You rise back to your feet, brushing off some turf that grabbed onto your bones. You spend the rest of the night sulking and coming up with limericks to punish your two fellow undead.

The next morning brought no new limericks, only a sense of irritation you can’t quite shake. The shadow lingers over you for a few days, during which you entertain yourself by consulting Radomil and making a laundry list of all the materials you’d need for a refleshing ritual. You’re surprised to discover that the type of flesh you use for the ritual is much less important than the materials used to attach it to your body. Your list reads:

>Monohorn hair for stitching
>Rare metal for spikes, gold preferred
>Troll blood to flow through veins
>Draconic teeth to pin muscles in place

Although that doesn’t seem like a lot at first blush, the sheer number of materials required for each one greatly complicates things. Besides, you thought dragons were gigantic lizard critters, how would it be possible to use their teeth to pin muscle?

Still all of your concerns are over shadowed by a single phrase in the ritual instructions. “Refleshed materials need not be human in origin.” Your mind hums with the possibilities as your group approaches a wall of trees. It may have taken nearly a week, but you've finally reached the outskirts of Herwald.

The trees tower before you, much higher than the ones in the forest around Professor Becherski's castle. You're rather amused to note that while the large stone road you've been walking on for the past week continues on into the forest, it immediately transforms into a small, dust wood path when the North road reaches the tree line. Almost as if the men who made it were loathe to tread into the woods.

The group stops at the edge of the woods. Ivan chuckles weakly. "So, I'm thinking we should make camp and walk in there tomorrow. Everyone with me?"

>What say you? It's only about midday.

>>28739801
"Eh, whatever. I'm going scouting a bit since it's still frigging early."

Proceed to scout the woods alone. Mark trees so we can not get our bony ass lost in the woods.

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>>28739801
>>What say you? It's only about midday
Sure, why not weak fleshlings.

>>28739836
This sounds greeeeeat.

>>28739907
>>28739836
We gonna go innawoods now. Writin

>>28739938
>Seems SpiritGuided has lost his trip
>So now I give a limericky quip
>But please do continue on this quest
>Our Mr. Bones is the best
>Now get to writing, let 'er rip!

>Well okay pussy brigade. Unless all ya’ll are going to bitch out like Ivan, I’m gonna go innawoods here and see if I can rustle up anything cool. See ya’ll tonight.

You begin to walk into the woods, and are pleased when Voytek from the safety patrol fails to make an attempt to stop you. You step onto the winding wood trail and are surprised by how much darker the woods are once you’re underneath the coverage of trees. You draw a knife and carve an “X” into the nearest tree, best not to lose your place in this forest. With that out of the way you march deeper and deeper into the Herwald, marking your path as you go.

It only takes a few minutes before the tangled branches become so thick that you lose track of the sun. You shiver despite being dead, there are creaking noises all around you, and you think you can hear the wet snorts of some large animal in the distance. A few branches crack, and you jerk around. You don’t see anything. But you can feel it. Someone- something- is watching you.

>What do?
>Scamper up tree?
>Retreat to Ivan and friends?
>Other?

>>28740128
>>Scamper up tree?
ambush

>>28740128
Throw a rock somewhere ahead of you and quickly climb into a tree.

See who/what comes past our position

>>28740128
>Scamper up tree?
makes squirrel sounds, that should scare em

>>28740128
Retreat back while saying: I don't want no trubble.

>>28740173
>>28740169
>>28740150
Tree climbing and rock throwing abound. writin

>>28740128
>>Scamper up tree?

You consider returning back to the camp, where you might benefit from having some meat shields around, but decide not to. Better to die here and now than have Ivan think he was right. Although if you can help it, you’d prefer not to die AND still be able to laugh at Ivan for being a gigantic wuss. You reach down to the ground and lift a mossy stone off of the forest floor. You bounce it up and down a few times, trying to get a feel for its weight, before flinging it into the shadows. The rock clatters about for a bit, landing in a rotten stump from the sounds of things. There is a seconds pause, then you can hear a series of snaps heading in your direction.

>Nope.

You scurry up the tree, climbing up the flora with the sort of speed and agility that only one liberated from their flesh can manage. You stop climbing about twenty feet off of the ground, and clamber out as far as you can onto the branch, looking down onto the path. You wait. And wait.

And wait.

>Fuck. Ambushes fucking suck.

As you wait perched up in a tree, a thousand or so miles away a man receives a disturbing report.

The high cleric Xytomon kneels down on the hard church floor. Blood drips from his back and flows between the flagstones, spreading out in a series of tiny channels about five feet in every direction. Still, the high cleric knows this is not enough, and brings the knout the bear once more. Blood splatters across the floor once more as the whip strikes home. The High Cleric, holiest of holies, pauses for a moment between strikes to reflect upon his myriad sins.

