alright I'll bite.

I hate the guy who comes up with ways to do shit like open up inter-dimensional wormholes in my games(and believe it or not there is always one guy who tries). It always happens no matter how many PC's get sucked through

Pretty much agree with OP, although it depends on the game we're playing a lot.

In general I'd say I hate players who do their thing regardless of group or game dynamics. Let's say we play a character driven, story heavy campaign in random system X and this one guy immediately rushes off to get system X rulebooks, studies and dissects them and comes up with a perfectly optimized character. I ask about the background, motivations and personality and he says he'll think of something.

Blaargh!

I hate the compulisve railroading GM.

you know the gm who will suddenly decide to change a previous decision and fuck you over

Its got to be the gm who doesnt really know the rules of the system hes using.

oh god the horror

Overly angsty roleplayers. I'll admit, I like it when I play with a good roleplayer who I can develop my character with, I've had some fun playing with guys like that. But when you get characters who do nothing but whine about how terrible their backstory is (which is to say they're going on at length about how their character's life is terrible) I have to remind myself that lawful good characters aren't allowed to tie their allies to trees and abandon them.

the overly political player who can't into subtlety to save his life. the one who attempts to slip his political views secretly and fails. really bad. like holy fuck.

>>29208115
You think that's bad? Try playing with someone who has an elf fetish.

Thank god that was a con game.

most of the players in my last campaign had a thing for pregnant women.

some more than others

The guys who don't learn the rules. I don't mean new players or people who don't memorize every tiny rule for every situation. I have to guys in my old D&D group. One has been playing for easily four or five years and still can't figure out a melee attack bonus without help. The other is relatively new, but I had to literally argue with him about why he couldn't walk up to a guy (who he was already in combat with) and get his sneak attack bonus.
I don't mean that like he was trying to justify it, he was just confused why his class said, "Sneak Attack +2d6" and he didn't just get that +2d6 all the time.

People who try to insert their real life views and beliefs into a setting in which they would be unheard of or plain stupid and without any really basis for their character to have said beliefs / views.

That person who plays cliche RPG characters ironically because they think they are better than everyone else because trying to be original makes you suuuuuuch a tryhard apparently.

The person who uses existing characters (say, Disney) as a base for their own, but doesn't try to develop them or put their own spin on them at all and ends up playing a cheap knockoff of the original.

the guy who memorizes every minute detail of the rules and then uses it to take assholery to levels only seen before in your worst nightmares

out of character habits included?

the fucking asshole with the Cheetos

always...the dust is all over everything

>>29208160
Tell us more

female npcs in our group ended up frequently preggers.

they all seemed really excited by this.

one even remarking "mmm yeah thats what i like" under his breath.

Wall flowers and/or players who only stick their head up to roll dice and cast spells.

YOU. ARE. AN. NPC.

Stop wasting my time.

the guy who never shows up.

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Weak systems foster infighting, bad game design sponsors powergaming, the rift between game mechanics overlaps from storytelling is the DMS responsibility to manage.

When then rules are strong and well established players will build to survive and reflavor powers/classes/weapons to their hearts content.

In this way 4th edition is a superior system because anyone without aspies can build a strong character and roleplay an even stronger personality.

Let him Power game and give him plenty of chances to shine through roleplaying as well.

>>29208337

Don't try starting an edition war here.
this is for annoying player characteristics.
speaking of which i hate the guy who constantly complains about the system.

>>29207144
The people who make characters who are so awesome and badass and experienced and jaded that they're never afraid or intimidated by anything. Ever. Dragon just landed in front of me? Yawn. The avatar of a god addresses me? Give it lip an haggle with it like it's a street vendor.

This pisses me off more than anything. Once in a while? Sure. If you've worked your way to level 20 in a campaign and have literally been through this before, on-screen? Alright. But from level one onwards? Fuck you sideways, kid. You ain't impressing nobody, except with your stupidity.

>>29207959
>>29208023

I have too agree with these two most for my self. I would also like too add.

The player who always and I don't mean on occasion but ALWAYS bails on the party the second combat starts to look grim. No matter what class no matter what situation. Fuckers just up and run. Leaving what would have been an epic hard fought battle into death or capture.

I have one guy like that. We haven't gamed in a few months because 3 games two from me one from another GM ended in this way.

The goddamn ruleslawyering sperglord who can't accept houserules (or anything else that doesn't conform to how he thinks the rules are written). There always seems to be one in most every group and he always brings the game to a screeching halt.

Two types of players I can't stand:

Meathead Big McLargehuge players who get offended when you call them "meat shields" even though that's what their characters are built on and fudge their numbers enough to give them a silly ass DR of something like 95 when their feats shouldn't even work like that.

The DM who doesn't care enough to research McLargehuge's fudging and just rolls with it, scaling every encounter to rapefests because it's the only way to give the fatass a challenge.

DM's who grant levels "when they feel like it." Yeah, I of get it if you do something clever or save the party from a TPK because that's some heroic shit, but having the rest of the party at 14 while you're at 9 is a bit ridiculous when you're effectively the heal bitch and have no other role than keeping the rest of the party alive.

the ragiest edgiest sperglord this side of the universe.
you know the type. the one who practically cuts all around him with his edge

>>29208402
Sorry, meant three types, though DMs might not count. Don't care just roll with it.

>>29208357
People posting in this thread are a far worse problem than the powergamers, they are only a symptom.

The worst thing about you and your ilk is that you choose to ignore the fundamental problem in any RPG, the system and instead complain to internet support groups instead of doing something productive.

The next time you want to create that guy threads, ask yourself if you yourself aren't actually him.

The guy who is always on his FUCKING PHONE. Then he complains combat is slow when at least half the time is recapping everything to him, then he needs to decide what to do because he has not been paying attention.

I dislike the kind of player who has their character planned out from level 1 to level 20.

Players who make their characters as if they're the absolute best in their craft when they're starting out at level 1. Aren't level 1 dudes supposed to be like, above average normal dudes?

>>29208419

1.) this is not strictly speaking a that guy thread(although most of these are under his sphere of influence)
2.) >implying I don't do something constructive with it
3.) you raise an excellent point good sir but if I may present you with one final rebuttal GO FUCK YOURSELF WITH A CACTUS

The guy that forces you to write you name in your books. You know the one that if you don't do so will take yours because they are "his", as he has destroyed lost or ruined his own.

players who try to do things that are way beyond what their character would know how to do.
IE making c4 from scratch

the DM who tries to make an original story but comes out with utter shit.

>>29208175
Conversely, that player who refuses to base his character on any recognizable archetype because he hates cliches, and always ends up with his character having no distinguishable personality traits save the player's own.

Also, even worse are the ones who try to invert every possible stereotype possible, playing beardless effeminate dwarves and the like. And when DMing, they will shoehorn the labels "elf", "dwarf" etc. on some weird thing that doesn't resemble them at all, because his setting is different.

I'm sure we've all looked at a shiny feat or trait and thought "That goes against everything my character is about RP wise, but damn would it work great for my combat abilities" and then ruled against it. But Zandi... oh lord. He wouldn't even write a backstory for his character, so his routinely awful character builds couldn't be chalked up to roleplay choices. And he has been gaming with us for almost a decade, so he's not unfamiliar with the rules. Instead, he comes up with a single, back asswards "win everything evar" plan that doesn't deliver. Hence, you get to play with Jebediah Zandersmith, the worst detective in the entire ever. 3/2 Dedicated/Charismatic hero for d20 modern. With penalties in Gather Info, Investigate and Sense Motives. But he had a hell of a bonus to Perform: Mime.

>>29208496
Those types really burn my bacon.

>>29208503

tell us more

and mime? really?

>>29208522
I'm new around here. I don't want to threadjack if it's frowned upon, but I could write more about Jebediah Zandersmith than the entirety of the Tolkein Estate could dream up about Middle Earth.

>>29208533
Sing it brother. We at /tg/ find this a fitting thread for such a tale.

>>29208533

we shall record your tales in stone

>>29208545
Okie Dokie. Well, I'm a slow typist on a good day, and quarter to 6AM on New Years day is not the best for typing, so bear with me. There's a few good ones. There's the Mexican Standoff in the Wok Box, there's the Possessed Woodchipper and the Red Oktober Incident. I can't recall the chronological order or even some of the party composition for some parts, but they're Zandi at his finest.

>>29208574

mexican standoff at the wok box sounds interesting.

Players who don't fucking pay attention to the game, who spend most of their time drawing their character or some shit, who put minimal input into the game, and who don't do jack squat when combat comes around. They generally tend to forget half the fucking rules, and don't speak up when there's an issue in the game. And yet for some reason, they wanted to join.

If you want to play the game, play the game. If not, please don't force me to tone down my encounters so that you don't get killed, because you spend your combat round just making one attack with your bow that you forgot to stack your bonuses for.

>>29208574
Take your time type it out. I will be here for a few more hours anyway. So no hurry.

>>29208593
I feel like there's a story behind this.

>>29208584
Alright. This one was closer to the beginning of the campaign if I recall correctly, because it was when we first discovered all of the... interesting choices Zandi made during Chargen. The party composition was pretty basic for D20 modern. Jebediah Zandersmith was the glue that held the party together. He knew the smart hero who was a grad student in comp sci at the local university, his go to tech guy. He had our gunslinging semi ex-con who was an informant, and our washed up Indianna Jones type guy who was a drinking buddy. The lot of them were following a lead on a string of murders in Chinatown. There is really only one fictional character I can compare him to, and that's James Bond, but not in a good way.

>>29208603

theres a story behind every post in this thread.
stay just a little bit longer and you may hear some of the finer ones

>>29208614

okay this is already warming up

Alright, the motherfucker who keeps trying to help out the DM, who doesn't really know what he's doing or is just getting in the way. There's always the guy who keeps suggesting that the DM do this, do that, just always wanting to give a bit too much input. It's nice sometimes, but not always.

>>29208614
Greentext!

See, there's your James Bond a la Sean Connery. Suave lady's man. He figures things out first, then comes in and kicks some ass. Then, you've got your Daniel Craig, who grabs the biggest gun he can find, shoots first, asks questions never and gives negative fucks about the consequences. Then, there's good old Pierce Brosnan. He sorta fucks around for a bit, lays on the beach, flirts with the bond girl, then ends up captured by BBEG, who then tells him the plan, leaves and is foiled accordingly. At this point, Zandi had a suspicion (Read: Heavy Handed GM hinting) that there was some sort of gangland fighting from local criminal groups fighting over turf or cred or swag or whatever it is criminals fight over. So, the rest of the party stalks around at night, taking pictures, gathering evidence before the cops show up (the police were taking an apathetic approach to the whole affair) and generally all the stuff you'd expect the detective work. What does Zandi do? Walks into a local bar and wanders about aimlessly, then sneaks into the backroom to an illegal poker game and straight up asks "Hey, I'm a criminal, just like you guys. Can I join your club?" (Fucking verbatim how he said it)

>>29208647

ah yes the beginning of every tragic railroading story

>>29208656
>"Hey, I'm a criminal, just like you guys. Can I join your club?"
Oh man. Please keep writing. This guy for just that line is near legendary. I feel he will become a legend.

