>>27675147
Continue

And now you know why viliagers find low level adventurers to kill rats instead of just doing it themselves. Your DM was teaching you humility, use that lessen in your next life to be a better brand of adventurer.

>>27675147
Whoever this DM is, I like him.

>>27675161
We rerolled. This time, we played a farmhand, a stableboy, a messenger, and a woodworker.

We prepared ourselves ahead of time, after hearing of the grisly deaths of the village's only blacksmith, the local healer, one of the fishermen, and the farmhand's boss. We knew exactly how we'd take care of the rats, by sealing em away in that cellar and walling her up. The woodworker prepared his sturdiest boards.

We went into the inn only to find the innkeeper dead, and we were beset upon by the rats from the shadows.

We had, in our former lives, forgotten to close the door behind us.

>>27675184
Oh god this is brilliant. Please continue.

>>27675147
How were stats done? Even a level nothing nobody can hit a rat unless they have a -5 str mod.

>>27675191
Yes, they CAN hit a rat. But when you go down expecting to stomp the shit out of them like bugs, someone drops the torch, and there's only one proper weapon in the group, shit gets full vietnam.

>>27675188
We attempted yet again, this time as a huntsman, the village drunk, the gatekeeper, and a tailor. We thought things would be a lot simpler, after all, we now had a huntsman, who while not necessarily a ranger or rough and tumble rogue, could at least operate a bow. Our plan, this time, was to prepare an ambush outside the door of the inn. Our huntsman was ready with his bow and arrow, and he also had a bear trap of sorts that we set just by the door's entrance.

We threw open the door. Nothing. We knew they were still inside, perhaps in the cellar, because we could hear the gnawing. The chewing.

The terrible chewing.

We coerced our village drunk to go inside with a torch, just to rouse the rats and flush them out. He did so, waving the torch around just inside the inn before sprinting back outside.

And into the bear trap. We tried to assist him.

And then the rats were upon us. Our huntsman got off two shots. We bludgeoned a wounded rat to death, but they were too much for us. There were five rats in all, four remaining after the battle.

Now the rats were loose in the village.

>>27675230
This is GLORIOUS!!! I MUST HAVE MORE.

>>27675230
3 entire commoner parties killed by 5 rats? rats which do like 1d3-4 damage?

Was your DM James herbert?

>>27675245
This time we were playing as a traveling merchant who had been staying at the inn, a baker, a cobbler and a librarian.

A day had passed. The children of the rats grow strong on the flesh of our neighbors, and yet worse terrors such as spiders and a snake plagued our village. Windows and doors are boarded up, the streets are empty.

We provided them enough food, after all. Not that it sated them. We had a new mission, now. Survival. Escape. We couldn't convince those who remained in the village (something like 20, ourselves included) that it was wiser to flee. After all, some had lived here their whole lives. A couple were too old to run, a couple too young.

We were only able to convince one other, a minstrel (not a bard, sir, the man's music is passable at best and certainly not magical), to make the dash to the gate with us.

We waited until the dawn, thinking that with the coming light the creatures that had invaded our peaceful village might return to the shadows. The cobbler, ironically, in his well-made shoes, reached the thick, towering log gate of our village first. We could hear the rats scrambling after us, practically biting at our heels. The minstrel fell to them, we didn't turn back.

The cobbler turned, his face pale, screaming. "IT'S LOCKED!"

The gatekeeper had the key.

The village was now a tomb.

>>27675255
>commoner hit die is d4
This is a more a comedy of errors than anything, though. Preparedness is the lesson.

>>27675328
>a snake

Oh goodness a snake. You folks better be careful.

>>27675328

this is amazing.

>>27675328
loving it

Is it really too much to expect that a grown ass man could take a rat?

>>27675328
This is, unfortunately, where our tale ends. We resumed a more traditional, and regular campaign, and several weeks went by of standard DnD. At one point, while hiking up in the hills, near a forest, we came across an old, abandoned village. The gates had been forced open from the outside, by bandits most likely, perhaps the orcish raiders we were after. There was little remarkable about the town and we found little to take with us. It seemed as though nobody had survived. A few bodies, likely dead for weeks, little but gnawed bones remaining, littered the village's one road, and the story was more or less the same in each of the houses. Some of which were quite disturbing. The poor townsfolk had been driven mad, it seemed, from cabin fever. It quite puzzled us, and we theorized out loud what might have happened, if bandits had maybe invaded and forced the villagers to stay in their homes while making use of the village's supplies. It wasn't until we reached the inn, and found four corpses and a bear trap, one still caught in the jaws, outside the door that we realized where we were.

