File: 1388456029997.jpg-(25 KB, 436x588, dance to the fire.jpg)

25 KB JPG

Let's begin!

You bravely take your first steps out into the world, an- OWW OWW SHIT OWW TITS FUCK OWW. Light fucking HURTS. The guards at the mouth of the cave laugh maniacally as they sit around with their thumbs up their collective asses. Jerks.

It takes a few minutes, but after a bit of adaptation the SEARING PAIN dies down to a minor distraction. There's only one road to follow, so you decide to do just that as you attempt to decipher the map. It's not all that difficult, as it turns out. What little crossroads there are tend to be marked with cairns, or funny-looking trees. On the whole, whatever it is that lives out here doesn't seem to be bothering you. Either that or there's just nothing living in the woods, which you find unlikely.

Several hours have passed, and the sun is now setting (THANK FUCK). You can see in the dark just fine. Thing is, you can't quite make out the map any more (it was rather dull to begin with). You're CERTAIN you were supposed to have run into a rival tribe by now. Are you lost? Perhaps you made a wrong turn? Maybe the map is outdated or wrong, some sort of cruel joke, some pitfall?

Just as these worries begin to cross your mind in earnest, you notice something in the distance. The smell of smoke, the beat of drums... Dancing Goblin silhouettes before a massive bonfire. This must be it! Cautiously, you make your advance through the only thicket that stands between you and delicious occupational freedom. You thank your lucky stars that you were able to get your grubby paws on this [OLD LEATHER GARB], because it's currently preventing you from scraping the hell out of your everything. (cont'd)

As you draw closer, you begin to realize why you have unobstructed vision of these mystery goblins. The camp is a smaller part of a large clearing, and surrounding it is some sort of ditch. There's a few lost souls just sort of standing around the edges, leading you to believe they may be watching over however it is they get inside. You don't see any lookouts in the trees, and you haven't been caught yet.

You COULD just kill one of the guys out front. The commotion inside (whatever it is they're doing...) would probably only buy you five seconds, tops, before someone notices. You're kind of out in the open.

You could also try to get right in the belly of the beast, and try to catch someone alone in one of their... shacks. Whoever these people are, they seem to employ the “large pile of sticks and hides” school of construction. You could also try something infinitely more reckless when you're inside, you might have a bit of a hard time trying to smuggle a bleeding, head-sized object out without anyone noticing anyway.

Ostensibly, there are two ways in: Past the guards (if you can schmooze your way in), or over the ditch. IF you can find a way over.

What do you do?

>Enough of this shit! Let's just kill some random mook outside. You only need ONE head.
>Try to find a way over the ditch. You've crawled out of holes before, what's the worst that could happen if you have a little fuckup?
>Play it cool. Act natural, and don't let your voice crack. I'm sure they'll let you in.
>Something else?

Should probably use a trip to avoid confusions.

>Play it cool. Act natural, and don't let your voice crack. I'm sure they'll let you in.

Apply Moxie to my problems, as long we act like we belong, no one will question it

>>29179773
Just be patient and wait for them to fall asleep.

They can't party forever.

Play it cool.

>>29179773
>Play it cool. Act natural, and don't let your voice crack. I'm sure they'll let you in.

You stuff your [NASTY KNIFE] and your [CRUDE MAP] in the deepest, least conspicuous pocket you can find, and try your damndest not to walk suspiciously.

Walk suspiciously? You're overthinking this. Don't blow your cover, he'll see it in your eyes! Don't even look at them, just walk straight over and -

Fuck's sake. It's a decoy. Every single person at this - BRIDGE, its a bridge - is a fucking DECOY. Needless to say you are spooked, who the fuck posts stuffed dolls at the gate? You're already sweating bullets though, and you're in the torchlight now, so you're not about to draw any attention to yourself by rubbernecking. You strut nonchalantly inside, and breathe a sigh of relief when nothing explodes and nobody leaps out of the ground to stab you.

Seriously though, what the FUCK.

...Anyways, you find yourself inside the camp, and nobody seems to be particularly bothered by your presence. They're all partying too hard. You get a better look around the place.

Most of the populace is gathered around a VERY large bonfire, surrounded by a circle of large erected stones. Adjacent is some kind of wooden contraption, which several goblins are tearing apart and feeding into the bonfire. Further still are three massive bipedal creatures, ostensibly dead, covered in blood, and tied to a post.

