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Spell list here

Rolled 16

Spam death

Rolled 12

>>26878820
Mind break the snake
we are so good at this

>>26879010
No we're not.

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>>26878842
Taking this one since its the OP. I count that as a reply.

Rolled 16

>>26879045
Since taking out the brain didn't work can we try the spinal cord? Should be a lot less massive if we just concentrate on one point.

Rolled 19

>>26879045
CONTINUE SPAMMING DEATH

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>>26879126

Rolled 7

>>26879245
Keep casting death.

Let's give this snake Alzheimer's.

>>26879245
Shadow meld to avoid the wave.

>>26879264
We're gonna suffocate so hard.

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>>26879264

Rolled 4

>>26879316
telport away?

or use darkness to make a sphere around us

Rolled 8

>>26879316
Shadow our way out of there.

>>26879342
>>26879348
Pick one/ be more specific.

Rolled 9

>>26879358
Use our magic to make a sphere, then raise that sphere with us out of the sand

Rolled 19

>>26879385
And by magic I mean our darkness abilities

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>>26879385

Rolled 7

>>26879497
life python

>>26879512
I have a feeling the snake god will disapprove of this heavily.

WHY does it have to be a python, why?

>>26879524

It was a typo.

Original spell was meant to be Life Siphon.

Rolled 5

>>26879497
Heal ourselves with a Life Python

>>26879536
HAAH WAAW

How unfortunate. Let's see how this plays out then.

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>>26879512

>>26879633
> I don't breath
>>26879316

>>26879688
I think you read that wrong.

Imm doesn't breath.

>>26879633
Ask her about the god buisness. What does she know about that?

>>26879633
so.. a god, can it be killed?

were did it go?

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>>26879711

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>>26879849

Need 20 minutes.

>>26879891
well lets go collect our prize then

>>26879849
>>26879891

"So... Do you have any idea how we could get... him? her? - whatever. How we could get it to stop harrassing those citizen after recovring?"

>>26879891
Ask her if she knows anything that could help us recover that mess of a leg.
Then go to the major and collect our reward.

>>26879904
And Imm can join in.

Least we can do after she saved our life and dragged us for miles.

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>>26879904

Rolled 5

>>26880440
what? diden't he want it gone?

fuck just mind rape him

Rolled 20

>>26880440
Man fuck these guys, we should just start spamming death and turn the whole place into an addition to our undead army.

Except the Lamia, obviously.

Rolled 19

>>26880440
restrain him with darkness, explain situation, express our confusion
"I thought you wanted to get rid of that snake?"

Rolled 3

>>26880440
Ask him whats wrong. He ordered us to.

He was probably trying to sacrifice us to it or something.

>>26880566
be careful what you ask for


perhaps we could clam able to bring him back from the dead, but the ritual is expensive

I just knew this would happen.
If we get out of this,the lamia won't be very happy either if she's a so called "children" of big snake, less in a sex-slave condition

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>>26880506

Rolled 7

>>26880646
Telekinesis him to the ground. Hold him there.

(Dicegods pls)

Rolled 8

>>26880646
This one, but hopefully with a better roll >>26880695

Rolled 14

>>26880507
Welp, guess I'll try to reroll for that one, and no doubt get something terrible this time.

>>26880733
Well it is better.

Third times the charm?

Need a reply.

>>26880774
To what?

>>26880792
To this: >>26880646

Next reply makes the decision.

>>26880646
>>26880800
Masturbate furiously.

>>26880800
Does >>26880740 not count?

>>26880830
It does now.

>>26880843
Masturbate, or kill everyone. It's like Sophie's Choice all over again.

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>>26880740

Rolled 15

>>26880982
Reanimate the king, with flesh and all not just the skeleton.
Can we let him keep his memory so he can tell us what the fuck he was doing?

>>26880982
Wait, are we still in Scranton?

If yes, collapse the mines. All of them.

>>26880982
victory sex

>>26881028
What mines?

>>26881038
While I'm all for depraved victory sex, I'd imagine there might be some people mad at us for killing their king right now.