We never bitched about helping out some random npc with his rat problem again.

>>27675383
YES
YES
YES

>>27675383
Fucking fantastic. 10/10

Requesting an archive and a cap. Good show.

>>27675366
Welcome to D&D.

>>27675399
Thanks. And remember to always use your coasters. I'm a nazi about it.

>3.5
>after leaving some village we get jumped by a horde of goblins
>Party member has a skill that lets him impale several goblins with his spear in gruesome fashion.
>"this will be easy guys"
>impales likes four in one go
>kills none
>My turn. I move and hit a globlin. It takes around 20 seconds
>Swordsage has no idea what his character does and takes forever to decide which stance to take/manouvre to make
>Sorceress cant decide which spell to cast
>Between people thinking what to do next, and the DM throwing dice for every goblin, every assault takes 40 minutes long
>four hours later we are still fighting
>horde is down to boss monster, frenzied berserker
>frenzied berserker who just wont die
>players got terribly bored hours ago. two guys start fucking around in their laptops. some start playing fighting games on the ps3 and return to the table just to throw dice
>berserker´s on the floor because another character threw grease on him. He cant stand up. We shower him with attacks.
>he´s like -140 hp by now. cant do anything.
>still wont die
>DM can´t take a fucking hint
>we suddenly end session in the middle of battle cause we wanted to go eat something
>"Did you have fun guys?"

Did he have fun? I wanted to die.

OP, your DM is absolutely brilliant. This shit is hilarious.

>>27675406

And remember, the answer is a no, you can't kill the tarrasque.

>>27675414
Please learn the difference between This DM and that DM.

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>>27675366
>a grown ass man takes a rat

>>27675423
If you point at him with your thumb while smiling, This DM.

If you cross your arms and sigh at him, That DM.

Is this DnD, Pathfinder, what system? I have to have my players encounter this same thing now.

>>27675383
Brilliant. Someone screenshot this.

>>27675414
So it's now the DM's fault you guys don't know how to play your characters?

>>27675414
>DM can´t take a fucking hint
Do people not know how to communicate these days?

>>27675456
Should work in 3.5 or Pathfinder. Do note that you have to make the resources available to your party fairly minimal. If you throw them a bone they will conquer the world with it.

The odds are fairly good that they'll try and go with 'interesting' or 'tough' sounding characters right from the getgo, like the huntsman, or the gatekeeper, or the smith, which is good, because unless one of them has taken it upon themselves to crack open a book and check it all out in advance, they'll underestimate the rats and go in half-cocked like they've got PC levels as they are used to. The cellar should be dark. They'll have nothing available to them for lighting it but torches or lanterns and it's likely that they'll only have one of them bother to hold one for the others to use.

If the light is lost, it's all over.

>>27675414
The only person I feel sorry for is that DM, forced to deal with the most shit-tier of shit-tier players. Hope he finds a better group without you guys in it.

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You marvelous motherfucker, you.

>>27675147

OP, you've made my day. Good thread

>>27675597
Thanks for the screen cap

>>27675597
Your screen cap is missing the part with the minstrel and the lack of keys for the gate.

>>27675508
>>27675472
I refuse to believe people like you exist.

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>>27675861
Shit, I'm sorry.

>>27675927

>act like a bunch of dumbfucks who don't even read how a class works

>hurr durr what a shitty dm amirite

>>Is it really too much to expect that a grown ass man could take a rat?

They're not actually rats, not if this is 3E D&D - rats don't have stats individually, only as swarms. They're probably Dire Rats, the size of a German Shepherd and as capable of wall-climbing as Xenomorphs.

Oh, and they roll 1d8+1 for HP while a commoner rolls 1d4+(Con Mod).

>>27675935

Hah, no worries, just wanted to point it out to you.

