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Let's begin!

...Well, actually, before we begin, there's something you've got to ask yourself. This is a VERY IMPORTANT and FATE-DECIDING QUESTION, so do not hesitate to hesitate on your answer for a bit.

Are you a boy, or a girl?

OH AND YOU NEED A NAME TOO I GUESS.

>>29160409
>>29160457
...Oh dear, it appears Ubuntu doesn't like tripcodes?

Testing, testing, 123...

WE ARE MEN!

>>29160570
Indeed.
We must be swift as a coursing river.

>>29160570
yeah we're a guy

>>29160457
Fyodor Voronov

>>29160457
More important: Are we the kekeke gobbo rush goblins, or the mad scientist/engineer goblins?

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>>29160457
Call us Durzog

>>29160570
Namefagging for ease

>>29160618


With the strength of a great typhoon?

>>29160742

If choice I vote for Tucker's Goblins

>>29160745
What about Jim?
http://www.uesp.net/wiki/Oblivion:Goblin_Jim

>>29160762
WITH ALL THE STRENGTH OF A RAGING FIYUH, (be Jim, Man!)

MALE CHOSEN! Please do not forget this, it will be important to THE PLOT later.

Congratulations! You have been born! You are greeted into the world by a gnarled, scrutinizing goblin face. All you can hear is the chattering of many of these enormous creatures as they pass you about, doing things your mushy baby brain couldn't possibly hope to understand. One utterance you seem to notice with some regularity is “Durzog”. Miraculously, without knowledge of language, names or even object permanence, you come to the conclusion that YOUR NAME IS DURZOG.

After what is, for all you know, an eternity, one of those giant things unceremoniously tosses you into A DEEP PIT with a bunch of smaller, softer looking things, probably about your size.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFAST FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFORWARD

(cont'd)

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>>29160876
You are now five years old! Through intensive training you have unlocked [SELF PROPULSION] and [GOBLIN SPEAK].

You feel strange. Almost as if you are in a dream. Almost as if any innocuous and completely meaningless choices you may be about to make are REPRESENTATIVE OF YOUR FORMATIVE YEARS.

You look around you. It's the same dirty hole in the ground you've been in for almost your entire life (Goblins are not renowned for their parenting skills). Your brothers and sisters are all around you, and yet you notice something... different. Maybe you've just never noticed it, maybe something changed.

First of all, you can see over the pit if you stand on your toes! Everything looks just as cold and dirty outside as it does in here, except for a single brilliant light on one end. All the adults seem to be avoiding it for one reason or another, busying themselves with whatever-it-is-adults-do on the other, darker end of the cave.

Furthermore, some careless (or perhaps thoughtful) adult seems to have left some interesting objects in your pen. Your Goblinoid Mischief gland begins tingling with delight. You interact with...

>A brilliant shard of a mirror! It sparkles in the light...
>An old rag! It's bigger than YOU are!
>A rotten stick! It looks sturdy enough...
>Something else?

>>29160969
>Goblin Females

We bard now.

>>29160969
Here is where I guess we choose our class or something like that.

Mirror = Mage?
Rag = Thief?
Stick = Warrior?

Well I say mirror.

>>29160969
>>Something else?
an imaginary friend.

>>29161023
See
>>29161009

the brilliant shard of mirror. It's the most stimulating to our still developing goblin mind. Plus it's SPARKLY!

>>29160969

Mirror. we can set something on fire potentially if we have a window, or make sure we look great to impress the ladies as

>>29161009
suggests

>>29160969
>>A brilliant shard of a mirror! It sparkles in the light...

>>29161026
>an imaginary friend
This. We smeagol now.

>>29161249
Yes, Smeagol likes this idea very much, he does, yes, oh yes...

>>29160969
RAG

>A brilliant shard of a mirror! It sparkles in the light...

You pick up the mysterious object, rapping on it with one of your iddy biddy fingers. Deducing that it is not, in fact, a portal to another dimension, you go on to discover how relfections work! Ooh, who's THAT handsome devil?

You hold the mirror up to the light coming from the far end of the cave, to see if you can get a better look at yourself. A ray of intense light strikes you right in the face. Ouch!

