>>25594732
moar

Alright, so with the other guys rolled up, I was stoked to play an archivist who would multiclass into wizard. We hadn't had a chance to talk characters yet, so I am unaware of what the others are playing, but I have a character sheet all done, just needed to plug in the rolled stats at the meeting. The whole group knew this was going to be my next character, I've been talking about him since our last game burned up, but still, SC has a raging hardon for party balance and the GM had other plans.

>gm: Hey anon, your playing that rogue from a few campaigns back right?
>Me: No, I was actually hoping to play the Archivist, you remember, I've been talking about him for a while.
>GM: Well, we need you to play that other one so your playing it.

Now I'm more than annoyed, that rogue was a horrid match for this party (oh, before I forget, GM has GMPC who is "half elf" ranger, quotes shall be explained.) Because he is a demon blooded little shit who has a tendency to turn to homicide/torture and we have a goddamned aasimar jesus in the troupe. However, I can understand the need to not lost limbs to traps, so I attempt a compromise.

>Me: Hey, if I roll a character who can skill monkey and trap, will that suffice.
>GM: Only if he's the same kind of character.

I get annoyed, but I see how racially freakish the group is, so I get an idea for something cool. I pull the GM aside and ask if I can roll a "human looking guy." Since we're all foreigners, I figure I can ask for an oriental race without issue. Hengeyokai; essentially a person who can become an animal. GM is somewhat annoyed but allows it. I also ask for spellthief, GM allows it. This is important to keep in mind; he looks human unless you implicitly know what to look for, something no one int he party should be able to do.

Quote explained now that I have a break, GMPC is a goddamned half-elf with Giant Blood and Drow blood. Both somewhat homebrewed racial level shit. So save brony and mayby hobbit, I am the most normal fuck at first glance.

Game starts simply enough, tavern, quest, explain why the hell your there. Most settle for 'drinking' I go with 'riverside tavern is better than stowaway.' Either way, intro goes wellish. Everyone introduces and I realize, 'oh shit I forgot to name this shit.' Still, considering the concept is 'disgraced foreigner' I decide I can bullshit. Hobbit decides that Truenamer doesn't buy his bullshit name (Jack) inspite of a successful bluff on my part. But still, alls fun.

First quest was to stop a bandit insurrection. Revolution is in the works and Duke wants them dead. So we get to work. So we have some bandit encounters, one stands out though. See, we broke camp and then were discovered by bandits, but they made enough noise for us too hear and see coming. So party decides to ambush.

>SC: "I hide in the tent, sword and spell ready"
>B: "Behind the rock"
>H & GM: "Up the Tree"
>Me: "It just rained right?"
>GM nods
>"I roll around in the muck, trying to make it blend in more."

More background, the thing the GM was implicit on was that he wanted a vicious maguyver type character. He used those words when telling me what to play. So I figure to try. Roll well, stay hidden. SC offhandedly remarks that I may leave a human shaped lump, and I ready an action to shapeshift (since I'm hidden well enough that no one should see that shit.) but it never comes up since I'm not discovered. We manage to kill the bandits with fire, but afterwards, Hobbit is all up in Jack's business about 'knowing his secret' and I have to remind him 5 goddamned times that he did not shapeshift and even if he did, Elf wouldn't know necessarily. But still, it continues.

Remember, GM asked for Maguver. Continued.

>>25594812
So, more encounters in the fortress, and we eventually come across the cache of black powder and other such bombs. My character, coming from the land that the GM had confirmed was the origin of this nonsense, already has a plan.

>"I say we blow this fucker sky high, destroy the insurrection quickly and painlessly. Can't do shit without this."

Of course, rest of party thinks the idea is actually pretty alright, but GM immedeately gets hackles. "Ohh anon, what about the treasure and the moneys" Says the puppet ranger mutt thing. "We can't just leave that.

>Fucking watch me, Jesus is bleeding everywhere, Truenamer needs more than magic, and I'm not willing to risk our ass for money we can't even carry out of here. We're blowing this shit up and then we collect from the rubble.

Party goes along with it, and we maguyver that shit into a bandit firework. GM was far more annoyed. Taking me aside to ask "what the fuck anon? I had shit planned."

>You asked for maguyver, that is exactly what my demon would have done, and it's in character for this new guy too.

GM can't argue, especially since this is the same session he asked for maguyver. He just gets huffy. That night, he has the Boss bandit miraculously survive mongolian barbeque and ambush us in the night (inspite of watch.) And his first target is of course, Jack. I had to remind him that Jack was harder to spot, sleeping in the still filthy sleeping bag in a ditch (hates tents.) GM settles for Hobbit.

This is literally the first session of a game that will take months. If I was not already comfy with this group, I would have been more worried.

>>25594832
Now then, the troupe decides to hang together because well, money. So we manage to get a hovel in the town and much fun is had until of course we find more work. The Duke's daughter has been kidnapped by beasties and we should fetch her before she's munched. We get our adventurer panties on and head out.

>You come across a fork in the road. One side cottage, other side cave, which way?
>Hob: Cave seems pretty goddamned obvious.
>Brony: Who the hell would live that close to a monster lair?
>Me: I'll check, probably nothing but we can never be sure.

Sound logic, cottage looks abandoned and bare, save for some soup and a locked cellar door. Remember, I was shoehorned into playing a skill monkey. So i try to pick the lock. The first sign of trouble rears it's ugly head. "You can tell the DC si too high, you won't be able to pick that." Oh well, shit happens. "Made out of some sort of metal?" "Yes" "I drip acid on that bitch. If that doesn't work, I'll blow it the fuck up with one of the bombs we snagged from the bandits." Nothing, the lock was unphased. However, I pose that the cellar door, the hinge, something should be destroyable. Wooden floor for fuck sakes. "Nope, enchanted." I have to remind him that I am a spellthief and should be able to fucking tell that before wasting precious supplies. GM doesn't budge, oh the fuck well, steal the cutlery and GTFO.

>Bad news all, that cottage is up to something, potent magic everywhere.

Party rightly decides that cottage must have something to do with something, and that maybe truenamer would have a better shot at fucking with those damned enchantments, since there is plainly something in the cellar. Then, right as we start heading towards that fucking cottage.

>THE GROUND CRUMBLES FROM YOUR WEIGHT AND YOU ALL FALL INTO A PIT TRAP! IT APPEARS AS THOUGH YOU ARE IN A DUNGEON!
>"Where the hell was detect trap check?"
>"Eh, already rolled it, you failed obviously."
No dice were heard rolling since before fork.

>>25594854
So, we are now in a dank dungeon. Hay and Pallets broke our fall for some reason (remember these, it will be important later) and there is writing on the walls about 'defeating my seven children.' So oh shit son shit is getting real. I don't get to dungeon much, so I'm somewhat stoked. We press onward into one of the rooms

We wind up in a giantess's bedroom, heavy S&M motifs, somewhat weird but whatev. Fight commences but she deals fuckall dice so squishy 'human' is staying the fuck away from her and instead rifling through her shit to hopefully find some sort of map or note. I instead find her cache of treasure, including a scroll of resurrection. Now seeing trouble, I palm that shit because Hobbit has been funneling all the healing shit to Jesus which just screams good idea in and out of character. Que Hobbit immediately screaming at me for 'punk ass rogue treasure sniping' inspite of being in the middle of a chant. Now I was already rolling stealth and sleight of hand because Giantess still wants my balls on a platter and I don't want her seeing me again, so I pose that a spot check should be in order.

GM waves his hand with "Eh, I'll let it, I don't want too much party derision." Que HolyShitWTF mode, but I'm not arguing this shit because it wastes time. Giantess is slain, and turns into a gem. Hobbit immediately grabs it and gets feral, not allowing me to appraise/check4curse, insisting that I jipped the party. I offer my share of the loot up there, pointing out that an Aasimar who can res does not need a scroll of res and we always need a backup just in case we lose him. Que Hobbit "I'm onto you, freak."

Whatever, Hobbit can't find the scroll even with a pat down and complicit cavity search with the search check. So he can't stop me anyway. We carry onward, and for once my class abilities actually come in handy. I spy something shiny on the ceiling, a trap? Well, here is where it gets good.

>>25594868
>>25576948
Yeah they were supposed to be 7 deadly sins or some shit like that.

So then, the 'trap' was a handle near some freeflowing water. I warn the party and play around a bit. Ultimately, it just controlled the water flow. Worth paying attention too but nothing too dangerous, just odd.

So the next room was a giant feast hall; with the Princess tied up and apple in mouth, the main course for our next boss. Remember we have had no rest between these, but we are still pretty alright so we get this shit going. Still, this sonofabitch has a cleaver which never says good things. But still, game goes on. Now, I am somewhat useful, but I am focusing more on getting the girl free then killing the beast since that is the damned goal and GM has a rep for squishing prizes infront of players eyes. Besides, the other players seem to have it handled.

Then the Giant throws his cleaver, apparently he has more than one.

Jesus is taken down from a cleaver to the face, and Hobbit is next, and now shit is getting dangerous. However, our target is free and I have a plan that makes sure that I am not the next to be cleaved.

>Fighter! Muttface! Grab the other two and haul ass back to the entrance. I'll keep them at bay.

Hobbit gives me the most confused look I've ever seen, but the characters + maiden haul to the door. Remember that handle. Well, Jack breaks that bitch the wrong way, flooding the dungeon (it became apparent in the fight that the giants were using the thing for just that.) Disable device check, nat.20, Gm tosses his hands up with "Ah shit TPK." I simple look at him, Jack then yells "Close the door, leave a crack, and get to that hay." Party realizes we will float our way out of this, but unfortunately that door is a bitch to open and Jack will probably die from this. GM warns me of this, and with the rest of the party out of sight, Jack shapeshifts for the first time in the whole damned game. Que arguement from GM:

>>25594890
>"You are still fucking dead, no health and now all 6 are on your ass."
>"Rabbit is lower size, AC boost. Besides, try that cleaver shit underwater."

The game devolves into arguing over air mechanics but ultimately it becomes. "Rabbits can't hold breath worth shit, but tiny ass beasty is good at hiding and needs less space to breath at the ceiling. giants waste time and energy and drown quickly. I harvest those gems (they will be useful later.) But this took 20 minutes of arguing with the DM to get to this point. I pop out of the crack (more arguing on if it was enough.) and return to human form. By now, truenamer and jesus have been potioned and que hobbit rallying that she knows my secret. "What secret elf? I just saved your fucking life and that is how you say thanks?"

Conversation ends quickly, because a fucking frost dragon was waiting for us at the mouth of the cave. Who has frozen the water back into the dungeon, and killed the maiden we were working to save.

I repeat, we have just fought two bosses, stabalized our two magic users, and now a dragon is waiting for us, a party that has just barely reached level 3-4

>>25594902

>>25577129
Oh trust me, this is one of the least bullshit bits we've dealt with in the whole run.

And this is the 5th (ishk, it all blends together) session. Still, this is bad, like really bad, like TPK worthy. We later learn that this was the intended final boss of this dungeon. Are you noticing the pattern yet? Anyway, it's time to fight a motherfucking dragon.

The fight was pretty epic, goblin shaman ontop who was killed quickly, and then nearly nommed GMPC who managed to hack/arrow his way out. Still, the bullshit commeth. Jesus knew the books like the back of his hand and knew fucked when he saw it, so he turns around and grabs the girl and jack, quickly saying. "I'm with you, we're fucked, run like hell." GM immediately says "you fall Jesus, you fall HARD."

Que us both reminding him that the favored souls can't actually fall, Jesus was the nickname because that's pretty much what the class is and does. Still, we decide to stay close enough to heal/arrow, and escape by the skin of our teeth. Hobbit now definitely does not trust Jack inspite of the fact that he saved her life and offered the run like hell option when the dragon busied itself with the frankly doomed ranger. Still, we live, huzzah! And then the fighter and favored soul say in unison.

"We are skinning this goddamned thing for armor."

Have you ever watched a DM blue screen? I can't describe it but that is the face I saw. He had to call the session early because he did not know what to do. But considering that the fighter knew how to skin and had dragonslaying training in his backstory, DM could not say no. So we each get enough frost skin/scales for ONE piece of armor as he works through this nonsense, but tells us that we need to find someone who knows how to work it into that, because none of us know how to, fair enough. It is about to get much worse.

