>>29899902

Why not swarm form? A bunch of maggots has to be easier than one big squid.

>>29899944
How low could you get Swarm Form?

>>29899902

>the cute milkmaid thanks the guards for allowing her entry
>she walks over to the outhouse and enters
>once inside a large amount of screaming, panting and heavy breathing is hard, making the guards curious
>you are all now swimming around in the outhouse sewage in octopus form

>>29900067
>implying the polymorphed bard doesn't cast silence beforehand
>no noise at all

>>29900132

>going into the outhouse
>stay in there for half an hour
>no farting and screaming

Yeah that's really smart!

>>29900163
>screaming and panting is a bad thing
>no screaming and panting is equally just as bad
So what's the plan there, genius?

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>>29900067

>>29900132
>>29900163
>>29900195

I'd be more worried that your party is all swimming around in shit.

>>29900222
Yeah, that seems like a bad part of the plan.

>>29900067
>you could have just turned into birds instead

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>>29900240

More like the best part.

>>29899944
Octopodes are incredibly flexible. They can contort themselves almost to the point where they can act as a fluid and squeeze through any opening large enough for their beak, their sole rigid body part, to fit though. In most cases, that means a hole the size of a quarter.

Since a standard quarter has a surface area of about 1.6 inches, that effectively means that a medium creature transforming into an octopus has effectively gained epic Escape Artist.

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>this thread

>>29900067
>swimming in outhouse sewage
Fucking ew. Octopus breathing in shit. That'd get in your gills, you'd not get rid of the taste for weeks.

Fuck, ew, ew, ew.

>>29900316

>Sir, we picked up these octopi
>What? Where?
>They were in... the outhouse, sir. In the latrine barrel.
>...the fuck.
>They seem to be knocked out by the fumes, sir. What shall we do?
>Oh well, send 'em to the kitchen. But have them CLEANED first!

>>29900260
Birds wouldn't fit in a milkmaid's anus though.

>>29899902
Sea pig.

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>>29900349
Fuck you I was drinking water

>>29900349
>fit in a milkmaid's anus though.
that's the most important part now, isn't it

You know they say perversity is the sign of a developed culture.

>>29900316
Assuming the milkmaid is in on the plan, she could just go in a bucket instead.
If she's not in on the plan, that's a whole different issue.

>>29900392

There's a difference between being a whore and being immature.

Wait. What about equipment?

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>>29900349

There's that eel that excretes large amounts of slime. It would make entry and exit easier.

>>29900195
Assuming both cases are equally bad if noticed, no sound has the potential of not being noticed at all thus making it the superior option.

But in all seriousness, women tend to be fairly quiet when they're on the can even if they're stuck there for a while. But I guess that was the joke.

>>29900414
How is she not in on the plan...?
How do you get a bunch of octopi up someone's butt withou- YOU KNOW WHAT I don't even want to know, don't answer.

>>29900447

Hagfishes, yeah. They're blind, though, so not the most pleasant thing to be polymorphed into. Though if you're going to crawl up some girl's poop chute being blind and having no human organs to vomit with is probably a GOOD thing.

There's also that fish that sometimes swims up your urethra and lodges. One of the group could become one of those.

>>29900434
Melds into your when you wildshape.

>>29900195
Bard casts minor illusion rather than silence, the sound being that of a regular, all be it, effort filled poop.

>>29900497
>fuck
>not octopuses

>>29899902
I mean, it really depends.
Is the party member a halfling or a centaur?

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I'm reminded of the Drow's Vagina problem.

Can you shitlords not have this thread here?

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>>29900486
Problem with that is they're not really the right shape to get back out again. I guess it's still an option if you don't like the person very much.

>>29900544
nofunallowed.jpg

>>29900350
One kind of pig you can't get bacon from.

>>29900544
Have you got a convenient anus we can relocate to?

>>29900552

Right. So octopi, hagfishes or some kind of sea cucumber/sea pig would probably be best then?

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>implying you'd even need a druid

Just get the epic level escape artistry feat "Extremely Tight Space". Better if you're a halfling. And get a Reduce Person spell cast on you.

>>29900414
>>29900477
i am now insanly curious please aswer

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>>29900595
>And get a Reduce Person spell cast on you

B, but, anon, what would happen when the spell runs out of duration?

>>29900595

Yeah, but then you don't get all the fun of being an octopus wriggling away in a cute milkmaid's anus.

>>29900552
Turn around. Assuming anus.

