What classes are you?

>>25898716
Cleric, wizard, sorcerer, and rogue.

How is it an artifact if a bunch of low-level casters made it?

Either way: Reverse-engineer, set stones into amulets or bracelets or whatever, be the height of wizarding fashion.

Swallow it.

>>25898657
Your DM is insane. No caster or magical beast will be a challenge now as no spell can touch you. (Including a dragon's magical breath since you said supernatural as well)

Totally broken, the campaign is ruined.

If the GM thinks it's all right, he thinks it's all right.

Just save it for a magic related emergency and don't be That Guy.

>>25898927
>implying the GM cares for the rules that much
To me the GM just sounds like he will do whatever the fuck he wants.

Unless he's playing a deeper game than any of us can see or is planning on throwing nothing but melee/natural attacks at you for the rest of your campaign, he just made his one mistake.

Make him pay for it. Abuse the fuck out of that thing. Storm the heavens, cast down the gods and appoint yourselves in their place. Purge the hells and send their denizens streaming across the world. Break your GM's spirit, leave all his plots bitter ashes, all his tweeeests tangled up into a Gordian knot of your fashioning. Tear from him all will to continue, to play, to live.

Remove him from tabletop forevermore. This is the only fitting punishment for such stupidity.

>>25899001
You are now THAT GUY.

>>25898959
Sounds like that to me too. I'd bet that the party will either be deprived of the stone sooner or later due to events, or the stone's effects won't actually as powerful as the RAW suggests it should be. OP will probably find that the "antimagic" field only negates spells, and not the abilities of magical creatures, or some such.

I wouldn't count on the stone breaking the game, but if your mind isn't calibrated to handle copious amounts of Rule 0, you might have a hard time with this guy.

There's no possibility of low-level mages stumbling upon crafting such a device.

Cue the stone being a finger torn from a anti-magic death machine golem, and those foolish wizards having disturbed his sleep by removing it.

Driven mad by a century of endless dream, It now seeks vengeance.

>>25899220
Nah, just feeling melodramatic tonight.

Seriously though, unless the GM's plan actually hinges on the PCs abusing the fuck out of this thing, the campaign is either going to be utterly ruined or subject to a ludicrous amount of DM fiat. Either way, I'd say abandon game OP.

>>25899001
>>25899220

No, not if the party is behind it. Then it's just That Party.

>>25899470

And if the GM is That GM too, then everybody's having fun.

And that's fantastic.

Is the GM less than 16 years old?

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>>25899445
Okay, instead of simply ragging on it like I was earlier, why don't we find ways to make this kind of artifact work in the larger campaign?

So, a bunch of cocksure adventurers are wandering around the world with an AMF field for protection - what happens when they pass into a dryad's forest? Or too close to a Lawful church? (Serious questions there, I'm not too familiar with the mechanics/limitations involved.)

Possible plot hook: someone who's seen what these fools have wrought drop enough hints to get them to one particular cave in a mountain, supposedly the hideout of some magic oogie-boogie worth a lot of coin. What's really there is the last link of a binding spell keeping something truly nasty tied down (noble guardians optional). Sure, they might be able to charge in and banish him with the artifact in time, but how many villages will be devoured before they arrive?

Any other ideas on how to salvage PCs having something this strong?

(Pic unrelated, I just needed to throw something into this mess.)

>>25900409
>Any other ideas on how to salvage PCs having something this strong?

Turn the stone into a half-fae catboy.

Stop playing 3.5.

>>25902232
How can he be half-fae and antimagic at the same time?

OP, the DM cannot POSSIBLY have been running 3.X/Pathfinder for 16 years. 3.0 released in 2000. 3.5 released in 2003. He has, at most, been running d20 for 13 years, and 3.5 for 10.

Most likely, he is either lying or familiar with a completely different system, and does not realize the brokenness of 3.5 (especially since he allowed a party of cleric wizard sorcerer rogue).

Your GM sounds terrible. Brace for bad times.

>>25903438
He could have been running other games for 16 years.

>>25900409
Well, offhand, it has limited use in the form of time, number of spells 'eaten', levels of spells 'eaten', etc. Perhaps something interesting happens when it's had its fill, say releasing a magic-eating monster the previous group managed to (un)luckily summon.
Can you turn the field off? As in, depending on what counts as an ally, a large variety of otherwise neutral magic-using areas may well view you as a horrible nuisance (with good justification). Most large cities would probably look very poorly on you entering with that thing, for instance. Also magical areas (churches, magical academies, enchanted groves, etc).

Build thousands of them. Spread them across the world.

Make everything boring.

>>25904172
Wouldn't it be a good way to balance spellcasters though?

>>25904895
>that does not affect the holder's own magic and supernatural abilities, and that does not affect those of the holder's allies either.

>>25904895
No, it either breaks them MORE if you're the only party with the stone and can have them do all their screwy magic shit with opponents being unable to respond or it simply removes magic from combat entirely if both sides are equipped with them.

I am interrogating the GM this very moment and he is confirming all of the facts on the antimagic field stone. Yes, it does produce the field out to 325 feet.

This GM is insane.

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>>25905806
Aaaaaaand the GM just foolishly said that it is actually better than an Antimagic Field.

1. It automatically dispels any magical or supernatural effect that enters it, so leaving the field will not restore the effect.

2. It causes constructs and undead to fall over as their animating magics permanently unweave.

This GM is digging their own grave.

>>25905887
Do give him a fair warning that it's RIDICULOUSLY BROKEN SHIT.
If he doesn't relent, tell him 'nothing personal' and abuse the fuck out of it.

>>25905887
You're going to face a swarm of rodents carrying bubonic plague and nobodys going to be able to cure any of it with magic

>>25905898
They have a cleric and it doesn't block allies' magic. Plague is not a problem.

>>25905908
By swarm, I mean tsunami

>>25905939
Why not rocks, then?

You people are phenomenally retarded. "Kill an epic level Wizard with it"? Are we living in some sort of bizarro world where even a level twenty fighter with antimagic field on stands a chance in hell of killing his wizardly counterpart?

>>25905999
They aren't fighter. They're Cleric, Wizard and Sorc (with rogue to idunno, carry the stone?)
Once they get some levels of their own, they will rule the universe.

>>25906028
Well they have to fucking get there first, don't they? You can give a third level character an artifact that gives them the ability to cast Miracle at will or a spell that instantly kills anyone as long as you know their name, and they'll still have twenty fucking hit points.

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And now the GM has gone off the deep end.

<GM> you suspect it is the stones material.
<GM> like cryptonite!
<Me> Wait, wait, wait.
<Me> So.
<Me> There is no enchantment over it?
<Me> It is purely from what the stone is made out of?
<GM> no, it looks like kryptonite, made out of a good conductor, and haveing a sepll cast on it, or, maybe it did not.
<GM> no, not only from what the stone is made out of.
<GM> because, as a mage, you know that all magic is based on electricity.
<Me> ... wait, what?
<GM> as that is how magic communicates.
<GM> that is the real world.
<GM> even love spells work on electricity.
<GM> but,
<GM> this stone is a good conductor.
<Me> Hoooold on.
<GM> like, from somewhere else.
<Me> Hold on.
<Me> Hold on.
<Me> All magic in this world runs on electricity?
<GM> yes.
<GM> air element.
<GM> well,
<Me> But... how?
<GM> how does your body communcaite the spell.
<Me> Does it work off the electrolytes in people's bodies?
<GM> it conducts from atom to atom and then realises your goal.
<Me> You... could have mentioned this earlier.
<GM> i thought it was obvious.
<GM> i made my own branch of magic.
<GM> i thought it was obvious.
<GM> that is how real magic works.
<GM> not changes.
<GM> just facts on how it works.