>>25577305
I feel like I missed something. How did the dragon die so that you could skin it?
>>25577374
We used arrows and magic and raw guile; and I still had one bomb from the bandits. Think great dadongo from OoT.
>>25594918
See, our illustrious DM forgot that dragonscale armor existed, so he spent the next session scrambling to work something in. Well, he found his answer in a way.

Our next mission was now finally character based, we were heading to the larger city to actually get some goddamned armor. Well, we get our first warning that something is terribly wrong when we see the guards looking at us funny after our visit to the smith. Though some of us get the armor (Jack outright refused as did ranger for some reason.) We are immediately confronted by the watch and told that the Duke would 'like to see the new heroes.' He had heard of our exploits from the daughter (who was rezzed) and wanted to talk to us personally. Sounds great! Well, not so much.

Duke reeks of evil, as in 'paladins best be trippin to get to your door' kind of evil. No one has Detect A, but it's obvious. Drinks viscous wine and has a white shock in his hair while avoiding the sun. Well, that's the funny thing, my characters race has no way of knowing what a vampire is (that is the assumption obviously, no confirmation.) Instead, he thinks it's another shapeshifter, a badger to be precise. Wanting to know more, he decides to chat up the daughter. This was a very bad move, but a lucky one.

The Duke immedeately demanded the corpse of his beloved pet, the frost dragon, the DM completely forgetting that one member was not present for that. On pain of imprisonment. Apparently, the dragon was mind controlled by the goblin thing. Party had no say in the matter, but Jack.was not present. GM turned to me and I told him that I had went off to speak with the daughter, remember? There was some 'no you didn'ts' before the rest of the party sided with me. So then the DM gets creative. Continued

>>25594732
Future renditions of Cayle the Sorcerer will have 'cosmic fits of inspiration' and try to Jack his way around campaigns if that's chill with you.

>>25594951
"Fine, she is definitely wanting to give you a 'heroes reward' if you catch my drift. Interested?"

Now I am not squeamish about sex in games so long as you fade that shit to black and everyone's cool. But this was out of fucking nowhere. So I give one cursory glance to the rest of the group, who seemed alright. And I say sure.

"Alright, so what position do you use?"

Hold the fucking phone. Now I'm not happy. I have to actually ask him if he's serious. They have sex, simple enough without detail. The group is all dude and no homo and what the hell is your problem?

>It's important anon, for plot purposes.

Now I know the shit he reads, I know what's going through his head, and I inform him that this race is probably not viable with humans. Even so, the myth they are based on (fox spirits and shit) are renowned for their ability to fuck without conceiving or siring, since it's all energy to them. DM handwaves and says "Well I'll be the judge of that." Not pleased, I tell DM "If he really has no control over if he sires or not, he's going to be fucking careful and settle for shit that won't get her pregnant." He seems genuinely pissed now, and it shows in game.

>As she gives you head, the guards break into the room, she screams Rape, what do you do?

Now things are getting bad, we've gone to tragically uninformed pet killers to a rapist + buddies. Still, Jack is in no interest to actually be nailed on this false accusation. He tries to talk them down, but procs a tumble check to GTFO. Now this is the bit that bugs me, the game grinds to a halt just to follow me and make sure I get mine. A huge chase scene breaks out, mostly tumbles and shit, but well I built this guy as an escape artist so holy-shit-he-might-actually-escape. Seriously, window is within sight and he'll just regroup later. But the players had to sit and wait. Then, the DM literally spawned another hallway for more guards to pop through and tackle his squirrelly ass.

>>25594732
Either you made this thread yesterday, or posted this story in an existing one. Are you trying to feel special?

>>25594953
Fucking go with it, I feel awesome for inspiring my fellows.
>>25594964
So this is really bad, we are all manacled and brought before the duke, who is now considering just executing us all. Party is pissed at ME for some reason, hobbit especially, but the Duke settles for simply executing Jack and conscripting the rest into the military to repay his daughter's 'virginity.' However, I still have my day in court so to speak. Now charisma is not his best, but he is kind of a party face at times. So I demand some sort of check to attempt to sway the daughter back to my side, at least enough to keep my head on my shoulders. I outright tell him that it's bullshit to spring something like that out of no where. He 'settles' for a high DC diplomacy check. Nat 20

He's pissed, but he can't undo it, everyone saw it. So she relents and begs her father not to kill him. He (thankfully) allows me to live and simply be conscripted to pay off her 'virginity' that I somehow stole in a blowjob. Still, better than nothing. Then, the duke asks for Jack's share of the dragon.

>I don't have it
>What do you mean you don't fucking have it
>I mean I left it at home. Since we're going there anyway to grab our gear, I'll retrieve it and fork it over to the guard.

He glared at me as though I was Satan. Worse still, when we were retrieving what little loot we had, I managed a Sleight of Hand to keep some. Now I had made enemies with God, and he holds a very long grudge.

The best bit is that since the rest of our platoon/navy thing was construct, no one objected when the party elected Jack captain.

>>25594983
No, other thread about to hit cap and I figured it was better to keep the whole story on one, would you prefer if I just cut to the end?

>>25594998
fuck that guy and keep going op

>>25594986
So then, a bit of a timeskip and now things are getting particularly odd. See, we had this little rule where if someone new was going to join the group, we had to have everyone be OK with it. This is to prevent creepers or group derision. Well, I manage to get a GF for once and she's big into /tg/ shit and wants to join. Playing by the rules, I ask the group and provide credentials. Cue shit GM. (It was stupid at the time, but I had been with this group for over a year and I thought that shit GM was done, since there wasn't an incident for like 2 months.)

>"Well anon, text everyone in the group and get there votes"
Done
>Now community meeting
Done
>Well, someone new wants to join and we should get their opinion as well.
Oh fucking hell if you don't want GF in the game just say so.
>No, I'm totally cool with it. I just wanna clear her character first.

So she starts on character creation but school hits everyone at once so meetings become monthly instead of weekly. Anyway. We are now on a boat, and we have gotten a new player, a psion somethingorother (not gf, still in character creation). Pretty chill, and more importantly not completely distrusting of me. Game continues and holy-fuck-pirates. Well, pirate invades, construct arms that deal my health in dice (i'm noting a pattern now) however, these are archaic and more importantly mechanical. Seeing as how we're fucked otherwise:

>Can I disable his arms?"
>What?
>With a dragon scale, can I jam the gears and disable his arms?
>High DC, if you fail he gets opportunity.

Where the DM hates me, the dice love me. not a nat20, but high enough. The DM is now plotting my demise, I can feel the schemes radiating from him. Still, broken arms + psion push equals drowned pirate boss. So yay us. Our first conscripted mission is to go to an elven city made entirely out of trees and weed jutting out of the ocean (this will be important) and retrieve a magic hootsbah from the whatsit.

>>25595015
For a time, things are normal, nothing is trying to kill me so I can take a backseat and let someone else shine/be hated. We find the tower and climb that shit, and lo! a wild necromancer appears! and he is pissed! Fight commences. And just when I thought this shit was over oh-fucking-hell-did-a-zed-just-plop-on-me-from-the-ceiling? Why I do believe one has. Apparently, there were zombies nailed to the ceiling in a crude alarm system. Still, mobs are literally falling on me exclusively from the sky. So now I'm not pleased, still, this is my one chance to shine.

>This i the first spellcaster i've sneak attacked, I am playing a spellthief.

The DM actually stopped when I told I'm I'm snatching a spell from this bitch. The rest of the table went silent. There was that dawning revelation the shit storm that was about to descend. Dm tried to get out of it by giving me chump spell, but I pointed out the random spell roll that had to be used. I got death knell from this thing, my sneak attack knocked it to negative HP. I tell the group to back off and Jesus starts howling with laughter. Only he knows what's coming. I use that shit, ruthlessly.

With another bossthing down, GM is now more than a little cross with me. But we discover incriminating evidence in the library, a painting of the duke centuries old and darker magics next to the damn book he wanted. Still, it's obvious to the whole damn party we can't let him have this, as this is some magic atlas bullshit that can lead him to god awful things we don't want to know about. So we make a plan to actually steal the thing from the guy we delivered it too.

We are about to steal the macguffin itself from the plot, this will not end well.

>>25595026
Now then, the plan was glorious in it's simplicity. Not a single fuck knew in game that Jack could turn into a rabbit. Not a single fucking one. They thought he was just an insane human. So the plan was to distract the guard while Jack did his thing and snagged the atlas, leaving a bomb (we found another) and a 'EAT SHIT LOVE ORCS' considering that this is an elven city.

The plan goes off without a hitch, because who the fuck rabbitproofs a tree? The problem, apparently this tree is particularly flammable. The whole goddamned city goes up in smoke, none of these great maguses can put out the blaze inspite of living ontop of the god damned ocean. That and apparently weed destroys your sense of self preservation.

Party escapes just fine, but Hobbit is livid, being an elf. But can't do shit considering that she pretty much facilitated the whole thing. The GM on the other hand, is throwing a goddamned temper tantrum. Apparently we had finally destroyed his plot so hard that he could not possibly salvage it. He had just one encounter left and then he was totally done. Well, we say 'lay it on us' and BAM, the pirate captain we had sank a while back, however, now he has a crew with him (dip attacked alone last time)

Let me tell you something about jack, he is somewhat unhinged in his pragmatism and hates actually having to get his fur bloody so to speak. So when the pirates attacked initially, he rigged the black power to blow in the hull because he thought the party could dinghy and escape unscathed to the city. The conversation went somewhat like this:

>Are there lifeboats? No
>You better undo the explosive Anon.
>I'll remove the fuse, no time for the rest.

The ship is still rigged to blow, as the constructs did not have it in them to undo it (they only serve the most basic tasks like rigging and shit), and the pirates are attacking with fire. Now while unintended, an exploding ship that will absolutely kill the boss and crew is amusing, it is more

>>25595036
It is more amusing when captain Jack realizes his luck/foolishness and gets the party onto the freshly bought dinghy and paddles like hell to the now almost empty pirate ship wondering why the hell their new take is going off like the forth of July. The truenamer has her one useful moment and uses some tentacle shit to throw the rest overboard and we now have a new ship.

In one glorious moment, we have jumped from the railroad, captured the macguffin, and escaped conscription by effectively faking our own deaths with absolutely no witnesses. The DM is now red in the face, and he's blaming one person and one person alone.

Now a huge break is taken so the DM can rebuild something for us to do. But he takes me aside and tells me outright. "You may as well roll up a new character, because I am going to fucking kill this one off." Now this would be a great time for a sorcerer or a bard or the fucking archivist I wanted to begin with. But to be honest, I fell in love with this guy, he was just so much fun to play and he kept the group together in an odd sort of way. So I told the DM "Well, it would be really shitty to just 'rocks fall' him, but I'll be OK if he actually has a fair shot and still dies."

>>25595049
Normally those words are fatal, but now things are going to get ridiculous. You will legitimately not believe the next bit here. So the next mission was a sort of side thing where we were being targeted by a bard that had some bullshit homebrew spell that allowed her to swap with an orc but gave some fucked up immortality as the other healed when in hammerspace. Similarly, she was after Jack for the gems that he had kept from his valiant efforts with the giants. The gems that were now cursed and fused into his abdomen somehow. . . Anyway, there is an epic standoff between the two on the rampart gates. She fuses her arm to his gut to steal the gems, causing fuckton damage that may kill him. But she relinquishes her defense. to a spelltheif.

Well, he eats that bullshit spell immediately, then drains her of the rest (healing with one of them), but she manages to get the gem (it was just one now for some reason) and cry out 'now I can resurrect the lords under my will!'

What does captain jack have in his pocket? From the same god damned dungeon? Well, he uses that shit immediately, the 'lords' making swift work of her allies (GM wanted to call bullshit, but the bard had tried using the same spell before so his hands were tied.) And then blasting her ass off the island castle thing with her own magic. He then commands the demon/giant things to follow her off the cliff, because fuck those things being loose. And merrymaking is had with the rest of the party.

GM is now not happy. So he takes me aside ad tells me outright "Your spellthief gotta go. That spell stealing bullshit is too OP, how the hell do I plot with that. Still, understanding his plight, I decide to make a compromise because I am a decent human being.

>Alright, then GM. There are retraining rules in the PHB2, could I use them to train him into a different class?

GM said fine but he wanted to approve that first. I chose beguiler because it was similar to what I was going for. GM was fine.

