So's, I used to know this guy. An inquisitor, yeah? We'd hang out when I was off duty and he wasn't inquisiting or killin' xenos babies or whatever it is those guys do. Anyways, I knew this guy, and one night we're out on the town, I'm drunk, he's drunk, the broads were drunk but they accidentally got kicked by some space marines as we was walkin past em. So, we ended up meeting up with a couple of his inquisitor buddies. Walkin' around town, tryin' to kill the time till tomorrow, and we wind up walkin down this alleyway, yeah? Dirty as shit. Glad I ain't stationed on that backwater rock no mores. Well, we see this guy 'bout halfway down, walkin' kinda funny. Catch a look at him, fucking xenos right in our backyard. I'm kinda laughin on the inside, but thems inquisitor guys? Oh boy, I did not know they took their jobs that seriously. So, I calms 'em down for a second, tell 'em I got an idea. Tell 'em to form up beside me, and follow my lead. I yells out "Hey! Hey, xenos!" gettin' his attention and all, right? Start walkin' towards him and snapping my fingers. The other guys catch on, snap with me. I asks the xenos shitbag what he thinks he's doin' in this part of the galaxy, says he doesn't know, yeah, right. Figure he's gotta be some kinda spy or somethin, so I insult his mother a bit(do they even have mothers?) and tell the other guys to get at him. Fuckin thing gets down on the ground, starts crying. Yeah, I know, right? All my years, never seen somethin like that. But you know how it goes, doesn't stop those fucking inquisitors.

>mfw it was just some kid in a costume
fuckin xenos sympathizers
>mfw tyranids stole my face

>yeah, yeah
>shut up
>alright
2/10 immersion broken.

>>26143607
>implying at the end of the day, they aren't just soldiers like soldiers have always been

>>26143635
Soldiers from the grimdarkness of the gothic future.

>>26143653
What, you expect every sentence to be a nam flashback?
The more grimdark the universe, the less the people in it give a fuck about the grimdarkness.

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Hey guys, thought you might be interested in hearing about what's being going on around Xixis 5. I'm part of a small mechanicus research facility that are in charge of reverse engineering arcaeotech.

>implying we're not allowed to dismantle arcaeotech
>implying this is tech-heresy

Don't worry, this is all authorised by the imperium and all precautions are being taken, that being said. We've made so much progress in the past two years. We were able to distinguish the alloys of the mounting screws, measure the threading and replicate the screws with 99% accuracy should we damage one as we attempt to remove them.

And get this, we're almost certain that the wires, despite transmitting such inconcevably important information, are merely plastic wrapped copper. We're going to see how it's possible to please the machine spirits to such an extent that miracles can be wrung from such humble components.

Now, promise me you'll not tell anyone, but I'll upload a pict of the project now.

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Infiltration?

Two can play that game heretic

>>26143869
Is it just me, or did people used to make some seriously weird shit?

>>26143869
Obviously some sort of sexual device

>>26144725
Look at that display! Clearly it's an explosive!

>>26148297
>>26144725
You're both blind! Can you not see the markings?
It is assuredly some sort of relativistic spectrum analyzer.

When do we get the flying cars?

>>26149355
What pattern? Martian, Armageddon, or Cestus Hive?

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Hi, I'm a cultist. Sadly, I'm a cultist of Slaanesh. I'm not a convert, I'm one of the millions that was born into it. My parents were the zealous ones, I wasn't really into it, and that may have been my mistake. The Emperor's Children thought it'd be funny to have one cultist remain relentlessly, irrevocably sane and healthy. That's me. I'm the one that gets horrified and cries tears of pain when I have to deal those chucklefucks and their pain orgies and noise machines. I don't even have the luxury of having my eyes melt away from the sheer horror I've seen. I can't even get jaded. Apparently, I'm well adjusted.
You have no idea how much I hate the Emperor's Children. You have no idea how much I hate Slaanesh. You have no idea how much I hate Fulgrim, since it was his fucking idea in the first place. No, seriously. You cannot conceive the level of hatred I have developed over these centuries. Daemonettes compare it to a fine wine. I hate them too.