>>27675935
How do you make a screencap?

>>27675414
Nothing speeds up combat more than proper player synergy.

>>27676012
>printscreen+paint
It's not that hard, man.

>>27676015
Alternatively screengrab or similar plugins so you don't have to use paint.

>>27676012
google: "screen cap [my operating system name]"

then use an image editor to paste it together

>>27676005

Wait, I'm wrong - 3E rats DO have stats individually and it is embarrasing to die to them even if you're a commoner. They have 1 HP and deal 1 damage on a hit (Crit for 1 damage).

A proper swarm of let's say fifty-five of them would be hell to fight but five? Damn.

OP can you clarify, were these rats or dire rats?

>>27675147
Yeah that's a blacksmith mate

>>27675383
you just made my fucking day OP.

Funny story, but fake. You would have to be so goddamned stupid for this to happen that your ability to use a keyboard presents evidence of your falsehood.

>>27675927
Dude, instead of learning the rules and playing the game you dicks sat around playing vidya in the middle of a session because P&P RPG's don't play themselves, and then bitch the DM didn't end it then and there.

If you want that shit to end because your dumb ass hasn't bothered to read the rules before starting, just say it. Don't be passive-aggressive like a 1950's housewife and moan the DM didn't pick up on it.

>>27676098
I wouldn't say fake. Unlikely? Yes but out right fake? No.
I understand this is 4chan but as a fellow visitor and poster of tg clearly you can suspend your belief for a moment to give benefit of the doubt to enjoy the story if for no other reason yes?

>>27676098
I've seen players rush into certain, obvious death and/or humiliation because they expect the DM to have it all play out in their favour.

Also, the rules that Commoners live and die by become obsolete when a PC hits level 4 or 5. Players and DM's alike aren't very used to having to pay them any heed.

>>27676102
Not him, but I've been in a large group where several people were newer and had no idea what they were doing. Each round of combat took about an hour and a half, sometimes longer.

That's up to two hours of waiting for your turn in combat, and not exciting combat that we all understand takes a while sometimes, no this was the DM's girlfriend and two of the newer guys.
>So um, what's this spell do again? What about this one?
>What spell level is this with metamagic? Ok maybe I shouldn't use one of my higher slots
>You're still keeping track of my spells for me, right?
>How many spells do I have left of each level?
>Maybe I'll just melee them. What do you mean I shouldn't do that?
>Ok I use my crossbow. Which one should I attack? How do I roll attack again?
>I used my transformy thing, how do I attack as an animal
>Wait I have different stats now? I need to look those up.
>I don't know if that hits my AC I didn't see that, can you show me?

and after two hours "I attack the nearest goblin, 19 hits AC? Okay that's 24 damage total. I cleave the one next to him for 20 total attack, 27 damage."

Captcha:and urprain. because you're praying for death the whole time

>>27676071
remember 10 is the average stat score for a normal person, a comoner is just as likely to have a negitive con mod as a positive one. Chances of a comoner having only one or two hit points are pretty high, hiting for 1 is plenty dangerous when you consider poor lighting working in the rats favor.

Now if the DM has sent a housecat after them, it would have been TPK even in full light.

>>27675147
Why are D&D normal people so weak? In real life a grown man is more than likely to defeat a rat in 1-on-1 combat to the death.

>>27676012
I use Paint.net to modify the image. I have only basic skills.

>>27676235
How the hell do these people survive into adulthood? These guys make toddlers seem pretty tankish.

>>27676246
because dnd, especialy 3.x, is full pants on head retarded

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>>27676012
Use Gyazo, I made this screencap in literal seconds

>>27676262
The end result of a system that breaks down on either end of the leveling curve, as well as periodically in the middle.

>>27676246
It's more that everything else is strong. When the world is meant to challenge Olympians Joe Average suffers.

>>27676270
Like "buy a ladder, split into two poles, sell the poles, PROFIT" retarded?

Though we shouldnt get into the economics of gold, loot and the comparison of non-adventurer earnings being retarded in D&D or we'll be here all night.

>>27676274
But why are rats and cats stronger while people are weaker? Are adventurers really supposed to be fighting housecats and mundane rats in challenging heroic battles??