>>25595070
Now then, it continues. So where we last left off; good old jack was retraining to be a beguiler. By the rules presented, this was a longer process that required the shift level by level. However, GM has now forbade most spellthief class features. What this has left was a pathetically underpowered beguiler who is starting to get the feeling that something is amiss. I petition to speed up the process if not just timeskip it away, GM relents from 'level' to 'something dramatic.' By now, I figure he's asking for it; but he's about to rub salt in the wound.

Before I get to the horror that is GMs next punishment for the maguyver he asked for, there is a relative party fail that should be attended to. Random encounters happen alot, and usually it means that Jack gets to do something nifty so I don't mind. However, at what is effectively half level, I am far more cautious. So some god awful sea zombie shows up; higher CR on it's own than the whole party before my level dock. However, Jack had no intention to keep the ship anyway, because it's a fucking notorious pirate ship. So ditching it is just fine. However, he does not want to ditch his friends, so that zed has to be handled. The plan is to bullshit something with the anchor and trap it in the depths from whence it came. The trick is tell tricking it. So the first move is to use obscuring fog. Unfortunately, both me and the GM now how badly Jack is dead if he gets hit by this thing. So after popping fog and setting his trap, he makes sure that no one can see him and shapeshifts, to better hide.

Que Hobbit "HOLY SHIT I SAW YOU YOU SONOFABITCH!"
>From the other side of the boat, in the middle of a fog, while distracted with casting.
>GM allows this with no roll.

Fucking hell.

>>25595088
So I understandably raise hell; one core premise of the race is how shameful it is to be found out, it has been established that one reason Jack left his home country was because he was found out there, and honestly it's too amusing being the most 'normal' character to the group besides bronies human fighter. And I point out that if the Zed, who is particularly close to me, has to roll to see me in this shit, than so does the truenamer.

>Good point, he spots you and starts lurching towards you.

Fuck. Then I state outright that if I was not allowed to roll to be hidden, then I would not have shapeshifted, since it's a huge in character thing to keep that shit a secret. GM tries the whole 'yeah but you already did it, etc. etc. but I point out that it is still my turn and damn it if you change rules/actions mid game than so can I. He backs down, for now. But refuses to relent on the zed coming after me. The zed who can one shot me.

Enter GFs character, she had finished last session so GM told her she could jump in whenever she wanted; because he was more focused on killing Jack. Well she decided that this battle was a good start; playing a werecat ranger (GMPC had left party a while ago) and jumping in right at the start of the battle. Still, she got a good shot in and knocked it overboard, saving my half level hide.

Battle over, Hobbit absolutely will not relent on finding out about the rabbit thing. So GM allows him to know anyway. Fuck it, I play it straight and Jack quips "Present me proof, one incident of this being true." She couldn't, so the rest of the party was willing to at least play along. Still, that is not the whole party suck.

See, now that gf had hit the field, party wanted to know about her. Hobbit had staged a coup a while back so she was acting captain (less risk of blowing up or some shit like that. Jack didn't care since the boat was toast the instant they hit land.) She demands to know who this person is and what she's doing there

>>25595107
So the party was wanting to know what the gf was doing on their ship, assuming she was a hire from bardsplosion. "I stowed away, you know, from the city you guys blew up?" relatively sated, truenamer asks for her name. Now gf's character was on the lamb because being a werething tends to get you into a lot of trouble, so she lied about her name almost immediately. Que Hobbit without even rolling sense motive:

>Bullshit, what's your real name?

Gf is annoyed but follows my lead and plays it straight. This is enough for the majority of the party to believe her (save hobbit) and welcome her in, especially considering how badly we've been hurting for a ranger since GMPC left. However, party fail has one last punctuation. "Well, the rabbit here needs a babysitter so he doesn't blow up the treasure again. And you seem like just the girl to do so. Have fun." Of course, it's made obvious by this and some other remarks that Hobbit was putting the two characters together played by the two players who were dating. Still, play it straight with a shit eating grin, that tactic may not hold well though.

Now I must warn you, this next post is going to strain disbelief a bit, if only because I could not fathom any DM doing this unless the entire game was based around this one thing. However, I assure you that it only gets worse from here.

>>25595123
So then, remember that curse from the gem, well, neither do I since it did nothing to stats and gave me a bitchin' tat. That and it made me big bad bait. Still, DM decides to unless the fury this next session, opening with one of the most bullshit things I had ever seen a DM pull; till this and since this I had never had someone be so blatant. Here is how the session opens for me:

>Jack, you awake from your slumber, your sheets are bloody, oh shit, is this the end? When you check under the sheets, something has fallen off. You are now female for some reason.

Whiskey-tango-foxtrot-oh-shit-you-did-not-just-pull-that; the gem apparently has a genderswap curse from it. I double check with DM to make sure he's serious and not trolling me or some shit, and then I remind him that as a magical shapeshifter, I am immune to these effects because I can undo them in a turn. And even then what kind of fucking plot is this?

>Not this one you can't, you also feel something like morning sickness. If you don't like it, just roll a new character.

Oh fuck no, I'll admit that I had shamefully become attached to my forced maguyver, he was just too much fun to play and I wasn't gonna drop him over nonsense like this; I play this shit straight. "Fine then, I am obviously horrified but hey, we'll be in town soon enough and I'll track down this 'church' jesus has told me so much about before attending my own funeral." DM simply smiles. "Well, you might have time, your not fully female, still bearded and shit, but your cock has rotted to ash." Fine then, I put that shit in a bag with the silent plan to cram it down the duke's throat.

Well surprise, the clerics were unable to help but did offer money for a lay (why the fuck are you clerics?) And my funeral had already happened so no way to find the duke for sweet revenge there but hey! His massive ass boat is docked to supply for some huge expedition to some uncharted place; the DM is trying to res his own plot.

>>25595145
However, he wants jack dead and buried first. Or Jackie as he is quickly becoming known (Hobbit had femdar or cursedar or some shit like that.) Now then, the current plot was that our ship was hotter than the plane of fire and we knew it. We had painted over the obvious shit, but one guard getting into the hull and we're dead meat for all the contraband we have. This is a problem, it is contraband, no one wants it, and we can't cart it out en masse without undue attention. We need the black market and a bag of holding, all of our money is gone from plot, all we have is the contraband.

So considering this catch 22, Jack offers to simply steal the bag, living hand to mouth and all. Hobbit allows this with a simple 'don't get caught.' Not a problem for a beguiler who's been skill monkeying. So we(Myself and Gf) go to a bag of holding shop (why?) and have a basic kansas shuffle. GF acts suspicious as fuck while I do the actual stealing. Now in order to ensure a hasty getaway, I have some disguise spells dropped and have decided to pop a lesser used racial feature; having rabbit's speed in humanoid form at the cost of looking like a monster. But I am disguised as someone totally different (with the duke's emblem of course.) So I make the first move in this waltz of bullshit. DM rolls sleight and spot behind his screen and cries out "CRITICAL SPOT! Your ass is grass." Shopkeeper than whips out OP blunderbuss and fires. Does Shopkeep have quickdraw? fuck if I know. However, I do demand to hold up the potato sack sized BoH as a shield, since I was holding that shit already to hide stealing the smaller one. DM allows it with an "Oh shit son that shit tears and starts to black hole your ass."

>bags of holding can withstand a dragon's breath, but not some rusty ass blunderbuss.

>>25595157
So then, I call him out on this obvious attempt to annihilate me. And he simple responds with a 'not in my world, you have 3 seconds." Taking this bullshit grace for what it is, I tell GF to haul ass and follow suit, we both have racial speed buffs and retreat speed should get us the fuck of range. Well, DM tried to argue some 'collective bag range' shit, but it didn't fly through application of basic physics. (One sucking hole may suck less than many sucking holes but will never suck as hard as you.) Besides, I still achieved my mission, bag already in hand when he fired. So all is well in jack land. And then the wanted posters started showing up.

Perfect recollection, only jack, not gf. Inspite of dual disguises (monster rabbit then magic) they got me. "How" I'm forced to ask, because there is no point in beguiler magic or shapeshifting if townsfolk can just know. "Was some fucking paladin trolling around before the explosion, because all possible witnesses not hauling ass should be in bag land by now."

Nope, it's a hair more out of his ass than that. Remember GMPC, well apparently he has been promoted to head of the watch in the area and 'knew the rabbits MO." Granted, Jack tends to react to heavy shit by blowing it up, but as far as GMPC knows, that man is dead. So, all things considered, DM goes for it anyway. Along with this GMPC knows the rest of the party is in town and invades the boat, having access to the register of the boats docked and all apparently. And here is where the DM pulls his most assholish cunning.

>I found your contraband. If I don't get that fucking rabbit I will hang you all. You have till tomorrow.

>>25595168
>Please tell me that at least one point someone sang "Kiww the wabbit!". Pls.
>Jesus did actually.

Fast forward some, and now truenamer has captured me with truename something, and asks for one reason that I should be allowed to live, considering all I had put them through. Brony was chill and offered to take an enchanted item that could house jack's soul we had found a while back so I could keep playing. Jesus is not happy, and GF is considering a cut and run. All in all, Jack seems pretty fucked. So I figure now is as good a time for a speech as any:

>Friends, where you ask for one reason and I refuse to count. You were the first mates I had seen since I reached this land, you had taken me in like family and in turn I had saved you more times than I had my own true family. With you I had learned of Gods and wicked men who may be badgers. With you I had found something I had not had since I was a wee boy. With you all I can truly live.

>Yes, I have lied to you. Yes, I have killed people and done stupid things, but in every instance of this I had saved us, every instance was to our better, I am good luck you know. Come hell or bondage or stews, I will always consider you friends worthy of trust. Now trust me when I say this; I Can Fix This and I Can Stop That God Damned Badger

Party was moved, Hobbit wasn't. However, mutual consensus won and Jack was given one last shot to save their skins, under the caveat that he wear a ring of telepathy bought with the contraband money so they could drag his ass in if he fucked up.

Now we shall see why you don't pull this shit on your too clever players.

>>25595187
So then, Jack free to do as Jack does, decides that he is going to go out in style. He contacts gf in private, since she seems the most trustworthy by din of not dragging his ass in. He gives her basic instructions to distract hobbit and meet him in the town square while he sets up his 'fix it' strategy. One person he had always had a disdain for was the door guard from the dukes daughter incident. Of all people, he should have known enough to know bullshit when he saw it. Well, he's in town and the rabbit needs a stoogy. One sleep spell later he has what he wants.

He takes the man and puts him in Jack's clothes, tying him up and cherry tapping him to negative HP, knocking his ass out to slip that damnedable ring on him. Then, he glamours the stupid guard to look just like Jack should. See the plan yet? He then meets up with gf and takes rabbit form, stowing away in her pack. Guard still glamoured, they tie bombs to his face and chest and throw him into public, in full view of GMPC. "Here's your fucking rabbit." and with that the man blew the fuck up.

>I know he's not dead, the illusion shatters.
>After the explosion, when there is nothing identifiable left, no point questioning gibblets.
>But I know he's an illusionist!
>Never used illusions till this session.
>Fuck, well Hobbit knows what you pulled and is already leaving port.
Hobbit agrees, effectively ditching gf and me from the game. But wait, the tale is not over yet! This is where I stopped in the other thread though, so next post incoming.

....continue

>>25595316
what he said

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>>25595211

F fucking 5. Pic very much related.

>>25595331
>>25595316
Dude, I can't wait to see how Jack gets out of this one.

This could legit turn into a comic or something, and I'd spread it like wildfire.

>>25595026
I have to say, despite this being DM bullshit on every level, I have to admire that he did play a fair game. Perhaps only when pressed, but still.

Not that it makes him any less of a cunt.

Hobbit is a fucking asshole.

>>25595211
>>25595211
So remember how this whole tale started as a warning not to ignore other players in your hate-on? Well, the rest of the party was pretty peeved with that last session, since it was mostly Jack evading death, and they wanted to actually have some gametime in town damn it. Pair this with the relative bullshit that was the last session, all of the players told the dm 'either retcon that last session, or kiss the campaign goodbye.' All of them, including Hobbit. This effectively forced GM's hand, so he made one statement.

>Fine, but Jack stays in the boat to study his class change, and she stays a chick. If she leaves it'll be the same shit.