Anyway, I was screaming my head off in terror in a cave somewhere in the Ultima Segmentum when lo and behold, it's the actual Ultramarines here to kill us all. Again. Now, I know those guys get a lot of shit for thinking themselves perfect, but really that's just the propaganda (also it's the traitors who invented most of the jokes, for your information. Think about that next time you laugh at Ultrasmurfs.)
So here I am, and this Ultramarine is charging me. I've been given a shitty lasgun that probably shoots vomit or something else equally retarded (since reincarnation is one of the unfortunate side effects of amusing Slaanesh, I get issued the 'funny' weapons), so I just scream and fire at the ceiling, like usual. Lo and behold, it's an actual lasgun for once. Now I must've hit a weak spot in the ceiling or something since the cave collapses.... right on top of the charging Ultramarine. It doesn't kill him, of course, but it does pin him down. (cont. below)

>>26150261
That image is great

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>>26150261
Anyway, after he stops cursing at me and declaring he'll kill me for being a heretic I manage to get a word in.
"Are you all right?" I ask.
He doesn't respond.
"Maybe I could help you out of there?"
He glares at me. He's lying prone, with his head and one gauntlet sticking out of the rubble.
"If I let you out of there, will you promise not to kill me right away? I don't really mind if you decide to torture me for information or whatever, but if you kill me I'll just get reincarnated again and have to deal with the Emperor's Children's -"
"DON'T CALL THEM THAT!" he bellows.
"What, Emperor's -"
"THEY ARE NOT HIS CHILDREN! THEY ARE FILTHY TRAITORS JUST LIKE YOU!"
"Fine, fine, I'll just call them the EC's, ok? Anyway I'm not a traitor. You have to be loyal first to be a traitor." I sit down on a convenient rock. We're both trapped in here, for now. I can hear the battle raging outside. I imagine the Ultramarine can hear a lot more than me.
"What in Terra's name are you talking about, heretic?" he sighs. "Where are your blasphemous litanies and foul oaths? Where are your mutations, your tentacle arms and horns? Do you think to hide your true appearance from me? Do you think I cannot take it?" He's getting angrier. The rubble on top of him shifts slightly, and he grunts in pain. Something must've slipped in a bad way.
I giggle. I can't help it. "You sound like an Imperial Fist. I'm not going to torture you, even if you ask nicely. And I do NOT have any mutations."
We're both silent for a while, staring at one another. I decide to break it.
"My parents gave me a dumb cultist name, but I go by Rebecca. At least I would, if I had anyone to talk to that wasn't completely insane all the time. Normally they shout and call me 'Hey you! Funny girl!' I hate it when they shout," I say. "Anyway, what's your name?"
(cont. below)

>>26143697
You've never read any Dan Abnett have you.

>>26150434
post more please

>>26150434
Post moar!

I wasn't done fapping.

>>26150434
He doesn't answer me for a while. After a few minutes, he responds. "I am Gaius."
"It is nice to meet you Gaius," I say. I'm smiling. I'm actually smiling! I haven't smiled in decades! He glares some more, then sighs.
"Alright, what's the trick? Where's the trap? You managed to capture an Ultramarine. Good for you. Now what?"
"Well, if I dig you out of there you'll probably kill me, then if the ECs catch you digging out of this cave they'll probably torture you and try and make you as crazy as them and I'll just get reincarnated somewhere in the Eye of Terror. Now if your Ultramarines get here first, they'll rescue you and I assume take you to an... apothecary? Is that the right word?"
He nods. I continue.
"If I don't dig you out of there, I'll probably be killed by your brothers when they rescue you or, if the EC manage to push them back, you'll be captured and, once again, tortured. I'll probably be ignored until someone decides it's time to mess with the sane one again. I really hope that doesn't happen. You seem like a decent Space Marine, after all, and I'd hate if Fabius Bile got his hands on you. If I dig you out and you DON'T kill me, I have no idea what will happen."
I can't see through his helm, but I get the impression he's stopped glaring and is simply staring at me now.
"What are you?" he says at last.
Now it's my turn to sigh. "I'm the sane one. They keep me around and force me to be sane so they have someone to react to their.... excesses."
"You said you were never loyal? What do you mean?"
"My parents were traitors. I never even heard of the Emperor or the Imperium until they decided to start taking me to battlefields."
"Why would they torture one of their own so?"
I stare at him. "You really don't get Slaane-"
"DON'T SAY THE NAME!" he yells. I wince.
"Ok, you really don't get the Dark Prince's followers, do you?"
"No," he says proudly. "I do not."
(cont. below)

