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/tg/ - Traditional Games

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ITT: The dice made me do it.
Bullshit qualifier: Everything that happens in the following story was dictated by various dice roles and tables that I use.
>Players: 2 females, 2 males including me (DM)
>female rogue keeping night watch
>dice roll an encounter with grig
>Grig is known for entertaining itself by making travelers dance by using enchanted fiddle
>Grig starts fiddling
>Rogue rolls poorly, begins dancing
>Dancing awakens other party members
>players locate grig and capture it
>after a small conversation and trading of goods the grig leaves.
>Rogue resumes watch
>Roll 2d10 for further encounters
>House rules dictate something very good happens on 000
>Grig returns out in the open
>Proposes marriage with dowry of magical gauntlet, claiming her to be the most beautiful woman he has seen
>Rogue is unsure
>Grig explains that fae marriages do not last beyond a single night... of passion
>Rogue is still reluctant, being that Grigs are only 1.5 feet tall
>Grig assures rogue that it will be a fun night
>rogue agrees
>Grig casts enlarge self
>grows to medium sized human height
>Grig leads rogue into the forest
>rogue awakens back at the camp as the sun rises, the gauntlets still lying where the grig left them
>Player: "Jeez, I hope I'm not knocked up..."
>DM: "Well, now that you mention it..." *shaking dice in hand*

That's actually pretty funny. And imaginative, too.
I'm just glad I have very open-minded players. Anyone else would have stopped playing my game that day.


And there is the difference between sex dealt with comfortably and uncomfortably, depending on the player group.
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>DMing party of not very smart characters, minus one wizard.
>Party progressing through fire-themed dungeon at an unexpectedly fast pace due to most traps/puzzles needing intelligence to overcome them
>Barbarian usually just rushes through while the cleric heals him
>Final dungeon chamber
>Two bottles on stone pedestals, one contains a potion that they've been hired to retrieve
>Cleric chooses wrong bottle
>Efreeti emerges
>Players roll initiative
>Wizard goes first
Wizard: "What gender is it"
DM: *Dice roll* "female"
Wizard: "I want to roll for knowledge arcana"
DM: "Okay, go ahead"
>Wizard rolls high
DM: "what do you want to know?"
Wizard: "Will Efreeti negotiate trades?"
>DM looks up Efreeti behavior
DM: "Yes, actually"
Wizard: "I wish to make a trade in exchange for our lives, o great, magnificent goddess of fire"
>Wizard rolls high for diplomacy, grant pluses for flattery
Efreeti: "You'd better make it worth it, mortal"
Wizard: "Sexual pleasure."
>DM face-palms but rolls to see if Efreeti is interested, which she is.
Efretti: "I am 12 feet tall and weigh 8 times as much as you. What pleasure could you possibly give me?"
>Wizard disrobes, casts bulls-strength, bears endurance, endure elements and enlarge self.
>Efreeti embraces wizard and disappears in a puff of smoke which recedes into the bottle from whence she came
>Wizard rolls for sexual stamina and endurance, 2 nat 20.
>Players merely see a shaking bottle and hear faint soft moaning.
>Wizard emerges after 45 minutes, slightly scaled and profusely sweaty.
DM: "While you were in there, the Efreeti demanded that you keep her bottle with you at all times and that you satisfy her needs when she calls upon you, no matter what you are doing at the time."
Wizard: "Well, there's give and there's take..."
Thanks for the stories anons.
bumping for more stories
hard mode: no sexual results.
This one time I killed a dragon in one hit because I rolled a 20.
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details, dammit!!
Well, I had a big sword, rolled a 20 and did enough damage to trigger a massive damage save, which the dragon failed.
I once ran a palladin, used turn undead on on an undead dragon, nat 20 was rolled. I p;ay rest of campaign on the back of an undead dragon.
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laaaaaame, have some imagination! All epic damage is done with style and flair!
Happened just a week ago.
>Running Dark Heresy for my Shadowrun Group as our regular GM needed a break
>Regular GM is powergaming with a psyker
>Encounter some thugs in an alley
>"Are... you sure?"
>Okay, since that's an AOE and all your party are fairly close to you and keeping a watch on the super-creepy psyker I'm going to need WP checks all round.
>The Techpriest whose player is borderline asleep is the only one who saves
>Sororitas is quaking in fear
>Cleric rolls so badly he goes berzerk, says to target closest person
>As established earlier in the encounter both he and the Psyker had taken the lead
>Cue the cleric beating the SHIT out of the Psyker for 6 rounds
>The psyker gets sent to the hospital with mangled limbs
>Cleric player apologizes, but remains perfectly IC about it and blames the psyker.
The dice made him do it, although they didn't make him kick the psyker while she was down.
Well I had a similar situation. See the party was investigating some kobold nonsense while getting to know our intellegent McGuffins we found in an Aztec temple that was either a dream, illusion, or some crazy mindfuckery while still keeping loot and exp never found that out actually....