So then, with the fact well established that I'm not doing anything this session, I cool my heels and ask the GM if I can at least remember the retconned events as a fever dream, because how the fuck else are we finding a black market? He says yes because what the fuck ever. Jack does at least get to make some requests of the other players (mostly 'find something to reattach my dick since Hobbit metagames it anyway.) But still, it gives me time to think.

All of the other players managed to find the black market and get a bag without me. So having a black market and a fuckton of cash, what happens? Well, GM allows them to buy any enchanted item they want, so long as they can afford it. So what about good ol' Jack? Well I ask if I can at least make requests, I get a >no, your stuck in the boat. Period.

So every player manages to get cool stuff but me, but whatever, I felt like a dick for sucking up the last game anyway and I had other things in mind. I did pass a note to gf to at least get me some sort of nifty dagger, prefferably jeweled, didn't give a fuck about the magic. And I at least managed to get that. So then with everyone finished, we can get back to the task at hand, stopping that badger!

>>25595367

Not really, he ends up resorting to fudging dice behind his screen in

>>25595157

>>25595502
Well now things were getting confusing, partly because some players couldn't show to that last session. So now our continuity is fucked. That and some of our players actually preferred the fight against Jack's death to 'you all get to black market and shit' session that was just cherry picking nice things. So DM is wanting to reinstitute old continuity and shit is going all too hell. Seeing this (and given far too much time to think) I offer a compromise.

>Nothing is saying that the events of the last session can't happen with the first. Considering that what the fuck were you all doing when I was busting my ass saving myself?

Party is cool with this, so we're back at square one, Jack is without a ride and I'm going to need to roll a new character.

Except that the duke and the party are going to the same place
and the duke hasn't shipped off yet.

>>25595571
Oh shit yes.

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>>25595571

>>25595496
This 100 times.
Who the fuck is this guy and why does he want so badly to oust Jack? I'll admit that this story makes Jack seem like a glory-hog, but honestly, that's not his fault, that's the DM's fault for constantly centering things on him. At least he seems conscious of it, like in the 'rape' situation.
Why the fuck does Hobbit care? He seems like more of a problem than DM does...

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>>25595571

>>25595750
Previous thread the question was answered that Hobbit's player was buttmad for OP dating the girl he was with.

Or something like that, I think. He might have a more filling answer, though.

>>25595750
I honestly couldn't tell you, fun fact, Hobbit bought genderswap at the market to play a dude for some odd reason.
>>25595571
Now we see out way out, except that the boat is just outside of the city and the whole damned city is under lockdown because well I demanded that I at least be given one last shot. Well, remember that werecat gf rolled up. DM did not look at the rules for it once to this point, I had to remind him what monsterdice levels were and even then he just said 'fuck it just +3 ECL' She has an automatic climb ability due to her race.

So we haul ass to the city limits, by now the transformation is complete (if only because I told the DM that I would never force a one tit bearded lady on any of my players) so Jack should be totally unrecognizable. Still, the guards are after gf for murder because wtf is bounty hunting for the schmuck on wanted posters. But no time for that nonsense, we have a gd wall to climb.

>gf: DM, how high are these walls?
>Rope comes in 100 feet right?
>Party:Yeah
>Wall is 150 ft. Too much for your rope.
>Umm, auto climb of 20, plus Jacks Spider spell, plus rope, imma gonna try.
>Guards are shooting at you now.
>Jack:Fuck this obscuring fog bitches (from bag as rabbit)
>Dm: Fuck, you made it, now what?

Well, we attack a pair of newbies and steal their gear, masquerading as deckhands. We get on easily, no questions asked because really who can? First thing DM says: "If you blow up this fucking boat this session is DONE." Well, considering that that means drowning, of course not. We're just trying to meet up with the rest of the troupe.

>>25595800
Aah, I see. Some bullshit like that seems 100% appropriate, yeah.
Fuck Hobbit, I think.

>>25595750
They both sound like jerks. What did the rest of the group think of them? Either you guys are all really good friends outside of the campaign, you have no other options, or everyone is a doormat and needs to speak up over obvious bullshit.

>>25595809
Ugh. Ropes come in 50ft. increments.
Damaging my suspension of disbelief here, friend.
(That's when I realized I was an asshole.)

>>25595820
I kinda think their actions in game count as 'speaking up', but I do agree with this sentiment.

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>>25595809
Please, do continue.

>>25595874
I honestly think it should've been more than just the in-game actions by this point.

From what OP's posted, no one's really gotten up in arms about the obvious metagaming. It's been shown clearly that a consensus of the group as a whole gets shit done, so why does everyone not collectively tell the Hobbit player to knock that shit off? Or tell the GM that the problem isn't the one session that got dominated by OP's escape from death but rather that the whole game has been a butthurt attempt by the GM to "win" against OP?

>>25595913

Because it's kind of entertaining to watch a trainwreck?

>>25595913
Yeah, I do agree, totally.

>>25595937
Basically this.

I would honestly have just kept showing up so I can watch this shit like I would listen to a Sunday Serial.

>>25595937
I guess, but it seems to be really detrimental for the game that it's all gone unchecked.

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>>25595145

>When you check under the sheets, something has fallen off. You are now female for some reason.

>>25595913
My guess would be because it's, if nothing else, a fun challenge for a PC to turn a shit campaign into something fun for the other PC's.
I don't know if that's the motivation for this situation, or if that's even the end result, but if you're given the opportunity to take the reigns from a terrible DM and turn the story the way you want it to go and make it fun for the party, I feel like it's at least marginally respectable to attempt it.
Not for the sake of sticking it to the GM but just to actually have some fun for a change.

>>25596035
It sounds like from some of the things the OP's said, like when the "truenamer has her one useful moment", that the result of this has been it's less fun for everyone else cause Jack gets all the shit piled on him and thus ends up having to do everything. And that culminated in an entire session of everyone else sitting aside.

>>25595862
Sorry, paraphrased, two players, two ropes. Some shit about tying them together, twas a ways back so I get some details off.

> that this story makes Jack seem like a glory-hog
Yeah, I was literally just trying to play that trickster in the back that threw an illusion or stole something important. Remember the tower? I hung back implicitly to allow the others to shine and then GM started dropping zeds on me.

>should've been more than just the in-game actions by this point.
Yeah, this is a years old group here. Admittedly, we forgot about the whole 'get up and leave' thing until the town incident.

>>25595809
Well, GF had plans of her own, which were relayed to me. See, Our Psion (Winky) had just managed to get a hook on the dukes boat in passing to simply ride it to wherever it was going. They were deliberating sending spies up, Hobbit was against the idea because well, what was already up there, and they had to bribe some bitches to keep a hook on the boat hidden.

GFs idea, beguile our way into the ships internal workings and cause mutiny and standstill after seeing and then fucking the map. That way, duke is dead on the water and we stop his god awful schemes. I like this idea, so I tell the GM that that is what I'll do over the next few months. I'll make the rolls and everything behind the scenes to let the others actually play. Instead, GM lets the current fight (sea something attack) end and then immediately declares a timeskip to the finish line, 'no one gets to try anything' His exact wording. Players were annoyed, but whatever, we were nearing the final confrontation. GF did raise hell, and so DM allowed us to be in his 'personal raiding party' as he hunted or the maguffin he needed the stolen book to find.

So now the party is about to meet up again, at the final battle with the duke.

>>25596060
Fair point.

Been with this from the beginning, bumping for glory.

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>>25596092

>>25596035
To be honest, I was bending over backwards to try to involve the others. Asking jesus about religion in game to try to get him involved, or pointing out shit from other countries with the traveling fighter. Not to mention I don't do 'face' shit for this. I had the charisma for it, but that was usually truenamer's shtick. She 'facilitated' the stealing of the book by chatting up the guard. Still, this is a story about not hate-bonering a player so much that the others can't shine.

>>25596092
Or so we thought. See, DM still had his hateon for Jack and decided to nip him in the bud right then and there. So the Duke turns around and shoots him square in the chest. Not like we get a sense motive or anything to actually see that shit coming, just an attack roll. DM spits out some insane number of damage for a musket blast, but Jack manages to just scrape by. So the Duke loads up for the kill.

>I bluff to fake my own death.

Now I had faked death so many god damned times now, but still, this was serious shit and more importantly I was gonna fight this to the end. DM wanted him dead so god damned bad, but he gritted his teeth and allowed me this one roll, behind a screen. Oh balls.

>Your daughter's carrying my kid, I hope you like my bastards Bagder. ~exasperated death noise.~

Of course, DM had one hesitation of 'badger? What?" Which gave GF enough time to initiate combat and distract him from the goal. The other's come, and the fight is glorious, one liners abound. Truenamer names shit like rocks and shit, fighter kills off the other three mooks, Jesus calls down holy fire. However, Dm stops things just as the duke should be dead to rights. So that he can finish the ritual. To unleash the next big bad. No one is allowed to stop him because his death was the completion of the ritual. Big bad flies off to the east while the party gives a look not unlike Cayle's in the last thread.

It still continues.

Bouncing butterbeans! I've been lookin' forward to this all day!

>>25596415
For reference of what said face was:
>>25572354

Bro, you spanish speaker?

>>25596567

Que es Espanol?

>>25596415
Jesus sees a crumpled female figure in the corner as the truenamer tries to figure out what the fuck just went down. He does his healy thing, and asks her name (DM glares daggers)

>i-I am Kaj, the Magnificent; I was employed by the duke to act as a vizier, what happened?

Brony facepalms, group has a good laugh. Once things are 'explained' Kaj is inducted into the party. Hobbit is practically burning to call 'her' out, but by now there is nothing physically there to tip her/him off. Besides, magic shit had his/her/it's attention. From what we saw (from the fact that the star thing shot off into the east after talking about an 'end of days' shit) we could tell we were heading into a new country like the DM had said. The Dm allowed us to either roll up new characters or keep the ones we had (reluctantly) as this was a sort of reset button.

No one rerolled, but brony decided that his character wanted to begin to worship nerull as a cleric of death after seeing so much of it, so he used the class change rules that made our beguiler.

Alas, the end is nigh for this bunch. Now to recap, (as this is important) here are the characters

>Brony: Human fighter/Cleric, highest level
>Jesus: Aasimar Favored soul
>Winky: Psion bug thing
>Hobbit: Elven truenamer/transexual
>New player: Yuan ti Binder
>GF: Werecat Ranger
>Kaj: Hengyokai Beguiler

And now we're off to the orient. Do you see the problem yet?

>>25596567
>>25596625
Hablo traductor Google, ¿qué pasa?

>>25596634
You're going to get cut up and sold as traditional medicines?
I'm seeing a lot of problems, but I'm not sure which you're referring to.

>>25596634
>Yuan-Ti Binder

Just fucking out of nowhere, Yuan-Ti, and not only that, but a Binder. Just out of fucking nowhere.
What is this group, Jesus Christ...

>>25596634
The fact that yours is the only character capable of speaking the language?

>>25596634

Your GM is a petty asshat who can't run a campaign without it staying on the rails?

>>25596634
>yuan-ti binder
Now I love the binder class so damn much and wish pathfinder would port binder (and totemist) but yuan-ti+binder manifestations is gonna draw some looks.

>>25596634
Your homeland from which you were banished. No doubt with all guards given telepathic insight as soon as your foot touches not-Asia soil.

I just want to punch half your group in the mouth and high five the other half.

>>25596634

The fact that you could be saving 15% or more on car insurance by switching to Geico?

>Hengeyokai is an oriental race, nothing else here is. And I am trying to get to the down lo. Language shit was handled by having the right books in storage or some nonsense like that.

>>25596634
So we're off now to go start a new adventure in a far off land of mist. Now I have a legitimate in character reason to keep my fucking head down. I'm playing Jack/Kaj as someone legitimately convinced that the good lord is out to get him, and he is in his homeland that he had to flee for some undisclosed reason. I figure this will serve as enough to keep me out of DM shit-dar, as I haven't maguyvered in a while either.

Now Gf has finally hit ranger level 5, she wants a pet but understands she'll have to wait till landfall to train one. So after months of travel, we finally meet port. Lush description of sea foam and scent of flowers and shit, lovely, if not suspicious town. And I ask the GM if I can roll some sort of knowledge to know where we are.

