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/tg/ - Traditional Games


File: 1391279523197.jpg-(121 KB, 683x1024, this_is_a_giant_fucking_robot.jpg)
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"Rico! Are you okay? Answer me. Rico!"

"Whuzzat?" You answer, half conscious.

"Blimey, I thought you were done for." You notice the gaping hole going right through the armour, only two inches away from your head. Well then.

"Charles, give me a sitrep, I've got knocked out for a second." You say, rubbing a hand against your face.

"Left thruster is shot. Our power is at 24%. Outer armour plating has seen better days."

"Fuck Charles, that's not what I meant. What the hell is going on again?" You're still feeling woozy. Probably got yourself a concussion from the impact.

"We have been attacked from behind." He answers. Well that tells you nothing.

Actually, when you think about it, it does. It's all coming back now...

***

You're Rico and the twisted luck that has been following you since forever has struck again. One one hand, you were allowed into the Royal Armoured Guard, the contingent of mobile armour infantry open only to few. Prestige, money and full dental insurance follows. On the other hand, you are stationed in a place where the most bitchy person in the entire kingdom resides. The Dragon Princess. And she's racist as fuck.

"...and I mean really, what daddy is thinking, giving me such puny men as you to guard ME, the grand princess! All you have is this armour. You know what you are without it? Nothing." She says, walking back and forth in front of your robot armour, as you're standing guard. All you can do is roll your eyes.

"I must say, that she is quite persistent." Says Charles, your on-board AI. You can only agree with a bored expression while sipping lemonade. She won't see that trough the cockpit anyway, so who cares.

"I bet you can't even fight. Royal Guard is just for show anyway." She says, hiding a sly grin behind her fan.

OH NO SHE DIDN'T.

>Deck that bitch right in the face.
>You can be bitchy too. Yell her off.
>It's not worth losing full dental. Prevail.
>>
Rolled 3

>>29946633
Deck that bitch right in the face!
>>
>>29946633
>It's not worth losing full dental. Prevail.

We can't afford dental on our own. Shit's expensive.
>>
>>29946633
>not simply turning off the audio-feed and putting on your favourite show to play in middle of the HUD
>>
>>29946751
Here we go.
Ignore her and let's watch us some Giant Robot shows.
>>
Rolled 29

>>29946633
Fuck It. Prevail, putting up with the little shit's temper tantrums is part of the job description.

little shit can bet what she wants, we're professionals
>>
>>29946751
Seconding this. Turn off the audio feed, trusting our AI to tell us if anything big's going on, and then watch giant robo shows.
>>
>>29946751
This.
>>
>It's not worth losing full dental. Prevail.

Chill. You're cool. You can take those insults. Nothing big. The fact that you doesn't have a dark past doesn't mean you don't know how to put up with some insults. You're cool.

"Charles, be a dear and cut off the audio-feed."

"I'm not sure if that's wise. We need it to stay vigilant and-"

"Now Charles." You cut him off. Without any further word, he cuts it out and you can enjoy the beautiful silence. That's exactly what you needed.

"Okay, now, did I pack the newest episode of Nuclear Robots Deathmatch?" You say, rummaging through your personal belongings.

"To your left." Says Charles. Ah, there it is.

You spend next 30 minutes watching robots battling each other, not caring what's going on around the world. This job might actually be not so half bad.

But then your chill time is abruptly cut off, while you feel the entire armour shaking.

"Sweet mother of mechas, what's going on Charles?" You say.

"Apparently the princess wants something from us." He says, closing the tab with your favourite show. The princess looks pretty worried. You decide that turning on the audio might be a good idea.

"...you deaf? The castle's under attack. I need you to protect me!" She says, almost in tears.

That shouldn't happen, but it probably was in the job description. You don't know, you've accepted right away when you heard "full dental".

>Rush where the fighting is. It's showtime!
>Take the princess to safety. You are Royal Guard after all.
>Tell her to take a chill pill, nothing is gonna happen to her when you're around.
>>
>>29946947
>>Tell her to take a chill pill, nothing is gonna happen to her when you're around.

