>>28082618

"Not to worry, not to worry!" Flitwick reassures her, and several of the other students who have had similar problems. "We've plenty of feathers for you to work with. But there, that's why we use them, so if something goes wrong... well, a brick or stone might hurt someone, you understand."

You...
>Try casting the spell without thinking about it. [Roll 3d6]
>Try to put your head together with Illya to figure this out. [Roll 3d6]
>Analyze a successful student and try to break it down step by step. [Roll 3d6]
>[Write In]

Rolled 3, 4, 1 = 8

>>28082622
>Try casting the spell without thinking about it.

There is no try.

Rolled 3, 5, 5 = 13

>>28082622

>Try casting the spell without thinking about it.

Rolled 3, 2, 5 = 10

>>28082622
>Try casting the spell without thinking about it. [Roll 3d6]

Rolled 3, 2, 3 = 8

>>28082645
>>28082655
>>28082776
>First dice of all three rolls is 3
Thats...thats eerie.

Rolled 5, 6, 2 = 13

>>28082622
>Try casting the spell without thinking about it.

Rolled 4, 4, 1 = 9

Yes! Finally in the actual thread, and boy is this whole thing amazing. My only two minor gripes are that we're learning capoeira of all things and that head... girl or something? isn't Luvia
>Analyze a successful student and try to break it down step by step

Rolled 4, 1, 5 = 10

>>28082785
Well, now it's the first four, and so is no longer eerie

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[BEST OF FIRST THREE: 8]
[WANDLORE RANK F: 9]
[TARGET NUMBER: 9]
[SUCCESS!]

Alright, you'll give it another bite. If the short midget guy is gonna tell you that all you've got to do is swish and flick, then all you're gonna do is swish and flick. You empty your mind of any thought of analyzing the spell, any thought of trying to observe how your prana is supposed to flow, any thought that you might somehow screw the spell up for one reason or another. It's more difficult than you would like to think, seeing how all of the instincts Mr. Kiritsugu has drilled into you says that it's a horrible idea.

But you do it.

"Wingardium Leviosa," you intone, not quite half assedly.

You do not feel the gentle rush of prana as your magic seeps forth through your fingers and down your wand. You miss complete the subtle reaction that occurs when that prana meets your core, and recognizes the presence of the triggering element. And even if you were paying attention, were actually thinking about it, you would not have understood the miracle that occured as you spoke each syllable.

Effect is created without cause.

The feather rises slowly from your desk, as if a fan gently blew on it from below, until it comes to be level with the tip of your wand. As you observe the feather, you do everything in your power to avoid observing your prana, lest an error occur and your feather explode.

Illya is looking at you as if you had grown a second head.

"How?" she asks. "You didn't -do- anything!"

>Explain to Illya how you emptied your mind.
>Tell her you'll explain after class.
>Smile as if you were a master ruseman.
>[Write In]

>>28082862
>Smile as if you were a master ruseman.
>Explain to Illya how you emptied your mind
And follow up with that Bruce Lee speech

Rolled 1, 1, 5 = 7

>>28082862
>>Smile as if you were a master ruseman.

"Problem, Illya?"

Rolled 4, 3, 2 = 9

>>28082862
>>"How?" she asks. "You didn't -do- anything!"

And we smile and respond:
"Yes, exactly."

>>28082862
"Last time I didn't do anything I made Dark Lord a hapless cripple. I'm talented at that"

Speaking of nothingness, do we have an element? Is it Imaginary Numbers?

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>>28082862
>Explain to Illya how you emptied your mind.

C'mon Illya, this is like basic doublethink. It won't hurt your brain, much.

Also
>Wake up at 4AM after 2 hours of sleep
>Fully awake
>MUST. BROWSE. /TG/.
>Suddenly Surprise HPNQ
Best insomnia ever.

>>28082959
Demons.

All Wizards possess the element of Demons.

Squibs are people with magic circuits that have a different element.

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>>28082986
>everything is demons
Fantastic

It's the nasuverse good? I'm trying to read it but there is so many games that I don't know how to begin

>>28083056
Begin with Tsukihime, although it's not really about magic, but it tranfers the mood, and when it comes to technical execution it's the worst, playing anything before may just spoil you

>>28083056
Start with Tsukihime or Fate/Stay Night VNs (don't watch the anime, they're fucking terrible), doesn't really matter which. Then read whichever one you didn't start with, then watch the Fate/Zero anime. After that you'll more or less know what we're talking about.

Then wait for them to translate the last 3% of Fate/Hollow Ataraxia like the rest of us have been doing for the better part of the last geological epoch.

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You fail to repress the urge to smile insufferably. It's not every day that you manage to outperform Illya in a branch of magecraft, even if this particular branch of magecraft is more suited to stumbling along in the darkness than actually understanding it. Illya gives you a very flat and aggrivated look that voices her displeasure for her, and you shake yourself out of your smugness.

"There's a trick to it," you explain, waving your wand just so that you teasingly tickle her nose with your feather. "Wands work with demons, right? So the trick is-"

"Mister Potter!" Flitwick interrupts you, scandalized. "I know that you are fresh to the Wizarding world, Mister Potter, but I am -amazed- that any of my students would so readily buy in to such... such... slanderous propoganda. Wizards do not draw their power from demons or devils, such talk is simply the superstitious beliefs of muggles who do not know any better!"

The entire class is now staring at you.

Half, whom you can only assume to be the muggleborns, are looking at you with shock, and a little bit of fear. Probably because you used shorthand, something you really ought to work on - no doubt if you said 'Sixth Imaginary Element' or something along those lines, they would not be worried for their souls.

The other half - no doubt the purebloods and others who possess wizarding heritage - look more than a little bit annoyed with you. Misunderstandings like that were no doubt the cause of the witch-hunts, which claimed thousands of lives both muggle and magical. You doubt any of them appreciate being associated with demons, even if that is the most widely accepted term for the sixth imaginary element.

It's Illya's turn to smile insufferably. You're probably not going to get any help. You...
>Explain to the Professor that's not what you meant.
>Thank Professor Flitwick for clearing that up.
>Apologize to the Professor for your faux pas.
>[Write In]

>>28083122
>Explain to the Professor that's not what you meant.
We're never sorry

Wait weren't we casting reparo not wingardium leviosa?

>>28083122
>Thank Professor Flitwick for clearing that up.

>>28083107
>>28083112

Thank you guys

In the Type Moon Wiki there are other games lke Kara no Kyoukai, DDD, Mahou Tsukai no Yoru and Notes. Are these games/novels good too?

>>28083122

>Explain to the Professor that's not what you meant

>>28083122
>Explain to the Professor that you were just messing with her
"Yes, and I know that she knows that, and I know that she knows that *I* know that. I was being *entirely facetious*."

>>28083182
This is good

>>28083122
>Explain to the Professor that's not what you meant.

Of course we're not taking about DEMON demons, that's just silly.

>>28083179
I guess so. But they might not be translated, so proceed with caution. Also I don't know how many of them are actually Nasuverse

>>28083179
Mahou Tsukai is untranslated, but probably good.

Kara no Kyoukai is amazing and you should watch it.

Notes varies. Good for information, but not Nasu at his best.

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>>28083122
Man, totally missed the chance to post this.

>>28083122
>Explain to the Professor that's not what you meant.