But anyways, we fall down a crazy hidden chute a dastardly kobold had baited us into and were all stuck in metal cages suspended above a fuckhuge kobold warren, and the little bastards had them automated with gears and shit! They led to the hoard room of a Great Wyrm red dragon. We all shit our pants but me. Being the only party face (Dread Necro) I tried to bargain with the dragon for our lives, I failed pretty badly at the diplomacy but while I was trying to talk the dragon out of eating us our rogue who had found another way into the warren and into the dragons den.

Now an important side note is everybody in this world is bound with an elemental at birth, sometimes more than one, and because of this they're able to do some pretty cool shit. For example the samurai had a metal spirit bound to him so he could make his katana super sharp and weaken enemy armor, and also made him immune to mind effecting effects because of the coldness of metal. The rogue? He had an earth spirit, so along with basic earth crafting he could inspire or smother lust in targets. Yeah. He seduced a Great Wyrm dragon. No, it wasn't a girl dragon, no it didn't change shape. Poor guy. But it bought me time to think of a plan.

The plan being to use my McGuffin to help me supercharge a death spell so that we stand a chance to get out of this alive, Anakunramen was down with this and after the dragon came out of his love den he decided he needed a nap before his after fuck snack. So of course thats when I struck. I rolled 2 d20s, one for power of amplification, one for control over it while it happened since I was subtle and Anakunramen had a flair for the dramatic. Continued
>Be me in early GM days
>Party is relatively low level, party was also only three members.
>Party monk wishes to fight stronger creatures
>Me being still new to GMing says no, dont want to risk a TPK this early in my career
>Monk asks if he can seek out vampires.
>Rolls 2d10
>I tell him he has successfully found a vampire convent in the city.
>He demands that they feed on him and make him a vamp.
>Rolls diplomacy
>Nat 20.
>Becomes a level 3 monk with vamp subclass, is now a one man party.
>Next session I take them through a maze
>Monk bulldozes through
>Eventually party realizes that the maze is changing around them
>Monk wishes to punch through a wall to make his own path
>Fails to roll perception as he is on a power trip
>Gelatinous cube
>Rolls nat 1 on attack roll
>Is trapped inside the cube
>Continues to critically fail his checks to escape grapple.
>Other party member who could fight the cube is to badly wounded to stand a chance and is bloodied.
>Lvl 3 sorcerer takes a crack at it.
>In effective
>Sorcerer recalls he has a decent disguise skill
>Natural fucking 20.
>Cube is stupid and moves along away from party
>Sorcerer heals up the other two and they move on.
I rolled a nat 20 followed by a nat 1. Fuck yeah! So my normally calm and collected necromancer who nobody knew was a necromancer cackles madly and holds his staff in the air while green lightning pours off him and focuses into a beam which I launch at the wyrm. The dragon rolls a 1 on his fort and falls super dead in his sleep.

