>beach episode

>>26490657
>3

>>26490657
>Pass this off to Gerald, find something better to do
Fucking eyepods... eyepod... ipod?

>>26490691
umi da~

>>26490691
>>26490721
Beach episode with watermelon splitting

>>26490691
>>26490721
>>26490755
No sense of duty, you people.

>>26490770
Shrug, Eyepods are boring and won't help us.

Report her for negligence.

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>>26490770
C-can we teach someone to swim?

>>26490784
Dickmove.

>>26490839
> King of an island
> can't swim
> my Frodo when

>>26490859
It wasnt a common skill back then.

>>26490840
You want to be around when she accidently lets something dangerous out? You want to deal with a rampaging Kepler?

>>26490859
>King of an island
>Who can WALK ON WATER
No need to swim.

>>26490859
When you can walk on water, it's less important.

>>26490657
You rub the back of your head and shake it.
"Sorry. I've more important things to handle. Talk to Gerald."

She nods, scuttling away while worrying herself. Damn things. You check your mail, and note two requests:

>Doctor Asilan wants you to help him test The Machine. He notes that he is very pleased with the last mission you completed, and will allow you to take one (1) item out of this experiment. There is an OS-level seal on the letter, which means that this gift is authorized by an Overseer.

>Overseer 1 has reported that the containment protocol for an SCP is lax, and desires you to investigate the recent numerous outbreaks surrounding it.

>Gerald has invited you over for beers.

>Agent Kelly has asked to join your group, and has requested an interview to determine suitability.

>>26490922
>Doctor Asilan wants you to help him test The Machine. He notes that he is very pleased with the last mission you completed, and will allow you to take one (1) item out of this experiment. There is an OS-level seal on the letter, which means that this gift is authorized by an Overseer.
Hell fucking yeah!

>>26490922
Doctor Asilan first

Then Kelly

then Beers

Then investigate the outbreaks

>>26490922
This is not a beach episode. Where's my beach? Drop all that and go to the beach

>>26490922
What group?
Anyway, Doctor Alison

>>26490944
This, umi da and all that

>>26490922

2 sounds both interesting and important. Lets see what that is.

>>26490922
The Machine, are you kidding?

Fine setting, baby.

>>26490944
Thirding

>>26490986
>>26490944
Fuck off with your beach.

>>26490944
Everything but beers sounds minmaxy, so going with this

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>>26490922
Bring a Katana over to the Machine.
Lets have our blade folded over one million times and all that bullshit.

>>26490944
We might want to focus on getting some gadgets first to increase our powerlevel.

How dare you let us write something in and not take the beach? Beach now, just because you're denying it

>>26491023
Dude screw that. We can micromanage our schedule for max power later. I'd like to go do something right now so that we don't encourage that kind of bullshit right off the bat

>>26491028
>>26490971
>>26490944
>>26490986
>>26490998
>>26491044
Jesus christ fuck off.
Leaving the facility isn't that easy especially for someone who is actually supposed to be working.

>>26491044
Then lets investigate the containment protocols, you know, our job

>>26491023
> trying to powergame SCP
Enjoy being dead. It's like trying to powergame Don't Rest Your Head.

>>26491059
Fuck that. Living as our job is hella boring.

It is in our interests to work in a manner that we should at least appear to give a damn about our job. Let us go see a doctor about a machine.

>>26491028
How about this? Why don't we go investigate a beach where everyone who shows up shouts UMI DA without exception, and it draws an unnatural amount of girls toward it. It is clearly a supernatural place.

>>26491093
BECAUSE WE DON'T KNOW IT EXISTS

>>26491068
Go create Beach quest then faggot.

We can go to the beach when we have an off day, if they exist in the SCP world.

>>26491109
WE DO NOW

>>26491122
This, not to mention "days off" have to be regulated and all that bullshit.

>>26491141
But we don't.

>>26491065
>Not burning your PC out in the first session, leaving a burning crater in the Sleeping City

Shiggy

OP, do 1 or 2 just to keep things on track and to put these randomfags in their place. Some of them will storm off because you didn't give them a handie, but you are better off without them.

>>26491144
We do some research, find it, then go.

>>26491122
>if they exist in the SCP world.
Free days probably require an SCP to produce and are only issued in case of grave emergencies as the device runs on children's tears and colombian cocaine.
>>26490839
inb4 we can't either.

>>26490778
m-muh duty.

>>26491160
>sucking off the QM
Classy

>>26491176
>Ignoring the setting
Retarded.

>>26491164
Duty is for people who aren't renegade mavericks who get the job done. They also don't have swim days.

>>26491164
Is there any other cocaine?

>>26491185
>Caring much about the setting in an inbetween session for the shits and giggles
These kinds of sessions are MADE for shenanigans

>>26491015
I suggest a pair of Shooter Gloves. Once on Very Fine should get us something safe AND useful.