That line competes with some of my dumber players.

He's quickly subdued by the burly bodyguards in the place. I had not planned this kind of encounter, because I hadn't pegged Zandi as a complete moron, I've known the guy for ages. But I had to whip something up. The party had decided to meet up at a nearby tea house, but Zandi had screwed around for so long in the shitty little bar that he was late. They notice a meter maid writing his quintuple parked (don't ask how, I made him take a drive check because he specifically said "I want to quintuple park, show these boys I mean bidness" and he rolled high) AMC Gremlin (I'm not gonna go into the fustercluck him getting that wound up being) in front of the bar and figure that he's inside and caught up in something because he didn't come out before getting ticketed. So, they make their way to the bar to investigate...

>>29208656

this could very well be the next old man Henderson
please go on

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>>29208656
>"Hey, I'm a criminal, just like you guys. Can I join your club?"
kek'd, keep it coming.

>>29208603

She was the wife of that guy, played a ranger, and had social anxiety disorder. Nice person in general, but never seemed to do much with her character. While other players would go out and do their roleplaying things, she spent the entire time drawing. When it came time to ask her what her character was doing, she'd always choose whatever option required the least amount of actual roleplaying. When it came time to go through with combat, pretty much the only thing she ever did was shot her bow, even when there could have been plenty of smarter moves she could make.

I guess... she wasn't that much into it, even though she wanted to play the game.

So, they start asking about their friend, the man in the leisure suit, straw hat and "pimp cane" (Zandi has limited experience with street gangs, his only knowledge coming from watching the Warriors fight their way back to Coney Island, so he figured he needed an outrageous costume to "fit in with the badasses") and they all clam up. The criminal makes an intimidate and they point him to the closed doors from which the faint sounds of an ass thoroughly being kicked are emanating from. They boot in the door, guns (and a taser in the case of the nerd) are pulled, Zandi wiggles free and joins his friends. I ask "So everyone's within close range for their weapons?" Everyone but Zandi nods, he consults his core rulebook, then affirms he is within range. Back and forth conversation ensues, nobody is getting anywhere with words, so Zandi decides to start the firefight. There's the party of 4 staring down 4 gamblers and 3 bodyguards. The gamblers are armed lightly, but the bodyguards are packing some firepower (sawn off shotguns and medium body armor) Zandi hits the nearest bodyguard, and I ask "alright, what's the damage?" He rolls a single d6...

>>29208681

>quintuple park
what it this. I don't even.

>>29208689
Is it possible that her husband, being that guy caused you to want to be noticed by other males?
being shy she just didn't know how to handle it?

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>>29208656
>"Hey, I'm a criminal, just like you guys. Can I join your club?"

Do go on man.

>>29208739

single d6...oh god my sides

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Powergamers who try to justify every build by pretending there are IC reasons for it, thereby creating the most baffling hodgepodge of traits imaginable and stapling it to fucking Superman.

Players who always play the same character with minor tweaks and different named. Especially if said character is annoying/obnoxious as hell.

Giggling idiot edgefest "anti-heroes" and villains in the same vein. Bonus points if player believes they play it well.

Players who purposely ruin the game via awful characters and choices because they didn't like/want to play the system we were trying. You know, instead of oh I don't know VOICING YOUR FUCKING COMPLAINT BEFORE THE FACT YOU RETARDED AUTIST

Casual racists with zero self-awareness/fucks given about how the rest of the group doesn't want to hear it

People who insult nearly every other character IC & OOC because they think its endearing or clever

Players who try to browbeat the other PCs into following their character's every order and get all pissy when it doesn't work.

GMs that think their opinion regarding how to run games/modify crunch are the only ones that matter, shuts ears to all outside reason

Players who modify their character concept on the fly to suddenly match the skill set of whatever PC they think will be cool to emulate. Especially if they are fucking terrible at selling it via roleplay. Tripple bonus points if they are up to the lifelong practitioner' s level within a week.

I ask him "What are you shooting? I mean, most of the handguns are 2d6 other than the really dinky shit, and Jimmer (the criminal) is packing a 2d8 handcannon" Zandi gets this look on his face like his master plan has just unfolded before everyone like some sort of Tzeenchian mastermind. "A crossbow. I figured it was quieter than gunshots so I could be stealthy. I figured I could quietly pick people off without alerting their friends where I am. They'd come by, see a dead dude and wander off like I'm Solid Snake or some shit" So he rolls a 2. But that's ok, he has a +2 bonus from his dexterity, so it's a whopping 4. When the other guys laughed at him, he delivers this deadpan reply "I don't think you guys understand. My dexterity score DOUBLED my damage. Let's see you assholes pull that off". The ensuing gunfight wound up with a bunch of dead gamblers, a 9/10ths dead nerd and a very injured Joe Idaho. But Zandi escaped unscathed, so he considered it a total victory. They took off out the front door and into a riveting low speed pursuit in the Gremlin. The worst part? Zandi picks up the local newspaper the following day and insists that he and the guys investigate the "Gangland shooting in Chinatown" because of the "unusual weaponry" used by the aggressors and their following escape. He honestly didn't understand the terminal case of the giggles that befell the session.

>>29208023
>the gm who will suddenly decide to change a previous decision and fuck you over
I played for a while under a GM like that. I could never figure out for sure if the guy was purely a lying railroading asshole, or if he just had the worst memory in the world, but nothing he ever told you was true or correct.

>>29208436
> Aren't level 1 dudes supposed to be like, above average normal dudes?
if you're talking about d20, no.
level 1 warrior is a normal dude, level 1 fighter is not. That said I take your point and there are players who take this to far.

>>29208776
>Players who purposely ruin the game via awful characters and choices because they didn't like/want to play the system we were trying

Ugggh. We have one guy who makes it his mission to create the most mathematically broken characters, just to mock the bugs in whatever we're playing.

>>29208807

>crossbow
>might be a good idea against zombies
>but criminals who are equipped better than him

oh god I might die laughing

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>>29208807
>"I don't think you guys understand. My dexterity score DOUBLED my damage. Let's see you assholes pull that off"

>>29208776
>>Players who always play the same character with minor tweaks and different named. Especially if said character is annoying/obnoxious as hell.

This god damn this. I have one of these. FUCK I HATE IT. He is also this guy>>29208372

I could go into depth about the low speed pursuit if you'd like. There were some good chuckles once he actually reached the freeway, or I could start a different episode if you'd prefer.

>>29208824

I know the feeling, I have a guy like that in my group. Joke's on him though, our GM switched to a narrativist system that he can't figure out how to break.

>>29208846

you had me at low speed chase

>>29208807
>picks up the local newspaper the following day and insists that he and the guys investigate the "Gangland shooting in Chinatown" because of the "unusual weaponry" used by the aggressors and their following escape. He honestly didn't understand the terminal case of the giggles that befell the session.

I am dying

>>29208852
Low speed chase it is. Let me just remind everyone that Zandi honestly thought he was a genius. He'd have his master plan and a trillion and one failsafes "just in case"...

>>29208807
A fucking crossbow. I'm imagining this whole noire, or classic gangster set-up, when guys pull their gun out from their coat. And he's just stumbling to pull this crossbow out of his jacket, then fires an arrow and it just bounces off the bouncer's armour while everyone watches.

>>29208807
Anon I really don't even know what to say at this point.

I wanna hear Possessed woodchipper next. I ca think of no better title for a bedtime story

>>29208867

then say nothing and enjoy the ride.

>>29208371

But imagine using the rules to roleplay the opposite.

>DM: Alright, the goddess of sweet sexy goodness descends from the sky to relay a message from the pantheon...
>Player: I immediately become Shaken
>DM: What?
>Player: I would like to roll bluff to pretend to not be visibly fearful and dumbfounded

>>29208337
Ha ha fuck no.
That's abso-fucking-lutely wrong and you know it.

Modular pre-set power cards taking priority in every class, with no out-combat uses an meaningless (sometimes confusing and outright wrong flavor text) instead of the standard passive augmentation and modifications as class abilities, lends no flavor, and no aid what so ever to roleplay.

If you're going for the TABULA RASA approach to role-playing, (a fucking terrible idea, as the best concepts come from a foundation of limitations) then why are you not using a GURPS module, a rules-light system, or just fucking free-forming it?

The only good 4e is for, is a battle chess combat system you can throw in on occasions and then pretend it has actual relevance to the game you are playing.

>>29208882
Hey anon? You know that you've had your email address on this whole time, right? We can see which posts are yours.

>>29208910
You could also tell by the fact that he's the only person in the thread with serious difficulties finding the Shift key.

>>29208910
I just assumed that he was a local, some people here do that.

So I don't know what the majority of you know about the 1970 AMC Gremlin, but it routinely lands in lists like "50 worst cars of all time" and the like. He gets into the driver's seat a full 2 rounds after everyone else because he tack welded the door shut so he could jump in the window "Like the General Lee", then failed his reflex save to get in. He starts it, throws it into gear and mats the gas, then hears a horrible clanging sound from his driver's side front wheel. There's a boot on the tire from the traffic cop. They can hear sirens getting louder and louder, and everyone is losing their shit. So Zandi gets a bright idea. He leaps out the window and shoots the padlock holding the boot on. With what? You ask? A goddamn crossbow. He rolls a natural 1 and punctures his tire. Criminal in the rear passenger seat, who advocated against shooting the lock for this very reason, now shoots the lock, rolls good and they rip the boot off just in time to realize Zandi left the car in gear. It starts idling away with Zandi from the waist up sticking out of the window still. He gets into the car and they peel away as fast as a 40 year old "Worst car in america" can go with a flat tire and a moron at the helm. They tear up and down all these crowded sidestreets, sending market stalls flying and almost killing a few people, but they finally make it to and on ramp and hit the highway. This is where the first of 3 "failsafes" come into effect.

>>29208926

bingo.

>>29208402

> Not keeping the party on relative par in terms of level, XP, gear, points, et cetera

>>29207144
>player types you hate

The guy who always plays a nonsensical "for the lulz" comic relief character no matter what the game and is totally unable to keep a lid on it for even one second, so that it is impossible for the tone of the game to ever be anything but a Looney Toons episode.