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still here still lurking

>>26150613
I am very much enjoying this.

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>>26150613
But this amuses me greatly.

>>26150613
"They need new sensations, emotions, and experiences like you or I need sustenance. I'm sort of a food source, I guess, if the food is experiences they can no longer feel since they've become far to numb over the years. They extract my thoughts and emotions and... well I guess they eat them, but there really isn't a word for what they do. And they keep me sane. Each horror I see I experience like new, every wretched debauch I live through like a nun at a brothel, every fear, joy, agony... it's new. Every time. Even though I can remember all the other times."
I get down close to his helm. "You think you know hate, Ultramarine? You think you hate the Dark Prince? You think you want to see Fulgrim destroyed? You do not. You are merely annoyed compared to me. You see, they leave the hate. Fulgrim says he'll drink it after a full millenium. His Daemonettes have promised to turn it into wine for him."
His gauntlet scratches against the ground. I sense he wishes to pull away from me. I think it's the look on my face that bothers him.
"By any measure I ought to have lost my mind long ago, like every other cultist. But I cannot. I cannot die, I cannot go insane, I can only keep living and dealing with the madness around me."
"You... you are..." he seems unable to finish.
"I am the sane one. And I can't stop." Now the tears are coming. I sob, great broken heaves and gasps as I curl up into a ball in front of him. "I can't stop!"
Time passes. I cry. I don't often get a chance to have a good cry. They consume my despair whenever I start.
Eventually I feel something against my back. I realize with a shock that it a finger, covered in ceramite. He is tapping my back!
No... he is patting it. I pull myself together long enough to turn and look at him, wiping away the salty tears and runny mucus from my face. I am so close to his helmet. I can see the eyes behind those eternally angry lenses. I see something there I never thought to see again. Sympathy. (cont. below)

>>26150850
"Help me out of here. I will not kill you. The battle goes well for my brothers above. We will not send you back to the darkness."
I can't speak. I cry again, this time in thankfulness and joy. I have hope. I have forgotten what hope felt like. There isn't much hope in the Eye. My last bitter thought is how excited the Emperor's Children would be to taste hope again, but I push that from my mind as I begin to push and pull the rocks away. It takes me two hours, but I am able to free Gaius enough for him to give a grunt and push the remaining rubble away as he rises.
"Now it is my turn to dig," he says, waving me back.
With astonishing speed he tears into the rubble blocking the entrance. Soon, I see shafts of light, and then the sun. Before I can do much thinking, the way is clear. He reaches out to me, and I wrap my hand around a single armored finger. I feel so small, like a child rescued by her father from drowning.
I tremble as he leads me into the light.

>>26151030
InB4 he was the demons.

>>26151066
Tzeench was phone.

>>26151066
That would be impossibly depressing.

>>26150261
>>26150434
>>26150613
>>26150850
>>26151030

Ok, that's it. I'm calling the drawfags on this one.