>>26491212
So in 40k Quest an inbetween session is where we prance upon in /mlp/ land for a few days huh?

>>26491229
Why the fuck not?

>>26491068
Considering that most Agents who "let go" generally find their deaths at the hands of things much worse than boredom, you don't often hold this sentiment. You signed up to Secure, Contain, and Protect, and by god, you'll do it.

>>26491079
>>26490940
>>26490941
>>26490952
You decide on the Machine, taking the walk rather than riding the little golf carts they use in this facility. Asilan brightens as you near. He is... not a usual doctor here, who are old, wizened and crotchety. He is young, almost younger than you.

"Ah, Agent! A spectacular containment with 056. Anyway, you know the rules."

The Machine a large clockwork device weighing several tons and covering an area of eighteen square meters, consisting of screw drives, belts, pulleys, gears, springs and other clockwork. It is incredibly complex, consisting of over eight million moving parts comprised mostly of tin and copper, with some wooden and cloth items observed. Observation and probing have showed no electronic assemblies or any form of power other than the “Mainspring” under the “Selection Panel”. Two large booths 3mx2.1mx2.1m (10ftx7ftx7ft) are connected via copper tubes to the main body of SCP-914, labeled “Intake” and “Output”. Between them is a copper panel with a large knob with a small arrow attached. The words Rough, Coarse, 1:1, Fine, and Very Fine are positioned at points around the knob. Below the knob is a large “key” that winds the “mainspring”.

>Please select an item, and a setting.

>>26491225
Erh, I like Katana better.
Lots of SCPs are melee rather than ranged, more flesh than metal too.

>>26491241
>Considering that most Agents who "let go" generally find their deaths at the hands of things much worse than boredom, you don't often hold this sentiment. You signed up to Secure, Contain, and Protect, and by god, you'll do it.

Oh my goodness, you're taking this SERIOUSLY. This Quest is going to go places.

>>26491241
Katana and Sheath.
Very Fine.

>>26491241
Put our Mosin Nagant into the Input.
Set the machine to Very Fine

>>26491241
Our phone.

Very fine.


Contact anyone, anywhere.

>>26491268
Yup, I can see this is going to be a no-fun-allowed quest. Better leave these hard-boiled guys to it.

>>26491242
>>26491272
I'd rather a spear.

>>26491287
Isn't one of the results of putting a gun in the machine on very fine some kind of matter disintegrating laser?

>>26491313
Thanks. Go have fun on This-will-last-one-day quest #113.

>>26491313
go have your ocean episone in fucking maid quest or go back to /a/.

Some of us are interested in PLAYING the ROLE presented to us, known as ROLEPLAYING.

>>26491340
Watch out, we got a badass over here.

>>26491288
Honestly, that'd be a terrible idea.
We could also get contacted BY FUCKING ANYTHING.
Cthulu could have our phone number, Obama could have our phone number.
SHIT WHY.

>>26491287
Any SCP won't give us time to line up a shot.

>>26491325
Yep.

>>26491272
Super laser sword?
Well, can't see much of a problem here if the goddamn sheath works.

>>26491324
He specified a sheath for a reason, that thing would be lethal as fuck.
So would a spear too, but spears don't have sheaths.

>>26491313
Go make your beach quest elsewhere, faggot.

Very Fine Mosin please.

>>26491359
>Super laser sword
You mean a lightsaber.

>>26491340
....it's just going swimming, dude.

>>26491272
I'll support this.
Katana would be a good fast melee weapon, and a super-sheath allowing us to block nearly anything.
Yep, this is a cool idea.

>>26491337
I will. I will probably also enjoy other less sophisticated things in like, like pop-tarts or hot pockets.

>>26491355
If you think roleplaying is badass, nobody is stopping you from properly trying it.

>>26491359
>Cthulu could have our phone number, Obama could have our phone number.
We could ring cthulhu, cthulhu couldn't ring us.

>>26491390
Just because we have a nice sword doesn't mean we know how to use it.

>>26491397
>Less sophisticated
>Pop-tarts and hot-pockets
I think the chemical complexity of the Not-Fruit Filling and Not-Meat in those two items is sufficient that they could be called sophisticated.

>>26491241
Put our gun in, set to Very Fine.

How does the ammo work if you refine the gun?
Should we put ammo in it too?

>>26491364
>>26491287
You pull your Mosin out and attempt to place it inside, only for the machine to spit it back out.

Literally speaking. The booth opens before you can touch the key. The doctor blinks.
"That... That only happens with SCP." he says quietly, as you pick up the weapon. He looks up at you, then the gun.

"You can't be serious." you hear yourself say, fingers touching the barrel.

>>26491424
If the wiki is any indication, guns altered by Mr. Machine require nothing but a pull of the trigger to function.

>>26491413
Ha ha, what? Did you seriously miss that old-as-fuck insult?