The guy whose entire idea of roleplaying is to say "my character has no reason to interact with the other PCs". Seriously, fuck you. Make a new character.

The guy who refuses to come up with any kind of character concept until the first game, even when you are telling him weeks in advance that you want everyone to give you one.

The guy who argues about the rules, and even if you tell him no, even if you show it to him in the book, even if you tell him you're doing it differently, even if you tell him you will not argue about rules, even if you AGREE WITH HIM AND GIVE HIM WHAT HE WANTS, he will not stop trying to derail the entire evening into a four hour discussion about some minutia of a build mechanic.

>>29208939
MY SIDES

>>29208939
Oh fuck this is going to be good.

>>29208939
Go on....

>>29207144

People who always think that they know how to play someone's character better than the character.

I mean, yeah I know that there are people who play X-Stupid alignments and misrepresent what their alignment is supposed to be, or are terrible role-players in general but in the end, it should really be up to the GM to set a player straight when they start playing their characters "wrong", not some jackass who always plays the same fucking character in every fucking campaign.

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>>29208939

I like where this is going.

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>>29208939
>With what? You ask? A goddamn crossbow. He rolls a natural 1 and punctures his tire.
>mfw

>>29208953
I think I've seen you around before, I'm relativly new to /tg/

>>29208989

I'm a bit of a regular in threads like this.
lets just say my groups that guy has left quite the impression

>>29207144

So...pretty much anyone that plays Pathfinder these days?

Yeah, I hate them too.

Players who decide to do absolutely nothing or worse when their turn comes up in a life-or-death situation because MUH ROLEPLAY.
I know PCs aren't always fearless and don't always make rational choices, but there's an unspoken assumption that they're at least trying to help each other.
I had a player say "I stop grappling. End turn." NO! NO! That's a free fucking action, do something, ANYTHING else with your turn! Any damage we take past that point is on YOUR hands, traitor!

So, Zandi picked the Gremlin specifically. It wasn't one of those "I just want to buy a disposable car I can torch if I have to get rid of evidence so pick one for me". He specifically requested a "rusted out Gremlin that backfires every once in a while". Again, don't ask, I'd tell you why if I fucking knew. I've known him half as long as my lady love, and I understand her more than him. But either way. So he's putting down the freeway with half of the local police precinct chasing after him. They're flashing sirens, they're on the loudspeaker "Sir, please pull your vehicle to the side of the road. You are endangering yourself and the people on this freeway". Zandi specifically states that he's going slowly enough for them to keep on his ass, but he's speeding up and slowing down, combined with swerving so they can't try and get him in the quarterpanels to spin him. At this point, the criminal is on his cellphone calling one of his previous public defenders and offering to hook the rest of the party up with "his guy". Zandi also asks if there's any offramps with an onramp immediately in front of it, so he can drive down then back up without having to drive through the city proper. I say sure, because at this point, I'm damn near ready to get the popcorn out myself. You guys think this is funny to read? Try sitting at the table with this guy, his eyes full of childlike wonder. So, he finds one, goes to pull down it, then floors it. He's got a busted tire, but he makes the drive check to stay in control. He tells the guy in the passenger seat to swing his door open and hit a fire hyrdaynt or light pole or something. The failsafe? In addition to having to jump in through the driver's door, he welded a roll cage and reinforcements into the doors. Joe Idaho in the passenger seat doors a fire hyrdant. Door rips off, so does the hydrant. The cop cars that followed him onto the offramp are now down for the count, but some saw through his ruse and continued to the on ramp...

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>>29208939
> everything in this post

>>29209043
Holy shit what I wouldn't give to have these kinds of shenanigans coming out of my group. It's like the Blues Brothers on crystal meth.

>>29209014
I stumble into OP PF builds incidentally.

>First game of PF
>Alchemist looks cool
>Alchemist Nat attacks is an option
>That sounds cool, I like using claws
>You mean with a Katana, Four tentacles, fours claws and a bite, will give me ten attacks a round by level 7?
>With +10 str, +28hp and +8AC?

>Actually get into game
>Man, why is this so easy for me?
>I think other people might catch up late game.
>Additional tail attack, two wing buffets and a breath weapon later, I actively discuss with the DM to sacrifice my character to reroll one that's fair to the team's powerlevel

>Next character is a vernerable synthesist Summoner.
>Because the Eidolon Evolution mechanic sounds cool, and I want to be a fragile dude in some kind of magic life support.
>Ohboyherewego.jpg

>>29209043
I'm sorry, but he sounds fucking awesome. Not only would I love to play in that game, I'd watch a show based on it.

"The world's worst detective, but a damn good mime!"

So they rip back up onto the freeway, again, Zandi's good Dexterity score keeps the cops from spinning him out or ramming him into something, so the second failsafe comes into play. See, a while back, we decided because of the criminal's larcenous past, whenever they were in the part of town he was from, they'd pass any streetwise checks for finding informants, black market dealers etc. So, in a previous session, Zandi acquired a pair of grenades. German Grenades. German Stick Grenades. From World War 2. He primes em, chucks em out the window and they explode on impact. Keeping in mind, the whole time, the chase has stayed under 60 km/h (about 37mph), so the police cars are close and slow, not likely to be able to zip around. Neither scores a direct hit, but it disables all buy one police cruiser. At this time, the police scanner duct taped to his sun visor informs them there's a road block about 2 minutes ahead. Zandi puts the boot to the board and makes his drive check to stay in control, now zipping at a brisk 120 km/h (75 mph) towards the roadblock. The two other party members still conscious sign off as witnesses to each other's last will and testament...

>>29209121
>The two other party members still conscious sign off as witnesses to each other's last will and testament...

Oh god I'm dying over here.

>>29209121
Why did he buy german grenades when he's trying to go all stealthy with the crossbow?

>>29209119
I know someone mentioned the "for the lulz" guy in a previous post, but honestly, Zandi wasn't doing this to be funny. This is him doing his thing, trying to execute his master plans. Every game we play. Not even RPGs. I once saw him field an entire 3000 pt IG army. It had no vehicles, but oldschool Creed, so we were worried. What does he Creed in at us? Conscripts.

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>>29209121
>German grenades. German stick grenades. From World War 2.

>>29208445
You must be an utter chore to play with you autistic little man

Players who get told to bring a character suitable for a specific theme and then whine when you dont let them play their unsuitable character are the bane of my life

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Apathy. Treating campaigns that GMs half-ass and ones that have had fuckloads of passion poured into them with equal measures of interest.

>>29209206

think you've got the wrong anon here,anon.

Nobody else has played with a Convoluted Plans guy?

Your party gets to the bandits' camp, and everyone's ready to roll initiative and kick some ass when the Convoluted Plans guy goes, "NO GUYS, WE CAN'T JUST CHARGE IN THERE! Let me take half an hour to explain this convoluted plan I have based on retarded assumptions about the setting that to totally goes against the mood of the game while the DM stares at me with his pokerface, thinking of ways to torpedo my plan so he can actually run a proper battle for once."

I hate this guy almost as much as I hate the guy who didn't really want to play in the first place but joined for some reason and just distracts himself while bitching and moaning about the game. And I really hate that guy a lot.

>>29209247
I had that guy in my group once.

Did yours also get mad and blame everyone else when his shitty plan went wrong?

Mine used to blame a girl in my group for everything. We eventually booted him from the group because ultimately it surmounted to bullying.

'Hey guys wanna go get strippers?' or 'Who wants to come get drunk with me' <--- anyone else have these assholes? Might be a unique problem for groups who are also buddies and game day doubles as regular hangout day.

So, for the most part, as you can probably tell, when in doubt, we use a dusty copy of "Introductory Movie Physics" by Michael Bay et al. To fill in the gaps when there's no set rule. Why? Because to be honest, it's more fun. However, as long as the rule in the book isn't stupid, we use it. So, keeping in mind they're driving well above highway speed, Zandi engages failsafe #3. He pops his trunk. He then tells the guys that they need to pull the floor mat up from under their feet in the back and don't stab themselves. They pull up the floor mat to find a sturdy section of lumber with an assortment of rusted nails, screws and other pointy bits jammed into it at all angles. They open the back hatch and pitch it out. The pursuing cop fails his drive check to avoid, and we count it statwise as a spike strip. Zandi slams the breaks, failing his check (He took 10 knowing it would fail) and causing him to spin out. He pulls out of the spin (passes the check via a roll) and stops about 100 feet from the police blockade. Zandi is grinning like a dog at this point. We defer to the rulebook to see what sort of shenanigans the cop car will cause. I forget the specifics of the situation, but the rulebook said that the cop car would start flipping ass over teakettle and go 3d6X50 feet as it crashed and rolled. That sent it right past Zandi's car (the spinning out moved it a lane and a half left) and right into the police blockade. Zandi then zipped through the smashed part of the blockade, went down and offramp and ditched the car in a vacant lot. Just as planned?

>>29209296
Just as fucking planned. How is Zandi a That Guy again?

>>29209247
I think the difference between good and bad is based entirely off of

A. How often they work
B. If they don't explain it to anybody

If you glance over at the character sheet if the Nut-case in your group and see is carrying around a disposable hang-glider, chalk, some kind of organ sacks, a busted open clock, half of a lute, a backwards pointing crossbow, a live frag-grenade with the the pin out and the spoon taped down, along with 783 ft. Of harp string specifically tied around a Blackfin bass preserved in formaldehyde...

You can usually expect whatever happens in the next room is going to be fuckung great whether it works or not.

>>29209321
His character building. He designed his whole character to get the party out of trouble that was only caused because of his character's ineptitude. The other two stories don't work out quite as well as this one. I heard someone ask for the Possessed Woodchipper, so if there are no objections, that one can be next if you'd like.

>>29209277

Fortunately not. He's pretty genteel for a fucking idiot and our group was good at not being assholes to each other.

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>>29209247
Fucking god, hate that guy. It's okay to try and give input and suggest a different route, but if the whole party already has their mind set it's just fucking irritating.

>>29209296
That's actually fucking amazing.
>

>>29209338
fuck yeah my nigger

So, I just pulled dumbass and realized I don't actually remember a coherent narrative for the Red Oktober Incident. It's one of those things I remembered, thought "fuck, that was funny" and then forgot to remember why. However, Posessed Woodchipper is still on the table, as is Zanderstrike: Source.

Lelrandom Player

They will play a Chaotic character, or a Malkavian, or someone who has mental problems. They think the way to do that is do random shit all the time. They think they are good roleplayers. They think they are funny.