>>29900349
This is the best answer

Just an interesting note for future such conundrums: kobolds have an interesting variant racial trait in a web enhancement:
>Slight Build: The physical stature of kobolds lets them function in many ways as if they were one size category smaller. Whenever a kobold is subject to a size modifier or special size modifier for an opposed check (such as Hide), the kobold is treated as one size smaller if doing so is advantageous to the character. A kobold is also considered to be one size smaller when "squeezing" through a restrictive space. A kobold can use weapons designed for a creature one size smaller without penalty. However, the space and reach of a kobold remain those of a creature of their actual size. The benefits of this racial trait stack with the effects of powers, abilities, and spells that change the subject's size category.
Therefore, a group of kobold adventurers under the effect of the Alter Self spell could fit in spaces as though they were of diminutive size: essentially allowing them to crawl inside a party member's anus without polymorphing, and without even removing their equipment.

>implying you need to leave

>the milkmaid, pretty enough to be summoned by the Lord
>presents herself
>wait what tentacles?!
>multiple, simultaneous flame strikes

>>29900595
You're missing the point, we want to do this as low level as possible.

>>29900632
Normally you would make a strength check to break the container, but I think can choose to fail a check if you need to.

>>29900616
Sleep spells.
Or just have the bard seduce her, take her to his room, and do it with the lights are out.

>>29900647
Reduce person being a level 1 spell, you could effectively smuggle a group of kobold warriors in your ass from the very start of the game.

>wizards cast Gaseous Form
>hide in barbarian's anus
>barbarian can now fart wizards

>>29900632
Considering you'd be able to fit in a space at least 1.5 inches in diameter with that feat and at Small size, even without the spell, it shouldn't be much of an issue.

I once saw a Japanese porn of a woman shoving what I think was a still living octopus into her vagina. It was then cut up as she squeezed it out.
Thanks for bringing back a repressed childhood memory.

>>29900662

Hell, why not go all the way? Capture the king's favorite courtesan, or wife, and sneak inside inside her!

I love you, /tg/.

I hope to one day read a tale of an all druid party wildshaping and entering orifices.

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If we're talking animals, you could effectively fit an unlimited number of druids as rotifers.

>>29900720
That wasn't Japanese porn. That was your mom.

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>>29900704
thank you, will use

>>29900716

>whole party drinks potions of gaseous form
>hide inside harem girl's bowels
>suddenly she farts swords, spells and arrows at the evil overlord

>>29900716
>BBEG: I can manipulate forces the likes of which you have never dreamed of. What are you before me? What can you do to one such as myself?
>Barbarian: I. FART. WIZARDS!

>>29900729
I can think of about a million ways this can go horribly, horribly awry. Most of which concern the possibility of you NOT getting caught.

>>29900736
Druids are limited to small or medium creatures.

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>>29900349

>>29900647
New Campaign Idea: Anal Adventures

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>This thread

>>29900704
Sleight of Hand is a skill for a reason though.
She'll never even notice it. Plop!

>>29900786
My warlock has his own posse of kobold adepts in my current campaign. And he has access to a wand of reduce person. Dear lord.

Should... should I?

>>29900647
>kobold polymorph druids turning into squids to infiltrate a milkmaid's anus
this board is dangerously close to /d/

>>29900662
>multiple, simultaneous flame strikes
>AS YOU KNOW, MOST OF OUR BROHAS ARE STATIONED IN ASS

>>29900813
One of the kobolds already knows how to Eldritch Blast. I could fart death rays.

>>29900815
/tg/ and /d/ have been Battle Brothers for some time.

>>29900786
Lemmiwinks, Lemmiwinks....

well if we follow F.A.T.A.L. for a bit we can get a few numbers in here.
So an average human female of 5'4
we convert her hight from feet to inches(divides by 12) and then just give her the maximum possible for anal depth potency wich is +60%, cause you can't use rookies for missions such as these.
Let's also assusme that the maximum anal circumference is the same throughout the entire useable selection of the colon.
the max possible anal Circumference for a human is 10-15 inches so in this case we've got an 8,5333 inch long tube with a diameter of 4.77 diameter.

>>29900793
I think you were attempting to post pic related.

>>29900815
UMustBeNewHere.jpg

If a situation ever calls for smuggling kobolds or druids through a security checkpoint, I'll remember the wise words of advice in this thread.

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>>29900813
Be sure to post results.

This is how I Anal Spelunker

>>29899902
It's a DC80 Escape Check for a medium creature to crawl into a medium creature's anus.