Yes, myriad sins. Even the those who have spent ten thousand hours meditating upon their privilege may still need to check it. And Xytomon had transgressed several times today. Oh, there were the usual impure thoughts about one of the female initiates, but he truly failed the Great Oppressed One by allowing some overprivileged peasants sanctuary in his temple when they were fleeing from the just retribution of a group of emancipated Bolotianyk. Oh yes, they claimed the Bolotianyk were terrorizing them, raiding their farms and homesteads, but they could not hide the truth from Xytomon. They were merely suffering divine punishment for perpetuating a racially oppressive system that drove the unfortunate Bolotianyk to seek self-empowerment by any means necessary. Their fate was sealed when the village head-person (Xytomon did not wish to make assumptions about their gender identity) referred to the proud Bolotianyk by the slur “Goblins”.

>>28740515
>the Great Oppressed One
lost it here
My sides are not of this world.

And now Xytomon could only feel shame for harboring these peasant shitlords, how could he have been so foolish as to forget the teachings of Saint Crenshaw; Always listen to the oppressed first. He strikes his back once more in penance. However, he stops at that point. The dictations of Body Positivity prevent him from any more self harm, lest he be suspected of condoning negative body images among his flock. The last thing Xytomon needs or wants is an Inquisitor from the Health at Every Size commission sniffing around his diocese. Crenshaw knows, they could hardly afford to feed a HAES Inquisitors if one came calling. Not unless they wanted to starve through the winter.

*Whap!*

Xytomon admonishes himself for not checking his thin privilege. He is about to bring the whip up for another blow when the door to his chambers bursts open, an initiate standing in the entrance.

“High Cleric! You who have less privilege than all, there is someone here to see you.”

Xytomon rises to his feet slowly, feet pained and hobbled by years of wearing clogs of penance. “A moment, please initiate. I must don my vestments.”

The initiate nods and walks backwards into the hallway once more. Xytomon sighs loudly as he slides the hair shirt back over his torso. By Collins, that stings. Straightening his priestly unisex robes, Xytomon steps into the hallway, where the initiate stands waiting. “Lead on,” He murmurs.

>>28740663
Yay, Obnoxious Ghost Quest! This is relevant to our interests while we wait:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ei68YJe-nA0

>>28741113
that song is the best

The two of them walk to the main hall of the Temple, where Xytomon is pleasantly surprised to see his prized missionary kneeling before him, fist to the ground, the rest of her group remains standing. “Emilia Heartyre! Truly it is a blessing to see the Horned Dervish in our halls once more. Have you struck strong and true against the Kyriarchy?”

Before Emilia can respond, the small cat eared girl chirps up “What’s a Kyriarchyu, priest-sensei?”

Emilia hushes her companion, irritation scrawled across her features “We can discuss this another time Aurelie,” Turning back to Xytomon she continues “My party and I have discovered a sight of foul oppression. A necromancer is raising the spirits of the dead and binding them to corpses before brutally objectifying them.”

Xytomon shakes his head knowingly, Emilia was always quite zealous but tended to overlook details because of it, “Ah, but Emilia, no Necromancer is actually able to bind souls to bodies. Such is impossible for their kind.”

“Quit your mansplaining!” Emilia snarls “I know what my demon eyes saw. Prince Allowyn here did battle with a skeleton, unquestionably dead. But there was a soul, actually a lot of souls, floating around that body.”

Xytomon frowns at this. Emilia may be a bit hyperactive, but she was no fool. And her demon sight was infallible in such matters. “Come Emilia. We must convene and share your lived experience.”

Emilia nods and walks up to Xytomon’s chair, before leaning down. Xytomon places his hands on her temples, then begins the mystic chants. Suddenly he can see it all happening, a desperate battle between Emilia and her allies and the forces of oppression. At first, Xytomon only has eyes for the strange skeleton battling the elf princeling, and the bizarre menagerie of souls floating around it. “Impossible… unless…”

It doesn’t take much time to find it. It’s in the hands of the dirty man duelling Emilia, as plain as day. “Radomil!”

All of the inner circle of Clerics and Cardinals knew of Radomil. The legacy of perhaps the shittiest of the shitlords, the most over privileged mage in all of history, Radomil! Clearly their attempts to seal his bloodline away for all time had failed.

“Emilia!” Xytomon barks, much more loudly than his normal whisper “You have new orders! You must seek out this necromancer and the Grimoire he carries. Such tools of oppression cannot be allowed to freely walk the earth!”

Emilia nods, frowning. “We shall, Great Unprivileged.”

Xytomon nods darkly, “It is imperative that you do, Find that book and bring it to me. our organization has great need of it. Now Go! Don’t tarry, less the shitlords get away.”

Emilia bows one final time before asking, “And once we capture them?”

Xytomon shakes his hand dismissively “Do with them what you will. Keep me in the loop and I’ll be sure to clear a timeslot for the Matrix of Domination for you.”

Emilia smirks. “Thank you much, Cleric.”

“Ride on in liberation, my child.”

Completely oblivious to the intersectional cultists bearing down on your ass, you remain high up in the tree, still waiting for whatever was following you to walk into the open. You know its still there, the tubby fucker’s been wandering in circles around the clearing for the past forty five minutes, if the cracking of twigs and rustling of leaves are any indication. You didn’t sign up for this bullshit, just sitting around and waiting for whatever is down there to walk out into the open. So, you decide to take matters into your own hands. You reach up and snap off a nearly dead branch. The movement in the leaves stops momentarily. Whatever is following you knows that you’ve just made a move. You toss the branch down into the middle of the clearing, where it bounces against the ground.