>>26491438
HA

FUCKING RUSSIANS

>>26491438
>CHOOSING THE FUCKING SNIPER RIFLE
JESUS CHRIST HOW RETARDED

>>26491438
Those god damn Russians really knew what they were doing.

>>26491438
SECURE THAT GUN NOW

and put the katana or something else in in the mean time

>>26491414
...did you just suggest phone pranking an Old One?
>>26491186
> renegade
We're that bad?

>>26491438
Wait what?
>inb4 Igor Chesnokov

>>26491456
We should be. Renegade as fuck

>>26491438
Katana and sheath!

>>26491456
What? You wouldn't?

Also, katana I guess.

>>26491463
>>26491453
>>26491450
You stare at the weapon.
"A fluke." you say to the scientist.

>>26491465
He nods in return. "Yes, clearly. What else?"

"Well..." you turn to the huge storage cabinet where they keep items to be tested on. "Got a sword in there?"

"Yes." he says, walking in, then back out with a sheathed katana, broadsword, hand-and-a-half sword, zweihander, khopesh, bowie knife... he totters to a table and lays them out. "Been meaning to try them. Any preference?"

"Katana, I think."

He grunts, picking it up and unsheathing it. It shines in the lighting as he turns it over, checking for defects. "You're sure about the rifle? That it's a fluke?"

>>26491465
Which would get us killed, either by doing some stupid thing during a mission or by mouthing off to superiors.

>>26491550
Oh please be inhabited by the ghost of Lenin.

Oh please.

>THIS IS A SERIOUS QUEST
>LET'S PUT KATANAS INTO MYSTERIOUS MACHINES TO GET UBERWEAPONS

>>26491550
nope, not sure of anything in this line of work. I'll examine it later.

>>26491550
"Family heirloom."

Try and recall if the rifle ever did anything odd ot unexplainable.

>>26491559
I don't quest to keep my head down. I get enough of that in reality.

>>26491550
Katana *AND* sheath.

>>26491550
"Been using that gun for years. If it really became an SCP at some point, well, I'd like to know when it had the chance to...

I'll keep an eye on it, but I havent noticed anything anomalous"

>>26491578
Weapons are MATURE and SERIOUS.

>>26491567
I am the ghost of glorious soviet past

>>26491578
You're right, a zweihander would be infinitely preferable.

>>26491550
honestly, we should probably do the bowie knife

I thought we already had a katana which is why I went along with that stupid idea.

>>26491550

On one hand, I feel it's our duty to hand over our rifle for testing.
On the other, there's no way they're taking my moist nugget.

Let's just stick the katana on "fine" and be done with it.

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Can you put 2 items in the machine?
Maybe we should try to put both the rifle and the sword in, pic related.

>>26491599
Wait, we didn't already have a katana? And we have the choice to grab a super bowie?

Fuck that. Bowie all the way.

>>26491550
Actually, Wakizashi.
Basically a small Katana.

>>26491597
>Choosing a gigantic fuckhueg sword that weighs a ton
>When you're going through an ubering process
It should be something light enough that we can hold at all times, but long enough to do damage.

>>26491629
No, only one.

>>26491638
This, Bowie Knife is best knife.

>>26491638
We can say "That's note a knoife mate, THIS is a knoife!" at some point.

>>26491639
Put zweihander in Machine, Machine makes it light enough to juggle and sharp enough to cut through steel.

I see no downsides to this plan.

>>26491650
>>26491638
>Choosing a knife
Enjoy stabbing an elderitch abomination and doing nearly no damage.
We need something with reach.

>>26491668
>Implying a foot will make much of a difference with eldritch abominations.
Besides, if we wanted reach, we'd get a Zweihander.

>>26491668
As long as the machine doesn't make it foldable it would be obvious as fuck though.
We don't want to be obvious.

>>26491668
Alright, before we move on can everyone just fucking read the Machine's entry on the SCP wiki?

You're still referring to these weapons as anything resembling normal after they've been through Very Fine.

Let's go for a smaller sword, I think.
I don't feel like looking like some shadowrunner while knowing I can't pull off the style.
>>26491639
>>26491650
>>26491588
>>26491559
>>26491465
This is a point I think we really /should/ consider in the future. What's our attitude towards rules and authority etc.

>>26491544
It's impolite to prank call sleeping dead...

>>26491592

"Been using that gun for years. If it really became an SCP at some point, well, I'd like to know when it had the chance to... I'll keep an eye on it, but I havent noticed anything anomalous"

He nods.
"Old guns are getting there. We've two already. One drank blood through the stock, the other... Well. I'm sure you know about that one." he says, "We only use it for assassinations on... specific individuals. Took some doing to get, though."

"Is it possible to put in two items?"

"There is a possibility they will mesh." he says. "A strong one, especially on higher settings." he says, sheathing the weapon. "What we get may be useless or useful. In any case, we'll be running this as an experiment. Once we're done, you can take what you like. We're just choosing order for now.

