Wishing that you still possessed a set of facial muscles, you turn your head 180 degrees to face Ivan.

>You and Voytek should have a showdown for the title of High King Buzzkill. It’d be a close one.

“You were terrifying a child.”

>And it was hilarious. You’re just a stick in the mud.

->No Bones, I think you are just a cad of impossible proportions.

Removing your hands from the girl’s mouth, you stand up and face your judgemental comrades.

>Whatever. When she scratches your eyes out, don’t come crying to me.

As you wander off into the opposite corner to sulk, Ivan works to untie the girl. After a few minutes of struggling, the ropes fall off and she’s free. Rather than welcoming her saviour, she scurries away and scampers up one of the cell walls, hissing loudly at an attempt to get close.

After a few minutes of Ivan’s pathetic attempts to assuage her fears, you stand up and walk back over to the corner.

>Hey kid. You promise not to scratch my eyes out, and you’re birthday wish can be that I don’t crawl down your throat. Deal?

The girl considers you for a moment before nodding sniffily. She lowers herself back down to the floor, and sits back on the hay. As Ivan rushes off to fetch some food to ply the girl with, you crouch in front of her.

>Welp, she seems to have calmed down. What do?
>Ask her about herself?
>Stare at her in silence?
>Other?

>>28514655
Always forget to trip my second post

>>28514655
>>Ask her about herself?
So, do you come to this hole often?

>>28514655
>Ask her about herself?

>>28514655
>Stare at her in silence?

After a couple of hours we should ask her some questions.

>>28514785
>>28514723
Votes tabulated, will commence with questioning

>>28514826
As funny as that mental image was I don't think Bones' ADD would allow him to pull it off

ALSO! I have some house keeping questions, ie getting info out about quest I wanna ask you guys.

I usually post a countdown to OGQ in the qtg, and I wanted to know how many of you find the quest through there.

Second, twitter: yes or no?

>>28514915
>I usually post a countdown to OGQ in the qtg, and I wanted to know how many of you find the quest through there.
Found it here.
>Second, twitter: yes or no?
Do as you wish.

>So kid. What’s yer name?

The girl continues to sniff as she cocks her head at the question, surprised. “Watashi wa Aurelie Nekobito desu.”

>Wha- Common, please?

The girl frowns a bit “My name is Aurelie Nekobito, Baka.”

>Oh okay. Hi Aurelie-
The girl blushes furiously at that,
>Uh… I’m Bones. The skele-bear over there is Voytek, and the prissy little mage is Ivan. You come down holes like these often?

Stil crimson in the face, the girl covers her mouth with both hands before answering “N-n-no! I’m here with my friends! We were hunting down a necromancer and heard about this place. I fell down here when Allowyn-sama sent me scouting…”

Fresh from his victual acquisition mission, Ivan failed to hear the part about hunting down necromancers. “Don’t worry Aurelie,” he said with a smile as he proffered some jerky, “I’m sure we can find your friends soon.”

Aurelie’s face turned completely red once more, and she hid her head behind her hands. “A-a-a-arigatou! B-b-b-but could you p-p-p-please c-c-call me Aurelie-chan?”

>Why.

“Aurelie is s-so,” she gulps “l-l-lewd!”

>Fucking weirdo. Since when were names lewd? Whatever. Now what?
>Escape?
>Wait?
>Continue asking questions?
>Other?

>>28515095
>>Continue asking questions?
Aurelie-CCCCChan, are you a kawai tsun-tsun neko?

Extending Voting Window, otherwise I go with >>28515134
and we weeaboo too now

By god, is it communicable?

>>28515095
>Escape?

This please.

>>28515241
Apologies, had to deal with pen explosion, will start writing.

>>28515134
seconded

>>28515219
Spirit-BakaChan, of course its communicable.

Stop being so tsundere about weeaboos.

You pause for a moment. You feel a strange urge welling up from within your gestalt consciousness. Your attempt to suppress it largely fails.

>TsunnekochanAureliekawaiitsun

Ivan looks down at you, his eyebrow raised “What was that?”