It doesn’t stay bouncing for very long though, as a large beetle like creatures bursts out of the underbrush, and begins to savage the stick, completely ignoring the skeleton in the tree.

>Oh dats a nasty ass bug. What do?
>Leap from branch to branch and escape?
>Drop ambush!
>Get to the forest floor and run?
>Other?

>>28741569
>>Drop ambush!
gunna get beetle bones

>>28741569
>>28741587
>gunna get beetle exoskeleton
This guy also wears his bones on the outside! Brother! But yeah, slay him.
OR ELSE TAME HIM AND RIDE HIM.

>>28741569
>Drop Ambush!
We going to have an exoskeleton on our skeleton.

>>28741569
How big is the beetle monster?

>>28741662
ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

About seven feet long.

I'm not too sure about the dimensions of beetles, and I'm way to squeamish about bugs to check

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>>28741698
In that case, I vote for >Leap from branch to branch and escape?

No way we can even dent that nasty crawlie.

>>28741751
Wait is waifuing it an option

>>28741751
Gyaaaah!

Fucking spiders too man!

Although for some horrible alien monstrosity, that guy is pretty cute

>>28741773
I mean, I leave >other? as an option in all my posts for a reason. If it gets enough votes, I'll see what we can do.

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>>28741773
Don't start that.

>>28741813
Sowwy. I'm still voting kill it.

>>28741800
>If it gets enough votes, I'll see what we can do.
For the sake of insanity, I will change my vote to waifuing the giant beetle.

>>28741773
no

>>28741912
>>28741876
>>28741838
>>28741813
>>28741773
>>28741751
>>28741662
>>28741656
>>28741628
>>28741587

My apologies, beetle waifu-ers, but it appears as though thoughtless murder has won the day. Writing.

Also, funny aside. The Matrix of Domination is actually a term in sociology. I just thought it sounded good as a torture device

Rolled 15

>>28741992
Oh FUCK! I forgot to ask for a roll on hat ambush attack! I'll roll myself to start things off

Rolled 12

>>28742096
>hat ambush
We emerge from beneath an immense fedora

Rolled 19

>>28742096
Glorious Supreme Ambush Skellington attack!

Rolled 2

>>28742096
GOING TO DRINK BEETLE JUICE TONIGHT

Rolled 15

>>28742171
Huzzah!
>>28742190
fuck

You leap from the branches, and plummet to the ground, sword pointed down. You unleash your battle cry.

>Who’s the Birthday Booooooy!

You blade finds purchase in a small opening in the beetle’s shell. It unleashes a horrible hissing sound in response, air rasping over its pincers. It bucks back and forth, trying to dislodge the thing on its back. You stay firmly attached, however, and all he insects bucking manages to do is wrench your weapon around inside it’s unprotected innards.

Eventually you decide to jump clear on your own accord. The creature turn to face you, and although you’re no expert on insect health, it seems to be pretty badly injured if the rasping breaths are anything to go by. The large bug charges at you, horn levelled flat. You attempt to jump clear, but fail to get yourself entirely away from its skittering legs. The wounded insect tramples your right leg, and you suddenly feel very grateful that you decided to get those greaves from the armory all those days ago.

The animal begins to turn once more, slowed by its tremendous bulk and stumbling legs. As it rotates, you notice the massive eyes on its head, utterly unprotected.

>Well this should work pretty well.

You lunge forward, stabbing the beetle’s massive eye. The blade sinks deep and the animal unleashes a whispery screech. Mandibles click against your ribcage, the beast too weakened to crush your reinforced bones. After a few minutes of futile clicking, the body realizes what fate befell the small collection of nerves that constituted the creature’s brain, and joins it in death.

>Good work Bones! You managed to kill a beetle! What now?
>Clearly one of dem fae beasts. Butcher it for cool shit
>Go back to camp?
>Keep on wandering deeper into the forest?

>>28742652
Climb inside. Wear it back to camp, terrifying our comrades. Make Ivan help us cut it up. Gain carapace armor.

>>28742652
>>Clearly one of dem fae beasts. Butcher it for cool shit
eat the heart

Rolled 2

>>28742652
>>Clearly one of dem fae beasts. Butcher it for cool shit
Didn't even read the other choices

>>28742652
>Butcher for cool shit
need that power son

>>28742756
>>28742726
>>28742715
>>28742684
Butchery and bug costumes! Also organ consumption

You scurry around the felled insect, determined to butcher the damned thing, but not really sure how you would go about it. Eventually you decide to fuck the constabulary and begin to hack away at the softer carapace hidden beneath the thick shell on the creature’s back. Unlike the dire bear, butchering this particular critter requires you to get down and dirty. It doesn’t take long before your entire body is inside of the slain beetle, scooping out buggy innards. You carefully consider each organ before chucking it out, not entirely sure what a massive insect’s heart would even look like. Eventually you decided to eat some pump looking thing, figuring it’d be close enough.

After a few hours, you re-emerge, dripping in bug juice. There’s a large pile of offal lying near the hole you made in the beetle’s chitin. That shell was damned hard to hack through for being so light! That gives you a thought. No, it gives you two thoughts. You chuckle to yourself as you clamber back inside the now empty exoskeleton.