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>>25906086

<OtherPlayer> Dude, either you have a very peculiar sense of how the natural world works, or... I don't even know.
<GM> for you?
<GM> you tell me then...?
<OtherPlayer> In real life? It doesn't. There is no such thing as magic, much as I wish there may be.
<GM> i am a witch.
<GM> a heretic.
<OtherPlayer> These days, "witch" is really just a religion.
<OtherPlayer> However, no wiccan I am familiar with will tell you that their trendy fondleslab and iPhone are magic.
<GM> well, i make magic work.
<GM> truely.

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>>25906086
>>25906098
2crazy4me

>>25906086
>>25906098
That shit is hilarious. Play it, Anon. Play it to the hilt and tell us the story later.

>>25906086
Someone post the Raiden electrolytes pic.

>>25906086
>>25906098
Jesus Christ

Your GM is completely fucking insane. Tell him to get help.

Do it. Break his mind. It's all he deserves.

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>>25906086
<GM> how does your body communcaite the spell.
<Me> Does it work off the electrolytes in people's bodies?
<GM> it conducts from atom to atom and then realises your goal.
<Me> You... could have mentioned this earlier.
<GM> i thought it was obvious.

><GM> i thought it was obvious.

>>25906583
Electrolytes are what magic crave.

>>25906718
And plants. Don't forget plants crave them as well.

>>25906757

Well, plants are magic too.

>>25903438

actually it is pretty good setup. Bulky caster, 2 support caster and a party face/skill monkey

>>25905887

enter Orcus magical realm with a pair of Boots fo Speed.
Kill the fuck out of everything and destroy his army.

>>25906718
BRAWNDO! THE MANA MUTILATOR!!

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http://ia601503.us.archive.org/12/items/TheWorksOfBrettNortje/WorksForSite.pdf

And this is the GM's 1,070-page political/magical manifesto, apparently, filled with all sorts of insanity.

>The ideas presented in this book are progressive. If they seem to be wrong that is because they defy the status quo.

>I believe that ghosts exist in the fourth dimension or so. People have been to the fourth dimension magically to see them, and tht acan be verified soon by science.

>I have already told you how to commune with nature, how about I teach you a few spells?

> Initiation

>Yes you can all fly and teleport, and I will explain to you how it works too! If everything is based on energy, being electrons making up carbons, you could use your mental enery to change things. You can do anything you want to if you figure it out, but I will explain the good things to you.

>First of all you need to excite the energy inside of you. You can do this with your mind. You need to breathe in and out firslty to excite the static in the ari around you. Then you need o imagine electrons flowing in through your mouth into your body where it will become one with your nervous system. Your nervous system is based on electricity that is based on electrons, so you will likely feel a bit uncomfortable for a while, but even when eating you absord other electrons from your food, but that is not static! Static is electricity based on atoms at gaseous form, so they are smaller and more flexible. Absorbing this energy puts you in contact with the energy around you all over the universe, and then you can become one with the atomic reactions that take place in the world, and all things that will translate into formula will translate into 'powers', as long as you know the fomula.

>>25906932
Holy shit dude, what have you gotten yourself into?

>>25906098
Goddamn. I've never heard of this kind of magic before.

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>Flying
>You can fly by imagining graviton's turning to hot air that rises around you. You form a 'carpet' to fly on based on hot air, or heavy air that has mass, as things with mass have wieght and dsiplace other things, so yuo rise up. Then you imagine the air around you becoming heavy, in fact you are making it heavy with being tuned into the universe you can make changes in the universe, epecially close to you. So you fly around in an invisible bubble, basically, figuring it uot by yourself. Don't cancel it while you are up!

>Shape chaning
>With this, by far the easiest one to do, you picture what you want to look like and then imaginr your dna changing into that based on your mental descritpion of it. You take a picture on the outside and the electrons form to be that form, hair colour, height, and so forth. I suggest though that you stay the same size as you are because you will require extra atoms to become bigger, and then you will need to shed those atoms, which you could do theoretically, but there are no guarantees. You simply take a figment, which is an electrical charge, and then replicate it into something that you recognise the dna of.
>Possibly looking into a biology text book will help you? If you see all the things, your mind send the information to your subconscious and then t processe it into a code of dna, and then it changes your own dna to be that what you want it to be, be it muscular or slim.

>How is this possible?
>With the abilities of your brains calculations they are like a sciunit and then they translate your own atomic mass, or the mass around you, into what you want it to be, because you are one with the universe around you. Your mind can make all sorts of calculations on this level, as yet not estimated even, and can make the changes in electrons necessary for them to be built at a atomic level. The wold is full of neutrons to bind to aswell, so there will probably never be a shortage of 'fuel'. Do you see how amazing you are now?

>>25906932

>Your nervous system is based on electricity that is based on electrons

I got so mad at that.

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>>25906932

>There is a way to generate a socail security without using money and lines. You can issue them with a bank account and then place the money into it. You simply contact the police to see if they are still alive or something and that nobody is stealing from them or the state.

>Or, you could issue them with credit cards to see what they are spending their money on. The crdit card will be useful at any place an elderly person might go, like a supermarket or another general store and covers deliveries of the modern age too. If they go into hospital then they could use it there too, even phoning a 'handler' to ask for more credit or something... wait!

>Why not do the whole state system like this? Instead of using auto tellers and seeing them get ripped off, enter a cashless society? Everyone will be issued with a credit card which will eliminate coprruption, hamper-
if not kill off-drug dealing, organise thing better with cash and carry, encourage people to save and get a tax rebate if they do well, excetera excetera.

>What do you think? No more lines, no more armed robberies of banks, no more drugs, no more people running up debt at a casino or the loan shark... You answer for what you spend your money on as it gets checked both ways by a simple computer program...

>Total credit society, honest, clean, cared for.

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>>25906932
>THIS ENTIRE PDF

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>>25906932

>Rapist! Rapist !Rapist!

>Rape? Rape is when someone sexually assaults someone else. This usually involves penetration of some sort. Men rape women because they want sex. To clean up rape in the army feed them hormone dampening substances that make them totally unaroused. Also put into it some sweetener, maybe package it in some bake beans or something so it is psychologically good for men.

>Or, we could try to sell a new deodorant for women that gives off a smell that makes men turned off, to limit the rape to a mere wrestling session or something?

>How about selling those pepper sprays at prices and plces like condoms?

>>25906981
>restrict utility of currency
>no one will be able to find a workaround to this.
>Don't you see how amazing humans are?

>>25905984
Rocks don't carry bubonic plague, duh.

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>>25907000

>Or, we could try to sell a new deodorant for women that gives off a smell that makes men turned off, to limit the rape to a mere wrestling session or something?
>to limit the rape to a mere wrestling session or something?

I'm fucking dying.

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The plot thickens.

<GM> how old are you <Me>?
<Me> Ummm, why do you want to know?
<GM> almost like agatha...
<GM> because i am a rapist! :)
<OtherPlayer> not cool :/
<GM> just kidding...
<GM> :(
<GM> :)
<OtherPlayer> okay
<GM> :|
<GM> :(

<GM> i am a fat guy...
<GM> like cat woman...
<GM> except with a f.
<GM> oh, by the way, are any of you overweight?
<GM> i mean, for real?
<OtherPlayer> That's a rather insensitive question to ask, isn't it?
<GM> well, if you pray to venus for a higher metablolism, then you will get thinner.
<GM> i am a witch too.

>>25899385
>It now seeks revengeance.
You mean this. Seriously, it's like you don't know the Rule of Zero.

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<GM> do you want to use myth weavers?
<GM> or just emial me the character?
<GM> [email redacted]
<GM> it is my moms email.

This GM is also crazy enough to hand out *their mother's email address* instead of their own.

>>25905887
>Those effects
Is that the 3.5 version? Holy shit, that's crazy.
The PF version only suppresses magical and supernatural effects and also leaves undead and constructs intact.

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What the fuck, I'm laughing so hard at this, in the "is this dude fucking serious or is he just shitting us?" way.

>>25907081
No, those are this GM's houserules. Actual 3.5 version is the same as PF version
>suppresses magical and supernatural effects and also leaves undead and constructs intact.