>I... I don’t know.

You rise up and begin to examine the bars that make up the entrance to the cell, if only to hide your own discomfiture at what ever it was that spewed out of your mouth. Several minutes of artificially intense examination later, you turn back around to the rest of your cell mates.

>It seems like we’re locked in.

Everyone waits in silence for you to continue talking. You fail to say anything.

->I believe I speak for everyone here when I say that we assumed from the beginning that the door was locked.

There is a few seconds pause before Aurelie squeaks “I have some lockpicks…”

>And you didn’t leave earlier because…?

“Prince Allowyn-sama said he would come and rescue me!”

>Ah you’re right. I forgot about the fact that we’re knee deep in royalty right now. Why, I can’t even take a step without running into a Duke at the very least!

Aurelie crosses her arms and pouts, “Listen BonesBAKA! I can try and pick the lock, but only if you promise to help me find Allowyn-sama!”

>Seems like the girl may be able to get you out. What do?
>Get out now. Better than being stuck inside of here.
>Wait for something to happen?
>Other?

>>28515572
>Get out now. Better than being stuck inside of here.

>>28515572
>>Get out now. Better than being stuck inside of here.
Look you little kawaiiiii~ neko-chan, I will help you get your baka-prince if you pick this baka-door.

>>28515572
Fuck that no one pushes us around! Antagonize her with limericks til she unlocks the door.

>>28515572
>Get out now. Better than being stuck inside of here.

>>28515683
>>28515672
>>28515671
>>28515653
And the busting outs have it! Writing now

File: 1385515117767.png-(213 KB, 312x317, Maidzombie.png)

213 KB PNG

>Okay kid. Here’s the deal. You get us out. We make sure you don’t get eaten or something. Maybe we find your Prince. Those are my terms.

The girls nods and walks up to the door. With a precision you would’ve thought impossible, she pulls out a lockpick and assorted tools and goes to work. After several minutes of silence the door clicks loudly.

>Fucking finally. I take point. Voytek, you follow. The small children can take rear.

You step out into the hallway, sword in one hand, candle in the other. The passage branches off in two directions. Although there isn’t much light, you think you can see the dim outline of a wall to the left. You turn to your right and begin to walk. After several minutes of slow progression and several stubbed toes you think you hear something from up ahead. You turn back to see Aurelie trying her best to hide behind Ivan.

Not your imagination then. You slow down considerably. There is definitely a sound coming from the shadows.

It’s getting louder now.

A scraping. Weirdly wet.

A rasping breath?

A figure stumbles into the small pool of candle light. Flesh grey. Falling off in some places. Left foot gone. Walks on a stump of meat and bone. Eyes dead, looking straight ahead.

The horrible creature faces you, a dull gleam in it’s duty eyes. A walking corpse. Guardian of Crypts.

So why is in a maid outfit?

>We did not sign up for a trip though some asshole’s magical realm. What do?
>Kill it.
>Have Ivan kill it with fire.
>Other?
>Waifu it?

>>28516042
>Kill it.

>>28516042
Holy shit, attack its brains.

>>28516042
>stubbed toes
Skeleton can't have stubbed toes.

>>Kill it.
Then eat it for Aether.

>Nope.

You lash out with your blade, more out of surprise than anything else. The hunk of steel manages to cut through the abomination’s right arm, cleaving through rotting flesh and brittle bones.

The Zommaid seems unfazed. You attempt a vertical slice, cutting the moth eaten uniform in half. It falls away, along with two sackcloth bags that previously served as padding for the Zommaid’s considerable bust. Seems like whoever resurrected his ass didn’t much care about crossdressing.

You back away, repulsed, just in time to avoid an incredibly slow swipe from your rotting opponent. You strike back at the corpse, this time aiming for the brain. The skull crumbles underneath your blow, brains spattering out everywhere. The Zommaid falls down to the ground, presumably quite dead.

>That was easy.

Ivan stares back at the zombie, eyes wide with shock. “Easy maybe. But I’m not too excited to meet whoever decided to put a dead guy in some sort of miniskirt and apron?

