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Rolled 86

[] try and learn that spell that twig said would suit you, despite being shit at will roll1d100

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>>28125788
That's a pretty good roll

>>28125803
>>28125803
anyone else?

Rolled 83

>>28125732
>[] try and learn that spell that twig said would suit you, despite being shit at will roll1d100

>>28125882
want me just to call it now?

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>>28125732
[] Find twig

Find fellow psychotic waifu.

Rolled 58

[] try and learn that spell that twig said would suit you, despite being shit at will roll1d100

>>28125948
That is one of the most glorious things I have ever seen

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>>28125972
You flatter me and my work.

>>28125732
>[] Find Twig
>[] Pick Twig up
>[] Go for brisk morning swim

She should be used to us by now, right?

>>28125788
You decide to try to learn the spell twig had told you about, a spell only evil heroes where supposed to be able to master, however you don't believe in such petty things as morality or the like, so it should be no problem to one such as yourself. You walk jog down the stone stairs, run through the rose bushes, hearing sobbing as you do, stare at the armory with an expression similar to lust as you make your way to the learning well...thingy...you have no idea how it works but you'll be damned if you didn't like they way it looks. You leap into and see a menu thingy appear before your eyes, you think the words, Berserk. And an image of an eye appears before you. You reach out to it, and feel a burning pain shoot through your body. When you come too you are screaming at the gardener shoving roses into his mouth as he begs and cries for mercy.
ability gained: Berserk (Lose yourself to the rage of the beast within)
what do you do
[] continue what you're doing
[] see if you hurt anyone important, like twig for example
[] I HUNGER FOR PIE AND PIG MEAT
[] Talk to someone
[] swim
[] other

>>28125732
Learn spell

CAPTAIN REPORTING IN!

>>28126079
>>28126079
it has been nine years, so yes

>>28126105
Twigtwigtwig.

>>28126091
>[] see if you hurt anyone important, like twig for example
I hope we didn't break our favorite se...
I meant friend.

>>28126125
That is what twig hears early in the morning, yes

>>28126010
I love it
>>28126104
Good to see you're still around

>>28126130
Oh, for some reason after last thread I got it into my head that at some point Twig just started having carrying harnesses built into her dresses (with handles in the back disguised by large, floppy bows) so we'd stop destroying her clothing every other day while lugging her around.

This quest does odd things in my head...

>>28126130
>>28126130
What?

Do we whisper it softly to her ear to wake her up or do we barge into her room shouting it while probably holding a dead animal?

>>28126187
Well I did just imagine twig in a baby carrier when you said carrying harnesses, so yeah I can see what you mean by odd things.

>>28126091
>plant gardener in place of destroyed rose bush (feet first so he can still scream for mercy)
> get FOOD
>Get Twig
>Go for refreshing swim!

>>28126207
The latter

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>>28126253
Oh boy. I am surprised she didn't off herself or ran away from the hero guild.

She truly has the will of a god. Who care? We got the strength and endurance of Bethany.

By the way, is the original Bethany still alive?

>>28126315
Somewhere in the void lurks an the soul survivor of a dead world, driven mad by loneliness

>>28126338
Again.

>>28126347
>>28126347
Yes

>>28126221
I see nothing wrong with this plan.

>>28126351
also I can't work with two votes

>>28126338
Aww poor mister Fritz. We need to find him and fix him, he doesn't deserve that after serving us well. All things considered the fact that he served us well at all suggests he deserves a break.

>>28126351
What is the threat level of unleashing him upon the world? In one-punch man threat levels.

>>28126364
Make sure we didn't break any one important like twig or the chef. Is there anyone else important?

>>28126221
I second this course of action.

>>28126381
He/she is the cliche dark lord kind of villain, sees itself as a god. So if it meets NO.3 Dastardly, shit will go down, hard, and fast

>>28126378
But he's redheaded and thus doesn't deserve a break.

>>28126221
Lets go with this.

>>28126418
What about Dastardly?

