>>25938722
>live long
>be relatively infertile
>live looooooong
>have to copulate many times to actually perpetuate
>live looooooooooooooong
>have people wonder why you're mega-cougar

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>dwarven women
>loyal

>>25938722
Fuckem and leave em

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You think pointy-eared bitches are bad? Imagine how us Orcs feel! It's one of the reasons we take other races women!

>>25938722
So wait why did you fuck an elf nigga don't you know bout tree rot! AKA elven magic aids

>>25938722
I don't know.
Maybe because they are psycholigically much more different than even women of our spefies?
That being said, never touched a poon, do not have the interest.
No sir, just want to live my life and see the world like a man should.

>>25938848
And this is why I kill elbrs for a living

Why the fuck would you think a superhuman that lives forever would be sane? Just look at what happened to the Eldar.

>>25938848
That shit can fuck your dick up, I knew this one guy who raped an elf, his dick turned into this weird liquid and some fucking elf drank it up!

>>25938871
40k fag plz go

>>25938902
Fuck you it's a fair point

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>>25938847
Honestly I don't understand you guys at all.

>>25938898
Rather kill an elf then fuck em that fireblat incident that got over 500 of those pointy fucks... you're welcome

>>25938929
>Using a half-orc as a template for all orc woman
>509

>>25938916
He's right, it is a pretty good argument about living forever. Once you've done every conventional sex act you can think of, it's only a matter of time until you start doing some crazy shit just to get your rocks off.

>>25938943
>one of the most delicious pastas
Indeed

>>25938950
Hey asshole thanks for stirring up a hornet's nest

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>>25938969

I guess this is kind of relevant

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>>25938950

>mfw the elf hate kiddies

>>25938969
But that's from a human perspective.

We're talking about a race that needs a hundred years to reach maturity here, so I guess they'd spend a lot of time repeating stuff they already tried before moving to something new

>Daughter comes home
>"This is my new orc boyfriend, Grunthar!"
>"Wut u want tanny"
What do /tg/?

Soooo... do elf neckbeards become wiards at like 300?

>>25939029
Ahem I don't want elf magic aids

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>>25938898
man i heard that they were experimenting with some anti-rape but shit that is too far

>>25939040
Kill them both I have no child

>>25939040
Fly into a fit of rage and cleave the bastard's head off before tearing verbally into my daughter on how she could possibly love one of dwarven kind's oldest enemies.

>>25939036
The thing is, elves think and feel things far faster than humans, so a year to them would be something like 5 to a human.

There's a reason Elves always fuck up.

>>25939040
Does he have a job?

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>>25939040
Channel my inner /pol/

>>25939040
Well, only if he is a good and reliable boy.
I don't want a one sided relationship in my house.

>>25939040
FINISH THEM BOTH!!!

Dad wins double fatality

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>>25939040
>"What do you see in him? He's got barely any tentacles at all!"

>>25939053
That's a trick question, elves cannot grow neckbeards.

>>25938722
Take that. Now understand that dragons are to them as they are to you.

Stay the fuck away from dragons.

>>25939137
>>25939076
Quite the angry ones

But crazy is the best kind of thing to stick your dick into.

>>25939144

Attempting to date an Avolakia's daughter must be pretty difficult. Family dinners probably don't end well unless you don't mind eating zombies.

>>25939223
funny thing the children haven't been taken away by social services already.

>>25939233
you think so.
I seriously hope you don't do this
Shiggy to the diggy
Shiggy gonna give it to ya.

>>25939040
Dude. Elf chicks go in for the bad-boy type HARD so long as he's not a full orc. These days being a male tiefling, for example, makes it hard to get enough sleep.

It's the combination of the horns and manbeard, I think.

>>25939241
>"Er...my food appears to be moving, Mrs. Sckribbylithrax."
>"Just shows it's healthy, my dear."
>"Grumtar, stop complaining in front of my parents and eat your mohrg!"

>>25938722
Where are dwarf women ever described? All I hear is they are kept secret/away because they either look exactly like males or are really weak or something.
While I'm on the subject, what about female goblins? Orcs?

>>25939322
A female dwarf is called an elf

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>>25939283

>eat your mohrg!

Are mohrgs the equivalent of undead spaghetti?

> Find and raise half-orc child as my own, after orc encampment is slaughtered
>Cute child, very nice and obeys me
>Now in teen years
>Always moody and back-talking
>Sometimes runs away from home and gets in fights
>Turbulent teen years eventually culminate in rape of a homeless woman

Where did I go wrong /tg/?

>>25939414
you parented wrong

>>25939036
>We're talking about a race that needs a hundred years to reach maturity here

That's just societal.

Elves hit puberty roughly around the same time as Humans.

>>25939414
shoulda set him up with a wild tomboy girlfriend.

Shipping is very important in child raising.

>>25938722
That's because

Elvish women are French
Halfling women are Italian
Dwarven women are Scottish
Orcish women are Arab

>>25939414
Using stale copypasta was your first sin

>>25939442
Most of that is what I wanted it to be though, I only used the basic concept.

>>25939441
>Dwarven women are Jewish

Fixed.

>Orcish women being Arab and not Black

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>>25939439
>Shipping is very important in child raising.
finally someone that gets it

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>>25939433

Roughly around the same time as humans, anyway.

I imagine it'd be hell to be treated like a half-mad and irresponsible adult for eighty years. I was twenty-four before my extended family finally gave that up, despite the fact that I hadn't done anything to deserve it.

>"I still think you're too young to drive."
>"Dad. Dad, I'm fifty. The other people my age have grandchildren."

