>>26970673
This is an RP thread, do whatever the hell ya want. Be a piss drunk Emperor, a sexually harassing Slaanesh, party crashing Ork, whatever.

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I feel that this is not a plausible scenario.

>>26970961

You are not a plausible scenario.

>>26970961
40k is not a plausible scenario

>>26970961
Worked in this thread: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/25959559/#p25959559

>>26971353
seems to be going well so far

>>26970673
>>26971037
>>26971063
no. learn 2 40k

>>26971453
I'd rather not, it's a shitty game with dreadful fluff and laughable rules.

>>26971441
That thread was 2 moths ago.

>>26971489
months*

/tg/ is not a plausible scenario

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>>26971489

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>at the far corner of the bar, surrounded by a ridiculous number of empties
>drearily contemplating an old pict, faded and torn

Sometimes...sometimes I just want him back.

>>26971803
You know who I miss? Horus. HE got shit done, he nearly won the civil war! But the second he dies, Abaddon takes charge and turns us right the fuck around back to the Eye of Terror, and what have we accomplished in the 10,000 years since then? 13 bullshit excursions that accomplish nothing but Abaddon claiming it's "all of part of my ingenious plan!".
Damn I miss Horus.

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>>26971803
>>26972050
Yeah, I miss both my sons WHO ARE FUCKING DEAD.

>>26972166
Didn't you flush 2 of them?

>>26972349
THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT! Besides, there were originally supposed to be 100 primarchs, don't you think I'd be protective of the 20 that came out without too much deformity?

>>26970673
"Hey guys... remember that time when we went on that realspace raid with the gay Bloodthirster.... no, not that one, the other one. The one with the piles of screaming babies."

>>26972349
Well, it was less "flushing" and more "siccing the pet wolf and his friends on you."

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Had to save.

>>26973636
Not you, the ones that crawled into the bad batch and got flushed with them.

>>26973768
Wait, you killed even more?

>>26973485
Which one with the piles of screaming babies? The tall guy?

>>26973823
see>>26972412
But it wasn't so much "killed" as "mercifully removed"

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Sup bitches.

Heard you don't praise the god emperor

>>26973925
I had your mother praising the God-Emperor last night, faggot.

>>26973941
Yes, I heard that. I don't appreciate people calling out to me in the middle of intercourse when I have other shit to do.

>>26973877
What are we doing with our lives? I studied in med school to become a haemonculus.

>>26973973
It's a good thing all my relatives died during Abaddon's last crusade.

>>26972166
Well maybe if you'd just FUCKING LISTENED TO MAGNUS this would have all been avoided.
But no - "You guys use psychic power! You must be evil!"
And then Your favorite, precious son sends the Yiff force to attack us and we defend ourselves - only to be exiled.

Thanks, grandad. For everything.

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>>26973973
Aren't you glad we never did that?

Anyhow, be right back. Have to go die gloriously in Your Glorious Name.

>>26974034
Oh yes, like you're any better. "Oh no, my grandaddy has other shit to do besides babysit our whiny asses.Oh no, grandaddy doesn't want us tempting fate by screwing with the very source of Chaos. I have a great idea, let's go join Chaos and have eyes grow on our testicles!"

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>>26974037
Oooooh, more things to the slaughter. Empy, I really can't thank you ENOUGH for throwing these guys to me. I get to make them realize JUST how glorious pain and pleasure is~

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Look guys, I'm telling you, the Greater Good is awesome. There's dental, reasonable hours, and no creepy floating robo-skulls.

>>26974117
Wait, you let them turn to Chaos too? Please tell me it was just Magnus and his legion!

>>26974161
Y'all niggas get dental?
Shieeeet.

>>26974161
Yannow what, I like thish guy -hic- even though he hash no nosh. Whydoya hafta have no nose?

>>26974161
Now... do I have to grow a forehead vagina to get dental or is it all inclusive?

Oi, where's da boys at? Too many squishy pinkskins 'ere.

>>26974226
... look, you come to ME, hon, and you won't even -need- dental. We'll get those teeth turned to tentacles or something. Or maybe make them sharper. I don't know, it depends on how I'm feelinga t any given moment.

>>26974226
All inclusive, you just have to get sterili-, I mean, pass...a drug test. Yeah, that works.

>>26974208
I know, can he even smell? I met one of those kroot guys and they smelled like a wet bird that had Nurgles ball sack rubbed all over it.

Dental is awesome, but I don't think I can deal with the smells of the greater good.

>>26974264
If I get tentacle-teeth can I get a beak in my throat? That way I can have a mouth-topus.