>>27676262
yeah its kinda a joke, a housecat has three attacks, 2 claws and a bite, a comoner has 1d4 hp. Statisitcly its not uncommon for a houscat to strait up murderize a full grown man in one round (10 seconds).

>>27676295
It seems wierd giving housecats multiple attacks, do people get an attack for each hand and their teeth?

>>27676295

Actually a friend of mine ruined a small village by dumping meta magic feats onto a summon spell and getting like 20 cats to go on a murder spree.
Eventually the army was called, and the cats were chased off, except one of them.

One had slain enough commoners, and even a few soldiers, and had gained PC levels...

It was a level 1 wizard, not an awakened cat, just a regular cat that had figured out wizardry, through pure fluke and magical fuckery.

It had a penchant for necromancy, and eventually became a Lich, my current game exists in a time skipped version of this world, and the Lich cat has the entire party terrified.

All I have to do is say "meow" in a certain tone, and my players start flipping their shit.
like burning down Inns "Too be sure"

>>27676347
Please, tell us more.

>>27676295
One round is six seconds.
Cat's damage is like 1d3-4, which results in 1 point of nonlethal damage per attack.

>>27676376
So a cat can casually knock a grown man unconscious in six seconds?

>>27676293

Because humans without adventurer levels are not really people, as far as the game is concerned. They are more like cardboard cutouts in the shape of people that can talk and move on their own.

And everything else that has stats in the game only exists to be a threat or inconvenience to adventurers, who have levels like a real person should.

This is the same game where, past level 5, having your entire body set on fire is only something you have to worry about in the long run. You can take your time with that shit, so long as it is the only source of threat to you at the moment and nothing else is around to take advantage of your lowered hp. Nothing you cant afford to ignore for a few rounds while you take care of something more important, like picking that lock.

>>27676295
I think a lot of this is down to the mentality in D&D/Pathfinder that no-one but important NPC's can gain more than one level. I mean, yeah, the shitty farmhand is a level 1 Commoner. But the older guys are level 2, and maybe have a level of another class.

Housecats can only routinely murder NPC´s if you keep making NPC´s laughably weak.

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>>27676347
Nice

How powerful is an epic level commoner? Like 20 levels straight in commoner, a village of them just bumming around doing normal commoner things but at level 20.

>>27676503
A Level 20 Commoner would be roughly on the powerlevel of a level 5 Fighter.

>>27676559
A fighter can't take the chicken infested 'flaw'

>>27676559
Actually, NPC levels count for half the CR of a PC level. So a level 20 commoner would be CR 10. Which, according to the DMG, is a sufficient challenge for a group of four level 10 adventurers.

>>27676614
CR numbers aren't always accurate to the actual challenge.

>>27676636
Go look at the numbers yourself if you want then. I just checked and a level 20 commoner's base attack and saves are on par with a level 10 fighter. It'd at least be a challenge for a single level 10 adventurer. It'd be nearly impossible for a level 5 though.

>>27676636
from my understanding CR numbers are almost NEVER accurate to their actual challange, but I dont DM and have never paid attention to CR, so my knowledge is pure hearsay.

>>27676652
heresy?

>>27676644
Don't forget that Commoners have always far worse stats and equipment than adventurers, even though the abilities granted by his levels in Commoner might be equivalent to those of a level 10 Fighter, the sheer difference in baseline ability and gear makes it easy for even a level 5 Fighter to kill him with little challenge.

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>>27676347

Well it all started a last year on Halloween...

>The party was trudging through the rain, having been separated from the caravan they were supposed to be escorting.

>Suddenly in the middle of nowhere loomed a warm and friendly inn.
>The Cat and Ladle inn...

>They went inside and were greeted by a burly Orc fisherman, a "girl next door" barmaid, a friendly inn keep and three soldiers on their way back up to the war in the north after extended leave.

>The party struck up a friendship with the Orc first, who regaled them with tales of the high seas, and shared his pipe with them freely,

>Over the course of the night though, the party found it strange how broken the Orcs common was.

>In this setting the Orcs had been a willing party of this countries society for hundreds of years, after the Orcs had used their mercantile skills to aid the country in it's War against the Empire. (A magic heavy not China)

>The Orc seemed to know nothing of the war, but dismissed it all as "too much trouble" although the party were suspicious.

