>>25959559

> mfw those fucking Mechanicus never thought of this

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>>25959559
>when he dies

>>25959559

Today saw be remembered as the day /tg/ saved the Emperor and Mankind

Because they'd need to move him from the Golden Throne to do so.

And because in stasis, his mind wouldn't be active.

>>25959559

If they put him in stasis the Imperium loses warp travel and won't be able to stop the Warp from spilling into the Materium. Even the Necron anti-Warp thing doesn't protect the entire galaxy. You'd end up with mini Eyes of Terror all over the place.

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> Put The Emperor on Stasis

Why the fuck hasn't anyone thought of this

>>25959605

Nope, the mind stays active.

Pretty sure of it.

>>25959605
Guilliman's body is healing while on Stasis even tho it isn't supposed to happen.

If a Primarch can heal while on Stasis I'm pretty sure a Demi-God can stay sentient

>>25959640

Listen to this guy, I think he'd know what he's talking about.

So how was sitting frozen in agonizing pain for 10,000 years?

Would you want to be the tech adapt who messed around with the most important lighthouse in the universe, Gods life support machine and the center for an entire legion of ultra zealot catholic space nazis. If your little plan goes awry things are going to happen to you that would make a haemonculus cringe.

>>25959640
Then it's useless in the long term, as cell death could still occur.

Yeah guys, putting him in stasis stops time for him, which means he can't maintain the astronomican and all the other stuff he does.

>>25959683

Primarchs and the Emperor's cells obviously don't work like normal humans do.

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>>25959640

>>25959559
for the purposes of thought experiment, we need some source and screenshots of stasis and the current state of emp's predicament with the golden throne.
but with GW's writing, emp's death is an impossibility, so on the golden throne he stays.

>>25959677

When I get out of here first thing I'm doing is punching Calgar in the back of the head

>>25959670
To be fair, that's just something some pilgrims claim.

Why would this be a bad thing? He's not going to turn on his own Empire and worshipers, is he?

> The Imperium is now backed up by Daemons and its own Chaos God. Any Imperial believer you kill will just be made into a Daemon to keep fighting later

>>25959694
Yeah, but put it like this, if Roboute is healing due to the power of the Emperor, then why isn't the power of the Emperor healing the Emperor?

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It is hinted that the poison from Fulgrims sword is still ever so slowly reaching Roboute's epic brain. I don't think stasis stops time completely it just likes to turn things into ultra-mega slow-mo.

Also I'm pretty sure that the Emperor can neither afford to leave the Golden Throne for even the slightest of moments (SCREW YOU MAGNUS).
And furthermore I don't think he can protect the galaxy from a stasis-field.

>>25959712
>but with GW's writing

More like, lack of writing

>>25959721
I'd love to help you with that, but my body parts are scattered all over Commorragh right now. I'm just a head at the moment.

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>>25959723
It's kind of like that "sometimes her eyes open a little bit". Pilgrims want to believe so hard that they will trick their own minds into seeing the miraculous.

>>25959721
>When I get out of here first thing I'm doing is punching Calgar in the back of the head
> punching Calgar in the back of the head
> punching Lenny in the back of the head

I see what you did there

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>>25959585

>>25959747
> Also I'm pretty sure that the Emperor can neither afford to leave the Golden Throne for even the slightest of moments (SCREW YOU MAGNUS).

It's simple.

We trick Magnus into sitting on the Golden Throne for a few moments while we test Stasis on Big E.

We tell him it's a big change and it's gonna please Tzeentch.

He also won't turn away the opportunity to make a few Space Wolves get trapped in the Warp

>>25959745

Because he's using it to keep an entire Imperium and multiple Primarchs alive (especially those dickheads who decided to go frolicking in the Eye of Terror) instead of focusing only on healing himself.

>>25959823
Which means sticking him in a stasis field will accomplish jack and shit.

>>25959760

At least you don't have Alpharius or Omegon coming over every other month to rub his balls over this fucking stasis field.

You'd think my legion would be smart enought to see through the 12 feet tall guy in Armor that looks too tight, but noooooo.

Second to the Emperor my shiny frozen ass.

>>25959861

We are not a legion anymore m'Lord

>>25959879

What the ?! When ?! Above all, WHY?

>>25959751
that was exactly my point lol

>>25959818

SPOILER ALERT - A Thousand Sons

Magnus ruins the Golden Throne, as a connection to the stable webway. And finds out that he was actually the one who was supposed to man that pimp-ass chair, not the Big E.

All this because he is all up in his own "peace & understanding & knowledge" and shit, ain't nobody got time fer dat! The only shit errbdys got time for is war... Simple as dat.

Screw Fagnus.

>>25959861
>You'd think my legion would be smart enought to see through the 12 feet tall guy in Armor that looks too tight, but noooooo.

Brother Nick ? But he's been here forever! Nice guy him. He just like to eat a bit, that's why he's so large.

>>25959893
Er, don't you remember? You wrote a big book of rules for war and suggested breaking up the legions into smaller chapters of 1000 marines so that no one would have that much power again?