Hi OP, a little tip to you.

This board is about traditional games, tabletop gaming such as DnD, CoC or 40K. For fanfiction, unfortunately 4chan lacks a writing board to post your work to. My suggestion would be fanfiction.net, where you would be able to share your Harry Potter and Fate/Stay Night crossover fanfiction to those looking to read it.

Hope this helps!

>>28083122

>Explain to the Professor that's not what you meant.

"Just a bit of shorthand professor nothing to worry about, eastern magic, homeschooling and all that, you know."

>>28083298
Get fucked.

Quests are /tg/.

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>>28083298

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>>28083298
How can the world of man hope to stand against such reckless faggotry?

>>28083298
>FF.net
>not AO3
>not Spacebattles

Joke's on you, OP already posts on that last one!

Seriously, don't respond to the troll. He's been doing the same shit in a bunch of other quest threads.

>>28083314
>Unlimited Bait Works
>The image is of Gate of Babylon
Truly the greatest of baits.

>>28083309

So are "ERP Generals" and other such awful threads, defending poorly written crossover fanfiction by lumping it in with older, actually interesting threads like Dorf Quest and whatnot is silly.

>>28083314

I thought bad posters jumped on "ruse" instead of "bait" nowadays. You want to say trolling but also want to fit in, I understand. It's almost like not everyone likes a front page filled with endless anime quests.

>>28083325

I merely suggested fanfiction.net as its on the level of the work found there. They even have a section for his work:

http://www.fanfiction.net/Harry-Potter-and-Fate-stay-night-Crossovers/224/2746/

And would you look at that, 40 other works! He's the 41st person to do this. Even among thieving hacks he's unoriginal.

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>>28083370

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>>28083370
Just report the post and move on.

>>28083325
>>28083314
>>28083310

>You actually replied to him

GUYS!!!

And didn't even bring up that that we're also testing the Professor's system during the quest. Which does fall unquestionably in the preview of /tg/.

And now you've got me replying to.

>>28083298
Quests have been on /tg/ for the last 5 years.

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You have to think fast on your feet if you want to avoid any unpleasant consequences - though you do take a mental note to remember not to mention the whole Demons thing around Wizards from now on. There are several directions that you could go with this. You could play at being an ignorant fool weaned on the Bible by the Dursley's and apologize for the ignorance born of your faith. You could thank him for clearing the issue up, and pretend that your slip up was meant to reassure the muggleborns that they haven't sold their souls to Satan. You could even try to argue the scientific point of the Sixth Imaginary Element.

But instead, you go with plan 'D': none of the above.

You start fast talking.

"Oh yes, well, I know that and you know that, Professor," you spit out faster than a Browning spits bullets. "Illya knows that too, and I'm fairly sure that everyone knows that everyone else knows that! I was, ah, just having a bit of a tasteless joke. Ha Ha Ha."

It is perhaps the fact that you spoke those last three syllables that makes your class mates - especially your roommates - send you worried glances for the rest of the class. As if you're a pot that might boil over any second now, and they need to keep an eye on you to keep you from going nuts. But the professor, at least, waves it off as a particularly tasteless joke.

You do, however, manage to slip Illya a note explaining how you managed to figure things out. After your... outburst, you suppose, the class goes on for another forty five minutes of repeating the steps over and over again. Which seems odd, as practice doesn't seem to have any effect on your own ability to cast - you just need to keep your brain from thinking.

On the walk to your next class, you...
>Keep Illya from jumping any maids you see on the way there.
>Try to find the optimal route in the maze-like halls.
>Get to know your classmates better.
>[Write In]

>>28083394

Excellent reaction image, dude. I'm told as hell here.

>>28083363

A bloo bloo quality control is trolling. Fun little fact, this is my first post in any sort of quest thread. It's almost like there's a lot of people fed up with endless bad writing flooding the board. Just fancy that.

>>28083402

Silence all criticism, amazing. No wonder shit writers are drawn to this board so much, its a little aspie hugbox where no-one will call them out on it.

>>28083436

Original quests have. Pathetic fanfiction isnt a quest, its a bad author relying on an existing world to prop up bad characters, shit storytelling and overall lack of effort. And this isn't even the worst of them, god knows how many times I've scrolled past STRIKE WITCHES QUEST or PERSONA QUEST or whatever flavour-of-the-month fanfiction is taking up the front page. Seeing a good board devolve into nothing but the grim darkness of 40 gay and animefuckquests is upsetting.

>>28083455
>Try to find the optimal route in the maze-like halls.

Illya maid-jumping is going to be a persistent problem whether we like it or not, so the best solution is to find the optimal route to offset her inevitable time wasting.

>>28083455
>>Try to find the optimal route in the maze-like halls.

>>28083455
>>Get to know your classmates better.
Socialization ho!

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>>28083469
If people enjoy it it will stay alive and going in and telling people to take it elsewhere isnt really going to achieve anything.
But you should know this, so I'm not sure what you're hoping to achieve.

>>28083455
>Try to find the optimal route in the maze-like halls.

Efficiency ho!

>>28083498
He's not trying to accomplish anything, because it's bait. Don't bite and he'll move on to more promising waters.

>>28083498
Ack, we were so close to completely shunning that ruseman, and then you happened

>>28083565
>More so that someone browsing the front page
>Still using the front page
Allow me to introduce you to your new best friend!
>>>/tg/catalog

>>28083565
>any quest with a setting I don't like is a shitty fanfiction, said the teenager with aspergers.
FTFY

Just saying
but arguing about the mystery of /tg/'s content is pointless, will not end and as long as you reply to each other, clutter the thread with shitflinging.

Just let It go

>>28083640
I wish it were that easy

>>28083607

Yeah now I can see 30 shitty quests instead of 7, amazing.

>>28083616

Okay you're a little slow so I'll explain what the word "fanfiction" means. It refers to writing taking place within someone else's work, without permission of the creator. Now lets move onto crossover fanfiction. This is when you take the characters/setting/etc from two seperate unrelated works, and use them for your own writing. Now lets take a look at this story... oh my, its Harry Potter from the hit book series by JK Rowling, and Illyasviel Von Einzbern from the visual novel Fate/Stay Night! Just fancy that! It's almost like its some sort of fanfiction, perhaps this crossover fanfiction idea mentioned before? Well if you like this, you'll be pleased to know that there's an entire website for this level of writing. First draft, hastily written, fanfiction with zero criticism. Just like on good old fan fiction dot net.

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>>28083652
Just let go.

No one can win this. Neither he or you.
And the thread suffers

>>28083661
First time I see so much effort wasted on shitposting
If you don't know what "quest" means, and that it's /tg/ related, you're in no position to act like "the only guy who knows" here

>>28083682
It's useless already. As the initial shitposter he will never let it go. Shitposting is too strong, that's how /v/ thrives
It's too late, everyone's enthusiasm is gone and this thread will drown in shit we fling at each other

>>28083455
>Try to find optimal route
Let's just ignore this eyesore shitposter

>>28083661
Tabletop games are played in same settings as well.
Quest threads are an exercise for the skills that GM needs to run a game.

The only thing you're against is the use of a setting you don't like.

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"Defense is next," you tell Illya as you leave the room.

"That's Professor Snape, right?" she asks. "Tonks warned us about him. Apparently he doesn't like it if you show up late."

