I recently got hold of this funky little space simulator thingie called FTL on Steam. So I figured that since I've had some fun running X-Com, King of Dragon Pass and Master of Orion with /tg/, we'd try this shit out too. Now, I'm going in blind here. I've only played the tutorial to get the controls, so I'm probably going to be terrible, but that's part of the fun.First we're going to need a name for our ship and the starting crewmembers. First three posters get to pick one crewmember each (I'm gonna need a name, gender and position) and we all unanimously pick the ship name.
The Teegee works fine for ship name. I nominate Gygax to be our captain's name. Make him female for humor reasons.
"She's one of ours, Sir", if it doesn't fit, the Teege will have to do. I vote for Gork as a weapons officer
Engineering needs an obnoxious character everyone wants to go away. So obviously it should be a female elf slave. Called Elf Slave. She'll know wat do.
>>29078040Make one of the billy mays and we will call the ship oxiclean
>no tube b hullITT we die horribly.
>>29078040And right when I need to head out and visit family all day...Aim for the Mantis ship first if you can manage it, but that requires a few things to go right. You'll need a level 2 medbay and I think a level 2 teleporter by the time you hit Mantis Homeworlds.
>>29078040>/tg/ plays FTLNo anon, FTL plays you. Don't kid yourself.
>>29078141The game's not nearly as hard once you get a better ship than the Kestrel.
Okay, so we're the Teegee, a ship captained by the stern but capable Captain Gygax, with Mr. Gork on tactical and Elf Slave in engineering. Our mission appears to be to get some sort of vital information we've gained behind enemy lines back to HQ before the rebel fleet catches us. We're alone without any supply lines out here, so we better make do with what we have.Let the space adventure commence!
>>29078040General tips:Take down weapons first. Don't waste missiles - only use them if it's going to be saving you from taking damage. Upgrade your shields to level 2 (i.e. four bars) ASAP.If you hit an event involving giant alien spiders, don't send any people over.[/spoiler[
Since I clearly have no fucking idea what I'm doing, I start out by jumping blindly into the next system because fuck it.Then this happens. Do we run as cowards or bravely fight this rebel scum?
>>29078159>30 scrap>playing on easyComon OP
>>29078148Kestrel is pretty good, actually. The B variant is a killer.
>>29078173We engage!
>>29078173INTERVENEyou're going to have to learn how to fight sometime
>>29078163>Take down weapons first. Don't waste missiles - only use them if it's going to be saving you from taking damage. Upgrade your shields to level 2 (i.e. four bars) ASAP.If you hit an event involving giant alien spiders, don't send any people over.[/spoiler[take med bay offline and put the extra pip into engines for the extra % evasion. Its almost nothing, but if we actually need to use the med bay we can just turn it on manually.also upgrade to security door so we can space boarders. Humans are squishy for combat.
>>29078173Intervene!
>>29078188>>29078195Fine, we charge up our weapons!>>29078182Hey, look, the game recommended it and I'd rather not start out by dying immediately. I barely know how to play.Then again, dying horribly might be more fun. Fuck if I know.
>>29078173Kill em. Scrap for the scrap god!
>>29078220Divert power from the medbay into the engines! Let's show these rebels how a real pilot rolls!
The enemy craft stands little chance and is swiftly defeated. The Tegee barely took a scratch thanks to the effectiveness of our crew.
>>29078267Also, the outpost was kind enough to help us out. More than I can say for most ungrateful fucks in space. Yeah, I'm talking about you, China! I saw Gravity! What the fuck did you ever do for us?
>>29078267Good work men. Jump on!
With that messy business out of the way, Captain Gygax orders a jump into the next sector where this happens. I honeslty have no fucking idea what it means, but it doesn't sound good. Probably some kind of virus that turns people into cavemen and aliens into weirder fucking yeti-aliens. Or it's that sex virus thing.
Also, since someone recommended it, we upgraded the Teegee's doors. Feel free to suggest what to upgrade in the future.
>>29078308The quarantine is clearly there because there is a SECRET that someone doesn't want us to find. Let's investigate.
>>29078308It's fluff. Just another way of saying that there's no event to be had.>>29078326I'll recommend engines and power next.
>>29078329Can't investigate it.>>29078326Get ready to dump two into shields (and requisite reactor improvement), but until you're ready to do that, keep some scrap on-hand.
>>29078182If it's his first attempt at the game, even with /tg/'s help, it's still a good idea to start on easy.
We travel to a system supposedly controlled by alien merchants. There we're offered some goods, but since we don't have much to trade with, we're stuck with repairing the light damage we've already suffered, refueling and either an automated reloader that allows us to shoot faster or long-range scanners that give us more info to go on rather than jumping around almost blind.Any suggestions?
>>29078366In my expert experience, having never played this game, the scanner seems like the way to go.
>>29078366I've also never played FTL.That being said, I would say Long Range Scanners
>>29078366Automated Reloader is fantastic. Stealth weapons is better, but we can't afford it.Buy the Reloader and move on.
>>29078326Doors are a good investment, but maybe not that early.My personal favourites are :- Shields lvl 4 (2 shields)- A teleporter if you can find one (killing the crew nets more scraps and loot than destroying the ship)- regularly dumping leftover scrap into engines. People always underestimate engines.- for beginners, a defensive drone might be a good idea, as dealing with missiles is one of the difficulties of the game.
>>29078366for the purpose of this /tg/playthrough, I'd say the scanners might be a good idea, giving us more info, hence more choices to talk about, and also improving your life expectancy (avoiding very bad stuff)
>>29078390I just about always get doors first, because fuck boarders.
>>29078407>(avoiding very bad stuff)Welcome to /tg/! I see that you're new here. Enjoy your stay.