>>28126397
Thunder, can't have drinking contests if he's dead, weaver, guild needs a master.
>>28126398
You brush the dirt from your hands, leaving the gardner to scream "I'M NOT A ROOOOOSE BUSH" as you leave to have breakfast. You soon find Astraia Grey, also known as weak twig, reading a book while picking at a bit of toasted bread covered in smashed fruit. You grab a truly awe inspiring amount of food, and sit down near her, already tearing into it like a starved animal.
"Hello Gunther" she says not looking up from her book. (Don't speak with your mouth full or I'll give you nightmares)
"I LOVE NIGHTMARES" You shout out in anger.
"Voice?" She asks
"Voice" You respond eating half an apple in one bite. (you can't even try to keep me secret).
Soon, you finish eating, leaving a mess similar to a hobbe's cave.
"Twig want to go for a swim?" You ask as you rip your shirt off. She stares at you for a moment that seems to last for a good long while before replying "Maybe later". You walk out of the dining hall saddened, but quickly break into a sprint so you can make a good old leap into the lake. You soar through the air and hit the water with a splash that would make levithans feel impotent. You swim around for an hour or two before getting bored of waiting for twig
what do you do
[] Train
[] wait for the tests
[] talk to someone
[] get a shirt
[] other

>>28126427
All cliches of villainy rolled into one eldritch horror, with a gooey center

>>28126542

>[X] get a shirt

Steal it from someone

>>28126542
>[] Train
By
>[] get a shirt
Using excessive force.

>>28126542
>[] Train
[] get a shirt never!

>>28126561
Could we steal a shard of him and forge it into the greatest villain weapon ever conceived?

Alternatively, ask him to "bless" us?

>>28126653
>>28126653
Maybe, its pretty fucking dead

>>28126542
[X] Train

[X] Get a shirt so we can tear it off again when the time is right.

Also, this quest must have done something to me because when I saw "Train" I had to stop and think about if that meant training or choo choo train.

>>28126681
How did that ever stop us from *anything*?

>[] Get a shirt

So that we might later rip it off.

>[] Talk to someone

See what Fitz and Staff-Chick are upto.

>>28126689
You grab a smaller hero, tearing off his stupid white shirt thing, it barley fits you and looks like its about to tear apart, but it works. You decide to train but what will you train with
[] YOUR FISTS
[] cleaver
[] sword (long , katana or great)
[]axe (normal or great)
[] mace (normal or great)
[] Pickhammer
[]great hammer

>>28126759
>other
Wield a smaller hero.

>>28126759
What does the walking stick-axe count as?

>>28126759
[X] Great Axe.

Because it is the knothole glade way.

>>28126759
Did we ever get that appropriately sizes cane axe?

>>28126759
[] YOUR FISTS
can't we get plate gantlets with spikes?

>>28126816
a long normal axe or a fancy great axe. Currently all that's on hand is iron, as the heroes guild does not trust hero trainees with anything else

>>28126837
Can you afford that with 100 gold?

>>28126856
>>28126856
Welp, Great axe it is!

>>28126856
Great axe all the way then.
>>28126759

>>28126856
Could we at least get cold iron to deal with fey (who probably hate us) or cused iron (I just like how it sounds) ?

>>28126902
Legendary weapon, sure. via custom demon door or something, like bathing it in the blood of a lot of people

>>28126759
Grab the most unreasonably large hunk of metal we can find. I mean like Dragonslayer tier, more chunk of rock than real weapon.

>>28126759

[]Spear

because everything else is kinda generic

>>28126759
>two great axe one each hand

>>28126889
The great axe, You run over to the armory and grab a axe almost as large as yourself, it looks untouched. You jog back to the wooden men and begin hacking away at them, each blow echoing through the morning. You break one in half and begin beating it, leaving a pile of splinters as you quickly back hand another, shattering the base before bringing the blade of the axe crashing down upon it sack head. You start to spin around, barley holding onto the great weapon as it feels most of the practice dummies and small trees around you.
it is then when you notice someone is taking potshots at you with a bow and arrow
what do you do
[] Throw your axe in your attackers general direction rol1d100
[] take one in the chest and stare him down roll1d100
[] TWIIIIIIIIIIIIIG
[] other

>>28126980
Nonsense! Spears and polearms do not exists in the fable universe! Same thing in the modern elder's scrolls universe and dragon age universe too for that matter.

>>28126980
Isn't Thunder's daughter already a spear user though? Wonpukdnt want to copy someone else's schtick.

>>28126980
>spear
>not generic
That aside spears do not exist in fable.

Rolled 98

>>28127024
>Isn't Thunder's daughter already a spear user though? Wonpukdnt want to copy someone else's schtick.
Whisper is his sister.

>>28127020
[] Throw your axe in your attackers general direction rol1d100

FLY IRON AXE! SOAR LIKE A BUTTERFLY MADE OF IRON!

Rolled 56

>>28127020
>[] Throw your axe in your attackers general direction rol1d100
then charge them

Rolled 13

>>28127020
[X] take one in the chest and stare him down roll1d100

Who dares take a shot at I!