"I suppose everyone will be staying in the dungeons tonight, then," you deadpan. "Fat chance any of us will make it there on time, given the whole 'moving stairs' thing. It's like the building itself is conspiring to keep everyone from being on time."

"It's not that bad," Justin chimes in. "M'dad told me you get used to it after a while. Though, I suppose that may be why old Flitwick let us out of class early today..."

While the other students head off in the most direct route towards the Dungeons, you and Illya stick back, opting to try and approach the problem from an oblique angle. There are, according to the map that came with your schedule, an abundance of routes to get from one end of the school to another. Which -change- every time the stairs get uppity and decide that the -cool= stairways don't stick to connecting the same doors, but switch things up a bit to keep things from getting boring.

"Why?" Illya despairs. "Why on -Earth- would anyone do this? What's the -purpose- of giving the stairs a will of their own?"

"I think they may have just arose from the ambient magic," you comment.

"But prana doesn't work that way!"

"We're dealing with..." you almost say demons, but you bite the word on your tongue before it comes out. "... the sixth imaginary element. Which is so poorly understood that people thought for centuries that it was the work of trickster spirits."

"Point," Illya concedes. "But that still doesn't solve the bit where there isn't a consistent way to get from one place to the other. They all rely on everything being in place."

You look at the map. She does have a point.

>"Maybe you can make one with alchemy?"
>Go investigate the stairs. If one is in place, kill its ability to move.
>Concede that you may need to rely on chance from now on.
>[Write In]

>>28083733
Stop replying. Its not an argument you can win, because he isn't interested in the slightest in any rational point you can make. Its the same as trying to sit down and debate a heckler at a political event, its impossible and only gives him a platform to hurl more abuse.

>>28083736
>Concede that you may need to rely on chance from now on.
I don't get the first option, the second will BACKFIRE, thus third it is

>>28083736
>Ask some of the paintings.

No stabbing. That never works well.

>>28083748
You don't like Kaleid Liner do you?

>>28083455
[x] Attempt to navigate entirely by instinct.

Traversing the optimal route actually involves not trying to find the optimal route. (Hogwarts magic involves NOT thinking, remember?)

>>28083736
>Concede that you may need to rely on chance from now on.

Remember what we learned just now. Don't think and everything will work out pathfinding totally doesn't work that way, even in Hogwarts, does it?.

Also, hipster staircases. Truly a terrifying thought.

>>28083736
>Concede that you may need to rely on chance from now on.

CHAAAAAARGE!

>>28083748
Then actually fucking critique as opposed to going on long rants about how this thread, setting and crossovers in general are unpalatable shit that is killing /tg I'll stop calling you a shitposter when you sop posting heaping piles of it.
>>28083736
>Maybe you can make one with alchemy?

>feeding the shitposting troll
all you god damn casuals
get out of my /tg/, you disappoint me.

>>28083783
Then why not just shut up? You clearly recognise you are completely incapable of accomplishing anything constructive by posting about it.

>>28083783
I dunno, the personality is pretty close to Kuro and I'd say that counts as an Illya.

>>28083748
And what quality control do you propose? You just keep complaining that this "fanfiction" doesn't belong here, with no regard for actual writing quality

Besides, let me explain you why you're wrong
Let's start with something that's 100% /tg/: tabletops. They come in various settings, and sometimes, when people are interested, those settings come from established franchises, and even fusions (by the way, proper term is "fusion", not "crossover), and that's fine, as long as people are interested.
Now, suppose you want to make a game on the internet, namely /tg/. You're gonna have a trouble with number of players: it's either too large to be manageable, or a lot of people will be simple spectators. Now, if you decide to somewhat limit player's options in the story, it will come down to voting, thus letting you manage a large number of players, and making this game a "quest". Now, you might have a problem with the line "and that's fine, as long as people are interested". Well, those who aren't interested just stay out, and if they can't stand seeing those quests in the catalog or on the front page just "hide" them. I mean, what kind of plebean do you have to be to not hide threads you don't like. I mean, you can do it, right? You know how it's done?

And another thing: unless you're a mod, you're in no position to determine the contents of the entire board, get off your high horse

Wake up, see rarely run but fun and enjoyable quest, see all this bullshit, ignore it though passively aggressively say you're ignoring it because I was asleep for 12 hours after DPing/cameraman a music video shoot with blunt steel and armor and I had to do three takes of a low angle with no tripod by laying on top of an anthill as an awesome choreographed fight happened ABOVE ME, I see some people can't let others have nice things and I say fuck being passive aggressive, get actually aggressive and scream rather incoherently at this douche nozzle to go fuck himself and let us have nice things. The mods declared Quest Threads, fanfic or original, are TG, don't like me, don't read them, don't give us a fucking academic paper on why we cannot have fun!

Fuck me I am sore, itchy, bitten by ants, and have responded to bait. I have suffered for my art and this is how the world betrays me!

That said, let's ask some paintings.

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>feeding the ruseman/autist

>>28083736
>Concede that you may need to rely on chance from now on.

>>28083963
>Fuck me I am sore, itchy, bitten by ants, and have responded to bait. I have suffered for my art and this is how the world betrays me!

Why was "is that an aria? is he casting a spell?" the first thing that popped into my head?

I think I need to drink less. Or more.

>>28083998
If you drink enough you'll eventually loop back around into sobriety. Trust me, I'm a doctor. I'm not a doctor.

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"Well, using my eyes is always an option."

"That is an option," Illya says. "But it would only stick in the best of best case scenarios. If you're right about them being constructs which arise from the use of wandlore, then it'll only be a stopgap until the 'ambient magic' winds them back up and they start moving again. And then there are the risks involved in the procedure itself - on slip while you're cutting its lines and instead of an immobile staircase, we've got a pile of loose rocks."

"Then I suppose we'll need to stick to our luck, then," you say, heading off towards the dungeons. "As I doubt anyone would appreciate if you used your alchemy to make a permanent path..."

"And anything I make," she finishes the thought for you, "may well decide to come alive and join the others in maximizing everyone's inconvenience."

It doesn't take you that long to find your way to the dungeons, as none of the stairs had yet to decide that they were too cool to stay put. It's surprisingly bright down here - from what rumors you've heard, you had been expecting it to be dank, dark, and thoroughly unpleasant. But while there is the occassional ring stuck into the walls to chain a set of manacles to, the dungeons look little different from the rest of the classrooms. Brighter, even, to compensate for the lack of sunlight, and plenty of warm colors.

You get to your desks just on time, as Snape glides in and starts taking attendance.

"The world is a dark and unforgiving place. Just as She gives us sunshine and roses, so too does She put us up against the likes of Vampires and Werewolves. As first years, you will hardly be expected to fend off such creatures - this class shall instead teach you how to -survive- such encounters, and escape Dark Wizard and Dark Beast alike."

He turns to you, his eyes narrowed.

>Field too long

Funny how -that guy- (and I mean really, he's "that guy" here) still doesn't reply. Doesn't usually take him long and no way in hell is he gone

>>28084014

"Mr. Potter. A new Dark Lord is staring you down, wand pointed at your heart, the Killing Curse on the tip of his tongue. How do you react?"

>I shoot him with my gun.
>I stab him with my knife.
>I make damn well sure Illya... and my friends... are clear before setting off a grenade.
>I point out to him that I already survived it once, and that he might want to use a different curse.
>[Write In]

>>28084025
>Signal for the sniper to open fire.