I want to play 'don't give a fuck' guard. Procrastinate until shit piles up
>>
>>29946947
>Tell her to take a chill pill, nothing is gonna happen to her when you're around.
>>
>>29946947
"Take a chill pill, Grand Princess. I may be a puny man outside this, but right now I'm in my armor and I'm right here. Ain't nothing getting past me."
>>
>>29946947
>Take the princess to safety. You are Royal Guard after all.
Do the attackers have stealth cloak technology? Because of they do, they could be ANYWHERE! Well, anywhere where there are obviously visible giant robot footprints, anyway.
>>
>>29946947
>Take the princess to safety. You are Royal Guard after all.

> Procrastinate until shit piles up

Inb4 80 story tall bio-mech spider wrecks our shit.
>>
Rolled 71

>>29946947
Take the princess to safety, if she's playing a prank so be it, either way we got a job to do.
>>
>>29946947
>Tell her to take a chill pill, nothing is gonna happen to her when you're around
We don't really give a fuck. Take and light one of our special cigs to take the edge off.
>>
>>Tell her to take a chill pill, nothing is gonna happen to her when you're around.

Psshhh, castles under attack. You might be new on the job, but you're damned sure that entire castle wouldn't fall just like that. I mean, there are Royal Guards in here. Plus, the royal family and most of the nobles are dragons. Good luck going against that.

"Take a chill pill, Grand Princess. I may be a puny man outside this, but right now I'm in my armor and I'm right here. Ain't nothing getting past me." You say, with your most suave tone, sipping lemonade. Damn straight.

She looks at you in disbelief. Charles, not knowing what to say, just visualize three dots.

"Are you out of your mind?" She says. Wow, you didn't know that scales can get red with anger.

"Now, now, I think you need to cool off." Just as you finish that sentence a gigantic creature, looking like a cross between octopus and godzilla, bust from a wall behind you, knocking you over.

Well that one slipped behind you, but that doesn't count! He came from a wall.

The princess apparently doesn't understand this, as she shrieks in fear.

>Be like John Wayne and shoot it down with your robot-sized gun.
>You know what would be cool? Slicing that thing with your sword.
>Use your bare robotic hands. That will show princess just how much of a top gun you are.
>>
>>29947174
>Be like John Wayne and shoot it down with your robot-sized gun.
>>
>>29947174
>You know what would be cool? Slicing that thing with your sword.
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vSlNHi6wgQQ
>>
>>29947174
>>You know what would be cool? Slicing that thing with your sword.
>>
>>29947174
>Use your bare robotic hands. That will show princess just how much of a top gun you are.
>>
>>29947174
>Use your bare robotic hands. That will show princess just how much of a top gun you are.
>>
Rolled 2

>>29947174
Shoot it, we stay where we are beside the princess if we charge off half cocked we'll leave our bratty little paycheck unprotected

open a secure channel to the rest of the guards, and our commander (cause fuckin nobody would let an irresponsible fuck like us have any sort of authority) to ask what the fuck is going on, and to send in some support to protect the princes if at all possible

we sentinel now
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8tv-e9DJqK4
>>
Rolled 98

>>29947174
Sword. Fucking sword!
>>
>>29947174
>Be like John Wayne and shoot it down with your robot-sized gun.
>>
>>29947174
>>You know what would be cool? Slicing that thing with your sword.
>>
>>29947174
Shoot, sing OP song from Berserk
>>
>You know what would be cool? Slicing that thing with your sword.

Okay, okay, you'll be frank, you did not expect something like THAT to attack. It looks around, with the three eyes it has, stopping at princess.

"Aaaahhh, so there you are your highness. In the name of the Overlord Darkdeath, I, the high lieutenant Sup Calmari shall inprison you!"

>> SUP CALMARI <<
>> HIGH LIEUTENANT <<

Over your dead body.

"Charles, ready the blade. We're going in hard." You say, grabbing the controls tighter and throwing the lemonade cup away.

"Blade at the ready. I shall alert the rest of the guards." Oh yeah, that's important too.

"Yo, octopus! You forgot about someone!" You say, as your sword ejects from the back of your armour. It flies into the air spinning and you grab it perfectly by the hilt as it falls down. You charge him down, interrupting his own take at the princess.

With a powerful slice, you cut off one of his tentacles.

He yells in pain as he back off, glaring at you.

"You good for nothing human scum! You dare to stand against the forces of Overlord Darkdeath?" He says, producing a blade of his own.