>>26974136
Slaanesh, if you're going to kill things, that's fine; but when you start bringing out the tentacles, that shit is just nasty, ESPECIALLY since I have to watch.
>>26974161
A: you don't even have teeth
B: You only have reasonable hours because you get killed so damn quickly when someone gets close enough to breath on you.
C: The robo-skulls are fucking awesome!

>>26974305
Sure, hon. We can go ahead and do that, I'll even write it down for you on this...
this...
...
something that you write on. I don't know, what the hell is it, -flesh-? Can I get something with a knife, maybe?
>>26974309
Oh, Empy, hon, I've -gotta- make things pretty when you've got Nurgle running around. I mean, please, what's he do, make everything grow pus-filled boils? At least tentacles have -practical- applications.

>>26974309
Look old man, your time is up, just let us make the change the galaxy needs. If only you would see reason, your people wouldn't have to die needless deaths at the hands of their own.

Also, Robo-Skulls are a bit creepy, you have a skull fetish or something?

>>26974375
No, -I-'ve got the skull-fetish. Well. All the fetishes, really. Anything that's... not really covered by Nurgle.

>>26974394
Wait, didn't we kill you earlier, how are you still alive?

>>26974334
Look, I'm not discussing this with you any further, last time I talked to you for any length of time I ended up chained to a wall in your basement with a hangover that would kill a Plague Marine.
>>26974375
Don't you diss my robo-skulls. If you weren't a bunch of damn communists, you would see that immense potential of a floating skull servant too.

>>26974394
Wait, does that mean you're even into consensual sex in the missionary position?

>>26974417
We don't need the skulls of dead brothers, we have AI frisbees

>>26974164
Like we had a choice. Our singular talent was sorcery - and we were damned good at it, too. He told us not to do it anymore.
We could have stopped those negative effects. I almost did it, too. Maybe if I had been able to research in peace rather than do a rush job, my battle-brothers wouldn't be soulless constructs.

>>26974428
While holding hands, and tenderly kissing your lover?

>>26974434
Just another reason your world should have been blasted out of existence when you were in your infancy.
>>26974442
Hey, you know what else you were good at? Being geniuses. You know, master tacticians? You didn't need to explode heads and shit when all you needed were smarts

>>26974394
We don't serve your kind 'round these parts. Folks here get mighty afraid of a demon like you.
Just a bit of friendly advice, leave while you 'aint got any puncture wounds.

>>26974428
Well... against my better judgement, yes. I just prefer more -fantastical- things to it.
>>26974417
And an ache in your ass so big that you could fit a chainsword up it, I hope. I -did- pull out all the stops for that little venture. And you NEVER called me! You should've called me.
>>26974409
Oh, please. I've killed myself trying to masturbate while pissing off Khorne so much he chokes me to death. I've come back from worse before.

>>26974505
Ooooh, puncture wounds? Here, I need some in my breasts, just try and line them up so I can run chains through them, hm?

>>26974506
I didn't call you because I've been trying to bleach my mind of the event ever happening.

>>26974499
We're master tacticians because we can see the future.
You know, using sorcery.
It let us see the Horus Heresy in advance, for instance. We tried to warn you.
Spoilers: It ends badly

I need a drink.

>>26974520
Now, y'don't understand. I can give you the Puncture Wound, one of our best cocktails, but sexual piercing store is next door. THey only deal in human souls, though.

>>26974570
Well, that's just TERRIBLE. You should open up a wing of that store in your -bar-.
>>26974556
Oh, you should've just said so! Meet me tonight in my room, I'll give you something that'll make you forget -that- ever happened.

I'll probably forget it ever happened, too. Doomrider gets the -weirdest- shit.

>>26974499
Dare you insult the frisbees of doom? See, this is just another reason the Tau are superior, we made AI's, and they haven't rebelled, unlike your Men of Iron. Also, Iron? Are you Gue'la so idiotic that you made robots out of Iron? I shudder just thinking about the rusting.

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>>26974599
Did someone call for...D-D-D-DOOMRIDER?

'Sup Spleen? I'll have the usual.

>>26974634
Oh, I fink you mean da things dat me and da boys surf on.

>>26974648
OH! There you are. I've been looking for you. Now, I know you've been snorting -mountains- of cocaine, but... do you think you could find what you gave me after I tried sleeping with Nurgle? And what you gave me that made me -think- I could sleep with Nurgle? I tried talking with Tzeentch, and not even -he- could make me forget that.

>>26974648
Allrighty then, one Painful Orgasm with a chaser of liquid Kokaine comin' right up.