Might want to take a rain check until we're either at a safe distance from here, or the only things left alive.

>>26881047
I'm gonna wait awhile until I get an answer, until then, I've got me a scene to write.

>>26880982
>>26881023

>>26880982
Well, none of our choices occurred.

>>26881106
Wikipedia:
>Scranton is the geographic and cultural center of the Lackawanna River valley, and the largest of the former anthracite coal mining communities in a contiguous quilt-work that also includes Wilkes-Barre, Pittston, and Carbondale.

Basically, the whole city is built on coal mines. Literally. You can only build so high or risk a collapse.

>>26881153

Well it was established that mind shit wasn't working well on him. If you hadn't chosen to bring Imm a couple decisions ago you would have been fucked.

That's the fruition of a previous choice.

>>26881198
Weird. I must have internalized that word before.

It's just a sandstone town in a desert.

>>26881198
You are aware that this is a fantasy world, yes?

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>>26881227
>>26881231
Well that was embarrassing.

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>>26881038

>>26880982
Should we go find the others?

>>26881492
Reanimate corpsey.

Did we fix our leg with the bone shaping?

>>26881492
Round two. More.

>>26881526
With our luck we'd end up with a deformed monster leg that shoots lightning and wants nothing more than to kill us.

>>26881665
No kidding.

>Kill king
>First thought after commiting regicide is to bone the immortal loli

Just another day for Mr Bones.

So wait, did I miss something, what happened to the Lamia, and the King's court, and the palace staff? We just sort of killed him then wandered off to have sex in his bedroom and no-one tried to stop us.

>>26881731
I..Uh...Well...

You don't fuck lolis after killing kings?

Did I commit a faux pas?

>>26881731
well you gotta admit, OP writes decent fapfic

>>26881750
That's a good point, actually...
>>26881492
Go find our lamia.

>>26881755
Absolutely not! Don't listen to that guy. That was awesome and we want more.

>>26881750
>King attempts to kill someone he sent to his death for no reason
>In front of everyone
>In the middle of the night

Just because he was batshit doesn't mean the town is.

>>26881750
We just murdered the fuck out of the monarch. Not only that, Imm visibly shrugged off life ending wounds.

Would you fuck with people like that?

>>26881755
Not even a little, that is one of the (many, many) times when it is acceptable to fuck immortal lolis.

Now let's go find that Lamia and see if she's still willing to give us our reward.

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>>26881526

Leg looks totally fucking hideous and misshapen, but works well enough.

>>26881731
>>26881872
I see you guys have your priorities absolutely straight.

>>26881893
Find that lamia, and then go find our other friends/waifus

>>26881893
interrogate lamia

>>26881893
Right then. We still have to collect our reward. And then look around the rest of the town.
Note: I said "collect", not "fuck". We can do that later

>>26881939
>>26881959
Okay, but no fucking the Lamia until we're sure she wasn't the cause of the King's syphilis.

>>26881893
We need new skellingtons, craft sign claiming "FREE SYPHILIS TESTS!!!" and place it outside.

>>26882022
But then we'll get more gross skeletons. Mr Bones has standards for his undead army, damn it!

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>>26882022
10/10

>>26882022
oh and we might want to add "By Royal decree" to the sign.

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>>26881971

>>26882232
retreat for now, prepare to take down jester for good

>>26882232
search for our fallen comrades mentally, send scouts if it doesnt work

>>26882232
Send out the old crow skellies to look for our missing comrades.

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>>26882344

>>26882565
back to our base, prepare for showdown with jester

>>26882565

>>26882667
plus asking if anyone of our companions knows anything about the jester

>>26882565
check lamia for syphilis

>>26882667
Wasn't the plan just to straight up siege his ass?

>>26882565
Nothing we can do. Maybe its better that way.

Head back to base, prepare for inevitable trouble.

Also
>see something moving on the corner of my eye
>HUGE wolf spider slowly crawling over the wall next to me
>the second I turn my head it leaps down and runs under my desk
>well shit
>spend 20 minutes searching that fucker
>find him in the hallway, must have crossed my room in record speed

Fuck that made me jump though. I have her sitting in a box next to me now, she's at least 5cm (2 inches!) long.
I'll feed her to my chameleon tomorrow. Justice!