>>29078379>>29078383Scanners it is! I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing either, but that's half the fun!We jump ahead, encountering an enemy scout drone! Well, as it turns out Captain Gygax was briefly turned into a rebel cyborg drone and she flies into a murderous rage at the sight of the evil robot Confederate! Battle is joined!
Well...Fuck.Engines would be nice to have in a combat situation. At least Elf Slave is already in the engine room fixing shit.
>>29078428I know what you mean, but there's a difference between bad stuff that makes the situation hilarious, and bad stuff that ends the experience (and the thread) after 15 minutes.former is good, latter not so much
>>29078449Have Gork reverse the polarity or something!
>>29078449You'll be fine if you just keep hitting its weapons systems.
>>29078449shoot the weapons, turn it into a glorified toaster
But with some focused fire and liberal use of missiles, we manage to win the day with a slightly dinged ship and a shaken but not fatally injured Elf Slave
>>29078515>FilenameAh hell, this guy
>>29078515As soon as the engines are up and running again, we decide to jump ahead (I'll totally show you guys the map next jump, but it hasn't been that interesting so far, mostly straight line and a few dead ends) to the start of the second act of pretty much every space movie ever. The question is, how genre blind is our brave crew?
>>29078515>Wrench Wench took a heavy plasma blast to the face>just go to medical bay and take some aspirin
>>29078515Fortunately, healing crew members is free. It's about the one kindness the game gives you. Just toss a power point from the engine room back to the medbay and let her heal up really quick.
>>29078515>injuring elf slaveThat automated bastard! Nobody abuses elf slave except captain Gygax after a few drinks!
>>290785342! 2! It's not worth it unless you have blue options.Incidentally, improving sensors would have provided another option there.
>>29078534What this guy said >>29078547 It can work out if you choose one, but past experience says that it's unlikely.
>>29078534those encounters have a random factor, so it could be good or bad. But I'd say the potential benefit of an extra crew member are not to be underestimated.
>>29078534I wouldn't take chances if I were you. Do the second
>>29078547This guy. These types of options, if you have no blue options, have a random chance of just outright killing crew members if you don't take the safe option. Sometimes, it's fine. Most times, some bitch gonna die.
>>29078547You seem like you know what you're doing. I'm saying we listen to you.
>>29078569you have no sense of adventure. I bet you're afraid of giant spiders as well ? ...
>>29078547>>29078558Fine. We decide we don't want xenomorphs/crazy sun worshippers setting their oxygen garden on fire/dumbass Americans blowing up the international space station/whatever the fuck that thing in Event Horizon was to happen to us, so we just scrap the colony and flee.By the way, this is the map. We only have one place to go and rebels up our ass, so I'm just going to forge ahead.
>>29078580And potentially batshit insane survivors, yes.
>>29078590And "innocent" people on the run from the law.
>>29078580Absolutely I'm afraid of them. I've never failed to lose a crewmember in a non-blue station search option.>>29078589Ever see The Black Hole? Disney did weird stuff in the 70s.
>>29078589And the one place we have left to go has pirates. And not even the cool Johnny Depp kind. Just the space-syphilis and murder kind.Elf Slave wonders wat do?
>>29078589>crazy sun worshippers setting their oxygen garden on fire
>>29078608Lawful stupid is best stupid! Aid the ship!
>>29078608Give the pirates a lesson in how it should be done by demonstrating on them.
>>29078608Space Pirates? Captain, ask yourself: What would Samus do? Descend to the planet, kill the Metroid entity and escape before the planet is destroyed. It's the only correct response.
>>29078608I bet they're butt pirates. I mean they prefer the company of men.It is our christian duty to murder them.
>>29078608Aid the ship, we might get loot!
>>29078608Do you think people remember Captain Kirk for how close he followed Federation regulations?Does Captain Gygax want to become captain noname#48618 in the history books?SAVE THE CIVILIANS ! NUKE THOSE PIRATE SCUMS
>>29078622>>29078625>>29078627The pirates have been destroyed, Zebes is saved, and there's no sign of Metroids. Which I guess means X parasites are around somewhere, but I digress. Short version, we won easily.
>>29078608Piracy shall not be tolerated. Fire full broadside barrages!
>>29078658Neat
>>29078589btw OP, systems with a blue dot (nebulae) are generally good. You loose the benefit of your sensors, but you're harder to fllow (rebel fleet moves half as fast, allowing you to explore more systems and gain more stuff for your brave little ship)
>>29078658Civilians are dicks. Seriously, at least let Gygax fuck your women or something. It's how these things work. Or, you know, a kid on your ship has some sort of MacGuffin we need to bring to an ancient race of aliens and he and Gygax reluctantly become friends and learn about life and love and shit.
>>29078687You're still saving for dem shields right?
>>29078658The X escaped SR388's destruction? We have to destroy all organic life in the galaxy to save the galaxy.And now I'm imagining the Reapers doing exactly that. Not a crossover I ever thought of before this.>>29078687See? What did I tell you, the galaxy is doomed.
>>29078687Also, we finally get a meaningful choice in where to go. We can either visit a store or go investigate a possible ship sighting. Which one do you guys feel like?
>>29078687You have enough scrap to invest in another shield and a reactor upgrade
>>29078703Investigate. we don't need fuel or missiles and can't afford any decent upgrades.
>>29078703Ship first. Then we can jump to the Store and make our way to the Exit point.
>>29078703ship (more money) then store, and if nothing interesting in store, spend scrap on shields
>>29078703It looks like we'll still be in range of the shop if we investigate the ship sighting. I'd go with the ship for sure.
>>29078703A store is a store, but a ship! There could be anything there. There could even be a store there! We'll take the ship.
>>29078720>>29078723>>29078726>>29078728I'd say "it's a trap" if it wasn't already done to death at this point.