Rolled 47

>>28127020
>[] Throw your axe in your attackers general direction rol1d100
Even if he dodges, we should be able to close in behind it and pick him out of the desbris.

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>>28127050

>>28127050
Think we killed Fitz?

>>28127097
Only if he forgot to keep a life potion on himself.

I expect him to not forget anymore after the cat incident.

>>28127071
>>28127050
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UIVe-rZBcm4

>>28127050
You grab the handle with both hands and lift it above your head, and with a bellow of rage unheard in these lands since dragons flew, you swing it down, letting go mid swing, sending the massive axe flying like your murderous fury given form. You heard a deafening crash and a blood curdling scream. You open your eyes and see Greggory Fritz nursing the bloody stump that used to be his arm.
(Well at least he fears you now). You stare with a confused look on your face as your brain tries to figure out if what just happened isn't a dream and how to hell you're going to fix this
what do you do
[] Help him
[] insult him and leave him to crawl to the guild master
[] Find his arm and try to reattach it
[] other

>>28127212
>[] Find his arm and try to reattach it
We may have to lecture him on bow safety first while using said arm to point at him.

>>28127254
That sounds hilarious.

>>28127212
I dont know how fable healing magic works. Do we just hold his arm to the stump and pour health potions on it?

>>28127212
>[X] Find his arm and try to reattach it

This should be good.

>>28127254
like never shooting at things you don't plan on killing.

>>28127212

Mourn loss of axe

>>28127320
especially when said thing murdered a balverine at age ten

>>28127254
This. Then carry both him and his arm to the guild master before he dies of blood loss.

>>28127339
Ok, I have to ask. Has this happened before? Because over the course of nine years of training in proximity to Gunther I would expect something like this to happen every other week or so.

>>28127382
At this rate it would be more efficient to train Gunther in healing so that he could be the first responder when he causes involuntary carnage.

>>28127431
Or just carry a first aid kit (Twig) at all times in our backpack.

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>>28127346
You ignore the screaming as you search for his arm, you soon find it in the shooting range. (oh the delicious irony). You brush the sand and rocks off of it as you bring it back to Fritz, who's still screaming. So you slap him with his own arm.
"YOU FUCKING PSYCHOPATH" He screams.
"Ok first off" You say pointing his arm at him "You shot at ME, while I was training and you never shoot at something you don't plan on killing, especially is said thing killed a balverine with nothing but a bone, that's the first rule of bow safety, the second is DON'T SHOOT AT ME". He has tears in his eyes.
"Oh you pansy, my uncle had both his arms torn off and he's fine, he's a drunk, but he's fine" You say as you pick him up, realizing he is currently to broken to find away to reattach his arm before he dies from blood loss. You think you did something similar to whisper once, you don't remember seeing as you woke up a month later with a terrible pain in your head. Fritz flails as you carry him up to the guild masters haunt, the quest accepting thing, Twig probaly knew its name, it was a map of the world and you were a tad pissed off when you learn it wouldn't let you teleport home.
"Oi weaver" you call out to the old man "Caught myself a dumbass".
"Heeeeeelp meeee" Gregory begs.
"Shut up" You say. the guildmaster stares at you for several awkward seconds.
"How did this happen" He asks.
What do you sya
[] he started it
[] shrug and drop fritz in front of him
[] I blame the Gardener
[] write in

>>28127537
[X] I blame the Gardener.

>>28127537
>[] I blame the Gardener
Man fuck roses.

>>28127537
>shrug

I honestly don't remember at this point.

>>28127537
>[x] Write in
Claim that he's delusional and did this to himself.

>>28127537
>[] write in
Souldn't you be trying to save his arm right now?

Anyway, he started shooting arrows at me while I was training with my axe. I got a bit carried away when I countered him by throwing my axe in his direction.

Who knew great axes made such great throwing weapons? Guess thats why we call them, great axes.

>>28127537
>[] I blame the Gardener
"he turned into a rose bush, and startled me as I was training my axe slipped"

but really

[] he started it
"ignoring bow safety

>>28127600
"I blame the Gardener" You say "can't trust them, I say we feed him to balverines".
"There are no balverines here, Gunther" Weaver says "And I happened to be looking out a window when a great axe lodge itself a few feet away from me, ruining a painting of one of my predecessors". (Plead the fifth, they can't prove anything).
"He threw...his fucking axe at me" Fritz says.

"Well you interrupted my training, with arrows" You say.

"You took off my fucking arm" He moans, turning a deathly shade of pale.

"And you have known me for nine years" You say "and let you thought it was a good idea to fucking shoot at me".

