>>28826254
Hilarious. Whatcha gonna do?

Stop complaining and enjoy your new family OP

>>28826289
Im not even sure, I mean I dont really want to kill my son, especially after his family was so welcoming and loving.

then again I DID plan on killing this guy, even though it was just to get into the place hes guarding (palace)

I dont know man, I just dont know.

Go home and be a family man Anon.

>>28826320
>>28826397
>>28826289
so anyone else have some unforseen nat twenty troubles?

>>28826254
...Why is (what I'm assuming is) a natural 20 Bluff check altering time and space to make your lies true? I'm fairly certain natural 20s on skill checks aren't supposed to have mundane effects above and beyond the number you achieved, let alone supernatural effects.

>>28826489
according to the dm I convinced everyone including myself. I was so convincing that for all intents and purposes Im his father now.

>>28826513
You probably need at least a relevant extraordinary ability/skill power if you want to pull that off. I wouldn't think it'd be a random effect imposed against your will on what's supposed to be a success.

>>28826422
Well, there was this one time my DM decided to throw the party into a rather rediculous encounter with a huge gargoyle we could not kill properly. Pally was shooting it with a ballista, mage was plinking at it, bard was singing. Me? I was an artificer. Frustrated I couldn't do much,, I asked to do a craft check to MacGuyver a bomb together. Nat twenty. He then asked me to roll a d100 for how powerful it was. Nat 100. My artificer, staring at this glowing orb of who-knows-what throws it at the gargoyle.

Apparently I created a mini-nuke because it apparently reduced the gargoyle to cinders and the paladin did the classic fade to white because he was caught in the blast radius. I was not allowed to make bombs after that.

>>28826254
>>28826576
These stories are hilarious. Please, keep them coming.

>>28826573
It's a relatively common practice to have natural 20s always have major effects even though the rules state it only occurs in one or two places. It's just funny.

>>28826254
heh, critical skill checks are the best

>>28826357
Dude, you already have your 'in'.

Just ask your son to tell you everything about the palace (where things are hidden, for instance) and then ask if you can get by his guard.

Why fight when you reap all the benefits by NOT fighting? Even a barbarian wouldn't argue with this logic.

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>>28826576
>paladin's face when

>>28826798
sounds like a great way to go to me.

>>28826897
"So this is a nat 100... Not bad..."
Later on, my character had a small mini arc which somehow involved him ending the world 37 times and MacGuyvering a railgun together.

>>28826798
>>28826897
>Die in battle, engulfed in glorious light
>Meet you god
>Brofist for your truly divine exit from mortality

>>28826254
Start taking 20s on everything, because your group is retarded and 20s literally fuck space/time.

>>28826956
all I can say is this is the way I want to go. fighting some horrible monster protecting my friends in a last ditch effort, the explosion is mandatory.

>>28826985
it's just a bit of fun

>>28826985
nofun.jpeg

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New World of Darkness Mage story
>play mage
>my character is also a catholic priest
>enjoy the roleplay, go with it all the line
>have matter control and spirit communication / interaction
>my character's mentor was blasted by technocrats and only thing we found was his molten gold necklace
>use matter control to make a small gold cross with the necklace
>critical
>19 win
>wut
>DM : "Congratulations Anon, you just made a holy relic that's also a testament of your love for your mentor and your god. Basically you're going to kick ethereal ass"
>mfw

>>28826956
>what is having silly stuff in a campaign
we know that it doesn't work that way but guess what, it usually ends really hillarious

>>28827039
The fuck are you talking about, anon? My post was about the awesome/hilarious way I think it would happen.

>>28827039
wrong post?

>>28827039
>having silly stuff in a campaign
my dm is a dickwad who doesnt allow anything fun/unique cause he hates speshul snewflayks
i wanted to make a infernal warlock whos basically ghost rider but apparently thats not allowed

>>28827092
Because I quetoed the wrong person anon ;_;
>>28826985
I was talking about this guy

>>28827107
Penance stare that bitch and tell him you're the DM now.

>>28827026
nice, wonder what twenty would have got you.

>>28827107
>a infernal warlock whos basically ghost rider
I like your childish yet appealing style, Anon

>>28827134
i initially dm'ed but im shit at it
too ADD and cant really make shit up quick enough

>>28827137
No I mean I rolled 5 d10 at the start and with the rerolls that happen on a roll of ten, I went from 6 to 19 wins
Critical win is supposed to be 5 wins

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Is this one of those threads?

>>28827189
oh. nice.

>>28827293
this is indeed.

>>28827298
I'm pretty paranoid that it drained my luck for games to come

>>28826489

because in this case it was funny and harmless and the tone of the campaign isnt super serious?

>>28827320
nah, just kill a leprechaun in the game and make his feet into charms, boom super luck. best part? there are two.

>Be playing a dwarf Fighter
>have +11 in Athletism an Endurance at level 1.
>Get attacked by harpies while we're on a pirate ship in route to the Off-shore BBEG manor.
>Only one harpy left, surrounded by crew.
>Want to get a place to hit the bitch
>Roll to push one of the matey out of the way and get in range
>Roll a nat 20
>Actually grab the man by his shirt and throw him overboard.
>Thelegendbegins.jpg
>after that, everytime I do a Athletism check, I roll ridiculous high number, always at least 19, often 20.

but there's worse, my friend has a Thiefling Warlock that has like +13 bluff at level 1, and the same thing happens to his bluff and diplomacy rolls
>Be walking toward port.
>cross a villager on a chariot.
>warlock goes ''In the name of the king, We take your chariot
>roll a 20
>Not only do they give us the Chariot, but also their tax dollars.
>Get to port.
>Have to find a way to get on board of pirate ship
>I get in as a cook, along with my mage friend
>Warlock walks up to the ship and yell I AM THE PIRATE GOD, I DEMAND TO BE ON THIS SHIP
>Rolls a 20
>We're losing our shit by now
>They treat him as a God
>Has to make rolls everyday to see if they still believe him
>Roll 20 every days.

FUCK

>>28827768
Not sure if DM is fun loving or stupid...

>>28827768
>>28827950
I love DMs like that

>>28826777
You hit the fucking Jackpot with that post.

OP just use coersion and build up a nice life with your new family as you keep adventuring.

Make sure to bring dragon scales and gold to your grandchildren.

>>28826573
I like the story because it's funny but I have to agree with you. In this case the guy believing the Fighter is actually his Father is a stretch but possible through conventional bluffing, presuming a nat 20 would go that far, but the effect of making the Fighter himself believe his own bullshit because he was that good of a bluffer would ruin it if it were me.

That isn't to say that you cannot play that way if you want to, but I wouldn't enjoy it.

>>28827768
If he doesn't end up as a pirate god by the end I will be disappointed in you from afar.

>Be cleric
>Party is fighting a lich
>We're overpowering him
>He turns to run away
>Roll to trip him
>Nat 20
>Lich trips and breaks his own phylactery

>>28828095
>Carrying his Phylactery around on him.
Dumbest Lich Ever.

>>28828117
How do you suggest he finds a place to hide it.

>>28828140
Bury it.

>>28828166
thats probably where he was going you know...

>interrogating a whore who drugged our cleric and stole his shit in the middle of college grounds
>he has an arm around her so he's ready if she tries to bolt
>guards start walking over
>thief says he'll handle the guards
>meets them before they get too close
>"what's going on over here?"
>"my friend here has a performance tonight and is just practicing his ventriloquism skills for us"
>roll 20
>"...ok, carry on"

>>28828173
But why carry it while the adventurers are here?