>>29078744
>>29078687>a kid on your ship has some sort of MacGuffin we need to bring to an ancient race of aliensha, haha hahaha
>>29078744After bombarding their weapons systems for a little while, the enemy surrenders! It's time to decide what kind of woman Captain Gygax is. The fact she went to the Admiral Janeway School of Diplomacy doesn't bode well for the poor fools.
>>29078781I assume there isn't an option for taking their shit, then shooting them in the back when they run away, is there?
>>29078781>assault other ships>beg like a coward when they realise their target is strongerthat's a bully behavior. At least if you're gonna play tough guys, deal with the consequences.No mercy !
>>29078781>Admiral Janeway School of DiplomacyI still blame Paramount for not letting the writers be consistent with her.That's not a bad deal on Normal. Here it's not. Blow them away.
>>29078781Rule of thumb: unless they're giving you a crew member or a weapon or something like that (if they can give you something other than crew members", NEVER ACCEPT SURRENDER. I think you get more from just scrapping them.
>>29078797No, but if you happen to have cause enough fires on their ship, (or nuked their life support system and for some reason they can't fix it) then they'll still die after the trade
>>29078781I've never played FTL so I don't know if they can do this, but if I were them this is the part where I would surrender and offer to give the other ship things so I could board them without their doors being up.
>>29078810What's the downside for accepting surrender?Do we get better shit if we just blow them up and sift through the scrap?
>>29078829I'm only guessing that you get more stuff like scrap, fuel and missiles if you don't accept surrender. But if they're offering crew members and the like, you won't get them if you blow them up.
>>29078818Not possible, thank god.>>29078829Sometimes you get more or better stuff from blowing them away. Other times you get less.Or they've hurt you badly and you decide to be vindictive.
>>29078829You always get more shit from scrapping them unless they were offering 4+ of an item (missiles, drone parts, fuel). Then you get more scrap but less of the item.
>>29078801>>29078806>>29078810Remember when we said we would kill you last? If you said yes, you're a goddamn liar, because Gygax is a fucking psycho.Anyway, we got way more shit than we would out of the deal, so good for us. Murder for fun and profit! Also, upgrading shields.
>>2907882995% of the time, the loot is better when showing them no mercy. Exceptions are when they give you a crew member, a weapon or special upgrade, or if you just so happen to really really need somthing they're giving you in good quantity (usually fuel)
>>29078859Bully for us! Violence solves all problems.
>>29078859C'est la vie. The jerks had it coming, plus they didn't bother to turn on the Zoltan shields.
>>29078859when you're about to go visit a shop, don't spend scrap, just to open room for more options while at the shop. You can always upgrade once at the shop if you fond nothing good to buy there
Since our upgrades have left us with virtually nothing to shop for, we jump ahead to the next node.And it's fucking nothing! Yay!
>>29078128You only need lvl 2 medbay and teleporter, and then you have to kill all of the crew without destroying the ship
>>29078859A man has to stick to his principles
>>29078163Aw c'mon now. If you have an anti-bio beam, you can roast the spiders bo problem. Slugs FTW
>>29078876dont fo'rget to power up those extra shields
>>29078896boarding drones also work against spiders
>>29078876The next point on the map has pirates who tried to hack our engines, but failed thanks to Elf Slave's great work and Gygax threatening her with keelhauling if those engines stopped for even a second.Also, who the fuck puts wifi on their engines anyway? Seems kind of pointless and dangerous if you ask me, but then again I'm no engineer.Prepare for trouble!
>>29078905boarding drones op as fuck
>>29078913YOUR SHIELDS!POWER THEM UP, DAMMIT!
>>29078913>keelhauling>in spaceouch.
>>29078915EX-TER-MI-NATE
Gaddammit, Anon.Reinstalling FTL now.
>>29078898We actually don't quite have enough power yet and powering down engines wasn't a choice since they were on the fritz. I totally intend to, though.>>29078876We make short work of the fuckers, but they barely have anything worth our time. Gork complains everyone around here is so soft and pink.Also, not reading spoilers, because I don't want to be prepared for the buttraping.
>>29078944FTL the new Deus Ex and VtM Bloodlines?
>>29078948Bullshit, you have three power there. One goes to the engines when they come back online, and the other two go to the shields. You can always power down the laser if you need to use a missile.
>>29078948Oh wait, we totally did. My bad. Also, we decide to leave the sector since we don't have time to investigate our other choices with rebels breathing down our necks. I can't see this going wrong any way. All we need to do is wait, right?>>29078936They make a slight mistake, you inflict the most gruesome and painful death possible. That's the Janeway way.
>>29078969>You can always power down the laser if you need to use a missile.better yet, power down oxygen temporarily (relevant word here) to shoot a missile. Most of the time, one missile is enough to deal with an emergency situation, then let our burst laser lvl 2 (best weapon in the game) deal with the rest
>>29078974I picked the sector that would give us a choice between a civilian and hostile sector next time. Seemed most appropriate since both choices were identical this time.Anyway, these pirates try to extort us, but joke's on them, we can't even pay them!
>>29078991Good point, forgot about how slow oxygen actually drains when the O2 system is down.
>>29078366>filenamewait until you meet a Slug ship
>>29079010The poor fuckers tried to surrender, but Gygax decided that she had already been told not to show any mercy once before and ordered their summary execution in a maneuver she's started to refer to as "going Tomb of Horrors on their ass".
>>29079045>going tomb of horrors on their assperfect
>>29079045We got something called an FTL recharge booster out of the deal. I think it makes the FTL recharge faster, but then again it might just have a 1/100 chance of having a super rare version of the FTL recharge trading card that Gygax will sell on eBay to fund the war effort.