>>26974599
Dammit, I am not falling for that one again!
>>26974634
They weren't technically "iron" so much as a ceramic-buckminsterfullerene composite that could deflect a Heavy Bolter shell with only 2 centimeters of material. Shame we lost that STC, would've been nice to use them on your blue asses.

>>26974648
If you have your usual, you will once more wake up with an unexplained soreness in your ass.
I'm going to give you painkillers now, since you're not going to listen to me.
Also, come see me in the morning. I know you're going to instead mix the painkillers with alcohol to enhance your intoxication experience. I have more for when you actually want to use them for their intended purpose.

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'ey bahkeep, 'nother round over 'ere...and watch where ya throwin' 'em this time, ya squished our best friend's 'ead last time!

>>26974700
Woah, hold up.

Emps, didnt you knock up Tzeetch and shit after that Warp Party? How the Hell did that happen?

Also, hey Doom.

>>26974726
... look, I'll get Creed's help with this, too, if I need it. I'm GOING to get you to fuck me this time, instead of letting -you- play the bottom.
>>26974751
I think this is part of the night I don't really remember...

>>26974734
Oh, you can get a replacement head at th' doc upstairs. He only deals in left pinky fingers of Space Marine Captains, though.

>>26974757
All I remember is me and Emps surfin' your Warp Waves of Pleasure so I could get back to Yagis V and have an orgy with some Bolter Bitches.... damn that was awesome.

>>26974757
Try insulting the strength of his gene-seed. That usually gets a rise out of him.

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Hey, remember that one time when you tried to capture one of our Librarians? Wasn't that fun?

We should do that again sometime.

>>26974779
..why din't'cha tell me that 'fore I fed 'im to Squiggles? Dammit all, SQUIGGY! UPCHUCK! UP! CHUCK!

>>26974751
That was more of Tzeentch and I playing some Paradox Poker, and a psychic child being born out of one of the turns becoming a bit to intense. We named the child Creed
>>26974757
Who do you think taught Creed?!

>>26974720
And this is why I love coming here.

>>26974700
Yeah, no problem Slan-Man...Slan-Woman...Yeah...Uh...I'll be sure to do that as soon as YOU STOP BEING ON FUCKING FIRE. WHY ARE YOU ON FIRE? OH SHIT I THINK THAT'S THE SHROOMS KICKING IN OH SHIT.

ALSO I HAVEN'T BEEN DOING MOUNTAINS OF COCAINE TODAY BUT I DID EAT A BABY I DIPPED IN LSD LIKE FIVE MINUTES AGO.

>>26974730
DUDE I DON'T NEED PAINKILLERS I'M SO FUCKING BUZZED MAN. NO SERIOUSLY. YOU COULD TAKE OFF MY HAND RIGHT NOW AND I PROBABLY WOULDN'T FEEL IT.

>>26974751
SUP MAN? CAN I INTEREST YOU IN AN LSD-BABY?

>>26974779
Ah good, I have a pile of those I've been waiting to spend.

>>26974726
Big E! Didn't expect ou here tonight.

>>26974823
What? Just because me and Khorne got into a fight last time doesn't mean I wouldn't come back! Where else would I get the best damn "Golden Thrones" I've ever had?!

>>26974815
Nah, Im good man. Is big K still balling over the Owl we won him?

>>26974814
Certainly wasn't YOU. You let your own SON get onto YOUR flagship and kill poor old Pius. He would've been such a WONDERFUL daemonette, you know...
>>26974793
... was that before or after the guitar battle?
>>26974802
It does? I thought he just liked nursing...
>>26974815
Don't worry about it, hon. Just remember Momma Slanny needs some good, hard drug-lovin'.

>>26974819
He says he can do antyhing with flesh. I've almost had enough of him, what with his spooky laughter and such. I might just take a splinter pistol to the sonofabitch's head one of these days.

>>26974880
I only let him onto my ship because I thought he was just going through rebellious teen phase!

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Roight! Uhm...anybody know how ta make a thoroughly chewed up hunka ex-Grot alive again?

>>26974858
I HEAR YOU THERE, BIG E. HEY, HAVE YOU EVER TRIED SNORTING GROUND-UP ELDAR SOULSTONES? BEST HIGH EVER. WELL, SECOND-BEST.

IT'S UP THERE.

>>26974865
NO CLUE. I'VE BEEN BUSY DOING COCAINE. AND BABES. AND BABES MADE OF COCAINE.

>>26974880
I'M NOT SURE I WILL REMEMBER ANYTHING FROM THE NEXT 5 DAYS AFTER THIS BUZZ, BUT OKAY.