"Well, do you see me sitting?" You says.

>Rush him down and push him back to the hole from which he came.
>Make a finely slashes sushi out of him.
>Don't bring swords to a gunfight. Shoot him.
>>
>>29947420
>Don't bring swords to a gunfight. Shoot him.
>>
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>>29947420
>choot em
>>
Rolled 85

>>29947420
"You dare stand against my AWESOMENESS?"

Parry his sword, shoot him in the face.
>>
>>29947420
>>Don't bring swords to a gunfight. Shoot him.

What damn idiot
>>
>>29947420
>Make a finely slashes sushi out of him.
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pJLs9arHEYE
>>
Aaaand sorry for all of those typos. I'm a wee bit drunk.
>>
>>29947420
>Don't bring swords to a gunfight. Shoot him.
>>
>>29947420

>Don't bring swords to a gunfight. Shoot him.
>>
>>29947483
get more drunk, will make for interesting quest

whacha drinking?
>>
>>29947420
OP, you had my curiosity. Now you have me attention

>SUSHI SUSHI SUSHI SUSHI
>>
>>29947483
It's the only way to run. GOGOGOGOGO

Make sushi out of him. If there is a vat of oil nearby maybe make calamari instead
>>
>>29947483
If being drunk brings us this top notch quality writing, then i think we can forgive you
>>
>Don't bring swords to a gunfight. Shoot him.

So that asshat has a blade of his own. Too bad, you've got something better. You charge him down.

"Charles, ready the gun!" You say, as your swords collide, sending an booming echo through the castle corridors. You try to overcome each other with strength, but apparently you're equally matched.

"See? You can't overpower the forces of Overlord Darkdeath!" He says, grinning. Well, grinning as much as half-octopus can.

"Overpower this." You say, as you bring the gun you've been holding in your off-hand to his face. You pull the trigger several times. The 50 mm rounds drive right trough his head. He falls back and lie down dead. You shoot him down few times more for good measure.

>> SUP CALMARI <<
>> HIGH LIEUTENANT <<
>> DEFEATED BY THE WAY OF THE GUN <<

You'd like to blow out the smoke out of your barrel, but the cockpit stands in your way. You decide that just spinning it in the hand of your giant robot-armour will deem cool enough. You put it back into the hold in the robot's left tight. Charles will take care of reloading it. You turn back to princess. She's on the ground, shivering and shocked.

"So as I said, ain't nothing getting past me." You say, giving her thumb up.

"G-good" she stammers, picking herself up. "Guess I can trust you with my safety." Damn right she can.

>Listen to guard channel, go where you are needed.
>Go where the fighting is at. You're not done yet.
>Get into the hole from the Calmari came. That should lead you to something.
>>
>>29947420
>>Don't bring swords to a gunfight. Shoot him.
>>
>>29947719
>Get into the hole from the Calmari came. That should lead you to something.
>>
>>29947719
>Get into the hole from the Calmari came. That should lead you to something

I know this is stupid, but its also awesome. So im going with this
>>
>>29947719
>>Listen to guard channel, go where you are needed.
>>
>>29947719
listen to guard channel

whatever we do see if we can bring princess with us in the cockpit......for safekeeping
>>
>>29947719
>Listen to guard channel, go where you are needed.

And what leave the princess. That's stupid as hell.
>>
>>29947797

She's about equally giant as your giant robot. Because she is a dragon.

Just saying.

Yeah.

I'll go drink more.
>>
>>29947719
>>Listen to guard channel, go where you are needed.

>>29947828
Why doesn't she change into a body of 10-year old?
>>
>>29947828
OHHHHHH, I thought the whole dragon thing was like a figure of speech. Well damn........
>>
>>29947828
But is she a HOT Dragoness?
That is the real question here Anon.
>>
>>29947828
Cah we unlock her Loli-dragon form?
>>
>>29947902
Only if you beat Dante Must Die mode.
>>
>>29947719
The hole.

>>29947902
Do they have dragonstones here? No wait, that was for the loli->dragon transformation, not dragon->loli.
>>
>>29947930
So we need to find a humanstone?
Lolistone?
>>
>>Listen to guard channel, go where you are needed.

"So, Charles, any news from the guard channel?" You say, checking out your parameters. Everything is looking green.