>>25959861
MY DICK HAS BEEN SLICED INTO A FUCKTON OF INCREDIBLY THIN PIECES AND BEEN USED LIKE CHORIZO ON PIZZAS. BITE ME, ACCOUNTANT.

>>25959893

Your commanded it m'lord... in the Codex... the Codex Astartes... which you wrote...

>>25959926
>>25959933

I wrote no such thing! WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS ?!

ALPHARIUS IF THIS WAS YOUR WORK I SWEAR TO FATHER I WILL EAT YOUR LIVER

>>25959927

He he he, he said "dick"

>>25959933

ALPHARIUUUUUSSSS!!!

>>25959956
Wait, so it wasn't you who forbade the jumping out of thunderhawks with jump-packs on into a target rich enviroment full of enemy fire?

... What about the Dark Eldar pizza parties? Do we still need those?

So.... you want to let that bunch of dipshits on Mars, who can't turn on a toaster without lighting 9000 candles and chanting the hymn of activation, to mess around with a machine that is the center of a galaxy spanning religion, Gods life support machine and the only thing allowing the Imperium to maintain its extremely tenuous grip on control.

I wouldn't trust the tech priests of mars to change a light bulb. Let alone transfer God from where he is now to a stasis pod while simultaneously keeping the machine working.

This is a horrible idea.

>>25959933
This shit is why we don't follow your stupid book.

Wolf Pack 4 lyfe, nigga.

>>25959559
Because his mind will be trapped in the stasis field meaning he can't use his psychic powers like a massive lighthouse.

>>25959972
LEMAN! you said you'd bring my artefacts back in like a century or so! Its been ten thousand years, my kids need those!

>>25959956

Bite me, now you know all your Ultramarines have been following MY tatics. You know, THE ONES YOU SAID WHERE SHITTY!

Suck it!

You know you guys should all take a vacation. A ten thousand year vacation. And leave a bunch of cryptic comments about how you'll come back. And then just find a place to hang out and drink and work on art all day.

>>25960003

Yeah... about that... I uhhh... I mean, Corvus lost them

>>25959972
heh. also fuck

>>25960013
>You know you guys should all take a vacation.

This. A million times, this.

>>25960005

The plot thickens...

>>25959996
Hey! The rituals of luminator replacement are vitally important!

Although I'm still not sure why most of those rituals involve long lists of how various groups replace luminators, the fact I don't understand it just means I'm not fully into the depths of religious mysteries.

>>25959774
her eyes do open. has something to do with temperature or moisture or whatever. it's science.

>>25959640
That makes Guilliman's situation a million times worse. It isn't just like being knocked out until someone gets you out, it is like being in a coma with your eyes open. Guilliman would have it tend times worse, because not only is he in a stasis field, but he is frozen in the exact moment of he died from having his throat slit with a poison dagger. Seriously, feeling the pain of death from a poison dagger slitting your throat for 10,000 years must be pretty fucking horrible. Hell if he does heal somehow and they pop him out of there he will probably be a jibbering madman, or have fallen to Slaanesh so the pain can at least feel good.

>>25960076

Just as planned... just as planned

>>25960075
god dammit, get out of here omegeon.

>>25959734
He made me think , now.

Why would the Emprah become evil?

>>25960075
You wanna come visit man? The people on this planet make amazing food. They talk funny, and their ears are a bit pointy so I think they might class as mutants, but right now I don't really care.

>>25960055
>>25960075
Corax! Cmon! your all about stealth anyway, you dont need no primarch sized thunder hammer

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>>25959998

Captcha: ponyarr another

>>25960104
I don't know what you're talking about. Just us loyalist Primarchs here.

For the Emperor!

>>25960104

YOU SHOULD HEADBUTT THE FLOOR!

THAT WILL TEACH HIM!

>>25959956
You made us swear to it! After the Battle of Terra!

>>25959972
You have no idea how much I want to choke you right now. If my arms weren't being used as a prize vase and a sewage pipe unblocker...

>>25959989
Oh, great. Anyway you can package up your shit and send it to the haemonculi? They could probably sort it out.

>>25960135
Cut it out Alpharius we both know I'm the real Vulkan

>>25960141

YES! JUST LOYALISTS!

LOYALISTS! YEAH! GO LOYALIST! -blood for the blood god- NO TRAITORS HERE!

>>25960156
No, guys! I'm the real Vulkun!

>>25960013
I bet there is a bar in Commoragh somewhere. It's like the Sunk'n Norwegian. Khan, Vulkan and Russ are pretty much 3 drunken old sages who sit in the corner surrounded by xenos wenches, getting rat assed, singing stories about what they used to get up to. Everybody leaves them alone because they are like part of the furniture by this point.

>>25960141
oh good, hi ferrus (scouts, line up a shot)

>>25959818
Truly the loss of Magnus the red and the thousand sons was the greatest loss to the Imperium, second only to the death of the Emperor

>>25960101
SLICED. DICK. CHORIZO. You know, I'd say 'bite me' but apparently that's already fucking happened.

God I hate you all.