>>25939439
>>25939643
Admittedly free-ranging turns out well sometimes. I mean, if your elf daughter brings back a tiefling or a half-orc, it MIGHT end well. Sometimes that goblin girl and your dwarf son might be a perfectly fine match.

More often it ends in disaster.

>>25939439
>>25939643
>Shipping
What is that? The only thing I got from google was gay fan-fiction.

>>25939868

That's pretty much what it is.

>THESE TWO CHARACTERS/PEOPLE BELONG TOGETHER

>>25939888
More like Cupid-Cartman.

>>25939868
"Shipping" is when fanbase insist two characters wind up sexually or romantically involved. For example, "I ship The Doctor and Mary Pond" means, I think The Doctor is going to Fuck Mary Pond

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>>25939868

>The only thing I got from google was gay fan-fiction

Story of my life

I love my life

>>25939868
It destroys childhoods, ruins shows for you and is the main reason why girls should not belong on the internet.

>>25939280
What happens when a male tiefling with a Succubus lineage is born, I wonder?

>>25940062
He is sexy as fuck.

Or a Futa.

Or both.

>>25940076
>male
>futa
wat

>>25939707
Huh.

Well in 3.5. I mean it's not like elves vary DRASTICALLY different between 2e or 4e or other worlds or anything.

>>25940062
Usually succubus heritage, whether you're male or female, makes you very attractive and has a lower chance of manifesting itself in overt ways like large horns, sometimes you get smaller horns, hooved feet, though odd eye colors are pretty common and red skin isn't unheard of.

There's a lot of luck of the draw on what changes you end up with, succubus or incubus blood tends to lean towards more convenient side of the spectrum though.

>>25940093
The boy child is simply born as a woman with a dick, anon.

>>25940160
that doesn't make any sense

>>25939029
>Elves hating /ss/
>clearly vile scum
Would watch a show of Ork Chris Hansen interrogating hawt yet dispicable eldar farseer chicks trying to pedo-sex human male children.

>>25940160
And thus Blatant Fetish Quest 2 was born.

>>25940062
You get a half-fiend or in early versions of D&D you get a Cambion Demon- which was like "Tiefling Advanced." I think Cambion got changed later on though.

>>25940076
Or kinda like a male asari: demons and dragons see his supersexy, masculine horns, dwarves see his amazing manly facial hair, elves find his ears irresistible (and a sign of potency), lamias/nagas are driven wild when they smell and taste his pheromones, etc.

Every sentient race sees something there that sets them off.

>>25940062
probably the same thing that happens with incubi born. they are horny dudes with horns.

succubi born are probably incredibly common

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>>25940115

That's a given, of course. Most settings and such hinge their differences on what flavor their elves have.

The best one I've heard involves pitching them as Southern stereotypes.

>Live innawoods
>Make their own potent alcohol
>Live life in a slow, easygoing sort of way
>Once-great civilization in decline
>Occasionally venture out from their homes to see the world and marvel at all the new shit
>Stories told in a "I EVER TELL YOU 'BOUT THE TIME MY BUDDY" fashion

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>>25940175
>eldar farseer chicks trying to pedo-sex human male children.

>>25939241
Hay necromancers and clerics have an in. The prospect of infinite food makes them quite a catch.

>>25940277
i like that.

kind of like how they are in the Monster Hunter International books. backwoods white trash hick elves.

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>Not marrying an Elven adventurer

>>25940531
>Marrying a woman who will outlive seven generations of your own kind
>Marrying a woman who has fucked hundreds of other human men

>>25940563
>marrying a woman that will look 16 until the day you die

>>25940177
Hell, isn't that how Blatant Fetish Quest 1 was born?

>>25940381

Yeah, though I have to confess I've done it.

>Grew up in Tennessee
>Accent more or less faded after moving out of the state, mostly because I couldn't take the nigh-constant hillbilly mockery and practiced with the weather channel
>Mingle with the people who don't know that I am not one of them
>Finally end up joining a D&D group for the first time in years
>Great guys, many campaigns are had
>After the last one, get dragged through the wringer at work
>Tired as fuck
>Group still wants to play
>Roll an elven bard with a guitar
>Cut loose with the accent because I don't give a fuck about maintaining the more non-regional accent anymore
>Group cracks up over it, later asks where the fuck that came from
>And the hillbilly mockery, though much less aggressive, starts anew

>>25939040
Better then that fucking human down the street
>What do you do for a living.
>Scalp criminals
And if he fucks up I can sic him on the orc.

>>25940563
>>25940531
>>25940588

>Getting married

You best be spreading wild adventurer oats faggots.

>>25939349
Okay, that's it. In my next campaign I'm making so that dwarves and elves are the same species, and making it a millenia old secret that both races try to cover up with their rivalry. Male elves are really just flat chested and female dwarves just chose to shave their beards. Nobody is suspicious because "oh, that's just how dwarves/elves are, they're so strange".

>>25939566
>Dwarven Women are Scot-Jew-Russian

Fixeder.

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Imagine you meet the love of your life. You dance, you fuck. You travel the world, you fuck. You share all their joys and fears, you fuck....and then, old and grey, they die.

Now imagine all of that happening in the span of a week. Imagine every relationship you will ever have with another human lasts no more than a week, in the span of which they grow old and die (if they are so lucky as to live that long).

Humans are great lays. But to love one is merely to sign up for inevitable tragedy.

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>>25940531
>>marrying a woman who has more experience in bed than any human woman ever could

Sign me the fuck up.

>>25940694
>What do you do for a living.
>Scalp criminals
That's legal?

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>>25940737

It is if you're a legally registered bounty hunter.

>>25940731
>this is me when I was 152

>>25940737
It is if your Judge Gruumsh, Orc Street-Judge

>>25940737
He's still a minor. It's the family business.