The rogue comes out after his after fuck nap, after being cocooned in dragon spunk. The DM decided since he went through all that nastyness and was a good sport about it while providing good RP for the session he would get the half dragon template for his troubles, this also proved fourtunate because the kobolds were gathering to investigate the loud noise. The rogue, in his new red dragonish form met them in the hallway, and bluffed the fuck out of them into believing he was the dragon in human form, and ordered them to go about their business. We all leveled up like bosses and I got myself a bonified zombie dragon and its hoard, which we used to turn the dragon into a zombie warship/ base of operations/ the big guns which would prove so save our asses several times down the road.
He was carrying some wands of cure light wounds
>Party acquires deck of many things
>One member decideds hes going balls deep cause fukit.
>Draws: 1d4+1 wish card, proceeds to roll a 4
>Draws: Castle card, he gains a castle and spends wishes to make it a magic flying castle.
>Draws: Leader card, now has a level 4 fighter as a cohort
>Draws: Card the grants him immediate ability to beat his next dilemma
>Draws: Must fight dread wraith
>Uses his beat dilemma power to avoid fight.
>MFW his final draw is a card that has an effect where an ally turns on him. Best part is I dont have to tell him and should use it when it would be most detrimental.
>He spends his wishes on enchantments, gold, and magic items.
>His character is a captain of the royal guard, still plotting out how he's going to be screwed over by the king.
Can you tell those stories for us Anon?
Well later on we were in some arctic shit and we were really getting trashed by these abominable snowman things. 5 feet tall and 4 foot wide, I had killed several with Tentacles and Acid Fog combo while the samurai and hound archon monk beat the taste out of them, while the two rogues, who I will refer to Marry Poppins and Dragon Fuck, the former because she had a fucking switchblade umbrella and a Handy Haversack refluffed as a bottomless purse and well you already know the story for Dragon Fuck, were blasting from a distance with breath weapon and laser blasts from her umbrella(her McGuffin was her umbrella after the Aztec temple), but the assholes wont stop coming out of the snow, but we keep plowing them down while they whittle us down slowly but surely.

After the third wave Graadash(my guy) saw the pattern and sent out the call for Odaving, the dragon warship. DM said it would take several minutes for him to get there.

I was running out of spells and everyone else was running low on HP and the Mcguffins were running low on energy to keep us going. I was starting to have to use my charnel touch on these assholes, mixing it up in melee as a spellcaster so I could save my spells for the boss battle I just fucking knew was gonna happen. After another 4 waves the big boss comes charging out at us 8 feet tall and 6 feet wide he was built like a fucking brick shithouse and twice as heavy wielding a giant axe that could kill any one of us. I slow him down with tentacles and acid fog staggered in his charge path. I manage to land an empowered Ray of Enfeeblement so he's not assured to hit us. He downs the samurai and is coming straight for me. I look straight at him and smile as I saw the colossal shadow of the fruits of my labors descend upon him. I ordered Odaving not to destroy the body, I wanted him to replace my entourage that had been lost in the battle. I patched up the samurai and we licked our wounds in Odavings chest cavity.
I think I see what you did there iirc ohdaving is the dragon you ride to not-valhalla in TESV: Skyrim isn't it?
>GMing D&D game
>Overarcing plot point that the country is in the midst of horrible crushing drought
>Currently party is dealing with side-quest involving Hobgoblins, investigating smugglers who might be working with them in a large-ish city.
>Party members make jokes about putting on trenchcoats and fedoras. Start playing along and play noir music in the background while they shake down local thugs for smuggler leads.
>Party asks whether it starts raining for full noir effect. I tell someone to make a Rain Check.
>Nat. 20.
>It immediately begins raining, drought alleviated.
I've never played Skyrim actually. My DM had, so that probably where he got the name. I thought it was just a bad ass name for a dragon that really rolled of the tongue for a dramatic yell. Damn. I thought he was bring really original with that. Makes sense I guess, the setting was based off of a book series he read, with all the elemental spirits and what not.