"Looks like there is some heavy fighting in the towers. Couldn't get much more information."

"Guess, we'll go there." You say.

"W-What? Where do we go?" Says princess. Damn, you forgot to turn of the radio.

"To the towers. My fellow Royal Guards need me. You know, those worthless puny men, who are fighting for your and your family's safety right now. All in a day's work." Okay, that might have came out a little bit snarky, but hey, eye for an eye.

She just moves her mouth, as if trying to say something, but in the end, she keeps silent. You decide that she can handle herself, even though that lieutenant said that they are going specifically after her. But then she follows you to the towers, not saying anything. You don't mind, it's a nice change of pace. Not listening to her, that is.

When you reach the top of one of the lower towers, you turn on your thrusters and get into the air. It's real battlefield here. Robots are shooting, slashing and maiming whatever is coming at them from flying ships, that look like mixture of metal and flesh, propelled by giantic bath wings. Pretty metal.

>Find your buddy Frank in this clusterfuck. He's the closest thing to friend you have in Royal Armoured Guards.
>Go for the closest bat-flying-ship. Gotta stop the bombardment.
>Find the meanest, toughest and ugliest bastard among them and beat the crap out of him.
>>
>>29948053
>>Find the meanest, toughest and ugliest bastard among them and beat the crap out of him.
>>
Rolled 7

>>29948053
>Find the meanest, toughest, and ugliest bastard among them and beat the crap out of him.
We're gonna need something stronger than lemonade after this.
>>
>>29948053
>Go for the closest bat-flying-ship. Gotta stop the bombardment.

Remember, ship kill are worth more than even commander kills.
>>
>>29948053
>Stay put and guard the princess
>>
>>29948145
she probably also likes men who are not mangled corpses
>>
Rolled 52

>>29948053
Go for the closest bat flying ship, we don't get paid enough to go playing champion of the castle, and fuck Frank sunnuvabitch owes us five gold from poker night

Tell the princess to stay safe, strongly suggest she find shelter or bunch of other GARd meat shields to hang out by
>>
>>29948053
>>Find the meanest, toughest and ugliest bastard among them and beat the crap out of him.

You gotta yell an attack name and slice it in half in one swing, too.
>>
>>29948195
>You gotta yell an attack name and slice it in half in one swing, too.
Have the attack name to completely different from the actual attack.
>"MEGA JET POWER FIST FACE PUNCH!"
>Kick them in the groin
>>
>Guard Quests popping outof everywhere...
So this is the new strike witches then?
>>
>>29946633
>That title.
Only thing it is lacking is magical girls.
>>
>Find the meanest, toughest, and ugliest bastard among them and beat the crap out of him.

No time for pussy footing, you're going straight for the head honchos.

"Buckle up Charles, we're going in hard and fast." The only answer you get is a simple pixel animation of buckling belt. Heh.

You speed through the air, looking out for anybody that's looking like a guy in charge or at least a heavy hitter. And then you spot him in the distance.

Big, spiked, wearing bizarrely big pauldrons and a red cape. And he has his back right at you. This gonna be good.

"SONIKKU SPEEDU SLICU!" You yell through the speakers, reading as slash that would cut a mountain in half.

You stop abruptly.

He blocked it. That son of a gun blocked it with one of the spikes on his arm.

"Either you're either stupid or bold enough, Fourth General Hog Hedge of Overlod Darkdeath's army." He answers. Doesn't seem like a guy with an indoor voice.

>> HOG HEDGE <<
>> FOURTH GENERAL <<

"You had one chance. Now DIE." He swings his free arm at you.

>Roll me 1d20 to dodge. DC 13.
>>
Rolled 7

>>29948324
best of 3 or what?
>>
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Rolled 58

>>29948294
>>29948309
Fuck you we ahve GIANT DARGON VAGOO
>>
>>29948350
Oh right, right. Best out of 3.
>>
Rolled 5

>>29948355
>58 on a d20 roll
Damn, we're good
>>
Rolled 18

>>29948324
If we dont dodge can we offer to suck his cock to not die
>>
Rolled 18

>>29948324
THE BEST DEFENSE IS OVERWHELMING OFFENSE.
>>
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>>29948388
good lookin' out anon
>>
>DC passed, dodge successful!

