>>27107811

Hail them, see the error in your ways and reclass to paladin.

[Spoiler]Do we can get closer to the heads of the law and justice and off them.

Rolled 10

>>27107811
>>See if you can't spot who or what makes up this little party.

Knowing IS half the battle, after all.

Rolled 5

>>27107811
>See if you can't spot who or what makes up this little party.
After that we can ambush them
>Inb4 nat 1

Rolled 18

>>27107811

>See if you can't spot who or what makes up this little party. [Roll 1d20]

Then procede accordingly

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>>27107956

File: 1378673294503.jpg-(103 KB, 900x1150, Our Villain.jpg)

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[Best of First 3 is 18]
[Spot Check: 18+15 = 33]
[DC is (150/10) + 5 = 20]
[SUCCESS!]

There are some trees in the way, but your senses are much better than that. You've always had some damn keen eyes, and back when you were just starting out as a villain, being able to see the city watch coming was always a boon. Your vision is like that of an eagle, and it isn't all that difficult to make out the finer details even at this distance.

They are a party of four, two men and two women. None of them are carrying the standard of any lord, and their equipment is far too diverse to belong to the local militia. Knight Errants it is then - adventurers on their way to seek their fortune fighting goblins and orcs, and maybe even dragons. You've always had such fun dealing with adventurers - whether it's as simple as slaughtering them like the chaff they are, or breaking their spirit, turning them away from the side of righteousness.

At the head of the party is a titless blonde human woman in full plate with severe features; in all honesty, her face reminds you of a hawk. How appropriate, then, that her shield is emblazoned with the Sacred Hawk of Achilles, the God of Righteous Anger. Hell, ler Longsword's Crossguard is stylized like wings - friggin' gauche, you think. No doubt a paladin then, especially given the fact that her pure white horse has a bloody -halo- around it.

The man behind her is a shirtless elven chap with long black hair tied up in a topnot, and a kilt that reaches down to his knees. He's the only one of the group walking - a Wood Elf, then, for they detest the art of riding - and is fairly well muscled. Covered in tattoos that are no doubt mystic symbols, at his side is a midnight black scimitar. A Magus of the Black Blades, you assume, and likely a hell of a lot smarter than he looks.

>Field too long.

>>27108515

Next to him is a halfling in a long and flowing robe. No doubt he is some manner of wizard or sorcerer - what with the pointy hat with stars and moons stitched upon it. He carries no visible weapons, and you can't see any books upon him. The pouch on his belt is telling, though - whatever magic he wields, he cannot eschew materials. Likely, he's the biggest dange of the group.

Far in the back is a half orc maiden whom you would most politely describe as buxom. Really, though, she's got a nice rack - you think you could have some fun with her, if you were so inclined. Well, after you put a bag over her head to hide the fugly, anways. The holy symbol around her neck is most telling - she's some sort of cleric, though apparently not the sort who walks around in armor.

You...
>Set up an ambush for them. [Roll 1d20]
>See if you can't fake repentance for the paladin. [Roll 1d20]
>Confront them directly.
>>Attempt to use your prowess to frighten them [Roll 1d20]
>>Recall the weak points of one of their kind [Elf, Human, Halfling, or Half Orc] [Roll 1d20]
>Leave already, you don't want to deal with these.
>[WRITE IN]

>>27108525
>Ambush them

>>27108525
Bug out, wait for darkness. Two casters, a full armored pally and a SMART swordsman are more than enough for one person when we don't have to fight them all at once.

Rolled 7

>>27108583
>>27108525
Rolling

>>27108515
>>27108525
Huh, 4chan ate my trip

>>27108583
Gotta roll a d20.

Rolled 18

>>27108525
>>Recall the weak points of one of their kind [Elf, Human, Halfling, or Half Orc] [Roll 1d20]

They probably aren't worth the hassle of dealing with a full, decently balanced party. Definitely not head-on. Might go for the ambush, but definitely not without a plan. That gets you killed.

>>27108685
Oh, misread the choice, I only get to pick one.

Let's do Human. The Paladin would probably be the biggest hassle to fight.

>>27108525

Ambush

Rolled 10

>>27108772

File: 1378675092229.jpg-(187 KB, 500x628, Paladin.jpg)

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[Option: Know Thy Enemy]
[Human (Common), Fourth Level Paladin]
[Knowledge DC = 5 + 4 = 9]
[Gained +2 Competence Bonus to Attack and Damage against her!]

[Option: Set Up and Ambush]
[Rolled Stealth 10 + 9 = 19]

You pause for a moment to recall the weaknesses of your own species - the species you share with the Paladin at the head of the party. Let's see... delicate skull that can pop easily... stabbing at the liver can release some toxins into the blood... the jugular vein is of course an old favorite. And she might not even be all that titless under her armor - if it had actually been shaped to anything under there, one could hit would crush her sternum.

Smart dame, that one.

There's a barrel that you could have hid in, but storing your glaive away in your Efficient Quiver would just have made it a pain to take out again. And you certainly couldn't hide it in there with you! Instead, you find the old yeoman's cart, still filled with sacks of grain meant for the market. You lie down in there, peaking out through some of the cracks, and keeping your eye and the party as they approach the farmstead.

The Half Orc is the first to notice the corpses.

"By Odysseus..." she breathes in prayer. "Who could have done such a thing?"

The paladin jumps off of her mount, and kneels down at the girl you had been playing with. Taking a special note of the apple core that you had left by her corpse. Rubbing the girl's blood between her fingers, she stands back up, and directs her party.

"Spread out," she says. "The gnolls can wait. Whoever did this couldn't have gotten far..."

>Field too long

>>27109020

You...
>Act now, before anyone notices you... [Roll 1d20]
>>Charge the Paladin and pierce her through with your mightly lance.
>>Charge the Wizard - you're good at locking down arcane magicks.
>>Charge the Cleric - she likely is least suited of them all to the melee.
>>Charge the Magus - best deal with their best swordsman first.
>>Strike fear into their hearts with a dazzling display of combat prowess!
>Wait for them to split off into smaller groups.
>[WRITE IN]

Rolled 7

>>27109031
GANK THE HEALER FIRST.

>>27109031
>>Wait for them to split off into smaller groups.
The wizard is always the highest priority.

Rolled 16

>>27109031


Wait for them to split.

>>27109031
Wait for them to split, they'll likey leave the wizard and cleric alone while the melee types do the searching (class skills ho!)

As soon as they're safely distant, gank the mage first, then the cleric if we have the time before the rest get back.

>>27109031
Wait to split, then gank the wizz

>>27109031


Let take out the wizard first, they can be more nasty than healer.

>>27109031
if we don't look stupidly evil, can we lie and say that we were attacked? Gain their trust, then stab em in the back?

>>27109295

I think it is too late for it, if we try to do that they will become pretty suspicious about us and then our cover get blown out before we say "Villain!".

>>27109031
>>Wait for them to split off into smaller groups.

>>27109295
Besides the fact that they can tell our weapon did the killing?

Simple Spot Checks will save your life. Or make ours shorter.

File: 1378677080228.jpg-(176 KB, 1500x1169, Half Orc.jpg)

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"Dorian," the Paladin says, "You and I are best suited for close quarters. You search the house, see if they're still busy looting it. I'll check the windmill; in the right places, grain can be as valuable as gold... Falstad, you stay here with Emeritt and Shaliah. If he comes, run to me with the fullness of your speed."