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>>25906981
>how do we solve poverty?
>Just use credit cards.

>>25907025
><Me> Ummm, why do you want to know?
><GM> because i am a rapist! :)
Oh boy

This man should meet John CloudRaven

>>25898657
Storytime.
This sounds a lot like my DM for Pathfinder.

>Be player invited by friends to play.
>know a bit from previous experience and current practice as a DM for my own session
>This DM claims to be experienced and even paid by Wizards of the Coast at some point
"Yeah, I've had years of experience doing this."
>"Cool! I'll roll up some stats for my guy."
>Think this will go great
>Think this guy will be able to teach me a bit
>How little we knew, /tg/..

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<GM> don't you know how to generate 7 million dollars?
<GM> with a cell phone?
<GM> it is a spell with your cell to get money from the sylphs.
<GM> i think it works...
<GM> people tell me it works, unless they are joking...

<GM> do you want to hear how my girlfriend became a billionaire?
<GM> first, she made a song for me,
<GM> then she played it for me.

<GM> i married this woman in esp.
<GM> she presented games on tv/
<GM> she plays quake three with me!
<GM> i love her.
<GM> she likes to kill me.
<GM> :)
<GM> then one day i saw her on tv,
<GM> and she looked ugly as hell!
<GM> then i asked her why,
<GM> and she told me it was the makeup.
<GM> lol.
<GM> takes it off, pretty again.
<GM> i would fire my wardrobe.

Why does he say "girlfriend" once and then "wife" the next?

>>25907114
>Why does he say "girlfriend" once and then "wife" the next?
Probably because she's fictional.

OP... you need to go through with this and archive the highlights, including that PDF, on 1d4chan.

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>Re: Love: choice or fate?

>It is determined what you will do, who you will meet, who you will fall in love with. If you choose to love someone, that is because of your history with yourself. If you cannto help loving someone, then that is your genes determining for you who you love.

>When you choose to love someone you are comfortable with them, and become dependant on loving them, because fo your comfort with them. If not then you don't really love them.

>If you love someone without wanting to, it is the opposite of choosing to love someone, someone that makes you feel you want to be with them, even though you are not sure about them. It is loving because you cannto help it, not because of comfort.

>Loving of both kinds is true, as they are neither false. You either feel comfort or you feel desire, and both are good, because it is determined and the truth. So don't fight love, understand it.

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>>25907111
>We start out in some dungeon... K then.
>Our part is a Dragonborn Warrior, Halfing Rogue, a Gnome Sorcerer, a Mole Person with a tentacle monster with higher stats than anyone else that rapes people whenever it can. (fortitude to save from it, Intellegence to see if you remember.)

"You see in the middle a box! It's glowing and shiny."

>My rogue with this flaw being kleptomania of course went to go pick that shit.
>As I'm doing this, another player is dropped in as soon as they finish their character.
>A 4 inch tall fairy princess.
"She comes from a far off land of pixies and rainbows and love!"
>Stares all around
>wot.jpg

>>25907134
This seems relatively sane?

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Lo and behold, this GM has graced us with their two homebrew RPGs!

http://gamesofbttnortje.yolasite.com/resources/Legions%20revamped%203.13.pdf

http://gamesofbttnortje.yolasite.com/resources/Societal%20games.rtf

>Societal games

This will be good.

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>>25907148
>disregard bitches.
>get treasure.
>DM sends in a demon warden of sorts standing by and watching me pick.
"That chest just turned into one with teeth and bites you"
>"Don't you have to roll for that..?"
"Oh okay.."
>rolls a 7 (my AC is 19)
"It hits."
>"Excuse me?"
"It's attack bonus is enough to hit you."
>"A-are you serious..? well fine how much is it."
>He rolls a d12
>8
"You take 23 damage."
>"But I only have 21, and you rolled an 8. What kind of chest is this???"
"It's a medium sized one, like a coffin."
>Like a coffin
>medium.

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>>25907155

>Fundamental basics

>Nakedness is where you have shown yours and they have not shown theirs.

>Hygeine - When a characer has a hygiene that is low they will bond more with peopl that have a similar hygiene desire. If they look dirty then others that are dirty will like them more, and so forth. This is another adjustable statistic where they may choose thier status due to hygiene. Typically most people do not have a high hygiene, so if you want to fit in you should be dirty too, but, it is desired to keep yourself clean as you will look more beautiful in a pretty way, as if you were a model or so, or, someone appealing to someone else due to primal instinctive health recognition. Many peoples have a desire for someoen that fits into thier culture, so natives from the jungle will look for someone fat and dirty as someone that fits in, and people that live on the river banks will like someone clean and tanned, reminding them of what is 'proper'.

This GM is from South Africa, by the way.

>natives from the jungle will look for someone fat and dirty as someone that fits in

Totally not a racist or anything.

>Spreading HIV if you are infected...
>In South Africa there was a certain Mr Willaims that has spread HIV amoung the woman he slept with after he knew he was positive.
>Is there a law against having sex? Everyone has a right to intercourse. If someone has crabs or something they do not go to jail for doing the same, but this a life threatening disease. There is a cure for HIV being salt, as it absorbs all your blood cells and you poop it out. Just drink lots of water to replace them.
>Now, seeing as how is in trouble, and there will be no epidemic from people wanting to spread AIDS as they do have humanity and therefor doesn't want to spread the disease, it is safe to get this guy off the hook.

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What kind of drugs is this guy on?

Like, I've seen delusion, but this is off the charts.

>>25907186
He is clearly onto something with this cure.

>>25907198
None, I'd reckon. And that's the problem.

This looks like mild psychosis. I say mild, because he is apparently sane enough to convey his delusions to others.

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>>25907198
This is what happens when you become a wizard.

>>25907179
>Bitch and moan about this ridiculous play.
>He sends his DMPC to grab me out of the way and scold me for wanting loot.
"You then see this come out."
>He pulls out a Pit Demon
Rape Player: "I want to rape it."
DM: "You fail, but on the way your tentacle monster pulls 9000 GP from the mimic chest!"
>Everyone hears this and suddenly every character is disregarding a pit demon asking for tithes and they are instead heading to the chest they just now notice.
>Players get loot a plenty from a dragon bone sword, epic level mystics spells.
>from a level 1 scaled mimic chest.

>>25907214
Come to think of it, he quite likely is one at this point.

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As an example of this GM's style of narration:

<GM> the mail man loox at her, and smirks. he thinks he is quite the royal king he does, you think. then he pushes past you. you remember someone saying that the mailhouse was full of gay men, at some time, so maybe he was not taken as he was, you know... :)

Can anyone possibly parse what this GM is attempting to convey?

>>25907225
> The Demon leaves (for no reason given)
>The Quest ends, and the warden gives out loot and experience randomly.

His combat is strange. We move and the other enemies move on our turn as well

Reflex saves are apparently dodges even without improved reflexes.

Anything can happen. Try and steal from something? Suddenly a guard.
Want to shoot a poison dart at something? Randomly a dog jumps out of nowhere in the way and gets hit. Despite being hidden and IN A FUCKING CRYPT, WHAT IS A DOG DOING DOWN HERE?"

>>25907265
the mail man looks at her and smirks
he thinks he is the shit
he then pushes past you
you remember that the mail men have a large number of homosexuals in their midsts
He wants yo dick

>>25907184
How do you keep finding all these terrible DMs and players.

How on earth.

>>25907265
The mailman smirks at you smugly. There are gays at the post office so [something I'd need more context for]

>>25907283
Internet

>>25907265
It is saying the Mail Man is quite cocksure(some other synonym), He thinks he's quite stupendous, he brushes past you, you then remember someone once told you that the mail workers office was full of homosexuals, and that maybe he wasn't in a comitted relationship like he'd led you to believe.

>>25907283
How does who?

This is a riot. OP, you're likely playing with some 13 y old, I suggest you keep playing for our amusement.

I think there's some kind of pun attempt with "mailhouse" and "male house" going on there, but that might be giving them too much credit.

