaches for her gun. "What the hell is that thing!?"

"It's Nibbler, and she's my friend!" you exclaim gleefully, ignoring any further protests and skipping out the door, back into the track, Doggy padding along at your side.

It's a long few seconds before the others break from their trance and follow you out the door along the road.

>>30193969
I support this proposal

Rolled 53, 83 = 136

>>30194076
>>Rolled 2
>Oh come on!

>>30194076
We befriend all the cute animals

>>30194093
does that include Bloodsuckers?

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>>30194093
Shame this isn't the Dark Souls universe. So many cute animals.

>>30194196
>MR FLAPPY!

>>30194172
Not an animal. It could be 'cute' though, seeing as Loli's definition of 'cute' is completely arbitrary and disconnected from reality; Doggy is cute, other dogs are hostile, even if seemingly identical to Doggy in every way except being Doggy, and get shot. This is somehow logical.

>>30194239
i just assumed doggy was an actual dog.
are you telling me he is a pseudodog or a blind dog?

>>30194172
why would we want a pet lawyer? Ain't no laws in the zone

>>30194278
Remember how Doggy wasn't technically allowed in Skadovsk because of the 'no mutants' rule?

>>30194076

>Herr Kaleun's net is being shitty

You continue skipping your way along the rail track, keeping your pace down in order to allow the rest of the party to catch up to you. A little way ahead, an abandoned train sits in disuse under an iron bridge over the corner in the track. Before they finish closing the distance, however, Doggy suddenly bolts from your side, off into the undergrowth lining the track. "Doggy? DOGGY!" You shift your weight to the side, ready to bolt after him.

A flash of light from the bridge. A single bullet whips past you, kicking dust from the ground behind you, before bouncing up into Sergei as he jogs along. The round goes clean through his left leg in a brilliant shower of blood. A grunt of pain, a colorful curse, he hits the ground hard, rolling as he does so and immediately bringing his RPK to bear on the direction of the attack.

"AMBUSH," Kris yells, quite pointlessly. You're pretty sure everyone had worked that out. She gives Vasa a hard shove, prompting her to move into the bushes on the right side of the track as she takes up her own position on the left.

The foliage either side of the abandoned train explodes in a burst of gunfire.

[ ]Stop, drop, fire back.
[ ]Dive for cover.
[ ]CHARGE!

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>>30194278
This is doggy

>>30194356
>Stop, drop, fire back.

>>30194356
>[ ]Stop, drop, fire back.

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>>30194356
>[x]CHARGE!
For we must become loli, destroyer of people.

>>30194356
>[X]CHARGE!
time for fun with knives

>>30194356
>[x]CHARGE!

If its an ambush, staying in the killzone is the worst possible idea.

>>30194356
>[ ]CHARGE!
Let's see if Yanov has any idea what's come knocking on its door.

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>>30194356
>[ ]CHARGE!

>>30194356
> He's rebooting his router

You immediately kick yourself into a full sprint directly along the tracks towards the nearest opponents, drawing both pistols are you run. You're bolting directly for the right side, and you can almost feel the attention of the assailants on the left tracking you as the stream of fire continues. Another flash from the bridge, and you feel the wind whip against your flesh as another round bounces neatly between your legs.

Kris' voice cuts clear across the noise, "VASS, SNIPER! SERGEI, SUPPRESS THE LEFT!" Half a heartbeat pause, before a heavy stream of gunfire kicks up, spraying the entire left bank below the bridge along the bushline you're being engaged from. Most of the positions quickly go silent, leaving you a clear shot into the targets on the right.

[DC 10 I'm Forgetting Something check]

Rolled 9

>>30194623
We never forget! CHARGE!

Rolled 17

>>30194623
I have no face

Rolled 11

>>30194623
too easy

Rolled 1

>>30194623

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Rolled 2

>>30194623
ATTAAAAAACK

>>30194660
You are so lucky i decided to roll...

>>30194623
We forgot do deploy Nibbler. I guess just throw at something and she'll get to work on killing it? How do rats work?

>>30194623
>>30194649
As you're about to hit the bushline, it dawns on you. You never reloaded your pistols after that last encounter.
You hit the release on both pistols simultaneously, dropping both empty magazines to the road side. Still in full sprint, you use your thumbs to rip the pockets on your vest open and pull two fresh magazines out. Gripping them against your pistol grips, you slam them home into the pistol of the opposing hand, flicking the slide release with your forefinger.

Just in time to leap through the underbrush with two pistols loaded and ready to go, rolling back to a stand on the other side. Unfortunately, Nibbler wasn't in any position to be prepared for the leap, and falls from your shoulder into the bush. She seems fine as you glance back. You set your attention back to your targets, two men who look very, very surprised to see you up close.

You grin as you lift your pistols to greet them, and execute them both with a single round each.