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>>29900867
Shit, forgot pic.

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>>29900716
>>29900763

>>29900838
>>29900867
I actually started browsing /tg/ only a few months ago and I'm starting to see a pattern (I never realized how much RPGs could be fetish fuel for some people)
also it's clearly the best board around here

>>29900786
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iL3TSACfGM

>>29900929
/tg/ is /d/lite, and it's a delight to be here.

I'm at work, I should be getting shit done as otherwise I'll be forced to work this week-end as well due to a pressing deadline.

But fuck it, anal smuggling general on /tg/ is too important. I must see this through.

>>29900929
You'll see a bit of every board on /tg/.
/g/, /k/, /o/, /d/, /a/.

I like this idea, but it's a bit limited to a single situation.

So let's forge some ideas, /tg/. The smuggling idea is brilliant. But I think we need a scenario where it can lead to multiple adventures, not just a single "get-in get-out" one.

I propose this: our bold adventurers have been falsely set up by some enemy, and are now considered enemies of all civilized nations. In order to clear their names, they must go undercover and avoid detection. And to do that, they hire an innocent-looking NPC who is loyal and resolve to riding around inside him/her in their quest to clear their name.

In essence, it's like if the A-Team were a group of anus cephalopods.

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>>29900992

Is there any conceivable way a paladin may store their mount in their anus, be able to take it out and ride it, all without either of them changing size through the ordeal?

Find me some way to accomplish this per RAW.

>>29900992
The milkmaid could be picked up by slavers and sold to the BBEG. Now the party must flee his keep while avoiding detection

>>29901018

Easy. Find a girl going to the market, sleep spell her, crawl in. THEN RIDE TO ADVENTURE!

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>>29900989
I love it when our /k/omrades come to visit.

>>29901007
Shit your steed?

>>29901018
>>29901028
You miss the point. You also need to rescue your loyal NPC.

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>>29900929
>(I never realized how much RPGs could be fetish fuel for some people)
I prefer to think of them as thought experiments.

>>29901058
Right. Cause you can't just smuggle her out in someone's ass. Unless you find a horse or donkey.

>>29900992
An evil kobold wizard is being hunted by the law in a large city setting. A hefty bounty is placed on his head, and it's up to the players to bring him in. He has however eluded all attempts at locating him: he uses an anti-scrying item, a permanencied reduce person spell and sleep or charm spells to hide in random NPCs anuses, sometimes without their knowing. How will the party manage to probe two thousand anuses to find the evil wizard?

>>29900977
Yes.

Sooooo, can we make use of rope trick in here somewhere?

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>>29900929
Our real fetish is math. Why do you think we spend our time playing games with so many numbers?

>>29901007
Octopus are the answer, again.
"

The paladin’s mount is superior to a normal mount of its kind and has special powers, as described below. The standard mount for a Medium paladin is a heavy warhorse, and the standard mount for a Small paladin is a warpony. Another kind of mount, such as a riding dog (for a halfling paladin) or a Large shark (for a paladin in an aquatic campaign) may be allowed as well. "

So a halfling aquatic paladin could presumably take an octopus as a mount.
Given that the halfling is a small size as well, it'd be a... Rather tight fit though.

You know, smuggling into an anus is an adventure in and of itself. To a shrunken adventurer the digestive tract is a megadungeon.

>>29901077
Why does this tale of the ass wizard sound familiar? WHY IS THIS FAMILIAR?!?

>>29901115
The issue here is that the mount must be one size category larger than the paladin, unless I'm mistaken? Could a small humanoid ride a small octopus?

>>29901071
wasn't that the tread with the question "What level do I need to crawl up my own ass without knowing it?"

>>29901077
"Bastard... How many anuses have you hid in to elude us?"

"Do you remember how many breads you have eaten in your life?"

>>29900349
But that's not true, i know for a fact that cocks fit

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>>29900929
Shit, I can't find my FATAL caps. Take this instead.

>>29901058

Right. We need to find her, polymorph her into a lady octopus, and get her smuggled out.

>>29901089
Open the dimension in her ass.

Which gives me the idea of using a Bag of Holding.
>Get enough small undead or skeleton monsters and put them into the bag of holding.
>Store in anus.
>In case of emergency, shit an army

>>29901150
No idea. Repressed childhood memories maybe? Ask your parents about it.

>>29901155
The real question is could a medium octopus fit in a small humanoid

>>29900860
New question: can we fit more spiders into a drow vagina, or more octopi into a FATAL vagina?