>Confirm: Katana + Sheath
>Confirm: Bowie Knife
>Confirm: Zwiehander
>Confirm: Write in

>>26491668
Having a super-sharp knife would be useful outside of combat, cutting through metal and the like.

It's also more portable and less conspicuous than a sword.

>>26491638
We need a knife.

>>26491730
Bowie Knife.

>>26491667
It hasn't shown anything like that in the past, which is the problem.
I'm going off of the ACTUAL page here, the best option would be a Katana, or a Wakizashi, mainly due to the fact it's light weight, easy to handle, and has some reach, is why I'm choosing it.
Not to mention the sheath has defensive properties as well.

>>26491704
Colt Python doesn't mention anything about a differing appearance, although other very fine things HAVE had minor changes to appearance it won't turn into some sort of Key blade.

>>26491730
Wakizashi (Small Katana) + Sheath.

>>26491730
>Confirm: Bowie Knife

>>26491730
Wakizashi.

>>26491730
>Confirm: Bowie Knife

>>26491730
>Confirm: Katana + Sheath
Time to be weeaboo.

>>26491730
As much as I'd like the silliness of a swordgun or gunsword let's just take the knife. It's a very useful tool after all.

>>26491730
As a reminder, we get four tries with this.

Bowie Knife first, then Katana+Sheath

Then hopefully something other than weapons afterward.

>>26491730
Wakizashi + Sheath, actual points have been brought up by the guy who did it make sense, so it's obviously the best option.

>>26491730
>Confirm: Bowie Knife

>>26491730
>Confirm: Bowie Knife

>>26491730
Let's mix the Bowie and the Zweihander

Becomes a one-hand bowie-sword.

>>26491794
Nope.
We can't do anything like that, only one.

>>26491730
>Confirm: Wakizashi + Sheath

Also put our pistol in. Separately.

>>26491805
I believe the proper term is Grosse Messer.

>>26491730
>>Confirm: Bowie Knife

>>26491730
>Confirm: Wakizashi + Sheath

>>26491825
Langes Messer actually.

>>26491730
>Confirm Wakizashi + Sheath

>>26491825
> dat broken Jerman
This isn't Bleach.
Grosses Messer.

>>26491730
Better start counting now before the samefagging start.

>>26491856
>says the guy who writes groß with two s

>>26491730
>>Confirm: Bowie Knife

>>26491730
All of them have good parts, all of them have bad parts too.
But if we get multiple tries like >>26491794 says, then lets just start from the top.
And include a Gundam statue last.

>>26491730
>>Confirm: Katana + Sheath

>>26491864
If he did voting via Reply with only a number, then there wouldn't be samefagging.

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>>26491842
>Langes Messer
I'm ok with that

>>26491734
>>26491735
>>26491748
>>26491760
>>26491772
>>26491794
>>26491801
>>26491804
>>26491826

You select the knife.
"First up, then." he says, smirking and setting it to Fine. "We've tried it on Very Fine, it's... Not very useful. It's 5667."

"You mean that thing that is like..."

"A solid mass of 'cut', yes. Not very practical." he grumbles as the machine gets to work.

There's a loud, overly cheerful ding, and he opens the other door. The knife there is... interesting.
"Oh, that's beautiful."
It looks similar to the Bowie knife you put in, only half-again as long. The dull side now has hooked notches, and the blade is, as you test on some wood, amazingly, beautifully sharp. Interestingly, this sharpness only seems to apply to organic materials, not synthetic or mineral. In fact, when faced with such things, they turn the blade without fail.
"Interesting!" the doctor says, smirking.

>>26491880
Yea, but that makes little sense with write ins.

>>26491893
Geez, no we have an utterly useless blade against anything not-biological.

We should give our new knife a cool sounding name.

>>26491893
>Can cut anything so long as it's not wearing clothes.

Into the trash it goes

>>26491893
Why can't we have THE EDGIEST KNIFE?

Let's try the Katana and Sheath now

I propose we name our knife The Scalpel

>>26491893
Oh great.
We butcher now. I take it we're just going to disembowel every enemy we face from now on?

>>26491919
"Useless"
There you go.

>>26491924
> implying most poeple don't wear cotton-based clothing

>>26491896
Do what shadow quest does, have people pick a few out of Choices + Writeins, and if there is a clear disagreement, number the argued over options and have a vote.

>>26491919
Blutsucher.
Gotta make it German and /edgy.

>>26491933
See: >>26491924
There's also Non-Biological SCPs, which will rape our shit if we use that knife, also bad against walls.

>>26491893
Wakizashi next!

>>26491893

Might be useful, we shall see.

Now, onto the katana + sheath.

OP, what are your mechanics for this nonsense?

>>26491958
Bluträuber.

PUT IN A STANDARD ISSUE WALKIE TALKIE

>>26491958
No American in the history of ever will pronounce this right.