From what little you can judge from just the sound of gunfire in your semi-concealed position, it seems as if Sergei has the left side pretty well held down. Though he's burning through a lot of his ammunition. You did give him a LOT of it though. Kris' rifle also seems to be firing once every so often in the same direction. The guy on the bridge hasn't fire again yet, and you haven't heard the distinctive thwap of Vasa's SVU yet.

[ ]Go for the guy on the bridge.
[ ]Clean up the left side.
[ ]Other?

>>30194898
[x]Go for the guy on the bridge.
loli works best in duels.

Rolled 9

>>30194898
>[x]Go for the guy on the bridge.
Kris and Sergei got the left, Vasa is alone on the right and might be having problems. We can't have our grumpy sniper having problems

>>30194898
>[ ]Clean up the left side.
AND
>Deploy Nibbler to harass the guy on the bridge by throwing her in his face. She'll understand.

>>30194898
>[ ]Go for the guy on the bridge.

>>30194898
>[x]Clean up the left side.
>[x]other
Ask Doggy to go for the bridge.

>>30194898
You tear it along the brush to the road, hauling yourself up the embankment onto the bridge ready to take down the enemy sniper. What meets you is not a sniper.

Well, there is one. He's lying face down on the bridge, his head a mess of blood and brain matter.
But next to him, standing

"Ah, we meet again, pup. What a pleasure." Kiyiya stands in the very center of the bridge, apparently completely unconcerned about the ongoing firefight below him. "I must congratulate your sniper on taking out my man so cleanly! And for the last time, placing a round so cleanly between my shoulder blades! I'm sure she'll enjoy the reward I have in mind, eh? Enjoy it like a bitch in heat, she will." His face twists into a sadistic grin, though the rest of his body remains unmoving.

A single round pings off the iron girder next to him, sailing just a few inches past his head. You can see the wind of its travel catching his collar as it passes.
He doesn't even flinch.

"But, before we get to that business. How about we conclude our little match?" With a slow, purposeful precision, he reach down to his side and draws his serrated bayonet.

>Response?
>Actions?

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>>30191465

You guys......this is the best that has happened today
Something like this can only be found on /tg

>>30195242
Deploy Nibbler. If there's anything that can do the job now, it's her.

Rolled 10

>>30195242
>Response
shoot him.

don't bring a knife to a gunfight

>>30195242
"leave us alone!"
and try to hit him in the balls?

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Rolled 16

>>30195242
>Response
Shout "Kiyiya is here!" to alert the others
>Actions?
MURDER DEATH KILL STAB

>>30195242
Draw our knife, he's proven to be immune to bullets a couple times already. Maybe not to a missing jugular.

>>30195306

Second that.

>>30195242
>Shank a bitch

>>30195242
"Wait what, how did you get here so fast. You cheated!"

>>30195242
>"No."
>Jump of the bridge.

>>30195419
Yes. His forces are falling apart, he'll need to pull something more if wants to force a fight.

>>30195242
Okay let's duel. Western style duels are what we came to the zone for.

>>30195242
if something goes really wrong, we can still use the ring trick

>Alright, so we have, uh, 2 for shoot him. 2 for jump off the bridge. 1 for throwing a Nibbler, 1 for alerting the others. And 4 for taking this as a duel?

>Do we want some convoluted amalgamation of these, or should I assume a majority vote?

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>>30195510
>ring trick
Why did you have to remind me?

>>30195242
ight him with our animal companions

>>30195530
first one sounds more fun

>>30195530
either is fine with me but I would prefer duel

>>30195530
Have Nibbler shoot him with our knife, while we alert the others by jumping off the bridge.

>>30195530
Maybe take it as a duel, just not a particularly honorable one.

>>30195530
We promised Kris to try not to fight him. Or at least she asked us to. And NPCs obviously get to vote.

>>30195644
I forgot about this apparently, wanna change
>>30195326
to jump off the bridge and shout "Kiyiya is here!".

>>30195644
Well she asked us to but we also promised to kill him. Don't forget that Loli is pretty much just as psychopathic as Kiyaya is.

>>30195724
Nah, Loli is pretty sane. Not much less than the average stalker. She's just pretty goddamn stupid and probably-but-totally-not-supernatural.

>>30195242
"How did you get here so fast?" You ask, taking a few steady paces towards him, drawing one of your own knives in the same purposeful fashion. "That's cheating."

He chuckles, "I could say the same thing. I wasn't expecting you in my den for at least a few more days." As you square off against him, arm's reach apart, a memory of your first moments in the Zone come unbidden to your mind. A way to defeat a man, no matter how big he is, how superior.

As he visibly begins to ready himself for the confrontation, you kick him in the balls.