I'm kind of upset now. It really cheapens the story now that I know the name of the dragon was nabbed from Skyrim.
look, I could be wrong. I myself have only made it about 1hr (maybe less) into the story. But I know most of the plot from when my brother played it. I'm have about 40% confidence that's where the name is from. not the best odds
I can confirm that the name is taken from skyrim
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Well there you go. Sorry for ruining it for you.
Have this as an apology.
Sad panda. I would bet money it is. He was playing the game around the time the game was going on. I'll just change the name in future tellings of the stories. Regardless of unimaginative names it was a fun as fuck game. That game was what really sealed in my love for necromancers and lichdom. The entire party never found out I was actually a necromancer, or evil for that matter. Hide Alignment every day, and in the setting magic was an all but lost art and necromancy was an art that was whispered among the most knowledgeable of scholars, Graadash stumbled upon it by accident in his tribes ancient catacombs and studied it in secret. When people asked about the corpses that followed me I used my godly charisma and maxed out bluff to tell them I'm a doctor working on a cure for death, its coming along a little rusty.
That is fantastic. I want one.
Wow. I know how I'm playing my next wizard. The peasants, they'll believe anything.
another thing to note is that the name means "snow hunter wing" in the elder scrolls /wyvern/ language
Well I did have a really nice bonus to bluff. And it was less the peasents I was worried about and more the LG samurai and monk in the party, I know the most shit tacular classes in all of 3.5 with the exception of truenamer, but they were actually able to hold their own because of their McGuffins and elemental crafting. I had plans for them if they decided to turn on me, but they were more useful to me alive.

Once I did start my own religion though. There was an undead outbreak that I actually didn't cause, not missing a golden opportunity like this I set to work, I was a lich by then so the zombies didn't bug me so I just walked to the town hall and convinced them to let me in. I started preaching about the great god Anakunramen and how he protected me from the unclean hoards (HA!) and how he would protect true believers. Like the stage magician I was I took a volunteer and went deep south baptist preacher on the crowd, getting riled up and asking him if he believed, and if he trusted him for protection, gave him one of the memory stones I had been harvesting from a past adventure where we fought a demonic minotaur demigods avatar I had imprinted with an augmented Hide from Undead to last all day upon activation. I told him the "prayer" to say to gain Anakunramen's divine protection and led him into the crowd of zombies. Bam, instant worshipers.

We then proceeded to cull the zombies and save the town. Another time the dragon warship came in handy.
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Awesome. and yeah normal truenaming sucks balls. good thing my co-gm found this for me.
It really was a fun campaign. Lots of shenanigans and crazyness. The only campaign we've ever ran that had a true end. The over arching story was that the Vord, which are pretty much nasty parasite things that can take over any living things body and bend/reshape to the hive minds cause, were invading and were threatening to actually overrun the world at this point. The PCs fought through a great many hives and killed many minor queens (a few of which I had under my control as mummies), and eventually fought our way to the True Vord Queen's island, it was a fucker of a battle to get there but once we got to the queen's lair we paused because it was probably going to be a long ass fight and take a while so we saved it for next session. After that nobody was able to show up for like 4 weeks in row because of this or that or the other thing so the DM ruled that there was an epic battle in which the Vord disappeared, but none of the heroes were heard from again. Graadash ascended into true godhood from all the worship Anakunramen passed on to him from his impromptu cult and vanished from the material plane for several hundred years due to getting caught in magical backlash from the final conflict with the Queen, causing a rift in reality destroying her, breaking Anakunramen into 3 pieces and sucking Graadash into the rift. He would later awaken as a 17 year old human rogue living in an orphanage who always wanted to be a wizard. That was the next campaign, which sadly never got finished.
Damn man. that's cool.
Yeah, definatly one of my favorite game lines ever. Man. Too bad he got burned out on DMing. Poor bastard was the only one who could do it, the rest of us either had awesome ideas for campaigns but just hated DMing(me), or loved DMing, but couldn't roleplay for shit.