>>25960182
This is showing up in my next FFG 40k RPG.

Hey, it's great to see the old band back together!

Speaking of which, anyone seen my legion? I can't seem to find them.

>>25960154
>You made us swear to it! After the Battle of Terra!

The hell you are talking about ?! I only went to Terra 2 months after the battle had ended! I was too busy trying to regrow the teeth Angron punched out of me and banging those Eldar nurses my Captain got for me... I mean... uh... shit.

>>25960219
Go away Guy you don't even have a last name. You're just a glorified extra,

>>25960182
Well, my head is technically in that bar.

>>25960196
You can't hurt iron, puny scouts!

>>25960182
so commoragh is wisconson for the eldar?

>>25960253
I'm not sure if this says more about wisconson or commorragh.

My heart is full of blackest pain
open my wrists to let the sweet relief drip red onto whitest sheets
a thousand pains you'll never know, inside me only emptiness can show.
...
something something something gay sex...

it's a work in progress

I'm in ur Imperium.

Killin ur doods.

>>25960235
Hey! Me and the Red Shirts were vitally important in the Great Crusade.

And like half of us don't have surnames anyway, like Percy, Mort, Lou and, heck, even you Vulky.

>>25960238
actually, according to every battle report ever, a bit of pointy metal on a stick gets through the stuff. what do you think a shotgun would do.

>>25960276
Even I think you're a faggot.

>>25960276
You'll get it right one day, friend.

Also, your Legion is totally stealing my fast attack and bikes thing.

>>25960295
You can't kill what you can't see.

That's why I'll never di-

Wait.

Fuck.

>>25960276
Hey come visit me man, we can hammer something out. I'm in that one dingy bar in the Obsidian district of Comorragh.

>>25960314
Get them to focus on Dreadnoughts instead! Dreadnoughts are always cool.

>>25960196

Hey, I don't want to be dick m'lord but... is that Chapter that think they are sharks and shit belong to your chapter ?

Can you tell them to stop dropping out of the warp, invading our feral worlds, then making everyone kill themselves then taking whomever survives and fleeing into deep space beyond Imperium territory before we can even tell them to STOP IT ?!

>>25960296

Thanks Fulgrim!
uhh I mean die traitor

>>25960323
Fucking incompetent.

>>25960323
you can totally kill things you cant see, thats why there are bombs everywhere

WELL FUCK YOU GUYS TOO!

I'M HERE TRYING TO BE FRIENDLY AND YOU GUYS JUST IGNORING ME!

NOW YOU KNOW WHY I'M ALWAYS ANGRY

I'M DONE!

KHARN, I'LL BE OVER AT MY ROOM HEADBUTTING THE WALLS;

>>25960332
Aw, come on, you know how I feel about Dreadnoughts.

>>25960356
perturabo you really need a fuckin hug.

>>25960364
>thats why there are bombs everywhere

Not anymore.

>>25960386
you dont have a room you broke all the walls down

>>25960390
Fuck you.

>>25960386

And with headbutting the walls, he mean headbutting holes into our flagship.

Thanks for that, dicks. Now I need to go find a Sorcerer to surf into atmostphere when the ship explodes

>>25960386
Hey, it's no biggy Andy!

Here, have a light beer and some store-brand chips.

>>25960410
come oooon big guy, you know you want too. after that you can tell me aaaall about that architect guy (dude im gonna give perturabo a wedgie)

>>25960386
What's it like knowing that you lost to me in a duel?

I'm not even that special, and close combat is like, your thing.

What's wrong Angorn? Couldn't break through my Ward shield?

>>25960386

CAN YOU STOP BEING A BITCH ABOUT EVERYTHING ?!

I DIDN'T MAKE YOU MY MAIN MAN SO YOU CAN BITCH ABOUT EVERYTHING

YOU BITCH

GO KILL SOMETHING

FUCK

I NEED TO HIT SOMETHING NOW!

SLAANESH YOU FAGGOT, BRING ONE OF YOUR THOUSAND ASSES HERE, I WANNA PUNCH IT.

>>25960458
Bert, Bert, Bert. You need to stop picking on him.

Now, anyway, I've heard you were the last one to see my guys. You know, Legion 11, The Red Shirts?

>>25960458
Touch me and I'll pin you to a goddamn specimen board, birdman.

C'mon guys, lets stop fighting. Let's just all band together for a big group hug.

Here, who wants the first hug ?

How about you Corvus ? Come here. There there, how do you feel now ?

>>25960506
I meant >>25960456, goddamnit. You failures all look alike to me.

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>>25960406

Magnus, you're gay cuz you screwed up the Golden Throne. And thusly destroyed the Imperium in the long run.

Luckily I was able to dig up some dirt on you! Hahaha now this'll be shared with everyone! Not just you circle of pervy Keeper of Secrets!

>>25960506
your one off asbergero.

>>25960506
How does it feel knowing you were never as good as Dorn?

>>25960477
>>25960477

YES YES!

Will you hit me with Khaine again ?! Please hit me with Khaine! I want it badly! Fucking give it to me!