Further outside of the circle are a number of structures. Three of them pique your interest. First, is a rather sturdy building, reinforced with some kind of mud. A small chimney billows thick, inky-black smoke into the night sky. Second, a longhouse of some kind, dimly lit. Finally, a row of torches surrounds a downward slope in the ground, ending in... a wooden hatch, some kind of underground lair?

Okay, I'm having trouble narrowing down the options here, so...

>What do you do?

>>29181012
Let's go look at that underground lair,and maybe they'll let us take one of those dead bipedel's heads.

>>29181012
underground lair sound dangerous. Let's do it!

>>29181333
>massive bipedal creatures
lol he's never seen a human before

>>29181469
It's a fantasy game, could be an orc...no that's not likely, it could be an elf...probably not. Are humans the only thing that get killed left and right in fantasy worlds?

>>29181012
partying means drunken goblin babes. let's get the nasty on, then go see about that underground lair.

>>29181574
i agree

>>29181555
That roll is reserved for Goblins

>>29181713
I was thinking more along the lines of civilized races.

>>29181012
You carefully trod down the path, lifting the hatch and slipping inside when it looks like nobody's looking, the door closing behind you. It's a short ladder climb to a dim, candle-lit storeroom, surrounded on all six sides but down by wooden slats. Before you can begin taking inventory, something stirs at the other end. You hear vague shuffling noises, followed by "'At's my shift, izzit? Thought I'd nev- EY OO DA FUK IZ YOU!" A stocky looking goblin clad in what might as well be pots and pans draws his blade as he sees you.

MORTAL KOMBAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!

>[Moxie] Stall. Give yourself some breathing room for improvisation.
>[ITEM] Give him the B.
>[1D20 DC 8]Combat stance: Stab Him In His Stupid Fucking Face
>[1D20 DC 11] Fight him WITHOUT getting blood all over YOUR stupid fucking face

>>29181990
>[1D20 DC 11] Fight him WITHOUT getting blood all over YOUR stupid fucking face
Make it easier to sneak out later...

Rolled 16

>>29182125
Forgot the Din the email field
Are you taking best of three or first roll?

Rolled 6

>>29181990
>>[1D20 DC 11] Fight him WITHOUT getting blood all over YOUR stupid fucking fac

Rolled 15

>>29181990
>[1D20 DC 11] Fight him WITHOUT getting blood all over YOUR stupid fucking face
Aim for the eyes and throat.

>>29182164
First roll, makes it easy. That being said it's not like you'll lose an arm if you get a bad roll.

ALTHOUGH...

>>29181990
>Fight him WITHOUT getting blood all over YOUR stupid fucking face

DC 11
Roll: 16
SUCCESS!

The bulky-looking goblin charges you almost immediately, swinging his blade in blind rage. You deftly sidestep his inept blows, leading him around the edge of the room. Eventually, he has you cornered between a free-standing shelf and a desk. With a deep bellow, he charges, weapon held high, ready to cleave your head in twain. As he swings, however, you manage to tumble past him and trip him in one motion. Yeah, you MEANT to do that.

Taking advtantage of his... horizontal state, you leap on top of him and tear his helmet off, proceeding to pummel the back of his head with it with all the strength your tiny, tiny arms can muster. It pays off, he is now either dead or unconscious. You toss his sword to the other side of the room, just in case.

You...

>Find something to restrain him.
>Finish him off. I'm here for the head, yo!
>Take inventory of the room.
>Walk out like nothing happened.
>Something else?

File: 1388464201971.png-(1.19 MB, 850x4455, file.png)

1.19 MB PNG

>>29182698
>>Finish him off. I'm here for the head, yo!
>>Take inventory of the room.
>>Walk out like nothing happened.

>>29182698
>Finish him off. I'm here for the head, yo!
>Take inventory of the room.

File: 1388465131952.jpg-(162 KB, 868x900, tumblr_mhlhb38HTb1r2p31ho(...).jpg)

162 KB JPG

>>29182698
>Finish him off. I'm here for the head, yo!

saw his head off with the knife

he's covered in pots and pans, we made alot of noise, NO TIME TO LOOT, GRAB THE HEAD AND RUN BEFORE WE GET MOBBED!

File: 1388465287176.png-(527 KB, 750x2880, file.png)

527 KB PNG

>>29182698
>>Finish him off. I'm here for the head, yo!
>>Take inventory of the room.

>>29182698
>Take inventory of the room.
You look around. There's quite a bit of junk and you're not about to dilly-dally after you just beat the ever-living piss out of a walking dinner bell.

There's a pile of... Dirty laundry? It's a bunch of spare cloth. You're not about to go shopping for a new wardrobe.