>Why?
>Because Jack is from the fucking Orient, remember?
>Did you grow up here?
I hear trap in his voice.
>No, grew up on the road. So can I roll?
>Hell no

Whatever, new game, new slate. I want to see where this will go and I'm not painting a target on my ass again. Everyone is told of a custom where we must give an offering to the nearest temple. Quest attained. GF looks for an animal, but none can be found, period, not even street animals. Warning bells go off. they scream red when me and her notice the DM pass a note to Hobbit. Well, whatever, it seems like a normal quest. Kaj decides to leave some old cash from his homeland that he's had since day fucking one and some homemade food. Much of the quest is learning of the culture and trying to earn something worth giving.

We should be running right back to our boat, but the DM sunk it in a storm. Still, we should be running.

>>25596987

>WE NEED AN ANIMAL TO SACRIFICE
>GUESS WHO CAN SHAPESHIFT
>OH AND HOBBIT KNOWS WHO YOU ARE FOR THE HELL OF IT LOL

>>25597090
If this happens, I have no choice but to declare shenanigans. No dm can be this bad.

>>25597090
Worse, oh god is it worse.

>>25596987
So we eventually do some quests around the town to earn something worthy enough. Jesus heals a sick girl and gets her doll. Truenamer does nothing (important.) Binder figures his binding regents should be enough, Winki thinks that he can just kill binder (they have some strange race hate going on here.) or use his shit. GF thinks an old pelt would work if she could just find a god damned animal. And Kaj has a silver bell with some jade shit.

Still, Hobbit tells the gang that he/she salvaged something from the boat that would work incredibly well. He pulls out the trunk of holding he salvaged, and pulls out the duke's dead body.

>Oh-fuck-this-shit says half the party.

Now I'm getting pissed, as I can see where this is going a mile away. Still Kaj, DM hate-on. I try a more subtle approach, or I would if GF didn't chirp in.

>Why the fuck do you have that.?
>I grabbed it on the way out.
The new necromancer even looks annoyed.
>We need to destroy that, he can come back otherwise.
>Nah, noble man as a sacrifice, besides, we gotta show respect for the dead freak.
>Jesus: Well he can be resurrected, we really should.
>It'll be fine.
>Binder: Fuck this shit he set that thing loose fuck respect for the dead.

It's around this point I decide to open my mouth.
>You know, I grew up here, burning a body is actually the tradition here. He's with the ancestors now.

Mind you this was bullshit, but the Binder's player backs my play with an "That is true."

Bickering commences, Jesus doesn't know which side to pick, but ultimately Binder decides to pop his vestige ability, going human torch and grabbing the body. The ability literally says "The Binder may light any object, even if usually unflammable, on fire." The DM makes a hissing noise, like a match put in water. That body does not catch. I can here a train in the distance.

Before we get a chance to investigate the reality proof body; a new challenger approaches!

>>25596987
Type faster, damn your DM's black heart!

Some of us are drunk and bored furiously slapping our F5's.
good read though, seriously. Makes my current dm woes pale in comparison.

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>>25597233

Oh my god WHAT

WHAT KIND OF FUCKING IDIOTIC PLAYER WOULD DO THAT

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

SERIOUSLY

>>25597277
Which one? Pulli the body of a dead were badger out of his hammer space, human torching it, or the dm chug chugging a long?

>>25597304
not the guy you replied to, but 1 and 3 there IMO

>>25597304

The first, obviously. You don't just carry the bodies of dead enemies around unless you intend to enslave them, and even then, holy shit it's a terrible idea.

>>25597233
If I were in that party, by now I'll be doing choo choo noises and the next combat I'd use certain class skill to make hobbit receive the first lethal hit destined to me during next combat.

A party traitor is worse than a murderhobo and I'm surprised the rest of your party hadn't realized this and done some discussion OC.

I declare my suspension of disbelief damaged severely. Your story is still awesome though.

>>25597304
1 and 3 I assume, also he's actually a vampire but the poster's PC doesn't know what a vampire is and assumes it's a badger-shapeshifter thing cause of a white streak in the hair.

>>25597304
I love that we are now just accepting the vampire duke as a badger instead of what he was.

>>25597319
As the person you are replying to, I agree.

I actually expect the were kitty to get sacrificed.

I would've banded all the players together and call out the GM collectively on his bullshit. Blatant disregard for rules without declaring them first is a big no-no. Also, rolling dice behind a screen should be vetoed if half of the group or more suspects foul play.

>>25597336
I know. Werebadger confusion amuses me to no end however.
>DM goes wat?

>>25596513
Alistar!

Brony and Jesus sound like some bros. Hobbit needs to be kicked out of the group permanently as well as GM for their faggotry of the highest levels.

>>25597334
This. Bribe the brony or the binder to make an intentional "mistake" and you can get rid of the little shit.

>>25597334
Yeah, we didn't see the party traitorship until just now Trust me, there will be many OoC words.

>>25597233
The challenger was described as a 'white skinned man, features hidden by scarf and straw hat' Jack is unnerved immediately, and my bullshit-dar is pinging loud enough to give me tinnitus. So I ask shit gm if I can shrink away and hide, "Why?" "Kaj has to piss." Well, no argument there, hell I even announce the roll. Then, I write a very basic missive on a piece of paper.

>I am not pissing, I am shifting to rabbit form then casting an Illusion. (Remember, concentration duration) Then, I am hiding in GF's backpack. Recasting silently if necessary.

GF and I had that worked out from before the duke's death. Because I am tired of winding up on the shit list. Normally, I declare this shit to everyone but DM being what he is well. . . I do slap that down and tell the group that I did do something, so when it comes up I will show I'm no bullshitter. DM is not pleased, demands to see it. I call him out for passing notes to Hobbit and pots and kettles. The rest of the group is also intrigued to see what those damn notes are. However, DM backs down. I can hear the party simmer. Binder's player gives a "I'm gonna be pissed if this bites us in the ass, just letting you all know now."

Well, the challenger offers the whole troupe Rabbit stew, and gives them the basic low down that shit is getting weird since the star shot across the sky. More monsters and shit, and that we should be careful. He offers to join us as a guide. There was an audible sucking noise as half the party took in the air to say no at once. The stranger understands, and asks Kaj if 'she'd' like a bite.

>No thanks, it is my taboo. Wu jen.

I can see the DM looking for a reason to call bullshit, but well, bluff was a top skill by this point.

Needless to say, we haul ass out of there ASAP. Something chases us to a cliff as soon as we mention that god damned body again.

>>25597615

>Casting an illusion of yourself while actually hiding out safely in another player's bag.

If I'm reading this correctly, this is going to be brilliant.

>>25597615
Clever fucking Rabbit. I can't wait to see how this DM goes Nuclear once he realizes he's been duped like this.

>>25597615
>rabbit stew
>Hengyokai
yeah, seriously.

>>25597615
So by-our-powers-combined we manage to haul ass to the other side. GF, hearing one nasty beast after us, asks if there are any more she can smell/hear/track.
>Nope, you still smell flowers and there are no signs of animals.

Now we're getting annoyed. This is literally the class feature she rolled ranger for, and she tells the DM this. And really she was hoping to find something in a fucking forest. DM:"Trust me, there's a good reason for all this." Well, by now our trust of DM is nil, but hey, if we keep walking away from the city, eventually something should rear it's ugly head.

So we finally get to the temple, because it was literally just on the other side. Well, Hobbit mentions something about the stranger saying something about the land being kinder once we've given sacrifice. Kaj clone calls out the bullshit as she sees it, saying something to the effect of "You're in my turf now, and I'm fucking telling you that the 'gods' are more petty here than any of your western no-shows. Appease one and piss off his enemies. This reeks of taint, we're leaving." Unfortunately, the stranger really did say that and the players have caught the vibe that they don't have a choice. So why the fuck not. But Binder says immediately "We do not sacrifice that body. If you even mention it, your barbeque."

Well, that won't last long. We get to the top and reverently give to the alter. Kaj clone respectfully refuses as she has her own 'patrons' to worry about and has 'made her peace.' But Hobbit is either a dipshit or a traitor.

>Well, we also have this other problem. ~as she pulls out the fucking body.~

Binder did not get a chance to follow through on the threat, as he and Kaj clone are nailed by some double attack nonsense from a huge monk that had avoided our notice. The priest following up with a bash of his mace for the 'heretic.'

I reveal my paper.

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>>25597842
I'm driving 8 hours tomorrow and refuse to go to sleep until this story is done. F5 like fist of the fucking north star.

>>25597842
oh ho hoo its getting juicy!

>>25597890
you know you can just autoupdate the thread right

>>25597906
NOT DRAMATIC ENOUGH!

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>>25597842
>either a dipshit or a traitor
Being one does not exclude hobbit from being the other as well Cap'n.
also DMs face when you reveal the paper.

>>25597906
NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
ALSO I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

>captcha: easewit logician

What am I, some kind of easewit logician?

>>25597979
hit the settings button, check auto refresh

the thread will refresh itself

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>>25597979

There's a little "Auto" checkbox at the top and bottom of the thread. It'll update every such and such number of seconds with new posts rather than making you refresh the entire page.

>>25597979
>not using 4chan x

haha get a load of this pleb

>>25597999
That's
that's fucking amazing. You've just changed my life, anon.

Thank you.

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>>25598018

Bask in the radiant glow of technology, friend.

>>25597842
Well, as you all can see, this will not end well for DM. Brony and Binder howl with laughter; Jesus doesn't know what to think, and DM just gawks.

>That was an illusion?
>Yeah, an illusion you just wasted two attacks on.
>And you've been-
>Yup.
>Fuck that shit. I should have fucking known. This guy has true sight.
>Then you shouldn't have railroaded us
That was brony, a relatively chill dude unless he's gushing on his mlp
>Fuck that, I veto, rule 0, that was the real you.

He was so red in the face he was turning purple. Thankfully, Binder was not happy. "Then the fuck is with all this bullshit. Why does Hobbit get notes? Why can't GF get pet? WHY CAN'T I BURN SHIT AS I HAD ROLLED FOR?" DM was not sure how to handle that. Instead, he was going 'Oh shit you guys are so fucked, you should have just let this happen.' I could hear a boss theme starting up. (really, he had a soundtrack for his games.)

>The illusions peel back, revealing the undead priest and monk. The nice city from here can be seen as a necropolis.

Zombie city, that was the big secret. Epic plot, two problems.
>Divine Zed what?
>Werecat can smell, Necro cleric, Truenamer who has been using detect magic a fuckton in city.

So immediately hell is risen. Oddly enough, even Hobbit has the WTF reaction. And the GM still pushes for his veto. "Now, Kaj is bleeding out, skull cracked open. Near dead, what do you do?"
>Bonder: That is one convincing illusion Captain Jack

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>>25598089

>That is one convincing illusion Captain Jack

>>25598117

>Jack
>Bunny

This gif has never been more appropriate.

>>25598089
Based Binder.

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>>25598089
>>Bonder: That is one convincing illusion Captain Jack

Based Binder. Best friend.

>>25598117

>Jack's face when revealing the contents of the note.gif

>>25598128
>>25598129

And remember, this is a fucking Yuan-Ti we're talking about here.

Truly the universe is a strange and wonderful thing.

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>Entire thread
The twist is whether pic related is about the dm or the op

Greetings from Argentina, your story is amazing.

>>25598234
Sup. Canada here.

>>25598234
Mexico here.
It's very late.

>>25598275
Is it Mountain or Central time where you are?

>>25598275
It is. I have things to do today. Oh well, motherfuckin tg storytime!

>>25598249
Also Canada here.

Someone better archive this goddamn thread. This is epic.

>>25598234

Hailing form Hazy Singapore.

Fa/tg/uys around the world gathered about the fireplace. All for a story.

>>25598249
>>25598089
Well, DM is pissed. "Seriously, you guys should not have the right to do that. I should know what the fuck is going on."
>Jesus: Then we should have the right to actually play, seriously dude wtf.
>Fine, then let's just get on with the game. Kaj is still dying though.
>Then let me play spellthief, since illusions are pointless around you.
>Fine, not like your getting out of this one alive anyway.

Binder is of course livid, but the DM has a nasty tendency to not pay attention when character tricks are concerned. Zeds in melee range of human torch. The Monk is dead the first turn. the Priest knows now to get the fuck away from that, so a fight begins. DM continues to tell us that we should just run, that we cant take this. Jesus heals up binder, Hobbit seems to be on our side again, but is taking cover because now the werecat is pissed off enough to turn.