>>29079089Next up is a fight in an asteroid field. Because every space story needs a fight in an asteroid field, I guess.Also, this sector is kind of a shithole. It seems to have nothing but empty space and fucking pirates everywhere.
>>29079089That'll be perfect when you find yourself low on hull strength and just wander into an asteroid field.>>29079123SPEAK OF THE DEVIL!
>>29079089>FTL recharge boosterMeh, not the worst upgrade you could have had but feel free to sell it at a store if it allows you to buy better stuff
>>29079123Hey, its not all bad. We're powerleveling.
>>29079123This reminds me, if you want to get a guy good at shields, leave the ship in an asteroid field for a while. Every hit takes out a shield, which gives the guy on shields xp.
>>29079123Turns out our shields give us the advantage, as the Teegee can now deflect enemy fire and asteroids simultaneously. Realizing how screwed they are, the enemy attempts to flee to recharge their spell levels.Captain Gygax cleverly invokes the Attack of Opportunity rules for leaving a threatened area.
>>29079171GO FOR THE ENGINES!
>>29079171Don't let them escape! LEAVE NO SURVIVORS!
>>29079171Shoot at the helm to prevent them from fleeing. Shooting at the engines works too, but usually takes more shots. Shooting at the helm is also a good way to prevent them from evading your firepower>>29079166you only gain XP if there's a hostile ship around, though, no free shield XP when you're alone in the asteroid field
>>29079171The Teegee chases the cowards, the fools down, cripples the engines on their metal box and meticulously takes it apart. Gork and Gygax almost seem to take maniacal glee in all the killing.
>>29079217Really? I swear that worked for me.
>>29079217I'm pretty sure that's just the dodging and shields still give xp, or it's the other way around.Both used to work but I think they fixed one of them.
>>29079225OP, since you have a spare brick of reactor power, might be a good idea to buy an engine upgrade. 15 scrap is cheap for 5% extra evasion and faster FTL recharge
>>29079225Since we haven't picked up any rebels on our sensors, Captain Gygax orders the Teegee to take the scenic route and visit as many places as possible rather than going straight for the exit out of this sector. Possibly because her murderboner is throbbing.Anyway, we encounter this fancy little repair station and decide to fix what little dings we have sustained.
>>29079259>visit as many places as possibleSmart. Get as much shit as you can done in a system before you need to bug out.
>>29079259How suspiciously convenient.
>>29079259Repairs cost 2 scrap per hull point in sectors 1 and 2 (possibly up to 3, don't remember) and 3 per HP up to sector 6. You 've only sustained 3 damages, so you're overpaying here
>>29079259The continuing voyage of the USS Tegee on its mission to blow up strange new worlds and kill where no man has killed before brings us even more pirates.I suspect Captain Gygax gives no fucks about the galaxy and just wants to fight combat after combat and get loot.
>>29079302Scouts are free scrap, fire the lasers!
>>29079302We've never backed down from a fight and we aren't about to back down now.
>>29079302>Scout>blockading settlementThe people on that planet are pussies.
>>29079302Once they realize they're fucking with the Federation ship that has single-handedly massacred every man, woman and child they've come across, regardless of surrender, they try to flee.Yeah, good luck with that, muchacho.
>>29079302>Set up a great campaign with intricate plot>turns into a murderhobo rampage after barely an hourjust another day on /tg/
>>29079342They try to surrender, arguing that being bad at pirating somehow excuses the raping, pillaging and murdering. Captain Gygax doesn't agree. Not that it matters. She's got this idea into her head that collecting scrap will somehow level her up and sees every single thing as a walking scrapheap to be disassembled.
>>29079372We save the colony, who seem quite glum about their future prospects. I have no idea why. I mean, they live in a sector that seems to consist of 80% pirates and their only hope is a semi-psychotic starship captain, her Ork tactical officer and engineer/sex slave.
>>29079419>we are totally the good guys hereNotice the game never mentions WHY the rebels are rebelling.
>>29079419I have to question the economics of this sector. We've had two space stations and like four pirate ships. How does anyone make money when their only potential customers just want to rob them?
>>29079447Actually, it does. The rebels, if I recall right, are human supremacists who want to surpress the other races.
>>29079451A bustling trade in heavily armed refueling, resupplying, and armament ships.These aren't pirate ships, they're just very agressive merchants.
>>29079451A Rock ship, well this might be interesting, focus on taking out systems, hitting dead systems and empty rooms on rock ships does suboptimal hull damage.
>>29079451The reason there are so many pirates is because the rebels are clearing them out too so the scum are coming out of the wood works by the time you arrive.
>>29079419>semi-psychotic starship captain>semi
>>29079473If I recall right, their super battleship end boss is crewed exclusively by humans.
>>29079451We blow them up and move on. Or, well, we barely had to do anything since they were too shitty pilots to avoid the asteroids and had half their systems crippled by pebbles in a couple of seconds.Anyway, we move on to the next system, a shop. This time we have quite a bit of scrap. Captain Gygax almost salivates at the thought of more crewmembers to force into lethal situations, while Gork pushes hard for the teleporty fire bommz they sell here.
>>29079447The pieces of dialogue you get from rebel troops show them being dicks, at least. So on a personal level eradicating them makes sense.
>>29079514All rebel ships are.An in depth look at the secret cultural Marxist, Zionist supporting subtext of FTL can be found in this video:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lw8eFrngIhY
>>29079533How much do we get for selling the FTL boster? If it's enough get the most expensive crew member we can get and the hull laser.
>>29079563seconding
>>29079533Fuck yes Mantis crew!No better way to make boarding enemies rethink their life choices as a giant murderbug carves them up into bite-sized pieces.
>>29079563If we do that, we're shy 2 credits of the hull laser. Gygax is pretty goddamn pissed about it. Elf Slave has locked herself in the medbay and just repeats "acid in water, not water in acid" over and over in a nearly catatonic state.