Rolled 3

>>28743089
Endo+exoskeleton = ???

>>28743089
Forgive the short post, next bit will be from Ivan's perspective.

Ivan stands against a tree at the edge of the Herwald and sighs with relief. The floodgates are open, and a mighty torrent of urine is flowing freely, tinkling against the trunk. He’s been waiting for an opportunity to do this all day, but every time he tries to walk over to do his business, someone always walks up to him with a new problem, question, or demand. The most irritating thing was how many of their issues had to do with that godsdamned skeleton. Even when Bones wasn’t around Ivan still couldn’t escape the clatter asshole. Still pissing, Ivan sighs once more, hoping that the obnoxious ghost had gotten himself lost in the forest. Or maybe stuck somewhere. Better that.

A crunching sound shakes Ivan out of his reverie, and he peers into the woods. After a few seconds of silence, Ivan returns to his business, whistling and glancing around. Then another crack. Ivan jerks back, eyes darting around. Then a thing bursts out of the tree line, pinning him down.

Ivan screams as the mandibles of whatever multi-legged monster has him pinned click threateningly. Bladder control eludes the peasant as his brain refocuses resources on his flight or fight response. It’s only after he manages to kick free of the massive insect that Ivan notices the laughter coming from the monstrous beetle.

He can only look on in a mixture of shock and impotent fury as Bones’s cackling skull pops out of a hole in the top of the bug’s carapace.

>What does Bones say?

Rolled 3

>>28743395
>>What does Bones say?
Did I interrupt something between you and that tree?

>>28743477
Haha YES

>>28743395
Kiss me you fool.

>>28743519
>>28743489
>>28743477
From the looks of things, insinuations about floraphilia won out. Writing

>>28743395
>Well isn't this quite the flatter
>I done made Ivan lose his bladder!
>For when I hopped out
>He flailed all about!
>And now I continue my laughter!

You push the rest of your body out of the beetle corpse, still chuckling. >Did I interrupt something between you and that tree?

Ivan clambers back up to his feet, face flushed and furious. You cut him off before he can respond, brilliance coming to mind.

>Well isn't this quite the flatter
>I done made Ivan lose his bladder!
>For when I hopped out
>He flailed all about!
>And now I continue my laughter!

And with that you hop of the emptied corpse, remaining true to your word and roaring with laughter the entire way down. Eventually though, you stop, wiping away an imaginary tear. >But seriously. This big guy has the most baller carapace I’ve ever had the privilege to ride around in. There any way we can turn it into armor?

Professor Becherski is the first to respond. “Bones! This is being a Titan Beetle! Fortuitous it is being, that you could bring its carapace back here. The finest light armor it is making. Great of enchantments!”

>Hey that’s pretty swagoriffic. So, you know how to make this armor, Prof?

The Prof shakes his head in the negative, almost looking offended “I am being a man of higher learning, not a forest armorsmith am I being!”

>By Hermanrich’s balls, calm your nipples old man.

You consider the corpse of the Titan Beetle once more. It was a fun costume, but it’s an absolute pain in the ass to haul around.

->We could cut into plates.

>Eh? What was that Voytek?

->We could cut the beast’s chitin into plates. You yourself said it was light, and bring it to one of those towns Radomil mentioned. I am certain the locals there would know the manufacture of such materials.

>What say you Bones, slayer of beetles?
>Plates it is?
>Hey, what’s this enchanting shit Prof mentioned?
>Other?

>>28744175
>Plates it is?
>Hey, what’s this enchanting shit Prof mentioned?

>>28744175
>Plates
Easier to use later

>>28744175
>>Hey, what’s this enchanting shit Prof mentioned?
>?>?>?>

>>28744408
>>28744357
>>28744224
Plates and enchanting it is then

Rolled 10

>>28744430
I was going to vote for that, but I came in too late.

Or too early for next post.

>Alright, anyone who helps me turn this bad boy into plates, I’ll let them use some of this chitin shit to make your own little bit of armor. My cup is overflowething big time here.

Ivan and Katrina both step forward to help, she prospect of magic bug armor apparently too much for either of them to resist. As the three of you work to chop the carapace into more moveable pieces, you ask the Prof >So, what’s all this I heard about enchanting shit?

“Ah, yes. Enchanting is difficult spell work, and finicky! Materials that you are making the enhancement of matter greatly. For instance, iron is nearly impossible to be enchanted, and steel almost as bad? Enchantment of iron and steel are never being powerful. Bronze is being best metal for enchanting and armor both. Many armorers in Southern Baeria are making usage of it for centuries.”

>Doesn’t change the fact that Bronze is way weaker than steel.

“Some spells are of this fact changing, but in general, da. This is being why Titan Beetle Chitin is so valuable! It is retaining enchantments better than even bronze, why stronger and lighter still!”

>Hot diggity damn. Sounds like I managed to get quite the bit of loot here. you say as you begin to ties the plates together into a stack. >I guess this is just another advantage of being a real man rather than some cowering peasant fornicating with shrubbery.