>>28828181
did he know they where there?

>>28828140
Ride his Bat-Mount to the middle of the ocean. Tie it to rock. Cast a maximized,Extended Conceal Aura on.

Your move PCs.

>>28828190
Why take it out after the initial use of it?

as a joke, one of my players rolled for suicide. >>Nat 20

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>>28828177
where was his hand?

>>28828219
what happened?

>>28826513

It's pretty funny, but even so, unless he's been running a silly adventure from the start then he's got a fucking screw loose if he things Bluff works that way.

Or at least that's what I'd say if I thought it was a real story.

>>28828250
Hey man believe or don't. I just bring the story its up to you to suspend personal disbelief.

>>28828221
Around her shoulder. We had a it of discussion about it, and the GM said he was around 40m away, and so possibly couldn't quite make out his hand.

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My party is currently doing Tomb of Horrors campaign, and my DM decided to give us a prologue of getting there to allow our party members to bond, simply so he could kill us and make it hurt us so much more.

So on the way there we stop by a deserted city and encounter a land-shark. Being a level 12 ranger, i have fucking crazy initiative and combat roles so im the very first to go, so i use my movement to clamber into a tree and roll a 19. Then i roll to make the first attack of the whole campaign to feather the landshark next to the party barbarian.

I roll a 1 and put an arrow through the barbarians shoulder, and because my bow shouts 'Vengeance!' whenever i fire it and the Barbarian had a past where his whole family was murdered, he instantly thought it was me who did it. After a wasted turn each we were able to settle things down.

Next game night we were on a ship towards the tomb when we get attacked by a Dragon and its rider. I use my mad crafting skills to create bomb arrows out of gunpowder and get a 20 on it. I sight my target and ive got 3 attacks ready to unleash against the Dragon with arrows that i can do potentially 40 damage with, and again on my very first roll of combat i roll a fucking 1 and the arrow blows up in my face and im left eye browless.

Bastion Lionheart really doesn't live up to his name.

>>28828235
it was a joke so i let him live.
he had already lost a character in that session,

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Relevant, probably.

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>>28826422
>Have a box that contains all the good-aligned outsiders in the universe in it.
>Have a scroll that says this box is "In a place you'd least expect it" (was supposed to be in the lair of evil)
>Player (a crazy wizard) says "I'm going to see if it's under my hat"
>Rolls a nat 20 perception check.
>Has been rolling nat 20s all session.

>Our faces.

Needless to say, it was right there, under his hat.

>Dumbass DM always makes misses hit things next to the target
>I think it's fucking dumb but I try not to bitch about it too much because I'm a forever DM
>Bad rolls tonight, I've pretty much wrecked my entire party, everyone is pissed at me
>I can't help that I'm the only functional character in the group or that I'm having shit luck
>Fuck it, I'm just going to target my friend and smash the BBEG in the dick when I miss him
>Nat 20
>Max damage roll
>Hit my friend for more than his maximum health
>Everyone rages at me
>I walk out and spend the rest of the game dicking around on my phone

>>28828382
Why can't I stop laughing?

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>>28828382
fucking wizards.

>NPC is basically Batman
>Shows up at a big public event as Batman to save the day
>PCs see him, become obsessed with finding him
>Get a note from their old friend, NPC, saying they need to meet.
>Players instantly start thinking NPC is Batman
>They go to his place, he tells them he's a long-time friend of Batman, but not him.
>They don't believe. Sense Motive.
>Two of them roll, two of them crit the roll. (I know skill checks can't crit, shut up.)
>He rolls Bluff, crits the roll, with a bonus that shatters theirs.
>The players have to act like they don't think he's Batman anymore, but aren't happy about it.
>Now they've diverted the campaign into trying to prove he's Batman.

Why do I even let them roll dice?

>>28828529
Illusion of chance/possibility?

>>28828529
Copycat batman. Alfred shows up in suit while NPC is there. Old switcheroo.

>>28828423
>all misses hit things next to the target
Man I am of the personal opinion that even nat 1s missing hits a different target (unless its using the crit fail deck), so this makes me pretty upset. Why not add that in combat that every time the fighter misses he cuts off his own fingers? That's some bullshit right there, bro.

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>>28828382
Fucking wizards.

>we're doing a political campaign while building up a trade empire on the side
>bro is playing alchemist, I've ended up as a messy mix of bard, rogue, and alchemist for diplomacy, backstabbing and poisoning respectively, rest of the party is two fighters for bodyguards and a gnome artificer/wizard who's probably insane
>main plot is tensions over a fortified mountain town, located smack on top of a silver deposit and positioned perfectly to control the pass
>nobles on either side of the pass want to take it, town stuck in uneasy limbo since neither side is powerful enough to both take the town and hold it against the inevitable attack from the other side.
>alchemist and artificer whips up big batches of magical grease and alchemist's fire among other gizmos to sell to the town as a ward against siege, score us points with the governor.
>unbeknownst to everybody else, artificer was paid off by one of the other nobles to sabotage the batch, alchemist's fire is unstable and has about a 50/50 chance of blowing up in your hand if you throw it or knock it about
>it's about dusk when we arrive
>we've just dropped off the first cartload and are all heading off into town on various errands
>I'm up in the keep to smooze with some officials, looking for a tax break for "civil services rendered."
>one of the fighters is supposed to be watching the cart
>artificer offers to switch shifts with him, fighter agrees
>alchemybro is chatting up bussness partners in the tavern with the other fighter, offers to show some interested traders a sample of his wares
>artificer starts fucking with the bottles, sets up a torch to see as it's now well into the night
>alchemybro heads back to the cart to get a sample for the demonstration, followed by one of the fighters and a handful of traders
>they'd been at odds for a while to begin with, arguing over who's contributing more to their joint inventions
>sees artificer pouring something or other into an open jar of their product
>TRAITOR!
>cont

>>28828529

Well the obvious way to play this is to roll with the punches and have him be lying.

He's NOT a long-time friend of Not-Batman. He's actually Not-Batman's arch enemy / evil clone / wants Not-Batman dead, exposed, or discredited and is willing to use the PCs in order to achieve that goal.

>>28828661
>>28828468
Said wizard greased a herd of wild horses once. Also set fire to a house full of werewolf women and children, caused a place he hated to explode, and is at this point trying to cause a socialist revolution in a magitek italianesque state, which has caused ire with the Doge-Pope.

>>28828765
>almost decides to toss a flask before remembering that the other guy is STANDING ON A CART FULL OF OIL AND BOMBS
>decides to throw a shoe instead while yelling for the fighter to attack
>artificer is babbling, trying to claim he's just making a last-minute improvement to the formula, botches his bluff and fools nobody
>alchemybro rolls for the shoe toss
>1
>hits the tourch, knocks it into the artificer
>artificer falls over
>into the cart of unstable alchemist's fire, oil, bombs and other horrors
>with the torch

And that's the story of how we accidently lost half the party, most of our money, the goodwill of everyone in town and, oh, about a quarter of said town in one roll. I ended up in prison for my relation to the whole mess, the artificer and alchemist died, one fighter was maimed and the other, who was chilling at a completely different tavern when it all went down, very quickly paid for his drinks, put on his helmet, and skipped town before anybody remembered he was with us.