Feels bad man.
That sound like a great campaign. Too many light-hearted campaigns seem to rely a bit too heavily on random humour, but that seems like it had a lot of cleverness.
If this thread is still alive tomorrow I can tell some more stories of Solomon O' Connor, the plucky rogue/wizard who didn't know he was secretly an immortal lich god.

...You're playing in the Codex Alera world, aren't you?
I dunno man. The DM said it was based off of a book series he read, so that might be it. If thats what its called I really want to read them, that game was fun as fuck.
I was thinking the exact same thing.
The earth elemental = lust thing really precludes any other option.
Well then I'll have to try and find this series. Whats the name of the first book and how long is the series?
One of the players in my general group bought the paizo plot card deck. We use them wrong. Every session each player (and bystander who might be sitting in) get a card, to be used to throw the story in a different direction or mess with some of the other players. Each card has a general theme, with suggestions at the bottom, any player who tries to use it for the gameplay benefit on the card is shunned and punished with, well, puns. They do however, sometimes screw over entire sections of game.

Such as in one game, where plot cards turned the scared merchant daughter running away from suitors into a legendary super thief pirate who stole our captain's heart, pants, sword and all our maps while we were at sea.

When I started to DM a game, I was called a pussy until I started giving out the cards as well. And what my players did still confounds me.

>Players find themselves in a town ready to go to war.
>Both sides were to have their heirs marry to end conflict over the region in a giant contract signed by the fathers of the betrothed.
>One is never seen outside of a literal giant sized set of full body armor. He has a commanding, booming voice that weakens men.
>The other is a tiny, very sheltered princess.
>Players discover that the giant armored one refuses to honor the contract, they cannot figure out why.
>Eventually they sneak into his war camp at the end of night, plot card is played, something about everything being not as it seems.
>Armor is obviously empty, but made of a pully system and stilts for a normal sized person.
>They start tracking down the missing noble. Plot card is played, they hear rumors about the town drunk might know something, they go to investigate.

>Randomly roll NPC generator for the drunk, turns into a young, violent wandering alcoholic swordswoman.
>The players start talking to see what she knows. Hidden secret plot card. Figure why not, reveal she is the noble hiding in the armor.
>Players faces when they realize the entire thing is that she CANT honor the contract and produce an heir to both houses because both men only had daughters.
>Pretend all was according to plan.
>She wants to just run away, even if it means letting the town fall in a stupid war.
>Party fighter's player rubs her chin, stares at her plot card and winking at me hands it over saying 'maybe this will change things'.
>”switching sides” Stare at it for a moment, open my mouth, get nothing out before the player loudly declares “I roll to seduce!”
>And that /tg/ is the story of how my plan to have a serious political adventure became the side stories of Ohyo, the alcoholic lesbian swordswoman as she accidentally destroys a brothel.
thanks kindly for the story anon, also bump for stories I guess
Sorcerers can't use wands of CLW (bard can).
Wands are spell-triggers.
>Anyone with a spell on his or her spell list knows how to use a spell trigger item that stores that spell.
>Rain Check
You fabulous motherfucker.
They can with a successful UMD check.
>tfw my gaming party plays just like this

At least the DM sees that I like to roleplay and throws me bones sometimes.
I have a quite interesting story I told a few weeks ago, but it involves good roleplaying instead of good rolls. But, then again, I've never seen /tg/ turn down a story. Should I get to typing?
Yes. /tg/ accepts no other answer.
Just a moment, life is getting in the way.
TL;DR The dice (And DM) gave me a Mary Sue for my next character after a birth control roll.