>>26882565
We should probably leave some skellies behind to keep searching for Daya, then head back, not like we can do much, and the skellies won't get tired or dehydrated, so they can just keep looking and lead her back to us if they find her.

>>26882754
Free spiderbro!

>>26882750
we would, if we could get our shit together and make a decent golem or two for once

>>26882766
A bit of water for them least she's dehydrated too.

>>26882565
>>26882766
Leave the skellies with some big containers of water, too. If it's distilled and sealed (where for "distilled" read "we kill all of the microorganisms in it with our death magic") it won't go bad, and the skeletons don't need it.

>>26882777
I wonder if the stealing-part-of-our-personality golem is having fun

>>26882801
probably fucking lolis all over the place

>>26882754
>Sister and friend scream
>"ANON ANON GET UP HERE ANON"
>Holy shit one of them is dying
>Sprint upstairs
>Cupboard is open
>Mangled baby doll facing them.
>One eye twitching, scar dent across face
>"Maaaaaa. Ma ma"
>"GET RID OF IT GET RID OF IT"
>" I'll put it back in the cupboard"
>"Carefully lean it against the door and talk with them."
>"Hey sis, check if its still on, don't want it scaring you."
>Fucked up doll tumbles out onto her.
>Screams so loud I just had to explain to the neighbours that I'm not raping or killing anyone.

I'm back now.

>>26882801
>>26882815
We created a Pedolem.

>>26882801
..... Hmmm. Almost forgot about that. Hey, OP, is there any way of mentally inspecting ourselves (or having someone else mentally inspect us) to figure out *which* bit of our personality that golem walked off with?

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>>26882692

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>>26882767
nope.jpg

>>26882867
is there a way to reinforce our own body using bonecrafting and fleshsmithy? im thinking some muscle and perhaps bone armor

>>26882854

By now you are probably recovered. The problem never had an opportunity to come up.

>>26882891
>what could possibly go wrong

>>26882891
Sure but
>Golemming yourself.
>Critfail

>>26882867
repeating >>26882766 , >>26882786 and >>26882792

>>26882871
Oh,its small,i thought you had some monster but thats 50% of the typical spider here.
free spiderbro I tell you
>>26882854
Also to know how's doing our...Pedolem?

>>26882871
C'mon. They are harmless.
http://www.e-bug.net/pests/spiders.shtml
>Wolf Spider

>Wolf Spiders are large, hairy spiders that hunt >for their prey by running it down and capturing >it. Although VERY scary, they are harmless >and can be ignored.

>>26882867
ask imm about the jester

>>26882867
Uh, are we *also* leaving behind some skeletons with water to keep searching for Daya?

If not, we really need to do that.

Rolled 9

>>26882867
Use fleshsmithing/bonecrafting to fix stupid leg

>>26882928
I don't want to life where you life.

And I have some Tarantulas in a terrarium just behind me, those are a bit bigger. But they also don't run around my room.

>>26882934
I know, I still don't want her running around here.

And my chameleon loves them.

>>26882981
Well it's not that bad...sometimes,at least in a spider-sense,only my garden has that big ass spiders because long ago dad had the genious idea of caring for them so they could get rid of the rest of insects.
Well he did it and now we have a little army of big-ass spiders and no flies.
They're cool.

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>>26882938

>>26883037
Seriously, leave some skellies with some purified water to search for Daya before we leave.

>>26883037
>>26882960
>>26882925

>>26883021
I live in harmony with my standard room spiders (Pholcus spec.). They take care of the mosquitos. The chameleon takes care of everything else (flies, wasps and so on).

I can proudly say that my room is completely free of unwanted bugs.

>>26883052
>>26883061
Do you think he already got the point?
Oh and leave water for Daya

>>26883037
Man, the more I hear about this guy the more I loathe him. He's like the /tg/ text adventure equivalent of fucking Harlequin or something.