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Rolled 2

>>25940776
Humor me. How old are you now?

>>25940795
>>25940764
But scalping?

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>>25940175

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>>25940815
Why don't you guess?

>>25940285
"Oi ya git, dey's callz me Chriz Ham-Smash wid' Date-Linez NBCs and we'z doin' a story bout wut' panzy girlie doin' in meh camp"
"I...I was doing reconissance before an eldar...raid, yes thats right"
"Nice try ya gretchin' git, but we'z gotz da chat-logz frum yah wittle gubbins wid ourz decoy, playz by our staff squig"
>TightMachasBum types: so how do you feel about....older women
>HumanBoyLoli replies: de'z all rightz, why'z doz you gotz any candies for meh?
>TMB replies: Oh, I've got plenty of it back in my craftworld, I could probably bring some to your place...maybe kiss you good night <3
"An' den youze go offz and sayz some despicables tings abouze "human gene juices" and playin' wid his "banana". Da humie git is only 12 'ears old but you'ze at least 3 thousands, wut in Gork n' Morkz namez you tryin' ta pull 'ere?
"Uh...uh I need to consult the legal soulstones and pursue the correct fate!"
"Eh waitz a minute, I'd wouldn't go outzidez 'f I waz youze"
The screen then cuts down to show Farseer Macha trying to run out the front door, before a bunch a Nobs in police gear tackle her. They then search her Vyper and discover 5 terabytes of /ss/ CP, 30 condoms, lotion, 2 bottles of Eldar wine, and a recording of a human traditional singer called "Barry Man-ilow".

We then see Macha go through booking. While scanning with an UV light, police find traces of human sperm on the corner of her mouth and anus, indicating that she has most probably a seasoned pedophile. However, during questioning she most denies the charges, saying she was saving herself for the most pure of humans and that "oral doesn't count".

Best End

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>>25940150
And Incubus born male looks like pic related, but more human. Usually no wings.

>>25940845
Easier then carting around the head.

>>25940694
>What do you do for a living.
>Scalp criminals
I don't have the reaction image for this

>>25940093
The body of a man with a vagina that has a penis.

Not that hard.

>>25940563
>Marrying a woman who has fucked hundreds of other human men
Your dick will feel glorious due to her tender, experienced ministrations.

>>25938796
I lol'd

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>>25940857

>>25939092
Quality post anon.

Most of them lived through both the 30 years war and both of the Great Wars. You'd be bonkers too.

>>25940724
So from the elf perspective, America's been around for... 4 weeks? I don't think they're that ADHD.

>>25940848
What's with the snow kitten

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>>25941008

AND NOW THEY HAVE BOMBS THAT DESTROY ENTIRE CITIES AND MAKE THE SURROUNDING AREAS UNLIVABLE FOR DECADES

At this point, it's probably better if we just get the leaders of respective countries to just box it out when they have a problem with each other. And that's why I'm running for President.

On the "Punch Dudes In The Face" platform.

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Rolled 9

>>25940848
Not very fucking long at all.

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>>25941050
I felt it was relevant, but now doubt creeps on me

>>25940857
Oh God, need more writefaggotry.
Writefags pls hear my call!

>>25941071
What's he waiting for sitting there?

>>25940857
Holy shit moar

>>25940724
>not questing alongside your mortal beloved to gain them eternal life
i'm pretty sure that queen on evermeet has some way to extend a human's lifespan to match an elves

>>25941123
Half Life three.

>>25941138
>Not punching Death in the face.

Lemmie tell you guys something, if you're going to adventure, do it right.

>>25939004
>married couples with active sexual lifes are Cenobites.

Actually, that would make a really cool reading of Hellraiser.

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>>25940848
'Ey girl, wanna go 'venturin'?

>>25941161
I dunno about you but I would totally go adventuring with this guy if I was still the adventuring sort. Good combination of class and style with his outfit.

Though his dialogue needs serious work.

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Rolled 7

>>25941123
Thursday. I'm hosting Bunko night here, and I've already set up the tables.

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>>25941161
We might need a wizard

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>Women are crazy
>Elves are crazy.
Crazy+crazy = psychobitchtits.

>>25940948
Imagine that level of head you will receive. Awww yeah.

>Not getting cozy with a young snow elf in the snowy wastelands
>Not warming each other with your bodies to avoid freezing every night

>>25940724
70 years compared to an elf's 500.

It's less like "a week" and more like "7 years"

>>25941138
See that's how you can tell an elf-girl is serious about you.

Because it's really quite simple: a human will live the same length of time and age as slowly as an elf if the elf literally shares their life expectancy.

After about 210 years, basically middle-aged for an elf, they both start a long slide into old age. It could be two years, it could be two hundred. But it basically halves the life expectancy of the elvish partner. And if the elf is older, they'll have even less time together,

But would it be worth it?

I think it's based on the setting, and OP must have found some fucked up stuff.

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Be elf men cray-cray?

>>25941483
Depends on the elf male, though they tend to be more melodramatic about romance than the female is for some reason.

But yes, they are kinda messed up in the head and absurdly good in bed like their female counterparts.

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>elves
Don't do it, man. It's not gonna end well.

>>25938722
Elves are fucking insane. And not in the good way. Knew one that ruined this guys life just so he would be dependent on her. Fucking hell.

>>25941483

HEY COUNT FANCYPANTS WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN THAT BOOK

THE NAME OF ALL THE GIRLS THAT REJECTED YOU?

>>25941597
storytiem?

>>25941624
More like the names of all the chicks he's boned. Including your grandmother, mother, aunt, and great aunt. And your sister, on multiple pages.