And furthermore, "mailhouse," unless it's some kind of local term, sounds like how a child would refer to a post office. "It's the place where the mail lives!"

>>25907330
13-year-olds don't write 1,070 page long political manifestos.

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>New energy sources
>If we need new energy sources, we should look for something that is non perishable, something carbon based and widely avaiable...

>Liquids
>For this we need to use fruit. Fruit is highly avaialable and also has a lot of energy in it protein wise, so will burn nicely. Sugar is also a good idea, as it is full of fuel for our bodies, so will do well for the cars or whatever we use it for. Mud would also be a good idea, as it is wate rmixed with a carbon solid and that would lead to a fuel that is based on earth, which is full of nutrients, unless it is desert sand, but, adding the water or oil will make it full of things to 'burn'.

This GM is proposing a fruitpunk future.

>>25907338
Actually they do if they got time and no friends, and just look at the damn content, this is the work of a kid who believes he has reached enlightenment.

>>25907375
>non perishable
>fruit

>>25907375
>Fruit is highly available and also has a lot of energy in it protein wise.

The flying fluffy fuck?

OP, while I commend your efforts to entertain and amuse the mentally ill, I think you should expend more energy towards ensuring your GM gets professional help. Like, the psychiatric ward kind.

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>Organs and tissue

>All organs and tissue are made of cells, and cells are made of hydrogen.

>You can tell how many organs or blood vessels are attached to an organ by taking it's area in proportion to the body size and and then taking the mass per size of the organ and dividing it by the cell quota or number of cells making it up. If there are x cells making up an organ, then it should have y blood vessels.

>Now if you take the organ weight or size [x], and divide it by the percentage of the body it takes up [z], then you will know how how many inlets and outlets it has, depending on it's size of course. If you were to wonder how many hydrogen cells make it up, you take it's size and add a zero and you have your size in nanometres. Then you do the math to get it to centimetres.

Cells are made of hydrogen, ladies and gentlemen.

>>25907448
WHY IS THAT RELEVANT TO ANYTHING?

WHY DOES HE BOTHER TO WRITE THAT DOWN? WHAT PURPOSE COULD IT SERVE?

I'M STARING INTO THE ABYSS, AND IT STARES BACK!

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>So you might think about all the suffering in the world, like the poverty in Africa for example. Well, the poverty in Africa is caused by the ripples from the input of technology into their lives.

>Think of how balanced their world was before they knew about markets? That input had a bad effect on a primitive engine, skipping certain steps in the evolution towards that level of thinking, or input. You see they had this force come into their lives, and naturally they wanted to be a part of the better way of living. They then stuck diesel into a steam engine, and the result was horrible!

>They abandonded their way of living and concentrated on earning this thing called money, and that made them forget to teach hunting to their kids, instead telling them to go get jobs.

>They forgot and no longer were satisfied with the old way of living, and then they became impoverished. Of course the universe was to blame for this, as it is based on scientific reactions, and then they work together.

The poverty in Africa originates from the introduction of technology to the continent.

OP is the protagonist of a cosmic horror story. This PDF is the tome of mindbreaking knowledge that will drive him to madness.

>>25907476
Funny how every other continent is doing so much better, even Oceania which was behind Africa in tech.

>>25907484
does that mean if I read this aloud, I'll summon a psuedo-shoggoth?

>>25907484
This is a terrible story.

"The protagonist finds a tome of eldritch, forbidden knowledge on the internet. Then he posts pretty much all of it on 4chan while linking everyone else to it."

>>25907448

Cells are mostly composed of water, which is partly composed of hydrogen. Additionally, most nutritional organic compounds (protein, sugar, etc) are partly composed of hydrogen. So, in essence, we are at least partly composed of hydrogen.

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>Growing trees faster

>If we were to grow trees faster it would be much better for us, so, how do we grow trees faster from a seedling?

>Actually I have a better idea!

>If we take an older tree and replicate it that would be better. Now if we were to take an older tree and carbon copy it into existence that woud be great!

>Basically we take a tree and read it with a laser as to all the constituents it has, inside and out. Then we feed that information into a computer, and then we create trees into the earth by using the same idea as above, except we need to produce organice matter.

>This means we need to produce something that is alive from something that is dead, so, we need to generate biomass by using heat to enlarge fungus, fungus created by seedlings and then heated up so that they 'age' quickly, intense heat that does not carry electrons but rather nuetrons for growth as then it will not become excited and erupt into flame, but rather be based on a stable mass building input that will make it grow faster.

>By shining an intense laser of neutrons ont a sapling we can age the trees so it grows in about a couple of minutes of so, so if we plant a whole acre of saplings or seeds, then we could use a cone of neutrons to cover the whole area so that they grow quickly, or, we could plant roots into the soil and regrow the three and expand the roots structure so that it grows the tree more quickly, without seeds.

The ideal method of growing trees more quickly is magically replicating them.

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>Dragon creation

>To make a dragon you need crocodile dna. When you have that, after you take 'em out of action and drain his belly a bit, you will have your strand. Now the strand is making the crocodile small, so, you would need to take the blood and heat them up in a tube so that it will grow bigger, then the whole crocodile grows bigger, yes?

>Next you would need to take the bigger cells and keep them that big. You can do this by freezing the size by exposure to Oxygen, as then you will, as magma is exposed to Oxygen, see that it will cool down and then become more firm in 'structure'. Then repeat process until you super sized the substance, and, well, it can get bigger and big

>Now you want to shape it before you make it bigger. To do this you need to take the crocodile dna and apply a feline or canine strand to it. This will result in a monsterou thing, so, keep all the reptilian cells but add the marrow of the canine or feline so that it has the more desirable bone structure.

>Now you want to give it wings, and I suggest a bat because it has the same bone marrow as the mamalian type of creature, so they will gel. This could take a bit of stress release later, but, it will be worth it for the dragon, if that is what you want...

>So we have our dragon, the pinnacle of human nightmares. But wait, let's make it breath fire too! What will make it breath fire? Well, if you were to take some glands that produce spasms in the muscles, then you will have propulsion for the fire, that it will travel as 'phlemn' through the air, forwards.

>To make fire you need to tap the nervous system's energy and direct it outwards through the air. This will require a organ at the back of the throat to push it out, and the lungs will keep it going forwards quickly and with force. To ignite it you will need to make a 'super burp' sort of thing where there is the right gasses mixing with the right compounds, non metals of course. Things like poop are flammable, but you knew that!

>>25907501
>implying this isn't a great way for the eldritch abomination bound to the book to spread its influence
Do you even call Cthulhus?

>>25907529
Ok. He is nuts.

>>25907529
Well, his methods all seem to check out.

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>New Police procedure!
>The police are under intense stress and need to be rewarded. The easiest way to do this is to throw them a party every month on pay day or the day after where the state pays for a round for all of them.

>To compensate for this they could reduce the number of psychologists that they use, because, they will not need them. The psychologists are there to relieve stress, but a bit of exercise is much better for them.

>As poilce recruits get into the force they are not stressed, but due to corruption and dirty secrets the old gaurd relay stress onto them immediately. This makes for bad habits forming from the start. If you were to ask a boxing coach how the human mind operates they will tell you that it reflexes into operations that it feels comfortable with, things that worked befor. That takes care of the stress, I hope, or at least reduces it.

>Shoot to kill should not be a probelm. Replace the ammunition with rubber bullets and then they can shoot to stop anyone they want.

>The police needs more ability to operate as it is withheld from acting because of laws. So, they should be given more freedom. This could happen by returning to laws where it is illegal to slate another body of people publicly because it is defamation of character, and is making them feel weaker. It is not necessary, no matter what.

>This is not a place to criticise publicly, if they want attention they shoul petition the courts, but, then again, if you were to be unhappy with the system you must speak out. If you have a soiled bag of coffee beans, do you protest outside the shop, or do you deal with the problem? Is this nonsense or what?