The horse whinnies in acknowledgment. You supress the urge to chuckle; Paladins always try to rationalize away the behavior of evil. As if you would be motivated by greed - look at you! A suit of fine slik and scales of mithral, a weapon crafted of -natural- orichalcum, not that manufactured crap the colleges dilute the market with. Bah! If your were so interested in money, you would sell your blade to the highest bidder, and never look back.

But you're not in it for money. You're in it for fun!

"I'll have Jimothy search the fields from above," the halfling says. "The grain could hide them from our height, but not from the skies!"

The Half Orc says nothing, as the two warriors depart. The Wizard takes a seat on the very same fencepost you had sat upon, his eyes glowing with the trance of meditation. No doubt, he is attempting some divination or another on the corpse, to find her killer's wearabouts. The hummingbird on his shoulder flies off into the fields, well above the line of bow-fire. The Cleric sighs, and moves over near the cart, taking a seat just out of the line of sight of the horse and wizard.

A seat just barely within your reach, if you choose to act.

You...
>Wait further, for a better opportunity.
>Take this opportunity that has fallen into your lap [Roll 1d20].
>>Attempt to grapple the Cleric, and pull her into the cart.
>>Attack the Cleric, with lethal damage.
>>Attack the Cleric with non-lethal damage. You'll have some fun with her later.
>>Attempt to knock her prone.
>[WRITE IN]

>>27109624
attack the cleric with non letah damaged
perhaps we can use her to torment our victims further

Rolled 1

>>27109624
>Attack the Cleric with non-lethal damage. You'll have some fun with her later.

>>27109624
>>>Attack the Cleric with non-lethal damage. You'll have some fun with her later.
Always nice to have hostages.

Rolled 1

>>27109624

>>>Attack the Cleric with non-lethal damage. You'll have some fun with her later.

Let knock her out and have fun with the half-orc

>>27109624
Kill her outright, very few clerics go around with no weapons and no armor, she may have some grappling skills.

We'll take the pally for fun instead. I bet she'll be a LOT of fun to break. More so than the half-orc.

Rolled 6

>>27109624
For knocking out the cleric

Rolled 8

>>27109701
>>27109624

Rolled 86

>>27109673
>>27109693
Being Lancer is suffering.

Rolling for critical miss! This site is the chart: http://www.angelfire.com/jazz/lorenvale/crit.htm

>>27109673

Oh god we're gonna fuck up aren't we?

kill the cleric and have fun with the pally

>>27109742
OH GOD
WE'RE GOING TO JAAAAAAAAAAAAAIL
NOT AGAIN

File: 1378677671834.gif-(1.1 MB, 384x216, Being Lancer is Pimpin�(...).gif)

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Rolled 96

Here's you character sheet, by the way: http://www.myth-weavers.com/sheetview.php?sheetid=651682

This includes the penalty from your crit miss, which will last for the next 10 rounds.

>>27109743
I second this is the fumble doesn't fuck us up TOO badly.

>>27109798
its to late for that
you can't change the future

>>27109823
I'm saying that we go into this fight not planning to kill the paladin quickly. Incapacitate her and have fun killing her later.

>>27109859
we can use her to talk to the things we kill

So no HP Nasu quest today, OP? When can we expect the next thread?

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[Roll to attack non-lethally: Natural 1]
[CRITICAL FAILURE!]
[Critical Failure Roll: 86]
[Greater Sprain: -8 Dexterity for 10 rounds]

You attempt to strike out with the butt of your weapon, to hopefully knowck the bitch out and maybe have a bit of fun with her later. Unfortunately, several factors mitigate your ability to do this, even with as great a level of skill that you possess. The whole "lying down prone amongst a bunch of sacks of grain" being the biggest one. You catch your arm along -something-, you haven't the foggiest idea what, and it -twists- painfully.

You almost shout out about the bollocking grain and this bollocking cart, and various other vaguely metropolitan curses. That was -painful-. Fortunately, you managed to completely miss the half orc bitch with you botched attack. Unfortunately, you seem to have sprained your arm just a little. Nothing that won't go away in a minute or so, but the pain is a bitch, and you won't be as dextrous for now.

You are so fucking glad that no one saw this. Well, you hope no one saw this, anyways. The Half Orc seems to be contendedly staring at the clouds, probably praying to whichever of the Parthenon she prefers. Probably Helen, now that you see her Holy Symbol.

You'll have to be very careful, if you want to do anything without making any noise. Or, you could straight up attack, though flipping your glaive around without care will be -loud- and probably alert the horse.

You...
>Attack for lethal damage! [Roll 1d20]
>Try Non-Lethal agains! [Roll 1d20]
>Attempt to retract and reverse your spear quietly! [Roll 1d20]
>Fuck it. Put all of your strength into attacking her! [Roll 1d20]
>[Other]

>>27109979
This coming Saturday

>>27110048
Other
throw something at her

Rolled 9

>>27110048
>>Attempt to retract and reverse your spear quietly! [Roll 1d20]

Rolled 1

>>27110048
Whichever of those options means "Try to kill her quietly."

>>27110048
attempt creative use of poison

>>27110119
Fucking hell.

Might as well rechristen this "Fumble Quest."

>>27110137
or prison rape quest

Rolled 19

>>27110137
Well, we are a lancer.

Rolled 2

>>27110048
>Try Non-Lethal agains! [Roll 1d20]

>>27110119
Thank god that was on the stealth roll. I'd hate to have to roll -another- bloody critical fumble.

>>27110048
>>[Other]

It seems that we are not in good condition... Why can't we giving them false clues? That way, we can make better preparing for the adventures and ambushing them with full strength.

File: 1378680122496.jpg-(8 KB, 640x480, Your Weapon of Choice.jpg)

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[Stealth Roll: 1+5 = 6]
[Opposed Perception: 10+11 = 21]
[FAILURE]

[Rounds Remaining of DEX Penalty: 9]

Pulling your glaive back is not the hard part of this excercise - you successfully manage to keep your arm steady and straight as you retract the butt of your weapon. The difficult part is turning it around amongst the bales of hay and sacks of grain. You completely and utterly botch that part knocking almost every sack of grain over, spilling freshly milled wheat everywhere. At least you smell delicious, you suppose. Delicious, and high in fiber for any dragon that decides to come along.

Man, you were having such a good day. You suppose this is - what's that thing that people talk about, where boring chaps get rewarded, and fun chaps get the shaft? Oh, right, karma.

At the sound of spilling grain, the half orc springs up from the barrel, doing all sorts of wonderful things to her chest. She latches one hand on to her Holy Symbol, and lets out a remarkably high pitched shout. Oh sweet Tepes and his fields of pikes, aren't Half Orcs supposed to have deep voices, even if they're dames? It's like she's scraping nails across a chalkboard...

"I've found one!" She says, half in fear, half in excitement. Point a finger at you, an aria on her tongue. "By Helen's sacred light, may your weapon -BURN- cretin!"

Burning Disarm, you recognize the spell. A futile effort, all things considered - not because you're well acclimated to carrying searing objects, and more because of what your weapon is made out of. Spells like that don't work on Orichalcum items - and your glaive is -thirsty-. It looks for a moment to glow in heat, and then it suddenly 'cools', the spell successfully absorbed.

Of course, it's full now. You can still parry spells, if you'd like, but you can't catch any more...

[Roll 1d20]
>Attack her for lethal damage.
>Attack her for non-lethal damage.
>Trip her up, and pin her to the ground.
>Tumble over to the Wizard, he's the greater threat
>[OTHER]

Rolled 10

>>27110582
Attack for lethal. And kill her as fast as possible.

>>27110582
throw some grain in her face, kill the wizard.