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>>26151030
MOAR

>>26151030
BAD END:
I arrive at their fortress monastery. They have given me a place among their human servants. I am pathetically grateful. They tell me to stop thanking them after a few days.
As I find myself alone in this place for the first time, I feel something go wrong. Slaanesh kept me sane, it is true... but after I have seen and lived through so much I remain sane only because he willed it. He no longer wills it. I am his tool, forever and always. I gibber, feeling my hands turn to claws and my skin turn a vicious white. My last thought, before becoming the human host for the first Daemonette loose in the Fortress of Hera in millennia, is one of complete and utter despair.

GOOD END:
I am afraid. I have lived with the Ultramarines now for nearly a century, and I am dying. Gaius is by my side now, out of his armor. He is beautiful. I have served him, and watched proudly as he was promoted first to Sergeant, then to Captain of the second company. I don't have much time. He understands, without me explaining, why I am afraid.
"You fear you will simply reincarnate again, that your soul belongs to Slaanesh," he says. I nod. Speaking is too much effort these past few days.
He leans in close to me, whispering. "Do you think you would be welcomed into this place if that were true? The Emperor fights for the souls of all mankind. He has fought for, and won, yours. Our Librarians have seen it."
My eyes widen, and I breathe out in relief. It is my last breath. I feel my heart stop.
I am looking down now, and see Gaius close my blank, staring eyes with one gigantic hand. I hear his short prayer, and turn. I can sense an immense rage, far distant, furious that I have escaped, but my focus is on the shining figure in front of me. He looks like Gaius, but far, far older. He is smiling. "Be at peace, my child."
I reach out, and wrap my hand around one immense finger, and am led into the light.

>>26151222
That's all, folks. Thanks for reading.

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>>26150261
>>26150434
>>26150613
>>26150850
>>26151030

Wow... just wow.

>>26150261
>>26150434
>>26150613
>>26150850
>>26151030
>>26151222
I would screencap this if I wasn't on my Mac now.

>>26151304
Submit for archive instead?

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>>26151304
Whoops, forgot pic

>>26151315
Unfortunately, I've no idea how to do so.

>>26151222
GOOD END GOOD END GOOD END GOOD END

>>26151222
Is there an Ork end and an Eldar end?

>>26151388
NOW THERE IS! (Yes I am the writefag)
ORK END:
Unfortunately, waiting for us in the light was Orks. "OI! WHAT'S ALL DIS MUCKIN' ABOUT THEN?" the largest bellows. Then he sees us. "IT'S A BLUE BEAKIE AND A PUNY HUMIE! GIT 'EM!"
We went down fighting.

ELDAR END ONE (BAD END SEQUEL)
I am a Daemonette. I am also the human that was sane. Being a Daemonette is much better. I lope down the hall, planning on tearing the first Ultramarine I see to shreds. Before I take ten paces, I am bisected by a Prism cannon. Eldar? HERE?! A second shot ends me.
The Eldar stands over my corpse. "Huh. Looks like Eldrad was right." It vanishes, and my soul is consumed by Slaanesh.

ELDAR END TWO (GOOD END SEQUEL)
Eldrad chuckles as he places the human soul in the soulstone. It was simple enough to appear as the Emperor of Mankind in the Warp, and this particular human soul would be very useful in the near future. "Just as planned," he says.

>>26151459
Hey guys I archived it. Go and upvote it. "Stories from the 41st Millennium"

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html

>>26151304
i'd cap these if i wasnt so lazy.

just so damn lazy

>>26151459
Would it be too much to ask for endings for the various other factions?

So me and my detachement of Traitor Guardsmen were stationed with a World Eater warband around Cyrax-VII. Warmaster Abaddon had declared he wanted the planet purged and that we were to sent him the heads of all Imperials on the main hive cities. I don't know why he wanted that, but talk was someone down there had made a really lousy song called "The Ballad of No-Armsbaddon" and he didn't want to abide that. Anyway, we were sitting on the trenches desperately trying to get this brand-new Autocannon to work, when the ground trembles beneath us and the sun seems to go out for some reason. I just went back to trying to dislodge the autocannon's firing mechanism with a piece of someone's femur, I figured one of the World Eaters had decided to try and pilot a Melta Bomb and had exploded in the atmosphere.