>>28084025
>I point out to him that I already survived it once, and that he might want to use a different curse.

"... this is of course stalling for time while Illya blindsides him."

>>28084025
>I shoot him with my gun. If he's got his wand against my heart I'm in a position to have my gun against his.

>>28084025
>I point out to him that I already survived it once, and that he might want to use a different curse.

On a related note, what happens if we kill the killing curse? Will it create some kind of singularity of KILL?

>>28084064
A Killological Singularity?

>>28084025
"Disable his wand hand with a knife, duck into close range under his ability to easily aim, prepare appropriately violent spell or physical countermeasure, apply to the dead center of his chest in such a fashion to unsure he is now a former Dark Lord"

"Also, probably laugh in manic glee"

>>28084025
>[X]dotstab snapes wand
then say "that"

>>28084025
>I make damn well sure Illya... and my friends... are clear before setting off a grenade.
I think this suits us best

>>28084064
We will summon Death that will proceed with repairing and enhance our vehicle

>>28084025
>Signal for sniper to fire
When Severus inevitably points out that the sixth imaginary element doesn't like tech I say dodge then return fire.

>>28084054
I think this works

or maybe a combo with the "already survived it once"

>>28084077
-what good are knives in a magic fight-

-if a wizard cannot use his hand, he cannot swish and flick-

-the more you FOE-

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===TEACH ME TONKS-SENPAI!===

"Tonks-senpai! Tonks-senpai!" You scramble into the room, your foot accidentally kicking the cat your beloved Tonks-senpai had adopted from the shelter last week. "What happens if I kill the killing curse?"

"Ohohoho~" Tonks-senpai replies teasingly. "That's a interesting question Anon-kun! But you should know well enough the answer already - any spell that you kill will die!"

"It'll die!?" You exclaim, slightly disappointed. "But I thought it would do something really neat!"

"Unfortunately not!" Tonks declares. "The Killing Curse operates closer to the Mystic Eyes of Life Perception than the Mystic Eyes of Death Perception. In order for it to do anything, the target must be living - else, you just get a neat show of green lightning. But more to the point, killing it is killing the spell, not the effect of the spell, so the two conceptual arguments would never cross one another!"

>>28084134
Idea
>>28084025
>"I swish and flick. Looks like it works like this around here"

>>28084054
I don't think "I shoot him with my gun" is a good answer here: I'm pretty sure these wizards are competent enough to be able to deal with projectiles, even modern ones.

>>28084110
No, you say "Who said anything about technology?"

>>28084165
>I'm pretty sure these wizards are competent enough to be able to deal with projectiles, even modern ones.

Although i'm not 100% certain if it strictly applies in this 'verse, Official Harry Potter Canon, straight from JK Rowling's mouth, is that in a case of Muggle w/ Shotgun vs. Death Eater with Avada Kedvara, Muggle wins every time.

>>28084176
>Muggle w/ Shotgun vs. Death Eater with Avada Kedvara, Muggle wins every time
HUMANITY FUCK YEAH

>>28084176
Well no shit, If movies are anything to go by, spells are totally avoidable. I mean, sure, shit's no easy feat but I've yet to see a guy ducking a shotgun shot.

Not to mention pulling the trigger being faster than muttering and swinging a piece of wood.

Basically the strongest wizard is the one that knows how to conjure a working gun

>>28084176
>Official Harry Potter Canon
... got shot to hell some time ago.

I said "these wizards" for a reason.

>>28084244
Well yes, but you'd be surprised how many people dispute that, because MUH MAJICK.

>>28084244
Let's face it. If you were to put a reasonably competent wizard up again Fast Wheels the wizard would probably lose.

>>28084244
> the strongest wizard is the one who can make a magic gun
FIFY

>>28084266

Which is what the qualifier

>Although i'm not 100% certain if it strictly applies in this 'verse

Is for.

>>28084275
AKA Kiritsugu

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"I signal for the sniper to open fire," you deadpan. You aren't exactly serious with this answer - though, if you do plan on fighting any Dark Lords, a sniper would be something you'd bring along. But hey, if you actually let an evil wizard draw a bead on you without him being deader than the deadest nail that ever got jammed into a door, you'd probably deserve to die.

It's like Mr. Kiritsugu always said: "Maximum Ordinance from the Maximum Distance." That way the target catches a quick and brutal case of "very dead" before they even know that you exist.

Illya giggles into her hand.

Professor Snape gives you an appraising look.

"Five points to Hufflepuff, Mr. Potter," he says. "The rest of you - take this down and drill it into your heads. Even if you become the most powerful spellcaster in the world, whose curses and enchantments are feared by all who stand against you - it is -dangerous- to go alone. Whether it is with a..." His nose curls in distaste. "...sniper keeping watch over you, or a fellow spell caster standing by your side, standing alone means you will die.

He flicks his wand at the chalkboard, and several posters roll down, each depicting a tactical scenario where a team of wizards dismantles something dangerous.

"Aurors always travel in pairs," he continues. "Dark Lords will always gather followers to their side before taking a stand. Even 'lone heroes' you see in comics like Martin Miggs have sidekicks to watch their back. Two good Wizards are infinitely greater than one great one. Four good wizards can outmatch anyone who stands by themselves."

Another flick of his wand, and the desks transform, covering the floor with plush mats.

"In the interest of teaching you cooperation," his drawl goes on, "we will spend today doing trust exercises. Find yourself a group of four, and then we will begin."

Illya's a given. As for the other two... [Pick two, the two with the most votes will win]
>Justin
>Anne
>Padma
>Mathew
>Write In

>>28084334
Okay, this Snape is an awesome Snape.

>Anne
>Padma

>>28084334
>"Five points to Hufflepuff, Mr. Potter,"
Nailed it! But if were in Gryff, that'd suck
I know none of those jokers, so Matt and Pad

>>28084334
Oh sweet god, we're getting Snape's actual approval

What the fuck.

>>28084352
Please have Pad be a short, ginger and angry midget

>>28084352
Justin Finch-Fletchley is your Roomate, and was one of the two named boys in Harry's year who got sorted into Hufflepuff.

Anne Choi is most certainly not a "Magical Girl" who was there for the boat incident and the Lancer roll.

Padma Patil is some cute indian girl in Ravenclaw, and in canon was Ron's date to the Yule Ball.

Matthew is a guy I made up so that Hufflepuff had ten male firsties back during Roommate Introduction.

>>28084371
I think it's Padma Patil, who is a Pappadum.

>>28084334
>Mathew
>Anne
One person we kinda already know, and the new guy we know nothing about.

>>28084361
Well yeah, we don't have any of that youthful idealism he detests so much.

>>28084334
>>Justin
>>Anne

Play it safe.

>>28084381
>Anne Choi
Not wanting hermoines future wife

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>>28084381
>cute indian girl
Pic related?
But I stay by my choice. I don't know enough to pick favorites

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>>28084419

Pic Related, according to the movies.

>>28084334
>>Anne
>>Padma

>>28084441
>>28084419
Why do indian women get so short and fat and ugly when they get older?