Rolled 17

>>27110582
>>Attack her for lethal damage.

hit cleric for lethal damage

File: 1378681270391.jpg-(27 KB, 300x400, Halfling Wizard.jpg)

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[Option: Attack for Lethal Damage]
[Attack Roll: 17+24 = 41]
[SUCCESS!]
[Damage = 1d10+26 = 32]

[Rounds Remaining of DEX Penalty: 8]

"Found 'One'?" you ask, your tone taking the voice of an insulted man. "What, do you think that this was the work of multitudes? There was only 'one', tits, and that 'one' was me."

"You... you..." She stutters, backing away from you, her hand clenching on to the rose around her neck. "You mons-"

You don't give her time to finish that sentence. Honestly, you don't really care what some prissy ninny like herself has to think of you, but there are bigger fish to fry. The Wizard, for instance, or the horse that is now galloping off to the windmill. An unarmed, unarmored Cleric is just an easy target for your glaive, spinning around in a deadly whirlwind that rips through dress and flesh like butter, dropping her as she slowly bleeds out from spilt guts.

You turn towards where the Wizard stood. You smell a jungle scent, like silk soaked in oil, manifesting around you. The Web spell, your knowledge of spellcraft tells you - a common spell amongst adventurers and peace keepers. Good for locking down troublemakers and monsters alike.

>Roll 1d20 for a reflex save.

Rolled 1

>>27110935

>>27110967
MOTHERFU-

Rolled 13

>>27110935
Mwahahaha

i better not get stuck in the damn web

Rolled 11

>>27110967
Why are we such a failure.

>>27111045
I rolled two of the 1s so far (including this one) and haven't rolled higher than 10 on any of my other rolls in this thread.

I'm just going to observe from now on.

Rolled 15

yeah!

>>27110967
>>27110982
>>27111045
If it's the best out of the first three (I think?) we've still got a chance to make it with the 13.

How do the rolls even work here?

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>>27111236
Best out of first three, unless the failure is a Nat 1.

======

"Oh mother fucker," You spit at the halfling.

You are now stuck in a giant oversized spider web. It's a bloody fucking annoying situation that you have found yourself in, given that being stuck in the web means you can't move. Oh, you can more than likely break free from its grip - it's little more than being grappled, really - but the crux of the matter is that for now, you are stuck. You can't even move your bloody fucking glaive, for all the good that it does you against this type of spell.

And of course, now the ponce who went and casted it decides to saunter on up to you like he owns the place. Like just because you're temporarily inconvenience by his spellery, he can go on waxing his mustachios in that smug arrogance that all spell casters hold.

"You know," he says. "It will be some minutes before my companions arrive here. Precious minutes in which dear Shaliah will no doubt bleed out. Shaliah, who happens to be a very close friend of mine." He does his best to look intimidating. Meh. You've seen worse. "And unlike our dear Paladin friend, I hold much fewer compunctions regarding causing undo harm to our enemies."

He lifts a finger.

"Be sickened," He commands. "Feel an ounce of the pain and terror that you have brought to your victims."

A ray of sickly green energy lashes out from his finger, striking you dead on the forehead. It pulsates and ripples throughout your body, contorting your muscles and squeezing at you organs. But you've had worse. You've caused worse.

>Roll 1d20 for Fort Save.
[Freedom Obtained Next Round!]
>That's it, you're ending this smug little midget. [Roll 1d20]
>Knock him out. You're going to take your frustrations out on him later. [Roll 1d20]
>Run away. You really don't want to deal with this.
>[Write In]

>>27111236
It's best out of 3 barring crits, which are taken. Look at the last 2 rolls, the 1's were taken over higher numbers.

Rolled 14

>>27111312
I hope the RNG stops being retarded, rolling for save.

Rolled 20, 9 = 29

>>27111312
>Knock him out. You're going to take your frustrations out on him later. [Roll 1d20]
We'll make him suffer later.

(fort and knockout)

Rolled 8, 7 = 15

>>27111312
Testing my trip from a while back, I used to constantly crit both good and bad while using it.
>That's it, you're ending this smug little midget. [Roll 1d20]

Rolled 12, 18 = 30

>>27111380
Okay all of that trips luck is gone, never using it again.

Rolled 1

>>27111312
>That's it, you're ending this smug little midget. [Roll 1d20]
Blood for the blood god. We can take the last one alive, better not risk it for now.

>>27111398
Thank got you aren't in the first 3.

Rolled 16

>>27111312
>>Roll 1d20 for Fort Save.

>>27111312
>>27111313
This is a 15% chance of critical failure on every roll... This is going to get very annoying very quickly.

How about instead something like... If the roll is a failure and one of the rolls is a 1, it's a crit fail.

>>27111495
Hmm, point. Maybe something like that.

Best of first three, if it rolls under 10 and there is a natural 1, it fails. If it fails and there is a natural 1, it crit fails.

>>27111495
there's also a 15% (it's not quite that high but it's close enough really) chance of critical success

and I assume a crit success and a crit fail on the same roll cancel each other out

File: 1378684595175.jpg-(92 KB, 620x400, Bad End (For them, not you!).jpg)

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[Fort Save: 20+11 = 31]
[DC: 10 (base) + 1 (Spell Level) + 3 (Intelligence) = 14]
[SUCCESS!]

[Attack roll: 18+24 = 42]
[AC: 10 (base) + 3 (Dex) + 4 (Armor) + 4 (Shield) = 21]
[SUCCESS!]
[Damage: 1d10+26 = 32]

"Ha," you bark out a bitter laugh. "Ha, ha, ha. I killed your fucking squeeze with a single shot, you little twat. And what's this - Sickening Ray? A spell of the first order? You honestly think that even -hurts-?

You wrest yourself from the web. The halfling backs off a bit, clearly unused to anyone strong or skilled enough to break free from the hold of his magics. You twirl your glaive around, once, twice, thrice, cutting yourself a makesift path through the webbing. Each step makes a terrible crash against the ground as you move forward, your eyes alight like a furious reaper.

"What the he-"

Again, these 'heroes' think that you are actually going to give them the chance to talk. To bark out their last words of defiance. To make some great bloody philosophical speech about how even though they die at your hand, it is really them who is the victor. Honestly, you're probably being to clean with them, letting them embrace the sweet release of death before they have properly drunken of despair.

None the less, your weapon whips out like lightning at the Halfling Wizard - you vaguely recall his name. Jimothy? No, that was his familiar. Whoever he was, he is no more, his head springing from his shoulders, all the intellect in the world unable to spare him from your anger.

"Well," You say to the empty field. "That could've gone better, I suppose. A few minutes, he said; I was hoping I could have some fun... I guess I'll have to entertain myself then."

You choose to...
>Desecrate the Halfling's corpse. That'll offend someone, surely.
>Go patch up the cleric girl and wake her up. Then you can have some fun...
>Toss the halfling's head around for shits and giggles.
>[WRITE IN]

>>27111947
How about punting the halfing's head into the fighter's face?

prepare for the next ambush the pally will be here soon im sure her damn horse will make sure of that

>>27112028
Go ahead! Roll a d20 to see if you hit!

(By the time anyone shows up, your sprain will be gone, and you'll be back to 18 Dex)

Rolled 8

>>27111947
>Go patch up the cleric girl and wake her up. Then you can have some fun...

Also grab the flat chested plaadin just for fun

Rolled 11

>>27112028
Rolling

Rolled 10

>>27111947
Remove the haflings head and pin it to the clerics body, making a hilarious scarecrow.