Somehow you feel different. You feel as if your past experiences have granted you [UNUSUAL GOBLIN INSIGHT], and your choices in the future may be aided by this!

For now though, all you've got is this dumb shard of glass, and you've had enough of looking at yourself for one day.

Do you...


>Lick the shard, stick it on your chest, and strut your new medallion in front of all of those ~fine Goblin babes~
>Hatefully smash the shard, so that it might never again blind some poor Goblin child
>Hide the shard from everyone else, so you might make further use of it

>>29161412
>>Hide the shard from everyone else, so you might make further use of it
And talk to the shard like it's our Precious.

>>29161412
>>Hide the shard from everyone else, so you might make further use of it
The other bigger gogblin children(and adults) are fucking thieves.

>>29161412
Yep, hide it

Stick that shit in your chest. Bitches bout to trip.

>>29161412
Hide the shard after we lick it.

>>29161412

Lick the shard and impress the ladies. of course

Lick the shard, we want to look our best.

first one is teh best choice

>>29161412
STICK IT IN OUR EYE UNTIL IT POPS, GOUGE OUT OUR LEFT EYE WITH IT! AND SCRAPE AT THE EDGES WITH A ROCK UNTIL ALL THAT'S LEFT WILL FIT IN THE PLACE OF OUR POPPED OPTICAL BALL.

>>29160409
Will this be a SAD quest?

>Lick the shard, stick it on your chest, and strut your new medallion in front of all of those ~fine Goblin babes~

You give the dull backside of the mirror a good licking, and stamp it on your chest with a flat hand like the right bastard that you are. Arms at your side, you shimmy on down to the girly part of the playpen and lay on the charm like butter on pancakes. "Lllllllllllladies?" you say with a crooked smile, your eyebrows wiggling, your crinkled hands making a crude double-pistols motion. Some of these girls are LITERAL babes, and if it weren't for abysmal Goblin parenting none of them would even know what The Nasty is, much less why you'd be proposing it to them.

Goblins are greedy by nature, though, and soon as they catch a glimpse o' that ice, you've got 'em swooning. You saucy bastard.

You feel different somehow. You have unlocked [SERIOUS GOBLIN MOXIE], which may aid you in your future choices!

Without much in the way of clothes, you have a hard time hiding the shard of glass. You wake up one day to find that your mirror has been broken in half! You're sure one of those damned gold-diggers stole it.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFAST FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFORDWARD (con'td)

>>29161945
So far

Insight
Moxie

>MFW we are gonna be the Ms. Cleo of goblins

>>29162041
I was thinking Sorcerer.

>>29162145

yep. some kind of caster with charisma I think is best if we can

>>29161945
>sacrificing precious insight shard in order to mack on the ladies
This is how all great leaders fall.

>>29162145
Well goblin womanzier shaman could be entertaining , summoning a dryad just to hit on her etc

>>29161945
For as long as you can remember, you've been using your broken mirror as a periscope, spying on the mysterious adults whose only regular interaction with you is the occasional dumping of piles of gristle into your hole-in-the-ground. Adults tend to get a bit nosey when you pop your head over the side, so you like to watch them discreetly.

The man on the big chair is named Giz, and he seems to really like pointing at people and telling them to do things. There's a pen full of some sort of tamed beasts near the back, and every once in a while an old lady covered in bones will make her rounds about the village.

Today it has occurred to you that you are tall enough to simply climb out of the pit, and so you do. After a minute or two of aimless wandering, one of the adults wanders over to you.

"Oioi! Over here, eh?" he motions for you to step closer. "Name's Chunky. Finally up and around? Yeah, well, Giz'll have you sorted in a minute. Let's show ya around, eh?"

And so he does. There's no need to show you the nursery, he says, as you've been there your entire life. There's the Pens, with a gaggle of Rat-Dogs inside (Emergency rations, garbage disposals and occasional war-mounts). He brings you round back, to the mess hall, which is essentially a giant fire pit with a cauldron over the bonfire and a few concentric rings of steps. Before you get too mesmerised, he pulls you away, paying special attention to warn you of the village elder. "She's right ornery, so don't go botherin' her less you got a few chunks missin', yeh?" he says, his hands waving vaugely towards a particularly dark tunnel in the caves.