I swear to god when my chapter finds my stuff I'm going to kill you all.

>>25960574
they never figured out to ask the damn blood ravens

>>25960558

I still have nightmares about it...

>>25960574
Now that can't be good for your bloodpressure. Here, have this mixtape of void whalesong.

Oh, hey, Nurgle, my man!

You know that plague in the 37 Aegis sector you were brewing? Woulda made a load of zombies, gotten you some a them plaguebearers?
Yeah, I like totally reversed it. And got like twenty big cults going on, right now. That okay, dude?

>>25960574

Dude, the only thing in the universe harder to find than all your shit is my nailclipper. How'd you loose it over such a big space?

>>25960595

Can't you answer me ? Those shark guys that look like you are fucking wrecking our feral worlds.

I thought your deal was with Crows anyway.

>>25960625
I got drunk. When I woke up I was in Comorragh. Fuck if I know how it all got where it is.

>>25960627
yeah i dont know about them. i heard they were world eater.

>>25960613

It's okay Zuzu! No hard feelings!

I even saw my wife telling you how to reverse it! No problem!

How about a hug ?

>>25960658

NOPE NOT MINE!

THEY DON HEADBUTT ENOUGH STUFF!

>>25960555
I miss Dorn. Yeah, I said it. Yeah, he was a stiff-arse jackhole but at least with him around there was somebody with a shred of competence I could compete with.

Ever since that jackass bit it there's been nothing left to redeem this shitheap of a galaxy. All you loyalists are in cold storage or off having *ADVENTURES!!!* in the Negative Zone or whatever, and everybody on my side is a screaming waste of space.

>>25960625
Oh man, I know all about nailclippers. These Blood Raven guys offered me one as a gift.

It's really nice as well, obsidianite blades and all that.

>>25960558

OH YOU LITTLE FREAK! DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE FEEL GOOD ABOUT IT! I'LL FUCKING PUNCH YOU TWICE AS HARD YOU POOP ASS EATING DILDO MOTHERFUCKER SICK FUCK JACK ASS COUCH POTATO CUNNING LINGUIST INNUENDO MAKING SELF-BUTTSLAVE BITCH FUCKING FUCKER FUCK IMMA FUCKING KILL YOU

>>25960687
thats weird. i would ask konrad but he got his shit pushed in by a girl with a knuckle duster so i doubt he even knows what his legions name is

>>25960662
Yeah, Shia's a sweet girl. And you know I can just undo any plague you put on me, brosef? It's like Tzeentch with his transformations, he always forgets.

So why is there only one eye of terror?

>>25960627
>>25960658
>>25960687
>>25960768

Those are mine, well, technically speaking they're yours Corax, since I ordered them made from your gene-seed and all.

I was about to send you a memo but Horus started bombing us and I had to sit at the Throne Magnus broke... and... well, now I'm here in the warp with your Dad's mind.

>>25960822
Because having two would be confusing?

>>25960822
>>25960852

> The Maelstorm zone

>>25960751
Dude, you know you're just making it worse, right?

>>25960863
Yeah, notice how it's called the Maelstrom?

Different names. If it was "The Eye of Terror" it would make navigation harder.

>>25960881

DO YOU WANT ME TO HIT YOU TOO ?! SHUT THE FUCK UP!

NOW WHERE THE FUCK IS KHAINE? I NEED SOMETHING HEAVY TO HIT THIS LITTLE BITCH

HEY!

HEY!

CHAOS GODS!

I LOST MY ARMS AND THIRTEEN BLACK CRUSADES FOR YOU!

DAEMON PRINCE FUCKING WHEN?!

>>25960751

Fucking give it to me! Fucking give it to me! YEAHHH!! Call me Sasha Grey! Call me Sasha Grey! PLEASE! CALL IT!

>>25960908
Maaaaan, that is so totally unradical.

Also, I undid your shoelaces.

>>25960925

WHEN YOU STOP BEING A BITCH

>>25960925
Try rolling 2d6, I've heard that helps.

>>25960925
When you grow up.

>>25960751
Will you quiet down, I have a headache.
By my unholy jolly intestine, who knew that migraines would be such a bitch, what the fuck was I thinking.

Also, don't forget the golf game at 3 later on.

>>25960940

THAT'S IT! YOU'RE GETTING SOME!

GET OVER HE-

WHAT THE

OHHHH FUCKBALLSHITFUCK

*falls*

>>25960961

NOOOO!!!!

I was almost there! You dick! You're so fucking mean!

Yeahh... mean.... please be mean to me, please be mean to me!

Hey, guys.

I just wanted to say that I seriously want to fucking murder all of you.

>>25961007
Who the fuck are you?

>>25961017
I'm you.

Don't ask.

It's complicated.

Will all of you SHUT THE FUCK UP. I'm stuck here powering this huge ass Astronomican while y'all are dicking around on the Internet?!

>>25961038
It was Tzeentch, wasn't it.

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Hey just so you guys know, I've had the original Golden Throne in the back storage for like... 6,000 years now. The thing your Emperor is sitting on right now is just an elaborate forgery.