>>27111947
We should prooobably finish the Cleric before the Paladin and her lay on hands shows up.

>>27112197
Besides! We can always fuck with the paladin.

File: 1378686632739.png-(1.64 MB, 979x1192, Scarecrow.png)

1.64 MB PNG

"Oh, right!" you say to yourself, smacking your forehead. "Tits is still alive, isn't she. I should... I should go fix that, shouldn't I."

You walk over to her. Really, it -is- sort of a waste to just kill someone blessed by the gods with such large... fangs. Actually, yeah, it would be a bit of a mercy to this world to let a walking contradiction like that keep living. You raise your glaive, and bring it down like golden lightning, ripping her head from her shoulders faster than you can say "well what can I do now?"

A particularly evil thought runs through your mind.

Being the evil son of a bitch you are, you decide that there's nothing but to go through with it.

You saunter on over to the yeoman's cart, now pretty well covered in grain, and look for two poles that you can make use of. One of which you'd like to be about ten feet long, the other maybe six. There are two fairly serviceable ones - the ten foot one looking actually meant to go with a scarecrow. You pick up the halfling's head, and bring that over to the cleric's corpse too.

The dress has got to go. You can't work your lovely taxidermy with unecessary cloth in the way - besides, it's not like you much cared for the corpse's dignity, anyways. Stripped, you impale the staff straight through the corpse, just as you would when setting up a scarecrow. You take the smaller pole, and lash it perpendicularly to the impaled corpse, such that the cleric's arms are spread cruciform.

It's when you've got most of it set up, just waiting to put the halfling's head on top, that you are interrupted by a furious warcry.

"In the name of Achilles and the Greater Parthenon!" Oh great, it's the paladin. And look, she's brought the magus with her, too. "Cease this... this DESECRATION, and make ready yourself to answer for your crimes, fiend!"

>Field too long

>>27112594

>Give me a minute, give me a minute. I'm working here!
>Oh please. This is hardly the worst thing a paladin's ever caught me doing.
>Sorry. I don't follow the Parthenon. Tepes is my God, and this is one of his sacred rituals. I'd thank you for not being an enthocentric cunt.
>[Write In]

Rolled 2

>>27112594
Don't worry washing board I'll give you some of my love later

>>27112610
Sorry. I don't follow the Parthenon. Tepes is my God, and this is one of his sacred rituals. I'd thank you for not being an enthocentric cunt.
Check your privilege, paladin scum. Also, take out that magus, he may be annoying to deal with

>>27112610
>>Sorry. I don't follow the Parthenon. Tepes is my God, and this is one of his sacred rituals. I'd thank you for not being an enthocentric cunt.

>>Besides, this is hardly the worst thing a paladin's ever caught me doing.

>>27112610
"You call it desecration, I call it a sacred act of devotion. Who's right? Nobody really knows, it all depends on your point of view.

You should really try to pay more attention to the circumstances of those you decry before you start judging people. I mean I thought compassion and understanding was what it meant to be a paladin."

Rolled 3

>>27112610
>Sorry. I don't follow the Parthenon. Tepes is my God, and this is one of his sacred rituals. I'd thank you for not being an enthocentric cunt. Besides, this is hardly the worst thing a paladin's ever caught me doing.
Also, mount the head while talking.

>>27112690
this

>>27112610
>Oh please. This is hardly the worst thing a paladin's ever caught me doing.

This.

>>27112594
>>27112610
>evil as fuck
>also a huge dick about it as well
so were Handsome Jack in a fantasy setting?
I am so ok with this.

also
>Sorry. I don't follow the Parthenon. Tepes is my God, and this is one of his sacred rituals. I'd thank you for not being an enthocentric cunt.

>>27112273
That is small time. What we need to do is patch up the cleric and capture the pally.
We beat the wood elf fuck into an inch of his life tie his neck/arms/dick to a tree and his body to the horse which we have knocked out until now.
We then tell the horse that it must run to it owner if it wants her to live.
After it has chosen we break two of its legs and tell the cleric that if she wants to live she must take one of the elf's weapons if she wants to live.
Before she can finish or if she says no we behead her after any other fun anon can come up with.
As for the paladin we shall let her go and play the long con of tainting anything she touches causing death and mayhem for the next week.
Once she is sufficiently broken of mind and spirit we will offer her death.
If yes cause near death and walk away.
If no cause near death and then behaved as well.
Yes this is 8edgy64you but hey we is bored man.
Capcha teeth modelept
Sure captcha we are very adept at remodeling teeth.

>>27112830
2edgy4me

this is the stuff men are made of.

>>27113070
what do you think this quest is about?

>>27112610
Give me a minute, give me a minute. I'm working here!
continue attaching head

File: 1378688956542.jpg-(670 KB, 844x1500, Dapper (An)Protagonist.jpg)

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"Achilles?" you ask, feigning ignorance. "My apologies, miss, but I don't follow the Parthenon. I'm worshipper of good old Tepes - Papa Vladimir, as it were - don't know nothin' about your big city gods and their wondrous temples and yer civilized ways. This right here..." You finish attaching the halfling's head to the scarecrow, nudging it a bit to make sure it's on straight. "Is one o' Papa Vladimir's sacred rituals, it is - ye gotta impale your dead for the crows and vultures, else they'll rise up zombies and cause a ruckus in the village..."

The Paladin glares at you, her eyes lighting up with a silvery light - you swear you hear her muttering something about detective evil. Not that you really care, seeing as you got he to shut her fuckin' trap for now.

"Is that so," she turns to the magus, nodding.

"Aye, it is," you say, "And I'd thank you for not being an ethnocentric cunt about it - always judging everyone by the standards of the city-folk..."

You dodge out of the way of a scimitar passing right by your head, having seen the elf's attack coming a mile and a half away. You kick your glaive up into your hands, and give it a whirl.

"Tepes is an evil god," the elf declares. "Not a deity the morally righteous should concern themselves with, heathen."

"I suppose you saw right through that, then," you say, shrugging. "And really - it's always heathen this, heretic that, blasphemer everything else. I mean, would you give it a rest? So I killed your friends and decided to make an idol to my god out of them, big fucking whoop." You impale the grotesque scarecrow, now finished, between yourself and the wood elf. "This is -hardly- the worst thing a paladin's caught me doing, yeesh."

That... only seems to piss of the paladin chick even more. Man oh man is messing with her going to be -fun-.

>Field too long.

>>27113475

You...
>Lash out at the scimitar wielding elf, going for the kill [Roll 1d20]
>Show them how futile their efforts are by not killing the elf [Roll 1d20]
>No, no, ladies first. To die. [Roll 1d20]
>No, no, ladies first. Disable her, and keep her around for later. [Roll 1d20]
>That horse looks like it wants to become glue. [Roll 1d20]
>Let's show them who they're messing with (Dazzling Display) [Roll 1d20]
>[OTHER]

Rolled 17

>>27113486
>That horse looks like it wants to become glue. [Roll 1d20]

Let's start by killing her horse, because it will demoralize the fuck out of them, and we might even get a scene of her crying over her stupid fucking horse.

Tell them that we are freeing the noble steed from the tyranny of her oppression and slavery as we kill it.

Rolled 14

show them who there messing with. try to keep the pally alive

>>27113545
This. Plus it'll make it easier to disable them if the horse is dead.

I don't have a vote, but make sure to throw in a snarky comment about killing both of their tier 1 party members in like 3 rounds

Rolled 12

>>27113486
>>That horse looks like it wants to become glue.