Finally, he brings you to the curious throne you've been able to see from your nursery. Atop this massive wooden structure sits Giz himself, a graying old Goblin with a grizzled look about him.

(cont'd)

>>29162406
lets learn [Rat-Dog Handling]
..or go check out village elder

>>29162406
"Oioi! Chief!" shouts Chunky, "Got another one needs a job!" He nudges you, whispering "Eh, 'snot all bad, you get to eat the REAL bits now 'steada the leftovers."

Old Giz doesn't even bother giving you a once over. "Sure," he says, clearly uninterested. "Ahhh, skinning cave-slugs. Go, then." You try to protest, but the first syllable is cut off by a particularly angry looking Goblin wielding some sort of fancy-do polearm.

You can't help but feel a little disappointed. Fortunately, however, it turns out Giz is terrible at giving out jobs, as Chef informs you there are no cave slugs to skin at the moment and you thus have the day to yourself. Maybe this is your chance to find something better to do with your time.

Do you...

>Find the Elder?
>Speak to Chef about your job?
>Try to find Chunky again?
>Something else?

>>29162519
>>Find the Elder?
Time to talk to crazy old lady.

>>29162519
ask Chunky if he knows "where I can find a bone?", then find Elder

>>29162519

Cave lady. we want magic

>>29162519
Suck up to those other chumps by helping them with side quests. Sure they might think we're a loser, but we'll be getting delicious EXP.

>>29162519
Find the elder

>>29162591
Voting for acquiring delicious magic.

>>29162519
Find crazy old shaman lady

>>29162519
We have the [INSIGHT], we must find the shaman lady and show her our potential.

>>29162753

if she hates us, we can woo her with our Moxie

>>29162519
You snag a bone from the mess hall, maybe it'll be some sort of offering to the elder. Chef, being the fat drunk that he is, either didn't notice your pilfering or didn't care.

You find a spare torch and light it, stepping cautiously into the darkened corner of the cave Chunky warned you against entering. Seconds go by. Then minutes. After what felt like hours of drippy, cold darkness, there's a light at the end of the tunnel. After a tight squeeze (How could an old lady like that manage a trek like THIS?), you find yourself in a rather open area, lit by a number of tiny, waxy torches. The old lady herself is bent over a desk, doing some reading. Before you can think of what to do, she whips around in her stool, pointing a crooked walking stick in your general direction.

"Who goes there?" she begins, almost monotone, "Tell Giz his goons aren- OHH!" After getting a good look at your face she suddenly shifts in tone. "It's been AGES, child! Durzog, is it? Finally amongst the world of the living, are you?" She gives you a great big Grandma hug. "But, why is it that you have sought me so soon? I was amongst Giz and his ilk not but yesterday, and you were still with the rest of the children." She sure is wordy, for a Goblin.

You tell her of your... employment situation.

"HA! Old bastard must REALLY be going senile now! Skinning cave slugs? I haven't seen one of THOSE in ages!"

She goes on, boredly flipping through some dusty-looking tomes. "There is ONE thing you can do to impress him. He's an old-fashioned warmonger, and if you bring him a head from one of the neighboring tribes, I'm sure he'll let you do whatever you want, so long as you look useful to him."

>[PERCEPTION] That sounds an awful lot like some sort of coming-of-age harrowing quest.
>[MOXIE] Give her the bone.
>Is there anyone that will help me?
>Something else?

>>29163008
>[PERCEPTION] That sounds an awful lot like some sort of coming-of-age harrowing quest.

"About how long could it already have been dead before he'd notice?"

>>29163008

>[MOXIE] Give her the bone.

"I want to... control these. Can you teach me?"

>>29163008
>>[PERCEPTION] That sounds an awful lot like some sort of coming-of-age harrowing quest.

>>29163008
steal a weapon from cave-village before embarking on murder-quest. can throw it away before we get back to village (it'll make decapitation alot easier)

>>29163164
we have a clear tendency toward thievery (shard, bone, ...weapon?)