>Why? Seems like your dream job.

Ivan simply shakes his head.

>Look, you’ve mastered the submissive beta-male thing already!

You start walking forward once more. Ivan’s response cut off by another stubbed toe as he stumbles to keep up. After several more minutes of walking, the passage branches once more.

>Which way do you go? Roll d10 for encounter table.
>left?
>right?
>Into the brick wall ahead of you?

Rolled 3

>>28516406
>Into the brick wall ahead of you?

Rolled 3

>>28516406
>left?
I can feel something in mah bones

Rolled 1

>>28516406
>>left?
When things go right, go left.

>>28516501
>>28516477
>>28516469
muh bones tell me left is the way. Rolled three for encounter

File: 1385518201273.png-(Spoiler Image, 1.7 MB, 1128x896)

1.7 MB PNG

>Oh fuck! I forgot to do something!

You are so distressed by your realization that you do not notice the incoming wall. You walk directly into it, bouncing off with a clatter.

->Please refrain from swearing in front of the child, Bones.

The child, for her part, laughs “Ho ho ho ho ho! Silly Bara Bara-Baka! Of course you would forget something!”

Resolving not to make that mistake again, you get back up and point to the left.

>This way.

The four of you continue down the hallway, until in the distance, you see something. This is notable as its the first time you’ve seen something that wasn’t standing four feet away from you. It seems as though there is a corner ahead, and the wall opposite of it is illuminated.

>Light!

The four of you speed up, and turn the corner. The passage opens up into a large room filled with benches and long tables. The walls are lined with torches. Three figures are standing around the room, sweeping or dusting.

>Fuckin… Seriously?

>Goddamnit. More zommaids.
>None shall survive my wrath.
>Other?

Rolled 10

>>28517005
Go slash happy on these deviant undeads.

>>28517005
>>None shall survive my wrath.
Kill them all Mr. Bones.

You and Voytek charge forward, bellowing. The zommaids lethargically look up at the two skeletal figures bounding towards them. You decide to attack the one on the left while Voytek busies himself with the one standing in the center with a feather duster. The skele-bear mauls the zommaid, its feeble attempt to stop Voytek’s claws with a feather duster supremely unsuccessful. The zommaid you’re facing off against seems to be in better condition than its compatriots, with no obviously missing limbs or extensive rotting. You swing your sword in a horizontal slash, hoping to cut the abomination in two. Unfortunately for you, this zommaid also seems somewhat more situationally aware than the last one, blocking your blow with it’s broom.

You yank your weapon free, stumbling back. The zommaid twirls the broom around and adopts a wide stance. It raises its free hand and gives you a “Give it your best shot” gesture. Irritated at the impertinence of the zombified house servant, you lunge forward. The zommaid dodges your attack easily, and raps you on the side with its broom. You turn about, incensed at the corpse. You attempt another lunge. The zommaid begins to jump easily clear of you once more, before you extend your free hand and clothesline it. The zommaid makes a choking sound as you knock it to the ground. You dispatch the deviant undead with a swift blow from your sword.

Turning around once more, you are surprised to see a pile of smoking cinders where the last zommaid was mopping. Ivan is standing a few feet away from the ashes, looking just as shocked as you feel. Seems like the peasantmancer is worth something after all.

Returning your attention back to the downed zommaid, you hack past her sternum, revealing her heart. You begin to gnosh on it merrily, ignoring the appalled looks Ivan, Aurelie, and presumably Voytek, are shooting you.

Masticated bits of organ fall past your rib cage and onto the dungeon floor.

>Good work, although I’m pretty sure that counts as cannibalism! There’s a door on the far end of the room, and a large cabinet standing over on the left wall. What do?

Rolled 3

>>28517398
Inspect the cabinet for treasures. Or possibly traps. The dangerous kind.

>>28517398
Check out that cabinet. There may be loot!

It may have a maid outfit in our size!

>>28517571
Sexy skeleton maid hm?