I'm pretty sure he's just dicking around with you guys with the whole "horrifically drawn out death in a last ditch attempt to protect humanity" thing.

>>25961005
Well, uh, I'm not good at this but, um, your hair looks kinda scraggly there dudette. And your style...it's like you tried to be bogus, but kinda failed to manage it.

>>25961046
well good job dad, you stopped to fucking yell at us and now half the universe exploded into demons. good work stupid

>>25961070
I am fairly certain he had something to do with it.

>>25961079
Woah, like, totally undid my name.

>>25961095
Want me to have a word with the big blue birdman?

IGNORE ME!

>>25961079

YES! YES!

DON'T STOP!


OR ACTUALLY STOP!

SOMEONE PLEASE SHOVE THIS CHAINSWORD IN MY EYE! FUCK YEAH!

So, like, anyone seen Horus? I want to see if he ever managed to score with that Eldrad chick.

>>25961095
I honestly wouldn't be surprised. He was always such an asshole.
So... you doing anything later? I guess we could wreck his shit again.

>>25961078
The "original" you stole was in fact a forgery as well. I have 16 other forgeries just to make sure you can never figure out the real one.
>>25961084
And you, i can multitask fucknut. How do you think i ran this giant lasgun while still crusading and shit?
>>25961005
And you, stop masturbating so much. Or at least not so loudly, I got shit to do and your orgiastic noises are making me want to hurl up the psykers I ate this morning.

>>25961084

Aren't ye supposed to be helping me find this tree of life thing so we can give life back to Dad ?
Isn't that why you dragged me to the Eye of Terror ?!
Why the hell are we in this Labyrith ?!

And who's that guy with the Silver Armor and the cool looking sword ?!

>>25961180
Ho boy, Guylliroth, do we have a story for you.

Oi! Wud u lot keep it down. We iz tryin' ta 'ave a very civilized and discrete tea party ova 'ere. Mork even baked carrot cake, with extra grot in it.

>>25961219
That's George.

We don't talk about George.

>>25961218

Oh Big E! You look so tense! Your shoulders are so hard... yes... hard... and so muscular!

Why don't you... come inside *blink* ? And we can... fix your stress issue with some...deep... massage... *blinks*

>>25961219
Son, are you seriously looking for that tree of life? That was just a story i told you because i thought you loved Norse Mythology so much. Seriously, stop looking for it and get your brothers out of the warp.

>>25961246
Oi, waz a "tee party" ? I ain 'aving none o' that ye git! Take this ye git!

>>25961263
Yeah that. I second this motion. I'm also calling dibs on Vect. Going to have some personal time with me, him, my scimitar and a nice big funeral pyre.

>>25961223
Oh, sounds juicy!

Did she turn him down or something?

>>25961215
Well, I was actually planning on spraying Nurgle with germicides, but I guess I can take a few hours off.

10000000000/10 thread /tg/

Good work all round.

>>25959559

Sorry to burst your bubble, but the 2e imperium fluff book mentions that the golden throne includes stasis fields. So he is in stasis, at least partially, but I also couldn't find mention of the mind working in stasis so likely putting him fully in stasis would be counterproductive.

>>25961263

Hey! You're not my fucking Dad! Dad doesnt sign himself as "GOD Emperor" !

What the...wait a mine


I CAN SEE YOU TYPING THERE TZEENTCH!

I'M IN YOUR FUCKING LABYRINTH AND I SEE YE!

>>25961298
Well, I guess we could insult Slaanesh while we're here.
I think he's rather bland and uninteresting. Truth be told, I find him rather boring.

>>25961296
Well, Horus kinda developed daddy problems, joined up with Fulgrim, who got really vain, Mortarion, who got all social justice, Perturabo, who got even more daddy issues, Angron, who got psycho, Magnus, who got backstabbed, Alpharius, who got jealous, and Kurze, who was bonkers to begin with. And then they tried to kill us all in the name of the gods of chaos. And everything's been going downhill since then.

>>25961371

Oohhhh yeeahh

Say I'm a fucking whore. Do it!

>>25961398
No. Fuck off. You're not getting any more attention. Not after that incident.

>>25961419

YES! YES!

IGNORE ME LIKE THE DIRTY BITCH I AM!

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

>>25961292
Oh bugger, erm hey Mork. I didn't see you, erm sorry I meant u, there. So erm, look a big red truck!

>>25961398
Your a dirty whore. you fucking like being called a whore don't you, demon whore.

>>25961373
Wait, what?

But, what about softball thursdays, we still do that right?

My new girlfriend Vect even said she'd take us out for pizza afterwards.

>>25961433
Big 'ed truck ?! WHERE : Iz dunno waz a truck be, but I wantz it!

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>>25961218
Cool so once I get all of them I get to craft a Steam badge right?

I've got 8 so far. This is going to be my best haul since picking up that home video of Gork being Morky and Mork being Gorky.

>>25961398
I feel quite neutral towards you.

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What the fuck am I scrying here?!

>>25961443
Oh hey, my arm just twitched in anger without needing to be connected to my body. Keep saying stuff like that, I might try and get it over here.