"Holy fucking shieeeeeeet!" You pull the controls back as fast as you can, feeling how Charles is assisting you in this manoeuvre, albeit being less vocal about it than you.

You manage to pull yourself just far enough to get away from spiked fist with "DEATH TICKET: ADMIT ONE" written all over with.

"You dodged. I am impressed. Though it's nothing special, seeing cockroaches like you avoiding death." He throws his cape back, in very cool manner. You need to get one like that for yourself too.

"And you... Your pauldrons look silly!" You throw back at him. That's gonna show him for sure. You need and attack plan, badly. You check your status. Everything is still in green.

>Spike, meet Sword. Sword, meet Spike.
>Just like Ali, keep your distance, float like butterfly, sting like a bee.
>Screw weapons. You're riding this shit on your power. Tell Charles to activate overdrive.

Bonus points for funny one-liners and insults.
>>
>>29947930
Clearly we need a lolistone, then.
>>
>>29948512
>>Just like Ali, keep your distance, float like butterfly, sting like a bee.
>>
>>29948512
>Spike, meet Sword. Sword, meet Spike.
Clearly this fool is unaware that before joining the royal guard we were a member of the Blue Whale Ultra Heavy Armored Fierce Assault Annihilation Knight Corps!
>>
Rolled 16

>Screw weapons. Overdrive.

"Let's hope you ain't as slow as you think. Gotta go fast!"
>>
>>29948512
"DON'T HEDGE YOUR BETS, GENERAL!"

Chaaaarge
>>
>>29948512
>>Just like Ali, keep your distance, float like butterfly, sting like a bee.

>Bonus points for funny one-liners and insults.
"What are those big pauldrons for, huh? Overcompensating for something?"

...I'm not really good at this
>>
Rolled 3

>>29948512
lets go all in, at the very least we might injure him enough to get him to retreat, or have someone else finish him off

besides, I like my bacon crispy

>Overdrive
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhvUpykF7OM
>>
Rolled 16

>>29948607
I'm gonna second this.
>>
>>29948512
>Just like Ali, keep your distance, float like butterfly, sting like a bee.
>>
>>29948512
>Screw weapons. You're riding this shit on your power. Tell Charles to activate overdrive.

"Oh, fuck you, I know how to multitask, too! I can talk shit and beat you up at the same time!"
>>
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Holy shit this quest is fucking amazing!
>>
>>29948512
>>Just like Ali, keep your distance, float like butterfly, sting like a bee.
>>
Rolled 6

>Screw weapons. You're riding this shit on your power. Tell Charles to activate overdrive.

This guy's gonna get it. Hard.

"Charles, activate override." You say, licking your lips.

"Are you sure? It's-"

"Yeah, yeah" you cut him off "I know the details." Like the fact that the Silver Chain's link that's powering your robot might overpower the mainframe. At best it will fry most of your robot's electronics, at worst it will explode. Big deal. You just have to make sure that you won't go into red too fast.

"Very well." Answers Charles.

>> OVERRIDE ACTIVATED <<

You feel the power surge going through your machine.

Fucking. Lovely.

"Yo, general! Don't hedge your bets!" You push your thrusters to the max, reading yourself for the might blow. And once again he blocks with one of his spikes.

And you crush that shit right under your robo-fist.

For a split second, as the shard of the spike are flying in the air, you can see the shocked face of the Fourth General. After the split second is over, his frown comes back into his face. The fun starts now.

He throws you back hard.

"I see that you might not be all talk after all." He says, looking at the broken spike.

Systems still green.

>Piledrive him into the ground so hard, that people on the other side of the globe will feel it.
>His ass is grass and you're the grass man. Beat him up.
>Sword and gun combination during override. Tasty.
>>
>>29948937
>>His ass is grass and you're the grass man. Beat him up.
>>
>>29948937
>Piledrive him into the ground so hard, that people on the other side of the globe will feel it.

Let's get physical.
>>
>>29948937
>Sword and gun combination during override. Tasty.
>>
Rolled 18

>>29948937
"Your spikes are a little soft! don't worry, it happens to everyone."
PILEDRIVE.
>>
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>>29949045
heh

but going with sword and gun combo, we aren't fucking savages after all
>>
Rolled 2

>>29949045
Seconding this line, but
>Sword and gun combination during overdrive
>>
Rolled 59

>Piledrive him into the ground so hard, that people on the other side of the globe will feel it.