"Silence both of you" Weaver says "I'll see what I can do about Mr. Fritz arm".
roll 1d100 to see if Fritz is now the one armed bandito.

Rolled 36

>>28127740

Rolled 75

>>28127740
Please no! I mean, what challenge would he be with only one arm?

Rolled 74

>>28127740

>>28127766
He would then become the famous one armed archer!

Rolled 88

>>28127794
Not sure of how that works.

Not sure I want to know.

>>28127806
Did you roll already?

>>28127822
I am going to be honest and say yes. hoping it will give me brownies points.

>>28127822
>>28127822
Going for a walk, I'll count it up when I get back
discuss among yourselves

>>28127831
good man

>>28127835
So, what are the odds of us being actually a completely functionnal person in Albion?

Considering the psychopath who roams the land, I don't think we are going to be very different.

The only question is: Do we start killing people, steal their home, sell the house and repeat?

>>28127740
Fucks sakes, we need a better replacement for our origional mister Fritz this one is too much of a pansy/too stupid to live.

>>28128247
Look, we haven't bothered breaking him in yet.

>>28128265
And we didn't force him into growing a mustache yet.

>>28128265
>>28128307
It's been nine years guys, I somehow doubt there's any more we can do with this one.

>>28128345
We could force him into a pact with the shadow court.

>>28127766
"I'm sorry" Weaver says sadly "But, even if we could reattach it, the bone is jagged". Fritz smiles and faints at these words. Weaver looks at both of you angrily
what do you do
[] apologize
[] leave
[] find your axe
[] talk to someone
[] other

>>28128358
One armed reaver? yes please

>>28128365
TIE A CROSSBOW TO HIS STUMP!

>>28128365
>[] find your axe
If that's the biggest weapon they have here, we'll make do with it for now.

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>>28128365
>[] find your axe
Welp, did all we could.

>>28128379
Too bad there is no gun in the setting yet.

>>28128384
Or a canon crossbow hybrid.

>>28128365
[X] Find axe
>>28128384
Sounds good to me.

>>28128415
>fritz is now Guts
THERE IS NO WAY THIS CAN GO WRONG!

>>28128485
You ignore Weaver's stare, and you soon find you axe lodged in the stone wall of the guild before a gaping whole in the wall. You pull it free and continue of your way, ignoring the sobbing
weapon gained, Iron great axe
the sun is now high in the sky
what do you do
[] tests
[] swim
[] other

>>28128521
>[] other
Get Fritz a new gunpowder arm canon/crossbow.

>>28128559
He can do it on his own time

>>28128521
>[] tests
lets get it done

>>28128569
In that case, lets start the tests.

>>28128521
>[] other
Let us get ourselves a cane-axe before the tests

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>>28128623
>>28128623
You have 100 gold, all you can afford is pie

>>28128521
[X] tests

>>28128521
Well if the bone being jagged is a porblem then chop a bit more of his arm off. Just make it a clean cut this time, Weaver should be able to do the rest right?

>>28128671
I'm pretty sure they would be unable to reattach it even if this was set in 2 or 3

Rolled 12 + 4

>>28128697
BUT BUT MAGIC right?

>>28128667
You find yourself being pushed along by a very brave hero, oh it must be time for the hero tests. (KILL EVERYONE, DO NOT DO THIS, I SWEAR IF YOU)
"Shut up voice in my head" You mummer
You soon find yourself standing side by side with Whisper and Astraia.
"Where's Fritz?" whisper asks. Twig stares at your noticing your blood stained axe
what do you say
[] I did not kill him, please don't set me on fire
[] *whistle*
[] *stare*
[] write int

>>28128785
Meet her gaze.

>>28128740
He could get his old boring arm back or he could get a new gunpowder arm canon/crossbow!

Or maybe even a demonic graft.

>>28128785
[] write int
He should have known better than to hide in the trees and start shooting arrows at me without telling me beforehand.

>>28128785
"He wanted to give me a hand while I was practicing. However he tried to hard and gave me an arm instead."

>>28128785
"Archery accident"

>>28128823
John is either going to be pissed or scared shitless if he meets Gunther

>>28128858
ahahahhaha

>>28128858
>>28128861
>>28128823
So brush it off as nothing?

>>28128785
>[] "I think he is with the guild master. wasn't excising proper bow safety."

>>28128874
John? Doesn't ring a bell.

>>28128940
Nothing? We crippled a man. Which is hilarious.

>>28128858
Do this.