The solution to stress in the police force is to throw a monthly party for them, load their magazines with rubber ammunition, and hire less psychologists for them.

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>>25907529
>>25907506
>>25907476
>>25907448
>>25907186
>>25907000
>>25906981
>>25906976
>>25906932

Guys, what are we going to do if he finds out we're mocking him on 4chan? Do we really want to trifle with someone who has clearly solved the mysteries of the universe?

>>25907543
I don't, sadly.

>>25907529
Is he a Simic biomancer?

>>25907000
>To clean up rape in the army feed them hormone dampening substances that make them totally unaroused. Also put into it some sweetener, maybe package it in some bake beans or something so it is psychologically good for men.

This displays such a profound ignorance of army culture and why things like sexual assault are so prevalent that it's mind boggling.

>>25907565
Does he seriously not realize that rubber bullets don't stop people? They hurt like a bitch but that's about it.

>>25907565
>Shoot to kill should not be a probelm. Replace the ammunition with rubber bullets and then they can shoot to stop anyone they want.

This man is naivë...

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>>25907565
Rubber bullets cannot stop the giga nigga.

This man dooms us all.

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>Charlatan's laboratory at school and in the kitchen...

>You can make a lab in your home by taking shot glasses or very small glases that nobody drinks out of for containers. To get all the ingredients, well, experiment with the spices, oils and left over foods that lie around. They all react, imagine the medicines you could make with spices?

>Spices make the best medicine because they burn things like cells. If you were to experiment with a blood sample and take some tupperware containers - not as good but good enough - you could treat the infected blood, that nobody has anything better to do with, and add things to it.

>If you were to go to class and experiment there, you would be able to see if things work or not, and how adding spices from your kitchen affects the diseases. Chicken soup for a cold? Think harder... um...

You can produce your own medicine and perform medical research using shot glasses and spices from your kitchen.

>>25907601
>>25907593
>>25907592

I want to have this guy as a player in a WoD game..

I wonder if this guy behuhu the rubhive

>>25907613
You can make a lot of good remedies in your kitchen. Not by "experimenting with spices" though.

>>25907613
>You can produce your own medicine and perform medical research using shot glasses and spices from your kitchen.

You didn't know that? I do it all the time. Granted, I replace the spices, oils, and food with whiskey, vodka, and bourbon, but the principle is the same.

Somebody archive this please. I'm on mobile, I can't.

>>25907634
What would we even archive it as?

IT IS BEYOND OUR UNDERSTANDING!

>>25907155
>Then there is the problem of what game to play. It is easy to walk around with dice and then roll them to see who does what well, but really if you are just trying to rough it and have fun then it becomes a doodoo to keep rolling. Carrying papers around is also cumbersome, yes?
>but really if you are just trying to rough it and have fun then it becomes a doodoo to keep rolling.
>then it becomes a doodoo
>a doodoo
Obviously this man is a genius, /tg/ we need to actually play some of this gold.

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>How to make more money, fianlly, out of nothing! - Banking

>The bank is in fincial turmoil because they have made bad investments. They could right these wrongs by making the accounts bigger. If they use some 'technical wizardry' or something equally 'pompous', they could write the accounts into double or triple figures. This won't harm anyone, and the money the people use to buy things isn't actually physically there, only an 'image' of credit owed to them by the bank, or, the market, or shop, and so forth.

>OK, now they will need to pay back thier loans to the bank, seeing as how they have so much more, or, the bank could use this money that just appeared out of who knows where, and pay their debts off. They don't actually need the money to physically be there. They could actually buy all the assets they want, or pay them off, or, throw it into the air if they chose, but, they will still have the numbers on the bank account's system. Who will complain? Who will take them to court? The state cannot take them to court over just increasing their accounts like that, so, they will just have more money, basically. Nobody suffers!

>Ten fold the customers accounts, call it a glitch, and say they will hope it doesn;t happen again, and then use the money from the accounts to gamble and party hard, if that is your scene.

The solution to banks being in debt is to have the banks add a few extra digits to clients' accounts, fudge the numbers, and use the fabricated money to pay off their debts.

>>25907640
That Eldritch GM?

>>25907565
>>Is this nonsense or what?
He's developing self-awareness in the form of a split personality.

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This GM shall liberate us from all ills.

>Curing diseases.

>If salt absorbs all the things in blood, hen could it absorbd HIV? I figure that it would, and then you poop it out, but need vitamen supplements to rejuvenate your system.

>Cancer has natural antibodies to fight it, so, by shocktreating your system with anti bodies from other people, orally injested of course, you could easily beat cancer.

>If you have anthrax simply drink milk, as it is a anti acidic thing, and anthrax cells have acidic protection.

>For lead poisoning, that goes into your cells, go to a sauna. Then you sweat it out.

>By far the most prolific cure for diseases in simply inhaling flower pollen, or, for shock treatment, boiling the flowers in a pot to allow lots of it to get into your lungs where it is absorbed into your body. I thought that one up while reading about aeromatherapy, and then thouhgt why bees and the like never have diseases, and then it came to me.

>If you have anorexia you can watch subliminal videos of thin people eating a lot to cure it. If you want to increase intake even more then you can orally administer - for comfort - some hunger hormones.

>Then if you have diabetes, you can attach a sponge to the nasal cavity of the peron so it absorbs all the sugar excess and you can hawk it up.

>If you have any neurological disease, like schitz, bipolar, you can use a natural sedative like t-butonal diluted for settling the person down, orally of course, or use salts to amplify the electrical communication between the brain and body.

>For parkinsons you can eat a lot of fish as it stimulates your brain into producing more of those things it needs.

>For cholesterol you can use stomach acid - injected though - into the blood stream. This biological thing will clear it all out.

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The cure for autism. The secret of immortality.

>For autism you can orally administer some water to the person. The excess water will conduct electircal impulses more efficiently, especially salt water. If you don't like that you can also train disease bacteria to only eat chromosome twenty one by isolating the cells in a vat where all they can eat is that, then they will only eat that and then die off. This works for lots of other diseases too, but use a easily defeated virus...

>To get rid of measels and a cold simply inhale boiling blood for the extra antibodies. This helps with other diseases too, maybe flowers would work here too?

>To live forever, aging is like a disease, caused when the cells stop dividing, called sesenence or something. To live forever, or younger, and regain your youth, you need to injest the blood of younger people that still have dividing cells, replacing your cells with theirs, maybe a blood transfusion would work too?

>To regrow body parts you need to take a zygote that isn't fertilised yet and extract the desired body part, then place it in the body of the person that needs it. Then with enough growth hormones they should be ship shape in a a while, gorwing eyes is the easiest as it is protected nicely.

>To clear up dyslexia you need to also drink salt water and it would help to have a blood transfusion, as that is getting in the way of the communication.

>To clear up muscular dystrophy you need to relax the muscles, so, ingesting adrenaline will do it, maybe daily or so.

>To deal with epilepsy you need to either adminsiter missing chemicals, or, grow a virus to eat it, that dies off because of lack of epilepsy type things to eat.

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>>25907705
>For parkinsons you can eat a lot of fish as it stimulates your brain into producing more of those things it needs.

FISH! ITS WHAT BRAINS CRAVE!

>>25898657
Want to really ruin your DM's day? throw the stone into a lake/volcano and forget about it.

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Fears and phobias can be eliminated by drinking salted water.

>To treat paralysis they could treat the spine, as that is where paralysis comes from I think. If they were to take the non working things and fix them again, maybe with some cell regeneration or revitalisation, through stimulating them with a growth hormones, so they start growing again. If there was some way to inject gorwth hormones into fully mature cells or whatever, then they could grow again, age, or be fully restored again, start again. I think they are trapped and cannot work because of lack of communication, so, salt water would also stimulate these things, added to the growth hormones, or, maybe some adrenaline would make them sizzle with activity and hopefully work again. You could treat any region where the communication is not working too well like this. If you were to find the thigs comepletely dead then maybe replacing them with embyonic componenets would do?