Remember, DM only looked at this character sheet once.

"I roll self control." "What?" "The roll that makes sure I nom the priest and not the Hobbit" "Fuck, you can do that?" We're gonna hear this a lot this round. GF succeeds and then latches onto that priest like a prom date. "Good luck grappling." "I have +17 to grapple." Dm makes this face >>25597966 and calls bullshit. The sheet is checked. That is why you check your motherfucking character sheets. "I get two free attacks from my racial" More bullshit calling, but the book has been brandished with the page cited. DM looks worried.

Zed tries to do fuckton of damage, but has no silver. And now the rest of the party is closing in. Hobbit has returned to the side of sanity and has brandished a cannon from the Trunk of Holding. Waiting for the moment to one shot it. Everyone else is just protecting that cannon and waiting for a chance to get a shot in. However, somehow zed gets some bullshit shockwave out. Now I normally avoid fights, waiting for a moment for nifty. Instead, I decide to glamour a second party.

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>>25598326
agreed

>>25598314
Central. Dude it sucks balls, the only good thing about this is that I can still do some work while I'm awake...

>>25598315
But I can't really concentrate.
I want OP to update his tale, I don't care if it's fact or fiction.

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>>25598340

>Instead, I decide to glamour a second party

>>25598338
Kinda sounds homy when you describe it like that.

Nice. Conveniently there is thunder and lightning outside too.

Nothing like a pretend fire, a loud crack of thunder and a good tale.

>>25598326
>>25598340

Shit, I have to go. It's 10 to 2 am on the west coast, so I'll be back in none-to-many hours. This better not have 404'd. I eagerly await more of the story.

>>25598373

Nah, we're in a tavern.

Everyone meets in a tavern.

/tg/ - /Tavern Gathering/

>>25598373
It's raining here in Australia too.
Winter down here, 4:30pm and 8 degrees celsius

>>25598394
A tavern works too.

>>25598394
WA here, PST is best timezone.It's not even my bedtime yet. This is rivaling shadowrun storytime for my all time favorite things I have seen on /tg/.

>>25598403
4:50am. My gf is passed out next to me and the rest if tg is meh. My phone is dying too. 10% power left. Hurry second op

>>25598249
>>25598234
>>25598314
>>25598315
>>25598326
>>25598338
>>25598423

Hello everyone! Hope you're having a blast!
>>25598394
>Tavern gathering
Shit, I wonder why I didn't thought of that one.

>>25598403
South Aus over here. 6:22 just ate dinner

>>25598423

>NSW
>AEST
>6;52pm

Prime Possum be damned I'm staying up to see the end of this

>>25598423
Queensland, 6:54 PM. I can't do much of anything because I'm glued to this story.

>>25598438

Having fun listening to the storyteller.

And waiting for Decu to finally get to burning.

>>25598439
>Winter
>In June

You south of the equator people sure are crazy folks.

>>25598423
Amusing, if unrelated note: My current DM is the one from that storytime. We are chargenning for PF right now because it won a party vote over SR. Fun times indeed.

I am truly blessed, it seems, for having never had a That DM.

>>25598439
>>25598444

>6:22
I Jelly.

>>25598340
this better not be a dinosaur

5 til 5 am here.

Story teller please come back. Story teller please hurry.

>>25598491
Looks like he has a good audience to boot.

See, all I'm getting here is a story of two cunts.

One was Jacks player. An obvious powergamer who played a character ho's DM wasn't prepared for. If he'd been a decent player he would have talked to the DM in order to create something more fitting and less disruptive. I mean, how many times has his excuse for being a dick been "it's what my character would do."

Then there's the GM who's too passive aggressive to just TALK to his That Guy player.

I feel sorry for all the other players at the table having to endure this shit.

>>25598481
I envy you, to say the least. I've only ever had one bad DM, and fortunately both of us were trying to get my character crippled, so it all worked out in the end.

>>25598526
> who played a character ho's DM wasn't prepared fo

The DM specifically requested he play this character. OP wanted to play an archivist.

>>25598526
Dont forget the metagaming hobbit cunt

>>25598526
Noic b8, m8. U go 2 tha pub down Main any? Oi'll buy ya a pint for that b8.

>>25598526
>Hobbit detected

>>25598526
The only two cunts I see are the GM and the meta-gaming Hobbit character. The OP said they were trying to play an in-the-background illusionist, and they were only pushed to the limits of their creativity and what they could manage cause the GM had a hard-on about trying to kill them all the time. Also, the GM TOLD him to play a MacGuyver when they had spent a ton of time talking about another character concept. GM should've been ready for that shit.

>>25598526
> See, all I'm getting here is a story of two cunts.

Yeah, the DM and the Hobbit.

>I'll save this personally and post it sometime tomorrow if you'd all like.

>>25598340
Now werecat managed to eat half the things health before jumping off of it. The rabbit screamed out his plan in common just before casting, so the rest of the party is savvy. We move, fake party stays. It's a gamble, but the best shot we have. If we surround it, it has to stay in relatively the same place. Especially if the binder could be anywhere.

Dm's turn comes, autoattack the right one.
>You do remember monster rules for copies right?
The DM glares
>You have to randomly choose, since the thing has no idea which one is right
>Zed is smarter than that. (No mention of true sight now, odd)
>Fine then.
I scratch something down and produce another paper. Asking if the party was following plans, collective nod.
Dm is now truly pissed. I tell him that there is no other way really. Go ahead and play jeapordy if it helps.

DM takes a third option. Prepare yourselves, as the amount of rage this has caused me has made me immune to all forms of hate.

>The zombie slams his great mace down, the pavement cracks and disintegrates from the force, dropping you all into one giant undead mouth. The cannon does not survive the fall.

The binder firerapes the priest immedeately, but then we are told about the collective acid damage. Well Kaj outright says fuck that shit and tells everyone to haul ass out of the mouth. Shit DM tells us the walls are too slick to climb.
>What is spider climb?
>What is werecat racial climb?
>What is unholy amounts of rope and a crossbow?
>What is psion levitation?
So we tell him fuck no and continue as planned. Hobbit cries out a 'wait, I don't have a way to get out!'
So the Binder replies: Well, you should have thought of that before you dicked us. Here's hoping someone saves you." Well, no one gets saved, as a wall of flesh closes the opening before we can escape.

There is only one way to go, and it is down a stone gullet.

Buenos Aires 06:00 am.

Is winter here.

>>25598526
>the dm from ops story trying to turn popular opinion against cap'n jack.

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>>25598526
>Jack's player
>repeatedly try to engage other players
>try to stay in background whenever possible
>can't do it because the GM has a hate-boner against him
>cunt

No Anon, you are the cunt

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>>25598553

Is this when your DM reveals this was all a several month long setup just to introduce his vore fetish into the game?

>>25598553
>The epic tale of how one GM was eventually taken out back at beaten like a runaway slave

I hope this story ends with righteous murder.

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>>25598558
>>25598550
>>25598548
>>25598541
>>25598539
>>25598543

He's NOT the DM, he's the hobbit, can't you see?

>look at dem [bones] linguistic marks!

>>25598577
don't we all?

>>25598539
No. The DM requested he play a rogue, remember?
Jacks player said, No I'll be a spelltheif bunny thing with illusions.
I'm sorry but there's blame enough for both here. If you bothered to read between the lines, you'd very clearly see this as a conflict between That Guy and That DM.

>>25598577
Fuck you made me wake up my girlfriend.

>>25598590
He said he wanted a 'McGuyver', and he then okayed the spell thief who was played as a McGuyver.

I'm really starting to think you are either the DM or the Hobbit in this story.

>>25598590

>you'd very clearly see this as a conflict between That Guy

A That Guy is not a That Guy if the majority of the party agrees and sides with him.

>>25598590
Dm only wanted a trap monkey. Op gave that to him in something more enjoyable than just a rogue.

You seem to be willfully misinterpreting things. Perhaps you really are the hobbit, hobbit.

>>25598590

Nowhere did the DM ever ask the OP to roll up a rogue.

>>25598607
or a troll trying to make OP feel bad for no reason or baiting us "for teh lulz!!111!!"

>Look, all these arguing is eating my post count here, and I don't want to thread again for my one last post. Can we cool it til then?

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Don't fuck with rabbits.

>>25598624
Of course, sorry O.P

>>25598590
There's a difference between reading between the lines and reading subtext into a place where there isn't any.

Hengeyokai is a shit race that has a few weak SQs, low ability score bonuses, and is +1 LA, maximum. It grants no bonuses to any specific class except those that benefit from being able to change into a somewhat more mobile form, which is most of them.

The DM wanted him to play a rogue from a previous campaign, which makes no sense. In addition, the player wanted to play a caster. He compromised, when the DM told him to play, to quote, "a vicious macguyver," and played what basically amounts to a rogue with a bit of spellcasting and a relatively weak gimmick.

He's not powergaming. Spellthief is low-shit on the totem pole, as is Hengeyokai. The DM's just a shit.

>>25598628

Is...is he just not wearing pants? Is that his pubic hair?

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>>25598590
Or some on who thinks diferently, you can have your opinions.
Obviously the player knew what was going on and decided to have fun whit that or he was naive enough to think the DM will change his ways. Maybe the story is a lie and maybe is exagerated.

But is goddam fun and im rooting for the Bunny.

>>25598624
>almost 130 posts free before the "last post"
Either you are an idiot or not op

Canadafag here. 2% on my phone. Could op email me his final post please?

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>>25598640
no it's pubic hare

>>25598647
Or Op just wants the arguments to stop or has an awesomely long story :D

So for the sake of O.P, or just an epic storytime,
please stp posting

>>25598651
If not him, i will bro.

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>>25598652

>>25598607
Yes and his first act of being MacGuyver was to blow shit up. I thought the DM asked for MacGuyver, not MacGuidoFawkes.
The GM wasn't happy with the character buy rather than being mature and fixing the problems, Jacks player decided to drown the game in drama.
>>25598614
>That Guy isn't that guy if he gets laughs
He was a disruptive power Gamer, that much should be obvious to you. Moat snips arguments with the DM seem to be, "it's what my character would do" and "fuck you DM, RAW trumps you."
That's some Top Tier That Guy

>>25598668
>Posts an epic story and tells people not to talk about it while we wait for him to type
So he is an idiot then.

QUICK QUESTION
If you were OP at what point would you have bailed from this game or raised shit?

>>25598553
So then, there we are, full party, in the digestive tract of a zombie giant. We are taking constant acid damage, the only one declared immune was binder with 'I'm covered in fire acidic air really? Werecat was handwaved with 'acid in lungs can't be regened' Now all things considered, we are rightly pissed. So the game devolves into an arguement and many OoC words are said.

Hobbit confesses to aiding GM, but only because GM told him that this was vital to his plot continuing. He didn't know we'd be zombie chow, he thought he was just providing a big bad. Evidenced by him now doing horrible things to said body that still is immune to everything.

We break for food because lord knows this will take a while. but ultimately the arguing leads nowhere. DM is unwilling to retcon, and promises that there is a way out if we are clever enough. Now understand our trust is completely shot, but there is a visceral satisfaction to actually getting out of this shit alive. So we ask the DM for his challenge.

>You must roll an 18-20 (after skill check) 10 times in a row to get down the slippery slope. Unless you come up with another way.

Well, he did say challenge. We decide that Pulling some shit with that trunk of holding may work, There is enough air in there to get us to the bottom, where evidence shows little to no acid. However, DM was cool with idea so I'm suspicious. So I tell the entire group:

>I am jamming my knife into the hinge, to allow quick escape if shit happens. If shit happens, I have feather fall prepped

DM handwaves with a 'fine, whatever feather fall won't last long enough to get you to the bottom though.' Binder, being acid free, buts his flaming but on the line to direct the thing down the slope, slowly. Well, apparently the GM neglected to tell us about the acidic gouts that spurt out in there. So binder and trunk are nailed, sending them over the edge. Fuck need one more post.

>>25598684

Please. Much of Macguyver was also gathering bits and pieces to blow or melt things. All that changed was the scale.

>>25598684
>Bastard GM: AKA things i should not say lest he browse this thread

Ahaha, you are him!

>>25598707
"I don't care if it fucks the game, it's what my character would do!"

I get it now.

You're all as bad as him.