>>26974950
Again, the doc upstairs.

>>26974880
It was quite a bit before, I knew youre cooked harder then Ozzy Osbourne and Kurt Cobain combined Slannesh, but come on man, your acting like Bjorn after I drank the old fuck under the table...

Barkeep, gimme a Tactical Genius!

>>26974960
Fuck off Doomrider, you're the reason why the Flaming Falcons got fucked up Geneseed!

>>26974960
As a matter of fact, I have a small amount of that dust. The soldiers give me them when they come back from realspace.

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>>26974985
It ain't 'is pinkie wot's the problem it's the bleedin' brainstem interminglin' wif 'is colon!

>>26975014
Ah, you want the Coloniser 5000. One of the Kabs inv'nted it, says it works like a charm.

>>26975005
And he's still a better father.

DFBGSFB

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>>26975036
That's more loik it...ya gotta bag by any chance? 'e's koinda...liquid at the moment...

>>26974942
Oh, you kidder. You WANTED him to murder you, didn't you?
>>26974960
AS LONG AS YOU REMEMBER THE DRUGS
>>26975000
NO! That's DOOMRIDER'S job! I'm usually not stoned at ALL!

And... Barkeep, can I have a Slaaneshi Gargler?

>>26975040
Yeah? I'm not the one who turned 75% of his legion into dust.

>>26975060
Just take one of these grav-tankards.
coughgoingonyourbillcough

>>26975005
>>26975040

BURRRRRRRRRRRRRN!

ALSO, JUST SO YOU KNOW BIG E...YOUR HEAD KINDA LOOKS LIKE A BUNNY RABBIT'S. THIS IS KINDA THE POINT WHERE I START WONDERING IF I'M TOO HIGH AND THEN I DO ANOTHER LINE.

>>26975074
Why would I want to die? I'm not some death fetishist like you Slaany.

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>>26975094
Oi heard that ya fukken shyster!

>>26975107
Did you just called Slaanesh, "Slaany"?

>>26975119
No. I didn't. If you ever mention it again I will mind bullet the fuck out of you.

>>26975107
Well, for one, all of your kids were assholes.

Especially that blue one.
>>26975101
That's my Doomie~ Remember, you're ALWAYS welcome at home if you want to come back.
>>26975119
Well, yeah. I call him Empy, he calls me Slaany. I just wish he'd call me again.

>>26975074
Im gonna pull a Partridges and claim bullshit Slannesh, you got more drugs and shit in your system then the Wolves have Booze.

>>26975080
That was way back in the Great Crusade, wasn't it? I remember Terra in those days. Went on vacation there once or twice.

>>26975080
Closer to 90%.
Spleen, serve me a Void-Bringer.
Actually, make it two.

Slannesh, if you figure out how you forgot that thing, tell me. I have some shit I need to forget.

>>26975080
MAN, THAT REMINDS ME. AHRIMAN, WNE YOU GONNA LET ME SNORT ONE OF THE THOUSAND SONS, HUH?

COME ONN. WHO'S POLE I GOTTA SMOKE?

>>26975141
2 Void-Bringers. coming up.
You know what, on the house.

>>26975133
I'M NEVER FUCKING CALLING YOU.

>>26975137
Well I NEVER! No, I don't! I haven't since I made Doomrider! He's done all my drugs before me!

...

And you should let him snort one of the Thousand Sons. I'll even talk Tzeentch into it.
>>26975141
It was one of the things Doomrider gave me. Mixed with tentacle juice. I think. Talk to him.

>>26975159
Wheres that Tactical Genius I ordered Barkeep? Or do I gotta call in the Old Bastard himself to do it?

>>26975174
So Emps, hows Tzeetch and the kid doing anyways?

>>26975129
Oh come on Emperor, I think you feel some affection for Slaanesh.

>>26975174
YOU SHOULD! I KNOW YOU ENJOYED THAT NIGHT! I've DREAMED about it since then, the way your face looked when I had three daemonettes balls-deep inside you!

They didn't even get to use their claws. For shame.
>>26975159
Where's my Slaaneshi Gargler? Do I need to get a daemonette in here to take my orders and actually -do- them?

>>26975193
Sorry, tonight's busy. Lilith Hesperax roughed the place up last night, so I was cleaning up.

>>26975179
If ya hadnt noticed Slan, Im still pissed off from that whole dinnertable incident after we won the Owl.

>>26975211
Again, m'condolences. If it weren't for that bitch....
1 Gargler coming right up.

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YEW FUKKEN DICKTIT! NOW MY FRIENDS A GIANT FUKKEN COLON!