>>26491991
He's running simple D6. All the skills were picked out last time.

>>26492017
I was thinking more along the lines of how he decides what comes out of The Machine

Is he just freehanding it or rolling in secret or something?

>>26492032
Probably both

>>26492032
Probably freehanding, the machine thus far has been almost entirely unpredictable.

Khopesh + Pistol/any gun

Nothing could go wrong. Nothing.

>>26491893
"Waki... Wa... The shorter katana, thing." you grumble.

He chuckles, sliding it in, "With the sheath."

He turns it to Fine for them both, and the item that emerges is... A sword handle.

"Well, that was pointless." he says, tossing it to you. You catch it, looking it over, then swing it at the wood you've set up for testing edges.

It splits, easily. There's still no blade. You stare at it, now a little unnerved as the doctor waves his hand over the absent blade.

"Only cuts if you want to, it seems." he says. "Any upper limit?"

You test everything. Cotton, kevlar, wood, mice, apes, and a single D-class - it cuts without resistance, with great ease, but the range is unpredictable. Sometimes it can cut across the room, in the case of the D-class, who died falling to peices while you were setting things up, and sometimes it needs to practically be right against the handle, in the case of the mouse.

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>>26492055
Aw fuck that's cool.
We need to take this with us.

>>26492055
IT HAS BEEN FOLDED SO THINLY IT IS INVISIBLE.

>>26492055
If we figure out how that range thing works this will be very, very useful.
Or we might cut ourselves apart.

>>26492055
Gentlemen, I propose an episode of WILL IT CUT!?

Also, this should probably be out take out

>>26492055
Japanese masterwork indeed.

>>26492090
I have a feeling the range thing isn't going away.

Which is fine by me.

>>26491893
How about we put our shoes in there?
who knows we might get jesus boots letting us run on water!
Or we could be like Mike and be able to dunk with spring boots!
We should have back ups when things go wrong anyways.

>>26492107
>There is a small insignia imprinted into the handle that reads "Made in Vietnam".

O lawdy

>>26492109
We should remember to never point the cutty end at ourselves or anything that is dear to us.

>>26492055
try pointing it at something before "wanting" to cut it.

>>26492055
...well, talk about "intriguing" results.
I'll take it.

>Downtime episode

You listened!

>>26492137
Which is standard practice for any weapon, really.

I think we'll be fine.

>>26492055
Do we get another try?

Now I kind of want that gun+sword combination tested out.

Put in something useful.

A compass.
Phone/radio.
Watch.
Canteen.
Shoes?
Sunglasses.
Key/lockpick set.

>>26492055
Fucking YES

What happens if we want to cut atoms?

>>26492156
>I think we'll be fine.
Last Words General™.

>>26492156
Well, it's a sword handle, realistically we are going to have it hanging from our side/hip. If we run a little to fast that thing might cut some stuff behind us/our own legs.

>>26492055
>It's the fucking Imagine Blade

>>26492187
Only cuts if we want to cut.

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>>26492187
I think we have to wield it, so as to cut, as it's range depends on who it's target is, which it's wielder decides.

>>26492055
PLACE THE GUNDAM STATUE INSIDE.

>>26492203
EXACTLY what I thought anon.

Let's put a utility in now, a walkie talkie or something

>>26492180
We are probably going to cut atoms in its path. Nothing spectacular.
hint: cutting normal elemnts at atom level doesn't start a chain reaction

>>26492187

Remember that it only seems to cut when we want it to. So unless we're feeling suicidal, we'll be fine.

>>26492164
He thinks for a minute. "We could try an 1911 with a khopesh, if you like? God only knows what we'd get.

>>26492180
The thought only enters for a moment and is quickly chased out. As an Agent, you are actually trained how to not think about things.

>>26492175
You rattle off this list to the doctor, who laughs.
"We've done most of that. You're free to take a look at them, but they're already Secured. I can make another, though."

>>26492203
You don't know what that is.

"So what next?"

>Gunsword?
>Any other item?
>Writein

>>26492228
>>26492206
"When we want it" seems awfully vague.
I think it'll run off of emotion.
Anger, terror, love, all may cause different reactions.
We should have a go over with the good doctor on these things.


>>26492243
GUNDAM
GUNDAM
GUNDAM

>>26492243
A broom.

>>26492243
Let's try the gunsword.
>What's the worst that could happen?
Let a D-class try it out though.

gunsword it is

>>26492269
You know a swordgun (not a gunsword) might actually be usefull against large hulking bad stuff.

>>26492269
>give a everything-cutting-invisible-sword to ajn inmate. clever fuckin idea.

>>26492251
Alright, I wanna try something he hasn't tried.
LETS PUT A GODDAMN GUNDAM STATUE IN THERE.

>>26492299
>implying we don't have a zillion methods to completely "clear" a testing room down to atomic level

>>26492306
>>26492251
Hey guys.
Why not a miniature of a 40k Power Armor?