Cured meats, cookware, books. Another decoy, next to it, a pile of painted tubes.

That guy's weapon, a bunch of plates.
>Finish him off. I'm here for the head, yo!

You whip out your jagged [NASTY KNIFE] and go to town on the guy's neck, using one of the old shirts as a smock to make sure you're not absofuckinglutely soaked in blood. Ugh, gross. GROSS. It's everywhere.

BA DA DA DAAAAAAAAAAA! You are now in possession of... The [SEVERED HEAD]! It's still a little drippy.

...

Someone's gonna be down here sooner or later. You take a quick peek outside. As far as you can tell, nobody's standing outside, ready to chop you to pieces... YET.

You...

>[MOXIE]Wrap the head up into a bindle, cavort out of the hole like nothing's wrong, and waltz right out of the camp
>Waste no time, grab the head by the convenient hair-handle and fucking LEG IT.
>[Moxie]Forget this all ever happened, clean yourself off, slip out and start mingling with the co-eds
>Take anything with you?
>Something else?

>>29183621
>Waste no time, grab the head by the convenient hair-handle and fucking LEG IT.
Are there any candles or lanterns we can use for some arson?

>>29183621
>[MOXIE]Wrap the head up into a bindle, cavort out of the hole like nothing's wrong, and waltz right out of the camp

>>29183621
>[MOXIE]Wrap the head up into a bindle, cavort out of the hole like nothing's wrong, and waltz right out of the camp

>>29183621
>>[Moxie]Forget this all ever happened, clean yourself off, slip out and start mingling with the co-eds

>>29183846
>candles
Huh, didn't even think of that. Yeah, I suppose you could take some of the candles out of whatever little fixtures they have fashioned.

>>29184056
Burn EVERYTHING

File: 1388469233256.jpg-(10 KB, 200x200, second.jpg)

10 KB JPG

>>29184235

>>29184650
thirding

>>29184743
Seconding.

>>29183621
>[MOXIE] Wrap the head up into a bindle, cavort out of the hole like nothing's wrong, and waltz right out of the camp

Well, you seem to have a little bit more time than you expected, so you find a few of the larger pieces of cloth and wrap the [SEVERED HEAD] in them, then knot the lump of cloth and head onto a walking stick. Congratulations! You now have a [GROSS PARTY BINDLE]! Its much less drippy now. You find a rather large jar with a tiny dead thing inside, dumping the contents all over your face and hands to rinse all the remaining blood off. It works. You smell great, too!

You pause for a moment before yanking a still-burning candle out of its fixture on the wall. That's got to be useful for SOMETHING. Giving the place a last glance over the shoulder, you ascend the ladder. No torches and pitchforks for you. Score!

Now to just make it to the exit without... making it look like you're trying to leave. The rager's still raging, and as such you have no real choice but to slip into the crowd, keeping a low profile on the loot. You hold your little brazier aloft, waving it in the air with so much carefree enthusiasm that none of these drunk sods even bother to ask who you are or where you got all that junk. Or why you just tossed it at the longhouse.

YE GODS, never have you seen so many BABES with SMOKIN' HOT BODS in one place. It takes every fibre in your body to march forward. YOU WILL RETURN to this haven on earth, if it KILLS you.

That's when you see him: Out of the corner of your eye, you spot a heavily-clad man marching towards the hatch, carrying a torch. The changing of the guards. SHIT.

Just then, you hear a shout. "Fire! Its on fire!" The largest building in the camp has burst into flames, and in the minutes that follow, the screams of the guardsman are completely drowned out by the ensuing chaos. Goblins, as it turns out, are better at starting fires than they are at stopping them. Much, much better. (cont'd)

File: 1388469689932.jpg-(41 KB, 360x434, ChristmasGoblin_360.jpg)

41 KB JPG

>>29184235

>>29184759
>>29184743
>>29184650
>>29184235
That was gonna be the end.

Lemme rewrite this next half rq with more burnination

File: 1388470113039.jpg-(79 KB, 450x381, horror.jpg)

79 KB JPG

>>29184810
yesssssss

File: 1388471291367.jpg-(173 KB, 1600x1200, YES.jpg)

173 KB JPG

>>29184775
You realize in short order that you could literally run across the bridge, screaming that you have a severed head, and nobody would notice. And so you do. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEkKWKLwIrU

You look back from the woods, to admire your work. Wonderful. Just wonderful. That whole building is up in flames. That whole... Just that one building. The whole thing, though.