>>26975179
... I see.

>>26975144
Listen, Markus was always a dick. I mean, he was a dick before the whole turned-into-dust thing - it was actually a personality improvement for him.
If your drug-addled brain can figure out what, exactly, is strong enough to knock the memory out of a ten-thousand year old genetic super-sorcerer, I'll let you snort Markus.
I've got a few other you can snort if you know where the Black Library is.

>>26975159
Thanks, I appreciate it.

>>26975222
I can't imagine -why-. We cleaned up after ourselves. Besides, all of you wanted daemonettes after you won. Something about celebrations.
>>26975235
Oh, don't worry about it, dear. I'll just write you off for experimentation later.

>>26975248
Goddamit, not you again.....
Did you press the button which said "Eviscerate"?

>>26975193
Well, me and Tzeentch are still arguing over article A subsection 5 of the 14th page of the rulebook for Paradox Poker. Creed seems to be doing fine, I'd have him get an Imperator Titan up Slaanesh's asshole if I didn't know they'd enjoy it.
>>26975203
Fuck off, even if I did have any measure of feeling toward Slaanesh, it would be impossible for them to reciprocate.

>>26975274
Sorry, ma'am, I've got protection. My soul is already given to the doc upstairs.
It's m'insurance policy.

>>26975292
... you should do that anyway. I like the way this sounds.

And it would NOT be impossible for me to reciprocate! I could love you like Horus never could!
>>26975304
Oh, fine. And I was even going to let you hold the chainsword...

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>>26975280
Why'n the piss stained 'ell would I do that!? 'e's the only one've us wot knows 'ow t'drive the Trukk!

>>26975292
Slaanesh sseems very intent on recripocated for your last encounter.
These are good drinks.

>>26975254
I'VE GOT AN ANSWER FOR THE FIRST QUESTION. THAT BEING "ANYTHING IS MY 'MEDICINE CABINET'."

SECONDLY, I THINK I FOUND THE THING ONCE BUT I WAS KINDA BLAZED OUTTA MY MIND AND FORGOT. TOUGH LUCK THERE.

THOUGH I HAVE A SNEAKING SUSPICION THAT THE BLACK LIBRARY...

IS IN MY PANTS.

>>26975319
That is the button you have to press. I can give you a replacement..... body..... arms.... head..... This'll be harder than I thought.

>>26975317
Still no.

>>26975366
... I don't have to try and convince a Great Unclean One to give you a hug, do I?

>>26975344
Thanky. Harvested the souls and warpdust m'self.

>>26975348
That is a troubling statement.
This will end in regret, but I wish to procure "anything from your medicine cabinet" in exchange for Markus.

>>26975348
Oh, I got a new substance for you to try out. It's dead sun plasma. You can grind it real fine.

AHY BOHYS, SO WYCH ONNAYA'S GONNA WANNA TAKE ME BAHK WITHHEM?

EIH PROHMIS EIH WOHN'T TEHL AAAAAAANYBOHDY

>>26975386
At least a shower can clean off the filth with an Unclean One.

>>26975412
WOULD YOU LIKE THE WARPDUST MIXED WITH COCAINE AND GROUND-UP SOUL STONES, OR WOULD YOU LIKE THE HOUSE SPECIAL?

THE HOUSE SPECIAL, OF COURSE, BEING A STILL-SCREAMING ORPHAN CHILD THAT'S BEEN FORCE-FED BALLOONS FULL OF HEROIN AND HAS BEEN BATHING IN LSD FOR THE PAST 3 DAYS.

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>>26975459
ffs, it loses effect when I forget the pic

>>26975467
Doomrider, how many "house specials" do you have?

>>26975466
Just don't bring one in here. One came in last week, made a total mess of the upholstery.

>>26975467
Oh, that sounds DELICIOUS, Doomie. Mind getting me one of those?
>>26975466
You're so mean. When have I done anything but love you, Empy?

>>26975490
I DUNNO. AT LEAST SIX.

DOOMRIDER'S RUNNING OUTTA BATHTUBS TO KEEP 'EM IN.

>>26975490
You should see him when he's on all of them at once. The air practically diffuses with LSD, so everyone is high at the same time.

>>26975519
YEP. EVERYBODY IN THE ROOM GETS A CONTACT BUZZ.

OR A CONTACT OVERDOSE, DEPENDING.

>>26975467
The soul stones, if you will.
I have a particular sensitivity to Eldar, given their natural talent for psychic phenomena.
Here, this vial is full of what is left of Markus. Be careful when you open it - the soul will attempt to escape into the warp.