"It is impossible to make any final guess at the possible lifespan of an elf. The best estimate we can make is that they might live some 1,000 years naturally, without prolonging the duration of their lives by magick. However, it is very rare for elves to willingly allow themselves to die, or even age naturally, when magick comes so easily to them! A simple effort of Will can keep them alive and young for centuries. This being the case, it is considered very gauche to ask elves how old they are, especially if the elf is a lady. An elven maid who looks no older than seventeen may have seen five generations of men turn to dust in her time. If one has occasion to visit an elven city, it is best to take one's cues from other elves; usually one elf can sense automatically how old another elf might be, and will tend to address the person accordingly."

"As to the much-discussed congress between elves and humans, elves have little to say about it, save for this: most humans do not understand that the elves they tend to meet abroad are very young. For the first few centuries of their lives, elven children are expected to run a bit wild. They wander in search of new experiences and adventure, and this is the time of their lives when they are most likely to form relationships with humans; both male and female elves very often "sow their wild oats" among humankind. In maturity, elves tend to settle down and keep to their own; it may be that burying several generations of short-lived friends and spouses causes them to lose the taste for human company."

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>>25941419
>Getting it on with Snow Elves

Do you want to die? Before you know it they'll eat you when there's no food to be had.

Why am I getting the feeling most of the crazy elf bitch stories are a result of "looks like there's no real problem with elf chicks... Let's make some up as women aren't women if they're not fucked up crazy bitches"

>>25941702
You honestly think any sane ones would date any of us?

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>Not plunging your face deep into the verdant meadow between the thick, matronly thighs of a dwarven maiden

Casual

>>25941658

WOT'S THAT COUNT? PUT THE SPAGHETTI BACK IN YOUR POCKETS AND SPEAK CLEARLY I DON'T TALK FAGGINTON

>>25941727
Yes?

It's dumb to think that a long-lived species would be angsty about their long lives. People get used to shit in their own ways. They cope. They move on.

>>25941702
Yeah, I have this sneaking suspicion that most of these stories didn't actually happen and are just made up.

I'm on to you, /tg/.

>>25941727
...That is a good point.

>>25940722
>Dwarven women are Danish

Now it's perfect.

>>25941727
>wanting to date /tg/

You may have a good point there.

>>25941757
Yeah elfs don't strike me as long life angsty... not like some vampires.

>>25941647
>They came up together. Kind of.
>He was always talking about how he was going to bail as soon as possible to go off and fight in some war so he could get out of the hick town he was born in.
>Day before he left, some of his shot shells were used on some Tiefling he had a problem with.
And shit just escalated from there.

>>25938943
God that makes my dick so fucking hard

>>25941757
Why would they be angsty?

That's kinda a human-centric interpretation. Fuck, we don't even know how they perceive time.

Stop thinking humans are the center of the universe.

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>>25938943
It's canon in Warhammer Fantasy that after a High Elven general's son was entranced by the Wood Elves and went to join them, he took the force of the army of Eataine (one of their greater kingdoms) and went after him.

The High Elves were wiped out to the last. The Wood Elves wound up attacking them in suicide charges BECAUSE IT WAS FUN.

Wood Elves are the Orks of the elven race.

>>25941765
There are a few things in this thread that were actually a thing.

I can only speak for myself, but life-sharing was a thing.

>>25941864
well the lifesharing thing could be used in a more normal human/elf romance.

>>25941846
... yeah, that was kind of the basis for my criticism. It's pretty much exactly what I said.

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So what would one do if an Elf was dead set on you anyways?
Just curious, nothing wrong here at all, nope.

>>25941883
Aha! I knew you would say that! Now my master plan is a hand!

>>25941900
wait it out

>>25941900
browse /tg/

>>25941900
If she's beautiful, fuck like rabbits. If she's ugly, let her down gently, she's a female Elf, how strong can she be?

>>25941900
Fuck her senseless.

Unless you're set on the path of the wizard.

If so, run.

Run and never look back.

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>>25941872
That is indeed how it played out.

It's a meaningful gesture of commitment in a relationship that could just have conceivably been a one-sided dalliance.

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>>25941468
>But honey, you'll die so young! Are you sure about this?
>Live hard, die young, and leave a beautiful corpse.
But you're my bitch for the next two hundred years, round ears. Under the table and on your knees, I'll tell you when you can stop. Hope you didn't have any plans for the next few days.

>>25942009
god damn that foot work

>>25940731
>not keeping the human line pure and uncorrupted by elven filth.
>they live forever because they dont know the sweet release of death.

plus they will leave you the moment you become a burden without being able to move or even shit without help due to old age..

>>25942031
That's what happens when you can spend an entire decade or so to JUST learn to dance.

>>25942061

Purity is a nonsensical idea. Death being sweet is dumb. And any elf who would stay with you for a human lifetime would certainly be cool with sticking around to nurse you through your elderly years. It's not like it would be a lot of extra time investment to them. Assholes would would abandon you due to infirmity would abandon you long before that because of your looks fading.

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>>25942149
and when did grovy have the patience to spend a decade on how to dance? he's got a kid on the way

>>25942207
Fucked if I know. I haven't ever seen the show.

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>>25942250
>hasn't watched wakfu
yea, fix that. seriously it has some of the best villains ever

>>25942207
>>25942250
That was season 1.
He knocked her up after he came back to life/escaped.

So likely she taught him? Or maybe since Iops are noble knights, ballroom dancing is something that they are expected to know?

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It's not rape if it's an elf.

>>25941900
Depends. What kind?

>>25942294

Is there a Wakfu table top rpg, and why not?

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>>25942430

"For you, it was a violation of your most intimate and private self, a trauma that will provide nightmares for decades to come, poisoning all your future relationships. For me....it was a Tuesday."