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>>26883052

>>26883077
Bromaleon

>>26883099
time to loot some jester dungeons

>>26883099
Well nothing more we can do for her I think,she better not be mad because we ditched her or some shit.
And the Alliance/that town/Jester or whatever fuck better leave her alone
Now better get back to the brothel to get ready study or some shit.

>>26883114
Ok I'm going to need specifics since this is a big action.

I prefer you guys making the decisions, not me.

>>26883088
>>26883153
I think we shouldn't fuck with him just yet. Let's complete some more of his dungeons, maybe we'll learn more about him.

>>26883101
His name is Karl, he's a 4 year old Chamaeleo calyptratus, and a big one too. Recognizes me and doesn't like other people, is quick to anger but actually a total pussy. I love him.

>>26883153
I think there was talk of besieging his castle, with catapults and everything. That isn't actually against the rules as I recall, since they only refer to entering the castle with more than 5 people.

>>26883153
Gather all your skeletons, Imm, and tell them what you're planning on doing. Ask Imm for advice, use the skeles as trap fodder (see first time we tried this)

>>26883180
>Let's complete some more of his dungeons, maybe we'll learn more about him.

Or get our organs (and asshole) ripped out again, the first time we went through his dungeon was really shitty.

>>26883153
wait until katya is recovered, take her, imm, lamia a horny catgirl and george with you to that one dungeon we pussied out of earlier

>>26883191
We could also go through the dungeon with a shitload of skeletons, I don't think they count as people anymore.

>>26883205
But haven't we gotten better? Or at least a little more intelli-
...
nevermind

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>>26883194

>>26883205
But without his dungeons, we never would have met our best friend. Without him we'd be dead.

That's right, thanks to the Jester, we have our magic ass carrot.

>>26883345
"Imm, he has the rule: 'Blue'. Why didn't you tell me you liked lol so randumb 5th graders from the start?"

>>26883345
Oh shit the sign changed. Used to say "Her love you will need," now it says "Her power you will need."

>>26883345
Alright then. First, he clearly has either Elyria or Daya. So, you know, fuck him.

Second. We don't know how much we can trust either of our companions. Imm is an immortal, and if there is any mind that is unknowable, it's probably hers. Cat girl whose name escapes me at least has reason to fear betraying you.

>>26883388
Maybe it's some 2deep4u demigod thing.

OP, wtf does hora hora mean?

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>>26883388

>>26883454
Play Monster Girl Quest.

Now.

It is pretty much this quest, with pictures and less critfails.

>>26883454
Search for Monster Girls Quest, download game, download translation, never ask us that question again.

>>26883467
We apologize for being a dick. Ask her what we can do to do better.

>>26883467
Jesus Christ. Did he say "Insult the fucking fuck out of the immortal currently within hearing distance"?

>>26883481
Eh I got a little bit through it, but got tired of all the raping that was happening to me. I mean, monster girls are fine and all, but I'm really not a sub.

So what's hora hora in reference to? Is that the noise that the lamia chick makes or something?

>>26883467
Aren't the rules for inside the castle, we're not inside the castle yet...

>>26883467
She is way too attached to her ex.

"Fine, whatever. Go home and bang pewdiepie, I can handle this on my own. Along with the pile of skeletons."

>>26883503
I looked at the wrong post.

Yes, yes he did.

>>26883503
Can you think of something more insulting than this?

>Why didn't you tell me you liked lol so randumb 5th graders from the start?

>>26883509
You fool, she's literally unkillable. We NEED her.

>>26883535
True though.

>>26883535
Plenty. And if I run out of ideas I can use this:
http://www.insultgenerator.org/

But that doesn't make our situation better. Shit we need to apologize.

>>26883545
She's literally unkillable, and has a boner for Jester the Wonder Douche. She'll backstab us, AND be impossible to kill.

>>26883564
If she turns on us, couldn't we just seal her up underground. Sure she'd eventually find her way out, but that would be millenium from now.