"Don't cry over your soft points. Happens to everybody. Here, let me hug you to make the sad go away." You fly towards him, going for the grab. You're met with his spikes, but you manage to get behind him and grab him around the waist.

"Power to thrusters Charles! We're going to do it exactly like in Nuclear Robots Deathmatch episode 10!"

"Roger that Rico!" You feel how the power shifts towards the thrusters. Come on, make him move, come on, come oooon.

And inch by inch, you move up! It's working! You let out an almost maniacal laugh.

"Fool! What are you doing?" Yells the general, as he tries to take you off from his back, but the pauldrons are in the way. You steer yourself towards the ground. As gravity helps your thrusters, you gain speed exponentially.

"No, no, noooooo!" You hear the booming voice of the general, as you're getting closer and closer to the ground. At the last second, you scoot away, letting the spiked giant meet his fate.

And boy he hit it hard.

You swear to all that's giant and mechanical that the castle's wall were shaking from the impact. The bigger they all the harder they fall.

>> HOG HEDGE <<
>> FOURTH GENERAL <<
>> DEFEATED BY GRAVITY <<

"Phew, that was a doozy. How are the systems Charles?" You wipe the sweat off your head. You actually beaten one of the head honchos. Feels good to be gangster.

"They are still in green, albeit they are starting to border yellow. I'd advise not to overextend ourselves." Details details, you still managed to beat a bloody general.

You look around the battlefield and see that the dragon princess was actually watching you fight and once again she's in shock. It's getting repetitive.

>Okay, okay, guarding her is your job after all. Join her.
>Bros before hoes. Find motha' fuckin' Frank.
>Ahoy mateys, time to board a ship!"
>>
>>29949351
>>Okay, okay, guarding her is your job after all. Join her.
>>
Rolled 17

>>29949351
Turn off the overdrive, return to the princess.
And then ask her if we should've saved a trophy.
>>
>>29949351
Join her we gotta protect our paycheck, ask if she wants to blow shit up
>>
>>29949351
>go back and guard princess

WAS THAT LEVEL OF KNOWING HOW TO FIGHT SUFFICIENT, PRINCESS?
>>
>>29949458
lol
>>
>>29949351
>Okay, okay, guarding her is your job after all. Join her.
>>
>>29949351
>Okay, okay, guarding her is your job after all. Join her.

We have job and we are going to do it.
>>
Rolled 61

>Okay, okay, guarding her is your job after all. Join her.

You sigh. She might be bitchy, terrible and racist, but she's still royal family. And you're royal guard. There's a subtle connection between those two.

"Turn of the override Charles." You say, as you hover towards the tower where princess is standing.

You look her straight into eyes. Well, not literally, because your eyes are eight to ten times smaller than hers and there's cockpit between you two. Still you get close and then say.

"WAS THAT SUFFICIENT LEVEL OF FIGHTING FOR YOUR TASTE, PRINCESS?" You're sure that she expected to hear something totally different from you. Her face has written it all over. Dream on princess.

"Yes. Yes it was." She regains her composure. "So I assume that you'll accompany me instead of running away now?"

"Indeed." Job's a job. Full dental is full dental.

You go back with her inside the castle, as she starts thinking out loud where you should go that will keep her safe. Her propositions are: supply closet, rarely used bedroom and that one toilet that nobody uses.

There's a pattern there which you can't figure out. Oh well.

After a while of walking through dragon-sized corridors Charles speak up.

"Rico, there's something directly underneath us. It has been following us for past 10 minutes, stopping exactly when we do."

Moles. You bloody hate them.

>If you don't notice it hard enough, it'll go away.
>You won't wait for it. Blast through the floor, meet it head on.
>Take the princess and go through the ceiling. You'll know if it follows.
>>
>>29949725
>You won't wait for it. Blast through the floor, meet it head on.