>To get ric of a fear or phobia you need to drink salted water to boost eh communiaction between your nervous system and you brain, as the salt acts as an elcetrolyte or whatever and conducts the signals so you don't freeze up and get scared, as your brain translates the fear properly into just another event. Understanding might be key, but if you cannot physically overcome the problem in your own mind - your brain - physically, then there is no way. So physically it is salt water in abundance.

>This is caused by the chest closing in on itself, so it is like a contrscticion on your chest using your own muscles.

>To rectify this they could relax the muscles with laxatives or natural relaxing chemicals in the body en masse or way too much, or, expand the chest to allaviate breathing by having your lungs pumped.

>This takes time. You can regrow lost limbs by taking an unfertilised egg and harvesting the body parts from it.

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>>25907721
>To live forever, or younger, and regain your youth, you need to injest the blood of younger people that still have dividing cells
>This just in, Vampirism is the secret to immortality, more news at 11

I just realized these documents would be perfect for an Unknown Armies game.

>>25907721
>To live forever, aging is like a disease, caused when the cells stop dividing, called sesenence or something. To live forever, or younger, and regain your youth, you need to injest the blood of younger people that still have dividing cells, replacing your cells with theirs, maybe a blood transfusion would work too?

So THAT'S why vampires are immortal!

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>Global warming

>Global warming can be solved by creating a chemical fire to burn all the monoxide, which is carbon based. This means we can make as much as we want and burn it up every now and then!

Self-explanatory.

>>25907721
>epilepsy type things

Epilepsy type, super effective versus psychic I suppose.

Gets eaten by viruses though

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>Crime prevention

>The best way to solve crimes is to have physical evidence of what happened there. Sometimes ther are no witnesses, so, if you take a camera and a computer, you can take the crime scene, take a photo of it, and rewind it as the light is millions of years old. The actual light reflects off of the surfaces of the matter around it, so you could rewind the light and reveal the goings on in that place.

Who needs investigators when you can just take a picture and rewind the light on it?

Looks like the thread is archived on suptg.

>>25907705
>If you have anthrax simply drink milk, as it is a anti acidic thing, and anthrax cells have acidic protection.

Does this actually work?

>>25907592
Either that or they have enough velocity to KILL YOU ALSO.

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>Volcanoes

>we can stop volcanoes from erupting by capping them with the same rock that makes up the volcano. Simply taking rock from the base of the volcano and making a cap over the volcano will make pressure though, and will result in an earth quake, so, place the rock at the base where it is building up, where it would be flat, not coming up into the volacano, making a smooth top for the magma to follow down into the ocean, where it won't cause problems. Bulding the top low down is neccessary, so draining the volcano is also necessary, but that can be done by making holes for 'filtration', so that it 'levels out'.

You can stop a volcano from being a threat by plugging it shut.

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>Time

>Time is non existent. There is only the present. There is the possibility of aging things through atomic acceleratoin, and there is such a thing as a staggered reaction if you go into outer space. Time is merely the hands on a clock and the reactoins of it.

>If I was to think of a definition of time it would probably be the passing of reactions or something. The time never is at the same point fro mday to day and minut to minute and year to year - it is never at the same point. Time is simply a place we are at because of where we have been leading up to the present.

>Time is the place we are at. Memories are where we have been, so the past sets the pieces for progression. Where we are now is a result of what was going on before. If you take a step now the next thing you know you will presently be a step 'forward'. You may take bac your step, but the step forwards will have happened.

>Time was a way to express the solar movements; sun's effect on the light shone at any given time. Today we can use digitial time to mark points of importance coming up or already gone. Reactions lead to events, and events lead to conclusions - the present.

Time does not exist.

>>25907721

Fuck you I like my autism :C

>>25907821
Not even a tiny bit.

>>25907903
Drink your damn salt water!

>>25907912
Hang on now, let the man try. Send him some Anthrax, he can eat it, then drink some milk and report his findings.

For science.

I don't even know what's happening anymore.

There's insanity and immense retardation and oddly-fitting touhou and I am so confused

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>>25907821
Is it nanomachine-infused super milk that enters your body and hunts down the anthrax?

If not, then no, it will not work.

I think this guy is secretly setting you guys up for a epic Call of Cthulhu game and his manifesto is the internet equivalent of The King In Yellow

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This thread in a nutshell:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0GLoHifu6aM

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The soluion to a crime-free world:

>Eliminating crimes

>Eliminating all crimes is possible. If you were to sell lots of locks to doors, for free, then there would be no breakins, say you set up bars on windows too. That is for home security.

>To stop hijacks tell people not to stop. At intersections place police at midnight hours instead of having them patrol.

>To stop amed robbery of places put a metal detector outside the bank or whatever to alert the police, and, then use those locker style way points for them to wait in.

>to stop tax evasion do it automatically on thier pay checks. They owe the person they get services from, then they owe themselves, legally.

>To stop harassment, try letting every woman walk around with a cell phone with a cameras. I am sure she will figure out how to stop it!

>Get the idea? Every crime can be avoided.

I have been drained from delving too deeply into this tome of madness and delusions. I must rest now. I pray that I shall awaken.

What...

What's going to happen if I read through all 1,070 pages comprehensively?

>>25907945
>>To stop amed robbery of places put a metal detector outside the bank or whatever to alert the police, and, then use those locker style way points for them to wait in.
>locker style way points for them to wait in.

So not only do you have the police stationed at every establishment that might be robbed (an impractical solution in the first place), but you also provide them with lockers to hide in so they can jump out and surprise the criminals? Brilliant.

>>25907945
You know how you can eliminate all crime for real?

Have no laws.
Then their are no rules to break and, by definition, no crime.

>>25907214
HA!

First time I've noticed the penguin skin shoes.

>>25907994
That is technically correct, the best kind of correct.

>>25907980
It reminds me of the discussions I had about Unreal 1, how much it would suck to be that Skaarj in Rrajigar Mine who was relegated to "Box Duty" - Being locked in a metal wall compartment until the security system went off.

>>25907742
>You can treat paralysis by regrowing the spine
...I have no face.

When it was still about "electricity is magic" I thought it might be based on the idea that modern technology is basically magic.
But no, this guy had to go all-out and be balls crazy.
People are saying 4chan is the asshole of the internet. But this kind of delusion can only be found in other communities.

>>25907800
Guys, you are killing me.
I haven't laughed this much in years.

Op, it sounds like you're playing with one of those GMs who doesn't give too much of a fuck about the mechanics and just wants to have a story unfold.

If he really has done this for sixteen years he knows quite well how to deal with a trinket given to the PCs if it becomes a mechanical stumbling block.

Some of the best campaigns I've played in were GMd by fellows who tolerated turn by turn combat and character sheets chiefly as a matter of good form.

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I have seen many things

This is one of them

>>25908027
You should read the rest of the thread, as the GM is literally out of his fucking gourd.

>>25907434
I don't think OP can convince a South African rapist witch to see a shrink.

Just saiyan

>>25907897
You know, posts like these make me wonder if the dude doesn't have some kind of visionary ability with actual insights into truth.
Maybe time really doesn't exist.
This dude might be Malkavian. It would explain the blood part.

>>25908036

Oh yes? Then I shall do so!

>>25908027
Read the thread...
READ IT! READ IT! READ IT! READ IT! READ IT! READ IT! READ IT! READ IT! READ IT! READ IT! READ IT! READ IT! READ IT! READ IT!
AND LET IT ENTER YOUR MIND AS IT HAS ENTERED MINE!
ENLIGHTENMENT FOR ALL!

>>25907755
This stuff is good for all sorts of games based on magical insanity.

I've been in here since the first post and have read through it all...

CAN YOU HEAR THE VOICES TOO?!
I CAN FEEL THE WARP OVERTAKING ME, IT IS A GOOD PAIN!

>GM is South African
Fuck, OP, do you know more or less where?

>>25907821
No, you need a much stronger base than milk. Strong enough that it would be harmful on its own.