>>29901162
My poor sides, why must you torture them so.

>>29901077
If you can find evidence after the fact, you can establish a pattern for his behavior and have the party members pose as likely targets. Once he makes his move, you just stand in an antimagic field and clench to stop him escaping.

>>29901214
Too time-consuming, I was thinking of just getting a royal decree for a Mandatory Prostate Exam day. Or organizing a banquet and spiking the food and drinks with powerful laxatives.

>>29901172
Better than shitting bricks.

>>29900992
The team must investigate a series of murders in which people have been found "exploded from the inside out." The culprit is of course 5 druids in octopus form sneaking into people's asses.

>>29901156
>without knowing
that's one hell of a stealth check

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>>29901214
>stand in an antimagic field
>forcing the reduce person spell to end while he's inside you.

>>29901281
Well if you can store a manor into a bag of holding...

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>>29901007
So THAT's how we got centaurs!

>>29901302
Considering it's a kobold, it would only count as Tiny while squeezing through a space. Probably wouldn't explode you.

While inside the milkmaid's ass two of your party members got a bit frisky and had octopus sex (essentially sticking a sperm-laden tentacle into the other) and one is now pregnant.

What

do

>>29901338
The kobold would be in a tight bind though.

>>29901294
Sleeping.

>>29901349
Up your OWN ass without knowing?

>>29901346
Better hope he didn't take the feats to cast without moving or talking.

>>29901358
>>29901349
A wizard could make you do it

>>29901358
Don't you move in your sleep sometimes?

>you will never be a qt3.14 milkmaid hired by a druid adventuring party to stuff their octopus-shifted forms up your own ass and sneak into the BBEG's lair

life is cruel

>>29901345
Iron Heart Surge.

>>29901358
Sleepcrawling. Like sleepwalking. But with crawling.

>>29901368
Of course he has Still Spell, he works from within colons. But remember, anti-magic field.

>>29901358
Epic level ranger with 80+ escape artist gets a critical miss on a tracking check, ends up inside his own ass.

>>29901417
Mobile? Or do you wait for pickup? Is there a troop of elite centaur guards who practice puckering every day to transport prisoners?

>>29901444
Epic level Rogue with 80+ Hide gets a critical hit, ends up hiding inside his own ass.

>>29901444
Actually he was tracking a kobold wizard, and he succeeded his check.

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Gentlemen! My ass finally decided to eat my hand! It hungers... for more!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkKVixISUgI

Could you use a Wish spell to give someone an anus of holding?

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I like this thread.

>>29901491
I like how his assistant just looks like "Not this shit again".

>>29901513
What if you put a portable asshole in an anus of holding?

Or is it the other way around?

>>29901540
That's Steve for ya.

>>29901547
Just avoid making sneak checks around each other.

>>29901547
>portable asshole
Ok. That is just getting ridiculous.
Would it be an onahole

>>29901465
Ideally you'd want some kind of amulet with the effect, to simplify transport. You don't really have to worry about him escaping after that, because a kobold wizard isn't going to have much of a strength score.

>>29900370
The BBEG resides inside of a fortified sanctum in the center of a heavily armed town. The inner walls of the city are protected by a magical barrier that only allows through those who are marked with a magical brand.

It was a fairly foolproof defense, except for a small loophole. To transport prisoners and guests in and out of the complex, special carriages were made which were similarly marked.

The party isn't able to hijack a carriage, but the exception that allows the carriages to work extends to all things marked, allowing the players to sneak in to the fortress if they are inside of a marked creature. To this end, they found a sympathetic milk maid and recruited her to the cause.

>>29901417
>Of course he has Still Spell, he works from within colons.

Anus Mage should be a prestige class.

No thread, please, don't slow down. Don't stop. I need you.

>>29901202
dunno man max vag depth potential is only 1/12 height times 1.4 instead of the anal 1.6

>>29901709
Still Spell is free, Blindsense is gained early on and you can cast spells with line of sight requirements as though you weren't inside an anus.

>>29901709
You could work off of the Cancer Mage. Keep the immunity from disease since who knows what you'd catch in someone's anus. Maybe add something about being able to be treated 2 size categories smaller for escape artist checks regarding slipping through openings.

>>29900704
"Here's a trick I was taught by the night elves!"

The moral of the story is trust nobody that looks pregnant, they may be smuggling druids.