Rolled 19

>>27113486
Also supporting removing horsie from the equation

>>27113545
kill the horse. There are like two others we can attach to that wagon before we turn them into art.

File: 1378689501263.png-(529 KB, 610x344, deadhorse.png)

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Rolled 10

>>27113486
Let's chop the head of the horse. Paint the symbol of Tepes on our forhead and blow a kiss to the paladin.

Rolled 8

>>27113668
Paint the symbol of Tepes using the blood*

Rolled 13

>>27113486
>Let's show them who they're messing with (Dazzling Display) [Roll 1d20]
because points for style

File: 1378690679107.jpg-(457 KB, 850x1200, Paladin and Mount.jpg)

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[Option: Kill the Horse]
[Attack Roll: 19+24 = 43]
[AC: 10 (base) + 6 (Natural) + 4 (Barding) = 20]
[SUCCESS!]
[Damage: 1d10+26 = 32]

[BONUS: Dazzling Display]
[All enemies within 30 ft are now (Shaken)]

Okay, you're about to do something really bloody awesome.

You toss your glaive up into the air. That's step one, as you really need a free hand to do this properly. Step two, you grab on to the bare arms of the half orc's desecrated corpse; and, more importantly, the pole that they are lashed to. Step three - you fling yourself up and over the scarecrow with all of your might, flipping yourself in mid air, and catching your glaive on the way down. Step four, you stick that fucking landing perfectly, right up in the face of the paladin.

"Tally ho!" you declare as you spin in the air. You land on both feet, right in the face of the paladin, a wicked and predatory grin splitting your face in twain. "Hi there!"

Step five, you peck her once on each cheek, just to see how she would react. Naturally, she attempts to bash you with her shield, but you are too quick, stepping lightly out of her way in a dance-like pirouette. Her longsword follows, just barely missing your eye - damn, her reflexes are good.

Not that that matters. She's not the one you're their to attack, though both she and her Elven friend seem a bit shaken at the ease of which you bypassed him and dodged her. With the very spin you used to dodge her, you shift your momentum to your glaive, circling around the Paladin and stabbing her celestial mount in the side.

"Be free, noble steed!" You declare. "Be free from the tyranny of this horrid bitch!"

Unfortunately, it is not free just yet. It is, however, very much bleeding, and doesn't look to have much life left in it. You...
>Attack it again! [Roll 1d20]
>>And use your second attack to knock the paladin bitch about! [Roll 1d20]
>Break it's legs and knock it prone! [Roll 1d20]
>Get out of the paladin's reach, and trip her up. [Roll 1d20]
>[OTHER]

Rolled 4

>>27114126
>And use your second attack to knock the paladin bitch about! [Roll 1d20

That image..., we shall make her ours!

>>27114126
>Get out of the paladin's reach, and trip her up. [Roll 1d20]

Okay, she's going to try to save her horse with her paladin powers, so we're going to make her watch it as it dies and she can't get to it. Trip her and prevent her from approaching, get some easy hits in as she tries to save it. Don't kill her, just some nasty wounds especially on her arms and legs, I want to keep her so we can break her spirit and crush her dreams.

Rolled 17

>>27114202
And I forgot to dice.

Rolled 13

>>27114126
>Get out of the paladin's reach, and trip her up. [Roll 1d20]

If we disable the horse, kill the magus, then we can continue to dog her footsteps while she descends into madness

>>27114202
Seconding this, what's the point of being super edgy if we're just talking the talk, it's time to walk the walk.

Rolled 5

>>27114126
>>Attack it again! [Roll 1d20]
Might as well finish what we started

Rolled 12

knock the pally about

Rolled 11

>>27114126
>Get out of the paladin's reach, and trip her up. [Roll 1d20]
that horse is hurt bad and will probably be freaking out use the opportunity to move towards the elf.

Rolled 3

>>27114126
>Get out of the paladin's reach, and trip her up
Also try to injure one of the elfs legs.

File: 1378692713140.png-(530 KB, 500x704, Magus.png)

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[Option: Trip the Paladin]
[Paladin CMD: 10 + 8 + 2 = 20]
[CMB Check: 17 + 24 = 41]
[Success!]

"Falstad..." the Paladin whispers, almost relieved that you didn't finish the poor thing off. You twirl about like a reaping whirlwind, stepping behind her even as she turns to her faithful steed, just outside of the reach of her longsword. You whip you glaive behind you even as you step, lashing out at the woman's legs. "Be healed, my faithful stee-"

Her hands, glowing the same silver that her eyes did when she detected the evil within your soul, just barely have touched the horse when your spear hits her legs. She is unprepared - incapable of being prepared, even - to jump out of the way of your weapon, or move with it and shrug the hit off. Her knees buckle, and she drops down as you bring your spear behind your shoulders in a most arrogant pose.

The horse tries to kick you. It's attempts are kind of pathetic.

The magus charges, lightning crackling across the edge of his blade. Oh bugger - you forgot about that nasty trick - using the lightning of the 1st Order Spell Shocking Grasp to enhance your ability to strike enemies wearing metal. And, of course, you just happen to be wearing a shirt stitched together with Mithral plating.

Bugger.

The scimitar gets underneath your armor, but the wound it leaves is superficial at best - a light gash across your chest that you can stitch back together later. More concerning is the lightning accompanying the sword, arcing through you body and crackingly down your nerves. The shit fucking -hurts-, like a thousand knives prickling at your skin. It doesn't kill you, of course, but -OW-.

[HORSE HP: 11/35]
[PALADIN HP: 40/40]
[MAGUS HP: 27/27]
[PLAYER HP: 95/120]

>What do you do? [Roll 1d20 for any offensive option]

Rolled 5

>>27114929
stab that fucking magus. like, bisect his head. that shit hurt

>>27114929

dice+1d20

Grab the elf's wrist and move it to cut his own juggular with his scimitar and spray the blood in the paladins face.

Rolled 16

>>27115014

Rolled 17

>>27114929
at the very least cut off the magus' arms

Rolled 1

>>27114929
Cut the Magus's head off.

Rolled 6

>>27114929
Knock out the paladin with a strike to the back of her head and try to pirouette the fuck away from that magus.

>>27115035
>Fourth roll

Dodged a bullet there.

Rolled 8

>>27114929
Kick the fucker in the balls then use his own sword to cut his hair and gouge his eyes out.

Rolled 11

Fall to one knee and lower your head. listen for the magus's attack then counter

File: 1378694588167.jpg-(823 KB, 900x1200, Paladin's Face When.jpg)

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[Option: Dirty Trick the Magus]
[Roll to Kick in Balls: 16 + 20 = 36]
[Roll to Gouge his Eyes: 17 + 20 = 37]
[Magus' CMD: 10 + 3 + 3 = 16]
[The Magus is now Sickened and Blinded for 5 rounds.]

You contemplate attempting to bisect the skull of the son of a bitch that just shocked you, but several factors prevent this. First off, he's not as prone to standing still as a halfling who is scared out of his wits, or a unconscious half orc who's slowly bleeding out. Second, he seems halfway competent; any blow you give him, he could probably position himself to make less than instantly mortal.

Thirdly, you want to see him suffer.

The added humiliation of having a foot slammed between the fork of your legs, all but forcing him to release a high pitched and girlish scream, is just a bonus. You follow that up with a vicious assault on his eyes as he drops to his knees, digging your thumbs into them both. Superficial wounds, perhaps, but painful. Oh so very painful. And debilitating; he'll be too busy writhing in agony to...

"Dorian!" The paladin says, climbing on to her mount. "Hold him here, as long as you can! I will bring rein-"

No.