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>>28828808

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>>28828868
Mein sides.

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>>28828808
Our wizard managed to create a magical black hole the size of a golf ball inside the ruling king's head thereby rendering him a vegetable and forcing us to flee the kingdom with half a royal battalion following us simply because he wondered if he could.

Trust me when I say I know your pain. Pic related was our collective reaction.

>>28828921
Wouldn't a black hole inside of the king's head just make him very dead, rather than a vegetable?

>>28827026
One of the players in my group had something among those lines happen to him. Only it was in Vamp.

>Party Gangrel gets offended at insult coming from Ghoul belonging to party Lancea bro.
>Gangrel frenzies, wants some delicious Ghoul blood.
>Lancea bro manages to pin him down
>Ghoul whips out a shotty and blows away Gangrel's arm.
>Blood everywhere, Lancea bro rolls frenzy because he's litteraly getting sprayed with the stuff.
>Fails roll, Lancea bro frenzies, starts sucking on the Gangrel
>Ghoul can't do shit because of fear of hitting his beloved master.
>Only party members left are me, street informat type of dude, and political-savvy Daeva.
>Gangrel is in topor by now, Lancea bro is on his way to diablerize him.
>Davea player goes "I"ll restraint Lancea bro"
>GM "roll Strength + Assault"
>Rolls 6 d10s, gets 6 successes. reroll them 10s
>10s again, rerolls again.
>10s again....

Lets just say that it all ended up with this description:
>"you tear Lancea bro away from Gangrel violently and repeatedly punch him in the face for 5 bashing damage until his Beast literally crawls back into his heart to get away from your sheer fury."

>>28828957
Fuck that, a black hole the size of a golf ball would destroy a planet. Golf ball sized is FUCKING HUGE for a singularity.

>>28828957
>Wizards
>Making Sense
>Ever

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At one point whilst making characters for a 3.5 campaign, I commented on just how many "Craft" skills there were. It was then that I said the fateful sentence that would change my life forever.

>"Heh, they might as well have a 'craft (Spoons)' skill."

I was hit with a wave of inspiration. I ripped up my character sheet, and printed out a new one. After rolling my character up, the DM looked to me, wondering just what I'd done. I turned my character sheet to him, and his face twisted into a grin.

Meet Dwindle Silvershine, Human Druid and Master of Spoons. A middle-aged man who lived in a house full of plants and mold (hence Druid) where collected, whittled, smelted, glass-blew, sculpted, and conjured spoons of all kind. Every possible skill point allocated into Craft (Spoons).

Later in the game, we faced down a horrible arch-lich. The corpses of the party were lying dead in a circle around Dwindle, as he clutched the monster's phylactery (a bar of gold) to his chest.

>"What do you do?" asks DM
And I give him a serious, dead-eyed look straight in the face.
>"I want to roll Craft Spoon."
>"On... the phylactery?"
>"On the lich."

>mfw Nat 20

The rest of the players made new characters for our next campaign, but Dwindle stuck around. At one point in our later campaign, they were sitting down for dessert at the BBEG's and Dwindle pulled out an evil-looking spoon made of bone, and began eating his cheesecake.

>>28828972
I think the anon was implying that it only had an area of effect akin to a golfball

>>28828382
Those motherfucking wizards.

>>28828204
But a lich, if destroyed, is reconstituted next to their phylactery. If he gets defeated once, he appears at the bottom of the ocean.

>>28828957
Yes, it would usually. It wasn't really a black hole, more essentially an unoccupied area for a single instant rather than a black hole.

Apparently our wizard had been experimenting with space and time related magic as part of his paragon quest and decided to create a spell that would essentially "reset" a given space to it's condition five minutes previous.

he figured he could use the spell with more juice to see past events such as traps being armed in a hallway etc. He decides he probably has all the kinks worked out and tries to cast it where the king is sat as a practical joke. Make the king dissappear for 30 seconds only to reappear. "Ta da! I'm a wizard. Check the big balls on me" etc.

When he goes to cast this new spell, he underestimates the power, crit fails and rolls a 1. instead of opening a 10 foot by 10 foot time rift, he opens a 1inch by 1 inch rift, directly centered around the king's head.

>>28829045
That's not how gravity works.

>>28829067
I didn't say it did. I was just offering an interpretation

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>>28829064
I fail to see how this significantly inconveniences an undead spellcaster. He knows teleport, I'm sure, and it's not like he needs air anyway.

>>28829067
what that guy said, it wasn't really a black hole, just the first thing that came to mind to describe the effect it had.

I am not a clever man.

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>>28828921
>>28828808
Heh, I had a wizard once and he opened up a portal to the fire plane at the bottom of Atimos Sea, which is like our setting's equivalent of the Mediterranean. Sea level's dropped 5 meters so far and every nation declared war on each other at once, and the gods are scrambling and trying to get their shit together. Also, fire isn't working properly anymore since the plane that it comes from is currently being quenched. Civilization is literally on the verge of collapse.

>>28829067
>Implying wizards give a shit

>>28828423
I played an archer ranger once. Every other shot I fired hit an ally. None of the rolls were natural 1s. I'd just miss the attack and my arrow would somehow teleport from its eastern trajectory to strike an ally west of me.

The more time passes, the more I really grow bitter over that. So I can understand how you feel. Especially when everyone raged at you over what the dice and DM caused, NOT what you caused.

>>28829090
And the preassure? Or how do you cast underderwate? Or... underwater volcanoes! Or there could be a portal to the elemental plane of water and sink eternally!

>>28829017
Dwindle Silvershine for president.

>>28829197
>And the preassure?
Lich. Bones don't give a shit.

>Or how do you cast underderwate?
Lich. Don't need no air, bitch.

>Or... underwater volcanoes!
I'm pretty sure a phylactery can handle lava, actually, in the retardedly unlikely event that it should end up in an underwater volcano.

>Or there could be a portal to the elemental plane of water and sink eternally!
Wait, so you're telling me that my phylactery is now not just hidden, but hidden in another plane entirely, sinking forever in a completely featureless void? And I can still just plane shift out (or at least just teleport to the presumably sustained portal)? Fuck yes, this is the PERFECT place for a phylactery.

>>28829180
I can understand hitting someone next to the target but someone behind you?

>>28829090
At best, a very long, dark walk in the hopes of eventually finding land.

At worst, crushing pressure that will render him immobile. At the bottom of the ocean. Forever.

>>28829197
>And the preassure
Damage reduction, comes standard
>how do you cast underderwate?
Since liches don't breath air it stands to reason their verbal spell components don't use air
>underwater volcanoes
Would destroy the phylactery, so yes that would work
>portal to the elemental plane of water
Plane shift

>>28829276
Trust me, I brought that up. DM Evil Eye is something I learned to avoid in the future.

This same DM had the party wizard slip down some stairs and take incapacitating damage from the fall, then immediately get swarmed by undead.

We weren't in combat, he was taking his time, he had a torch for light and the stairs weren't greased or trapped. He just... fell. And took enough damage to drop him to 0 or there about, despite being level 10.

And to think, I still like the idea of 2e. I've not played it since, but I don't hold it against the system. (Helps that Baldur's Gate 2 was my primary means of entertainment that same year.)