>>26883564
You know, I've always wondered how well mind control would work on her. I mean hell, worse case scenario, we clamp her in irons and throw her in a lake. Problem solved for a few decades.

Rolled 12

>>26883564
Then we shackle her in manacles, seal her feet in stone and then toss her in a lake.

>>26883585
hivemind

>>26883564
It's not that she's still in love with him, it's more that we insulted her taste in men. If I accused you of only dating sluts, you'd be a little offended too.

>>26883600
Not really.

>>26883600
Why would I get offended at that?

>>26883590
>>26883575
Yeah, and how will that happen? She killed off the syphilis king earlier pretty easy, and he was handing us our ass. I think she can take out our shitty skeletons and our pasty ass pretty easy.

>>26883505
Yeah the lamia who accompanies you says it.

Shame you didn't like it. I'm not exactly a sub but I fucking love it.

The problem is I'm not into anything but vanilla, so I have to guesstimate whether if I surrender a monster is going to tentacle rape me or not.

>Love the alraune
>Suddenly vines up my ass
>CANNOT SKIP FAST ENOUGH.

>>26883640
Her talent is, as she herself said, the fact that she can't die and she doesn't care about pain.

She still basically has the body of a little girl, so telekinesising her around would be pretty easy.

>>26883667
The only problem I see with that is that she's been described to have read every necromancy book we have. She's probably a better mage than us in most ways.

>>26883643
Every time.
>Oh this girls looks pretty normal, let's see what happens
>Oh no, please no

That said, I've noticed my tastes becoming a little 'broader' since I first played it.

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>about to enter jester dungeon, know shit's gonna get fucked up
>insulting the god, who is also our most valuable ally

Damn, missed the beggining of this quest.
Can anyone be nice and give a tl;dr briefing of what's happened?

>>26883699
Probably still mad about the whole "oh yeah, I dated Jester and he's a far better fuck than you" thing.

>>26883667
Ehhh...With the way we roll, that seems dangerous.

Still. Good point. TK her in to submission long enough to get her manacled and shit, and then drop her to the bottom of the lake, and dredge her up to impregnate her. If she decides not to pregger, oh well, enjoy drowning another month. Repeat until she gives in, reminding her that if she doesn't give us an heir, she'll spend the next few centuries drowning until erosion lets her free.

Ever been waterboarded? Not pleasant. We could break her quick like that, and get an immortal of our own that will be loyal to us.

>>26883699
Well, she said "Jester so serious, so smart," and then there's a fucking rule BLUE. That's penguin of doom territory there.

>>26883738
Still, that is ONLY if she actively betrays us, right now she's just pissy with us for being a bit of a dick to her, which is a long way away from betrayal.

>>26883762
Right, right, of course. Just wanted to have that option out there on what to do with her.

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>>26883697
Tell me about it.

Incidentally there is no good catgirl hentai show I can find. Anywhere. It drives me insane.

You can probably see that a couple chapters ago.

>>26883500

>>26883759
well, blue could be a mindfuck, or somehow related to a trap or room in the dungeon
you know the jester likes to fuck with people like that

>>26883796
Put Imm aside for now, check on the status of that hefty bounty we put for the Jester.
Reprepare an army, send word for siege equipment, arm the skeletons, offer a full month of free fucking to every mercenary within messengers range who will help us siege his castle. 5 years to men who personally brings his body to us, 10 years alive.

We're on the warmarch.

>>26883738
>Insult girl
>She gets upset
>Immediately discuss waterboarding her, burying her, drowning her, and imprisoning her in manacles until she is loyal again.

I love you, /tg/

>>26883796
Okay.

Go back to the brothel. We're going to brute force this with skeletons.

>>26883796
The best solution to our Jester problem is to kill him. So fuck Imm (not literally of course) and >>26883815

>>26883796
send in 7 skeletons to see if they count as people

>>26883823
No one said anything about making her loyal. She's supposed to be immortal. Only way to end that immortality is for her to make a crotchspawn.

/tg/ is all about how to kill the unkillable.

>>26883825
Oh yes, let's try to cheat and circumvent this bastard's game. Because it worked so well last time.