>Oh, you're fighting the arch lich? I'll be cooking marshmallows here, teehee.
>I fart in the king's face hohoho
>I burn the inn lol
>I put the Artifact of World Saving in my ass trolololo

>>29209386
Let's just go from the Posessed Woodchipper and then to the Souce!

Ok, so, for Halloween, we usually do a suitably themed one off game. However, this was our first time playing D20 modern, and they were digging it, and I managed to find a boxed module that had ghouls and demonic possession and whatnot. I thumbed through it quickly and bought it, cause my FLGS has a flat rate of $5 for a used module, so even if it was awful, I've paid more for a burger and fries. The thing was, I only really read it in depth shortly before game time. Like, cutting it close enough that I had to wash my hands in between going through the book and making the pizza dough. Either way, it turned out to be fucking ridiculous. It was a blast, but it was such a goofy premise. tl;dr of it is that these dudes kidnapped some people, then had to kill them for some reason and mulched them with a woodchipper to dispose of the bodies. They were caught and the woodchipper was seized as evidence. Because of the evil presence of the criminals and the pissed off soul-giblets inhabiting the machine, a blood demon posessed it. The machine should have been destroyed after the trial, but it went all "one ring" on the constabulary and made them sell it at a junk auction. It was taken to some rural town where it turned a bunch of people into ghouls who would butcher everyone else and feed them to the machine or turn them into more ghouls. It was sorta The Hills Have Eyes-esque. So, it starts with them driving down some weird ass back road and getting lost. Why? Cause slasher flick logic. Either way, their radio goes all white noise and all the electronics in Zandi's new vehicle (a Smart For4) die out and the car rolls to a stop. All the phones have no bars because they passed the point where nobody would hear them scream about an hour and a half ago. But not to worry, Jebediah Zandersmith is on the case. When he bought the Gremlin, it hadn't been driven since the late 80s, so he kept a bunch of the junk in it, one being an old road atlas...

>>29209424
>SenileKender.JPEG

Fuck I regret being that guy...
I mean I was twelve, but that's still no reason to piss on a shoggoth.

Even if I did Nat 01 my San check.

I'll never live that down.

>>29207144
ITT:
>People enjoy games for different reasons than I do and that makes me angry and confused!

>>29209480
>having fun

What kind of fag are you?

>>29209480
ITP:
>A troll or an August who didn't even glance over this thread.

Either way, your opinion is irrelevant.
I just want you to know that.
Don't bother responding. I won't see it.

Well in his defence it was his first time GMing, and he had only been seriously RPing for a year (then again some the players had been doing it for even less time but were excellent), but here we go:

The campaign are described as criminal underworld, and he stresses that the characters should be okay with making less than moral choices. He also invites half the group a week or so before he plans to run the game. That week was Christmas, and although most of the group is >20 that still left us with very little time to make characters, in fact most made them at the table.

The campaign was fun and all, we are sent to get some documents from a bank, the bank is robbed and with the party being pretty poorly optimized for combat, we manage to swipe it away using a combo of hit and run and disguise. The party is however split up, and when we arrive at our meeting place we see the nemesis of our employer holding the documents, which apparently was proof of criminal acts or something (OoC we knew that the halfling had betrayed us, because he and the dm had been sending notes like crazy).

Cue to him dumbfoundly declaring that he doesn't know what to do any more and that we've ruined the plans for his campaign.

Apparently we should have just charged the bank and then chased the robbers to some underground dungeon crawl, or gotten captured and forced to escape.

Me and the halfing, who are both more experienced try to give hints for on the fly plot hooks: the nemesis being in league with the robbers, the halfing was actually captured, maybe we are attacked by criminals when we raid the halflings flat ect.

But nope, he just sits there and moans about how we, WE, where late with bringing him information, and how he couldn't expect morally grey criminals in a game that was described as filled with morally grey criminals.

In the end the session became nothing but fiddling with phones or talking about games since he didn't even attempt to patch something together.

"Doods, there's totally a town up ahead. It looks about 2 miles up the road, it's called 'Blackknell'. What do you mean that's a bad idea? No, he said the road was dark and OBVIOUS... you did say Ominous? Bullshit, how can a road be ominous? Does it have eyes that follow you anywhere in the room?" The party can't argue, because fighting that with logic would be like fighting fire with a compressed air mollusk launcher. They hoof it to town, and discover that the whole place is empty. They ask if anything is outwardly unusual. Zandi interrupts me telling them something with "He's not gonna just tell us, we gotta investigate!" and proceeds to roll an investigate check. DC 10. He rolls a 15. He fails. He has a penalty of 6 to investigate. He's a detective. The party facepalms, I explain that there are cars sorta just parked in weird places. They aren't blocking the road, but there are way more cars than a town of 500 should have. And they're all from varying decades and covered in dust. Then they hear rustling from a darkened alleyway.

>>29209549
In the end Halfling was forced to DM a dungeon crawl for the others (I had get up early the next day). Despite half the reason for the game was letting him play since he's our forever gm.

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>>29209522

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>>29209480
>barely read the OP, much less read the thread
>make a sweeping generalization about the thread contents pulled straight from your ass
That's a great impression of a drooling retard trying to derail a discussion.

>>29208689
>social anxiety disorder

pretty much explains everything, she was just too anxious to actually do stuff and talk, . People like that need to be drawn, and included in by other people, which the husband should have known, and done that himself. basically, its the guy's fault, and she was just too shy to do anything.

>>29209386
Zanderstrike Source!

So, the party tears ass back to the car, only to discover it's trashed. Thankfully, they learned that leaving important things like guns in the car was a bad idea from a previous session, but it's been ripped apart by claws. Tires are slashed, interior is mangled, they even picked the pips out of his fuzzy dice. Joe Idaho figures "I can probably rig something up with the trillion other semi trashed vehicles in town, so long as we kill whatever's trying to fuck with us first" so they head into the town kicking in doors like a swat team on Adderall. All of the houses are empty and in complete disrepair, but they find a few sets of keys and manage to get into a previously locked shed with some tools. Then they head something, like someone tapping on a metal pipe. "Someone's in trouble, they're tapping out Morse Code!" Zandi cries and charges off into the darkness towards the sounds of clanging, despite the fact that nobody in the party knows Morse Code to confirm or deny his theory. The party grudgingly follow, drawing weapons as they do so. The sound is coming from the back yard of a house with a tall, sturdy (Read: They're not climbing or smashing it. There's one gate) and as soon as they all enter the yard, they realize they've been had...

>>29208955

This. When you go with the "You level up when I feel like it." Mechanic you keep everyone at the same level.

So, ghouls start crawling out of the woodwork and everyone is leveling their guns, plus one crossbow. This was met with a cry of "For Fucking out Loud Zandi, anything but the bloody crossbow". He then takes a full round action, I shit you not, to draw his cane sword. That pimp cane from the Mexican Standoff? It's a can sword... Now he's rolling d4's... at melee range. With scythe clawed ghouls... Huge fight ensues and Zandi gets a little wounded, so he takes off into the back door of the house and shoulder bashes it in on the run. He then falls into a pit cut out of the floor full of mossy bones. I ask Zandi what his plan is. He says hide. I tell him to pass me a note if he changes his plans and the party won't know. 2 rounds of combat later, he passes me a note. A round after that, the last ghoul is dead. The party enters the house looking for Zandi. They see his footprints in the dust leading up to the pit. They look into the pit, and up pops a human skull, Zandi's hand working it like a fuckmothering muppet, I'm describing the situation, about to do the dialogue, when Zandi pipes up in a full on broadway voice "Oh IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII ain't got no booooooooooodaaaaay". The party hauls him from the bone pit and they decide to investigate the barn that the ghouls tracks come from.

>>29209719
Depending on your system. 2e had weird tables and different experience awards for class based stuff because different classes outperformed each other at different levels, so your level didn't equate to your power compared to another character.

>>29209830

jesus fucking christ.

I have not slept all night and you good sir have made every minute worth it.

The party flings open the big barn doors to see a dozen ghouls centered around a wood chipper. There's bloody manacles chained to the walls as well as a set of manacles on an incredibly gorey picnic table in the center of the barn. The wood chipper fires up despite there obviously not being any power to this town in decades and walks on it's supports towards the party. Zandi is nowhere to be seen. The party starts shooting the ghouls and manages to down the majority of them before they have to retread from the barn to avoid getting mulched. There's a few potshots that finish off the ghouls, but now there's the woodchipper. The party starts shooting it, but it's an old industrial machine from the 40s, so it's not having any of it. One of the players gets the bright idea to jam the hammer mill in it, so they start pitching bits of metal into it. The thing seizes up, screeches, then runs in reverse, flinging a mangled aluminum chicken feeder at them, sending the nerd ass over teakettle into an empty trough. Zandi has disappeared, but I have a note from him. From my eye rolling, the rest of the table is on a 50/50 split between waiting for doom or Zandi induced divine intervention. The fight is pretty one sided at this point, with them inflicting minimal damage on it, and it spitting buckets, chains and anything else it can find at the players. Suddenly, quietly over the hills is the low hum of a hybrid engine and the occasional "meep meep" of a tiny car horn...

>>29209498
Incidentally that reminds me of an old thread here, which also describes the kind of guy I hate: a GM aske if it'd be okay to make a somewhat large change to the setting of the system his group played in to accomodate a first-time player, assuming that the rest of the group was okay with that. I think specifically it was about allowing female Chaos Space Marines in a Black Crusade game, because the new player was a woman and she'd prefer to start out with a female character as well.

So anyways, most people were reasonable and said that as long as the rest of the groups is chill with it you can change whatever.
But of course there was that one type of people who literally insisted that if you don't play exactly according to the given setting you're a bad roleplayer, can't adapt to things, might as well play Yahtzee, yada yada yada.
So basically those kind of guys. Those who insist that there's a certain way to play a game 'properly' according precisely to the written words in the book and you need to adhere to it, because if you don't the ghost of Gygax visits you in your sleep and farts in your face or something.

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>>29209950
>Suddenly, quietly over the hills is the low hum of a hybrid engine and the occasional "meep meep" of a tiny car horn...

See, the whole point of the smart car being mangled is that way, they can't run away, but I didn't expect them to try and drive the damn thing, so when Zandi asked "Does it still start? Could I still drive it?" I replied "It was a 3 hour drive here, so yeah, you could drive all the way back on your rims. Assuming you didn't get stuck somewhere, you could probably make it in 10 hours or so, assuming whatever smashed your car doesn't follow you. But that's ok, he didn't want to drive it far. You see, they actually passed the barn on the way to the town, so he didn't have that far to limp the thing. It's clipping along at about 20 km/h (12 mph) He pulls up about 50 feet from the wood chipper and honks at it. The wood chipper faces the car, which starts idling towards it with a sword cane jamming the pedal down a bit. The woodchipper chews the car up (Zandi left the the room before it was discovered jamming it was bad) and spits the whole damn thing at Zandi. He fails his reflex save by 1 point and has to scrape himself up with a putty knife with 2 HP left. The rest of the party has scrambled to the road to fetch help and Zandi waves them off when they try to retrieve him. The wood chipper closes in...

the DM's girlfriend.