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>>25942539
More importantly, why no Wakfu Oblivion or Skyrim mods?

>>25942294
Nox is above average, but not one of the best ever, and I personally didn't think he was worth sitting through the rest of the show.
But that is my opinion, and it is a minority opinion. so give the show a shot, but don't feel compelled to continue of you find it's not your cup of tea.

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>>25942723
Ah, good days.

I should catch up on the newest series so I can experience Wakfu threads again.

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>>25942772

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>>25942170
So much conjecture, purity isnt nonesense, purity is striving to maintain what is beuatiful adn relatable, purity is your being and others who are like you, elves are a species seperate to humans and thus their influence in the lineage of humans is breaking of the long line that made you unique and human, it makes it an admixture of the traits of both parents which is unacceptable with the concept of purity. Death is sweet because it release you from the burdens of life.

>And any elf who would stay with you for a human lifetime would certainly be cool with sticking around to nurse you through your elderly years.
Pure assumption, a being of immortal life will not suffer with you because they will stop relating to your personal burdens, but a wife of the same race growing old together can understand and the bond formed there will remain till your death. Meanwhile a immortal partner or companion will be driven to biterness at your loss and cause havoc>>25941533

>Assholes would would abandon you due to infirmity would abandon you long before that because of your looks fading.

Elves are the greatest assholes in most tales. They are the cause for most of the suffering due to their undeath which breeds complacency and arrogance.

Elves must be seperated and treated as a distinct species that must not mingle and sexually inflict their half breeds upon humanity.

The only good elf is a dead elf.

>>25939868
Derived from 'Relationship'.
Shipping is when people, usually fans of a thing, start suggesting/arguing that pairs (or more) or characters should be together. Ranging from logical to nonsensical, and from "just their own opinion" all the way up to screaming hate-mail to the writers/author of the thing is they don't acknowledge the characters true love for each other (seriously). This is either a light and funny thing, or a horrible burden on the fandom and creator(s).

>>25942833
Yeah, but interbreeding throws diseases for a loop.

You know how much paperwork and retesting Nurgle has to do every time a Dwarf sexes up a Hobbit?

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>>25940857

aw yea boi

lets have some moar of this

>>25940857
gibe gibe

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>>25940857
But Macha is innocent, she never gets laid.

That's clearly a Dark Eldar wearing her skin.

>>25942833
>Death is sweet because it release you from the burdens of life.

Your life is "burdened" because you're a dim-witted speciesist asshole. My life sure as hell isn't burdened. It's fucking awesome. I have a gorgeous chick with hundreds of years of experience in my bed every night, and I'm supposed to give that up because guys like you think "oh, death is part of what makes us human"? Fuck no. Being awesome is part of what makes us human. Death is part of what makes you a corpse.

>>25942294
missing 3 races, fecca, rogue, and the masquerader

I once fucked this crazy elf bitch, here's my story.

>Meet beautiful elf girl in a cafe
>Starts ranting about partiarchy and other shit
>Within five minutes I know she's not prime wife material
>Still wanna bang her anyway
>Play along
>"It's so nice to find a guy who understands!"
>Get to her place
>Fuck her silly, then leave
>Texts me a 100 times asking when is the next time we're going to meet
>Don't respond for a week
>She starts getting crazy and calling me a rapist
> I lie and say it was because I was on a camping trip with friends
>Starts to apologize
>Then gets hysterical again
>Her friends text me and calls me a rapist
>Her brother texts me and threatens to kill me
All over one time we fucked.

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>>25943008
To be fair, when they die they come back as deer and shit.

When we die, we get to continue being awesome out in space.
God and his band perform concerts there.

>>25942833
>Death is sweet because it release you from the burdens of life.
>Baww life is too hard I have to roll over literally every day to prevent bedsores
>Physically lifting food and water into my mouth is too tricky
>Typing post on 4chan makes my fingers sore

>>25943191
I hooked up with an elf once.
She turned into a sheep about halfway through.

You read right. A sheep. Turns out that, thanks to a Wallace and Gromit figure set on my shelf, she go to thinking that she'd never had sex as a sheep before and that's all it took.

She played it smart too, because no way was I going to get THAT far and not finish.
So yeah. Now I've fucked a talking sheep. That's on my sex resume.

We stayed friends, I helped her move and she helped me pick out tapestries for the dining room because I don't know jack shit about that kind of stuff.
But she makes references to it. Pointing out the sheep tapestry and giggling, for Sigmarmas she gave me a sheep cellphone charm, when I call her she makes a sheep noise and laughs.

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>>25943344

>>25938722
>Why are Elvish women so crazy?
Because they are women, and womens be crazy.

This is a stone cold scientific fact.

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>>25943344

>>25943481
What other pedos are in 40k?

Sisters of Battle obviously. Macha, some of the primarchs, Chris Orksen could probably attempt to interview the God Emperor after Loli Daemonette gave him a lapjob.
How about a Necron attempted sexing of a younger Necron? With Chris Orksen continuing to mistake the actress Necron with the pedo one.

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>>25943531
>SoBs doing lewd things to choir boys.

This is on the sup/tg/ archive which would be great and all, except some 12yearold retard titled it and put the tags as "LOL ELFSEX XD", I call upon someone to change the tittle and tags or remove it if need be.

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>>25943558
Actually, choir bots.
>Arright now, show us where da flamah oomie touched ye.
101000110011000000111000101 PRAISE *click* GOD EMPEROR
>'ow many ye gunna say dat?

>>25943571
>implying it wasn't the people talking about Wakfu

>>25939868
ZUTARA, DON'T NEVER GIVE IT UP!