>>29901710

Which specific part of you needs us? :3

>>29901767
Gain Scent at first level.

>>29901799
"It's just a condom. Tentacled for your pleasure."

>>29900486
and more importantly, no dick to get a boner with

>>29901877
You don't need a penis to have a boner.

The true boner is in your heart.

>>29901746
>you can cast spells with line of sight requirements as though you weren't inside an anus

Truly a phrase I'm glad to have read in my life.

>The milkmaid is a traitor and is wearing a bracelet that prevents those nearby changing back to their original forms and from using magic!
>How do you escape from this treacherous crevasse?

>>29901814
The rules for squeezing through tight spaces don't state you change the shape of the object / creature you are hiding inside. A milkmaid could carry five half-orcs with 80+ escape artist checks inside her and as long as they didn't push her above her carrying capacity, it would never show.

>>29901887
This is oddly inspirational.

>>29901887
well of course, but my soul boner won't impede movement through an anus

>>29901896
Crawl up.

>>29901887
I feel like I can accomplish anything now.

>>29901896
Through the mouth.

>>29901155
A riding dog isn't a size category larger than a halfling, a specific example used in the referenced post. They're the same size category. I don't know where you pulled that size category rule from. Don't say "my anus".

The sole thing that can make situtaion lewder now is making milkmaid a trap.

>>29901952
Lewd.

>>29901952
Here we were, just having a good time, and then there's this asshole butting in trying to insert his twisted fetish into our conversation.

>>29901938

Your anus

>>29901952
I thought that was implied the entire time

>>29901952
When I created the thread I specified the anus to make gender irrelevant, but /tg/ just loves milkmaid butts.

>>29901938
I was sure a Riding Dog was medium-sized.
EDIT: It is.

Dare you enter my magical anus?

>>29901952

Milkmaid is a species, anon. A perfect species of beautiful, feminine figures put on Earth by a benevolent supernatural entity for the sake of all mankind. What you want between those legs is a matter of personal choice, as is what you want to shove in their anus.

>>29901996
And we cannot lie.

>>29901767
I dunno man. It seems like more of a Rogue prestige class thing.

Captcha: BEEN assensp

>>29901838
"This is how everyone in the east does it; just relax, you'll love it."

>>29899902
>(Thu)13:22 UTC-6
>>29901965
>(Thu)15:04 UTC-6

Bravo, anon, in 86 minutes you have posted 174 messages, so an average of 2 messages per minute. I predict this thread will reach auto-sage in one hour or less.

>InB4: No, I don't have a stick shove into my ass.

>>29902021
What was that rogue/wizard prestige class that had Mage Hand at will?

Would be useful to physically interact with the outside world. You'll want a way to grab your loot and get it inside.

>>29902021
Well Anus Delver would be more a rogue thing.
Anus Mage would be more spell caster.
We just need a fighter prestige class too then.

>>29902049
I came here from an MtG thread. I don't even play D&D.

>>29901896
Squirt ink in panic?

>>29902017

You want blonde pigtailed, nordic women wearing plaid skirts with a skip in their step? The milkmaids have those. You want a lithe, shy girly boy wearing a frilly apron and wringing his hands nervously? The milkmaids have those.

Milkmaid is love. Milkmaid is life.

>>29902077
Anal Annihilator

>>29902077
I just want some sort of extraordinary ability where I can leap out from someone's anus and gain sneak attack bonuses, then hide inside the anus of the person I shanked (live or dead.)

Is that too much to ask for?

>>29902077
Make it a grapple specialist. It drags people in with him.

Can you imagine, you're trying to seduce a milkmaid when suddenly she turns around and two muscular arms pop out of her anus, grab you and drag you in?

>>29902107

Derriere Condotierre

>>29902107
All attacks on one's anus bypass all hardness and DR. Once target's anus is destroyed, the Anal Annihilator may as a movement action, move into the target's anus.

This thread should be archived, but I have no idea how that works.

>>29902131
No, it's not. Base the class around the one in Book of Vile Darkness (I think) that teleports through flesh, and can deal damage that way.

>>29902158
This deserves it's own game. We have surpassed the womb.

>>29902159
I saved the thread, I'm going to print it out and distribute it as fliers around the city. The world must know.

>>29901952
>is making milkmaid a trap.

What if one of the party becomes a strap-on?

>>29902136
>It drags people in with him.
Your fighting on my turf, now!