>be barbarbarian
>be half-giant STRONK
>Celtic as fuck, woad and all
>Party is en-route to the workshop of a recently-dead necromancer
>I want to reforge my ancestral sword; apparently the only forge left in the world capable of working the lost magics of the blade is in fucking Kobold Australia
>Rather than spend 8 fucking months heading across a war-torn continent and monster-infested sea we catch wind of a portal in the workshop.


>on route, approached by emaciated stray dog
>barbarian don't give a fuck about animal rights, get out of here dog
>dog comes back later as starving ghost
>im on watch
>dog ghost bites me and deals 4 constitution damage; karma's a bitch

I murderize the ghost in one swing and announce we're taking a detour because it's a bad idea to enter a necromancer's workshop with the meatshield at -4 con.

>tiny as fuck village nearby
>DM rolls (d%) for healers and blackmith
>rolls 80 for healer, checks table
>"Yeah the only person in town who can fix con damage is this elven tantrist. Good for you, lol."
>Rolls 100 on blacksmith.
>"...Shit. I guess I can make this work."

We split up at this point, with most everybody going of to get equipment while I went to get laid. They found that for some fucking reason the town blacksmith was a 500-fucking-year old half-giant cleric, who would be critical to the future story but not important right now.

>find brown elf tantrist
>Smalltalk, hit it off a bit
>DM rolls d20, nat 20
>We come back to me fully healed, and elf's fucking glowing
>Apparently the sex was so awesome that she gained a fucking level
>No charge come back anytime

Other shit happens, session's ending

>Other player: Dude I can't belive you slept with a hooker
>Me: A, not a hooker, B, I got laid, cured, and BUFFED [temporarily] for free, what do you want
>Other Player: Yeah well waht if she's pregnant
>DM laughs, says it's almost impossible
>Ritual works by recycling reproductive energy from sex
>Rolls d100 for lols

Dead silence.
We leave town and run headfirst into a ECL+2 CR encounter (a Colossal Undead Lord Multiplying Centipede Skeleton)

>get wrecked, barely survive
>return to town to regroup
>elf shows up, panicking
>we need to have a Talk

And that's how I became the father of a half-elf, half-half-giant, half-celestial kid.

Yeah, I know.

I actually like the way things turned out though. I get to add "family man/worlds best dad" to my giant fucking berserker, and I've got another character all lined up perfectly for my next game.
so... half elf, quart/eighth?-giant, quart-celestial? Sounds like some half-elf aasimar to me.
So your unborn child ate half of another child?
care to tell the other tales?
It's only a short one but.

>Dark Heresy.
>COPS: 40K.
>We are investigating a murder of a wealthy merchant who was jewing locals hard.
>Big unruly group of workers outside.
>We are idly wandering around the building, looking for clues.
>Head back down into the entrance hall.
>Arbites back-up is running into the building.
>"They got one of my grenades."
>Clink, clink, clink.
>A grenade rolls in.
>I run at it and try to kick it back out of the door
>Pass a -20 Ag test.
>It flies out into the crowd and explodes.
>Walk out.
>"Now, if we'd all been an orderly mob, this would never have happened."
>Moaning and groaning people, missing limbs, there's blood and bodies everywhere.

A guy actually quit the game because he was being a miserable little bitch crying about corrupt cops.
Ok, here it goes. Sorry it took so long, but life waits for no storytime.