Even as he's still keeling over from the shock, you thrust upwards, trying to shank him in the neck. His body seems to react even without conscious effort, as his wrist flicks across his body to defend against the dishonorable ploy. Expecting as much, your free hand has already drawn your pistol. Knives still locked together, you bring the muzzle of your pistol to the back of his head and pull the trigger. The jerking of his neck as you fire is horrifically unnatural, in just how fast it moved to one side: as if the director of this scene has come to look at it again, decades later, and decided that he should be able to dodge a shot at this range and liberally applied bad CGI to make it so.

To match the inhuman movements, he follows this evasion with a knee to your chest, tossing you back and increasing the distance between you. You instinctively drop your pistol and fling your knife at him, aiming for his face, as you draw both the new blades Vasa bought for you.
Kiyiya catches the knife mid-air, by its handle, and smirks derisively at you.

"It was a cute trick, I'll give you that much, pup. But now we play by the Alpha's rules!"

He readies himself once more, his serrated blade in his right hand, your survival knife in the off. You mirror the action, both Vasa's blades ready to meet his.

>>30195903
Reported for hacking.

>>30195903
You nod your acceptance to him, that this duel is to be fought in an honorable manner. However, this would contradict a promise to a friend, one that for some reason you don't want to break at this point in time.

So, you take what is clearly the next best option.

"KIYIYA'S HERE," you scream at the top of your lungs, as you hurl yourself off the bridge.

[Part 20 End]

>>30195903
"We were playing by rules?"
and then call for help or something

>>30195961
Awesome work thanks for the thread.

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>>30195961
>[Part 20 End]
Dun dun dun!

Thanks for running the thread, Beard! Get better quickly!
*Gives Beard chocolate*

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SUPER SHORT EDITION WAS NOT SHORT AT ALL
Why did I run for a full 4 hours, guys?
Please tell me why.

Please use the rest of this thread for tactical discussions, paranoid musings, or general application of questions in my direction. I will endeavor to answer them either in this thread if it's still live when I wake up, or in next thread.

As always, thanks for the thread, folks!
See you next time.
Which should hopefully be Friday, since I cancelled my plans already. Valentine's Day special! Or something...

If you'll excuse me, I think I would like to go lie down.

>>30196120
Which of your friends was inserted as Kiyiya, because your self-insert is clearly Bear.

>>30196120
because you love us, duh

>>30196120
Valentine's day special would be awesome. Armed with the subtlety and tact of grade scholl marching band Loli cupid will help all the pairings (read Vasa and Kris).

>>30196120
Valentine's special objective: Help Vasa confess her true feelings to Kris.

Good job trying to make everyone happy on that last entry. I still say we need to avoid any fight with Kiyiya that we didn't start ourselves. He's objectively stronger, we only win when we have a tactical advantage, and even then we also need to be able to prevent him from running away. Basically we need a cleverly planned trap.

On an off-note, shouldn't this be the area with the Monolith survivors that we literally know about in-game because people around Skadovsk told us about them. We should visit.

>>30196252
A guy called Dave, actually. I took a few choice liberties, since Dave is a really dull name.

Dave once performed a sprinting drop-kick on me while I held a shield. Because we thought it would be funny.

It was.

>>30196293
You heard about them because there were rumors of them being dealt with by some busy-body Stalker who'd already helped everyone who possibly needed helping around Skadovsk just a few days before you got there.

>>30196404
I bet Dave is also an avid CoD player who applies liberal amounts of aimbots, wallhacks and noclipping.

>>30196404
Gee, I wonder who that could be. Fortunately I wasn't looking to help them, I wanted to talk to them partially because I want to see who, if any, they got taken in with in Kaleun's canon, and partially because we could make friends. They should totally be able to sympathise with us.

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>>30196458
Nah, he's just an ex-military guy who spends literally all his free time either training in some form of martial art, or hitting people with blunt swords.


I was going to do something... Oh yeah, go to sleep!

>>30196654
night dude
and now i wonder if you had a loli try some cosplays for you or if you just wish you had...

>>30196654
Sleep is for the weak and mentally and mentally challenged. You know you are a real fa/tg/uy when you pass out over your d20s and character notes.

>>30196722
I can confirm in his case, its the latter.

I have also been attempting to mail order him a loli with little success so far.

>>30196805
It's okay, though! He has a bunch of loving and loyal players who will play with him any time he likes! That counts for something!

I hope.

>>30196854
I introduced him to sig chan. Thats the closest i got.

I also introduced him to /a/ and /tg/... What have i created?!

>>30196908

>>30192819
A monster.

>>30196908
I have been informed that i should stop speaking before horrible things happen to me...

>>30196908
Fun?

>>30196268
On this note, I am somewhat annoyed that I won't be able to execute my detailed and elaborate plan to make Vass not-hate us before valentine's. That would have made things easier.