>>25598704

>and promises that there is a way out if we are clever enough

And yet every OTHER time you and the rest of the party prove yourselves "clever enough", he finds a way to shit all over you.

He should just be honest with himself and the party. It's not about being "clever enough", it's about "guessing what I want you to do, then doing it".

>>25598684

By definition, a That Guy cannot be a That Guy if he has the party's support.

>>25598727
"I'm bad at DMing and will punish the players for trying to get off my plot railroad!"

OK anon.

>>25598727
Coming from a forever DM, you're just being a colossal, flaming cunt about this. You're wrong. Get off 4chan and go to sleep, or read a book, or something. You're making a fool of yourself.

>>25598727

If you were in a party with the OP and us, you would be That Guy.

Just sayin'.

>>25598727
>"I dont care if my players have fun as long as my train tracks are not disturbed."
DM was a dickhat every step of the way. Instead of asking the player to tone down some of his shit he KEPT TRYING TO KILL HIM.

>>25598735
So long as he gets laughs he can be as big a disruptive cunt as he chooses. Wow.
>>25598746
Get a better group willing to let you cycle out of DM role. No wonder you're bitter and willing to utterly trust a biased account from one perspective as absolute unvarnished truth.

This guys tailoring his story to make himself look less of the cunt he was being. I'm sorry but I'm able to cut through the bullshit. You should try to do the same.

>>25595750
Sometimes one player winds up as the main character despite their best efforts.

I think that the hilarious thing here is that the OP clearly is not a Power Gamer by any stretch of the imagination. He and the other players merely know how to actually use the rules to their advantage in creative ways that the DM was unable to predict.

I mean come on, Spellthief is solidly a Tier 4 class. Imagine if he had actually been allowed to play an Archivist. Shit would have gotten hilarious.

>>25598783

>So long as he gets laughs he can be as big a disruptive cunt as he chooses. Wow.

Yes, that's the point. "That Guy" is the odd one out in the group, the one whose actions go against those of the rest of the party and ruin things for everyone.

An elaborate roleplayer in a group composed of power gamers is as much of a That Guy as the power gamer in a group of roleplayers.

Thus far, it is entirely on the DM that so much of the campaign has been focused on (failing) to kill one Player Character and get things back on the rails instead of actually thinking up new plot hooks to entice his players, who clearly aren't interested in said rails.

>>25594732
Hey, OP? That word that you think is spelled "que"?

It's "cue".

>>25598783
Nope, just seen how stupid DMs can be. Too tired to give an account now, but it got me to convince a player to stop trying to DM, since he was terrible at it, and solidly cemented me as the DM, because I'm good at it.

I'm taking it with a grain of salt, but I'm also realizing that someone in a position of authority will think they're right, regardless of where the evidence points.

OP was neither power-gaming, nor trying to glory-hog. His only crime is that he had a character that just wouldn't die, and that, plus that his plans tended to work, pissed the DM off to no end, so the DM tried to kill him.

>>25598806
let the man be original dude.

>>25598704
As I was, Que Jack and Winky. "We're getting the fuck out of here and taking as many as we can with us. Bastard GM:
>How are you getting out of the box?
>The box was never fully shut, knife, remember?
>No I don't, did you write that down?
Of course we didn't, it was announced to the whole group. Still GM would not allow it. And the box hurtled down at unholy speeds, shattering when it hit the ground, destroying all the characters into black hole nonsense. Well, at least he's consistent. It was the longest description we had ever gotten though.

Of course, the playerbase is pissed. Brony, being relatively chill, asks: "Hey, can we have like a redo or something? as we had a clever solution and got fucked by die rolls and something we didn't know."

>Gm: Nah, TPK, sorry guys. I'll have a new game in a month or so though if you give me time!

Now let me repeat, before this game we were pretty chill friends. and I did not want to watch shit dissolve because of some game. So I manage to calm the impending GMicide.

>Hey, how about you take a break for a while? GF actually has an idea that she'd like to run.
>Hobbit: I have an idea too, we can take turns.

GM is annoyed, since he is forever DM, but relents at least for the time since he needs to prep. Still, it was a bandaid for a flood. Partially because the playerbase fractured from shit he would pull in coming games. But that is another story.

>>25598806
Really? Not OP here, that's why i ask him if he was spanish speaker, we castellanos Que a lot.

What is "Cue" used for?

>>25598783
Go away, no one here cares what you have to say, and we want a story.

>>25598820

As an example:

>A housewife is having an affair with the mailman in the living room.
>Cue the husband getting home early from work!

In other words, a prompt for something else to happen.

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>>25598814
You should have killed him.

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>>25598814
christ this gm.

>>25598814
>TPK
Please tell me you secretly have been dosing him with estrogen and one day he will wake up with a tiny dick and breasts.

Then you bring it up and look him dead in the eye and say "Huh it must have been that cursed gem."

>>25598814
Shit, i got my tea ready and you went full final. I really hope to read te cause of the gruop disolution, if it was for a game or not i become interested in the story.

Thanks for sharing thar bro

>>25598814
Can we have that other story in a new thread?

Please?

>>25598842
Hahaha.
>this.

>>25598845

How do you archive stuff? I'd like to have this to read again later but I'm lacking photo-editing software knowledge (enough that I dont actually know for sure if I have any sfortware)

>>25598830
Oh, i see now, thanks.

I remember seeing movies or plays when they said "That is your cue" it really sounds like "Q"

>>25598859
For now you can use
http://archive.foolz.us/tg/thread/25594732/

>>25598859
It's auto-archived on foolz for being posted.

If you want to archive it on suptg, just go and archive it. Should be a step-by-step process on there.

No one uses 4chan archive any more.

>>25598845
Maybe another night. I can jump into the convo but these stories take a bit and I have a certain fondness for my bed. Trust me GM becomes something horrid when given PC reigns.

>>25598876
good night ST

> shape shifting rabbit
> named jack
> jack rabbit

Christ I'm slow.

>>25598802
>Thus far, it is entirely on the DM that so much of the campaign has been focused on (failing) to kill one Player Character
According to the bias of That Guy.
You're assuming the players wer eon his side only on the basis that's what he's said.
You're assuming the DM pulled ass dragons because that's what the player said.
All I'm willing to trust is what the player DID and mostly that's been forcing the game to a halt to have an argument over "It's what my character would do" and "I don't care if you're the final arbiter of all rules disputes, these are the RAW and as we all know, the rules of 3.5 are PERFECT!!!"
He's a terrible player. That much should be obvious. I know he's entertaining, but look past that for a second to the real truth of the matter.
>>25598808
But he did repeatedly refuse to retire the character despite the GM asking him to do so. Does the social contract between player and DM suddenly not matter...?
Only if you're That Guy I'm afraid.
>>25598824
Cry harder.
It's about time someone pointed out the truth. I'm doing that.

It always sickens me how /tg/ comes to the support of obvious That Guy players so long as there's a storytime attached.

>>25594793
I would have quit at there being a GMPC.

Only the worst kind of idiots use GMPC:s.

>>25598876
Ok
thankyou O.P.

>>25598883
Party didn't get it till after shitstorm either, no worries.
>>25598881
Not turning in yet, just not starting another story

>>25598885
My god, just fuck off. The story's over, and it's clear no one gives a shit about what you think. Go to your sad little corner and suck your own dick while thinking about how smug you are if that's what gets your rocks off. Don't leave your shit here.

Good job, you're probably just trolling and you got me there.

>>25598883
Jack-Kaj

KAJAK

Kajak kajaking in a chest of holding down a zombiw throat

Archived on sup/tg/

>>25598885
>It's about time someone pointed out the truth. I'm doing that.
No, the truth is that you're ignoring everything he says that doesn't fit your preconceived notions while cherry-picking the parts that do. You even fucking admit you're doing that.

You're scum. Get out.

>>25598885
>"Dude, I hate your character, kill him off."
>"If he has a decent shot and dies, I'll be cool with it, but it wouldn't be fair to just rocks-fall him."

Paraphrased, but he agreed to retire the character if he actually died for in-game reasons instead of the DM just DM-fiating him away.

Seriously, dude, if I had your work e-mail, you'd be getting so much damn freaky as hell porn that they'd have to fire you, just to save face. Just shut the hell up already.

>>25598885
>mostly that's been forcing the game to a halt to have an argument over "It's what my character would do"
You haven't even read this at all.

>>25598887
I wouldn't necessarily say so. I had one in the first ever game I ran, but that was because we started a game with a DM and a well-rounded party and the DM ragequit (we were playing Dark Heresy and he was buttfrustrated that we played it more like Ciaphas Cain and less like one of the bloodier series). Rather than let it die, I offered to run it. Couldn't entirely dump my character, as he had been the Face and no one else could social at all. Obviously took his screen time down a notch because no one wants to sit there having a DMPC and NPC talk. I thought things went well.

>>25598887
I had a storyteller that did something that was actually pretty clever with a DMPC. The guy didn't really contribute at all to the party until we found the macguffin and the useless lump of an eclipse turned out to be an infernal in disguise. If I hadn't been too busy razzing the ST for using a DMPC I might have seen it coming, but as it was I certainly didn't.

>>25598908
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/25594732/

yup. Surprisingly easy. I figured it would be a longer or more complex process

>>25598885
AH I remember you 4th edition fag.
You didn't even know how darkvision worked with concealment.
>MUH impression of 3rd
Fuck off, nobody loves you and you're BORING.

>>25598899
>it's clear no one gives a shit about what you think.
The fact you continue to respond to me seems to indicate otherwise.

Not only do you care what I think, you're so concerned with others caring that you wish me to leave. I think I'll stay thanks.

>>25598909
Yes, I admit to reading between the lines. I admit to having the wherwithal to pick out truth from lies. I admit that it's likely he'd be honest about his own actions and dishonest about those of the group and DM to make his sotry seem more palatable.

>>25598915
>he agreed to retire the character if he actually died for in-game reasons
And yet every time an in-game reason came up, he would argue it do death until it got reversed.

>>25598919
To my shame, I read all but the last few before I realised what was going on.

>>25598934
I'm not sure I'm who you think I am. But by all means, continue to assume through paranoid delusions that all those posters who say something you dislike are in fact a single entity designed by the government or god to troll you.

>>25598922
I like background DMPCs, guys who can give knowledge and plot without actually taking anything away from the players. Like a withered mentor or a younger sibling. I'm alright with the standard GMPC too, but I can't stand playing one, too hard to shuffle motives.

>>25598942
>argue it to death until it got reversed
DM fiat is not counted as part of in-game. It's something from outside the game trying to impact the in-game world. In-game means mechanical and not bullshit-DM-says mechanics, either. Actual stuff that actually makes sense; not, "they automatically know that it's you and that you're some kind of shapeshifter, even though you have a magical disguise up, you're in the middle of a gender-changing curse's transformation, and you're shifted into a form that none of them have seen you use, ever," bullshit, because that's bullshit.

>>25598946
Speaking of DMPCs, I tried to give a pathfinder party henchmen once, being the AD&D fag that I am. I had to take them away when they became more involved in the plot and better characterized than the party, who spent all of their time blindly following orders from a clearly evil wizard, and refusing to roleplay more than absolutely required.

>>25598942

> I admit to having the wherwithal to pick out truth from lies.
That's acting on the assumption he's lying when he might very well not be.

>every time an in-game reason came up, he would argue it do death
Because those in game reasons were handwaves and DM fiats that were simply trying to bullshit the character to death rather than legitimately kill him.

Please stop trying to ruin this, Normally I like a good Devils advocate as much as the next anon but this is becoming tiresome since it's clear you actually believe the crap you're spouting.

>>25598942
>I am the intellectual overlod of /tg/ and you're all dumb because I say so.
Right on bro, you tell them.

>>25598980
Yeah, I don't get to d&d anymore. GF ran another one after we moved away and let me bring back Jack. But quite a bit of him was his relations with the party members and all we had was Jesus. That and the game did not last long.

>>25598962
>DM fiat is not counted as part of in-game.
Of course it is. The DM is there to create rulings and ensure the game runs smoothly. If his fiat is just going to be ignored, why is he even there...?
Wait, I forgot, the rules of 3.5 are perfect and beyond question...
>In-game means mechanical and not bullshit-DM-says mechanics, either.
Again, why have a DM at all if they serve no function? Why not just run an adventure path by readign from the book? Why not play a vidya?
>Actual stuff that actually makes sense; not, "some stuff the poster said that I accept as truth without question"
Ok, so you're too trusting. Fair enough.