Rolled 2

>>28517582
>>28517571
>>28517439
Seems pillage and looting are the bywords of the day. Will roll to see what you find.

>>28517620
Is it a pony? Please let it be a pony.

Or a cute maid costume.

Rolled 6

>>28517664
Well, now I know what the nat10 will be. Unfortunately, ponies don't seems to be in the stars

You wander over to the cabinet on the opposite side of the wall. It’s a huge oaken affair, with iron banding and heavy bolts holding everything in place. You tap it a bit with your sword. The dull thunking noise confirms its stout appearance. You consider it once more, before smashing it with the dull side of your blade. There’s a loud tinkling noise, like glass or fine china breaking.

“Nice going Bones.”

>Are you getting snippy with me, Ivanka?

You swing your blade into the cabinet once more. The wooden monolith shudders at your blow and the door swings open.

The interior of the cabinet is filled with shards of presumably fine china. An array of silverware lays scattered across the lower shelf, unharmed by your crude inquiries. Ivan holds open the bag as you load it up with the valuable cutlery.

Aurelie sniffs disapprovingly.

You give the cabinet another look to see if you missed anything. Then you see it, a corner of white hanging from the highest shelf. Intrigued, you yank it down. A white apron, covered in fine lace tumbles down into your hands.

>What do?
>In with the cutlery, its time to make some cash?
>Make Ivan wear it?
>Other?

>>28517922
>>In with the cutlery, its time to make some cash?

Give the apron to Aurelie.

I am sure she will like it.

>>28517959
Extending voting window once more, otherwise we hand Aurelie an apron

>>28517922
Hand Aurelie an apron

>>28518171
>>28517959
Redistribution of the Apron has it, writing

You clatter on over to Aurelie, apron in hand. The catgirl cowers behind Ivan as you near. You lower yourself down to her level. While normally reassuring, this action merely puts the empty black pits your eyes would have occupied directly in her line of sight. She shudders, and moves further behind Ivan.

>Here. Take the apron. Don’t girls like that shit?

The girl considers the proffered apron for a moment before swatting it away. “I’m not about to become some Bara Bara Hentai’s maid!”

You remain silent for a moment, somewhat surprised at her standoffish attitude.

>There once was a girl with cat ears and a tail
>With some strange tongue, my ears would assail
>Until I offered the Apron of peace
>Which she slapped down with great caprice
>Shame we’re in a dungeon, for nobody could hear her wail

Aurelie’s tail sticks out straight, fur standing on end. With a whimper she reaches down and takes the apron, bundling it up in her arms.

-> You do seem to have a way with children.

>Hibernate up your own ass Voytek.

You reach up and snatch down one of the torches hanging from the wall. No point wandering around with some shitty little candle if you can help it. You all move towards the huge door on the opposite end of the room. It’s made out of even thicker oak planks than the cabinet you finished ransacking, and they’re held in place with heavy wrought iron bands. No way you’re bashing this one open.

You tentatively reach out and pull on the handle. The door creaks open. Why are you always assuming things are locked?

You begin to walk up the winding stairs toward what you presume to be the surface. Just as you’re about to make it to the landing of the next floor, you hear Ivan yelp loudly. You turn around just in time to see a small cat-eared blurr whizz past you and off down the hallway.

>Welp, seems Aurelie’s gone. The hallway stretches on in two directions, left and right. You’re not entirely sure which way the catgirl went.
>Left?
>Right?
>Forward into the wall?

>>28518598
>>Right?
The catgirl is always doing the opposite of us.

>>28518598
>Forward into the wall?

Straight into it.

>>28518598
>>Right?

>>28518639
>>28518638
>dem consecutive post numbers
>>28518764

It seems like Bones will be running into walls once more, followed by a right hand turn.

Seems a bit empty in here, are you all having a good time?

>>28518770
But of course!

>>28518770
>Seems a bit empty in here, are you all having a good time?
Define good.

I mean, really. please define what good means, people have wondered for ages.

Messing with you, the answer is yes.

>>28518770
It has been pretty good.