>>29902159
Give me a minute to request it on suptg

>>29902158
a wrestler type playstyle, leaping from one person's/creature's anus to another, wrestling their colons into submission

>>29902314
How do you wrestle a colon from within the colon?

>>29902159
suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/29899902

Archived for posterior.

>>29902337
With your colon.

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>>29901887
>You don't need a penis to have a boner.
>The true boner is in your heart.
>>29901911

>>29902373
We can do anything as long as we set our boners to it.

>>29902373
The boner was inside me all along.

My only regret is no art

>>29902446
We need to link this to /d/

>>29902373
through dick unity

>>29902446
I want a milkmaid bending over with a kobold poking out of her ass shooting a fireball.

>>29902417
>>29902437
Embrace the boner
Feel it
Be it

>>29902479
No, don't bring /d/ here. They'll turn our innocent little bit of fun into something sexual in nature.

>>29900813
Put them in a prostitute and smuggle them into some lords bedroom

>>29902510
/d/ loves fun. Have you never been there?

>>29902488

I want the original idea. A bunch of adventurers lined up, one half-way turned into an octopus and another fully changed. The changed one is crawling up the milkmaid's rear with a wide grin and tentacle thumbs-up.

>>29902510

>implying I haven't been furiously jerking off while reading this thread
>especially to someone's posts in here
>they know who they are ;)

>>29901164
Not Dire Cocks

>>29902193
What if the milkmaid is a reverse trap and the party 'member' that becomes a strap-on acts as a prosthetic?

What if the BBEG has an all male army, so the party has to do this to infiltrate a female party member?

What if /tg/ wrote Mulan?

>>29902548
Is it me? I hope it's me.

>>29902533

Nah, it should be an over-the-shoulder shot of the milkmaid bent over a counter/stool, facing the viewer, with her/his dress hiked up over his waist. The rest of the idea is fine though, especially the cheeky octopus grin and tentacle-up. This way, the gender can be left up to the viewer's choice.

>>29900813
I can't see a downside to this plan. An entire posse of kobolds is going to be awkward to transport otherwise.

>>29900738
>And then Anon was octopus

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>>29902557
>reverse trap
>strapon
Oh my.

>>29902582
>>29902533
>>29902488
Why not all of them?

>>29900720
Was that "The Octopus Invades The Vagina And It Hurts"?
I saw that one, too. The drilldo was wack.

>>29902557

Don't do it. You'll end up being turned into a real dick and forced to impregnate women.

>>29902609

THREE ADVENTURING PARTIES
THREE MILKMAIDS
ONE CASTLE
ONE PRIZE

WHO WILL BE THE FIRST TO WIN
TUNE IN SUNDAY, 7:00 PM TO FIND OUT

>>29902623
link

>>29902609
because the (theoretical) artist is the one who chooses what to do

>>29902548

Whose posts? I need to know if its mine

>>29902589
Pretty sure your posse of kobolds can just dance around and snap their little fingers, West Side Story-style. You really think someone would have the gall to complain about that?

>>29902681
We play with a grid and the kobolds, even though they're small, just take up a lot of space and make movements more complex than it should be. If they were all in my anus, it would be much easier.

>>29900541
Reminds me more of the Spelunker prestige class.
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/921167/#922107

>>29902631
women ?
ewww
>>29902681
>west side story kobolds
I really want to see a kobold remake of the musical now

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>This thread

This is the best thread we've had on /tg/ in ages.

>>29902719
From a practical standpoint, I'd recommend storing them in your sinuses. They'll get more air that way and you can get them out without taking your pants off.

>>29902479
IT IS DONE!

>>29902810
That would be intensely painful though. Or at least more painful than having 5 octopuses crawl up your anus.

>>29902837
> dickgirls are coming

>>29902753
>I really want to see a kobold remake of the musical now
Should it be kobolds and goblins?

Sniper attack is described as making a ranged attack them immediately making a DC20 hide check to remain hidden. How would being inside an ass affect this? And would sneak attacks work?

>>29902837
Usually, you post a link to the thread. Just common courtesy.

>>29902753
You're weird. I just want to see kobolds crawl up a milkmaid's ass.

>>29902859
If you don't want to go through the experience yourself, you could always appoint one kobold as the leader and have the others ride around inside him. Of course a lot depends on just how loyal these kobolds are.

>>29902908
Yeah let's keep the Kenders and Bugbears for Romeo and Juliet

>>29902925
Well for starters the ass would have to be facing the proper way. The sniper would need blindsense or some other means of aiming at the opponent. I figure the DC can remain the same. Sneak attack damage would have to be doubled because let's be serious here, nobody expects sneak attacks from the ass.