She should have just taken off. Abandoned her ally, without alerting you. Even as she settles her other foot into her stirrup, you glaive lashes out at the opportunity her distraction presents, and you strike her with the flat of your blade. Somehow, she does not fall from the saddle, and retains the will to shake the reins. With her on top, the horse atempts to flee the scene, run off down the dirt road to the nearest watchtower.

It's too bad you're faster. Again, the opportunity presents itself - again, you lash out - this time at the horse, cutting off its hind legs. It cannot even walk any further - it cannot take the shock. You smile warmly when despair crosses the paladin's face as she feels the horse's heartbeat sputter and fade.

>Field too long.

>>27115595
The Magus is still standing, of course. The girl, on the other hand, drops her sword, and just sits there, atop her dead horse.

You...
>Finish the magus. He's the only threat remaining. [Roll 2d20]
>Ignore the magus. Knock the self righteous whore unconscious. [ROll 1d20]
>Gloat, drive them both further into despair. [Roll 1d20]
>[OTHER]

Rolled 16, 16 = 32

>>27115607
Finish the magus, the paladin has got to be in shock

Rolled 15

>>27115607
Kick her in the gut.

Then carry the magus over to her, and rip off his head over her body. Then let his sit there broken. Give her some wounds, but not enough to kill her.

Then leave her live and run off on our merry way.

Rolled 3, 7 = 10

kill the magus and try to terrify the bitch into running on foot. heal and restrain the other dead bitch while the paladin gets a head start, then hunt her down

>>27115653
Holy fuck I can't into English. Unpossible.

Rolled 11

>>27115595
knock her unconscious but keep her alive to torture more

>>27115607
do we know anyway of giving her with a wound that can never be heal and will always hurt?

Rolled 1

finish the magus

>>27115769
we want her to say 'god why' not 'god help me'

>>27115769
The wounds of the mind, anon. The wounds of the mind.

>>27115769
memories

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>>27115800
>>27115788

>>27115836
A nice limp to remember us by?

>>27115656
You can't heal the Half-Orc.

Not only did you kill her (you have nothing that can resurrect), but you sort of beheaded her, mounted her on a pike and crucified her headless body, and then put the halfing's head on her body.

She's dead Jim, she ain't coming back.

>>27115769
You're a Fighter of the Lore Warden Archetype (we're using Pathfinder). Sadly, you possess no cursed weapons (yet). Yourr weapon is a Cruel Ghost Touch Glaive +2.

>>27115853
she might look good with a eyepatch

>>27115853
why not just cut a leg off, more effective.

>>27115853
something disfiguring maybe? make her hesitate to remove her helmet in civilized company

>>27115895
someone mentioned handsome jack before, right? methinks we need a mask.

File: 1378695617098.jpg-(1.12 MB, 2515x3780, Sandor-Clegane-sandor-cle(...).jpg)

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>>27115895
Fire works.

>>27115878
ah my bad, wasn't there somebody bleeding to death? am drunk, got confused. i still want to see a hunt tho. the mouse knows the true meaning of fear before the cat

>>27115931
The first strike on her got her to that point, we coup de grace'd her after taking the halfling's head off.

Wow, this is also different for /tg/. I was half expecting you all to go the "break her and then make her our antipaladin waifu" route or something along those lines.

Rolled 20

>>27115878
knock her out, take her along with us, rape, release. then stalk her and kill everyone she comes into contact with. can i get a second for this path?

>>27115878
can we make her think she abandoned her last friend to his fate while she was in shock?
(have him call out to here or something)

>>27115924
i know it's 2edgy4u but i've always loved the pure evil for the sake of evil type of char. handsome jack was a cool char except he still pretended he was good, he was delusional. need to embrace the evil and ngaf

>>27115970
That's what *I* want, I just said I was going to sit this quest out and observe due to bad luck.

Rolled 12, 12 = 24

>>27115607
Gloat as we cut the magus throat, use his body parts to further improve the scarecrow. But be careful to not let the paladin run away.

Rolled 11

>>27115970
You mean we won't?

Is disappointing.

>>27115997
which is why we should wear somebody else's face.

>>27115970
were trying out new things it seems.

>>27115977
lol i like the stalking and killing everyone she comes into contact with idea. that would take too much effort tho. like years dedicated to pure evuls and should reserve that for a personal vendeta. i wanted to just hunt her through the forest or something while she tries to escape on foot and give her a horror story type trauma

>>27115970
I think you're the first QM to actually stage the gleeful sociopath really well.

>>27115970
we could still do that. maybe instead of breaking her and making her a willing waifu we could magically dominate her somehow and let her keep some spirit of resistance because it's hilariously futile?

>>27116105
also wasn't she an itty bitty tittied pally? reminds me of my butch lesbo navy cousin, not worth of waifu

>>27116105
This idea WILL end with a knife in our back.

>>27116105
Fighter!

No magic, unfortunately. The closest you can do to dominate person is giving her a reeking - and while that would be -fun- (for the MC), it's also long and involved. There are places that you could go, that no one checks on save for once in a blue moon, that no one will miss, if you want to put in the effort...

>>27116156
any waifu option has this possibility, but they would only happen if we are incompetent. evil always gets it's comeuppance only in fairy tales.

>>27116150
No, she's just wearing practical armor. The kind that doesn't mold for your tits, and therefor won't crush your sternum if it gets hit too hard.

>>27116175
a reekoning would be long an involved, but it'd be fun

Rolled 15

>>27116175
may as well just wait till someone comes looking. knock her out, throw her in a cart, deal with her later. bind her securely though, cant lose our fun

>>27116175
we could find better waifus for that much effort.

>>27115656
lets get our jollies and chuckle at the aftermath while we move on

>>27116227
i'll go with that, just to keep the game moving

>>27116227
This, for now. But something close enough to >>27116105
eventually, though obviously without magic, given our lack of it.

>>27116390
You seem a wise man Anon

File: 1378697370729.jpg-(16 KB, 306x423, Elf Head.jpg)

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[Option: Finish the Magus]
[Attack Roll 1: 16+24 = 40]
[Attack Roll 2: 16+16 = 32]
[Magus AC: 10 (base) + 4 (Mage Armor) + 3 (Dex) + 3 (Int) + 4 (Shield) = 24]
[SUCCESS!]
[Damage = 1d10 + 26 x2 = 64!]

You kill the magus.

No. That would imply that the Magus still died as humanoid - he didn't. What's left of him, twisted, mangled, broken from but two slashes of your glaive, is nothing more that a rotten, stinking lump of meat. No, you slaughter the magus, butchered him like a cow, dissected into its core components of various cut and tenderness. He can no longer be called a humanoid; just as you, frankly, are more a monster than a human. But his skull still takes an anthropomorphic shape, and no doubt his features are still familiar to the little miss.

"Ooo~oooh~" you groan, imitating a ghost. You hold the head by its hair, letting it rock back and forth in front of the paladin's face. "OOO~OOOH~! Paaaaaallllaaadddinnn! PAAAAALLLLLAAADINNNNN! Why did you try to ABAAAANNNDDDOONNNN meeeeee~ Noooowwwww I've beee~eeen killlleedddd by a handsome WAAAARRRRRIIIIOOORRRR, and you'll never spend another niiight bouncing on my diiii~"

"SMITE EVIL!" The woman roars, grasping at her longsword and swinging it at you with all of her might.