>>25907705
>I thought that one up while reading about aeromatherapy, and then thouhgt why bees and the like never have diseases, and then it came to me.


Jesus i'm dying here.

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This should be shown everywhere on the internet.
Spread the word on what REAL insanity is like!

>>25907897
>Time does not exist.
That isn't really wrong though; the usual practical conception of time isn't at all in line with its true nature.

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>>25908090

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>>25908036
>>25908041
>>25908059

SIMULTANEOUS FOUR DAY EARTH
WE ARE ALL EDUCATED STUPID

>>25908080 here
>Brett Nortje
Have to make sure I steer clear of anyone in the TRPG scene with that name

>>25907862
Hello lad! Say hello to Mount Saint Helens!

I thought this was supposed to be a bad GM thread.

This GM... is either clinically autistic or off his fucking rocker. Or retarded.

Hey OP, post some Futo man. Or Kasen. I dunno. OR SOME HATA NO KOKORO.

>>25908132
Let's add some more crazy.
http://www.timecube.com/

>>25908182
We've all seen that, though. It's ancient by internet standards.

>>25908199
I just wanted to make sure that everyone knows how crazy this thread is.
It's on par with the time cube. And the hollow earth stuff.

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>>25907529
>Next you would need to take the bigger cells and keep them that big. You can do this by freezing the size by exposure to Oxygen, as then you will, as magma is exposed to Oxygen, see that it will cool down and then become more firm in 'structure'.

what

>>25908132
AND LO AND BEHOLD THE THREE-LEGGED MOON AS IT BARKS AT THE KING OF SAND!
THE KING OF SAND, HE WHO LOOK DOWN AT THE RED STREET OF MAN WITH DISDAIN AND LOVE, HE IS THE TRUE SAVIOR OF AN LONG ENDED STORY!

His political views are pretty sane by his standards.

>Why have a Jihad? To fight in the name of God is wrong, as if God wanted us to
fight He would have put up monuments towards war. If Allah wants people to
hate in His name He is empowering one over another, making life hard for one
under the other. If these wars were bloodless then they would be more pleasing
to a moral God, as if they were instead political rallies or something, then it
would be even beneficial to the people that it is supposed to portect. Wars are
fought to protect people, not to vanquish an enemy, so, if you need to fight to
live, but you can live without fighting, and by fighting you jeaopardise the well
being of the other community, where is the love in fighting?

>>25908132
Oy! Goldilocks! Didn't know you were still around! Fun to see you!

>>25907975
Ascension to Daemonhood. This is obviously a work of Chaos.

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>>25907705
>If salt absorbs all the things in blood, hen could it absorbd HIV? I figure that it would, and then you poop it out, but need vitamen supplements to rejuvenate your system
>>25907721
>For autism you can orally administer some water to the person. The excess water will conduct electircal impulses more efficiently, especially salt water. If you don't like that you can also train disease bacteria to only eat chromosome twenty one by isolating the cells in a vat where all they can eat is that, then they will only eat that and then die off. This works for lots of other diseases too, but use a easily defeated virus...

>To live forever, aging is like a disease, caused when the cells stop dividing, called sesenence or something. To live forever, or younger, and regain your youth, you need to injest the blood of younger people that still have dividing cells, replacing your cells with theirs, maybe a blood transfusion would work too?

>>25907721
>To clear up dyslexia you need to also drink salt water and it would help to have a blood transfusion, as that is getting in the way of the communication.

>To clear up muscular dystrophy you need to relax the muscles, so, ingesting adrenaline will do it, maybe daily or so.

>To deal with epilepsy you need to either adminsiter missing chemicals, or, grow a virus to eat it, that dies off because of lack of epilepsy type things to eat.

>>25907721
I hope he tries to drink salt water. Or maybe he already has and this is just his salt-damaged brain trying to make sense of the world?

>>25908307

I pop in now and then but generally keep a lower profile these days.

Too busy drafting and designing Pauper decks.

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THIS THREAD
HAS ENLIGHTENED ME
FOREVER
MY MIND
IS CHANGED
please tell me someone is 1d4channing this right now.

Guys, make sure to save the .pdf and utilize 1d4chan.
This NEEDS to be saved for later generations.

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Why is this thread so slow?
Everyone should be discussing the beautiful ideas granted by our lord and savior, the guy who mastered the TIMECUBE and saved us from time itself through use of salt water and pollen!

>>25908515
What does JIDF and MIDF mean?

>>25908535
Jerk In Denim and Flannel?

>>25908515
Did you miss /pol/?

>>25908529
Jewish Internet Defense Force (a real thing that /pol/ blames for shitposting) and Muslim Internet Defense Force (not real).

>>25908555
>I'm saging this thread
Not in that post you're not.

>>25908577
Just so you know, you're "sega"ing it.

>>25908617
My sides.
Continue, continue, you're not reaching the OP's GM but are amusing nonetheless.

Promotions?

>>25908602
QUICK, STOP HIM BEFORE HE RELEASES ANOTHER AWFUL SONIC GAME!

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Never has this image been more relevant.

Guys
I found his twitter
https://twitter.com/EarthCharlatan

>>25898657
But what if the stone is cursed or has unknown repercussions? Maybe your DM has more plans with the stone.

>>25908762
https://twitter.com/Charlatanza
Another acc of his

>>25908762
What am I reading...

>>25908997
>internet markoting
And yess, the style is consistent.

>Awesome thread is shortly derailed due to /pol/ invading and someone taking it seriously
Fuck you, guys. I thought you would be better than that.

>>25909116
>10 off-topic posts
>WAH WAH THREAD DERAIL FUCKING /POL/

Anon pls

>>25909116
>>25909180
Also actual fun content stopped coming half an hour before "/pol/" showed up.

>To make it a heet seeker you wuld need to fire the positive charge at the speed of electricty and then immediately like a split second later, you fire the beam. SInce it travles at the speed of electrcicity and light respectively, it will be immediate almost. The beam will follow the the electric charge and hit the target

>>25907809
What's it titled?

Where the hell did you meet this guy OP?

>>25909236
>SInce it travles at the speed of electrcicity and light respectively, it will be immediate almost
Given how obsessed he is with electrons I should've expected this.

>An artifact stone that emits an Antimagic Field in a 325-foot radius, that does not affect the holder's own magic and supernatural abilities, and that does not affect those of the holder's allies either.
>We got to keep the stone afterwards.
>The party is at level 3.

Your GM is an idiot or will blow this artifact the fuck up soon. Or both.

>>25910924
>Your GM is an idiot or will blow this artifact the fuck up soon. Or both.
Read the thread. It's the first. VERY MUCH the first.

>>25910924
That's the least crazy thing this GM has done, he's gone full-Time Cube.

>>25910924
People should really read threads before posting in them.

/tg/ virgin here, first post ever on this board.

I feel like my brain has been torn quietly asunder with a thousand toothpicks. Toothpicks of enlightenment and truth.

As if responding to a great hurt, my mind has attempted to heal itself, stitching itself back together. For thread, it used madness. Madness, and potato skins.

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>>25907476
Technically, he's on to something.

During the age of Imperialism, many stable African civilizations were decentrilized by the Portugise and Spanish to allow them to 'harvest' slaves. So, with the introduction of Guns and other advanced European technology, the Africans had to sell off slaves, the only thing the Forigners really wanted, to keep pace with their equally played neighbors who were selling slaves to get guns to keep up woth THEM.

So, he accidentally the right general idea, but the wrong cause and the wrong effect.

>I just defended this fucker

Someone kill me please.

>>25911192
>first post ever on this board.

http://archive.foolz.us/tg/thread/14288873
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/921167/
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/14440223/
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/1034444/

Enjoy.

>>25911530

I got to "Rape Factory," and proceeded to start searching for a bullet I could eat.

The search continues.

>>25911589
But if you force yourself through, nothing will faze you anymore.

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>This entire thread

This GM is an Unknown Armies character and doesn't even know it.

>>25911589
Even /d/ can get sick on /tg/.