>>29902947
I'm an evil warlock diplomancer, they're fairly loyal.

>>29902947

What if each Kobold rode inside the next?

>>29902639
Sorry, I don't have it. My roommate found it.

>>29902929
>not wanting to see Kobolds wearing tiny leather jackets come out of a milkmaid's pooper, snapping their fingers and singing "Gee Officer Krupke"

>>29902107
Would the paladin be a colon crusader?

>>29902908
No, kobolds and gnomes, really push the forbidden love angle

>>29902993
I think you're on to something.

>>29902965
A scoped crossbow. Scope pops out.

It's a perfect mobile sniper's nest, actually. Be a ranger, use animal empathy and magic items to steer the animal. Hide inside the local wildlife's ass. Maybe take mounted archery and shoot from cloacae of birds flying above.

>>29903070
I think you're high on something

>>29903080
>Ace Ventura plays D&D

>>29903080
There is no way this isn't the basis for my next campaign. Group of cloaca snipers kill travelers, party is dispatched to take care of them.

>>29903070

Then we could take a page from the Peasant Railgun, and have each Kobold ready an action to spring out from the anus of the next as soon as that Kobold hits the floor.

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>>29902993
>kobolds within kobolds, like those Russian dolls

>octopi climb up milkmaids ass
>Through her organs
>reach her mouth
>tentacles reaching out
>Cthulu takes her to "Take your daughter to work day"

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>>29903034
I don't know what to think anymore.

>>29902737
>twf we're 29 million posts older yet the same

>>29900827

They don't call it steel rain for nothing you know...

>>29903056
Fair point.

>>29903144

That cat is dying. ;_;

>>29903296
Is he okay?

>>29903311
thats what a cat sezure looks like

>>29903296
Don't feel bad for him. He already experienced everything life had to offer the moment those kobolds started singing.

>>29903128
>>29903126
>The DC to squeeze into a space one size category smaller is 30.
>The kobold racial trait already makes them count as one size category smaller for that purpose.
>Therefore, with a DC 30 Escape Artist check, a kobold can squeeze into another kobold's cloaca/anus.
>20 dex (+2 due to race), Skill Focus (Escape Artist), Agile feat, Masterwork tools (Condom suit), a few rogue levels and any luck / competence bonus
>an infinite number of kobolds fitting in each others cloacas like Russian dolls, all able to ready an action to exit and deploy an army of kobold rogues in one round

So what you guys are saying is that it is feasible to do a *literal* Trojan horse?

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>>29903143
But anon.
What if the octopus just climbed into her mouth.

>>29903394
>fitting an army in a horse
You're not min-maxing hard enough.
>>29903394

>>29903394
And you don't even need a horse.

>>29903393
Sire! A single kobold approaches the gate!

>>29903393
So what happens if you then cast reduce person on the outermost kobold?

>>29903393
Better than Pun-Pun.

>>29902763
>that pic
Am I the only one who wants to ejaculate a stream of thick, buttery spurts into her open mouth?

>>29903501
The kobold inside him pops out. That one is still carrying the other thousands of kobolds.

>>29903444
>>29903449

>charm rats
>place whole army up the rats arseholes
>give rats armour
>you have just invented the APC

>>29903393
Thank god they aren't multiclass clown rogues.

>>29903510

It's already filled with octopi and kobolds

>>29903510
Excuse me, but we're trying to have a civilized discussion in this thread.

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>>29903510
Nope.

>>29903459
His tunic must be heavy, his legs buckle and tremble with every step!

>>29903539
Sorry. People complaining petulantly and then leaving their mouths open turns me on incredibly.

>>29901513
I think that spell is generally reserved for pack mules.

>>29902136
Symbiosis at work.

>>29903393
>>Therefore, with a DC 30 Escape Artist check, a kobold can squeeze into another kobold's cloaca/anus.

Hang on; Kobolds are Small, and their ability makes them count as Tiny. That means you're assuming that a Kobold Anal Cavity counts as a Diminutive space, which is roughly the same size as a hedgehog, or a softball.

You're also assuming it has an ideally shaped cavity for this purpose.

Do you think you could shove a softball in your ass? Even a sufficiently dexterous one? 'Cause that's essentially what you're suggesting.

>>29903524
>>you have just invented the APC
The Anal Personal Carrier?