>It was then that they saw a single red cat on the bar, the rogue went to pat it, but it looked at him and went "Meow" and ran off.

>The party talked to the soldiers next,

>They were drunk and amped up on patriotic songs, shouting about all the glory they'd earn.

>After the party did some prying, one of the soldiers let slip, "I can't wait to show those Imperial bastards what for!"

>The country was at war, but with it's neighbour to the east, no one had seen the empire in over 500 years.

>Now the party knew something was wrong, but were more scared of going outside in the dark, then the warm, creepy tavern.

>The Inn keep gave them rooms at a discount price and they went to bed.

>In the middle of the night, they awoke to a scream coming from the Barmaids room,

>The heroic rogue dashed down the corridor to rescue the girl, and hopefully get laid for his effort.

>>27676347
Seriously, I think we'd all like to hear more about the house cat. I haven't had a fix of D&D cat related antics since the moggy rogue threads, and I never even learned how that ended.

>>27676659
You're assuming a level 20 commoner wouldn't have gear though. That's a huge XP leap to make with no magical items. And he'd at least have slightly above average ability scores from 5 ability increases. Plus 7 feats.

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>>27676703

>The door wouldn't open and blood was seeping from under it, so the rogue turned to get help from the soldiers.

>There, in his path was the red cat again.

>Meow, went the cat

>The rogue though nothing of it and ran to get the soldiers, when he opened the door, he saw the soldiers in their beds.

>They were still wearing their armour, but they were not wearing their skin...

>the rogue started panicing, and went to run back out the door, but it slammed shut, and would not budge.

>The rogue looked on in horror, as the skinless bodies raised themselves out of their beds, and started walking towards him.

>"Free us" they moaned, grasping at him with bloodied fingers,

>The rogue was pinned against the door screaming in terror, until he looked at the window sill

>There sat the cat,

>"Meow" went the cat

>The rogue clamped his eyes shut and prepared for the worst, but when he opened them, the soldiers were gone.

>He opened the door, and went sprinting in to the rest of the parties rooms, waking them furiously.

>The Samurai suggested getting the Orc, so she went into his room to rouse him.

>As she walked in, she saw a red cat sitting on his bed.

>"Meow" went the cat

>The door slammed behind her, the rest of the party tried to break the door down, but she could hear nothing but a near, silent breeze floating through the room...

>The cat jumped off the bed, and was no where to be seen,

>The samurai could hear another noise now, a rasping sound, barely audible next to the slight breeze.

>It was coming from the blankets, were the Orc slept

>She walked over, to wake the Orc, but the sheets were moving too much for simple breathing while asleep...

>She moved back the covers, to see the Orc in a pool of blood, clutching his opened throat, his pipe in his hand...

>He looked at her and gurgled "Free us" then the blood started fountaining from his neck,

>>27676659
I'm going to make a random old level 20 commoner man NPC, with the chicken-infested and incomprehensible accent flaws, and a Hoe of Destruction.

Just hanging out in his field, the only part of his bizarre accent that is understandable is when he replies in the affirimative with a folksy "yyuuuurp"

>>What is the optimal build for this random nobody, commoner only

>>27675147

OP, this explains a lot.

>>27676718
The one who rode around on the golem-mecha legs?

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>>27676722

>The blood filled the room, and started to rise, the samurai tried to swim in the unnatural blood tide, but was loosing the battle for oxygen.

>Her head managed to breach the blood with a particularly gallant effort, and she saw sitting on the dresser, a red cat...

>Meow went the cat

>suddenly the door burst open, and the samurai was lying on the floor of the room, coughing and weezing, the party stood in the doorway looking confused.

>The party heard another scream from the Barmaids room at this point and ran to help her.

>When they got their, same thing, door was locked, blood under the doorway, and nothing could get that door down.

>Then they saw the cat...

>It was poking it's head from around the corner of the door to the Barkeepers room

>The party burst through the door, to a vision of hell.

>The Barkeep was caked in blood, and in his hands were the flayed skins of the soldiers, and the severed head of the Orc, he was cackling madly, and drawing arcane shapes on the floor with the Orcs lifeblood.