>>25961398
>>25961419
>>25961431
I have the wierdest boner right now

>>25961431
NO! IGNORE ME, NOT HER... HIM? WHATEVER.

>>25961492
Somethin' big's 'appenin', an' no mistake, aye lad. Ee bah gum, we migh' be in for a proper bit of trouble 'ere.

>>25961511
Say, Necoho, old chap, how's that Atheism thing treating you?

I bet you had a lot of followers who believed in you.
Man, it was a dick move that I made them go to heaven they didn't believe in after they died.

>>25961373
I AM NOT CRAZY!

I AM RIPPER... TEARER... SLASHER... GOUGER. I AM THE TEETH IN THE DARKNESS! THE TALONS IN THE NIGHT! I AM THE ONE WHO WATCHES YOU SLEEP!

MINE IS STRENGTH... AND FEAR... AND POWER! I AM THE NIGHT HAUNTER!

>>25961493
What? You're jealous of my girlfriend? Well, she is a total babe, and seems really into me. Keeps saying how she loves a man with a big sausage, can't wait to get her hands on it, stuff like that.

Also, she's really open minded, got a bunch of babes on her personal ride, which is pretty darn sweet.

>>25961546
You're also kind of dead.

>>25961477
>>25961511

YES YES YES! ALMOST THERE! OHH THIS FEELS SOO GOOODDDDDD... I MEAN... BAD!

FIGHT FOR ME! YELL FOR ME! CALL ME A SHIT STAINED TOILET!

>>25961554
Oh, yeah, that's the stuff. Come on arm! Come on! I'm gonna be putting myself back together in no time!

>>25961565
Are you sure.
I want to hold your hand, look you deep into the eyes and tell you that you're the one person I want to spend my eternity with.

>>25961544
Well, I admit things went a bit downhill after my greatest follower got himself strapped to a golden toilet. I'm willing to bet you had something to do with that. You really shouldn't encourage those guys, I almost had them on the ropes.

Also, shush, I'm trying to be incognito.

>>25961565
Cissisbro, that's like the least excellent thing ever.

>>25961582

Hey Thomas, that arm is twitching again!

Bring the ducttape will ya ? The extra-strong one

>>25960126

Well chaos god are fueled by their respective domains, emps is usually said to have the potential to become a warp entity of order.

The imperium's take on order is such a warped and twisted definition, which is doing nothing but cause it to wither and die. Which would mean the emps would too be twisted by his followers into but a mockery of himself.

>>25961582
I have to admit though, she's a nice girl, and pretty hot, but between you and me, her pizzas arn't great. She says they're covered in sausage, but hell, it's more like a chipolata.

>>25961597

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeahyeahyeahyeahyeaheyaheyayeahyeahYEAHYEAHYEAHYEAHYEAH YEAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh... oh... this was a brutal! I think I tore myself a new Eye of Terror... if you know my meaning *blinks*

>>25961582
Hey. Jag. I'll cut you a deal. Interested?

>>25961261
Oh no, the last time we met only happened because you and Tzeentch got me drunk off that Traitor Legion Ale, and i ended up chained to a wall because of it.
>>25961334
No, it's me. I'm using the account the Mechanicum set up for me because they said "Omnissiah, the internet is the greatest gift the Machine God has graced us with, here try this website called 'Fourth Channel'"

>>25961542
Trouble you say?
Minions! Prepare my gold plated stegadon so I can fall asleep on it for 10 years, that ought to solve the problem.

>>25961476
Hah, the first 16 are just decoys for the REAL thrones i set up.

>>25961703

Oh stop it! You told me you loved it!

C'mon big E, I've been a very bad...uhm... girl... all chaotic and stuff... why don't you teach me some order ?

I got that outfit you like!

>>25961601
Eh. I can respect that. Though that guy was an asshole, if we're being honest here.
We cool.

>>25961658
Oh no. You're not going anywhere. You know what this means, right.
This shit got just matrimonial.

>>25961703

IGNORE THAT FAGGOT

LET'S HAVE A BEER AND FIGHT.

>>25961608
No, no, fuck you! I'm getting out of here! I will drag myself out of here by my fucking tongue if need be!

>>25961654
Yeah, there we go! I can make the fingers clench in rage! One step closer to crawling!

>>25961660
Busy right now!

>>25961788

Yes baby!

Tell me how we will have sex for one night then hate each other for 40 years! Tell me how ugly our children will be! OH YES! TELL ME ABOUT THE AFFAIR YOU WILL HAVE! UUUUHHHH! TELL ME ABOUT HOW FAT I'LL GET! OH I THINK GONNA DO IT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!

>>25959721
H-Hey there, while you're on the subject of punching people.
You know we T'au are down with you guys right?
Y-Ya know, with the Ultramarines.

>>25961765
Fuck ooooooooff. Seriously, stop touching me.
I said stop touching me with those weird ass tentacles! Khorne! Get me away from this asshole!
>>25961793
Fuck yeah! Where are we fighting? Nurgle got pissed last time cause we fucked up his garden.