>>29079600Can we go farm another pirate ship and come back?
>>29079473>>29079514I found it. It's a rather hidden piece of dialogue."Humans are treated as 'equal' to aliens in the weak Federation. The sacrifice of BILLIONS of alien or human lives are justified if it means we reach our full potential!" They charge.
>>29079600Get both crew members then, put the human on shields and the mantis on standby.
>>29079563screw the laser, we have perfectly fine armaments for up to at least sector 4-5Now, that's just a thri-kri.. I mean a mantis husbando for captain Gygax we have here, and you know it
>>29079613Well, the Human only rebels are wining the war, so maybe they have a point.
Any excuse to repost this image is good enough for me.not sure if counts as an actual spoiler, but spoiler'd just to be sure.
>>29079641Goddamn, rockman is a beast.FTL rpg setting when?
>>29079561Well that was a confusing review.
>>29079594>>29079582>>29079614>>29079624Since everyone seems to agree on Mantis Man, we got him. Gygax decided having another slave was a good idea and got the human too. We welcome Beth the shield operator and Chriz the... disturbing murderbug who just kind of hangs with Gygax on the bridge behind locked doors to the crew.
>>29079671>FTL rpg setting when?When you decide to implement it in your next game.
>>29079680Good, gooooood. Now let's find some rebels/pirates who are crazy enough to try and board us.
>>29079680Somebody needs to give Elf Slave a break so she can go get that festering wound patched up.
>>29079680Cap'n Gygax, I recommend having the Mantis vaguely in the centre of the ship. That way, it'd take him/her (I don't get how their genders work) less time to get to the boarders.
>>29079680This. >>29079706 /d/ bug fun time is great and all, but defending the ship comes first.
>>29079680The next destination on our travels is a sector that doesn't have pirates for once. It does have an ominous asteroid field, though. Beth questions the sanity of flying a ship into a field of giant rock for no good reason. She obviously has little experience with Federation captains.Also, I'm questioning buying crewmembers. I mean, who the fuck just sells fully trained starship crew? They're a bit overqualified to be slaves or prostitutes.But whatever, this sector is all fucked up. Wat do?
>>29079706I also recommend saving 75 scrap and getting that boarding teleporter asap
>>29079685With the right 3 palladium books I could probably find a race to fit every race in FTL... Maybe just the HU book of aliens (forget actual title) may even work though.
>>29079671Chrrrrp click click krrrk chrrrrp klick!Klack chrrrp klck klick click chrp chrrrp klack.Translation: rockmen a shit. Green master race. Protip: zoltan don't count as green.just kidding, I was merely bantering. /ing/ threads on fedweb does this to people.
>>29079706Medbay looks like a good place to hole up in.
>>2907956110/10 game10/10 review
>>29079733Explore the shit out of that field!
>>29079733we could find a few scraps, worst case scenario is a few dents in our hull, which is good enough to whistand it
>>29079733Explore hasn't failed my own games so far.
>>29079733Plow through that shit, we might take some hits but it should be worth it.
>>29079754We do explore the everliving fuck out of it. We get some fuel out of the whole thing because apparently our engines run on rocks and ice.
>>29079227>>29079242just checked in game (latest patch) and you don't get neither shield nor dodge XP in an asteroid field unless there's an active hostile ship around
>>29079792Makes sense, but I'm still slightly disappointed that exploit was fixed.
>>29079785Our next destination is a busted-ass ship that apparently decided to sell their shit for a chance at getting out of this hellhole of a sector alive. Why there's no option to just kill all the defenseless civilians and steal their stuff, I don't know. Seems uncharacteristic of Gygax.Anyway, if we sell off the FTL booster, we can get a shield booster. Seems like good deal, but it's all up to you. If we save for a while and hit this place on the way back, we can get a crew teleporter instead and send the captain's murderbug to enemy ships.
>>29079829Do it. If you ever need that faster FTL charge to run away you're on deaths door anyway.
>>29079829They are actually selling the teleporter? HELL YEAH WE WAIT!Assuming that the rebels aren't too close on our tails of course.
>>29079844>>29079829Sell and then come back for teleporter I meant.
>>29079854Since I've gotten this suggestion multiple times, we have a lot of fucking loitering around to do before it's rebel time, and we need to hit this place on the way back to the exit anyway, we decide to hold out for the tellyporta.Gork is happy about this, but vaguely disappointed Bug Man will get to handle the fighting.In a nearby nebula, we encounter a scout. Since we always attack, I'm going ahead and attack here, particularly since we need the scrap.
>>29079829shield boster is meh, save for the surprise-bug-butt-sex-in-your-cargo-room teleporter(also, give murderbug a companion for boarding, mantises are good, but not 1vs2 good)
>>29079685I'll run it using GURPSif anyone wants to play.
>>29079906>mfw playing on mantis B with 4 mantis and 4 engiYOU CAN'T STOP ITIT'S ALREADY OVER
>>29079898The battle is over quickly. We salvage quite a bit of scrap and get ready to leave. Also, Chriz the Mantis Man is now stationed in the non-powered medbay for all kinds of Zoidbergian shenanigans.
>>29079931>Mantis doctorI like where this is going
>>29079931Turns out the rebels were faster than I anticipated. Well, fuck. Hope this isn't game over. At least we have the teleporter now.
>>29079965Just fucking run, run, run. I don't think we even get any rewards for killing them.
>>29079954>Okay, I'm just going to feel your heartbeat now, alright?Sure doc.>*swipe swipe*OH JESUS WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING CHRIZ AAGHAGHUGHUAGHSUHG>Chriz proceeds to tear out his still beating heart, and listen to it for a moment, before nodding and putting it back
>>29079965Ironically, we could probably have used the FTL booster for this. But no time for regrets, just survive this, POWER ALL WEAPONS!