Man, fuck Markus. I hated that guy.

>>26975497
When you spiked my drink and I woke up in bed with you, Khorne, and some Necrons.
>>26975513
I'll buy all of them, and pay you to stop making them.

>>26975540
I'll take a bag of the soul stones, please.
I think I found the secret ingredient for the house special.

>>26975540
WELL LUCKY FOR YOU THAT OL' DOOMRIDER KEEPS SOME ON HIM. I HOPE IT'S TO YO' SATISFACTION.

NOW COME HERE, MARKUS...SNNNNNNNNNNNNNT....OH, YEAH. THAT'S THE STUFF...

>>26975546
HMM. I HAVE TO ADMIT THAT YOUR OFFER IS TEMPTING, BIG E. BUT I'M AFRAID I'M GOING TO HAVE TO OBJECT OUT OF BASIC PRINCIPLE. YOU SEE, IF YOU PAID ME TO STOP MAKING THEM, THEN WHERE WOULD OL' D-D-D-DOOMRIDER GET HIS SWEET, DRUGGED-UP ORPHAN-SLASH-CANNIBALISM FIX?

BUT I'LL SELL YOU ALL THE ONES I HAVE NOW...IN EXCHANGE FOR YOU GOIN' ON A DATE WITH SLAANESH.

>>26975546
Slaanesh got a Necron into bed?
I'd love to know how you manage that one.

>>26975546
... I remember Khorne, but not those soulless hunks of metal. Did they have tactical assault dildos, or something?
>>26975602
... I've taught you well, Doomie. You're my favorite daemon prince, you know that?

>>26975602
I-... But-
I hate you so damn much Doomrider...
fine

>>26975622
I don't remember it. I think it was a prank played by Nurgle.

>>26975602
Ah, I'll just mix this with what's left of my drink and...
Oh. Oh wow.

I... can see... EVERYTHING.

OH SWEET EMPEROR THE VOID DRAGON WAKES.

And here I thought I could just come into a nice quite bar and get something to drink...

>>26975642
AWWWWWWW YEAH. I'LL BE SURE TO DROP 'EM BY SOON AS THE DATE'S DONE...AND AFTER I FILM IT AND START SELLING COPIES TO FUEL MY NEW HOBBY.

>>26975666
OH SHIT. OH SHIT SON. THAT'S NOT GOOD.

WELL, LEAST YOU DIDN'T SEE NURGLE'S UNMENTIONABLES. I DID RECENTLY BY COMPLETE ACCIDENT, AND LET ME TELL YOU. NOT EVEN AN ENTIRE SEGMENTUM FULLA COCAINE WAS ABLE TO BURN THAT MEMORY OUT.

>>26975690
What'll it be, sir?

>>26975690
OH! It's YOU! I LOVE you and the stories about you! Oh my God, I'm like your number one fan, Cai, you should totally come and sit with me and Ol' Empy. You can even come on our date with us! That'd be AMAZING!

>>26975703
SPEAKING OF UNMENTIONABLES, I DO BELIEVE YOU MENTIONED SUSPECTING THE THAT THE BLACK LIBRARY IS IN YOUR PANTS.
I CANNOT PASS UP A LEAD, DOOMRIDER.

>>26975690
HELLO THERE COMMISSAR. CAN D-D-D-DOOMRIDER PERHAPS INTEREST YOU IN SOME RECREATIONAL SUBSTANCES OF DUBIOUS ORIGIN AND EFFECTS?

I'D SUGGEST TAKING YOUR HAT OFF, BY THE WAY. LOOKS LIKE IT WANTS TO EAT YOU.

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>>26975715
Barkeep, I'll have a Screaming Nightmare... and a drink of some sort.

>>26975642
Hey dad. Still a bad parent?

>>26975777
Well, I just agreed to go on a date with Slaanesh to save some orphans, so I think I'm a pretty damn good parent right now. It might just be you're a terrible son.

>>26975777
Good choice. Doomrider just gave me something to doctor it up with.

>>26975801
OR MAYBE YOU'RE JUST UPSET WITH THE FACT THAT I'M BANGIN' 70-GRAM ROCKS OFF THE TITS OF SOME FINE-ASS DAEMONETTES.

ALSO, SUP KONRAD? HOW'VE YOU BEEN CRACKIN'?

>>26975801
Konrad's OK. It's your brat Fulgrim that annoys me.

>>26975801
Yeah, that was always the way. It was always 'Go away Konrad, I have an Imperium to save. I don't care if you had a nightmare, go back to bed' or 'Place nicely with Dorne, and stop making fun of him for being slow'.