>>28829307
Once again: Teleport. Only component is verbal, which, being a skeleton and therefore not relying on airflow or actual movement for speech, is unimpeded by depth.

>>28827138
Whats more, It can basically be done. Devils and Demons HATE each other. A devil would totally empower a warlock to hunt and destroy demons just to -oohh right 4.0 no more bloodwar hahahahaha ..ahh...fuck

I shared this story on a different thread the other day, but it's awfully fitting, so I'll explain it again.
The campaign I run is very light-hearted, and fairly rules loose, given the players were new to DnD but not tabletop RPGs. During the games, I have a system in place in which the PCs can research stuff over extended rests. At one point, our party's barbarian decided to utilize this system, the exchange went as follows:
>"Hey, GM, if I roll a Nat 20, can I learn to fly?"
>"Sure, whatever"
>Barbarian rolls a nat 20
>Bricks are shit, Barbarians are flying

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>>28829510
I just imagined a big barbarian in tribal armor lifting his arms up, looking at the sky and ascending without moving his body.

And then I imagined legions of static flying barbarians blotting out the sun as wizards, bards, fighters and druids ran for cover in terror.

Then I had to go find my sides.

>>28829510
>>28829566
Samefag

>>28829510

The trick is to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

>>28829641
Bitchfag

>>28829510
>Barbarian in an F22
>leaning out of the open cockpit
>trying to hit orcs with his axe

>>28826254
>Be assassin/warlock
>have the ability to teleport
>have Crossbow of Juxtaposition: lets you switch places, via teleportation, with whatever you shoot once per encounter.
>We're in a fuckhuge cave full of psychic purple crystal, a BBEG lair with a psychic crystal machine at the far end.
>Machine is counting down to braindeath of civilians used to power it, basically everyone in the kingdom above us.
>Fuck, we gotta get the psion to that machine.
>Area between us and psychic crystal death machine is littered with traps, psychic statues that shoot mindlazers, poison darts, pits, etc.
>No time, I got a plan.
>Teleport to far side of chamber
>Shoot psion with Crossbow of Juxtoposition.
>Nat 20

>>28829743
killed him?

>>28829743

Did he died.

>>28829763
>>28829769
It was a sad day. I also had levels in rogue. I'm like, do I count as having combat advantage? DM grins. Yeah, he wasnt thinking you'd try to kill him. Max damage, sneak attack damage, bonus damage for the +4 weapon. Psion corpse propped up against death-crystal-god-machine. Can't use crossbow to get our other psychic across the room for 5 minutes. Countdown still going.

>>28829796
should have tried to hit his foot..

>>28829847
Well, for the sake of comedy, I exaggerated. This was 4e, so he was actually rolling death saves.

The new plan was to cross the deathfloor with enough speed to get the cleric in range to heal him before he bled out, basically.

And yeah, the DM thought it was too funny not to do it that way... I kind of agreed... And I figured we'd be able to get the cleric there in time.

>Be big, dumb orc fighter
>Party is on tiny boat in a gigantic storm
>DM expects each of us to make skill checks to survive
>No relevant skills
>werescrewed.jpg
>Look on character sheet
>Choose worst skill, because fuck it.
>Roll religion, praying to anything and everything that will listen to PLEASE JUST GET US OUT OF THIS
>nat 20
>DM grins
>The Big Bad Evil God of the setting speaks directly to me, answering my prayer and guiding the boat to safety.

>>28829891
What the hell, I'll tell you the rest of the story, it's on-topic.

>Gotta get cleric there to healbot the psion
>start crossing death floor, not making good progress
>DM is waffling about how much time we actually have left, get into the old argument about each round only actually being six seconds
>Screw it, we need another plan
>Warforged wizard bullshits something about using his magic to hold open space when I use it to teleport, then the cleric can jump through
>OK
>I teleport
>Cleric holds an action
>Warforged rolls to unmake physics and tear apart the underpinnings of reality
>nat 1
>Cleric is now lost in the screaming nothing between spaces

>>28829891
Isn't sneak attack optional in 4e?
Or did you just pick to use it for comedic purposes?

>>28829993
It *IS* optional! We did it because we felt the dice gods demanded it. I opted not to say anything, really. Nobody else realized. I could have also opted to do subdual damage, we're just ridiculous.

>be thief
>party meets with king
>gives us important mission
>want to steal crown
>figure i can play it off as a goof if i fail
>roll 20
>walk off with my sweet new crown
>DM is pissed
>sicks castle guards on me
>thief is kill
>i call bullshit but dm don't care
>roll up new character and join group
>join party and we meet a peasant
>says king is evil and wants us to join resistance against him
>party agrees
>i attack the peasant
>kill him with axe
>guards come back and kill me
>moments later new peasant comes by to ask party to join resistance

>>28830026
that is bullshit

>>28829991
>Gotta get the other psychic, a soul knife, to the god crystal machine
>We're using a homebrewed skillset that includes a "Psionics" ability, so the idea is that he can just psychic the machine off
>Basically the paladin just tanks all the traps, runs straight through them, falls into a pit
>WIZARD takes the traps beyond the pit while pally is climbing out
>Get the psychic to the machine
>His psionics check isn't as good, so he uses a potion on the psion
>wut
>you had a healing potion
>I COULD HAVE TELEPORTED THAT
>psion turns off the machine easily

New quest is to find the cleric

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>>28830026
Good lord, you sound like the biggest asshole.

>Be Gnome Witch
>Be charisma guy
>Be fighting big badass illusionist guy who humiliated me last session
>Had been like "hey dude, I am a powerful wizard and you should let me join your team so I can totally not sabotage you" and he was like "fuck you, you're a noob, where's your wizard license"
>Anyway, back to the combat
>fight through dozens of illusions
>Finally corner him
>Party is fried, worn out
>He levitates up out of reach and starts lightning bolt-ing us
>be invisible at the time, and have flight hex
>fly up parallel with him, drop invis, cast Suffocation
>"I got my wizard license, motherfucker."
>Darth Vader choke him in midair.


I guess if you want it to specifically be about awesome rolls, we can consider the NPC's two or three failed saves.

>>28829510
I guess I'll share another story that I shared earlier on /tg/
>Playing Paranoia
>Attempt to put together a time machine in order to get the party out of a bad situation
>Don't roll a nat 1 (Functions like a nat 20 with the way Paranoia handles it)
>GM Jokingly says "Not enough elbow grease"
>Cut off fellow party member's elbows
>Squeeze the grease out of them for use in time machine
>Get a second roll
>Nat 1
>Party escapes the conflict
Additionally, before people call me an asshole for mutilating a party member, Paranoia is system built around murdering the other PCs at the slightest provocation, so cutting off someone's elbows for the good of the party is only a minor infraction.

>>28830121
Unless he was a commie. Then it's a major infraction for not terminating him.

>>28830012
If you could've opted for sub-dual damage wouldn't that have just been the...intelligent thing to do as part of the plan from the start? I'm all for obeying the dice gods, but this seems like it should've been a part of the plan the entire time.

>>28830026
This could be bullshit or fair, depending on if all the rolls were checked and you are all following the rules of the game with no fudged rolls or "you are just dead no saves" bs. It's not that easy to steal the crown, nat 20 or not, according to rules of a lot of DnD systems some guards would notice and presumably try to arrest you.

The question is who is biased, you or the DM?
>thief player is being a fagget, gets called for his bullshit and the guards treat him like the criminal he is
I'm okay with this though.