>>28128940
I wouldn't say nothing. Fritz should have known better after these last 9 years. It's like he WANTEd his arm chopped off.

>>28128958
Papa Fritz, you know the one dick had as his right hand, he's now a planar Traveler, who has a great many bastards

>>28128993
>had as his right hand
Oh this John.

So, he was our ancestor right hand and we took his descendant's left hand. Or right. Who cares?

>>28128858
This.

>>28128858
"He wanted to give me a hand practicing" You say smiling "He tried to hard and gave me an arm instead, give him a few days, he'll be right as rain".
Twig stares at you for a while.
"Well then its his own damn fault" She says "but at least tell me you feel bad".

"Yes, because I missed his head" You say, ignoring the speech Maze is giving as Weaver is currently patching up Gregory. You feel a electric jolt course through your body.

"GUNTHER" She shouts while whispering.

"Joking" you lie.

"Now while some of you favor more.....crude methods" Maze says staring at you "You are all heroes, or at least you will be at the days end". and with that he walks away, leaving you alone.
What test do you take first
[] target practice
[] duel (with who)
[] The maze thing in the forest where he teleported around like a shit

>>28129148
>[] The maze thing in the forest where he teleported around like a shit
I want us to go while we're still fresh and most able to tear the forest down.

>>28129148
>[] The maze thing in the forest where he teleported around like a shit
How do you find a tree in a forest? You cut down the whole thing, set it on fire and laugh over the ashes.

>>28129186
Well, we do have an axe. I pity the trees.

>>28129205
Do you wish to do this test with witch girl? y/n

>>28129148
>[] The maze thing in the forest where he teleported around like a shit
>Berserk straight down the center

>>28129230
As an ally or a opponent?

>>28129245
>>28129245
ally

>>28129148
[X] Maze

>>28129230
Oh Yeah.

>>28129230
Sure. We need a fire starter after all.

>>28129261
Yes then, but we really shouldn't use berserk.

>>28129261
>[] target practice
yea we need a ranged friend

>>28129281
"Say Twig" You say grabbing your small friend "I say we take on Maze together".

"Get the toughest challenge out of the way first?" she asks "Who are you and what have you done with gunther".

"Nah, I just get bored of thrashing whisper" You say "and with Fritz out of commission they only other choice for the duel is..."

"Alright, lets go kick the strongest will users ass" She says "Besides he's been a bit of a prick". She clenches her eyes.
"Voice in your head?" you ask.
"Voice in my head" She says nodding as you carry her on your shoulders like a father would, despite you being the same age, and her being barely shorter than whisper.
Soon.
"What are you two doing here?" Maze asks "There are other tests".

"We've come to kick your ass" You say "And besides this test seemed funner". He smirks.
"Well then, lets see how the boy raised among wolves and the pampered witch fair against their superior". and with that lightning fills the air.
What do you do
[] Try that will spell you learned earlier roll1d100 to not lose control.
[] distract him while Astraia rains down fire roll1d100
[] FULL FRONTAL ASSAULT roll1d100
[] other roll1d100

Rolled 18

>>28129422
>[] Try that will spell you learned earlier roll1d100 to not lose control.
Let's just smash him as hard as we can with the biggest thing we could find.

Rolled 22

>>28129422
>[] FULL FRONTAL ASSAULT roll1d100

Rolled 17

>>28129422
Did he just insult us? Fuck that shit, we're going for it.

>[X] Try that will spell you learned earlier roll1d100 to not lose control.

Rolled 27

>>28129422
>[] distract him while Astraia rains down fire roll1d100
Strategy! Nobody expect us using it.

Rolled 93

>>28129422
>[] other
Start swinging wildly in every direction until someone tells you that you have passed all the tests.

Rolled 16

>>28129422
>distract via FULL FRONTAL ASSAULT!
The only option.

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>>28129544

>>28129544
This.

Rolled 80

>>28129544
Reinforcing this.

>>28129558
>>28129447
Combine these? y/n

>>28129635
I'm going to say "yes" with the understanding that means waifu will set everything on fire while we try to turn him into paste.

Rolled 48

>>28129635
What difference would it make?

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>>28129544
This. So Much this.

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>>28129661
>>28129661
Maze may hit himself from fear that you can will

Rolled 85

>>28129690
Lets do that then.

CHOO CHOO! MOTHERFUCKERS! The Gunther locomotive doesn't stop for anyone!

>>28129690
However the don't stop swinging till you win is winning

Rolled 48

>>28129544
As long as the witch is hanging out on our shoulders, we may as well cut a path of destruction in all directions, right? This has my vote

Rolled 73

>>28129690
I want to see that!