Ivan ignores you. But you knew he heard. The sun is nearly down, and the flesh bags are settling in for the night. You look at the pile of chitin plates fondly. Maybe if you ask nice, Voytek’ll carry some for you.

>What do?
>Practice Sleeping? [initiates time skip to next morning]
>Other?

>>28744757
Make nice with the pack bear

>>28744863
Agreed.
Tell him we'll figure out a way to make the plates into a tweed suit and top hat for him, or something.

Rolled 8

>>28744757
Try to ask Voytek really nicely, perhaps by convincing him that its for the betterment of the group. If that fails, just offer him to not make fun of him for a week.

>>28745005
>>28744952
>>28744863
Bones'll attempt his own version of diplomancy on Voytek. Then we practice sleeping so I can speed the plot up a bit.

Also, how was the interlude? I was trying to build off of the hate that the tumblr-tiefling managed to gerner

Rolled 3

>>28745048
Rage rising slowly. I guess we can troll her with her spirit seeing privileges.

>>28744757
dance the night away

>Sooooo Voytek…

->I will acquiesce to your request Bones.

>Fuck. I hate it when you do that.

->I am aware. I worry sometimes that a bit of your own cesspool of a personality is rubbing off on me.

>I’ll consider it my revenge.

You spend the rest of the night pirouetting around Voytek as he practices walking.

Katrina gives both of you a confused look before returning to practicing with her longsword.

The sun rises the next day, and you begin your march into Herwald. The thick trees block out the sunlight, just like last time. Unlike last time your group stays on the path, rather than gallivanting off into the woods like a moon brained fool with a death wish. Branches creak in a chill breeze and you draw your sword. Katrina follows suit.

>Whom do you talk to while marching? What do you say to them?

Rolled 12

>>28745346
Lets talk to Katrina about her past life while trying to not piss her off, well not too much.

>>28745346
make faces at Ivan, Sing a rude song, talk in a bad australian accent

>>28745576
>>28745454
Uhhhh.... Katrina anon for the sole reason that they rolled a dice.

Will still be taking votes.

Rolled 5

>>28745576
Maybe tie a wooden stick to our pelvic bone and use it to poke Ivan?

Also, say out loud "Good eye might"

>>28745454
This

>>28745650
I'll back the Katrina talking

You decide to pass the time by snatching up a wooden stick. Unfortunately you can’t find any material to tie it in place, so you make do with holding it to your pelvis as you walk up to Ivan, prodding him with it.

>Good eye m8.

Ivan slaps the stick out of your hand and scowls at you. You hop away from him, chortling merrily. You stop hopping and notice that you’re standing next to Katrina, who is giving you a judgemental look.

>Hey, c’mon now. I’m just having a good time.

“Pfffft. Yuh-huh. You’re immature -nyan- that’s what you are.”

>What, you telling me you didn’t have fun messing with your friends when you were alive?

“First off, I doubt Ivanyan is your friend. And secondly, I was a royalty! I had to act with discrenyan!”

>Yeah, about that royalty thing. I checked that map that the Prof laid out a while back. Didn’t say nothing about a country called Felinia.

“Moron. That’s because Felinia is one of the Kingdoms in Vymyselya. Of course a map of the mundane world wouldn’t have it.”

>What say you Bones?
><

Important note. I usually run with a 10-15 minute voting window, but after this post I drop down to five minutes or so and will post shorter updates to give you guys more conversational control

>>28746235
My gods woman, shut it up about that place the more lies you make the more people will dislike you. You should accept that it is not real.

Rolled 15

>>28746235
>Mundane world

If you aren't from the mundane world, where are you from? The plane of concepts and ideas? The plane of elemental catnip? The Nyan Hell of Meowtor?

>>28746235
If your not if this "mundane world", then where exactly does your world lay then?

>>28746388
>>28746337
>>28746325
Seems like we're gonna ask her about her magical realm

Not that one! Or is it?

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40 KB JPG

>The fuck you mean “mundane world”? You come from the plane of elemental catnip or some shit?

“Nyo! That’s ridiculous. I’m from Vymyselya. You might call -nyan- it the fae realm. The place where all the fae beasts and dire whatevers -nyan- come from. You know, the æther sponge of Baeria?”

>What. What are you talking about here?

“Ugh! Its like a magical parallel world -nyan- to this one! Idiot.”

>Nope sorry, calling bullshit on that. No way there are parallel worlds or anything else like that.

“...Seriously? Are you from before the Sundering or something? This is a well knyan fact.”

>What say you Bones?

Rolled 5

>>28746724
To be honest, we are a gestalt of spirits from various time periods without much in the way of memories.

Quickly change the topic on why her spirit didn't pass on.

>>28746724
>The fuck is a Sundering? Can I get a tan from it?

>>28746724
Id like to sunder your armor, if you know what I mean.

>>28746849
>>28746829
>>28746879

Hmmmmm sundering seems to be the winner

Rolled 11

>>28746886
That leaves me shittersundered.

>>28746724
>In this conversation you've gotten me wondering
>About this event which you call the Sundering
>and now I'm yearning
>To get a little learning
>So when I talk about it I won't be blundering

I'm sorry Spectral.