>>25961816
Fine. Good fuckin' luck. I mean, you haven't had any for the last nine thousand years but hey, this could be the one right?

>>25961816

Will you hurry up Thomas ? This thing is trying to grab my feet! Forget the duct tape and bring in the nail-gun!

I even think I'm hearing voices now.

>>25961864
Hey, Hey you. Stop fucking with my kids arm before I mind bullet the fuck out of you and your friend.
>>25961862
And you, help your brother dammit, why can't any of my children be nice to each other for once?

>>25961854
I CAN'T GET HIM AWAY FROM YOU, I TRIED PUNCHING HIM BUT HE JUST STARTED MASTURBATING!, JUST IGNORE HIM. ANGRON, GET OVER HERE AND HEADBUTT SLAANESH FOR ME!


NURGLE GOT PISSED YOU SAY ? WELL, THAT MEANS WE ARE FIGHTING AT THE GARDEN! BRING YOU SWORD WITH YOU.

>>25961864
I AM GOING TO BITE YOUR FUCKING LEGS OFF, YOU EMO TOSSER!

>>25961898

I swear to Khaine, I am hearing voices threatning me! Fucking webway, why do we have to hide in here ? Weird fucking place.

Hey Thomas, did you found the nail-gun ?

>>25961905
>>25961854
Tzeentch's maze. Tell him I said hi.

Khorne? You are overcompensating with that sword. He said so.

>>25961928
Yep! Got it right here!

How should I nail it ? Think I should nail down the fingers ? Last time we chained it it flipped us off for a month!

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>>25961928
Look, I'm busy right now. Get someone else to do it.

>>25961905
Ah, wait. Gotta save my son from these dark eldar pricks.

>>25961975
Can I help?

>>25961949
YES! ALMOST THERE! CLIMB, ARM, CLIMB! FINALLY, I'LL HAVE FINGERS TO STAND ON!

>>25961928
You
>>25961949
You
>>25961965
And you. This is ummm... Slaanesh speaking. I will eat your souls if you keep fucking with my so- i mean that guy's body parts. In fact, go put him back together.

>>25961898
Because the last time I tried to be nice to one of my brothers, Fulgrim tried to eat my soul, DAD.

>>25961999
Sorry, Human/Asshole affair. Only humans and eldar are in this.

>>25962007
Yep! It's climbing alright!

There, it's nailed down properly now.

Boy, those nails sure look painfull. The poor bastart who's this arm belong too must be calling us all shorts of things right now.

>>25961218

Hey dad while you're here, I... I've got someone I'd like you to meet, now don't freak out... Come on Lion we reheaesed this in the mirror, t this is my life partner Chris...

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>>25959721
Whats up Rowboat Gooligash

>>25962034
Damn it, wait...didn't we kill Slaanesh?

>>25962011
Wait, they've got my body parts? How'd that happen?

Are... are you saying the Dark Eldar are my children?

VECT why didn't you tell me?

>>25961836
But I won't. I'll be a caring and understanding person. And you'll always be the one I care about. Now look me in the eyes.

>>25962036
ARGGHHGGHHH!! YOU FILTHY BASTARDS!! THAT'S IT, I'M COMING DOWN THERE! FEEL THE WRATH OF KHAAAAAAAN!

-biting ensues-

>>25962084
Don't forget, if you have sex, it will be purely for procreation, and limited to the missionary position.

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>>25962011
Oh, joy. Let me get on to caring about that. My shcedule's so full....er, oh, It'll have to wait a few days. Here, have a song.

>>25962020
But that was Fulgrim, and if you get near Fulgrim the consequences are your fault.
>>25962047
Fucking hell, why are so many of my kids gay?! Fulgrim, Corax, and now you?!

>>25962086

Hey, you there. Big ugly talking head.

Go back to your box or I'm getting the trash can again! And stop talking to yourself! you're annoying the other heads

>>25962107
Of course it is. No other way.

>>25962121
....fuck you.

Why not just let the old fart die, put him in a turbine grave and power a new beacon by how fast he spins?

>>25960101
robert jellyman
- a masochist

>>25962121
I'm actually bisexual.

>>25962142
Sorry, I kinda fucked up making Fulgrim. Some... sexual fluids got mixed into his genetank.
Don't look at me like that! That lab assistant was hot, and she was the one who suggested we have sex on the lab table!

>>25959559
>the Sol System will turn into Eye of Terror 2.0,
That's not how you say "galaxy"

>>25962185
Fulgrim, no one knows what the fuck your sexuality is anymore.

>>25962193
Oh please... You all know that I'm the best and the most beautiful of all Primarchs.

>>25962193
...and YOU complain WE'RE all screwed up?

What else did you fuck up in there? Dump LSD into Curze's tube? Knock a Red Bull into Angron's tank? WHAT ELSE, DAD

>>25962123
Oh, er, hey! Look behind you! It's Kheradruakh! He's looking reeeally intently at your skull!

So, let me get this straight. In a corner of Commoragh, there's a Dark Eldar bar and pizzaria, where the remaining Primarchs, the chaos gods, and assorted other powerful figures come to drink, and no one does anything about poor Khan?