>>28084560
>Older
>Girl who is no older than 16

what

>>28084560
Menopause

>>28084579
He's not comparing those two pics to each other, he's comparing them both with his mental image of old indian lady

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Your first teammate finds you. For certain definitions of find, at any rate. Really, it's less that she actively sought you out, and more that Illya scanned the group for a familiar face and latched on to the first one she found. For her part, Anne at least looks somewhat pleased to have been picked out from the crowd so vigorously. She has that look about her that reminds you of yourself before you and Illya became friends, and carries herself like the kid who always gets picked last for the P.E. Football Teams.

She's bright red when Illya drags her over, with a somewhat small smile splitting across the bottom of her face. Illya, of course, is happy as a clam to have a familiar chew toy to play with in absence of Hermione.

"Oh, hi Anne!" you greet her. "Just one other then..."

"That'll be me then," you hear the voice of an annoying person. Turning towards him, it's confirmed to be... "G'day, ladies, arch-fiend. Justin Finch-Fletchley's m'name, and I hope you don't mind if I join you - some one needs to keep the clearly corrupting influence of the next great Dark Lord from turning you two to the Dark Side." He grins at you, clearly joking. "I mean, if there's one person here who -is- powered by demons, it'll be this fellow."

For your part, you don't deck him. He means well, he's just...

"Gil," you hiss to your familiar. "How big can you stretch your mouth out? I want to see if I can make Justin think you can swallow him whole."

Gil slithers up from his place wrapped under your sleeves, peeking out of the shoulder of your robe and giving Finch-Fletchley a good once over, darting his tongue out intimidatingly. Justin backs up just a little bit, his smile becoming a bit forced before he remembers what you told him the other day. Still, even when he relaxes, he keeps a wary on on your snake.

"Not that big, cholo," Gil hisses. "Might be able to nip his arm, if you want?"

>Field too long

>>28084334
>Matthew
>Anne

We already know Anne as well enough, and getting to know a new Hufflepuff would help break down the horrible rumors going around and help us build rep.

Also: this Snape is awesome. Touko Backup Bodies and he thinks like an operator. Me gusta!

>>28084647

"Nah, you can go back to sleep," you say, giving him a pet. "Just showing up seems to have been enough."

"Fair enough, amigo..."

Of course, now you have the entire room staring at you.

Again.

>God damn it.
>What?
>Nothing to see here folks.
>[Write In]

>>28084660
>>What?

Rolled 4, 2, 6 = 12

>>28084660
>[Write In]

"Do you guys wanna see a magic trick?

>>28084660
>>What?
Harry Potter, Master of Spaghetti Pockets!!

>>28084678
"I'll make your confidence in me disappear!"

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>>28084647
If people will keep calling us a fiend, we'll have to behave like a fiend and challenge them to a duel
>>28084660
>What?

>>28084660
>What?

They'll get used to it eventually, and I'd wager our "don't give a fuck" capacity far outweighs their capacity to be shocked at some casual parseltongue.

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"Parseltongue..." you hear someone say, a dash of fear seasoning their voice. His quiet exclamation is joined by a few others, and quite soon - and to Snape's utter annoyance - the class is has erupted into a low roar of fear of the unknown.

But you are not doing this.

You are, quite simply, fed up with this bullshit.

You don't even give enough fucks over their petty little opinions - 'oh, he's so evil because he can talk to snakes, and snakes have been a symbol of evil in our culture ever since Constantine threw out the Roman Gods and replaced them with Jesus and Yahweh!' Quite frankly, you want to tell them to shove it where the sun don't shine, but that would be rude. Instead, you treat it with all the contempt you can muster, and ignore the question outright.

"Sorry Professor," you apologize to Professor Snape, whose only reaction was a very brief stare that all but said 'well that was unexpected'. Your voice snaps the mutterings into tiny pieces. "Gilgamesh was getting hungry and wanted to know when lunch was."

Snape's flat stare informs you that a blatant interruption was probably not the best choice.

"Five points from Hufflepuff for disrupting class," he declares, not at all amused by the results of your chat with Gil. "I would ask that in the future, you keep your familiar under control and out of site during lessons. As for the rest of you - it will be twenty from both houses if this idle chatter does not cease. If you've enough time to talk of Mr. Potter's linguistic -talents-, then you have enough time to finish forming your groups."

The silence sticks, and everyone suddenly finds themselves snapping into their groups for the trust building exercises.

>Field too long.

>>28084913

"Now, decide amongst yourselves who will go first," Snape drawls. "This first exercise is fairly simple - you will be falling backwards, and your teammates will catch you. If I see anyone deliberately not catching their teammates, that will be five points from their house. Understood?"

"Yes sir," the class intones as one.

You...
>Decide to go first.
>Decide to let Illya go first.
>Decide to let Justin go first.
>Decide to let Anne go first.

>>28084924
>>Decide to go first
Might help with the rep a bit

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>>28084924
>Decide to go first.

No pain no gain

>>28084924
>Decide to go first.

>then give Illya a quick jab to the ribs when she gets gropey

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>>28084965

>>28084924
>>Decide to go first
Illya will catch us. And that other kid would out of fear

It's rather slow today.

/tg/ confirmed for church

>>28085020
no, its just running at an unusual time

>implying it has a usual time

>>28085020
Yeah, I'm gonna break for a little bit. I've got some stuff that needs doing, I'll be back ~1pm

>>28085046
>10,000 years later

>>28084924
>Decide to go first.
Time to rob houses from their points

>>28085046
1pm by what time? 4chan clock?

>>28085046
1pm of what timezone?

This is crucial to me

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>>28085062
"I'm Free! It's Time to conquer Earth!"

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>>28085079
moon time clearly. He probably lives near Decu's moon palace

>>28085092
Go away Rita, you were always the inferior villian in my choldhood

>>28085020
Or being up late and sleeping in on Sundays.

>>28085079
Eastern (New York City)

>>28085156
Gentlemen we have a location, prep spec-ops teams for search and retrieval.

>>28084924

There is no reason not to go first.

>>28085334
Agreed!

>>28085386
What about Hagrid?

>>28085184
The submarine is waiting at the harbour.
Godspeed

>>28085883
But do we have a dog prepped for this mission?

When catching Illya, shall we "fall" and land in an inappropriate style?

Because I just KNOW she's going to do it to us, and we should beat her to the punch.

>>28086141
I think the Professor said he was going to lay off the sexual stuff with 11 year olds.

>>28086141
>and we should beat her to the punch.
Too late, we're falling first already

>>28086241
Ah, good point.

Can't wait for timeskip.

>>28086480
I doubt we're gonna timeskip THAT hard

>>28084924
>Decide to go first.
We've already disrupted the class over this silliness, we might as show we're not one to dwell on such things.

Carpe diem!

OH HAPPY DAY!

It's funny because just last night people were worrying about Chaos dropping another quest because he started a new one, and I mentioned how he ran this one so rarely that it'd be fine.

And the very next day he runs it.

>>28086812
Same here.

I love all of Prof Chaos' stuff, but he's a busy fellow and can't always afford to give consistent amounts of time to things.

It's a shame, because he's so good at this Quest thing, particularly with his odd (but winning) sense of humor. Harry Potter & the Nasuverse - who'd have thought they'd work?

(polite sage due to OT)

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"Alright, I'll go first," you tell the others.