CURSE YOU, TV-PG RATING!

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>>25943642
Cra=/= elf.

On a related note, would you rather have sex with a loli orc female, an adult human female, or an adult male elf?

>>25939917
Brienne and Jaime, I think...
And...
Theon and who the fuck is that other dude?

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>>25943669

>>25943669
>no loli elf male

The fuck are you doing, man?

>>25943571
>25938722 LOL, Elfsex! LOL, Elfsex! LOL, Elfsex! 2013-07-11
You weren't lying....

>>25943705
>Loli elf male

So a hermaphroditic elven child?
So a normal elven child who hasn't undergone the GENDER CEREMONY (*drums and wilderness sounds*) yet?

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>>25940239
God, that was one of the best things in ME2.

>'Are you kidding? Asari look human!'
>'Look at the head fringe, it's totally turian.'
>'That flexibility is far more reminiscent of salarians!'
>...
>'Asari...have psychic powers...oh shit...'

>>25943669
Human female.
While thinking about the elf and the orc having sex.
Upon orgasm I can almost hear his pelvis break.

>>25943753
>'Asari...have psychic powers...oh shit...'
Except that part is false.

>>25943753
I never noticed before, but are they based on Fantastic Planet?

>>25941533
Is it weird that I see the incredible overkill as adorable quirkiness and find the whole thing incredibly romantic instead of terrifying?

Never get a draconic roommate.

Just don't

You can only get so used to it.

>>25938722
sauce on that pic?

>>25943857
I still have pennies turning up places I didn't expect them to, and on que the door knocks and I have to invite him in and give him some coffee cake.

Every time. 1 cent=$5 coffee cake visit.

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>>25943915

This post.

>>25943748
Yes.

>>25943678
Roose Bolton I think.

>>25941693
>Do you want to die? Before you know it they'll eat you when there's no food to be had.

The solution to that is always having food available.

It'll certainly make you an ardent hunter.

>>25941853
Athel Loren has to be full of drugs.
And Britonian boy servants.

>>25941743

Dwarves are just fat Halflings with none of the spunk.

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Guys, I'm scared.

I've been being stalked by some Ninja Elf chick. I heard they kill guys with their vagoos.

What should I do to protect myself?

She keeps leaving me haikus and poems about what she'll do to me and how she enjoys watching me go about my life.

Shit, I just heard something outside.

I'm gonna go check it out.

Pic related, it's apparently her.

>>25944180
I can give them some spunk.
If you know what I mean.

I'm talking about cumming.
In them.

>>25941900

This reminds me of a campaign of Kingmaker I'm in.

My guy's a sociopathic rogue so he would've fit perfectly with either Royal Assassin or Spymaster, but he couldn't be both. Being sensible, I chose Spymaster. Issue is, that still leaves Royal Assassin open.

Luckily for me, my DM had a solution.

Since I'm not really in the mood/capacity for storytime, I'll give the condensed version: We came across my character's "number one fan," which translated into an Elven Rogue who practically idolized my character.

Yeah it was hot, but no one wants to wake up to find mutilated bodies in their room, followed by the Elf coming out of a corner and talking all happily about "you make the cutest noises when you're sleeping."

>>25944193

good news / bad news

if you've seen her, that means you're not her target

it may also mean she has a crush on your neckbeard and may accidentally kill you with her vagoo anyway.

>>25944193
>Hai gaiz look how cool I am I get so much imaginary pussay!
This is what killed modern fantasy threads.

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>>25941743
>dwarven maiden
Those exist? Are they fuckable

>>25943191
That it 100% your own fault and has nothing to do with elf craziness, that's just normal feminist insanity.

You knew you were sticking your dick in crazy and did it anyway. Reap what you sow dude.

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>>25944567

Very.

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>>25944567

You tell me.

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>>25944567
Hope you like Chris Hanson, bro, because you'll be seeing a lot of him if you date a dwarf.

>>25940857
"Aight boyz, we'z gotz a good treat fer da lads tonightz as we'z takes you behindz da scenez and showz you lotz all dem foot-agez too improper fer da growing grot"
>Camera pans to a nice suburban neighborhood except staffed with poorly disquised orks
>Suddenly a wave serpent cruises through the air and lands near the target home
>in da con'trol towah, teams of geeky mekboys be watchin' da survailence footage
>Suddenly a shady character pops out of her vehicle wearing a trenchcoat with eldar runes, and a Top Gun hat covering her crimson hair.
"Wait a squig, zog me if I'm right, but dat lassie lookz familiarz"
>Chris Orksen becomes suspicious and positions himself behind the wall divider between the human decoy they hired and himself.
>The human boy starts to wave at the incoming eldar redhead while wearing a shirt that says "Beefcake Factory"
>The clearly suspicious redhead pedo stops right in front of the open door, and tries to motion the boy to come out
"Hey mon-keign, are your human guardians nearby? Why don't you come outside so we may observe this world's beautiful night together..."
>She flips a remote control, and the back of her wave serpant starts to open with moody lights and a giant lovebed is inside, and along the side of the troop bay the words "Free candy inside" glow via a chain of soulstones.
>Chris Orkson at this point has had enough, and at this point, pulls out his custom choppa named "Un'der-Rage Kock-Blokk" and yells at the top of his lungs:
"Its that sneaky git, Molestin' Macha again. You got zome real ballz to try dat zog again, GET 'ER BOYZ"
> The Nob squad then start to rush at her and blue and white Ork Battlewagons with Waargh sirens surround the scene
> Macha's face becomes desperate as shit, and conflicted by crippling fear yet supreme pedolust after being locked up in 3 days of prison and 100 hours of community service at a Ordo Hospitaller food kitchen, she does what no one expects.