GUNSWORD GO

>>26492306
>>26492251
you realize this will likely kill us or someone around us, right?

>>26492348
Gundams are pilot-able things, not automatic pilot.

>>26492055
Take the katana and check on those containment protocols, SCP's are not to be taken lightly.

>>26492243
Um, I understand that this is your variation on the setting after all, and things are subject to change, but per the original article The Machine -did not- produce consistent outputs when the same thing was inputted, except on random occasions and with the lower settings.

I can understand restricting things a bit though, letting /tg/ have full access to the machine would be a mess.

>>26492395
We've got two more turns I believe.

>>26492403
>The Machine -did not- produce consistent outputs when the same thing was inputted, except on random occasions and with the lower settings.
That contradicts it's goddamn information on the page.
See: Operations with Steel

>>26492406
After those then, I don't want another Breach while we are on duty.

"Let's try the gunsword, and then I'll get going." you say, as he puts them in and turns it on.

It's a Khopesh with a cartridge for a large amount of gunpowder, and a trigger. You hand it to a D-class, and instruct him to attempt to fire it at a target. When he does, the handle explodes, and the target is sliced in half as the D-class screams about losing his hand.

You execute him to spare the trouble later.

"Well, that was entertaining." the doctor says, So, you are taking the sword, yes?"

>>26492426
Name: Dr.Gears
Date: ██/█/20██
Total items: 4x clockwork pocket watch, belonging to Dr.Gears

Input: 1x gold-plated pocket watch
Setting: Fine
Output: Small clockwork bird. When the tail is pressed, it produces a robin's call.

Input: 1x gold-plated pocket watch
Setting: Fine
Output: Toy clockwork train engine.

Input: 1 gold- plated pocket watch
Setting: Fine
Output: Miniature grandfather clock, fully functional.

Input: 1 gold- plated pocket watch
Setting: Fine
Output: Small metal sculpture of a piano.

Notes from Dr. Gears: It appears there is a high level of randomness when SCP-914 "refines" an item. However, it seems to preserve some element of its original composition, in this example, clockworks. This is not a law, but a high probability. Refine a metal bar, and you're more likely to get a simple metal object than a internal combustion engine. Both, however, are possible.

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>>26492443
GUNDAM.
GUNDAM
GUNDAM

>>26492443
Take dat sword and lets look into the protocols, when the overseer says so, YOU do it.

>>26492443
"Yes, though after filling out the forms and before taking it into the field I'm going to further test its functional principles at our shooting range."

>>26492426
>>26492446
More the point is was trying to make: Sometimes is is reliable, other times is is random.

>>26492443
Take the sword, it's easily concealable and highly useful, working as an amunitionless gun.

>>26492485
Good Idea, do what he said.

>>26492443
Yep.

Let's take that sword.

I think that interview was up next on the to-do list?

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>>26492452

>>26492485
"Yes, an excellent idea. Here are the requisitional forms, here is the signatory... Ah, and a J30 just to be sure." he says, handing you three forms, each with four pages. You get through them in short order, and on your way out slide them into the outbox outside the lab. Someone will pick them up shortly.

At the range, you discover the following:

Nonliving targets have a range on the sword equal to its original length.

Living targets seem to have a cutoff point of about ten meters, though it appears to vary somewhat. You still don't know what factors into this.

Finally, the sword's 'blade' activates when you desire to cut things, and... Interestingly, only for that thing, even if the thing you are cutting entirely immerses another thing.

After that, you make your way to the SCP that seems to be breaking out at least once a month now.

And instantly, you know why. This is one of your humanoid SCPs, known as "The Maiden". She is so known because her room borders the Crone and the Mother - an actual witch's coven you captured. They are incredibly helpful for occult SCPs, but it seems that the young lady has caught the eye of a researcher.

>>26492443
"Yes. I'll take my leave now, thank you."
Snatch sword, look disgusted, leave. Killing D classes may be necessary, but it's something else to be revelling in it. Alert a higher authority that he should be put up for psychiatric evaluation.

>>26492643
>Finally, the sword's 'blade' activates when you desire to cut things, and... Interestingly, only for that thing, even if the thing you are cutting entirely immerses another thing.

Aw hell yeah, infinitely useful.

>>26492643
Not this shit again.

reprimand the researcher responsible

>>26492653
Agents and Researchers alike are trained to see Ds as inherently expendable.

>>26492643
WE CAN CUT JUST THE HAM IN A HAM SANDWICH. WE CAN GUT PEOPLE THROUGH WALLS TEN METERS THICK. THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY.

>>26492706
Gee, sure better than that BOWIE KNIFE HUH

>>26492643
alright let's find the researcher

I wonder if our sword can cut concepts... or magic. Imagine if we could cut the feelings between the two of them

>>26492716
Expendable doesn't mean that death should be amusing. Acceptable, yes. Amusing, no. Same as laughing at sending an animal to be killed. That's not normal.