>The party ended that bastard in two rounds, their fear spurring their dice,'

>With the Barkeep dead, the party thought it was over, they turned to leave this godforsaken place for ever, but barring their way, was a red cat...

>"Meow" went the cat...

>The Rogue ran at the cat to try and kill it, but it was gone in a flash, they chased it into the hall, but it was gone.

>They looked around the abandoned corridor wondering where it could have gone, but only one door remained unopened...

>The party tried the door knob on the Barmaids room, to find, it opened with no effort at all...

>The walked through into a room, a room lined with pictures of cats...

>The same cat over and over again, drawn in a hundred different angles, some with paint, others with charcoal and some of the later ones with litres of blood...

>There in the middle of the room, sat the Barmaid, cross legged, and humming this tune

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4RSFDoM7YM

>>27676718
Not D&D, but I once ran a WoD game where a player attempted to bag an alleycat for a sacrifice to empower a ritual he was casting and it nearly killed him. In between trying to hit it with a crowbar and throwing mind bullets at it, it managed to get a few ridiculous hits in.

This all happened because he didn't want to just pick up something from the pet store.

>>27676719
The most magic gear a Commoner could possibly have is the heirloom +1 Longsword of his grandfather, any more than that and it doesn't make sense for him to be a Commoner anymore.

And his feats are most likely Skill Focus (Farming), Skill Focus (Animal Husbandry), Skill Focus (Handle Animal), Martial Weapon Proficiency so he can use his grandfather's magic sword, Iron Will, Improved Initiative and Great Fortitude.

Because he's a fucking Commoner.

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>>27676745

>She was sitting over the dismembered body of the Barkeeper, and writing, "I love my cat, you can't take him away"
Over and over again in blood on the floor.

>The party fought her, the rogue barely made it out alive, as her otherworldly fury carved deep gashes in his chest with her nails.

>After finally putting her down, the party threw that damn cat out the window, and torched the place, they took the remains of the soldiers and the Orc and buried them properly, in the hopes that it would give them rest.

>As the building burned to the ground, I gave them their XP and a bit of loot that they found in the stables...

>They stumbled through the forest, still lost, after their terrifying stay at the Cat and Ladle Inn

>Finally they reached the edge of the Forest,

>They ran into a Caravan master, who had been out taking a piss, when he saw them dragging themselves through the bush half starved.

>He offered them some food and fire at his Caravans encampment.

>They graciously accepted, and sat down at the fire to eat their fill.

>The Caravan master came over to join them, telling them "You're lucky there was anyone here at all"

>That's when the party noticed, the caravan master was holding in his arms, a small

>Red

>Cat...

>"Meow" went the cat

>"Sometimes, it seems like I sit here for an eternity before any more strangers will share my fire..."

>>27676742
I seem to recall they were in part of the story, giants were involved as well iirc.

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>>27676768

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>>27676768
MR. MEOW SAYS
THE INN NEVER ENDS

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>>27676768
Oh christ

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kind of a shitty cap, but here it is

>>27676759
Why are you so racist against NPC's anon? We can't take you anywhere!

>>27676102
>>27675987
Them being idiots does't make the dm any less terrible

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>>27676703
>>27676722
>>27676745
>>27676768


Cats are fucking Evil man

>>27676768
Should have cast Mordenkainen's Faithful Hound

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>>27677137
Say that to my face and not online, Knave

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I don't see why D&D aren't living in consent fear.

I mean forget shit like goblins or dragons. They need the cats around to keep the vermin out of their stores, but at any time the cats could decide to slaughter them, like lambs.

>>27677227
>>D&D villagers
*fixed

>>27677227
a terrifying existence.

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>>27676768

>>27676376
>>27676416

Yeah. And it's lethal, not nonlethal. So after a round or two of scratching the man's not only down and unconscious, but is also at risk of bleeding to death.

>>27677403
>>27677227
So... the real life equivalent seems to be if we let half-tame cheetahs wander about our cities.