Your group sets up in something vaguely resembling a diamond - you're in front, Illya is directly behind you, Justin and Anne on the sides. It takes a few moments for you to get ready - you're not scared of falling or anything, but the sensation of deliberately letting yourself drop is something that you've yet to get yourself used to. Even as you start to lean back, you find it hard not to correct yourself, to spring back up and regain your balance.

Then your equilibrium finally gets out of whack.

It takes every bit of concentration you have to stay still, and not brace yourself for impact with the ground. Then you feel two sets of hands catch either of your sides, another set gently catching your back, and your descent slows until your left at something of a thirty degree angle. Your eyes meet Illyas, and she smiles.

After a moment, you speak.

"Well, I doubt I'm getting any lighter," you say. "Mind, ah, pushing me back up?"

The rest of the class is spent much the same way - Professor Snape runs you all through a series of more elaborate trust exercises, culminating in having the entire class pass one of the students as if she was crowd surfing. Barriers between the students break down, and if they aren't more comfortable with one another, by the end of the class everyone is at least willing to rely on each other. A little bit.

With the end of class, noon approaches, and with noon approaching so does lunch. Where do you decide to take it?

>In the Great Hall. You have to stop by there anyways.
>In the Hufflepuff Dorm, right by the fireplace.
>Out by the lake - it's too good a day not to.
>[Write In]

>>28087423
>Out by the lake - it's too good a day not to.

So we seem mystified how our paradigm of magic doesn't adequately explain how this wizard stuff works... Perhaps we should simply adopt two paradigms for now rather than struggle to use our current one to explain wizardry. The same applies to science after all, with macrophysics and quantum physics being radically different.

> Illya

we should let her go first, she is the lightest, and after your snake display, your other team mates might be a bit freaked out. Better give them some reassurance by catching them

>>28087423
>Out by the lake - it's too good a day not to.
Can we get our Cthulubro something? Or we're simply not capable of finding something out of his diet?

>>28087449
You're so fucking late I don't even know

>>28087449
I don't know. I think a fusion of the two could produce the best results.

>>28084924
It's 2 pm Eastern, and I say

>Decide to go first.

>>28087423
>>In the Great Hall. You have to stop by there anyways.

>>28087483
I'm the slowest poke.

>>28087423
>Out by the Lake.

Let's meet our Great Old Friend.

>Captcha : cholera efudedi

Cholera fleesgiven? The hell captcha?

>>28087423
>Out by the lake - it's too good a day not to.

So, did we just kinda forget that whole thing where Illya was going to hijack the maids and get us fitted for a butler uniform during lunch? Because if she forgot about that then we probably shouldn't bring it up, but as I recall that was a thing that happened.

>>28087423
>>In the Great Hall. You have to stop by there anyways.

>>28087519
>>28087529
Samefag

>>28087529
Thus we should take her to the lake, so she wouldn't be able to do that. And seeing a BIG FUCKING ELDRITCH SQUID should distract her well enough

>>28087540
>Samefag
What makes you say that?

>>28087540
Indeed, genius. Was it the first person singular that gave you a hint?

>>28087540
>Samefag
>Two people can't possibly vote for the same thing, that's inconceivable

>>28087423
>>>In the Great Hall. You have to stop by there anyways.

The choice itself explains why

>>28087573
>Same choice posted within a minute, both made in a way you wouldnt get a duplicate reply.

>>28087565
Wait, no. I'm wrong. He quoted me and someone else.

Thought he was referring to my "I'm the Slowest Poke" comment.

Heh. I'm the greater fool right now, it seems.

>>28087423
>In the Great Hall. You have to stop by there anyways.

>>28087423
>Out by the lake - it's too good a day not to.
Ia fhtagn!

>>28087598
Don't worry about it. I was rather surprised to learn that you and I are the same person, but hey, you learn something every day right?

So, me, how's life treating us? Its amazing how little we talk to us these days considering we apparently inhabit the same body.

>>28087597
>posted within a minute
If I were to samefag, I'd wait it out a bit longer, dunno about you. Also I thought posting cooldown was exactly a minute

>>28087423
Let'S visit grub by the lake, bring him some food as a friendly offer.

>>28087423
>Out by the lake - it's too good a day not to.
say hello to squid bro while we are there

>>28087651
What if you're actually one person with a split personality, and because neither of you is aware of when the other is in control you can only communicate via posting on the internet?

>>28087742
Isn't phone a much better way?

>>28087651
Not that well, actually, but what is going well these days?

I'm rather surprised to learn of our symbiosis myself. It's very good to talk to you again.

>>28087742
>>28087754
That isn't complicated enough. We need to go deeper.

>>28087423
>>In the Great Hall. You have to stop by there anyways.
>>Get fitted for BUTLER costumes to keep Illya's craziness in check.

We can do a quick lunch, and it's not like getting fitted would take THAT long.

Down by the lake, it is too good a day not too.

>>28087791
forgot about that...shoot...

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As you approach the Great Hall, the presence of Jubstacheit's maid squad twist a dread reminder in the pit of your stomach that you have an appointment with them that you in all honesty would rather avoid. You aren't quite sure what state of mind you were in when you thought cutting a deal with Illya to make yourself her "butler" was a good idea. Perhaps sleeping under a new roof left you tired and incapable of thinking straight, or perhaps you had simply been desperate to get to your first class on time.

Either way, you'd much rather avoid spending time on a custom tailoring job for something so silly.

"Hey Illya," you speak cautiously, measuring every word, hoping to broach some topic that could distract her from your prior terms. "Why don't we just grab our lunch here and head over to the lake. The Giant Squid was pretty friendly, for an oversized cephalopod, and I can even tell you what it say-"

[ILLYAGADE INTERRUPT!]

"Come on Harry!" Illya ignores every word that you just said, grabbing you by your arm and dragging you to the Hufflepuff table. You're not even given an opportunity to sit down with Ron, Neville, and Draco, who are doing their three man act over with the Slytherins this time. "We've got no time to waste! If we eat a quick lunch, we'll have you fitted with plenty of time to get to... Transfiguration, was it?"

She opens up her schedule haphazardly, checking to see the next timeslot. Yeah - Transfiguration is next, but also your last class for the day. Of course, the large sheet of parchment doesn't keep Illya from overstuffing her plate with a myriad of lunchfoods and wolfing it down as if she hadn't eaten before in her life. It's all of six minutes later that she's tugging at your arm, demanding that the two of you head back out.

You...
>Take your time and eat in a way that won't leave you ill.
>Stuff a quick sandwich into your mouth and wash it down.
>Grab a few things to go, Illya's being insistent.
>[Write In]

>>28087916
>>Stuff a quick sandwich into your mouth and wash it down.
I don't remember getting sick from eating too fast. Either I'm really disjointed from my childhood or you guys were pretty soft.

>>28087916
>Take your time and eat in a way that won't leave you ill.
Food's a serious business
Also
>over with the Slytherins this time
Didn't they and us sit with Slytherins in the morning as well?

>>28087916
Well, if Ilya says so…

>Grab a few things to go, Illya's being insistent.

>>28087916
>Grab a few things to go, Illya's being insistent.
Finger foods.

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>>28087916
>[ILLYAGADE INTERRUPT!]
gonna need a modified version for that
>Stuff a quick sandwich into your mouth and wash it down.

>>28087916
>>Grab a few things to go, Illya's being insistent.