>Heavily homebrewn D&D 3.5
>Great, fun group
>One of the players is a great roleplayer, but can get borderline That Guyish to keep a good rp going
>Always makes good characters
>This time, came up with a LN rogue obsessed with his appearance
>No, he's not worried about being handsome or fugly
>The rogue grew as a street rat, stealing to keep himself alive, since he had no family
>Grew paranoid with the thought of being recognized and ending up in jail again
>So he hones his skills in order to become as plain as possible; the kind of guy that you forget exists as soon as you're done talking to him
>Spends most of his money buying wigs, costumes, makeup and what not
>Spends most of his time observing, drawing and taking notes on people in order to better blend in
>Acts extremely careful around anything that can scar/burn/dye/leave a permanent or long lasting mark on him
>One day, the DM, being tired as hell, threw a rather generic adventure at us: rid a city of a group of goblins
>We go in, steamroll the goblin mass, get to their leader
>Long battle happens, party gets quite injured but pulls through
>One of the injures results on a rather large scar on the rogue's face
>He goes full crazy
>Spends a whole day ingame searching for a magic potion that would get rid of the scar
>Finds a wizard that sells a potent skin smoothener that would solve his problem
>Too expensive for him, because most of his gold was spent buying disguises, and bags of holding to put the wigs/costumes/etc. in
>Runs to the inn where the party is
>Successfully cons the wizard and cleric into giving him a decent chunk of their money
>Runs back to the wizard, acquire lotion
>DM: "You're nervous and exhausted due to the situation and effort you made to find the lotion. Roll a will save to use the lotion"
>Rogue fails roll
>DM: "Your hands are shaking nervously, and you can't control them properly. You spilt too much lotion on yourself. Fort roll"
>Rogue fails again
>DM: "The lotion works. Maybe too much: the scar is gone, and all your skin is now completely renewed, pink and soft like a baby's. Yes, rosy cheeks and peach fuzz included"
>Middle-aged, gray-haired rogue now looks like a giant dagger-wielding bearded baby in leather armor
>Rogue goes desperate, DM describes him running blindly away from the city, shrieking like a banshee on meth
>Through DM fiat, rogue ends up in a dead end quarry
>Player asks for a description of the place
>DM says: rocks, dust, ground stone, some old pooled rainwater, a few weeds growing here and there
>Rogue jumps face first in a pile of finely ground stone, rubs his face in it
>Everyone on the table goes wtf
>"I'm trying to re-roughen my skin to a reasonably degree"
>DM agrees he can try to do that, calls fort roll
>"Due to the magic nature of the lotion, and your skin's acquired high natural resistance to wear due to all those long years of adventuring, nothing happens to your face"
>DM says that, to roughen his skin to a "reasonable roughness", he'll have to get low fort rolls. 25 of them, to be exact
>Rogue empties bag of holding with party's food, fills it with finely ground stone
>mfw for about two sessions, the rogue would suddenly stop, declare "I want to rub stones in my skin for ideal roughness" and roll a fort save
>There were discussions IC and OOC about the rogue scamming the wizard and cleric for lotion money, DM solved it by throwing a dragon's hoard at us next session
>Still play with them every once in a while
great story anon. Anything else happen with the stone-faced rogue?
Well, aside from that and the following story, he had a quite generic existence, as far as I can remember.

>Party tasked with getting rid of metallic dragon
>DM had watched a lot of racing movies recently, was in a "Fast and Furious" mood
>Metallic dragon, guess what, loves racing and high speeds
>Challenge it to a race: we win, he leaves. We lose, he's having our asses for dinner
>Accept it, ask for one day for preparation
>Buy/use all speed/velocity spells and enchantments possible, use all of them on the paladin's mount
>Wizard had an immovable rod with no use whatsoever
>Rogue tells him the plan
>A new day begins, paladin is riding his horse with the wizard
>Metallic dragon appears, the race is on
>The race begins fairly equal, but the dragon has reached his maximum speed and is gaining on us
>The extra weight on the mount isn't helping, either
>Use spells for a burst, get 10 or so meters ahead of the dragon
>At this moment, wizard pulls out immovable rod, aims it on the dragon's path and activate it
>Head-on, full speed collision of a speeding, DM-knows-how-many tons metallic dragon with an immovable rod
>As the DM pissedly described, "The dragon hits the rod, folds in on itself, is cut in half, and then dies. The paladin, the wizard and the horse are bathed in dragon blood"
>Saved the town, got the reward, and a truckload of gold from selling dragon parts to alchemists, wizards, armorsmiths and other people.
to be fair, I know the books your referring to, and they would make a fantastic setting
Why are all your dice so perverted?