>>28747021
I was so close to posting, and then you wrote that.

gimme like another three minutes.

>In this conversation you've gotten me wondering
>About this event which you call the Sundering
>and now I'm yearning
>To get a little learning
>So when I talk about it I won't be blundering

Katrina looks askance at you, impressed by your rhyming abilities in spite of herself. “Uh-huh. If you have nyo idea, there’s nyo shame inyan itf No need for your stupid poems.”

>Okay, but seriously, what’s a Sundering? Can I get a tan from it?

“The Sundering isn’t a thing! Its anyan event. Back whenyan the Rittermark was still around there was this big old stone inyan the old Empire’s capital, called the Vulgar Stone. They said it was the Lodestone of Reality. It kept Vymyselya and the mundane world separated -nyan- and made magic impossible. The Sundering was whenyan the Vulgar Stone vanished, and the Rittermark fell and the Mundane World started to cross over with our own!”

>What say you, Bones?

Rolled 12

>>28747118
>>What say you, Bones?
Good to know.

How did it effect your world?

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>>28747053
Awwww, you don't have to change it for me.

Thank you though

>>28747021
> Don't worry I'm no prick
>I enjoy when others limerick
>Cause didn't you know
>We're all Mr. Bones!
>So keep on keeping on slick!

>>28747118
Is it fair to assume things got a little crazy on your side then?

>>28747150
This one! gogogogogo

>Fuck, yo. That sounds like it’d be a mess. I know we lost Glasoileán, and apparently that place was a pretty big deal. How did you magical fuckers fare?

“What, after Valhart the Red Hammer went on his little rampage, or after?”

>Who the what now?

“Urgh. Nyanvermind. That’s take forever to tell. We probably came out ahead, all things considered. Nyan- I meanyan- Umph! There were-are- a lot of nyasty creatures in Vymyselya. Having another entire continent to roam really took the pressure off of us. So I guess it was only really a Sundering for you guys?”

>So is that where Aurelia and her weirdo elf boy and the demon chick friends come from?

“Who is Aurelie?”

>What say the Bones?

Rolled 10

>>28747438
>>What say the Bones?
She is your godchild for we are her birthday skeleton.

>>28747438
She was this little cat girl we ran into back before we ended up here and you came to join our little weird family.

>>28747485
>>28747532
It seems this runs in the family. Alright writin

NO NO NO NO NOT ANOTHER FUCKING QUEST THREAD

>>28747671
What seem to be the problem friend?

If you dislike quest threads, why don't you filter them out?

>She’s our cat eared godchild, for I am her Birthday Skeleton.

Katrina purses her lips at that, unsure what to think. “That can either be very sweet or very… wrong. And knowing you, it’s probably the latter.”

>It is a pure relationship between a small child and the large bear fanged skeleton that claims to hide under her bed while she’s asleep.

“I see I was correct.”

>Ehhh you just don’t appreciate alternate parenting styles.

“And you probably just said all of that to frighten a little girl.”

>Were you talkin to Ivan? Cause that kid’s got a bias.

“Ha! I knew it! You are a terrible person after all!”

>Damnit Bones, she’s rumbled ya, but what’s that? Roll d20 to find out sucker!

Rolled 20

>>28747780

Rolled 8

>>28747780
>Roll d20 to find out sucker!

Oh come on

Rolled 8

>>28747780
Oh boy...

>>28747816

Ah fuckin hell. I need you people to fail a check one of these days

>>28747833

That's right son! Random encounter time!

>>28747722
WHEN THE ENTIRE FRONT PAGE IS QUEST THREADS ITS TOO FUCKING FAR!
Ive been on tg for three years and these threads are the biggest fucking cancer to /tg/
Just "filtering them out" isnt right.

Take the Girls und Panzer thread, thats more related to /a/ and /k/ then /tg/ and yet its posted everyfucking day.

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>>28747869
>Ah fuckin hell. I need you people to fail a check one of these days
SpiritGuided's face

>>28747943
Odd that you've chosen this little thread to make your stand in

Rolled 1

>>28747943
Have you tried using the catalog instead of the front page? Works much better in my opinion.

You raise your blade and barrel into the underbrush, tackling a man attempting to hide behind some bushes. You hold your blade to his neck and ask, >So stranger! How ya’ll doin today?

The man merely looks up at you from the dirt, eyes wide with terror. “Please don’t hurt me…”

>I dunno, I’m your Birthday Skeleton and now that you’ve see-

You are cut off by Ivan swatting you on the back of the head. “Sorry about the skeleton,” he says as he helps the other man to his feet, “He tends to be a bit rambunctious. My name’s Ivan, yours?”

The man shakes Ivan’s hand, looking over your party like a deer that wandered into the dragon’s den. “Ahhhh… Uhm! Yeah, my name is Snorri. I thought you guys were going to eat me or something.”

The Professor walk up Snorri and claps him on the back, smiling like an old grandfather. “Now why would we be making of the dinner of you my boy?”

Snorri laughs nervously, “Yeah, I mean I guess that does sound a bit silly now that I think about it.”

“So,” Ivan says, grinning conspiratorially, “One peasant to another, what crops do you grow?”