>>25598984
>That's acting on the assumption he's lying when he might very well not be.
You honestly think for one second he hasn't embellished this at least in part?
If you answer yes, then well done, you're already well on your way to doubting it all as you rightly should.

>Because those in game reasons were handwaves and DM fiats
As I asked the other poster, why have a DM at all if you feel his decisions are of no worth...?

>>25598989
I'm only pointing out something they seem to dislike. I make no apologies for this.

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>>25598652

>>25598555
Winter here in Kiwiland, too. Fucking cold so I'm in bed with tea.

>>25598727
Your theory is that all of /tg/ is wrong and you're right. Think about that.

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>>25598999
>Ok, so you're too trusting. Fair enough.

Have you ever thought that maybe we're not being too trusting, but you're just being too paranoid?

>>25598999
Of course, you're also making several rather broad assumptions as well, such as that the OP is a liar, that the GM did not in fact try and fuck over the party and railroad them, that you are in fact psychic and can instantly tell truth from lie because of your keen hypercognitive abilities, and that you aren't in fact just an asshole on the internet.

Some of us don't are what the truth is, it was a pretty amusing story, and you're a moron for trying to be realistic on a board meant for the entertainment of minds more flexible than yours.

>>25598999

If you don't like the thread, there are many like it, or you can start your own.
If you don't like /tg/ I'm sure there'll be another place willing to accept you somewhere.

Just a calm reminder of the rules, if you're not adding anything constructive to the thread, and everyone is pissed because of your intervention, then you're considered to be shitposting, which is a banneable offence. More so when you got edition wars out of the blue, even the most new among the janitors will know that you're trolling.

After a warning I can't report you (because rules too), and you know what? I wouldn't. I prefered for you to retire peacefully. But since it's not going to happen, have fun, I guess.

>>25598995
Yeah, I've never had good results with reboots. Even with the same players, it never quite fits. I've brought back old characters for cameos in my games before, but never in a combat role. I worry far too much that I will accidentally GMPC...

>>25598999

>You honestly think for one second he hasn't embellished this at least in part?
Embellished, sure. Everyone does that when they tell a story. However, simple embellishment is a far cry from outright falsehood.

To doubt is one thing, but to accuse someone of blatantly lying for no real reason that's entirely another.

>why have a DM at all if you feel his decisions are of no worth...?
Aand I just realized I'm being trolled. 9/10 for making me actually try to argue with you.

>>25599061
Meh, I've been playing around with more sandboxy games. But no time since college and job.

As some one who posted on the previous thread, all i can say is GLORIOUS! Too bad about shit end tho.

>>25599070
Yeah, work and school are the apex predators of gaming time. Even though I do neither, for some reason I can't handle running a game for more than a couple months, with one exception that ran off and on for 3 years. I dearly love worldbuilding but I cannot into campaign, long term plots, etc. I have a (apparently bad) habit of making a world and putting people in it, and then watch them stumble around looking for train tracks and hooks to bite. Gets old fast.

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>>25599036
Good job that reality remains reality regardless of consensus.
>>25599038
There's a difference between paranoia and being able to see bullshit.
>>25599039
>Stop ruining mah fun, it don't matter if it wuz real!!!
So why argue with me at all?
>>25599043
>Go away, leave us to circle jerk!!
>if you're not adding anything constructive to the thread,
I'm adding something very constructive. Dissent. Doubt. If people don't doubt they close their minds to reality in favour of being entertained and fed a soothing lie.
>>25599067
>simple embellishment is a far cry from outright falsehood.
Exactly.
Somewhere between the line you see the truth. You may be well on your way.
>why have a DM at all if you feel his decisions are of no worth...?
>Aand I just realized I'm being trolled.
That's A shitty way to get out of a genuine question. I'm sorry if you had no answer nor recourse than accusation of trolling.

Seriously here, if the GM's fiat isn't worth shit, then why have a GM at all...?

It's a fair question.

>>25599108
Eh, I schrodinger that shit. Come up with premise, learn character concepts, build world to give them more interesting shit as you go along. If they ditch hooks or get lost, I ask them what they would be interested in and work from there. Seriously, last time I GMed I asked my players after every session what they were interested in and worked with that. Eventually, long term plots present themselves.

>>25599089
Well I did warn you from the beginning.

>>25599114
>I'm smarter than everyone because I say so.
I think you're just his GM and you're pissed because we all know the truth of what a railroading asshole you are.

>>25599114
>Seriously here, if the GM's fiat isn't worth shit, then why have a GM at all...?
>
>It's a fair question.

How fucking retarded are you?

It's a fair question.

If you solve in-game problems with GM fiat, you are a fucking awful GM. And this is coming from a forever DM. If even one of OP's stories about this GM is true, he's fucking terrible at GM'ing.

>>25599114
> if the GM's fiat isn't worth shit, then why have a GM at all...?

If the GM has overall fiat why play with rules at all? Why bother with playing if any action can be over ruled by a strict flat no?

The social contract goes both ways chuckles.

>>25598934
Oh for fucks sake, can this please not turn into an edition war.
This was a nice story, must we ruin it?

>>25599114
>Good job that reality remains reality regardless of consensus.
Wow. Slight narcissism there?

>>25599114
Please prove he's lying.

>>25599134
Despite the fact I at no point claimed his GM was blameless.
>>25599137
>How fucking retarded are you?
I am not.
>If you solve in-game problems with GM fiat, you are a fucking awful GM.
Dude, that's the role of the GM. To solve problems that the rules don't cover.
>this is coming from a forever DM
What the fuck do you actually do if you don't trust yourself to make DM calls...?
Are you literally just there to keep track of monster HP...?
>>25599140
Yes, of course it does. But that's my point, Jack Rabbit was willing to accept the social contract at all. He was That Guy.

Ultimately if you go into a game like D&D and dont' expect the fact there's a DM to mean there will be fiat then you're retarded. More likely you've never played a game, you just theorycraft online.

>>25599155
It's actually the opposite. I acept reality will remain even beyond the death of all observers. The narcissit would claim that his opinion is correct because others agree with him or that reality bends according to consensus.

You sir are the narcissistic one.

>>25599177
You are well aware that's beyond my ability. Just as it is beyond your ability to prove he's telling the truth.

I do feel somewhat vindicated as the coward refuse to even engage with me.

>>25599114
>Good job that reality remains reality regardless of consensus.
Holy fuck you are hilarious.

>>25599190
>The universe only exists because I've got my eyes open!!
If I'm hilarious, you must be some kind of ascended master of comedy.

>>25599187
I don't think you know what DM Fiat means.

>>25599133
I'm gearing up for a game right now, and the first thing I asked about people's characters was "what is your greatest ambition" and anyone without one was sent right back to the drawing board. Seems to have induced them to put a little more thought into it, this time around. my old group literally had no ambitions or goals, I asked them repeatedly and got nothing whatsoever. Well, one of them kinda liked gold. So there was that to work with.

>>25599187
How can someone engage with you if all you're doing is making self-aggrandizing claims about your own perception and intelligence and insisting that you're right about someone's lies when you've admitted there's no way to prove it either way? There isn't a way to substantively engage with your argument. It's assertions and speculation on both sides, and you're making an ass of yourself with your attitude.

>>25599187
Refusing to engage you is a mark for him I'd think. I certainly feel degraded responding to you.

You're the kind of guy who honestly thinks when people stop bothering to reply to every post you make, this makes you the 'winner' by default.

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>>25599187
>Dude, that's the role of the GM. To solve problems that the rules don't cover.

No.

The role of a GM is to tell a story. 'GM fiat' doesn't solve problems, it creates them. I think your problem is you're confusing rules-fudging with Fiat, which makes you a retard.

>What the fuck do you actually do if you don't trust yourself to make DM calls...?

What the fuck makes you think Fiat is making a DM call?
I write a story. I build a world. I introduce my players to that world, I provide plot hooks and opportunities, characters and events, and we play that world.

If you think DM'ing is just waving your DM dick around when players pull out rules and keeping track of monster HP, you have no fucking clue what DM'ing is about.

Kindly get the fuck out, and never touch 3.5 or 4e again, you have no idea how to -play- DnD, let alone GM it.

>>25599199
I heard white wolf was actually bringing something like that into their system with the God Machine update. Still, a suggestion, work in some sort of conflict or something that can't be resolved easy. Like racism or some sort of social issue or deficiency. A touch hackneyed, but it gets something started. I find ambitions come more quickly when someone has a feel for the setting.

>>25599198
Then perhaps you had better explain it to me oh wise one. Tell me how I don't understand this most basic concept. I implore you. Shower me with your knowledge so I might bask in your radiance.
>>25599210
>How can someone engage with you
You managed.
>There isn't a way to substantively engage with your argument.
Yet still you try.
>>25599219
Naturally. They've run out of arguments. They've been brow-beaten into submission. They've given up in the face of superior reasoning.
Cowards all.

>>25599228
>Dude, that's the role of the GM. To solve problems that the rules don't cover.
>No.
Now we have some narcissit arguing against every RPG ever published...?
Of course the role of a DM is to be an arbiter of the rules. Show me one game that claims otherwise. Then proceed to show me how they ALL claim otherwise.
>The role of a GM is to tell a story
Railroader much?
The story is created by ALL participants, the GM is there to arbitrate the interactions with the world, both mechanicaly and in a more "narrative" sense.
He doesn't TELL the story, he RUNS the sotry as it's told by all players.

>What the fuck makes you think Fiat is making a DM call?
Because it's painfully obviously so...?

"This situation has happened, it am not in rules, what we do DM!?"
"We do this."

That's all DM fiat is. A ruling to keep the game running.

If you're too much of a coward to make rulings one player dislikes for the benefit of the entire group, then it's you who is the shit DM.

>you have no idea how to -play- DnD, let alone GM it.
Oh wait, I get it. You're one of these RAW-as-God retards.

No wonder.

I'm sorry, you're right. Rules as written should always trump player fun. Especially if you have to do something so terrible as exercise your power as GM to achieve it.

>>25599261
You are a coward and a liar.

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>actually engaging with an attention whore troll

You people make me sick.

Thank god the thread was already over.

>>25599287
It's very easy to escape your ego's driving need to be correct when you resort to screaming troll.

If you have no argument but wish to feel correct regardless, name the other person troll and leave.

Your cowardice is entertaining yes, but transparent in it's psychology.

>>25599261
Yeah, I've picked up a few tips and tricks along the way, but thanks for the advice. In my old setting it was a civil war brewing between the nobility, who controlled the mages, opposed several counties and prominent civilians that they had completely screwed over in the last war. Long story short, the PCs completely ignored it and went to look for yellow exclamation points. The setting I'm working on now is going to have plenty of social deficiencies, believe me. Maybe one of them will wind up spurring a PC to action.That, and I know for a fact that at least 3 of the party members have the ambition "Become the Sky Pirate King".

>>25599287
He failed to derail the story-time at least.

>>25598942
The problem is is that we can trust you as much as we can trust him. Neither of you have proof or credibility, so there's no reason you are right over him. And unfortunatly nothing you can do will change it. If anything he has more credibility for having experienced it, albeit not much.

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>>25599267
>. Show me one game that claims otherwise. Then proceed to show me how they ALL claim otherwise.

Show me one game that says the DM's role is to arbitrate rules. Just one.

>Railroader much?
>Telling the story as the storyteller is railroading

Holy fuck you are retarded. The DM provides the setting, the characters, the background information, the hooks that let players get their characters involved. Playing DnD, playing -any- RPG, is playing an interactive story, one that the DM/GM/-Storyteller- is telling.

>That's all DM fiat is. A ruling to keep the game running.
No, it isn't, you fucking imbecile. DM fiat is actively overturning rules for no other reason than 'I say so', which is exactly what the shitty GM in OP's story is doing.

>Oh wait, I get it. You're one of these RAW-as-God retards.

>No wonder.

>I'm sorry, you're right. Rules as written should always trump player fun


Wow, that's a lot of interesting stuff I never typed. I bet that strawman you're building sure feels dumb right now.

You are a self-obsessed moron, and I am ashamed to share the hobby with you.

>>25599293
>Calling people cowards over the internet
>Internet psychology

I want autism to go.