You turn to leave. You... can't though. It's... IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL. More! You have to burn MORE! Dropping your sack, you charge back across the bridge. You'll pick it back up later. Who cares.

The bonfire's all but dead, the crowd is now gathered around the longhouse, probably drunk out of their minds. The singing and dancing has gotten a little sloppy, yet no less entranced by the flickering flames. Boys chase girls around with crackling makeshift torches. But YOU. You've got bigger ideas.

You find your way to the liquor, which is easy enough, considering it's surrounded by a field of collapsed or stupefied goblin bodies. It's behind the giant wooden thing you saw being scrapped for kindling earlier, next to a bunch of giant sacks of grain. You plug up the tap and roll it along the ground, sporting a devilish grin. You let it loose as you unplug the tap. It stops rolling when it gets stuck between the building with the chimney and a rather sorry looking hut, leaving a gluggy trail of grog leading right to your feet. As if reading your mind, another goblin hands you a burning stick, laughing maniacally.

You watch the fire zip up to the barrel, positively enthralled.

The rest is a blur. A thunderous CRACK. A frantic alchemist evacuating his home, hair alight. A secondary explosion. Then... It happened.

Everything burned. And it was BEAUTIFUL.

Congratulations, you have discovered [Goblin Combustion Affinity]! You like fire. You like fire A LOT. (Cont'd)

>>29185339
Here is hoping nothing ate the head.

>>29185339
Finally satisfied with your work, you return to your vantage point, where you stashed your prize. The fires have scarcely died yet, but you can't help but feel a twinge of disappointment that there's so much empty space between the camp and the forest. Oh well.

The trek back home is as uneventful as your trip there. You curse the stupid sun as it beats on your eyeballs with its stupid rays. Not even the oppressive blinding light can take the spring out of your step, though, as you have thoroughly proven yourself not only to your tribe, but in your own mind as well.

You return home triumphant, head in hand. You've never noticed a particular smell about the place before, but now it somehow smells... familiar.

Unsure of what exactly to do, you bother Chunky for assistance. He happily obliges. "O great Chief", he sings, posing theatrically, "Ax-cept this of-fer-ring to your royal tee!"

He motions for you to hand him the head, and you comply. He then holds it up high enough for Giz to grab at it, his head bowed.

"Sure, sure. Got 'im good, eh? What is it you desire, subject?" Giz tosses the head aside, shifting slightly in his throne.

>I'd like to, uh... Toss out the bones, in the kitchen. Yeah. Professionally.
>I'd like to learn under the Elder, so that she might teach me bone magic!
>I'd like to go out and fight!
>I'm... not sure what I want, can I get a rain check?
>...Are you gonna eat that?
>Something else?

>>29186045
>MAGIC

>>29186045
Learn under the elder.

Tell him how we burned down the other clan's camp.

>>29186045
Magic is always the answer.

>>29186045
>>I'd like to learn under the Elder, so that she might teach me bone magic!
I was hoping there would be a tinker option, but i guess magic is good.

File: 1388474012618.gif-(1.92 MB, 326x244, YEAAAA.gif)

1.92 MB GIF

>>29186045
>I want to set you on fire, i want to set THE WORLD ON FIRE!

also magic, FIRE MAGIC!

>>29186045
>Mmmmmmmmagic!
"Well, if you'd permit me, I'd like to train under the Elder-"
Giz sits up a little, a look of concern on his face.
"-So that she might teach me in the ways of magic."

"WHAT." Giz unsheathes a sword from somewhere, its silver scabbard clattering against the cave wall, as he tumbles down from his throne. "My head'll be ROLLIN' 'afore I let one more magic user ANYWHERE near, MY! FUCKIN'! TRIBE!"

>DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN! No wonder that old hag hates him so much! Thanks to your posts I've actually got lots of material for next sesh at 8PM, January 1st! I'll be finishing that up the first post of that thread - I just really want to end on a dramatic note.

>Guys though, I'm beat! I hope it was as hella fun for you as it was for me, If peeps remain interested for a few more threads maybe I'll figure out how to set up a twatter. I'ma archive the thread now, nighty night!

File: 1388475200978.jpg-(4 KB, 90x90, goblin3.jpg)

4 KB JPG

>>29186525
I knew it would come to this one day old man....

>>29186525
I cast magic bone of death.

>>29186045
>I'd like to learn under the Elder, so that she might teach me bone magic!
AND fire magic. We just gained [Goblin Combustion Affinity] and we need to put it to use!