>>29209338
Zandi's stories are so awesome I forgive you for both not using green text and not quoting your previous post to make reading easier
Keep them going

Now, at this point, I need to explain an unwritten house rule. Splat books are generally allowed provided they're one of 3 things. 1) Official Stamp of Okness from the publishers, 2) The particular part of the splatbook you're using works with your character in a non-cheesy way or 3) Ambush Rule. When you pull the book out and say "This is what I'm doing, this is how I'm doing it, and it's on page X". If the consensus at the table is the "Not Bad" Obama face, it flies. If the smell of cheese drives us from the room, it doesn't. Out Zandi pulls his iPad, bringing up the weakest looking PDF I've ever seen. It's an expansion on Urban Arcana (a book we outlawed because we didn't want magic in it other than this one off adventure) but it was about performing rituals instead of spells. Zandi starts using his own damn blood to drawn things on the ground and mangled car. How did he know what to do? That brings us back to my original posting of this character...

>>29208337
Except making good characters is even harder in 4e. While the strongest characters aren't as strong, poorly designed characters will definitely have a hard time killing level appropriate foes in 4e.

You are basically making a mistake if you ever try to make a 4e character without a character builder.

See, Jebediah Zandersmith was a detective. He was rolled up specifically for info gathering and analysis. He was never meant to do much other than that and maybe fire a gun once or twice (Something he never actually did throughout the whole campaign). However, he had a -6 penalty to a number of important detective type skills due to using his primary requisites as dump stats ("Intelligence? I don't need that, I'm a wizard mufucka" is another beloved Zandiism) as well as some other negative traits he personally applied to his character "to make sure this wicked build isn't too broken, y'know?". So any sane person would have at least beefed them up with his skill points (The characters had an ecl of around 5 or so at this point) We used to ask him where the skills went. "Wouldn't you like to know?" he would ask, but never explain. Bam. +8 bonus on Knowledge: Arcane Lore and Knowledge: Religion and Philosophy. So who has two thumbs and was about to roll to banish the blood demon from the woodchipper? Jebediah Zandersmith. The woodchipper crashes over to him just in time for him to roll. I wish I could say it was a natural 20 or something glorious like that, but no... he rolled quite the opposite. He rolled half a natural one. We giggle. Turns out this ritual dealie has a failure roll. If you fail by a certain amount, roll on this table to see how badly you get boned. If you rolled a natural one, roll one category worse, but roll twice and take the worse (DM's Discretion) result. There were some lube related jokes and much laughter, and for the first time gaming with the guy, Zandi looked defeated. Zandi rolls the bones. Rolls the weak "spell fizzles, no ill effects" type result. I say that's not gonna fly, whatever he rolls next goes. "Arcane Implosion" he gets. I read it and the little blurb doesn't really explain much, so I read the more in depth explanation. It isn't good...

Fluffwise, he put the magic battery in backwards and reverses the polarity. Instead of banishing the demon from the woodchipper, he turns the woodchipper into a vortex that sucks in all of the surrounding bodyless spirits, demons etc. Since we're sitting there going "What spirits" Zandi defers us to the part of the book that's about the ambient spirits and pissed off dead stuff in any area. There's a base value for the area, then a boatload of modifiers for different things. The fact that there were, with a conservative estimate, thousands of murder victims floating around in the spirit world, they would all get sucked into the woodchipper. Now the woodchipper was one body with thousands of brains, some less sane than others, vying for control. It starts acting wacky and spazzes out as control switches almost constantly. Zandi doesn't take any time and hobbles as fast as his busted legs will carry him towards his friends who have managed to climb a tree and get enough cell reception to call the cops. By the time the police arrive, the woodchipper has scampered off and there's no sign of it, just the weird ghoul bodies. The cops take them into the station and give them those really nice sweaters that make you hug yourself, when the party is rescued by a "mysterious benefactor" (a plot device I was gonna work in later, but they're all looking at like in an institution, so I had to do something. This takes us directly into "Zanderstrike: Source"...

Is there anyone still here or am I typing this for my own benefit? Cause the sun has been up for about an hour now, and while I don't have a problem staying up if you guys want more, if you guys want me to fuck off, I'll go catch a few hours worth of z's.

>>29210149
>>29210204
So you have a supernatural detective who drives a shitty car and uses a crossbow? I would love to see a show about that.

>>29210212
No, stay up man. It's 6:49 here, I've been up all night literally fucking bitches, getting drunk, drinking soda, watching kill la kill, and laughing my ass off at your stories. This is the best fucking newyears ever.

>>29210212
I'm deeply amused, and following avidly.

I was enjoying it, but its late for me as well. I understand if you need the z's

>>29210231
I'd like it as an adultswim show to be honest. It's crazy enough for them.

>>29210212

well im still here

>>29210242
I need the Z.
Give it all to us. Don't hold back anything

Alright, Zanderstrike: Source it is. Our story begins with our mysterious benefactor named Zaybe Grayves. He owns Grayves Enterprises, which owns, whether they publicly claim to or not, billions of dollars worth of businesses from Pulp and Paper to Boeing to American Arms and it's weird "Applied Sciences" (a la Wayne Enterprises Applied Sciences) department. Long story short, they have an office building downtown that a rogue terror cell has take over. They've taken a whole whack of hostages on the 50th floor, which contains both the building's main servers for the Applied Sciences research facilities in the sub basements, as well as all of the security type stuff. They have a gigantic bomb and have told the authorities if they see any police officers above the lobby or in any of the neighboring buildings, they're bringing the place down. The police are grilling Grayves personally about anything about the building they aren't being told (super secret weapons testing basement thinger) that could assist them in taking the terrorists out, while Grayves wants the terrorists out, he also doesn't want the cops poking around. The players are supposed to sneak in via the rooftop entrance, work their way through back routes (Think Rattman from Portal's tunnels) that don't have cameras or security, take the terrorists out, activate the backup procedures for the server, destroy it, then maybe disarm the bomb if they want to/have time. Also, he figures they have about 6 hours before the cops get someone to rat about the back routes and they take them out normally. This means they have a time limit. This also means they aren't supposed to be seen by the authorities...

>>29210251
So a so-bad-it's-good comedy that relies on crude humor and terrible jokes? That's how all Adult Swim comedies are except Venture Bros

>>29210307
Yes

>>29210212
NO. don't stop writing!

So, they try to get to the rooftop via parachute, when they realize that there are a whole lot of ways that could go wrong and few where it can go write. As a rule, when Zandi himself says "Guys, that's really dumb and there's an easier way to do it" you know you should seriously consider the path you're about to walk. Not to worry, Zandi gets a genius plan. They go to a thrift store and pick up old suits. Black Jacket, thin black tie, black slacks, black shoes. They purchase bluetooth headsets and put them in their ears, then charge $600 sunglasses to Grayves. Then, they approach the police blockade on the ground floor. Zandi tells the other guys to "leave it to me, just follow close and don't talk". Zandi unfolds his wallet so that it looks like he's showing a badge and pushes his way through passers by. He shoves it in anyone wearing a uniform's face very quickly, then begins berating the local police, who at this point, think it's a criminal hostage situation, not knowing about the bomb (I told the story wrong last post. They threatened Grayves with the bomb to get passwords, the cops with shooting the hostages), "Which one of you cocksuckers is in charge of this clusterfuck? Get these lines further back! I don't want any civvies within motherfucking radar range of this place. Shut it the fuck down!" A bunch of the rookie cops start doing what he says, but a grizzled police sergeant comes over and says "Who the fuck are you?". "Special Agent Smitherzand, Homeland Security. This is my team. We'll be heading inside now, fix this fucking mess up out here and leave the heavy lifting to the big boys,". The cop doesn't move "This is a criminal act, why would Feds, especially Homeland Security, have jurisdiction here?". Zandi looks at him, pulls his sunglasses off and narrows his eyes, "That's above your paygrade, porkie," and poke the guy in the gut, then shoulders past him and into the lobby, making for one of the secret entrances they were told about...

>>29210365
>"That's above your paygrade, porkie,"

This guy is the greatest player ever

So, they see the fuse panel that's supposed to open the secret door just out of sight of security cameras. The only problem? There's a swat team milling about guarding the elevator. They're facing away from where they need to walk, but they're ridiculously close. I figured with the noisy situation nearby, a sneak check 20 feet behind these guys isn't unreasonable, but there's still a penalty. Right there, is a big problem. Zandi had a huge penalty on his sneak due to his not putting any skill points in it, having recently busted his legs when he had a smart car land on him, as well as insisting he buy shoes "3 sizes too big. Big feet mean big dick, and that will intimidate the cops into not fucking with me when I bullshit them". Then he gets as strange look on his face. You look this guy in the eyes, the childlike wonder is gone. You can just see the fucking gears turning away in his head. "So, mimes... they're quiet right?" I nod slowly. "And, like, the imitate regular actions, but completely silently, right?" I nod again. "But they don't actually use the skills you'd use to do the real thing. If you mime climbing a mountain, you don't actually need to know how to mountain climb to perform well, right?". Long story short, he has a double digit bonus to Perform:Mime. He mimes sneaking behind the guards to the others. He rolls great and gets past absolutely silently. They enter the secret tunnels, then make their way to the 50th floor. They open the secret door and are face to face with a machinegun wielding dude in a balaclava. Zandi thinks fast and shoots him at point blank. Natural 20. Total of 8 damage. Real shots ensue, which freaks the cops out and makes them put snipers in place across the street...

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>>29209106

>get the 2 banned archetype whom Paizo itself aknowledged as fucked up in terms of powerlevel

>>29210447
Hand the player over and nobody gets hurt.

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>>29210447
HE FUCKING MIMED SNEAKING

WAT

>

>>29210447
> He mimes sneaking behind the guards to the others. He rolls great and gets past absolutely silently. They enter the secret tunnels, then make their way to the 50th floor

I LOVE THIS GUY!

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>>29210447
>You can just see the fucking gears turning away in his head. "So, mimes... they're quiet right?" I nod slowly. "And, like, the imitate regular actions, but completely silently, right?" I nod again. "But they don't actually use the skills you'd use to do the real thing. If you mime climbing a mountain, you don't actually need to know how to mountain climb to perform well, right?". Long story short, he has a double digit bonus to Perform:Mime. He mimes sneaking behind the guards to the others. He rolls great and gets past absolutely silently.