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>>25944193

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>>25944839

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>>25944514

I love the idea of Modern Fantasy.

Elven Navajo Code Talkers beating the Naga and Kappa Island fighters of the Japanese in the 40s.
Dwarven manufacturing fueling the suburb boom in the 50s.
Orcs and African Americans marching under the banner of equality in the 60s.
Human Flame-casters burning down swaths of the Vietnamese jungle while high off their minds on magic-laced LSD in the 70s.

But Modern Fantasy threads are just filled with inane shit like
>need halp date Elf
>need halp sex with Orc
>need halp sex/date dragon lady


God damn it /tg/

>>25945007
The previous thread about non humans in the military was decently good, with people trading war stories involving non humans, and discussing elves who served with their ancestors being their COs, among other things.

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>>25944839

>Human decoy
>Probably a shaved Ratling

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>>25945007

So I just found out my best friend was a an Illithid in disguise due to a good ol' long term polymorph spell. Thing is, it was being provided by his patron lords of the deep so he could investigate us for weaknesses. Long story short we've become so bro he denounced his misson...so he's disguiseless and now being hunted by the Mindeater court. Little help here?

I'm a registered Warlord of 4th level if it helps. He claims he has natural levels in psion but the fuck can't even bend a damn spoon.

>>25944567 #

Yes of course there are.

No not really, you get the odd hottie like >>25944781 # and >>25944746 # but vast majority of them are pretty ugly, it's whatever's comes from millennia of valuing strength as beauty over physical attractiveness. Their women are the real reason dwarves are so fond of getting drunk all the time.

>>25945105
>can't even bend a damn spoon
HAHAAHAH lost my sides there.

Well as for your problem, start planning and gearing against mind affecting shit.
High Will scores will help you a lot, so I presume that you warlord have the auras to improve score on that regard.

Get energy resistance too against energy psy rays and such.

>>25945007
I like MF too, but you just stated the laziest fucking way to do it.
>hurp durp just slap some pointy ears on injuns and call it a day
That said, I would take lazy MF over the current
>oh man kobold wants sum fuk wat do
shit that plagues /tg/

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>>25945179

Shit. We need 'gear'!? Motherfucker I haven't 'ventured in months and the last mission I was on was a caravan escort so I just wore my decorative shit. Hang on. I'll ask him about what kind of B.S. we're supposed to be expe- Whoh.

There's the door, hang on. Bout time that pizza got here...

>>25944839
>She charges past the Police Orkicers and fleet of foots at full speed right at the stunned decoy who was too busy observing the whole scene
>As Macha runs, the wind of her movement reveals that she was completely nude underneath and her hawt virgin body sets off the decoy's "deathstrike launcher" to the ready position
>Chris Orkson tries to stop her before its too late, but is telekinetically thrown away of the Descartes-deprived farseer who is screaming at the top of her lungs "Forbidden Love" with an open mouth
>As she jumps through the doorway, she misjudges the distance slightly, so her head is roughly moving at the human decoy's crotch at full speed
>A loud psychic moan is heard, stunning the law enforkment while the human's face is in complete bliss while messily Macha orally plays with his joystick like Thor Aackerlund (Nintendo World Champion 1990) at Tetris.

The decoy was forced to go to a marine veterinarian who specialized in suction wounds from octopus or squids for removal of the suspect. After the operation, he was taken to a psychiatric hospital for PTSD, or Penis Tramatic Sexual Deliverance. A representative of the High Lords of Terra visited the young boy, giving him a purity medal with the word "Nice" gilded on.

After the removal of Macha from the suspect, the copious amounts of "evidence" was gathered from her face and body in order for the trial facing her. However, in a fluke of fate, the judge and jury were made up totally of young radical Ordo Xenos inquisitors who unnaminously aquitted Macha of all charges and in fact she was also handed a "Nicee" Medal and a pardon from all previous pedo-felonies mysteriously signed by "Big G. E." Her case set a precedent that legalized /ss/ all throughout the milky way, to which Slaanesh deemed a weeklong holiday for, causing much embarrasment with Macha's father Eldrad.

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>>25945225

I hereby decree it.

Slaneesh Pbbbarty boat week!

So apparently, Lady Luck hasn't be smiling down on me, and I've got an undead for a roommate. It fucking smells. A lot. The good thing though, is he doesn't rot.

Artificial scent only makes it worse. And I know that a lot of militaries use CBRN suits for undead troops. But I don't have those kinds of resources.

Help?

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>>25945279

>>25945189

The way I put it wasn't exactly the most in-depth but it gets my point across:

>How would Fantastical Elements influence or even change Historical or Current Events

and not

>elf girlfrend wat do

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>>25945007
The trick is to start them off right. Most of /tg/ isn't into necrophilia, so the one I started that ended up being about necromancy and undead rights didn't have the chance to turn into "look at all this imaginary pussy I get!"

Nobody wants to fuck this.

>>25945326
You obviously havent been on /tg/ long. Either that or /tg/s fetish for industrial necromancy circlejerking won out over their franken fran lust.

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>>25945225

>>25945225
As for the show "Da Git Da Pedo-Turs", the show was placed on hold for several months as the episode was placed on hold as the whole incident took place live, as part of Chris Orkson's plan to appeal to the new generation of "Tekk Freakz". Criminal charges were considered for the cast, but a valiant defence from previous law enforcement work and the sterling record of Chris Orkson against pedophillia stopped any actual charges from taking place. The show eventually was brought back by an unprecedented petition signed by more then 3 trillion adolescent males of all races, many of which watched the livestream and shared illegal copies of the "hidden episode" and watched said episode, several hundred times each. Rumor has it was that a certain warpnet subgroup calling itself 40kchan was responsible for organizing the petition, calling itself an anonymous legion and demanding more "fappin' material".