5 books, written by Jim Butcher.


Bumping because I'm sketching this.

Immovable Rods don't work that way though. If struck by sufficient force they stop being immovable.
So the "immovable" part is a misnomer?
I see that image around every now and then but image search never turns anything up. Does anyone know where it's from or who it's by?
Heard of it, due to being a big Dresden Files fan.
Now I need to check them all out and read them.

Way to go, anon. Now I'll be reading books instead of aimlessly browsing /tg/.
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1st Half
Don't you like aimlessly browsing /tg/? ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?

B-baka, it's not like I cherish your presence or anything...
Go on, this is great.
I'm a newfag, but I still am learning to love /tg/.

But I've loved Dresden Files for longer, and thus am a fan of Jim Butcher.
Therefore I feel obligated to read them.

Don't worry, if they're good books, then it should only take a week or two, tops. I read all of the Dresden Files in a month, which was 13 books at the time.

Better be, took 3 hours.


It's immovable, right up until it isn't. It can take up to 8k pounds before it stops working. Or a DC 30 Strength check to move it.
No matter what the book says, it will be truly immovable when confronted with the incredible, awe-inspiring power of GM FIAT
They're immovable for a normal human. It's really all about marketing, fewer people would buy "rods of 8000lbs rated support". There's the "immovable buttress" from the stronghold builder's guide which is rated for up to 1000 tons but it's the size of a telephone pole, used for building those fancy unsupported wizards' towers that only have a bridge connecting them to the castle.
Okay, it's archived. You can post as usual, men.
Looks very nice.
You filling in the gaps or are you the story-teller?

Second part's on its way. Will deliver.

Filling in the gaps. I don't know shit about Dark Heresy or whatever. I just thought it was funny.
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Alright, it's done.
I just took five hours drawing a thing for /tg/.

I should get a life, or learn to work WAAAAAY faster.
It's Judge Dredd 40K.

The alternative to being corrupt is slaughtering everyone who is!
Nevermind "life". Become a lich and stays with us forever, discussing how to build a space rocket in D&D 3.5 using nothing but mithral and portals to the elemental planes of hydrazine and H2O2, or something
Isn't it much easier to use Decanters of Endless Water?
Fool, use a Truly Immovable Rod! Travel at FTL speeds, instantly!
They're pretty fucking great.

I need the system running that campaign because holy wow I'd love to play that.
Dat face as he punches the psyrker. I love it! Thank you!
I luld
>low-level dungeon
>two zombie-like undying things in dark cave room
>they take lodzahits
>one finally dead, we're working on the other
>it regenerates and comes after us some more
>party getting mauled, tank already down
>stab the shit out of the first one again
>finally knock the other one down
>we're still stabbing the fucker; we don't want it to get back up again
>tension is dying down, healing up the tank
>druid (the experienced party member) tries to poke the second creature with his scythe one last time
>rolls a 1
>"shit, really?"
>rolls another 1
>"Oh no."
>rolls the third 1
>he irl exits the room facepalming as the DM gets out the special tables

And that's how our druid got the whole party killed by a meteor - trying to kill something that was already dead.
We're still waiting!
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>Roll 2d10 for further encounters

Wait a sec are u trying to cheat me again?
The DM ruled him to end up as a half-elf. The celestial bit's a template and was a side effect of the ritual (that was actually statted out somewhere.)

I'm not sure they're very interesting...

Been there, delivered that.
Wow. Good fucking job. Also, I want that DM's tables.
My mistake, sorry and nice work!
2d10 is another way of saying d%, which gives you a roll of 001(a 10 + a 1) and 000/100 (2 10's)
Is there a way to use these cards in an online game? I was thinking roll dice to see which cards you get, but I cant find a list of them online

>dat fucking face

Was the regular GM a girl or just playing a female character?

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