>>29210454

To be fair, Paizo can't really into balanced classes.

You either get a class that's good at everything, good at some things, good at one thing, or is good at one thing that another class can do 10x better than they can.

So, the gunfight has freaked the cops out and our heroes are significantly outnumbered and outgunned. However, the SWAT Team has 50 floors of stairs to go up, so they aren't receiving reinforcements soon. However, the snipers are ready almost immediately and begin taking shots at the people who look like terrorists. Like, the people waving guns around. The criminal realizes they're being shot at as well, and Zandi gets a bright idea. He incapacitates a terrorist, hauls him over to one of the now broken windows facing the snipers and throws him out of it, because "I'm showing them that we're the good guys,". Unfortunately, he grabbed the guy and pulled off his mask out of sight of the snipers, but decides to put the guy's mask on because "We're not actually Homeland Security, and the snipers are probably smarter than the porky dude they left to guard the door nobody cares about" and didn't want to give away his identity, pointing out that he even gave them a fake name. The snipers take a shot and absolutely wreck Zandi. He gets knocked flat over and manages to pull himself out of their line of sight, face to face with a giant ass bomb. The other guys have started the upload on the server and have sent the innocent people down the same stairs as the SWAT team. The upload finishes and they smash the servers to dust. Then they realize Zandi never came back from his trip to the window. When they find him, he's almost completely bled out, and they see the bomb...

>>29210501
God dammit I'm swinging between laughing at Zandi's amazing luck and Zandi's amazing stupidity

>>29210499
And monks

>>29210281
Not to interrupt but sounds like deus ex to me.

>>29210532

I always figured Monks fell into the "good at some things" category.

I mean, they're good at DPS and at later levels they gain a shitload of abilities and bonus feats to improve their physical power but at the same time, their health isn't the best and there are classes that hit harder and provide better utility.

So, the SWAT team guys have since heard that there's a bomb in the building and the few wounded terrorists that snuck past the snipers and fake feds have been interrogated. The bomb's timer has about 2 mins left on it, so they are trying to evacuate the huge area around the building. Zandi is roused from his unconsciousness, sees the timer and realizes "I can defuse this bomb". His realization was not correct, but damn if he wasn't gonna try. So he sends his friends to sneak out the secret tunnels they came through and he'd figure the bomb out. You don't have to tell them twice, but he's only got about 20 mins of consciousness left in him. Jebediah Zandersmith pulled the panel covering the wires next to the detonator and timer off and realized 3 things. 1) He had no fucking idea how to defuse a bomb. 2) It's always the red wire. 3) He's fucking color blind. So, he reaches his hand in and pulls out a fistful of wire. The timer starts freaking out and the time runs twice as fast. He starts dinking with it and touches a wire to a different contact. The time drops to 10 seconds and starts counting down like normal. He frantically screws around and accidentally touches the same wire to the same contact. It resets the timer for 10 seconds. Then Jebediah Zandersmith had the most intelligent, heroic idea of his career as failed detective. He was going to pass out eventually, but if he kept pressing the wire to the contact, maybe they could evacuate the area. After 20 mins, Zandi rolled a fortitude save. He used Con as a dump stat. But he passes and stays conscious for another 5 mins. Next check? Passes, barely. He continues to pass checks for another few roles until finally, he conks out. The bomb goes off and ruins most of the city's downtown area, but everyone other than Special Agent Smitherzand was accounted for from the blast area. Not the ending you were expecting from such a ridiculous character, is it? Still, Zandi the player was pretty excited at the heroic end.

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>>29210573
>I always figured Monks fell into the "good at some things" category.

Yeah sure

Well gents, I think that's it for me. I'm off to bed. If I end up remembering any more stories of Jebediah Zandersmith, maybe I'll start a storytime thread. I have a completely unrelated Pathfinder story that's quite a good one for different reasons I might post eventually as well. Happy Newyear, Elegan/tg/entlemen.

>>29210601
Thanks anon, have a nice night.

>>29210585

thank you based anon for bringing joy to our lives with these amazing stories. you have truly given old man henderson a run for his money.

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>>29210585

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>>29210585

>>29210601
This was a very good read, thank you for it. I would love to hear any other stories you can remember.

>>29210585
This deserves to remain in the archives forever

>>29210618
Thank you, but as amusing as Zandi is, I don't think Henderson is a fair comparison to Jeb. It's apples to oranges. Henderson was derailing, Zandi was more of a "What the fuck are you doing man?" kind of entertaining. One was the smart ass class clown, the other ate bugs and wiped boogers on his desk.

>>29210589

Okay, are you going to refute my claims or are you just going to post smug images without any reasons as to why I'm wrong?

>>29210651
It's the PF monk class. It's like you are trying to tell me that 2+2 doesn't equal 4; not something that can create an interesting discussion

>>29210651
But, just so you can't claim moral victory and say monks are good. Read SOTS post about monks here
http://www.minmaxboards.com/index.php?topic=7364.msg113125#msg113125

There is also the fact that the most optimized monk archetype is a Tier 4 class, the others in tier 5 and tier SKR

>>29210745

Okay, that's all I wanted man, you were right.

Man, well it wraps back into what I said about Paizo not being able to properly balance character classes.

I mean, Monks get nerfed to near uselessness while casters get unlimited cantrips? What kinda bullshit is this?

>>29210783
Play 3.5 or whatever you like. If you have a good GM/DM/whatever he calls himself, he should be able to keep you up with the rest of the party.

I dropped a Necklace of Natural Attacks with a value of like 15~k gold pieces in my game so the monk could keep up (Savage Species item, it's pretty good but expensive for monks)

>>29210799

That's cool and all but . . . I dunno.

A class shouldn't need hand outs just to compete with other classes. Each class should be able to perform at a level where they can do something well enough to justify their existence while not eclipsing other party members.

>>29207144
I hate the Chaotic Neutral Rogue. Yeah, we get it. You're a free spirit. Stop chopping the Wizard's head off.

The DM who doesn't enforce the rules. Dude, that level 3 party should NOT have been able to kill that dragon, just because you want them to stay your friends.

The guy who plays girls. It's always sexual.

The person who has no interest in roleplaying. If you just want to level up and minmax, go play Skyrim you asswipe.

>>29210848
Then don't play any rpg with rules

>>29210939

You're missing the point man.

Mechanically, every class should have a role to play in the party that warrants their inclusion.

It's like, what's the point of having all these various classes around when only a handful are viable and the rest are practically useless?

It's not even about the rules, it's about the designers not knowing how to make every option viable enough for parties to require the class's services within the party.

>>29208413
What is a sperglord?

>>29211008
Not even 4e had classes that were not useless. So don't play RPGs with classes.

Then you discover the joy of having players who are idiots as opposed to game designers who are idiots, because no one is perfect at playing either.

That guy who thinks that roleplaying is an excuse to be a dick and be lulz randum.

E.G. A wizard who cant cast spells, a fighter who is bad at martial skills, a cleric who cant or wont heal party members, etc.

And then justifies it by "oh im playing a X who cant do Y".

Well guess what cock sucker im playing an adventurer who doesnt want dead weight in his party when we go out and put our lives on the line.

>>29208593
tripfags.

I really hate tripfags.

>>29208776
Agreed.

Also, the casual racists and other that wiggle their racism and other stereotypic south-texas bullshit into their character, ala Jace the Christian

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>>29211087
I concur

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>>29209181

>>29211064

So rather than improve upon the mechanics of the game, we should just remove it entirely?

People like you are the reasons why we imbalanced classes in the first place and why DnD can't seem balance anything after 3.X

It's not even that hard, if every character is awesome at something then every character is equally broken when it comes to one area of expertise while still requiring other classes to cover their weaknesses.

Which comes back to what I was saying, Paizo does not know how to balance classes at all. Rather than looking at what needed to be fixed, they just added new classes that completely fucked over whatever balance the party actually had while making everyone who wasn't a caster completely useless.

>>29210638
Since everyone is talking abotu henderson....

WHO THE BLOODY FUCK IS HENDERSON

>>29211396
http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Old_Man_Henderson

>>29211064
>Not even 4e had classes that were not useless
The worst class in 4E is absolutely fucking miles ahead of the worst classes in 3E.

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>>29208323
This. For all /tg/ related anything.

Or even worse.
>Game night at 5PM.
>that one guy says he is coming
>I have to wake up at 5AM for work the next day
>finally at like 9 PM when we are wrapping up
>HEY I AM ALMOST TO YOUR HOUSE, OH YA I BROUGHT SOME PEEPS
>guy strolls in with a couple people with no interest in board gaming

The guy who makes it his sole duty to go against everything in the fluff for no reason, not even RP really
Just so he can have a harem of alien women, and then yells at me (The DM) when I say they attack him

>>29211087
I hate people who bring up tripfagging.
Seriously. Nobody gave a shit until you came in. If you really hate tripfags so much, why don't you just go back to /b/.

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I took down some screen shots just in case.

Might've missed some. Please point out, if I did.

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>>29209457
>>29209578
>>29209707
>>29209830
>>29209950
>>29210031
Oh hey, I know that adventure. I recall sending a PC duo through that one years ago, those two had an amazing habit of surviving adventures meant for four people of higher level than they were.
Surprised there was a print version for it.

>>29210086
>>29210149
>>29210204
Sounds like and interesting expansion to the ritual rules.

My yahoos also had called the police at one point, with a patrol car getting jumped by ghouls while they were over at the barn.
Eventually the battle came to the point of one guy being chased by the murderchipper and fighting ghouls off the surviving cop that was being brought over as a snack while the other starts doing highway-speed hit-and-runs on groups of ghouls every other turn or so, ending with a final ram and dive-out on the chipper. This was their first time doing vehicular combat, they really didn't know that if you did enough damage to the vehicle in one shot it could explode. But ram and explode it did.
Good times.
I think there were times I ran those modules just to see how the hell they would break it.

>>29208689

There are two explanations to this issue.

1. Her social anxiety disorder is much more severe than you know. It prevents her from comfortably interacting with those around her, even from behind the roleplaying veil (perhaps having to roleplay actually makes things worse for her... who knows?).

2. She never wanted to play at all, but her husband convinced her to. She's on her phone bitching to her friends about how she's being forced to sit at a table with a bunch of nerds, throw dice around and pretend any of this means anything.