>>29163142
This

>>29163008
>That sounds an awful lot like some sort of coming-of-age harrowing quest.
>Give her the bone.

You express concern that the quest you're about to be sent on is a little less spontaneous than it seems. "Well, to be honest, yes, it IS a coming of age thing. Not everyone does it, some people are fine with shoveling poop, or - whatever it is Chef does. What REALLY surprises me, though, is how quickly you saw through it. Yeah, no, you still have to do it unless you wanna be reassigned to poopsmithing in a few days. Giz might not be fond of most of our traditions, but he'll uphold ANYTHING that lets him boss people around."

You show her the bone, asking her how you MAGIC with it. She laughs uproariously. "You don't jus-Hmm." She stops herself at yet another *sudden realization*. "You know what? Maybe I WILL. I'll be real with you here, bone-magic isn't exactly high on the totem pole. Most of these books are actually trading ledgers from caravans the rest of the tribe sacked. But come back in two day's time, after whatever it is you choose to do, and I'll teach you everything I know about it."

"Oh," she finishes, "and take this." she hands you a rune-inscribed femur, stuffed in a leather pouch. "Chuck it, and it explodes. Kids love it." She shoos you away.

You have acquired one [EXPLOSIVE BONE]!

After an equally damp and tiring journey back, you find yourself in the main cave. Do you...
>Pester the guards for a weapon
>Look for a rube to hork some gear from
>Take a gander at the rat-dog pens, maybe find a saddle
>Have another look around the whole place for anyone or anything you missed
>Sod it, go back to Chef and muck about
>Something else?

>>29163595

Get gear from someone, using our moxie. Maybe a lady hands out equipment or something. We don't need a weapon terribly, the bone grenade should suffice.

>MFW I wanted a goblin necromancer

>>29163595
>>Pester the guards for a weapon
>>Look for a rube to hork some gear from
>>Take a gander at the rat-dog pens, maybe find a saddle
>>Have another look around the whole place for anyone or anything you missed

>>29163652
>Maybe a lady hands out equipment or something.
I swear I wrote this next character before the thread started.

>>29163595
Pickpocket the guards' daggers. Or ask them, I don't care.

>>29163652
this target female guard/quartermaster with moxie. Much better gear that way then we can get amount before we go hunting.

>>29163839

This makes me happy haha

>>29163595
>>29163595
You give yourself some time to wander about your quaint little neighborhood, to see if Chunky's brief tour glossed over any of the finer points. Indeed he did, there's a small wooden shack guarded closely by a couple of tougher-looking goblins. There's also a makeshift smithy, tended to by a particularly fat-headed goblin.

"Name's Durzog, and you?" you ask, really laying it on thick once you realize it's /a laaaaaady/. She's currently taking a whetstone to one of her blades.

"Ly. Whaddayawant." She doesn't even bother looking up.

"Well, I was thinkin' I could perhaps borro-" you get cut off.

"PISS. OFF." She drops the whetstone, pointing the shortsword at your chest.

[MOXIE BONUS!] "-I could perhaps borrow some equipment?" You continue.

She seems impressed that you didn't shit yourself, and after pausing for a moment, she caves. "Fine." She tosses you an old leather tunic, essentially a cover-all for something your size, and what appears to be a steak knife (Didn't these belong in the mess hall?). "Lose em, an' I wear YOUR hide instead, oi?"

--------------------------

Guards. Guarding the mouth of the cave must be a pretty easy job, apparently, because most of them seem to get away with sleeping on the job. Your Mischief Gland in overdrive, you rifle through one of the poor sap's pockets while he's fast asleep. Nobody seems to notice, or even care, when you pull out a folded map, as absolutely nobody stops you. What IS it about this "outside" place that makes people act so strangely?

[INSIGHT BONUS!] The map is, you're assuming, of the outdoors, as it outlines a few paths amongst crudely-drawn puffs of trees. Also marked on the map are blood-red fingerprints, what you can only assume are enemy territory. There's no labels, which wouldn't matter anyway, considering you can't read.