>>29079965The battle rages on, with the rebel scout ship outclassing the Teegee pretty badly and sending boarding squads into our engine room. Thankfully, our newly appointed doctor gets a chance to practice his field surgery on the unlucky commando.Ah, the irony of selling off your FTL booster just before you need it more than ever.
>>29079982It's just a scout, kill it and jump
>>29080003>ScoutIf you paid attention it's an Elite Fighter at the forefront of the rebel armada. Even if we beat it we only get 1 fuel.
>>29080000We survive this bout with only minor injuries to Chriz and Elf Slave from the failed boarding attempt. We head for the exit only slightly too late.Luckily, all we need to do is stay alive for long enough to get the fuck out of here and the Teegee is in mint condition.
>>29080034Deactivate the O2 to fire a missile if we have to.
>>29080034Things look fine until the FTL is 2/3rds ready and the engine room suffers damage. Elf SLave is close to dying, but Chriz reassures her that until her s'kloorthax starts throbbing she's fine. The biggest issue is getting out of here with damaged engines.
>>29080058Screw the weapons, get Gork on repairing that hull breach while Elf Slave get's fixed up in the medbay.
>>29080058oh, and that's a hull breach, too. all hands in there! Might want to fire up the medbay and get some people healing.
>>29080058We actually survive without any further damage and run the fuck away. Our choices stand between the civilian Engi homeworlds or the hostile rebel controlled sector.
>>29080087engi. You'll get some shit for free events.
>>29080087engy's are friendly folks, if a bit strangeso I question the sanity of sending our captain to "negotiate" there's an option to get a new ship as loot so maybe she'll behave for that prospect
>>29080087Let's get ourselves an Engie crew member.
>>29080087On the one hand, I want revenge on those rebels. On the other hand, entering a hostile sector in a damaged ship with two injured crewmembers seems pretty dumb. Go Engi.
>>29080087Homeworlds always have a beacon (chosen randomly on the map) with a special event that allows you to unlock that race's ship.
>>29080112>>29080114>>29080119>>29080123Engi Homeworlds it is. This opening text informs us they're under threat from the Mantis. How lucky we can show them there's good in Mantis too. After all, ours is a doctor!I can't foresee this ending badly in any way, shape or form.
>>29080184hm that makes me wonder, do engy's have fleshy parts or not? maybe thats for the surgeon to find out
>>29080184We immediately head for a nearby distress beacon as soon as Dr. Chriz has patched up himself and Elf Slave. Gygax wants to check it out, citing a Federation captain's duty to help other spacefaring races. Naturally, helping would involve taking any eventual survivors on board our vessel where they would happen to be under her command.What say you, /tg/?
>>29080236investigate (pray for the stasis pod event)
>>29080236Something feels off about this, but fortune favours the bold so onwards.
>>29080236where's your sense of adventure? investigate that shit
>>29080236Investigate!
>>29080236You've got enough Hull Points not to worry too much.
>>29080236I just realised Beth is a dude. We got a delicious trap crewmember?
I dont know how, but can we archive this shit?Merry Christmas BTW OP
>>29080251>>29080258>>29080261>>29080262>>29080275>>29080281Investigate it is. We find some kind of stasis pod.Also, holy shit, I didn't even notice Beth was a dude! I guess trap shield operator fits this merry crew perfectly.
>>29079921>mfw playing on Crystal B with 3 crystals and a mantis as boarding crewrape train has no brakes
>>29080310GRAB THE POD and pray to whatever gods you hold dear you find a zoltan science team
>>29080310Also, the law of narratives states we of course have a time limit imparted on us by a convenient asteroid and can only bring one thing back. Guns or stasis pod?
>>29080310>stasis podFUCK YEAH !! GO FOR IT, OP !!!
>>29080335Stasis pod
>>29080335Stasis ChamberLet the Xenomorphs on the ship
I swear, if OP unlocks the secret ship on his first try, I'll eat my space helmet !
>>29080335Stasis Chamber is a trap. Take the swag.
>>29080335Pod!
>>29080372So fucking envious here. I've not gotten the pod for 50 something runs.>>29080335Pod!
>>29080330>>29080336>>29080348Pod it is. And it's... not that impressive. I guess we might get something out of it later. To quell her rage over losing a perfectly good weapon of mass murder for a piece of broken equipment full of rocks, captain Gygax orders Chriz and Elf Slave to her quarters for a quick lesson in human anatomy.
>>29080405 > captain Gygax orders Chriz and Elf Slave to her quarters for a quick lesson in human anatomy.i dont get it
>>29080405you won't regret it OP, absolute worst case scenario with the pod is selling it for scrap anyway. Best case is SPOILERS SPOILERS
>>29080416Sweet sweet bug on slave action while Cpt Gygax watches
>>29080405Anyway, we come across a stranded ship. We could give them fuel, but our own supplies are sort of limited and while there is a shop nearby, I can't remember if we can reach it in one jump.What say you, how nice is the crew of the Teegee?
>>29080433I think he got it the first time and was giving you the chance to retain your decorum.
>>29080449I wish there was an option to begin plundering.
>>29080433I thought it would be an actual lesson in anatomy with open elf surgerydo mantis even have a sex drive?
>>29080449The first one
>>29080463Joke's on him, I know no shame
>>29080449Apologise. If we had more I'd say go for it, but not with 5 left.
>>29080493We give them the fuel. We get something called a fire beam in return. This raises many questions. For example, how does one make a coherent beam of fire when it is generally in the form of a gout or stream? Or how does one shoot fire in the vacuum of space?
>>29080528NOW WE LOOK FOR FUEL
>>29080528Fire beam's pretty good, but you're going to have to upgrade your guns to use it properly.