>>29903556
Okay, how heavy is an average kobold in lbs/kg? How much force is needed to break down a fortified gate?

When an outermost kobold ejects the next inner kobold (containing all the other kobolds, remember), it appears in the space next to him in whatever direction its anus is facing, right? If it ejects the next one while its anus is up against a surface like, say, a reinforced gate, it exerts force equal to half the weight of the ejected kobold (including all nested kobolds) plus all of the weight of the ejecting kobold (including all stacked outer kobolds from previous iterations of this process) - assuming none of the outer kobolds are rooted to a foundation comparable to the gate's.

How much ejection force could 100 nested kobolds generate, discounting friction both with the anus and the ground? 1000 nested kobolds? What if we take friction into full account instead?

Please feel free to correct me if I have fucked up real world physics or D&D mechanics.

>>29903772
My boyfriend can, and if he were any smaller he'd be mistaken for an action figure. I think kobold commandos could get there with some dedicated training.

What if you put a bag of holding up your bum?

What would anal sex feel like then, if we're on it?

>>29903772
>Do you think you could shove a softball in your ass?
Someone is new to internet, and human practice in general.

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>>29903799
>>29903799
>>29903799
>>29903799
>>29903799

Magical, simply magical.

>>29903860

You also need to take into consideration whatever strength-enhancing magic is used to ensure the outermost kobolds don't collapse under all that weight.

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>>29903799
>>29903799
>>29903799

>>29903772

>Do you think you could shove a softball in your ass?

...how fucking new to the internet are you?

>>29903901
>Someone is new to internet
Hardly. I live on /d/. I'm just familiar with the challenges presented by fisting, let alone ramming a legion of nested kobolds up one's ass.

It's a solvable probably; let's just not understate it.

ANd... auto-sage!

It was fun thread

>>29903899
Like fucking another dimension in the ass.

>>29903772
>which is roughly the same size as a hedgehog, or a softball.
Wrong. For an example of a diminutive creature, look at a toad. A kobold could fit one in his anus, easily. And remember, we're talking about kobolds who dedicated their entire lives to perfecting the asshole infiltration strategy, it wouldn't even be a challenge for them.

>>29903910
/d/ is a land where everything you see can be handwaved as fictional. People regularly fit things up their asses that you wouldn't believe. I'm not talking about little piddling things the size of your arm. I'm talking about things that when footage is shown to medical doctors, their eyes bulge out and they ask for autopsy results.

Not sure if I still have that .gif... couldn't post it here anyway, I guess.

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>>29900992
The princess has been kidnapped by a dragon. The dragon's lair is too heavily guarded for the party to penetrate, but the dragon is known to eat cows from the surrounding farmland. To infiltrate the dragon, the party must hide inside one of these cows.

Once inside, they must ride the dragon back to its lair, they must escape the dragon undetected, locate the princess and carry her back into the dragon before it wakes up. At no point must the dragon become aware of the situation.

Once everyone is back inside, it's a relatively simple matter of waiting for the dragon to leave its lair, and choosing the right moment to jump.

>>29903973
>this faggot
>thinks you stop posting in a thread because autosage

>>29903970
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=marbles
>yfw 463

>>29903860
And, new question regarding weight. The outermost kobold probably couldn't carry the combined weight of thousands of kobolds in his cloaca. However, applying the peasant railgun theory, they could all exit each others' cloacas in a single line formation, 5 ft apart, in one round. And in the next round, enter the anus in front of them using the same readied action strategy. The innermost kobold would now be the outermost kobold, and the movement would resume the next round.

Therefore, this kobold army's movement speed would be (nbr. of kobolds * 5ft)/2, and carrying capacity would never be an issue. Just with a meager 100 kobold, your army would be moving faster than any creature could ever dream of on its own.

>>29904068
Are we assuming that there's no issues with compression? I'd expect that each consecutive kobold would likely have a minimum of a +5 DC cumulating as they are squeezed more and more kobolds in to one space.

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>>29904114
>>29904114
>Don't take the cue for starting another thread.

>>29904091

What about the princess? You gonna turn her into a squid too?

>>29904172
Wait that doesn't work, they can't move from the colon to the cloaca unless they suffered surgery to create a passage that would let them just slide through a fellow kobold.

Then again it's fucking D&D, anything is possible.

>>29904181
Can a magical realm substitute for bag of holding?

>>29904172
>The innermost kobold would now be the outermost kobold, and the movement would resume the next round.
It's like a centipede that turns itself inside out as a means of locomotion.