This is brilliant.

>>25962288
Who's Khan?

>>25962288
Yeah, I know! My head's on one corner of that bar, one of my arms is being used as a vase on the other corner, yet what do Corax, Russ, Vulkan et al do?

>>25962288
Khan is there too, but he's a head stuck to the bar.
>>25962264
Look, I'm not saying I was drunk most of the time while making y'all, but I MIGHT have been drunk part of the time.

>>25959559
Because is explicitly says stasis is being frozen in time, so his mind would be gone now, frozen in time.

Its some sort of plot armour miracle that girlyman is somehow very slowly healing.

Also a new chaos god when the emps dies? That sounds interesting source?

>>25962264
I wander what he put in Magnus' tube...

>>25959640
No it doesnt, its a temporal stasis youre frozen in time = no mind.

Hence why girlymans wound is still glistening with fresh blood and why the talk about him being locked in the moment of agony he was in when they slapped him in stasis

>>25962399
Look up 'Star Child'

>>25962421
Hey, at least he didn't accidentally flush you down a toilet like he did with those two "missing" primarchs.

>>25962441
SHUT UP THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

>>25962421
My new boss says it was Red Dye No.2.

>>25962344
You...dirty...that's it. That's fucking it.

>>25962333
Jaghatai, shut up and listen to me, cause I'm only gonna make this offer once. I've got fifty thousand astartes that're doing nothing but sitting on their asses and kicking over each others' sheds, sex demi-legions of titans from the dark mechanicus that owe me favors, and several million gibbering cultist-scum that my kids have picked up with their antics for the past ten millennia.

You say the word and I will come down there, I will find those Khan pieces lying around wherever like the dumbest fetch-quest ever, I'll even be a nice guy and staple you back together with my best adamantium.

In return, you go back to the Imperium and help get their shit together so I can have someone marginally interesting to fight again.

Deal?

>>25962466
If that's the only conditions, sure, go ahead!

>>25962441
Hey, I'm not missing, I'm here!

I just ran out of time off from Officeplex, and had to go back to work. Vacation time's a real bee-eye-next-tuesday to get, if you know what I mean.

>>25962455
It prabably was DMT. Trust me, I know.
>>25962451
Of course it was, you drunk fuck. Say... don't you want to join me on, like, Pleasure Planet? I'm pretty sure that sounds better than sitting in agony for 10000 years.

>>25962491
You're aware that you're a replacement, right? He had like... 40 Primarchs originally?
And you guys are the batch that made it. Mostly because he ran out of money which he spent on whores and blow.

>>25962466

Hey while you're at it, try to find my pieces too!

I'll pay you with a very nice sword, or 99 of them and a regular one, if you want it.

>>25962511
Fuck off, you and Slaanesh are some depraved individuals and I deeply regret my past experience with the latter.

>>25962441
>>25962451

He flushed down the Primarchs ?

Ha, that's new.

Well at least he didn't order you guys to go take a fucking mountain for him then bombed the fuck out of you after you did it.

Thanks Emps, real classy move. Could've just given us our retirement plan.

WHEN DO THE VOICES STOP!

>>25962121
I WAS BORN THIS WAY!
come on Chris lets head to that Lady Gaga show on Caliban, the one in the life preserving chamber where we keep lady Gaga and all the fallen

>>25962588
I couldn't give you your retirement fund because YOU BURNED ALL THE THINGS WE COULD'VE USED TO MAKE MONEY.

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>>25962477
That's it.

>gets up out of his throne with a groan of metal and a rasp of steel on steel as he drags a giant hammer up from beside his armrest

PACK IT UP, GENTLEMEN, WE'RE ROLLING.

>>25962640
BUT HOWS MUH 13TH CRUSADE!?

>>25962623

You never thought of alternatives did you ? Just had to go on and blow us up!

There were so many things we would've accepted!

A free house with a nice view! A free battle barge! A harem filled with Sororitas!

But no! It's always bombing and killing with you!

Btw, tell that fucker Constantin Valdor I'm totally owning his ass.

>>25962686
Going as well as trying to corrupt a T'au.

>>25960141
Yes... For the Emperor.

>>25962832

>>25962686
Fuck your 13th failure, I'm busy sieging a webway planet. Go cry on Creed's shoulder or something.

>Because they'd need to move him from the Golden Throne to do so. So he'll die on the way to stasis
>If they put him in stasis the Imperium loses warp travel
>bunch of dipshits on Mars, who can't turn on a toaster without lighting 9000 candles and chanting the hymn of activation
>Totally have that technology but its' not common.

Its shit like this. Then people say 40K is super-awesome the most advanced technological out of 90% so Sci-fi.

Thread has been archived. Upvote "A Chat about 40k" here: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html

>>25959559
holy shit my mind was just blown

>>25961546
All I'm getting here is:
>I am the terror that flaps in the night

I thought that when the emperor dies he will ascend into some kind of lawful good diety, like an Order Daemon or something weird like that?