>>27677441

I guess. Also worth noting is that cats are pretty hard for commoners to kill. Sure, their hp means that one or two hits will disable them too, but they have 14 AC and your commoner 1 would have +1 attack if they're lucky (ie if they have the nonelite array and a 12 or 13 in strength) - meaning they hit on a 13 or higher - while the cat has +4/+4/-1 (claw claw bite) attacks and the commoner would have, what, AC 11 at best (see above but for Dex - since the average villager doesn't walk around with armour, not counting that) so the cat hits on a 7, 7 and 12. So the odds are not on the commoner's favour.

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>>27676703
>>27676722
>>27676745
>>27676768
That's some Call of Cthulhu shit right there. Or maybe Call of Cathulhu.

No, not Call of Cathulhu. That's stupid.

>>27677762
Sup Mr. Willson?

>DM runs a level 5 campaign
>Play a Knight of Order (It's just a Paladin-but-for-Law)
>Tells us all we're nobility so we get 5x starting gold.
>Blow it all on ridiculously enchanted regenerating armor of +1 size, a super hammer, and Boots of the Cat
>Friend blows all his money on an airship.
>Fly off to go help Dwarves fight ogres or something.
>First encounter: A wandering giant
>Round 1: Paladin jumps off airship from 300 feet up
>Round 2: Giant is now curled up in a ball nursing its' broken jaw
>Second Encounter: A chasm troll.
>Round 1: Friend shoots the troll in the head, Paladin bodyslams troll into chasm behind it
>Round 2: Troll is now a thin greenish smear at the bottom of the chasm
>Third encounter: Like a zillion goblins.
>Round 1: Goblins stab giant Paladin of Law repeatedly. Paladin channels negative energy
>Round 2: Paladin wipes off goblin viscera and continues down the hall
>Final Encounter: An old lady and a giant who claim that their opposite number is a demon
>Round 1: Bard gets sick of party arguing, Charms the old lady.
>Round 2: Demon lady confesses what she is, teleports back to Hell when Bard asks her to.

I really enjoyed that campaign. Shame our timezones were too far apart to keep it running.

>>27677818
>Round 1: Bard gets sick of party arguing, Charms the old lady.
>Round 2: Demon lady confesses what she is, teleports back to Hell when Bard asks her to.

"Succubus, please go."

>>27675935
Awesome, thanks.

And thank you to the great OP. If I had that Freddy Mercury image on this pc I'd use it.

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Rats in cellar?

Get a cat.

>>27678180
HAVEN'T YOU READ THE THREAD MAN! CATS ARE NOT TO BE TRUSTED!

>>27675147
>>27675184
>>27675230
>>27675328
>>27675383
Fucking capped.

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>>27679834
GODFUCKING

how did I forget to LOAD THE DAMN IMAGE

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>>27678258
Please dear man-thing, this is hate speech, cats are your friends.

Gotta love KP. that is all.

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>>27681333

>>27681333

>"Meow" went the cat

>>27677818
>>27677879
That made me remember how some class could make Asmodeus just leave saying "Asmodeus pls go".
Can't remember how it was possible though.

>>27684265
Paladin or even a commoner.
It was because D&D 5e's original skill system was fucked to all hell and had set DCs. Asmodeus wouldn't be able to recognize any of the demons in hell let alone himself in a mirror.

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Screencapped.

this is why I love you hairy neckbears

>>27685012
Every time I hear the word 'neckbeard' I think of someone who has a beard on the back of their neck, kinda like a mullet.

Bump

lets get some more stories

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>>27684812
Screencap with origin explanation.

>>27684812
>>27686693
Holy shit! This thread is awesome, let it be alive for a few hours more.

One last bump.

>>27685064
I'm betting you're not an english speaking and that the equivalent word for "neck" in your mother tongue primarily refers to the back of the neck.

>>27693761
Not that guy but I tend to think of the area where a neckbeard typically grows as the throat.

>>27694285
A neckbeard is not the presence of hair on the neck, rather the absence of hair on the face

>>27687013

Animal handling, plus lucky rolls. How commoners survive all the cats and rats.

>>27694515
See I always thought it was when someone who grows a beard/doesn't bother shaving without shaving the hair that grows on the neck

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>>27694552

It's basically, all of your beard is on your neck, not your face. Like this guy.

>>27694603
Quit dicking around on 4chan and pay attention. Haha

>>27694668

I already know this shit.