Anyway I realized my fellow Traitor Guardsmen had stopped talking, so I looked up. Right there at the edge of the trench was a Blood Angel Dreadnought just staring at us, actually leaning down on us as if trying to figure out what we were, or doing whatever Dreadnoughts call leaning.

"WAIT A MINUTE, THIS ISN'T MY SIDE OF THE BATTLE LINE".

I felt my inner ear liquify right on the spot.

>>26151472
Yes.

Archive this!

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Here ya go /tg/, just cause I love you so much.

>>26151518
>>26151518

So, anyway, it had gotten lost see, but now he knew he was actually looking down on Traitor Guardsmen.

Well, what did we do you ask me ? Well, I just flung the Autocannon away and focused very hard on digging a hiding-hole on the ground with my bare-hands. Few of my fellow Guardsmen tried to open fire with their Lasguns and some yelled and did this little dance.

The Dreadnough just started spinning his Power-Fist in the air and stomping everything.

"FEEL THE EMPEROR'S WRATH! DIE IN HOLY FIRAH! NO MERCY OR DESPAIR! PREPARE TO BE PURGED!"


So anyway, in half-way through the hole already when I realized there's not enough time, so I decided just to close my eyes and wait for it. Maybe the Dreadnought wouldn't rip me limb by limb, instead just blowing me into asses with it's flamer and maybe some Daemon wouldn't use my soul as toilet paper. I might just be that lucky, you'd be surprised how much luck counts.

But right at that moment the Dreadnought just simply stops dead in is tracks. If Dreadnoughts had expressions I'd tell you this one looked very confused. I head this loud sound of metal being torn open and the Dreadnought just moved in the awkward position, knees caved in and... urh... whatever it has for an ass, tucked backwards. Then it started to shake itself from one side to the other. You could hear the servo units being crushed and torn apart, and the Marine corpse inside being awfully frustrated.

"WAIT A MINUTE...WHAT THE... WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON."

>>26151518
Ahh....Bjorn, after his "gifting" to the Blood Ravens...

>>26151617
>>26151617

Then out of nowhere, this huge Khornate Berserker just erupts from the Dreadnought's sarcophagus, covered in aminial fluid and blood, sending sharp shards of ceramite flying everywhere.

It was Kharn. He had crawled inside the Dreadnought's behind and brusted out the other end.

Boy let me tell you, we were terrifyed. We had heard about Kharn's reputation and we just thought about the word "From the frying pan into the fire", because the Dreadnough was dead, but now we were facing this guy known Galaxy-wide as "The Betrayer".

I was about to go back into digging my hole when we realized Kharn was giggling. Actually giggling.

We looked up and he was just standing there, waist deep inside a Dreadnought sarcophagus and holding his hands next to his massive chest as if they where tiny claws.

"LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! I'M AN ALIEN! SCREEEEE! SCRREEE!!!"

We just lost it right there, and started laughing. Kharn scrambled back inside the Dreadnought and pulled down some pieces of the dead Marine from inside along with some Power Cables. He then piloted the Dreadnought carcass right into the Emperor's Children detachment while yelling "SCRREEEEEE!", stomping around and picking up Emperor's Children marines to fling at us yelling "CATCH!"

It took a whole batallion of Black Legionares to convice him he was not an Alien.

Boy, what a guy, that Kharn.

>>26151704
Ahahah, wow, I most certainly did not see this story taking that turn.
Ahahahah.

Boy, that Kharn.

>>26151704
10/fucking 10

Marvelous

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>>26151616
Also, due to my boredom, have a pdf

>>26151704
>>26151617
>>26151518
10/10, added to Kharn's 1d4chan page.

>>26150261
>>26150434
>>26150613
>>26150850
>>26151030

The twist was, that SM wasn't a Smurf