>>26492730
Woah, woah, woah.
This might not be a good idea.

>>26492730
That way madness lies

>I cut the idea of SCPs
>I cut the concept of love
>I cut the fabric of spacetime

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>>26492738
Too bad

>>26492744
>>26492730
We Shiki now;

>>26492730
Can we kill servants?

>>26492719
Give or take
seems the random blade length would be a huge disadvantage in fight.

>>26492755
It's not what was expected, but let's keep going and see what happens

>>26492770
It's still super useful for other things though.
We should keep ahold of it.

>>26492755
Seems a bit too game breaking.

>>26492755
by cutting "the idea" if it even works, we'll likely just cut it out of our own mind, becoming completely useless. Let's not try that.

>>26492791
also I highly doubt OP would let us do that. I think this sword is limited to physical objects.

>>26492738
It's more like laughing at a helper robot falling off a shelf. I mean, the testing was going to happen anyway, and watching some guy getting his hand blown off as he attempts to use a weird-ass sword gun is something that a researcher would see on a daily basis. If you cried every time, you'd never get anything done.

tl;dr Ds die all the time, who gives a flying fuck. It's gonna happen anyway, why not laugh about it?

>>26492791
that or cause extreme damage to the fabric of reality.

>>26492789
>>26492791
>>26492775
Yeah, I'm pretty sure it doesn't work that way, I was just pointing those scenarios out for a good example of why it doesn't work that way.

>>26492830
it's worth testing

Though it would probably get revoked from us faster than you can say spaghetti wormholes

>>26492813
Alright, I'll concede. Fair enough.

>>26492851
I'd rather not fuck up reality anymore then most of the SCP's do.

>>26492885
bitch, do you want to ACCIDENTLY fuck up reality? Or do it in a 'controlled' environment?

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>>26492643
So, give us more information.
Who is the researcher, and what SCP is this?

>>26492926
Bitch I just want to cut things trying to kill me, not fucking abstract concepts.

>>26492950
It's not in the wiki, as far as I know.

His name is Terrence, and he's a bit new to this assignment. Lonely, as far as you know. His personal info file is fairly boring - he'd say 'no' a lot at the questions for taking blood, let's say. He's nominally attractive, you suppose, not that your opinion is all that solid on the matter.

Still, he's in that period of time where balancing mental wellness is important. How you approach this is quite critical - both for the continued support from the coven, and for the researcher's wellness.

>How do you reprimand the researcher?

>>26492973
you would have to swing the blade at the concept to cut it, which is physically impossible, therefore we can't.

>>26493004
problem solved, well done

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>>26493003
So, what did he do?

>>26493003
calmly remind him about the importance of the job at hand and not getting emotionally attached to SCP's and let him of with a gentle warning.

>>26492973
This is SCP, we might end up with abstract concepts trying to kill us.

Though if we get to that point, cutting probably wouldn't help.

>>26493031
It isn't usually just "He fell in love with them"
Should be something else as well.

>>26493003
invite him for beers with Gerald. He needs to get his head out of his work for a bit, and be reminded that these actions are not acceptable

>>26493050
still worth a shot, but I get your point.

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>>26493003
What an idiot.
Assign him to another SCP and give him some time with SCP-999.

>>26493031
No, that's way too lax. It might not have had bad consequences in this case but think of the other stuff that could happen with other SCPs

>>26493003
Say him that he's very lucky you are the one that's in charge of dealing with him and let him off with a warning but also explain him what extreme dangers this could cause in the future. Also give him a 3 months suspension from working with this specific SCP, then invite do this >>26493051

>>26493082
This.

>>26493003
reassign him promptly. Make sure he doesn't try to get back to her.

>>26493082
Do we even have that authority?

>>26493122
>This is one of your humanoid SCPs
Yep.
SCP-999 will also make him happy.
Good for everyone.

>>26493122
We can cut through the concept of Authority now

>>26493142
we can't, we would have to swing a blade at-
Oh, I see what you mean, that won't end well.

>>26493141
then by all means do that.

>>26493082
Gonna go with this.
Seems like a benevolent but strict option

>>26493003
Reassignment.

Has the SCP in question gained freedom privileges due to continued good behaviour? It might be possible that he could still see her when he is off the clock, so we need to reinforce the idea that getting romantically involved with an SCP is a really, really bad idea.

>>26493198
send him in with the imaginary sword to fight 682

>>26493189
The question is does 999 have the time?

I would assume that people are requesting time with it for themselves or their underlings all the time.

>>26493003
You approach him as he finishes some paperwork. He sees the suit and tie, and instantly tenses up.

"Agent." he says quietly.

"You're a very lucky man, Terrence. Come with me?" you gesture.

He sighs. "This is about the Maiden." he says.