I once repelled an Eldritch Knight by having my Sorcerer spew a cloud of Botflies and parasitic worms.

>>28830430
Yeah, but then a 20 happened. We just couldn't NOT see what happened after a plan that involved shooting a fellow party member resulted in a nat 20. Also it was a damn crossbow - RAW you can turn any damage into subdual in 4e, but c'mon, plus NAT TWENTY. It just felt like it would've been a copout and spoiled a story that would entertain us around the table for years to come. I still like to open conversations with the guy about the time he agreed to let me shoot him in the face.

>>28830552
That's not hard at all.

Unless the bolt hits him in an artery or vital organ, no matter how hard it strikes the dude, he's not gonna die. Don't care if it is 10 damage or 5,000.

But I see your point.

>>28830064

...I just realized that character looks like Spoony...how can such a shitty drawing actually look like someone specific?

>>28830026
>>28830482
i think it's more about the fact that the thief dude killed a guy who was inciting a revolution and the guards just killed him??? it seems like a pretty obvious case of the gm railroading and being a bitch about it too

>GMing a Cyberpunk 2020 game with a light tone
>Make a huge stink about how we're all going to following the rules to the letter, to stop some bullshit argument between 2 players
>Party is going to torch a warehouse for insurance money
>Corporate decides he'll split from the group and distract the fire department
>ok
>He pulls up to the firehouse
>Starts hucking molotovs at it
>Fire breaks out, he says he runs over to the main exit
>ok
>He starts shooting firemen as they run out. He's rolling incredibly well
>He starts cutting them down
>After there are no more survivors, he stuffs a flaming rag into the engine
>Retarded rules say that every litre of fuel compounds the explosion radius
>53! meter explosion
>I can't back out now. We're all laughing hard at his senseless slaughter for some reason
>City is basically nuked
>New campaign starts with the ravaged city ruins and a pack of survivors

>I'm trapped, unarmed in a room with a Plot-Important NPC
>Party members are outside trying to open the doors
>She finds out that I was the one who killed her father
>Suddenly begins changing into some Uber-powerful werebeast
>Party members are frantic
>I roll to "Slap some sense into her"
>Critical Success
>Un-transforms
>DM Planned on this being a Boss Fight

>>28830060
>cleric is recovered from timespace
>has met with his god
>becomes new messiah

>>28830509
Daddy Nurgle would be proud.

>>28830898
I like that you stuck to your guns about the rules thing since you made a big deal out of it. Also that corporate is 10/10 would give stock options.

does anyone have that screencap of the dude that just nat 20 intimidated everything?

>>28826798
So this is artificer power, huh? It's quite something

>>28830986
I personally hope he ended up in Bagworld.

>>28828810
haha, and thats why I like fighters better than paladins.
>Nope, fuck this shit, i'm outta here

>>28829690

What is a Kiowa pilot.

>>28829017
So are you telling me he turned a lich into a spoon with a bar of gold?

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>>28831164
I think this might be the one?

>>28831445
Nah. IIRC it was a silly kinda thing where the guy ended up intimidating a falling, burning circus tent, then intimidated time itself

>>28828972

Any size whatsoever is impossibly huge for a singularity.

>>28831520
I have that too, but it's been posted in another thread.
>>28826833

>>28831670
aye, that's it. Thanks!

>>28831445
sounds like my character, but instead I do this to Goblins. Making an army of them so I can bug the DM eventually with doing whatever I want to with as many goblins as I can control.
>DM gives me Goblin Leadership (lvl*2) -1 + CHA
>defeat Goblin Leader in duel, get 4 goblins
>go to huge city, let the Hobgoblin in my party teach me Goblin Speak
>find prison
>ask if they have Goblins
>they do
>ask who's the stronkst
>lvl 11 Goblin Warboss (I'm lvl 4)
>challange him, I loose, he's practically unconscious too though
>get 2 more goblins
>release him from prison and take another one with me
>tell him we'll meet again
>DM has yet to see master plan brewing here.

>>28830898
4.275e+69 m explosion.... that would level the fucking planet.

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>>28831707
That thread 404'd so i'll post it again for others.

>>28826689
No it's not. That's just something fags pretend is a thing when greentexting.

>Theif that just 'joined' (not really, more of tag-along) decides to steal money from the tournament I'm running for the party to participate/rig (half fighters, half sneaky crafty characters).
>Give him the "This shit is impossible" level of sneaking or "Very fucking hard" level, he wisely doesn't pick the one that would be impossible because success would mean the party themselves kill him.
>Okay, make a shitton of move quietly and hide checks. He does okay on them, nothing too spectacular.
>Guards never roll higher than a 5, they had 30+ rolls to get SOMETHING.
>When leaving, the guard next to the door had to roll a 2 because he never took care of him and only snuck by.
>Guard rolls a 1
>Party stops him, gives the guards a new chance to roll.
>The only one to not fail is the guard that wasn't a part of the entire rolling set.
Most fucking worthless guards ever. How do you roll 4 1's in a row you useless ass door guard?

>>28832078
rp is srs bisniss

>>28831445
I think he's talking about Brolaire since he says circus tent

Rolled 44, 47, 12, 67, 34 = 204

>>28826422
Not D&D so it's not exactly a nat 20... But rolling 12 successes on 11 dice is even less probable.
The end result is that while rolling into a city of an unknown civilisation and trying to gather information about what is going on locally, I accidentally usurped the local cult of a squid god.

>>28832456
I just get buttfrustrated that people see nat20 threads then walk away thinking you can crit a skill check. Yeah the threads are amusing, but y'alls breeding ignorance among the newfags.

>>28831850
Planet? The radius of the visible universe is 1.30e+26 m. I'm guessing the rules don't actually use a factorial function; although just 53 m doesn't sound like "basically nuked", so I don't know.

>playing weird-ass RP (Not FATAL, thankfully) but trying to make character as "normal" as possible
>level 5 Air Mage
>feeling like Randy Savage
>get captured by bandits with pussy-ass Angel
>rest of the party turns up to the bandit camp after finding my tracks
>they begin to royally fuck shit up
>I am bound, but the prison I'm in is literally a tent
>roll to make wind gust blow tent away (roll d100, the lower the better)
>roll a 4
>"The tent flies into the air and comes down several miles away the next morning"
>yell "I AM THE MACHO MAN"
>run to nearest bandit and try to push him down (my hands are bound by metal cuffs behind me)
>pass strength, he falls over
>roll to kick
>1
>"you kick him so hard his head explodes
>roll to break out of cuffs
>15/25 strength
>scream "OHHHH YEEEEEEEAH" as I shatter the cuffs

I proceeded to not kill anything and almost die twice, but damn if that wasn't the greatest fucking breakout I've ever done. I kinda like RPG's now.

>>28831050
Another time after that, I bled a cyst into a Keep’s Water supply. Everyone but the party contracted super-cancer.

Huzzah for Plaguemancers.

>weird encounter
>magnetized to back of dwarven fighter
>if we roll ones, we have to roll a new attack against each other
>nat 1
>nat 1 again

DM just sitting there dumbstruck for 5 minutes was priceless.