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>>28129544
You ignore the pain, the fire, the erthal swords in the air, the fact twig and maze are teleporting, and just start swinging with wild abandon, laughing, (Dear me). You hear screams but you don't listen, just keep swinging, you feel you axe strike something but you don't stop swinging or laughing. The sounds of war surround you as the forest burns, you swear you hear crying.
roll1d100 to avoid something

Rolled 43

>>28129787
Lets dodge that something, hoping its not Twig's pancreas.

Rolled 42

>>28129787
Muahaha

>>28129787
Ethereal I meant, not erthal

Rolled 30

>>28129787
we move like a fire so quick we will never be hit till we exhaust our selves

Rolled 50

>>28129787
DODGEEEEEE

Rolled 40

>>28129787
WE DONT NEED TO DODGE. WE ARE A WALL.

SHOW THEM THE KNOTHOLE GLADE WAY

Rolled 20

>>28129868
this. also rip off shirt.

Rolled 35

>>28129787

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>>28129849
You briefly feel a pain on the back your head, before everything goes black
......
Gunther falls to the ground with a deafening thud, the unconscious Astraia Grey's fall being cushioned by his body.
"WEAVER" Maze says " and....thunder, I see you heard my screams".

"Yes, did they do this" Weaver asks taking in the carnage these two caused

"Yes" Maze said.

"I expected nothing less from him" Thunder says nodding.

"Wait...you aren't going to punish" maze begins.

"Maze, we've raised some of the worst monsters in history here, and you think I give a shit about a forest anymore, squirrels are assholes" Weaver says "Besides he's a good kid, deep down, really deep down, and he'll make a fine hero". Maze's screams could be heard across the planes.
.....
You wake up, in the shitty robes heroes are given with a heroes seal on your chest with a note, it reads "You passed"
what do you do
[] find twig
[] sleep
[] lets do hero shit
[] other
also any idea for description?

Rolled 3

>>28130095
>[] find twig
Force feed her pie to celebrate!

>>28130095
>[X] find twig

Oh shit, Weaver just turned into a badass.

>>28130095
>[] find twig
We'll get her help to go out and find and even bigger weapon than the axe.

>>28130095
> [] find twig
CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES C'MON!
Also, maybe we can finally try to beat Thunder at a drinking contest

>>28130095
>[] find twig

>>28130202
You decide to go find twig. You soon find her, standing outside your door.
"Oh you finally woke up" she says, holding a burning something behind her back "Its been a week by the way".

"Again, avo dammit" You say.

"Also Fritz and whisper passed" She says "and the forest is gone thanks to us".

"Bah the squirrels were dicks there" You say.

"It truly was a purging fire" She says following you along your morning walk.

"So what now?" you ask leaning against a wall.

"I...don't know" she says "I was hoping you would know".

what do you do
[] quests
[] swim
[] challenge thunder roll1d100
[] flirt (write in what you say) roll1d100
[] other

Rolled 89

>>28130312
>[] flirt (write in what you say) roll1d100
Would you go along with me on an adventure involving fire, axes and dead monsters? Just the two of us?

>>28130389
Can't argue with that.

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>>28130389

>>28130389
Well said.

Rolled 27

>>28130312
>[]flirt
EY GURL U WANT SUM FUK

Rolled 21

>>28130389
Well flirted anon. I approve.

>>28130389
This.

>>28130389
"So, twig" You say picking her up "Would you like to go on an adventure with me involving fire, axes, dead monsters, just the two of us?".

"W...what?" she says, her face redder than Thunder's ass based on the rumors you got the gardener to spread because fuck him and his roses.

"Think of it as a date" you say carrying her over your shoulder "a bloody date, a very bloody date".

".....fine" She says "just promise this won't be like the time thunder forced you into a date with whisper".

"It won't be" You laugh "Because I won't break your jaw, though that was a fun day".

"Dammit Gunther" she says laughing, punching you softly on the head.

what do you do
[] get a quest (options, bandit killing, wasp slaying, trader escort)
[] other

>>28130389
This. All of this.

>>28130439
None of that. We may be uncouth, but we have the standards of a mustache to live up too.

Rolled 15

>>28130618
>[] get a quest (options, bandit killing, wasp slaying, trader escort)
Bandit slaying of course.

We can even make one or two competent survivors our followers.

>>28130618
"fine ill break you jaw if you want"
kiss her hard

>>28130618
Slay ALL THE BANDITS!