Stop, give the princess a thumbs up and a wink, and then shoot the floor until it dies.
>>
>>29949725
>Take the princess and go through the ceiling. You'll know if it follows.
>>
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>>29949725
>Grope the princess, then blast a hole to throw her up so she doesn't struggle. Kill mole
>>
>>29949725
>Take the princess and go through the ceiling. You'll know if it follows.
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>>29949725
If we break the castle floor, I'm sure it come sout of our paycheck, if the mole follows us I'm sure the insurance company will take care of it.....fuckin claim adjusters

take the princess and fly

"Quickly there's no Time!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KeuGxqTZ584
>>
Rolled 41

>Take the princess and go through the ceiling. You'll know if it follows.

"Princess, there's no time! Quickly!" You grab her around the waist and turn on the thrusters. You nonchalantly bust right through the ceiling, going one level up. The princess may or may not have been injured in this way of locomotion. She's a dragon, she can take it.

While she's yelling at you and calling you a ruffian, you look down the hole you made, waiting for the pursuer. You wait. And wait. And wait.

There he is! He breaks right through the floor and jumps upward towards you.

"So you were able to spot me, the Third General Vine Volver of Overlod Dark-" He is cut short by a punch to the face with which you were waiting for him. It's like whack a mole, except you're playing on super easy setting, with only one hole.

>> VINE VOLVER <<
>> THIRD GENERAL <<

He's falls back down into the hole he made. Looks like this one's packing some seriously big claws. They are probably equally good at slicing metal as they are at slicing concrete. His back looks more armoured too.

>Wait for him to come up again, but this time use your sword instead of your fists. It's foolproof plan.
>Time's wasting, let's join him down there!
>Grab the princess and run away. DOING. YOUR. JOB.
>>
>>29950021
>Grab the princess and run away. DOING. YOUR. JOB.
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>>29950021
>in b4 throw the princess at general

Grab princess and run away, have you ever tried going after a badger or any other burrowing mammal into its den with your hand hoping to throttle the little shit? fuckig scratches and bite marks and rabies EVERYWHERE
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>>29950021
>Grab the princess and run away. DOING. YOUR. JOB.
>>
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>>29950021
Swim away, swim away!
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>>29950021
Lob grenades into the hole, and then sword him to bits when he gets flushed out.

"It's a VINE day for a battle, for sure!"
>>
>Grab the princess and run away. DOING. YOUR. JOB.

Yeah, nah, you're not waiting for that guy to get up.

"Guess it's time for my secret technique, passed down my family line for generations."

"What is it?" Says the princess, clearly not knowing what you're saying.

"Run away!" You lift her dragon butt off the ground, put her on the shoulder of your robot and start running as fast as the machine allows.

You run down the corridors, not having any real direction in mind, beyond "as far away as you can from that one guy". As you turn a corner, you run into a team of other royal guards, fresh out of the armoury. You gladly point them towards the location of Third General. He's somebody else problem now!

You continue your trek. When you finally decide it's safe, you put the displeased princess down. It appears you've made it to one of the many dining rooms in the castle. Complete with oversized chairs and table, big enough for dragons to use.

"Don't you ever dare do that again." She says while glaring at you.

"Sorry your highness, desperate times require desperate measures." You make sure you say it as professional as you can. Anyway, you turn back to your on-board AI.
"So Charles, is the enemy still in pursuit?"

"Negative." He answers. Good, gives you time to breathe.

***

I think I'm gonna call it a night here. Alcohol makes me tire quickly. I planned it to be a one-shot, but I might at least finish the story in another thread. Maybe.

Please tell me your thoughts on this entire silly thing and/or ask me questions.
>>
>>29950351
your doing da Emprah's work Pants! Keep it up!

lookin forward to next time
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>>29950351
It was a fun distraction.
>>
>>29950351
Good stuff
Gave me a good laugh
Drinks all around
>>
>>29950351
Fucking fantastically silly!
11/10 would laugh again.
>>
>>29950351
>please tell me your thoughts on this entire silly thing
Awesome. I like it, and you should quest drunk more often.
>>
>>29950351
It was fun while it lasted, wouldn't mind to get some sort of conclusion in the future.
>>
Very well, I'll considering running another thread somewhere in the future. Probably not too soon.

Thank you for playing. Have a nice and silly day.
>>
>>29950351
I expect lewd dragon shaggings next time. Fun stuff.
>>
>http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/29946633/

And archived
>>
>>29950351
This was amazing

This was the most amazing

This was better than any quest i have read in a good long while. Please, for the love of god, finish this story
>>
>>29950763
hell yeah


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