>>28518770
I been lurkin. Having fun tho! Guess I vote right, heedlessly at top speed?

You blitz forward, directly into the wall. You rebound off of it once more, dazed. It seems like you just can’t help but attempt to tackle every freestanding structure directly in your path. You shake your skull and recover before running down the right hand corridor. The floor in covered in dust, however Aurelie seems to have left no footprints for you to follow. The stone walls are windowless, but more torches light the way. Ivan shivers slightly, there are cracks in the mortar between the stone, allowing in a chill breeze. You barrel ahead before slowing to a more comfortable pace. Why the hell were you running so hard anyway?

Using that nifty little 180 degree skull turn you figured out, you look behind your shoulder and are pleased to see Ivan just catch up with you, panting and red faced. Voytek is still way further down the passage.

>Ya’ll need to work on your cardio.

“Huhhhh hooooo haahhh…” Ivan pants furiously, hands on his knees “Haaaaaa… Godsdamnit Bones. Not everyone can run as fast as your skinny ass.”

>Better work on not being a sad sack of shit then.

“Eat… a dick. I know you want more in your life.”

>You’re gonna need some more practice if you ever want to insult me, Irina.

Just as you finish speaking, Voytek comes to a skidding halt, his bear claws dragging into the pine floor. You give your tardy companions a once over before speaking,

>Welp. It seems as though we’re all here now. Minus one cat eared brat.

Voytek stand on his hind legs, his huge frame filling the hallway.

->Instead of running about like a group of moon brained horses, I suggest we take a more civilized pace and attempt to discover more about this facility and its owner.

Ivan nods vigorously in agreement. “Yeah, Aurelie mentioned something about a necromancer here? There’s gotta be something worthwhile in here.”

>What do you say Bones?
>No, we pursue the catchild so that I may store her in my ribcage.
>No, I want to leave this magical realm, not meet it’s proprietor.
>Yeah, let’s get investigatory!
>Other

>>28519110
>>28518956
>>28518871
>>28518822
Thrilled to hear it anons! Any requests or questions?

>>28519150
>Yeah, let’s get investigatory!

>>28519150
>>Yeah, let’s get investigatory!
Kill the necromancer, eat his heart and steal his wife.

>>28519150
Other
the wall are old and drafty right? knock em down.

>>28519150
>Yeah, let’s get investigatory!
Hey, it is a dungeon. And I can't leave one till I find something truly valuable.

That or after I have checked every inch of every room first.

>For the first time since the skele-bear has shown up, I find myself agreeing with both of you.

Everyone pauses for a moment to marvel at the unlikely occurrence. Then you continue to walk down the corridor, this time at a more leisurely pace. Ivan and Voytek follow behind you. After a few minutes of walking you come across another door, this one much less imposing than the one at the base of the cellar stairs. You push it open to reveal a surprisingly odorless latrine. You suppose that a castle or whatever this place is of undead probably wouldn’t get too much use out of a shitbox. You turn towards Ivan, and before you can even form the question, he’s pushed you out of the way and shut the door.

You stand outside the latrine with Voytek, and awkward silence permeating the air between the two of you, as Ivan unleashes an inhuman series of grunts and groans. After what seems like an eternity, Ivan opens the latrine door, releasing an odor not dissimilar to rotting cabbage.

>Had a good time in there champ?

“Like you wouldn’t believe.”

Ivan strolls ahead of the two of you, whistling merrily. You and Voytek plod on behind him, both slightly horrified. After a few minutes of ambling, Ivan stops. The corridor branches off again. Directly ahead of you, a spiral staircase, to your left, a continuation of the corridor.

>Which way do we go?
>Ahead and up, people always put important shit higher up in castles or whatever, right?
>Left and further along the ground floor, might run into some big rooms, like the armory or dining hall.
>Right and into the wall.

>>28519505
>>Left and further along the ground floor, might run into some big rooms, like the armory or dining hall.
Armory sounds good.
We can get an armor and become Sir Bones.

>>28519505
>Ahead and up, people always put important shit higher up in castles or whatever, right?