>>29211657
Hit and runs with the cop-car mind you, while narrowly missing the paralyzed cop laying in the street the everything would like to eat.
And he didn't exactly have a great drive skill. Luck and Action Points at work, though he lost control a couple times making the bootleg turns to come around for another pass, so he started taking more time on his turns and leaving the other spending more time alone with an angry woodchipper.

Hmph, thinking on last night's game, I guess they have a history of not taking it easy around hostages and bystanders.
They got through a plane hijacking through brute strength and lucky rolls, when it honestly should have resulted in getting ever hostage killed and the plane careening wildly out of the sky with them reviled as reckless fools and worse.
Since that didn't happen. needless to say, this only served to increase the popularity of their band. Spiraling their planned fundraising concert in Scotland into a three day one-band metal festival. They almost screwed that up with night really having the endurance to sustain that level of rocking over consecutive days, but drugs are a helluva drug, right?
Madness.

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>>29209830

>>29210447
I burst out laughing and annoyed the shit out of my family throughout my house.

My God.

The miming.

Genius.

>>29211335
Reason D&D can't seem to balance anything after 3.x is making the tragic mistake of trying to balance classes against EACH OTHER equally, with equal level progression/exp/etc.
Which they weren't stupid enough to do beforehand.

>>29208371
Uh oh. I'm currently playing a character like that. In my defense, he's an Elan, and when he was human he was nearly a level 20 wizard who roamed around the planes for fun. I hope I'm not ruining my DMs time with my character's attitude of never being impressed ever.

>>29210585
>Retarded genius saves day the Zandi way

The greatest story ever told. I'm honored to be here.

New /tg/ players

Don't join mine. Fuck off and make your own group.

>>29211853
That in itself shouldn't be a problem. But when you do that and combine it with the old baggage (spell levels acquired at the same levels as before, spells roughly similar to what they were before, etc) of the different experience tables system you get this mess.

players who bring real world shit into my game.

i dont want your fucking gender politics, fuck off

Players who think they should be the center of attention, and expect the DM to work the game around them.

Currently dealing with this in a Dragonlance 3.5 game.
>Druid wrote in his backstory that he's the son of nobility, but war destroyed his family, and he was taken in by a druid order and taught their way.
>DM asked if he has a level of Noble (from the Dragonlance Book.)
>Guy says no, but it doesn't matter cause he was too young.
>Three hours later, demanding special attention cause "I'm A NOBLE!!!!!!!!!!"
>Constantly claims he has an entire cadre of druid lackeys that follow him everywhere.
>DM says he doesn't have the Leadership feat yet (we're 4th level), so any "lackeys" are there under the interests of the player's master and are not under his command, he can only make requests.
>"BUT I'M A NOOOBBBBLLLEEEEE!"
>Player throws a mini tantrum when I (The Rogue), get a reward for going out of my way to help a pair of kender.
>"Why don't I get more treasure? I'm a NOBLE!!!!!!"

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>>29209296

Players who take it as a personal insult/attack when bad things happen to their characters.
Also, players who get so attached to their characters that they flip a shit whenever their character comes close to or, God forbid, dies.

I mostly just get real annoyed by players who forget that they are playing a game and should be focusing more on having fun instead of worrying about winning/surviving.

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the ones who consorts with beasts.
I will do anything to ruin a fur,upto and including oneuping Henderson or becoming the most brutal powergaming ruleslawyring fuck imaginable if needs be.I hate them.Redwall must be avenged.

There are so, so many player types I hate. I think it's fair to say I hate ALL players.

But holy FUCK is no one more annoying than people who build characters based on pop-culture references and existing characters.

I just booted from one of my games a dude who's character was a 1:1 copy from Teen Wolf.

Absolutely nothing on the planet is worse than PCs based on references. To ANYTHING.

And holy fuck if I could ban everything ever related to or referencing Sean Connery from this hobby. I hate all of you. I stopped being funny in 1985.

>>29208057
I've had this before. Looked at what gear I was planning on buying and gave me my 129,000gp piece of high level equipment that I was planning on buying toward the end of the campaign at level 3

Railroading GM
Lolsorandumb XD characters
SAAAAAD backstories
People using technology outside of checking a pdf rulebook during the game
People being unable to tell shitty people that they're shit and that they should stop being shit
Using "I'm chaotic neutral" as an excuse. Ever.
People who play the same character over and over again.
Stealing plots wholesale from video games.

Oh, and people who insist they know anything about 3.5 while banning Warblades for being too powerful.

>>29210066

That depends on the DM. It's funny watching our DM's girlfriend trying to bargain with him, and him just smiling condescendingly and saying no. It helps that they're both awesome people.

The only player type I hate would have to be what I call the "GHOST".

The ghost is that one guy who obviously wants to be doing something else, possibly something he did in a previous campaign but is trapped in yours because he has no where else to go.

>game is advertised as hack and slash dungeon crawling, roleplay will need to be primarily combat or brothers in arms focused.
The entire campaign is set inside one giant dungeon that extends towards the center of the earth, essentially the planet was breaking up and the adventures were on a quest to make it to the worlds core for various reasons (time travel knowledge to go back and prevent it from happening, only place with enough juice to facilitate planear shifting, etc)
>everyone else gets it and is excited by the idea of BLAME meets dnd.
>fucker spends the entire first three sessions complaining about how we just weren't at his level of role playing.

>>29207144
>"Anon I don't feel like reading the rules can you just make my character and tell me the rules as we go?"

>>29212258
My favorite character of all time was based on a Poe short story. Maybe you should recognize that allusion in fantasy is perfectly legitimate.

I had a DM that hated magic with a passion. If anyone used a spell he didn't like, it would either auto fail, or not have the full affect.

I got a couple.

The "I refuse to play a core race because they're boring"

And

The "My character has to completely optimized even in a relaxed game"

Sad part is that these two compose like half my players

Player who when presented with equally, in character, reasonable roleplay choice fork consistently takes a route that is detrimental to group integrity.

Player who deliberately tries to trick GM / other players to think their PC know or have something that it does not.

Player-vs-GM / GM-vs-Player adversary game view

The player who makes the anti-player character so he can rail-road the campaign and the DM allows it.

>>29210149
jeeze is this harry dresden or something?

>>29209480
Dude, you're correct but what exactly are you criticizing? This thread is literally the same as a That Guy thread, without the snobbery of thinking that the thing you can't stand about the person makes them somehow an archetypal terrible player.

Same shit, less pretension. Sounds like a win all around.

>>29208175
>That person who plays cliche RPG characters ironically because they think they are better than everyone else because trying to be original makes you suuuuuuch a tryhard apparently.
Fuck you, being clichê can be fun as hell every once in a while. It's only annoying if you play that type of gimmicky nonsense exclusively.

Players that don't ever read the rulebook and/or the fluff.

I mean seriously, just read the damn shit. Hell a summary works for this stuff. At least read the about the 13 clans.

The guy who just uses my game as an excuse to hang out. I know that's gonna sound autistic as hell, but it seems like the majority of my players aren't really all that interested in playing an RPG, the RPG is just an excuse to gather, they would be equally happy playing poker or board games instead.

The only reason why I find this aggravating is because they have NO attachment to the game itself. Which I feel is a root cause for most annoying behavior in games.
>Poor attendance
>No desire to roleplay
>OOC conversations that derail the game
>Complete lack of attachement to their character "I don't care if I die i'll just make a new guy"

As a friend hanging out with friends, its not bad. As a GM trying to run a game and maybe get something done? Maddening.

>>29213766
>>OOC conversations that derail the game
Nigga, you ARE autistic.
The point of roleplaying is not self-inserting as a character, but using him/her as a basis for conversation, to have fun, to be silly, you know, that kind of stuff.

>>29213919
No, the point of role playing its to play a role.

If you're gonna spend the whole time arguing over whether owlbears have cloaca or vagina and whether males have penises or the weird hole thing lots of other male birds have that is Fine. I actually found the conversation amusing.

But if that's what you're going to do instead playing the game, then as a GM it gets real frustrating to actually run the fucking game.

>>29207959
Stop hating fun.

>>29214166
I don't understand why. As a GM, I put a ridiculous amount of effort and time into planning an adventure, so I used to get pissed when things went sideways. But then I remembered that all of those people having fun while going sideways? They're my friends, which means as long as they're having fun, that time and effort I put into planning the now defunct adventure was totally worth it.

>>29214209
Only its not. You could have just as easily spent that time NOT busting your ass and your friends would Still have had fun. Part of my fun with being a GM is making a world and giving the players an interesting means to interact with it. If neither of these things are relevant then all my work as a GM is for naught and I'm not having fun AS A GM. What's my incentive to run a game that nobody actually plays? Why don't I instead bring a bunch of booze and make up bullshit on the spot?

>>29208656
>>29208681
>>29208739
>>29208807

That sounds more hilarious than something to be pissed about.

>>29214166
Oh boy. Listen, anon, I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but you need to learn to take yourself less seriously. A good GM tries to make things as fun as possible for his group, and it seems to me that you just want people to do what you tell them to do.

>>29214332
You probably should. Hell it sounds like the kind of group that'd be better off playing board games. Probably something likes Zombies!!!, Hero Quest or Space Hulk.

That is, games where you're generally more busy laughing at shitty rolls than thinking about strategy.

>>29214332
>Why don't I instead bring a bunch of booze and make up bullshit on the spot?

Yeah, why don't you? Just make up a basic layout of where you want your scenario to go and improvise. Go on, try it.

>>29214332
Then I guess we're going to have to agree to disagree. The only reason my group still gets together after over a decade (besides Zandi's shenanigans) is the fact that they can count on me to go the extra mile and make a much more engaging adventure. If they decide they'd rather start talking about thin crust vs thick crust and we are having a good time and don't game for another 2 hours, who am I to complain? It's not like the adventure I planned went anywhere. Also, as much as it's a lot of effort, if you look at being a GM like you're "busting your ass" and doing your friends a service, that's a very different view than I take, so I really can't relate there. I enjoy writing settings and telling stories. If I didn't have my gaming group, I'd probably be a failed novelist by now.

>>29214432
>If I didn't have my gaming group, I'd probably be a failed novelist by now.
So, what do you do when you aren't RPing?

>>29209247
>Wanting to run straight combat over a convoluted plan
For what possible reason? Straight combat is boring as fuck.

>>29214432
>I enjoy writing settings and telling stories.
That's just it! What's the point in writing a setting if it never gets used by your party? What's the use in trying to tell a story when nobody listens or cares? I'm TIRED of keeping all the settings and stories in a big fucking binder unused and collecting dust because my players can't be arsed.

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I play for the group, not for myself.

THAT Player who purposely creates a character that breaks the game then plays rules lawyer when the DM subjectively demonstrates he can do the same and end his reign in a single session.