It actually manages to catch you by suprise, which is a suprise in and of itself. You were fairly sure that you were going to get another five or ten minutes worth of shock out of her dead pony. Of course, your muscles are practically made of steel, and you've got so many protective items that you barely feel anything. Still, it shows that the bonnie lass has more spirit than you give her credit for.

You decide to...
>Grapple her; show her just how hopeless this situation is. [Roll 1d20]
>Smack her with your glaive again. You don't have time for this. [Roll 1d20]
>Laugh at her futile effort. (Intimidate Check) [Roll 1d20]
>[WRITE IN]

Rolled 3

>>27116466
>>Laugh at her futile effort. (Intimidate Check) [Roll 1d20]

Rolled 5

>>27116466
>Laugh at her futile effort. (Intimidate Check) [Roll 1d20]

>>27116466
Right, forgot HPs
[Paladin: 40/40, 34 Nonlethal Damage]
[Villain: 80/120]

Rolled 19

>>27116493
>>Laugh at her futile effort. (Intimidate Check) [Roll 1d20]

Rolled 6

>>27116466
Grapple her into submission. While cackling, of course. Also taking an opportune moment to lick her neck/cheek.

Rolled 15

>>27116466
>Laugh at her futile effort.

>>27116466
>Grapple her; show her just how hopeless this situation is
"bind her, make her eat parts of her companions (they'll be with you forever) then wound and leave her tied in the middle of the road"

Rolled 8

>>27116466
hilarious then wtf

respect this bitch for still even trying
grapple we gonna force some awful shit on her now now more playing around

Rolled 9

>>27116527
Bueno

Rolled 14

>>27116549
Nah, we're keeping this one.

Rolled 1

>>27116466
>Laugh at her futile effort. (Intimidate Check) [Roll 1d20]

Then keep up the ventriloquist act we have going on.

"You can't do anything Paaaaaaaaaaladinnnn. You FAAAAAAAILED me. You are weak. Your righteous anger means nothing. You're useless~! I'm dead and it's all your fault.

Maybe if you show him your tits he'll let you live."

>>27116466
>laugh at her futile effort (intimidate check)

>>27116555
I move that we categorically ignore posters who can't be arsed to use proper capitalization or punctuation.

>>27116574
>>27116527
this action and this roll

Rolled 6

grapple and laugh

>>27116549
>be with you forever
more like 24-48 hours until they come out the other end

Rolled 3

>>27116610
Sorry, I thought I was communicating effectively. I would have arsed more for the story if I thought it would go into it. Everything is narrated by the OP thought right? He does it rather well, and I thought we just made decision points and rolls.

>>27116808
We could rape her then a part of us would be her with her for nine months.

>>27116610
I move we ignore europoors.

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>>27116899

>>27116924
nah you're right that would be rewarding her and it would be a waste of our precious genetic material. Worse than masturbating really.

>>27116959
Sometimes evil has weird compunctions about stuff like this. Is this bitch worthy of our child?

>>27116899
Leaving a woman with the bag is for wellfare niggas bruv, it'd be better to get her impregnated by a demon and see if she breaks down and aborts it or not.
At least that way we won't have annoying teenage angsting kids searching for us 18 years down the line.

>>27117023
>>27116959
But what are we if not generous, besides we could do the deed and just pull out, leave her where she was covered in our seed, that would teach her a lesson she wont soon forget. and /d/ would get a kick out of it too, really that's doing the bitch a favor, she would practically have to thank us

>Meanwhile, in a dining room somewhere...

"Damnit Ray, really? THIS is how you end the fucking campaign, with an unbeatable psycho out of nowhere!?"

This shit got fucked up fast.

>>27117040
I come from /d/(I kinda wish the orc was still alive) and I was trying not to suggest stuff like this cause I wanted to be evil instead of perverse lol

>HP Nasuverse Quest
>"This completely consensual thing with Ilya's getting a bit creepy, let's tone it down a bit"
>Here
>HURR DURR RAPE THE PALADIN

I feel a little sorry for OP.

>>27117079
"I'm mean really Ray, we just left the tavern for goodness sake"

>>27117130
"Damnit Ray, you just sent Timmy into another panic attack."

>>27116466
Actually, I just wanted to fuck with her. Drive her mad and pin all the murders on her.

>>27116959
>>27117023
>>27117026
>>27117040

No, you see, we should impregnate her and keep her. Have her carry our child to term, and, as a paladin (once-paladin?) in our thrall, pin all her hopes on redeeming the child despite our pervasive influence and the seductions of evil. Train him in the proper path and have all her hopes shattered when he rapes her brutally himself when he's 16 or so. Then kill him for damaging our property.

>>27117127
not to get on a tangent here or anything but Ilya is easily the worst part about that quest hands fucking down.

>>27117127
He set the this up as clearly CE. What did you expect?

I thought this was Black Comedy Quest -- not Sadist Masturbation Quest.

>>27117176
what an elaborate waste of time, who wants to deal with some pregnant cunt and then some snot nosed brat for 16 years?
You people are really trying to ride this first encounter to the end aren't you?

>>27117176
That'd take a while. We'd get bored after a week.

>>27117214
the two are unfortunately not mutually exclusive

>>27117159
It's okay timmy, you aren't really the head of a scarecrow, Breathe in....and out..Breathe man just BREATHE

File: 1378699698943.png-(258 KB, 464x582, Paladin 2.png)

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[Option: Intimidating Laughter]
[Imtimidate Check: 19+13 = 32]
[Intimidate DC: 10 (base) + 4 (Hit Dice) + 0 (Wis) = 14]
[SUCCESS!]

You laugh. You laugh like a barking mad dog. You'll admit that the slut's swing actually smarted a little, but all of her anger, all of her righteous indignation, all of her -fury-, and all that she could do to you was a little butterfly sting. -Smite Evil- indeed, you've taken whores to bed who could nip harder than that girl could swing. Well, to be fair, you're generally not wearing your armor and magic items of protection when you take a whore to bed, but still.

You see the light of fear brighten up her eyes, and grin. Yeah, she knows how utterly boned she is - possibly in more ways than one, if you feel like going for the classic methods of torturing women. But that lacks creativity, no matter how satisfying, and well you pride yourself on being an artist.

"Why. Won't. You. Die." She grits out, spitting in your face.

You chuckle again.

"OOOO~OOOOH~" you drawl, hanging the severed head in front of her face again. "OOOO~OOOOH~! PAAAALADIIIINN! I know why he will not diiiiiieeeeeee~! It is because you have FAAAAAIIIIILLLLLED me! Because you are too weeee~aaaakkkk! You're aaaaanger is fuuuuuttiiiiilllle! You failed ussss alllll, because you are so ussssseleeeessssss! We're all dead, and it'ssss alllllll yourrrrr fauuuuuullllltttt~"

She drops her sword again. Oh sweet Tepes impaling children on the fields of Wallachia, is she actually crying? Wow, that's.... kind of pathetic. Then again, you did brutall murder all of her friends in front of her, and were dangling the severed head of one of them like it was some sort of puppet. So you suppose it's understandable. Not that that makes it any less pathetic.

"Youuuu are patheeetic!" you drawl on again. "Maybe if you show him your tits, he miiiight let your liiiiiivvvvveeeee~"

"Fuck you," she spits.

>Field too long.

>>27117208
Chaotic Evil is not Chaotic Stupid.

>>27117243

You...
>May just well take her up on that offer. Later though. For know, knock out time. [Roll 1d20]
>Grapple her. You have no plans in that direction just yet, but it would be fun to fuck with her. [Roll 1d20]
>Pick her up and find a more secluded place to continue tormenting her. It's beginning to get a little corpsy. [Roll 1d20]
>[WRITE IN]

>>27117257
Just kill her already. Get this shit over with.