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>>28130693
>>28130693
I will make you roll not to break her jaw

>>28130618
Get an escort job. Preferably the kind where we sit together on the back of a stage coach and enjoy the scenery. Then we get to break bandit faces in.

>>28130736
fine with me

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>>28130855
DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO IT
but it seems bandit murder is winning

>>28130618
>".....fine" She says "just promise this won't be like the time thunder forced you into a date with whisper".
Which one was the incestuous one?

>>28130904
>0
eeeeh?

>>28130899
we can kill bandits too

Rolled 80

>>28130899
rolling

>>28130998
by the way
low is good for this roll

>>28130968
I'm pretty sure Thunder and Whisper was siblings, and that one of them was interested in the other.

>>28131016
We're not seriously rolling, right?

>>28131018
I don't recall that

>>28131032
Nah, so bandits?
also any good description ideas?

>>28130899
Fine by me.

Rolled 7

>>28131016
>>28130736

Wouldn't be nice hurting twig.

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>>28131095
>>28131095

>>28131109
We are on to you Mister Twirler.

>>28131068
>>28131068
You carry your friend to the quest place, in which you see whisper and a one armed fritz leaving. Fritz glares at you. You respond by flipping him off with the arm he lost, not the rotting one you tossed to the birds, but your left or right arm, you always confuse the two. You grab a card that says, bandits doing some shit or another, get maze to write this I'm trying to drink away my sorrows, signed weaver.
what a nice old man
Do you wish to kiss Astraia? y/n

>>28131139
y

>>28131095
With a surprisingly gentle touch!

>>28131139
Y

Also, Weaver is the best guild master.

>>28131139

Not yet. All in due time. We do not want to ruin a good thing before it has even begun

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>>28131209
>>28131209

>>28131229

>>28131139
>kiss?
After we complete the mission.

>>28131287
>>28131287
Surrounded by death
as is the knothole glade way

Rolled 4

>>28131287
>>28131298
yes like this

Rolled 3

>>28131139
Lets not kiss her yet. Lets wait for a more romantic time, when we are both drenched in blood, sweat and possibly sap.

>>28131287
This. No need to rush it. Much more fun to flirt and tease her during the date, then do something unexpected that leads to a kiss.

>>28131312
You think about kissing Astraia, but then decided that murdering bandits is a more pressing matter. You begin to sing a wordless song as you leave the guild. you read the card as you walk through the charred remains of the woods.
Reward 200 gold
Bandits are dicks, murder them or something.
Seems about right.
"So what did you get us?" Twig asks.

"Bandit murdering" You answer.

"Well that sounds fun, meting out justices" She says, sounding far to aroused by this.

"And I bet they make funny noises when you squeeze the life out of them" you say.

"I bet they do big guy" She says patting you on the head
what do you do
[] skip to bandit camp roll1d100
[] nah I want to talk to lesser beings

>>28131287
Sounds good to me.

Rolled 96

>>28131416
Let's get things moving.

Rolled 75

>>28131416
>[] skip to bandit camp roll1d100

Rolled 55

>>28131416
>[] skip to bandit camp roll1d100
lets infiltrate first I bet we can out drink them and then kill them

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>>28131455
No jack of blades today

Rolled 51

>>28131481
Pffft, Jack of blades got nothing on us.

Our axe is like 10x bigger than his puny sword.

>>28131455
You are outside of the bandit camp, Well they seem tougher than most here. Twig seems a bit frightened. and you can smell cooking meat and booze.
What do you do
[] walk in and try to make them turn their backs on banditry roll1d100
[] hide Astraia and pretend avo is angry with them roll1d100
[] Fuck it butcher them all roll1d100
[] rip shirt off and punch them in the faces roll1d100
[] other

Rolled 19

>>28131549
You had to include the Knothole way option...

Rolled 31

>>28131549
>[] other
Offer them a proper challenge. Two against two duels.

Rolled 32

>>28131549
>[] rip shirt off and punch them in the faces roll1d100
we need some goons they will do nicely

Rolled 37

>>28131549
BOOZE?

THATS OURS

BEAT UP EVERYONE AND TAKE IT FOR OURSELVES

Rolled 96

>>28131549
Drinking contest?

Rolled 40

>>28131686
I like the way you think.

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>>28131686
always the second to last or last roll with you fuckers isn't it

>>28131549
[X] rip shirt off and punch them in the faces roll1d100

Rolled 42

>>28131549

>>28131706
I just rolled 2 fucking 96s in a row, so no. I'd say it isn't always the second to last roll thank you very much!

>>28131686
I like the way you think!