>>29080528the laws of physics bend to the will of mass destruction
>>29080528Luckily, we were within jumping range of the shop. We fill up with as much fuel as they have and repair what little damage we have sustained before leaving on our grand space adventure once more.
>>29080583And our very next stop is a refueling station. That's almost too lucky. It kind of reminds me of that show where the gay guy from Chasing Amy had a mustache and lived in an incestuous relationship with his retarded fat brother.
>>29080583>FTL recharge boosterOh boy this is awkward. Nobody make eye contact with him.
>>29080612Well this is the cheapest you'll ever get fuel, so you might as well stock up.
>>290806123
>>29080612Next we encounter a Mantis ship. Since we're a bit low on scrap and Gygax hasn't killed anything in a while, we decide to attack. Maybe we'll even get to use our teleporters, though that seems a bad idea since Mantises are apparently good at this hand-to-hand combat thing.
>>29080528>>29080583>>29080612Clearly the great god of narrative is hoping that this will spur on Captain Gygax to continue being nice.
>>29080612stock up, take 6 fuel
>>29080658the god of narrative is equally naive as he is shortsightedfuel will only increase the number of creatures she can disintegrate
>>29080652If we take their teleporter out quickly we will have a chance
>>29080652Unfortunately, the choice is out of our hands as the Mantises immediately send a boarding party. But since we actually have doors that won't open for anyone (unlike that piece of shit the Enterprise), they're stuck scratching at the doors of our tactical bridge.We decided to attempt to space them, but have prepared Elf Slave, Dr. Chriz and Gork to fight just in case.
>>29080731are you sure sending your elf slave to fight alien invaders is a smart idea?
>>29080731The spacing attempt was very much unsuccessful (apparently space works slowly today) and bitter fighting breaks out in the weapons room. Beth the Tranny joins in trying to get the intruders off the Teegee. We now outnumber them two-to-one.
>>29080750definitely>prepares to fap
>>29080675Nooo, Gygax- you can stiiiill turn awaaay from the eight-fold paaaath..!Wait, shit, should that have been a Dark Side joke?
>>29080770oh god is that a BL lv 3?and without dodge?PREPARE YOUR ANUS
>>29080770Yeah, venting the ship doesn't really work at all until you get the third door upgrade. Explosive decompression doesn't exist in this universe apparently.
>>29080770We manage to get rid of the invaders and even hit their teleporter to prevent more of this shit. Of course, we also manage to take a shot that knock out our sensors and sets the bridge on fire. Fuck.Unknown to the Mantises, fire only makes Gygax angrier. Preparing missiles.
>>29080818As soon as Gygax gets her SRS BSNS face on, the Mantises swiftly get sent to the Nine Hells. Now all that remains is for Dr Chriz to patch everyone up using his horrible blades-arms that really lack the fine manipulation necessary in life-saving surgery, Elf Slave to fix the ship, and the civilians giving us a reward that makes this near-fatal bullshit worth it.
>>29080818You really want to knock out their guns. They've got the same shit you do, and you KNOW how OP they are.
>>29080894You mean the damage we only sustained because you decided to pick a fight with a fucking Mantis fighter you couldn't handle? Gee, thanks! That sure was worth it!Man, civilians are such dicks.
>>29080925Our next destination contains Engi that are obviously concerned with something. Normally, most of the crew would want to help, if only in order to get their hands on more ways to inflict pain and suffering on as many people as possible, but after being set on fire for fucking nothing, captain Gygax is somewhat cautious when it comes to altruism.
>>29080981not going to spoil it but in this case, altruism rocks
>>29080981It's probably a trap, but if it is then we can kill them!
>>29080995>>29081000We decide to try to help. They're dicks about it.I think I preferred the sector full of pirates and deadly rocks.
>>29080981>NothingThink of it as trading one missile for some fuel and scrap.
>>29081014ah right you need an engy crewmember for that event
>>29081014Our next destination does give us a weapon, though captain Gygax wonders why it's just a small bomb. What is it, like 1d6 damage and an exotic weapon proficiency?
>>29081048actually its like the missile you have, only it bypasses all defenses and deals double damage to crewmembers it doesn't do hull damage though, but its still useful when you start meeting anti-missile defenses
>>29081048Next up is an Engi ship under attack by rebels. By this point, captain Gygax has simply decided to hell with it. Space rocks fall, everyone dies.
>>29081069Bomb them to death!And pick a red sector next time, none of this pansy friendly business
>>29081069is it boarding time?
>>29081069Since we have our fancy teleporter that we've never gotten to use, Gygax orders that Dr. Chriz and Elf Slave (the only human with experience in taking punches and severe injuries thanks to some over-the-top S&M sessions) to board the enemy bridge.
>>29081108you sure you want to send something with a con penalty in melee range?
>>29081108You can use the bomb to take out subsystems without damaging their hull, so you won't accidentally sink the ship with Elf Slave still on it.
>>29081108shits getting intense
>>29081108Damn man youre taking to this game like a fish to water
>>29081108It goes somewhat well. By which I mean Dr. Chriz does fine and Elf Slave... doesn't die. They kill two enemy crewmembers before they get overwhelmed and are teleported back. The Teegee continues its assault.I think we might want to upgrade our sensors for this whole boarding strategy to be really effective.
>>29081165For now, no mortal anus is prepared for the first encounter with the rebel flagship.
>>29081173>I think we might want to upgrade our sensors for this whole boarding strategy to be really effective.Also, learn to love the bombs. I once tried boarding, only for the last remaining crew members to bunker down in their medbay. It was like trying to kill a knight constantly being healed by their cleric companion.