>>28829197
This is late as all hell, but I haven't seen anyone mention this. Still spell. Boom, water pressure's no big deal. Maybe even Silent spell as well, if water interferes with verbal components on something that doesn't even use air to speak. Underwater volcano, would have warded the phylactery anyway, so it should be fine. And that's a pretty small chance of it landing on/in one too, especially if the lich didn't research where it was dropping its unlifeline.

>>28829510
Not fly. Jump good.

Rolled 79, 31, 93, 6, 49 = 258

>>28833006
Even if the phylactery survives in a volcano, the freshly reforming lich bits won't.

>>28832078
I've seen it at a lot of real tables, anon. Nothing as dumb as the OP, but stuff like, "Nat 20 on knowledge to identify? Turns out you wrote your dissertation on it" is a thing I've seen. It's happened at more than one table with completely independent playgroups, so I'm pretty sure it's a thing.

>>28833051
Knowledge Geography + Know Location + scrying = picking out the best place to drop your valuables into the ocean without destroying them and allowing you to reform by them. It's like you don't even lich.

>>28830670
some people just have shitty faces

>>28833810
grand words of wisdom

I'm always surprised by the number of people who apparently don't understand how the automatic-hit/miss rule works that I suspect a number of these stories are, in fact, made up.

>>28829064
Not if he was only transformed into a spoon.

>Playing magical burst, playing a sword-wielding light user in the middle of a nightmare sphere
>Using heart as defense stat, vs a horrific webcam cyborg youma monster with two attacks, a giant slam and smaller wire tentacles
>Fail to block first attack; tentacles hit and... cause 3 overcharge damage? Oh, crap, I was already on 2 overcharge! (For those not in the know, overcharge is an accumulation of magic. It's not good for you and causes unpredictable and bad stuff to occur.
>next turn, monster attacks me again - block, roll dice
>2d6+8: 6, 6
>every time you roll a six, you gain another overcharge.
>roll 2d6: 6,1
>roll 1d6: 6 again
>roll 1d6: 2

>gained 4 overcharge in one blocking move; ended up with 9 overcharge

>block youma with swords so hard a heartspawn is vomited out of my mouth

It was a pretty silly occurrence, but still hilarious at the time.

>>28829452
There can be a blood war if you want one.

Seriously, I never understood that "ONLY 'CANON' SETTINGS!" bullshit. The second you actually start playing in a campaign, the world changes. Any DM worth their salt would tweak the setting to allow something beyond "generic demon worshiping fucktard" warlocks.

I posted this in another thread and I feel bad for repostin but I could use some help here

I have a pathfinder question.

>lvl 10 half orc barbarian
>recently turned good and pray to Shelyn
>saved enough for the earth elemental belt
>could possibly talk the DM into giving the belt some buff to make it fun

http://www.d20pfsrd.com/magic-items/wondrous-items/wondrous-items/a-b/belt-earth-elemental

what would you buff? what is the best strat as a large earth elemental?

I just like being huge and doing dumb crap. I also have some spider boots and I plan on walking on ceilings above enemies and turning into the large earth elemental. I want to elbow drop stupid shit like macho man randy savage (except I will weigh 6000 lbs)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aljUOZS0GLI

Thoughts?

>>28826254
Your DM is awesome. Please tell him that someone over the Internet thinks he's a cool guy.

>>28835087
Why don't you post your... OWN thread? Instead of posting in someone else's thread?

>>28828095
>Lich trips and breaks his own phylactery
PATHETIC

>>28835142
seems like threads don't live long on their own so I was looking for related threads to see if anyone had ideas. I can delete it if it is an eyesore.

>>28828810
>that's the story of how we accidently lost half the party, most of our money, the goodwill of everyone in town and, oh, about a quarter of said town in one roll
That's epic. Someone should turn this into a comic.

>>28832078
You hate fun don't you

>>28835106
Will do

>Playing Black Crusade.
>Be in place underneath what is basically a hive-city, but in the Warp and Slaaneshi as fuck.
>Party (at that point) consists of Noise Marine, Magister Immaterial, Nurgle-aligned Psyker, Idolatrix Magos who sometimes thinks he's a Thousand Sons Sorceror and Renegade who does shootan (my character).
>The place is basically a space hulk, smashed flat and put on top of an enormous chunk of Warpstuff.
>The Magos/TSS has a history of taking accidents that affect him personally.
>He's digging through junk for stuff that's interesting.
>Fails.
>"Hey, if you don't want that, stick it in my backpack?" (I have a Whudder. It grinds rocks and metal up to shoot them at things.)
>"Sure."
>Warp-tainted metal dust, GM calls for Willpower rolls to resist Corruption.
>I succeed.
>Magos/TSS fails, switches to TSS.
>Takes this personally.
>I mention I'm STILL only on 9 Corruption, somehow.
>TechpriestStrokingBeard.jpeg
>Goes "I'm going to lift an enormous chunk of metal using levitation psykery. Full push."
>He has only a 10% chance to NOT roll Perils (which is what he's aiming for, to unleash corruption on my character). Also, 91 or more is an additional Perils roll, and there's an auto-Phenomena.
>He rolls a 96.
>Phenomena, Perils, Perils. From ONE POWER.
>Phenomena does... something. It calls a motherfucking rust-worm.
>Perils the first: Backlash. His power affects him instead. Levitation on self. FULL PUSH.
>Perils the second: Psychic Blast. He is propelled upwards. In addition to the backlash.
>We now have an Idolatrix Magos at escape velocity.

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>>28830121
>taking elbow grease litterally

>Be DM'ing 4e
>Prepared cool ship-to-ship pirate fight
>Expected lots of maneuvering around, boarding actions, maybe ramming
>Ships come into range of each other
>Ranger announces "I'll use my longbow of flameburst on their sail to slow them down"
>First roll missed, uses fancy elven ability to reroll with a bonus
>20
>...
>"The sail and entire rigging of the enemy ship goes up in flames and quickly burns to ash, leaving it dead in the water"
>Party spends rest of the fight literally cruising circles around the helpless enemy, decimating them with their superior ranged firepower.

I had to resort to having the enemy captain do some borderline impossible jump/swim action to board their ship just so it'd be a little challenging. Players seemed to have fun, though, so yay.

> playing weird setting(Tol-Calen) VERY-low magic fantasy
> it uses 3 d10 dices to determine throws - takes the average,
>crit requires all of them to be 10.
>fighter friend is attacked by 3 ruffians in port
>decides to cut all their heads at once
>gm tells him to roll 3 times
>he roll all 10s
>one cut 3 heads

he was supposed to be knocked unconscious and captured.

another one was at LARP that was part of few different RPG sessions for different groups.
> Capital, bigass fair. some people are getting distinguished
> including my party
>one of other parties mistook armoury for gunpowder storage
>sets fire to bigass gunpowder storage instead
>kills everyone in 20 min of LARP... it was supposed to last 3 hours.
>GMs force us to roll to survive so we can continue the session after LARP.
> roll 2,2,2 out of d10s... get deaf and barely alive.

We were playing Eon a swedish fantasy rpg with a d6 rolling dice system. One fumble when you get twice as many dice as you started with, or if half the dices are 6s.

My character, who didn't have a shit in athletics, was chased by two knights with murderous intent. They are also catching up to my waggon. Out of options I decided the best course of action was to throw myself down a hill and hide in the vegetation.

I roll badly and ends up unconscious. The gm have me roll luck to see if the knights find me. No worries I have unbeatable luck.

Six sixes out of six. My character had his head removed from his shoulders. The gm had never seen such a bad roll before.