>>26975810
NFCORWAGNFJREAKBV HKERUAVN!

Yeah, that's not bad. Get me another.

>>26975825
Hey flame face, how's the drug trade? I hope that blowing up Nostramo didn't remove too much of your trade.

>>26975843
Look, it was the Lab Assistant's idea to do it on the table, how was I supposed to know some fluids would get into his tank?!
>>26975850
You wouldn't have had nightmares if you didn't sleep upside down like a damn bat.

>>26975801
And don't you forget it. You better call me this time, too.
>>26975843
... honestly, Fulgrim kind of annoys me, too. He never does anything but try to find the newest way to fuck something. Or just sits there, enjoying himself WAY too much. That's kind of my bag.

>>26975801
Your liaison with Slaanesh tonight will spawn a number of horrors, all of which will inflict terrible atrocities against the Imperium far in excess of the value of the lives of six orphans.
You always were short-sighted.

>>26975690
Listen Hero, you mind keeping Macha out of trouble? She's already blazed and I have a feeling that if someone doesn't keep track of her, my Void Dragon is gonna wake up and alleviate her of her unique problem.

AND SOMEONE STOP THE WALLS FROM LEAKING BLUEBERRY JAM PLEASE.

>>26975876
NAH, MAN. IT'S COOL. YOUR DAD'S KINDA TRYIN' TO HARSH ON MY MELLOW, BUT WHATEVER.

>>26975850
Another one coming up. Are you 'round here much? Haven't seen ou here before.

>>26975880
A lab assistant got you to have sex with her on a lab table, and that lead to the formation of Fulgrim being a sex crazed maniac? Sounds like Slaanesh and Tzeentch working together...

>>26975898
... I'd like to try one of these things Doomrider has doctored. Give me one.

>>26975887
Ahriman, I've killed lots of my own offspring before, I can do it again.

>>26975715
The strongest you got, it looks like I'm gonna need it...

>>26975759
I think I'll pass...

>>26975720
Uhhh Jurgen, do you think you could stand right here between me and this...thing...

>>26975880
>>26975885
He once came in here, whole place smelled like demonsex the next day. At least the smell got me some money.

>>26975880
Maybe I wouldn't have slept on the ceiling if you hadn't let Dorne build a fortress, complete with a barbed wire trench line and a mine field, on the floor.

>>26975889
Yeah, he does that. Try kicking the shit out his favourite, Dorne. That tends to get him to piss off.

>>26975898
My last bar got so full off mutilated corpses that I just had to blow up the planet. This place seems pretty nice, though could you turn the lights off? I have a skin condition.

>>26975935
Threatening your grankids again? More great parenting.

>>26975918
Ok, one for you. Be careful, and don't complain about the bunnies.

>>26975936
We've got a..... Painful Circumfrence.

>>26975964
Generally, threatening does get people in line. It didn't get the Thunder Warriors in line, so I took care of them.

>>26975964
I can't turn off the lights. We leech off power from the screams of the test subjects above, and the doc feels sadistic tonight.

>>26976003
And when that doesn't work, we get the lost legions? That's a really great way of running things.

>>26976006
Maybe you could just turn them off in the corner that dad is sitting in? That would make things easier...

>>26975984
As long as it's strong enough to knock a grot out, I don't care what it's called.

>>26976025
>that would make things easier
Oh yes, we all know Konrad needs every advantage he can get before he can actually do damage.

>>26976067
You new here?

>>26975935
Listen, pappy. I don't even dislike you - in spite of the shit you've put me and my brothers through. Frankly, if you let me, I'd take my whole damn legion and come back to the Imperium. We never wanted to turn traitor - the Yiff force drove us out.
Besides, fuck Magnus. You might be a fairly shitty parent, but Magnus is like a mini-Tzeentch whose Just-As-Planned extends only to plotting how he can next fuck over all of his children.
Also, please put the Void Dragon to sleep again. It's now licking its lips at me.

>>26976082
I did a fair bit of damage to your little building block warrior with my bare hands, so we'll see what I can do to you with lightning claws and the darkness.

>>26976103
I'm fine with the Thousand Sons coming back. I never wanted you dead, I simply asked for the Space Wolves to bring you to Terra so I could talk to Magnus. It was Horus who told the Space Wolves to start wrecking everything.
>>26976115
Konrad, It's more likely for me to become Slaanesh's personal fuck-slave than for you to even scratch me.

>>26975936
Oh, please. Jurgen would be more comfortable near Ol' Empy.
>>26975943
... wow. That's... that's impressive. Even for me. At least I clean myself up...
>>26975984
Oh, goodie! I can...