>>28519505
Left! Dungeon etiquette dictates that you fully explore one floor before moving to the next. Also, never split the party and save locked doors for last.

>>28519505
>Right and into the wall.

With full force.

Rolled 2

>>28519577
>>28519551
>>28519543
>>28519542
Seems we got a leftward tilt in our answers. Will roll for encounter

You stride forward like a collection of bones driven by dark magics and even darker desires. Nothing can stand in your path, so mighty is your determination. Well, except for that wall. Gods, why do you always do that? As you clatter off a wall for a third time you wonder if the place in enchanted with a misdirection hex or something. Rising back up, you begin to walk down the left corridor, making a mental note to return to the spiral staircase should you get the chance. After several minutes of walking you run into a large wooden door once more, this one much sturdier than the latrine door.

Hoping that it might contain something a bit more interesting than a tube for pooping, you push open the door. An array of arms and armor are spread out before you. This would be the find of a lifetime if it weren’t for the fact that like have of them are rusted to shit. You walk deeper into the armory, picking through the leftover equipment. All in all, your sword and helmet are much newer and in much better condition. However, that doesn’t stop you from picking up a few promising looking pieces of equipment and dropping them into a pile in the center of the room.

You’ve managed to find a worn brigandine, some of the metal plates peeking through the broadcloth, a set of gauntlets, and some greaves. Unfortunately, you were only able to collect enough usable padding to allow you to wear one of the pieces of armor.

>Which one do you choose?
>Brigandine?
>Gauntlets?
>Greaves?

>>28519835
>>Brigandine?
Lets say that

>>28519835
Greaves. Protect the tibia, our most precious bone!

>discut expectation
I was worried too, captcha

Rolled 2

>>28519995
>>28519939
Brigandine or greaves, which one will the d2 tell us to wear?

1:Brigandine
2:Greaves

As always, dice rolls can always be invalidated with votes

For whatever reason, the protection of your tibia seems particularly imperative. You suppose chest protection wouldn’t matter too much, if only because there aren’t any organs for a shattered rib to fuck up. And a broken leg is a broken leg, regardless of how much meat is on your bones. You snatch up some old boots that are roughly in your size before stuffing them with old armor padding. Once you feel that the boots are on well enough, you strap on the greaves. You jog around the armory for a few minutes and are pleased to see that the leg armor didn’t slide around at all. Your mission of looting complete, you begin to look around the armory more carefully. Aside from the door you entered from, there are two more similarly thick oaken doors, one to your right, and one ahead of you.

>Which way we gonna go now?
>Back, and up the stairs?
>To the door on your right?
>The Door straight ahead?
>To the left?

>>28520221
>>Back, and up the stairs?
Lets finish exploring the other level

>>28520221
>To the door on your right?

Rolled 1

>>28520299
>>28520289
Rolling d2 to determine route

1:right
2:back

You turn to your right and begin to walk towards the heavy oaken door set into the wall. If this door is anything like all of the other ones in this shitty rock complex, somebody will have left it unlocked. You push against the wooden planks expectantly, and are unsurprised to feel the heavy door creak open. A large number of cockroaches make good their escape. Some even attempt to clamber up your legs, most likely to thank their erstwhile rescuer. You stare down at the wave of insects in horror. These boots were made for walking, not as a platform for filthy vermin to clamber over your spine!

You begin to dance around like a middle aged white man on pcp, bringing your feet down in a spastic stomping series, smashing any and all roaches unlucky enough to be beneath your feet. The jerking square dance continues for several minutes until the tide of roaches subsides, the survivors making good their escape into the rest of the complex. Ivan and Voytek stare at you. Ivan makes a good faith attempt to restrain himself before bursting out with laughter.

>Keep that up Irene, and one of those roaches will be up your asshole by day’s end.

Ivan immediately ceases and desists laughing. You have few compunctions, and roach enema certainly wouldn’t go against any of them.

Wishing that you could scowl instead of grinning perpetually, you push open the roach door fully and hold out a torch. A large number of rotting bodies greet you, a disturbing proportion in maid outfits.