>>28826576
>the paladin did the classic fade to white because he was caught in the blast radius
>>28826798
Lost my shit right there.

>>28835490
>one cut 3 heads
>not 3 churls 1 cup

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>pathfinder game
>be barbarian
>we're infiltrating goblin keep
>kill guards as sorcerer puts them to sleep
>I end up in a tower
>after snapping some sleepy goblin necks I see some goblin dogs in the keep's courtyard
>barbarian senses tingling
>decide I'm gonna try and death from above them
>"I jump out of the tower and run across the roof"
>roll acrobatics
>1
>crash through roof
>into goblin barracks
>falling timber injures a number of goblins
>surprise round
>cleave one goblin in half
>party scrambles to get to the commotion
>entire keep, goblin chieftain included pours out to see what the fuck just happened
>we take on the whole keep worth of goblins
>killed em all

mfw I sneak attacked a whole barracks of goblins with the building itself

Oh my god I love your GM op

100000/10

>>28826513
Fucking kill your GM.
And then yourself afterward, if you don't feel any better.

>>28827026
>nWoD
>mentor was blasted by technocrats
O-kay...

>>28826357
I don't know about you but I'd seriously consider rolling a new character, to my mind that's a pretty interesting way to drop a character off.

>>28838228
>>28826397
Would you say he was a... Guile hero?

>>28834783
I'm always surprised by the number of people who go all "Hurf durf, 3.X cannot be played properly without houserules" getting riled up about houserules

In our deathwatch games my Tactical marine with a fuckoff ballistic skill had a souped-up lascannon. The only thing this didn't have was accurate.
We're fighting some greater Knarlocs and I get ready to blast one. This was the first time I got to use this lascannon so I decided I'd be funny and say"
"This lascannon of mine glows with an awesome power. It tells me to destroy you!"
I have eye of vengeance, every degree of success added a degree of penetration to the damage. I rolled 1 at bs 60. The lascannon has a pen of 26
I roll the 5 d10s to damage the knarlock "SHINING LASCANNON"
10 10 10 10 9+ 17
rolling righteous furies
10 10 10 10 10 10 10 etc...

The Greater Knarloc dies, the rider is thrown from it and breaks its neck..... "Victory"

>>28832189
Tis is the most boring story ever

>>28835011
>Any DM worth their salt would tweak the setting to allow something beyond "generic demon worshiping fucktard" warlocks.

Unless it's something from your magical realm

>>28826357
Why not use your new founded influence and make him help you

>>28835087
>I posted this in another thread
If your thread doesn't interest anyone, let it die. Or you know,, ask on the paizo forum

>>28838740
I honestly would feel bad about it. I'm probably going to roll a new character. Probably a paladin.

>>28838704
>>28838736
>>28838762
You know you're not helping anything right?

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>>28839609
>Replying to a bitchy tripfag
>Anno domini 2013

>>28826254
>>28826397
This, OP. Is time to settle down and live a calm simple life around the people you care.

>Hey, dad, tell us how Mom and you meet? I love that story.

>>28839654
I wish I could remember. But I Have taken far too many injuries to the head to be able to be sure. I think I met her in the market but that could be wrong.

One time the DM was rolling high and the party was rolling low. I was a low level wizard and was not much useless in a fight, we were fighting a bunch of skeletons and there imp master, we only managed to take out the imp until the entire party was KO but me, fighting defensively I decide to make an escape plan rather then try and fight them. So I run defensively as I take attacks of opportunity, some of them missing by the skin of my teeth as I grab the imps lifeless body I start using him like a shield and it seemed as if they did not want to hit the body even if it was lifeless. So I took him and ran down the stares screaming I HAVE YOUR KING I HAVE YOUR KING(He before we killed him he always was yelling and screaming he is the king) and they all followed me out of the room spearing my companions from death. They then followed me for a while but I out smart them and hide the body. I run back to the tower as fast as I can and block the door with all the stuff I can find and I go up and tend to the party and save everyone's life from doom.

No one said thank you(What my character wanted all along)

I've got a "Weird roll" story, though more for epic/clutch nat20's than creating odd effects. Well, two stories now that I think of it, but from the same campaign.

>3.5 campaign, tabletop version of Legend of the Dragoon (inb4 "RETARDED!!!" It was actually ridiculous fun.)
>Be playing Not-Dart, a frontliner Doppelgänger Swordsage named Jarix.
>maybe level ~10-12-ish, I forget precisely.
>reach colosseum fight, where my guy HAS to one-on-one fight one of the BBEGs in a "fair fight," which is supposed to have a fixed outcome. This is also, in the console version, the one fight on the entire fucking console in which there are precisely zero ways to beat the guy. Some blinky bullshit.
>giving this guy a serious run for his money, doing hella damage and rolling decently, despite his stupid-high AC and miss-chance.
>it's still crystal-clear this guy will kill me at this rate, I'm taking serious damage with no healing.
>Asshole pulls his "unmake your soul" type insta-kill move. I roll Fort save.
>nat20
>my Counterattack hits hard, I roll again on my turn and do more damage with concentration check.
>He's pissed, in bad shape, and out of fancy tricks, tries to stab me with full iteratives.
>nat1 on first attack, smacks himself in the face for full damage.
>I go absolutely nutshit on his face-holes, stab him lots, and he is finally kill.
>DM is flabbergasted, I'm going "Holy shit, victory!" With my 7 remaining hp.

>>28840193
>Such a long-shot, shouldn't-have-happened victory that my grand prize is a scroll of Limited Wish, which DM had made strictly verboten from campaign.
>proceed to reserve Wishing scroll for the remaining 20-odd sessions until I finally use it to steal same douchebag's legendary rapier of dragonbane before a different GIANT boss-fight.

The dragon battle had it's own share of clutch rolls as well. At least for my guy, but I've told that story here before. Namely, a chain of nat20's against the exploding 8's of a Prismatic Spray.

>>28828140

Here's 5 options. Assume that each of them already have a shitton of permanent magic effects on them

-Astral Plane
-Random underground cavern in nondiscript area, no way in or out except teleporting
- Bottom of ocean or large lake.
- Floating in the air in a random section of the upper atmosphere
- In a volcano encased in heat-proof metal or stone.

>>28827768
He better change his name to Buggy.

>If you're going to be the Pirate King, then I'm going to be the Pirate GOD!

>Playing Deathwatch
>Got ambushed by obvious trap from tyranids (we sprung it because we needed live specimens for our mission),
>Party is devastator on twin linked heavy bolters on a train just inside firing range, apothecary going at this huge burrowing tyranid (keep forgetting the name) and me tactical giving him fire support.
>TL Hbolter gets off some good shots, so do I.
>Apothecary gets a small series of crits (cumulating in 40k RP fashion) doing truckload of damage in one hit.
>Nid starts burrowing to either flee or get into a safe position to attack us again.
>Apothecary grabs its tail as it starts burrowing, uses feat of strength to try and pull it back up.
>Opposed strength test with severe boosts for the nid.
>Apothecary rolls a 01 (d100, lower is better), nid rolls somewhere around 96.
>We still count to make sure because of fuckhuge nid bonusses. Nid still loses by a pretty big amount.
>Apothecary manages to hold the nid in place while it's desperately trying to burrow.
>Nid is laying down in a way that would make the TLHbolter hit us more than nid so he stops firing, I join apothecary to help pulling.
>I fail my strength test to help him, but he again rolls somewhere under 10, manages to inject huge dosis of sedative.
>mfw we just captured a live 20 foot burrowing tyranid that laid a trap for us.