>>29081173Unfortunately, we're forced to shoot down the enemy ship in the end. Dr. Chriz still considers the operation a rousing success, as he's gotten some claws-on experience with the inner workings of the human body.We now get the choice of what to do with the Engi survivors. Leave them to their fate, or be even bigger damn heroes than we already are? I'm a bit cautious, seeing as how this is a sector of dicks.
>>29081223Either 2 or 3, don't pick 1
>>290812232
>>29081223also, time would be great to invest in some more reactor and more engines
>>29081223Eh fuck 'em. They are dicks anyways
>>29081183I actually beat it in my first try, not even joking. Though it took me like 1000 tries to get there
>>29081223Give them nothing. Invest in our own survival.
>>29081258>>29081274We give them as much as we can. They return the favor with some kind of robot doctor technology. Captain Gygax would prefer a hologram, but what the fuck, right? At least they didn't just speed off.Also, if the Engi are robots, how are they losing a war with space mantises? I mean, they don't even have hands for fuck's sake! You're fucking robots! You could turn yourselves into ships with perfect maneuverability! They can't even hold tools!Fuck this sector!
>>29081296A friend of mine managed some kind of insane luck run, and beat the entire game on the 2nd try. He's feeling somewhat cheated.
>>29081330Ungrateful bastard.
>>29081325With this upgrade you will never need to actually enter the medbay again, the entire ship is full of healing.
>>29081325try to look for zoltan researchers before you leave
>>29081325keep in mind this augment only work when your med bay is powered
>>29081325Fucking Mantises! Well, time to die! The more of this sector Gygax can make re-roll their characters, the better!Roll initiative, insect bitches!
>>29081374thistry to explore beacons with no ship nor distress signal.Also, for your next sector, try to go to a zoltan or engi controlled space
>>29081383The battle starts with them teleporting their boarder into the cargo hold. Because that makes perfect sense. Teleport into an empty room adjacent to the air locks and swipe at the door.Well, their stupidity is our gain!
>>29081421They're destroyed swiftly and we're off to visit what will probably be the final location we can get to before the rebels catch up.Once there we get a freeloader. I wonder who it could be?
>>29081490This could be very good, or very bad.
>>29081490And we're faced with a difficult choice. I mean, captain Gygax enjoys the suffering of the weak and powerless and the Mantises are giant dicks. But the Engi are huge dicks and also robots, which means they're probably going to revolt against mankind and turn them into really ineffective potato batteries. Whoever wins, they're all dicks.What do you think?
>>29081528Offer him up as a bounty. He'll almost always turn out to be a pirate and betray you.
>>29081528It would be cool to have two mantis comandos, but we need the scrap to upgrade our generators.
>>29081528Give the mantis to the engis. Bird in hand and all that jazz.
>>29081528Save him. Another mantis slave for Cpt. Gygax will complete her harem.
>>29081528you haven't met the lords of all dicks yet, the slugs
>>29081528Would Cpt Gygax actually turn down a second bug gigolo ? I don't think so
>>29081546>>29081573>>29081584Fuck the Mantises! Except Dr. Chriz of course. Then again, he was some kind of fucked up astronaut sex slave we bought from a hillbilly in an asteroid field.
>>29081622>he was some kind of fucked up astronaut sex slave we bought from a hillbilly in an asteroid field.This is the background for my next Dark Heresy character.
>>29081596Damn right, those slugs compensate up for not having dicks by being the biggest dicks in the galaxy.
>>29081622now upgrade those engines and reactor
>>29081640hey look my ship is armed with nothing but breach bombs and boarding drones, why don't we shut off your oxygen
>>29081640>slugs>le_happy_alien_merchant.jpg with some mind reading abilitiesMay God have mercy on your wallet
>>29081622And since we have rebels up our asses and we really don't want to have to fight (and I use the term loosely here) our way out again, it's time to head for the next sector. This time our only choice is Zoltan controlled space.Neither I, nor captain Gygax know what the fuck a Zoltan is, but it can't be worse than Engis or Mantises.However, that will have to wait for the next time, because it's late and I'm sleepy. Next on /tg/ Plays FTL: Faster Than Light - Episode 2: By God, It's Full of Dicks!
>>29081679well at least they're literally spineless
>>29081687>can't be worse than engis or mantisesmehehehehehe, enjoy their special shields
>>29081687Aww, now all I have to entertain myself is staring at the Steam cart page, trying to load the checkout page.Enjoyed it, man, look forward to the next one.
>>29081687>what the fuck a Zoltan isGood luck Cpt Gygax, I'm behind 7000 shieldsonce on your deck, they're total bros, though (just don't pay attention to your genitals falling off due to instant cancer for standing next to them)
>>29081687What are Zoltans? Well let's just say the Engies won't have to turn humans into batteries as long as the Zoltan are around.
>>29080528
Also, for those interested in the crew of the Teegee, it currently consists of:>Captain GygaxHuman. Trained diplomat, designs dungeons on her spare time, and enjoys handing out arbitrarily cruel punishments for the slightest of mistakes.>Game relevant skillsPiloting.>Lieutenant GorkHuman. Tactical officer who is violent, constantly drunk, and obsessed with fire.>Game relevant skillsGunnery.>Elf SlaveHuman. Gets beaten up a lot.>Game relevant skillsEngineering, repair work, hand-to-hand combat>Doctor ChrizMantis. A former sex worker who has decided to change careers and become a medical officer. When asked about this, he says that he has extensive experience in being deep inside human bowels.>Game relevant skillsFights as well as Elf Slave. Other than that, no.>Ensign BethHuman. A transvestite prostitute who was quickly relegated to the highly radioactive shield room after questioning the captain's orders. Nobody really knows if s/he's a man in a woman's body or vice versa. Nobody particularly cares either.>Game relevant skillsShields.
>>29078128 hereReading over this thread, this is going surprisingly well so far.