>Well, it seems like whoever is in charge here doesn’t like his house keepers too ripe.

Ivan blanches at the sight, while Voytek turns his skull away.

>Well that was slightly horrifying. You can hardly believe left betrayed you like that. Where to now?
>Door ahead of you
>Back up the stairs
>The wall… It beckons...

THE WALL

>>28520748
>The wall… It beckons...
There might be a secret room.

>>28520748
>>The wall… It beckons...
SECRET ROOM!

>>28520833
>>28520821
>>28520811
ALL HAIL THE WALL.

>>28520748
>THE WALL
>THE WALL
>NOTHING ON EARTH CAN MAKE YOU FALL

>after that the door ahead

You make a complete about face, and stare at the wall across the room. If left has decided to betray you, who knows, maybe everything is backwards? Fearing the implications of a world liberated by the usual constraints of morality, one where down is up and left is wrong and walls are the path to the future, you begin to pick up speed. You propel your skeletal frame forward… the wall… the wall… you can see it. It is your everything, it dominates your vision as well as your mind. For once your gestalt consciousness is unified in a singular purpose. You are moving faster than you ever have before, you can feel transcendence over taking you…

>THE WALL
>THE WALL
>NOTHING ON EARTH CAN MAKE YOU FALL

You leap forward, into the future, into a universe without limitations, where your mind can rule free, and there’s a dick for every pelvis. And smash into a wall. You roll over, clattering loudly. Ivan and Voytek are staring at you, wondering what the fuck just happened. You clamber back to your feet, the wall’s enchantment finally broken, along with your hope. You trudge forwards, and push the last door open.

Or you would have, had it not been locked. You try the door knob, and a voice rumbles,

“THRALLS AND MAIDS OF PROFESSOR BECHERSKI ONLY.”

>Shit. Some shit’s guarding that door. Must be some good shit in there. Shit.
>Attempt to figure out how to bypass door (specify what you do)
>Fuck it, lets go back?
>Truly, you are now as dead on the inside as you are on the outside. Join your comrades in the room on the left.

>>28521046
We must penetrate through that door and get whatever shit is stored in there.

Obviously we must lie through our teeth or limerick it into opening.

>>28521046
>>Attempt to figure out how to bypass door (specify what you do)
put on a maid outfit

>>28521046
Dress like a maid. If necessary, dress IN a maid.

>>28521086
limericks are the key to everything!

>>28521046
Go back to the room full of dead bodies and take a maid outfit from one of the corpses, then put it on and try opening the door again.

>>28521160
>>28521141
>>28521140
>>28521132
>>28521086
Seems like maid mode has it. If that fails we'll limerick that bastard.

>>28521140
This
Ah, the benefits of being a skeleton

You wander over to the room on your left, and begin to dig around. After a few minutes, you pull out the body of a large man stuffed into a maid outfit.

>Close enough.

You remove the clothing and slide the outfit on, careful not to let it get caught on your ribcage. You briefly consider trying to wear the dead maid’s body but wave that thought away. Maybe if Aurelie was still around. You’d say it was his birthday. After successfully tying the apron, you walk back over to the door and try it again. It opens without a complaint, revealing a large room filled with… is that vodka?

Liquor. What must be hundreds of bottles of high alcohol beverages line the walls, their various fluids gleaming merrily in the light. You wander into the room, awed. A good third of the bottles are empty, but most are still full. You grab one off of a self and read the label: “Uncle Makovka’s Sadness Elixer”. You pop open the top and take a swig.

Despite being dead, the painful burn of almost pure alcohol suffuses your mouth. You gag before unleashing a hacking cough. Voytek and Ivan have also entered the room, the peasant looking around, mouth agape.

>It’s like heaven?

“...Yeah.”

>What now?
>Get Russian?
>Steal as many bottles as possible?
>Best stay sober! faggot
>Other?

>>28521390
DRINK MOAR FAGGET!