I can...

>>26976067
Cain. Cain, what's... what's that thing growing out of your head?

>>26976155
We'll see. I heard you needed a mortal to save you from Horus last time you threw down with one of us.

>>26976168
Who is this guy? His cheerfulness is killing my buzz.

Barkeep? Another drink!

>>26976191
More like I needed someone to snap me out of the unconditional fatherly love I felt for someone who actually deserved it before blasting said person from existence with my mind.

>>26976155
Wait, I thought the Wolves were loyalists? Those weren't your extermination orders?

Oh, man. If my brothers weren't pissed at Magnus already, they will be. We've spent this entire time thinking that YOU betrayed US.

>>26976191
Right up, this time with.... souls of the damned.
Who pays for all of this? 'Cause I sure as hell didn't buy these.

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>>26976155
>it's more likely for me to become Slaanesh's personal fuck-slave than for you to even scratch me
>Slaanesh's face

>>26976090
Yeah we're stationed here, something about all forces of the Imperium gathering or what not and just wanted to avoid a little paper work and scouting duty and get something to drink and the whole place is filled with loonies!

And just between you and me, I think some of them may be heretics.

>>26976237
I see..... What are those dinky little laser pointers you are all carrying?

>>26976239
The Wolves are Loyalists, Horus just made them think I wanted y'all wiped out. Kinda ironic how the guy who got the Loyalists to attack you would be the guy you supported because the Loyalists attacked you.

>>26976300
I don't what's more upsetting. That we fell for such a convoluted ploy, or that DoomRider STILL HASN'T SHOWN ME HIS BLACK LIBRARY.

>>26976168
I won't fall for your sorcery! Twice you almost got me with your illusions! And this one if by far the worst, if you'll let me be brutally honest, the Emperor sits upon the golden throne quietly throwing me into life threatening situation, not in a crappy watering hole with rather sub-par liquor.

>>26976356
Sub-par? Alrighty then.

>>26976218
You've been using that excuse for 10,000 years. Don't you think it's time to admit Horus wiped the floor with you?

>>26976243
Probably one of those phenomena, just serve the dame things.

WHERE ARE THE DRAWFAGS WHEN WE NEED THEM?

Grandad
Can I
can I have
a hug?

>>26976546
THEY TOOK UP D-D-DOOM RIDER UP ON HIS OFFER OF LSD-KITTENS!

>>26976590
I- I, uh.
Sure. No one's ever asked me for a hug before
excluding Slaanesh

>>26976628
I've never been hugged before.
It's a first for us both.

I'm gonna come clean - I can't actually bring the Thousand Sons back. Magnus exiled me after I saved my brothers from becoming terrifying mindless fleshbeasts.
But... I have heard that there is a certain Psychically-gifted chapter without a Primarch and in dire need of a guiding hand to put them on the straight and narrow. The Corvidae Fellowship has drifted far from its roots, but they are not without worth.
Also, I'm pretty sure I can convince them to stop stealing everything.

Thread archived: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/26970673/
It's archived as "A Bar in Commorragh"

>>26976384
Sorry good fellow, I thought just worked here, but you have to be honest-what you're serving sure isn't Terran ale.

>>26976251
... Yes, this is quite lose, actually.
>>26976356
Oh, quit your bitching. The first one was some quite attractive women, if I remember right. Be glad it was WOMEN and not oiled up MEN in tight leather bodysui--

...

Excuse me, I have to take care of something.

It seems like tonight was a good night, The Emperor saved some orphans, Ahriman rejoined the Imperium, and Slaanesh got a date with the Emperor.

>>26977038
A normal evening, though I'm glad Khorne never showed up.

>>26977038
Damn RIGHT it was a goodnight, hon. Imma e makin' a nice entry outta this in my diary. Maybe even call in some daemonettes to give Ol' Empy the massage he so -desperately- needs.

>>26977099
I hate my life

HEY, HEY, HEY, BITCHES. WARMASTER IN THE HOU--Oh, shit, why are the walls leaking blueberry jam?

Hey, does anyone know where I can find a currency exchange place?

The Mek down the street wants me to pay him in teeth for some reason.
The Tzeench-ian curiosities shop only accepts "small favors" in the form of IOUs. (but I'll be damned if it's MY name on the document)
And on top of that, I need some bus tokens to get back to the spaceport.

Dammit, why can't you people use thrones like everyone else?

>>26981532
You could always punch the Mek and pay him with his own teef.

>>26981596
Have you seen the guy? He looks like a walking tractor covered in power tools.
I'm not sure he even has a face to punch.