>>25907721
>For autism you can orally administer some water to the person.
>you can also train disease bacteria to only eat chromosome twenty one
Autism is caused by chromosome 21? He's thinking of Down's syndrome, which is chromosome 21 trisomy.

>>25907800
>The best way to solve crimes is to have physical evidence of what happened there. Sometimes ther are no witnesses, so, if you take a camera and a computer, you can take the crime scene, take a photo of it, and rewind it as the light is millions of years old. The actual light reflects off of the surfaces of the matter around it, so you could rewind the light and reveal the goings on in that place.

Why not just ENHANCE the picture and tell who's the killer that way?

http://ia601503.us.archive.org/12/items/TheWorksOfBrettNortje/
It's available in epub and gif too. Whoever Brett Nortje is, he's a genius.

>>25907705
>For parkinsons you can eat a lot of fish as it stimulates your brain into producing more of those things it needs.

What does fish have to do with brain cells?

>>25911610

I have read all threads.

I have achieved oneness with the Warp.

I feel it overtaking me.

It is a good pain.

>>25912343
>available in gif
Fucking how? Is it just a 50GB slideshow of crazy text?

>>25911643

Damn, you beat me to it.

I was going to say this guy is what I imagine adepts are like in their day to day business.

I wonder what type OP's DM would be though? Sodiumancer?

>>25907155

>What is role playing?

>Role playing is when a couple of people get together and switch roles for the game in question

>>25911530
>no vagina spiders

>>25911530
>tfw I was there for all but the DC80 one

>>25912427
I don't know what you'd call it, but it seems his purview is mostly curing things with simple solutions - medicine is his primary forte, but societal ills are also within his grasp.

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>>25912410
Not quite.

>>25912427

<GM> because, as a mage, you know that all magic is based on electricity.
<Me> ... wait, what?
<GM> as that is how magic communicates.
<GM> that is the real world.
<GM> even love spells work on electricity.
<GM> but,
<GM> this stone is a good conductor.
<Me> Hoooold on.
<GM> like, from somewhere else.
<Me> Hold on.
<Me> Hold on.
<Me> All magic in this world runs on electricity?
<GM> yes.
<GM> air element.
<GM> well,
<Me> But... how?
<GM> how does your body communcaite the spell.
<Me> Does it work off the electrolytes in people's bodies?
<GM> it conducts from atom to atom and then realises your goal.
<Me> You... could have mentioned this earlier.
<GM> i thought it was obvious.
<GM> i made my own branch of magic.
<GM> i thought it was obvious.
<GM> that is how real magic works.
<GM> not changes.
<GM> just facts on how it works.

Magic works on electricity, dude.

having read about half of the pdf. have gotten vary tired. does anyone else hear a very airy voice of a young boy? when closing your eyes? I need to do work today. why am I on 4chan? I am getting sleepy.

>>25912484

So a Narco Alchemist that makes remedies instead of drugs out of household ingredients who has no idea that the only reason his shit works is because he's subconsciously cramming magic into it. Or consciously, he did claim to be a witch.

>>25912465

There's something oddly nostalgic about finding your old posts in archived threads.

>>25912519
How do we fit in his electricity-based magic?

Guys. GUYS.

>To live forever, or younger, and regain your youth, you need to injest the blood of younger people that still have dividing cells

What if he's actually hundreds of years old?

>>25898657

I keep seeing OP's pic every now and then, but what myth is it referencing?

>>25908037
>being on /tg/
>not having a ludicrously high Charisma modifier
stay pleb

>>25912691
>myth
Heh. It's 2hu.
Which is pretty interesting, I guess, but not really worth the bother.

>>25912691
>I keep seeing OP's pic every now and then, but what myth is it referencing?
It's a plot of a Touhou game.
Dunno if the plot itself is referencing something, but the picture is directly from that plot, not myth.

>>25912755
Crow character was a hell crow meant to burn bodies in the underworld, a passing god gave her the "Power of the Sun" - Nuclear Power, that was the joke - And began messing around. The cat is a Nekomata, minor familiar who knew and didn't tell her master until shit got real, and instead tried to get help from the World Above via signal flares - which WORKED, mind you, but wasn't pretty much her trying to weasel out of getting in trouble. Fairly cat-like. Also wound up getting the whole underworld riled up, a good few native deities on a rampage, and started a bitchin' hot springs. So, normal day for 2hu's.

>>25912515
fell asleep since last post. reading game pdf. heard young boy's voice again. saying "hey lier lier" asleep this made me very scared, i knew he wanted to say more to me. and I knew i should not listen. this woke me up.

>>25912683
Brett Nortje is the Malkavian methuselah.

>>25912755
Preparing for rage strikes against me for not knowing what Touhou is.

>>25912813
Nuu, go to sleep, dear anon. Embrace your half-fae catboy.

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>>25907155

>Assabi are the most evil of all the races. They stand like a human being, but usually lithe and weak looking. They get by stealing and murdering, forming covens inside the city and huddling together for warmth. They like to etch satanic tattoos all over themselves, as they hate everything good, looking down upon it. They are what you would call the klu klux clan of the new world. They like to make deals with other races and rip them off all the time.

>They like to listen to music with lots of swearing, even though none of them are musicians. If you were to come across one, you wouldn’t be laughed at to check your wallet after meeting one. They throw their souls at spirits hoping for ultimate power to be given to them, or begged for. The Assabi are hell bent on self destruction. They will abuse any power given to them, and they are like a disease on modern life.

>They like to listen to music with lots of swearing, even though none of them are musicians.
>If you were to come across one, you wouldn’t be laughed at to check your wallet after meeting one.

Totally not a racist or anything.

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>>25912819
Touhou is series of whimsical, myth-inspired top-down PC shooters of the "bullet hell" genre created by a single Japanese guy named ZUN.

>>25912884
these guys sound like douchebags

>>25912884
>make deals with other races and rip them off all the time


>They like to listen to music with lots of swearing, even though none of them are musicians.
>If you were to come across one, you wouldn’t be laughed at to check your wallet after meeting one.
>like a human being, but usually lithe and weak looking

So, are they jew nigger elves?

>>25912894
Which has over the years spawned amount of fanwork that makes Homestuck and MLP look like newb upstars which they are.

>>25912930
That has more to do with the looser copyright laws than anything else.

>>25912977
The fact that most of the Touhou setting is shit fans made up to link the games together is also a factor.

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>>25912921
Utusho (the bird) is just stupid. The catgirl is kina jerk though.

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>>25912749
>>25912755
>>25912819
>>25912894
>>25912930
>>25912977

Can we make this a Touhou thread? I can't beat EoSD to save my fucking life and I need motivation.

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>>25913028
>Can we make this a Touhou thread?
It already is.

I need to re-dl the games, my old PC died and took all muh 2hus with it.

>>25913028

yes pls

/f/ is the best board on 2hu 2sdays.

https://images.4channel.org/f/src/Touhou_Homework_ENG.swf

>>25913028
But if you can champ ESoD the rest of the series will be so much easier with the hitboxes you'll have psychically imprinted on yourself.

That or play IN/PCB.

>>25913168
>Having trouble with derivatives and series
pffffhahahaha

Remove this part
>that does not affect the holder's own magic and supernatural abilities, and that does not affect those of the holder's allies either.

And install a countless number of them, no one of them more than 325 feet from its neighbors, enough to blanket the planet in AM fields.

You have fixed D&D.

>>25907738

That's what he thought we were going to do. He tried to have this cutesy little scene of some farmer throwing the Rock of Ages (couldn't resist) onto a cart full of rocks to be carted off and used to pave a road somewhere.

Then we reminded him that no, one of our number had run off with the rock and specifically had hidden it. The notion that we would try to claim such a powerful object for ourselves took him COMPLETELY by surprise.

>>25913239

>implying most of th touhou girls aren't borderline mentally handicapped

shit man, chen can't even hardly talk

>>25913168
What the fuck did I just watch?