>>28131686
i realized why we are so different from our father guys.
we are the first drunken monk of albion.

>>28131686
>>28131718
"BOOOOOOOOOOOOZE" You scream like a god angry at being forgotten.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING" one of them screams
"I DON'T KNOW JERRY" another screams holding on to the other "BUT I'M SCARED"
You rip your shirt off and pose, watching the baby men cower in fear before you start your assault, you feel bones crack and hearts break as you punch all of them in the face, and off the cliff, and into each other to be thrown off the cliff.
"OI, YA LITTLE SHIT" A voice shouts.
roll1d100 to catch cleaver

Rolled 69

>>28131847

>>28131847
>You rip your shirt off and pose, watching the baby men cower in fear before you start your assault, you feel bones crack and hearts break as you punch all of them in the face, and off the cliff, and into each other to be thrown off the cliff.

we are truely the greatest hero ever.

Rolled 42

>>28131847

Rolled 90

>>28131847
IT IS THE KNOTHOLE GLAVE WAY

Rolled 59

>>28131847
time for face catching goodness!

Rolled 99

>>28131847
Clearly we bat it back to sender with our axe.

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>>28131893
any particular way you want to catch it?

Rolled 98

>>28131916
this way>>28131897

>>28131916
Like >>28131897
Please!

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>>28131897

>>28131937
Yeah. My plans tend to have that effect.

Rolled 33

>>28131897
Hey, if we get a homerun on that we may be able to get reach third base!

>>28131893
>>28131897
>>28131925
The dice gods truly wish for these bandits to die this day

Rolled 32

I heard that if you toss an axe hard enough it comes back, like a boomerang!

Let's try that.

>>28131916
>>28131897

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>>28131897
You swing your axe, not aiming the blade to kill but to send back, (like some kind of murderous mailman). You hear the noise of steel peircing flesh and a girlish scream before you strike the man with such force he flies into a tree, felling it as he gurgles away his last breath in terror of the demon before him
all the bandits are dead
or at the bottom of the cliff in extreme agony
what do you do
[] Take his cleaver as a trophy
[] Twig, you alright?
[]Knothole glade kiss?
[]BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOZE
[] other

>>28132012
[X] Twig, you alright?

Rolled 35

>>28132012
>[] Twig, you alright?
>[] Take his cleaver as a trophy

>[]BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOZE
>[]Knothole glade kiss

In that order.

Also, how high was our combat multiplier?

Rolled 80

>>28132012
check on twig.

>>28132012
>[] Twig, you alright?
then
[]Knothole glade kiss!

>>28132057
Not high enough

Rolled 91

>>28132012
>[] Twig, you alright?
>[] Take his cleaver as a trophy

Rolled 77

>>28132077
Are you saying we could gotten our combat multiplier even higher?

We should consider looting the bodies.

I wonder if we could get Fritz a new arm here, if this world doesn't exactly follow the same laws as ours.

Rolled 54

>>28132012
>knothole glade kiss
>Twig, you alright?
>Booze!
>My head?!
>Twig, are you alright?
>where's my shirt? Oh, right...
>Where'd that puny knife (cleaver) come from?

>>28132070
You pull the cleaver free of his skull, and grab a bottle of cheap booze.
"Twig!!!" You yell "ARE YOU ALRIGHT".

"Are they dead?" She asks.

"Yes" You say

"Oh god my legs, my beautiful legs" a voice calls out from the cliff edge. You kick a red barrel at the voice.

"Now they are" You call back. Astraia pops out from behind a bush

"Good" she says before tripping on a rock you used to crush a bandits head. She's now in your arms
kiss? y/n

>>28132145
Y

>>28132145
Y

>>28132145
yes

Rolled 74

>>28132145
Y Y Y Y Y

With the gentleness of a thousand breezes.

>>28132145
The way you're stringing this out is seriously fucking with my paranoia OP!

...do we have any sort of reasonable expectation that the mission doesn't exceed the one in the game? No hidden boss type thing?

>share booze

>>28132227
>>28132227
You killed the boss via 99

>>28132145
Yes, and remember, we already succeeded on the gentleness roll

>>28132242
You sure that carried over?

>>28132240
but think of him as a mini bozz

>>28132251
It's only reasonable, it was rolled when he requested it.

>>28132255
Confirmed mega boss in the vicinity!

Rolled 49

>>28132255
I prefer to think of him as dead.

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>>28132274
You lean in to kiss twig an....
"WAAAAAAZ GOOOOD NIGGAH"
roll1d100

Rolled 88

>>28132307
AO ONI!