>>26883828
the jester isnt even in the fucking dungeon. stop trying to wuss out

>>26883847
I'm not cheating. I'm just sending in five skeletons at a time to keep trying his stupid puzzles until we fucking win it.

>>26883847
We're going to have to find a way to get at him sooner or later.

The smug shit needs to die.

>>26883847
>Because it worked so well last time.
That's why we're not going anywhere near his castle this time.

Let him deal with the full weight of the land first.

>>26883815
But why? There is no benefit with fucking with that guy.

>>26883861
I don't care.
One castle burned to the ground is one place he's not going to be in.

>>26883847
What, you'd rather scrape and bow and play by HIS rules? The guy's a douche on par with the Harlequin from Shadowrun, some smug fuck who thinks he's oh so clever. Fuck him! Preferably literally with skullmaces.

>>26883873
Vengeance is a pretty good motivation.

>>26883873
HE KILLED OUR SKELLIES.

Why not just make a bone golem out of several skeletons and take it with us?
It's stronger than normal skeletons.

>>26883896
Because that's always worked so well in the past, right? That's the joke, isn't it?

>>26883896
>Why not just make a bone golem
Oh dice gods not THAT again.

We promised to go to alliance town and use their laboratories if we're going to even try that once more.

You people do realize that we're never going to beat Jester, right?

He's been set up as effectively infallible, whatever we do, he'll always be a step ahead of us, if we killed him, it'll just turn out to be an illusion or something.

>>26883896
>Roll 5 D20s
>Critfail
>Critfail
>Critfail
>13!
>Critfail

>>26883896
... Yes, making a bone golem is a plan without flaw or possibility of error.

>>26883915
If I can take a shit on the burning rubble that was once his castle, I'll be happy enough.

jester gives away magic items and shit for solving relatively easy puzzles and/or sacrificing some skeletons
why not take the opportunity and get our hands on some decent spells or something

Rolled 11, 4, 4, 7, 7 = 33

>>26883896
Rolling for bone golem

>>26883941
He builds new castles overnight, I doubt he'll even care.

>>26883945
>relatively easy puzzles
Since when was disembowlment and a game of SAW "relatively easy"?

>>26883947
The dicegods have spoken

>>26883947
>that results
meine seiten

>>26883945
He took our ORGANS.

>>26883951
Build a camp. Set up patrols and torches. Start constructing ladders and a battering ram.
Start chucking shit in there.
Shit on fire
Corpses
Actual shit.

>>26883951
Send in groups of skeles 5 at a time. Send the first group in with 6, just to see what happens.

>>26883947
11! Fail, fail, fail, fail.

Nice work.

>>26883960
Wait, what? No, hang on, that wasn't a response to any of your posts, what happened to "I will always perfectly stick by the rules"?

Dammit, we're in the middle of something totally different, we don't have time for yet another boss fight against *yet another* failed golem experiment.

>>26883980
The drawbridge is raised and latched. A large moat surrounds the castle.

>>26883947
As predicted.

>>26883985
Relax, he was obviously joking. We sieging now.

>>26883992
Ah shit, forgot. Let's go with >>26883977 then.

>>26883959
since our own golems turned out worse than the encounter with the jesters traps. also we'd have benn fucked without life python

>>26883992
then
>>26883951
do >>26883977

>>26883992
>>26883951
Use telekinesis to unlatch the drawbridge and slam it down?

Also, let's use telekinesis to start draining the moat. Just have a pit dug, telekinetically grab large quantities of water and chuck it towards the pit.

>>26883951
When did Daya die?

how about asking imm what to do? after all, she knows the fucker best

>>26884052
Daya is missing-presumed-dead after we got separated from her during the giant-sand-snake fight.

>>26884052
Fighting the snakegod.

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>>26883977

>>26884061
Uh uh. She'll be smug again.