>>28840672
>huge burrowing tyranid
Trygon or mawloc I expect, unless you have an odd definition of 'huge' in which case it could have been a ravener.

>>28840743
I think it was a mawloc, there was no mention of any lightning based attack.

>>28829147
>An entire plane quenched by a single sea
shit tier plane

>>28826254
Today roll:
>Docks, BG2
>halfling rogue
>looking for quest in nearest bulletin board
>There was a quest for brave adventurers and smth like "a man looking for lady for "
companionship""
>DM wast 100% sure we choose the first one
>CE barbarian : "Lets choose the companionship one"
>wth, no female in team
>N Mage "rogue , steal some dress and dress up in this"
>why not
>succesfull
>come there, a man open doors
>"who are you?"
>"the lady from ad"
>roll for bluff
>20
>DM roll 1
>ok, come in
A man has been assasinated while brew tea, then revolute in carpet has been throwed in well

>>28833072
Well an average roll is ~10 (10.5) so getting a nat 20 is essentially like having a +10 modifier on top of whatever you already have. That usually adds up to a pretty big number, and can often blow away DCs. At that point its fun to add in something like that, especially if it helps flesh out the character, world or plot more.

>>28829656
I had a fit the first time I read that section of the book. Douglas Adams was a genius.

As far as odd rolling stories....

>party decides to dredge an enormous, sealed canister from the underwater dungeon they just raided
>I declare they have to pair up and roll of against each other, then the winners have to roll off
>If the worst roller in the group wins the whole thing they'll get the best outcome, if the best wins they'll get the worst
>naturally comes down to those two
>bad roller goes first, pulls a 6 on a d6. Party cheers
>good roller gets a 6 too, party groans
>good roller goes first now, gets a 2. Party cheers
>bad roller gets a 2. At this point everyone's cracking up pretty hard
>bad roller gets a 5. party is tentatively excited...
>good roller gets a 6.
>once everyone calms down from the inevitable joking around, make them fight a pretty nasty boss, some 4 armed troll thing I made up on the spot
>"What would have happened if Bad Roller won?"
>he would have been loyal to you guys
>party gives Bad Roller shit for rolling so bad

Oh shit does anyone have that critical pass screenshot where bad things end up happening to people when they roll Nat 20s?

Like, there was somethign about rolling a Nat 20 on a disguise and thinking they were actually that person?

It seems releveant

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>>28838140

>playing Neutral Good Wizard
>Friend playing Chaotic Good Spellthief
>My big mouth gets me in trouble
>He convinces guards he's a prince, I'm his servant
>Nat 20, he insists he'll punish me
>Later, in prison
>Insist I need to be let go
>They refuse
>"But the Prince is mentally challenged, I'm his caretaker!"
>Nat 20
>Everyone thinks he's a prince
>And retarded

Revenge is sweet.

>>28841678
It was.already post3d

>>28826254
>Shadowrun 4e
>Be badass street magician
>Fighting through underground base
>Enemy Magician attempts fireball
>I counterspell that shit
>He gets 3 hits
>I get 4
>My turn, I throw White Phosphorous grenade, spend edge to reroll 6s.
>"Your kung-fu is weak"
>Crit success
>Blow up enemy mage

>>28838140
I like my DM.

>>28842093
This makes me want to make a 4e Mage with practically no spells and amped up Counterspelling and Thrown Weapons skill out the ass. For no raisin.

>>28842093
This ALSO reminds me of a 4e session I ran where 3 PCs went up against a group of Halloweeners throwing Molotovs all over the PCs neighborhood.

>Party: 2x mages (one hermetic, one shaman), PI w/ cybergun arm, and hacker
>fight begins when known and heavily injured ganger w/ arm in sling is seen pushing a grocery cart full of Molotovs, torch hanging off the side, whistling that tune from Kill Bill, casually lighting and throwing bottles. Mage casts Clout from his moving car without opening a window, crits the Spellcasting and blasts out his windshield. Ganger is DONE, other buddies hear the racket and rush around corner.
>firefight ensues
>hermetic eventually casts Ice Sheet all over the battlefield, three gangers biff balance checks and faceplant.
>last ganger around the corner with lit Molotov in hand shrugs and tries to slide over ice sheet.
>Athletics check: crit success as he glides on the ice like a figure skater and pirouettes around to face the PCs.
>Thrown Weapons check: crit failure, and the Molotov explodes at his feet and sets him on fire.
>PCs clean up quickly.

I'm telling the short-form and leaving out a few awesome aspects of the fight, but that's all the important bits.

>>28844079
>3 PCs
>4 listed party members
Typo on my part. I forgot we had a guest runner that week, it was totally 4 PCs.

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>I always rule that a natural 20 is success
>guy is in a bar fight
>he is getting his ass kicked
>he isn't sure what to do
>he rolls hide
>nat 20
>he decides that the best course of action is to throw his cloak over a barstool and hide underneath it
>he stays there for hours until everything dies down, the guards come and clean up and the bar closes
>he fails his lockpick check for the door
>can't open the barred windows
>decides to stay under the stool until the tavern reopens in the morning and pretends to be the first customer of the day

>>28839654
>Ad Urbe Condita 2766
>Still using the inaccurate Anno Domini.

>>28844079
Ice Sheet is fun times.

>Alone in truck as Magician
>Stopped at red light
>some gangers looking to pick up any Magicians they can to use them for Insect Spirit sacrifices (before Shadowrun Returns, so Insect Spirits are actually unique)
>Look back
>"So does my sideview count as line of sight?"
>GM says normally, no, but since I could easily just glance out my blindspot to see where I'm targeting he'll allow it
>Cast ice sheet beneath their tires.
>Light turns green.
>Speed off, ace easy driving test.
>They slam gas to pursue
>Passenger side is on ice, loses control, crashes

Magicians in Shadowrun are most fun when you can do cool shit like this.

>>28850246
Manipulation school is best school.

>>28850408
Yep. Control Thoughts, "Open fire on your team".

Followed by "Pull that pin and walk over to your buddies."
Boom. I fucking love SR magi.

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>>28826320

>>28828529
The correct answer is to make him not batman, but SPIDERMAN

>>28828190
He should have. He's a lich, and likely did some shit to piss people off.

You hide the most important thing you own BEFORE the adventurers show up trying to break it, not after.

>>28850514
One of my favorite tactics was summoned Spirits of Man with Innate Spells of Chaotic World or, as you said, Control Thoughts.

>"Go have fun with that squad up the hallway around the corner"
>Lots of screaming happens
>Walk after casually stomping on necks of remaining combatants.

Cheap, definitely, but ever so fun.

>>28826254
Fucking gold DM

>>28832078

Turn down your autism bro

>>28833027
You. I like you.

>>28835314
>Attacking helpless enemies in the water
Where is the honor?

>>28834974
> does overcharge damage
Shit son, I think your GM expected you to literally explode. Youma can't deal OC, and their doing so kind of takes the entire point out of the OC mechanic - you're supposed to strategize how much success is worth and what consequences you can live with.
Having a youma slap you with OC for literally nothing seems pretty fucked-up.