You decide to block out the incoming potatostorm and hum to yourself to pass the time.

After a while you notice that the two peasants have stopped talking, and Snorri has taken the lead of the group.

>What say/do you, Bones?

Rolled 15

>>28748250
>>What say/do you, Bones?
I have absolutly no idea, so default to limericks about Snorri and his cavernous anus.

Rolled 17

>>28748250
>>What say/do you, Bones?
jump on his back and scream *I am the birthday skeleton!*

>>28748250
Entertain yourself by humming or making Limericks

(If I think of one I'll link to this post)

>>28748365
>Look at these two talking crops
>In his joy Ivan excitedly hops!
>For on this day he feared no lancer
>It seems he met a fellow peasantmancer!
>But if it lasts, they'll get head chops!

You decide to let Snorri take you where he may take you, and begin to contemplate limericks.

>There once- Fuck, no. I start off way too many of these with “there once” hmmmm….

>Look at these two talking crops
>In his joy Ivan excitedly hops!
>For on this day he feared no lancer
>It seems he met a fellow peasantmancer!
>But if it lasts, they'll get head chops!

Your need to rhyme placated for a time, you begin to pay slightly more attention to your erstwhile guide. You can’t help but notice that despite Ivan’s best effort to bond with Snorri over their shared status as dirt farmers, the other man remains nervous and twitchy. Eventually, however, the forest clears, and opens up into a large glade with a small river running through the center. Small cabins circle the spring, each one surrounded by a small field, large enough to feed a family, no more. The houses lack some of the vestments of civilization, glass windows for instance, but on the whole they seem well tended for. Despite the pastoral scene, you can’t help but feel another limerick rising up from your proverbial gut.

>We followed a peasant down the road
>Name of Snorri, smelled like a shit load
>He lead us to his home
>Which was made of dung and loam
>And pounded old Ivan with his chode.

Pleased that you still have your edge, you follow Snorri into town. The few villagers standing around the town square look up in shock at the strange crew that have wandered into their little hamlet, and you think you hear one woman collapse onto the ground. Eventually, Snorri stops in front of the only building that could be considered a proper house.

>>28748953
Anon get out of here we need our Spirits Guided.

“So yeah, this is Hallad’s house. I guess this would be the closest thing we have to an Inn.”

Ivan thanks Snorri for his help and walks into the bar. Everyone else expresses gratitiude thorugh small nods. You decide to show yours by looming over the peasant, wiggling your hands around your head and saying >Oooga Booga Booga. All of you shuffle into the large wooden house, except for Voytek, who enters through the animal gate. The interior is about what you would expect, earthy floor covered with hay, a series of long tables with some men and women sitting around them, all quaffing tankards of ale. They all turn to look at the strange group that entered their village. The presence of stranger gets their attention, the presence of two skeletons make their jaws drop.

>What does Bones do?
>BomBARD them with limericks?
>Buy an ale?
>Ask who in this town can work Titan Beetle Chitin?
>Other?

>>28748250
>>28748953

where is SpiritsGuided?

>>28748989
>>28748953
>>28749034
Hahaha oops, I forgot to turn my trip back on after voting in that newfangled Freighter Quest all the kids are talking about

>>28749017
>>Ask who in this town can work Titan Beetle Chitin?

Rolled 14

>>28749017
>>Ask who in this town can work Titan Beetle Chitin?
Yeah, lets not insult them too soon.

>>28749017
Buy an ale to let them know that we aren't to be feared; we're just folk! Once we've had a drink, unite them in song.

>>28749107
I'll add to this (same anon) to use a joke as an icebreaker. "Does this place look dead, or is it just me?"

>>28749175
>>28749098
>>28749061
okay, Ale, Ice Breaker, followed up with Chitin questions

>>28749017
>>Buy an ale?
>>Ask who in this town can work Titan Beetle Chitin?
>>Other?
"Aww come on everybody. I know I'm quite the looker, but your totally embarrassing me with all this attention!"

>>28749175
>>28749229
these seem humerus

>>28749203
Also is the Freighter Quest any good?

>>28749345
I like it, sort of like a low fantasy, creepy adventure. But then again I'm a sucker for slightly creepy quests, even if I can't write it myself

>By the Gods, does this place look dead in here, or is it just me?

The rest of your party freezes in place in response to your ice breaker. Ivan coughs nervously. You ignore the haters and stride up to the bar, proud to have your own alternate livingstyle. You sit down at the bar and declare >By Hermanrich’s left nut, that walk left me parched. Barkeep! An ale if you please!

The barkeep numbly slides an ale into your bony hands. You pay him with some of the copper you pilfered from the guard you killed so many days ago. You spin around in your chair to face the rest of the bar, and down the mug of ale in one go, the liquid splashing onto the floor beneath you.

>Aww come on everybody. I know I'm quite the looker, but you’re totally embarrassing me with all this attention!

One of the villagers can’t help herself, and chortles. Soon the rest of the locals join her and the bar is filled with laughter. A large man with a face as red as a radish claps you on the shoulder and offers to buy you another ale. You accept and down it as you did the first, resulting in another round of laughter. You can see Ivan in the corner, arms crossed and tapping his foot irritably. You give him a thumbs up.