>>26884061
"You're doing it all wrong, and I suggest you stick to his rules"
or
"You're going to fail at this no matter what I tell you"
or
"But that'll defeat the fun I'm going to enjoy watching you have at him"

>>26884077
throw some skellingtons over there

>>26884077
I craft a BONE GOLEM

>>26884077
We're not going to smash the walls to rubble if we're just flinging incendiaries. Switch to heavy rocks and boulders. Use our shadow control, telekinesis and other physical spells to smash the drawbridge lock and chains. Prepare for an assault.

>>26884077
Remind the men of the worth of the castle. Tell them that even if the legends of treasure prove false, and it is indeed empty, there's still that free month of fucking in addition to however long it takes to crack this castle open and whatever is inside is theirs (bar the Jester and any magical items)

For now, focus all fire on a single section of the wall, since it's apparent the bridge is far too strong. Also begin excavations to dig out the moat.

Rolled 20, 5, 16, 11, 8 = 60

>>26884077
Shoot skellingtens over the walls

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>>26884104

>>26884104
>>26884110
>>26884112
>>26884116
Wow, lots of even numbers at once. OP, does this mean some of them get combined? It's not like they're incompatible.

>>26884127
This >>26884112, concerning the men's moral. Also tell them that the castle is potentially magical and if it turns out when they enter something weird like it being a flat empity lain or just a giant hole that never ends is what they find, they still get a reward.

>>26884127
Ok, flinging skeletons didn't work. What about making a basic, non-fancy-pants iron golem? Does that still require the massive number of dice rolls and the critfails?

Rolled 13

>>26884127
attach sheet like wings to slow them down

use zombie birds to guide them

>>26884148
We're a necromancer. It's probably not an option

>>26884127
telekinese skellingtons over the walls

>>26884148
>Iron golem
>No iron
>No blacksmithing ability
>No undead involved
>Out in the middle of nowhere.

Roll 5 natural 20s right now and no problem.

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>>26884140

Rolled 8

>>26884211
>>26884168

Rolled 1, 1, 1, 1, 1 + 19 = 24

>>26884169
ok

>>26884211
He didn't say LIE to them about treasure. I explicitly said "even if the promise of treasure proves false"

We're supposed to prepare them for whatever mindfuckery could be in there.

Also just call some of the girls from the brothel. Buy food and tents from our pocket, send them home the next day and remind them they get a month of that after this is done.

>>26884242
Damn it, that used to work.

Rolled 7

>>26884211
Max power Illusion monster girl dance time

>>26884211
... Wait, aren't we accompanied by a whole bunch of catgirls? We had 30 catgirls with us in >>26883951. What are they complaining about?

>>26884242
You. Never roll in this thread ever again.

>>26884268
You can roll a one sided noko dice with a modifier to always have 20, or at least you could. Or maybe I've just forgotten how to do it.

Rolled 16, 9, 12, 16, 1 = 54

>>26884169

>>26884300
Noko dice don't work at all any more. It always shows what type of dice you rolled. Precisely because people used to try and cheat.

>>26884317
Most people ignored noko rolls anyway. But damn it I can't remember how to do the "nat 20" die.

Rolled 1, 1, 1, 1, 1 + 19 = 24

>>26884300

>>26884350
I already tried that. >>26884242
Doesn't work anymore, what a shame, or not.

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>>26884267
30 warrior catgirls. The sex worker ones are left back at the brothel.

Rolled 14

>>26884379
>>26884168
reroll

>>26884379
This goes on for three days. Then send the girls, the good food, all back home.

Remind them it's going to be like this for them for a month once this castle has no stone left unturned.

>>26884379
We can't have one of our generals unhappy and with low morale. Use our illusions to cancel out the noise of the party, and give her some soft, smooth, gentle loving all night long.

>>26884379
We're gonna have to seduce her some day, we just have to.

Have we tried filling up the moat yet?

>>26884416
>filling up
I suggest digging irigation lines would be better, then we can start tunneling operations to bring down the walls.

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>>26884406

>>26884475
Begin digging irigation lines. Drain the moat. Start a tunneling wall collapse operation like such
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QuKZZxQ-ncg
20:00 - 21:00

Also, keep hacking away another section of the wall with our catapaults.