Also duh we're gonna take some booze for the trip. Hopefully there's some good shit there that's drinkable and could be sold for some extra dosh

>>28521390
Get smashed and wake up hugging Ivan.

>>28521390
>Бухаем, епт

>>28521390
Do it, faggot.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cfx2zUTnsYM

>>28521458
>>28521425
>>28521421
Let's get skele-schwasted

>>28521509
That is extremely appropriate and extremely creepy

>>28521566
I aim to please and terrify!

Alright, good times, But I need to eat, will be grilling cheese

>>28521665
Make tomato soup too.

>>28521874
Already on it. Will write until cheese needs flippin

You and Ivan look at each other. The lad is grinning almost as wide as you. That can’t be healthy. Regardless, you both begin to take swigs from Uncle Makovka’s Sadness Elixer. A third of the way through the bottle, Voytek finally gives in to your mockery and breaks open his own. It takes a little while but Ivan is the first one of your number to fall unconscious, half way through his second bottle of Sadness Elixer. You and Voytek stare at each other from across the walk in liquor closet.

A challenge, unspoken, issued.

The two of you knock back a fresh bottle of vodka each.

>Two arrive. Only one may leave.
>Roll 1d20 for an endurance check!
>Its time to out drink the skele-bear

Rolled 13

>>28521973
>>Roll 1d20 for an endurance check!
STRONG BONES

Rolled 5

I shall roll for Voytek. Won't tell you his modifier though.

>>28522004
>>28522048
Own that bear like Baxter the dog!

Rolled 19

VICTORY

Both of you down your vodka in a series of spastic gulps. One bottle down.

The next one takes longer. The acrid burning sensation tougher to ignore. About half way through the second bottle, the first one hits you like a truck. The room spins. You struggle to continue pouring the spirits down your mouth. Coordinating everything just got a lot harder…

You finish off your second bottle and look over at Voytek. The large skele-bear still has a quarter of his second bottle left, and he’s waving about in place. He remains upright for a few more seconds before finally collapsing in a clatter of bones.

You’ve won. You are victorious. ALL HAIL BASED BONES!

You attempt to stand upright to celebrate your victory. All that alcohol you managed to ignore rushes to your brain. Room is practically spinning. Just as you too collapse on the ground it hits you. What kind of vodka can get a skeleton drunk?

Your vision fades to black.

>>28522288

Alright everybody, its late and I need to eat/sleep. Calling it a night here. As always, its been a pleasure to QM for you guys. Next quest on thursday I think, although I doubt it'll be very long, what with the Turkey day.

Also, QM twitter, would it be of use to you guys?

Rolled 6 + 5

>>28522312
>Also, QM twitter, would it be of use to you guys?
Could be rather useful.

What is with turkey? Is it american thanksgiving?

>>28522312
I don't have a Twitter, but I do glance at QM twitter feeds every so often to see if/when they're running.

>>28522340
yea.

>>28522345
Okay, I'll set one up. Keep an eye on this thread, I'll post the twitter page link or whatever here

>>28522359
And here we are:
https://twitter.com/DickishDead

Rolled 11 + 5

>>28522428
Even if this quest ends up dying, you start another one on that same theme: the deads are here and they are angr...err... more like dicks really.

>>28522511
hey, its a fun theme, I certainly wouldn't mind playing around with it again. Or really, running any quest period.

Unrelated note: Dumbass MSpaint image shoops:

Yes: They're funny
No: They delay posts too long

>>28522560
If it delays the timing of posts, probably not.

If anyone is still here do we have mana now that we have killed that bear and those zombies?

>>28526835
amazingly enough, you posted just as I woke back up. You do indeed. A very tiny amount. It's currently depleted though, due to the familiar ritual you finished earlier

>>28526978

Great, I hope to upgrade that soon and start doing necromancy.

>>28527014
I'm certainly not about to cut off any options for late quest shenanigans

The fact that some people are planning so far ahead gives me hope

So, uh, is OP asleep or something?

What's with the sudden end of the quest?

>>28528977
This thread got necro'd, not running till tomorrow.

Will be posting time for next thread later today in twitter.