>>28087916
>Grab a few things to go, Illya's being insistent.

Sorry food, but we're in a hurry.

>>28087916
>Grab a few things to go, Illya's being insistent.

I wanna see this.

>>28087916
>Stuff a quick sandwich into your mouth and wash it down.
>Grab a few things to go, Illya's being insistent.
Stuff a sandwich into our mouth to go. Like the lunch version of toast on the way to school.

>>28087916
>>Grab a few things to go, Illya's being insistent.
We don't want to provoke an Illya frenzy - best get enough to feed outselves without making ourselves sick.

>>28087916

>>Grab a few things to go, Illya's being insistent.

Ohboy.jpg

>>28087996
Someone just shoot Illya's face into the circle.

>>28088224
Preferrably this one >>28082961

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"What do you mean the staff can't eat with the students?" you demand.

The maid stares at you as blankly as all of the maids do, because she... it... whatever literally has no soul and thus cannot express nor feel emotions properly. More to the point, she has quite forcibly confiscated the lunch that you had grabbed from the Great Hall, holding the bagged sandwich and crisps as if it were something particularly unpleasant. Illya, of course, is nowhere near backing you up on the matter, having decided that she is perfectly content sitting in one of the maid's laps, ordering it... her... whatever, to tie her hair into a lovely french braid.

But that's not the point. The point is, the maid is being complete unreasonable - you're not a part of the staff, you're a student who'll be dressing like the staff so that Illya doesn't go around like a haughty princess one hundred percent of the time.

"It is a breach of propriety," the homunculus says, "as well as a breach of regulations and scheduled maintenance. Staff members are to acquire necessary nutrition once every six hours starting at Five AM. Solid foods are also discouraged due to inherent inefficiencies in both preparation and nutrition absorption. Maximum lifespan and peak efficiency in any staff member is found through the consumption of prescribed nutrient fluids four times per day."

"But I'm not a staff member!" you complain.

The Maid doesn't seem all that willing to take your word for it, and turns to Illya, who is eminently satisfied with the way that her hair has turned out. The soulless automaton whose lap she is sitting on has the audacity to ruffle the girl's head, much in the same way an autistic child first seeing a cat might attempt to pet it. Illya sighs, looking at the maid who is clearly in error with all the stern dignity expected of the Einzbern princess.

>Field too long.

>>28088336

"Harry has a special dispensation," she explains to the maid, as if the homunculus were a slow child. "While he is a staff member, he is also a human, and as such his nutritional intake will differ from what grandpa prescribes. Also, as a student intern with the staff, he is fully expected and permitted to take his meals with his fellow students."

"Oh," the maid acknowledges. "Acknowledged."

Without so much as an apology, the maid hands you the bagged lunch that she took from you. You decide to eat it...
>Before she gets started with your measurements.
>After she's finished with your measurements.
>While she is taking your measurments.
>[Write In]

>>28088042
Are you sure we could manage to be that moe?

>>28088336
>Prescribed nutrient fluids
...It's semen, innit?

>>28088346
>After she's finished with your measurements.

>>28088346
>After she's finished with your measurements

I was afraid we'd have to disassemble the meido

>>28088346
>>After she's finished with your measurements.
They couldn't take that long right?

>>28088346
>>While she is taking your measurments.
>>Ask for some of her fluids

>>28088449
>Ask for some of her fluids
NOT IN THE GREAT HALL

>>28088373
I dunno if old man Acht is capable of producing enough jizz to feed an army of hundreds, several times a day.

Anyways:

>While she is taking your measurements.
Be unflappable.

>>28088346

>After she's finished with your measurements.

Might as well get it over with.

>>28088373
You misunderstand. In the Nasuverse, depositing semen into a maid gives YOU energy, not her.

>>28088346
>Ask for a spanking

>>28088499

Please no.

>>28088477
But what if because of your movements measurements get taken wrong?

>>28088499
>>28088346
This. Then stare at Illya

>>28088346
>After she's finished with your measurements.

C'mon guys, you really can't even go ONE SCENE with the maids without descending into such appalling lewdity? For shame.

>>28088538
I don't think it's possible to put maids in a situation and expect nothing lewd.

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>>28088525

What is with you shitposters today?

>>28088538
Dude
Maids
That look like Irisviel AKA "The Goddamn Sexual Tyrannosaurus"

>>28088562
A whole army of them.

Acht probably doesn't have any furniture. He just has maids that bend to be a table, lay in a pile to be a bed, hold still to be cupholders...

When you can create an army of beautiful women, you do it.

>>28088346
>>Before she gets started with your measurements.
We don't have THAT much time for nonsense. Eat quickly, then let the magical maids get down to business and get tailoring.

>>28088626
I'll be in my bunk... even if it all is a bit freaky, after you remember -that- scene from Fate/Zero

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You are tempted - oh so very tempted - to make some sort of innuendo out of the whole nutriet fluid thing. The problem is, each and every one of the maids who are in this room, and there are more than just the two, look exactly like Mrs. Irisviel. Now, you will not deny that there is something in knowing that you're girlfriend is going to look really rather beautiful when the both of you finally get through this whole 'puberty' thing that's just beginning to onset. But... there's something intimidating about half a score women... homuculi... things staring at you blankly.

Well, that, and you don't even think they would be disturbed by any innuendo that you attempt. Honestly, with the blank, expressionless faces they're all wearing, you wonder how Old Man Acht keeps himself sane with a veritable army of them for company. Or, well, you would wonder about that if Mr. Kiritsugu wasn't quite insistent that the old man of Einzbern had more than a few screws loose.

That would certainly explain why he runs around in a body near as pretty as his maids.

"Arms out, please," the maid doesn't quite command. There isn't enough fire in her voice for it to be an order of any sort, yet it sounds even less like a request. "Eyes forward. Chin up. Back straight. Please refrain from moving while the measurements are taking place."

Well, so much for eating your gorram sandwich while they worked.

The measuring tapes snap like switchblades as three of them go about the work of taking a snapshot of your physique. It's actually somewhat impressive - the maid who spoke to you does the entire operation with one hand, jotting down notes on a clipboard held by the other. At one point, she manages to whip the tape around your waist like that archaeologist did in that one movie. Except it was a pillar or a branch, and he had a whip.

>Field too long.

>>28088851

And you're going to end that train of thought now, because you'd rather not get the image of any of the homunculi carrying a whip around for any reason.

...

Too late.

"You may step down," the maid declares after what seems like half an hour. "All measurements have been taken in triplicate. Young Mistress, how many copies of the uniform do you wish your..." It... she... tilts her head to search for an appropriate word. "...manservant? to have? And should we have summer colors prepared as well, or only winter?"

>Try to signal to Illya "Just one of each!"
>Resign yourself to the fact that Illya will probably go nuts.
>[RENEGADE INTERRUPT!] A true butler must have a tuxedo for every day!
>[PARAGON INTERRUPT!] A true butler need only one uniform!
>[Write In]

>>28088864

>Try to signal to Illya "Just one of each!"

>>28088864
>Resign yourself to the fact that Illya will probably go nuts.
Let her have her way, let us have our lunch

>>28088864
>>[PARAGON INTERRUPT!] A true butler need only one uniform!

>>28088864
>Try to signal to Illya "Just one of each!"