>>26884475
Right. Back to work. Try sending skeleton teams over more slowly, with telekinesis. Drain the moat, start undermining operations on the walls.

Rolled 12

>>26884475
>>26884168
third time's the charm. commence scouting mission

Rolled 1 + 19

>>26884372

Prevents cheating i guess

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>>26884488

>>26884567
Well, dig *down* then. That's the whole point of undermining, you dig *below* the walls, not through them.

>>26884567
Tell them to do so if they deem it riskworth, but we're not responsible for their lives should their tunneling operation fail.
Continue such operations with the catapault as well.

Try wrapping a skeleton in a lot of fabric or in a box to cushion their fall, and launch them over the walls

Rolled 17, 1 = 18

>>26884567
fuck it, bone armor and blast the wall with dark energy, go juggernaut on that bitch

>>26884589
OP implies wall seem to go pretty deep though, deeper than normal. This might be more efficient.

>>26884567
Talk to Katya. Clearly something's wrong.

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>>26884598

>>26884670
They won't do it? Fine.
Get some skelebro's to do the digging thing, under their (safe) supervision. They're expendable.

>>26884670
Consult with Imm and Katya. Keep pounding that wall.

>>26884670
Are we magically assisting the catapults by battering the wall with telekinesis and shadow attacks?

If not, do that.

I can't wait to see the look on everyone's faces when it turns out there's an even bigger wall behind the 1st wall.

>>26884696

Mr Bones is not a one man siege weapon. His telekinesis couldn't affect a structure like that. Neither could shadow attacks.

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>>26884705
>Implying we won't knock down the wall, and we see the inside of our mansion
>We've been magically duped into demoloshing our own house the whole time

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>>26884688
>>26884692

>>26884730
seriously, it's the jester we're dealing with, a master magician.
>implying he isnt laughing his ass off the entire time
>implying he couldnt repair the damage done in a day or less

>>26884764
ask for katyas opinion on this

>>26884764
We are going to break his shit. Because fuck you. Fuck everything.

>>26884764
Hate to say it, but Imm is probably right, we're probably not going to achieve anything here, and honestly it would be good if we just ignored Jester and never had anything to do with him again.

Seriously, this thread, since we started attacking the castle, has been boring as fuck.

Let's go do something interesting.

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>>26884800

>>26884836

I know. It's depressing.

Siege warfare is a quest killer.Yet it is always asked for.

>>26884838
Build a big, sturdy, wooden tower higher than the castle walls so we can see just what's on the inside. Also where did our ladders go. We should've thought of this earlier. Why bother smashing a wall when no one's gonna stop you from climbing over it? There's nobody even attacking us, that should've been our first choice.

Build siege towers, we'll take a look inside, and if we don't find anything we still have to give our reward.

We've already paid the men, and we can't magically bring back resources. Finish what we stared. Then if nothing of value is found, we never come back ever again.

>>26884838
Fuck, let's just go, I'm sick of this castle and the whole Jester subplot.

>>26884852
Oh for fucks sake.

Ok.

>>26884838
Fuck it, we go in. Katya, Imm and a bunch of skeletons come with us.

>>26884852
Jesus christ, let it go.

>>26884852
>implying we couldnt just let the skellingtons turn on them
katya could easily kill us in our sleep if she decided to turn on us

>>26884866
>If nothing of value is found, we never come back ever again.
It's almost over.

And honestly, I'd say this ended up a lot better than 5 of us going in there and getting systematically fucked up by the jester himself, literally and figurative.

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>>26884852

>>26884899
We leave. Give the men our congratulatory regards on having accomplished our goal of "seeing the magical sign within the castle only a necromancer can see" pay them.

Let's fuck off this place and look for better work.

>>26884899
Leave, tell the men they can have the agreed upon reward.

Nothing like spending all this time besieging a shitty castle to make one realize that honestly, Jester isn't all that worthy of a feud.

>>26884932
>>26884942
Yep we're done.

But one things still true, we'll never play the Jesters game or his contrived lessons no matter how desperate we are. Rather be the fool than the enlightened dead. Or worse.