>P.S. Said Ordo Xenos Radical inquisitors were later investigated for heresy on the charges of "xenos fever", but at this stage Macha was protected by her Pardon against Double Jeopardy under the highest authority in the Imperium.

>>25938722
Holy shit, all these stories. Quick someone archive this entire thread for antiquity.

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>>25945326
speaking of undead rights. since all of your stuff goes to your next of kin when you die, would all undead basically be automatically homeless/broke.
would they then have to start working lots of simple labor jobs (no need for lunch/bathroom breaks, no worry of heat exhaustion) taking work from good hardworking Breathers

>>25945429
It already is.
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Elfsex!

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>>25938898

>>25945435
>your stuff goes to your next of kin when you die, would all undead basically be automatically homeless/broke.
How so? Depending on their status prior to their death, they shouldn't have a problem continuing their previous lives.

>>25945007
>need halp sex/date dragon lady
I know when to admit I contributed to a problem shamelessly.

Also, who the fuck thought it was a good idea to let demons work at fucking DMV's? I don't want to sign my fucking soul to ZariZariVax just because fucking humans and elves aren't fucking interested in standing behind a counter saying the same bullshit day in and day out.

>>25945279

I hear those new embalming techniques are becoming really popular among the undead, I don't know what their using but they can almost entirely get rid of the rotting smell without the drawback of impairing movement that used to keep most from getting the treatment. The patent is still left with the rather strong chemical oder of the embalming fluids but it fades slightly with time and even at its worse is MUCH better then the smell of death that is traditionally associated with the condition. The fact that there is pretty much no safety risk involved since the undead are so durable also makes it much way way cheaper and easier to do then you might imagine. So much so you can even order do it yourself kits online.

>>25945530
So does that mean that if an elf forcibly has unwanted sexual intercourse with someone, they aren't guilty of rape?
Because if that is the case then it makes Dark Eldar even more scary.

>>25945538
legally speaking, when you die, i think all of your stuff goes out either to your next of kin or to whomever you said it does in your will. since becoming undead involves dieing, all your stuff would legally belong to whoever got it, and if they didn't want to share it with you you'd basically be shit out of luck

>>25945604
No, it only applies if they're the victims.

Incidentally, where the hell can I find Eldar and Dark Eldar porn?

>>25945642
Usually rule 34, but its kinda limited. Just search elf and dark elf instead, they all look the samenaked anyways so it don't matter in the end.

>>25945583
the stuff's made using hydrangeas i believe. if you don't want to pay for the processed stuff the undead can just eat hydrangea leaves for a reduced effect.
don't eat hydrangeas if you're still alive, they are poisonous

>>25945622
I'm no lawyer, but I really haven't heard of that happening.

That'd really fuck up adult undead lives if that were the case, probably less so for students, considering you can't exactly give a college fund away.

>>25945688
It was a problem for awhile when the barriers the ancient unknown mages erected to ward the human world from other entities and cut us off from magic suddenly failed at the end of the 19th century and the dead first started rising but after to mobs died down and everyone realized they were still the same people they were when they were alive laws got pushed through very quickly to protect the assets of the undead.

I'm still blown away by the whole thing, entire continent right in the middle of the pacific populated by other sentient beings that we had no idea about.

>>25945943
>entire continent right in the middle of the pacific populated by other sentient beings
i'm still hesitant to call australians sentient

>>25946011
I'm sure he isn't talking about Australia.

>>25945326
On the other hand, we ALL love to make the jokes.
Also you can bring the discussion to an end, or up the ante by bringing up Slaymates.

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>>25945380
Oh god.
We...we are all canon in the 40k universe as of this point.

Someone make a page on 1d4chan for Chris Orkson, and summon a drawfag!

>>25945558
What, you expected to get through a line at the DMV WITHOUT selling your soul?
>>25945067
That was actually pretty interesting. It did indeed get a bit into GET DAT ELF PUSSY, but there was even more psychology around why maybe it might not be a good idea, why elves are insane, and what turns elvish soldiers into killcrazy sados.

>>25946229
Yes honestly I did. What Demons do is their fucking business, but when you start mixing religion with your fucking work, that's when we have problems. I don't go to every shmuck who says something is broken with his computer praising pelor and blessing the fucker before I unplug and plug back in their keyboard. I work with a bunch of fucking bugbears I swear.

But seriously, someone needs to do something about this bullshit. Paladins haven't gotten of their asses then its up to the citizens.

>>25945067
It was just
>yandere elf wifu watdo

>>25946624
But it didn't involve trying to get into her pants. And it became something more down the line.

>>25939029
Shhhh you're not supposed to call out the dorfaboos.

>>25946715
>But it didn't involve trying to get into her pants.
Except that it kind of did. Like, from the very start.

>>25946801
Really? Because OP disregarded silly posts, like grabbing her ass as far as I remember.

>>25939004
Oh god that image sums up my love life so well it terrifies me.

>>25946151
>mfw I am the writefag that did that who wrote Promotions at work
Thank you based /tg/, though I wish I proofreaded instead of typing it in the quick reply.

>>25945380
40kchan is canon. HORY SHIT

>>25947960
So any chance for a sequel, maybe with Taldeer? Also bump for the love of god.

>>25949327
>bumping such an awful thread

>>25947988
The black ships are the Party Van.
They take psykers to the Best Party Ever!

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I'm in favour of elven princes over princesses but each to their own.

(Not that I'd refuse a princess either)

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>>25945007

hey, don't knock the monstergirl dating sims.

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>>25949557