>ACQUIRED [NASTY DAGGER]!
>ACQUIRED [OLD LEATHER GARB]!
>ACQUIRED [CRUDE MAP]!

(cont'd)

>>29164524
>Ly
Pretty name for a goblin. When we become Bonemaster, we must give her the bone.

>>29164524

we have a map. fuck yes. GG

>>29164524
You check out the Rat-dog pens, to see if you might be able to grab one. Hey, it's Likkit! He grew up in the same hole in the nursery as you, and he's only a few years older. He looks a bit tired. "Oi, it's been a while, yeh? What brings you here? On shit duty?"

You ask if you can borrow a dog. He laughs. "Giz'd have my head on a stick fer that one, ya hear?" He yawns. Sensing your disappointment, he shrugs. "Lemme guess, on a headhunt for ole Giz? I'll letcha in onna secret, 'cuz we're pals. Ole Giz is blind as a bat come day time. Find a cabbage out there 'n' dress'er up like a noggin, come back afore sundown 'n' he'll fall right for it!" He cackles, nudging your side. "'Course anyone stupid enough to grow bloody LEAVES is humans, but they're easy enough to steal from, yeh?"

Welp, you've got all sorts of junk now. Now its time to...

>Venture out into the world! Time to kill some gobbos, or perhaps fake killing some gobbos.
>Waste some more time. Maybe you can find some cave-slugs to skin?
>Fuck it, you're taking your chances hiding out with the old lady. Sucks to Giz and his pals. The elder's got to have an exit on her end of the cave somewhere, right?
>Is there something you've forgotten?
>...Something else?

>>29164774
>>Venture out into the world! Time to kill some gobbos, or perhaps fake killing some gobbos
Not following his plan, the fuck could just be lying.

>>29164774
>Venture out into the world! Time to kill some gobbos, or perhaps fake killing some gobbos.

>>29164774

Lets go kill some gooooobooos

>>29164774
IT IS TIME FOR THE MURDER-MAKE!

>>29164774
>Venture forth into the great unknown

We aint no pussy!

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>>29164774
>Venture out into the world! Time to kill some gobbos
Consensus seems to be on the manlier solution. On this day goblin belligerence wins out against goblin craftiness.

You bravely take your first steps out into the world, an- OWW OWW SHIT OWW TITS FUCK OWW. Light fucking HURTS. The guards at the mouth of the cave laugh maniacally as they sit around with their thumbs up their collective asses. Jerks.

It takes a few minutes, but after a bit of adaptation the SEARING PAIN dies down to a minor distraction. There's only one road to follow, so you decide to do just that as you attempt to decipher the map. It's not all that difficult, as it turns out. What little crossroads there are tend to be marked with cairns, or funny-looking trees. On the whole, whatever it is that lives out here doesn't seem to be bothering you. Either that or there's just nothing living in the woods, which you find unlikely.

Several hours have passed, and the sun is now setting (THANK FUCK). You can see in the dark just fine. Thing is, you can't quite make out the map any more (it was rather dull to begin with). You're CERTAIN you were supposed to have run into a rival tribe by now. Are you lost? Perhaps you made a wrong turn? Maybe the map is outdated or wrong, some sort of cruel joke, some pitfall?

Just as these worries begin to cross your mind in earnest, you notice something in the distance. The smell of smoke, the beat of drums... Dancing Goblin silhouettes before a massive bonfire.

>Awwright gentlemen, I am BEAT! Sorry about being so slow, I'm sure if I keep at this longer I'll be able to build up some more momentum. I'll hold another thread tomorrow approx. 8PM Central time, hopefully for longer and with quicker updates. This was loads of fun, please feel free to berate the shit out of me in QTG as Id like some for realz feedback. Gotta figure out all this archiving jazz

>>29165370
Oh, and starting off tomorrow with a bit of the old ultraviolence, I realize for being a gobulin themed quest I've been blueballing a bit on that front

>>29165439
what time?

>>29165447
nvm im dumb and dont read

>>29165370

Thank you OP. good game so far. Looking forward to some action now