Maybe, just maybe, we can convince her to moderate her madness. doubtful

>>28088864
>[PARAGON INTERRUPT!] A true butler need only one uniform!
Quickly before she gets ideas

>>28088864
>[PARAGON INTERRUPT!] A true butler need only one uniform!

>>28088864
>>[RENEGADE INTERRUPT!] A true butler must have a tuxedo for every day!

>Resign yourself to the fact that Illya will probably go nuts.
~_~

>>28088864
Just one, let's try to keep this down a bit.

>>28088851
>>[PARAGON INTERRUPT!] A true butler need only one uniform!


This can only end well

>>28088864
-Resign...

-though we must Wonder, does our snow haired pact signed intended have enough empathy and awareness to notice when her ministrations have made us uncomfortable.

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>>28089053
I believe in her

>>28088864
>No tuxedo. A classy, manly suit fit for business executives

>>28089053
She does. And then she keeps doing it because our misery is her entertainment.

>>28088864
>[PARAGON INTERRUPT!] A true butler need only one uniform!
I've played Maid RPG. I know how this works.

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In the three years that you have been friends with Illyasviel von Einzbern, you have found that there are a scant few ways to calm her down once she gets excited. The first is, of course, to let her mania run its course and have her get tuckered out an bored of the subject - a non-option, here, considering the esteem she seems to hold maids and manservants in. The second is to be her father, as he is one of the few people whom she will listen to when he tells her to curb her enthusiasm.

The third is to preempt her enthusiasm, and make it your own. A case of fighting fire with fire, perhaps, but preempting her proclivities makes them run their course even faster than usual.

"A true butler..." you say, allowing a manic glint to light up your eyes, a terrifying sheen to come over your glasses. "A true butler needs only one uniform! The elegance of their actions and eminent sense of propriety should speak for themselve, that even when their outfit is in the cleaners all who look upon him know - this is a man of -refinement-. The proper clothes, yes, they function as a shorthand, but without the demeanor to back them up one may as way walk naked as their birthing day, for all that they deserve to wear that uniform!"

There is a pause.

The maids stare at you blankly.

For a moment, you wonder if you overdid it. That wouldn't be the first time, if you're to be fair to yourself, but even so, it's no less...

"Well said, Harry!" Illya declares. "Well said indeed. One will do, ladies - perhaps, one for each season, so that when he does wear it, he doesn't have the coloration wrong."

"A butler need not wear his uniform?" one of the asks. "But a butler is a male maid, and a maid can not be elegant if it walks around like it was freshly decanted. The Old Master said so. The Young Associate's statement is contradictory."

>Field too long

>>28089367

You feel that you'd better preempt Illya again, before she puts any untoward ideas in the homunculi's heads.
>Inform them that you were never decanted, so it's fine.
>Inform them that it must be some form of sexism, then.
>Inform them that the rules are different for normal humans.
>Let Illya handle this.
>[Write In]

>>28089367
>Inform them that the rules are different for normal humans.
Army of armed homunculi having an existential crisis GO!

>>28089380
Just do as you're told, you soulless husks.

>>28089380

-Let Illya handle this.
-We don't want to verbally touch this with a ten foot pole.

>>28089367
>>Inform them that you were never decanted, so it's fine.

Also ask for some suits while we're at it. And classy clothing. Free clothes, right?

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>>28089367
>a butler is a male maid
Where in the world did you get that idea? The two are hardly more than superficially alike. Have you ever heard of an army of butlers? I didn't think so. Have you ever chosen the option to "rape the butlers"? Certainly not. You're looking at a fundamental distinction here. This isn't just about the headband. This is about the very soul of the servants themselves.
...In other words,
>Inform them that it must be some form of sexism, then.

>>28089380
>Inform them that you were never decanted, so it's fine.

>>28089507
Well, fundamentally, a butler is like the guy who directs all the other servants, as I recall. It's already a higher position than a maid.

>>28089502
This
>>28089367

>>28089549
depends on what context in which the word 'butler' is being used; it varies by system
but ya butler != maid as per >>28089507

>>28089380
>>Inform them that you were never decanted, so it's fine.
>>Inform them that the rules are different for normal humans.

Illya has already made it clear we are human and have different needs. Ergo, we get different treatment!

>>28089380
I like the idea of an existential crisis. Lets tell them they have no meaning in life and everything is pointless for them.

>>28089947
I'm pretty sure they already understand those things; possibly better than anyone but us, even.

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"Oh, no worries, no worries," you say to the confused maid. "I was born, not decanted, so it's fine. The rules are, ah, different for normal humans than they are for homuculi, because normal humans have souls."

The moment the word slips out of your mouth, you regret it instantly. Though you aren't sure which concerns you more - the glare that Illya is giving you, or the fact that the homuculi's only reaction to your words is a slight nod. Not frowning, not even angry - just a nod that acknowledges the fact that they aren't in possession of the spiritual foundation of what comrpises a human being. In all honesty, you feel like you've kicked a puppy.

"Harry," Illya strains.

"Illya," you say, taking a bite out of your sandwich.

"Young Mistress," the maid whose lap Illya is sitting on says, "the Young Associate is not incorrect in his sentiment. The White River line of Homunculi are not like your mother, even if the same genestock was used in our creation. The Third Magic was utilized in the creation of the Older Mistress, however incomplete it was at the time. Whereas it was not deemed cost effective nor necessary to subject the rest of the line to similar procedures."

"That's not the point," she complains. "The point is: Harry was mean about it."

"In my defense," you say, "I do sort of feel like I just kicked a bunch of puppies."

"Yeah," Illya replies. "That's exactly what you did."

An awkward silence hangs there for a while. You...
>Apologize for calling the soulless automatons soulless.
>Just get ready to go to your next class.
>Attempt to kill the tension in the room.
>[Write In]

>>28089982
>>Attempt to kill the tension in the room.
This can not possibly go poorly.

>>28089982
>Apologize, sincerely.

>>28089982
>>Attempt to kill the tension in the room.
like with a joke?

na lets just
>Apologize for calling the soulless automatons soulless.

>>28089982
>Apologize for calling the soulless automatons soulless, and get ready to go to your next class.

>>28089982
>Attempt to kill the tension in the room.

Can't fucking deny our origin now can we?

>>28089982
>Apologize for calling the soulless automatons soulless.

>>28090040
With a knife, actually. It's literally a thing you can stab to death, if you so desire.

>>28090083
Our Origin calls to us.

>Attempt to kill the tension in the room.

>>28089982
>What was I going on about when I'm just a lowly, worthless concept-killing toy for the Young Mistress?

This

>>28089982
>Attempt to kill the tension in the room.
Fucking murder it

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>>28089982
>Apologize for calling the soulless automatons soulless.

I blame Acht for this uncomfortable feeling I am feeling right now. He should have just stuck with cool pranapunk robot army like a normal crazy science wizard.

>>28089982
>>Attempt to kill the tension in the room.
Yes, let the shenanigans proceed

>>28090113
>>28090111
These two. Debase ourself to the Mistress, use MEoDP to kill the tension. Literally

>>28090111
Let's keep your fetishes out of this.

We do wear the pants in the relationship

>>28090151
HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

No.

>>28089982
>Genuflect to Illyasviel
>Kill the tension

>>28089982
>Apologize for calling the soulless automatons soulless.

>>28089982
>Genuflect