>>29214603
Heh, I enjoy it when my group's That Guy challenges me on the rules. In 3 years of playing he has NEVER been right. I know i'm probably an asshole for getting enjoyment out of telling him that he's wrong.

But god damn if he didn't talk down to me every time we come into conflict over the rules and call me an asshole for not trusting him then it wouldn't be so delicious when I'm right again and he's wrong.

>>29208614
I can no longer read stories if they're not greentext.

>>29214362
This may be tangential to the argument.
But I'd also like to point out that the idea that the DM does all the work, and is the only person trying to provide fun is absolute bullshit.

The whole group is supposed to provide for the whole group.
The DM has no obligation to provide back if the players are making the game unfun themselves.
Give and take, it a cooperative storytelling experience, with a tactics game tacked on to make combat fair as possible.

If you busted your balls to provide that, but can't then it feels shitty for ANYONE who wanted to play the game.

I was a player in that situation before.
I only get to play once every two weeks, let's fucking play.

>>29214584
My point is that I enjoy writing and telling stories to the point where it's like when I play guitar. It's a lot of work to get good at it, and it's a lot of work to stay good at it, but I'm not going to stop doing it if I don't receive recognition for the effort. That's not to say my friends don't thank me. I do get quite a few "That was a cool setting/adventure/plot twist" from them, but we're also long term friends that met independently of gaming, so I don't look at it as "they're throwing out the effort I've put into this story I made for their benefit". I look at it more like I'd look at it if they came over to play Warcraft LAN and we ended up playing D&D instead. As long as everyone has fun, there will always be another opportunity to continue where we left off another night.

>>29214727
I completely agree. My point was simply that trying to drag people along your script by force when they are having fun is petty and selfish.

>>29214764
You don't need recognition for the effort, but surely you can see that if you're going to actually Perform for these people, people who have agreed to attend and perhaps have even said "I would enjoy listening to you play guitar" that they should at least listen to your performance?
>>29214783
Also, i've never said anything about forcing them into participating in my script. I just wish they would.
>implying I actually have a script

>>29208480
At least they try, right? Far better that than to shamelessly crib from a favorite anime and try to pass it off as original.

>>29208299

Be nice to the wallflowers. They don't have that easy you know.

>>29208776
This is why when my players come before the court of King Nofucks of the Given Dynasty, first of his name, any insults by smart ass adventurers are met with the king saying, "Sick burn." The code phrase that alerts the guards in the rafters to unleash crossbow quarrels into the chucklefuck.

>>29207959
I'd let them do that several times, PCs get sucked through, etc, and then the next time they make an interdimensional wormhole it pushes back.

>>29214872
I do understand where you're coming from now, and even though I don't agree, you're far from wrong. Our game group, when it's a game group and not something else, is like a sport's team. Everyone has a better time when everyone puts effort forward. But I think the difference in our opinons is you're looking at it like when they get off track, they just stop. Nothing happens and your game is over before it began. When I look at it, I see them put the basketball down and pick up the hockeysticks. That's fine, after all, the basketball is still there for another day, just like your dusty binder is going to be there when everyone is ready to sit down and play through it. Then again, we might also be comparing apples to oranges. We generally lose about one full session every 2 months (we're a usually weekly group, sometimes more, rarely less) to goofing around, which really isn't bad if you have 10 games in that time period. How many games are you losing this way vs how many you play period?

>>29209294
>Are there any babes at the bar?
>Roll to see if I'm drunk!

My personal peeve is players who can't be assed to remember their own character names let alone NPC names.

>>29214973
Remembering character names is a chore if someone uses weird names all of the time or plas the same character every campaign, because they all meld together. As for NPCs, if people say "Hey you, guy there... with the face" enough that someone makes a point to mention they should remember their name, they're worth remembering. I doubt Shatner remembers the names of each redshirt he's led to damnation.

>>29215038
Heres the kicker, I wasn't giving people weird names like ‘Abbas ibn ‘Abd al-Muttalib or Jean De Brienne. I even gave some characters simple one or two syllable nicknames like "Jester"

>>29213919
OOC conversations that derail the game are annoying when it's literally nothing to do with the game. Like they start talking about something that happened in class and suddenly the whole table is in tears for 5 minutes.

>>29215158
I dunno about you, but if it's funny enough to bring me in tears for 5 minutes, it's worth hearing. The princess can play a game of solitaire or something, because I wanna hear this story.

>>29215158
or even worse, with smart phones everyone stops what they are doing to watch a youtube video, this kills the game

>>29209181
His master plans and fail-safes seem to work despite being retarded. Also, how the fuck is the gremlin with a flat still functioning.

>>29215196
Well, that's something completely different.

>>29215196
This I agree with. We generally have a policy of nobody dinking with their phones while we game. Someone gets up to grab a beer, I go to take another pizza out or someone goes for a piss, text away. But when they're back at the table, they go away.

>>29215194
It's okay the first time, but when it happens like 6 times in an hour and it's only two people howling it ruins it.

>>29215256
Ah, I can agree that. We don't have too much of that, because everyone at the table is in on all of the inside jokes, and anything from work or class or whatever, nobody else at the table is in on, so if it makes you laugh, it holds enough water to make everyone laugh.

>>29215133
Maybe you should've used something more memorable than a random and generic word.

>>29208023
>>29208057
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>>29208882
That guy who posts all of the posts in the thread

>>29215306
you know what they found memorable? a guy who claimed to be named Manly's real name being something like Ergie

File: 1388614502447.jpg-(6.96 MB, 1332x3759, Jebediah Zandersmith.jpg)

6.96 MB JPG

Hey guys, I merged all the stories into one huge image for ease of collection.

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2 MB GIF

>>29209296
hahaha that sounds amazing.

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>>29215467
A single collection that's completely out of order for no conceivable reason other than your own laziness or retardation.

>>29215038
Kind of related. I had an NPC in a Dark Heresy game, a merc that they ended up pretty cool with. We all kept forgetting his name, called him "the guy" and "that man" most of the time. Eventually I just went "fuck it" and called him Guy Mann.

>>29210499
So basically, casters vs. non casters?

>>29216158

Yeah, pretty much.

I dunno, you'd think humans would have a measure of extraordinary physical power considering they live in a world where Dragons, Goblins, Orcs, etc. come by to wipe them out y'know.

Or at least, you'd expect that type of thing from town guards.

>>29215963
I wouldn't resort to namecalling. I'm the guy who just spent all night telling Zandi's story, and that's not a bad order to it. It keeps all of the chapters of each story together, the books are just out of order so to speak. Telling the dramatic conclusion first kinda kills it, but other than that, my only real beef is the couple of pictures people take of it treat the low speed pursuit and the chexican standoff as different stories is sorta different. I didn't plan on describing the chase originally, or I would have included it. I am happy you all enjoyed Zandi's escapades though.

>>29215995
Kind of related. We lived in an apartment with an old friend of my lady love. We never remembered this friend's boyfriend's name, so it would be "Monique and her man". Eventually we called him Herman. He never got it but it's his nickname 8 years later.

>>29208446
I'd knock someone out for that kind of stuff.
That's theft. Glad I haven't run into someone like that.

>>29216421
Zandi (and the player behind him) sounds very familiar to a member of my regular group. That level of insane troll logic can only belong to a special few people.

And the description "his face full of childlike wonder" absolutely matches.

You must have Zandi GM a game. The results would be world-ending.

My group has a pair of WoW players trying to do 3.5, and are always complaining about how things arn't realistic or that they should be better than everyone else, despite playing Cleric and Druid, because they read online "They're the best!"'

I feel horrible for the DM, because he has had to deal with them far longer than I, and he's always asking me to clarify for them because they basically say "You're just being a mean DM." when he does it. So now they hate me and want me out of the game for explaining why a level 1 Hawk does not get to move up to an enemy, make 2D4+6 + 2d6 Fire damage attack., then fly away.
>"It has Talons, so it has two attacks."
No, thats the name of the attack. It attacks with it's talons and deals 1d4+3 (because DM house ruled weapon finess adds dex to damage as well.)
>"But that's not realistic, it has two talons."
Yes, and thats how it's getting 1d4 damage.
>That's stupid, I Don't want this bird.
Well if you read the rules, at 4th level you can trade it in for something bigger.
>But I don't want to lose my bird. I read online that theres a book that has rules for leveling the starting pet. I want to use it.
Well the DM said no to anything outside core and campaign book. So you have your options.
>"The Rogue shouldn't have a say on how other classes function."
I absolutely despise this guy.

>>29208891
I've done that before.

>>29207144
the guy who says he'll be there and then never shows.

Guy who never pitches in for food, saying he's got zero money, but shows up with a cup of starbucks in his hand every week.

>>29208422
I think it's smart to backwards engineer your feat tree, but nothing else (gear, guilds, etc.)

I like to find an interesting high-end feat, and then plan my per-requisite feats accordingly, but that's just so I can level quickly, unlike most of the people I play with who spend hours pouring through books and sites after a session we level in.

>>29207144
OP got my least favorite down, alongside the ever-frustrating Rules Lawyer.

If I wanna give the player who's falling behind Crunch McMunchkin a bonus because he approached a situation in a clever way he is getting that fucking bonus, go home.

>>2921937
agreed. YOU'RE NOT THE DM. SIT DOWN.

>>29213562
You I like.

Covert Farter.

>>29207144
You know what I really hate?

The Adventure-game player type.

The guy who thinks "If I can get away with it and nobody has constructed a specific rule saying I CAN'T do it, then it's technically not cheating and I win, so you should give me your money." I'm not fucking stupid. I know you cheated, and YOU know you cheated or you wouldn't be in this argument here. I have NEVER heard of a game that had to specifically go out of it's way to say "no cheating" unless it's ruled by assholes like this type.

No, fuck you, altering game code is fucking cheating no matter HOW easy it was to get access to it, you motherfucker brian.

>>29219251
That's a frustrating one. We usually do a potluck sort of deal. Everybody sort of brings their usual stuff. I've been told I make great pizza, so I usually whip up 3 or 4. Usually one guy always brings drinks, another guy always brings salty, another guy's girlfriend is a partner in a bakery, so we're usually pretty set, but a group I gamed with for a bit when a non gaming buddy invited me was awful. Every sin in the snack handbook. Cheetos, melty chocolate, powdered mini doughnuts. One guy didn't ever bring anything because "He wasn't hungry" then ate damn near everything. I almost lost a hand reaching for a d4 that was near the potato chips.

>>29207144
Player-Turned-GM that that throws giant car sized ants at you as your first enemy on the Fallout-esque RPG and say you should be thankful, it could have been 5 ants.