Eventually things quiet down a bit. The rest of your party is sitting away from the bar, Ivan still shooting you dark looks. You decide that now that everyone has calmed down a bit you can ask them >So, anyone here know how to work Titan Beetle Chitin.

The bar goes quiet, and everyone stares at you. After a few moments of ominous silence, a bearded man speaks up, whispering “You slew a Titan Beetle?

>What say the Bones?

>>28749624
>Yeah, being amazing is kind of my thing.

Rolled 2

>>28749624
Obviously.

How else could I have gotten titan beetle chitin?

It just so happen that one of the spirits inside me rolled a 20.

>>28749624
Why, is there a different way to get Titan Beetle Chitin? I didn't fuck it, if that's what you're thinking.

Get all defensive.

>>28749624
Well yeah.

What? Was it suppose to be hard?

>>28749742
>>28749734
>>28749722
>>28749673
It seems like a variation on "yeah, duh" is our answer. Writing

>What, is there another way to get Titan Beetle Chitin?

The woman who chortled at you first speaks up now “But did you really just kill one of the Great Beetles?”

>Yeah. Being amazing is kind of my thing.

There is a pause. >Hey, I didn’t fuck it if that’s what you’re all thinking.

No one says anything.

Then the bar explodes into cheers. The townsfolk grab your chair by the legs and hoist you into the air, singing joyfully. They march you around the tavern, bouncing you up and down on the stool. Eventually they place you back on the ground and everyone surrounds you to either get a handshake, proffer an ale, or kiss you right on the mouth. Seems like you’ve become quite the popular young skeleton.

A man walks up to you all smiles, and introduces himself as “Hallad, milord. I would be honored if you and your friends spent the night in me home, no charge accourse.”

>What say the Bones?
>Hell yeah?
>They aren’t my friends?
>No?
>Other?

>>28750088
>Hell yeah! My underlings and I would love a place to crash!

>>28750088
>>Hell yeah
Finally! Some recognition!

>>28750088
"Sounds good! Though I've had a fear of sleeping ever since I, y'know, climbed out of my grave."

"Hey, how about some drinks for my friends here?" Try to wink at Katrina, realize you can't, cup hands over mouth and shout "I'M WINKING AT YOU!"

Rolled 15

>>28750088
Before I agree, I have to ask why you are offering me this.

Make no mistake, I am not humble or anything. I'd rather just want to avoid a misunderstanding that will lead to some wacky situations later.

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>>28750211
>Try to wink at Katrina, realize you can't, cup hands over mouth and shout "I'M WINKING AT YOU!"

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>>28750211
>Try to wink at Katrina, realize you can't, cup hands over mouth and shout "I'M WINKING AT YOU!"

hue

>>28750259
>>28750196
>>28750128
Seems like majority says that we're reveling in the recognition

>Hell yeah mate! And get some ale for my underlings over there too yeah?

Hallad glances over at your party sitting in the corner and nods gaily, “Aye, we’ll be giving ‘em the traditional Waldheim welcome.”

Several farmers and barmaids surround your party’s table, offering them pints of ale. Everyone looks surprised, but accepts. You manage to establish eye contact with Katrina, and attempt to wink. Then you realize you can’t. You cup your hands around your mouth and shout >I’M WINKING AT YOU!

Katrina’s face flushes at that, although you think that may just be all the attention that the villagers are paying to her and the rest of the party. As you’re all swarmed by the grateful peasantry, you lean back in your chair and say >Yes, yes. Without the aid of my loyal minions I would have never been able to bring the entire Titan Beetle’s carapace back here. Just don’t praise them too much! Can’t have them getting a swelled head.

You continue to quaff ales, thoughtfully placing an empty tankard in your ribcage to recycle the alcohol, much to the amusement of the locals. Eventually however, you start to feel the effects of the alcohol, and your vision begins to blur. As you collapse onto the ground amid joyful gales of laughter you wonder how the hells you’re able to get drunk.

You awaken the next morning in what is probably the finest bed in all of Waldheim. The sun is shining down upon you and the birds are chirping

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>>28750728
Alright, well on that cheerful note, I gotta call it a night. As always, will be open for questions or comments. Great time running with you guys!

Next quest... oh let's just do it on Monday! Check the twitter for times!

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Rolled 19

>>28750793

>>28750728
Haha our roguish non-wink is irresistible!

>>28750793
Sleep well ghost shaman! Thanks for running.

>>28750849
got that one too. Good site you sent me to, anon

>>28750793
What is the cat lady is she a zombie or a Ghoul or what?

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Rolled 9

>>28750873
Guess who took a level in bard?

>>28750878
General undead I suppose. She's not as obviously dead as you are, since Becherski put some sort of anti-rot charm on her to keep her fresh.

I called her a zombie earlier, but that was more to reflect her mindless status.

>>28750860
Thanks for playing anon!

>>28750910
Ohhh, I missed that one. Gonna have to snag it.

Went to vote us up in the Archive, pleased to see the tags include "Limericks."

>>28751167
I would consider them the defining feature of this quest. No way I'm not tagging it.