Rolled 8

>>27117257
>[X] Knock out time.

>>27117214
in that line of thought I would like to suggest we take the paladin and ransom her off, As a martyr she Immediatly becomes valuable, and It could be fun to send different parts of her, fingers toes, tits etc, to different Members of her faith, Have them be relics and whatnot.

Rolled 12

>>27117257
Take her up on the offer

Rolled 2

>>27117257
>May just well take her up on that offer. Later though. For know, knock out time. [Roll 1d20]
I'm tired of this bitch, let's get with the artistry and save her for later.

>>27117257
Hang her from something, then make it look like she was the killer.

>>27117257
Wish I knew how to roll. Don't kill her yet? See if we can't crush her through guilt. Don't care one way or the other if she's raped, but we HAVE to crush her and make her fall.

It's like, written in the handbook!

>>27117257
>KO the pollywoggle
>Hide her in the cart, cover her with some fresh bags of grain from the mill
>Loot her allies
>Ride on. We've got some Evil Associates who, no doubt, would trade favorably for such a delightful specimen of pally-kind.

>>27117257
Knock her out

>>27117307
dice+1d20 in the email field.

>>27117257
>May just well take her up on that offer. Later though. For know, knock out time. [Roll 1d20]

She's still amusing. And we can still fuck with her.

Rolled 9

>>27117257
>May just well take her up on that offer. Later though. For know, knock out time.

Rolled 18

>>27117257
Don't feel like molesting her. Maim her horribly, Disfigure her enough to at least partially negate the risk of leaving an enemy alive to seek vengeance, and then let her live and go on our way.

Rolled 4

>>27117243
Knock her out, leaver her unharmed but lay the scarecrow next to her on her right and the horse's head to the left. Lay the body parts of the magus in a neat patern around her.

>>27117356
If we had a weapon that could make it last, I'd say carve failure somewhere visible on her.

>>27117384
We could do what Brad Pitt did to Hans in Inglorious Basterds. But with a big dick instead of a swastika or something. We might need to find an Evil typed weapon though....

>>27117280
>>27117375

these seem like the most fun

>>27117404
I think slavery would be more fulfilling on a spiritual level.

Rolled 7

>>27117257

>May just well take her up on that offer. Later though. For know, knock out time. [Roll 1d20]

>>27117236
"Ray, are you seriously still going on Craig's character? The fuck man?"

Rolled 14

>>27117400
use our magic sharpie to draw permanent penis on her forehead

>>27117426
can we do this second one and enslave her

Rolled 13

>>27117257
This paladin is our paladin.
[Acquire Paladin]
(Option 1, I suppose)

>>27117490
I'm sure we know a lich or something with access to Geas. Pay some gold, geas her to our will.

Wham-bam. Have you ever seen a paladin smite evil against a dirty bedspread? Magnificent.

>>27117536
We're only level 10. We're a bad dude, but I doubt we're bad enough to be buddies with a lich.

>>27117554
I did say "know," not "high tea and mahjong partners," although that does sound pretty cool.

A transaction, not a favor.

Take her around and make her commit evil acts, ubtil she learns to love it.

At least it's not rape if it's an elf.

>>27117536
YES YES AND YES

>>27117536
I should not have laughed as much as I did at that. Clearly the most superior use of smite evil.

>>27117554
Is that what level this magnificent dude is?
I'm still waiting on a name too.

>>27117580
Or someone with geas

>>27117606
Exactly. A lich would be cool, but a wizard is fine too. We don't need to be picky. We want a mega tunsdere maid more than we want an arcane caster friend.

>>27117580
"high tea and mahjong partners with a lich" sounds like something to add to our to-do list. Depending on our Int, I suppose.

Rolled 2

>>27117257
>May just well take her up on that offer. Later though. For know, knock out time. [Roll 1d20]

>>27117595
a full, posted character sheet is up in the thread a bit. Just control-F myth- and you'll find it.

>>27117628
Precisely. That's the ticket. No better maid than one with Smite Evil.

>>27117648
how the fuck did I miss that, thanks anon

Rolled 17

>>27117257

Knock out time!

Rolled 1

bumping for great injustice

File: 1378702223354.jpg-(214 KB, 850x1174, Paladin 3.jpg)

214 KB JPG

You sigh.

"Oh man," you mutter to yourself. "This bitch is going to be an absolute -bitch- to break, isn't she." You look at her. "Well - huh, I never really got your name, actually. An' I can't be too vulgar, as I'm fairly sure you and I are gonna be in this for the long haul, now. At -least- until I've broken you of all those nasty self-righteous habbits, maybe longer. It'd sure be nice to have a tag along for the rapin', lootin', and pillagin' I get my self up too..."

She glares at you in shock. "I would never...!"

"Oh relax... Blue! That's what I'll call you!" With that in mind, you turn to her. "Relax. Think of it as a righteous crusade, spreadin' Papa Vladimir's love throughout all the land! Except instead of love and acceptance, it's violence, murder, and suffering. Especially suffering - you haven't truly known joy until you see hope turn to despair..."

"You're sick," she spits at you. "A sick, small little man who-"

You don't really care all that much about what Ms. Blue has to say about you, but it's really time to get this show on the road. You turn the butt of your weapon to hurt, and with a quick thwap on the head she's quieter than a bunch of sleeping orphans nice and tucked in their beds, ready to roast alive as your torch their oprhanage. You drag her over to the cart - you'll be able to find a few horses for it somewhere on the farm, and lay her down among the grain.

You take away all of her dangerous things - her magicked longsword, her enchanted shield, the warhammer and punching dagger she strapped to her belt. You also strip her of her armor and...

Woah.

>Field too long.

>>27117988

It's like opening a treasure chest. Except instead of finding gold and diamonds and blood gems meant to absorb the souls of the innocent, you find two magic orbs. Two magic orbs of a size that you were not expecting. Two -bound- magic orbs of a size that you were not expecting. You'll keep that in mind, for future reference, just in such things might later become relevant.

Anyways, you do a thorough inspection of her, finding and removing several daggers and other dangerous things that bound captives should not have. And speaking of bound, how is it that you tie her up?
>Short and utilitarian, using no more rope than necessary.
>A bit more complex than that, the same knots the Generica Guard uses on prisoners.
>Using shibari, because every villain knows you tie the damsel up with shibari.
>Not at all! You don't really care if she escapes.
>[WRITE IN]

[Roll 1d20 to search her allies' corpses]

Rolled 19

>>27118005
>Using shibari, because every villain knows you tie the damsel up with shibari.

Rolled 19

>>27118005
>>Short and utilitarian, using no more rope than necessary.

>>27118005
>>27118024
what he said

Rolled 12

>>27118005
>>Using shibari, because every villain knows you tie the damsel up with shibari.

I'm not for raping her, but rope bondage would be wonderfully demeaning.

Rolled 4

>>27118005
>shibari, of course.

Rolled 15

>>27118005
Loot corpses, tie her up all utilitarian-like. At the very least, actually tied up without the shibari (primary preference #1, secondary preference #2)

>>27118005
>A bit more complex than that, the same knots the Generica Guard uses on prisoners.
shibari is 2lewd

>>27118024
>>27118054
>>27118057
>Western setting
>shibari

Seriously?

>>27118005
>Using shibari, because every villain knows you tie the damsel up with shibari

It's a classic, It's practically defined as an artstyle, and It's fun, what's not to love