"She still a Maiden at this point?" You ask, and he flushes. "Yeah, she is. Listen, Terrence, I'm going to be blunt. Men of higher rank than you have died over shit like this, before. Whether killed by the SCP or by us."

He looks at his feet. "I'm not going to do that, though. You're walking away from this. Suspension from this SCP, effective immediately for three months. No ifs, ands, or buts."

"I understand, sir."

"And if you are caught letting her out, it's your ass. Why were you anyway?"

"She wanted to see the moon."

"Phase?"

"New."

You swear. "Four times. Four fucking times, Terrence. You were very close to killing your entire research team." you say. "God... God damn, man. Look, just... spend some time with triple-nine, alright?"

He nods sullenly.

Welp. Time to meet with Kelly.

>Preparations?
>Go as is.

>>26493214
That is rather overly harsh.

>>26493226
sword cuts any living thing within 10 meters

slice and dice mother fucker

>>26493225
>Preparations?
What sort of preparations CAN we make?
Lets bring the sword at any rate.

>>26493214
>682

that is cruel

>>26493225
Let's take a look at her file. Grab a couple coffees on the way.

We could use a tech expert, a sniper, or a field medic, ideally.

>>26493251
we don't want 682 to become immune to this shit
>>26493268
Might as well take a look at it..

>>26493245
It regenerates, kills the researcher, and obtains a knife that cuts through anything.

GREAT IDEA SPARKY

>>26493281
>potential for lulz: high

Rolled 4

Put 682 in The Machine and set it to Very Fine

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>>26493281
Which is why we would never attempt that.

>>26493303
NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO

>>26493303
>>>26493300

>>26493303
why don't we just put a bullet through are head while were at it?
sarcasm:off

>>26493303
we end up with a very sexy scp?

>>26493300
>>26493303
I told you this would happen OP, I told you.

>>26493307
682 has plot armor anyways.

It serves as an upper limit to the lethality of SCP's, if they could kill or indefinitely detain 682 without causing something worse than it's release, then it's too strong.

It also makes people keep coming up with reasons why 682 isn't killed by something, though many of those reasons have been incredibly flimsy.

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>>26493303
Nope

How would SCP react to the The Awakening.

>>26493303
SCP-6820 is a red button with a transparent flip-case. On the top of the case is printed, in white block letters, "Press this button to initiate XK-Class Event."

>>26493367
"FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK"

>>26493303
>implying they didn't already think of this
>all those people (or possibly just that one guy thinking his idea is awesome and new) overreacting

Item: SCP-914

Tissue Test Record:
[DATA EXPUNGED]

Termination Test Record:
[DATA EXPUNGED] of "Fine" or "Very Fine" is no longer to be used by any personnel having contact with SCP-682 at any point. In addition, any objects that have come in contact with SCP-682 at any point are not allowed to be processed by SCP-914. Any attempt to subvert this directive [DATA EXPUNGED].

Notes: SCP-682 is too large to fit in to the booths, in most forms. In addition, the tissue tests have shown that SCP-682 has… unpredictable reactions to SCP-914. Finally, SCP-914 is too valuable a research tool, and too delicate, for this type of test. It was nearly damaged after the incident (CN: 682-119857), and [DATA EXPUNGED] be repeated. Should the results be recovered [DATA EXPUNGED].

>>26493367
"Goddamnit John, I leave to go to the bathroom for, like, five fucking minutes"

>>26493367
>scp+shadowrun

hmmmm I like this

>>26493402
FINE THEN. Geez.


Well, let's find out what happens when that green slime stuff touches dead bodies.

>>26493444
NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE

>>26493444
This is not "let's do random stuff within the SCP universe" you know.

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>>26493214
>>26493303
combine the two, have the researcher dice up 682 and put in the machine.

>>26493463
Pretty much.

Goddamnit guys stop being dumb.

>>26493466
Put the researcher in the machine with the sword and one of 682's claws.

>>26493466
I wish you had a tripcode...

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>>26493466

>>26493484
We can just ignore them. Preferably starting now.

>>26493225
ANYWAY BACK ON TOPIC GUYS

Preparations! Check Kelley's file. Who is this cunt?

You read her file before meeting with her. She's quite good at medical procedures, and has advanced knowledge in that field. Otherwise, her most notable talents are driving.

You enter the room Kelly told you about, and you sit down across from her. She's quite average, you notice, with short black hair, bright green eyes, and pale skin. You sit down heavily.

"So you want to join me and Gerald." you say. She jumps, then nods.

"Yes. You've an excellent track record. My current partner is also indisposed."

"Yes, I heard. How is he?"

"Well, his arm is mostly quartz crystal, but his pay is much better."

"Ah, that's good to hear."

"Your file seems to support your reasoning. Any pet peeves?"

She shrugs.
"No alcohol or drugs on the job except Mindkill."

>Continue talking
>Question specifically
>Write in

>>26493510
>Question specifically
Ask her about combat experience.